Anti-Bullying

Kixeye.com and Facebook: A threat to all children for gaming.

2013-09-05T01:04:00.001-05:00

Over the last year, I have watched these chats, and often replies from the company itself condones the behavior of the chats as part of the game, when in fact there is a lot of malicious activity that occurs to personal lives of children, even real life fighting. These games are purported to be free, but there is obvious competition in who can outspend the other person, and then when someone won't spend money on the game, then the ruthless attacks begin. Below are some images that even Kixeye cannot deny comes from their war commander game. These players are brutal when the other players won't coin, and in fact in some of the observation, they would have spent thousands in the war itself with all the repairs they seem to instantly make all the time.

As a society, parents should know what their children are up to on the internet with games, and yes there are some pretty young children on these games.They see this activity first-hand and some even start to chime in on the activity after a while. If we are so concerned about the nature of our children hurting others, or getting ideas from the gaming environment that will potentially spill past that environment in schools, and at home. Is it a surprise that children are telling other children they should kill themselves, or is this becoming a common-place activity via gaming environments with no oversight, checks, or balances to these systems. I would imagine that Kixeye would say to report this kind of behavior to make itself look better, but in fact many do, and no response back on tickets, or if there is a response at all, its just part of the game. Below are some pictures taken today from the game chat, and this is pretty light for the chat in these games.

I want to encourage parents to watch their children and know what they are being exposed to online. Fighting has occurred outside the game in real life over conflicts that developed in the game. People with these games add each other, but fail to even look at who they are, how old they are, and most just add them without further questions asked.
Here is a snapshot of Kixeyes Website:

These are the kixeye games so parents can be more aware of what they are playing, and to keep them away from these companies, and players.

Federal Judge OK's Sexual harrassment, Peer Abuse, and Violations of Civil Rights in any school.

2013-08-21T17:19:00.001-05:00

The saddest "opinion" of a judge comes to light via a lawsuit against St. Mary's school in Fond du Lac, Wis.. A valid question would be why we send our children to an environment which is clearly in need of overhaul, and not safe for students to attend and get an education? These schools are prison's for students to be abused and schools who have little or no repercussions from transpiring safety issues. Granted, this young man took quite a bit of abuse, and one would expect him to stand up for himself, but not in the eyes of the court. If your child stands up for themselves, they are at a loss in the eyes of the court, and Federal Judge Stadtmueller . One could ask why these students abuse in the first place, drugs, home life, or the upper class that pay their way, and they get off scott-free.

To make a point of how bad this judge is, he went so far as to make an opinion, one without much thought or merit to his trivial line of questioning, but in the end condoned that schools cannot stop this, and as such it should happen without any recourse whatsoever for the child or family. The family has had vandalism to their home, and a community of wealthy Catholics that condone the abusive behavior.

This at a time when Catholics are known from the past for abuses on children, and this school just makes it look all the worse. This federal judge has just ultimately said that you do not have civil rights, and if they are violated, that it is blatantly OK to do so. Why this judge still presides is beyond me, as he is not looking after the interests of the people. Ok, so these kids don't have civil rights, which means that everything to date that was fought for was all for nothing, and apparently those in power think the same. Every organization that deals with Anti-Bullying, or deals with civil rights, rape, sexual abuse, child abuse, etc. needs to take note of this, and parents need to rethink about home-schooling there children. We are living in a country where schools are no longer safe for a child to attend school.

According to US History.org and Judge Scalia "if they abandon their role as careful and cautious interpreters of the Constitution, they become unelected legislators. According to Justice Antonin Scalia, "The Constitution is not an empty bottle....It is like a statute, and the meaning doesn't change." Despite the debate over what constitutes the appropriate amount of judicial power, the United States federal courts remain the most powerful judicial system in world history. Their power is enhanced by life terms for judges and justices, and they play a major role in promoting the core American values of freedom, equality, and justice."

I don't know, but maybe this judge has lost touch with reality, maybe he doesn't care. I am going to post some of the news articles below. I hope the family appeals to get justice for N.K. and the treatment the judge admits he took while in school. If you have a child who attends these Catholic schools, I would start asking questions of your children, because apparently these schools have a lot to hide, but don't worry they will not be made to answer for any of it.

This case involved racial slurs, unwanted touches, teasing, harassment on Facebook, and slurs over his perceived sexual orientation.

References:
American Government, (2013). The Power of the Federal Courts. Retrieved from: http://www.ushistory.org/gov/9e.asp

Articles:

http://www.fdlreporter.com/article/20130819/FON0101/308190332/Judge-dismisses-bullying-case-against-St-Mary-s-Springs

http://www.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/federal-judges-dismisses-bullying-case-against-fond-du-lac-school-b9979116z1-220243451.html

http://www.piercecountyherald.com/node/1573904

Spirituality

2013-04-17T11:55:00.002-05:00

I often wonder about spirituality, like times when I listen to music, and allow my very soul to move to the beat. It is not easy for people to feel free, to do what feels good to them, and to just let there hair down "per say". Some have figured out that you do not need to go to church to feel spiritual, and even some that do feel like at the end of a sermon, that they love what was said, but do they follow it truly?

This reminds me of back when I was a child, happy, carefree, no burdens, and yet somehow I was the happiest person in the world. Today, you might say, that I have four children, bills from here to there to pay, and work my life away. In the end, does any of that count, sure. It matters that your children were raised up, allowed to fall down, allowed to make mistakes, and most importantly that you gave your entire self for the greater good of your family, and those you love and keep close to you.

Many wander in life not knowing, but what is it to truly feel, to live in a time and place that you feel openly passionate about what you do, you, yourself. Do those around you feel the same way, did you help them in life, did you pick them up when they fall down, did you take the time to show them how they to can be happy. What if you did? What if everyday you took the time to dance with your daughter when they are 3 years old and up, or your son? What if everyday, you took the time to notice those around you that are down and out in life, and shared what you have learned?

What about children that are getting abused in school, abused at home, or abused in some way period. Do they also not have the right to feel free, to feel as if they can learn and grow, without dad or mom hitting them to make themselves feel better? What did you just show your child? You showed your child how to be broken in life. You showed your child that when they fall down that they are bad people and deserve to feel like they are worthless, maybe you belittled them, or degraded them openly in front of others, and maybe you felt better for a moment, then later you thought that what you did makes you feel guilty? Chances are that is likely the case, but there are those parents who care little to nothing about the children they brought on the earth, as the children are property, and viewed this way. Some families view the father as the disciplinarian rather than spending time with the child. Hopefully, that child will grow up to change this cycle, so that there children don't have to endure it.

Memories are all we have, and when the emotions get so out of control that it creates dis-regulation for the family, then they want to blame the system for something that is broken down, when they caused the break down in the first place. They often do not see the child as a person, someone that needs time and patience to see and understand the ways of the world. Often parents are so busy, that they figure the best way to put a child in line is to hit or abuse them. When it comes to abuse in school, now your children that you have abused feel free to take it out on others weaker than them, and not all children are seen as weaker, they are tall and gentle giants, they are nice and courteous to others, most of what we want for our kids to grow up like. Yet some plant the seed in their children that says violence is the answer. If we are to do this type of mentality, then of course children are going to be continually harmed in schools, and of course they will continually get sued, and if no settlement is reached, you as a parent can be sued for the actions of your child if they win by trial jury.

I am sure you believe in world peace, just like everyone else does, so why create violence on someone who cannot defend themselves. Are you truly happy, or is your inner self and spirit broken. If so, why has it come to be this way? I absolutely loved to spend time with my children, dance with them, and see there wonder come out with the world. When they are teens, it gets harder and harder to spend time with them in the same way as when they are young, they developed a mind and use it, and sometimes are embarrassed by mom and dad, or feel that way.

When you decided to get married and said your vows, did they mean anything to you, or do you feel like you must beat them to make them your slave in life, and to do what you say? Are you really happy? Ask yourself what makes you happy, and none of us are perfect, but in the end, what are you setting as an example, not only to your family, but everyone around you? Sure there are going to be those around you that are absolutely miserable, and maybe they haven't figured out what life is about, maybe they had a terrible childhood and cannot get past it. Maybe, just maybe if those of us who have figured it out, share that with others, then just maybe this world will find peace, love, and harmony.

Guys, when I was married, I knew I was not happy, but due to circumstances we had to make it work for the kids's sake. Are you doing the same? Trust me, my kids today know that divorce was the best thing to happen, and for good reason, and they are happy for me, and even accept it. When, I find the person I want to be with, her very being is something I want to entrench myself in, give without question, trust without knowing, and to always feel like I can never know enough about her. Many in this world get married based on a feeling and have children, then divorce when life gets boring, or when times just get to tough and they run away. Then in the end, everyone is bitter, hate each other. If that is what you wish to do, that is fine. I tend to think that we are looking for someone who is able to compromise, able to discuss things rationally, even dance or hold us close just because they want to show us they love us.

If I found the right one, there would never be a question of the love we would have, and I would allow my entire spirit to intertwine with hers always. Even if you never get married, does that mean that inside you forgot who you are? No. We often push aside what we really wanted in life to find a false happiness with money, or a career we are not really satisfied with, but make good money. These things in life cause us to be miserable.

When I had a spiritual awakening one night, I began to see that life is in motion, and we as humans who are so miserable that we lash out at each other, simply didn't seem important anymore. My life changed in a new direction, and I know that something occurred that gave me a purpose. In life we never stop learning, never stop maturing, and we're always there in times of need for the ones we hold close.

In the end, I will truly be able to say, I loved enough, I gave enough, I shared enough, and I have no regrets. We cannot take money with us where we go, we cannot take a mansion with us where we go, our spirit is the only thing to go. So, ask yourself is your spirit deep down really happy, is your partner in life spirit happy, and what about those you hold close to you. Believe me, I wont tell you how to live your life, but as long as I live I will be truly set free, because, there is nothing in this world that can cause me to feel down again, and when I began to see how that felt, I knew I could have an impact on others. God bless.

My Inspiration

2013-04-09T23:26:00.001-05:00

In the last 5 years many children and there parents looked to me for help, and received help, but everytime I go into the field, I find that they are my inspiration. The ultimate love they have for their child when they are hurt or down gives me hope that there is an untapped potential in society. Those parents get to the point where they will walk to the end of the earth for there child. Would you as a parents. School bullying is not an easy task, in fact we know its a very hard road to try and navigate, and schools do not make it easy either for a parent to get answers or help. I have dedicated my life to answering there question, and it has been a pleasure, but what comes after that is simply amazing in their transformation. I look to how your family grows, and flourishes after my visit, and warms my heart to see a peace return to your family, and the true resolve you have to see it through. Sometimes, the only way to correct what has been done is the court system.

This is no easy task, and never is. Hours of documentation, listening to facts and events from your child, seeing the hurt they carry, trying to keep oneself composed, and ultimately feeling the effects of it in the end. Some parents get so angry and frustrated, that the first order of business before I can even look at what they have is to help them step outside of the situation and calm them down. I will be frank in saying, that it is not easy to see your child hurt every single day, and sometimes coping with that is not easy to do, but the stress it adds to the child doesn't help matters. Once that occurs, I am able to help the family find closure, and sometimes that means that I need to sit with the school, the parent, and discuss options, and bring to light all that is occurring. Sometimes administrations are aware, and sometimes they are not, but there is no excuse for allowing a child to be tortured in or out of a school environment.

One of the highlights of my life, was being able to meet these families and travel all over the state of Iowa, and even some other states when I can. Truth be told, it should never have to happen at all, but when you have a broken system, and kids feel free to rule the school, you tend to find more of this occurring, more books being written, more abuse that in time add to the already broken system. The public is footing the bill for every child who successfully wins a case, regardless of a law, yet they turn there head and say "kids will be kids". I have said in the past that the amount of the damage society is causing is going to soar in the mental health system for fixing the problems that are occurring to these young children, and over time you can bet you bill to the state is going to get heavier in cost, and in 30 years talk about tripling your cost, just imagine that.

PTSD

2013-02-25T00:30:00.001-06:00

Have you experienced PTSD?

What is PTSD?

PTSD symptoms are more than described in the DSM IV-TR, but for purposes of the DSM it only lists the more common major symptomology.

These symptoms are:

Flashbacks

Fear, Helplessness, Horror

Avoidance or shutting off of emotions

Audible remembrance of an event (Gunfire, explosions)

Difficulty sleeping (REM disruption)

Intrusive thoughts, images, or perceptions

Distressing dreams of event(s)

Acting and feeling as if the distressing event was recurring

Illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashbacks

Triggers (internal or external) that cause psychological distress

Physiological reactivity to the cues from a traumatic event

Avoiding thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with trauma

Avoiding activities or areas, including people that arouse recollection of the trauma

Inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma

Diminished interest or participation in activities

Feeling detached or estraged from others

Restricted range of affect (e.g. not being able to feel love)

Sense of a foreshortened future ( not expecting to have a career, children, marriage, or shortened life span)

Irritability or anger

Difficulty concentrating

Hypervigilance

Exaggerated Startle Response

May impair ability to work, be social, or other areas of functioning

Acute is less than 3 months

Chronic is more than 3 months

Delayed onset means that the symptoms appear 6 months after the stressor.

There is much more of course for symptoms, rapid heart rate, flushing or tingling of the skin after a flashback, you get the idea.

The picture above was created after being treated for PTSD, and I think it explains itself for the most part, but here is just a brief overview. This is depicting one capsule related to several traumas in a point in time, there can be several capsules with different traumas, or as some call it Complex PTSD.

The picture represents stages that take place when a person encounters PTSD related to flashbacks, feelings, emotions, and thoughts. At the beginning, the person may not realize they have PTSD, but they know something is intrusive or cannot stop visualizing it in the mind, largely scattered, and may not be intrusive all the time. The second stage is a little bit more organized, but is largely unconnected and can be intermittent, emotion related to the event is more pronounced, and the third stage, the person has lived with it long enough for organization to occur of the memories, flashbacks, thoughts and emotions that are attached. If you have any questions feel free to email me at pkefdr@aol.com.

For those of you living with PTSD, I hope you are able to find a psychologist with the training on EMDR Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, and while you cannot get rid of it, you can learn to tag the memories so they exist only in long term memory and they are no longer intrusive in your daily life, in your dreams, or when your overtired. PTSD is not the end, it is your new beginning to life, and happiness that you can again experience.

Education Reform, Republicans should be ashamed!

2013-02-20T22:33:00.000-06:00

As I watched the debate of education reform, I expected some things to get challenged by opponents on the Republican side of the aisle; however, it turned out to be a my way republican party standing and to heck with what you think would improve a bill that does nothing anyways to help the schools or the children. At any rate, I was plain disgusted with the lack of bipartisan effort to come to compromise on these amendments, while it was only mentioned once that they would work with the other party on one amendment. The rest the gentleman from Woodbury did nothing but convince his party to resist on all of the amendments, and challenge the germane of other amendments. Listening to the spoken nay and ayes towards suspending the rules it was hard to tell who had it, yet right away it was always the nays that have it so that it could be still debated.

I felt bad for all the hard work the democrats did to get informed and make meaningful amendments that were simply tossed out. At the beginning of the debate for Mental Health Appropriations, all was going well there was I admit good debate, but that soon lost its flavor as republicans dug into their trench, acting as if there is some casualty that will occur, and is necessary in the transition to the regional instead of by county. They wanted 11.6 million dollars and stood firmly to it, even though they know thousands (up to 1,000 in one county, children 700 and adults near 300) would go without services and no funding for that county.

I agree with the closing statement concerning the disgust in the behavior of our elected officials, and I expect so much better from them. Are we doing the right thing to let down the Iowans who need the funds, and if these regions have left-over funds why not disperse it to places that need it, and that was not even talked about. The fact that the DHHS of Iowa, and the state cannot even arrive at the same numbers, only a start for reorganization is troubling. I think the democrats did a great deal of leg work on their end, but unfortunately it came down to a wasted session, with both bickering, and nonsense from the republican side.

No doubt in the near future as the house gets the Education bill back from the senate, the gloves will come off, and a boxing match will ensue over what is added or taken away through the senate process. As constituents, I think I would rather support the democrats who are fighting to gain some momentum for schools, education that makes sense, and even the governor was spat in the face on his proposals, and all of them common sense.

The creativity in my opinion, is constantly being stripped from schools as we teach to the test, employ technology to assist students, and turn out children that are unable to enter the workforce. Most college instructor know newer out of school students are performing poorly in math, I have seen this in class.

Are we going the wrong direction, well it was mentioned several times we may be doing just that. Compared to Finland taking absolutely no assessments, and our country adding assessments more and more, which I know from college hurt minorities, because those tests are far from perfect. Sure you can gauge the white population pretty effectively, check for deficits, etc. but putting stock into assessment of IQ, etc. doesn't tell you a whole lot except how a child is doing at one point in time.

Finland doesn't do assessments, so we cannot even compare our children to that country, because the only basis we have to compare is educational achievement, and I didn't hear a lot about their curriculum.

The topic of teachers pay will not likely succeed at the 35,000 that was requested, as new teachers get a hiring bonus to help with college debt, which means they get paid more than the most tenured and highest performing teachers.

Since only Rep. Hunter and the Representative from Woodbury are the only ones who seem to speak for their party line, I wonder next time will you offer your support to help with the amendments, or are we so entrenched in partisan politics, that it is the republican way or no way at all. Representative Hunter, the thousands impacted by Mental Illness may be nothing to you, which you made blatantly apparent, but it is meaningful to them and their families for support in the communities.

I remember not to long ago, the sandy hook shooting on the news, and other tragedies, but with the Republican side so entrenched, they seem to struggle with this issue, when we have the ability to fund our system of Mental Health here in Iowa appropriately.

I normally do not favor a party, but the democrats Mascher, Steckman, Wood, and others fought hard to get change accomplished for both education and Mental Health. In my opinion, the only ones fighting for Iowans at this point is the Democrats. I encourage Iowans to watch what is going on in the house, its a real eye-opener.

Social Services and Court Manipulation of Assessments

2013-02-03T22:59:00.000-06:00

CAABI pulls support for H.F. 2444

2013-01-05T18:34:00.001-06:00

During the summer sparked by protests of Kenneth James Weishuhn's and other suicides that happened, we had the opportunity to review the states new bill called H.F. 2444 in Iowa. After some review of the bill, it became apparent that there is little concern with detainment of parents who are actively looking to work with the schools, and counseling is a part of the bill that has issues, or a lack of presence. The concern of the state seems to be one of locking people up, no times on community service, which opens the door to corrupt judges and DA's to set what they wish for punitive time. There are vague issues in the bill that we cannot support at this time, and we will not even list it on our site. Parents should do active research on this bill, to ensure you know where you stand when and if it passes the house and senate as it stands. I do not agree with government issuing licenses to punish that are like open-ended checks that are blank for the DA or court to write in what they feel is appropriate. It starts off at 40 hours and no mention of time-frame thereafter (your open check is blank, write what you want there). I view this as irresponsible activity stemming from the house of representatives, and view the bill as a slapped together bunch of wording. We encourage the state to continue to seek input on the bill but, as it stands, we cannot support it the way it is written. We are always for something that stands to improve the educational environment, but this does nothing to punish would-be violators of children in the school environment, and while many say hold the parent responsible, which has merit to it, the child should also be held accountable equally for abuses committed against another child victim.

The Journey, Interconnectedness

2011-11-17T18:59:00.001-06:00

This week I have been in residency. Love it, and I want to talk about the interconnectedness of the world, and relay that message across the world. We as humans desire to have and maintain contacts, and facebook and other social medias show just that. How many did you make contact with on your social network, and does that make you feel good knowing that you can talk to them no matter where they are at on this earth. It is something, up until this point I had not considered in the human condition, how we resonate with one another, how we feel everyday, and who is apart of that social framework. Disturbances that arise in peoples lives because they are isolated, fail at levels of contact, are afraid to open up, and feel destined to be alone in this life. It makes me also think about the damage that is being done across the world, the contacts that we have are really limited. Children also realize the value of being connected, to be able to share, trust, and feel as if they are included. Without that feeling many fall into despair, and some fall into crisis. This week has rejuvinated in me what it means to connect and fulfill that need, relate to others in a way that not only feels great, but showed me and others that the connections we made will last for a lifetime. It is such a powerful feeling to have these newly formed friends, to be able to share, trust, and be able to identify with. I encourage all children affected by bullying to reach out, and know you are not alone in this world. You have got to see this http://www.youtube.com/user/EricWhitacresVrtlChr?blend=7&ob=5#p/f/1/D7o7BrlbaDs

Freeze, Disruption, and Discharge

2011-11-02T00:42:00.002-05:00

There seems to be some confusion as to the freeze response we face as humans. Take for example, Dr. Scaer addresses interrupting the discharge process. In a way, if you look at a teaching instance in school and the teacher disrupts the process going on in the mind, regardless of any threat that is present, snaps the child to the forefront with symptoms of rapid heartbeat and feelings of intense emotions, so much so they flush severely, tingling under the facial skin, and goose bumps. It also causes them retraumatization, as the body reacts to the situation as another threat. Essentially, the minds mechanism to recognize threat starts all over again, however, during the concious state, they cannot re-enter the state of freeze, and the only process available is the emotional state they feel. It is like living in a slow motion event, startled severely, but completely concious to what is happening. It causes stress on the body that I cannot even begin to describe, and the tingling moves around in different parts of the body until it finally diminishes. After the episode, the childs awareness is heightened to what I would like to think of as 5x their normal awareness level. I tend to think of this as putting the body in overdrive, and causes a lot of irrational thinking. Later, the child goes home, and looks at the event, again enters the freeze state, and what is interesting is that they cannot seem to escape these events in the mind. Dr. Scaer makes a great point about how trauma when not resolved sustains itself in the procedural memory of our survival instincts.

In the past I talked about getting treated and trying to find the cause of the sped up thoughts, that caused problems for speech formation, the person seemingly gets lost in what they are saying. I theorize that the process that was so active freed up, causing memory to be more organized, and in a way speeding forward. Speech that is not normally necessary in the survival mechanism becomes overwhelmed with the processing of new information, up until that point that the brain couldn't process new information readily. The narrowing of the mind simply lets go, and new sensory input is starting to be absorbed more readily, at a rate of 10x the brains normalcy.

Also, it should be noted that upon successful treatment, that the emotions attached to the procedural memory that allowed the child to survive and feel in their world, are also going to release forward, and will cause what some may think of a breakdown episode, crying without reason, and heavily so all day long, yet the child or adult may feel happy all day as well. The borrowing that takes place in the brain to help store and review information upon demand has to learn to work as separate processes, implicit needs to function in a way that is long term, and the explicit memory needs to re-adapt to the notion of taking in information in the short term for sorting and sifting information. The time frame for this can range up to a few months until normalcy returns.

Now, what happens after a child or adult comes back to the forefront and is learning again? Several things happen, exploration, noticing certain inescapable symptoms (aftereffects) like tremors that stay or diminish over time, and they start thinking about back when they were social and attempt to self-actualize from what they remember. The problem is, as adults they are lost in this process, and takes them a lot of time to start learning with others, whom are often associating with other trauma victims. This can have its positives and negative values in corresponding.

However, what is most notable is that they continue to observe people long after treatment, and watch non-verbal cues very carefully, and can almost predict when someone else is starting to get angry, or expectations of what may happen may have already been thought of prior to the conversation. Those they view as not being able to trust based on the behavior they exhibit can cause them to isolate from them. In one sense, the procedural memory will take quite a bit of time to keep evaluating and discovering there is no percieved threat from those they used to view as threatening. In some ways, you can look at this as an extensive lack in their social knowledgebase, based on only the social cues they learned in a negative and incorrect fashion. Their perception is truly based on a dangerous world, more heightened than any other person.

People who have rectified information that was previously stored as flashbacks, can read things that can trigger a state of hyperarousal, and can bring back a memory associated to what they just read. Chances are in reading that some may very well do so, because they can associate to the information that is coming in. I would have to say that after a year the person if in social situation can learn enough to evaluate their held biases, and correct some of the anxieties. However, one of the worst things trauma survivors can do is to isolate and think this is now going to get better. It takes practice, and a good amount of effort has to be applied.

PTSD and complex trauma

2011-10-17T00:27:00.001-05:00

A major breakthrough has happened on bullying even if they don't realize it already. How it effects us as a person, our mind, and the control it has over us has been discovered. However, not completely in the effects that remain such as migraines to name one. Can bullying a child and expecting them to rationally have a knowledge-base of how to interpret data from a narrowed capacity due to trauma, no.

Adults have to start stepping up, start educating those who are hurt, because the knowledge you help to build within the childs mental warding off ability is their true lifeline to figuring out the details "they don't understand".

Everything we do daily is emotional, physical, and takes a lot out of a child trying to learn in an abusive environment. Repeated abuses shut down this window of opportunity during a time when the sheaths are forming (middle school) around the wiring in the brain. For example, if you are right handed and use a mouse with your left hand, imagine how you can do that after a while with some practice. It's uncomfortable, awkward and to say the least frustrating.You have essentially trained a new skill. Imagine going into school daily and feeling this way, the frustrations you must encounter, and have no way to understand it. Children who go through bullying ARE LEARNING a negative skill. How to close you out, their mind starts narrowing in what it can learn, and further adaptation is thwarted. Isolation becomes a factor in the process of this shutdown. Memories will have emotions tagged to them without the ability to integrate normally.

Thus, you have untagged memories that are "stuck" in a time and space that remains unresolved, until someone steps in to interrupt the impeding process. Giving the right information for them to be able to apply is easy enough should the person "know" what the child is experiencing. It is why it is crucial to have an environment that allows information to flow freely, and is safe for them. The child has to be able to click with the information and self realize to more effectively deal with the information that they hold in the mind. After information is released it is important to rectify it to its end, and release the emotional hold that has been attached to it for so long. What has been placed in the subconscious has to be brought forward in a way that is in the present, and remains there for further exploration. The studies and new theories address this, and up until now I was unaware of them.They bring good insight to any counselor in the field today.
Authors like:
Robert Scaer: The Vagal System
Robert Scaer: The Trauma Spectrum: Hidden Wounds and Human Resiliency
Emotion Focused Therapy for Complex Trauma
Emotional Freedom Techniques
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing)
TF-CBT (Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

Let Me Help

2010-09-29T00:34:00.002-05:00

Let me help you

I hear it everyday now

but I will not submit and bow

a child needs me I am there

because I do care

Looking at all the death

Id give my last breath

to stop the hurt and pain

so a child does not die in vein

Take the hand I hold out to you

I know you see and feel it too

I will show you the way

to a brighter and better day

Walk with me and tell me all

I will not let you fall

I am right by your side

and will open your mind wide

Say no to the light

I will help you fight

If ever you are down

I will lift that frown

Stand tall, walk hard

In your hand you hold the card

I will help you understand

and you will be able to stand

Reach out and touch the sky

you are on a mountain high

Breathe a sigh of relief

and know you to can believe.

The Truth

2010-09-26T22:16:00.000-05:00

The Truth

Many people know the truth inside
but they still do run and hide
come on out to the light
and bring out your inner might

Speak loud and clear for all to hear
That truth inside, you should not fear
Dig down deep and relieve that pain
before it becomes a burden and stain

Speak with me now, and gain your power
Dont wait another minute or hour
Stand strong, stand tall, and tell it all
to those who may be big and small

Let your voice guide your way
for you are here to stay
Please I ask this with my plea
so you will open your eyes and see

A world with love, and grace within
Even if we are not the best and sin
Join with us now, and let yourself be heard
and give yourself flight like that of a bird.

What do you see, what do you hear
Its quiet now, no sorrow, no tears.

Take our hands, and hold tight
We will give you strength and might.
When your loneley, and sad, and down
we will turn your frown upside down.

We are here for you in your time of need
when all there seems to be is greed
Listen with your heart and mind
You will see we are very kind.

Negative comments

2010-09-26T13:10:00.002-05:00

You know, its fine you have an opinion, but if you find anger, please leave it to yourself. I will not approve posts as such. My viewers deserve better than listening to some angry comment.

New Beginnings

2010-09-26T13:04:00.002-05:00

New Beginnings

Today was a first

A craving a thirst

To find those fallen

The lord was callin

New beginning in time

Like a wind chime

Seeing the world anew

Can this be true

New beginnings a winds call

Tell to stand proud and tall

If ever you are lost

Come in and bare no cost

Nice and gentle they are

Lots of them near and far

A shoulder to lean on

A handshake that spawns

A world with belonging

Full of worship and singing

The sun overhead is hot

The crowd not like robots

Finding this world a blessing

Does not keep me guessing

Do I reach out to the others

Or stay under my covers

If I am lost will they be there for me

To hold me up, and help me see

God is yet my mystery and confusion

Is he but a glimpse or an Illusion

My view is rather shattered

In pieces broken and tattered

I need to find out and know

So I can repair and grow.

2009-04-13T08:08:00.000-05:00

The troubled mind.
Written in 1995

My mind is troubled
the pain has doubled
images of all this stuff in my head
forces a huge dilemma of what was said.

Thoughts of suicide haunt
to avoid those that hit and taunt
I wisk myself out the door
not wanting to think anymore

I find images and more
the rustling of the school and backpacks
those that taunt me so
come to mind and don't let go

I want to be set free of my mind
to be helpful, outgoing and kind
It grasps me tight, and sucks me in
to see the torture that is within

What would it be like, how would I feel
to feel as if I didn't have all this at the wheel
It drives a rage deep inside me
One I hope no one ever has to see

Off I walk in the forest to lay and think
to think of those that push me to the brink
Small and afraid I plea in might
there has to be someone to hold me tight

Push away those that scared me senseless
so that I may develop my senses
Daily I take this, and wince in pain
Silent at all times, I strain

Holding on to that last whim of hope
How do I find the strength to try and cope
What do I do tomorrow that will set me free
I guess I will have to wait and see.

Kids that walk about and smile, yet they hold something very painful inside, that of which staff sometimes doesn't see happen, yet boils like a rage inside, and at somepoint toward the end they are trying to make a decision, with no hope, and no light for them to see at the end of that tunnel. They feel trapped, and do the worst thing imaginable. Kids write when they feel this way, but not all kids will. Encouraging your child to be open in the family can prevent so much of this type of tragedies. I hope that the poems help bring to light how these kids feel, empty, hopeless, helpless, and many other words that they think all of the time, and yet they will continue to take what is going on, until it is to late. Parents take the innitiative to know your child, or it could be your last time of knowing them. Educate yourself, and know more on this bullying topic.

The bare relationship

2009-02-15T22:48:00.000-06:00

Have you ever found your relationship or marriage just wasn't what it used to be. This year has sparked many seperations by many married and unmarried couples. Some of the root cause is the economy, economic stress that fuels the already burdened relationship. People that find that their spouse has left in the past, and seperated for a while will also see them doing so now, due to the stress that they will try to avoid.
You know it is time to move on when:
Your spouse has cheated.
You have trust issues.
Your Emotionally Disconnected.
You have thought about ending the marriage many times.
Your spouse comes home later than usual.

For most they start to see a pattern develop, as most are very familiar with the other person, sometimes for many years. Emotional and other distresses can bring out the worst in people, but you need to know when enough is enough. How much a person will allow for stress in their life, and is a root cause of many unstable families. I find that many who date for a months time really don't know each other, just common external attraction. A relationship is based around trust and stability. If the partner becomes unstable, counseling can help, but when you lose trust to issues like cheating, or affairs, then their is very little left to salvage. For one, a person who cheats can and will be prone to do so again. Some parents find they stay together for the kids sake, but then later ask themselves who they are kidding in doing this. The children end up losing in this arrangement. Couples that also cannot seperate peacefully harm the children psychological well being, and the he said she said becomes a problem with new partners that form.

If a person thinks about seperating, they cannot just up and do so, without at least attempting everything possible to salvage the relationship. Failure to do so, will result in a lapse back into the relationship. A person has to know on the way out, that they did everything possible and there is no way to fix what is broken, and not even bother to look back.

Don't kid yourself, and get to know the person, and avoid the looks part of a person, although it is nice for that too. The mentality of the partner has to be one of support, trust, and no prior issues of affairs. Take your time, and really get a look at how they run their life, and what they do that may cause issues for you in a possible relationship. If people jump into relationships, they get bit, and their are those few who found love at first site, but most get bit in the end and end up bitter.

Repressed Memories

2009-02-01T11:36:00.000-06:00

Repressed memory is a theoretical concept used to describe a significant memory, usually of a traumatic nature, that has become unavailable for recall; also called motivated forgetting in which a subject blocks out painful or traumatic times in one's life. This is not the same as amnesia, which is a term for any instance in which memories are either not stored in the first place (such as with traumatic head injuries when short term memory does not transfer to long term memory) or forgotten.[1]
The term is used to describe memories that have been dissociated from awareness as well as those that have been repressed without dissociation. Repressed memory syndrome, the clinical term used to describe repressed memories, is often compared to psychogenic amnesia, and some sources compare the two as equivalent.[2][3]
According to the theory's proponents, repressed memories may sometimes be recovered years or decades after the event, most often spontaneously, triggered by a particular smell, taste, or other identifier related to the lost memory, or via suggestion during psychotherapy.[4]
The existence of repressed memories is a controversial topic in psychology; some studies have concluded that it can occur in victims of trauma[5][6][7][8][9], while others dispute it.
Theory
It has been speculated that repression may be one method used by individuals to cope with traumatic memories, by pushing them out of awareness[13] (perhaps as an adaptation via psychogenic amnesia) to allow a child to maintain attachment to a person on whom they are dependent for survival.[23] Researchers have proposed that repression can operate on a social level as well.[24]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repressed_memory

According to the theory, something happens that is so shocking that the mind grabs hold of the memory and pushes it underground, into some inaccessible corner of the unconscious. There it sleeps for years, or even decades, or even forever–isolated from the rest of mental life. Then, one day, it may rise up and emerge into consciousness. Numerous clinical examples fitting this model can be readily found. Many of these examples involve not memory of murder but rather memory of other sorts of childhood trauma, such as sexual abuse, that allegedly has been repressed for decades until recovered in therapy. http://faculty.washington.edu/eloftus/Articles/lof93.htm

While only some of this is true, let me put this in more detail. Repressed memories are not ones pushed into inaccessability, and they are not forgotten at all. Repressed memories are ones that seem forgotten, but with the mind there is only so much room for them. These memories are layered like one sticker over another, as they deal with surface memories, ones that bothered them and cycled on the surface. When those memories, and flashbacks are dealt with and exposed, they fall away to the long term memory exposing further memories underneath, ones people thought they had forgotten. As the patient keeps exposing them, at night when they sleep other ones are exposed. I remember from my dreams about how this worked, and seen it. We do not simply lose those memories they get compressed, and other instances that are traumatic in a persons life that continue to happen, further compress them down. A person can hold many thousands of images. As the mind eases from memories returning to the long term spectrum of thought, the others come out and are again exposed. People will be able to recall vivid childhood instances, that they assumed they forgot. The short term memory becomes clogged, and learning anything at all becomes very difficult. One thing that I have noticed is as you keep peeling away at memories, the mind speeds up, speech becomes more of an issue, because you learned to speak at the speed of your slow thoughts. As your thoughts become faster, the mind takes some time to adjust to it, and speach to cognition becomes delayed. I would describe it much like that of a person clearing a cached memory from an explorer on a computer, the explorer runs much faster, but the pages load slower due to the lost cookies of information. A person finds that they have to stop rethink, and speak again. Over time they get better as sequencing their thoughts to their speech, and evens the cognitive process.

New Perspective

2009-01-30T01:36:00.001-06:00

New Perspective

By Patrick Harnish

January 29, 2009

I close my eyes and smell the air

I find you here, there, and everywhere

New thoughts abound

My world now unwound

I have a new perspective to life

One with less grief and strife

I thank you everyday

For a new life and a new day

Hold my hand and stand by me

All the truths you helped me to see

It is an honor to know you

You helped me through

Took a moment to look and see

What has been hiding from me

I thank you everyday, in every way

For guiding me to a new way

Stay with me, I will lead the way

It’s ok to kneel and pray

I am here with you always

When the wind blows and sways

I have a new perspective to life

One with less grief and strife

I thank you everyday, in every way

For a new life and a new day

Hold me now forever more

My heart tore and ripped apart before

Healed anew and full of life

I am glad you’re in my life

Come close as we dance together

There is nothing we can’t weather

You mean so much to me

Rejuvenated and reconnected emotionally

Walk with me now from here to there

You have shown me your life and your care

I’ll light the way, the shadows withdrawn

Because today begins a new dawn

I have a new perspective to life

One with less grief and strife

I thank you everyday

For a new life and a new day

I will guide you in your dreams

Be not afraid ahead full steam

Take my hand let it come to be

I will be there with you and help you see

Danger lurks in the air, it haunts you dear

I am with you to push away the fear

Walking calmly by your side you feel

The warmth penetrates and heals

Hold me close and never let me fall

You stand so proud and tall

Looking in my eyes you smiled

I haven't felt this good since I was a child

Dance with me my prince of light

For I have won this battle and fight

I will show you the way ashore

To a new day and more

The Mind

2009-01-30T00:25:00.002-06:00

The Mind

By Patrick Harnish

January 29, 2009

The mind is a fragile place

Sometimes dozing into space

Taking for granted all you know

Hoping the mind will grow

The birds around you chirp loud

Your mind filled with a cloud

You think of better days

But what would I say

I was on the computer today

And knew that I would be okay

I wrote to them that night

As I found myself in fright

They said talk to the school today

And everything will be okay

I spoke up very loud and cried

I knew they were on my side

As they whisked me away

I heard my self say

Thanks to you my friend

That this is not my end

My mind is open and alive

Again I was able to thrive

Peace and joy in my life

With no danger or strife

Off I go happy and unafraid

No need for a new Band-Aid

A love so kind and sweet

That I didn’t miss a beat

I will keep you in my prayers

And know that someone cares.

Waking up

2009-01-30T00:18:00.001-06:00

Waking up
By Patrick Harnish
August, 1995

I woke up one morning
I found struggles abound
I wanted so much to be caring
So much that has to be unwound.

As I went to bed that night
Keeping all that’s sacred tight
Slumbering in gods embrace
To wake up with sweat all over my face

I tremble with fear sadly
from a torture that haunts badly
The pain and memories intense
I lie awake in suspense

I am alive each day
To survive another way
Another day to wane
Only to live with the pain

Thoughts unpleasant
Images persistent
Like the outgoing tide
Distantly, I cried

What is the purpose?
What is this pain?
I feel helpless
I feel like I’ve been slain

Inside I fall apart
A deep pain in my heart
Unable to express how I feel
I lie back down, hoping that I will heal

Creaks in the floor make me jump
Bracing for that big thump
Always on the lookout and alert
Expecting that hurt

Forcing it all from my mind
A prayer of peace for man kind
Tucking myself in tight
I go back to sleep that night

That morning I went to school
I felt so uncool
Not to be liked and forced to fight
I tried to keep my strength and might

Walking down the hall each day
Feeling the terror each way
My heart breaks in silence
Due to all the violence

Skip school to feel safe
To beat what is viewed as so unsafe
I wander the hall looking for the door
All the while looking at the floor

I see the sunny day outside
My safety to that of what is inside
Thoughts of pain no more
As I walk through that door.

Take me away I say in plea
Because I don't want to be

Recovery, What is it like?

2009-01-28T11:03:00.000-06:00

Although many will tell you that you can't express it in words, thats because its true. Emotions are sometimes the only way to get it out, to show that you are hurting.

What is the recovery like? Well, when a person goes through recovery, they speak to the therapist sometimes years after it has happened. Sometimes, initially the therapist may have caught a glimpse of it if they were being seen as a child, however, most children are very quiet about revealing things of that nature. They hold it dear to them, because it is the only way they know to survive, to live with it, and they won't give it up without some knowledge given to them as useful. When you look at an adult who still lives in the school every day and night of their dreams, it gets worse, and they can literally walk in that school, without even having to be there.

They can tell you every instance, every detail, every area, that they took emotional abuse, physical abuse, or taunting behaviors. They remember in detail what happened, and everything else they were thinking. The mind goes beserk with capturing every detail, as much as they are picking on the victim, the victim is studying them, the school, and its environment to its fullest. But, it goes further from there, in that the victim Isolated, studied every detail of every surrounding, even those in the city and surrounding. If they skipped school, it was because they found a safe area around the city, and are usually there.

Recovery for them is hard because they know the information now holds no purpose, but revealing it is easier, because no threats remain. The hard part comes to putting them in order and talking about them. Counselors, if you want a clue, don't interrupt someone when they are speaking to you. Yeah you want to know something about this situation and go back to it, but they will never forget, so relax, take copious notes, and let them put together their timeline of events. When a child leaves the school environment, the thoughts are mixed, put in a way easiest to remember, not by date or time. These images define areas of safety, and were used a lot to remember. You have to give them time to sort, and it will take a while to put that back together.

When you think you are all done, and the images have lapsed give it about a month, they will be back, because another set of images will pop forward, usually ones repressed by the other ones. When they do, you may get a call signaling an emotional breakdown, and it happens several times, because now they are getting closer to the source, the main traumatic area, that signaled this whole cycle. It is not uncommon that their brain gets stuck, in a time that was traumatically involved. Years can go by, and even spermarche can be delayed, and as a sign the mind is waking back up, it happens in adulthood. Another thing seen in the recovery process, is that the person is very emotionally detached from their family, remember they learned to isolate themselves very well, and into a marriage you will see a severe communication breakdown. When they start to become more emotionally attached, dreams can occur signaling it, and you notice a sudden change around the home. Almost like a person went from depression to happyness overnight.

Socially the person is withdrawn into their adulthood, and even isolates at work, except to have conversation, but no friends in the process. They keep a very minimal acceptance in the workplace, and like to be to themselves at times. They usually speak about having only one friend, as they are "bothersome", don't like to go out socially in public, and mention sitting home a lot. The counselor will discover that they are socially witdrawn, but talk about when they were younger, and were very outgoing. Sometimes you see the adult right in front of you, and a battle begins when they try to de-isolate themselves. As hard as they try, it's like fighting against the grain.

As a counselor, you may also see signals to child and peer abuse that has not yet surfaced. My reccomendation is to not say anything, because it is coming out shortly after you realize it. Maybe in your next session, the person doesn't yet see it, so making them aware will only hinder the process, and a block could occur. The person has to explore their mind, and it takes a while, but noticably they talk about not understanding, night sweats, searching of the mind for answers, they study the internet and avidly look for things related to what they are going through, and many other aspects that they will sit and discuss. They may start draw pictures, some from times passed that are in detail, possibly hundreds of drawing can occur. They hold out there hands, and make gestures while viewing things in the mind, and can't actively express it, and fall short in words. They look at you for an answer, as how do I tell about this, and how do I make you understand, and what am I supposed to do.

Or they may say something similar to the fact that the word victim doesn't do justice for this.

They talk about how the ouside of their head feels sometimes, with the tightening under there skin from the front to back ending about 1 inch above the neck area, and after discussing something, that it feels like their pre-frontal lobes are burning. A sensation that they are not used to. They might talk about a pain felt in the brain at some point of their childhood, but don't remember when it started, later on you will see where that started. They mention migraines and headaches, sometimes so bad they have to close the window blinds to be in the dark and still close their eyes, to try and get rid of it. They may show signs of irritability, and last but not least; don't be surprised to hear, I want you to take these images away, erase them, do something. They lose concentration at work, space off and get irritable. Usually in school, when a child has this, they read about a small paragraph and are just lost in space. The adult will remember teachers calling on them when it seemed like they were daydreaming, but the child viewed the teacher as bad, and started to hate them, because you called attention to that child. I have had to learn about this as I go, and if you want answers, fine. I'll tell you everything if you have the time. Some things are not on here, but it gives you an idea of what an adult survivor goes through from extreme bullying and abuse in a school system that spans a decade.

Thoughts of a child, just some of them

2009-01-28T10:46:00.000-06:00

Thoughts a child goes through from bullying.

There are literally thousands of modified thoughts based on these simple ones.

hopeless
helpless
I give up
I hate them
god, why are you punishing me
they hate me
what did I do
how can I make it stop
I need to make it stop
I wish she would help me
I want to talk, but I’m afraid
everyone watches everything I do
I wish I would die
god, I give up
I don't care anymore
I hate my life
what is in store for me today
who will beat me up in that area today
should I just skip school my grades can't get any worse
don't look at them keep your head down walking
I need to sit quiet so they wont say anything
I hope the teacher doesn't call on me
I wish I was invisible
I need help
I hate these images
I am hurting
I am aching
I am bleeding inside
my head feels numb
I feel tired, what is the point
I want to sue so badly
I want to tell so bad, but they will think there is something wrong with me
I wish these memories would leave me alone
I wish they would all die
I want peace
I will make it stop
Always thinking of that area to avoid, or several.
What way should I take home.
If I stay after school, can I talk to someone privately. (paces > outside the office)to many people,
all of them hate me, all of them watching intently to see what I do.
If I run I may have a better chance.
Oh man, I have football now, gonna love today.
I need to quit, it is not safe, but they will hound me again.
The coaching staff will downgrade me again.
(snap) God D*** it he broke my finger, (coach says suck it up)
Everyone downs me for ruining their chances in the next game.
It bugs me, the deaths in the family I have not yet dealt with
I ache
I cried
I didn't understand
I am scared but no comfort
I feel woozy,
I feel like I died that day, and all this crap I deal with everyday just keeps piling up
I have no way out
The images won't leave me alone.
"It is like I walk through that school in detail in my dreams" I remember ever single area, every comment, every put down, everything. I just close my eyes, and its all back, every moment, every thought, everything that troubles me, is constantly there to remind me of just how bad of a person I am.
I am trapped
I am ashamed
I need to speak up
I like this speaker he moved me, but I can't find him
I feel like my stomach hurts
it feels like a ball of pain
I feel like at times my heart is hurting
I am tired of crying
I hate all of these intense emotions
I wish I could turn them all off

School Shooters

2009-01-28T09:59:00.000-06:00

School shooters while very covert in thought, are easy to find. If the administration staff watches the behaviors of the children in the environment, then they will notice a difference.

Children who are taking abuse in an environment will act in avoidance tactics, they will have defined safe zones in the school, and paths to follow. A child that gets surrounded by peers to get beat up, isn't simply a sign of one instance, it has been ongoing for years by that point. It is very easy to see a child who suddenly does something different, and learns to avoid people, and areas. Did the student come up to a T intersection of the school and look down one way before going further.

When they wait outside a door do they look at the door waiting to get in, or act nervous fiddling with the door knob. Did you notice something was different in what they did today, rather than yesterday. The simple fact is, a student who becomes the threat to the school has learned to formulate when to leave class, learns to isolate well, and learns to shut you out. If you find a student who won't talk, and I don't care comes out of their mouth, they are hiding something. When a school starts to suspect with boys, and it has gone on for years, notebooks are a great place to start looking for a hitlist.

Secondly, the child when observed either in the counselors office, or other places may shut the door. Schools have to get a clue, they isolate to not exist, and if they do that your school could be in danger. Another thing with students that are edgy, is that they don't like to be touched or patted on the shoulder repeatedly. They are more nervous, and it disrupts their ability to focus on the environment for cues. When you look at a child who is tormented every day, you will notice they stare off into space, out the window, or always at the same thing. You could probably wave your hand in front of their face and they are just not there. Flashbacks happen in children starting around kindergarden, but they are very brief, and as time goes on they develop the ability to store more information. It is so crucial that the school recognizes a child who is being abused, to stop the cycle.

Children can be misdiagnosed for learning problems due to this same abuse. Their mind is trying to process a ton of saved information, the only problem is that they cannot find the answers, and further lack the database of knowledge to deal with it. Their happy thoughts get repressed, to allow room for the incoming thoughts, and flashbacks. Around 9th grade is the area of noticeability, and anger will come out. Some students who suddenly get into trouble, may be looking for a way out of the situation they can't handle. It is not surprising that children don't speak up, and I don't blame them.

Society today, is one that supports and promotes bullying activity, but in the end when something tragic happens, the community ends up suffering the price. They play the blame game, when all it really took was for someone to pay attention. Around 10th grade is typically when hit lists are formed, and poems as well indicating suicidal tendencies. If a school really looks for the traits of child abuse, they will start to get a better overall picture of what is happening. Halls don't have to become zones, and it is easy to find those that wait to leave until it is safer. Everyday, I hear excuses, and I see them as just that.