Fire Drill

Publishing-type People! Online Holiday Party With PRESENTS! You're invited!

2009-12-04T10:36:00.001-06:00

So. The Holidays are here again. I wanted to have a huge bash and fly all of you publishing-types into town for a party. Unfortunately, the lotto people didn't cooperate so I've teamed up with a few of the twitter writers to make our party virtual. Here's what we need to do.

1. Join the party by tweeting to #holidaybash by Monday, December 7, 2009
2. Run around you house and find a white elephant gift that will fit into an envelope, put it in the envelope and get it ready to mail. You can't buy something new. Your gift can be humorous, thoughtful, strange or dramatic. The wilder, the better. (Risque is acceptable but not dirty. PG rated gifts.)
3. On Monday, we'll post who you mail your gift to. It will be your job to follow them on twitter,
get their mailing address, and send their gift.
4. Tuesday, December 8, 2009 we get our work done. Agents do agent stuff and clear your inboxes. Writers write and work on revisions. Editors, set a goal. We'll cheer you on! Authors, finish those projects.
Let's all work like crazy so we can enjoy the holidays with our families!
5. Don't open your present when it arrives! We'll open them together at the party.
6. Party time is Thursday, December 17th at 9:00 PM Eastern. We'll get a chat room, open the presents, sing songs and drink the beverage of our choice ;D

Oh You lucky, lucky #Nano writers

2009-11-20T14:48:00.000-06:00

I have to go out of town and won't be here for the end of #wordathon so YOU get three more days! The new stop time for #Wordathon is Monday evening at 6:00 PM. Now the lovely writers who love to procrastinate have TIME. Catch up those #Nano totals Kids!

Love,
Julie

P.S. They have internets in Branson. I'm still watching you.

#prize hint 2: It fits in your pocket.

Super-Duper Nano #Wordathon

2009-11-12T21:32:00.000-06:00

Bless Their Little Nano Hearts.
They've been writing like fiends for almost two weeks. I'm seeing posts like "I'm not writing tonight." or "I'm out of words."
Lets give them a kick in the tush.
Super-Duper Nano #Wordathon starts Friday, November 13, 6 AM and goes until Friday, November 20 at 6 PM!
Here's how it works.
All you Non-Nano people limber up your fingers, we're going to give them a run for their money.
You Nano writers get a good nights sleep. You're going to need it.

1. Here's the deal. We know the Nano writers have a daily goal (I'm going to LOOK IT UP so no cheating) We, as fellow writers need to T~~orment~~ T~~ease Torture~~ encourage them to reach it. Post your starting word count to twitter with the #wordathon hashtag or email it to me or post it here on the blog. Be sure to include #nano or #nonano in your tweets.
2. Nano writers, you must be at your word goal or beyond to qualify for the BIG COOL PRIZE.
Nonano writers, we'll just go by your word counts.
And just what is this BIG COOL PRIZE?
I'm not telling you yet.
Will the Nano writers have more wordage? We'll see, won't we?
Everyone is welcome to play including published authors, agent/authors, agent/writers, even editors @Skyladawn -well, you get the drift.
Lets have some fun. Nano people we'll hustle y'all along until almost Thanksgiving. Then it be on your own heads, we're eating pie.

Super Birthday #Wordathon Extravaganza

2009-10-16T23:15:00.000-05:00

Yes, It's my birthday and that makes this #wordathon super-shiny and running on a lot of candlepower.
Start writing as soon as you see this and keep going until 11:59 PM your time on October 17th.
I want words for my birthday people and shiny polished pages!
And cake.

Tweet your word counts to @jimsissy or add the #wordathon hashtag to your tweet.
Count the number of new words written or pages edited and tweet that at the end,
Oh, I almost forgot, SURPRISE!

#Wordathon ~Sparkly~Tiara Edition

2009-10-09T16:30:00.001-05:00

In honor of TIARA DAY, created by the fab Susan Adrian (one of my most favorite days of all) Wordathon *~Sparkly~* Tiara Edition Starts Friday at 6:00 PM (your time) and Ends Sunday at 6:00 PM. (your time)

I know you're tired from the long work week, but now it's time to put on your tiara and write. #Wordathon is ON. Start ~*sparkling*~ writers!
1. Find out what the word count is on your current work-in-progress.
2. Tweet your count to @jimsissy on twitter or tweet it with the #wordathon hashtag or post it here on the blog.
3. Write like you want to be published, or stay off the backlist.
4. Be sure to check in occasionally to the #wordathon thread. If you don't know how to do this, email me at jimsissy (at) yahoo.com. Tell me what twitter client you use and what you want to do.
5. Be sure to give @skyladawn a hard time. Oh, and @DinaJames 'cause #dinaisevil.
5A. No writing slumps allowed or we put you in rule 5. @Agonyzer I'm talking to you. Pay attention.)
5B. I want many beautiful words. (see 5A)
5C. We're sluffing off editing people- more edited pages are needed. Don't make me come over there.(see 5A)
6. Have fun. Meet other writers. You'll be signing with them someday. Encourage them and get much needed encouragement back.
7. Sunday at 6:00 PM your time, stop writing. Post your total words written or total pages edited to @jimsissy or to #wordathon.

Any questions? No?

8. Get your butt in the chair and write. Dont forget to ~*sparkle*~ (That's the important part!)

Weekend #Wordathon HO-O!

2009-09-25T18:24:00.001-05:00

Wordathon HO-O! Starts Friday at 6:00 PM your time and Ends Sunday at 6:00 PM.

I know you're tired from the long work week, but now it's time to put on your thinking cap. #Wordathon is ON!

1. Find out what the word count is on your current work-in-progress.

2. Tweet your count to @jimsissy on twitter or tweet it with the #wordathon hashtag.

3. Write like you want to be published.

4. Be sure to check in occasionally to the #wordathon thread. If you don't know how to do this, email me at jimsissy (at) yahoo.com. Tell me what twitter client you use and what you want to do.

5. Be sure to give @skyladawn a hard time. She's in a writing black hole. Let's jump in!

6. Have fun. Meet other writers. Encourage them and get much needed encouragement back.

7. Sunday at 6:00 PM your time, stop writing. Post your ending word count, or total words written to @jimsissy or to #wordathon.

8. Get your butt in the chair and write.

I Declare a Weekday #Wordathon!

2009-09-22T17:42:00.000-05:00

I'm in need of a swift kick in the writing pants and who better to do that than you? In order to facilitate the end of my Gawd-awful three-day slump, I declare a Weekday #Wordathon!

Starting Wednesday at 6:00 AM (your time) write like you want to be published, or like you want to stay in print. Post your starting word count to the blog here or on twitter with the #wordathon hashtag. Write as much as you can between then and Friday at 6:00 PM.

If you're editing, keep track of the number of pages you finish and post your tally.

Don't forget to encourage the other writers, invite your friends to play, and kick me in the tushy every once in a while.

Can we beat last weekends #wordathon totals? They wrote 79,752 words and edited 192 pages. Weekday Writers, Onward and Upward!

Magic Spreadsheet for Writers!

2009-09-18T14:26:00.000-05:00

First of all, I can't take credit for the Magic Spreadsheet. It was created by my multi-talented sister-in-law author Shannon K Butcher. She writes books and does math too! She's on twitter now and you can follow her here. You'll like her. She is amazingly artistic and makes beautiful beaded jewelry that sparkles!

Here's her latest contest prize. You know you want it.

Enter to win it here.

So On to the Magic Spreadsheet ;D

Here is your blank Spreadsheet

Do you see the highlighted areas? You need to fill those in. Your starting word count will be 0. If you're starting in the middle of a book, go ahead and put your own numbers in. Put in your goal finish date and also goal writing speed and ending page count. It also helps you see how much book you have left to tell the story. You know what genre you're writing so keep your final page count to acceptable levels. It will save you grief in the end.

Here is a look at my magic spread sheet- now you know how slow I am.

Do you see the totals on the bottom right in the boxes? After each day you finish writing, right click there and left click refresh. Do it in both boxes. My favorite box is the percentage. I so love when it goes up and up! And, no. You can't see the rest of my numbers. Only so many would fit on the screen ;D

If you don't have your own copy of the magic spreadsheet. Email me (jimsissy at y ahoo dot com) and I'll send you one.

HAPPY WRITING!!!

Special Holiday #Wordathon!

2009-09-04T06:50:00.000-05:00

Let's write lovely words.

Start time Friday at 6 PM, write until Monday at 6PM - All timezones are your own. If it's already past Friday where you are, start now and give yourself 72 hours.

How to Play-

New Works In Progress
1. Post your starting word count to twitter. Be sure and include The hashtag #wordathon. Then I'll add you to the #wordathon blogroll. OR you can @jimsissy or DM @jimsissy. OR you can post it here in the comment section.

2. Write like you want to get published, or stay published. There's no room in this business for slackers.

3. When your time is up, tweet your ending word count to twitter. Don't forget the #wordathon hashtag. Or @jimsissy or DM jimsissy or leave it below in the blog comments.

You're encouraged to post #wordathon updates during the competition. Tell others, "Great Job." Or tell them you're going to open a can of whuup a$$ on their bad selves. Have fun. Everyone welcome.

Denizens of Editing Hell Keep track of how many pages you edit.

1. Post your starting page to twitter. Be sure and include The hashtag #wordathon. Then I'll add you to the #wordathon blogroll. OR you can @jimsissy or DM @jimsissy. OR you can post it here in the comment section.

2. Edit like you want to get published, or stay published. Delete the parts that stink like fish. There's no room in this business for slackers.

3. When your time is up, tweet your ending page count to twitter. Don't forget the #wordathon hashtag. Or @jimsissy or DM jimsissy or leave it below in the blog comments.

4. You're encouraged to post #wordathon updates during the competition. Tell others, "Great Job." Or tell them you're going to open a can of whuup a$$ on their bad selves. Have fun. Everyone is welcome

Everyone be sure to follow the other #Wordathon people or the #wordathon hash tag.

Seven Stages of Query Grief - Stage 7: Acceptance and Hope

2009-08-30T08:51:00.001-05:00

Happiness can exist only in acceptance.
-George Orwell

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

As I write this, another in a long line of form rejections gracefully falls into my printer’s tray with a soul-shattering thud. Once again an agent who showed so much promise in the beginning has proven that she does not share my dream.

This agent seduced me with her web site as she beckoned me with her, “this agent is actively building her clients.”

How many times have I fallen for that come-hither mesmerizing “this agent represents middle-grade” hypnotizing stare?

It would seem that lessons would have been learned by now. How do we as writers accept getting knocked on our butts, and keep coming back for more? Is it easy for us to see our dreams dismissed subjectively? How many of us would stop associating with friends that told us that we just didn’t fit in, or were just not right. It's something we as wanna-be authors face on a daily basis, or in some cases three or four times a day. Rejection.

Every single one of us go to our email countless times searching for that solitary positive response to our query, coming back empty handed more times than not. We click our inbox closed with our “no news is good news attitude”. We read with interest what other writers say about their queries, and how agent X rejected or requested a partial nano-seconds after they hit send. We wonder why a particular agent has responded to a particular writer when the very same agent has had our query for months without a response.

Well guess what? Rejection is the cold hard fact of the publishing business. The sooner we accept that 9 out of 10, and sometimes 99 out of 100 queries will get rejected or ignored, (and it's all a part of the game and never personal,) the sooner we can move on. It’s hard to accept rejection after rejection, after rejection, but we must accept. Literary Agents do not sit in their offices and choose whose dream to crumble today.

Accept that before a flower can grow there needs to be rain, or in my case monsoons.

Each and every one of us is a dreamer. We all chase our own individual rainbow. We all love what we do; writing is a passion for most of us. There's a price we all must pay for our dreams, rainbows are never free. Hope is the price we pay; it’s what gets us through to the next query. There is no doubt we hope our next query is our last. Without hope there would be no literature.

Give me the patience to accept that which I cannot change, and the courage to hope for my place in the stars. Never give up. Accept failure with the determination to get it better the next time. Dream the impossible dream, and wish on the evening star.

One day soon, you’ll walk past a reader with their nose in a book, smile and say “that’s me they’re reading”.

Ramon Ballard is a nice guy, and he constantly has to remind himself of that. (Although his loved ones have no doubt.) He's a writer and a technotard. You can follow him on twitter here, view his website here, and read his blog here.

Seven Stages of Query Grief - Stage 6: Depression

2009-08-22T14:20:00.014-05:00

Querying is hard work, not just for the time you spend on it, but the emotional investment. Every time you hit send, you're giving someone a chance to break your heart. Sure, they might say yes, but usually they say no, and it gets depressing after the hundredth time.

You've gone through the other stages -- disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger -- and they're still rejecting the manuscript you spent years on. "This doesn't meet our needs," and, "We're not confident we could sell this." In your inbox. Every day. And what if--

What if those are just nice ways of saying you're not good enough? What if they're right?

Ouch.

Maybe you've sent out a hundred query letters, rewriting the sucker every ten or twenty or so, and no one requests. No one. What are you expected to assume from that? That your idea stinks and you can't write a query letter to save your life? And what about if you write brilliant query letters (everyone says so!) and get requests for partials and fulls...and they still reject you? Thirty full manuscripts later, you still don't have an agent. They say nice things like, "You show a lot of talent," and, "I enjoyed this, but..." and even worse, "I absolutely loved this but it won't sell."

Ow ow ow.

It's easy to get depressed, to lose heart and give up. And how the heck are you supposed to deal with rejection after rejection? Ben and Jerry's only helps until the scale starts rejecting you. After a while, you think it might be better to stop sending queries. Or stop writing all together, because clearly no one is going to fall in love with your story. Oooor, maybe you'll just write in secret and one day after you're dead, someone will discover your files and finally see what a brilliant writer you were.

Wait! Stop there! Depression is like a black hole. It just sucks you in further and further and it's darned hard to climb out. (Faulty simile, I know. Black holes trap you forever and stretch you into infinity when you're caught in their gravity, and time is distorted and... Actually, maybe this isn't such a faulty simile after all.) Okay, stop while you still can. Climb yourself out of that faulty black hole simile and step back. Try not to look too hard at your manuscript as you tuck it into a trunk for a while.

If you've been doing your job as a writer, you've been working on a new manuscript. A better manuscript. Because most writers don't find success with their first manuscript anyway. (And we don't like the ones who do. Upstarts!)

Here's what you do: Take a break from querying. Give yourself six months or so to finish and revise your new manuscript until your eyes fall out, write a query (rewrite the query a hundred times), and then take it easy with your search. Get the Ben and Jerry's ready. (Find a treadmill.) This time, you'll be prepared.

I can't promise it's going to be easier or hurt less, but you're not the only one going through this stage of query grief.

This, too, shall pass.

Jodi Meadows is twenty-six years old and married to an unsuspecting printing press operator. Together they keep ferrets and a Kippy and strange hours.

By day, the Warlord writes books and reads her friends’ stories, all while drinking coffee and chatting with said friends. By night, she fights crime.

She used to live in Texas where she worked as a waitress and rode her horse, Ivan. Now she resides in Virginia where the state doesn’t shut down for snow.

She finds that very odd.

You can follow her on twitter here, see her website here, and read her blog about slush here.

Seven Stages of Query Grief - Stage 5: Anger

2009-08-22T14:16:00.013-05:00

I am so furious. My. Query. Has. Been. Rejected.

Gah! Who do these people think they are? These editors and agents are playing God, yet refuse to see the true beauty and sheer poetry I wrote. I practically put more effort into crafting that query than I did the book itself! It is a work of art. It is craftsmanship. If it was a painting, it would be hanging in the Louvre.

This is high school all over again. The pretty and popular editors and agents picking on the geeky writer. “You can't join our clique, you're not cool enough.” Really, people, grow up! It's called inclusion. Look it up, if you're not too busy with your martini lunches. Snobby lushes. You rip my heart out and stomp on it and then laugh in my face with your form rejection letter. A form letter! And you couldn't even bother to put my name on it. Dear Sir or Madam is not gonna cut it. The audacity of it all! I wish you a thousand paper cuts from your form rejection letters. And acne. Oh, and a dodge ball to your crotch. Let's see how you like it.

I've heard it many times before, but I don't care if bestselling authors got rejected numerous times before they were finally published. This is me and my book we're talking about. I doubt Shakespeare ever had to deal with sort of crap. Limey bastard had it good. What is it going to take, because I am not dressing up in tights and a poofy shirt, wearing a starched lace collar and elf shoes! Although, maybe I should. I'll take a picture and send it to those who deny my art to the world and show them physically the man behind the masterpiece they rejected. Or, look really stupid trying.

To think that I spent all that time working on crafting the perfect attention-getting query, only to have a big, fat no slapped across my face. I'm so mad I could spit!

Hack-pew.

Mrow.

Well, that's what you get for being in the way, cat. I truly feel as though I could kick a puppy and not feel bad about doing it. If I only had a puppy. Wait, where's that cat?

Gods, I wish I could just beat these naysayers into a bloody pulp with my fists and then shove their rejection letter down their throats and have them choke on it! I pour my heart and soul into my work, taking every spare second I have to write, sometimes stealing time away from others, to accomplish this labor of love, only to be told it's not good enough? I'm not good enough?

Well, screw them! Righteous bullies, toying with my hopes and dreams. They're the ones who are going to be sorry. We'll see how they like it when I burn their letter and send the ashes back to them. This time, though, I am not going to enclose a SASE.

RJ Dennis is an award winning writer. You can follow him on twitter here, and visit his website here. He's also on youtube here.

Seven Stages of Query Grief - Stage 4: Guilt

2009-08-22T14:08:00.013-05:00

The paper was worn and faded. Tear stains blurred the letters in places. It had been read and folded carefully. I set it aside, yet again, vowing I would never send it. How could I? I knew it would only bring more pain.
Then, in a moment of weakness, or hope, I opened it again. How could I make it less painful? What if—What if what? What if I’m the one?

How many delusionals with a dream thought that?

“Hello, my name is Cleopatra and I have a story to tell.”
That would be great, but I’m not Cleopatra. I can’t even figure out where to use a comma correctly, so I just sprinkle them like confetti, hoping some would fall in the right places. Of course, if I was Cleopatra, they probably wouldn’t care if I bathed in commas and donkey milk.

How many such letters had they received today? Fifty? Eighty? Three hundred? How could I add to that burden?
Evil Editor looked at it and didn’t barf. At least not in front of me. He and his evil minions helped me make it better. The Gnomies helped me even more. I studied the Miss Snark archives until I was banned for wearing out the site.

What more can I do?

Not send it. That’s what I can do.

Then I did what has always worked in the past when I need more courage, less inhibitions and no guilt. I mixed up a pitcher of lemonade and everclear, also known as Texas lemonade. After the first sip, I was 5’3” and mildly sedated. One glass later, I was ten-foot tall and bullet proof. I filled out an application to join the navy SEALS.

I took the letter out again and read it. It took a while since I was reading two of them at once. It looked like two, anyway. Yep, that is the perfect query letter to go with the perfect manuscript.
By the third glass, I was dancing naked in the kitchen to Shout. That’s what the agents would be doing when they read it the perfect query from the perfect client.

Where’s my top twenty list? Oh, yeah, there they are. Twenty? What the heck. Why not give everyone a chance at glory…and me? Seventy-nine submissions later, I passed out.
The problem with Texas lemonade guilt proofer, is it’s temporary. When you do come to your senses, three things cross your mind. A Mack truck, judging from your headache. Why are you naked? Worst of all, what did you do when you were feeling courageous and totally guilt free?

Since I woke in the vicinity of the laptop, it was probably Twitter related. No problem. Everyone will just think I was tired.

Oh, please. By all that is holy tell me I didn’t query seventy-nine agents last night.

I moved the icepack on my head to read the first query.

Dear Maasster,

Did I really query Don Maass and call him Maasster?
I poured the rest of 190-proof guilt ender down the drain.

There are worse things than guilt.

Julie Weathers is a feisty cowgirl from Texas, author of Paladin's Pride (not the dirty one), Dragon Valley, Dancing Horses, and assorted short stories including Martha and Tilley (those ARE the dirty ones). She was a staff writer for the award-winning Speedhorse Racing Report, raised 3 fabulous men, and now seeks to amuse the planet with her delightful wit and heart wrenching story telling. You can follow her on twitter here, view her website here, and read her blog here.

Seven Stages of Query Grief - Stage 3: Bargaining

2009-08-22T14:00:00.016-05:00

Entering the query process is this weird mix of striking out into the wilderness of professionalism in your writing and, at the same time, opening yourself up to the horrific wiles of artistic masochism.

It is, in short, HARD.

Not too far into the process, the would-be-author starts to mourn over lost dreams of being one of those Inspirational Author Stories™ where the writer finds her perfect dream agent on the first try, and with a tear in her eye and the wind blowing through her hair, whispers, “Yes. Yes, I will be agented by you!”
(cue: film credits and orchestrated emotionalism)When it doesn’t quite go that way?
(cue: ominous music and fear-inducing darkness)

It is from that black, wretched underbelly of Query Grief that one stage creeps out from the blurred shadows of absolute desperation and madness…

BARGAINING.

(cue: creepy, mindless giggles)

* READ IT! REEEEEEAD IT!! I KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!
(aka, I’ll Attach My MS, So Agents Can’t Help But Read It!)

Yeah… they really, really can.

BUT I SUCK AT WRITING QUERIES!! – I know. We all believe that our manuscripts are too brilliantly complex to be distilled down to a few paragraphs. We also never thought that writing the copy on the back of a book would be hard—until we tried it on our own work and came up lacking. But often, your query letter is your ONLY tool to reach a potential agent.

So, in the immortal words of RuPaul: You. Better. WORK!

Her masterfully succinct point is that there are a lot of options for query improvement (writer forums, agent blogs). Don’t try to shirk the system. Work it out.

BUT IF THEY’D JUST READ IT… – I know that too. We all think that anyone who reads our full will fall instantly in love and clamor for our love and affection. But attaching unrequested work is counterproductive—it’s going to get you a form rejection without even being read. Agents just can’t be bothered to consider writers who can’t be bothered to follow instructions.

BUT HE DID IT!! – I hate this one most of all. When I read accounts from published authors about how they just decided to craft a query package the way they wanted and ignore submission guidelines… AND IT’S GOOD THEY DID, because they fell through the cracks and found their agent that way. This is such an exception. And counting on this to help you is a stupid, wasteful game.

* “WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER!!”
(aka, To Know Me Is To Love Me!)

I’ve actually seen quite a few writers who craft pseudo query letters, all in jest of course, that detail all the ways in which the writer will work hard and avoid committing the Client Crimes that some agents whine about on their blogs. They think that if The Agents just knew how easy and fun they would be to work with, The Agents would sign them, work unseen!

Um… no. The BOOK is the thing, my loves. Book first, loving you for you… distant second.

* “I WILL SIGN MY NAME IN BLOOD!”
(aka, Granting Exclusives Tricks the Agent to Act!)

Actually, all granting an exclusive does is limit the writer, making their query journey that much longer. The only time the word EXCLUSIVE should filter through the writer's brain is if an agent requests it directly. And by directly, I mean in either their submission guidelines or in a personal email to you... not "I've heard that this agent likes exclusives." And even then, you should think long and hard before granting such a request, as has been noted by the ever-brilliant Agent Sharkess Supreme, Janet Reid. This is just not good business. In the month(s) you give an agent to read your material, you could have 30+ agents reading your material, thus upping your chances of finding the one who will love you mostest.

There's a cliché here about eggs and baskets, but really, no one should be subjected to cliché, um… ever.

* Ooo! THE SHINY!!
(aka, Gifts & Glitter Will Curry Favor!)

Yeah… don’t be this guy. You know, the guy who sends food, glitter, love letters, a sweater knitted from the shedded hair of your dogs (TRUE STORY!), and/or a deed to your first born child in order to force the agent’s affections.

As to food gifts, if you would eat baked goods sent to you in the mail by a complete stranger, then you had terrible parents, and should really be in therapy for your mommy issues and not at all concerned with publishing a book in the first place. That, or you’d best have a direct line to poison control. Whichever.

And always remember what Demetri Martin says, “Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.” True. That.

Using crazy fonts, SPESHAL stationary (either real or virtual), gifts, money, or blood… none of these will help you get an agent. And really, if they did, would you want that kind of agent to represent you in public?!?

Suffice it to say that no amount of bargaining or bribing will make an agent fall in love with a book. And if they don’t love your book, you don’t want them as your agent.

Thankfully, the bargaining stage lasts only a little while, and can usually be cured by a full night’s sleep, a full request from a previously requested partial, or a not-so-gentle smack upside the head by your favorite critique partner.

Author Heather W Petty is repped by Eleanor Jackson. View her blog here, follow her on twitter here, or friend her on facebook here.

Seven Stages of Query Grief - Stage 2: Denial

2009-08-22T13:39:00.024-05:00

Denial
It’s Not Me, It’s You.

Denial is a funny word. Every time I hear it, I think about an ex-boyfriend who always used to say, “De-Nile ain’t just a river in Egypt, babycakes.”

(That babycakes thing is why we broke up, by the way.)

It’s blissful to be in denial. You don’t really have to worry so much, because it just isn’t your fault. This is probably my favorite stage of the querying process—my book is awesome, my query letter is fabulous—and all those agents out there are drinking crazy juice for not begging to read my full manuscript.

It’s kind of beautiful really. At this stage in the game, we’re all destined to be New York Times Best Selling Authors. The big name agents are still on our list, and we’re absolutely sure that not only will they want to read our book and tell all their friends about it… they’re going to fast track it for publication—and we’ll be able to give copies to all our friends as Christmas Gifts!

The funny thing is, a lot of writers get stuck in this stage. They get form letter rejection after form letter rejection and don’t do anything about it.

I think it’s probably all those self esteem building workshops and classes people go to nowadays. They are absolutely sure their work is greatness, and they don’t understand that it takes a lot to get out of that slush pile.

For those few who do actually make it out of this stage, it’s okay to miss it. I don’t blame you one bit. The realization that the road to publication is an uphill battle is an important one. It makes us stronger writers. We seek out fellow aspiring authors, find fabulous critique partners and beta readers. Many times, we even throw out that first piece of crap book and start on something better. Don’t feel like you failed if you get a lot of form rejections.

Just don’t give up. The next few stages of the querying process are brutal, and aren’t quite as fun as this one. But remember that those first no’s are all a part of the journey. Growing and realizing that it really IS you and there’s something you can do about it just makes you a better writer.

Jamie Harrington is an aspiring author working on her super villain book. Have a Nice Day and Watch out for the Big Yellow Chicken.
You can follow her on twitter here and read her blog Totally the Bomb here.

Seven Stages of Query Grief - Stage 1: Disbelief

2009-08-22T13:33:00.016-05:00

Dearest Agent,

Thank you so for your prompt response to my query—my goodness, but 16.25 hours is fast! If this is an example of your work ethic, we'll be perfect for each other.
I just want, however, to point out one small thing: You seem to have confused my novel, Savage Chastity, for someone else's work. I know your in-box must be overwhelmingly full (because you are, after all, you.) Based on your comments, I am sure if you go back and re-read my query, you will realize your mistake.

We all have bad days, which is why I don't take offense when you write that heroine's drive to put on a Broadway show is "trite." You meant to say "universal," didn't you? And by "convoluted plot" I think you're trying to express your admiration for how well I address the vagaries of the human condition—right?

I'll tell you what. Let's just forget this whole little mix-up ever happened. I'll delete your rejection on my end, and you can delete that old query on yours so that the two of us can start over.

I'm overnighting you a bottle of Crown® (Notice, by the way, how I use the registered trademark symbol? I'm very detail-oriented, as you'll see when we are working together more closely).
I'll resend the query tomorrow afternoon—say around 4:45? I suggest you spend the tomorrow clearing your in-box, tossing those stupid hard-copy submissions into the trash (what kind of idiot uses paper any more anyway?) and have a drink.

Don’t worry! I included the shot glass.

Clearly we both need a few more hours' distance, and that's all right. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and sometimes even the healthiest partners need space. I, you will be happy to learn, will use that time to work on the prequel to the Savage trilogy: Rigid Fluidity.

You might want to schedule an appointment with Dr. Garstein. He's a therapist in the building next to yours, 3rd floor, Suite G. No need to thank me: It only took me 45 minutes to Google® him (though you might want to check that suite number--it's harder to see my screen, what with the new cracks in the computer monitor. I haven't pulled the keyboard out yet because I'm afraid the whole thing will collapse).

Forgive me if I seem impatient. It's just that I've spent thousands of hours on Savage Chastity and her sister works. I've told everyone I know that I'm writing a novel and they all ask "When will I get a copy?" I've badgered my cousin's husband (the assistant to the deputy sheriff) with forensics questions, and the high school biology teacher has taught me everything she knows about time travel. My research into the intimate scenes has been, well, second-hand, because I've spent so much time writing this book.

Knowing what I've invested in Savage Chastity, therefore, I realize you can't possibly have meant to reject her so quickly. But I'm forgiving and generous (did I mention it's real Crown Royal®, not some cheap knock-off?) and I'm willing to wait.
Enjoy your drink. Take some time for yourself. Because once you realize what you hold in your hand, you'll be in for a wild ride. This fictional novel, I promise you, will sell itself.

Love (if I may be so bold),
Keri

Keri Stevens - Leap... and love will catch you.
She can be found on twitter here and you can read her blog Leap! here.

Weekday Writers #Wordathon

2009-08-19T05:37:00.002-05:00

Time to write beautiful words people!
Start time Wednesday at 6 AM, write until Friday at 6PM - All timezones are your own.

How to Play-

New Works In Progress
1. Post your starting word count to twitter. Be sure and include The hashtag #wordathon. Then I'll add you to the #wordathon blogroll. OR you can @jimsissy or DM @jimsissy. OR you can post it here in the comment section.

2. Write like you want to get published, or stay published. There's no room in this business for slackers.

3. When your time is up, tweet your ending word count to twitter. Don't forget the #wordathon hashtag. Or @jimsissy or DM jimsissy or leave it below in the blog comments.

You're encouraged to post #wordathon updates during the competition. Tell others, "Great Job." Or tell them you're going to open a can of whuup a$$ on their bad selves. Have fun. Everyone welcome.

Denizens of Editing Hell Keep track of how many pages you edit.

1. Post your starting page to twitter. Be sure and include The hashtag #wordathon. Then I'll add you to the #wordathon blogroll. OR you can @jimsissy or DM @jimsissy. OR you can post it here in the comment section.

2. Edit like you want to get published, or stay published. Delete the parts that stink like fish. There's no room in this business for slackers.

6. When your time is up, tweet your ending page count to twitter. Don't forget the #wordathon hashtag. Or @jimsissy or DM jimsissy or leave it below in the blog comments.

You're encouraged to post #wordathon updates during the competition. Tell others, "Great Job." Or tell them you're going to open a can of whuup a$$ on their bad selves. Have fun. Everyone is welcome

Scary House

2009-08-18T19:22:00.009-05:00

Let's start at the beginning. My dear husband has been looking into rental property. He feels that since so many people are losing their homes to foreclosure, and since they won't have a credit score much bigger than their shoe size after they lose their homes, they'll need to rent. Buying at auction on the courthouse steps is the cheapest way to acquire property around here. So hubby went shopping houses last weekend.

Looks like someones grandmother should live there, right? Mow the yard, a little paint and ready to be rented by a small family.
Ummm, not so much.

The dear man refuses to go into an empty house alone. After all, there could be squatters. Maybe a dead body. I've always scoffed at that notion until now. I'll freely admit he was right. In actual writing. (Well, typing but you get my drift.)
After he ascertained that the upstairs was in good shape with no remodeling, They went down to the basement to check the power box.

This helps you see if the house has the ability to support a central air conditioner and also, if it's a newer box, to know if the wiring passed city inspection in recent history.
You know those horror movies where you yell at the hero/heroine not to go in the basement? He thought he was in one when he found the prison cell built there.

Notice the plexiglas window and slot just the right size to push food through. Oh, you might think it was for a dog, you could push a dogs food bowl through a slot, right?

Not unless your dog could grab the bowl with his paws and set it on the ground. The slot is way too high. Also most dogs don't wear clothes, use a computer or sleep on a cot.

We talked about it and decided that the right thing to do would be to report it to the police. We knew a policeman socially through local sports and called him. He came to see the scary house on his own time, immediately called the sex crimes unit who in turn evidently called the FBI.

That's all I know for now, but we do have the hope that somewhere, somehow, someone may find out what happened to their lost loved one.

Here's some more pictures of things that shouldn't be there, but are.
Two of these on the ceiling- have no idea what they're used for.

Deadbolt locks on the outside of the door.

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.

Unless You're Stephen King It's Time To Write

2009-08-07T20:02:00.001-05:00

Quit gritching how you want an agent and make your words shine like stars. When you have a dozen books on the shelf and checks rolling in- you can have the weekend off. Until then TIME TO WRITE. #Wordathon is ON!

Here's how to play.Start Friday at 6:00 PM Your TIME, ESP, PCI, whatever.
For shiny new words:
1. Find out what the word count is on your current work-in-progress.
2. Tweet your count to @jimsissy on twitter or tweet it with the #wordathon hashtag, or leave it in the comment section below.
3. Write like you want to be published.
4. Be sure to check in occasionally to the #wordathon thread. If you don't know how to do this, email me at jimsissy (at) yahoo.com. Tell me what twitter client you use and what you want to do.
5. Be sure to give @skyladawn a hard time- she's fast. Like the wind fast. Slow her down.
6. Have fun. Meet other writers. Encourage them and get much needed encouragement back.
7. Sunday at 6:00 PM your time, stop writing. Post your ending word count, or total words written to @jimsissy or to #wordathon.
For Editing:
1. Tweet your start page number to @jimsissy or post it below or on twitter with the #wordathon hashtag.
2. Edit those words. Read them aloud. Fix the awkward bits. Outline scenes and re-write them. (You're much better now than when you wrote them.)Delete stuff or cut and paste it to a golden words page to have later. (You won't want them later but it will make you feel better.)
3. Tweet excellent sentences if you like. Have fun!
4. Gripe, moan, and groan if you like. Everyone edits, we understand.
5. Sunday at 6:00 PM your time, stop editing. Post your ending page count, or total pages edited to @jimsissy or to #wordathon.

Now, get your butt in the chair and write.
WARNING- DON'T LET THE COMMA FAIRY NEAR YOUR MANUSCRIPT!

#Wordathon Time!

2009-07-31T18:24:00.001-05:00

I know the day job took a lot of energy this week.

But now it's time to get you heads out of your shoes and smell the fiction. #Wordathon is ON!
1. Find out what the word count is on your current work-in-progress.
2. Tweet your count to @jimsissy on twitter or tweet it with the #wordathon hashtag.
3. Write like you want to be published.
4. Be sure to check in occasionally to the #wordathon thread. If you don't know how to do this, email me at jimsissy (at) yahoo.com. Tell me what twitter client you use and what you want to do.
5. Be sure to give @dinajames a hard time.
6. Have fun. Meet other writers. Encourage them and get much needed encouragement back.
7. Sunday at 6:00 PM your time, stop writing. Post your ending word count, or total words written to @jimsissy or to #wordathon.
8. Get your butt in the chair and write.

Food Pantry-A Sunday Miracle For You

2009-07-26T07:32:00.003-05:00

Remember when I told you about the evil person who stole our food pantry trailer?
Well, my daughter and I, lost as can be, were driving around Blue Springs, Mo. Lo and behold, we end up in a, well... messy neighborhood with yards full of assorted junk. We laughed at the odd collections. In one yard the was a trailer identical to the one stolen from the church.
We circled the block several times to try to identify it. After all, we couldn't barge onto someone elses property. We slowed to a crawl each time we passed the house. Since I didn't know the license number, we gave it up as a lost cause and went on our merry way.

The next day the Blue Springs Police department called and said they'd found our trailer abandoned downtown! Coincidence? Who knows? But it's back and with only minor damage to one wheel. Thank you men in blue!

If the people here who donated to the trailer fund don't mind, we'll use the money to fix the wheel. If you do mind, email me at jimsissy ( a t )yahoo dot com. I'll return your donation.

Yay!

Winners Of Our Super Five Day #Wordathon

2009-07-21T19:41:00.017-05:00

And The Winners Are-

Best Paragraph wins a copy of SUMMER KNIGHT audio book by Jim Butcher, read by James Marsters.

(I didn't vote on these so you can't hate me)

This winner had the most votes including the votes of my 12 year old son Gabe, my 15 year old son Danny, and last but not least, Shannon K Butcher.

Shannon is the author of Romantic Suspense novels: NO ESCAPE, NO CONTROL, NO REGRETS, and coming in October of 2009- LOVE YOU TO DEATH. She is also the author of the Paranormal Romance Series- The Sentinel Wars (Totally excellent paranormal and I say that not because she's my sister-in-law but despite that fact. You can find my name inside each of these books in the happy helper section.)

And Our BEST PARAGRAPH WINNER is Kari Stewart. You might also know her as @tasmin21. Kari is an author of Fantasy and Urban Fantasy, repped by Chris Lotts. Her debut novel due out in July 2010.

(I didn't know this, neither did the judges so dang, my kids have good taste. Maybe I should just grow my own agent.)

Here's her paragraph-

Both male, that much was evident, their bodies were almost skeletal, stained and dirty skin stretched tight over a framework of bone. Their teeth were rotted black, and the odor of decay slowly permeated the area. They breathed, but made no sound that I could hear, and they crouched on all fours like a hound rather than moving on two legs. Their movements would have been fluid on another animal, but on them they were strange and alien, like their bodies just didn’t fit what their brains were telling them to do. Or what their master is telling them to do.

Most Words
The person who wrote the most words wins a Signed copy of BURNING ALIVE by Shannon K Butcher. The next book in this series comes out in October! As I said, it's an excellent series. (I've already read the second and third book and y'all will love them.) Shannon is a writers' writer. You won't have to cringe and lose the story from those horrible glitches you see sometimes. I promise.

The writer with the Most Words is our own Skyla Dawn Cameron You might know her as @skyladawn Skyla Dawn Cameron is an Award-winning author, freelance artist, & snarky acquisitions editor for Mundania Press. She seriously kicked our collective butts writing 30,000 words in the five-day timeframe. Then she wrote another 2,000 just because she could. She gives away free fiction on her website (yes, free!)every Monday which makes my Monday not as suckful. Right now it's CHILDREN OF THE APOCOLYPSE I love, love, LOVE her blog- especially when it's How NOT To Be A Douche Bag Author 101.

Our Most Supportive Twit on twitter wins an ARC copy, signed of I LOVE YOU TO DEATH by Shannon K Butcher. Warning, Book Contains Creepiness and fear. Don't read when you're alone at night. Just sayin'

And our Most Supportive Twit is Kristy Colley.You can follow her on twitter here. Kristy posted the most GoWriter! tweets during the contest. I know a lot of you were positive influences on #wordathon but she remembered the hashtag. Kristy is an aspiring author, native Missourian living in southern Utah, and wife of a lovely Brit she convinced to hop countries. She's a positive influence on other writers and always shows joy for the sucess of others. (Not like some anonymous writers we know.)

The winner of the Most Pages Edited award wins an Extreme Productivity Peppermint Gift Basket with smelly candles by me. Peppermint is a stimulant; therefore it is energizing in nature and promotes mental clarity. And God knows we could all use some of that.

The winner is Johanna Harness You may better know her as @johannaharness on twitter. You can follow her here. We all know how hard it is to delete from our beloved first drafts and make plot changes. Johannah edited seventy-six pages!(I worked my butt off and did thirty-five.) Congratulations Johanna and all the winners of our special I-am-not-jealous-of-the-people-at-RWA Nationals edition of #Wordathon. Winners please email me your hard addresses. jimsissy ( a t )yahoo dot com.

Thanks everyone who worked so hard this week. Together we wrote 72,324 words and edited 221 pages! People in five days, WE WROTE AND EDITED A NOVEL!

It don't get no better than that. Now, back to work!

Five day #Wordathon is ON!

2009-07-15T10:07:00.003-05:00

And as promised, a list of prizes.

Best Paragraph - SUMMER KNIGHT audio book by Jim Butcher, read by James Marsters

Most Words - Signed copy of BURNING ALIVE by Shannon K Butcher. The next book in this series comes out in October!

Most Supportive Twit - ARC copy, signed of I LOVE YOU TO DEATH by Shannon K Butcher. Warning, Contains Creepiness and fear.

Most Pages Edited - Extreme Productivity Peppermint Gift Basket with smelly candles by me.

Start Time : Today 6 AM, your time
End Time : Sunday 7/19 6 PM your time

Rules:
Play Nice-
Word count contestants starting count is 0. Post your count at least two times during the five-day contest here or to #wordathon on Twitter. You have to do your own math.
Editing Contestants. In order to tighten up those stories we'll count how many pages you edited, plus at the end of the week if your MS is shorter (start with 500 pages end with 450 pages) You can add the difference to your total pages edited. Use that DELETE key people. It is your friend.
Most Supportive Twit The person who is, well, supportive to the other writers. Be sure to tag your #wordathon posts with #wordathon.
Best Paragraph Send your best paragraph from this weeks work to jimsissy (a t )yahoo.com Subject line My Paragraph Is The Best.

I think that covers it. If there's any questions or comments leave them here or tweet me @jimsissy

We Have Better Things To Do Than Turn Green

2009-07-09T21:48:00.008-05:00

Writers, we need not be jealous of all the people attending RWA Nationals. (Well, yes we will be because we wanted to see all the new hairs and shoes and stuff.) We need to keep busy. So, we're having a special combined Weekday through Weekend #Wordathon. It will start at 6:00 AM on Wednesday, July 15 and run until Sunday, July 19 at 6:00 PM. While our fellow writers run amuck in Washington D.C., we'll write lots of words.
Since you all are so gracious and brave about missing the RWA fun, we'll have prizes!
More to come on that later. For now, if you don't have an unfinished WIP, (work in progress) get cracking on those outlines. You have until July 11 to get ready.

Oh, and we have a theme song for this #wordathon!

Vacation's Over- #Wordathon Time!

2009-06-21T23:22:00.003-05:00

Moan, groan, whine, and then suck it up people. We're on the downward slide from summer,it's time to work.

Weekday writers #Wordathon starts Wednesday at 6:00 AM and goes until 6:00 PM Friday.

Weekend writers take over at 6:00 PM Friday and write until 6:00 PM Sunday.