Story of Mine...

February all the way to April

2015-04-05T23:18:00.000-05:00

February was a nice month I should say... I got a mini vacation because of Carnivals so I rested and Went to an all inclusive resort (non-expensive one) and had a good relaxing day. After that I received the news that I had been taken in consideration for a Compliance Course to be the Compliance Officer of Peri Panama Inc. (Enterprise where I work); this Course happens to be in Sao Paulo, Brazil.
Inside me I was like WHAT! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE TELLING ME I AM GOING TO BRAZIL FOR A WEEK !!!? REALLY!! -- But I kept it together and act like It was normal for me and said: Oh ok ...When? and the next thing I was in Brazil.

The first two weeks of March were basically me trying to leave everything as organized as possible at work and getting my stuff ready for the travel. Has to mentioned I was stressed, there was a lot to do before leaving (if I wanted to leave things organized at work).
The trip was awful Panama Colombia and Colombia Brazil (3 hours waiting time between flights)-- My boss and I had lunch and after I was feeling anxious and ended up feeling sick. Agghhh why now, why here?! I was feeling anxious for the trip itself and I was feeling anxious cause I did not want to get sick and made a fool of myself again. But I survived. I manage to get in the plane and relaxed-with a lil help of my friend "the pill"- Ohh well I did not ask to suffer from anxiety. But again, I am a survivor so I made it to Brazil and Had a very nice time there.

I learned a lot, met new interesting and nice people and made connections.

Back in Panama and I am finding myself with a lot of work and responsibilities at my full time job--as well as working on my dreams with the help of the network marketing business and the best and first company in the industry: AMWAY CORPORATION!

February 1st week

2015-02-07T23:15:00.000-05:00

Well ... was a very busy and sort of stressful week: started with my big brother and his family moving to Orlando last Monday--it was a mix of feelings because I was happy for them, specially my nieces who are just as weird and talented as I am ... lol: so they will actually fit in there, more than here.
But going to the airport and basically the whole thing made me remember all my drama so I got a bit sad. I am almost 32 years old and I have nothing-literally I dont even have my own place- life has been, well I should say the circumstances I have put myself into had delay my basic goals. Oh well they say its never too late.

I have been feeling bored, tired of the routine (I am so a non-routine person): thinking ahead, wanting to do other things like dancing, singing, traveling--but I cannot and it when you hit the floor so hard that you get a huge headache, everything turns more difficult than it is already, and you just want to sleep through it and wake up in a different situation: like with a car, my own place, a boyfriend and financial freedom to do as much as I can think of. But truth is -- you wake up and you have to go back to the routine.

In the bright side, I got salary raise not because of the time working there but because I have exceeded their expectations- so that is good, it gave me some lights. Right?

Peace,

Enero 31

2015-01-31T22:11:00.000-05:00

The first month of the year is gone... already.

It was very nice, I had the chance of feeling butterflies in my stomach again, and just let a lot of emotions out. The not to normal part about this is the source, the reason I felt this wave of emotions... this bitter sweet feeling. Of course is an impossible, or at least someone wayy wayy out of my league. I dont know why I always pick the wrong ones.
But it the positive side, I had fun and I went back in time when I just to actually live life and dream about the love of my life you know... those kind of things you forget, because you are too busy with whatever else.

I just want to love and be loved, and I have a bit of Hope that will happen, somehow, someday...

I have been very very busy at work and that is why I did not write all these weeks. Also busy dreaming about him ...

Peace out,

2015 Day 9

2015-01-10T00:32:00.002-05:00

Its day off here so I slept in ... of course, in fact I could not wake up.

I must have low hemoglobine or something, because I was so tired I could not wake up, when I finally did I had breakfast and I started working on finishing the Amway Invitations--they are nice I should say... I just hope they do the job and we see lots of people interested in the business.

Went with Jenny to the mall and came back home...after eating sushi I felt super tired again--not a good sign huh? I fell asleep... until 11 pm

Peace Out!

2015 Days 7 and 8

2015-01-10T00:02:00.000-05:00

I hate when people wants to pretend something they are not...

This co-worker made my wednesday afternoon sort of stressful, I was so mad. But ohh well just work and life goes on either way ... right? so I chose to let it go and just see it as another day.

Worked all night on Amway: I actually love design so I enjoyed it. I was not thrilled with the results because I knew I could do better, but for 2 am at night was fine.

Thursday was normal and quiet day at work. But ended very noise and fun. I actually danced a bit, felt good to have some relaxing time and get to know some of my co-workers in a different aspect.

Peace Out!

2015 Day 6

2015-01-07T21:56:00.002-05:00

Hey !

Woke up feeling better so I decided to move my bedroom around and clean up -- Bad Idea! I got an allergic cough--Oh well.

In the afternoon I headed to my weekly business meeting which is turning out fun. Sometimes I get bored but now that we are more into the organization I am actually getting motivated and more hopeful about the fact that I my financial situation will get better in the next 2 or 3 years. But I sure have to work hard and my all on it. This is pretty much my only change to actually create a network that allows me to grow as a person and also money wise talking.

Hope your day was nice!

Peace Out!

2015 Day 5

2015-01-05T21:37:00.003-05:00

Sick at home ... in bed the whole day -- Literally !

Chicken Soup and Pills -- Cheers!!! Happy New Year!

... Peace Out!

2015 Day 4

2015-01-05T15:00:00.000-05:00

I slept in ... and did not attend my Best Friend's mom b-day mass; to be honest I was not planning too: I have my own believe and spirituality- I believe in a Creator of everything we know, I have faith that this Creator (God, Jehovah, Ala etc) is good and has control of everything, I believe in being good to others, I believe in love and being honest and respectful towards human beings in general. I believe in balance, equal rights... and I could just go on and on with my I believe list...

However we would like to know what happened the rest of the day so: When my mom got back from the mass she was irritated for many reasons: 1. Because I didn't go and they were asking about me, of course and the connection-- and I got it I understood. 2. I will save it for the sake of it and 3. Because she feels my brother only calls her or looks for her when he needs something (which in this specific case was the case but he was not in a hurry or pushing or anything). Anyways she is just Mad and she takes it on me so here it goes my Relaxed Sunday ---

To give you a little bit of extra information: my mom has a very strong personality which has improved very very well through out the years and specially and more obvious the past 5 years or so. She was known as the strict mom and aunt, and even a bitter person-- but she is not really, out the 6 siblings she raised me and my brother with a lot of LOVE which in fact she did not received from her mom as much. So you just had to get to know her to realized the loving person she really is. But still because how she was raised and all her bad experiences and traumas she has this impulse control issue (which really just runs int he family-its genetic) and she gets this rage of cortisol (stress hormone) and BOOM !

But at the end was fun-- We got together (Mom, brother, brother's girlfriend) and went to the mall then my mom and I went to My best friend's mom Bday get together. Overall was a good Sunday...

Peace out!

2015 Day 3

2015-01-05T14:32:00.000-05:00

Very productive day I should say.

My niece spent the night here so I could not sleep in - which is ok tho, I was not that tired. Do you know Mandala? Mandala is the most handsome Dog in the whole world ! - He was found in the streets with her sisters, my cousin rescued them and brought them here (she was living with us at the moment) They took care of them and found families for them. But Mandala was destined to stay with us, my brother begged my mom for him to stay: he was the most skinny, ugly and weak of them all. Anyways, long story short: My mom got in loved too and Mandala stayed.

When I was back from US he was a puppy so I fall in love right away: it was love at first sight-- lol

Ohh The name Mandala -- here some information, I knew you will wonder about the name: everyone does.

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandala

Mandala (Sanskrit: मण्डल Maṇḍala, 'circle') is a spiritual and ritual symbol in Hinduism and Buddhism, representing the Universe.^[1] The basic form of most mandalas is a square with four gates containing a circle with a center point. Each gate is in the general shape of a T.^[2]^[3] Mandalas often exhibit radial balance.^[4]

The term is of Sanskrit origin. It appears in the Rig Veda as the name of the sections of the work, but is also used in other religions and philosophies, particularly Buddhism.

In various spiritual traditions, mandalas may be employed for focusing attention of practitioners and adepts, as a spiritual guidance tool, for establishing a sacred space, and as an aid to meditation and trance induction.

In common use, mandala has become a generic term for any diagram, chart or geometric pattern that represents the cosmosmetaphysically or symbolically; a microcosm of the universe.

Yes, right now Mandala is our center so we took them today to the vet because he is going crazy with skin itching. The vet was close by so we walked. It was not that bad because although it was hot as hell as usual (here in Panama its hot an humid--extremely humid) there was a nice breeze.

After that and laundry and helping niece getting dressed I headed another Amway meeting to coordinate ideas and create a presentation of the plan but focused on the young people: Y Generation. So I spent the whole afternoon and night working on it- we also had fun, the other girls are very nice.

I was supposed to go out with one of my best friends but I was too tired and it was late already so I just came back home.

P.S. The presentation is looking awesome ... I will post it when its ready.

2015 Day 2

2015-01-03T14:37:00.003-05:00

For some reason I was sleepy the whole day .. So I had breakfast did some laundry and went back to bed. I tried hard to get myself up and do something but I could not. I slept until like 5 pm and I had this meeting at 6pm; as usual I was in a hurry but I finally arrived.

I am an independent business girl with Amway Corporation. So the meeting was to check on new information and make a plan to communicate to the young generation this not new but different way to make money and have no boss. It was fun and makes me believe and have hope that I can do something to get to my financial stability and freedom. I am a system hater by the way--Sometimes I feel like a slave like a robot forced to follow instructions with no options whatsoever. Agghh awful.

It was an interested night, I had a visit from Happy-- nick name of my ex-someone who now is separated from wife and trying to get full custody of her daughter. The mother turns out to be lets say a not responsible/caring mom. well Karma my friend. but sad for the girl who is in the middle of the whole situation. Happy used to be very violent and egocentric, seems that he thinks more now before doing anything and h is a wonderful father (I can tell by the pictures and the way he talks about his daughter.) So yeah after 6 almost 7 years he contacted me...will see. My friends said this time i have to be quiet and let them conquer me and I am fine with it--I am not physically attracted to Him (ohh his name is Alejandro) but he has lets call it swag lol, and he is very gentleman and those things in a man are a huge plus, at least for me. We talked the whole night updating about our lives.
I also received the call from Ernesto who is -- I have no idea how to call him-- a friend I guess; he wanted to see too but he is always busy working so I guess he did not call again because he got work to do.. Oh well.

Then I sleep... :) that was Day 2 not much tho.

Peace Out

2015 Day 1

2015-01-01T18:23:00.002-05:00

Well there it goes 2014 full of everything as every year. It was good one I did new things and met new people, not too much drama, health was average and have a place to live and food to eat and continue the journey that is LIFE.

So day No. 1 of 2015 I enjoyed karaoke with Jennifer's family and friends (by the way the only people who actually expect us to spend the Holidays with them and called to make sure we were there ... awful how blood relatives can just be such strangers: Amen for friends!.)

Slept for about 7 hours, actually a bit more, had breakfast in bed and now I am watching the Twilight Saga and wondering--wishing something like Bella's story happens to me-True 4 ever Love. Yeah... I can be a bit cheesy and dreamy. So what.

I would like this year to actually lose weight (cliche), I would like to dance: like actually belong to a group and perform on stage. I want to take singing classes, meet new people and something I really need to do is to travel ... has been more than 12 months and I miss it a lot! Maybe go to Mexico with Michelle and visit Gaby.

I'm supposed to go out tonight with one of my dearest friends and talk about everything maybe flirt at the bar ... Will see.

Peace out !

People Against People

2014-04-04T15:28:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a day of a lot of Thinking, Wondering and What if questions. I am thinking whether or not leave this job I have and take a huge risk to become a Self-Employee; for years I have been a prisoner of my own fears and has been caught by the "Society Standards" Study, work, keep working, have a boyfriend, get married, have babies-build a family--keep working,until you get retired and then, then you will be able to rest and enjoy all those many many years of just hard work. I don't know about you, but it does not seem a good idea for me.

In the other hand I have seen (specially in this job) how people just go over people for what? For what it seems "a goal" a "good position in the company"? is it really worth it? I guess for some people is. They show you one thing and once you turn your back they are something else and it goes on and on. People don't care about other people feelings anymore. Everything seems to be a battlefield; and let me tell you it is exhausting.

It is sad and makes you lose Hope and Faith in this humanity. And I am just experiencing some stupid behaviour here at work and my country, I am not even mentioning everything that is going on in this World, which is our HOME ... I know! scary!

Seems that has become a "People against People World" Everything is an argument, a war. And for what? At the end we all take a shit and we all going to die...and what is more important we ALL live here in this WORLD, but people seems to not see it that way.

Instead of helping each other, most People just climb over People to reach... Well I don't know what are they trying to reach.

What Are YOU trying to reach?

Today at Work...

2013-11-21T00:57:00.001-05:00

Just got home from work ... one of my co-workers who is a female and likes women have me thinking about relationship and love. We were talking about our relationships experiences, you know: the pros the cons, how women act or think.

And I thought and actually told her: Dude !!! you are a lucky Bitch! you know!!! You know everything about both sides: you were born as a woman so you understand everything about it and you feel, think and has been acting like a man for probably your entire life!!! Of course women are going to be like: ohhh you are the shit!!! So we are laughing!

But really in the serious side I can totally understand that a women get in love witn another woman/man. Dont get me wrong I like men and I still have hope there is someone out there waiting for me, waiting to Love me and be loved; but geez!!! men are such assholes lately!

Anyways I am going to bed now...

XOXO my loves !

Un Poquito de Todo...: LoveMe Creations is Back!

2013-11-20T02:07:00.001-05:00

Un Poquito de Todo...: LoveMe Creations is Back!: Si !!! Me puse creativa nuevamente y estaré haciendo diferentes piezas, únicas y a mano para que regales algo original, único y especial en...

One night, Feelings and Emotions.

2013-11-20T01:23:00.002-05:00

Well...

I am back in Panama ... again. And you wont believe the story! Life its a Roller Coaster!

But I did not come to update yet... I just wanted to share some "Why questions" with you all. Like for example:

1. Why men can have a one night of sex and nice cuddling and then feel nothing?
2. Why women get so emotionally attached?
3. Why is it soooo hard for people to show true feelings?

I was stupid enough to sleep with this guy thinking: "Oh its going to be just for fun" BS !!! Next thing I know I am asking stupid questions...grrr!

Anyways Hope I get some comments....

Love you all !

Do Good ...

2013-03-24T22:47:00.000-05:00

After a dreamed came true, things went back to "normal" or "reality"...However you want to call it is the same as LIFE...

August: We had to move to my grandmas, during the process I am looking for a job close by that area, trying to help my mum as much as possible...and so on.

September: Back to a call center, a good experience because I got to met wonderful people; but at the same time kind of sad that I had to go back to the call center environment. But I tried to see things as positive as I could and focus on only do what I had to do and just live the moment.

Also thinking what to do ... Should I go to US should I stay and wait in Panama? What do to ... ? Decision? Uhhgg I hate decisions! Anyways...

My birthday ! nice I am 29 years old and I am so single, so broke but wait I have also fought bad thoughts, anxiety and depression. I am healthy (sort of) and I am emotionally stable...at least that's something ...right?

I have definitely changed for good. I feel more confident and I am able to be with ME Myself and I ... and still feel good.

I had fun: I met new people at work that kept me busy and laughing.

Now we are all (My mom my brother and I) living at my grandmother's place, helping my mum taking care of her and cope with all the things that takes to take care of an old person. And speaking of it, I am great at it: its very hard: even harder if they have some kind of illness and they cannot move, wow! ...now I have more respect for those who take care of an old person.

I feel good that everyone is saying my grandma is doing better.

Even though she was not this super cute granny, I took care of her (Good Care) and could just put those bad memories in a box and do Good; which I believe, at the end, is the Best thing to do ... Do Good.

A Wish Came true

2012-09-21T12:10:00.002-05:00

Yes!!! Wishes and Dreams do come true.

Michelle and the girls came to visit me in July! And my heart was jumping of happiness. It was very special and has a lot of meaning that Michelle had decided to spend the girls vacations here in Panama with me. It tells me how much she cares about me, it tells me that I was not only the Au Pair... It tells that I have a special place in their hearts and that I am part of the family. A total Blessing!

Michelle and the girls have changed my life for good. I will be always grateful for all the love and caring. I thank God for having the chance to meet them and share all these love with them.

Every sacrifice I made to be with them was/is still worth it, I do not regret anything because the fact that they were here in my country for the first time in their life, visiting me and family; its just PRICELESS.

I remember back in days fantasizing about them coming to Panama and meeting my mom and brother ... Guess what? !!! it happened and I am super Happy about it!

Follow your heart

2012-05-18T21:48:00.000-05:00

Since then I have not gone back to the place where they go and sing and pray; and listen to this guy who says he is talking God's words.... I feel like they do not want me there, like I have been contaminated like he told me, like I was not going to be welcome anymore. What they do not know is that while I have God in my heart I will be fine...I am not sure if I am right or not, but I am sure the LOVE is the key to everything you do in life and that GOD is LOVE. I do not think we need money to help people to be better, to LOVE... we do not need big places. God was not like that...He never had a temple; in fact he liked to be outside and just hang out with people and tell them how good is to LOVE...
I miss them, they are nice people and they are doing good but they are not listening to their hearts they are listening to this man who wants to feel important, who wants to feel he has the power to control people Ohh well, this is just my perception of things and I hope I am wrong and If I am wrong I hope GOD can forgive me...I have decided to follow my heart and that is what I am going to do: as much as I can.
That girl...she is no longer a co-worker or a friend, I do not know anything about her I wish she is doing well, in fact I think I can get her phone I will try to contact her...

GOD IS LOVE...That is the truth!

2012-02-13T12:32:00.001-05:00

So I am very happy with the place and the people I have met that Believe in God, and that God is Love ... I am very motivated and pretty sure I want to help them to conquer: for LOVE and a better Panama. Now I met a girl, that by her look you can tell she is confused and in trouble...but if you see deeper you can also see that she has a good heart and that she is very very clever, passionate and creative. Out of nowhere it seems that the same place I feel happy now is the reason why she does not believe in people anymore, is the reason why her heart was hurt, is the reason why she is resentful and sad. I believe in people's heart, I respect people's feelings and beliefs... I am in shock, I am a little bit confused...Who is telling the truth? No I see her and I see the others and it is clear that the others are fine and happy; I decided to just continue my journey and just ignore it, and just leave it to God...

That Sunday, and that place I prayed, I asked, I cried: because It is sad to see people that once believe, not believing because they have a weak heart and let others hurt them...Then I listened to THE WORD and is telling me that I should not be afraid of anything and that I should just take the "stick" and DO IT...! So I did. I was fearless (but nervous) and I was determined to go over some people to talk to the big guy. So I did...

Some things where accurate, some other left me thinking: Is he right? would've God handle the situation the same way? If we believe in LOVE and to LOVE everybody the same we LOVE ourselves...Is it right to just ignore people in trouble instead of try one more time? I see into his eyes and I saw a little bit of anger and indignation; but nobody is perfect. But if you are a man that listened to God and lead hundred of people to be better humans been in the name of God and what the Bible said: Isn't God love everybody the same way?

My heart is telling me something and the man that preach the word of God and Love is telling me something else... Now is this the "enemy" talking to me so I doubt of God or is "GOD" testing my faith?

This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you.
John 15:12-14

Back to the Basics...

2012-02-01T14:42:00.004-05:00

All Good things ALWAYS come to an end...

We all know happiness is not constant, we have moments of happiness...

Having said that;

I am back in my country: Panama City, Panama; happy to see my mom and friends but nostalgic about leaving the life I like, the people that have became my family... But the good thing is that there is "The Big Picture" and I am holding to it really tide. Sooner or Later I would be able to build a life in the magical town of San Anselmo, CA. in Marin County.

Now I have to focus on my future and work hard toward it. I am stronger and I am ready to start 2012 with all the good energy, confident that Everything will be OK ... at least that is what I am feeding my brain for my own sanity ...

=) Love Me.

I am In Love with...

2011-12-17T21:25:00.004-05:00

Walking Downtown San Anselmo to breath fresh air and clear up my lungs...It is another perfect day in San Anselmo California. Beautiful place! I continue walking toward Creek Park, passed the bridge and first thing I see is a couple lay down in the middle of the park talking, cuddling; exactly how it looks at the movies. And I am thinking: "Cute" I wish I was her... Anyways, then I see a lonely man playing the guitar in a bench. I continue walking I see a family having a snack under the trees in one of the picnic tables at the park...

Every time I walk through San Anselmo streets and common areas it is like being in a movie. I am totally working hard to be able to settle here and hopefully raise my children here, bring my mom and have her see all this beauty.

I am totally In Love with San Anselmo ...

Cali it seems that we will meet again...

2011-10-25T11:47:00.003-05:00

Most likely I will be traveling to California to visit my girls and Michelle ... Also as a way to close the chapter of Anxiety and Depression ... There it was where the crisis started and since I am filling way better now I would like to be able to be there without feeling anxious at all! So its part of a therapy also. Thanks God I get to do that... I will try to find a job to be able to cover the expenses I will have once I go back to Panama and I will definitely enjoy my time there...

So far so good. Just living the life the best way I can and always with all my FAITH in God and very very positive about everything ... =)

2011-10-14T12:24:00.002-05:00

More than three month unemployed...I have eaten, I have slept well, I have had fun, I am fine ... What does than mean? For me its a proof that Life is short, that God will not abandone you ... Like NEVER! And that on simple things you will find Happiness. Before I was stressed over every single rock on my way; thanks God now I see things in a different perspective and it makes things easier to experience...I feel so like nothing can get on my nerves that is AMAZING! I feel like it does not matter what happened I will be fine: If there is something I can do I wil do it ... It there is nothing I can do about it then there is nothing I can do about it ... Right?
YOu are the problem and you are the solution ...

Love Me ...

2011-09-27T22:27:00.001-05:00

...And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

Abraham Lincoln

~~~~~~Thank to God...=0) ~~~~~~~

Sept. 28th 2011---Me turning 28 years old = Speechless! But grateful for what I have lived and learned through this journey called: "L.I.F.E."

Live, Love and Laugh...

Still in USA

2011-08-31T15:47:00.000-05:00

My life is in stand-by mode...I am spending my days enjoying my little nephews and helping out my sister. At moments I think about me and everything I have not done and I get a little frustrated. But you know what? Its ok ... What is important is that I feel fine with myself and what I am doing... I will just enjoy this "forced vacations" as much as I can; cause when I have to back to work and responsibilities etc...Uhhh is not going to be easy. But I am ready for it!

For now living day by day...

Love ME