The Petite Life

Giving Blood For The First Time!

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Sat, 14 Feb 2015 12:40:00 +0000

Check out on my new blog...

Jazzle Avenue

Like this blog but through my 20s!

A New Blogging Adventure

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Wed, 31 Dec 2014 02:07:00 +0000

What is this?

I have created a new blog! Oh. My. Days. Crazy, I never blog, I grew to hate blogging, why start again?! All will be explained over on Jazzle Avenue - what the fuck is that name you may ask, I don't know either.

I also made the move to (hold your breath)... Wordpress. It has been an experience so far, not entirely enjoyable but I will discuss more over there!

The first post goes live on January 1st, 2015! I wanna say "cray", but that word kills me. Heck, I just said it.

Enjoy your final day of 2014 everyone!

Jazz

Gone the Sun.

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 12:16:00 +0000

I have now been home for exactly one month to the day. I am used to it, I'd say I feel sad, because a part of me honestly does feel sad - but then I find it hard to feel sad because it all felt like such a dream.

My time in America was the best time of my life and I wouldn't know where to begin or end the whole adventure if I were to describe it. I wrote in a journal over there every now and then so I can remember many of the things that happened over there, but obviously I didn't record every day or my every move and I didn't even do my journal when I travelled across the states for 3 weeks.

It sounds ever so slightly pathetic, but I am trying to move on from my time in America. It is over now and I need to move onto whatever will be my next adventure - be it travelling or finding a job for after I graduate. I currently do not know what to do with my life, I'm in some sort of limbo where I am not sure what to do with myself or where to take myself in life.

I want to blog again but I feel as though I have nothing to blog about. I wonder about starting a new blog and finding new "blog friends" and I would love that. But there's something inside me that doesn't want to do that because I used to find it such a chore and I think I may lose interest pretty quickly.

I'm also slightly on the gloomy side of life lately. I'm fat. And I've never been able to say that without it being the truth, but now it is the truth. I put on a lot of weight over the last year - mainly in America - and I am so unhappy with myself and not confident in my looks whatsoever. I look back of photos of me from when I first started university and I thought I was fat then and if anything I look slightly too skinny on some photos. I don't know what I was thinking but I wish I could have shown my past self photos of what I would look like today because I wish so much that I knew how amazing my body was. Yes, it needed toning, but I wasn't fat. I'm slightly trying to do something about it - I joined the gym and go about 3 times a week. But my diet isn't healthy. I barely eat, and when I do eat, it is something pathetic like soup or a bit of pasta. I have stupid things running through my mind occasionally about when I used to have an eating disorder and I think I could go back to that but then why should I do that? It's stupid. But then I want to be skinny, I want to be attractive. I'm 20. I haven't got any excuse for being fat.

Anyway, that is my life currently!

The wonderful Grand Canyon.

Incase I Don't Write!

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Thu, 01 May 2014 09:09:00 +0000

Hello!

Well, May has certainly come round very, very fast. I have been waiting for this month for the past few years - because this is finally the month I head off to America for the summer! I leave in just over two weeks now, will be spending just over three months working at a summer camp in Northern California, then I am off to travel a bit of the west side, and will be doing a road trip from LA to NY for three weeks. Wow. Scary but very exciting times.

Remember when I started university? I am coming to the end of my second year next week! How is this happening so fast?! I am now about 90% sure I want to be a Speech Therapist in the future, so will be organising lots of voluntary work for when I am back so I can get on with that university course ASAP.

In August I turn 20! That is really weird because I started this blog when I was 17 and that feels so long ago now. I know I don't blog anymore really, I would like to start again, I may try it when I am back, but it will be completely about my life probably (VEIN GUURRRLLL)! I don't have the time to think up all of those creative posts I used to do, so this blog will just be about the petite life of Jazz - what she is doing and where she is going. I haven't blogged so much of my life in the past year and I completely regret that.

Anyhoo, I will maybe write over summer if I get a spare five minutes. If not, then have a wonderful summer and I hope it is filled with lots of fun!

Jazz

Dreams Coming True

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 18:59:00 +0000

If you have been a follower on here for a while now, you will know it has been my dream to work in a summer camp for a number of years, and I planned that 2014 would be the year that I did it. I applied August 2013 after a verrrry long process, seen people get hired extremely quick, and have been to camp fairs to try and get hired and have been rejected by a number of camps, which is extremely disheartening. But to be honest I didn't want to go to any of these camps, they were all based around sports and I am the least sporty person around, I'm useless at it. So in the end I just thought that was it, I wasn't ever going to get hired because I wasn't sporty and I don't really own any main skills.

However last month a camp got in touch with me and said they were interested in my application and would like to get to know me a bit more. Most people get hired on the spot, however this camp had an even longer application process, with lots of essay questions and if you pass those, an interview with the director of the camp. I thought I would give it a shot, but didn't expect myself to get the job.

When going through with the application questions, I spent a lot of time on the camp's website and I fell in love with it - the camp is me all over. Not really sporty in the slightest, but focuses on the imagination and adventures of childhood and they mainly focus on catching a child's imagination through crazy activities and games. They do still have skill based activities, but having fun through your imagination is mainly what the camp is about. And I started getting so attached to this camp - I so wanted it.

I passed all the essay questions and was given a Skype interview with the camp director and about an hour before it I broke down crying absolutely terrified, I get so nervous in those kind of situations. At half 6 my Skype started ringing, and I answered it. There were lots of questions for me to ask and lots for the director to ask me. I didn't look at the time until near the end - it was 8.40pm! I knew then it was coming to the end because he told me over email it would only be a couple of hours. Then randomly he said,

"So would you like to be part of our team of staff?"

...or something like that.

WHATTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

I was in shock.

After we spoke a bit more and I actually had to ask him to confirm it was a definite place (haha!), we waved goodbye on Skype, I shut my laptop, slowly walked downstairs, then went into the living room with my housemate Danielle in and literally screamed "I'M GOING TO CALIFORNIA!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" and started dancing around the room.

I cannot tell you how over the moon I am. I'm finally fulfilling a dream I have had for so long, but I know it is going to all happen at a camp that I have completely fallen in love with, which makes it so much more exciting.

I'm a little scared too, I'm going to be away from friends and family and an 11 hour flight from home for nearly 4 months. Okay, I am actually terrified. But I couldn't be more happy if I tried.

Jazz

Goodbye 2013

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 19:29:00 +0000

This has been the best year of my life, not that much has happened to be honest but I know for sure I have never smiled and laughed so much.

It hasn't ended how I wanted it to end due to a very quick relationship ending with a guy who I got on so well with, but hopefully we will become friends again one day.

On the plus side I have made many wonderful memories and many amazing friends this year and hopefully 2014 will be even better.

I'm not setting myself any goals or resolutions, I'll see what gets thrown at me!

I hope you have all had a wonderful year and wish you the best for 2014!

Much love, Jazz xxx

Strings Are Definitely Attached

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Wed, 23 Oct 2013 22:04:00 +0000

Me and this guy have had some weird thing going on for quite a few months now, I guess you could kind of call it friends with benefits or say there are no strings attached. It's never been as simple as it sounds though, I guess from the films with the above sayings it is just so damn straightforward, the characters just end up in each other's beds every so often.

But with us it's not like that. It's hard to get anywhere with him, he makes it really difficult - yet when I confront him about whether he wants to continue what we're doing he continues to make excuses and says he does want to carry on whatever the hell this is what we're doing. The thing is though when we started doing all this about 5ish months ago he said he wouldn't like me doing what we do with other guys. To be fair I agreed and disagreed with this, I knew I wouldn't like if he was hooking up with other girls, but I didn't want a relationship and that felt like part of what a relationship is - however I agreed to this 'condition'.

We've got to the point in this strange situation where he's making less and less effort yet states he still wants this all to carry on. I'm getting bored of waiting around for him but I don't want it to stop - I've started to really like him and I am pretty attached now - but I want that kind of attention and affection off someone

I'm kind of over the stage of not wanting to be with someone, I'm not taking my past relationship into consideration anymore and I'm ready to be with a guy... like full time ha. And I think deep down I want to be in a relationship with this guy but I know that will not happen.

I really do not know what to do.

Jazz

First Ambulance Ride

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Mon, 21 Oct 2013 17:35:00 +0000

It was a big student night in Liverpool called Carnage. This is where students buy a t-shirt and it has a list of clubs on it, and you go to as many of these clubs as you can with the t-shirt granting you your access, so all you need to take money for is drinks and transport home. We'd already arranged our transport home and booked our taxi to pick us up at 4.30am.

We arrived at the first club and saw the queue and almost died - we were bursting for a wee. Thankfully Holly knew one of the bouncers and he got us in straight away and we ran to the toilet - to find a queue. We all almost wet ourselves before we got to a toilet. Then we got on with it, we headed to the main bar and got the drinks in. I specifically remember having a snakebite which was foul. Then I am pretty sure I had a vodka coke and finished this. Then I think I had two jagerbombs. Then I bought a vodka lemonade which some guy knocked over. I do remember being prettttttty drunk here. So I thought it was a wise decision to get another drink to replace it.

One of my friends then said we were leaving for the second place, I grabbed Holly away from some guy and left. Boom, that is my last memory where I fully remember what was going on around me. The next thing I remember is waiting to order a drink at another club, then I remember running around a club with excitement (I don't fucking know, I'm the craziest drunk most people have met). Then I could only see black but heard people shouting my name.

My next memory is waking up in hospital. I needed a wee so bad, I didn't have a clue where I was, I just kept saying "I need a wee, omg, I need a wee". Then Liam piped up and said "Jazz you're in hospital, you're on a drip", my response "NO I'M NOT, I NEED A WEE LIAM". I kind of remember going to the toilet with this huge pole and being attached to a wire then I had to get back in the bed and I passed out again.

Awaking again I heard Liam and Holly talking to the guy nurse asking when we could go and I remember him saying he'd have to see my state or something once the drip had finished. Then I remember the nurse saying something would probably hurt - I can't remember if it did or not. Liam yanked me up and told me to walk. We left the hospital - stealing three hospital blankets - and headed for the train station since the trains were now running. The taxi had to be cancelled and we were now getting the train home. We got to Liam's and the other's house and I stayed there for a bit then I felt sober enough to walk back home (round the corner).

When I got in my bedroom I took all my makeup off (it was a circus themed event so had eyeliner everywhere), went to take my tights off (which I bought the Sunday - it was now Monday morning) and they were all cut up where the nurses had placed some weird plasters. Then I got in bed and woke up several hours later with the worst head ever. I thanked all my friends in shit loads of chocolates and sweets and apologised for being a drunken mess.

I was later told we were waiting to go in the final club (the ending place) and I had just collapsed in the queue and they rang for an ambulance when they couldn't figure out if I was breathing or not. Applaud me for being an absolute twat. I also pulled a picture keyring (where you get your picture taken somewhere and they make it into a keyring) out of the bag I took out and cringed as I pulled it out, expecting it to be some horrific drunk picture of me and someone else. I looked at it properly and it was of people I don't even know from Carnage! How did I even get that?!

No memory of this being taken at all.

I really do not tolerate what I drink on a night out, I think I'm invincible and just go for it. I need to remember I am under 5ft and my body cannot take that much drink. I was also getting drunk about 2/3 times a week - yes I am a student but that's just a bit ridiculous. So I have put myself on a drinking ban until halloween, and at halloween I am limiting myself to 4 drinks and no shots.

I am ridiculously embarrassed and pretty ashamed.

I don't even remember my first hospital ride, pretty gutted.

Jazz

Is The Break Over?

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Sun, 20 Oct 2013 09:37:00 +0000

I really want to take up blogging again, I honestly miss it and I need to quit being lazy. I've noticed though when I occasionally pop back on here, a lot of the blogs I used to follow have also taken up not doing posts anymore, like myself. This is really strange because if I get myself back into blogging again then I know it won't exactly be the same as it used to be because many of the bloggers I loved to catch up on and hear from aren't around anymore. But change happens all the time in life and I will just have to get the hell over it.

We'll see how long I stay blogging - I class being a proper blogger is writing at least 2/3 times a week. Ha. Jazz, you are so going to fail.

Before I get back into random posts, I will give you a quick update...

Uni life is going pretty well, some downs, some ups but I will get into them another time.

Love life is... well... not fantastic. It's confusing. I don't know what is going on myself.

The family is all good, well the same as it has always been.

I am awaiting my acceptance or reject email from America. I've not been so nervous in a long time. I really want this.

I am on an alcohol ban. We shall discuss this another time.

I look extra large on this. This is because I have recently grown extra large. I also look extra drunk. This is because I was so fucking drunk.

Jazz

Growing Up?

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Wed, 18 Sep 2013 22:12:00 +0000

I moved out at last! Not move out move out like with a mortgage, but into a student house with friends. I can easily say I have not felt this happy in a long time. It's not that I didn't like living at home, but I felt like I couldn't be myself there, I felt suffocated all the time. Me and my brother don't get on at all anymore, I really do not like him as a person. I do feel really sad about this because for a long time we did get on. We haven't spoke properly for about a month now. My relationship with my mum isn't any better, when I come home at weekends to go to work we just argue. We do get on about half the time, but we definitely used to get on a lot more than what we do now. I'm just glad to be out the house, and when I'm at home at the weekend I can't wait to get back to my new home.

There's a lot more freedom here - obviously. It sounds petty but being able to go to bed when I want and choose my own dinner makes such an amazing difference in your life! I've used an iron for the first time too! I think I am the house cleaner, I don't like mess so it's not like I need my mum to rely on to keep the house tidy - I think I'm doing pretty good for myself. We've been getting drunk quite a lot which is understandable because university hasn't yet started. Oh and I finally changed my university course to fully English Language, thank God.

I met someone last week too. We spent two days and two nights together and I've not clicked with someone like that in a very long time - it was really weird. We both just got on immediately and had so much in common and we really made each other laugh a lot. However he has gone to university in London. We both have the same mindset where we don't like relationships - we discussed this with each other. But after he left he said if his mindset was any different and he wasn't moving away, he'd have loved to have taken me out and thought we'd have been good for each other. This really gutted me because I thought the same - as much as I hate dates and being in a relationship with someone, I was thinking we'd have been a good match as sickly as that sounds. He's back up in December and if neither of us are with anyone we've agreed to meet up. This brings me on to another male...

I've been kind of seeing someone for a few months and we promised each other we wouldn't get with anyone else, but we're not in a relationship (I did not see the logic in this but agreed) - if we wanted to start seeing someone else we had to tell the other person and quit what we were doing. I didn't do this and I don't know if I feel bad or not. He's not been around as much as he used to and he isn't giving me as much attention - he only turns up on his terms and I'm fed up of it. I was really starting to like him as well but since this other guy last week I don't know what I feel. He doesn't give me the buzz I had for two days last week anymore (he used to give me a fuzzy buzzy feeling all the time). The thing is though I really miss him when he isn't around. I actually burst out crying before because I missed how things used to be with him just a few weeks back. I know life is busy for both of us at the moment because we've both moved into different houses and are starting back at uni soon, but I'm sure he can take an hour out for me every now and then. The weirdest thing was when I went into the kitchen before to have a cry, I came back into the living room and checked my phone and he had text which was so weird because he's been so quiet lately. My face lit up when he text so I know I like him, but I mustn't like him that much because I got with someone else? I'm really confused.

Guessing my next post will be next month... See you then!

Life with two of the housemates... I got in a kid's onesie wahey! Benefits of being a midget. Then hopefully you can see the pain of our hangovers. The second photo is from this morning. It is now 11pm and I'm in the exact same spot. Worst hangover I have ever had.

These were from late August when I went and visited some of my friend's I met on holiday - God I miss them so much! I even found my own clothing shop!

We Meet Again!

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 19:13:00 +0000

Hello! If you no longer remember me - I'm Jazz... Ha!

This is just an update post as to what is currently going on in my life, I'm not interested in posting regularly again, I'm just feeling ever so chatty tonight. If you only want to hear about certain things, I have put up headings so you can skip straight to those parts. This may be a long post.

A Girl's Holiday to Zante
As you may or may not know, Zante is a typical party island in Greece where many teens and twenty somethings go to drink plenty of alcohol. Me and my friend flew here at the beginning of July for a week. I don't have much to say about it to be honest, it was a fantastic week that I would love to relive but God - I would do a lot of things different; many mistakes were made on that holiday! I got to know my best mate even more and living with someone really does change things, we had our first argument which was a bloody big one and I realised someone can be a lot moodier than me in the mornings! But we're still great friends and we got some great and bloody hilarious memories. I even got a fireman's lift down the beach in exchange for some of a kebab I bought (this was while I was highly intoxicated - in fact the whole week I was highly intoxicated). I met some lovely guys and some not so lovely guys! Anyway here are some of the very few pictures we even took...

The Best Holiday of my Life
Me and my mum went to Marrakech in Morocco at the end of July and it was bloody hot, shooting well over 50 degrees celsius in the sun. The first few days were pretty boring, then I met the best people you could ever meet. Seriously. You know when you start talking to a person and just know you absolutely love them? Well this happened like so many times on this holiday. We would chill out in the pool at day, then at night (we were all inclusive, free food and drink 'til 12am daily) we would drink drink drink and dance until about 11.50pm, then we would order about 4/5 drinks each from the bar before it closed, go upstairs to the lobby, chat and drink our drinks (SAVING ONE DRINK!) then the hotel had these massive gardens and we would take our last drink and walk around them and do all sorts of funny things. I want to write them all down but it would take forever! We also met the loveliest Welsh couple who I just bloody love, partly because they have a Welsh accent, but they really are lovely. So much other stuff happened on the holiday because Marrakech is extremely different to home, but I loved that holiday so much. I'm going to stay over at one of my friend's houses in two weeks, 4 hour train journey but I miss them so much! Here are some pics...

Last Teenage Year
I turned 19 last week or the week before, I'm really confused about where I am in the month if I'm honest. I didn't do anything special for it, we got home from Morocco at about 5.30am on the day so I was pretty tired and really emotional from saying goodbye to everyone. I met my cousin's mini hedgehog called Meeko which made my day though! I also got a guitar which I am learning. It feels a little weird that I'm going to be 20 next year. Holy shit I'm going to be 20. Oh Christ. Let's change the subject. I went out the next night with some friends but didn't really enjoy it so much which I explain in a later heading...

Moving Out Day is Looming
In just under three weeks I will be moving out to live with university friends. I am going into my second year and not my first year (I travelled the first year, booooo)! We had a bit of a palava (however you spell that) because one of the girls that was meant to be living with us (probably my best friend out of the whole of university) announced via Twitter she was quitting university, therefore obviously wouldn't be living in the house anymore. I'm not getting bitchy now but it would have been nice if she told us personally (which she never did, she just presumed we found out from Twitter). She hasn't really spoke to any of us since, didn't even get in touch on my birthday! I was pissed at first but I couldn't care less now; if that's how she is then that's how she is, I'm glad we're not living with someone who just ditches their friends. On the other hand, I AM SO EXCITED! I really need to move out from home, I'm starting to really not get on with my mum and it would just be best if I did move out now to be honest, but I have a few weeks yet.

Change of Course and A Plan
I can't remember if I've mentioned this on my blog before but I've finally decided what I would like to do in my future! I'd like to be a speech and language therapist - where you help people speak again and other bits and bobs. I've done lots and lots of research into it and the course I was doing at university (English language & literature and Creative Writing) was not going to get me a place on the course once I'd finished university; there is so much competition for it and very limited places due to it being funded by the NHS and the course I was doing would be completely overlooked. Sooo, I have changed my course completely to English Language (thankfully I am allowed to continue from year 2 and not start university again)! I will now be studying language development and other similar modules which will hopefully give me a much better chance at getting into the career I want. However changing the majority of my course means I will no longer be in classes with a lot of my close friends. I'll still see them obviously but the classes we had together were the best! This was my blog post exactly one year ago today, ha! Who knows, things might change again!

Love Life
Hmmmm. I'm not sure what is going on here if I'm honest. A guy I mentioned quite a few months ago... well.. things developed with him, but in a weird way, and I'm not sure what we are. I'll be honest he's a bit of a dick to me and just picks me up when he wants then just drops me when he can't be arsed anymore, but you know when you just feel something weird for them? Well that's how I feel. I've thought out so many times in my head what I want to say to him so whatever is going on with us will be stopped and we'll just be friends again, but I can't bring myself to say it to him. I don't want to stop the nice things we have together, but he doesn't think he is ever a dick. Hmmmmmmm. Let's be honest my love life has never been fantastic so it won't end well!

Body
I've been on two holidays and I've drunk an excessive amount of alcohol and eaten a horrific amount of fatty foods. I've got fat. I'm not being over dramatic when I say this but I have put on a lot of weight and some people have told me (out of kindness) I need to get to the gym! I can't fit in a few pairs of my jeans anymore, I look like I'm far along in pregnancy, lost all definition in my face and my mum said I had cankles!! It's gotten me realllllly down and I feel so grim and upset a lot of the time, I don't want to go on night's out because it means putting on a dress or skirt and I don't want to show my legs. I was so self conscious going out for my birthday and just didn't enjoy it. It's my own fault, I shouldn't have let myself get this way but I've ordered some running shoes and sports clothes and I'm going out on jogs asap. Although my boobs have grown which I'm pretty impressed with.

America
I have mentioned this so many times on my blog! Quick recap - America does summer camps - I've wanted to work in one for about 3 years - I planned to go 2013, changed it to 2014 because of money. Now is the time to apply! I have paid it off and have one last thing to do before my application gets sent off! I have a long way to go yet and I probably shouldn't be talking about this until I actually get accepted onto the programme but I'm just so happy I've finally started the application. I don't know if I'll get on but I need to be hopeful.

General Life
I'm very happy, I've mentioned a few things in this that probably make it seem like I'm pretty glum at the moment but I'm really not - this is the happiest I have been in a long time!

I hope you are all really well! I check up on blogs every few weeks, sorry I never comment though.

Back again in a few weeks probably...

Jazz

Not So Into This Anymore

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 13:20:00 +0000

I feel like my time with blogging has definitely run its course. I never bother to check it or write anything so instead of just vanishing I will say ta-ta for now! I will be back at some point, maybe not to write all the time but to do little updates on what I've been up to, something like that. I might suddenly start writing as normal in a few weeks, I don't know!

If you're even slightly interested in my life and will for some reason miss my updates (that don't happen very often anyway) then you're best checking out or following my Instagram. I don't even bother with Twitter anymore, jeeeesh.

Hope you're all okay:)

Jazz

Preparing Myself

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Mon, 20 May 2013 18:33:00 +0000

If you have been reading my blog for a while now you may know I have plans to go to America next year to work in a kid's camp and then travel afterwards. I will be applying to go at the end of the summer and it is not guaranteed I will get a place! So I have the next few months to make sure my application stands out more than it currently would.

So far I am going to...

Try and teach myself the acoustic guitar so I look slightly musical

Go to Go Ape (an adventure course in the trees) once or twice so I can get some pictures of me looking a tad adventurous

I think I was 15 here. Looking extremely short...

Possibly go horse riding a few times

Do things like rock climbing, tennis, badminton over the summer so I look interested in sport

Do more voluntary work with kids

____________

PLEASE can people retweet this on Twitter, especially if you are in the UK. A friend of quite a lot of my friends went missing last week after a night out. Please also share the Facebook page, it really may help!

MISSING: 19 year old Jason Fyles: FEARS continue to grow over the safety of missing 19-year-old student Jason ... bit.ly/16D7wqs
— Champion Newspapers (@champnews) May 20, 2013

Thank you so, so much if you do.

Jazz

They Gave Me Butterflies

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Fri, 17 May 2013 18:00:00 +0000

*May contain New Girl spoilers!!

I only discovered the programme New Girl at the weekend and have watched both series already up to the season 2 finale. The entirety of both series I was sat hugging myself when Jess and Nick were around each other and staring at each other and being all cute around each other - never have I wanted two fictional characters to get together more than I wanted them to get together.

Source

I think what I love most about them is that they have genuine arguments and have awkward moments like every couple - they're not a fairytale couple in the slightest; they aren't perfect. When Nick grabbed Jess for their first kiss I quite happily admit I screamed, or more like squealed ridiculously high pitched. Wow, I fancy Nick. I really do. I fancy Nick - a fictional character. Ooft, Nick Nick Nick. Mmm.

I almost squealed at the season 2 finale as well. Once was actually almost a scream because Taylor Swift appeared (I hadn't seen advertisements of her making an appearance). If I did scream it would have been a scream of fear - the girl scares me. Then I almost squealed at the end (of joy this time - Taylor Swift wasn't around) but refrained from doing so. It was a lovely ending however I feel like it was too much of a happy ending, the only place for this whole thing to go in season 3 is to shit. Surely Jess and Nick can't stay happy throughout the whole of season 3? Who knows. Us obsessed fans will have to do the horrific thing called 'wait'.

I don't know what to do with myself now.

I may go and dream about Nick then have a weep.

Jazz

So I Gave Up?

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Sun, 12 May 2013 19:40:00 +0000

Hanging my head in shame; I couldn't even manage to blog just a few words every day, never mind.

This is a moaning post, as per usual. Hormonal teenager over here!

I feel emotional lately, I probably always sound emotional but I only ever seem to post when I'm emotional because I like to get it off my chest. It's a little bit of everything I guess. I feel really sad because I'm not at university anymore and I'm not seeing my friends and I realise now how lonely I get when I'm at home. Like I really want to go shopping tomorrow just for one or two bits and I am happy to go on my own but it'd be nice to go with someone and maybe go to a cafe, but then I have no one to go with! My uni friends don't live near me and my friends from home are still at uni and my work mates are at work tomorrow. I normally like doing things on my own but I dunno, I just want to socialise lately and it's pretty difficult to do that!

Then I am emotional over a male. A male I have mentioned a few times now (the one I met up with then he said he was too busy to meet again for a while - for a legitimate reason though). We spoke every day and sometimes he would seem like he was interested, yet now he is just ignoring me when I have done nothing wrong - I wasn't ever in his face, I didn't speak too much or too little and to be fair, he seemed more like a good friend the last two weeks. But now he's blanking me so that feels like I've hurt a friend somehow which I hate doing. I really liked him too. He's kind of left me in a 'eat-until-your-tummy-hurts-and-cry-at-every-song' mood.

I'm jealous of one of my guy mates, too. We always used to talk about our love life problems with each other and he got a girlfriend the other week and I am so so so happy for him, but we don't talk about those problems anymore because he doesn't have them and I miss ranting to each other. That's so selfish saying that because it's great he's in a relationship but I'm a teeny bit (okay more than that) jealous.

My anger has come back again and it's so bad lately.

I feel like I've hurt my mum because I sent off my forms to move out in September and now she knows it's real and I am actually moving out, so she seems really miffed and not quite there with me since I got her to sign them. I feel worse because I wish I was moving out sooner, I really don't like living at home anymore.

Alcohol is becoming a need instead of a want which I find scary.

Oh and I finally read The Fault In Our Stars by John Green which made me weep for an entire night.

And I need to go to the doctors for about a bizillion things because I always avoid going and now I have loads of things to go and sort out and things like that make me really nervous and my palpitations always come back but then I can't take my beta blockers to stop the palpitations because then I get all other weird things going on with me and agh. Just stress stress stress. I hate the doctors. They creep me out.

Y'know those moods where all you really want is a long hug? I'm in one of those moods.

Jazz

Scaredy Cat

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Tue, 07 May 2013 21:07:00 +0000

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of

1. Spiders

2. Deep water

3. Failing at life

What are you most scared of?

Jazz

The Little Things I Do

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Mon, 06 May 2013 21:22:00 +0000

Day 6, Monday: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?

I will also say for this one I cannot answer with my university course as well as my part-time job & voluntary work.

I dream. A lot. I spend so much of my time dreaming about the future and what I want to do, not just the big things like travelling and getting my first house but little things too, like being able to go on silly drives just for the sake of it.

I also eat. I eat the majority of the day. And this means I gain weight. Specifically on my hips, thighs and bum.

I often come home from work with cakes, oops.

I spend a lot of my time procrastinating. From everything. I am currently procrastinating whilst writing this post. I prefer to read than write so reading what I have already put is much more interesting than writing the next part of the sentence.

I like to be around friends. However - this will sound really sad and pathetic - I like my own company a lot more and I spend a lot of my time in my own company.

I research weird things online.

Jazz

Check Her Out

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Mon, 06 May 2013 20:42:00 +0000

Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member

This one is slightly late and kind of bending the rules! She's not technically a blogger friend because she doesn't know I exist but never mind!

Louise - AKA Sprinkle of Glitter

This woman is just amazing. She is the most cheerful person I have ever come across (obviously not in real life because I have never met her, but just generally, ever) and her sense of humour is just hilarious. Louise just generally seems to be a really nice human being, she is so kind hearted and sincere and always seems to be aiming to please her readers which I definitely do not spend enough time doing.

Seriously just check out her blog, I can't put into words how much I love her.

Oh and she does YouTube videos which are equally amazing!

Jazz

Have An Interesting Life

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Sat, 04 May 2013 17:56:00 +0000

Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it

A quote from Doctor Who.

I love this quote because it's basically telling you to do something with your life and that one day (hopefully anyway) someone will be talking about you and your life when you're long gone and I think they should have good stuff to say. I wouldn't even say the word "good" in this quote means do fun things that everyone would be jealous of; a 'good story' is an interesting one; not necessarily a story that is filled with things people will envy.

Jazz

Tequila Is Not The Answer

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Sat, 04 May 2013 09:37:00 +0000

Last night was easily my drunkest night ever. I am so unimpressed with myself.

I am yet to know the full details on what happened but I do remember drinking alcohol - mainly tequila. I did about ten shots of some cocktail thing before we left along with two glasses of vodka lemonade. Oh and half a shot of vodka. Then we made it into town and I decided to have about 6 or 7 shots of tequila and another glass of vodka and juice or something. The last thing I properly remember is going for a shot with one of the lads, walking back to the others, then I briefly remember being on the floor being blind with someone slapping my face and shouting my name. Then I remember being marched down the road, getting put in a taxi, trying to get out the taxi, the taxi driver leading me to my door, my mum making me take my heels off and then finally falling into bed.

I suppose I remember quite a lot but I just cannot fill in the bits between all that. Oh and I woke up this morning with no phone in my bag (however thank bloody God my friend has it) and my friend telling me the taxi turned out to be £60. I'm paying for all of it as well because that was just so selfish of me to get in that state and I can't make my friend pay some of that when she was meant to be getting the train home which costs nothing! So that turned out to be a damn well expensive night that I don't even remember.

I am actually disgusted in myself ha! Never again am I drinking tequila or that much alcohol - ever.

Top: After the 11ish shots before we left. I definitely look merry.

Right: Now. I thought this would be funny to look back on and hopefully teach me a lesson.

Have you had any bad experiences with tequila?

Any dodgy flavours you've ever tried? I finally had the courage to try a Baked Bean flavoured one - I'll say it again - never again.

Jazz

Well This Is Uncomfortable

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Fri, 03 May 2013 15:49:00 +0000

Day 3, Friday: Things that make you uncomfortable

1. When the whole bus is near empty and the next person who gets on sits right behind or right in front of me, I always feel slightly tense when this happens.

2. When you are in the taxi with a driver who is not willing to chat. Me and my friends love having a good chat with taxi drivers after a night out - we normally get their whole life story in the 6ish minute journey. It's very entertaining. So when they prefer to be silent we all feel slightly out of place.

3. Tight knickers with tight jeans. Okay maybe I shouldn't eat so much and put on the pounds but this is a really uncomfortable situation that should just never happen.

4. Seeing someone I haven't seen for a long time and not knowing whether they are going to say hi or not. Or whether they have even seen you.

5. When someone takes some of my food without asking. I am literally Joey off Friends if you have seen the episode. I personally do not think it is acceptable to share food; you should buy what you want and if you don't get it, then tough. So when someone takes some of my nibbles or meal I just don't know what to do with myself.

What makes you uncomfortable?

Jazz

Doing The Things You Want To Do

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Thu, 02 May 2013 12:00:00 +0000

Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

I think doing what you want to do in life is really important. Not in the sense in being an arse hole about it and doing what you want when you want without consideration of anything else or other people; but I feel if you really want to achieve or do something, you should plan and carry out how you are going to do that.

Last month me and my cousin went all out and got ridiculously expensive milkshakes and pancakes for our lunch instead of meeting our mums for a 'fancy' lunch at John Lewis - we did this because we love sugar and we wanted to have our own fun - not do what our mothers wanted us to do.

I definitely live by the phrase "you only live once", "YOLO" - however you prefer to say it. As far as we all know, we do only live the once and life is so short - you really do not have the time to sit back and think "oh I really wish I could do that" when you probably can do it. I personally believe the way to be really happy in life is to know you have done something you were desperate to do. Whether it be small or big - buying the most expensive cake in Asda over the cheap 50p one, or booking that crazy expensive holiday you have been after for God knows how long. Buying the cake just the once isn't going to break the bank, just do it the one time if you don't have the money every week to buy it, otherwise you're only starving yourself of it - metaphorically and literally. And again with the holiday, if you really want that holiday, put £1 away everyday towards it - yes it might take years to get there but you will eventually do it and the feeling of actually being in the place you have only ever seen pictures of will surely be amazing.

It doesn't even have to involve money. It could involve your feelings, say for example you just aren't in the mood to speak to anyone, you don't have to take lunch with your friends or workmates. If you'd rather have lunch alone, you are allowed. If you would rather go for a walk around the park on your own, just go - it isn't going to harm your friends in any way if you take one lunch away from them.

I would say I am definitely good at doing the things I want to do - I don't like to hold back and I don't ever want to regret not doing things when I am older and no longer have the chance. Sometimes doing these things does need serious motivation and sometimes stubbornness - my mum has been begging me for months not to move out but it's what I want to do and this will sound really awful, but I'm not taking her feelings into account on this one - this could be my only chance to ever live with friends and there is no chance I am letting that experience walk past me.

So if you see that cake or coffee you have wanted for ages today, just get it. Or if you know you aren't going to be in the mood to cook your dinner tomorrow night because you have a busy day, sort something out so you won't have to cook - get a ready meal or ask someone else to cook.

Obviously all this should be done in moderation! I wouldn't say it's advisable to buy everything you see that you like just because "you only live once", but the occasional treat is always necessary.

Jazz

Story of My Life

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Wed, 01 May 2013 22:39:00 +0000

I am going to attempt this link up and blog every day in May. Oh my goodness.

Starting off is the story of my life in less than 250 words. I'm not going to say much as I'm hoping to do something similar to this, yet more in depth in the future!

In Sweden with my mum. I must have seen some imaginary food.

My name is Jasmin and I am 18 years old, living in a seaside town in England. I'm moving into a shitty town in September just so I can live closer to university and live with my friends. My mum is called Bev and she is completely English, my dad is called Benny and he is completely Swedish. I don't speak to my dad anymore. I have a brother called Jai (rhymes with pie) and a half sister on my dad's side called Caroline (the ending rhymes with been). I enjoyed school growing up; I was an especially weird child. I still am weird. I do English and Creative Writing at university. I have a cat named Isobel. My favourite toys when I was a kid were my rag dolls; I thought they were real and in a sense I still do think that. I'm happy with my life right now, apart from being a sandwich maker on Sundays and Tuesdays; that's the only thing I do not enjoy about life. My whole life I have believed something extremely dramatic, which I will explain another time.

Jazz

Mmmmm ('mmm'd' with a smile)

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Wed, 01 May 2013 21:37:00 +0000

Do you understand that title? It makes sense in my head.

In this post here I spoke about a boy named 'Alfie'. I am slowly falling in love (extreme exaggeration) with him. Okay, not in love, but you know that crazy butterfly that ties your heart and stomach in knots? Well that butterfly is around lately because of this 'Alfie' boy.

It's really weird though. I met up with him and he told me he wanted to meet up again but then said he didn't know how he saw the two of us and said he was too busy with university work to meet up anytime soon (which is understandable - he is in the final few weeks of his last year so these exams are pretty important). So after that was said we kind of stopped texting and just sent the occasional Snapchat (please tell me you have heard of it?!). I thought I'd try and just get on with things and was texting that dick of a lad I mentioned a few posts ago - I wasn't completely into Alfie anyway.

However we started having conversations over Snapchat, that sounds so bizarre but we did and it was hysterical. I didn't mind sending him pictures where I looked an absolute ming and had no makeup on and spot cream and he wasn't shit scared and didn't stop sending them back, he carried on, and I really liked that. Any other lad would have been terrified and never spoke again because I honestly look awful in those shots! But he sent equally awful photos and that continued.

Some of the 'snaps' I have sent him. Clearly you can tell I don't mind being a ming. I sent the cake one on his birthday aha!

The 'snaps' slowed down a bit over some coursework deadlines and he had his birthday but they've picked up again, and I feel really happy when I'm talking/snapping him. This sounds really soppy but I haven't felt like this for quite a while, I feel like I genuinely like this lad; he's not like the others where I just fancy them for a week or two. There's something about him that I really like. I just don't know how he feels because we aren't flirty with each other. I suppose we're just friends at the moment that have a laugh - but I don't know why you would befriend someone you had a cheeky kiss with and exchanged numbers with on a night out. I think that's bizarre. Something should normally come of things like that, and I personally don't think friendship is what should be expected. If you exchange numbers, I either think you'll text them a few times and never hear from them again, or you meet up and go on a few dates. So I don't know what's going on with 'Alfie', but to be honest I don't mind, I like the way things are with him and if he stays as a friend then I'm more than happy because he is one of the nicest guys I have ever met and I am so glad that night out was planned an hour before we left!

I will update you if anything happens :)

Jazz

One Year Over

noreply@blogger.com (Jazz) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 13:36:00 +0000

This Friday I will finish my first year of university - yep, the year is pretty short considering we're paying a fortune to go there.

I know obviously it hasn't been a full year of education, but I cannot believe how quick it has gone! I remember the first week like it was only last week and how everything on campus was so alien to me, now the place is a second home and I can't believe I only have two more years left there!

There have definitely been times when I have hated it, specifically one of my lecturers who equally hates me. But 99% of the time there has been the best ever and I'm so glad I decided to stick at university.

I feel a bit emotional that this year is coming to an end, I've had so so so much fun and things will be slightly different come September when the work load will increase a dramatic amount, and I will have to adapt to living without my mum doing things for me! I am ridiculously excited though. It's also pretty sad I won't see some of my uni friends for just over 4 months.

In the meantime I have a four month summer holiday to try and do as much writing, work and voluntary work as I can - I also have my application to go to America next year to do at the end of the summer. I'm also going on a relaxing (ahem, drinking) holiday with my friends, going back to Sweden and going to London with my best friend, so this summer should be a good one!

I probably sound happier than usual in this blog post - the sun is out and I am in the garden, need I go on?

Hope you're having a nice week and the weather for you is also lovely!

Procrastinating in a class last week.

Jazz