Jessica's Journal

Coming Together

2012-09-26T18:29:00.003-07:00

Bringing people together.... like most things in life, it's easier said than done.

In theory, it shouldn't be difficult to do, right? Coming together with a goal, a passion, a heart for the same purpose. It's a win-win for everyone. So why does it go so wrong so many times?

From the office to the fellowship hall, bringing women together always comes with some.... well, issues. Our personalities and characteristics play a role. Our fear and insecurities play an even bigger role.

I'm experiencing a coming together of people in my professional life and my personal life. And one is teaching me a lot about how to handle the other.

I've seen more than 60 women who have never met, come together to work on a common project. I've seen them express ideas & opinions, ask questions, and share their work with one another. What I haven't seen is competition, pride, or judgement.

The key to bringing people together, creating community, is your heart and how willing you are to be open and genuine. That's what people connect with. That's what we are drawn to and trust in.

Fear holds you back. Insecurities whisper lies. They won't like me. I won't be accepted. Everyone is talking about me. They don't think I can do this.

Listening to those lies keeps you from hearing what others are saying. And you can't connect, find common ground or relate to another without listening. All learning starts with listening.

Here's my challenge to you (and to myself)... "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you want acceptance, be accepting of others. If you want to be heard, listen. If you want to be valued, show appreciation for others.

Just be the wonderfully, imperfect you that God created you to be.

The rest will fall into place.

Five Minute Friday - Wide

2012-09-21T05:24:00.006-07:00

Wide is this distance between us. You are there and I am here, but in so many ways we are in the same place.

Wide is the storm's path. He blows through several times a year, leaving destruction and hurt in the wake. Next time I will recognize the warning signs and know when to board up and evacuate. I'm still in the aftermath and taking inventory.

Wide is the road ahead. So much room to sway to one side or another. So many choices to make. So many opportunities.

Wide are the rivers and valleys and oceans and plains that I would travel. There is no distance, literal or metaphorical, that I wouldn't go to be by your side when you need me.

Wide is the depth of my love for my precious little ones. It has no bottom, no end. It is always stretching into places I didn't know existed.

Wide is my Father's love for me. Wide is stretch of His arms around me.

It's Five Minute Friday - my favorite time of the week! Where writers and readers and other regular folks come together and share our hearts. We have one word to focus on and five minutes to write with reckless abandon. No edits, no search for perfection - just giving voice to our hearts. If you're not in on the fun, you really should be! Come on over!

The Uncomfortable Zone

2012-09-18T02:07:00.000-07:00

This post comes with an interesting story. It's a long one, so I'm going to do my best to give you the short version....

I have a beautiful daughter whose father is a lost soul. Mental illness, addiction, a painful past and a wounded spirit are among the struggles that plaque him. His family and I are attempting to come together for my daughter's sake and, as you might know, that is a sticky situation at best.

We sat down together and had a meeting that really didn't go the way I had hoped. A lot of anger. A lot of stones thrown. A lot of misunderstanding. A lot of hurt. That night I went home, prayed, wrote the following post and scheduled it to publish the next day.

When I got to work and read the (in)courage post by Deidra, I was floored. Her words and mine were eerily similar. And I knew that what I had written, what she had written, was a message that others needed to hear. I certainly needed it! Hope that it touches you too....

Today was messy. Messy. Messy. Messy. And speaking of messy, I am a mess in the aftermath - an ugly-cry, humidity-hair, walked-around-with-one-earring mess.

There are some situations in life that are hard to navigate. Let's just be honest, being hurt... well, it hurts. "Shake it off. Press on. Let it go." All the phrases we know so well play over in my mind and I have even said them out loud a few times to myself tonight. But, it isn't that easy, is it?

Having my pain dismissed and my mistakes replayed is an agonizing torture. Don't you know, I replay those mistakes and ugly moments in more vivid detail than your best attempt ever could. Nemo 3D can't compare to the vibrant colors of shame and regret in my memory.

I can relive my bad choices and be hurt behind my walls, thank you very much. I don't need you to do that. Curled up in my snuggie, alone with my pain, behind the walls with you at arms length away is where I am comfortable.

But, that's the challenge isn't it? To stay in the mess and not retreat. To feel the hurt so that you can leave it behind. Yes, the hard part is staying put. Remaining engaged. Continuing to offer your most genuine self. Forgiving you so that I can get on with living.

The truth is that people will hurt you. They will disappoint. Even at our best, we are fallible and flawed. And there aren't many hurts that can compare to the ones we women can inflict on one another. It's the mean girls dressed up in their Sunday best. It's a bite that stings like no other.

At the end of the day, we are just women trying to stay within the lines of life and sometimes we venture into one another's lanes causing bumps and fender benders. The greatest gift we can offer one another is to stay engaged and do the hard work of healing.

Dear Me

2012-09-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

Jessica -

Hey Girl! How are you? How are you really? I know you've had a rough week...

I came across some old photographs of you this week. You were so beautiful and looked so happy. I just had to laugh because it seems like worlds away from where we are today.

I remember those times. I know that you weren't truly happy. But you put on a good face. You were going through the motions and giving it a good try. It makes me sad to look at you back then and know that you could never see just how wonderful and valuable you were, and still are.

The main reason I'm writing this letter is because I owe you an apology. I haven't taken care of you in a long, long time. I have expected you to take blow after blow... take a licking and keep on ticking so to speak.

That isn't fair and it isn't right. You deserve to be loved and cared for. By not doing that, I've only validated what you've felt from so many other relationships - that you aren't good enough or valuable. And that just simply isn't true.

I haven't held on to you. I've used your mistakes against you over and over again. So many times you've wanted to run away - not walk away - but a sprinting run away from the struggle, but you haven't. Instead of recognizing your courage to break the pattern, I've criticized you for your thoughts of leaving in the first place. I have made this relationship of ours an unsafe place by using those thoughts and impulses against you and I'm so sorry for that.

Tomorrow is a new day. A time to start again and begin to fulfill my responsibilities to you. Tomorrow will be better than today. Putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. We'll get there together.

All My Love,
Jess

Coming Out of Hiding

2012-09-14T12:51:00.002-07:00

Just be yourself. It sounds simple...

But what if you aren't sure that who you are is really okay? What if you've censored and adapted, become accustomed to guilt and regret, accepted that feeling less than as part of the norm?

That was 100% of who I was. When I gave myself permission to take the risk and put my writing out there for the world to see, everything changed.

What I expected was a sense of release. What I have found is that and so much more. Acceptance. Reassurance. Friendship. Thanks.

This online space brought me into a community that I would have otherwise not known. A place where God has shown me this common thread that runs through our lives as women. I hear my story and see myself reflected over and over again. These women are amazing. And through them, I can accept that He is showing me I am amazing too.

I can encourage others with my words easily. I listen and have sound advice to give. Why can I not apply those things to my life? Why can I so clearly see the worth and value of those around me, but struggle to see my own?

It all comes back to fear. I hesitated to start blogging because I was afraid of what people would think about me once it was all on display. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid of not being good enough.

But here's the thing, it really isn't about me. It's about God in me. It's about His blessings and His glory. Not my own. His mercies are new every day because I need them every day. And that's ok.

So, I'm stepping out into community and just being myself.... and the me today is better than the me I was yesterday.

"The thing I find most amazing about amazing grace is the chance to give it out.

Isn't that what love is all about?"

Five Minute Friday - Graceful

2012-09-07T05:08:00.004-07:00

I hear the word "graceful" and I immediately think of Grace Kelly, ballroom & ballet dancers, and Michelle Obama. Huh?

Maybe I caught you off guard with the last one. But it's true - at least in my eyes it is. Set politics and election year propaganda aside and just think about it (I hope you'll at least try)...

First and foremost, she is a woman. A mother. A wife. She has all of the emotions and instincts that you and I have.

She faces criticism and opinions about everything imaginable in her life on a scale that we can't possibly imagine. The whispers and conversations that stop when you walk in a room are nothing compared to what she endures. The father of her children, the man she loves, is publicly dissected, often lied about and openly hated every single day. Can we even comprehend what that must feel like or how to even begin to deal with it?

Trying to balance being a mother and raising daughters, which many of us know is challenging in normal circumstances, and living a public life in the political arena. I can't even wrap my mind around the massive toolbox of coping skills that she must have.

I know, I know - she has an arsenal of stylists, speech writers, nannies, and assistants. But having others at your disposal can only do so much. A nanny's attention can't replace a mother's love and affection. Those speech writers can lace words together beautifully, but they can't deliver them with a genuine spirit for you. As I watched and listened to her this week, on display for the entire world to see (literally), I was amazed. I have to be honest, I didn't hear most of what she was saying because I was taken with her poise and presence.

We have seen many other women stand in that place before her - all of them wives and mothers. But very few have navigated those waters with the class and grace that she has. She does not stay in the background or shy away from the critics. She faces them and meets their attacks with confidence and great tact. She is, without a doubt, a strong woman, and yet there is something soft and graceful about her. Those are not skills that can be taught - they inherently speak to who you are.

I have strong political opinions and convictions about our rights and responsibilities as American citizens. I won't speak to that here because that isn't what this is about - and watching Michelle helped me to realize that. In the way He always does, God used that moment to open my eyes. As I watch and listen to the candidates and the buzz this election year, I see and hear something different.

I don't see red or blue. Democrat or Republican. Left wing or right wing. Right or wrong. I see a woman. A mother. A wife. And I know that God is giving me eyes to see, just as I have prayed that He would.

Come on over to Lisa-Jo's for Five Minutes of the most Friday fun on the internet block!

Life Is a Game

2012-09-01T19:34:00.002-07:00

I'm a Southern girl. And if you're familiar with the South, you know that football is more than a sport or pastime. Just like living with humidity and drinking sweet tea, it's a part of the southern lifestyle.

The University of Alabama has kicked off their first game of the season (Roll Tide!) and the nostalgia that accompanies the fall football season has officially returned!

Watching the Tide play tonight has me thinking.... there is a lot that can be taken from the football field and applied to life.

1. Never quit. Football is tough. The practices are long. The game itself is brutal. But play after play, hit after hit, the team returns to the field. It doesn't matter what the scoreboard says, they get back on the field for another play, another hit. Just like football, life is tough. When everything seems be crumbling around you and you've taken hit after hit and you want to give up, don't. Take a time out. And get back up for the next play.

2. The play is over when the whistle blows. These guys that are conditioned to oppose one another know when to stop. And they are penalized when they carry things too far. We need to learn to let things go. When the whistle has been blown on a situation or a relationship or a chapter in your life, get up and walk away.

3. There are 11 players on the field - a team. The quarterback, the linemen, the receivers, the ends, and the backs all have a role on the team. No single person wins the game - the team wins or loses. They rely on one another. They need each other. When one teammate is weak, the others must work harder to compensate and get the win. The same can be said of our communities, our families, our relationships, our government. Every person in every position has a purpose. When we don't fulfill that responsibility, someone else has to pick up our slack.

4. Watch the films. Players and coaches spend hours and hours reviewing practice and game films. This is not only a great way to prepare for upcoming games, but it also promotes growth and accountability. We should all take a look at our choices, our actions, our words with an analyzing eye. Then we can better know why things played out the way they did and what we can do next time to better improve ourselves. When you do what you've always done, you get what you've always gotten. It's that simple.

5. Focus on the short term goals to ultimately achieve the victory. Achieving a win is the overall goal, but every win is made by setting and reaching smaller goals. Every possession should end with points on the board. This is a great analogy for parents. What we want in the end is for our children to grow up to become happy, productive, well-rounded adults that contribute to society. As parents, we nurture and teach them, setting and reaching many smaller goals along the way.... walking, talking, potty training, getting themselves dressed, etc.

6. The coach calls the shots. He knows the big picture that we can't see from the huddle. He calls the plays. He knows how to use each player to make the team stronger. God is our coach. He has given us the playbook to study and equip ourselves. If we'll follow His direction - run when He says, throw the ball to another player when He says - we will surely achieve the ultimate win!

And you know I just couldn't talk about football and end a blog post without saying

"Roll Tide!" just one more time! :-)

Five Minute Friday - Change

2012-08-31T05:15:00.001-07:00

Routine can be a mamma's best friend. Our children need it. They crave it. And so do we.

But sometimes, in our habitual routines, we get stuck in the little things. Taking the same route to work. Going to the same places for lunch. Listening to the same radio station. Talking to the same coworker.

The routine things can trap you and, before you realize it, the habits aren't so healthy anymore.

There came a point in my life where I realized this was true for my relationships. I am loyal - to a fault. Growing up with abandonment makes sticking by people a big deal for me. And I've kept people in my life that honestly weren't good for me. I had to change my perception of what loving someone really meant.

I had to change what I was doing and what I was hearing. Because what you hear changes everything. Being good at anything starts with listening. You can better love someone when you listen to what their actions are telling you they really need.

God made you to love and serve others in your own special way. There is a part of who God is that the world only gets to see through you. You can only live out that service when you drown out the noise around you and listen to your heart.

Just like tuning into a different radio station can change the mood of a morning. Turn on the positive. Love the person in your life who always complains or has drama from a distance and surround yourself with encouraging, uplifting people. Find that place where your heart is so fulfilled and the "music" is so right for the moment that you just can't help but sing at the top of your lungs!

Change what you hear and you'll change everything.

It's the best 5 minutes you'll spend today!

Join us at Lisa-Jo's for 5 Minute Friday where we put write with reckless abandon!

What Isaac Left Behind

2012-08-30T19:59:00.001-07:00

I've spent the past two days indoors with my kids, and my dogs, and my cat. That's 48 hours, people... 2880 minutes... 172,800 seconds. Indoors - no going outside to play, a walk around the block, or a quick trip to the store. Just us... all 6 of us... in this 1400 sq ft space.

The Stinson Family... Trouble (yes, he is), Jonathan, Precious (not so much), Sophia, & Bear

We watched Isaac with anticipation. Where was he going & when was he going to get there? The decisions to declare a state of emergency and close schools was made early on. This could potentially be really bad. And for many, unfortunately, it has been.

It is with tremendous thanks and gratitude that I fill you in on what Isaac brought to our home....

1. Lots of reading & snuggle time by lamp light.

"Splendid Spotted Snake" is one of our favorites.

We still haven't figured out how the dots change colors!

2. Our favorite foods at any and all hours of the day.

Egg in a hole... a Stinson tradition eaten at 1:00am. Waffle House who?

3. A long-overdue day with Gordon Ramsay.

Yeah, I'm a reality TV junkie. And a sucker for blondes. Especially ones with an accent that can cook. There isn't anything I don't love about this guy! I own it.

4. A dress-up dance party!

Beyonce's version of "Single Ladies" doesn't hold a candle to Sophia!

She's got the hip action and hair flip down!

5. Captain Crunch treats (way better than Rice Crispies!).

Regular Captain Crunch, Chocolate Captain Crunch & Marshmellow Cream... enough said.

6. Lessons in taking the animals out to relieve themselves in a hurry.

I wasn't quick enough to snap that!

7. Long talks about being nice to each other and finger pointing.

I couldn't get out of being lectured by Sophia to snap this either!

In all seriousness, I am so grateful that everyone I know and love did not sustain any damage (except for feeling "soggy" from all the rain). It is so easy to become complacent and forget just how quickly these marvelous storms can turn into a disaster at our door.

I heard it said from my favorite meteorologist (Alan Sealls, WKRG 5) that we are "misled by technology". In today's instant information culture, we just assume that everything can be accessed and forecated with the greatest of precision and accuracy. The truth is that it just isn't that easy when it comes to predicting the path of a hurricane.

It's a game of hurry up and wait. Hurry up - prepare yourself with necessities and get somewhere safe. Then wait it out. Just like we do with so many of life's other challenges.

Thank you, Lord, for your protection and favor for yet another day.

Gifts That Hurt

2012-08-28T00:15:00.000-07:00

I am a word girl - no doubt about it.

Words can hurt and heal. They lift you up and tear you down.

Whoever said "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me," has never been a teenage girl.

And there are some things that are hard to write and hard to say - even for someone who is blessed with the gift of words. That's what I have been struggling with all week.

I am in the middle of a fight. Even those closest to me don't know the extent of what I'm dealing with. I've been asked by legal council to document events & instances that are painful. And I just don't know if I can do it. I have never avoided a writing assignment like I have this one.

Once I put it down on paper then I have to acknowledge it and am responsible for doing something about it. When the pen meets the paper, then it becomes really, really, really real. That is so scary for me.

The process has been like cracking open a door just enough that I see what's inside and having all the junk spill out. The mess that I've tried to keep locked away and out of sight will soon be open for all to see.

It's ironic to me that the very thing God has blessed me with using to encourage others is also the thing that cuts to my soul. For weeks, I haven't understood how this is possible.

Finally today, my "Ah-Ha" moment has come. It's not my words that heal. The words are His. I'm just the vessel. The words of others get beside me because I put such heavy stock in their value.

The words used to hurt me aren't His words. The names and cruel things that have been said aren't who He says I am. So, why do I place value in the hateful spewings of another.

At the end of the day, what matters is who God says I am.... and He says I'm amazing! (and so are you)

Please keep me in your prayers. I have a long, bumpy road ahead.

Isaac's Invitation

2012-08-25T22:18:00.001-07:00

A storm is brewing.

It's the price we pay to live in paradise here on Alabama's Gulf Coast.

My neighbors and I are no strangers to this. Year after year we hold our breaths from July to October.

A friend asked me, "What are you going to do when the storm comes?"

As I read the Facebook updates of Walmart craziness and watch the predictions with anticipation, I think of how this literal storm mirrors the other "storms" in life.

You know its coming. It's just a matter of when and what form the storm will take - financial struggles, health problems, heartbreak.

Do what you can to be prepared. Stock up on the batteries, bottled water, and candles. Board up the windows and protect yourself. I am a girl who likes to have a plan. I function much better when I have an idea of how things are going to play out. I like the illusion of being in control.

The reality is that I can't control most things in life any more than I can control where Isaac will move once he hits the warm Gulf of Mexico water.

What I do control is me. I control how I let the anticipation affect me. The storms of life tend to strip away the trappings. So I say, bring on the rain. Let the world do its best.

What am I going to do when the storm comes?

Hit my knees. Stay put. Ride it out. And know that my God will see me through the storm back into the sunlight and calmer seas once again, like He has done so many times before.

Five Minute Friday - Join

2012-08-24T07:45:00.001-07:00

You may think that the sidelines are a safe zone, but in reality not so much.

I know I have something to contribute. But I stay sidelined, standing just outside of the circle. No one knows that not being a part of is hard.

Instead of being part of a conversation with others, I am having a familiar one with myself.

Oh, I remember what the sideline zone feels like. Not sure of yourself. Battling with yourself for not being sure. A vicious cycle that keeps you cemented right where you are.

What can you do when that step to join in is hard to take, when you feel like you just can't?

Close your eyes. Lean on the One holding you. And move. Speak.

Join those living their calling, today, in this moment. Don't spend the gift of today dwelling on the regrets of yesterday or trying to make everything right for tomorrow.

Join the conversation. Say what you need to say. God has given you a perspective and words that He means to be shared and only you can do that in your beautiful way.

Don't keep it in - these things your meant to share. Your "art" - food, words, colors, numbers - is unlike anything that anyone else on this earth can share.

Step off of the sidelines and onto the playing field. It's your time for His glory.

We're gathering at the Gypsy Mama's house - come on over!

Being a Mommy

2012-08-20T12:43:00.001-07:00

He’s the one who puts the empty tea pitcher back in the refrigerator. He’s the one who always hugs me before he leaves for school. He’s the one who has a stash of chewing gum in his bedside table that he thinks no one knows about.

He’s one of the few men who melt my heart. He’s at least 3 inches taller than me. He’s the child I wasn’t sure I wanted, but God knew I needed. More times than I can count I’ve watched him when he didn’t know I was looking & cried.

I remember him before he came, those months when he grew within and made me green with nausea. I remember laying my head against a cold window in the dark of night telling God I just didn’t think I could, and I didn’t know how a weary & broken girl could become the dwelling place of life.

Being a mother is anything & everything but easy. It is a vocation, a calling.

I came across his baby box while looking for something else tonight. I went through it and, after I had looked at everything several times, I just sat with the memories awhile. I don’t know when I’ll pass this way again. I pick up a worn Power Ranger. How can a dirty, used action figure make a mama hurt for all that time has taken away?

You’ve heard the story of the Velveteen Rabbit? My story as a mother is much like the rabbit's story. Made real by the years. Just the way grace can happen to you. It doesn't happen all at once, but eventually you become. And grace becomes you. Worn and weathered down to exquisite beauty.

It’s the threadbare simplicity, being softened and strengthened by the years. This mother keeps bending her worn knees with prayers that her child may walk straight paths. And never ceases to pray for her own crooked heart.

Always reminding myself — Train up a child in the way he should go. Be ready to let him go and ready to forgive him. Extending the grace to him that has been given to me so many times.

Many times I forget that becoming the mother I want to be will hurt in a thousand ways. Today, as he left the house in the morning light for his first day of high school, I was reminded again. The weary and the wearing away is the most beautiful part.

These two children have made me sing and sob and they have made me know my sins and weaknesses. Strange, how it hurts and heals all at once.

Five Minute Friday - Stretch

2012-08-17T09:01:00.001-07:00

Stretching.... deliberate, intentional lengthening.

I've always meant to give yoga a try. I like quiet time, the focus. Many of my friends that practice yoga swear by it. So why haven't I done it?

Why haven't I done my own stretching.... reaching out of my comfort zone to try something new?

The only honest answer is fear. Fear of judgement. Fear of not fitting in with the group of lean and limber women that I assume will be there. Fear of not being good enough.

Doesn't it always come back to fear? Those things that you find reasons not to do. The words that you can't seem to say. Fear will hold you firmly in place.... but only if you let it.

I could use a good stretch. The burn and satisfaction of knowing I am going beyond what is comfortable.

Intentionally lengthening my reach. Unsure of what you'll think of me. Questioning how I'll be looked at and received. But confident in the One who gives me reach.

The God who spoke me into being is prompting me to reach. Who am I to question this urging?

This lengthening beyond the point where you are comfortable - this stretching - is intentional. The further you reach, the further He reaches through you.

We're linking up at Lisa Jo's place for Five Minute Friday - come on over!

The ABC's of Life

2012-08-16T21:40:00.001-07:00

Things I Want To Teach My Daughter:

The ABC's of Life

It's been said by many that you'll learn everything you need to know about life in kindergarten. One of the most important things you'll learn early on is your ABCs. Here is a special version of the ABCs that I hope you'll take to heart.

My wish for my children is that they will always be:

Authentic... There is only one you and that's truer than true.
Brave... Step out and stand up.
Compassionate... Suffering is real. Fundamental love and kindness can change someone's world.
Dependable... Be the rock others can count on. You'll need a place to lean someday.
Edgy... Stay ahead of the curve.
Faithful... Steadfast and unwavering in your love and beliefs - in God Almighty and mankind.
Genuine... Let your actions and words always come from your heart.
Humble... The higher you rise, the harder you'll fall. Keep your feet planted on a solid foundation.
Intentional... Say what you mean & mean what you say. Every word and action has consequences.
Jovial... Your hearty, joyous humor and contagious smile are a light to the world.
Kind... The world has enough judgement & hate. Kindness is rare.
Logical... Cause and effect is a much simpler concept than we make it out to be.
Mysterious...Keep them guessing!
Neighborly... You share this earth with millions of other living creatures. Respect their space.
Objective... Emotions can cloud your judgement. Decide with your head, not your heart.
Patient... Everything will come in time - maybe not your time, but the right time.
Quirky... Your imperfections are perfectly beautiful.
Respectful... The journey of those who came before you deserves acknowledgement.
Selective... "One monkey don't stop no show." You can do without the negative people in your life.
Tactful... Take time to filter your words between your mind and your mouth. Speak with care.
Uplifting... Elevate those around you and you will never be lonely.
Vibrant... Your energy and light will brighten every dark place that it touches.
Willing... Act on the promptings of your heart.
X-pressive... Never let a kind word go unsaid or a good deed undone. Tomorrow may be too late.
Youthful... Hold on to wonder with the tightest grip possible.
Zealous... Pursue your dreams with an unrelenting resolve.

Where the Pieces Fit

2012-08-14T23:52:00.000-07:00

I've been involved in a lot of planning lately - in my personal and work lives.

Planning is a good thing. I am a girl who likes to have a plan.

I think of it like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. I want to have a vision for what the big picture looks like - you know, like the picture on the box. It's easier for me to see where the pieces fit that way.

The other side of that coin is that the big picture can be overwhelming.... 1000 pieces is enough to scare me off. I'll just pick a simpler puzzle, thank you very much!

As I find myself in the middle of the week, with a lot yet ahead of me, I Stop. Breathe. Pray.

What is behind me and what lies ahead is in the hands of One that is bigger than I.

He will sort out the pieces of this puzzle - the corners and edges that make up the framework.

He will direct my path and answer my questions in His perfect timing.

I don't know all of the plans being made around me, how pieces fit together -

And that is okay, even for this girl that finds so much comfort in knowing.

Because, while I may not know the details of the plan,

I know the end result for me is a beautiful picture of blessings.

The World Needs You

2012-08-12T17:30:00.002-07:00

Things I Want to Teach My Daughter:

The World Needs Your Point of View

My darling princess,

There is only one you.

Only you can see the world in the way you do.

And there is a part of who God is

That the world only gets to see through you.

As you travel down life's road

You'll see many things in different ways at different times -

Relationships, circumstances, decisions and behavior.

When you get to one point in the road,

You'll look back at where you last stood

And find the landscape has completely changed looking at it from your new perspective.

And that's ok... actually that is a very good thing.

It means your growing and moving and learning.

Don't be afraid to share your point of view with world.

No one else can see it from the angle you can.

Be true to you and believe in yourself -

Just as your heavenly Father and earthly mother believe in you!

Five Minute Friday - Connect

2012-08-09T23:30:00.001-07:00

I love the way we connect in this online space.

What a blessing and exciting opportunity to reach out to people without the limitations of physical distance to keep us apart. People that share your story. People that see your heart through your words. How miraculous!

It fascinates me how God, in all of His infinite wisdom, put us here together. He truly is bigger and beyond anything we can imagine. I sit here and type words on a keyboard and almost instantly you are reading them hundreds of miles away. It's really awe inspiring when you think about it.

My story is my own, as is yours. But there is a common thread. Another kind of connection...

In the story of every woman, there are threads of insecurity, hurt and fear woven into the fabric. Regardless of age, where we are in life today or where we have been. There is a connection.

If I told you about my messy house and how I feel guilty that I don't make more of an effort to keep it tidy during the week, you'd understand. When I say I lost my temper and snapped at my son, you will relate. As I tell you about my fears of not being good enough for one reason or another, you empathize.

Connection.... it's something we share and something we do.

And I'm so thankful that God has put us on this journey together and given us the tools to reach out and connect.

We're linking up at Lisa-Jo's site for 5 minute Friday...

come on over!

Mean Girls

2012-08-07T14:45:00.000-07:00

We're talking about things we want to teach our daughters... jump over here to start from the beginning.

Things I Want To Teach My Daughter:

There Will Always Be Mean Girls

I think the one thing that breaks my heart more than anything is seeing women tear each other down.

Probably because it touches a nerve that runs deep. I remember all too well how mean girls can be and it seems that we just get taller and use bigger, sharper words with age.

My dear, sweet princess, girls that you care about and love are going to hurt you. Girls that you long to be accepted by are going to shun you. You will be snickered at and talked about. They'll laugh and point. They'll roll their eyes and talk under their breath.

And the reason is complexly simple - people who are hurting, hurt other people.

There is no easy way to navigate these situations. And there is no guarantee that it will get easier with age and experience. But one thing is certain, you will be stronger because of it. Don't let the pain harden your heart. The walls you build to protect yourself will become your prison. Love and forgive - over and over and over again.

And when you think you just can't - He'll help you do it again.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the heavens.

You are uniquely and intentionally planted in this great big world for a purpose.

You are the joy of His heart and the apple of His eye.

There is a part of Him that the world only sees through you.

The God that flung the stars into the sky thinks you are astoundingly incredible.

And so do I!

Things I Want to Teach My Daughter

2012-08-04T23:49:00.000-07:00

She is laying so peacefully beside me. This beautiful princess of mine.

Being a girl is hard. Being a woman is even harder. And having a daughter changes everything.

She doesn't know this yet. She doesn't know that other girls will tear her down just for the fun of it. She doesn't know that she'll be bombarded with images of what the world thinks is beautiful. She doesn't know that her heart is going to be broken or that love hurts.

She's trusting and spunky. Creative and eager. Smart and compassionate.

I want her to stay this way. And the question becomes what do I teach her so that her journey as a woman is easier than mine? What tools can I give her so that she is prepared?

This post is the beginning of a series - an idea I got from a fellow blogger. (Thanks, Lisa-Jo!) I've enlisted the help of other women and asked what messages they would impart to young girls. I am looking forward to sharing their wisdom...

Things I Want to Teach My Daughter:

Beauty Is a State of Mind, Not Body

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
"Beauty is only skin deep."
"It's what is on the inside, not the outside, that makes you beautiful."

Our culture is full of sayings that send the message that we value a girl's heart more than her wardrobe. That her worth is not tied to a number on a scale or candles on a cake. But do we, females young and old, really believe this? Do we really live it and not just say it?

I'll lay truth on the line and own up to the fact that I have let myself go in the past few years. For one reason or another I have found myself in a place where I question if what's on the inside is any good. And my disarray on the inside has manifested itself on the outside. It all ties back to what I believe my worth to be. So this girl in the mirror and I have had a lot to talk about. We're in a better place and on the right track.

Then there is this little girl that looks at me with unconditional love for guidance and validation. She is beautiful - the very definition of it in any language. It breaks my heart to think that she could ever question her worth. That she would ever search for acceptance and love in the wrong places. That she would ever look in the mirror and wish to be something other than the imperfectly unique person she is.

And doesn't our heavenly Father feel that same heartache for us? Believing we must conform to what the world's idea of beauty is. Believing that we must be "less than" because we are single. Believing that our value and worth is somehow tied to a numeric symbol on a machine or a tag.

Oh, sweet girl, YOU are beautiful.

I am beautiful.

WE are beautiful!

"There could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do..."

(Jonny Diaz, "More Beautiful You")

Did I Miss Something?

2012-08-03T20:28:00.000-07:00

The world can really wear you down. As I'm typing these words on a Friday night, I look back at the week gone by and shake my head.

Missed opportunities.... that has been a common theme in my life this week. I see them everywhere.

The one that sticks with me the most surrounds this Chick-fil-A drama. And it isn't my missed opportunity, it is that of the church and Christians everywhere. {yeah, I'm going to go there...}

I believe in equal rights for all - men, women, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, gay, lesbian, straight, etc. I believe in loving my fellow man. I believe in free speech, and I am grateful for the right to exercise it at even this very moment. I believe in God and walk closer to Him today than I ever have at any other point in my life. I know of His grace and mercy.

I watched Wednesday as millions of people lined up to spend their money funding hate and intolerance. The average Joe didn't know that is what he did and that wasn't why he went there. But that is what the end result is. {I encourage you to do some research on the organizations Chick-fil-A funnels your money to. I think you'd be as shocked as I was.}

Now I know that the large majority of those people weren't there in protest against homosexuals or gay rights. In fact, I feel certain that most were there in support of an issue or a cause - freedom of speech, traditional family values, or whatever soap box you stand on. And that issue became more important than showing God's love and kindness to our fellow man.

"Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we judge... What if we put down our signs, crossed over the lines and loved like You did?"... my favorite lines from a Casting Crowns song couldn't be more fitting. People on both sides of this issue spewing venom at one another is what I saw this week.

"Hate the sin, love the sinner" is preached behind pulpits every week. My observation is that the church is putting more energy into "hating the sin" than it is "loving the sinner" and yesterday was a perfect example of that. I don't know one homosexual person that felt the love on Wednesday. People were so quick and eager to jump on the band wagon, that they missed an opportunity to show God's love to the world.

When issues and causes become more important than reaching people's hearts, something is terribly wrong.

Five Minute Friday - Here

2012-08-02T22:01:00.002-07:00

Here is where my heart is.

Right here....

In a house that mimics the disarray of my heart.

Among the carefully disguised and purposefully placed messes. I wouldn't want anyone to see them.

Surrounded with the sound of a little girl's feet stomping around as I search for the focus to write these sentences.

Being here - present in this moment - is what matters most. I can't dwell on a past I can not change. I can only do so much to impact the future. So the here & now is where I'll stay.

And, if you really think about it, the present is the most difficult and uncomfortable place to be. It is safe to dwell on yesterday because there is no risk. You know how this turns out. Tomorrow has not arrived yet and that makes it easier to lie to yourself about it and make it in your mind what you truly want it to be.

But the here and now is staring you in the face. The here and now is where the change of tomorrow happens (or not) and we are accountable for what we do with this gift of time.

I will never get this moment, this here and now, back again. So, I'll spend it focusing on how to make the next one better.

I will read that story book one more time. I will sing and dance with reckless abandon. I will love and give to others. I will trust and let go.

Here - in this moment - is where I will live.

We're linking up for 5 Minute Friday at Lisa-Jo's place... won't you join us!