Business Casual

manly lesbian girls who try to steal my girl

2011-12-05T18:29:00.000-08:00

Hello manly lesbian girl, do you think that just because you have a vagina I won't punch you in the face? You want to be a man don't you? You wanna compare dick size? Oh wait woops, you don't have one! How embarrassing! So how exactly are you supposed to fuck anyone better than I will? Lmao it's like that scene from Requiem for a Dream where that creepy white dude is like.."ASS TO ASS!" That's all you can do..ass to ass..with a fake penis.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with 2 girls having butt sex. Do whatever floats your boat..I don't give a shit. Just don't get comfortable enough to think that I won't punch you in the face for pushing something as stupid as this too far. You look like an uglier version of Rosie O'donnell..

Why do you think it's okay to hit on the girl i'm with? I have so much respect for any sort of gay person..but when you try to take from me, i'm gonna slap you in the face with your own poopie dildo bitch. What's the point of even using a dildo if you don't like dicks? Oh okay, I understand, you don't like human dicks..you only like the glittery pretty ones. Gotchaaaaa.

SO PRETTY! I wish I could slap you in the face with it.

This happens so frequently that I was forced to take time out of my very busy schedule to address it. Thank you stud lesbian girl for not knowing your boundaries. I LOVE LESBIANS. DON'T THINK ANYTHING STUPID. I am not a homophobic bigot or anything..I just needed to prove my point.

That being said, here is my only advice, I suggest you take that manly ass beer gut of yours to a dirty ass strip club and get some girls who are in your league. That trashy stud look just isn't working for you..you look homeless and extremely dirty.

"ASS TO ASS"

annoying little things pt. 3

2011-10-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

I think it's annoying when i'm at work..and kids run up to me and scoop my boob and say "SCOOP". Who created this game? I swear..only the fat little mexican kids play this game..I don't understand the logic behind the game..but they seem to love "scooping" so I just let it be. Yes children, scoop my boob. Go ahead. I think I should conduct a study on this scooping phenomenon to fully grasp the logic of it..maybe they're on to something. Does anyone remember playing this game? I think I slightly remember..

OH! Wow..ladies and gentlemen, we have a breakthrough..I seem to have found the definition of the scooping game..here you go guys! "When you cup your hand put at the bottom of the chest and lift up. Usually males do this to males, in a non-homosexual way, or girls can do it guys, but if a male were ever to think of doing it to a girl, make sure you have their permission. You will be prosecuted for sexual harassment without their consent." Lol I love the last part..sounds like a cop typed that definition.

I hate it when I buy a nice pack of gum, and my ass squishes them together. Also, I hate it when people fucking attack me for gum! What the fuck! Do I look like a vending machine? I guess it's only right when people ask for a piece of gum and I pull out some sweaty ass gum. Sorry to everyone who has asked me for gum..you probably tasted a bit of my ass. It's alright though..at least it was delicious. Some people actually ask me for gum, then they see it..and they're like..oh...........yeah....never mind man. It hurts my feelings..so please just suck it up and chew my booty gum..OR DON'T ASK.

I think it's very unpleasant when drug dealers who I don't even associate with constantly text me about what kind of weed they just bought..I DON'T FUCKING CARE. I swear, all the names are just so stupid..wtf is Atomic Northern Lights? Why would I want to smoke atomic marijuana? That shit sounds stupid man. Why the fuck would weed be atomic? Stop texting me all these random ass made up weed names..maybe if you just texted me something like, "Greetings possible customer, I have purchased some excellent marijuana and it gets you just as high as all the other shit I've ever had.." I would actually consider buying some..but fuck all that made up name bullshit.

That guy is definitely not smoking any atomic bullshit..he's like, "Well I reckon! You guys wanna puff the magic dragon?"

I think it's really gross and slightly annoying when girls have hairy armpits. Ever since I can remember, girls have been very good with their armpits and keeping them under control..but it has come to my attention that some girls have absolutely no shame! I don't mean to rain on your hairy armpit parade ladies..but it's really not that cool when your armpits look like chewbacca. Hairy armpits lead to smelly armpits..then you're gonna smell like a wet dog. My advice to you is..wear long sleeve clothing if you are going for that natural look..it's gross.

Oh my God. Her armpit looks like my beard..also, hairy armpit girl..whoever did your bangs FUCKED YOUR SHIT UP!

dear bitch at the courthouse clerk office

2011-10-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

First of all..you are a fat and ugly piece of shit. I don't know why you give me attitude every single time I ask you a simple question. For example..the form you requested from me came filled out. When I asked you if I was supposed to turn it in like that, you told me yes. Then you told me no..then you told me it was up to me. WTF. "Well, you can turn it in however you want. *smack smack* (eating chicken) It all depends on the impression you want to make on the judge. *smack smack*" SHUT YOUR FAT ASS UP. They don't fucking pay you to sit your enormous fat ass on that poor chair all day just so you can fuck everyone over with your fucking retarded ass psychological statements. You obviously don't know shit about anything except fried chicken.

I guess you just take all of your sexual frustration out on all the innocent souls of the people who visit your God forsaken clerk desk. It's not right..you are really ruining peoples lives..similar to how fried chicken and donuts have ruined yours. You're ugly. I hope you cry at night every time you run out of food at your house. Put a fucking lock on your refrigerator! Throw away the fucking key while you're at it..and invest in a fucking P90X. Nobody will ever go near your obtuse vagina if you keep acting like Ursula from Little Mermaid.

Spooky! You literally look just like that..so cool your jets vile beast.

Thanks to you..my license is suspended and it will stay that way for 6 months. THANKS URSULA. I hate you. By the way, I think I might be making a new blog soon..for financial reasons. R.I.P. Business Casual

some of the stupidest individuals on the planet

2011-09-13T10:34:00.000-07:00

Don't even really know what to say about this dumbass woman. Your shirt looks like your went to the gym and got it extremely sweaty..your hair looks excessively greasy..your nose looks like the Great Wall of China between your ugly ass crossed eyes. You just look like you smell bad GaGa..put your arm down because you're suffocating all the people at the VMA's with your rancid armpit stench. I know you might be trying to stand out or whatever..but you just look incredibly stupid in my opinion. And your songs suck..you look like some sort of deformed animal. Gross. Absolutely disgusting and vile creature. Return to your holding cell.

Here's another dumbass who decided to dress extremely retarded for the awards..why? Why do you have to dress in this manner? What's going on with you? Which one of your alter egos chose this outfit? You're so mysterious Nikki Minaj! Nobody understands you..but you're too cool to care right? We can see exactly how cool you are..you look like a doll you'd find in the garbage. Nikki Minaj the garbage doll. Very mysterious! Why can't you just wear an expensive dress or something? You would look classy for a change..you little hoodrat. It looks like you literally went from dumpster to dumpster finding the ugliest garbage and created an ugly ass outfit. You also look like you smell bad..and YOUR ASS HAS CELLULITE BITCH. Looks like oatmeal hoe.

That's a close up picture of your ass you weird ass motherfucker.

Lil Wayne you fucking suck. Leopard pants..red and yellow Vans..nappy ass hair..screaming and posing..you just failed. I don't even wanna discuss you that much..please just stay home. You're already rich..and stop wearing dumb shit. You look like Predator.

You're ugly brah..no wonder you never found out how to love. P.S. THAT SONG FUCKING SUCKS. Faggot.

All these people have 1 major common aspect..they're trying to hard. You're only fooling the dumbasses..everyone else realizes that you are all earth SCUM.

fuck sprint..and fuck blackberries

2011-09-13T10:03:00.000-07:00

First off, let me say that Sprint is the FUCKING WORST cell phone provider. FUCK YOU SPRINT. How the fuck is it possible that every single time my phone is fucking up, you replace it with an equally SHITTY phone!?!? WHY!? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!? What the fuck do you guys do to these phones? Why do they come broken? And fuck everyone who works at Sprint..seriously. I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU A GOOD RATING. I'm not even going to answer the fucking phonecall when they call me..if i do it'll only be for the sole purpose of cussing out whoever the fuck is on the other line. Fuck you Sprint. Suck my fucking dick..and all my friends too..suck all of our dicks. YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK.

Okay so, Blackberries fucking suck dicks in hell. I don't mean the fruit..the fruit is delightful..and I believe it is way more technologically advanced that stupid fucking Blackberry smartphones. Why the fuck are they called smart? I say we kill everyone who has anything to do with the manufacturing of these shitty shits. Let's begin by stating some of the problems which I am facing with the DEVIL PHONE.

1. The fucking media card will not detect and I HATE WALKING AROUND IN SILENCE. What the hell is the point of having a shitload of music on my computer..if my piece of garbage phone can't even find it? Not to mention the fucking media card is conveniently located UNDER the battery..WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!? Why would you put it there!?!?!? Every fucking time it fucks up (345,457,234,236,789 times a day), I am forced to remove my battery with pure FURY in hopes of getting it to "format". FUCK FORMATTING. I wanna fucking destroy this phone like i'm that wrestler guy Triple H..and then fucking spit on it just like he does.

2. The speaker must be stupid as shit because people say i'm whispering when i'm clearly yelling. I HATE YELLING. This is such a fucking problem because it pisses me off hearing my friends say they can't hear me..then I get pissed and throw my phone onto the floor, light myself on fire and torpedo out of 15th story windows. Then I won't have to worry about bad call quality..because i'll be fucking DEAD. DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE SPRINT!? Probably so..

3. It takes forever to load when I start it up..it shows me a fucking little fucking icon that looks like it belongs on a fucking Windows 94 computer. SERIOUSLY!? Stop fucking spinning/loading and just turn the fuck on already..I don't know what the problem is. After 19 hours of loading..the screen says,"Sprint Rated for Sprint Speed." WTF. Are you proud of your Sprint Speed? What the fuck is Sprint Speed? Snail Speed. Fuck snails..and fuck Sprint.

4. Last but not least, Blackberry technical support is fucking retarded. I swear..I went to the website today..and they think if they repeat the same bullshit they write on the Help icon of the Blackberry..people will be happy and proceed with their shitty lives and not even realize they were duped. WELL FUCK THAT, because I NOTICED! It says exactly the same bullshit on the phone and on the fucking tech support website. You guys are fucking lazy small dick and/or big vagina bitches!!! Half the shit you walk people through DOESN'T EVEN EXIST!! "Go into the media card folder and simply click format now." Right, very simple to find a fucking button that doesn't exist. You can format my dick to your face bitches.

biggest outfit failures at UHD

2011-08-25T10:40:00.000-07:00

Okay so, with a brand new semester upon us..I've noticed a bunch of people having difficulties dressing to impress like they're supposed to do.

Let's begin from the ground up discussing sneakers..man there's a lot to discuss.

First of all, i don't know how many times I've said this but, JORDANS FUCKING SUCK. All these guys who walk around wearing their Cement 3's and their Flint 13's and all the other stupid ass bullshit need to return them asap. How can you honestly think you're the hottest shit on the face of the earth when everyone has those fucking shoes? You're an idiot! Every corner I turn brings more dumbasses sitting down in their gay pride group mean mugging everyone like they're the cool kids. You're a faggot..you and your buddies are probably gonna drop out and i'll just laugh at you and your wardrobe malfunctions.

Learn from Drake..he made the mistake of wearing these hideous FAKE Jordans..lmao. Drake..you shoulda stayed in that wheelchair brah..save yourself from needing to buy fake sneakers. Plus, your haircut sucks and your eyebrows are like fuzzy caterpillars.

Also, extremely tight jeans are not cool. You know the ones you see at Urban Outfitters? The EXTREMELY tight ones? I saw a kid wearing some that looked like they had been through hell and back..you're cutting off the circulation to your poor little legs man. It looks like you just wrapped saran wrap around your legs..they look like fatass turkey legs ready to be shipped to a festival or an amusement park. Very amusing. The jaws of life will soon be needed to pry you out of them.

And stop wearing Vans fag.

As for the ladies..I have never seen so many god damn chola looking girls in my life!! We are not in Compton bitch..stop greasing up your hair and wearing dickies with a wife beater and chucks. Also, remove those infinite layers of make-up..it's clogging your pours and you're going to have bad acne. Is that what you want? BAD ACNE!? Motherfucking Cholas and their malnourished Mexican boyfriends..tall tees are done man..stop wearing them. AND NO, that doesn't mean to upgrade to Ecko or fucking Sean John because I know that was your next choice! Just buy a simple little polo shirt from Banana Republic or something..then you will no longer look like "Little Yogi".

SOUTHSIDE HOLMES.
That's just a few little things I've noticed in these last 2 days..please, if you know someone who is having trouble getting with the program, refer them to this post. They will be eternally grateful. Or they might wanna bust a "cap" in my "culo".

I will be documenting other outfit failures as the welcome week continues, so stay posted! I'll make an example out of you.

wasps

2011-08-22T15:54:00.000-07:00

I am terrified of wasps and I've had a few incidents concerning them which I am thankful for surviving. Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? My car, for some reason used to be a breeding ground for wasps. At one point in my life..I didn't drive for about a month and the pollen levels were through the roof! After not moving your car for a month, you can only imagine how much pollen can accumulate on it. My car was basically a giant sex arena for the wasps and I feel like they were totally holding nightly wasp orgies in there or some shit. One day, I decided to drive to the store and buy some candy or some bullshit..unsuspectingly I drove off like any other day while talking on the phone. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw FOUR FUCKING WASPS ABOUT TO KILL ME!!! WTF!!! I totally panicked..swerved, screamed, cried, pooped, peed, vomited, threw my phone on the floor..everything at once! I got the fuck out of the car while it was still in motion..nearly killing myself and began to think of a plan. No plan came to mind..I was doomed. I left my car parked for about 1 hour..and they finally left..I prayed to the lord and thanked him for allowing me to survive such a brutal encounter with those MONSTERS.

The battle was not anywhere near finished. After finally getting the courage to climb back into my car..I scoped out the entire back seat area..quickly I began to see a bunch of dead wasps all over the place..when wasps die, I believe they emit some sort of scent for other wasps to come fuck up whoever killed them. Immediately I just wanted to die. I was only thinking, "How the hell am I supposed to live my life in fear!? I AM MARKED. THEY THINK I KILLED ALL THESE WASPS." Terrified, I stood as far away from the car as possible and attempted to vacuum the wasp corpses..it was a success. As soon as I was about to drive back home happily, I noticed there were WASP FUCKING NESTS INSIDE MY CAR. WTF!!! There were three in total. One in the crevice of the front passenger door, one in the crevice of the back passenger door and one behind the driver side mirror..by this point I was sweating and crying profusely. I began to doubt whether I was man enough to carry on with this miserable life filled with nothing but fear..I think I blacked out or some shit.

I believe my friend Paola Rosales was the person to hear my desperate cry and came to assist me. She knocked out those wasp nests with some sort of weapon..possibly a sword or a dagger? I can't remember..I was near death. All I remember is that she looked somewhat like this by the time the wasps had been vanquished..

MY HERO! Thanks a lot Paola. After the car had been cleared of any potential dangers..we resumed our normal lives of getting shitty.

Here's a cheeseburger I made last night..check it out..totally awesome! I should open a restaurant.

public display of affection

2011-08-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

If I witness another fucking cupcake fucking couple kissing or being all fucking lovey dovey one more time..i'm going to rip out my eyeballs and hammer them flat. Why the fuck do you think that's okay? Is it really that fucking crucial to kiss every fucking 5 minutes? Go fuck yourself. You look like a fucking piece of shit.

That's you. Very fucking romantic, BITCH.

I just wanna fucking walk around breaking through people who hold hands..break that shit up faggots. Or maybe just carry a mini chainsaw so I can just cut their fucking hands off to prevent any future gay bullshit from being witnessed. It's fucking ridiculous..

...WHAT THE FUCK. I swear..if I would see this on the street one day my eyes would bleed. I would probably walk by and step on their fucking ankles as hard as possible hoping to fracture them. I hope this dumb ass couple is broken up or divorced..or maybe they got in a freak accident causing them to amputate their fucking hands..whatever. Just get a fucking room already..you guys look fucking retarded. Yeah..real romantic, taking a stand in the name of love. I just wanna take a massive shit all over you guys..ALL OVER. BITCH, your fucking heels look like shit. And as for the guy..your hair looks like fucking Billy Ray Cyrus styled it for you..you know, Hannah Montanas dad. So you qualify as a big piece of shit in my book. Congrats. FUCK YOU. You look like you've been stuck in the fucking 90's man..instead of hiring a photographer to take dumb ass pictures of you and your retarded ass girlfriend..how about you invest some time and money on a new haircut and some new clothes.

I fucking hate cupcakey couples..please put that shit on hold until i'm not around..or die. Cut that fucking shit out..everyone fucking hates public display of affection. If you're one of those retarded arrogant asshole couples that says "We don't care..we're in loveeee!" go fucking be in love in hell bitches. Let's see how that turns out.

step by step guide to partying successfully

2011-08-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

If you are feeling lonely on this wonderful Friday night, i'm gonna try to turn that lonely frown upside down! Let's plan your Friday night right..i'm gonna teach you how to have an economically good time! First off, ask yourself what kind of alcohol you prefer..you have 3 choices:

1. Shitty beer: Miller High Life, Pabst Blue Ribbon, or..last resort, Big Flats. (Big Flats are cheap as fuck and definitely the way to go..$3 for a 6 pack!! But sometimes they are hard to find so be prepared to drive around in search of it)

2. Shitty liquor: Evan Williams (my personal favorite), Taaka, any other bottom shelf bullshit.

3. Shitty Wine/Liqueurs: Thundercat, Primetime, FourLoko

All of the choices given above are ingredients for a great night while also not fucking up your pockets..so get yourself over to a corner store or a liquor store and choose wisely! I must give you a warning though, if you are a weak ass nigga, you will vomit after drinking just about anything on that list..but hey, it's a sacrifice you must make. Plus, you don't want that fatty food you ate in your stomach anyways right!? Let it out!

I definitely recommend that you finish as much of the alcohol you purchased before you decide to hit up a bar or some social gathering. If you aren't completely shitty by the time you step through the door of the bar..you did something wrong and you definitely need to go back to step 1.

If you have done everything correctly, then you are ready to live life to the fullest! If you are drunk enough, you will probably attract the attention of all the sexy ladies! They will love you and your crazy drunk dance moves..so don't be scared to break them off a little piece. Remember to do dance moves like the running man, the robot, and maybe the one where you get on the ground and thrust your pelvis in a humping manner. Chicks dig that shit.

Remember to roll up to your destination blasting some music so everyone can hear..because you are definitely cool and everyone needs to hear it. Burn this mix and just watch all the ladies swarm around your vehicle. May the force be with you young grasshopper.

Vital for the Party mix by disco daddies

Justin Bieber and High School Musical

2011-08-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

Justin Bieber has become a rapper. Seriously..what the fuck is up with everyone trying to make their own version of this song!? WHY!? Why doesn't anyone try to make their own version of an Elton John song?! WHY?? Tiny Dancer!!! But anyways..here's the video. Try not to cry while watching it..

Justin Bieber, please stop. You look like you belong on High School Musical. I hate fucking High School Musical..that shit is so fucking stupid. Who the fuck said it would be cool to make a movie about some pansy fucking kids walking around singing all god damn day!? Just the idea of a bunch of little Disney channel kids hopping around singing about stupid bullshit like playing basketball and being friends forever is just fucking retarded. They are all probably on major drugs now because they realized that they will be forever known as those stupid high school kids who thought it was cool to sing all the fucking time.

I'm honestly trying to watch this YouTube video the whole way through..but just listening to the lyrics is penetrating my eardrums in a very unpleasant manner. I cannot watch more than 30 seconds without having to run over to the restroom and vomit my heart out. If you can watch that entire thing and sing along with it..get off my blog. Wow..I can't believe I actually knew a few people who liked these movies when they came out. Ridiculous. I'm sitting here watching the video..and whenever someone walks by, I literally either have to pause the gayfest on my screen or mute the gay sound waves being emitted from my speakers because it's such an embarrassment. But then when you mute it..you realize that it's probably even lamer muted! Mute jolly kids..jumping around doing weird ass shit looking happy as fuck. Really, imagine if you saw these kids on tv..with no audio..I would imagine they'd be singing about stupider shit than being "Friends forever, forever..together..together..let's have some fun!" WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF LYRICS ARE THOSE!? Suck my dick Zac Efron. Fuck you Vanessa Hudgens..don't think we forgot about your hairy jungle vagina pictures. We cannot forget.

cats

2011-08-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

For the longest time, I've always loved the way cats live their lives. Well, not those you see on the street hissing at you with rabies..or the ones you see run over looking like some raw fajita meat. Definitely do not wanna be one of those. I wanna be a lazy ass house cat..they seem to carry on with life carefree! They don't have any real responsibility..they can be fucking bitches to their owner but they'll still be cute in the end. Fuck you if you're not a cat lover..are you saying that if my one dream of being a cat came true..you wouldn't love me!? I wanna be a fucking cat, okay? Not a lion, not a tiger..just a lazy ass house cat. Definitely not an obese one like mine though..my cat is all out of control. She doesn't move anymore..we move her from room to room in a wheelbarrow whenever she decides it's time. If you're allergic to cats..you are gay. Cats hate you anyways. Fuck you, behalf of me and all my cat friends.

...that cat definitely beats my cat. I went to google, and this fucking cat has it's own website and claims that it is selling other cats at a reduced rate. WTF..this cat is like..a pimp cat? Selling other cats and shit. Maybe I should be a fat cat so I can pimp other cats for some cash for kitty treats. The cat in that picture looks like it just wants a cheeseburger..do cats eat cheeseburgers? I'm sure my cat or that cat would definitely eat one happily.

Aw yeah..this is a picture of me in my past life hanging out watching football on a relaxing Sunday. See, why can't I just be a fucking cat?! All they do is sit around and party all day! Fucking getting drunk, smoking weed, eating kitty treats, pooping all over the place..they're living the life. While humans have to fucking go to work, go to school, clean cat poop, feed cats, CATS RUN OUR LIVES. I need to be a cat ASAP.

Does anyone know how to transform into a cat? Life would be awesome if all I had to do all day was lounge around and chew on whatever plants I could find around the house..gosh..human life really sucks. I WANNA BE A STUPID CAT!!

Can you imagine how many gigs you would get if you were a cat DJ!? Who the hell wouldn't wanna get a stylish young cat to spin tunes at the hottest nightclubs!? Can you imagine how many girls would wanna bang you after? And you could just be like.."Hah, nah ladies..relax..I just want some tuna. Get out of my face." And nobody would fuck with you..because you're a cat.

I hate when i'm walking my dog and..

2011-08-17T10:27:00.000-07:00

Basically, walking your dog in Houston during the summer means you're going to have a heat stroke. Whether if it's day or night..whether you're naked or dressed. You will have a heat stroke. Not only do I have to walk my dog multiple times a day..I have to avoid other dog owners who think it's okay to let our dogs play. Look man..get your fucking dog away from mine. It's NOT okay to let our dogs play..I need my dog to shit as quick as possible so I can return to the wonderful A/C inside of my home. My dog has a really hard time listening and sometimes she just runs off if i'm walking her without a leash. Fuck..it's so annoying. I'm usually wearing sweatpants because they're very comfortable..so I gotta chase after my dog in 23451346756893 degree weather, WHILE WEARING SWEATPANTS!

See, that's like what I have to go through every single day when someone brings around their stupid ass dog to play. Except I don't look as calm and reserved as that guy..i'm usually screaming "LOLA" and sweating like a hog.

My dog has a usual spot she likes to poop at..so please, if you live near me..just don't come outside while i'm walking my dog. STAY INSIDE BITCH. DON'T DISTRACT MY DOG. IT'S TOO HOT. There's a public grill right near the spot where she likes to poop..sometimes when people are using it, that will prevent me from allowing her to poop there because she'll be super distracted. I don't care if you and your family are grilling someday there..next time you guys see me walk up with my dog, sweating like a motherfucker..you better wrap that shit up and go inside. You know the drill. I don't wanna let my dog hang out with you guys. I just need her to poop. Very simple. She can't focus if you're grilling fucking steaks in her face and fucking calling her over. So just go inside until we are done. THANK YOU.

See, whenever Lola makes me angry..this is what I do. DO YOU WANT ME TO BITE LOLA!? I didn't think so..DON'T FUCK WITH HER WHILE SHE'S TRYING TO POOP. Leave us alone.I don't even wanna talk anyways..I don't wanna participate in the doggie playtime small talk..it's too fucking hot.

some guys are just too old

2011-08-17T01:09:00.000-07:00

Hmm..that guy has a strange ass haircut. He's having a terribly bad hair day or something..it looks like he stood outside during a blizzard. O_O

Aw man..shit. That looks so wonderful..but anyways..these guys thought it would be a really grand time if they shotgunned a beer each...and it was not a success. Even the dog is looking at them like..what the fuck is wrong with y'all?? Are these guys already wasted?? I don't understand..wait actually, I just found an explanation! The description of the video states that, "Three old friends decide to get together and drink all night. Of course, we decide to start the night off each "shotgunning" a Coors Light." So I guess that answers the question..I don't know how the guy in the beginning almost vomits if he didn't drink anything before. They all suck. They looked like they were baked or some shit. The guy with the fake hair or toupee thing drank for a few seconds..then just started spitting it all out after he saw his buddy nearly vomiting. LMAO, ad wtf is going on with the guy in the grey sweats having a clear poop stain visible on his sweats??? Dirty ass motherfucker..did you shit your pants while preparing to chug beer?! Check it out..clearly visible around 0:33 in the video. Honestly, the whole time I was watching this video, I just wanted them to but open that grill in the background and expose some delicious steaks!

That would definitely be so much better than these strange grown men recording themselves nearly getting alcohol poisoning! ...Definitely. Does anyone sleep anymore? I think we should all just eat some steak.

3 of the most retarded movie scenes EVER

2011-08-16T19:52:00.000-07:00

I've found some pretty retarded movie scenes I would like to share with you today..hope you enjoy..and I hope they make you confused. Sorry about the first clip with Vin Diesel..I couldn't find it on youtube so you'll have to let a bullshit ad play before you can watch it. But it's really funny..so hopefully the ad will not discourage you from watching. Enjoy!

LOL I just saw this on TV..let me just point out that he's grinding on a kitchen food tray..he's wearing a heavy ass fur coat..and he's avoiding sniper rifle fire like a ninja! Seriously..who the hell had the idea to be like.."okay in this scene, we'll have Vin Diesel make an EXTREME escape from the big bad sniper while grinding down these long ass handrails on a kitchen tray, while still remaining stylish with his chinchilla fur coat." WTF. Lmao!!! That shit is crazy man. CRAZY. He was doing tricks and shit between rails..damn.

Lmao..omfg!!! The guy in the beginning is such a douche!!! He totally deserved to jump into the sharks mouth ahahaha. He was all like..this is my floaty hoe! Then he just hops into the sharks mouth ahahaha..the effects are so realistic if you didn't notice! If I were that girl..I wouldn't be screaming in terror after seeing that guy get munched..i'd be laughing hysterically. Next..the giant shark eats an entire swarm of people like a personal pizza! He's just like..I'M A SHARK BITCH! I guess this movie scene isn't that bad..the shark deserves an award of some sort. Lmao those sharks really have great timing..they seem to just pop up in front of everyone without even being seen and then they just open their mouths..and they eat. Very simple. Bravo shark. Bravo.

..............wow. That guy never reloaded. What kind of gun can fire 60+ shots without having to reload? o_o The snake looks like he doesn't even give a shit..he's just like..yeah man go ahead i'm just gonna chill here and get shot up..while I hiss....and what the hell is the guy saying when he was screaming? Did anyone understand? I don't know. Did he say don't drop the camera? After he gets chomped..the snake just peacefully retreats back into the water instead of fucking up that bitch ass Mr. Infinite Ammo guy..I don't understand.

annoying little things pt. 2

2011-08-16T16:54:00.000-07:00

You know all those little insignificant occurrences that seem to sort of change your mood for a bit? Like little problems you face throughout your day that really won't make a major impact on your life, but still annoy you? Like when you have had a long rough day filled with eating everything in your path and you decide to take a relaxing little dump..but as you are sitting there in a state of ecstasy/orgasm, you realize there is no toilet paper in the bathroom. You begin to panic and you soon become helpless..a million thoughts are flying through your brain and you begin to form a plot. Your choices are either to run out of the bathroom bare ass and accidentally moon your entire family as they sit at the dinner table..or use a towel. I really hope you choose the first choice because using a towel is absolutely disgusting. Once you moon your entire family and finally wipe your little bottom, all your problems seem to fade into the background and you are once again blissful.

Or like when you wake up in the morning or afternoon..whatever..and you pour a hefty bowl of cereal only to be let down by the lack of milk in the fridge. Why don't we ever check if there's milk before we pour a colossal mountain of cereal? I always fuck up..it happens so often! There's usually a bunch of other random ass liquids in my house that I consider like.."oh, hmm, maybe vodka will taste good with it.." But no, it usually will just make you vomit. I usually just resort to eating my cereal like chips..it's pretty lame..but it's definitely better than pouring it back into the bag. Pouring it back into the bag can be very messy and takes forever! Fuck that cereal! Just eat it dry! Or you could try it out with vodka if you're a trooper. Don't let it escape its inevitable fate of being chewed on to death. That's pretty annoying..

How about when you are really excited to bake some cookies or cinnamon rolls or whatever you're into, and you start preheating the oven but then realize you forgot to take all the pots and pans out of it. That's the worst!! I'm not sure about everyone else, but we store excess pots and pans in the oven in my house because we have no room anywhere else..once I realize I forgot to remove the pots and pans, the temperature is around 300 degrees and those pots and pans are fucking hot. Next I gotta fucking open the oven door and face the brutal heat..nearly burning my huge eyebrows completely off. Next time I should just eat a bag of tuna instead of baking some cookies and going through all that trouble!

Or like whenever you're driving and someone is totally on your dick right behind you. Do they think if they nearly crash into you, you'll speed up? If I could, I would slam on the fucking brakes and let them crash into me. Teach them a fucking lesson. I usually slow down and force them to switch lanes..then I speed up and make some intense eye contact for a few seconds..it's really intense. I fucking hate those people..I swear I need to start carrying grenades on me while I drive..or maybe like throwing knives or some shit.

FUCK YOU MIRANDA

2011-08-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

LMFAO..are you fucking serious? What the fuck is going on with those lips of yours? You actually think you're cool singing/rapping whatever the fuck..you sound like fucking Mario from Mario Brothers. Your lips look like oversized gummy candies..your eyebrows are fucking retarded..and your voice sucks.

Nobody gives a fuck if you don't curse..go to hell. You are terrible..I don't know why you put a hat on either..you look fucking retarded. Was it part of your gangster alter ego? It sucked. I can tell she was one of those annoying ass girls who took Drama and always thought everyone loved her. Well, now you're all over the internet and known as the girl who made THE WORST version of this song. Fuck your shows..nobody is gonna go bitch. I really hope you were kidding about it selling out..I think making this video ruined your career if you ever had one. Lmao.

YOU SUCK!!!

Lmao..listen to the part where she says "Let's GOOOOO.." She sounds like Mario..lol dumbass girl.

facebook isn't for that

2011-08-15T20:29:00.000-07:00

People always seem to drag their personal business into facebook without realizing that nobody gives a shit. It seems like there is constantly some lost soul updating their status about how much they hate someone, how much they love someone, or just how into themselves they are. You're a douche..stop thinking facebook is your fucking diary and you're allowed to spill all your emotions into it. Fuck that! Just because you think you're in love with your boyfriend who probably finds it annoying as fuck that you post cupcake shit like that, doesn't mean you have to share it with the world. Nobody cares..really. People will soon begin to delete you. Start a blog or something instead of torturing your "friends" with your stupid status updates.

Look at that annoying ass girl..here's a list of a few stupid ass status updates I saw today..no worries, everything will be kept anonymous.

Warning, what you are about to read is stupid as fuck:

"I made a wish and you came true" <--- shut that gay shit up

"When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you… When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you… When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you… Now that I love you, I’m afraid to lose you." <--- oh lord..please spare me. You are not in a fucking movie..there is no need to talk that way. You are not in fucking Sex and the City..shut that shit up.

Okay enough with that cupcake shit..let's move on to the depressed people who just seem to pour their emotions out to facebook. I have some advice..instead of crying and abusing your poor facebook wall with lame ass statuses, go get fucking high. Go get high and just laugh.

Look at what a great time she's having! That could be you! Stop crying over the internet and go get some weed! You NEED it. Let's go over some of these pathetic statuses that people have no shame in sharing.

"You'll never know...so many emotions I choose not to show.." <--- WE DON'T WANNA KNOW. START A BLOG.

"I screw up every good thing I ever try to do. I was born to lose." <--- Saying shit like that..you will soon loose all your friends and you'll still be a loser. I'm sorry man..I wish I could sympathize for you.

Please, if you're gonna learn anything from this..just remember to keep your personal life to yourself. Go talk to a psychiatrist or some shit..I highly doubt your friends wanna hear that shit..unless they're all psychiatrists? Highly doubt it though. Go smoke.

back then hoes didn't want me

2011-08-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, I was a fat hairy boy. Boys and girls both bullied me because I was not exactly one of the cool kids. After losing some weight and growing a stylish beard thing, girls started coming around trying to holler. I don't know why, but I held a grudge all these years and I wish I could name all the bitches who taunted me in my youth..but I won't (because they aren't even important). Maybe that's why I talk so much shit about girls..because they thought i'd be a fat jelly roll forever! Well NO! You're the fat ones now..you're the ugly ones now. You are pregnant now hoe. Your life sucks!! YOU ARE UGLY. Ugly bitches..don't come around and try to be friendly..I remember nobody ever wanted to play volleyball with me..NOW i'm a volleyball SUPERSTAR HOE! (on wednesdays only..at McGlendon Park. COME GET SHIT ON)

That's me spiking the ball into your stupid face. MAXIMUM POWER.

Remember when we had to square dance in middle school? Yeah..I wasn't very good..and nobody ever chose to dance with me. BUT NOW, I will break yo muthafuckin ass OFF at your favorite club..in front of all your friends. Little square dancer boy grew up to be a young Micheal Jackson!

This is me and my cats breakin' boys off at the club..fuck how you feel!

Remember I used to dress really weird? Like a foreign kid with no style? I used to wear black shoes with white socks and Hawaiian shorts..well..it's still kinda like that sometimes..but at least i'm not a stupid pregnant bitch! Ahahahahaha..IN YO FACE. Remember I wore Looney Tune converse knock off shoes? And sketchers and ugly shit like that while you all wore Nikes and shit? Well now i'm wearing Nikes you will never have AHAHAHA! IN YO FACE!!

So please..if you were ever a bitch to me..even if it was long ago, i'm not going to forget. Save yourself some time and just don't add me on facebook..because i'm a stupid fat hairy kid, remember?

Thanks to anyone who was nice to me as a child..throughout adolescence, and now. Thank you. You are a true friend.

annoying little things

2011-08-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

I seem to let the little things in life bug me the most. Those little things really stir me up and get deep under my skin. For example, my stepfather eats like a fucking horse..you know, he smacks, he sucks, he makes all these loud ass noises I can hear all the way from my room..even with the door closed. I think if you're gonna fucking eat noisily, you just don't deserve to eat. What's wrong with closing your mouth while you chew? You're not a fucking horse! Didn't anyone teach you how to eat properly?

I hate it when there is no reason to drive slow but everyone seems to be doing it just to piss me off! I feel the need to purchase a rocket launcher in the near future to avoid any difficulties I may have while driving. The AC in my car ran out..so I gotta drive around with the windows down. I DON'T WANNA STOP! Please be considerate and get the fuck out of my way..or I won't hesitate on exploding your car next time.

I don't like it when people abuse animals..you deserve to get your skin shredded off with a cheese grater. Same goes for homeless people with pets..I think that's fucking retarded. If you're homeless..how the hell are you going to raise a pet!? I don't think that poor animal can survive eating a slice of cheese per day. Please make some better decisions!

I hope this lady gets eaten by her hungry dogs..they look depressed. How the hell are you going to own 5 dogs and also be homeless!?

Another thing is when those random ass people wearing those bright colored vest things in the streets ask for money. I don't give a fuck about the rehab program you're in..I don't wanna talk to you. Don't come to my car holding a penny and showing it to me like I don't know what you mean. I know it's a penny..you holding it up and making weird faces is not going to donate anything. Dumb..

I hate those guys who wear vans and a vest with a v-neck shirt under and think they're so fly! Not to mention those fucking hats..the ones that look like a boat hat or some shit..you look like fucking Bruno Mars. Is that really who you wanna look like? Chill out..your style is lame. You look gay. You grab the attention of dumbass girls. Nothing to be proud of..go watch Jersey Shore and listen to some Bruno Mars. Bruno Mars sucks by the way..just thought i'd throw that in there.

That's about it..i'm sure there are more annoying things to discuss..but as of right now, my stomach hurts and I think i'm ready to poop.Farewell. Here's a new mix I put together yesterday..give it a listen and let me know what you think. ALSO, why doesn't anyone comment on here!? Bitches

Vital for the Summer mix by disco daddies

swizz beatz sucks

2011-08-13T17:27:00.000-07:00

Okay so, Swizz Beatz is probably among the top most annoying people in the rap industry fighting for the number one spot against DJ Khaled, Soulja Boy, and Jermaine Dupri..and everything all those guys say is stupid as fuck. But aside from their random ass lyrics, Swizz Beatz stands out because he looks like a fucking meerkat.

Swizzy!

Swizz Beatz and his family hanging out on the set of Meerkat Manor. Catch the new season on Animal Planet!

"Thumbs up if you're a meerkat!"

Rare picture I found online of Swizz Beatz when he was in high school. Much hasn't changed.

lmao stupid ass kanye

2011-08-13T16:24:00.000-07:00

Check out this video of Kanye West busting his cocky ass. ENJOY!

Kanye fuckin' up..big ass jaw lookin' ass. I'm tired of hearing about this Watch the Throne bullshit..I hope he was fucking embarrassed.

weird ass nigga...

google+

2011-08-13T13:50:00.000-07:00

I guess it's time for everyone to venture off into a new social network so if you'd like to do so, click this link below and sign up.

https://plus.google.com/_/notifications/ngemlink?path=%2F%3Fgpinv%3DeK1tk1gx6f4%3AgMqEZ5f4Qr4

I don't know how the fuck to use it yet..but make sure to add me if you figure it out. Look up Hiram Trevino. Let's make the move!!

Google is gonna take over the world.

el papi disco

2011-08-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

Salutations everyone, today i'm bringing you the second installation into the disco daddy monthly mixes. Enjoy! And feel free to download it..it's totally fine to jam this on your way to work, while you poo, while you eat, while you masturbate, while you feed your cats and/or dog. Enjoy.

Oh and I almost forgot to mention, I had a very nice conversation with a little birdie..and he told me that disco daddies will DJ your house party for free! Just make sure to let everyone know it technically won't be a "gangster party" but the tunes will definitely be funky. Just be sure to provide booze and other such goodies.

Would you rather have your guests be these guys requesting southwest rap?

Or would you prefer these people requesting some DISCO DADDIES!!!?!?

Choose wisely..okay now enjoy the Vital for the Party mix. Holler back youngin' woop woop.

♫♫

Vital for the Party mix by disco daddies

those mysterious hipster girls

2011-07-31T15:32:00.000-07:00

How come a lot of the girls who like to support the electro/disco/whatever/Montrose scene act like they're such hot shit? It seems like all they do is stand around with a mean stare on their face and smoke cigarettes while examining their surroundings. If you decide to approach one of them, take caution because chances are they will either:

A. stare at you with their mysterious hipster powers of carelessness

B. ask you for a cigarette then walk away

C. call a random hipster guy over and start making out with him in front of you

D. vomit

Check out this girl up here..WHAT THE FUCK! ARE YOU ON A SAFARI EXPEDITION!? Anyways..

If any of these things have happened to you already, and you just can't seem to stop thinking about how interesting they must be..I am going to take the time out to dawn light on exactly how wonderful and delightful they really are. They seem to think that just because they dress like a homeless person and listen to all the newest and freshest unknown bands that nobody gives a fuck about, they have the right to get up on that high horse and give off the illusion that they are really actually very mysterious and interesting. I don't think so..you're not mysterious and definitely not interesting. You are probably a model right? Or a make-up artist? Maybe a writer of some sort..probably a fashion designer? You do cocaine and participate in gang rapes. You like to hang out with your stupid mysterious girlfriends all day, drink beer and smoke cigarettes and talk about how much you just don't care about anything. You buy all your clothes from resale places because you just don't wanna support anything that isn't small and local. You swallow semen. You are a vegetarian or a vegan. Your everyday diet consists of eating lettuce or a napkin with salt on it. You wear ridiculous boots. You like to ride horses naked. You like to have sex with anyone who has a mustache. Your vagina is very loose..and you could possibly have a penis. You wear glasses that don't do shit for your sight. You wear stupid hats that make you look like Bruno Mars. Your armpits are hairy..your feet are hairy..your vagina is hairy. You don't talk to anyone unless they are wearing the entire American Apparel catalog or if they are playing a song on a stupid ass acoustic guitar. You prefer to smoke cheap ass Pall Malls. You never took school seriously. You have probably had an abortion or two. Your life sucks. You don't care. You love to ride your bicycle because you don't own a car. You have many carpet stains in your apartment. Your hair smells bad. Your apartment smells bad. You have a big nose. You give bad head. You have an attitude unless we look like Mick Jagger.

Well I think that about summarizes everything you need to know. Now go talk to these wonderful and mysterious girls! Surprise them with how much you seem to know about them and their badass lifestyle.

stupid asian guys

2011-07-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

Ever since I can remember I've had a thing for asian girls. I am always willing to hang out with whatever asian guys come along with the asian girls..and for some reason, they seem to hate me with a burning passion. After years and years of getting stupid ass stares from all these big faced ugly ass fish looking dudes, I established that they hate me because I have a bigger penis. Haha no..i'm kidding..everyone should already know that. But really, why do asian guys hate on interracial relationships? I would really like to know..i'm a fucking friendly person and i'm always down to meet new people..but whenever you and your buddies are standing on the other side of the room looking like a fucking K-Pop boy band gone gangster..it really just makes me feel unwelcome.

The entire asian male community can't stand the fact that i'm making love to one of your people. Stop giving me those evil stares..you look like a fucking catfish. Stop thinking asian guys are the only ones allowed to date asian girls..if that's the way you wanna live..go the fuck back to your motherland bitch boys!! You don't have to worry about the "big bad mexican guy with the outrageously large penis" pleasuring all your asian women over there!

Open your fucking eyes and realize that you will never have a penis as large as mine..and your face will always remain flat..like this ----> -____-

So please..keep your evil catfish stares out of my sight or just smile when I introduce myself. It's fucking rude and your breath smells like fish at all times. Invest in a fucking toothbrush instead of your stupid fucking True Religion jeans..those jeans are fucking gay. Fuck off. Catfish boyzzz