Real Relevant & Relational

Extreme Cash Giveaway - Win $500 in Paypal Cash!

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:00:00 +0000

It’s time for an EXTREME CASH GIVEAWAY! I have teamed up with my blogger friends to bring you an extreme cash prize. One lucky winner will receive $500 in their Paypal account at the end of this giveaway!

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The Wife Must Respect her Husband

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 19:43:00 +0000

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 (NIV 1984)

It will never cease to amaze me how I'm dealing with an issue and things will just pop out at me that relate specifically to what I am dealing with. He is truly amazing and I do not know why I continue to doubt His power. Doubt isn't exactly the right word cause I do NOT doubt God's power. I guess I just forget about it sometimes.

So Tim did something to upset me yet again. This is a regular occurrence in my house as I'm sure it's a regular occurrence in your house that your spouse upsets you on occasion ;). For the second time in a week, in reference to the same thing, I decided that I wouldn't say anything to him about it. Really it's an issue for him and God not for me and him. I have pointed out his fault previously and he knows how I feel about this particular issue.

The other day I decided to follow what was in my heart and NOT say anything to him about it and to just let it go. Then again yesterday I decided not to say anything and just to let it go. This is a huge step for me because I get in that mindset of me me me. Why should I not say something when I have been injured in some way. It's a learning process and I wish I could tell you that after almost 17 years of marriage that I'd have it perfect by now, but I don't. So, my challenge is to let go and LET GOD! It's not my place to always point out my husbands fault and that's something that I'm trying very very hard to get out of. It's not my place to criticize him.

A devotion TODAY (hence my continued amazement at His perfect timing) spoke on this very topic. Just when I needed it reinforced in my brain and heart because I was arguing with Him this very morning because I really really wanted to say something to my husband, it was there! In the Proverbs 31 Devotion for today they spoke something that brought tears to my eyes and gave me a new understanding of what my criticism of him does to him.

"The Holy Spirit also showed me I was fueling Satan’s flaming darts of condemnation aimed at my husband’s heart; joining efforts with the one who wanted to take out my husband as the leader of our home., Proverbs 31 Ministries"

Ummm... NO! I will NOT be used by Satan to cause hurt and pain to my husband. This was a HUGE eye opener to me. I don't think it's many wives goal to be an instrument of destruction but that's exactly what many of us can be.

Thank you Lord for showing me exactly what I needed to see today!

I don't feel the need to pretend that my life or marriage is perfect to you and I also don't feel the need to share with you the exact issues in my marriage. However, it's important for me to share that there ARE issues as there are issues in every marriage. So, don't think I'm trying to degrade my husband or my marriage because I'm not. I put my thoughts and feelings out there in an effort to be authentic and because I feel led to share something with you. When I read that devotion this morning I immediately knew I needed to write my own post about this topic. I pray that this may help you in your relationship with Him.

Is God Talking to YOU?

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 02:47:00 +0000

I came across something the other day and it made me realize that He is indeed talking to ME.

The man whispered, "God, speak to me," and a meadowlark
sang.

But, the man did not hear. So the man yelled, "God, speak to
me" and the thunder rolled across the sky.

But, the man did not listen. The man looked around and said,
"God let me see you." And a star shined brightly.

But the man did not see. And, the man shouted, "God show
me a miracle." And, a life was born.

But, the man did not notice. So, the man cried out in despair,
"Touch me God, and let me know you are here." Whereupon,
God reached down and touched the man. But, the man brushed
the butterfly away ...and walked on.

The man cried, "God, I need your help!" And an e-mail arrived
reaching out with good news and encouragement. But, the man
deleted it and continued crying.

I have found this to be a great reminder that God is always
around us in the little and simple things that we take for granted
.... even in our electronic age ...

So don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the
way that you expect.

Last week I hit a rough patch in life. I won't go in to details but it was hard.... REALLY hard. I began questioning so many things. One question in particular was if I could continue down this road or if I should just give up. I did something a little out of character for me and decided to take a drive so that I'd have some time to just think, listen to music, and pray. I ended up driving out to the base of a hill on our post and parked off the side of the road across from our ski lodge. I thought about driving up the hill (ummm, little mountain) but figured that with my fear of heights and drop offs on mountains and the fact that I was crying, that it was better for me to just sit there.

As I sat there I prayed quietly, I questioned my resolve, I asked Him why I was expected to endure. Wouldn't it be OK if I just gave up the battle and moved on? Then I saw IT.

It's a yucky picture, sorry. My camera on my phone just won't zoom very well and by the time I got the camera up and ready to snap the picture it had moved away quite a bit. It's a fox by the way ;)

You have to know something about me... I'm WILD about the animals up here in Alaska. There's not much opportunity to see animals like this where I'm from. I've only seen one of these in our time here and that was right after we arrived 3 years ago. So this was HUGE for me.

I almost immediately felt better and was able to come home. I wish I could say that I felt better the rest of the night but I did not and it ended up being a rough night but I do think it helped refocus me. When I saw the fox I didn't think, oh look, there's a fox, God must be communicating with me, but upon seeing the story above later in the week I was brought to my knees in gratitude and praise because that's exactly what it was!

When you cry out to Him you better be paying attention because you never know how He is going to respond.

Sometimes I Need Him to Knock me Out

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 14:45:00 +0000

I've found myself in tears many many times over the last couple of months. Sometimes it's a stupid fight with my husband. Sometimes it's a fight with one of the girls. Sometimes it's from some other painful or joyful situation. Sometimes it's because He's knocked me over the head enough that I can finally SEE some profound truth.

Tonight it was from something profound! Ok Lord.... I think I might finally get it. I was talking with my oldest who is going to have a baby any day now and we were talking about my middle daughter and our fears for what lies ahead for her. I truly am afraid that she is going to follow a very dangerous path and I'm just not sure how to reach her.

Yesterday I came across a blog (I can't remember where) that talked about teens and sex and I realized then that I really need to be more available to her in this department and really build an open relationship with her. I was never really worried all that much about my oldest making really poor choices (yes I know, she's an unwed 19 year old but that's ok) and she's always been a lot more open about things than I am anyway. I realize that my girls are not all the same and I feel this huge gap in my relationship with my middle daughter that needs to be filled and FAST. I have a sense of urgency about it and I'm not sure if that's just because of her age and me remembering what I was doing at her age or because He has laid it on my heart that I need to make an impact fast. Either way, I'm listening.

We will begin reading His Revolutionary Love tomorrow. I've had this book for what, two months now, and keep putting it off. NO MORE! I'm going to make it a special time just for me and her and really devote myself to listening to what she has to say as we go through the book.

Also, a couple of other blogs have been put in my path the last few days that have really made me realize that I don't make the time for my girls as I should and that I really have to listen to them more.

Here is where the tears really began to fall. Something amazing has been happening! It's only happened a few times but I know it's all His doing and I didn't really notice it until I read these two blogs. I'm a night owl and I usually stay up late. The kids go to bed and I'm up on my computer or watching TV or reading until the early morning hours. There's been a couple of nights where I have gone to bed earlier. I've been in bed reading a book on my Kindle and one of the kids will come in and start talking to me. Then another kid will come in. Then the dog comes in which normally draws the other kid in! We have had a couple of really wonderful conversations just chilling on my bed and those opportunities wouldn't have been there if I was downstairs on my computer.

Now the first thought that comes to my mind is guilt over my poor choices and wanting to slap myself upside the head over all the lost opportunities. One girl is already grown and is about to have a child of her own and one is already in her teen years. I've got so many lost opportunities that I could fill a truck with them.

I can live in regret over the lost opportunities caused by my stupidity or I can make the best of future opportunities. I think I'll make the best of future opportunities to make a difference in the lives of my wonderful girls.

Sleepless Nights

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:53:00 +0000

"O Sleep, O Gentle Sleep, Natures Soft Nurse, How Have I Frightend Thee, That Thou No More Wilt Weigh my Eye-Lids Down And Steep My Senses In Forgetfulness?" — William Shakespeare

I'm beginning to wonder what a good nights sleep feels like. Is it that my body trying to prepare me for what it thinks is to come? Yes, I understand that there will be a new baby in the house very soon but MY body does not need to prepare for this as I will NOT be the one getting up in the middle of the night with her. That will be my daughters job. Thankfully I'm just the grandmother this time around.

Which brings up an interesting topic. This little granddaughter of mine could be born any day now and I don't have a clue what I want to be called and neither does my husband! Oh what a quandary we are in. All the good names are taken in my family. There's my mom who is Meme to my kids. There is my Mema. There is Tim's mom who is Grandma. I have also have a Grandma Vera and a Granny Miles. I'm not opposed to being called Grandma and truth be told, that's what I imagine her calling me however, she already has a Grandma. Josh (her father), his mom is Grandma already. Oh and don't suggest Grandma so and so cause I'm just not down with that! Grandma Brandi or Grandma Simon just doesn't sound right. I'm also not down with some of the more modern titles like GMa. NO! I don't want a name like YaYa either.

I'm embracing this new phase in my life and I have no problems with the fact that I'm a very young grandparent. People are going to look at me weird anyway because I have a five year old and a granddaughter. Oh the joys of having children spaced far apart. lol I'm aging gracefully ;)

It's no wonder that my body is restless. A new addition to the family is coming. We're getting ready for a PCS (moving to a new Army post). We've got a legal matter looming large. My husband has some medical issues we're trying to get worked out. The best thing I can do now is to make the most of my sleepless time and just go with the flow. Eventually my body won't have a choice but to quiet down and sleep. I just hope it's not when my daughter goes into labor!

Tug of War

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Tue, 31 May 2011 09:44:00 +0000

It was pointed out to me today that I need to stop worrying about some things in my life and just give it to Him. I have to admit that is a daily struggle for me, sometimes a by the minute struggle. I am constantly fighting for control and to be honest that was the hardest thing for me to let go of when I put my life in His hands. I remember crying with my friend Lenora about the control issue before I asked him into my life. It was 2002 and it was so very hard for me to do.

Here I sit almost 10 years later and I am still struggling with that control. It is a constant battle.

Today I feel that my life is spiraling out of control. I feel like I have NO control over anything. It is like a tug of war. I try so very hard to keep things in my hands. I make calls to try and move things along and in truth it's not that I'm trying to move things along because the Army is the Army and moves at it's own pace. I'm trying to find out information. That is a lack of trust in God's perfect plan for my life which is really the root of my control problem. It's really a lack of trust. You'd think almost 10 years later that I'd have total faith in Him but no. Some days are better than others!

Things are so bad and I feel so overwhelmed right now that I am wrestling control in the areas that I can. I stepped down as the FRG Leader for my husbands unit and no sooner had I done that then another problem presented itself. One which I REALLY have no control over. This one is a little harder to deal with though. I'm left questioning my whole life. If I had of done a better job at being a Mother, if I had of controlled my own anger better, if I had of raised her in the church, if I had of just not tried to help, if I had of modeled healthier relationships, maybe this situation wouldn't have happened. In my heart I know that all parents make mistakes and in the end it's up to our grown children to make their own choices but it's hard. I want nothing more than for my daughter to enjoy the last couple of months of her pregnancy and not have all this stress on her but I can't take it away.

We just have to all learn how to adjust to the new situation, and in doing so I am again wrestling for control in other areas. I look around my house and no matter how clean it is, it doesn't look it. I have too much stuff. I think back to simpler times when my house was clean and easy to maintain and that time was when things were meager. We didn't have a lot of money (not that we do now) and we didn't have a lot of stuff. I have a tendency to buy things more than once because I forget that I already have something. I have about three packs of envelopes. I'll NEVER use all those envelopes so why do I have them? Because I needed one and forgot I had some already. See what I mean!

I am about to REALLY purge. I have talked about cleaning and purging my belongings in the last couple of months but I really am now just tired of this clutter! I want to look around and see neatness so that is my new goal, my new area of control. I will put my need for control to good use and do become a better manager of my home!

Dang Him! I swear, every time! I was searching for an image to use. I wanted something with hands on a rope at the very least maybe even with a celestial image on the other end. I found something that took me to a site that has a sermon series called Let it Go. Think He wanted me to see that? I think so. Usually these blogs start out as one thing and they end up completly different. I was going to just write about my cluttered house but He had a much bigger subject.

Once again, He spoke to me through my blog and I hope that He uses this to touch you in some was as well!

Are You a Runner?

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 09 May 2011 11:13:00 +0000

Are you a runner? I'm sure not! That wasn't always the case though. I remember loving to run in elementary school. I specifically remember the exhilaration I felt at winning some little sprint against some boys during a race on field day. I think I must have been in fourth grade then and if I remember correctly I was legs, legs, legs. Long, lanky legs.

At some point over the years my enjoyment in running or even walking for that matter dwindled. I can remember in middle school having to walk around the track at Wilder Middle School in Savannah six times to complete our physical fitness tests and how much I hated it! I couldn't run and I would get a terrible stitch in my side even just from walking. This must have been in what, seventh grade.

So sometime in a three year span I went from having an enjoyment of running to loathing it and that's exactly where I have stayed since then. I loath it..... but I do have good reason to now.

Back in 2002 my husband was out of the Army and I was going to go into the Army. I went as far as to actually go to MEPS to ship out and then backed out before the final swearing in. They released me from the DEP (Delayed Entry Program) contract and I was FREE. Most of the reason I backed out was because I had two small children, one who would start kindergarten while I was at basic and when I got down there that evening I couldn't figure out why in the world I ever thought it was a good idea for ME to be away from MY kids.

I'm off the subject now though.... So in preparation for shipping out to basic I had my husband try to help me get used to running. I soon realized that something was wrong aside from the terrible shin splints I kept getting. My calves were cramping up something fierce after only running for a minute or two. I could not run through the pain and it would take a good 15 minutes for them to stop hurting, no matter what I did to alleviate the problem.

Now it's even worse, my legs do that when I do a brisk walk as well. It's a horrible affliction to live with! My Mother has the same problem. Is it genetic or is it simply because our bodies are not used to using that muscle in that way. I don't know but I can tell you that my Mom has extremely large calves (she might be upset with me for saying that but it's true) and I think they said she might have a connective tissue disorder (could be mistaken on that front though as it's been years since we talked about that).

Today I ran, not far but I ran. I also walked around the block, although not at a brisk pace as it's kind of difficult to do when you're training a dog on a leash, but I walked. It didn't kill me! Now I have hope. Maybe just maybe my husband knows something after all and it's all been in relation to my hydration since I KNOW I'm hydrated now cause I've been drinking tons of water.

Anyway, I'm going to try to do the Couch to 5K program. I really want to run gosh darn it and I'm tired of my body acting stupid! I'm sure I'll be posting up some whines in coming weeks. You just wait till I get my first shin splint, ha ha!

Lighter

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 04 May 2011 18:07:00 +0000

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade. ~ Tenth Avenue North

This song just really spoke to me today... this VERSE in the song really spoke to me today. It just rang a chord in my heart and I'm not exactly sure why. I don't think it's about me though... or is it?

I've made mistakes and I know that I am more. I know that I've been remade. I rest secure in my love for my God and his love for me.

But...... I tend to forget that when thinking about other people. I think this song for me today was more than talking about me, it is a reminder to me that EVERYONE is more than the choices they make, more than their past mistakes, and more than the problems that they create. This is a song of forgiveness and of rebirth and although I didn't think I was holding on to any un-forgiveness, maybe I was.

And I know feel very overwhelmed and so much LIGHTER than I did a few moments ago. Does that even make sense to you?

Oh what a Blessing!

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 19:09:00 +0000

Tim and I decided to take a drive out to Chena Hot Springs on Saturday to enjoy them before we leave Alaska (still don't know where we are going or IF we are going anywhere). We hadn't been out there yet and figured this would be a perfect weekend for the drive since we are test driving a friends truck to see if we want to purchase it.

When I told my good friend, Barb over at The Forever Neighbor, about it she asked if we were staying over night. It's quite expensive so we had no plans to do so. That's when she told us that she had a certificate that she didn't get a chance to use before her husband deployed that would expire at the end of the month and we could have it if we wanted. It was for one night at the lodge. What a true blessing it was! Thank you so much Barb!!!!

So the hubs and I made arrangements for the kids (the oldest watched them), made sure all the phone numbers they might need were handy and there was food in the house, and off we went. This is the FIRST overnight trip Tim and I have ever taken away from the kids! Mind you, we've been married for 16 years so that's a LONG time :) I of course was nervous but not so nervous that I didn't have a good time. I called the kids 3 times while we were gone :)

We had a wonderful time. What an experience the hot springs were! It was a first for me :). I will admit though, it probably wasn't the best idea to eat dinner and then go into them. I started feeling a little sick so we got out and relaxed in the hotel room for a while. Went back that night and experienced them at night. WOW! That's all I can say!

I am so grateful that we had this opportunity. Next we will take a trip to Denali since we haven't had the opportunity to go there yet. We've got to fit in as much as possible before we leave cause I'd had to leave Alaska and say that we didn't get to do all this wonderful stuff while we were here!

How was YOUR weekend?

Vacation Time!

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 23:43:00 +0000

Recently our family took a vacation. It's the first vacation we've taken in over three years and everyone was thrilled about it. When we planned the vacation the hubs was supposed to be deploying with his unit. Then he develops some health problems and gets a non-deployable status. We had already purchased the non-refundable airline tickets so we decided to go ahead and take the vacation as planned.

Thankfully we got a large enough tax refund to be able to afford tickets for the five of us as well as all the extra stuff (car rental, food, hotel....) to have a fab vacation!

We spent some very calming time at his parents house. We were able to see his brother (it's been about 6 years) and meet his new wife and see the kids. We went to a Renaissance fair which was a lot of fun :) and just had a really good time with his family.

We also went to Georgia to see my family. Unfortunately we did not get a chance to see my extended family because Tasha had a little problem that they said was caused by all the traveling so we had to take it easy for a little while. Things are never dull when we're with my family and this was no exception :) My twin nephews have gotten sooo big and it was sooo good to see them again. Breanna and the boys played so well together! I was a little scared going in that they would fight but nope... it's like they were never apart!

THEN... my clan and my sisters clan and my parents went to Florida for the really fun part of the vacation lol. Can you guess where we went? :)

Yep! To DISNEY! We were very fortunate to be able to take advantage of Disney's Armed Forces Salute and are VERY thankful they honor the military with such a fab deal. Six tickets for $138 for four days at any of the Disney World parks with park hopper option. We were planning on doing all four parks but decided that Magic Kingdom needed two days so we opted not to go to Hollywood Studios. Of course when you get a family as large and outspoken as ours together and try to do a big family activity there are bound to be attitudes but I think that overall we all had a really great time together. We were so very BLESSED to be able to spend that time together and I am so very happy that my family could share the time together.

I'm sure there will be many more posts about the great adventure we just had because there are soooo many things to share but this is a nice overview :)

The Waiting Game

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 05:44:00 +0000

Our life has become all about waiting. ::sigh:: I know, I know, I should just be happy that as of this second my husband is not deploying with his unit but I'm just not.

First of all he extended (with my blessing) specifically to deploy with his unit. Then he starts having health problems that land him on the non-deployable list. OK, so what is going to happen to us now?

With us being stationed in Alaska things are different. He extended so they changed his DEROS date. ::sigh:: Now what? Try to get the extension reversed since he's not actually deploying. ~~When~~ If they cancel the extension and reverse the date back to original we only have a couple of months till the date comes up. Oh and did I mention that my oldest is pregnant and that the doctors have advised that by regulation she can't travel past 35 weeks and that date is a couple of weeks before our original DEROS date?

A good friends asked me how I'm holding up. As well as I can. I try not to obsess about it because this is the Army after all and ANYTHING can happen :). My Mom kept asking if we knew anything and I finally had to just tell her that when I find out anything she'll be the first to know. I check once a day, yes even on weekends. Like anyone is going to update it on the weekend. ha ha I have a sinking feeling every time I look and the date hasn't changed and then there is no assignment listed.

I'm ready to get on with things. Either we stay or we go, either he deploys or he doesn't... just a definitive answer. That's all I ask. Right now ANY answer would be welcomed, even if I don't like the answer.

I'm not even holding my breath about the deployment. When talking to our youngest the other day I just couldn't bring myself to tell her that her Daddy isn't deploying like all her friends Daddies because I just can't believe it myself. I've said time and time again that I won't believe it until the last plane leaves and he's not on it and even then I will be guarded. How about this, once we PCS from here then maybe I'll believe he isn't deploying with THIS unit.

My heart is breaking for all the families here that will embark on this lonely journey soon. For many this is a first and others are seasoned. Don't let that fool you though.... it's hard even for the most seasoned Army Wife.

Holding My Tongue

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 20:29:00 +0000

This only happens every once in a while now that I'm older, wiser, and better able to hold my tongue but I swear I'm having a VERY hard time today not going off on a couple of Officer/Senior NCO's in our Brigade. GRRR....

There are quite a few people that I want to get right in their face like a Drill SGT would and yell at them to do their own f'ing job! Oh and then there are the people that REALLY need to learn how to do their jobs before you send a soldier round and round just to end up back at the same spot. Someone want to tell me why my husband knows a MSG's (Master Sergeant) job better than the MSG knows his job???

Yeah, it's a good thing that we don't really celebrate Valentines Day around our house cause I'd be sorely disappointed if we did cause he's in NO mood to be doing anything lovey...

So now I have a dilemma :( I am supposed to go do a Bible study with my friends tonight. I was planning on taking one kid (the littlest) and letting the hubs and other kids fend for themselves for dinner. Well now I'm feeling conflicted. Should I still do that or should I stay home and tend to my husband and maybe help ease his evening a little. If you know my husband you'd know that he likes his computer time so he would be happy with that but he will NOT be happy with the other two children in his ear asking whats for dinner... blah blah blah. I could take the middle girl with us but that would get in the way of our Bible study. Hmmm... decisions, decisions.

Frugal Decorating

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 00:14:00 +0000

We have this LONG wall in the living room that has been devoid of any decoration for far too long. I decided that since we were having people over for Breanna's party it was the perfect time to get some stuff up on it BUT I wanted to do it frugally. So... I got creative ;), no small feat for me. lol

I ordered some unstretched canvases a couple of months ago with the intention of doing the stretching myself (cause it would be cheaper) and I just haven't had much opportunity to look for the supplies. I went to Michael's this past week and they didn't have it there so I decided to just frame them. So, I went to JoAnn's to get some frames cause they had some on sale. I ended up just getting cheap ones but they look ok... :)

These were taken by me on a hike last summer.

Here's where my creativity comes in. I needed something above the TV, some artwork or something! Most of my living room is decorated with photos and that's fine because I LOVE my family photos but, I wanted something different. When I was at JoAnn's they had frames marked down. Just the actual frame part, no backing and no glass. It was only $8 and it is very close to the width of my 46" TV. I found some fabric that I liked and Tim and I stapled the fabric to the back of the frame. Here's the finished product. I'm very happy with it :)

The frame was $8 and the fabric was a little over $5

Then we took a frame that I purchased around Christmas that we hadn't used yet and put some pictures in and hung it up (no photos of that one). But it's one of those collage frames. :)

Also, I spray painted some of those storage cubes that have just the two cubes. I picked them up at a garage sale last summer for around $3. They are now black and serve as our end tables. :)

I LOVE the finished look of it all. It just works for me :)

Childhood Mistakes

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 10:49:00 +0000

I want to write, for two days now I've really wanted to come here and write but every time I do, the words don't come or they come but they reveal too much. This won't make much sense to most but there are things happening in my family right now that have created conflicting emotions within me and I just don't know which way up and which way is down.

As a parent I want nothing more than to help my daughter who is having such a hard time right now. I really want to help her learn the right way and help her to choose the right path in life. I see her going down a very hard road and I just want to help her stop and change course.

I have very conflicting emotions though. While I want to help her it's also so very hard because my emotions are all over the place with this situation that she has created our lives. I have a sense of betrayal, betrayal like I've never felt before. I feel violated. I know first hand how difficult it is to get over a betrayal of this magnitude and I know that it is beyond my ability but I am having such a hard time turning it over to Him.

Honestly I catch myself crying at odd times and have to leave the room. I can't concentrate. I'm in a bad place and I know it. I need to pull myself out of this place because I know where it leads and I don't want to do that to myself or my family.

What will I do? I will do what a good parent does and I will put my feelings aside and concentrate on my daughter. I will do whatever is necessary to help her get over these issues she is having. I'm just not sure right now what needs to happen to help her in the best way. I'll be calling our Pastor soon but other than that I'm just grasping at straws here.

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 00:56:00 +0000

Last night was a really wonderful night in our home. I don't know if it's because we are keenly aware of what is coming up or just that we happened to all be in a really good mood but I am happy! lol

The older girls got it started by singing some old songs (think CCR) and then Tim put on some music which got Breanna dancing which then got the other girls dancing. I was too busy laughing for most of it to even think about capturing it on film but towards the end I did get some great photos! Breanna and Tim ended the dance party out with a slow jam and a slow dance to match.

Look at that smile!!!

What a special moment in her life. I'm so thankful that we were able to spend that time together as our day is quickly approaching. The kids ended the night with all of them (minus Breanna) playing video games. A fun time was had by all!

Then today Breanna took her first Communion at church. Many will think this is bad because she is only a five year old and can't possibly understand what it means. However, my daughter LOVES God with all her heart! She loves Him more than anyone else and she talks of pleasing him all the time. She knows His love for her. We took it as a perfect time for Daddy to explain what it means which really gave us the opportunity to talk to her about Jesus dying for our sins. Of course in terms a five year old can understand. I think it went well and I of course, was in tears! Planting those seeds EVERYDAY!!!

In my small portion of the world we had some men and women leave their families this past week. Many left for training that really begins the deployment process for the families and then others left for their actual deployments. There is a lot of sadness around here right now and I hope that you will keep us all in your prayers, not only the soldier serving in a far off country but also the families left behind.

Crisis of Teens

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 10:50:00 +0000

Welcome, thanks for stopping by. Feel free to have a look around and follow me if you like what you see.

What to write today? My life has been absorbed dealing with teenage drama/trauma/disobedience. Thirteen... that's a rough time. Not a child but no where close to grown up yet you live in a society that pushes adulthood on your innocent not ready for it brain and body. We've had to take a hard line with this one. All trust has been lost and as a result all privileges have been striped away. This one is going to have to learn the hard way that you have to have a set of values and integrity if you are to make it in this world. She is still so innocent and I refuse to allow that innocence to be stripped away from her because of the values of the world!

I want to start doing a Bible study with her. I think it will help her immensely but I'm at a loss. There are so many studies out there. Anyone have any ideas? Things that she really needs help on are building character and what true friendship means. All her friends are just sucky! They are friends one second and it seems like the very next second they hate each other. It was NOT like this when I was in school but it seems to be all of the kids now days. Backstabbing is HUGE. Mean Girls is played out in every school and I think my daughter is on the fast track to being that girl.

So, Bible study ideas??? Please :)

Hardest Money I Ever Spent

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 10:53:00 +0000

It costs an arm and a leg to travel from Alaska and while I've never had a hard time spending money before, this $3500 was the most difficult purchase ever! It wasn't the money or the act of spending it, it was the thought of spending it on a single purchase. A purchase of TRAVEL and the fact that Alaska is one of the most expensive states to travel to/from. A plane ride to Seattle costs just a couple hundred less than a plane ride all the way across the country.

Oh and of course you can't forget the what-ifs that entered into my mind that made it difficult to push the purchase button. What if things change and our leave gets revoked for some reason, this is the Army we're talking about here. They can change whatever they want, whenever they want to. We'll be out that money! That's VERY scary for me. We don't just have that money lying around and this is a much needed vacation. Tim and Tasha haven't been home in almost three years and the rest of us haven't been home in over 18 months.

We NEED this vacation and if something happens to make it not happen, I might just lose my mind for good! I hope you will keep us in your prayers for the next couple of months at least :)

Happy 16th Anniversary to Me!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 09:10:00 +0000

I am truly blessed to be married to the perfect man for me! I give him a hard time most every day of the week but he is my one and only love on this earth! I was sitting and admiring him the other day from afar and couldn't help but think of my luck. How many women can say that after 16 years of marriage, a couple of children later, and 100 extra pounds that their husbands still find them just as desirable as the day they married? Tim is so affirming to me! Even though I am carrying quite a bit of extra weight he has never once made me feel self conscious about it and to me that is HUGE!

Is my husband perfect? NOOOO and I'm so glad he's not :) He doesn't expect perfection out of me either. He doesn't complain when he comes home and the house is messy. He has never expected me to have dinner ready at a certain time. He may have his shortfalls but he is PERFECT for ME!

Sometimes it's very difficult to see how God gave me the perfect man... when he's spent hours on the computer, or when he makes me repeat myself a thousand times and still can't remember what I told him, or when he just flat out tunes me out (just to give a few examples, lol) it gets mighty hard to remember that we are perfect for each other. Then he does something wonderful and all is right with the world again and God shows me that He gave me Tim as a wonderful compliment to my personality. I just hope that I am just as wonderful a compliment to him!

Happy 16th Anniversary Tim!!! I love you more today than I ever dreamed was possible when we first got married.

One of the happiest days of my life.

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 10:14:00 +0000

I can't believe it! Five years ago today I was admitted to the hospital for "observation". Breanna seemed to be having some issues and they wanted to monitor her and be ready to take her if needed. I can't even describe the flood of emotions that rushed through me when my doctor told me to head over to the hospital, they were expecting me. She was early, by five weeks, and I KNEW this was going to be it. I could barely contain my tears as we left the office. It felt as if I had let her down.

Before the nurse could even start the IV they came in and said they were moving me to a L&D suite cause this was it. They were going to induce. The doctor had a chance to actually look at the latest ultrasound (she sent me over for observation based on the ultrasound tech's suggestion). Seems Breanna was doing a little worse off than she originally thought. I get in the L&D suite and I'm given the gel that's supposed to start the process, given my IV, and hooked up to a monitor.

It was the season premiere of Survivor and I was ticked cause I was having to watch it from a hospital bed. My doctor was monitoring my condition on her computer at home while watching survivor :(.... Then the nurse comes back in and says she called and they need to get my signatures and get me prepped for surgery. Breanna's heart rate kept dropping with every little contraction and she needed to come out now.

So, I didn't even get to watch Survivor. My doctor was/is/and always will be WONDERFUL! I LOVE HER with all my heart and she will forever remain my favorite. I also love our ultrasound tech. She saw me and my family many, many times over the course of my pregnancy because it was complicated. I love our nurse, she was wonderful as well! The whole staff was actually really great!!! I NEVER once had a complaint with any of them!!! So, if you are ever in the Savannah area and you are in need of a OB/GYN you simply must go to OB/GYN Associates of Savannah, Elizabeth McIntosh. I'm really NOT kidding! I love them so much that I am going to see if they have any appointments available when we go home for our visit to do a gender determination ultrasound on Tasha.

Ok, back to the story. Dr. McIntosh held my hands while they did the spinal block on me and then got me situated and started the surgery. She and her assistant talked about Survivor while they did the surgery :), much to my chagrin... I was not too happy that she got to see it and I did not. lol

Everything went well. Breanna was taken to the NICU where she spent the next three weeks. She was healthy but she had a hard time eating at first. It took her awhile to eat as much as they wanted her to and to gain the weight she needed. She had a feeding tube through her nose for the first two weeks. They hospital was wonderful (except for one nurse) and although they had to boost my breast milk with a little extra calories they always used my expressed milk for her feedings.

It turns out that we were very close to losing her that day and I thank God for giving Dr. McIntosh the ability, foresight, whatever you want to call it, cause her actions saved my little girl!

Oh and it should also be noted that I missed a concert as well! My mom got me tickets to see Gretchen Wilson and well, you can't really go to a concert just a day after you deliver a baby by C-section. Tasha got to go with my mom in my place :).

Happy Birthday Breanna! You are and forever will be my little princess, no matter what you make me miss!

It Finally Dropped!

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 05:44:00 +0000

I have one of those fancy body composition scales and I have a tendency to hop on that thing every morning. The last week has been different though. It has been about four days since I last stepped on it so this morning my curiosity got the better of me. I got undressed and stepped on. My weight hadn't changed but my body fat had!

I have had such a hard time getting it to go below a certain number... Oh what the heck, you might as well know. According to my scale I'm over 50% fat... Not any more! Woo hoo! I dropped to 49.6%! This is huge for me and I'm soooo excited. See I don't have a weight goal. I want to be fit and since muscle weighs more than fat its highly possible that I could be heavier than I think I should be. So my goal is a body fat percentage alone.

A step closer to my goal! Praise God!!

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Food, Inc.

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 15:07:00 +0000

I gotta tell you that I watched this movie, Food, Inc., because a good friend said something about it and I am just disgusted with our government!!!! HELLO.... FDA & USDA.... You are there to protect the people, not the stupid food industry. My feathers are ruffled and you all know that means I have to take action :). Not sure how I can best be of benefit but I will do something. I have a mouth and I will use it!

All I'm gonna say right now is that if you haven't seen this movie you simply must watch it! If you have Netflix then you can actually watch it by streaming it on your computer or other Netflix enabled device such as the Wii.

I knew some of this stuff already just from the research I did last year for a speech I gave on obesity but this is just HUGE!

FINALLY got the husband on board!! YAY.... We make changes starting today with our trip to the grocery store. Should be interesting since I know NOTHING about organic.

That flew right out the window

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 10:29:00 +0000

Day two of the Love Dare is to show kindness..... Uh huh... Well it was all going well almost all day long until about midnight. GRRRR

I get ready to do my Bible study in preparation for meeting up with my friends tomorrow and can't find my Bible, the study book, or my notebook. Seems that my little Breanna moved them for me :). I sent Tabitha off on a search for them and after a few minutes we located the Bible but not the rest of the stuff. Since Breanna was still awake in her bed I called her down and asked her about them. Of course she doesn't remember. Hmmm... why would I think she would. In the mean time the hubs gets up to help look. He frustrates me because I have to bring the website that I had just closed back up to show him what the book looks like (maybe if he were more interested in my life he would have KNOWN what the book looks like - just one of the negative, untrue thoughts that popped in my head during my frustration). HE looks on the book shelf after the 13 year old has already looked up there. Then Breanna says maybe we should compare all the pictures of the books to that one (all the books on the shelf to the one on my computer) and off she goes and she pulls it out..... right on the BOOKSHELF that a 13 year old girl and 42 year old man had just looked.

So, I explain to my husband that I really did appreciate that he got up and helped but that it really does cause more frustration for me when he offers his brand of looking. Hmmm.... he got upset. Wait a minute, aren't I the one who is upset? I was simply offering an honest assessment of his "help". No too KIND huh?

Then I ask Taba to grab my highlighter off another bookshelf. It's a special highlighter that I went out of my way to purchase last payday and it cost almost $5. It's one of those ones that doesn't show through the page. I use it on my Bible and my school books. I put it on the bookshelf on Thursday and my girls were being helpful and cleaned up the living room. Tasha likes to throw everything in the middle of the floor and then tell Taba to put stuff away where ever it goes.

Tabitha, true to form, puts it where only God knows! I think I'm more upset about that than I am the whole other situation cause well.... she's been told time and time again to simply put things where they actually belong and instead she does what she normally does, being upset that she is actually having to clean just throws them where ever and well, I'm tired of being disrespected like that. I simply want her to learn to respect others.

I haven't been too kind to her tonight either.

So, the patience that was supposed to carry over from yesterday and the kindness that was supposed to start today flew right out the window. Maybe I'll get it right tomorrow.

PS... I described the situation not to disparage my family or make any of my family look any particular way or be taken in a negative light. I fully believe that as wives we should honor our husbands and in showing that honor we shouldn't talk bad about them to other people in case people take only what we say and form an unjust opinion of them. I illustrated what happened today as an slightly amazing example of the state of my mind today while ATTEMPTING to complete day two of The Love Dare. I think it's great that he got up and at least tried to help... however, while this was going on I didn't think it was quite so wonderful or helpful since he missed it :)

Patience in Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 09:24:00 +0000

Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

~ Proverbs 25:24

Wow! I bet this is how Tim feels :) So today is day one of The Love Dare and it deals with patience. That's a HARD one for me cause I am not a patient person. Tim actually pointed out to me the other day that I am much harder on my family and I expect a lot more of them than I do other people. Don't we all? I didn't realize this was wrong but I guess my way of getting them to meet those expectations probably aren't the best. I am harder on them and Tim especially!

You know I'm actually really blessed. Tim is for the most part a great husband. No, he's not like some other husbands who I'd like him to be more like but that's OK. He's perfect for me. Those same husbands of my friends that I admire have quirks that would not mess with me. So Tim plays on the computer way too much! Big whoop. He's also sat in the doctors or hospital with me more times than I care to admit, without one single complaint. He doesn't get upset with me when the house isn't clean, dinner isn't cooked, or any other number of things.

Did anything happen today that caused me to have anger towards Tim? Yep... a couple of things. First he came home this morning and didn't notice that the toilet in our bathroom was over flowing and he climbed into bed and we woke up an hour and a half later to the sound of water cascading. Yep... flooded all over the bathroom. Then to top it off it was leaking into the kitchen downstairs!!! UGH... It's all dried up now (I think).. it's certainly warm enough in the house for it to dry pretty fast. I can't see any water damage on the ceiling or anything and there are no issues with any of the electrical outlets or anything so I guess we are in the clear on that one. BUT... HOW could he NOT notice when he was brushing his teeth right next to the toilet that it was overflowing? This is something I would have yelled at him about any other day but today, I let it go.

Then, later in the day after he's up from his nap he comes downstairs and sits in my seat. Now even though I'm on the computer he knows that it aggravates me when he sits in my seat cause then I can't sit in it. I walked into the living room and saw that and kind of stopped and just looked at him. He asked me what, and I said it was nothing and then sat down in another seat. It really was nothing! I did however end up in the ER tonight with a possible ulcer.... coincidence???

I Finished my Journey!!

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 20:39:00 +0000

On July 5, 2010 I joined in with a group of women who wanted to complete the Bible in 90 Days challenge. Today I finished! What was supossed to take 90 days took me 209 days to complete but I am soooo happy that I did it, no matter how long it took.

This is the first time I've EVER read the Bible the whole way through. I know it's only through His help that I did it. I have a great overview of the Bible now, have some great new verses to fall back on, and have such a closer relationship with Him now.

What's next? Hmmm... I'm not sure. Now that everything fits together I need to dig into the Word and I've got my eye on a book that I hope will really teach me how to do just that. Any of you have any experiences with Kay Arthur, Lord, Teach Me to Study the Bible in 28 Days or How to Study Your Bible: The Lasting Rewards of the Inductive Method?

Let me know what you think!

The Little Witch

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi) — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 08:53:00 +0000

I don't know about your home but in mine things are going a little crazy right now. My oldest is unmarried, jobless, and pregnant. My middle girl is having her own issues as she learns to navigate the world of teendom, and my little one (not quite five mind you) has decided that she is no longer going to be my little princess, she's now my little witch. The last was screamed at me from her time out spot as she is acting like a fool pulling at her princess dress.

Yep.... crazy has hit my house! So much so that I couldn't seem to stop laughing when my youngest uttered those words to me today... yesterday... uh I can't even remember what day that happened now. Barb? Do you remember when I called you laughing hysterically to add a good laugh to your day?

On a different note, today I came across this while going through the basement and finding a book that I had meant to do a long time ago and forgot. As I was thumbing through the first part this really stuck out to me and I shared it with Taba, my middle one.

See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for another ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:15

We had a small conversation about that verse and how it applies to some of the stuff going on in her life at the moment. Specifically how the kids now days seems to be all about getting back at someone for something. They stir up drama, lie, cheat, and steal and then after they've done all that someone does it back to them and then they feel they must get revenge. It's a viscous cycle and I truly wish that parents would take more responsibility for their children upbringing. They aren't learning values in school and they aren't learning it at home, they are learning them through their peers and this isn't the right kind of values!

You might be wondering what book (besides the Bible) that came out of... The Love Dare. I purchased this when he was last deployed and never even read it. So, I'm going to start tomorrow. I would have did it today but it would have been pointless to do day one which calls for patience when he has CQ... lol I have no worries about announcing on here that I'm doing it because he never reads my blog :((