From Son Up to Son Down

It Wasn't Supposed to be Like This

2013-07-10T14:58:00.001-07:00

Has it really been almost a year since I've wrote on this blog? I know that I posted my farewell to the Atascadero Fire Department back in March, but the last post before that occurred all the way back to last summer...yikes! So this is how blogs just fade away...

Life is busy. Between all the duties that come along with being a wife and a mom, as well as my responsibilities outside of the home, I'm just exhausted at the end of the day. And truth be told, being a mother these days has not been fun, so I really haven't wanted to write about it.

Benjamin is hard. Really hard. As in, I usually cry at least a few times a week, if not daily, from sheer frustration with him. You've heard of the term "strong willed child?" Ben could be the poster child for that book. The two of us are so much alike. We both fight for control and power and we do it poorly, in the form of threats, screams, and hands thrown up in exasperation. On one particular night, the defiance from Benjamin was so bad that I recorded it on my phone so I could play it for Nathan later. He has torn apart his room, knocked over furniture, screamed in my ear, glared at me with the fiercest determination a four year could muster, and slammed his door so loud that the walls shook. I have said things I never thought in a million years I would say to my own child, and thought even worst things. I've had to literally clench my hands into fists by my side to prevent myself from striking out at him. I never knew it was possible to love your child beyond comprehension, but dislike him so much you can't even look at him at times.

I am ashamed. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was going to have the best behaved children and for the few times they did get out of hand, I'd handle it like the pro everyone (including myself) expected me to be. But I don't have the best behaved children. Not even close. And I honestly don't know where we went wrong. He was such a good baby...the happiest one around! Then he turned three and it all went downhill from there. Now we have an almost five year old that I am scared to take out into public for fear of one of his "meltdowns." I actually cringe before I tell him "No," out of fear of what he will do when he hears it. Not that it stops me from actually saying the word. I can at least say with some amount of pride that I do hold my ground and make decisions based on what I think is right, not on what my child will or won't do as a result of that decision. Perhaps that is why I am so confused as to how we got here. Benjamin is very intelligent...how does he not understand by now that screaming and throwing a fit never gets him what he wants? As in never ever! Perhaps he is just that stubborn, that he figures he can break me some day if he just keeps at it? If that's the case, Lord help me.

I am not the parent I thought I would be. I used to strive for perfection. Now I understand that isn't realistic. Right now I would settle for "good," or even just "okay." Why oh why can't I control my temper and my words when Benjamin loses control? How in the world can I expect him to remain calm and poised when he doesn't get his way when I can't even do that myself?

Can anyone else relate? Anyone? Please tell me I'm not alone here!

I've rambled here. I want to write more...like about all the good and sweet things my precious first born son does (like greet his little brother every morning with a hug and kiss), but I'm weary. It's been so long since I've written, even just a few paragraphs have taxed me, especially on a subject as vulnerable as this. Next post will be all the positive things. Promise.

Goodbye

2013-03-13T23:35:00.001-07:00

He took a box to work today. When I asked what for, he said, “So I can clean out my locker.” Oh. That.

The next day, we stopped by the station to visit. “Hey, Benjamin, I’ve got a job for you! Come help me clean the engine,” the engineer called to our oldest child. As Ben helped Jason hose the fire engine down, the one his daddy has driven his entire career, I snapped a picture with my phone thinking “This is the last time he will get to do this here.”

“I turned in my resignation letter today,” he quietly told me later, as the boys played in the ladder truck. I looked at my husband, watching for signs of sadness, regret, hoping he didn’t see it in my own eyes. Only one of us can mourn at a time, in order to boost the other up. We are a team, so I try to keep my heartache in check until I can read my husband’s emotions. He always gets first dibs, considering that it is he that is leaving a job of fourteen years, not me.

At his going-away party last weekend, I was overwhelmed with pride and sorrow as I watched Nathan try to keep it together as he spoke to the group. How does one put into words almost half a lifetime of experience and gratitude and growth? He was only 17 when he started working for Atascadero Fire Department, just a boy on the verge of adulthood, searching for his future. In one season as a high school cadet, he found it.

“I’m a firefighter for Atascadero,” he told me the night we first met. He was a mere 19 years old. “Currently, I’m a seasonal, but in a few years, after guys retire, I’ll have a chance to be full-time.” I was in awe of this man-boy, who was so confident who he wanted to be, where he was going to go. He spoke in such a way I had no doubt he would get there. Sure enough, three years later he was a full-time, permanent employee, just like he said he would be.

I thought about all this as I watched my husband. His co-workers spoke about his time at the department and lamented how much they were going to miss him. The precious thing about small departments is that the men that make up the department are more than just co-workers. They live together for 48 hours shifts, and work as a team and depend on one another in crisis situations they encounter every shift. They play practical jokes on each other and cook together and train together. Holidays and birthdays are celebrated as a shift, should that day fall on a work day, and it is not uncommon for families to join the crew for dinner some nights. The guys work on each other’s houses, loan each other tools and vehicles, vacation together, and watch each other’s kids. When Jason stood up to speak, he said it perfectly: “Nate’s my brother. We’ve lived together for six out of the eight years that he’s been full-time. I’m really gonna miss him.”

After Nathan thanked everyone through the lump in his throat, it was my turn. As I faced the group of people that had been our extended family for the past fourteen years, I had a flashback to the first summer we met. We had only been dating a month when AFD hosted a Fire Muster, which is an event for fire departments from all around the state to come and compete in friendly games related to the fire service. After the competition was over, the traditional BBQ and dance took place. The after-party was held in the streets in front of City Hall. “Do you want to dance?” Nathan whispered in my ear that evening as a Faith Hill song began to play over the night air. I will never forget slowly twirling in the street under the stars, as well as the watchful eyes of the bemused firemen and their wives, a young girl falling in love right there in that moment. Four years later we danced our first dance as husband and wife to that same song, in front of the same firefighters and their wives. Now Nathan’s firefighting family was officially mine, too.

Fast forward three years, to the birth of our first child, followed by our second son two and a half years later and my heart is full of images that will never leave me:

· Keith Aggson greeting my infant baby with a fist bump and the classic “Hey, Buhh-dy! What’s happen-in?”

· Jason Smith teaching Benjamin how to simulate bodily function noises, a rite of passage for all boys apparently.

· Matt Vierra showing my boys where all the snacks were kept at Station 1 and telling them to help themselves, anytime.

· Benjamin sitting in the chair next to Bill White’s desk at Station 2, both of them doing “work.”

· Andrew Luera whipping out a pencil drawing of a train during one of our visits, which still has a place of honor on Benjamin’s bulletin board.

· Paul Netz teaching Benjamin how to back up the engine, who in turn taught Brayden. Now both of them can motion their arms and cross them when the driver has hit his mark. Brayden even makes the air brake noise at the right time.

We will never forget Atascadero Fire Department and all the people that encompass it. They watched Nathan and I transition from teenagers to adults, from a dating couple to a married couple, from a family of two to a family of four, and AFD will forever be a part of our history. While we may be moving to a new department, Nathan will always consider himself an Atascadero Firefighter and I will forever be an Atascadero Firefighter’s wife. Because that’s how family works…it’s never really “Goodbye,” but more like, “See you later.”

So to all the people of AFD who have helped shape our family into what it is today, we say “Thank you…and see you later.”

B-Shift through and through.

Future firefighter

July 2002, coming home from first Out-of-County assignment

Swearing-in Ceremony, 2005

Rodeo-Chediski Fire, Arizona, 2002

Friends...colleagues...brothers.

Christmas Card 2012

2012-11-30T17:57:00.001-08:00

Blessed Family Religious Christmas Card

Browse our collection of Christmas card designs.

View the entire collection of cards.

Summer Wrap Up

2012-08-31T23:09:00.000-07:00

I had great plans for this summer. It was going to be three months of unscheduled, relaxing bliss before diving into the business of fall. Umm, yeah...not so much.

It started with a Memorial Weekend Camp out with the extended family and their extended family. We went to our local Santa Margarita Lake to celebrate cousins Wyatt, Weston, and Walker's birthday, as well as their dad, Uncle Ray's birthday. Yep, all four of their special days fall within six weeks of each other. So each night we sang happy birthday to at least one person, opened presents, and devoured sweet treats in their honor. It was tough, but we managed to get through it. :)

In mid June, Benjamin was honored to be a part of my cousin Taylor's wedding to Kevin. He made such a cute ring bearer and it was just precious watching him pull the wagon his daddy made as a teenager down the aisle. The day was magical and filled with love and promise and hope.

One week later, we loaded up the camper again and took off for an 8 day trip that included stops at Yosemite, Tuolumne, Mammoth Lakes, and Devils Postpile. Like almost all of our camping trips, we hiked, biked, fished, slept, read, and played in the dirt. (Well, the boys played in the dirt. I tried to stay clean. Just because I live with all boys doesn't mean I have to act like one.) As fun as it was to see new places, it was quite exhausting setting up and tearing down camp so many times. The drive home was brutal, too...eleven hours in the truck...yech.

As soon as we got home, I began a new weekly bible study/play group with the boys. My friend, Robin, hosted it at her house in Santa Margarita each Friday and I helped her think up, prepare, and implement the kid activities. It was a great, unique bible study format and I hope Robin is gracious and crazy enough to do it again next year! Along with that, I was also already deep into another weekly women's bible study with a group of friends, this time sans kiddos.

July was spent planning and preparing Benjamin's 4th birthday party, which consumed every available inch of space in my head (and closet) that wasn't already filled. I had the great idea of carrying out the "friend" party on the same day as the "family" party...might have to rethink that for next year! Very fun day, but very exhausting, given that I had less than an hour to clean up one to prepare the other! Oh, and on Benjamin's actual birthday (July 30th) we surprised him with a train ride from Paso Robles to San Luis Obispo, followed up with dinner and presents with the Fisher family. The boy is obsessed with trains, so he was beyond excited when we told him that for his birthday we would go check out the train station (like he'd been asking for). Imagine his face when I pulled out tickets from my purse and told him we got to ride one!

July also is the month of the Mid-State Fair, which is an annual tradition for us (and every other person in our small community). I think it was a toss-up as to which was the boys favorite part: the cinnamon rolls or the bus ride from our car to the fairgrounds. It was around this time that some friends blessed us with a 16 foot wide, 3 foot deep swimming pool. So of course in the midst of the craziness, we dropped everything to set it up and play! Even Nathan stopped his work on our new backyard and patios (did I mention that?) to swim with us. Perhaps that is why we were given this pool...it was truly our time of togetherness as a family of four this jam-packed summer.

August brought another fabulous camping trip to a new place for us, called Dinkey Creek (up by Shaver Lake). Between the rock slides, the natural pools, the mounds of fluffy dirt, and the fire helicopters that flew overhead several times a day (which Benjamin got to get a personal tour of!), my little boys were in heaven. We literally gave them two baths every night. Before they could come into the camper bathtub, they received a "pre-bath" with the outdoor shower first. That's how dirty they were each and every day. After four days at Dinkey Creek, we drove about 30 minutes to Wishon Reservoir to meet up with the Fisher family for three more nights of camping, boating, and fishing before heading home.

Now September is here. Already I've had meetings and training sessions for the two Women's Bible Studies I will be a part of at church (yep, Tuesday's will be full days for me!) and I just received the roster for the newest batch of little ones I will be caring for on Wednesday mornings at Berean Church. Awana's will be starting up, too, and I am looking forward to working with Benjamin a couple days a week on kindergarten readiness material. Oh, and our anniversary is September 10th...7 years! In October we are camping for four days at Refugio, we have a Dave Ramsey event in Fresno, and a 2 day women's leadership retreat...

Yep, I had great plans for the summer. It turns out God had even greater plans, though, and blessed us with new friends, quality family time, new places of His creation, and opportunities for growth and reflection and learning. Let's hope the same can be said for this fall, because I'm ready. Bring it on. :)

Happy 4th Birthday, Benjamin!

2012-08-08T09:46:00.001-07:00

Dear Benjamin,

Last week, you turned four years old. I can't believe it's been that long since the very first day I met you. As cliche as it might be, it truly seems like yesterday I held you for the first time and anxiously awaited your first cries, signalling to me that you were okay. (You were.) Though our first days at home are a bit blurry, I clearly remember the overwhelming love I had for you from the minute we made eye contact.

Do you know that love, Benjamin? Do you see it? Do you know how often I think of you, worry about you, pray for you? One of my favorite things to do is daydream about your future and reminisce about your past. It's been a hard year, between your last birthday and this one, for you and I, so I've relied on these mental escapes, as well as never-ceasing prayer to get us through.

You see, Benjamin, you've got a couple of things going against you. You are my first born, which means you are the guinea pig, so to speak. I've never raised a four year old, so I am trying everything out on you for the first time. So while you get the prestige of being the oldest, that also means you get all my mistakes and failures. The other setback you have is that you are just like me. In some ways that is wonderful (our nose is fabulous!) but in other ways, it's not so great. My stubborn streak runs right through the core of you, as does the desire for control and authority. There are times when those qualities come in handy (such as when you are a CEO of a Fortune 500 company), but when you are four, they usually spell trouble in the form of time-outs and tears...for the both of us. So many times I find myself telling you (in not such a nice voice, I have to admit), "I am the parent, you are the child!"

In moments of failure, such as when I raise my voice (too often), say hurtful things (my most shameful admission), or throw my hands up in frustration because you don't meet my expectations (which are usually too high), I find myself begging God to intervene and instill in you a very deep, impenetrable knowledge that I love you more than I can possibly explain, because my sinful, outward actions do not always accurately portray that love. I desperately long to be a perfect mother, but I am coming to terms with the fact that it just isn't possible. Luckily, you have a perfect, Holy Father who not only fills in the gaps, but loves you more than I ever could. All I can do is try my best and continually go to my knees and pray that today I can and will demonstrate Gods love and compassion and kindness to you, a boy whom I love to the moon and back. Do you know that, Benjamin? Do you know my love for you??

Sometimes it is easier to explain love through tangible items. So here is just a sampling of things I love about you, my oldest child:

Your desire to be held and "snuggled up tightly." I hope you never outgrow this!
The dreams you have for your future. You currently plan to be a firefighter, an ambulance driver, a police officer, and a race car driver, "so you can help people." I'm not sure where race car driving fits in, but as Daddy pointed out, everyone needs a hobby. :)
The confidence you have in everything you try. Whether it's riding a bike, diving into a pool, learning a new lesson in school, or memorizing scripture, you have a can-do attitude about it. You always say, "Okay...I'll try!" If you don't succeed the first time, you patiently listen to our advice, nod, and say, "Okay, I'll try again." I love that! Do you know what a gift that is, my son? The gift of perseverance, especially at such a young age, is truly something to treasure and will carry you far in life!
Your compassionate and forgiving nature. When I mess up and find myself apologizing to you, you always say to me, "It's okay, Mommy, I forgive you." Usually you follow it up with, "Now say "I forgive you, too" to me, Mom," which always makes me laugh.
You share my love of reading, which I so desperately wanted to pass on to you. I have a long list of books I wish to share with you and I have great plans to continue our nightly reading ritual for many years to come.
You have the memory of an elephant. I do not have this ability, so I envy and admire it so. Sometimes it isn't so wonderful, such as when you are recalling one of my less-than-stellar moments, but most of the time it comes in very handy (such as when I miss my exit and you remind me where we are going!) Again, this gift will help you in many aspects of life, especially when it comes to taking tests in school. :)

The list of things I love about you could go on and on, Benjamin. My prayer will continue to be that you always, always, ALWAYS, know you are deeply and immeasurably loved by me, no matter what. Never forget that.

Here are some pictures of your fourth birthday party. For months I planned out a pirate party for you, complete with a treasure map (drawn just for you by your Uncle Ray), an enemy pirate water balloon attack, a story all about how you became "Captain Benjamin", a plank, a shark, and buried treasure. I hope you enjoyed it! (Though I have a sneaking suspicion that you did...)

Walking in the Rain, Part 1.

2012-06-22T14:32:00.001-07:00

It was only supposed to be a four-week bible study. To be brutally honest, I was only going because I had heard it was about getting your house and schedule organized. I figured it would be a Martha-Stewart-meets-Jesus kind of thing. Count me in! I convinced Nathan that my being gone for the next four Tuesday evenings would greatly benefit our entire household.

However, it was so much more than how to keep a tidy home. The title was "From the Inside Out...lining up your head, heart, and home with God's priorities for your life." To read more about how that study impacted my world, click here. Let it suffice to say that it really made me re-think my priorities and lit a fire in me to actually make some changes in my day-to-day living...not just think about them, but actually do them.

So as the four weeks came to a close, I learned that the next six weeks of Tuesday Night Bible Study would be a Beth Moore DVD series on the book of James in the Bible. I was a little intrigued, because who doesn't love Beth Moore? For those of you who are not familiar with this vivacious, larger than life, often times hilarious, and painfully honest Christian teacher, I highly recommend you look her up and try out one of her studies. She'll change your life in one way or another, I promise!

Anyway, like I said, my interest was piqued, but I had promised Nathan that I was only doing this one 4-week study, and then Tuesday nights would be his again. We were already apart two nights a week while he attended a semester long class at the local junior college, as well as Thursday nights while I practiced downward dog and level breathing at yoga. So to add a fourth night away was asking a lot, especially when he works 48 hour shifts. So I dismissed the idea of being a part of this new study. I wasn't too disappointed, since I didn't even really know what it was about (I knew as much about the book of James as I do about, say, astrophysics...i.e. NOTHING).

However, I couldn't get it out of my head. It's like there was this little voice in my head, whispering, "Do it. Don't ask why. Don't make excuses. It will be a sacrifice, yes, but Just. Do. It." So I did. I showed up the first Tuesday night, wondering what I was doing there. That doubt magnified when I realized that the whole first session, we weren't even going to turn to the book of James. It was all about getting a little history on the man first. Okay. Sure. I can see that, I guess. Makes sense. Not terribly exciting, but beneficial.

But then the next week, we spent the whole session on just the very first verse of the book of James! Literally, the whole session on this one line: "James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations: Greetings." Now you might think, "How in the world can one spend a whole hour on a simple salutation?" Yeah, I thought that, too. But obviously, you and I don't know Beth Moore. She broke down practically every word of that verse and then spoke about what he didn't say in that verse! On and on she went about this Greek transliteration and that Hebrew translation, and I'll admit y'all (that's what Beth says...y'all, being the true Texan she is), she lost me. Just as I'm wondering what in the world I was doing, giving up precious family time to be here, listening to this bible mumbo-jumbo, she said it. She spoke the answer to the question that just hours earlier I had cried out to God while standing in my kitchen, desperate and broken. Here is what her words were:

"Through obedience, you are going to get your joy back."

I sat up straight. I looked around. Did anybody else hear that? Did anyone else just get goosebumps? Nobody else looked like they had just seen a ghost, but boy, did I feel like I just did. My hand shook as I wrote those words down on my paper...through obedience, you are going to get your joy back..., and I was surprised to feel my cheeks wet with tears. How did she know? How did she know?

"She didn't know," I heard God whisper in my ear. "I did."

Oh. My. God. Don't think I'm being blasphemous here, because it was literally, Oh My God...He was there!! Talking to me! Earlier that day, in a moment of frustration and despair, I cried out to Him, "I don't even know how to be happy anymore! I can't even remember what that's like! Please help me, God! How do I find that joy again, God?"

He answered me that night. Through Beth Moore, through a study that I wasn't even supposed to be a part of, through an hour long session of--not going to lie here--boring translations that made me think about ditching out early, He answered me! And as I continued to go back, week after week, He continued to speak to me, over and over again. The final session was titled "Between the Rains," referencing the dry seasons in our life, when we aren't particularly feeling God's presence. It struck me then that I was in a rainy season and I was loving it. I was walking in the rain and I never wanted to get out.

Well, what do you know, the following week would mark the start of a new bible study..."Inside Out: Part 2!" Didn't I just say that I never wanted to get out of the rain? It was only four weeks long...so I meekly asked my husband if I could just do this last bible study (promise!), and off I went for another four Tuesday nights.

It was around this time that it had been suggested to me by some close friends that I do another Beth Moore study, title "Breaking Free," which is about breaking free from the chains of captivity, which is anything that hinders an abundant and effective spirit-filled life that God intended for us. Umm, yeah...I need that like I need air to breathe! When I asked the Women's Ministry leader to borrow this DVD series, she casually mentioned that she'd like to do it over the summer as well, and maybe perhaps we could put together a small group of women to do it together? Well, absolutely we can! Just let me go ask my husband...

Stay tuned to hear about my "Breaking Free" experience...

Benjamin's 1st Report Card

2012-06-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago when I picked Benjamin up from school, one of his teachers met me at the door.

"I need to talk to you about Benjamin," she said. Uh-oh. Those are usually not the words you want to hear as a parent. I braced myself.

"He's not bad or anything. He isn't hitting other kids or anything like that," she started out. Well, that's good, right? I relaxed a tiny bit.

"It's just that, well, he's the leader of the class," she continued. Really? The leader? I'd be lying if I didn't swell with pride at that moment. My kid, the leader! So, uh, what's the problem here? Leading is good, yes?

"We like that he's the leader and all, and most of the time it's great...the kids all do what he says..." (Yes! That's my boy!) "...but last week a new student came into the class and Benjamin decided he didn't like him, so now none of the other children will play with this new little boy." Oh. There's the problem. I quickly deflated.

The teacher pointed out the snack table, where the children were currently chowing down. Sure enough, my sweet little "leader" was surrounded by a gaggle of kids, laughing and goofing off, while a lone little boy sat at the other end of the table, quietly finishing his snack. My heart broke for him. I've always been a sucker for the underdog, but it hurt even worse knowing it was my own flesh and blood that shunned this little guy.

I told the teacher that I would talk to Benjamin about the situation and then directed him to personally go say goodbye to the little boy in question. As we left, I couldn't decide what to feel. Proud that we had a little leader? Or horrified that he was using his power for evil?

Well, I'm happy to say that after many discussions and prayers for both my child and the new boy, the two of them successfully played with each other last week. Friday was his last day of school and he came home with report cards from all of his teachers. Here is what each of them said about Benjamin:

"Very funny and had improved manners."
"Loves being social, has an outgoing personality. He is a very polite child."
"Loved his big personality and he got along with all the other kids very well."
"A shy warm hearted little one and loved to play with others. He liked to be the leader."
"Likes to use his imagination in dramatic play."
"Very sweet kid, loves imaginary play."
"Benjamin was probably the most social kid here. In the beginning, he didn't want to do some of the activities, but now he listens very well. He is so fun to be around."
"Is the leader of the group and friends with everyone."
"He came in happy and ready to learn. He made everyone his friend."
"Very nice and friendly."
"He was very playful and fun. He learned to behave and make friends."
"Not very shy."

I think that last one summed it up pretty nicely, don't you? :)

In Case of an Emergency

2012-04-20T22:09:00.000-07:00

I taught Benjamin how to dial 911 in case there is ever an emergency in our home. He is so proud of himself for knowing how to do it, as am I. Let's just hope he never has to actually use these new skills...

Baby Signs

2012-04-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

Here's a little clip of some of the baby signs Brayden can do (and also just some of his general cuteness :)...

Spring Update

2012-04-11T10:17:00.001-07:00

March and April have been busy in our household. Benjamin started preschool two days a week, which he absolutely loves. It's so fun to listen to his stories about his days away from me, even though his stock answer when we ask him what he did that day is "I don't know!" After a little coaxing, we are able to get a general idea of his day's activities, such as painting (I love when he brings home artwork!), games (he taught Nathan and I how to play leap frog-I had to dissuade him from playing with baby brother.) and snack...we always hear about snack. I think it's his favorite part of school. Benjamin is still attending Awanas each Wednesday evening and I so enjoy listening to him sing "Jesus Loves Me" while eating dinner, taking a bath, playing with his toys, and even while going potty. It truly warms my heart.

Nathan has been taking a welding class at Cuesta two nights a week, which he thoroughly enjoys. Even though it keeps him away from home more often then he'd like, he is learning valuable skills that I know he is itching to put to good use. He already has a list of projects he'd like to tackle with his welder. He remarked the other day what a different feeling it is to go to school because he wants to, not because he has to. It does make the entire experience a lot more joyful and a lot less stressful.

I, too, have been busy twice a week. Thursdays I toss a water bottle in my bag and head to yoga for an hour and a half of pure me time...glorious! Tuesday nights one can find me at Ladies Bible Study, which I just can't seem to get enough of these days. A fire has been lit inside me, one that urges me to demonstrate the love of Jesus in tangible, practical ways to others who need to feel it. As I try to figure out just what that looks like in my life (Teaching Sunday School? Being a part of Women's Ministry? Feeding the hungry? Camp counselor? Volunteering to help rebuild the children's camp at Hume Lake?) I pray that God will keep those embers lit until I discover the place He wants to use me. At least now I know there is a spot for me, an area of ministry that I can use the talents and wisdom and experience that God has given me...I just have to figure out the exact location of said spot. I am confidant He will point me in the right direction.

As for Brayden, he is busy walking all over our house, the yard, the park, the beach...anywhere we will let him, actually! He loves to discover new places and gets very frustrated when we try to stifle him. Seriously, when Nathan or I have the audacity to contain him in the front yard or the house or his baby yard, that child lets you know he is not happy! His true joy and happiness becomes apparent when he is outside, free and unencumbered. I love watching his face light up the moment he realizes he is allowed to "escape." That boy never moves as fast as he does when he spots an open door or gate.

Needless to say, our time together as a family has been limited with our busy schedules. That's why we grabbed up the opportunity this last weekend to escape to the redwoods of Santa Cruz for four days of relaxation and fun. We did a little hiking, a little biking, and just good ol' sitting around the campfire, mixed in with some Easter activities as well. It was a good respite for the four of us, wetting our appetite for even more togetherness. We already have more camping trips planned for May and June, followed by some more in October and November.

Here are just a few pictures I snapped over the last few weeks.

The first thing he did when we put him in his play yard at the campsite was throw every toy out as a sign of protest.

Getting ready to go hiking.

The boy loves trains.

We found a great swimming hole.

This was Brayden's favorite activity of the trip: walking around the campsite, dragging his bucket. :)

The boys woke up Sunday morning to find that the Easter bunny had been by our camper.

Benjamin's first find!

Even Brayden got in on the Easter Egg Hunt action.

He just loves that bucket.

Going through his bounty. :)

Sweet, Yet Bitter

2012-03-11T21:43:00.000-07:00

It hit me tonight. Benjamin is growing up. There are so many things he can do on his own now and it seems that he has mastered a ton of them all in the last week. Here is just a sampling of his new found independence:

He can get dressed and undressed by himself (fasteners are a little tricky still).
Shoes are not a problem anymore (the Velcro ones anyway).
Car doors are a piece of cake. He'll even open Brayden's door.
Washing hands and face and brushing teeth come second nature to him. (Though I still like to have a turn with the teeth care. And I don't let him comb his beautiful curls himself. :)
He can take his helmet on and off himself and is working on buckling his car seat himself, too.
He can now reach all the light switches in the house, which leads me to...
He has chores:

Turning off all the lights before we leave
Feeding Sadie twice a day
Setting and clearing the dinner table

While I love watching him learn all these new skills, it is a little bittersweet. Sweet because he is immensely proud of himself and eager to utilize his new talents. Bitter because it means he doesn't need me as much anymore. Yet sweet...because he doesn't need me as much anymore! You know how much time it saves me every morning when he gets himself ready and in the car, practically buckled before I'm even out the door? It's freaking awesome! I mean...sweet. But bitter because it means he doesn't need me as much anymore. Yet sweet...

This could go on for a really long time.

Happy 1st Day Of School!

2012-03-05T11:13:00.000-08:00

I don't know quite what to do with myself this morning. My youngest child is napping and my oldest child is at his first day of preschool. I told Benjamin almost two months ago that I had signed him up for Little Hounds, a preschool put on by the Child Development class at the local high school, and he has been excited ever since. Every day he would ask me, "Is it March yet, Mom?" because he knew that once March arrived, he would get to start school.

As soon as he got out of bed this morning, he announced that he was ready. I smiled and asked him if he might want some breakfast first. "I guess so," he replied. After finishing his bagel, getting dressed, brushing his hair and teeth (which was not accompanied by the usual tears and frustration...from either of us!) it was finally time. When we arrived, he walked right in, put his lunch box and jacket in his cubby, paused to give me a hug goodbye, and then he was off. To say that he was excited is a gross understatement.

I commented to Nathan how great it is that our little boy is so confident and self-assured. I love that Benjamin isn't afraid to try new things on his own and can talk to anyone about anything, kid and grown up alike. Although I already miss him this morning, I can't wait to see what this new experience of preschool will do for his already fabulous personality and independence.

Lunch box note: "Dear Benjamin, Happy 1st Day of School!" I hope you are having a wonderful time. For lunch, I packed you 2 fire truck peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, grapes, Craisins, and a string cheese. I also put in a special treat for you. :) Brayden and I miss you and we can't wait to hear all about your day. See you soon! Love, Mommy."

At the Mercy of God

2012-02-27T20:53:00.000-08:00

The shock has worn off a bit. I can think about other things. I can recount it without crying. Yet, if I allow myself to mentally go back just three days ago to those few minutes in the cold ocean water, I can hear my children's cries again, I can taste the salt water, I can see the tears in Laura's eyes and for a moment my heart is gripped in fear as I think about what could have been.

This was the first (and hopefully the last) real dangerous situation I've ever been in. I've never sincerely had the words "I might die" cross my mind and plant themselves there. But three days ago, in the frigid Pacific ocean, while being tossed to and fro by the waves and the current, it hit me: I had absolutely no control over what was going to happen. I was at the mercy of God and the ocean and it was that thought that makes me weep.

Why? Why did the thought of being completely at the mercy of God grip me with fear? Aren't I always at the mercy of God? He can choose to take me from this earth at anytime, yet in reality don't I feel like I have some control over that? I drive safely, avoid harmful substances, eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, look both ways before crossing the street and stay away from dangerous neighborhoods. I do these things in an effort to keep myself safe and prolong my time here on Earth. I don't really even do sports or activities that could put me in danger, like water ski, snowboard, scuba dive, or backpacking. (Note: It's not that I don't want to do these fun activities because I'm scared, but rather I have never had the opportunity or the desire to.) My point here is this: I am a fairly logical, methodical person who likes to have a plan, as well as a couple of backup plans just in case. I usually feel that my way is the best way and I experience real anxiety when things don't go according to plan. Let me put it to you like this: control is not my middle name...it's my first name.

So it should come as no surprise then that I struggle with giving control over to God. I can say with my mouth that He is in control, but really I unconsciously think that if He drops the ball, I've got it covered. If He happens to be busy when my one year old chokes on a grape, no prob. I know the Heimlich. My child spikes a 104.8 fever in the middle of the night? I've got my paramedic husband to weigh in, my infant manuals to read, and Web MD to help me out. If needed, we can rush him to the ER where a doctor can prescribe him meds. We get in a car wreck? That's what 911 and trauma hospitals are for and hopefully the car seats and seat belts did their jobs. See what I mean? Modern technology has really made us pretty self-sufficient, if not down right arrogant. Don't worry, God. I got this one.

Except for the ocean. It turns out that I didn't have that one. Until I was in that water, trying to keep my one year old and myself afloat, I had never truly experienced a feeling of pure dependency on God for my survival. Laura couldn't help me because she was fighting for her own life, along with her two children. For a few minutes, there was nobody on the beach to call out to for help and it appeared that we were completely on our own. Realizing that I couldn't control the situation was terrifying, especially because it was a matter of life and death.

Now that my feet (and my children's precious feet) are on solid ground, what bothers me the most is not that I didn't have control of the situation, but the fact that I was so scared to be at the mercy of God. What does that say about my trust in Him? I'm not sure I want to know the answer.

Lucky to be Alive

2012-02-24T21:41:00.003-08:00

As I laid my children in bed tonight, I held on to them for an extra minute in a moment of prayer, thanking God for giving me another evening to embrace them. You see, I almost lost them today.

It was supposed to be a fun afternoon at the beach. Laura and I wanted to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather so we packed up the kids and headed to Avila for a little fun in the sun. The clouds and the cold wind should have been our first warning. We hit the sand anyway, not wanting to disappoint the kids. After a short stint of boogie boarding (nine year old Wyatt and his fourteen year old buddy Tim) and seashell searching (Weston (4) and Ben), the gang asked to explore the tide pools. So the group of us headed that way, Laura carrying 9 month old Walker in the front pack, Brayden on my hip, the little boys at our sides. Wyatt and Tim ran on ahead.

Now at Avila, just before you get to the tide pools, it becomes necessary to cross a little inlet of water. It was low tide, so the shallowest part appeared to be right at the mouth of the inlet, where the ocean lets in. This is where we decided to cross. Mistake number one. Since the tide was going out we should have taken extra care to move up from that spot so we wouldn't get pulled out should one of us fall. At this point, Wyatt and Tim were already at the tide pools and waiting for us to join them. Laura led the way, holding Weston's hand, and my boys and I followed. The water was right around our ankles and just as we were assuring Benjamin and Weston that the water wasn't too deep, Laura stepped off an unseen ledge and was instantly up to her thighs, Weston right along with her. Mistake number two: don't walk in water where you can't see the bottom. My first reaction was to go in after them (mistake number three), because Weston couldn't touch the bottom at all and Walker was strapped to Laura's front. Since the incoming waves had knocked her off her feet, all three were floundering. So I let go of Ben's hand and step down right where Laura had and found myself instantly up to my chest in water. Since I was holding Brayden on my hip, he was even lower in the water. Amid his screams, the waves started to pull us out, but we managed to grab onto a large rock and push Weston halfway up it. Laura clung to the rock to support Weston and keep Walker's head out of the water and I started to look for a way back to my oldest son, who was standing knee deep in the water, scared and alone. As he cried out to me, I yelled back to him. "Stay there! Don't come out to us! Stay there!" I begged him to turn around and go back to the beach where it was safe, but he sobbed that he couldn't. I yelled for help, but there was nobody to hear us. The waves kept coming in, pushing us every which way and trying to drag us out to sea. I told Laura that we had to get her and Weston up on the rock so I could go back for Benjamin, but she pointed out that I couldn't cross in the same spot, especially while holding Brayden. My poor little baby was getting mouthfuls of sea water every time the waves came in and there were times that he and I went completely under. I desperately looked back at the beach to find someone who could help us. Finally a woman started running toward us and I screamed at Ben to turn around and go to her. She grabbed him up and took him to safety, allowing me to focus on the rest of my family. At this point, Tim and Wyatt had figured out that we were in trouble and were now standing on top of the large rock that Weston and Laura were clinging to. The two of them pulled Weston to the top and Laura followed. Next, I was able to hand Brayden up to them as well. Hands and arms unencumbered now, I got myself out of the water and started looking for the easiest path back to the beach. Then, in a panicked voice, Laura said, "Al, Walker's turning blue!" I looked over at him, and while I didn't see a blue tinge, he was awfully calm for just being in the tumultuous ocean. I told Laura that he was alert and that we just needed to get him dry. We made our way back to the stream of water, but this time farther up, away from the sea, and crossed back at a much shallower, clearer spot. Benjamin and the woman who saved him (I later found out her name was Carol) were waiting for us on the other side.We quickly got back to our towels, everyone shivering, especially the babies and little boys and instantly began working on getting dry clothes on our children. Carol wrapped Ben in several of her towels and another lady even put her scarf on his head and leg warmers on his bare legs. Walker warmed up quickly and within a few minutes Brayden was crawling happily on the sand, like nothing had ever happened.

But something had happened, and Laura and I will never forget it. As she and I looked at each other, we didn't have to speak. Our eyes said it all. Our families were incredibly lucky to be alive. God was with us while we were in that cold, unforgiving ocean. God held Benjamin back while I foolishly went in after my sister and nephews. If he had fallen in with us, I don't know how I would have held on to both of my boys as well as the rock. God was with us when Laura chose to put Walker in the front pack since he'd fallen asleep in the car, instead of just carrying him on her hip. That gave her two free arms to help Weston. God sent us Carol, who normally walks in the opposite direction when she goes for a stroll on the beach, but on a whim decided to visit the tide pools. If she hadn't grabbed Benjamin, I most likely would have made another poor decision and tried to save him myself, putting myself and his baby brother in even more danger. God was with us.

So we held back tears, hugged our rescuers, gathered up our belongings and headed for home, counting our sweet little boy blessings every step of the way.

I Don't Know!

2012-02-06T14:33:00.000-08:00

I have figured out that there are standard questions that people ask you after major events take place in your life:

After engagement: "So have you set a wedding date?"
After wedding: "So when are you going to start having babies?"
After pregnancy: "So when are you due?"
After birth of first child: "So how soon do you want to have your next child?"
After birth of second child: "So are you done or do you want more kids?"

It's like nobody lets you enjoy the moment you are in and instead they are pushing you to always think about what comes next because there is always something better around the corner. Though nothing is set in stone, I am fairly confident when I tell family, friends, and complete strangers (yep, random people in the grocery store have even asked) that Nathan and I feel complete as a family of four. Even when they question our decision ("Really? You don't want to try for a girl?") I can honestly say that I am completely satisfied with our two precious boys.

But then I hear the news of a friend's pregnancy and I waver. I see someones facebook status announcing "It's a boy!" and I waver. I pick up an adorable pair of Vans shoes the size of my thumb and I waver. I smell a newborn's baby-fine hair and I waver.

You see, I have always had a plan for my life. I would go to college, become a teacher, get married, have children, and live happily ever after (naturally). I've always been fairly confident in my decisions and plans and usually know what is coming around the corner. Married? Check. Baby #1? Check. Baby #2: Check. More kids? No. Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know! Stop asking me!!

I have no idea how to conclude this blog post, because I don't know the conclusion. Not knowing is very uncomfortable for me, and my usual M.O. is to force a decision. However, I'm going to try something new here and instead attempt to relish in the uncertainty and trust that God knows the answer and will reveal it to me when I am ready. Considering that patience and submission are not my strong suit, this particular task is going to be harder than it sounds. Here goes nothing.

MY PRIORITIES

2012-01-24T17:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever just wanted to be more? More kind, more organized, more fit & healthy, more efficient, more fun, more relaxed, more clean, more money savvy, more self-disciplined? Or maybe your adjective isn't more but instead it's better. A better cook, better friend, better mother, better spouse, better Christian, better runner/tennis player/insert-sport-here, better employee, better steward...the list of what I wish I could be more of and better at goes on and on. Yet the other day as I was contemplating that list, I prayed out loud to God, "God, I just want to be ENOUGH." He responded back to me, "Allison, my dear child, you ARE enough for ME. Rest in that." Oh, okay. Done.

Well, not really. Because I am a sinner and one of my biggest downfalls-errr, let's say growth areas--is self-criticism. Nobody is harder on me than myself. I have ridiculously high expectations for myself and when I don't meet them, I spiral into a depression that hangs over me like that proverbial dark cloud. This past year my home has been filled with the rain drops and lightening bolts of said cloud. The rain comes in the form of tear drops and the strikes of lightening appear as loud, harsh words from my mouth in moments of frustration and anger that appear as suddenly as a freak storm. My constant quest to be more and better has left me feeling overwhelmed with life and I just can't take it any more. Something has got to change.

I am currently a part of a ladies Bible study at ABC that is titled "From the Inside Out...lining up your head, heart, and home with God's priorities for you life." The first week, Robin defined the term insanity for us: doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Well, send me to the loony bin, because I am definitely insane! Robin continued, "Let's inject some sanity into our lives! Let's PRAY for different results and purpose to do things differently!"

My first step: Write out what my priorities are. I decided that if I listed everything I would fall into the same trap I always do-get overwhelmed and not do anything. So instead I focused on the top three. I also detailed out just what that particular priority would look like to me and what it would take to make it happen. Here is what my sheet looked like when I was done:

MY PRIORITIES

A peaceful home

kind words, routine, positive attitude, organization...yes!
yelling, too many unscheduled days, negativity, clutter...no!
how? prayer for self-discipline, earlier bedtime for myself (for patience and energy during the day), make a calendar & follow it, schedule in fun activities for all (to keep morale up)

Scheduled Spiritual Time

Can include, but not limited to, reading bible, catching up on missed sermons, prayer, reading a spiritual book
how? consistently put the boys down for a nap at the same time so I can have un-interrupted time. Start small (15 minutes) and then build up. Create a space in the home for this time. Make a "bible basket" where I keep all my "quiet time" materials. Put this time on the family schedule.

Financial Peace

Make-and stick to!-a budget.
Biweekly budget meetings with Nathan
Track spending
how? prayer for self-discipline, constant attention, set up excel docs to facilitate ease of tracking.

My next step was to find a few key verses that I could meditate on through my journey to help me stay focused and also to write out a prayer to God to keep me on the right path. This is what I wrote:

Hebrews 12:11

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Galations 6:9

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. (emphasis mine)

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans for good and not for evil, to give you hope and a future.

My Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I can not do this alone! I need you, God, to come along side me and push me to "not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in [my] power to do it." (Proverbs 3:27) I long to create a home that is pleasing to you, God-a home filled with peace and love...a true reflection of You. So put blinders on me, so I will not be distracted with things that do not matter, but instead will "let all things be done decently and in order." (1 Cor 14:40) Give me the strength, wisdom, and courage I need to become the woman You intend me to be. Amen.

Slow Down!

2012-01-21T12:46:00.000-08:00

Apparently Brayden thought that since he turned one last week, he needed to learn a few things, like right now. In the span of one week, he has taken his first steps, learned six baby signs, drank milk from a cup, began pointing at items that he wants and refusing things he doesn't (cookies, yes, broccoli, no), and attempts to put shoes on his feet and hats on his head.

Okay, Brayden, I know I said that I would try not to hold on to you too tightly as you left the baby stage and entered toddlerhood, but you gotta meet me halfway here, kid. Slow down on the growing up, already!

Best of Benjamins

2012-01-15T20:00:00.000-08:00

Flying to Heaven
Ben: "What does 'dying' mean?"
Me: "When your body quits working on Earth and your spirit goes up to Heaven to be with Jesus."
Ben: "Does God have a helicoptor?"
Me: "I don't know. Why do you ask?"
Ben: "Because we can't walk or drive to Heaven!"

Cheap Date
Ben: "Why aren't you eating dinner with me and Brayden, Mommy?"
Me: "Because Mommy and Daddy are going on a dinner date."
Ben: "Oh. When I grow up, I'm going to go on a snack date!"
Me: "A snack date, huh? What will you eat on your snack date?"
Ben: "Peanut butter crackers!"

Happy 1st Birthday, Brayden!

2012-01-09T11:01:00.000-08:00

Dear Brayden,
You turn one year old today! If I thought your brother's first year went by fast, then your's positively moved at light speed. Wasn't it just last week that we were meeting you for the first time?

I guess it has been a whole year since that day and my, have you grown!

1 week

1 month

2 months

3 months

4 months

5 months

6 months

7 months

8 months

9 months

10 months

11 months

12 months

Your first year has brought us joyful days and sleepless nights. You have provided endless entertainment for your big brother and sweet snuggles for your Mommy and Daddy. You love to be held and while at times it has been a bit inconvenient to do so (such as dinner time or 11:00 at night), I treasure the fact that my touch can calm and console you. I call you my little woodpecker, because when you are in a silly mood, you will peck at my shoulder like a little bird. You are a ticklish little boy and laugh so hard when we give you rasberries on your tummy. You have learned to give them right back, which makes me laugh too. You say "Mama" and "Dada" but I'm not convinced you know what those sounds mean, but very soon I'm sure you will. You are so close to walking. All you need is a little confidence and then you are going to take this world by a storm. The outdoors call to you. The moment someone opens the front door, you beeline that way, eager to escape outside and explore all of God's creation. When we dare to bring you back inside, you loudly protest. Besides Mommy and Daddy, Benjamin is your best friend, and I love watching you break into a smile whenever you see him.

This day is bittersweet for me, Brayden. You see, even though I love watching you grow and eagerly look forward to all that you will do in the coming days, months, and years, I am sad that your baby days are over. You are our last baby, so if I hang on to you a little too tightly, please try to understand that I am not trying to hold you back from experiencing all that life has to offer, but rather I am simply trying to hold on to you.

I love you, my sweet baby boy...

Love,
Mommy

P.S. Here are some pictures of your birthday party! The theme was "Winter One-derland", complete with snowflakes, hot soup, a photo timeline of your first year, and a snowman cake made just for you.

December Continued

2012-01-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

Where did the rest of December go? We are already well into January and I still haven't posted Christmas pictures or even taken down the Christmas lights! So please pardon my tardiness and enjoy our holiday photos. Although, I admit there aren't too many because I was trying to simply be a part of the experience rather than viewing it through a tiny camera lens. I discovered it's a trade-off: you either get to really enjoy the moment and not have very many photos or you have a plethora of 4 by 6 prints to look back on, but miss out on the joy of experiencing those moments live.

Benjamin was so excited that Santa had a gift for him, a whole week early!

Hmm, I'm not too sure about this guy with the funny suit and crazy facial hair...

Brayden finally discovered the tree and was putting his own personal touch on it.

Even when we have a small Christmas (i.e. less gifts), we still end up with a full tree!

Christmas Eve at the Fisher Family brought the boys two great gifts: a ride-on/walk behind tractor for Brayden (thought Benjamin wasted no time taking a turn) and a membership to over 100 children museums around the country, several in our own county!

I plan to make this shot a tradition: Christmas morning in front of the tree, wearing the pjs they received the night before.

Benjamin's stocking contained a couple small toys, a new toothbrush, an apple slicer, raisins, banana chips, and a small bag of jelly beans. Brayden got flavored cheerios, a new water bottle, and a new toothbrush also. Santa went the healthy route this year. :)

The boys got each other gifts this year. Benjamin specially picked out Brayden's gift, although I have a sneaking suspicion he was thinking about himself since it just happened to be a Thomas toy. :)

Even Sadie got in on the action with a new dog bed to keep her warm and cozy on those cold winter nights and some new dog treats picked out by Ben.

All my mom's children and grandchildren were together for the first time ever!

Nathan and I with my siblings, Stacy and Jeff.

This is what Christmas morning looked like at our house! Homemade cinnamon rolls, coffee, and family...a great combination!

December Traditions

2011-12-16T14:03:00.000-08:00

Like most families, our month of December is always filled with parties, activities, outings, and special events. Here are a few snapshots of what the first half of the month has brought us this season.

We don't hang ornaments on our Christmas tree...we hang memories. Everything on our tree is tied either to a special person or to a special memory and I enjoyed sharing the stories of where each ornament came from with Benjamin and Weston as they hung them up on the branches.

Benjamin performed in the church Christmas Pageant this year...he stole the show with his dancing and his antics. :)

It wouldn't be Christmas without some baking.

Grandma Barbi taught Benjamin how to roll out the dough, just as she taught me many years ago.

Brayden did his part by sampling the baked cookies. He took the job very seriously, demanding more and more. :)

Sprinkles, frosting, and candy galore!

Our Gingerbread Family

Benjamin's finished product.

I made this advent calendar for him, which I plan to do each year with him. Every day he pulls off a tag and does the task that is printed on it. Sometimes the task is something fun for him (Hot cocoa morning!) and sometimes it centers around giving (Do something nice for Brother.) I especially love watching him do the latter.

Tomorrow I am going to take him Christmas shopping so he can pick out gifts for his loved ones. It's exciting watching him figure out that Christmas is not just about receiving, but about giving. After all, God gave us His son on this holiday, which is what the season is truly all about.

Our First Trip to Big Sur

2011-11-11T14:09:00.000-08:00

We went camping up in Big Sur for the first time this week. What a beautiful area...truly, some of God's best work can be seen from the Pacific Coast Highway. It's a perfect spot for Nathan and I, since he loves the redwoods and I love the ocean. It may have been our first time, but it won't be our last.

Headed for the trails!

Brayden had the best seat in the house.

Less than 5 minutes in and Benjamin already needed a break.

We did both trails and no, we did not see any mountain lions.

Ben loved going over the bridges.

Hiking is exhausting work, you know.

We made it to the falls.

It was a very pretty spot.

We snacked and rested here for a bit before continuing on to the Valley View trail.

I highly recommend going to Pfeiffer Beach...beautiful!

After I snapped this picture, I realized what I was seeing...Ben walking through the water with his shoes and pants still on!

He wasn't pleased when I pointed that out to him!

The rock formations in the water were just begging to be a family photo backdrop.

Beach baby

With his gorgeous hair, doesn't Ben just look like he belongs at the beach?

Brayden had no qualms about hitting the water. He was soaked by the time we left and happy as a clam.

Don't you just love him? I do.

Brayden Love

2011-11-10T22:44:00.000-08:00

How lucky am I that I get to be with him every single day???

Halloween 2011

2011-11-10T22:05:00.000-08:00

Weston & Benjamin, getting ready to go to town on their pumpkins

The finished products...Ben chose a classic jack-o-lantern, while Weston aimed for a scarier look.

Just like his first Halloween, Benjamin was a jack-o-lantern.

Brayden was a ferocious lion.

He wasn't quite sure what to do to get into character.

Cousins

Do lions eat tigers?? Cuz' Walker's looking a little nervous...

Help! :)

San Marcos Ranch Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

We tried a new pumpkin patch out this year. We usually go to The Avila Valley Barn, but a new place opened up in Paso, so we loaded the boys up to go pick out some pumpkins!

The San Marcos Ranch is a super cute, picturesque ranch, with a small pond, beautiful walkways, waterfalls, and bridges. There are even a few gargoyles lurking about, adding to the ambience.

Benjamin loved pulling the wagon through the pumpkin fields.

He tried to lift some of the bigger specimens, but didn't have much luck.

Love it.

My little pumpkins.

Brothers

Benjamin is such a good big brother.

Cutting the chosen pumpkin off the vine.

Ta-da! Perfect size.

Brayden thought his pumpkin was a chew toy. :)