Wife of a Diabetic

Living a full life

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 03:20:00 +0000

at the moment.....

:o)

Who knew that I would love gardening? It has come as a complete surprise to me! Up and outside most morning by 6 am and working until 10 or when it gets hot. I've built a 4x12 deck, framed in a porch over it in front of a shed that I'm converting to a play house....for me! LOL!!!

Put in a timed sprinkler system. Put in a terraced stone wall flower garden, 3 layers deep. Learning that I can do just about anything I want to do. Took an old youth bed, cut the sideboards and turned it into a bench for the new deck. Dug up a pond, moved it, making flower beds and paths everywhere I can. And to my amazement, things are surviving and growing. :o)

Spending parts of most days with one of my sisters, crafting, visiting old friends, doing things I want. It is nice.

Hubby still calls 2-3 times a day. He has settled into a routine of taking care of his dad, shopping for groceries and other things, taking his dad to the doctor, taking the dogs to the vet. He seems resolved to stay put and I'm still enjoying the absence of diabetes in my daily life. He did have another optical migraine over the weekend. That day he called me numerous times. I know he gets scared when he can't see. But he took his meds, took a long nap and it did eventually go away. Other than that, things seem to be just fine.

As I meet new friends here, or hook up with old friends, and tell them our history, it makes me wonder how I've gotten through the past few years. And then I remember - one day at a time. I think it's sort of like gardening. You just do a little bit every day, a couple of hours ever morning, and in 6 weeks you realize what great progress you've made! So for those dealing with a non-compliant diabetic spouse, just take it one day at a time. :o)

Just how noncompliant can you get?

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Thu, 30 May 2013 04:37:00 +0000

It has now been a year since hubby has seen any kind of a doctor or had any labs done.

How long will they allow him to refill his prescriptions?

He is self medicating. His humulin ru500 is now 50 units in the morning and another 50 units at night. Remember, it is 5 x the normal insulin dosage.

How much is too much?

He has been gone 9 1/2 months.

I fill my days with gardening, crafts and family.

My nights are awfully lonely.

My denial of what I know he is doing to himself grows daily.

Denial is what keeps me surviving.

Time heals all

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Wed, 08 May 2013 01:33:00 +0000

Hubby is much better. His dad is getting better. Still in the hospital, but making baby steps every day. He's been in for 4 1/2 weeks now with no sign of getting discharged.

He is scared

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 00:30:00 +0000

Hubby called. He is scared. He has had almost non-stop diarrhea for the last week. He can't eat a thing. I told him to go to a doctor. He said he won't go. He's a thousand miles away. His dad is still in ICU, battling kidney failure right now. His brother went home.

History:
2009 Heart attack
2010 Bypass surgery
2011 Spinal fusion surgery
2012 Let go from work/moved/mother died
2013....

only 4 years since his heart attack. only 3 years since his bypass surgery. he should be good for at least 2 more years.

2 years since the spinal fusion surgery. I honestly think that they re-routed his intestines as he has simply not had a correct digestive system since then.

Or is it the long-term diabetes simply catching up with his intestines?

Is he at "uncontrolled diarrhea" listed here?

Does he have diabetic neuropathy?

He is either going to get sick enough that he will want to see a doctor, or continue to suffer until he winds up in ER. I feel so bad for him. But I really can't help him.

He's back!!

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 03:46:00 +0000

I must really be a terrible person. I am so not enjoying his company. He is passing the worst gas ever. We were in the car for an hour today and I thought I was goimg to vomit. That's how rank it was. I know he can't help it, but I can't stand that rank sweet smell that tells me his sugar is out of kilter. Have you ever smelled what I'm talking about?

He has the volume on the TV so loud the floor vibrates. Has he gotten that deaf?

H started out driving today and in 5 minutes he had to pull over. He took a prescription pain pill last night and it made him start to get ill. I was happy to drive, but I wonder why he even wanted to head out.

He bangs every single door whether it is the kitchen cabinets, the bedroom door or the front door. I don't know why or when that started. I think I am just over sensitive to everything right now. But sad as it sounds, I am not enjoying his company. Nothing has changed. It's like I stepped back in time to 7 months ago. All I can say is that I was blessed to have such a long break. I am really, truly sorry that I feel this way. I don't think he has a clue. He is just like a bull in a china store...plodding his way through life completely obvious to how fragile things around him are!!!

has it been a month?

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 21:47:00 +0000

since I last posted??? WOW! How time flies. Hubby is still living a thousand miles away helping out with his dad. Dad had a colonoscopy last Friday and is in surgery at this moment having 1/3 of his colon removed. It's cancer. Age 81. They will send samples to the lab to see if it has spread to his liver and we will know in a couple of weeks.

Hubby seems to be holding up well. His brother is there right now. If all goes well, he will be here the end of the week for 10 days, then back to his dad's so his brother can go home. I have packed up more of his stuff that he wants to take back with him. Looks like this separation is for the long haul.

He was supposed to line up doctor's appointments and that didn't happen. It has been a year since he last saw any of his doctors. He continues to tell me that he will not go back. I cannot worry about that. What I do know is that his A1c is down because he has increased his Humulin Ru500 (5x concentrated) to 40 U am and 40U pm. I know that is way, way, way high. I cannot worry about that.

When we video skype, he looks different. It will be good to see him in person. I have not seen him since 1/22. I can tell a lot just by looking at him.

I am keeping busy with gardening. I'm also in the process of encapsulating the crawl space on my own. That is a huge undertaking - hauling out chunks of concrete and other items one bucket at a time. I figure someone will find me dead under the house one of these days! LOL!!! My son has been coming here on the weekends and helping me dig up sod to put in new flower beds. Time is flying. Literally. It has now been 7 months since hubby moved in with his dad.

I'm doing just fine. :o)

DW

FIL is out of the hospital

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 03:08:00 +0000

Sometimes things are too funny to believe. Hubby's dad woke up early Sat am and somehow had his partial plate tangled around his tongue. The nurses couldn't get it out! I think it scared them so they decided to discharge him. Then he got his contact lens stuck in an eye and they had to suction it out.

There are reasons why one should wear eye glasses and take their teeth out at night when you reach a certain age! :o)

And a family of at least 7 skunks has come to life under the house, so the exterminators have been called and 4 have been trapped and relocated. The remaining 3 (at least that many) had a squabble last night and I guess the smell is horrible. I am glad I'm not there!

Can I tell you how much I am enjoying the reprieve from medical stuff? From diabetes? From highs and lows??? OK - also from channel surfing, grocery shopping, cleaning......from the roller coaster?

Some days I just sit here in my solitude. Other days I am beyond hectic. My youngest sister popped in for a visit today while I was out back cleaning out the shed and working in the garage. Tomorrow another sister is coming to cut my hair. Next weekend I will spend with a friend a hundred miles away while we get creative with our art. I'm starting dance lessons with my youngest sister this week. She's been going for a few weeks and I decided to join.

So....I sing on Mondays, dance on Tuesdays, do Bible study on Wednesdays, teach art on Thursdays....and try to keep my weekends free!!! I know that things always change and this may not last, but I am truly enjoying life at the moment! And I think it's finding it's own balance!

Hope the same goes for each of you!

Even Steven

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 04:20:00 +0000

Where did that phrase come from? LOL!!! I think it's how to describe my life right now. Good days and bad days...even numbers so things are in balance.

Hubby's dad is in the hospital and while I don't think it's too serious, he will be in at least 5 days and hubby is stressed to the max. I'm noticing it. Hubby doesn't remember that he told me something or that I told him something. He is getting facts confused and his dates are out of whack. He's done this in the past when he has high stress. I have to handle the situation carefully. "Yes, I know. Don't you remember I told you your daughter called and told me that?" And then he will say that he remembers. Or he will argue for an hour that I never told him his daughter called. Some of it is comical. Most of it just annoys me....like he should get a notebook and write it down. LOL!!

I am continuing my cleaning spree!! And that is keeping me busy!! After I took down the cabinets in the garage I came across boxes of hubby's stuff he never unpacked. So I decided to gut his bedroom. Took down all the board type shelves and put in 2 huge glass front bookcases. All his books, nick knacks and such are now behind closed doors....way less dust. I bought him a new desk. Will be his surprise when he comes home. Of course the hutch was 2" too short for his monitor. My incredible brother-in-law built a riser and it looks like its part of the hutch. All the computer components fit nicely inside the desk and no more huge clumps of cables to stare at! All the boxes are unpacked and everything has been put away.

So next week I will get back to working on the garage. I'm also teaching art again. 2 classes this month. And taking some classes. It's all good!

Balance. Even Steven. Things are working out. Evolving. Just thought I'd let you know!

.

Sometimes I do wonder

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 06:32:00 +0000

How much a person can go through. To Tom's wife, I truly understand.

I used to think in terms of "years".

2/2009 hubby had a heart attack in Mexico
3/2010 hubby had a triple bypass
2/2011 hubby had spinal fusion surgery and nearly died

Then things started speeding up...

3/2012 hubby was laid off
5/2012 we downsized by 2000 sf and moved 125 miles away, giving up our friends and lifestyle
7/2012 mom got really ill, started on hospice, required 24/7 care

Then weekly

9/14/2012 hubby's mom died
9/21/2012 my mom died
9/22/2012 I find out about hubby's credit card debt
9/30/2012 hubby approved for disability, files for bankruptcy

12/12/2012 we file for legal separation

A month cleaning out 2 houses
My 14 year old chihuahua has a heart attack and we are told he has 6 months to live

There have been so many many moments when I have not been able to breathe. Panic. Fear. Grief. Loneliness. Sometimes it is just too overwhelming. Sometimes I simply can't think. Some days I pretend its not me just so I can get thru the day.

Hubby continues to do well. Thank goodness! We continue to get along just fine. Maybe we are meant to have a long distance relationship. He has his moments when he wants to get in the truck and just drive home. But he can't leave his dad. I have moments when I want to hop on a plane, but I have responsibilities here.

Today was not a good day for me. I ripped out all the old junk cabinets that were in the garage when we bought this house. Symbolic? Cleaning out the crap in my life? Who knew that I could take out cabinets??? Last week I completely rearranged all the furniture inside the house. Excess energy? Working through all my grief? Maybe I should just take up running! LOL!!

Life does go on. One step at a time. One day at a time. I am slowly getting back into a pattern, a routine. A new pattern. Not the same as it was before, but scheduling trips to the big city, dentist and doctors visits, taking a few classes....getting back into life.

There are still moments when I miss mom so much I have a good cry. Still times when it hurts to breathe. Still days when I don't get out of bed. But they are fewer and far between. Slowly, life is getting back to life.

How much more can I take? I'd rather not even think about it!!!

Life is too funny - in retrospect!!

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 06:31:00 +0000

I didn't leave! Well, I tried. Got 10 miles east and my car died. Literally. Guess it should...it's 11 years old. No one here wants to fix it. The dealership wants $4000 to fix it and I can't see putting that much into a car that old.

So we bought a new car today. A small compact that gets excellent gas mileage. I'm delighted. I will stay til Sunday as hubby's birthday is Saturday. Had to cancel all my plans at home. Hopefully my brother-in-law can help hubby fix my old car when he comes to visit...he's a pretty good mechanic.

Needless to say, I just went right back to cleaning. It's a never ending thing with this place. Tackled a very old chandelier with at least 50 glass prisms and it came out gorgeous!!

FIL continues to make progress. He's more alert, participating more and more in conversations. Went to the dealership with us today. Doing much better at taking his medications on time. Hubby seems to be doing better as well. He is laughing and teasing more. I've seen more of the old hubby in the last month than I have in the last 4 years. Maybe this is a good place for him to be.

So even though I've had a setback in getting home, it's been a good week.

DW

My last day here

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 02:19:00 +0000

Tomorrow is my last day and then I'm heading home. Very mixed emotions for both of us. We know he has to stay. We're pissed off that his brother isn't willing to help out. I'm peaceful about being separated. Exhausted at all the cleaning, sorting I've done. Pleased that the guys will be living in a clean place.

Tomorrow will be bittersweet. Hubby has been doing very well for the most part with is diabetes. He has to remind his dad twice a day to take his shot and he takes his first so he can tell his dad he already took his. Maybe he needs someone to take care of? Maybe having someone else with diabetes helps him?

Overall, it's been a good month and we have gotten along better than we have in the past 4 years. Isn't that an eye opener? I will fly back in a couple of months and hold a huge estate sale. I have a 2 1/2 car garage full to the brim with stuff. And I've found a few treasures to take home....mostly genealogy files and photographs to scan in.

I am looking forward to getting some good rest. To having some alone time. To seeing my sisters. I have not had a moment to work on any of my art projects that I brought with me, so I'm looking forward to that as well.

Been a pretty good month.

DW

Losing vision with lows

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 06:02:00 +0000

We were going into a small cafe at lunch today and hubby was having a low. He couldn't see. Scared me to death!!

Walked right up to the counter and told the first gal I saw that he was having a low, did they have OJ. She brought him a tall glass so fast..... And he was just fine. But she was more upset than anyone. Came over several times to check on him and said she knew she could find a candy bar if he needed one. I just thought that was so cute!

Came home and he slept most of the afternoon. Seemed to be just fine this evening. I reminded him that hie as to take care of his himself so he can take care of his dad. He promised to put glucose tabs in the truck.

I'm making great progress here and have a week left to go which will be so hard as there is still so much to do. Happy with what is getting done!

DW

Scott wrote:

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 21:29:00 +0000

Wow - just found this blog - seems like i'm in the same boat as everyone else -- except that it's my wife of 17 years with uncontrolled type 2. i like your mantras - can relate to all of them, and I say them myself, and hope one day that I'll actually believe what it is that I'm saying. She lied to me (again) last week about her numbers - came out and said she had checked her blood 3x that day and that all were in the 100s, but then i checked her meter and found she only checked once and it was 275, and that she maybe checked 1x over prior days and all results were poor. For me, it was the straw that broke this camel's back as I told her that I cant continue like this (it's gone on for years already) and that I wanted a divorce. She begging me to stay. We have a 13 year old child. It's a nightmare....

I haven't done the research, but I'm going to guess that diabetes is not sex specific. I'm going to guess the way that it works to destroy blood cells, limit oxygen to the brain, damage the heart, memory....how a person reacts to highs and lows...is pretty much the same in a man or a woman.

I have often wondered why they lie about their numbers. I always think that if he loves me, he will tell me the truth. The reality is that he almost always lies about his numbers. Especially when he wants to go out to eat!!! "Oh, I was only 105 this morning, we can go out for lunch!" Yeah, right!

And I will confess that I am the world's slowest learner. But at least I am still learning! LOL!!!

We all have to keep our sense of humor in order to stay sane. So, Scott, I'd like you to know that my "camel's" back has been broken so many times that it's now a sway back camel! :o) I always think, "this is it, I'm done" and then I remember a good time, or he promises to be good, or he begs to stay.

So explain this one to me. We have filed for a legal separation, but I'm at his dad's cleaning, sorting, fixing, moving dad into MIL's apartment, moving hubby into dad's MBR. Why am I the one doing all the dirty work? And I cannot begin to explain how filthy dirty, dust covered - grease soaked most of this house is! I am pulling out papers, wool and silk clothing - loaded with worm eggs. I have had moments when I want to vomit. I bought some really thick painters gloves that come up to my elbows, a face mask and do you know what happened? His dad was offended!!!! I did laugh! I suggested that he pull everything out of the drawers and when I showed him a pair of silk long johns embedded with worm eggs.....he decided I could cover up no matter how I wanted!

For us, we have to go about this slowly. I have to act married until he realizes that we are not. We have to live separately - I'm going to guess for at least 2 years. I know him. I know myself. We can't just divorce and be done with it. It's not who we are.

One of my sister's best friends was married to a non-compliant diabetic. He decided he wanted a divorce. He got healthy. He lost weight. He exercised. He no longer has diabetes. And she took care of him all those years (nearly 40) for what?

I'm thinking life is way too short for me to be here cleaning or for you to live with a wife who can't quit denying what her numbers are (obviously that's what she's doing). And I think a 13 year old might understand, but if it were me, I'd seek custody. Think of the ramifications of a child left with a mom who lies. I often think that if they give themselves permission to lie about the numbers, they will give themselves permission to lie about everything else.

You do not have an easy road. But know that we understand and that no matter what you decide to do we'll cheer you on!

Tis the season for sugar highs!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 05:16:00 +0000

I know it was Christmas. I know it's a day of celebration. But must they eat every piece of chocolate in the county? LOL!!!

Hubby and I are at his dad's and things are going fairly well. We decided not to tell anyone that we have filed for a legal separation. I have been cleaning and sorting like an insane person. And I do think there is some insanity with this. My in-laws had not cleaned in forever. I have never actually seen dust bunnies. About and inch deep on top of her dresser. Not just the very top, but the top, the shelves, everything sitting on it, dolls, stuffed animals, the tops of the curtains.....my asthma had a rather rough day today and I need to find a vacuum cleaner around here and sweep up as much as I can before I start in tomorrow.

It's sort of funny/sad. There are dresser drawers that I cannot open....it's been that long since they were last opened and the wood has swollen and warped. I opened one today and pulled out a pair of silk long johns that were filled with moth eggs. gag me! But I'm making progress. Have sorted out all the dolls and gave them all to the grandkids and great grandkids via Skype. Have sorted out all the linens, Hallmark Ornaments, and have bagged over 300 pieces of costume jewelry and will have my FIL help decide who gets what on that. Every single closet in this house is bulging. My MIL never tossed a thing. So most of what is here is worthless. It's just so old.

Both hubby and FIL have diabetes. FIL's glucose runs from 200 to 499. Not very good control at all We are trying hard to remind him to take his insulin shots, eat on a schedule, take his pills (4x a day) and just keep him on some kind of regular schedule. He is 79. He sleeps way too much. I'm sure much of that is the depression of losing his wife. They had been married 59 years. He has moments when he wants to get rid of everything that was her's, but I am pulling out little things to keep and set on shelves here and there I told him that the Grandkids need to see their grandma's things when they come to visit and he was ok with that.

I have 3 weeks down here and find I am running from 6 am to 10 pm....and hubby is doing pretty good about helping out when I ask. He is mostly sorting through paperwork while I go through stuff and clean. We are moving FIL into the attached apartment that his mother used to live in. Hubby will then move into the master bedroom in this part of the house. Then everything else has to be sorted, gotten rid of, etc. We figured if we got FIL into the apartment and got him to downsize to that, then it would be easier to get rid of the rest of the stuff.....and put the house/apartment up for sale. I still think it's going to take 2 years!!!

Life is good when you keep this busy!

DW

My sincere apologies

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Wed, 19 Dec 2012 04:27:00 +0000

to those who have emailed me in private these last 3 months and I have not responded. Not to make excuses, but my laptop died and I have been blogging from my ipad. Not the easiest thing to do. And I use yahoo as my email for this blog and it somehow was attacked by a website that posted 3 - 4 emails a day. So when I looked, I never saw your emails!

Today....I am the proud owner of a new laptop! YEAH! And as I was transferring email accounts over....I stumbled on so many emails from all of you. Most about the time that mom died. I'm actually happy to have waited to read them tonight. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I did try to respond to each one of them, so if you did not get a note from me and you wrote to me, try again! (I think I got rid of the spammer!)

Also today, we got all the paper work notarized and filed. It was a terribly busy day. Some sadness. But we both agree this is the route we need to take. As I wrote to someone, I am grateful that I know I will be getting a 6 month break. I need it. I am going to rest. Work in my garden in the spring - they are all flowers if I didn't mention that. I planted 120 tulips last fall and am anxious to see if any pop up this spring! The climate here is a bit warmer than where we lived, so I'm not sure I've planted them too deep for the old months. I will find out soon enough!

I have to repaint the ceiling in the house, take are of a few other things when I get back. So I will be busy and I will keep posting. We are moving forward with debt reduction negotiations with his creditors. That will be an interesting project. I've done a ton of research so I think we can handle this on our own. When I went to the court house today, the clerk was impressed with how accurately we had completed all the paperwork and said that we didn't miss a single form. She couldn't remember that ever happening. I was pleased. If one can be pleased about getting a separation.

Once again, my apologies to all of you who wrote when mom died. I do think I'm going through the grief process just fine and am on the upward side of things. Life is starting to look a little better. I'm getting more active with my art and will teach classes once I get back home. Hopefully I can have 6 months of happy posts here!

DW

Agreeing to agree

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 06:44:00 +0000

He is home and things are going ok. Medically: horrible digestive problems. Not sleeping. Terrible back, hip pain. Glucose a little high, but better than it has been. 40 units of humulin ru 500 each am and pm. That's a ton of insulin going in.

We are heading back to his dads this weekend as his brother will be flying home. I will stay 3 weeks then drive home. He will stay 3 months, then home a month, then back for 3 months. Then we will reevaluate. We have agreed to get a legal separation and he is going to quit claim deed the house to me. Probably the best of all worlds for now. I see a difference in him. He now has to look after his dad and it is wearing on him. Yes, I could stay with him, but he actually wants me here as he's not comfortable leaving our home unoccupied for an extended period of time. I also think he does not want me to have the stress of being there when I want to be here with my family.

It is interesting as I see my family moving forward thru our grief process over mom ....and his family is not. They still talk as though his mom is coming home tomorrow. His dad was here for 2 days...to meet his gr grandchildren. I agree with my hubby that if they moved his dad right now, it would kill him. So we are agreeing to agree to this arrangement for the next 6 months, then we will reevaluate it. Hubby does not want to stay at his dads, but for now, it's what he thinks is best. I'm letting him call the shots as I do not want to be blamed for anything that goes wrong. And I think a legal separation may be a soft way to proceed with a divorce. I'm not saying that we won't live together in the future, but for now, this is what we both agreed will work best.

And this may just be the whack on the side of the head that hubby needs to wake him up. He is still extremely upset at how fast his mom died and with absolutely no warning. I guess he thought that really didn't happen?? I am praying that he realizes what this would do to those who love and care about him if he drops dead from a heart attack.

Needless to say, it will be an interesting few months and I am planning to use my time to rest and gear up for whatever the next phase of my life might bring!! I will continue to post updates to his medical condition from time to time.

DW

Home

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 04:22:00 +0000

He's home.

This is not my disease.

I can not change him.

I cannot fix him.

He is going to die.

This is his life, not mine.

There is no reason for me to get upset because I cannot change him.

These are his choices.

I am the only person who can make myself happy.

Just some of the mantras that help me get through each day, moment by moment.

Things are going pretty well.

As long as I remind myself of the above...moment by moment.

He is very happy to be home. We have so much to do. So many decisions to be made. But not today. His dad and brother are here and that is more than enough stress for me. I also am not doing well with all the indecisiveness going on. So i am moving forward with my own plans. I will go back to his dads with him in a few weeks and stay until about 1/13. Then I will come home. He can make his own decisions. Life will continue no matter what he decides. This much I have learned!

Little things that he doesn't see. He got home Friday night. It is now Sunday night. So in the last 48 hours, here is what he has eaten

Pound of grapes
Half pound of chicken
Quart of v8 juice
Egg muffin
Egg, bacon. Potatoes and muffin breakfast at a restaurant
5 slices of a large pizza
Egg, bacon biscuit
Meet, cheese and cracker tray
Burrito, potatoes and rice at a restaurant
Chips and salsa
Half a box of vanilla wafers

I cannot afford to have him here!!!

But for now, all is well.

For that, I m extremely grateful.

DW

And the plans have changed again!

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 20:10:00 +0000

Now, hubby, dad and brother are leaving early tomorrow and will drive straight thru. They will be here a week and then drive back. Hubby will stay with his dad for 2 months, then come home for a month while his brother stays with their dad. They will rotate this for a year??? I'm not sure I like that at all!!! But maybe it will work out. Who knows. All I know is that I was not expecting them here for 3 more days so I better get busy!!!

Progress...somewhat

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 02:48:00 +0000

No bankruptcy. He agreed to cash I a pension and use those funds to pay off his debt. The attorney will work with his creditors to get the balance as low as possible. Once that's done we will see where we are financially. I am pleased that he will not go through bankruptcy.

He may be home by the middle of the month. Bringing his dad and brother with him. My biggest question is what is the plan if his dad moves here and hubby gets sick? I cannot be responsible for his dad. His brother has to agree to come get him. And I think we all know that hubby will get sick.

Kind of amazing that he's been so healthy the pasta 2 months, huh? I think he can stay healthy here, or go back to his dads!!!

I am doing good. Walking a again, eating healthy, getting more done around here. You know how it is when you move into a new place. You put things away just to get them inboxes. This week I've been organizing a bit. I had meds in 3 different places and now they are all in one place. Things like that. Feels good to make a little better sense of where things are.

Busy week ahead. My sister got all moved in and we have been working to get all of her stuff unpacked. Will be so nice once we all all settled. So I now have 2 sisters living where I do and our brother is 30 minutes away. Our other sis is about 4 hours away so guess we start working on her! She says not until she retires. Ha ha!

I plan to totally enjoy these last few days before the drama starts in. Yes, I will still talks to a divorce lawyer....but I do plan to go very slow and make a solid decision, not one based on anger.

DW

Grrr....Hsss....

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 00:58:00 +0000

He can drive me insane at times like this. We have a very old laptop (2001) that we use as a media server in this house. We do not have TV, cable, etc., so he loads movies on to external hard drives attached to this laptop and we can watch the movies from any room.

So the server needed to be rebooted and when I did that, it lost it's connection to the wireless network, and forgot the password. I typed in the password I thought he used. It's only 22 digits long. A little paranoia there? I have begged him over the years to make it shorter....nothing doing.

It came back invalid.

I called hubby and asked him if he could give me the password for the home network. I was then back at the desktop in his bedroom. So he says (blah blah blah) and I said, no, that's the log in password for that computer. Way too short for the internet password. He says, "which wireless are you trying to log into?" I said (2nd time) the "home network". He says "B----?" and I said, "yes". So he starts quoting the password and I said, "no, that's wrong, it starts with N-----"

And he said, "what network are you wanting?"

And I said, "OK, I cannot deal with this tonight. I just don't need this". And I hung up on him.
He called right back, but I didn't answer. I mean, seriously, how many times do I need to tell him which network? We only have 2 networks. One for him to use and one for me, guests, anyone else, including the media server and it's just identified as "home".

He has to be having a sugar crash to be this dumb.

OR......

he's watching something on TV at his dad's and is trying to talk to me, but is paying more attention to whatever is on TV and not hearing a word I'm saying.

Let's take a poll.....what do you think???

OK, I need to have a little fun out of this, but I swear that when he gets "stupid" like this it absolutely drives me insane. I'm going to bet that he calls me back at 9:30 pm when his "Sunday night TV shows" are over.

In the meantime, I did track down the password by going into his desktop and looking at his keychain. Sure enough, there it was. Sigh. At least I can now watch a movie tonight. I totally think I should put a TV in the bathroom where I could take a long hot bath and watch a movie! Should be a requirement for any woman!

Duh!!

DW

Life is hard

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 01:04:00 +0000

And I haven't had a moment to think. Cleaning my sisters new place, helping her move, art classes, family...the days are flying by that's for sure. Long distance marriage is getting interesting. Hubby wants to file for bankruptcy and I am opposed to that. I know that he has ran his credit card bills up too high and that it wasn't his fault he was laid off. But I do not want to risk losing this house or the small inheritance from mom, so I will meet with his bankruptcy attorney next week and plan to include divorce in that discussion.

Once that's done I will talk to a divorce attorney. One step at a time. In the meantime, I'm moving forward with some much needed dental work, new glasses, etc., and I want to take care of it before hubby gets home.

Thanks to those who wrote such nice words after my last post. It really helps to know you know what I've been through. While I have a hope that hubby and I will work it out, I've decided to make sure I cover all bases.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I went to my brothers and had a perfect day.

Dw

Truly considering a divorce

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 09:05:00 +0000

No, I won't make that choice yet, but I may tell him I'm ready.

Twice now, he has wanted me to do something that I didn't want to do (financial stuff) and each time he has said, "if you don't want to do this with me, what is the point of staying married?" I realize that he is simply saying this to manipulate me. And I'm about ready to tell him that there is no point to staying married.

I've been on my own for 2 months now. Missing him less and less. Feeling more and more like suggesting he stay with his dad and we do a trial separation, or a legal separation. Maybe I'm just in a bad mood tonight because he called today, wanting something else. When he started in with the "you just don't love me ..." I told him to stop and hung up on him.

But I have to confess that he did not sound right and I should have known that the minute he started talking he was not well. Sugar off? He hasn't done labs since June. As of tonight, he can stay where he for another 6 months! LOL!!!

Maybe I had forgotten how it is to live without diabetes and maybe I like this.

I'm sure time will tell. I'm not sure I have the strength to go through a divorce. But I may at least talk to a lawyer. Mom once said that when she died all of her kids would fall apart. Maybe this is me falling apart.

DW

Fabulous week!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 21:13:00 +0000

A friend of mine from our old home came to visit and spent a week. We had so much fun. Ate out. Shopped. Took a couple of art classes. Hosted an art class here. Talked forever. I cannot believe how fast the week went.

Hubby is getting more and more homesick. Planning to come home the second week of December now, so I have much to do before that! Starting to get cold outside, so I'm cutting back on my yardwork. But what great therapy that has been this summer. I can hardly wait for spring to see if the 120 tulips I just planted come up! I still have flowers to cut back - hopefully next week.

So it's been a week since I've had a moment alone. A cousin came to stay last night and 2 of my sisters were here. 2 other friends stopped by so there were 7 of us here around the table laughing and creating. Sort of glad hubby is gone. I think every spouse of a diabetic need a couple of months off every year! I may have to send him to visit his dad every winter....that's if his dad doesn't move here. Nope, not even going to think about any of that right now. Just continuing to enjoy the break, have a little fun, get a few more things done and prepare for the coming storm when he gets home! LOL!!!

DW

Life is good

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Mon, 05 Nov 2012 02:50:00 +0000

Hubby is still staying with his dad a thousand miles away. And will be gone at least another month.

He still complains, but I don't have to hear it all day long. He still does not sleep at night. Still gets upset at the tiniest thing. But it is nice to be far away and not deal with it.

Can I maintain when he gets home? I'm going to try!

No labs since June. No way to really know how he is doing.

I do worry. But I just put the thoughts on the back burner. Enjoying this reprieve, using the time to get in some good rest. Enjoying a very quiet solitude. Spending lots of time with my sisters. Doing things I have put off for years. It really is nice!

DW

Has it really been 11 days?

noreply@blogger.com (Diabeteswife) — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 02:17:00 +0000

since I last blogged? How can it possibly be 4 weeks since mom died? 5 weeks since his mom died? I feel like I only blinked my eyes once.....life is just on fast forward.

We had our second grief class this week and I feel certain that my sisters and I are on tract.

Hubby is still 1000 miles away with his dad and I feel certain they still have not even started the grief process. FIL wants to go shopping every day and I told hubby today that I think it's way of avoiding facing his grief and that rather than shopping, they drive by places FIL and MIL used to go together, sort of gently force the grieving to start.

But can you imagine.....both men are diabetic??? Feeding off each other???? I have simply decided to stay home and go through my grieving alone. And I have to say, I am enjoying the caregiver break! I am getting rested, started watercolor painting classes, taking the grief class, walking, eating much more healthy, and going to start a Bible study. Finally. Time out for me!

I do know that I will eventually go. But hubby are doing ok with a "skype marriage". We talk several times a day, probably more than we did when together. We are talking a ton about what is said in my grief classes and I think he needs this. He's just fine talking about my mom.....hopefully that will progress to him talking about his mom.

Still no idea where FIL is going to end up living. Still no progress on sorting through MILs things. I think I'm ok if hubby decides to stay with his dad most of the winter. He's thinking of flying home for a few days in late November. It really is amazing how much business you can accomplish with emails, online signatures, skype....it's really a new world, isn't it?

In the midst of all of this, we have changed health insurance and gone from premium option to standard option. It is the first time in my entire life that I have not had premium insurance and I think the co-pays will kill me. But we can no longer afford the cost of premium insurance. Retirement does that. I told hubby he simply has to go less, and be more in control of his own body, not require doctors to review him every other month. We now live in a tiny community and have to drive over 100 miles to see a specialist. He can get labs done here, so we will stay on top of that for sure. Of course, he has gone a year in the past without getting labs.

Things do seem to be settling into a routine of sorts. I have no idea how long we can maintain this way, but for now, all is good.

DW