Wings and Such

November winds a blowing ....and snowing...

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 19:10:00 +0000

It’s November! Oh my goodness! Where has all the time gone?? If you would like to get monthly updates and stories about my new adventures, send me an email! I'd love to connect.

What exactly do you do?

It's been two months since I started working for Immerse and it has been an amazing ride! As Director of Ministries of Immerse’s ‘Effective Track’ (leader development), I meet with leaders 1:1, mentor, develop policies, and help lead lots of Prayer Resolutions sessions.

What is Prayer Resolution?

Great question, you! I've always thought you were incredibly smart and good looking

Check out this video for more information!

So after 2 months what do you think of your job?

I LOVE working with the Prayer Resolution tool! Oh my goodness, I may have been created to do this type of ministry. I get to use my gifts of encouragement, and my innate tendency to ‘dive deep’ with people. I get to watch God heal people every.stinking.day. I have the honor and privilege of crying with someone as they face things that have been done to them and then honestly look at what they've done to other people. I get to watch as Jesus uses the power of his sacrifice to wash them clean, make them new, and restore their minds and hearts!

It’s like watching people who have been dead come back to life! I honestly feel like I am standing outside of graves and yelling for people to come out, Lazurus style. The words I speak sound nothing like "Come back from the dead!" but more like "You're worth crying for. Your heart is important. That shouldn't have happened to you. Would you like to bring that to your Heavenly Father?" but the effect is the same.

Prayer resolution also provides an opportunity to see some of the deepest desires of my heart fulfilled. For as long as I can remember my heart has ached over the large issues in our world - poverty, sex trafficking, devastation from war, racial injustice, starvation, kids who have been abandoned, etc.. I almost got swallowed up by the ache when I was younger. Perhaps you can relate? Luckily, I’m starting to understand that I'm not asked to do 'all the things'. But I can work with God as he heals people so that THEY can become fully alive and equipped to be the lovers this world needs.

The numbers

For all you numbers folks, here's what that looks like:
372 hours total = 46.5 hour work week
189 hours of Prayer Resolution
60 hours of Effect Track Meeting times
64.5 hours of administration and policy writing
33.5 hours of individual meetings
25 hours of miscellaneous tasks

Partnership Opportunities

Would you like to partner with me in this life giving ministry? There are several ways you could participate!

Go to Substance Church’s monthly class on Forgiveness Learn more about the main building block of Prayer Resolution and how to apply this life giving tool

Become a Prayer Partner Would you like to pray for me and my coworkers? I cannot overemphasize the need for prayer support as we engage in the battle for people’s hearts.

Give financially Prayer Resolution is funded through donations. If you would like to give a spontaneous gift or set up a monthly donation, please visit Immersedisciplship.com or click the "Donate" button below. After signing in, please write "Melissa Lundquist" under special Instructions for the recipient.

Thanksgiving for the broken hearted

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Thu, 26 Nov 2015 17:27:00 +0000

It's Turkey Day. That once a year feast that Americans are so fond of where we binge in the name of plenty and toast our relations for being smart enough to connect their world to ours. Thanksgiving blogs will pop up like after dinner pie- sweet and served up to those already overstuffed with goodness. Some will count their blessings publically, some will have a patriotic flavor, some will point out hypocrisy and decry (legitimately) the problems with this holiday. This blog is not about that.

This is a blog for the broken hearted, the isolated, the silent. This is a blog for those that are sitting among family and friends and still feel alone. It's for those going to work today to hide the ache. For those who will plaster on fake smiles while desperately trying to hide behind the piles of stuffing and gravy. Feeling....less than thankful.

This blog is for you. You are not alone in the quiet. Here is what my heart has to say to yours today:

I. You don't have to be thankful. And you don't have to feel guilty about it. It's ok to feel the feels. Thankfulness has to do with gratitude and gratitude is difficult in the middle of grief and sadness.

2. Be kind to yourself. You are so important. Please treat yourself as you would treat a dear friend.

3. Allow someone else, the universe, God, to be thankful for you. You are a gift to this world, whether that beautiful, shining gift of you is recognized or not.

So dear one, whether this finds you among friends or in solitude, I pray that you would find peace and space to honor your hearts needs.

Love,

Mel

**If you are struggling with suicide or depression please don't go through this alone. There is help and there is hope. in MN call +1 (612) 379-1199 or nation-wide 1 (800) 273-8255.

One week in: Learning ALL the things....or not.

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 15:55:00 +0000

Hat's off to my first week "on the job"!! Last week was a beast job transition wise, but so amazing! Here's a peak into what this has looked like for me:

I've had a lot of people ask me what does transition from a 9-5 job look like? My answer: I have no idea. I don't feel like I've transition so much as slammed into a brick wall called "days off". Followed by a few days where I've been trying to clear my head of the impact and get myself together. To shake off the cobwebs and allow myself to "coast to a stopping point" I reupholstered a couch, re made a room divider, transplanted some plants, wrestled up a new filing system, gave it a makeover and did 8 loads of laundry in 48 hours. Slowing down isn't something that is a natural process for me. But I'm' learning. Cuz it's needed ya'll. Actually learning is probably my theme right now and for the foreseeable future. Here are some of my highlights.

1. I'm not going to get it "right" all the time. With any job, there is a learning curve and grace and humility is needed in large doses. I've bombed a couple of things already. And it really stinks, especially as those things can effect others. But I also have an opportunity to practice self love and acceptance while encouraging myself to grow in new skill sets. Go team me!

2. I get to be a "door opener". Over the last 5 business days, I've had 6 meetings with people and I love it! Whether we've chatted about life, the opportunity to join a leader cohort in Immerse's Equipping and Training program, or been in the middle of a Prayer Resolution session I find myself looking for doors and inviting others to step through them into new possibilities. This is so much fun!

3.Structure is my friend, especially in the mornings. Check out this helpful article here: Business Insider . What I took from this article was the importance of a sustainable and consistent morning routine. I've also tried to put into practice "no screen time" until I sit down at my computer. #lifeonpurpose.

4. Sabbath Rest and Boundaries are my new love language. It is crucial for me to STOP doing ALL the things. Seriously. Stop it for 24 hours. There are times in life when this isn't possible for me, but it cannot be a lifestyle. I'm learning how to coast into a rhythm that looks manageable and good. One where I make coffee in the morning and take time to pray for my friends. I took exactly 24 hours off last week and this beautiful rest cozied up and settled in all around me. I might call it quiet, or 'the peace of God', or both. It was like a sweet fragrance that infiltrated my day. Now, I catch a whiff of it every morning as I rest, pray, and make my coffee in the morning.

So much learning, but its happening. Coffee helps. Rest helps. And you guys help a ton too. Thanks for all of your text and encouragements this last week. Excited to see what next week brings!

Exciting changes!!

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Thu, 03 Sep 2015 23:49:00 +0000

Hi, friends!

I am so excited to tell you about changes that are happening in my life in the next few months! To save you time, here’s the skinny: 1. I’ve been hired as a Director of Ministries at Immerse Discipleship! 2. I need to raise my own salary – will you help me?

I’ve been working with Immerse for over two years in a volunteer capacity. In January, I realized I needed to make a choice: either cut back on my Immerse activities or seriously consider a change of vocation. I love my current job as an Academic Coach at Capella University! It would take something pretty amazing to entice me to leave. But after prayer, counsel and planning I believe it’s time to take the plunge!

Here’s why this organization has captured my time and passion: Immerse’s mission is to Serve the Body of Christ so that it can be as Mature, Healthy and Effective as possible. This type of growth takes time and unfettered investment in the life of an individual. We believe that people are worth it! The learning, growth and individual transformation I’ve seen in those who’ve gone through Immerse resounds deeply with my own spiritual DNA. Helping the Body of Christ ‘grow up’, ‘wake up’ and ‘come alive’ is the calling on my life. This job is more than a fit, it’s my next God-given assignment.

Each of Immerse’s goals of “Mature, Healthy, and Effective” are an individual track one could participate in. I have been hired to work as the Director of the “Effective track”. My job description is pretty big; here‘s what I’m excited about.

Leader Collaboration: Leader Collaborative Groups are 8 week groups that provide a place for leaders from churches across the Twin Cities to connect, invest in their spiritual growth, learn from one another and gain new tools. The prayer, discussion and practice times have been incredibly powerful during our summer group. While I am sad to see our group conclude, I am look forward to refining this group process as we launch another Leader Collaborative in the spring of 2016.

Equipping and Training: This track will be launching in one month! I will be helping build up and grow all leaders serving in Immerse. My goal for these amazing people is that they will become more aware of their gifts and the calling on their life as they experience the life changing power of God.

Prayer Resolution: This one is my heart, y'all. Prayer Resolution is a tool that helps a person bring their hurts, traumas, and unhealthy patterns to their Heavenly Father and find freedom and resolution! God has used this tool to change my life in dramatic ways and I am beyond thrilled to use this tool in a "full time" capacity. I will be focusing tow weeks out of every month on just Prayer Resolution sessions.

Questions?
I'd love to connect with you

This is my new day job! I am not sure it is possible to be more excited than I am right now. Will you partner with me to make this a long term reality? Any amount is helpful, especially if you can partner with me financially on a monthly basis. Your donation is tax deductible and can be set up online in less time than it takes to read this letter. You can also use the form below to send in donations. Not able to give? I would love your prayer support as well!

Click here to partner with me financially

*please add my name in the special instructions section

See below for more info!

Melissa Lundquist

Director of Ministries

Immerse Discipleship

http://www.immersediscpleship.com

Mel@immersediscipleship.com

"Serving the global Body of Christ so that it can be as Mature, Healthy and Effective as possible."

Thanks for your support!

Here’s a couple of ways you can participate:

Send me an email to sign up for prayer requests and updates!
Meljlundquist@gmail.com

1. Go to www.immersediscipleship.com

2. Click donate

3. Enter the amount,

4. Check the “Make This Recurring” Button (if applicable). Sign in to Pay Pal.

5. Once you sign into PayPal, click the ”Add Special Instruction”. Write "Melissa Lundquist" in that field.

Please send donations with the form below to Immerse’s Treasurer, Kathleen Christopher.

Please include my name on the memo line. Thanks!

Kathleen Christopher Your Info here: This is a :

Immerse Discipleship Name: ________________________ ___ One time donation

1971 Carl Street Address: ______________________ ___ Monthly support

Lauderdale, MN 55113 ______________________

Donation Amount $______________

The Day I Met God

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 02:04:00 +0000

For some of us, we enter into the Kingdom of God gently. I am not one of those people. For some of us it is a power encounter. A time where God breaks into our lives, and breaks us out of the jail we were living in – silencing the tormentors, and creating a newness that is as foreign as the concept of “peace”. This was more along the lines of my experience.

God, more or less crashed into my life when I was fourteen, on the night I planned to start down the road to my death. I had been thinking about it for months. I knew that I wanted to end my life. I knew that I couldn’t carry the pain and trauma for much longer. In my heart, I knew there was more to experience in life, and I wanted to experience it. I was stuck somewhere in limbo between thirst for life and knowledge that uninvited death was crushing me. So I found a creative compromise – I would live for the next 8-9 years as a drug addict and alcoholic. This would buy me time to experience some things, and the drugs and alcohol would numb out the pain that was currently eating me alive. I knew I couldn’t keep it up forever, so I would be used up by the time I was 23. This was the age I planned to overdose and kill myself. If I decided to be pathetic I could maybe stretch it to 24, but really, let’s not resort to that. Have some courage and self respect. In truth, I was one of the youngest, full blown- fatalistic- epicureans I knew. “Eat, drink, for tomorrow we die”, at least it would if all went according to plan.

There were lots of reasons for my death wish. It was a really dark time. But this isn’t a story about the darkness, it’s a story about the rescue.

They may not have known what to do with me, this morose child, but my parents loved me and in desperation turned to the only one they knew could save me. I firmly believe it was because my dad was fasting and praying for God’s intervention, that my world changed.

I had worked for two months to be invited to the biggest party of the fall. The cops were going to be called at least 2 times, guaranteed. Hopefully no one would be busted for possession until after we were good and smashed. Then we could sleep it off in jail and deal with the consequences after. Strategy, planning, social finagaling, and finally, invitation. I was in. And it was this night that I planned to launch the beginning of the end of me.

This is where things become really fuzzy. My friend Kerri was a couple of years older than me. We grew up together and were like sisters. My church had a teeny tiny youth group. And this itty bitty gathering of people were going to go to this youth conference that was coming to town. Kerri practically begged me to come. And I said no. For a month. It was the same night as the party, and I had plans to get to. Besides, youth conference – boring. Drugs- not boring. This didn’t seem like rocket science to me.

And then inexplicably the week of the conference, I changed my mind. Actually that is a misnomer, my heart was literally changed with in me. I had absolutely no desire to go to this party. In fact, every time I thought about it, things seemed to get really hazy. And I my heart became set on going to the conference. WHAT? It still sounds crazy to me, and I lived it. And even when I got miserable sick right before I was supposed to leave for the conference, it seemed to solidify my decision. “I’m going. And that is that.” Where on earth did that come from?? Certainly this was not generated by me.

We were loaded up into a borrowed minivan with 8 other kids and two adults. Yes, in true youth group style, we did stick two people in the trunk. And then all of us piled out of the van clown style and into Marriuci Arena. I got stuck in an aisle seat. I thought this was great, because in my mind, fleeing was still very much an option. Also, I had lost most confidence in my digestive system at that point. So all was working in my favor. Except that I couldn’t really talk. The kids around me tried to engage me in conversation. But there was something about the air that made my muscles shaky and my insides tremble and I couldn’t really focus on anything else. Not the I’m going to run to the rest room version I had been experiencing up until this point, but something told me I was entering into a place where Holy lived, and my body reacted accordingly.

I have never felt an atmosphere so thick. There was peace, and power, and something that plucked at my soul and felt oddly like…hope. It felt like a physical cloud. Now there WAS a cloud from the pyrotechnics they had been using…but it was more than that. Deeper than that. It was love. And then it was vision – and a reason to live. I can’t tell you what was said during the sermon. I remember a video about being a world changer. That some how got printed on my new spiritual DNA. But I don’t remember much else.

Mainly I just remember the end of the evening. My heart had been beating wildly all night long. I didn’t know why. The speaker was kind enough to explain it. “If you are sitting in your chair and you feel your heart beating wildly right now, that’s the Holy Spirit. If you would like to respond to the invitation that God is giving you tonight, come down to the front”. I thought for about 30 seconds, and that’s when my whole spirit and soul heard Him. The God of all the Universe talked to.me. “Melissa, I see you, and I see everything you’ve done.” And in that seeing I was undone. He had seen me, and all of the nights I spent awake anxious and confused, he saw the pain, he saw the causes, he saw how alone I felt and everything I had ever done in response – the meanness I had cultivated, the death I sought, the death I had sown into the lives of others. It broke my heart. All the bitterness, the betrayal, the ugly of it all that I had buried myself in came loose, and I saw the truth of it. The only response that even seemed remotely ‘right’ was to throw myself on his mercy. I had no assurance of his reaction, I had only the hope that he is a loving God, and memories of his gentleness.

I twitched, ready to walk forward. The girl next to me grabbed my hand and asked in joy and earnestness, “do you want me to come with you”. Yes. Yes I did. Mainly because if I fell over due to the shakiness, or the overwhelming sorrow of the moment I figured she could catch me and perhaps roll me out of the way hotdog style. Decision made, I headed for the front.

God in his great mercy met me there. I say ‘there’, because it was there that I came to be on my knees praying honest and desperate prayers. “God I need you, I am so sorry”. In truth, he met me some time before. He was in the lonely nights, and next to me in the despair. He was the voice that reminded me that there was life to be lived even as I planned my death. He was the one that made meanness less desirable and shielded me from the consequences of the worst of my actions. It was his mercy and joy that led me shaky down the aisle to the front of Mariucci Arena. And it was his power and blood that transformed me, took my sins upon himself, and let me stand to my feet 45 minutes later a soggy new creation. He drove away the tormentors, and called me by a new name – His. It’s a name I will keep forever, and it by far one of my favorites.

Things changed that day, and I say honestly that I have never been the same. He rescued me. Still rescues me each day with his love. And I am so grateful. I don’t have a nice bow for this story, mainly because it isn’t over. I will say this though, I turned 30 in September and couldn’t stop smiling – a deep down smile that has nothing to do with my face and everything to do with my heart. I asked God about it about two months later, and as I did I realized that I never, ever, imagined myself as 30 years old. Somehow that marker –death by 24 years old- kept me captive long after my deathwish died, bloody and redeemed. But this year, which is dreaded by almost all of the population of American women, is set apart for me. It is a gift and it is a treasure. I made it. I am alive. More that, he has caused me to live. He has mended so much of the damage, and continues to mend, assuring me each step of the way “I see you Melissa”. I get to wrap myself in his love, and the assurance that I am His. Truly – best.thing.ever.

Noise and Precision – The Noise - Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 23:16:00 +0000

I have lived with noise in my head. Lots of noise. Some of it is really fun, some of it is terribly distracting. I am easily side tracked by the shiney, the humorous, the odd and out of place. Perhaps you can relate? I used to be so distractible that it would take me roughly an hour a day to sort through all the stimuli I encountered. Some people instinctively pick up what they need to know in order to survive. I was not that person. Every single day, I would replay the various conversations, silent interactions, information gathered from print, TV, Facebook, and pull out what was needed. I then tried to organize THAT information into some sort of coherent filing system and world view. Most people have something like this in place. For me it was intentionally picking through the pile of information for about an hour, and then filing it away purposefully, carefully, with a very specific label. Unfortunately, during these ‘filing’ times, crippling emotions and other things would jump out of closets and drawers when I least expected it. Surprise! This would often send me shaking and hiding to some corner of my own mind clutching every emotional defense mechanism I had in my possession. But life doesn’t stop when I am hiding in the corner. My ‘in box’ grew large, right along with new emotional companions – “overwhelmed” and “extremely frustrated”. In short, life was just exhausting. All.the.time. And truthfully, it didn’t feel much like life. It felt like survival.

About 4 years ago I decided to hunt down my terrifying emotions. I was running from all emotions at this point, not just the threatening ones. The really ugly ones: Shame, Pain, and Isolation, became a pack and started dogging my every step. So I decided to hunt them back. I knew of two instance in my life where these emotions feasted and I thought it logical to start there. But I was going to need help. I enlisted a kind counselor named Ruth. We never much got to the emotional stuff. After one conversation with me, she strongly suggested I get tested for ADD. I nodded politely as I tried to mentally locate my rolodex of other counselors I could call – clearly this one was off her rocker… but then got distracted by the light reflecting off her picture frames in just the same way as this one picture I studied in college, by….Kandinsky? he was in the modern group right? Remember that time at MOMA in NY….SOUNDS Like boats in the Harbor…….And that dog the lady was walking on the Brooklyn Promanade….NY…airplanes…Ear popping altitude…I really hate falling….Crashing….remember how you thought being boiled alive would be awful last week in the bath when it was too hot?...SNORKLING…I should try that sometime….GLITTERING fish like the lights on the picture frame….WHAT?? Sorry…did you just say something?? ADD? Me? No. I graduated college thanks. People with ADD have….real problems. Mine are just in my head.

Ruth must have seen these thoughts, or maybe she just saw the glazed over look in my eye. Whatever it was, she wasn’t buy it. “Ever need help cleaning your room? Organizing?” I physically winced. How did she know that?? I spent so much time hiding the fact I didn’t ‘have it together’, it may seem dumb to you organized reader, but it felt like an awful thing I had to keep quiet. The shame around this was immense. Labels like “lazy”, “dirty” and “never going to get it right” seemed to fit the bill as the chaos I lived in each day re-enforced these negative perceptions. I broke down twice and accepted help organizing my stuff. There is nothing like coming to the acknowledge your limitations, not to mention the amount of time you spend making sure that your bedroom door is securely shut. My intensely organized roommates had taken pity on me and offered to help me ‘find a place for everything’. They are a compassionate pair of people, and I love them dearly. We went through everything I owned. Luckily by hour three, they stopped asking why they found banana peels in my sock drawer, and where gracious when they discovered power tools next to my dental floss. I would often get distracted while putting things away and stash things wherever I could find a place. So the roommates dove in with gusto. They set aside verbal judgment, and simply began throwing things away. It was in that moment that I knew they truly loved me. Me and my crap didn’t fit into their ordered world, but instead of kicking me out, they simply helped me organize it. For eight and half hours. And laughed with me while they did it. This could be a blog on how much that spoke to me of their love and care, but that’s a blog for another day. (I still get distracted, but now it’s just with the good stuff;) ).

Back to Counselor Ruth who is waiting me to answer her question: yes. Yes I have had to ask for help for basic organizational skills. Ruth carefully explained to me that some people will go undiagnosed because they weren't seen as "failing" in school. They are coping with some success. They are often A-B students, who struggle to figure out how to “do life” as an adult. Many will lose jobs and have damaged relationship because of this. Others will create ways of floating under the radar, using creative problem solving to ‘get by’. A very small portion of adults will use ADD’s super-secret gift of “hyper focus” to propel them into next steps, and tenaciously get projects done. Not all people are driven by taskmasters. Some are just incapable of stepping outside the hyper-focus slip stream. Once outside it however, chaos generally reigns supreme.

I conducted a brief poll of my nearest and dearest, and then I consented to testing. After a battery of listening tests, and IQ tests, and other learning difficulty testing, I had my answer- I scored above average!....on the ADD continuum. What this means as that I have ADD in the moderate to severe range. Because of other compensation, I was never diagnosed until I was an adult.

I give you details of this discovery because I didn’t see ADD in my life until I saw examples. I needed to see ADD in a ‘normal adult’s ‘ life . I was never hyperactive kid or a 'problem' (unless I wanted to be). I didn’t struggle with self control – in fact I was usually slow to act on things. I never had a clue. If I hadn’t been diagnosed four years ago, I would have had a really rough go of things, and probably wouldn’t be where I am now- a place where noise has quieted and precision is possible. More on that next time.

Buckets and waterfalls

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Fri, 20 Sep 2013 19:24:00 +0000

One of the recurring themes I have been meditating on is God's provision for me. Not in the sense that 'God provides for people' in general broad sweeping terms, but that he really cares for me, Melissa Joy Lundquist, in a very specific way. An entire wardrobe of clothing has been given to me for free (I do not care in the LEAST that they are second hand), to having just enough funds to cover the cost of unexpected medical bills with my unexpected bonus, God has continually proven he will take care of me. I actually have a running list in my head. Now there's a list to mull over! Thankfulness does not even express how grateful I have been in these times of need.

But what about those times where I bring my WANTS to God? I try really hard not to treat God like Santa Clause or a vending machine. At least this has been what I have been told to avoid growing up in church. "God won't give you a red Ferrari just because you ask for it!" My solution for years has been to avoid asking, or ask only for the things I really need. But I'm discovering that I can ask my Heavenly Father for things in the context of relationship with him, and it is something entirely different. My Dad loves to hear my voice, he loves to talk with me, and he wants me to talk to him about the things that are one my heart- big or small, including my wants.

About two weeks ago I had been bitten by the crafting bug (this overwhelming NEED to make something right.now.) and I was in the middle of a really difficult day at work. This was the perfect storm for me to get whiny and discontent. I tried not to let this spill over to my coworkers or people I interacted with, so I whined to God. It went a little something like:

"I wish I was hoooooome, doing something elllllllllse. Like crafting. Or sewing that box thing. But I don't even have the supplies *pout*. Blarg. I'm trying to be a good steward. I really am. But how about you let me go to JoAnn fabrics after work and buy that $4 zipper that isn't part of my budget this week....What do you mean "no"?? Seriously? ....What do you mean "When am I going to have the time to even work on this until next pay period?" Awww...God...*pout*....I know! How about I just post something on the classified adds at work! Maybe somebody will be getting rid of some scraps or something I could use to take the edge of this crafting thing....AND THEN I'LL CHECK PINTEREST!!"

(on my lunch break...of course..)... So I posted on the online classifieds at work "looking for fabric scraps" and a brief, pithy description of what I would like. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. And absolutely nothing happened.

I was a bit bummed, but it gave me some room to deal with my craptastic attitude. Sometimes turning that whiny- poverty mindset around takes all of my effort. But its worth it. My most helpful tool is thankfulness. I started thanking God that I had a job. That one didn't go down really well at first.... so I just I kept repeating why I was thankful and managed to put more and more of my heart behind it through each repetition. It doesn't always sound great. But it went something like this: 'Thank you that I have a job, when so many others don't. Thank you for my coworkers, and for my cubical that- while small-I don't have to share and I get to make my 'own space'. Thank you for good music to listen to while I'm working. Thank you for humor and working for a company that will pay for half my bus pass. Thank you that I work down town and get to interact with some many people and that each day can be an adventure...." Just thanking him for everything I could think of. I swear its like a reset button on my mood.

About a week later, I sat typing away in my cubicle and I felt a nudge from God to 'post again' on the classified ads at work. I hadn't been thinking of crafting, it just kind of came out of the blue. So I typed up a little something and posted it and went back to work. I remember asking God what he was up to, it seemed so random. I told Him it would be nice to get a small box of fabric out of the deal but I would be content with whatever turned up. Three hours later Jan emailed me. Apparently Jan is moving to Arizona and has a few things she would like to pass along. 'A tub or two' she says.

As it turns out, Jan is a life long dress maker who has a lot of supplies she hasn't been able to part with. 5 bins of fabric filled with wool, jersey, satin, knit, interfacing, lining, heat resistant oven mit material (perfect for the table runner I am making!), two bins of every color thread imaginable, one bin of buttons and zippers (just like the one I wanted to buy, but LOTS of them), 1 box of patterns, and a dress form (in my size) later - I can help but hear God laughing with me. For all of you non-sewers out there, I would estimate I received about $300-$400 worth of supplies. How much did I pay for it? $0.00. Yep. that's right! Nothing. It was absolutely free.:)

"This is how I bless" he says, "with waterfalls when you ask for buckets. Ask me for bigger things..." That sounds like a lovely challenge!

What I thought I wanted:

What God gave me (yay God!):

Family in the skyway

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Wed, 08 May 2013 17:49:00 +0000

Recently, I have been talking to my mentor about when to act when I hear God's leading, and when to act because it is the right thing to do. I'm a bit of a 'see a need, fill the need' type girl, but after a recent encounter I felt God reminding me that I am not free to put myself in certain situations. When I gave my life to him, that really meant everything and there are times when he will ask me to use extreme wisdom. The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord (proverbs something) and I need to make sure that I am checking in with him regarding all situations, especially those that are potentially dangerous. Caution does not mean stop, it simply means caution.

There are other times that I think we do the good that is in our path.

Yesterday, there was a family of four in my path to my car - literally. They were camped out in the skyway from the Government Center to the parking garage. They were tired, and worn around the edges. The dad (I assume) had a sign asking for help, and he greeted passersby’s. The mom stared determinedly out of the window as she held her sleeping 4 year old on her lap. She looked like she had given up and refused to engage in any conversation or catch my eye as I talked with her partner. Their school age daughter colored in her coloring book between them.

So the first thing I did when I saw this family was say hello, and crouch down to their level next to the 'dad' as he was their point of contact. I started to talk with him - 'hi', 'how's it going?'  I tried to start the conversation lightly to see where it will lead.   The 'dad' talked with me about his family and where they were staying, and how some difficulties with their social worker and paper work may see them removed from their housing. As the dad talked, I became very aware of my $5.00 Target gift card in my wallet. I had no cash to offer, and I try never to give out money.** I realized this was the good I could do today. As I listened to the gentleman I prayed and asked God if he would like me to help beyond the gift card. Was I supposed to help them with resources, work with God to bless them with something spiritual, buy them dinner?

As I was praying, and the man talking, a woman approached and asked if we were having a conversation.I am very proud of this woman! There is definitely a learning curve to these things and I think this may have been one of the woman's first 'attempts'. WAY TO GO LADY! I'm so glad she decided to take a leap and help. If I could have asked for anything more, it would simply have been to have her focus on the family as people dealing with a problem, not as a problem themselves.  We all goof it, and get nervous, and I am so glad this lady stepped out like she did. I cringe only because she told the family by way of introduction that homelessness is a 'big problem', how she thinks it is so sad. She sees families all over down town and its just so hard to see. She's telling this to a family that is LIVING in a semi permanent situation begging for money.... However, she had been on her phone previously and she was calling friends to see if she could find resources or places for them to stay! Apparently, this woman used to work with an organization that helped families find shelter and semi-permanent residence. Prayer: answered. Yay God!

I quickly became a ‘third wheel’, so I said my goodbyes, left the gift card, and walked to my car…..where I then paid $7 for parking and marveled at how I would spend more money on parking than on helping feed a family with a $5 gift card. Blarg! This was my learning experience for the day. All of my choices affect others, directly or indirectly. Now I will have $7.00 less to spend elsewhere, like helping that family buy dinner tonight.

While I am extremely thankful to have had the opportunity to briefly connect with this family, I find myself realizing I need to take a better track. I can be all sorts of nice, and spiritually bless a person’s day. I’m a walking ambassador for the kingdom. But, this wonderful, nervous woman, on her cell phone helped this family much more than I did. She had the resources to actually bring change. I don't want to be unprepared for the next 'in my path' or 'on assignment' moment. So I'm rounding up my resources. I'm volunteering at the next Project Homeless Connect (which is an amazing bi-yearly event! Check it out here: http://www.homelessconnectminneapolis.org/) to gain exposure to more of the organizations that are currently available to help. I'm also going to really start watching my Ps and Qs when it comes to that small amount I spend for "fun", or because I wake up late and have to drive into work. I want to be a good steward of what God has given me, and I'm so very aware that most of what I have is supposed to pass through my hands and not stay here with me.

Today, I can't seem to shake the image of the mom holding her exhausted kiddo, staring out of the skyway window. I wish I had more time to get to know them, but I am really thankful for the resources that came their way when they did! Its not about me. It’s about them.

**As a side note: I typically don't 'help' with money.  I don't because I do not want to directly fund drug addiction.  People I dearly love have struggled, and still struggle with addiction and I would hate to have strangers enable them. I simply can't let getting the next fix be that easy. What I will do is give out gift cards, pre-paid bus cards, and give resources and phone numbers to local shelters and safe havens. I will also give rides to people (providing they aren't scary, and due to my convo with God, when I feel his prompting...).

I intend these posts to be a glimpse into my learning experience. So, I welcome questions, comments or resources!

Letter to a Dear Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Tue, 07 May 2013 17:25:00 +0000

Jessica Ann Johnson,

I write you this letter in the hopes when meet you will see that there hasn't been a year that I haven't thought of you, and asked God for your protection and peace. I saw you on the streets 3 years ago, looking much like that 13 year old girl I met so long ago, flannel shirt tied around your waist, flared jeans and a determined look on your face. I know that there has been pain since the last time we saw each other, and I am so sorry that life has been so hurtful.

Every time I think of you I pray for you, every.stinking.time. I ask God to reveal his love for you in ways you will see it; and I ask God to open your eyes. Sometimes belief comes before seeing, so I asked him to help you believe. And I asked God to break the power of our youth pastor's (J's) words in your life. When you tentatively gave your heart to Jesus, he took it Jess, with so. much. joy! And NOTHING can separate us from his love. A scared, hurting, 15 year old girl's half hearted attempt to end her life is NOT the unforgivable sin. God longs to wrap you in his arms and hold you. And that's what J should have done. Not set your destination as "hell - first class". The Bible says it’s better for huge stone to be tied around someone’s neck and then tossed into the sea than to cause one of God's little ones (you) to sin (or walk away from him). J is the one in trouble love. Not you.

I regularly dream that you I meet by chance on some Minnesota street, and I hug you, and you let me. I dream I come upon some interaction where you are in process of meeting Jesus again, maybe through conversation with friends, or with people out talking to folks on Nicollet Mall, and you see me and I tell you that you have never left my mind. And somehow you see God’s faithfulness. I would love to be there for that. But really, I just want you to know his love.

So my friend, I ask God to bless you, and to draw you to Him. And I will keep asking.

Until we meet.

Love,
Melissa

Thankfulness and bagels

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 03:55:00 +0000

I wish I could capture this moment. It is raining outside. A cold spring rain that may turn into inches of snow overnight. But for now I can only hear the rain drops, the first of the year. The light from the floor lamp is golden and warm. I sit on my comfortable couch, in warm, snuggly clothes, and take in the homeiness of my house. I love the little artifacts that speak to the love of the people that dwell here. It puts my heart at ease. Its so safe, and snug, and home. Johnathan David Hessler sings in the back ground. A soft piano rift tenderly speaking the name "Abba" and the beauty of the relationship that dwells in that name.

I relax in a day spent well; full of life and learning and practice and the presence of my Father.

I am so thankful.

I am thankful for the moments spent praying with friends. I am thankful for the incredible displays of Holy Spirit's love for me and for others, and for his detailed attention to our hearts' needs.

Yesterday I prayed with one of my dearest friends. Holy Spirit flowed off her in radiating waves of heat, spiritual energy. He is so faithful! I have never experienced such a powerful moment! And she was healed from a debilitating headache, but I suspect the heart healing was far greater. I am so blessed to have been a part of that wonderful moment.

Later that day I met an amazing man named Thomas. Holy Spirit sent me on an errand to bring a bagel to one of his kids downtown. This was fortuitous because I also needed change for the bus. I met Thomas on the corner of Nicollet and 7th. He had a sign stating he was a disabled vet and had his veteran's card out to prove it. I liked his honesty and after a loop to confirm I felt Holy Spirit leading me to him (I only had one bagel), I sat down to speak with him. He was jumped 5 years ago and suffered brain damage. The first thing he told me is that it was nice to meet me but he may not remember me if he sees me again. Both his short and long term memory are affected. I used to work with folks suffering with Alzheimers and recognize some of the patterns of how memory loss is displayed in speech. He wasn't conning me. He has several children, who are now grown, and an ex-wife who states she wouldn't have divorced him if he thought more about how he said things. I could tell this still stung. He has a social work visit next week to determine his status in transitional housing, and was brought back from the dead twice after he was jumped. He was a 'vegetable' (his words) for 6 months before he came out of the comma to find a yellow toe tag stating DNR securely attached to his foot. Thomas is a miracle. And his loved. So. incredibly. loved.

After about 10 minutes we were approached by a man whose name I can't remember. John maybe? He started up like an interested sales man, and quickly asked me if I had a relationship with Jesus Christ. Why yes I do, thanks John!:) He launched into explaining why he and his colleague were out sharing the Gospel. He had some puns and ways of turning Thomas's story back to a 'faith conversation'. I was a little annoyed at John. I just wanted to take some time to get to know Thomas. This guy had an agenda. And it was seriously disrupting my listening. I indicated that I was just talking with Thomas to kind of share with him myself. John gave me the eye and asked "So we are on the same team then, yes?' Sure. I guess so. I'm not going to make any judgments about his motives. Maybe he's just out here trying to be obedient to Holy Spirit, too.

At that point I tell Thomas that God had me come down there to give him the bagel, because he is loved. He says thanks and means it. He asks if I will put it in his back pack. I stick my fancy bagel I got at discount into his almost empty pack as he turns around. John echos my sentiments that God must really have him "in his sights" because he sent both of us to him. I agree with this as God sees Thomas and really cares for him. John asks me a question, and I know its going to be a big deal to him because he starts with "let me ask you a question." Ok. "Do you have a church you attend regularly?" Thomas informs him that he used to go to church....over there...but he can't remember where because he has short term and long term memory loss. You see, he was mugged, and died twice.... John returns his question to me. Why, yes I do! "Which one? " I sense a set up, and I try not to let my concern that my new friend John might be part of a cult show on my face. I'm trying really hard.

I tell him where I go to church. He's never heard of it. I think it's his turn to try not to not let his concern I might be part of a cult show on his face. Ok. Fair. My church name sounds like something from science class. Whatever. John belongs to something- something-Tabernacle. I can't figure out if this is Jewish or JW or what, so I ask. He said its Pentecostal. Ok. Holy Spirit, holy roller. I can dig it.

After a few more points of conversation that seem to still have John and I trying to determine who the other is, I am getting frustrated that I am no longer listening to Thomas. He is the reason I am here. So when John and Thomas start comparing their past military experience I asked God if I can gets to getting, and I feel a release to go. Better one of us should focus on Thomas than distract the other. I tell Thomas that it was really nice meeting him. And I mean it. With all my heart. The thing with John has been distracting to say the least, but still periphery. My heart is still full of affection for Thomas. Thomas says it was really nice talking to me, but he may not remember me if he sees me again, as he has short term and long term memory loss. I tell him that's ok. I will remember him, and remind him.

I'm praying for Thomas today. For his social work appointments. For his heart. For God to be his filter, and for his soul to hear and understand the deeply compassionate love of the Father, even if his mind struggles. I haven't prayed for John yet. But I'm getting there. I'm not mad at him, or even really irritated. I just want him to love Thomas because he is lovable and because he is there.

I'm glad Thomas isn't cold tonight, that he has some where to go. I hope that he has snuggly couches and warm clothes to help make the night more enjoyable. But mainly, I hope I see him again. I want to find him on Nicollet Mall if he is there and I want to finish hearing his story. I want to be love to Thomas, and I think Love takes time to get to know you, to hear the details of your heart, to come along side you in the daily grind of life and make your next steps filled with joy. Maybe bagels and listening will help Thomas experience the tangible love of God and maybe it won't. Maybe Love will look like an powerful encounter with Holy Spirit in his radiance like my dear friend experienced when we prayed together. Maybe it will be something altogether different. I don't have nice bow to tie this one up. I'm just excited I got to be a part of both moments, got to love both people with God. Sign me up for more Monday's like this!!

Freedom

noreply@blogger.com (Wingsandsuch) — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 03:30:00 +0000

Today is the day that the Lord has made, I will be glad and rejoice in it - Psalm 118:24

Thank you Father for setting me free
Thank you Father, for telling me that I am yours
your joy flower
your daughter
your beloved

Thank you for showing me how much you care for me
And then showing me all over again

Its your consistency
your persistence
your
constant
love
for me
that will bring change

It is your Spirit that has infused my life
And in this melding, I am made into a fragrant incense
a holy aroma
death and decay have lost their grip, their piercing sting

Thank you Father for you tender mercies that never fail
Thank you for wings.
Thank you for wind and breath and life

Thank you for being the God off all impossible ventures
of all whispered hopes, of all true dreams

Thank you for saving me