Crossing Jordan

We've Moved

2013-01-07T23:12:00.000-05:00

Crossing Jordan has a new address!

http://iamcrossingjordan.wordpress.com

And you've just been given a sneak peak.

Come, take a look around, and feel free to send me your comments or suggestions.

{The site goes public next week with a new post}

Looking forward to meeting you there soon,

Tracey

I Will Find a Way

2012-12-30T15:20:00.002-05:00

Growing up, love was a four-letter word. It lived down the road, or around the corner…anywhere but in my house. After an innocent need to say, “Excuse me,” I commonly heard, “There’s no excuse for you.” After I won the national DECA championship as a senior in high school (a marketing organization keen on training and raising up the next generation of business professionals and entrepreneurs) my mother retorted with, "I always knew you could bull-@#*! your way out of a paper bag." My “brother”, a 20-pound ball of fur with fangs, chased me up the stairs nightly, egged on by both parents and pounding fists on the two-story walls. Parental entertainment at my expense occurred regularly. But the words “I love you”? As I already told you: a four-letter word. My young, injured heart took cover like a child playing hide-n-seek in the curtains.

Now that I’m a parent myself I realize my parents did the best they could…really. Without the Lord in their hearts, their best was as tainted and skewed as the sin-ridden world surrounding them. No human love is perfect, even if you do love the Lord, or your children more than chocolate. And while I vowed “not to do what they did,” this conviction alone ensured nothing. Not doing the wrong thing does not equal the right thing. I was still human; no human love is perfect. There had to be a more perfect union between the human and the heavenly. There had to be a better way to love the children under my own roof.Enter in Love Day.

Jeff and I used to poo-poo Valentine's Day. We called it a commercialized opportunity to fill the coffers of American enterprise in the name of looooove (insert long, southern drawl here). I knew Jeff loved me. And my hips really did not want a box of chocolates to prove it (really, they didn’t). But it seemed unnatural to overlook the children on Valentine's Day. The least I could do was make a big deal out of the one day when they most expected to be loved, right?

Love Day started on the all-expected February 14^th when Sam, in all the wisdom of Solomon, lamented, "I wish we had Valentine’s Day every month!" Now I'm sure his wish had everything to do with scoring extra sugar on a monthly basis, but he had a point. Why not love regular into these precious little hearts? Why not establish a tradition of long-expected affection? Isn’t that just what our heavenly Father does? Love passionately; love patiently. Love with a deep, deep love that, like the song testifies, is vast, unmeasured, boundless, and free? Sam was onto something. Every month’s 14^th day was hereafter proclaimed, “Love Day.”

In preparation I bought out the local Dollar Store: left-over candy, heart-shaped everything (from plates to place mats to balloons), anything red and sparkly. (And on February 15^th it was all on sale!!) When Love Day came around March 14th, I would be ready.

But while my human aspirations soared, my human actions fell flat. I forgot. March 14^th, April 14^th, May 14^th all came and went. By June, Love Day was long-lost memory, but not long-forgotten.

“Lord, what am I missing? I so desperately want to love these children as you love me, and yet I forget, or more honestly blow-off my chance to love on these children. How can I make this a more perfect love?

"Tell them how much I love them" He replied.Ahhhh. The crickets from last week danced a little tango while the Truth of this settled in. Tell them of the love of Christ. Tell each one how much they are treasured and lifted up and purposed for God’s Kingdom. I am only human, and human love is never perfect. But God will never fail them. God loves them with an everlasting love. God loves them perfectly: vast, unmeasured, boundless, free.

So I set to work writing individual love letters to each child, straight from Scripture. Nothing more, and definitely nothing less.

Dearest Sarah,

See how very much your heavenly Father loves you, for He allows you to be called His child, and you really are!

- God (1 John 3:1, NIRV)

Dear Emilie,

I have loved you with an everlasting love.- God (Jeremiah 31:3, NASV)

You belong to me, my dear Samuel. The Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. - God (1 John 4:4, NLT)

I may not have experienced perfect love at home, but Jesus understood my experience perfectly. And He already had a rescue plan for the child behind the curtains.

“No hiding place has ever kept her save,” He says. “So she hides inside herself. Now to reach her heart the only way, is to hide in there as well. I will hide in there as well.” (I Will Find a Way, Jason Gray on the album Christmas Stories)

And that's the point. Love Day is perfect because it pulls back the curtains on a child’s heart. Jesus captured my heart by hiding inside with the fearful little girl. He wants to do the same for these four precious souls. I can either fill their hearts once a year with tokens of an imperfect love. Or I can fill it regularly with treasures of perfection – God’s very Word.

"I like that one," Sam, my doubting Thomas, says after the second Love-letter delivery. And I watch as True Love’s words set something free inside his heart. Jesus just took residence in a corner previously kept hidden.

Might I Pray for You?

Dearest Jesus,

We know you love us. Without flowers or chocolates or cards, your love lives deep inside our hearts. Forgive us for expecting human tokens of imperfect love to have the same impact as Your Word - heavenly treasures of perfection. Show us how to love with the love of Christ; how to live with the love of Christ; how to forgive with the love of Christ. Thank you for loving us day in and day out; for seeking us in our hiding places; for wanting to do the same for our precious little ones. Help us to trust You to find a way to hide in there as well. Amen.

Notes of Encouragement

Oh the Deep, Deep, Love of Jesus - Selah

I Will Find a Way - Jason Gray

Arms Full of Grace and Truth

2012-12-22T12:21:00.000-05:00

The crisp 40 degree wind nipped at my nose and frightened my bare fingers. Ahhh…fresh air, time alone (!) and a winding wooded path ahead. My natural response? An old song that that comes effortlessly: "Oh God, you are my God. And I will ever praise you..." Oh don't go imagining that any of that was in tune or in the right key, or even out loud. It wasn't. But in my mind it was perfect.

Anyway, I'm out walking, singing silently when I remember the first time I crooned this tune…

Back in college I visited my boyfriend's childhood home over an extended break. His mother....oh Mom Beers, how I love you...his mother loved on me in ways I didn't think humanly possible. She didn't lavish me with gifts, or a Martha Stewart reception, but she loved me with her whole heart, a heart wholly in love with Jesus.

I woke up the first morning in her home, in a place where Jesus truly had made a home, and my natural response? A song. I sang that same song, not quietly to myself, but out loud. I sang with all the heart I had and somehow even wished Mom Beers would hear me and come in, for I just knew she would sit down and sing with me (although I really didn't even know her yet). "Oh God, you are my God. And I will ever praise You. I will seek you in the morning and I will learn to walk in your ways, and step by step you'll lead me, and I will follow you all of my days." (Please, just imagine a good ‘ol 80’s style Rich Mullens tune).

Now here I am, twenty years later, singing the same old gig, seeking the same good God, asking for the same thing. "Lord, teach me to walk in your ways. Lead me step by step. Yet again, I promise to follow you all of my days."

Until I tore my ACL last May, walking was my time alone with God. Even when I was walking with one child in a stroller, another biking with training wheels, and two more defying death ahead of me on the sidewalk, I was alone with my thoughts and my God. Because of the surgery, my lifestyle shifted suddenly and so did my habits. Fresh-air time waned. My God conversations dwindled. My life, like my lungs longing for the crisp whip of the wind, felt stagnant. I need to take a walk…

"Where have you been?" I asked the Lord.

"Right here" He said. I knew that. I wanted to know why I felt so alone.

"Then why haven't I heard you?" I asked.

"You haven't been listening, My child."

"Lord, I'm tired. I'm confused. I can hardly get around properly and there is so much to do. The children ask so much of me and right now I feel like an empty of cup of coffee at 6AM. I don’t want to care for any more needs. I just want a friend.” I let it all hang out. He listened.

“Like tonight. I just wanted to enjoy the Christmas Candlelight Service, but what did they need? A jacket on the floor (not to wear mind you, just to have out of her sister's hands), a bulletin to draw on, a lap to sleep on, a shoulder to lean on (three of them - at the same time!), an ear to hear their complaints about it being too dark, and too cold, and this taking too long. And I haven’t even mentioned the head-butt right into my nose as I leaned over to counsel the sulking 10-yr old. I'm tired of giving. I have nothing left to give. I want to enjoy this precious family and instead I resent what little I have left at the end of the day."

Crickets. (Remember - I was there listening for His voice, right?)

"Lord?" Had I walked too far off the path?

"Are you ready? You're not going to like my answer." He replied.

I wasn't ready, but I couldn't stand the thought of walking away from His voice. "Bring it on. I just need to hear from You."

"Tracey, are you tired of responding to children who act just like you?"

The crickets were now having a family reunion.

"You come to me only when you need something. You only come to get something – get peace of mind, get time alone, get wisdom for life. You, like your children, come to meet your needs. When was the last time you came just to meet Me? Just to receive My love? Just to be my beloved? You don't know Me yet, Tracey. You only know the law."

It's been a one-way street, this following Jesus all of my days. I think I've been giving Him my early mornings, my (sporadic) prayers, my time in His Word, but in reality, it's Jesus who has been giving me all I ask for; giving me all I come to take; giving me all I think I "need". I come to receive counsel and He counsels. I come seeking comfort and He soothes. I come to gain protection and He defends. He offers more than I can ask or imagine, and the only thing I offer is another unfulfilled need. No wonder I don't really know Him yet.

"But I want to know you Jesus! I want to know what people mean when they sing, 'What a friend I have in Jesus.' But in all honesty I don't really have a clue! You are God. You are my Savior and Redeemer...but are you really my Friend?"

This following Jesus is not like following a law. The law requires that I do all sorts of things "right" for Jesus. In fact, that’s what I do best. I do my devotionals. I do school with the children. I do the dishes, the laundry, and sometimes even diner. I can do all sorts of things, but I can’t do a relationship with Jesus.

Following Jesus is more like yearning after a dear friend. Jesus may have come to earth to fulfill the law, but He also came with arms full of grace and truth (John 1:14). Like a subject under the law, I considered Him the King whom I earn the right to stand before. But with arms full of Grace, He is more like the loving Father who, after nearly losing His beloved child to certain death, celebrates her very presence and delights in her company. The Law requires doing what needs to be done so I can receive what I think I deserve. Grace offers what I don't deserve at all - a Savior, a Redeemer, and yes, even a Friend. If I abide by the law, my needs are met. If I abide by Grace, I meet Jesus in my needs.

What a difference it would make if I acted like the Christian I claim to be - a little Christ. Instead of doing so much and drowning in all my children's needs, I may just be for my children what Christ is for me – a counselor, a defender, a protector, a friend.

Might I Pray for Us?

Dearest Jesus,

I want to learn to replace the law with Grace. I want to learn to follow You. Not follow another set of requirements that wear me out, but follow after You as one seeking the companionship of a dear friend. And yet, I shy away from relationship and seek You merely to fulfill another need. Help me to stop do-ing what I think will earn my right to stand in your presence, and help me be in relationship with You. Help me to see my relationships here on earth as a reflection of Your relationship with me – not a set of laws to follow in order to earn their affection, but rather an opportunity to be in relationship with my children. Be their counselor. Be their comforter. Be their defender. Be their friend.

I love you, Jesus. Forgive me for treating you like a tyrant king and grant me Grace to be-friend You in my weaknesses. Amen.

Words of Affirmation:

“We have almost forgotten that God is a Person…The continuous and unembarrassed interchange of love and thought between God and the soul of the redeemed man is the throbbing heart of New Testament religion."

-A.W. Tozer: The Pursuit of God

Notes of Encouragement:

This song from Third Day caught me off guard while washing the dishes. I love singing along with his deep, deep voice. Click here to sing along with me.

Investing in Penniless Titles (#71 - 77)

2012-08-29T15:00:00.000-04:00

Soul Idolatry. That's what he called it. A bowing down. A reverence not for God the Creator, but for God's created. Worshiping anything (a person, a place, an object, even an idea) in God's place to give you only what God can give you - saving Grace. For the Gospel saves by Grace. Soul Idolatry attempts to save by any other means available.

Pastor Tim Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church nicknamed this deity exchange "soul idolatry." "Any good work done in the name of the Lord is fruitless unless it exposes the idols of the heart," he said. "Christian counseling must discern, expose, and ultimately destroy idols if it is to do any good thing". In other words, working in Christ's name is akin to doing nothing if the subject of idolatry is avoided - nothing - no thing worth doing. For the seed of all sin rests in idolatry (Romans 1).

That's quite a statement. No good thing? Well, if modern day idols are so pivotal, they sure breath an air of elusiveness - a shadow of evil that I can't quite wrap my mind around. So I've been studying.

Dr. Ted Tripp rocked my world by exposing the idols of childhood in Shepherding a Child's Heart. Francine Rivers brought me to tears over my own unbelief in Redeeming Love. And the Lord has continually whispered warnings against false gods throughout my days. But this message. This message from Tim Keller finally brought soul idolatry into focus.

I have been studying this subject too closely. Like those pictures on the back cover of a Highlight's Magazine for Children - where a close-up of a strawberry seed looks like Mt. Everest resting on the red sea - I've been wandering my wilderness arbitrarily inspecting roots when I couldn't even identify trees. I missed the big picture. Tim Keller's message widened my perspective.

Idols come in three varieties: lovers, masters, and saviors.

Like a lover, idols of the heart woo, admire, and encourage. A spiritual lover draws you into another identity and a new reality.

Like a master, idols of the heart command. A spiritual master lies to you and gives you no choice but to say, "yes" to its unruly demands.

Like a savior, idols of the heart promise salvation. A spiritual savior requires sacrifice as payment for redemption.

The problem (or really the solution) is that there really is only one True Lover, one True Master, and one True Savior - Jesus Christ. When we erect idols in Christ's place, when we bow down to another lover, another master, or another savior, we attempt to cash in earthly treasure for heavenly promises. It really is the deity marketplace.

For example, spiritual lovers charm us with good things: love, acceptance, a place to call home. But when these good things become ultimate things we've robbed the Creator for His created. God offers ultimate Love, and we are satisfied with human passion. God offers ultimate approval and we settle for admiration. He offers the ultimate foundation, and we build our house on something, anything less.

It only gets worse. Not only do we reject abundant riches, we invest in penniless titles. Falling for false spiritual lovers makes us spiritual harlots. Serving false spiritual masters makes us spiritual slaves. And worshiping false spiritual saviors (small s!) makes us spiritual frauds.

I know. I know. Uplifting, right? But there is hope. Join me next week to look at idolatry from God's perspective. For now, let's look at the answers to some critical question:

Which lover's admiration do I seek, encouragement do I hunt for, wooing do I heed?
What master's pressure am I under, chains am I dragging, demands I am minding?
Who am I looking to for salvation, for redemption, to receive my sacrifice?

My answers? This week's list. Seven (good and perfect...oh that's hard to swallow) idols of my own heart.

71. Spiritual lover #1 - Society. I "must" get a workout into my day. I can't believe I've let myself grow into those size pants.
72. Spiritual lover #2 - Myself. I can do it! Like a toddler, I even thought I could recover from knee surgery by myself. My tears in the ER? Not from pain. But from the realization that I needed, really needed help.
73. Spiritual master #1 - Society (yet again). I obsessed over decorating my new home in record time. To satisfy whom? Clearly not the family I left in my wake.
74. Spiritual master #2 - Perfectionism. For months I didn't pick up a pen to write out of fear. I believed the lie that If I couldn't do it right, then I shouldn't do it at all.
75. Spiritual master #3 - Control. That false reality that I hold the reigns and direct my own path. I often forget that I hold only chains that dictate only my own destruction.
76. Spiritual savior #1 - Reputation. Oh god of reputation. If I sacrifice enough time do-ing your bidding, will you save me from public embarrassment?
77. Spiritual savior #2 - My husband. For years I lived in downright fear that he would die, and I would no longer be redeemed from my past.

Notes of Encouragement - Check out the newest release from Tenth Ave North: Hallelujah, we are free to struggle. We're not struggling to be free!
OR
Listen to all the pretty things that take our hearts away.

Words of Affirmation - There seems to be a never-ending supply of books on modern day idolatry. Here a few popular titles:

No Other Gods by Kelly Minter
Counterfeit Gods by Tim Keller
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp (acompany this with Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman. She turns all his amazing theology into practical parenting)
And my absolute favorite, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers

May I Pray with You - Heavenly Father. You alone are the only true lover, master, and savior of our souls. We confess that we have turned your good things into ultimate things. We have exchanged The Creator for the created and worshiped at the feet of modern day idols. Forgive us, Lord. Turn our hearts back to The One who woos us, who frees us from our own chains, who already paid the sacrifice for my sin and redeemed me from hell. Thank You for opening our eyes to the Truth that sets us free. Help us to walk in faith as we seek Your face. Amen.

Seek and You Will Find (#64 - 70)

2012-08-24T17:08:00.000-04:00

Scalpels and sutures and sickness, oh my!

This past week I went under the knife. A former track coach turned surgeon removed my broken ACL (knee ligament) and all it's attached hardware (I had done this before) and replaced it with a bright and shiny new ligament (and more hardware.)

Needless to say, opportunities to write have been replaced by scalpels, and sutures, and sickness. But since all is grace, isn't this grace as well?

This week's list? A seek and find. Seven good and perfect gifts of grace in this moment. This one right below.

Me and My Caretakers. (The fourth is yielding the camera)

64. I got a shower!! (notice the wet hair)
65. The room abounds with the joyful expression. (no downcast faces in this place)
66. That zebra stripe back there? That's a pillow made in my honor by the missing Caretaker. A tangible gift.
67. The light of the world streaming into the room from my head to my feet. This is not a dark and weary place.
68. A place to rest. "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
69. Availability. Each child knows just where to find me, and I won't wander off before their words end. I'm forced to be available.
69. Time. Time to watch. Time to listen. Time to live. Just where do I put all my time otherwise?

Notes of Encouragement - Just a little reminder that all really is grace.

Words of Affirmation - “They say time is money, but that's not true. Time is life. And if I want the fullest life, I need to find fullest time... the busyness of your life leaving little room for the source of your life...God gives us time. And who has time for God?" - Ann VosKamp

May I Pray with You? - Dear and Precious Lord. You are good to us. All of life is a gift of grace. Thank you for the hidden gifts in the mundane. The unexpected joys in the journey. We confess that our habit is complaint versus contentment, and self pity versus seeking righteousness. Help us to hear you when you say, "[You] love those who love [you]; And those who diligently seek [you] will find [you]." Amen.

Thank You for the Fleas (#57 - #63)

2012-08-15T15:00:00.000-04:00

"Fleas!" I cried. "Betsie this place is swarming with them!"
We scrambled across the intervening platforms [of the bunk beds], heads low to avoid another bump, and dropped down to the aisle, and edged our way to a patch of light.
"Here! And here another one!" I wailed. "Betsie, how can we live in a such a place?"

Corrie Ten Boom and her sister Betsie had just arrived in Ravensbruck. Some people called it a concentration camp. Others called it hell. Corrie and her sister called it home.

"Corrie!" [Betsie] said excitedly. "He's given us the answer! Before we asked, as He always does! In the Bible this morning. Where was it? Read that part again!"...

In the feeble light I turned the pages. "Here it is: 'Comfort the frightened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all... .'" It seemed wrtten expressly to Ravensbruck.
"Go on," said Betsie. "That wasn't all."
"Oh yes: '...to one another and to all. Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus-'"
"That's it, Corrie!" That's His answer. 'Give thanks in all circumstances!' That's what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!"
I stared at her, then around me at the dark, foul-aired room.
"Such as?" I asked....

"Such as?" A pocket-sized question with over-sized implications. If we never answered the question, "Such as?" would leave us empty, dark, and foul. Like the room Corrie and her sister stood. But the answer to such a question replenishes the empty. Kindles the dark. Sweetens the foul.

"Such as being assigned here together."
I bit my lip. "Oh yes, Lord Jesus!"
"Such as what you're holding in your hands."
I looked down at the Bible. "Yes! Thank You, dear Lord, that there was no inspection when we entered here! Thank You for all the women, here in this room, who will meet You in these pages."
"Yes," said Betsie. "than you for the very crowding here. Since we're packed so close, that many more will hear!" She looked at me expectantly. "Corrie!" she prodded.
"Oh all right. Thank you for the jammed, crammed, stuffed, packed, suffocating crowds."
"Thank You," Betsie went on serenly, "for the fleas and for-"
The fleas! This was too much. "Betsie, there's no way even God can make me grateful for a flea."
"'Give thanks in all circumstances,'" she quoted. "It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances.' Fleas are part of this place where God has put us."
And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong.

Those words: "Thank You God for the fleas." They stuck with me - the way honey sticks to the bottom of the bear's jar. I only wanted to say I had read Corrie Ten Boom's iconic story, and I found myself stuck in her words, "Thank You God for the fleas." I've never quite broken free.

How many times have I walked around complaining about so much less than fleas?

"Who spilled water all over the floor? I just love stepping in this mess."
" How did this rug get way over here? Why does it always end up on the other side of the room?"
Or
"Seriously child. You're the one who took off your shoes. How am I supposed to know where you put them?"

And all this in just one afternoon! If you can believe it, I actually topped off this splendid display of gracious motherhood with a snide comment towards my husband. After explaining his rough week and horrible night's sleep I said, "You know, it's not much fun to be around you when you're so critical," (Talk about the plank in my own eye!) He gave me an eye of his own.

So I sit here tonight convicted of my critical spirit: Momma's audible never-ending commentary on life. Commentary laden with sarcasm disguised as wit, and self-righteousness disguised as discipline. How far away I am from being ~~able~~, no willing (!) to utter, "Thank you for the the spilled water that flows so freely in our home." "Thank you for the child who trusts me enough to ask for my help." "Thank you, Lord, for the fleas."

This week's list? Seven good and perfect unpleasant circumstances for which I say, "Thank you."

57. Thank you for the massive brown, fuzzy spider who has made his home behind the siding of our front door. (Please help him capture all the fleas.)
58. Thank you the abundant amount of food that makes its way to the floor every day.
59. Thank you for the LEGOs, the K'nex, the Chick-fil-A toys that we can afford to scatter under my bare feet.
60. Thank you for my oldest son who needs me to share Your Grace and Mercy daily. What would I do without Your ever-present wisdom?
61. Thank you that Great-Grandma passed away last month and now sits in Your glorious presence!
62. Thank you that my ACL is torn again and I will undergo surgery on Thursday. Please help me be a Light in a world I would otherwise never have entered.
63. Thank you that I haven't seen my Mom and Dad in over 7 years...

Notes of Encouragement - Oh these lyrics. Like a double-edged sword. They cut to the bone.

Words of Affirmation - If a picture is worth a thousand words, may the picture painted by these words never fade.

May I Pray with You? - Oh Lord, you are good and perfect. And all that you give is good and perfect. Help me to see the world at the end of my pointing fingers. Help me to exchange my critical spirit for thankfulness. For all is a gift, no matter what the circumstance. Amen.

What Has Become of Your Life? (#50 - #56)

2012-08-08T15:00:00.000-04:00

It’s habits that can imprison you and it’s habits that can free you and when thanks to God becomes a habit, so joy in God becomes your life.

- Ann VosKamp

I made this crazy commitment to write. I am not "a writer." I'm a home-school Momma of four in love with Jesus. I search desperate for Truth and sin miserable in this life. But God called me to write. So I made this commitment - to the Lord, to myself, to the four silly souls who might someday read what their Momma really thought about during those years of child crazy and family frenzy.

I began a new habit. Not only to practice the art of writing, but to practice the art of holiness - a setting apart. By setting apart time to share this journey with you. A journey like the Israelites of old: freed from slavery, brought to the promised land, and turned back because of unbelief. I'm not saying I don't believe. I do believe. I am merely saying, "help my unbelief."

As I head to my promised land, I, like the Israelites of old, doubt God's love. Although I am free, I still think like a slave. And as I stare at my Jericho, I wonder how I'm ever going to cross this Jordan - this raging river poised to whisk me down...and out.

So I began this new habit of holiness - setting apart time to publicly thank God for the present of His presence. I walk through my wilderness exposed, challenged by New York Times' best selling author Ann VosKamp, to write down one-thousand ways joy in God has now become my life. To compose one-thousand notes of grateful thanks. To re-collect one-thousand of His gifts into a heaping pile of remembrance..on the other side of my Jordan.

I know. I know. At this rate (one post a week) I'll be at this until mid-December 2014! But by then her challenge will surely become my habit. With faithfulness, joy in God will undoubtedly become my life.

Rejoice with me over seven more Good and Perfect Gifts for August, 2012?

50. Gift white - Color of little boy's laundry after inaugural spin in new washing machine (shocking!)
51. Gift eaten - dinner for six where all rejoice and six plates are swept clean
52. Gift at 10AM -Evidence of answered prayer, "Lord, do whatever it takes to help this child see his need of a Savior." Hard Eucharisteo.
53. Gift sitting - Me. Here. One hour of solitude despite dinner dishes and bedtime routines. Ahhh the bliss.
54. Gift upside down - Jack. Hanging high from his feet above Daddy's head
55. Gift in water - Flower bouquet secretly tucked into grocery bag
56. Gift in His Word - Realizing this: "Blessed is He who is not offended because of Me" (Luke 7:23) really means, "Blessed is He who forgives because of Me."

Here's Hoping Nothing Comes my Way (#36 - #49)

2012-08-01T15:00:00.000-04:00

"But love your enemies, do good and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great...Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful." (Luke 6:35-36)

I sat in my "Momma" chair, strolled through this morning's Scripture reading, and stopped dead in my tracks. How is it that I have been a Christian longer than I haven't, and I still discover Bible verses I never knew existed.

I mean, I know about, "BE holy, as I am holy" (1 Peter 1:16) and

"BE still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)

and even, "BE transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

But somehow BE merciful completely passed me by. I think the bigger reason this verse halted my parade through Luke was the five-words phrase in the previous verse - "hoping for nothing in return."

Luke and I tromped through familiar ground with the words, "love your enemies, do good, and lend." But when He got to, "hoping for nothing in return," my walk in the woods became a march through the wilderness. I no longer knew where we were headed.

You see, previously Luke explained the difference between a Christian and a sinner: Even sinners love those who love in return. Sinners do good to those who do good to them. Sinners even lend to those who repay in full. So what makes a Christian? Those five scary words "hoping for nothing in return."

True Christianity loves friends and enemies, with no retribution. True Christians do good with no hope of return. True Christians lend without expecting any repayment. And there's no getting around this one, friends - lending without expecting repayment is really giving. All lending in the name of Christ is a FREE give-away.

So here's where it gets daunting. Not only do I have little to zero hope of ever truly loving, doing, or giving freely, but doesn't this also mean (and forgive me if I get struck down by lightening as I say this), but doesn't this mean that God loves me, does me good, and gives to me hoping for nothing in return?

In the words of singer/songwriter Jeremy Riddle, I must confess. I wonder how great is God's love and how great is His faithfulness. Will He really still love me when I do what I do best - give Him virtually nothing in return for His mercy?

For this is what hoping for nothing in return really boils down to - acting as our heavenly Father acts. Acting with mercy.

I have heard mercy and grace described this way. Grace is getting what you don't deserve. While mercy is not getting what you do deserve. Grace offers dessert after a 'yucky' meal because your big brother finished your plate for you. Grace offers:

His Word (do I deserve full, unrestricted access to the Truth that sets me free?)
His Son (do I deserve the death He died for me?)
His Spirit (do I deserve His quiet whisper when I stomp my feet in sin?)
My faithful husband (this I definitely do not deserve)
Our four precious children - souls who call me, "Momma." (do I deserve their devotion?)
His Healing (do I deserve rescue from the brokenness I create?)
And this...just this from my own back yard...

(do I really deserve Beauty?)

Mercy, on the other hand, offers no such thing. In fact, mercy offers no-thing and yet everything worth possessing:

No condemnation - Romans 8:1
No punishment for sin - Romans 4:15
No guilty fear. 1 John 4:18
No stain or wrinkle or any other blemish - Eph 5:27
No accusation to stand against us - Col 1:22
No height nor depth nor anything else in all creation to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus - Rom 8:39
No hope of ever receiving what my sin rightfully deserves - death, even death on a cross.

In this upside down Kingdom, emptiness leads to mercy-full living. Vacant stores of expectation. Barren repayment ledgers. Blank record of wrongs. Here's hoping nothin' comes my way.

For by These Trials...(#29 - 35)

2012-07-25T15:00:00.000-04:00

I see empty spaces.

You know the little boy in The Sixth Sense who saw dead people? Well, I see empty spaces. That vacant corner over there where the garbage can is supposed to be. I see that. The blank wall beckoning for art, photography, sculpture, anything (!) to fill up the empty canvas. I see that too.

I see empty spaces all to easily. I can spend hours imagining just the right furniture arrangement for this room, dreaming up the perfect drapes for the dining room, or even visualizing a future day when my husband's closet is beautifully organized. But lately I have struggled to to close my eyes to the empty places and open my mind to the fullness of God's Word. I just cant seem to sit down to concentrate on anything but the empty places.

So I opened the Valley of Vision instead. This amazing little "collection of puritan prayers and devotions" astounds me. In a prayer titled, "Contentment," Arthur Bennett describes trials (like my own) this way:

"It is Thy (God's) mercy to afflict and try me with wants,
for by these trials I see my sins,
and desire severance from them."

Mercy? It is merciful to try me with wants? It is merciful to conflict my soul over time spent home-decorating vs. time spent studying the Bible? What mercy systematically discloses my day dreaming as carefully disguised sin? I've worked long and hard to hide my skeletons in a pretty white-washed tomb, and You're telling me it's MERCY to dig up the bones?

He continued.

"Let me willingly accept misery, sorrows, temptations,

if I can thereby feel sin as the greatest evil,
and be delivered from it with gratitude to Thee,
acknowledging this as the highest testimony of Thy love. "

Acknowledging this as the highest testimony of God's love. Just this. That misery, sorrows, and temptations are all gifts disguised as trials. If they can cause me to feel my sin as the greatest evil and drive me to beg for deliverance - this is a gift. Sin is what turns His Providence into my pain. Sin is what separates me from Christ. Sin is what keeps me from desiring deliverance from sin. If trials offer a way out of all these pits, then aren't trials really a gift from God? Misery, sorrows, and temptations are the highest testimony of His love. They offer restored relationship.

He persisted.

"Teach me to believe that if ever I would have any sin subdued
I must not only labor to overcome it,
but must invite Christ to abide in the place of it."

The landscape of my heart felt like an exhumed graveyard. I've spend years identifying the sins of my heart, digging them up and leaving the pits behind. But the Christian life is not supposed to be like an exhumed graveyard - riddled with deep traps and headstones proclaiming the sins that used to fill me. Where was the firm foundation? Where were the strongholds of Truth? Where were the fruits of the Spirit sustaining me on this journey?

And then I realized. I never invited Christ to fill the holes. I never invited Him to abide in the empty places where sin used to rest. I just lived among this mine field of empty pits and tripped over headstones reminding me of sins that used to be. Of sins that threaten to return to their old places in the ground.

Is this my trial? Not my conflict over spending too much time considering the empty places in my house. But rather, the conflict of not addressing the empty places of my heart. Is figuring out how to let Christ abide in the place of sin my gift of mercy driving me to restored relationship? Was it sin that convinced me to leave the empty places empty?

As if these questions were not enough to chew on for one morning, seven more (good and perfect?) trials arrived on my front doorstep. For by these trials I see my sin...and by God's great mercy, desire severance from them. Come, Christ. Come. Fill my empty places. Restore me unto You.

1. Cut the palm of my hand (deep!) on that sly little razor edge along the aluminum foil box
2. Watched oldest son "help" youngest son pour out almost every drop of sticky White Grape Juice over the edge of cup, onto counter, and spread to chair seats, kitchen floor and under edge of Pottery-Barn rug.
3. Discovered a week's collection of cereal crumbs under the chairs, now mixed up with sticky White Grape Juice
4. Lost the battle to control my tongue (insert yelling, complaining, ridicule and demeaning chatter)
5. Watched youngest son smack back of his head on counter while sliding down chair to "help" Mommy
6. Shrank under the weight of conviction, repentance, embarrassment, frustration
7. Listened to oldest daughter "console" Mommy after all was said and done with, "That's all right, Mom. You were worse the other day in the car."

When Counting Comes Naturally Again (#22 - 28)

2012-07-18T15:00:00.000-04:00

The opportunity to count my blessings (Ann VosKamp-style) never disappeared, just my desire to do so. I asked for it really. Literally. I asked for a hiatus, a time off, a hushing of the still small voice so I could just whirl and twirl and attempt to settle from this windstorm called a move across the Pacific Ocean. I didn't want any deep spiritual insights. I didn't want to be given anything I couldn't rightly handle. I didn't have time to ponder, much less write. So I asked God for a spiritual sabbatical. He granted it. For almost an entire year all was quiet...until yesterday.

I needed "me time." My red hot iPod and pink ear buds seemed like the perfect escape. I spun my thumb around the little silver disk, highlighted my favorite tune, and pressed that cute sideways triangle...

"In this brawl between the empires
of our good Lord and the liar, will you stand?
Please stand with me."

Wait. This isn't the song I chose...

"'Cause right now my faith can take it
But when they come to take it
Will you pray?
Please pray with me."

"And we'll stand
And pray 'till the dark gives way
And we'll sing, sing, sing, sing, sing."

Just how does God do this? In the spin of a dial, and a press of a triangle button, He takes my selfish pursuits to hide away from "real life" through iPods and ear buds and sings a love song to my soul?

This wasn't the song at the top of my list. This wasn't the song I chose with that silver disk, but it was His choice for me. Some how, some way, He orchestrated this song to shatter the long-held spiritual silence.

"And if doubt and fear conspire
To steal away your fire and leave you cold
I'll stand with you."

He knew. Despite the long silence, He still knew I doubted myself. He knew I feared the future. He knew I felt alone. And He wanted me to know that He knew.

"And we'll stand and pray
'Till the dark gives way
And we will sing, sing, sing, sing sing."

While I ran, He pursued. I hid and He sought. Through the beautiful lyrics of singer/songwriter Shawn Groves, He beckoned me to stand once more and pray...till this I'm-in-a-new-home-and-nothing-is-familiar dark gives way. And He will sing with me. Sing. Sing. Sing. Sing!

Counting comes naturally again. And the dark gives way to thanks for these seven, good and perfect words:

1. He
2. will
3. rejoice
4. over
5. you (over me!!)
6. with
7. singing! (Zephaniah 3:17)

Counting from #15 - #21

2012-07-11T17:18:00.000-04:00

Sow a thought and you reap an act
Sow an act and you reap a habit
Sow a habit and you reap a character
Sow a character and you reap a destiny

- Charles Reade

A thought spilled out of my ever-wandering mind the other day: Ideas are gifts. The very thoughts of my head are gifts! Especially if I act upon the thought. And act again. And again. And again. A new thought produces a new act. And a new act produces a new habit. Over time, this little gift of an idea produces character.

So today I share seven good and perfect ideas (i.e. gifts) from Judi Rossi's book Enhancing Your Marriage. The fifth chapter focuses on Covenant Love - love as an extension of the Cross. Love as an extension of Christ's covenant love for us. Love as an extension of Christ's love in us. May these ideas root in the soil of our hearts, reap an act, grow a habit, shape a character, destine our marriages, for...

1. "As Christian marrieds, we have a high calling - forgive, reconcile, restore - the very message of the cross.
2. "If my life is based on proclaiming God's message to the world [and to my husband], I don't want to do anything that would challenge that message."
3. "Following God requires our commitment to build a marriage God's way. H way takes time, wisdom, patience, courage, and perseverance, all of which God possesses. And by His grace, so do we."
4. "What you believe about love right now - true or false - is presently doing three things. 1. affecting your marriage; 2. shaping your behavior and responses to your mate; 3. helping determine your future happiness and emotional well-being. What you believe is that important. How much better to believe the truth!"
5. "God has chosen to love us, not with an irrational emotion but with deliberate kindness, genuine compassion, and righteous concern for our well-being. Therefore, He doesn't love us because of who we are, but because of who His is."
6. Moses permitted divorce because the hearts of men were hard toward their wives. Thank you, God, that Jeff's heart towards me is tender and mercy-full.
7. In covenant love we don't love our husbands because of who they are but because of whose we are. We are God's. And God's love is in us. Love as an extension of Christ's love in us. Love as an extenion of Christ's love for us. Love as an extension of the cross.

Counting from #8 - #14

2012-01-01T21:09:00.000-05:00

Continuing the count for the week of Dec 25th - Jan1st:

8. 2 surprise CDs for Christmas: Matt Maher, the love in between and Casting Crowns, Come to the Well. Can't wait to download them to my iPod and just sit...and know...that He is God.

9. A FREE, perfect toddler table to outfit our school room. Perfect! Did I mention it was perfect?
10. Success! Re-organized school room receives flurry of activity from four spunky students. Mommy got the kid-eye perspective right this time.
11. The prayer of faithful husband answers long-held hope of faithful wife. Lead on my dear husband. Lead on!
12. A heavenly reminder to just 'BE' in the moment shifts my eyes to the back seat of the car - and sees beautiful 5 yr-old daughter glowing in sun's rays. BE-autiful!
13. Pure Grace - my husband's patient, caring attention during a hormone hayride.
14. Encouragement from friends known and unknown. I will keep stepping. I will keep counting. I will keep going further up and further in.

Further Up and Further In

2011-12-13T21:52:00.000-05:00

Somewhere about the final chapter of C.S. Lewis' The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe series, main characters Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy proclaim, "Further up and further in!" After all they had seen, all they had done, all the places they had already visited and conquered and declared the victory, their final words cry out for even more. "Further up, and further in!" In Narnia and this world alike, where God directs the adventure, there is always more.

A few months ago I pressed, "pause" on writing. Life got busy. We moved a family of six 5000 (!) miles around the globe, set up a new school house, embraced the Christmas season with even more boxes to open and yet, there is more.

More experiences to share. More words to untangle from my spaghetti brain. More prompts from the Lord to travel, "further up and further in" this writing adventure.

So I step. Inspired by an amazingly grace-filled woman aptly named Ann, I travel further up by looking up. And His abundance flows right down to my feet. One thousand times one thousand I receive from the author of my own adventure - Grace, Peace, breath, life, even the very bread I eat - and do I even say, "thank you"? Can I even remember to give thanks?

I step again, traveling further in. "Pray always, rejoice continually, and give thanks to the Lord in all circumstances" (1 Thes 5:16-18). I travel further in by submitting to God's will, enter in to His very presence in prayer, pause long enough to re-experience the joy He offers - for joy is a gift, and stop to merely say, "Thank you" for what I see and for what I can only imagine.

I don't really know how to travel this road further up and further in, but I am starting today by responding to Ann's challenge tojust say "Thank you," Thank you for the gifts the Lord has brought. Thank you for the gifts He continues to bring. And thank you for the gifts He promises to bring - for there is always more.

Won't you join me as we count them out together? Won't you start your own list? Just to see how much more is in store for you...and me?

My One Thousand Gifts (#s 1-7):

1. A Savior, my Savior, who rescued me from the death of sin
2. My man - who has loved me when I was unlovable and has pursued my heart for over 20 years
3. Samuel - my firstborn and constant surprise
4. Emilie - the mirror of my own heart, if not my own face
5. Sarah - the personification of childlike faith
6. Jack - the joy of the Lord captured in a 4 yr-old
7. A family...my family...the place I call home. My heart longed for 'more' through years of higher education and professional pursuit. Praise God that He always offers 'more.'

All of Life is an Answer to Someone

2011-09-06T21:47:00.000-04:00

Tonight I watched a live telecast ("Yes to God") with Lysa TerKeurst of Proverbs 31 Ministries and Ann VosKamp, author of One Thousand Gifts. I couldn't go to bed without sharing the Word I heard! And you can watch the re-broadcast too on Wednesday, noon EST here!

Simply, all of life is an answer...an answer to someone.

Will I say yes to the enemy of my soul?

Yes, I am a mess

Yes, I am a hypocrite

Yes, I failed to live the life I preach to my children

Or will I say yes to God?

Yes, I am forgiven

Yes, I am cherished

Yes, I am restored and made whole and given grace and lavished with mercy

"May my heart be like water
and the Holy Spirit like a wind
and at the slightest breath of His Word
may I respond
with YES." (Ann VosKamp)

Yes to His blessings.
Yes to His grace.
Yes to His Life for me.

The Art of Mom-ology

2011-02-05T13:15:00.000-05:00

Praise report, my friends!!

Last week, after checking my blog, a friend asked me to write a book review of Thin Places for her local MOPS newsletter. (MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. You can read more about them here.)

I only had a few days to turn this blog post into a bonafide book review...but we did ti!! The mothers of the Crosspointe, NC MOPS Chapter are now reading all about my newest favorite book too! Check out the publication here.

May God shower you with blessings this weekend as well.
Tracey

Thin Places

2011-01-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading Thin Places a memoir by Mary DeMuth. A brave compilation of unfortunate childhood memories, Mary does much more than dredge up her sordid past for the sake of wallowing in it's raunchy pit. She creates an opportunity to see things anew; to gain a fresh perspective on the past in order to move on to the present.

"Much of what God does in my life is healing the past in order to embrace the future" Mary writes (p189). The time has come for me to do the same. The time has come to stop running from my past in a vain hope of leaving it all behind. The time has come to remember...so I do.

I remember standing in the kitchen watching my father smash a chair to smithereens as my sister cowered in the corner, yet again unable to recite her multiplication tables.

I remember clearly being told to never call my father, "Daddy" or to treat him as I would treat a friend, for, "He was my father and not my friend."

I remember the surprising flutter of butterflies in my stomach the first time I heard a deep male voice cry out to the Lord in true worship and out of a heart of love for his God. "Do men really have heart?" I remember thinking. "Will a heart like that ever really love me?"

My father was an alcoholic. He has been gloriously sober for five years now, but the healing has only just begun. The light has only recently met the dark corners of my pain, my disappointments, my memories. But even here in the dark corner I find hope. It is here that, "I have the painful privilege of extending forgiveness again, to walk with Jesus through the memories with grace-filled eyes" (DeMuth, p47).

I pray for that grace. Grace to wash my vision of the past with the healing balm of forgiveness. Grace to walk with Jesus through the memories and see them anew. If I look again, maybe I'll see things differently. Maybe...

...instead of seeing an outraged alcoholic smashing a chair in unbridled anger, I would see my father exercise the little bit of self control the alcohol hasn't yet stolen. I would see him smashing a chair in lieu of striking his little girl.

...instead of seeing the outrageously cold and stoic father who can't even bear the sound of the word, "Daddy," I would see a heart so desperate for significance that he would demand it from his children. Maybe he was so sickly aware of his own alcoholic tendencies that the idea of someone counting on him so intimately was a crushing burden instead of a tender invitation.

Maybe I could see beyond the gaping hole in my heart for a strong and tender father figure. Maybe I could hear the deep worship-filled voice of a man in love with Jesus not as a reminder of scars left from my earthly father, but rather as a timely gift of encouragement from my heavenly Father - a display of the heart God has for me - His child, His beloved.

The time has come to remember. Jesus, help me remember anew.

What’s a Girl to Do?

2010-12-27T20:49:00.000-05:00

“But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do.”

1 Peter 1:15 (NIV)

What to do? What to do? The thoughts stumbled around my head as I organized another day’s to-do list. Item number 1 – feed kids. Number 2 – change that smelly diaper. Number 3 – get coffee. No! Scratch that. Coffee first… the kids can wait. That’s me. I make lists and check them twice. I do things well.

Like the swirling steam of my brewing beans, the sweet voice of the Lord saturated my senses. “Relationships” He whispered. “Scratch your do-ing. Today I want you to be.”

I prayed for just this; begged for it even. A word; a single word from my God, and now that He delivered I wished He would take it back. Throw away my to-do list?! What’s a girl to do?

According to the Myers-Briggs personality assessment, I am an introvert. I love quiet time...alone. I raved for weeks about having a full eight hours of peaceful bliss on a recent airline trip.

Mr. Myers and Mr. Briggs would also call me a “thinker” (as opposed to a “feeler”). If given the choice, I would pour over Calvin’s Institutes of the Christian Religion before attending Hallmark’s Annual Greeting Card Convention.

Introverted thinkers can do a great many things. We can will ourselves to run (and finish!) a 10 mile race after recovering from major knee surgery. We can gather our perfectly dressed family for the perfect Christmas photo on Hawaii’s perfect beach to create a bazillion perfect Christmas cards. We can even change diapers, feed the masses, and dig up a cup of coffee all before 7am! But we can’t do relationships. You must be in relationship.

“Be” as a prefix denotes nearness or closeness; to remain or be fixed. In the Hebrew language, this prefix means to stand by. There is nothing to do when you are be-ing, except to stay where you are. To be in relationship blows that whole notion of quality time vs. quantity time right out of the water. God’s relationships are defined by quantity: Stand by me and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10); submit to God and remain at peace with him (Job 22:21); just as he who called you is holy, stand near his holiness in all you do (1 Peter 1:15).

If my extensive to-do list boasts beautiful accomplishments, but neglects relationships - I accomplish nothing. If I run the race arrogantly smirking every time I pass those less experienced than me - I am just another competitor. If my perfect Christmas card fails to reflect the perfect beauty of the season but instead reflects my misplaced perfectionism – I gain nothing. Love is not grumpy when my family’s early morning wake-up interferes with the day's to-do list. Love changes diapers, feeds children, and delays coffee. Love never fails.

The funny thing is that God doesn’t ask me to stop do-ing at all, He just asks me to be holy while I’m do-ing it all. “But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do” (1 Peter 1:15, NIV).

What to do? What to do? The thoughts stumble around my head as I now contemplate how to be holy in all that I do.

What wisdom can you share with a Mom seeking to be holy in all she does?

Dear Lord, help us to be near, fixed to, and standing by our loved ones. Help us to put aside our to-do lists in favor of being in relationship with the ones You gave us this day. For this is the day that You have made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Love-Wise by Bill & Pam Farrel (http://www.love-wise.com/)

Honest believers that anyone can have great relationships! Join them in discovering how to make all your relationships work better.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-22T18:01:00.000-05:00

Greatest man in history named Jesus. Had no servants, yet they called Him Master. Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer. Had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

Merry Christmas!!

Our God is an Awesome God

2010-12-12T01:18:00.000-05:00

Our God...is and awesome God...He reigns...in heaven above...with wisdom, power, and love...our God is an awesome God.

These lyrics are playing around in my head as I type, for our God is an awesome God!

A few moths ago I spied a writing course offered by the Christian Writer's Guild. After drooling over the possibility of being assigned my own personal mentor and writing coach, I almost choked over the price. Nearly $700! There died that dream.

But the hopes of someday being able to afford such a class never died. And with the additional income of some recent photography business, I wondered if it may be a possibility after all...

Then the mail came the other day. Apparently that day I enviously explored the Christian Writer's Guild website, I must have clicked on a box that expressed my interest in the class, for in the mail came a packet of materials advertising that very course. Great, I thought. Here's another chance to battle my jealousy.

Instead I found a pleasant surprise! Either they drastically reduced their prices or I desperately need new glasses, but the advertised cost of the course was now almost $400 less than I remembered. Jeff immediately turned to me and said, "So...when are you signing up?"

Our God is an awesome God. You are now looking at (figuratively, of course) an official Guild student - writing coach and all.

The Hard Candy of the Bible

2010-12-05T19:24:00.000-05:00

Proverbs

Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 16:3

I listen to Dr. Timothy Keller - the pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York, NY. He both confounds and enlightens me. I can't get enough of the guy. Here's why:

In a sermon entitled Your plans; God's plans, Dr. Keller introduces the book of Proverbs with these words:

"You've heard of the meat of the word, and the milk of the word. Proverbs are the hard candy of the word. You don't just swallow it. You don't just bite into it. You have to dissolve it very, very, very slowly on your tongue. You have to meditate on it. You have to think about it."

He goes on to expose a common misconception. You think you know what Proverbs 16:3 suggests. You think it states, "Commit your plans to the Lord and then He will bless your deeds." As if you could pray something like, "Oh Lord, bless my plans" and then your deeds would surely succeed.

But it's not like that at all! In fact it's quite the opposite. When you think about it; when you meditate on it and dissolve it very, very, very slowly on your tongue you begin sample the core of the message. Proverbs 16:3 is not a grocery store gumball to flippantly chew as you go about your day as if saying, "Whatever you do today, just toss it up to the Lord and He will surely bless you."

This Proverb is more like a Willie Wonka Everlasting Gobstopper. If you try to bite into it, your teeth unexpectedly crash into the hard core. If you hastily swallow it you may get a taste of the outer coating, but you totally bypass the whole purpose of an Everlasting Gobstobber - the slowly revealing flavors of each successive inner coating.

Proverbs 16:3 smacks of committing your deeds, not your plans, to the Lord. When you approach God with your deeds first, you will become more and more a person who makes smart plans. Instead of waking up in the morning and soliciting God's blessing on your to-do list ("Oh Lord, bless my plans"), I wonder what your day would look like if you sampled the flavor of Proverbs 16:3 – sacrificing your checklist on the altar of His will. "Oh Lord, I commit to You all that I will do today. Prepare me to follow You, no matter what you give or take away." In other words, commit whatever you do to the Lord, and your plans (which you devise after submitting to the Lord) will succeed.

See? Confounding and enlightening. I can't get enough of him. Here's hoping I whetted your appetite for more hard candy.

Q4U: How often do you stop to "taste and see that the Lord is good" (Psalms 34:8)? Where has Proverbs delivered you an Everlasting Gobstopper when you expected to merely find a grocery store gumball?

May I Pray for You?

Lord you provide the meat, the milk, and the sweet hard candy for our spirit's appetite. May you develop in us a taste for your Word and a willingness to savor the flavor of Your Truth. Thank you for providing more than we could ever ask for or imagine. In Jesus name - Amen!

Resources:

More of Dr. Timothy Keller @ Redeemer's Free Sermon Resource

I Believe. Help my Unbelief.

2010-11-09T12:20:00.000-05:00

Answer me, O Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God and that you are turning their hearts back again. – 1 Kings 18:37

"'Shout louder!’ Elijah said. ‘Surely [Baal] is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.’ So [the Israelites] shouted louder…but there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention.’” 1 Kings 18:27-29.

How many times have you wondered if God was paying attention to you? Have you ever (gasp!) doubted that God answers prayer? Or more poignantly, that God answers your prayers? Without announcing my suspicion on a highway billboard, I do occasionally succumb to the fear that God may just be deep in thought or busy taking care of other, more important matters. If it is true that doubt, like faith, is a learned skill (Mark Lilla, NY Times Magazine), then I no doubt have learned an age old skill.

Then last week happened. I was in a place emotionally where the only thing I could do was sit…and let my iPod worship for me…and sigh out in prayer, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. Help me to trust in your faithfulness, and know you are God…to me.”

Remembrance by Matt Redman took its turn in my ears, and the words flowed through my thoughts. “Oh, how could it be, that my God would welcome me, into this mystery?” Yes, I thought. How could it be? God welcomes me into His mystery. But wait! God welcomes me. He knows me. I didn’t doubt. I believed!! For the first time (ever in my life!) I heard words that spoke of belonging, of being known and loved, and not a shred of doubt, disbelief, or denial crossed my thoughts. Just pure, unadulterated belief! God had, for the moment, healed my chronic skepticism of all good things pertaining to me. And it wasn’t arrogant. It wasn’t prideful. It was a sweet, humble confidence in the Lord’s love for my soul. I believed!

After Elijah taunted the Baal-worshiping Israelite and watched as no one responded, no one answered, and no one paid attention, He then turned to his God in prayer. “Answer me, O Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, O Lord, are God and that you are turning their hearts back again.” And God responded, abundantly. Fire reigned! The offering doused in water instantly dried up. The entire altar: bull, kindling, stones, and water bath, all gone in an instant! And to top it off – rain. After seven years of surviving in dry-as-a-bone wasteland and barren cropland, God brought rain. This was no little whisper of a promise to come. This was an outright display of majesty and power. This was abundance at its best.

God had heard my quiet murmur of a prayer. I didn’t need to shout. I didn’t need to shake God from his deep thoughts or pull a number on his waiting list. He already welcomed me into His mystery. He heard all the little whispers I managed to breathe out in the middle of a hectic day. And as I prayed in His will, He answered abundantly.

Monday: Lord, help! I haven’t planned for our art co-op this afternoon. I need a dish for the party tonight. And I still have to purchase a gift for the baby shower.

Lord: All your supplies are in your closet. Use that Tastefully Simple box hidden up on the top shelf…and like the box says, “Just add water.” Oh, and make sure to answer your front door. I sent a friend over with your baby shower gift.

Tuesday: Lord, please help me find ways to improve my writing.

Lord: How’s a 200-word writing contest for the upcoming Chronicles of Narnia movie release? Or how about another longer submission for Xulon Press? (I put them both in your Inbox). If those don’t interest you, the Christian Writer’s Guild has an online Writing Essential class and an upcoming writing conference that I designed with you in mind. But just in case you’re looking for something today, MOPS is looking for work we’ve already written to complete their upcoming newsletter. Just send it in. They’re waiting to publish it.

Wednesday: Lord, help my unbelief.

Lord: You already believe. Just listen to this.

Last week happened. I didn’t need to shout louder. All I needed was to pray in His will, however soundless it may be, and to watch Him work…abundantly. Maybe I could learn new tricks after all.

What prayer have you withheld from God under the suspicion that there would be no response? Do you trust Him with everything, even your doubt?

May I pray for you?

Lord, we believe. Help our unbelief. May we look to you for every little thing, waiting in expectation for your abundant response. For your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made. Psalms 145:13

Resources

The Power of a Praying [Woman, Parent, Wife, Husband, Teen, Kid, Church, or Life] by Stormie O’Martian reaches anyone eager to discover the power of prayer in their lives.

Mom’s in Touch Ministries A prayer ministry that impacts children and schools worldwide for Christ by gathering mothers together to pray. The website provides a listing of MITI groups around the nation, downloadable prayer sheets, conferences, encouragement and more!

Christ Our Life a sermon by Tim Keller, best-selling author and pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church, NY Free download! Listen to pastor Keller convince you that doubt, like faith is learned…and much more!

The Only Hope by Bebo Norman. You can find this joyful retelling of God’s amazing abundance on his self-titled album Bebo Norman.

Walking MY Wilderness Exposed

2010-10-31T03:29:00.000-04:00

And Jesus said, "All right, receive your sight! Your faith has healed you." Instantly the man could see, and he followed Jesus, praising God. And all who saw it praised God, too."

Luke 18:42-43

One lonely lamp burned warm and ruddy in the early morning hour. My worn and ragged blanket beckoned me to curl up, sit, and be still. Everyone was still asleep - or at least hiding upstairs quietly until, "the clock said 7." It was my time alone with God in my quiet little corner of the world.

Only I wasn't alone and my mind wasn't still. Anxiety befriended me and thoughts raced around my head. What I failed to mention, was that before taking my seat this morning, I stole a quick (and eager) peek at my email. I longed to find an inspirational letter from a writing mentor, full of answers to my myriad questions about publishing devotionals and pitching proposals to publishers...and it was there! Only, without my friend's intention it was also filled with disappointment. What I had hoped would merely sharpen my vision of the publishing process, turned out to be insight into the challenging anguish of authorship. No one was publishing devotionals, at least not from an unknown author (like me!) with zero platform and zero prior publications.

Simmering in confusion about God's vision for this writing gig, I set aside the email, shut off the computer monitor and heeded the blanket's call to curl up, sit and be still. Today's "Daily Reading in Sequential Time" had me in Jesus' ministry through Jericho. The Gospel of Mark described a blind Bartimaeus boisterously calling out to Jesus for healing. “Be quiet!” many of the people yelled at him. But he only shouted louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” (Mark 10:48, NLT) Jesus hearing his cry, called Bartimaeus over and declared, “Go, for your faith has healed you.” And instantly Bartimaeus could see, and he followed Jesus down the road. (Mark 10:52, NLT)

But Luke’s version of the same story is what caught my eye. Bartimaeus not only received sight, and he not only threw off his coat and ran to Jesus, but Luke adds that he followed Jesus “praising God and all who saw it praised God too.” (Luke 18:43, NLT) This same man who incited jeers and admonishment just moments earlier, now inspired shouts of praise to God. What in the world had changed? What could possibly be the difference? The answer was, ‘healing.’

As if God was reading my mind, the whisper of His still, small voice breezed by. “It’s all about healing.” Huh? I cocked my head in confusion. The mind reading continued. “Like my people Israel, your writing represents a people desperately seeking freedom from slavery, frantically searching for a clearing in the wilderness, and hoping beyond hope that the raging torrents of fear and doubt would subside. I have come to bring healing to them all...and to you.”

“Beloved,” God continued. “Crossing Jordan isn’t about you changing the world. It is about Me changing you. It isn’t about you encouraging others to "Walk the Wilderness Exposed" (as I had subtitled this work). It is about you walking your wilderness exposed." God wanted me to wander through my own overgrown, tangled mess of lies and deception?! He wanted me to face my raging rivers of fear and doubt...and find healing.

So what about that devotional? God had inspired me to write. He never did, however, tell me to, "get published." My vision of devotional writing was not being trashed, it was coming into perspective. Just like healing made all the difference between Bartimaeus' indignant, demanding audience and and audience inspired with shouts of praises to God, so the difference between my vision of Crossing Jordan and God's vision was the healing touch of the Savior. The evidence of a life changed by Christ is the difference between merely printing words on paper and reaching people for God. So let the healing begin! And all who see it will praise God too.

Seeing Visions

2010-10-21T21:36:00.000-04:00

My world has been in a hurricane these past couple of months. Not only have I traveled to the mainland visiting wonderful old friends (and I mean "old" in the lasting, never-giving-up-on-me kind of way), but I have attended a life-changing conference on Christian authorship, taken on the responsibility to co-head a 125-member Children's Ministry, and committed to teach our four children at home...all starting at approximately the EXACT SAME TIME!

Needless to say, I have felt burdened, overwhelmed, and plain worn out. Every time I close my eyes, I see visions of long lines of parents waiting to sign up their child for a children's program, the plethora notebooks, binders and reminders of what the Lord has put on my heart to share in writing, and the vast empty spaces of my lesson plans that I had hoped to have filled to the brim with amazing resources and ideas for a new school year. I see visions...

But what I haven't seen lately is the vision of my Lord, my Savior, and my God. I close my eyes to pray and my mind wanders to the extensive 'to do' lists I've created for myself. I sit to just listen to worship, and I envisions the ways I can look better in the eyes of other parents, my 'readers' and my children. I see visions...

What I longed for is a new perspective, and this morning, my precious an gracious Father gave that to me. As I was about to give up on my mind-wandering worship, Be Thou My Vision popped up on the iPod and the first thing I thought was, "Lord, please give me a vision of You. Not a vision of the many eyes watching me, but of You alone - Your glory, Your radiance, Your Light permeating every crevice and corner of my small existence. May You alone be my Vision, You alone be my God."

And right there, right then, I realized that I too, had become a victim of Satan's sly schemes - falling into his pit called Idolatry. Like the Israelites of the Old Testament, I too replaced my God with my gods. I set my eyes upon the lesser gods of this world: other parents, readers, and even my own children. And I became so consumed by them that I could not even see my One True God even when searching for Him in prayer, and worship, and being still.

So in response I now cry out in prayer, like the hymn-writer of old:

Lord, be thou my Vision, and Lord of my heart!
May nothing else be to me what You alone are
You alone are my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Your Presence alone be my light

You be the source of all my wisest thoughts and my One True Word
Keep me ever with You Lord, and You with me Lord
You my great Father, and I Your true son
You dwelling in me and us becoming one

I want not rich lesson plans or parent's empty praise
You alone are my inheritance now and always
You and You alone be first in my heart
High King of Heaven, my treasure - You are

Barna Reports

2010-07-20T01:44:00.000-04:00

What percentage of young Americans (age 21-29) do you think meet the following criteria?

1. Know, love and serve God as their top priority in life
2. Faith in God has the highest importance
3. Possess a 'biblical worldview' as defined below:

Absolute moral truth exists
Such truth is defined in the Bible
God is the all-knowing and all-powerful creator and ruler of the universe
Faith in Jesus Christ is the only means to salvation
Satan is a real being
Jesus Christ lived a sinless life on earth
All of the principles taught in the Bible are true and accurate

4. Believe that their main purpose in life is to love God with all their heart, mind and strength
5. Currently active in a vibrant community of faith, as demonstrated by a consistent engagement in worship, prayers, Bible study and spiritual accountability.

The answer: Less than 10%!!! And that was almost 3 years ago! (Barna Report, Sep 2007)

Rhetorical questions of the Day: Now, what percentage of American Christian parents do you think desire these convictions to be evident their adult children? Isn't it time to bridge the gap between our Christian parenting vision and our cultural reality?

Growing in New Directions

2010-07-14T20:36:00.000-04:00

For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live - Romans 8:13

The other day I went out in the back yard and literally hacked down our Hibiscus bush. Really. It no longer resembles anything alive and flourishing with beautiful red and yellow flowers, but instead looks like a skeleton of it's former self. I chopped off all the smaller branches from their base and knocked down the height of this overgrown bush from a towering 8 feet to something under 5 feet. (I should know. I can now see over the top of it. I am only 5 feet tall...on a good day :). In short, it looks ruined.

Why did I do this, you ask? Well, that beautiful Hibiscus bush was growing all right, but all in the wrong direction. I was only growing up, and not out. While the branches extended high up into the vast spaces above my head, I could see through all the spindly little branches from 0 - 5 feet. It was tall, yet thin; growing up, yet not providing what it was created for - privacy.

Lately I've felt like my hacked down Hibiscus bush. I have felt torn down and stripped bare. I have felt removed of my protective covering and 'ruined'.

You see, my sins and my sinful nature have been in my face, and for every sin that God was revealing, it felt like an old limb was being removed. I have disappointed and even hurt close friends - Whack! I have spoken many a wrong word in many a wrong time - Snap! I realized that instead of testifying to the work God was doing in my own heart, I was delighting in exposing other people's sin - Ouch! That limb that I used to hang my hat on - you know the one labeled 'Accomplished' and 'In Control' is suddenly missing. It has left me somewhat despairing and easily depressed about my status in life, and I have felt like a skeleton of my former self...just like my backyard companion.

But God has also provided hope. While that little bush looks dead, it is actually learning to grow in new directions. It can no longer focus all of its energy on growing taller. It must learn to grow outward and fill in the gaps around the middle. I have discovered that God too wants me to grow not only upward, but to grow outward - to reach out to His people instead of trying to grow so tall that I can only see them if I look down upon them. The new growth is weak, fragile even. It will take time for the fledgling buds to grow into strong, dependable branches that reach out and serve the purpose for which it was created. But there is growth! And it's growing in the right direction this time.

While I may at this time feel a bit 'ruined' from all of God's whacking, slicing and pruning, it is still my prayer that what I perceive as my ruins become the ground He builds upon. To borrow a few lines from one of my favorite recording artists, "Let my ruins become the start. Let me ruins become the ground He built it on, from what's left of my broken heart." (Ruins, Bebo Norman)

May the One whose love has no limit,
Whose grace has no measure,
Whose power has no boundary known unto men.
May He from His infinite riches in Jesus,
(Also) Send you help from His sanctuary
and grant you His support from that heavenly Zion.
Psalm 20:2