By the Grace of God

ANNOUNCEMENT: I'VE MOVED!

2014-09-20T22:56:00.000-05:00

ANNOUNCEMENT-

I have moved my blog! After much deliberation and hesitation, I have made the switch to Wordpress -and happily so. I love the look and ease and feel of my new Wordpress. I transferred all of my blog posts and articles from here to there and have since posted several new articles in Wordpress. If you would like to follow me there, I would be happy to have you.

The link for my new page is:
http://hannahmburleson.wordpress.com

I will leave this announcement up for a little while to give everyone time to see and after that I will be de-activating the blogger account.

Thanks!

The Most Important Thing You Will Ever Do As a Couple

2014-08-22T19:07:00.003-05:00

You've heard it before, and in no uncertain terms. "Couples [families] who pray together stay together." We heard it over and over too: before we met, after we were a couple, before we were married, after we were married. But for some odd reason, it took us almost four years to convince of stubborn hearts of the benefits of praying together as a couple.

When we were engaged, a good friend gave us a gift that included a little notebook. When she gave me the gift, she told me that the prayer journal was not optional (Props to JJ Davenport). She said we have to use it. Even then, I knew she was right. And I think we both had the best of intentions. Though we weren't praying daily throughout our time dating or even our time as an engaged couple, we thought when we were finally married we would carve out the time to do it. Listen, people. Getting married does not change who you are and it is just as unlikely to change your prayer habits! Though we have always planned to implement this into our relationship and our family life, we put it off and put it off!

This past August, God led us to Choctaw, AR. In doing so, we were given the opportunity to turn over a new leaf and to start over fresh and new. Ironically, the church had a mindset to do the same! So, as we traveled five hours from Alabama (Roll Tide!) to Arkansas, we began talking about some of the habits we have failed to incorporate into our relationship/family. Prayer came up as one of the biggest failures. Though we have prayed individually, we have not prayed together as a couple with the exception of praying before meals. So, we made the decision that beginning our first night in our new Arkansas home, we would each pray - out loud, together - before we went to sleep. And we would do this every night before we went to sleep.

I wish I could list all of the ways that this has changed us, improved our relationship, and revealed the power that is unleashed through prayer. But that would be impossible. Our first night in the new house was Wednesday night, July 30th. And in less than a month, we have been overwhelmed with the result. In marriage, God allows couples to enjoy intimacy with another human that is only a glimpse to what we have with Him. But I am convinced that there is nothing more intimate than praying together as a couple. And the other areas of intimacy that you enjoy will be vastly improved by prayer together. Having the opportunity to hear one another's hearts approach the throne of God is an opportunity that you cannot neglect. Don't misunderstand me. We've had a great marriage for the duration of these 3.5+ years. But there is so much more that can be enjoyed. The benefits that you will reap from incorporating this into your relationship will blow your mind.

Whether you are a single person pursuing a spouse, a dating couple, an engaged couple, a newly married couple, or a couple that has been married for 40+ years, please hear me out. If you have not made it a habit to listen to one another pray to God daily, you need to make it a priority to begin this habit. Don't make the mistake we made of putting it off. The longer you put it off, the harder it will become to start. The very first time we did it was - to be blunt - awkward. But by the third night, it was incredibly comfortable. And our love for one another has increased exponentially (and I didn't think that was possible!).

So, why is it such a big deal? Though an exhaustive list is impossible, I've selected five reasons why praying together as a couple is the most important thing you will ever do as a couple.

1) Accountability -
Though we all have the best of intentions, we all struggle in our individual prayer life. If this is you, one immediate benefit of praying together as a couple is that you hold each other accountable. Moreover, beginning to pray together as a couple will - in my experience - increase your individual prayer life. You can't possibly list, verbally, everything on your heart in your prayer time as a couple. But you can pray individually about those things during the times in between. In my experience, I have begun to pray even more as an individual.

2) Relationship -
If you claim that you like each other every moment of every day in your marriage, not many people are going to actually believe you. But something amazing about praying together is that it makes it nearly impossible to be mad at each other. If there is any hint of hostility or tension between you as a couple, it's pretty hard to approach God's throne together with that going on between you. Moreover, praying together provides an excellent venue for your spouse to hear you - to hear your heart - as you ask God to forgive you for failing your spouse. Hearing what is really going on in your spouse's soul makes you more compassionate, empathetic, and forgiving towards each other. And hearing each other pray will - without a doubt - make you love each other more. You get a daily glimpse into the soul of the person you love most. It is a good reminder of why you chose each other in the first place!

3) Scripture -
It goes without saying that God wants to hear from His kids. In 1 Thessalonians 5, we learn that He wants us to pray without ceasing. In other words, our hearts and minds should always be in a "prayer posture." Our idle thoughts should always be directed towards God and open to His will for our lives. Moreover, Scripture teaches that prayer changes things (Matthew 7; James 5). If you want to see the power of God in this world, prayer is one sure way to make that happen!

4) God's Presence -
Do you want God to be present in your family? Praying together as a couple will open the doors of your home and invite Him in. We have sensed God's presence in our family at a much deeper level than ever before. His love never fails and never gives up and we know that without a doubt. There are so many things we have heard each other express before Him and He never fails to hear us and respond. (Disclaimer: His response will always be His will, not yours. And you have to be surrendered to that!)

5) Opportunity-
One of our best couple friends living in Georgia (shoutout to Jim and Nancy Kerr) keeps a running prayer list. Since we met this sweet couple, they have always reminded us that we are on their prayer list. They pray daily as a couple and we know - without a doubt - that they are praying for us. Praying as a couple gives you the opportunity to let people know they are on your list. It gives you the opportunity to model a Godly relationship before a lost a dying world ... and even before the Christian world that has failed to incorporate this into their families. Don't let this opportunity pass you by! It will make a difference in the lives of the people around you. We have prayed daily for Dr. Kent Brantley since day 1. Though we know who some of his family is, he doesn't know us from Adam. But we know without a doubt that we were a part of his healing and recovery from Ebola because we prayed for him together.

Is this something that you have done together as a couple, too? If so, leave your comments and let me know how this has impacted your relationship with each other, your walk with God, and your life. Tell me your story!

Why the Break?

2014-08-22T18:18:00.000-05:00

I have been rather absent from my little blogging world for several months now. That has been true for a number of reasons. God took us on a long, difficult journey. A "wandering" in the wilderness, to refer back to the Exodus. We left Egypt with no one to rely on but God and thanks to His guidance and faithful provision of manna, we survived. He led us to the Promised Land! But throughout that journey, my faith was really tested. Like those stinking Israelites, there were times when the manna just wasn't satisfying. I wanted more. I wanted something different. And sometimes I even thought that it would be better if we went back to Egypt! It goes without saying that my relationship with God was a real struggle. I failed to open myself up to His word and I failed to go to Him with my struggles and heartaches, multiple times. Since this blog mainly revolves around topics related to faith, spirituality, and Christianity, I was generally very uninspired and hostile towards those topics. Moreover, I started graduate school last Fall and between graduate school, work, and church obligations it became quite the juggling act to balance everything.

As I said, we finally left the wilderness. We were so blessed in August to find the church we have been praying for for a long time. In addition, I am incredibly thankful that this move has also made it possible for me to focus exclusively on going to grad school, full-time. Although I remain quite busy with all of the assignments and readings, not to mention all of the things I do to minister with my husband, I think I will have a little more time spend on "fun writing." I have reached a place of finally being at peace with God and am praying that He will provide the inspiration I need to be His tool and mouthpiece for His kingdom.

All of that said, I plan on getting moving in my blog once again. I love to write. God has given me that passion and ability and I would be failing Him to neglect it. He has given me specific passions that I believe are leading me to my calling. As a result, my blog will probably begin to morph a little bit. Where I have typically focused exclusively on topics related to faith, I may begin to incorporate some of my thoughts as a Counseling student. Moreover, God has stirred my heart with a deep passion for pregnancy, childbirth, and particularly natural women's health options (hormone-free methods of birth control, low/no-intervention labors, etc). As I study Counseling, I am incorporating that passion with hopes of preparing myself to help women in these areas, including those who may have experienced pregnancy loss to miscarriage/stillbirth, postpartum depression, PTSD due to traumatic childbirth, and a world of other issues that women are dealing with in connection with pregnancy, childbirth, and even infertility struggles. Some of these passions may be making their way into my writing here as I ponder these topics and attempt to grow in my ability to help those that God has called me to be Jesus to.

I apologize for the long absence, but I look forward to picking up where I left off as I share my journey with you.

My Journey Toward Thankfulness

2013-11-28T16:17:00.002-06:00

It has been an interesting year. I will spare the gory details, but the honest truth is that I have had to work a whole lot harder at finding reasons to be thankful throughout this year. It's been much easier to give in to my fleshly attitudes of sarcasm, cynicism, and selfishness given our present trials. However, there are many blessings for which to be thankful, even when being tried by fire.

I have a God who loves me as I am, but obviously too much to leave me here. He is answering prayers of the past by "doing whatever it takes" to "make me more like Christ" … "even if it hurts." Despite my frail and faltering faith, He won't give up on me. He gives me chance after chance to respond to Him with the faith and trust that He is waiting to see in me. Thank you, God.

I have a loving, Godly husband who keeps me grounded and challenges me spiritually (he even makes me laugh from time to time!) and despite the true wretch that I am, he sees someone worth loving in me. Thank you, Matt.

I have a job working for/with people who love the Lord - a true blessing in today's world. Thank you, David, Miranda, and Stepping Stone staff.

I have the opportunity to further my education by studying counseling and integrating my passion for al things childbirth-related with what I am studying. In the process of studying things that I love, I am challenged to grow as an individual in every realm: physical, spiritual, emotional, etc. Thank you, HST - staff, professors, and colleagues.

I have family and friends who are real. They are the kind who stick with us even when life is at its messiest. They love us with their words and with their actions. They allow God to use them to bless us. Thank You, You Know Who You Are.

I have a precious kitty-cat. She is an incredible little creature who plays with me when I need a laugh and loves on me when I have had a rough day. She is truly therapeutic. She knows when something is wrong and expresses her concern by her actions towards me. She lets me know that she cares and that her love and care for me is unconditional! And when all else fails, she just sits there and looks cute and improves my day by just being there with me. (This part may be a little over-the-top for non-cat people … but I know my cat-loving friends will totally relate!) Thank you, Galilee.

The truth is, even when times are tough, there are really too many blessings to count. I could go on and talk about everything from role models, to physical health, to easy access to technology, to modern conveniences for which we should all be thankful. Yes, these are challenging times. But the Lord provides in infinite ways. His provision might not always come in the form I was hoping for, but when He sends manna, who am I to demand something more? He is my God, and I am not His god. And for that, I am eternally thankful!

I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving. Because in both good times and bad, we live lives of luxury and abundance. It is only our selfish demands for "more" that blind us to this truth. Count your blessings, you probably have more than you realized. And at the end of the day, I think sometimes it takes living a more simplified life for our eyes to be opened to the blessings that truly surround us. We live in times where anything we want or need is available to us in the blink of an eye. And most of us have the financial resources to make any of it happen. This "blessing" may truly be a curse in disguise. Materialism casts its spell on many of us (did you notice I said "us"?) and has the potential to turn wonderful, God-fearing people into ungrateful monsters. So in this season of thankfulness, consider being more generous. With Christmas on the horizon, we are entering one of the most selfish, materialistic seasons of the year (yes, I just said that). Consider giving away more than you buy and counting your blessings even when Thanksgiving is over. It truly is more blessed to give than to receive, and I bet it makes God smile a whole lot more!

I Surrender … Some?

2013-11-25T23:17:00.002-06:00

The last thing I should be doing is recreational writing (I have a research paper due soon!), but when the urge hits, sometimes you just have to surrender. Speaking of surrender … that is something I've been having a lot of trouble with lately. In fact, it's the very thing I felt compelled to write about.

We humans can be pretty stubborn. And selfish. And ungrateful. I'm talking about myself, here. I've always heard people make comments like, "I have been trying to take control in my life … I need to give it to God … I need to trust Him and let Him be in control." Maybe I was in denial, but I always thought that was a weird comment. I never really had trouble letting God take the stage in my own life. At least not until my innocent, naive ways were taken over by my adult, sinful self.

The thing is, life hasn't been a bed of roses lately. In fact, it's been a lot more like taking a bath in manure on a nasty, hot, humid day. (And I don't know anyone - except maybe my dad ;) - that thinks their manure smells like a bed of roses.) And in my stubbornness, I've tried to be the God of God. Maybe not intentionally, but when it comes down to it, that's the truth of what I've been doing. Things haven't been going so great. And instead of surrendering (there's that word again!), I've tried to take control of the entire thing. I've been SO stubborn that I haven't even had the decency and humility to pray! I have continuously expected God to just do exactly what I want Him to do. And when He doesn't, I became angrier and angrier with Him. And the more angry I become, the more cynical and ungrateful my spirit becomes. As though He wasn't the King of the universe. As though my baptism was a claim that I was the Lord of me and He wasn't. As though He doesn't know far more what is best for me than I do. Hmmm. My way is sounding less and less great now. And when I really think about it, my pure ignorance is pretty embarrassing.

Sometimes living in the flesh can be pretty rough. I mean, as baptized believers, we do have the Holy Spirit as our Helper. But sometimes I really feel like there are two me's inside of me. It's like the fleshly me is holding the spiritual me hostage. There's just something about that fleshly part inside that does NOT want to let go. No matter how much the Lord relentlessly pursues me through His word and His people, that fleshly part just wants to hang on with all her might. As though letting go would mean death. But then … maybe it would? Letting go would, indeed, mean putting more of my sinful self to death. But that's good, right? Yet that stinking flesh holds on with so much vigor. The spiritual battle is real. I know who wins the war, but I have to improvise here in this battle. It's pretty easy for anyone to surrender some. But we are called to surrender all.

I think the longer we live, the more difficult surrender can become for us. It's like there is so much in this fleshly world to hold on to that it becomes immensely difficult to truly let go. It reminds me of the rich man who asked Jesus, "Lord, I've kept every commandment. What now?" And Jesus told him, "Go and sell all of your possessions and follow me." Although this present circumstance may or may not have to do with riches, the principle holds true for all. There is that part inside of us that just wants to hold on. And as long as that part holds on, we have not truly surrendered. As Christians, we've already said we will follow Him. But the real question then becomes, how far? How devoted will we be? What are we willing to lose for Him? Will we give it all up? Will we let Him take us over? Will we give Him our whole selves? Our whole bodies? Or will there always be two me's living inside of us?

Sometimes I wish I could just talk to Jesus in a live, physical, in-this-moment conversation. All of this spiritual stuff just seems so intangible most of the time, and something I could touch and see would be great, don't you think? But then I am reminded of His conversations with His apostles. When He was telling them that His departure was near, He promised that He would send a Comforter and Helper that would be even greater than having Him there physically: the Holy Spirit. And we have that same Spirit with us. The same power that raised Christ on the third day is the same power to which we have access. When we fully surrender all to Him, we, too, can be resurrected … with more of our fleshly selves put to death. With each death to self comes a resurrection in which we are raised look more like Him. It doesn't happen over night. It is a process that happens over a lifetime, called sanctification.

Redemption comes for those who have surrendered and died. We can't expect resurrection to happen without certain death to self.

Will you surrender all? Will I surrender all?

Are You a Transitional Person?

2013-10-26T22:54:00.001-05:00

A self-fulfilling prophecy is a commonly known phenomenon where what is expected to happen ends up being what happens. In other words, a strong belief about a person (though it may actually be false) will influence/alter that person's actions so that the prediction comes true.

An easy to understand example: a teenager's parents are overly controlling of him because they are convinced that if he goes out, he will drink. Realistically, the teen has never had any interest in drinking. He just wants to enjoy a night bowling with some buddies. But every time he wants to go out, his parents talk about how they don't want him to drink. They vocalize the expectation that this is what he will do if they give him too much freedom. As a result, he eventually ends up in trouble with alcohol. It could be speculated that his parents created a self-fulfilling prophecy that altered his actions.

We can think of numerous examples of these self-fulfilling prophecies. We have all seen them. But I want to draw attention to a form they take that I was not previously aware of. My attention was drawn to this during one of my graduate classes.

"If your parent was an alcoholic, you will probably grow up to be an alcoholic."

"If your parents are divorced, you will probably get a divorce."

"If your parents abused drugs, you will probably abuse drugs."

How often have you heard these kinds of statements? The meanings of these statements have been misunderstood by a large part of the population. So often, these statements have been interpreted to mean that the majority of the children from dysfunctional families grow up to have dysfunctional families of their own. This could not be further from the truth!

The statements would be more accurately stated like this:

"Children of alcoholics have a greater likelihood of becoming alcoholic."

"Children with divorces parents have a greater likelihood of becoming divorced."

"Children whose parents abused drugs have a greater likelihood of abusing drugs."

Indeed, coming from a dysfunctional family creates the possibility of children who will continue that dysfunctional cycle. There is a greater likelihood. However, the majority of children from dysfunctional homes do not do what their parents did.

In light of this information, I began to ponder: how many children who actually end up perpetuating their parents' dysfunction do so only because people expected them to? In other words, the misunderstanding of the above information creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that alters the actions and outcomes of the children. They somehow think that this was they life that they were meant to live and they really have little choice in the matter.

But there is another concept I want to introduce to the discussion, and that is the concept of a transitional person. A transitional person is a person who breaks a dysfunctional cycle within a family and creates a new, healthy legacy for their family and future generations.

The point is, people who come from dysfunctional backgrounds do not have to live a life of dysfunction.

Now, I want to intertwine the concept of a transitional person with what we understand to be a Christian.

Christ offers His grace and salvation to everyone. From every background. Even the most dysfunctional ones. And within that gift of salvation, he also imparts the gift of the indwelling Holy Spirit, through whom Christians receive the transformative power to become sanctified and holy. To stand apart. To break away from dysfunction and live a life that emulates Christ's.

No matter what background you come from or how messed up it is/was, you have a choice. And that choice is yours. It's yours alone. You cannot blame anyone for the choice you make. It is your choice and your life. But you have an option. Through Christ, you can become a transitional person. In other words, you can become a Christian. And the best part about it is, part of becoming a Christian means that you can teach others how to achieve the same thing.

This is what God calls us to be. A Christian stands out from the world as a transitional person who breaks the dysfunctional patterns of the world and call others to a higher standard of living: a life of self-denial.

"...I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." - Jesus (John 10:10)

Even to the Point of ... Death?

2013-10-26T10:39:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, life stinks. In your zeal and loyalty to God, you make the decision to be bold and stay committed to Him, no matter where that takes you. The popular belief is that your zeal, commitment, and faithfulness will take you down a path full of blessings – easy and comfortable. But the truth is, sometimes God calls us to follow Him – even to the point of death. In other words, we remain true to Him, no matter the consequence. Those consequences are often good. Following God and choosing His righteousness is, without a doubt, going to result in the best possible life a Christian can have in this fallen world. But more often than we care to admit, remaining faithful to God and living righteously results in negative consequences. Otherwise, why would John have written his words in Revelation: “…be faithful unto death …”? Sometimes being faithful to God means that, in this physical world, we lose. Maybe it means you lose your friends. Or it could mean you lose your fancy car. Maybe it means you lose your much too luxurious home or a portion of the clothes that, let’s be honest, you have too much of. It might mean you lose a portion of your savings because lost souls are a little bit more important than your own financial security. Or maybe God will require you to lose your job. Or, and this one is radical, what if following Him literally means losing your life? The fact is, following Christ to the cross doesn’t mean you will have every physical gain. It often means that you will lose something in the here in now. That’s why in his letter to the Philippians, Paul said “For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”

Accepting this truth and committing to follow Him no matter the loss is not easy for anyone. After all, in America we have become accustomed to enjoying our big fancy church buildings, hip fun church trips, trendy “Christian” messages, all while climbing the social ladder and enjoying our American dream. We are not accustomed to losing much of anything for the sake of Christ.

When you realize that His higher calling means you must lose something, you have two choices. You can commit to follow Him all the way or you can make the easier decision of following Him “except for fill in the blank.” (And in case you’re wondering, the latter choice means you’re actually not following Him. And if you’re not following Him, it’s not hard to guess who you are following.)

For those who commit to the higher calling, let me warn you. It won’t be easy. You see, you will commit to following Him no matter what. And when the rubber meets the road, with the Spirit’s help, you will boldly stand for Him. And when it results in losing, no matter what that may mean in your life, you will feel like you are on top of the world. You know that you lost something significant to you. But you know that God required it of you. And that knowledge will sustain you for a while. But in the time that follows, guess who is going to come knocking at your door? You guessed it. The Deceiver himself. He isn’t too crazy about this radical decision you’ve just made. And it bothers him even more that you feel good about it. So he is going to make your life a living Hell for the next few days.

In those days, you’ll hear his voice. It will sounds something like this:

“Isn’t this humiliating?”

“It wasn’t really worth it, was it?”

“Are you sure God really delivered you?”

“You’re just being self-righteous. Trying to make yourself a hero.”

“You did that for God. But where is He now?”

“God doesn’t really care what you did or lost on His behalf.”

“Are you sure He’s really there, anyway? Where is He now?”

“If God is really there, what kind of God is He? You lose all of this for Him and He doesn’t even deliver?”

The consequences of what you have lost and the significance of those losses will begin to play out and you will start to need God’s deliverance more than ever before. You’ll probably begin to feel pretty lonely. It will seem like God is so distant and Satan’s lies will begin to make a lot of sense in your head. You’ll feel yourself becoming angry with God. And Psalm 88 will become your battle cry:

“God, you’re my last chance of the day. I spend the night on my knees before you. Put me on your salvation agenda; take notes on the trouble I’m in. I’ve had my fill of trouble; I’m camped on the edge of hell. I’m written off as a lost cause, one more statistic, a hopeless case. Abandoned as already dead, one more body in a stack of corpses, And not so much as a gravestone—I’m a black hole in oblivion. You’ve dropped me into a bottomless pit, sunk me in a pitch-black abyss. I’m battered senseless by your rage, relentlessly pounded by your waves of anger. You turned my friends against me, made me horrible to them. I’m caught in a maze and can’t find my way out, blinded by tears of pain and frustration. I call to you, God; all day I call. I wring my hands, I plead for help. Are the dead a live audience for your miracles? Do ghosts ever join the choirs that praise you? Does your love make any difference in a graveyard? Is your faithful presence noticed in the corridors of hell? Are your marvelous wonders ever seen in the dark, your righteous ways noticed in the Land of No Memory? I’m standing my ground, God, shouting for help, at my prayers every morning, on my knees each daybreak. Why, God, do you turn a deaf ear? Why do you make yourself scarce? For as long as I remember I’ve been hurting; I’ve taken the worst you can hand out, and I’ve had it. Your wildfire anger has blazed through my life; I’m bleeding, black-and-blue. You’ve attacked me fiercely from every side, raining down blows till I’m nearly dead. You made lover and neighbor alike dump me; the only friend I have left is Darkness.”

Psalm 88 (The Message)

Somehow, God expects us to blindly follow Him, no matter the loss. And what happens after that in the here in now might be good or it might be bad. But He has promised that when we follow Him even to death, the result in eternity is far better than anything we can possibly imagine. And no matter where things go in the here and now, we have to hold on to that one single promise. Because without the hope contained in that promise, it is impossible to go on following Him with such blind, bull-in-a-china-shop faith.

The Marks of a True Christian: Fruit and Love

2013-04-17T17:09:00.003-05:00

In recent months, God has impressed on my heart the importance of bearing fruit and loving one another. There are a number of things that people like to use as “identifiers” for Christians. For some, it’s a t-shirt or a bumper sticker. For others, it’s whether or not a person is at church every time the door is open. For still others, questions regarding just how much and what the person understood at the time of their salvation are considered to be the most crucial. However, Scripture is clear in telling us how to know a Christian when we see one.

The first way we read about is the bearing of fruit. The Bible talks about the fruit that different people bear numerous times.

The most obvious time is in Galatians when Paul writes about the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These character traits are those of Christ. Christians have the Holy Spirit dwelling within them and as they submit to God’s will, He manifests these character traits in their lives.

Peter, one of Jesus' disciples, taught that a person receives the gift of the Holy Spirit when he or she becomes a Christian. Upon being asked what to do when the people were pricked to the heart due to their lost state, Peter replied: "Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. This promise is to you, and to your children, and even to the Gentiles--all who have been called by the Lord our God" (Acts 2:38-39). True Christians will embody the fruits of the Spirit. Without the gift of the Holy Spirit, the good fruit of the Spirit cannot be produced in a person's life.

In order for a person to receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, he or she must become a Christian. Moreover, in order for a person bto ear good fruit, he or she must have the gift of the Holy Spirit and be actively submitting to Him. However, it must be understood just because a person is a baptized Christian who at one time received the gift of the Holy Spirit, this does not necessarily imply that all such individuals are bearing good fruit. Unfortunately, it is sometimes the case that baptized Christians do not submit to the will of God by bearing their crosses. In these cases, the Spirit is quenched--prevented from producing fruit in the life of such an individual. As a result, many people who call themselves Christians, instead of producing the good fruit of the Spirit, produce bad fruit. Those who find themselves in this category must be challenged to question whether or not they are, indeed, faithful Christians.

Luke 6:43-45 further confirms that Christians and non-Christians are recognized by their fruit: “A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thornbushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.”

In context, Matthew 7 is discussing how to recognize a false prophet. However, I think it is safe to say that the message conveyed can be broadened to describe non-Christians as well: “You can identify them by their fruit, that is, the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.”

A second way Scripture teaches we can identify Christians is by their love for each other. A multitude of Scriptures indicate how important love is in the life of a Christian. The clearest passage in this context is John 13:34-35: “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."

God has used my environment to shed light on these concepts for me. Christianity really works, and when people live out Biblical concepts, it is evident to all who are around. And those who are not living out these concepts are bearing fruit that God warns against. True Christians have changed lives. Just because people are at church every time the door is open does not mean they are true Christians. Their daily lives must resemble the fruits of the Spirit. Their actions must exemplify Christ. Non-Christians are not bearing good fruit. Instead, their lives are marked by selfishness and a lack of concern for or interested in others. They are marked by the tendency to complain and put others down. They are busy trying to find satisfaction in material wealth and other dead-ends.

The unpopular truth is this: churches are full of non-Christians. That is, churches are full of people who are deceived into thinking that by committing 1-4 hours of their week to God by going to church, they are in the clear. Yet they live their lives the way they want to, often in total defiance to God’s way. Churches are full of people who claim to be Christians who have never even touched their cross, much less picked it up or bore it. Churches are full of people who simply do not follow Christ. They don’t bear fruit and their interactions with others are a far cry from exemplifying the love of Christ.

The dilemma created by this unpopular truth is that it is often difficult for true Christians and Christ-seekers to actually figure out who the true Christians are. They are lost among thousands of people who are deceived into thinking they are Christians. So how do you identify a true Christian? You examine their life to see if they are bearing good fruit (the fruit of the Spirit) and to see if they are proving their loyalty to Christ by loving one another earnestly and zealously.

Do you claim to be a Christian? If so, are these two qualities evident in your life? If not, make a change or stop claiming to be a Christian. Because the fact is, when you don’t live up to that claim by letting Christ be manifested in you, you repel the lost. The challenge for Christians is to strive to attain these qualities more in every single day, every single moment, and with every single decision.

May we all be known by the good fruits we bear and the love we have for one another.

From Gethsemane to Calvary

2013-02-08T12:55:00.000-06:00

Gethsemane is often thought of as a place of anguish and pain. It is most famously known as the place where Christ sweat drops of blood as he prayed to his Father and spent the final moments of His physical lifetime preparing to bear our crosses and take on the sins of you and me.

While Gethsemane is famously known as a place of Christ’s anguish and pain, it is often overlooked that Christ went there to pray regularly. The New Testament shows that Christ frequented Gethsemane numerous times. It is a fair assumption that Gethsemane was not so much a place of anguish and pain as it was a place of comfort for Him. Gethsemane was probably among His favorite places to pray, possibly even His most favorite place.

Christ’s comfort zone was Gethsemane. This was the place where he felt secure and safe, evidenced by the things contained in His final prayer there. He let go of all inhibition, allowing Himself to feel such anguish that He sweat drops of blood. Not only this, but it was in Gethsemane that Christ prayed, “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Luke 22:42 NLT). Gethsemane was where Jesus felt comfortable, safe, and secure. However, Jesus knew that He would not be able to remain in Gethsemane all of the time. He knew He had to leave His comfort zone to fulfill His purpose. Eventually, leaving Gethsemane to fulfill His purpose meant that He had to go to Calvary. Calvary was His real place of anguish and pain, not Gethsemane. At Calvary, I wonder if Christ only wished He could be back in Gethsemane, safe and secure, resting in His Father’s arms, instead of hanging on a cross where His Father had to turn His back on Him. Christ had faith that doing His Father's will was the right thing. And as a result of going to Calvary, He was resurrected.

Christians tend to get stuck in comfort zones. We all have our own Gethsemane’s. We all feel comfortable in our own bubbles, in our own places, and around our own friends. Having a Gethsemane is a great thing. Christ had His. And we should have a Gethsemane too. We need a place where we can lose all inhibition and go to our Father in prayer, knowing we can say and ask anything that is on our heart. But we can’t expect to remain in Gethsemane. We, like Christ, have been called to fulfill a greater purpose.

How do you leave your gethsemane and go to your calvary? The answer is self-denial. We, like Christ, have to go to Calvary. For Christ, that meant a physical death on the cross. For us, that means that we have to die to our old selves daily by leaving our comfort zones and fulfilling God’s purpose for us. When you really want to do something, but shouldn't, you deny yourself. You go to calvary. When you really don't want to do something, but you should, you deny yourself. You go to calvary. It could be a particular sin, or it could be something that isn't sinful in and of itself, but can be turned into sin due to lack of self-control or an attempt to fulfill a need in an illegitimate way. One thing is for sure: every single day, Christians are confronted with a multitude of opportunities to make the choice to deny self in some way, small or large, and live for Christ. The right choice is easy to discern, but hard to make without the help of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit dwells in Christians and He provides all of the power that raised Christ from the dead in all of us. Just as God resurrected Christ after Calvary, we can trust Him to resurrect us when we go to calvary by denying ourselves daily. As a result of living for Him in self-denial, He will resurrect more of Christ in each of us as we become more like Christ by living for Him instead of for ourselves.

There are a lot of things we don’t do (but should) because they make us uncomfortable or we do (but shouldn’t) because they make us comfortable. But the calvary’s we face daily are nothing compared to the Calvary Christ had to face in the end. What is your excuse? When will you follow in Christ's footsteps and go from Gethsemane to Calvary?

Hope

2013-01-05T01:52:00.000-06:00

Hope (intransitive verb) - 1. to cherish a desire with anticipation. 2. trust. (transitive verb) 1. to desire with expectation of obtainment. 2. to expect with confidence (See Merriam-Webster: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hope).

When you think about hope, what do you think about? Hope is one of those abstract concepts that can sometimes be hard to wrap your head around. If you're like me, you are used to hearing the word "hope" used in a selfish context. Phrases like, "I hope I get that iPad for Christmas," "I hope that guy calls me back," "I hope that teacher gives me an 'A'," and the like are how we usually hear the word used. This use of the word matches the definition above, "to cherish a desire with anticipation." It is a use of hope that is associated mostly with strong desire and wishful thinking. While that use of the word hope is by no means wrong, I think our society has in many ways all but forgotten a more important type of hope.

In the Bible we read about hope that is defined differently. There are numerous passages that mention hope. In fact, the word is used roughly 72 times in the New Testament. While several of those occurrences are used like the definition mentioned previously, many times it is used differently.

You have probably heard people talk about how Christians have the hope of salvation and the hope of heaven. It is crucial that we not confuse definitions when we talk about hope in these contexts. To say that Christians have a hope of salvation does not mean that Christians desperately want to be saved and are hoping God decides to save them. Salvation is not wishful thinking for Christians. Instead, this type of hope is full of expectation and knowledge. Christians know that they have been born again and are washed in the blood of Christ on a continual basis. They fully expect that God will fulfill his promise of salvation both in the present and in the future. The same is true when the Bible talks about Christians having the hope of heaven. Hope of heaven is not something as shallow as wishful thinking. On the contrary, Christians have full knowledge that they will be in heaven and hope is the expectation of heaven that they live with on a day-to-day basis.

Having hope as Christians is an amazing thing. Knowing fully that we are saved people on our way to heaven is knowledge that can do great things for us.Our hope and expectation that Christ will, indeed, return is a comfort to us as we face many trials in this world that is not our home.

When you think about your hope of salvation, are you unsure? Do you think in terms of "I hope I go to heaven when I die"? Christians have no reason to think this way. We are given plenty of assurance when it comes to our salvation. God did not intend for His children to feel as though they are walking on eggshells all of the time. We need to stop wondering if we are really saved and focus our energy on more important things. He made a promise and it is time that we trust Him. None of us is saved based on our own merit. None of us will make it to heaven without relying on Him and trusting in God's grace fully and completely. Ultimately, we either have faith or we don't. I suggest that Christians stop trying to work their way to heaven. Instead, we need to live like Christians, trust God, and accomplish His will.

We have every reason to expect God to fulfill his promise of salvation and to live in hope of that expectation every single day.

My prayer for you is the same as Paul's when he wrote to the Ephesians: "For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him, having the eyes of your heart enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which He has called you, what are the riches of His glorious inheritance to the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His great might that He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And He put all things under His feet and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all." (Eph 1:15-23)

24 Lessons I Have Learned in 24 Months of Marriage

2012-12-18T01:02:00.000-06:00

It has been said that the first two years of marriage are the most difficult. I'm not sure if that holds true for every married couple or not. Our first two years have been more joyful than miserable. They've been more fun than unbearable. That being the case, we have learned some valuable lessons during our first 24 months together. I can't speak for my other half, but I can share some of the things that I've learned. In all honesty, if I didn't place a limit on how many things I share, I would probably never stop (hey, you learn something new everyday, right?). For that reason, I am going to list 24 lessons that I have learned in 24 months of marriage. Some may be serious and some may give you a good laugh. They are written in no particular order.

1) Laugh. No matter what else is going on, always find something to laugh about. Everyday. It's good medicine and you feel better about each other when you know you can be yourself and just laugh with each other.

2) Communicate. Don't expect your spouse to know what you are wishing he/she would do. Ladies, if you have a lot to do and you need him to lend a hand with the dishes, just ASK! Kindly. :) Chances are, he won't mind a bit. He didn't offer because he TRULY just didn't think about it. Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader.

3) Accept. I don't care how compatible you are, your spouse will NEVER meet all of your expectations. You have two options: a) you can resent that fact that your spouse fails to meet your expectations, b) you can accept your spouse as he/she is. Chances are, your expectations are unrealistic anyway. That puts you in the place of the one who needs to change. You can't expect your spouse to be something that is unrealistic. The best option is to accept and appreciate him or her as is.

4) Forgive. We've never been a couple to hold a grudge towards each other, at least not on purpose. We never stay mad at each other for more than a few minutes, a couple of hours tops. Never let yourself go for days or weeks angry at each other. Life is too short and marriage is too sweet to make it miserable for both of you. Get over it and move on. Be willing to agree that you both win, and move on to bigger and better things.

5) Inform. This might be a little crass, but it's necessary. Ladies, inform your man when it's "that time of the month." You, like every other female, will probably get ticked at him for something you would never get ticked about at any other time ever. He will take it personally, get confused, and be angry. By simply informing him that it's about that time, he will expect it and won't think a thing about it. If he knows how to treat a woman, he will be gracious and take whatever you throw at him, knowing that it's nothing personal.

6) Take Pictures. We had engagement pictures taken in the fall, right before our December wedding. Since then, we have had pictures taken each of the subsequent years around the same time. It is amazing to look back to the engagement pictures and see how we've changed in just a little over two years. We just look more mature than we did then. And I have no doubt that when children come along, looking at those old pictures will be a blast for the whole family. And when we are old and gray, we will be able to see every stage of our lives. It's not always convenient, but it's definitely worth it. Even if you have to drag your husband kicking and screaming, he'll be glad you did when it's over with.

7) Choose. Most people associate love with a big rush of happy, warm, fuzzy emotions. If you expect marriage to succeed because of love defined in this way, just know that you're doomed for failure. The purest form of love is love as a choice. This is the type of love that creates a committed marriage that lasts a lifetime. Plain and simple, there will be days when you don't like each other that much. There will be times when you just don't want to show your love for your spouse. But guess what? God wants you to do it anyway. That's why he commands Christians to deny ourselves daily. That means when we don't really want to do something for our spouse, we choose to do it anyway because it is what is best for them. We do it anyway because God expects it. We do it anyway because we promised on December 18, 2010 that we would.

8) Dream. Some of the best moments we've had since we've been married have been the moments when we plan goals and dream about the future together. When you accomplish great milestones, you imagine what the next one will be like. You talk about the future and plan how you hope things will be. These are some of the most energizing conversations we have had. Dreaming together and planning your future together is another part of being committed to each other for a lifetime.

9) Dress Well. If you are planning on accomplishing great things together, dress like it. When I was in high school, I wore t-shirts and jeans almost every single day. There's nothing wrong with that, and I still wear that stuff occasionally. But I've made big changes in that department, and it's amazing how it can make you feel about yourself. Dress for success and you can expect to succeed. And both spouses appreciate seeing one another care enough to dress well. When you feel good about your appearance, you are more confident in who you are, and that positively impacts your marriage along with everything else that you do.

10) Celebrate. When one of you accomplishes something that matters a lot, big or small, celebrate it together. Young married couples are each other's main cheerleader. When something great is accomplished, show the other than you care and that you are proud of them. You need that support and encouragement from each other.

11) Throw Things Away. Don't accumulate junk. Start your marriage off with the good habit of throwing out, or donating, what you don't need. Trust me, it doesn't take long to accumulate enough for two (or more!) households. And clutter can drive you both crazy. Do yourselves a favor and make the habit of going through and de-cluttering a few times a year. You'll thank yourselves for it.

12) Try New Things. There is always something that you've never done together. Find something like that occasionally and do it. You might not enjoy it. You might find you hate it. You might find you love it. But the fun part is doing it together for the first time.

13) Do Old Things. Take the time to go do some of the things you did when you were dating, or things you did together on your honeymoon. It's always good to remember those old times and make new memories in the here and now. Doing things you use to do together can remind you why your together and renew appreciation for one another.

14) Recognize Important Dates. Gifts might not matter much to one or both of you. And that's fine. But it's still important to recognize birthdays, anniversaries, and the like. If you hate gifts, take a trip together or go do something you've been wanting to do for a while. Even if you hate gifts, everyone loves receiving a card. And if going to pick out a card is too difficult, open up a Microsoft Word document and just write down a few thoughts for each other. But DON'T, and I mean DON'T ignore the date altogether. It's nice to have something to save so you can look back at it through the years and appreciate each other more.

15) Care. Both of you will have your own different passions in life. When you're passionate about something, you're going to talk about it, probably a lot. Listen to each other talk about your passions. Express enthusiasm and encourage each other in these areas. Passion is what drives people to do great things and be successful. Help your spouse become all he/she can be by supporting them in their passions.

16) Compromise. This one probably goes without saying. Sometimes you want one thing to happen and your spouse wants another thing to happen. Be willing to give a little and meet in the middle. And once you do compromise, be happy about it. Don't keep holding a grudge about things not going exactly your way. Compromise and then move on.

17) Cuddle. Cuddling is easy when your dating. You always want to be together and being together always includes some form of cuddling, hugging, and holding. After a few months of marriage, this decreases substantially. Make time for it. It really makes you both feel good to hug and cuddle. And sometimes you might need that when you don't even realize it. It's good medicine. Add "we need some cuddle time" to your regular vocabulary.

18) Be a Servant. Something I've grown to appreciate about Matt is his servant heart. He always puts others first and has the most impeccable manners. He never takes the closest parking spot, never walks ahead of someone else, and never fights to be first. If he needs to get up, he almost always asks me if I need or want anything. I've made it a habit of doing the same for him. If we are blessed with children someday, we hope they can pick up on that type of attitude.

19) Read Books. One of the most beneficial things we have done for our relationship is read marriage books together. For us, the way this usually works is we pick out a book together and I read it out loud when we are traveling in the car. This has worked well for us because we tend to travel quite a bit. But being willing to read these books with the attitude that there is always room to improve and grow is so beneficial for both of you.

20) Splurge. One of the facts of life is that it costs money to do things. Be creative. You can always find something affordable. But you should always be willing to splurge occasionally for each other. That might mean eating at your favorite but expensive restaurant once a year. It might mean spending a couple of nights in Gatlinburg together. It might mean buying a shirt or a book for your spouse. But be willing to INVEST in your marriage.

21) Maintain Good Health. We don't win in this area. We aren't the best about eating and exercising well. But we have improved! If you need to shed a few pounds, do it together. And even if one of you doesn't need to lose weight, do it together anyway if it will help your spouse achieve better health. Create an exercise routine to do together, whether it's walking, running, or going to the gym. Hold each other accountable. It's a lot easier when your doing those things as a team than when you're going at it alone.

22) Never Degrade. Don't call each other names. Don't put each other down. Not even jokingly. Most people are critical enough of themselves, without their spouse joining in. Never put each other down to each other's face, or to anyone else. Don't take part in spouse-bashing. It's not beneficial for ANYONE and does nothing but build resentment in you. If you're angry and tempted to do this in the heat of the moment, just leave the room. Don't say a word until you've calmed down.

23) Always Build Up. You can never say enough kind, encouraging words to each other. Always be the first to compliment and congratulate each other. Speak well of each other everywhere, be it in front of your friends, in front of your family, on Facebook, in the pulpit, to your children, or otherwise. If you put your spouse down, you might as well be putting yourself down as well because YOU picked your spouse. Be proud of your choice and speak highly of your spouse always.

24) Get a Pet. Laugh if you want. If you don't already have a pet, get one. This is especially true if you either don't have kids yet and won't for a while or if your kids are gone. It has been astonishing how much getting our little cat has impacted us in positive ways. No matter how discouraging our day is, we always come home to the sweetest little kitty. We both love her to pieces and it's someone we have in common that we can love and share and nurture together. She has brought so much joy into our marriage, more than we ever dreamed was possible.

My prayer is that someone, somewhere, will read this and learn at least one valuable lesson that they can incorporate into their marriage. At the very least, maybe something here will inspire someone to be better than they are. We don't live up to each of these perfectly. But being aware of them can sometimes make all the difference. The time is upon us where the odds are against the majority of married couples to be together "til' death do us part." It is my prayer that something here will help some couple, somewhere, beat those odds. We both have plenty of odds stacked against us. But since day one, divorce has never been an option. In fact, it's never even been in our vocabulary. And we have no doubt that we will be together until death. Our covenant with God is unbreakable and we take our vows to each other as seriously as we take our commitment to Christ. We will be faithful to the end.

how it all began

2012-12-17T13:05:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow we will celebrate two years since we became one. Here is how it all began:

She was a senior at Mars Hill Bible School. It was March, and she was counting down the days to graduation. The days to getting out of that place, and finally moving to Henderson. She couldn’t wait until she would FINALLY be a student at Freed-Hardeman University. It was all she had dreamed of since she was in the 7th grade.

She had never dated anyone before. Never even kissed anyone, for that matter. Not that she didn’t want to; but no one was ever really interested (God had a reason for that, which will be revealed later). In fact, she wanted her love story so desperately. She was the epitome of hopeless romantic. At different points in her teen years, she longed to have a boyfriend. To have someone special. To have someone that thought she was “worth fighting for.” Someone that thought she was lovely. Someone to love. Someone to love her. And then one day, she realized that she already had that Someone. His name was Jesus Christ. So she stopped worrying. She knew. She knew He was writing her love story. And she knew she just had to be patient until He was ready. Because she learned that she had to be willing to drop it all and run on His schedule.

When she finally stopped worrying and submitted her life to Him, she decided that in the meantime (until He was ready to bring Prince Charming into her life) she would use all of her spare time to focus on God. And to grow into a deeper, more meaningful relationship to Him. She became a lover of God and of all things Godly and spiritual. She prayed for her Prince Charming often. She prayed for his safety, his success, his purity, and many other things. She even prayed that he might even be a minister. She wanted a man that was as committed to God as she was. And if was committed to sharing the Gospel, he must be the “man after God’s own heart” that she was looking for.

When she became a Senior in high school, she couldn’t help but think in the back of her mind “maybe God will introduce him (Prince Charming) to me when I get to Freed-Hardeman.” This caused her to anticipate and be excited about going there more than ever before. She had planned everything. She was going to room with her best friend, Haley Behel. She had scholarships and grant money lined up. And for Freed-Hardeman, she had scored a pretty awesome financial deal. She made frequent trips to the campus to meet people, make connections. And she prayed about it constantly. She prayed about the Prince she hoped God would bring to her.

But in March of 2009, before she ever reached graduation, she was stopped in her tracks. With plans to go to FHU, room with her best friend, and even a guy she was talking to who was also going to FH, she was brought to a screeching halt. On a Wednesday night, at church, she met him. AND THEN IT STARTED.

He was a Freshmen at Heritage Christian University. He was pursuing a degree in Biblical Studies. He was the youth minister at East Colbert, one of the local congregations. He had beautiful brown eyes and light brown hair that, ironically, was almost the exact shade of hers. He dressed respectably. He was there that night on a campaign with HCU and he took part in the service. He spoke. He spoke about grace. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.” And it was eloquent.

She was so set on her plans for FH, and wasn’t even thinking of the option that she might meet Prince Charming right now. She knew he must be waiting for her in Henderson. But she wanted to encourage these Bible students. They had noble goals, after all. So she walked out to the foyer and met different ones, hoping to encourage them in their work for the Lord.

Then she walked up to him. And he was so kind. So gentle. So genuine. And the conversation was so easy.

After the services that evening, the youth group was going to stay and sing for a while. The Bible students were invited to join. Both of them stayed. Both of them worshipped and sang praises to God that night, across from their future spouse. And neither had a clue.

Little did either of them know, this was it. This was that once-in-a-lifetime moment. Neither had any idea that night, in March 2009, that the two of them would be married in December of 2010. In fact, they probably would have thought you were crazy if you told them.

And they are living Happily Ever After.

gluttony

2012-12-15T01:08:00.001-06:00

There. I said it. It's the one sin that is, somehow, excusable. Or is it? If there is one thing Christians are known for, it's eating. We all love to eat. Somehow, when people gather, there is always food! We joke about being guilty of gluttony, and for some reason not a lot of people take it very seriously. You're probably thinking "Seriously, Hannah? Of all times for you to address this one. It's almost Christmas!" Thanksgiving and Christmas are symbols of what a gluttonous people we are. We threw away so much food at Thanksgiving, and it was heart-wrenching to me as I thought about so many who do not have a meal to eat, much less the luxury of throwing away what would probably amount to 10 or 12 meals. Let me be the first to say that I am by no means innocent. I, too, have been guilty of this sin.

You might wonder what provokes me to talk about gluttony. I realized I had been guilty of gluttony for most of my life during the first week of November. You see, the first week of November was my first week on Weight Watchers. One of the big selling points for those on Weight Watchers is to eat not until you're full but until you're satisfied. When I began tracking my points and keeping up with what I ate, I began to realize that I had been eating much more than my body needed. I realized that I had, in fact, been living to eat more than I had been eating to live. As I began controlling what I ate, I realized that I didn't have to be controlled by food. Upon my realizations, I became convicted about my sin. I realized that I had been guilty of not only gluttony, but a serious lack of self-control that spilled over in to other areas of my life as well. Another big selling point for Weight Watchers is the concept of moderation. It's not wrong to eat your favorite ice cream or your grandmother's famous fried chicken. But you have to eat those things in moderation. You have to learn how to control your portions. You have to be able to make yourself stop eating it.

When I look at what the Bible tells us about gluttony, I notice a couple of things. First, most of the passages that mention gluttony explicitly are in the Old Testament. Well there you go! That means we are excused after all, right? Wrong! Though the New Testament might not mention gluttony as specifically as the Old Testament, the topic is still covered in a broader concept, a fruit of the Spirit known as self-control. Before I talk about self-control, I want to direct your attention to Proverbs 23. While the Proverbs are in the Old Testament, by their very nature they apply to people throughout time, even for Christians who are living under the new covenant of grace. Proverbs fall into the genre of wisdom literature and the wisdom found in them is generally (though not ALWAYS) true.

Proverbs 23:2 states: "Put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony." I don't think the writer is encouraging gluttons to commit suicide, and I certainly am not! But I do believe that his intention is to point out the seriousness of the inability to control your eating habits.

The New Testament addresses the sin of gluttony under the broader concept of self-control. Notice Galatians 5:16-26. Paul writes,

"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, division, envy,drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."

There are several things I want to point out from this reading.

First, gluttony falls under the umbrella of "works of the flesh." After listing several areas, Paul includes the phrase "and things like these." Gluttony, like the other sins, is an undesirable quality.

Second, if you are not convinced that gluttony is a work of the flesh, let me convince you that gluttony is a sin of idolatry. For a glutton, food is an idol. For a glutton, food becomes more important that God. Idolatry is as real today as it has ever been, without the need of statues and graven images. Anything that gets first place instead of God is an idol.

Third, gluttony can easily be likened to something Paul DOES warn against: drunkenness. We all know what drunkenness is, it happens when a person fails to control their intake of alcohol. On the other side of the same coin, gluttony occurs when we fail to control our intake of food. When Paul includes "drunkenness" and concludes with "and other things like these," gluttony should be one of the first things we think about! Fourth, Paul says that those who are Christians are walking by the Spirit. And if a person is walking by the Spirit, self-control is an evident fruit in their life. There is no denying it here. Gluttony is over-eating. It is eating more food than is needed, sometimes to the point of making oneself sick, because it tastes good. Gluttony is the sin of over-indulging in something pleasurable. If you are guilty of gluttony, self-control is not evident in your life. This should lead you to question whether or not you are really walking by the Spirit.

When I began to ponder my lack of self-control in the area of eating, I started exploring other areas of my life. I found that I had lacked self-control in more areas than I wished to admit, including time-management, money-management, tendencies to procrastinate, and more. Taking control of my eating habits is leading me to consider how I can take better control of other areas as well. You see, when you are guilty of gluttony, it won't take long for you to find a lack of self-control in other areas. It's not a matter of sinning in that one area. It's a matter of lacking self-control in a MULTITUDE of areas. God wants us to take control with the help of the Spirit so that we can have a better quality of life and accomplish more for His kingdom.

I'm not perfect. I still eat more than I should sometimes. I still spend money when I probably should have saved it every now and then. I still procrastinate doing one thing or another. But I am aware. And I am taking small steps to improve.

I've brought it to your attention. It's up to you what you do with it. My prayer is that you, too, can walk in the Spirit a little more each day by allowing God to develop the fruit of self-control in your life.

Appearances: Why Do We Care So Much?

2012-12-14T19:57:00.001-06:00

I have this struggle. We all have different struggles, of course. But I have this one in particular. One that I've dealt with for a long time. One that affects me, my performance, and how I feel about myself on almost a daily basis. My struggle is this: I want to be pretty, but I don't believe that I am. I feel pressured to be pretty, but I don't believe that I am. I can't stop comparing myself with others. And when I do, my thoughts are nearly always things like "I wish I were that pretty."

Really, though, I shouldn't care about appearance. I shouldn't be so concerned that I am "not pretty." Because I know it as well as you. I know that God isn't concerned with the outside. He is concerned with the inside. 1 Samuel 16:6 says that "the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." And I also realize that even those who are blessed with physical beauty will one day be old and gray and wrinkled. I realize it doesn't last forever. I've heard it all of my life: "Pretty is as pretty does."

But I can't seem to make the struggle end. I can't seem to stop wishing I were pretty. And I find myself asking the question: "Why"?

Why don't I think I am pretty the way I am?
Why do I think everyone else is prettier than me?
Why do I want to be pretty so badly?
Why do I care about appearances so much, when I know it's not what matters?

And in my pondering I can come to several different answers. But one of the answers that is completely obvious is the fact that we live in a culture that demands beauty. Especially to young women.

Think about the media. Constantly, there are advertisements for beauty related things: weight-loss, hair dye, make-up, clothing, exercise gimmicks, I could go on and on.

The average woman in America weighs between 145-160 pounds, and wears I size 12. (FYI, Marilyn Monroe is believed to have worn a size 12). But in our culture, you have to be a size 1 to be "pretty."

It is interesting to do research on the topic of media and self-esteem. A young girl who watches 3 minutes of commercial advertising is guaranteed to walk away feeling bad about herself. It's no wonder so many teens are suffering of eating disorders! Media is pressuring us to meet impossible and abnormal standards!

Media is telling us that we are not good enough the way we are, and that we will only be pretty when we use this product, lose that much weight, wear our hair this way, and can fit into skinny jeans and look sexy in them.

And even being aware of this, and the fact that I don't need to fall for all of this, it's still hard to not think about it everyday.

Everyday, there is something negative to notice. Everyday, there is a reason I am not good enough the way I am.

So how do I find comfort? I can think about being in Heaven with God. In Heaven, where we no longer have our physical bodies. Where we are only souls, and we are beautiful and perfect in the eyes of God.

Each day, I will struggle with thinking "Why can't I look like that?" or "Why can't I have skin like that?" And only in Heaven will it never cross my mind. Only in Heaven will I know I am beautiful. Only in Heaven will physical beauty TRULY not matter.

Because as much as I know it doesn't matter to God even now, it will always matter to humans.

There are days when acne is so bad, or I feel so fat, or I simply don't feel attractive, and I don't even want to show my face to anyone. But I can't do that. I have to proceed with my day, smile, and act like I am perfectly fine. While inside, I am humiliated that people see me like this.

But I can be joyful as I long for the day when I can be in Heaven with my Father, and all He will see is my soul. All He will see is Jesus in all of His perfection, as He has swapped places with me that I might inherit eternal life.

And until then, I will keep reminding myself that I shouldn't listen to the culture or the media. That I shouldn't care what people think, but rather what God thinks.

I will keep doing everything I can with what I've got, and proceeding with my life with a smile. Because what else can we do? We are only as pretty as we are, and there is just not much else to do about it. So I can focus on the inside. You see, when we have become as beautiful as possible on the outside,there is still ALWAYS room to grow more beautiful on the inside. More beautiful where it REALLY matters.

The Minister and the Local Church

2012-04-14T22:47:00.002-05:00

Unfaithfulness. It's not a word that anyone likes to hear. For me, the word conjures thoughts of loneliness, pain, bitterness, tears, anger, and numerous other negative emotions. But what happens when unfaithfulness occurs in the minister's relationship to the local church?

Don't worry. I'm not going where you may think I am. This is not a blog about when ministers are caught in sexual scandals. It's not that at all. I'm talking about when the minister is unfaithful to the congregation, or when the congregation is unfaithful to the minister.

But how?

The relationship between a minister's family and the church is comparable to a dating relationship. When one party is always living in the past, thinking about their "ex" or looking ahead to the next one that comes along, the current one gets the shaft. How wonderful ministry would be if Christians all appreciated the preacher that they currently have, not living in the past, not looking to who the next guy will be.

When it comes to the "dating relationship" between the minister's family and the congregation, I think both are often found guilty of not being in a "committed relationship."

It's so easy for the minister's family to remember a church they were with before, how they did things this way, how they were "better" than the current church in that way. It is also easy for the minister's family to fall into the trap of thinking only about the next "relationship." It becomes easy to simply wait for something "better" to come along. And it's even easier to fall into this trap when the minister's family feels tired, taken for granted, and unappreciated.

On the other hand, it is so easy for the congregation to compare their current preacher's family to their favorite one from the past. In this case, that family from the past is brought up in regular conversation. The current preacher's "style" is compared to the preacher from the past. The congregation can also be guilty of looking ahead to the next preacher that comes along. They don't enjoy the current one, and are always thinking of possibilities for the next one.

When either party--the minister's family or the congregation--is guilty of being uncommitted, "unfaithful," if you will, the result is not a desirable one. The minister's family becomes restless, disappointed, and sometimes even bitter or resentful. The congregation is so busy worrying about "what's wrong with the preacher" that they aren't cooperating and accomplishing the REAL ministry that needs to be happening.

In a marriage, this is comparable to what might be called the "crazy cycle." When one party in the relationship feels undesirable, unappreciated, disrespected, and/or unloved, the other party feels it and reacts in a similar way. However, when one in the party is committed and the other party feels it, the other party is more likely to respond in positive ways.

The point is: The elders, the congregation, and the minister SHOULD be on the same team. If anyone in the relationship is uncommitted, the relationship does not succeed. And if it isn't worked out, ultimately "divorce" is what happens.

Challenge to ministers: Be committed and faithful to the relationship you are in with the church you work with. Be loyal to the church you are with, not missing the one you used to be at, not constantly looking ahead to a church where the "grass is greener."

Challenge to Christians: Be committed and faithful to the relationship you are in with your preacher. Appreciate your preacher. Every sermon is full of hard work, long hours, and pieces of his heart. Don't take him for granted. Don't compare him to "past relationships." Don't anticipate how much better the next one will be. Instead, appreciate him for who he is.

True Religion - James 1:27

2012-01-17T20:37:00.004-06:00

Commitment. Commitment is one thing that, as time rolls forward, becomes less and less of a priority to people. No one wants to let others down, and if you never commit in the first place, you'll never be held accountable, and therefore you'll never be a let-down.

Each generation seems to be less committed and less responsible than the previous. Why? It's hard to grasp.

There is a popular idea spreading throughout Christianity. It is the idea that religion is somehow a bad thing and that Jesus/Christianity ought to be separated from religion. We've all seen the popular phrase: "I have a relationship, not a religion."

A popular video was circulating recently titled, "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus". A ton of people "bought in" to and endorsed this video, by re-posting it and sharing it on Facebook. Discussions began to take place about whether or not it was true, what was right about it, what was wrong about it, etc.

For those who have not yet seen the video, click here.

I don't have any intention of bashing anyone who endorses the video, or Mr. Bethke, the man who wrote it. I believe that the video does contain some excellent content. However, I do feel that it is the responsibility of the church to recognize it for what it is and to speak up. I don't endorse arguing publicly for the world to see. But creating a false dichotomy between Jesus and Religion can have a large and negative impact on the future of the Lord's church.

The first problem with the belief is that the term "religion" is being misused in the worst way.
Here are some definitions of the word from Merriam-Webster:
Religion:
1)The service and worship of God or the supernatural
2)Commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance
3)A personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, or practices

A relationship with Jesus is absolutely important, and I am in no way down-playing that. But not to the exclusion of religion. A relationship with Him leads us to religion. Because Christianity and a relationship with Christ includes the "service and worship of God," "commitment or devotion to faith," and "a set of beliefs, attitudes, or practices," all of which are definitions of religion, religion becomes the very expression of our relationship with Christ.

A second problem with the idea that Jesus is in opposition to religion is that it is simply unbiblical. Sure, the Bible teaches against hypocrisy. It teaches against self-righteousness. It teaches against "lukewarmness". It even teaches against false religion. But false religion in no way excludes religion in its entirety. To the contrary, in fact. The Biblical teaching is this: "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world" James 1:27. The word "religion" in James is not a bad word. It depicts what one does in the presence of God.

A third problem that I can't get past with trying to divorce Jesus from religion is this: without religion, Christianity becomes largely based on feelings. And a relationship cannot last based only on feelings. Think about when you became you first became a Christian, or about some of those times you were "on a mountain" spiritually. It's easy to respond to God in worship at times like this. And it's often these times, when emotions run high, that we are converted. This is the one that really disturbs me about the whole thing, because after being married for a year, it really hits home with me. A relationship with God cannot be based on emotions and feelings. If religion is the thing that commits a Christian to Him, and you throw it out, what ties you to Him when you aren't "feeling it" next week? The fact is, relationships have their ups and downs. Sometimes emotions/feelings are high and I'm "crazy" about my husband. Other times, not so much. If we weren't married, I would be hard-pressed to remain faithful, loyal, and committed to him when I'm not really feeling it. Trying to separate Jesus from religion is the equivalent of trying to separate a husband/wife from marriage. Without the religion, you have no commitment and no reason to be faithful when emotions are not so high. Without marriage, you have no commitment and no reason to be faithful when emotions are not so high.

A relationship with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit and religion simply cannot be separated. They work together to help us be loyal, faithful, and committed Christians. When we are "feeling" the relationship, we automatically respond in love, worship, and adoration, by doing those things we have come to believe we should do in our "religious" system. But sometimes we aren't "feeling it." And while "going through the motions" is not necessarily something to endorse, sometimes that is what it takes for the "feelings" to return. When we don't want to go sing to God, but we do ANYWAY (because we are religious and we are committed to our religious system of beliefs) we are showing God that we are faithful. We are being selfless by "denying self," and "taking up our cross." We are choosing to do what He wants, rather than doing what we want. Religion is what it takes to "get us there" sometimes. The same concept can be better understood in a marriage relationship. Frankly, sometimes the last thing I want to do is cook fried chicken for my husband supper. (Especially if other outside circumstances have caused me to be frustrated with him that day.) And I may be frustrated because it seems like we haven't been "feeling it" lately. Often, though, doing that thing for him even though it's the very thing I DON'T want to do, results in a loving reaction on his part, and suddenly we are both "in love" again. The point is, we commit to God through religion in the same way that we commit to our spouses through marriage.

I don't want to shoot down everything that I see. That's not what I am trying to do. But I think this is pertinent for this reason: endorsing the separation of Jesus from religion caters to a generation that is seeking "a little Jesus" without commitment or responsibility. The generation that I am in is the one that will see this play out when our children and grandchildren grow up. I don't want to be responsible for a generation of people who wear the label "Christian," but don't live it.

Endorsing this type of thing is attractive. Anyone is willing to say "I love Jesus!" and jump into the baptistry. But the same people are not necessarily willing to make the commitments that true Christianity calls for. Creating a system that attracts a people who will not commit does more harm than good for Christianity. It would be better to call it for what it is, defining what becoming a Christian costs you (your life), and only attract people who are the "real deal." Why? Because when you have a group of people who come to church, wear the label "Christian," but live a life that contradicts that, two things happen: 1) these people negatively impact the "true" Christians who are trying to live right, 2) when lost people see that becoming a "Christian" does nothing to improve quality of life, they will see no reason to become one.

I have attempted to write this with the right Spirit and the right attitude. I pray that it will be seen as helpful rather than hurtful, and that it will encourage Christians to be who we are supposed to be and live like we are supposed to live. May we all continue to seek, believe, and live truth.

31 Movement

2011-12-08T19:18:00.000-06:00

During the week of the popular Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, there was a war going on in my mind. I wanted to speak up about this issue, but I felt that it was the wrong time. So many young girls and women are looking to these models as the definition of beauty. The first thought I had when I saw so many people talking about it was: "A VS Fashion Show? What a great idea in a culture where women hate their bodies and men are disappointed when they see that their wives don't have fake, edited, airbrushed bodies like the VS models." I know that's a pretty brash statement, but can it really be argued with?

The things I have to say are going to be taken the wrong way by some. I will probably be viewed as "down-playing" real beauty simply because I am jealous or insecure or because I know I could never look like these girls. That is the farthest thing from the truth. I know what real beauty is and it isn't the fake beauty promoted by this fashion show or by our culture. (SIDE NOTE: How is it real beauty when many of their bras are designed to "add up to 3 cup sizes"? Isn't that fake?)

It is sad that so many girls idolize these models. It is unfortunate that so many guys encourage it. The fact is, a Christian's life should not and CANNOT be defined by this stuff. Am I saying it's wrong to shop/own VS? Not at all. To wear it because it is quality stuff that lasts is fine. I'll be the first to say that their stuff is made well. And within a marriage relationship, I see no problem with the lingerie. But to obsess over these models and to obsess over the outward appearance and to aim for more "sex appeal"? That is a problem. To promote this lifestyle is not okay.

I'm so thankful that this student at Baylor University speaks out about this issue. His voice should be heard across the nation. Girls and guys alike need to hear it, take it to heart, and live it.

Truthfully, the VS models may be "perfect" on the outside. But honestly, the lifestyles they live is ugly to God. The outside can be immaculate, shiny, and appealing. But if they don't respect themselves enough to save it for their husbands, the inside is probably pretty nasty. To prance across a stage with little to no clothing is not beautiful to God. It disgusts Him and it hurts Him.

To female readers, you are beautiful. And it is good for you to care about your appearance. I care about mine. I wear make-up. I enjoy dressing well. I even like to accessorize. And yes, I wear VS undergarments because it makes me feel confident and because it lasts better than other stuff. All of that is fine! But don't allow your outward appearance to become the most important thing to you. The most important thing is who you are. If you are the most beautiful girl on earth, it doesn't mean much to God unless you're living the way He wants you to. Fixing up on the outside is not wrong unless it becomes a priority over fixing up on the inside.

Here is a challenge I give both to myself and to other women: What if you spent as much time beautifying your heart as you spend in front of the mirror, beautifying your body everyday?

It won't be easy. You won't turn heads when you walk into a room. The attention-getters are the ones who are all glitz, glamour, and flesh. And they get the attention for a few seconds. However, the ones who live God's way will attract the guys who will love you for who you are. Living God's way will lead you to a Godly man and it will lead you to a lasting, thriving relationship with someone who sees your outward beauty, but values even more your inward beauty.

Think of yourself as a beautiful, perfect rose. When you dress provocatively and males see you, they mentally consume you. Each time you go out dressed this way, you are mentally consumed by a number of people. You are a rose, being handled and handled and handled. The rose will become crumpled and lose all of its petals. What is left for that special man you marry? Nothing but an old, ugly stem. You gave it away to everyone else-strangers you didn't even know. And now there is nothing special to give to your husband. Keep your rose pretty, beautiful, perfect, and pure. Have a special gift that is worth giving to your husband on your wedding night.

Be a Proverbs 31 woman.

This video is by a guy in college a Baylor, who isn't afraid to tell others what he is looking for in a woman:

I'm Thankful for the Love Story my God Wrote for Me

2011-11-24T23:47:00.000-06:00

I'm thankful this year because of the beautiful love story that God wrote for me. Here it is:

She was a senior at Mars Hill Bible School. It was March, and she was counting down the days to graduation. The days to getting out of that place, and finally moving to Henderson. She couldn’t wait until she would FINALLY be a student at Freed-Hardeman University. It was all she had dreamed of since she was in the 7th grade.

She had never dated anyone before. Never even kissed anyone, for that matter. Not that she didn’t want to; but no one was ever really interested (God had a reason for that, which will be revealed later). In fact, she wanted her love story so desperately. She was the epitome of hopeless romantic. At different points in her teen years, she longed to have a boyfriend. To have someone special. To have someone that thought she was “worth fighting for.” Someone that thought she was lovely. Someone to love. Someone to love her. And then one day, she realized that she already had that Someone. His name was Jesus Christ. So she stopped worrying. She knew. She knew He was writing her love story. And she knew she just had to be patient until He was ready. Because she learned that she had to be willing to drop it all and run on His schedule.

When she finally stopped worrying and submitted her life to Him, she decided that in the meantime (until He was ready to bring Prince Charming into her life) she would use all of her spare time to focus on God. And to grow into a deeper, more meaningful relationship to Him. She became a lover of God and of all things Godly and spiritual. She prayed for her Prince Charming often. She prayed for his safety, his success, his purity, and many other things. She even prayed that he might even be a minister. She wanted a man that was as committed to God as she was. And if was committed to sharing the Gospel, he must be the “man after God’s own heart” that she was looking for.

When she became a Senior in high school, she couldn’t help but think in the back of her mind “maybe God will introduce him (Prince Charming) to me when I get to Freed-Hardeman.” This caused her to anticipate and be excited about going there more than ever before. She had planned everything. She was going to room with her best friend, Haley Behel. She had scholarships and grant money lined up. And for Freed-Hardeman, she had scored a pretty awesome financial deal. She made frequent trips to the campus to meet people, make connections. And she prayed about it constantly. She prayed about the Prince she hoped God would bring to her.

But in March of 2009, before she ever reached graduation, she was stopped in her tracks. With plans to go to FHU, room with her best friend, and even a guy she was talking to who was also going to FH, she was brought to a screeching halt. On a Wednesday night, at church, she met him. AND THEN IT STARTED.

He was a Freshmen at Heritage Christian University. He was pursuing a degree in Biblical Studies. He was the youth minister at East Colbert, one of the local congregations. He had beautiful brown eyes and light brown hair that, ironically, was almost the exact shade of hers. He dressed respectably. He was there that night on a campaign with HCU and he took part in the service. He spoke. He spoke about grace. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.” And it was eloquent.

She was so set on her plans for FH, and wasn’t even thinking of the option that she might meet Prince Charming right now. She knew he must be waiting for her in Henderson. But she wanted to encourage these Bible students. They had noble goals, after all. So she walked out to the foyer and met different ones, hoping to encourage them in their work for the Lord.

Then she walked up to him. And he was so kind. So gentle. So genuine. And the conversation was so easy.

After the services that evening, the youth group was going to stay and sing for a while. The Bible students were invited to join. Both of them stayed. Both of them worshipped and sang praises to God that night, across from their future spouse. And neither had a clue.

Little did either of them know, this was it. This was that once-in-a-lifetime moment. Neither had any idea that night, in March 2009, that the two of them would be married in December of 2010. In fact, they probably would have thought you were crazy if you told them.

And they are living Happily Ever After.

When You Hit Rock-Bottom

2011-11-08T00:15:00.001-06:00

Trials. We all go through them. Whether your spouse just cheated on you, you lost a loved one, your friends back-stabbed you, you feel lonely, your health is beating you, or whatever it may be, we all go through things that weigh on us and make us feel like we can't go on.

It is commonly believed and stated that God will not "give us more than we can handle" or that He will not put us through "more than we can take." However, that concept is actually not Biblical. The idea is a misunderstanding of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which says, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." Here, Paul is writing about TEMPTATIONS. These are temptations to sin, etc. Often, it has been interpreted that God will not TEST us or bring us through TRIALS that are more than we can bear. It is true that we will not be tempted to sin beyond what we can resist. But the idea that we we will not go through trials that are more than we can take is actually not Biblical.

In fact, it is very Biblical that God will allow us to be tested -- to go through very difficult times -- in order to teach us to rely on Him. In 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, Paul writes about how God is a God of comfort, there for us to lean on in times of affliction. Notice in verses 8-10, Paul was certainly tested beyond his strength: "For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened BEYOND OUR STRENGTH that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of DEATH. But that was to MAKE US RELY not on ourselves, but on GOD who raises the dead."

I am writing all of this out of concern. Because of the common misconception that God will not give us more than we can bear, many people leave the faith. They feel that they HAVE been given more than they can handle, and they begin to feel that God is a liar or that Christianity is a big hoax. Whatever you're going through, I'm sure, is not easy. I am not claiming to understand or to know how you are feeling. But I will say that I have, at times, felt like I couldn't handle some of the pain I've felt in my past. That's when I have learned to rely on the God of comfort.

The amazing thing about all of it is that it is these times of weakness -- the times when we feel like we will not survive if things get any worse -- that God's power is most capable of being seen. Our weakness gives God a stage to work in our lives. Paul experienced worse things than I've ever experienced. He had a thorn in the flesh that kept him down consistently, and he begged God three times to remove it. God's response is a resounding comfort to all who face trials of various kinds (see James 1 -- a great book to read when facing trials). God said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:8-9.

There are times in our lives when we pray earnestly for things, and God's answer is "No." It is hard for us to understand why. I don't understand everything about why God says "no" to us. But I do know that I've seen Him say "no" to me in my past, I've seen Him say "no" to my husband in His past, and we are better people today for that. At the time that He says "no," it can feel like the world is coming to an end. The idea that there could be something better is unfathomable to us. But someday, we can look back at times that God said "no" and we can see more clearly what God was teaching us when He denied us the one thing we felt we so desperately needed. He may say "no" because He has something greater in store for us. He may say "no" to teach us patience. He may say "no" to teach us to rely on Him and not on ourselves. I don't know all of the reasons He says "no," but I do know that trials can be a little less painful if we can somehow learn how to trust Him when He does say "no." He has the full picture of our lives, while we can only see a tiny glimpse. And He knows how best to answer our prayers, even when we don't always see it ourselves.

Whoever you are, and whatever your trial, you are in my prayers as you struggle to trust God in these difficult times. Don't give up on Him. Don't run from Him. Instead, lean on Him and rely on Him. Rest in His arms.

**I thank my husband for enlightening me on many of these truths. I would not be capable of writing on this topic if it had not been for the love of my life. :)

Agape Love -- The Key to a Lasting Relationship

2011-11-05T16:16:00.002-05:00

Love.

This is a word that has been used in many different contexts about many different things and with many different meanings. But when we speak of the love shared between a husband and wife, love in its purest form is a choice. Choosing to be selfless, and sacrificial for another. The Greek word agape is the word that this type of love can be traced to.

Two people meet and for quite some time, neither can get the other of his or her mind. When they see each other, their hearts race. They can't get enough of each other. We typically call this "falling in love." This form of love is full of feeling and emotion. When experiencing it for the first time, it can be completely amazing. In a book I was reading, this experience was referred to as the "in love obsession". I tend to agree with that label. This form of love is wonderful, created by God, and has it's time and place.

What needs to be noted, however, is that this "in love obsession" -- these feelings and emotions that dominate our hearts and minds -- do not and are not meant to last forever. And that's when you have to make a choice. Are you going to be committed, and stick together no matter what? Or are you going to give up. Are you going to decide that you "just don't feel the same way about him/her anymore" and end it? The fact is, it doesn't matter who you are with. The feelings are not going to remain forever. And when they go away, it doesn't mean that you're not really with "the one."

Overcoming this first great hurdle in a relationship is what makes love begin to become real, pure, and mature. When both in the relationship make the decision to stick it out no matter what, real love is given the opportunity to take place. Real, sacrificial, selfless, agape love.

Why? When the feelings and emotions are gone, it is more difficult to show your love for each other. Many of the things you did for each other in the beginning are harder to do. An immature person will say "I'm not going to fill in the blank unless I mean it. That's like lying. That's hypocritical." This person is making excuses. The mature person looks and sees that the feelings are not there. The last things this person wants to do is fill in the blank to love this person. But love in the purest sense is when you make the decision to love your spouse FOR HIS/HER SAKE. You do it because it's best for that person. This is the selfless, sacrificial love that we are called to learn.

The best thing about making the decision to love on purpose, when you least want to, is that eventually the feelings come back. These surges of emotions will rise and fall throughout the relationship. They may be gone now, but in a few weeks, they tend to come back even greater and stronger than before. This is why it is worth it to stick together, even when the feelings and emotions are not necessarily there.

The greatest mistake is to wait, and not make a move to love the other person until the feelings come back. If you are waiting for the feelings to come back, they probably will not. The interesting thing is that when one person is mature enough to step up and to love despite the strong desire NOT to, often the person they love will reciprocate. This will get the love flowing again, and the feelings will begin to come back.

We live in a world that is upside-down. Jesus' message is to go from upside-down to right-side up. This is why the life of a Christian looks so odd to those in the world. And this is why the right thing to do can often seem odd to a Christian, who is surrounded by those of the world who are living upside-down. The world says that love is all about feelings, emotions, romance, and sex. The world says that when these things are not present, the relationship should be ended and you should move on and find someone else. This is why divorce is so rampant in our society. If Christians can live right-side up -- love when they least want to, deny self for the sake of their partner, act selflessly -- we can stop divorce in its tracks.

Is it worth it? What are you going to do? I don't know what situations my readers are in. To those who are single, plant this knowledge into your heart. And when you experience love, know that the feelings are not going to last forever. And know that the best thing you can do is make the choice to love, even when you don't want to. To those who are married, use this information to revitalize your marriage. Learn how your spouse feels loved and love them despite the fact the the feelings are not there. To those who are in dating relationships, you may not yet understand this truth. If the feelings are still there, don't expect them to last forever. But don't think they are not the one just because the feelings disappear. If the feelings are no longer there, maybe you are wondering if this is the right one or not. Maybe you don't understand why the feelings are gone. Choose to love anyway. Because I promise, those feelings are not gone forever. Just as feelings and emotions do not last forever, they also do not stay gone forever. And if you stick it out and CHOOSE to love, they will come back.

I pray that readers will see improved relationships as they try and put this into practice.

For further reading that will address some of this in detail, I recommend the following books:

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

a new perspective

2011-10-08T22:13:00.001-05:00

Death. It can hit any person at any time. Young or old. Rich or poor. Single or married. Black or white. Male or Female. Tall or short. Fat or skinny. Stylish or plain. Christian or non-Christian.

Yesterday afternoon, a 21-year-old, engaged girl's time ran out. I was good friends with her when we were in middle school together. She had an aneurysm. When I found out, I was absolutely shocked. And I didn't really know how to react. I went on through the rest of the day as I normally would. I went to a football game with my husband, just as we always do on Friday nights. But as I went through the rest of the day, I was haunted. Haunted by the untimely death of my friend. Haunted by things I should have said or done differently. Haunted by the finality of death. Haunted that it could happen to me, or worse, my husband, at any moment. And as I laid down in bed last night, I began to cry. And I cried and I cried. I celebrate the life that my friend had. But I grieve for the life she had ahead of her that she will never experience. I grieve that she will never walk down that aisle with her sweetheart. I grieve that she will never experience the joy of holding and loving and kissing her baby for the first time. I grieve that she had to go this way, at this point in her life. I grieve for her fiance who is left here without her. I grieve for her family, her mother and father who should never have had to bury their own daughter. I grieve.

After this event, I look at everything with a new perspective. Since it happened, it's like every person that I come in contact with, my thought is, I might not ever see this person again. This person's clock could be ticking out fast. I want to be kinder and more friendly. But most importantly,I want to be more evangelistic. I know people who do not believe in God. I know people who have not become Christians. And I hurt as I think about the fact that they could go at ANY moment. And I am terrified of being held accountable for "never mentioning Him" to these people.

I pray for the fiance, family, and friends of this sweet girl. I pray that God will comfort them beyond measure, as only He can.

I pray that I can be more eternally minded. That I can focus on things that are truly important in the grand scheme of things. And that I never waste an opportunity that God gives me to love people, to help people, and to mention Him to people.

Where is Home?

2011-09-21T17:41:00.001-05:00

A few days ago, my husband asked, "Do you feel at home in Eva?" This question caught me a little off-guard. As I thought about my answer, I couldn't help but answer with "Yes and No." There are a lot of things that make a place home. And for me, it feels as though home could be in a number of places. Eva feels like home in so many ways. It's the first place we "came home" together after our wedding and honeymoon. I think for that reason alone, it will always feel like home in some sense.

Yet, saying that Eva feels like home entirely would not be an honest response. Because every week when we have the opportunity to spend time in the Shoals area for school, I feel like I am being reunited with a piece of my heart. The Shoals is where I was "born and bred." And I think that for the rest of my life, the Shoals will always hold a special place in my heart. There are parts of the Shoals that I long to have in my life. A few of these might include: 1) Friends and family, 2) Christians everywhere I go and churches on every corner, 3) Mars Hill Bible School . . . and this is just to name a few.

Eva feels like home in a lot of ways too. Simply because it's the first place Matt and I have lived together, it feels like home. It's the first place I've truly been an adult. It's the first house I've had the responsibility of keeping on my own. It's the place I've learned to cook (and been scared out of my mind when I had a small kitchen fire!). It's the place that I've shared good times, bad times, and in-between times with my new husband. It will always feel like home for these reasons and many more.

But there are ways in which Eva just doesn't feel like home. I guess the biggest way is that most everyone that lives here also has family that lives here (or very nearby). And at times, I feel out of place. All of my family and very closest friends are at least an hour and 15 minutes away. All of Matt's family is at least 2 hours away. When most everyone in Eva has a large family right here to spend time with, it feels like we are outsiders in some ways.

We love Eva. And we are blessed to be here. And we don't want to be anywhere else right now. But as I have pondered Matt's question, "Do you feel at home in Eva?" I've internalized something very important that I think will get me through a lifetime. Home, for me, is where Matt is. And home, for Matt, is where I am. We are married. We truly did leave and cleave. And now, home is wherever we are together. I don't know where all God will take us in our lifetime. But I know one thing: the Shoals will always have a special place in my heart. And no matter where I go, it will always feel good to go back. The same is true for Eva. I think home can be defined as anywhere that I live with my husband (and future children?) and make memories. Home, for me, is where I am emotionally tied. And God has blessed me by allowing me to make homes in at least two places now. There are places and people I love in the Shoals. And there are places and people I love in Eva. And no matter where we go in the future, where there are people and places that I love and memories that I cherish will be a place that I call home. Home is where my heart and my family is.

A Common Misconception: What Makes a Christian Lukewarm?

2011-09-12T22:59:00.001-05:00

The Lukewarm Christian. We all know this person, right? When I was a teenager, I thought I knew what it meant to be lukewarm. I knew that after things like Maywood and CYC, I was "on fire" for God. And I made the assumption that being "on fire" meant I was where I needed to be. And if I wasn't "on fire"(which was generally the case) I must have been either cold or lukewarm. This resulted in me feeling guilty the majority of the time. Because, to be honest, those mountain-top spiritual experiences that occurred during Maywood, CYC, and other things just didn't last as long as I would have liked for them to.

The verse says:
"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."
Revelation 3:15-16

As I have matured, I have begun to realize that I had a very real misconception about what it actually means to be a lukewarm Christian. Being married allows me to realize so much more about my relationship with God. I can better understand why Christians are called the "bride of Christ" now than at any other time before.

Many people have misunderstandings of love. "Falling in love" is an amazing experience, but it's only the tip of the iceberg. Falling in love is, mainly, a huge rush of emotions. I think when I first became a Christian, these mountain-top experiences caused me to "fall in love" with God, and all I felt was a huge rush of emotions.

After the emotions wore off in my relationship with Matt, I soon realized that there was a lot more to love than I thought. Love in its purest form is not about emotions. It is about choices. and it is when the emotions wear off in a relationship that the rubber really meets the road. This is when it's not always easy to choose the loving thing. And sometimes we fail. But we have to constantly work at making the choice to love, despite how we feel or what we want. We have to learn to be selfless, making choices that will show the other person that we love them, even when we don't always feel like it.

This piece of information can transform a marriage relationship. And understanding this has helped me to have a better understanding of being a Christian. I've realized that those mountain-tops that I used to experience were just the beginning. I was in a whirlwind of emotions as I learned about God and fell in love with Him. But now, as I mature in my relationship with Him, the emotions have all but worn off. At first, I was afraid. Because I have believed that being "on fire" was to be on an emotional, spiritual mountain-top. And I've been afraid that maybe I was lukewarm, or even cold.

However, I am beginning to realize that my relationship with God is not so different from my relationship with Matt. Now that I've fallen in love with God, the emotions are wearing off. And now I get to experience love in its purest form: love as a choice. In the same way that I choose to make loving choices for Matt, even when I don't feel like it, I am learning to choose to make loving choices for God, even when I don't feel like it. I am going to fail at times. But I think being a "hot" Christian means that we strive make every choice with God in mind. We think about how our choices are going to feel to God. Will they make Him feel loved? Or neglected? Or disappointed? We can't be perfect. But if we can consider God when we make choices and make loving choices for Him, I think we will be where we need to be: Christians who are "hot." I think a "hot" Christian is best defined as one who strives to make every choice with God in mind, making those choices that show God that we love him. I think a "lukewarm" Christian is best defined as someone who just doesn't consider God when they make choices. And a "cold" Christian is best defined as someone who doesn't even care how their choices will make God feel.

I am not cold or lukewarm just because I am not on a mountain-top. If I am making choices that show God that I love Him, I am a "hot" Christian. It is our choices that define whether or not we are lukewarm. Whereas I use to think it was about emotions, that is absolutely not true. It is about our choices.

So what do your choices say about your Christianity? Based on these definitions of "hot," "cold," and "lukewarm," where do you stand? Don't feel guilty just because you are not always on a "spiritual high." I love my husband. But just because the emotions are not always there does not mean that I don't really love him.It's the same way with God.

Spiritual maturity is much deeper than how we feel in the moment. It is about learning to focus on making the right choices-the choices that express our deep love for our Heavenly Father.

A Prayer for Understanding: Seeking Truth

2011-09-10T22:03:00.002-05:00

One way that I like to classify myself is as a lover of truth. I think honesty is the best policy. And I am convinced of what Jesus said in John 8:32, “. . . and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” When it comes to my convictions and beliefs, I have a deep desire to seek and find the truth. I think in the past, I have tended to accept what I’ve always been told simply because it was what I grew up hearing. Soon, I began to realize that my salvation is not worth accepting things on such a shallow basis. If I am going to be a Christian, I am going to be serious about it. And I am going to have good reasons for my convictions and beliefs. The reasons behind them, I pray, will always be truth.

Recently, in some self-evaluation, I’ve realized that I need to be more consistent about honesty. I think I am an overall honest person. But what really gets me is “white lies.” I try to avoid them at all costs, but sometimes they seem unavoidable. Let’s be honest, when your best friend gets a haircut and asks your opinion (and you hate it), are you really going to tell her the honest truth? I think people tend to fudge in that area. I know for me that is one of the difficult ones. A recent example is with food. A good friend of ours made us something and sent it home with us. We came home, tried it, and thought it was horrible! Though we felt guilty, after eating a bite each, we ended up throwing the rest away. We knew they were going to ask how we liked it later. Guess what? We didn’t tell them that we only took one bite and then threw the rest away. It was a tough situation. I think a “Wow, it was really different!” seemed to satisfy them. But really, is that being honest? It’s allowing them to think we liked it without actually saying it.

When I stop and think about it, I am truly amazed about how many “small fibs” we tell or face on a daily basis. When you are downloading something to your computer, it will always ask if you have read and agree to the terms of agreement. I don’t know many people who actually read that mile-long agreement. Most people (myself, included) simply click the box and move on with life. But isn’t that technically a lie? Similarly, many people under age 13 create Facebook profiles and they say that they are 13 or older in order to do it. This particular example is a little more significant, though, in my mind. If a child pretends to be older to get what they want (in this case, Facebook), how can we know that they won’t consider that okay later? When they want tobacco? When they want alcohol? When they want to get into an R-rated movie? Isn’t this technically a lie?

I want to be honest. But I also want to be consistent. I struggle with this, and I wish I could find an answer. Does God really expect me to hurt the feelings of a lady at church when she asks me what I think about her new haircut?

It seems that for the most part, lying is wrong. And it’s black and white. It’s cut and dry. But why does it seem like all of the best characteristics we seek to develop more fully always seem to have some exceptions? Why can’t it be easier?

Based on my conviction that honesty is the best policy and my love for truth, I want to understand a lot of things more fully than I do. There are so many different aspects of Christianity . . . so many different things that are debated and questioned. And just as soon as you think you have come to a firm stance on something, you hear another perspective and you feel just as torn on it as ever before. I want desperately to just know what is right so that I can just do it. I don’t have any bias about what I “want” to be the right thing. I don’t care what is right. I just want to know what it is so that I can obey God and be with Him someday. Why does everything seem so mixed up and so gray at times? When I think about it, I can appreciate the gray-ness. But sometimes I just wish things had been made more clear. More black and white. More cut and dry. More right, across the board. More wrong, across the board. Less exceptions.

Dear God, please give me wisdom. I want so strongly to do what is right. I desire desperately to please You in every aspect of my life. But sometimes I can’t seem to understand what pleases You. I can’t seem to understand what You really want from me. And it can often become so frustrating. Please show me understanding about the many questions I feel like I face on a regular basis. Help me to understand You and Your heart better so that I can better know how to worship You and please You. Teach me the way of Christ more clearly so that I might act more like Him and be more like Him, because there is no doubt that He pleased You. Give me strength to never give up on understanding truth, even though sometimes the murky waters discourage me beyond belief. Instill in me a desire to never give up, but to ALWAYS continue to try to learn and grow and become the woman you want me and have created me to be. Forgive me for any of the wrong convictions that I may have developed that might not be Your desire or may not be pleasing to You. Show me my error so that I may live a life that is as much in Your truth as I possibly can, with Your Spirit’s help. Guide me daily, more into Your will for my life.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

From Expecting to Accepting

2011-09-01T20:39:00.002-05:00

No matter what we do in life, it seems that we always enter into situations with certain expectations. Sometimes, we are disappointed with reality. Sometimes, reality exceeds anything we ever imagined in our expectations. And sometimes, reality is right in line with our expectations.

One thing that is extremely important to consider about expectations is that we need to form them in the right way. It is easy to observe the culture and society around us and to come to expect our lives to line up with it. False expectations can easily build up in our minds, resulting in major disappointment. Hollywood and the media are experts at building false expectations in people’s minds. They tell us how we should look, what we should eat, what we should wear, who is the standard for “sexy,” how we should talk, what is acceptable sexually, need I continue?

As Christians, I think it is CRUCIAL that we consider the expectations that we have and weigh them against Scripture. I think we often have worldly expectations about things without even realizing it. But we need to be very careful about this and weigh what we desire and expect with what God says about the particular subject. Better yet, Christians need to learn to ignore the expectations that the world says that we should have, and instead, go directly to God’s word and form our expectations from what He says.

Because we can form our expectations in the right way (based on Scripture) and in the wrong way (based on the world), expectations have the potential to be wither very helpful or very harmful.

When it comes to dating, it is very reasonable to have high expectations. We know what we would like to see in a partner, and it is foolish to lower our expectations. Instead, we should be patient and prayerful, trusting that God is preparing just the right person for us and that He will bring this person to us in His time (which is rarely when we think it should be!) Our expectations for this person should be based on the qualities and characteristics of a Christian.

However, in some situations, expectations have the potential to actually destroy us and/or our relationships with those that we love the most. A good example of this is marriage. Even when God blesses two Christians with one another and the two are living as God desires, expectations have the potential to really hurt a marriage. A good example of this is the sexual relationship. God lays out how this is meant to be in Scripture. However, in our over-sexualized culture, it is easy for to pure Christians to enter a marriage with falsely high expectations about how and what sex is supposed to be. Our culture emphasizes sex to such a degree that pure Christians often expect it to be something far greater than it is, and it can lead to utter disappointment. Unless communication regarding this is exceptional, this can lead to a lot of pain and disappointment in the marriage.

I’ve used some pretty clear examples that show how expectations rooting from God’s word can be very good and how examples rooting from the world can be disastrous. If you find yourself experiencing disappointment because your expectations have not been met the way that you thought they would, I think this is the time that you need to work at going from “expecting” to “accepting.” This has really been helpful to me over the past couple of months of my marriage.

I think in the beginning of a marriage, we have expectations about everything regarding our partner. How they should treat us, how they should act, how they should help us, etc. I think it is easy to expect a lot out of the other person and then when he or she does not meet that expectation, we start blaming them for not “fulfilling our needs.” This is what happened to me. But when I got to that point, I began questioning whether I should be blaming myself or blaming my husband. The reality of the situation was that I was expecting my husband to be someone that he isn’t rather than accepting my husband for the wonderful man that he is. Realizing this has led to more contentment, joy, and happiness in our marriage.

I pray that, whoever you are, if you are disappointed because of unmet expectations, you can learn to “accept” rather than “expect.” Focus on changing what you can change(yourself) rather than on what you can’t (others).