Learning to Fly

Wednesday Words

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 03:50:00 +0000

"I'm not usually sold on epiphanies, especially of the life-transforming type. I'm more interested in the opposite experience: not those rare moments of startling insight or realization, but -- what I suspect are more common -- those sudden flashes of anxious confusion and bewilderment."

-Robert Atwan, Introduction to The Best American Essays 2011

The past few weeks have been long and exhausting and I hope to get back to real blogging soon. Likely with more flashes of anxious confusion and bewilderment than epiphanies, but we'll see.

Wednesday Words

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 05:00:00 +0000

"Now I realize that school spirit is a pretty goofy thing to some people, but I’ll tell you something: I hate Duke with an infernal passion undying. I hate every leaf of every tree on that sickening campus. I hate every fake cherub Gothic piece of crap that litters the buildings like hemorrhoidal testaments to imagined superiority. When I see those Dookie boneheads shoe-polishing their faces navy blue on television, squandering their parents’ money with their fratty elitist bad sportsmanship antics and Saab stories, I want to puke all over Durham."

-Ian Williams, DTH

A quick search made me realize I've never actually posted more than a few words of Williams' legendary column on the blog. I re-read it twice a year and it never, ever gets old.

UNC v. Duke

February 7, 2006

(I was there, we lost, I don't want to talk about it.)

UNC at Duke

March 4, 2006

(We won, J.J. cried, we celebrated, it was awesome.)

The more things change, the more they stay the same

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:04:00 +0000

April 4, 2005

National Championship Night

The Battlehouse, Chapel Hill, NC

December 22, 2011

2005 National Championship Trophy

Carolina Basketball Museum, Chapel Hill, NC

May 12, 2006

Two days before graduation

Old Well, Chapel Hill, NC

December 22, 2011

Three days before Christmas

Old Well, Chapel Hill, NC

Wednesday Words

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:51:00 +0000

"By the end of a week she was thinking constantly about where her body stopped and the air began, about the exact point in space and time that was the difference between Maria and other. She had the sense that if she could get that in her mind and hold it for even one micro-second she would have what she had come to get."

-Joan Didion, Play it as it Lays

"I found my mind turning increasingly to illness, to the end of promise, the dwindling of the days, the inevitability of the fading, the dying of the brightness. Blue nights are the opposite of the dying of the brightness, but they are also its warning."

-Joan Didion, Blue Nights

It's a double dose of Didion as I read two of her books this week. She must be one of the most natural writers I've ever read, but still crafts some of the most visually stunning, almost breathtaking, sentences.

Holiday Rewind Part 5: 28 in DC

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:48:00 +0000

It's the last day of January and I'm wrapping up the holiday rewind. Finally.

About a week after my real birthday, I had my D.C. birthday. Other than going out for my 22nd birthday in college, I never celebrate with friends. I just think since I'm never there on the actual day -- since I prefer to spend it at home -- it shouldn't be celebrated. But my friend Shana basically told me this was crazy talk and that I should celebrate. After weeks of needling, she finally got it out of me that I'd really just like to wear a pretty dress and have champagne and cupcakes with my girlfriends. Done.

We spent a nice Saturday evening at Serendipity 3 in Georgetown. It was a combining of circles with my Carolina friends and my work friends that I think went well. (Unfortunately my other circle of book club friends couldn't make it.)

The five of us split three deserts: their infamous frozen hot chocolate, the most ridiculous chocolate cake ever, and a black and white sundae. The before:

The after. So. Much. Chocolate. So. Good. After all the sugar I had to eat tortilla chips as soon as arriving home. Needed. Salt. (I also had a major sugar crash the next day with a bad headache. But it was totally worth it.)

We all had drinks and fun conversations. And since it was an unseasonably warm day, we weren't all miserable being out. I'm thankful for such good friends who wanted to celebrate with me and plan on doing it again next year.

And now for some vanity: My party dress. After trying on around 10 dresses the day of, I found this lovely dress on clearance at Zara for $39. It needs to be taken in on the sides to avoid being belted in the future, but other than that, it's just lovely. (If I'm going to keep posting pictures of my outfits I will need to get a better camera and location.)

Closeup of the fabric. It's more black than it looks here.

Closeup of my $3 Forever 21 earrings and my InStylered hair. (Thanks, Mom.)

And now I'm 28. Let's go.

Holiday Rewind Part 4: 28 in NC

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 02:43:00 +0000

Reasons I love my birthday and love that it's on January 1:

It's a holiday.
It's a holiday celebrated in practically every country in the world.
There's a countdown to it.
It's the first day of the year and it really is a fresh start.
In any given year I can only be one age.
When everyone else is freaking out about New Year's Eve plans, I just sit idly by knowing the real event is the next day.
I never have to work on it.
It's my favorite day of the year.

This year my favorite day started a bit earlier than I'd like, but was necessary. After opening a few presents we left to have brunch in Raleigh at the french restaurant, Coquette Brasserie.

The food -- and mimosas -- were excellent, as was the company.

After brunch we went to every newly 28 year old young woman's dream store: Harbor Freight, the hardware store. Ok, so it's not actually my dream store, but as my Dad holds the title of Handiest Man Alive, I've spent many an afternoon in one and genuinely like hardware stores. As does everyone in my family, actually. And I left with a leather punch, which given my slight addiction to belts, will serve me well instead of having to use a paper clip/scissors/exacto knife to add holes.

After shopping we went to my sister's for cake and presents.

I inadvertently matched the wrapping paper a bit.

Not quite 29 candles -- thank goodness -- but still far too many.

Mike thought so, too. Hilarious.

Opening presents. (Pictured: 50th anniversary "Breakfast at Tiffany's" book.)

After brunch we headed home, which was good since mimosas make me super tired. I chilled with the parents and dozed on the couch while a "Designing Women" marathon played. All in all it was a great birthday and a great start to the year.

Always a heel

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 19:41:00 +0000

My cobbler* thinks this is what my last name is. Why it's funny is probably obvious but because it's Monday I'll spell it out anyway. It's funny due to the fact that:

A person who deals in shoes thinks my last name includes the word "heel"
I am a Tar Heel

(I've blogged about this particular name mutilation before. Four years ago. But this time I have a photo so it's new.)

*Yes, I have a cobbler. How grown up am I? (Or, how hard do I walk that I have a cobbler on call?)

Holiday Rewind Part 3: Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 22:39:00 +0000

This year's Christmas lasted several days, in several locations, with several combinations of family members. But in the end all that mattered was we were together, at some point, in some form. I think we each got stuff we wanted, stuff we needed, and stuff we didn't know we wanted and needed. As I was too busy opening gifts, giving gifts, eating soup, and staying in my PJs most days, the only pictures I have are from Christmas Eve at my sister's. But don't let the lack of photos or commentary fool you: It was Christmas at home with my family, which is all I ever really need.

Daddy and Mom

Mike and Melissa

Joey and Michelle

McKinley and Jordan

Some of my (most easily able to grab five minutes ago to take this picture) spoils. The Eastern Airlines bag pictured is one of my favorite gifts. My grandfather worked for the airline for many years and we have tons of paraphernalia, but nothing like this. I'd had my eye on a vintage PanAm bag for years, but they are so outrageously expensive. Mom knew this and found this Eastern one on eBay, which is far, far superior and more valuable than a silly PanAm one ever would be.

Wednesday Words

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 17:01:00 +0000

"As a quick aside, let me observe that in moments of high emotion--whether they're triggered by anger or envy, humiliation or resentment--if the next thing you're going to say makes you feel better, then it's probably the wrong thing to say."

-Amor Towles, Rules of Civility

Red Shoes on Blue Floor
or

My View After Moments of High Emotion and Ensuing Wrong Thing

Holiday Rewind Part 2c: Carolina Girls at the Carolina Inn

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 01:52:00 +0000

Yes, yes, another Chapel Hill post. But seeing as how I had not been there in nearly a year, did you expect any less? This is just to highlight our hotel, The Carolina Inn.

From their website:
"University Alumnus and former trustee, John Sprunt Hill, built The Carolina Inn in 1924 and was gifted to the University in 1935 to be ' … A Cheerful Inn for Visitors, A Town Hall for the State, and a Home for Returning Sons and Daughters of Alma Mater…'"

As four "Returning Daughters of Alma Mater," we'd each always wanted to stay here. And as we've done practically everything else you're supposed to do in CH, we're glad to have now crossed this off our list. It's the only hotel on campus and if you know anything about Chapel Hill you know its reputation. You never know if something is going to live up to your expectations, but I should have known that when it comes to Chapel Hill, they're usually exceeded. It just felt like an extension of our beloved University, and like we belonged there. A few tidbits:

Our room door was Carolina blue.
University and town history pervaded everything from the photos on the wall to the suite names.
Due to the combination of booking early, my alumni association discount, and splitting one room four ways, we each paid less than $40 for the night.
We got fresh cookies when we checked in and were (accidentally?) not charged for parking. (And if you know Chapel Hill, you know what a big deal this is.)
They replaced our broken coffee pot, brought us (many) extra fresh towels, and found us a DVD player when we wanted to watch a movie.
No one bothered us when we model walked in one of their hallways.

All in all it was a great experience and I hope to repeat it many times in the future.

Sign out front

Our room

Gingerbread Old Well

Each year they illustrate the 12 days of Christmas throughout the lobby.

These are 12 lords-a-leaping in basektball player form.

Holiday Rewind Part 2b: Carolina Girls By Night

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:55:00 +0000

In many ways, our friendship as a foursome was solidified during Chapel Hill nights. Around a table in Top of the Hill. At a booth in Carolina Coffee Shop. In the line at Qdoba at 2 a.m. On the living room floor in the house Brandie and I lived in our senior year.

As the years have gone by, the scene has shifted to nights in Durham, Ocean Isle, and Washington, D.C., but the sharing has never stopped. We can talk about anything at anytime, from movies and tv to clothes and hair, but when we're together, our most serious discussions tend to happen at night, gathered around, drinks in hands. Broken hearts, fights with family, disagreements, health concerns, career decisions, life worries--they all come out. As a result, there are probably a good number of people in any place we've all been together that can tell you entirely too much about the four ladies at the table beside them. But that's ok, because it's about our friendship.

It's about laughing until our faces go numb. It's about leaping topics, jumping sentences, forgetting words, and still understanding. It's about having our own language. It's about our roots. It's about our shared passion and drive. It's about unwavering compassion and unvarnished truth. It's about feeling like nothing is right and then feeling like everything will be alright.

Posing in the Carolina Inn lobby before heading out

Campus

Dinner at Bandido's

Our favorite/the old standby: Top of the Hill

Three days before Christmas in Chapel Hill=deserted.

So we took silly pictures in the street.

And then we took our patented "one person hold camera and all gather 'round" shot.

Empty hallway+4 tipsy ladies in heels=model walking

Yes, another group shot. But it never gets old. At least not for us.

Holiday Rewind Part 2a: Carolina Girls By Day

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:52:00 +0000

Three days before Christmas, four ladies, coming from four cities, gathered in the town where it all started, at a place where they'd always wanted to stay, for 24 hours of talking, laughing, eating, walking, drinking, and gifting. And this is what they did on a dreary, but unseasonably warm, December day.

After Jan and I checked into the hotel, we waited for B and K to arrive. Once they did, and after a little catching up, we set out for Franklin Street, a mere 3 blocks away, and had Sakura for lunch.

After lunch it was a walk through campus, stopping to make sure Davie Poplar was still standing, take a group photo with the Old Well, make note of all the still-loose bricks, and pretend, just a little, that we were students again.

A stop at Student Stores was in order, of course, in case there was any Carolina paraphernalia we didn't already own. For instance, this amazingly chic ram's head toboggan. (I didn't buy it though. Have to draw the line somewhere.)

After debating waiting for a bus or risking the likelihood of a downpour if we walked, we started hoofing it to South Campus to visit the basketball museum. First we had to walk by the recently remodeled/rebuilt football stadium. It's big. Really big. Especially for a never-going-to-be-a-football-it's-always-going-to-be-a-basketball school.

We got to the museum shortly after the skies opened up, and only 15 minutes before it was to close. (A fact NOT advertised on the website, by the way.) This was extremely disappointing as Brandie had never been, the four of us had never been all together, and we couldn't watch the awesome video introduction. However, we made the most of our 15 minutes and sped through.

There was even some time for some fun photos. We each posed "hugging" some of our favorite players. (Karey and Hansbrough, Brandie and Felton, Jan and Jamison, and me and Montross.)

When we finished the museum we headed out in the pouring rain and caught the RU back to our hotel to rest and then ready for the night's activities.

Holiday Rewind Part 1: Decorations

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 02:02:00 +0000

February is right around the corner which means it's probably time for me to post my recap of the holidays. First on the docket is the subject of decorations, starting with my apartment Christmas tree. (Confession: I took this photo about five minutes ago because yes, my decorations are still up. It's my birthday month and I'll do what I want.)

Next, the National Christmas Tree. Every year I like to swing by the Tree and the Willard Hotel to see their decorations. Unfortunately, the National Tree was uprooted last year during a windstorm and replaced with this sad little thing.

I'm sure it will be taller and grander and Nationaler next year. I hope.

This year my work had an office decorating contest. I had no desire to participate and thought we'd just throw a bow on the door and call it a day. But then one officemate had some great ideas, the other officemate got supplies, and before I knew it I was wrapping everything on our walls, cleaning spray snow off a window with a q tip, and folding paper stars. One or more of us may have even uttered the phrase "we're decorating the shit out of Christmas." As a result, may I present the third place winners.

We've taken down everything but the hanging paper bits from the ceiling. Partly because we're all too lazy to take them down. But mainly because they just make us smile.

Wednesday Words

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 03:35:00 +0000

"But I believe in love, you know; love is a uniquely portable magic. I don't think it's in the stars, but I do believe that blood calls to blood and mind calls to mind and heart to heart."

-Stephen King, 11/22/63

Yes, I'm still reading this book; it's more than 800 pages. It's also my first Stephen King novel and is compeltely engrossing. He is a genius.

Scenes from my childhood bedroom, four

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 05:13:00 +0000

Last one and it's the piece de resistance: The Barbies. Mind you, only a miniscule portion of The Barbies because I have many, many, many. (And yes, "have" in the present tense as they are all safely tucked away at home, waiting for...something.) These are all my collector ones, the vintage re-issues, and some others that have special meaning. They make me smile every time I go home because they were such an integral part of my childhood. And also, even now in adulthood, as I have nearly 20 Barbie ornaments and may or may not receive a "Barbie Collector" catalog in the mail.

(How I remember this I'll never know, but the bracelet around the beam in the center is from Ron Jon surf shop in Cocoa Beach, Florida, circa first or second grade. It's probably been in the same place since about that time, too. Creature of habit, I am.)

Wednesday Words

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 04:55:00 +0000

"Stupidity is one of two things we see most clearly in retrospect. The other is missed chances."

-Stephen King, 11/22/63

Scenes from my childhood bedroom, three

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 05:13:00 +0000

I haven't had time to download and organize Chapel Hill/Christmas/Bday photos so until then I have a few more photos of my room at home.

Oh, high school. What can I say about it other than I don't miss one percent of it for one second. My 10 year reunion (holy crap) is this year and I'd rather pull out my eyelashes one by one than attend. But there are three vestiges of high school left out in my room. First, the (purple) marshall chords from junior year and the (gold) honor chords from senior year. The chords represent four years of unbelievable stress, mood swings, sleepless nights, crying fits, worry, and anxiety.

There's also the mirror that was a graduation gift from my friend, Diane. It has my name etched at the top and "Class of 2002" at the bottom with an image of a graduate in the center. It's perfect for makeup and hair checks on the way out.

And that's that for high school memories. And even those few items are too much high school for me.

Seven steps to a bad day

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 04:47:00 +0000

1. Stay in bed too long and rush to get ready.
2. Be unable to get out of apartment building due to jammed door.
3. Wait 7 minutes -- for second day in a row -- for a red line train because of delays.
4. Wait 25 minutes for a yellow line train because of delays.
5. Arrive to work 45 minutes late.
6. Discover approximately 5 cuts on hands after applying hand sanitizer. (Cuts due to this week's arctic weather?)
7. Develop a headache around 11 a.m. that doesn't go away until about 6 p.m. and leave work early as a result.

Let's look at step 2 a bit closer as that's really the only out-of-the-ordinary portion of this terrible day.

The door to get out of my apartment building has a push lever like in the picture below that locks it. I pushed it, heard it click, looked closely and saw it unlock, but as hard as I pushed, the door wouldn't open. I kept pushing for several minutes, but still, nothing happened.

As I was already running late, I decided to go to the basement and exit through the garage. So I took the elevator down a floor but, as I walked through the garage to the door, realized that I don't actually know how to open it. Or, even, if it's possible for me to open it without having a car. I waved my hand around the door looking for a sensor, and even jumped on the cable that cars drive over to trigger it, but alas, I don't weigh as much as a Buick, and nothing happened.

Defeated, I got back in the elevator headed to the lobby, forgot this though and went back to my floor, then walked back down to the lobby and tried again. Still nothing. At this point I began to wonder if my two weeks away had made me forget how to operate the door. (Like how I've been having trouble working my shower.)

But no, it wasn't me, it was definitely the door. Panic started rising from my stomach to my throat as I continued my fruitless pushing. And, also, why in the hell weren't there any people leaving for work? Then, just as I heard the elevator whir, signalling someone was finally on their way down, the door swung open and out. Finally, freedom! Sweet, sweet, cold freedom.

However, given the way the rest of the day went, I probably should have just gone back to bed the first time the door wouldn't open.

Photos: here and here

Wednesday Words

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 03:01:00 +0000

"It was an act of devotion. A little like writing or loving someone -- it doesn't always feel worthwhile, but not giving up somehow creates unexpected meaning over time."

-Miranda July, It Chooses You

2011 By The Numbers

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 01:42:00 +0000

800+ personal emails sent
694 tweets
323 items watched in Netflix Instant history
262 Pinterest pins
204 listens of the most played song on my iPod (Save Me by Nicki Minaj)
168 Gchat conversations
158 blog posts
55 books read
42 songs bought through iTunes
41 Facebook status updates
37 sub folders in my "2011 Pictures" folder
27 years
20 miles walked each week (if I don't cheat and take bus)
20 albums bought through Amazon
13 plays, ballets, or concerts
11 Amazon orders
11 book club meetings
8 hours in several happy "hours"
6 albums bought through iTunes
6 personal essay classes
5 trips home
5 "I'll be late because of metro" work emails
4 doctor visits
4 major sporting events
3 days in San Francisco
3 days in Pennsylvania
3 haircuts
3 first dates
2 fights in stairwells
2 critiqued essays
2 $35 cab rides
2 natural disasters
1 huge leap
1 bruised heart
1 night at the Carolina Inn
1 telephone number given to a boy on the street
1 suicidal mouse
1 severe burn
1 case of pink eye

Scenes from my childhood bedroom, two

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 02:51:00 +0000

When we moved into our house the walls of my bedroom were, very aptly, Carolina blue. Some time in high school the parents decided we should paint my room. I wanted purple, like the apartment on "Friends," they wanted white. So we painted the walls white.* But as a compromise, they let me paint the doors of the clothes and linen closets purple. 10ish years later and they still make me smile.

*Except for the wall where there were two very large bookcases. Me and mom wanted to paint around the bookcases. Daddy wanted to move them out and paint the whole wall. As a compromise, we didn't paint it at all. Now that the bookcases are moved, the room has multiple white walls, one blue wall, and two purple doors.

Scenes from my childhood bedroom

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 04:58:00 +0000

When I moved to D.C. four years ago, I pretty much turned my childhood bedroom over to my mom. I still have stuff in the closets and the dormers, and probably will until I have my own home, but for the most part it's not my room anymore and most of my stuff is gone. But there are a few things hanging around that are holdovers from my child and teen years.

For starters, this Tar Heel pennant that has been hanging just slightly off center above one of the dormers since before I started high school, so at least 15 years.

It's got a fine layer of dust on the top edge and, as mentioned, is off center, but I like that as much as the room has changed in 15 years, it hasn't moved.

Wednesday Words

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 20:50:00 +0000

"Writing is the underpinning, infrastructure, point of departure, reason, and pretext for all of it."

-Diane Keaton, Then Again

Subtlety

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 03:56:00 +0000

While shopping today with Mom, she wanted to buy me a winter coat in a neutral color since my current coat is bright red. The pretty camel coat she found was too big though so I suggested this one:

A faux leopard fur coat is totally a "neutral," right? However, considering that even my beloved red coat seems quite loud some days, not sure this would work. And since mom refused to buy it just so I could wear it in my living room, it's still on the rack at Penney's for a braver soul than me.

Gone to Carolina

noreply@blogger.com (Bonnie) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Today I'm going here:

To see them:

And stay here:

To do this:

I haven't been to Chapel Hill since January. January, people. That's two weeks shy of a year. That's double my previous record of six months. To say I need Chapel Hill isn't strong enough. I crave it. And I need my best friends. In one time zone, one place, one room. This year has been awful and amazing, stressful and wonderful, debilitating and exhilarating. But this year hasn't had Chapel Hill and hasn't had the four of us. Yet. And it's going to be amazing, wonderful, and exhilarating.

Photos: mine, mine, here, mine, mine, here.