Echoes

The Wait

2012-02-14T00:04:00.003+05:30

He looks to the west, for a millionth time
Inside his heart, her memories chime
An era had passed since he last smiled
He waited in hope, like a promised child

Distant winds remind him of her presence
In every breath, he searched for her fragrance
By the gates of the town, he waits on his knees
He longs for her, but she’s far across the seas

He searches for her in every palanquin that stops
Hopes she’d step out of one when the veil drops
And when it turns dark, he searches the skies
When moon and stars give up, quietly he cries

Hope keeps him alive, for he knows she’ll return
But until she sets foot in town, his heart will burn

- Deepak Karamungikar

The Night Journey

2012-01-31T11:01:00.000+05:30

In 1997, on a winter night, S started for a village about 135 km from Hyderabad. The next day was his cousin's wedding. The whole family had left and he was the only one yet to go. One had to get down at a place called Ekhelli and there was a 7 km journey that had to be taken to reach this village. He thought he would get down in the early hours of the next day as the bus usually took 4-5 hours to reach. But that day, he met a friend who was going to Bombay in his car and he offered to drop him. Unexpectedly, his journey time was cut down by 3 hours and he landed in Ekhelli at around 1.30 in the night.

His friend dropped him on the highway and the car zoomed into darkness. He looked around and saw no trace of any life anywhere. He walked into the bus stop and put his bag down. The only light came from the half moon that wandered in the sky. In one corner, he saw a beggar sleeping. That apart, the only sound he heard was cold breeze whizzing past his ears. He knew that it was too late and probably too early to head towards the village, on way to which, as a child, he had seen many a snake. Soon he realized the silence which had trapped him, both from inside and from outside.

He sat in the bus stop and with nothing to do, wanted to sleep. But it was too cold to sleep and he, was too scared as he had some cash and gold on him. He lit up a cigarette and blew out smoke. He realized that it would be a better idea to visit another cousin, who lived in Ekhelli instead of sleeping in the bus stop. His cousin was a government employee in Ekhelli and lived in staff quarters. But the challenge was, he had been there only once and he didn't remember the route too well.

At 1.45, he started walking towards the staff quarters. The only sound he heard was his slippers rustling against cold sand. He speculatively walked through lanes and bylanes and took countless turns. At one point, he realized that he had reached the end of the village and all he could see was only dark melancholic emptiness. For the first time that night, he was scared. He knew there was no point walking any further. His heart beat like a German made automobile piston and he began to sweat. He had walked for about twenty minutes and was extremely tired. He pushed back his bag which hung along his shoulder and unzipped his pants to relieve himself. Once done, he sat down on a rock and cursed himself for agreeing to take that lift which transported him early, but into deep trouble.

As he wiped his sweat, he saw a light approaching towards him. It was a two-wheeler. As they came a bit closer, he also heard a whistle. They were cops. He saw a ray of hope. He stood on the rock put his bag down and waved both his hands and screamed, "Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir...". As they came closer and noticed him, they screamed repeatedly and the driver accelerated like hell and they sped away. S went clueless. He wondered why policemen were scared and they ran away from him. When he got down and picked up his bag, he realized he was standing on the grave of one Mr. Shantaram John. He screamed again and started running towards the village. To his misfortune, three dogs started running behind him. He started screaming as he ran. He stopped in front of a small house that was decorated with lights. The dogs, somehow left him alone. He saw there was a tent put up in front of the house and a few people slept under thick sheets.

An old woman sat at the entrance of the house chewing tobacco. She saw him and said, "Who are you? What do you want?". He told her that his cousin is the Govt. officer and he was looking for his house, the staff quarters. She said, "What are you doing at the graveyard at this hour? Are you a Sorcerer?". He tried to explain that he was not, but that day, he wore a black shirt. And as a habit, he had applied large amounts of vermilion on his forehead. This scared the old woman. She said, "You are lying, wait I'll wake my sons up" and screamed aloud. Her sons woke up and held him. They gave him two minutes to speak. Fortunately, one of them was the peon working in his cousin's office and he understood everything.

At 2.45, the peon escorted him to the staff quarters. His cousin opened the door and welcomed him. He didn't speak much. He drank many glasses of water and as he was about to sleep, his cousin asked, "So, how was your journey?". S looked at him in the dim light and said, "Don't ask".

15 years have passed and even today, S doesn't travel if he has to reach at night.

- Deepak Karamungikar

Hungry!

2012-01-03T14:01:00.001+05:30

Hunger is a universal phenomenon. Some people can stay hungry for a long time and yet act normal. But this is about someone I know who has never controlled hunger in his life. Let's call him S. S led a lavish life as a business man. He never allowed hunger to strike him and given his taste for great food, he had tried everything that's there in Hyderabad, well almost.

In 1995, One day, a cousin A visited S for three days. On one of those days, he asked S to take him out to Abids because he had some work. They started at 9.00 am. In a hurry, S wore a trouser that was available in front of his eyes and started off. After reaching Abids, he realized that all he had in that trouser's pocket was Rs. 2/-. And 10 notes of Rs.100 and other change were in another trouser's pocket that he wore the previous day.When he realized the truth, he was already at the office of a person they had gone to visit. It was about 9.40 and they had not had breakfast.

While A and S waited for the man to arrive, S started feeling hungry. By 10.30, he was very very hungry and there was no trace of the man yet. He wanted to find the first way out to a hotel, but then, he had no money except the Rs.2. So, he patiently waited for A to finish his work and decided to ask him later. At 10.55, a peon arrived and informed, "Sahab aaj 2 baje ke baad aate". S let out a sigh of relief and was happy that he is finally getting to go out. S said to A, 'Come, let's go home,'

A said, 'Now, it is 11.00 already. Just a matter of 3 hours, let's watch a movie in Santosh theater and by the time the movie is over, this man will be back,'. S agreed readily, given his craze for movies. S said, 'But first, let us eat something,'. A said, 'Wait, let us buy the tickets first,'. S patiently said, 'ok,' and waited patiently.

They waited in the ticket queue for 10 minutes and by the time they got the tickets, people were being allowed inside the hall. A hurriedly took S inside. S was feeling so hungry that he could've eaten anything. The first thing S did on entering the theater was look towards the canteen. It was locked. Since it was the morning show, no one had arrived yet. This angered him a lot. S tried to get out of the theater, but A said, 'Hey come, movie is starting!'

S, with a very sad face entered the hall and sat down. All he could do, was wait for the interval. If only he had not forgotten the money, he would have been in Taj Mahal hotel right across the road. He suffered through the first half of the movie and then, interval happened. In the interval, A took out S to the canteen and said, 'Tell, what do you want to eat?'. S looked around and found that the only thing that could fill his stomach, at least temporarily were Samosas - small ones. S said, 'samosas'.

A asked, 'How much?'. The hawker said, '2 rs. mein chaar'. A took out a Rs.2 coin from his pocket and said, '3 samosa dena'. He took the 50 paise back put it in his pocket and three samosas and offered it to S. S was now so angry that he wanted to slap his cousin. By the time S took one samosa and ate it, A finished both the samosas and was on his way back to the hall. S almost cried. He was now so depressed that his hunger had died. Also, he was so sad that he didn't even want to buy 4 more samosas with the Rs. 2 he had in his pocket.

The movie ended at 2. They went to the office, met the man, got the work done which took about an hour. S was swimming in a sea of depression. Also, reluctance to ask for money from his cousin, given his self-respect had led him into this situation. Only thing S could think of at that time was food. His stomach burned. He knew home and food were only 10 minutes away.

When they got home, it was 4 pm already. He stepped inside his house, changed, washed his feet and sat down in the kitchen and screamed, 'Mother, food'. She understood what would have happened and served him. He ate till 5.00 pm. When his stomach was full, he had tears in his yes. When he came back into the hall, A was watching TV. S tried to control his anger. But more than anger, he pitied him for living the whole day without food. He asked A, 'When will you eat?'. A said, 'I ate 2 samosas, I can stay till night'. S didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

The next morning, A woke up early. While S was still in bed, he looked at him and said, 'Today, let us go to Begum Bazaar!'

- Deepak Karamungikar

Hitec City Rage - 0001

2012-01-02T15:51:00.000+05:30

Hope

2011-12-17T09:30:00.000+05:30

Dark clouds obscure the rising sun

Deep inside, his conscience points a gun

Guilt swallows his soul as hope fails him

In a corner he stands as all sparks dim

He cries in silence as his solitude pricks

A moment seems like a year, three or six

Heart knows not of the mind’s crime

Forgive me, he asks before it is time

Against the wave, he swam the sea of remorse

He sang her an apology, cried after each verse

His tongue may scathe but his heart is pure

Her one smile is now his only cure

He still waits at the shore as clouds pass by

Counts on her promise, never to say good bye

- Deepak Karamungikar

Debt

2011-12-06T14:16:00.000+05:30

Debt is a very heavy word. Before you jump the gun and begin to think that I'm talking about money, let me clarify that I'm not. No matter how strong you are mentally, physically or financially, sometimes, circumstances so arise that you end up taking a debt from someone, in some form or the other. Let me narrate a small incident.

In 2009, I had no full-time job and my wife was pregnant. I used to struggle going around the city from one center to another taking classes for CAT/MBA aspirants at a leading training company. I had a class at 9.00 am at Ameerpet, which is about 16 kms from my place. At 8.15, I discovered my bike had conked. It didn't start even after trying very hard, leaving me all sweaty and tired. I decided to go by auto. By that time, it was 8.30. As i wiped my sweat, breathed heavy and walked out of the gate, I knew I was going to be late and a class of 40 students would be waiting. I was sure I'd be late. And late to class had some serious consequences. Just as I turned back to say 'Bye' to my wife, a black colored Palio came and slowed down beside me. I quickly realized it was my neighbor, a gentleman who lived in the house opposite to our apartment. We had facing balconies. Sometimes, I used to say 'Hi' to him. And that's it.

He lowered the window and said, 'Bike problem hai kya? Mai dekh raha tha. Chalo i'll drop you...which side are you going?'

I said, 'Yeah, some problem. Thank you very much,' and got into the car.

'I have to go to Ameerpet, You can drop me at Paradise,' I said.

'Oh, i can drop you till Begumpet,' he said and then, a sense of calm prevailed in me.

On the way, we spoke a lot. I told him how I had ended up teaching in time of the recession and all. He also told me about his work, etc. When we were 1 km away from Begumpet, I asked him, 'Where is your office?' He said, 'Basheerbagh'. His answer shocked me. I was dumbstruck for a while. Basheerbagh was not even close to that route. He had taken a complete detour of the city in peak traffic just to help me. He didn't even know I was getting late for the class. I thanked him profusely and got down feeling very happy that there are people who go out of the way to help others.

I was just 5 minutes late to the class. I don't know what I taught the students that day for I was totally engulfed in a rare satisfaction of having met a fine gentleman. I decided to keep in touch with him. Every time he walked his dog, or appeared in the balcony or while washing his car, I ensured I said 'hello' to him and smiled.

Months passed. I got a good job and life got busy. In 2010, on a Sunday, I saw an ambulance standing in front of his house. The ambulance looked old. Suddenly a flash of all different kinds of thoughts appeared on my mind. I saw no one. I immediately wore a shirt and walked downstairs. I thought it was their dog. But when I walked inside his house, I saw his mother sitting in one corner still like a statue with despair in her eyes. I saw him speaking on phone. At the center of the hall, I saw his father's dead body on the floor on a mat. There was an ice-box which they connected to the power and it started working.

The ambulance driver said, 'uthao,' and pointed to the body. There was no one else in the room. Without a second thought, I volunteered and helped them lift the body from one side and placed the departed man in the ice-box. I stayed there for 30 more minutes until their relatives and friends started coming. I hugged him, condoled him and said, 'Let me know in case you need anything' and walked out.

Being present at the right time at the right place in such a time when no one else was around is no coincidence. It takes more than just rational thought. In my most distressed hour, he had come to my rescue. I was under his debt. God made me repay it. We have vacated that apartment. Now we live four buildings away. I don't see him as much as I used to. And you know what is the most ironic thing about this incident? I never asked for his name and neither did he ask for mine. I still don't know his name. Whenever I see him, I just say 'Hello' to him and smile.

- Deepak Karamungikar

Destiny

2011-11-21T18:33:00.001+05:30

Behind a veil of silence, quietly she shies
What she could not say, he saw it in her eyes.
Bathed in his aura, she looked towards the skies
Stars twinkled up there, moon stood in his guise

Drenched in her fragrance his heart skipped a beat
But with her hand in his, the world seemed so sweet
Unfazed by the winds, they marched into the horizon
Their love knew no cause, no occasion or reason

Far they walked and crossed the ocean
Deserts seemed paradise and love, devotion
On a cliff they stood and saw the sun set
He thanked God as winds played an octet

Hands were clutched but their feet were chained
East went an end, and West, the other end.

1989 - A love story

2011-11-16T12:09:00.001+05:30

February 1989

Traces of winter were still evident in the cold breeze that flirted with Manikpur. Ram's wedding was on the next day. A bus full of people, traditionally called the baratis, stopped in front of the only function hall in the small village.They were all showed rooms and one by one chose places to rest for a while before the pre-wedding ceremony began in a couple of hours.

The bus was parked in one corner of the large field in front of the function hall. Towards the west, sky turned dark blue from dark orange as the chill in the breeze began to show. The moorish silence of the field was disrupted by a brand new Yamaha RX100 which zoomed into the scene. Driving the monster was Manish, a recently graduated Doctor - the groom's cousin and riding the pillion was Prashant, the 23-year-old carefree, careless and fearless guy, another cousin of the groom.

Prashant and Manish met the groom, spent an hour with him and then signaled each other out. They walked out, into the open and sat under the only large neem tree. A few other cousins also joined them and they had a good time. It was about 11.30 in the night when they were asked to come inside for dinner. They were all made to squat on the floor in rows. Prashant impatiently chose a place under the fan and asked his cousins to sit beside him. It took a while for the food to arrive, but when he looked in front of him, his eyes lit up. One of his relatives, who he had seen only as a young girl was now a fully grown woman and was wearing a saree. Her cousin accompanied her. He couldn't help but keep looking at her beautiful eyes. The grace with which she wore a saree and the strand of hair that hung from her left side melted his heart. She had worn a silver color bindi. He was bowled over when he saw her smile which looked like a dazzling display of fireworks in the dark night sky.

That was it. He instantly fell in love with her. He knew her family. They were relatives, after all. But then, it made things all the more difficult. The dinner concluded in a while and the gathering dispersed. They were all seated in the hall. His impatience grew with every passing second. He had decided to speak to her. And given the anger and impatience that was filled in him in abundance, he was not going to give up soon. Manish sensed it and left him alone. It was half past twelve and people refused to sleep. They gossipped endlessly. But Prashant kept searching for her. And then, finally, he found her. She stood in a corner waiting for someone, probably. He walked directly to her and said, 'Are you Shalini?'

'Yes, Thank God, you recognized me Prashant!' she said.

These words gave him a sense of triumph he had hardly experienced in the recent past. Half his job was done. He looked straight into her eyes and said, "You look very beautiful in this saree. And how tall have you grown!"

They had spent many summers playing together. And thankfully, that spark of affection still existed between them. They spent two minutes talking. 'Why did you grow a beard?' she asked.

'Why? Don't I look good?' he asked.

'No, you look very good,' she said.

Prashant was a tall, well built young man. As they spoke, the glow on her face and the sparkle in her eyes made Prashant feel elated. He sensed that she was interested in him too. After five minutes, her cousin arrived and she walked away. Half-an-hour later, he spotted her again and kept staring at her. He had no interest in the proceedings at his favorite cousin's wedding. The world moved in slow motion as long as he kept looking at her. Unable to take this anymore, he decided to make the move. He looked around to find a cigarette box lying in the corner of the hall. He tore it and on the plain side, with a borrowed pen, wrote 'I Love You', signed it and asked one of the kids to give it to the her. It all seems like a movie. But then, movies are a reflection of the society. Luckily, the kid handed over the letter to her and not anyone else. She read it and hid it in her hands.

The next morning, everyone was ready for the marriage. The last person to take a bath was Prashant. Every one had moved to the main hall. As he wore clothes, Shalini entered the room. He fumbled and covered his body. 'What did you mean, when you sent me that letter?' she asked.

'I meant what I wrote,' he said.

'What do you think? Tell me your response, now!' he said as he buttoned his shirt. 'Junglee' she said and walked away smiling.

That was it. This is where it all began. From that moment on, they were only seen in pairs. Even while they returned after the marriage, Prashant sat adjacent to Shalini and Manish drove away on his Yamaha with another cousin. Elders in the family observed everything. But then, since it was crystal clear, nobody bothered. They were all for the match.

They spent two days together at the bridegroom's village (Also Prashant's grandmother's house). They moved like a pair everywhere they went - to the farm, to the temple, to the terrace, for a walk and so on. Life seemed so beautiful. Prashant felt as light as a feather. She loved his company too. But then, she hadn't responded formally. The beauty of these two days lied in the fact that they had not touched each other. Only their eyes spoke.

The gloom on their face made it evident that it was their last day together for that time. They were all seated in a row for lunch. The moment they served rice, Shalini began crying. He looked at her and he started crying too. People wondered what was wrong. But then, it wasn't too late before they realized. Prashant somehow finished his lunch and walked away. When Shalini came out with a glass to wash her hands, he held her by her arm and said, 'So when are you telling me your decision?'. She began crying again. Noticing that they could soon be seen, she said, 'Come to Gulbarga on 1st March, I will tell you' she said.

That was the last he heard her speak. Prashant returned to Hyderabad. The next twelve days, he spent waiting for 1st of March. On 28th Feb, he hardly slept. That morning, he got up at 4, bathed and at 5 AM, he kick-started his Ind-Suzuki and raced away on to the highway. He was in Gulbarga at 9.30. He knew which college she studied. He zoomed into the women's college compound and started walking towards the classroom. Just as he was about to enter the building, he heard Shalini say, 'Prashant!'. He turned around and when he saw her, he had tears flowing down his eyes.

'Come, let's go out,' he said. She sat behind him and he drove straight to Kamat Hotel. They occupied the corner-most table in the A/C section. They spent an hour there and then, finally he asked, 'You asked me to come, I'm here. Now you tell me, what's your response?'

'No, not just yet. Today I have an exam at 12.30. Can you meet me tomorrow, I will tell you for sure,' she said.

'Again tomorrow?' said Prashant. This time, the anger in him surfaced into his eyes. His tone reeked of his impatience. He somehow controlled his disappointment and said, 'Alright. But just one more day,' he said.

Manish lived in Gulbarga. He spent the night there and explained the whole story to him. Manish said, 'You are one crazy man. Don't force her too much. Let her take time'

The next morning, she arrived at 10.00 am to Kamat Hotel. They sat in the same place again. After having breakfast and Prashant having very positive hopes about the girl but impatience gushing inside him made him a sight to watch. He said, 'So, what have you decided?' adjusting his sleeves.

'Why do you think I am meeting you here,' she said.

A smile lit up Prashant's face. He looked at her and said, 'I love you, Shalini' and drew her towards him. In the empty A/C section of Kamat, for the first time, he intimately held her hand and pressed it.

Prashant's face was not glowing like a flood light. He had achieved whatever he wanted to. But this excitement lasted only for ten seconds. And this is what happened after that.

'So when are you sending your parents to our house?' she asked.

'What?'

'Yeah, so when are you sending your parents, to talk about our match, etc.' she asked again.

Prashant looked at her slightly confused. The smile had partially vanished from his face and his glow had faded.

He said, 'Why should my parents come to your house? You are the girl. Your parents should come to my house'

Shalini looked confused. She wasn't too happy. She said, 'You are the one who started it. Why not let your parents come and speak to mine. That's easier,'

'I am the guy. My parents will not go anywhere,' he said angrily.

'Send your parents,' he added.

Shalini looked into his eyes and said, 'I want to come and live with you, be a part of your life, why don't you send your parents?'

'My parents will not go and beg anyone,' he said.

'Why do you think it is begging?' she said.

Prashant looked at her. He said, 'One final time. Will you send your parents?'

She said, 'No.'

"Alright then. Have a good life," he said and walked away leaving three Rs.10 notes on the counter. He never turned around and looked at her.

One mistake Prashant made was, he assumed she would come running behind him and later send her parents. He was wrong. Nothing like that happened.

Twenty two years had passed, but the feelings were still fresh in Prashant's heart. In 2011, at the marriage of the small kid who handed over the first love-note he wrote for her, Prashant from a corner, showed me Shalini. She was old now, she was married and had teenager kids. But I've seen it, her eyes sparkled.

Today if you come to think of it, there would have been nothing wrong if Prashant had sent his parents to speak about the match. But then, ego destroys love. And of course, only destiny can change destiny.

- Deepak Karamungikar

Telugu Poem: నువ్వు

2011-11-09T17:31:00.002+05:30

నీ స్నేహం నా శ్వాస

నీ సంతోషం నా ఆశ

నీ రాక నా పిలుపు

నీ స్పృహ నా మత్తు

నీ నవ్వు నా సుఖం

నీ మాట నా వర్షం

నీ తోడు నా శక్తి

నీ స్వరం నా తృప్తి

నీ అలక నా గ్రహణము

నీ పరిమళం నా స్వర్గము

నీ అందం నా సముద్రం

నీ బంధం నా తత్త్వం

- దీపక్ కారాముంగికర్

Cartoon: Film Critic

2011-10-28T10:07:00.002+05:30

Don't Talk Rubbish: GreatAndhra files a defamation case against Telugu Film Industry

2011-10-18T13:17:00.002+05:30

GreatAndhra.com, on Monday accused the Telugu Film Industry of defaming his beautiful website. He accused all the industry stalwarts of trying to malign the reputation of the delicate-as-flower website. He saw the complaints against him as serious measure to rattle the strong ethical foundation on which GreatAndhra.com stands tall.

The website, in an emotionally choked voice said that it was deeply hurt by the way people used derogatory terms against it. Some of the things said by people that he found objectionable are as follows:

Dignified Cleavage: It didn't like the fact that the formatting on his website resembled a 'Dignified Cleavage'. "How can you use those two words together? Also, what is an undignified cleavage?" it asked.
Sexy Bombshell: It objected towards "some Krishna Nagar folks" use of the word 'Sexy Bombshell' referring to the woman in a dating-site advertisement on GreatAndhra.com. It insisted that they were all decent women who were looking for friendship.
Spicy: It said he didn't like the word 'Spicy' being used every where. For example, in "Film Nagar circles", some people were referring to GreatAndhra.com as 'Spicy Website', 'Spicy Ad', 'Spicy Java Coaching center advertisement', 'Spicy Politics', 'Spicy 3-column website layout' and 'Spicy Font'.
'Secret Behind': The website said that the film industry folks should stop guessing the 'Secret Behind' the homely website.
'Exraaas': It condemned the use of the word 'Extraas' while referring to the comments expressed by 'many' while talking about the pleasing tone of the website when it talks about women.
'Stunning Curve show': It didn't like the way people called the logo of its website, a stunning curve show
'Hot Sexy Transparent Treat': It said that the website was very transparent in its news and presentation and is a treat to the readers. It objected to the use of Sexy and Hot and said it was insulting, given the culture that we inherited.
'Thighs': Another of its objections was that some BIG heroes were feeling jealous of the fact that it was in a position to beat its thighs because it has 'Pourusham' from the content and traffic it has generated.
Big Bs: It also clarified that when he says BIG Bs, he means Big Banners and has urged people to think of their morals.

The website said that the Film Industry has no right to criticize because its conscience is as clear as glass and its articles are spiritual to say the least. Also, it clarified that the articles which talk about "recession causing extra-marital affairs" were backed by strong data from Price Beerhouse Coopers. It also said that according to research by CHISLE, many people agreed with him and some applauded it for the iconic article on "how people use brother-sister relationship to have sexual relationships" on the Rakhi Pournami. It also thanked the conscience-less fans of GreatAndhra for making it such a spiritually enlightening website. Also, some of the fans expressed their support and gratitude to the website especially because they didn't have to improve their English and were satisfied with the existing standards - both theirs and the website's.

The website, overall was unhappy, devastated and emotionally choked when he filed the defamation case against the entire film industry. "LET US WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS".

- Deepak Karamungikar

*Pure Sarcasm. Just for fun*

Daughter

2011-10-13T18:09:00.016+05:30

To my daughter, Akshata.

Beyond all joys lies your smile

Hours with you seem like a while
Heart skips a beat every time you fumble

Moments fill with glee when you vaguely mumble

Chest fills with pride every time you run

I'd fall ten times to save you from one

Thorns prick my heart when i hear you say bye

In the silence of my solitude, i remember and cry

Innocence in your eyes melts my heart

How do I express, where do I start?
Your chuckle is where my happiness begins

Troubles have forgotten me ever since

I thank the Lord for painting my life golden

Of all the homes, he chose mine to brighten

- Deepak Karamungikar

Madhuri

2011-09-30T19:58:00.003+05:30

While I was still in college, I had the unfortunate opportunity of accompanying my friend whenever he went to meet this rich and not-so-great girl who claimed to be his girlfriend. Lets call him Surya. Surya was not in the least interested in her, but she really liked him a lot, and hence, he out of sympathy may be, hung out with her. One day she invited him to her house and he was too scared to go alone. So, he took me along. I was pretty impressed with their large duplex house and the interiors. Samosa, Kachori and soft drink was bonus.

Surya looked like a stud then. He still does. I was convinced of my friend's discomfort given how this rich girl looked. In no way they were a good match. Also, I had heard him say that she often threatened him emotionally. He had to succumb and many such occasions led to this samosa party. After a while, the bell rang and her friend, lets call her Madhuri, walked in. Everything was perfect about her. Just as perfect as geometry can define. As soon as she arrived, I was introduced to her and MTVs Most Wanted, was played on Cable TV. Surya and the girl went upstairs to a room and cited private conversation as the reason. I am sure of my friend and his character, so don't let your mind wander. And thus, it boiled down to me and Madhuri in the hall with Shenaz accompanying us from inside the TV.

Soon, I leaned that Madhuri was Marathi too and we started conversing in Marathi. At the end of 25 minutes, this girl said 'I like you' to me. I just smiled but inside me, something kept pricking me. After another 10 minutes of pointless blabbering, she said, 'Its great to be in your company'. This may sound like self-appraisal but wait, don't jump to conclusions. I just smiled and said, "I am glad," and for the first time, realized that she could actually be speaking the truth. But at that time, I had someone else on my mind and hence, Madhuri never attracted me. An hour passed and we kept talking. At about 5.30, Surya and his fat girlfriend walked down the stairs and joined us. We had cool drink again and more dumbassery followed. At about 6.00, a guy walked in. I had seen him for the first time. The moment he came, Madhuri jumped on her feet and hugged him and screamed like she had just seen Mahesh babu. This was a shock. But in that one hour, If I had taken Madhuri seriously, it would have been a massive KLPD. I was glad I didn't let my tongue slip and say something to her. We returned after some time and on my way back, I told Surya what happened. He said, 'Be careful with her'.

Two weeks later Surya called me again asking me to accompany him to her house. I obliged and when we reached there, I saw Madhuri already present there and she had worn something that could make any teenager uncomfortable. I would be lying if I said I didn't pay any attention. As usual, they went upstairs for their alleged conversation. And I was left alone with her. Once again, she said, "I like you. Its great to be in your company". As I was beginning to feel her enticing presence, the door bell rang. She walked up to the door and opened it. It was some other guy, who she welcomed with a hug and a scream. The same scene and feeling repeated. This time, this guy, who looked very rich, didn't even bother to shake hands with me, took a seat beside her and put his arm around her shoulder. And that moment on, she never even looked at me. I just took the remote and changed channel. I remembered Surya's words "Be careful with her,". I was only glad that I had someone to go crazy about already.

Six months later, after a lot of deliberation, Surya broke up with that girl and I had no idea what happened to her. But after four years, in 2005, when I had just started enjoying my newly earned financial freedom, I saw Madhuri once at a pub. She was with a different guy. She smiled at me. We exchanged hellos and shook hands. The only thing that changed about her was the guy she consorted. Given her looks and style, it wasn't difficult for her I guessed. I was only glad, my friend's ex wasn't with her and neither did we speak about her nor about Surya. She took my phone number and gave hers. She never called me and neither did I expect her to call.

Life moved on. In 2009, I was at a party and there, I saw Madhuri again. She had married one of the friends of the host that night. After the kiddish stuff was done with, general drinks table discussions began over drinks and about eight men sat around the stuff on the terrace. One of them had recently married and he told how he managed to elope with his wife and how it was all nice now. Inspired by this thought, Madhuri's husband who was evidently high , said, "My marriage was decided in 2 minutes." Everyone asked, "How?". He said,"I went to see a friend one day. There I saw Madhuri. We had just spent 20 minutes with each other, and she said, "I like you, Its great to be in your company". And that's it."

- DK

Cousins

2011-09-14T15:27:00.001+05:30

There is something about cousins that bonds us with them. No matter how many differences arise in the growing up years, a stage comes where they become an essential part of our lives. We may not meet them often, but even if you meet them after ten years, the warmth remains the same.

16th May 1991. I was 8 yrs old and it was my Upanayan (thread ceremony). After everything was done, I changed into normal clothes from dhoti, etc. I noticed that there was a lull. It was about 4 in the evening and almost every guest had left. Only a few close relatives remained. I experienced a lull and was kind of disappointed to see empty chairs and the silence deafened me. I was hungry for a second time and was looking to eat. With no one around, I took a plate and served myself some rice and began eating. I felt very lonely. It was the kind of loneliness that bites you with its sharp teeth. Just then, my three year old cousin emerged from somewhere. I told him, 'See, this is my function and I am eating alone,'. This three and half year old boy picked up a plate and said, 'Wait, I will join you' and served himself rice. That was the first memory of my cousin Krishnakant Dixit. 21 years later, we share the same bond although he acted a bit weird in between, in phases he was stupid, but he's the best cousin you can get.

But the story today I want to tell you, is of another relative. He is 45 now. Let's name him Shiva. Shiva was in 9th class in 1981. One day after quickly finishing lunch, he was playing cricket in his school's large playground. He was fielding on the boundary. From where he stood, the school's gate looked like a miniature. From the gate, he saw someone enter in pure white clothes. He ignored and concentrated on the game. After a minute, he saw and ignored again. After two more minutes, when he saw a young man slowly started walking towards the main building. He suddenly got a hunch that it could be someone he knows. In a few seconds, he knew who it was. The bowler was getting ready for the next delivery which everyone awaited.

Suddenly, Shiva started running. He ran across the pitch as everyone stood astounded after a couple of them screamed his name to hear no response. He ran hard. He stopped right in front of the man in whites. Shiva couldn't express his joy when he saw his cousin, lets call him Dada. He simply jumped and clung to him and hugged him for a minute. The first thing Dada said to Shiva was, 'Give your bag to somebody, let's go out,'. Shiva wasted no time. He haded over his bag to a friend and they were off. It was just about 1 o clock. Dada took him to Dilshad theater where Kamal Hasan's Ek Duje Ke Liye was being shown. They watched the matinee show which ended at five pm. After that, Dada, who was in his final year of graduation in those days, took him to a bar. That is where he tasted his first beer. That night when they got home, they talked and talked and talked till dawn. After two days he left. That was the beginning of one of the greatest affinities I heard.

There was a phase in between, when unfortunately, for some reason, they weren't on great talking terms for a few months. One day in 1998, Shiva had gone to a town in Karnataka for some work. Dada's home was 40 kms from that town. After he finished his work, he thought a hundred times contemplating whether go and meet Dada or not because of lack of time. For some reason, he didn't and instead decided to watch a movie in those few hours he had before his bus left for Hyderabad. The exit gate of the theater where he watched the movie led straight to the main road through a staircase. As he walked down the stairs with about 8 steps to go, on the opposite side of the road near the pan shop just opposite to the exit, he saw Dada. He couldn't believe his luck. He pushed people apart and ran towards him. Dada couldn't contain his excitement and screamed aloud. Shiva usually emotional man couldn't help but tears flowed out of his eyes. Dada had come to watch the next show of the movie before he took a bus to his village. As expected, the plan was cancelled. They went straight to a bar, talked a million sentences, made up for what they had missed and had a great time. They never had any discomfort between them after that.

In 2003, when I was studying in my B School, Dada was admitted in the hospital for jaundice. He couldn't survive the illness and sadly, passed away. In early 2011, I went to attend a marriage in the same town where Shiva had met Dada.We reached the function hall late in the night at about 12.20 am. Everything, as expected was closed outside. As we unloaded our luggage and walked out, Shiva realized that it was the same cinema theater which was now a function hall. He looked at the Pan Shop and tears flowed out of his eyes. That was when he told me narrated tales about his days with Dada. Time flies. Today, Shiva's hair has greyed but he still thinks of Dada and remembers his three decade old stories as if they happened yesterday.

Good cousins indeed are a gift. Even a billion dollars can't bring back Dada or that smile on Shiva's face when he came down looking for him to his school or the one on Dada's face when he accidentally discovered him at the pan shop. What remains today is memories full of delight, but iced with tears.

- Deepak Karamungikar

The Embrace

2011-09-08T00:51:00.001+05:30

Graciously, she walked down the aisle
Her aura struck him, before her smile
He heard her breathe, in silence of the noon
In broad day light, he saw a full moon

Soaked in joy, he awaited her touch
His heart hied, her presence was such
Step by step, her warmth killed him
His eyes indulged, heart filled to brim

He clutched her wrist, drew her close
Her breath recited poetry, she stiffened her toes
His world ended around her neck's mole
Scent of her femininity engulfed his soul

In his embrace, she discovered heaven
He sighed, for fragrance isn't a weapon

- Deepak Karamungikar

ఫేస్బుక్ బ్రతుకు

2011-09-02T21:10:00.002+05:30

ఫేస్బుక్ ఒక చాల మంచి ఐడియా. దాన్నికరెక్ట్ గా వాడుకుంటే చాలా బాగుంటుంది. కానీ కొంత మంది ఫేస్బుక్లొ వేసే వేషాల వల్ల మనుషులకి చిరాకేసి కోట శ్రీనివాస రావు గారి స్టైల్ లొ 'ఈ ఫేస్బుక్ ఎవడు కనపెట్టాడు రా బాబు ' అని అనాల్సొస్తుంది. పోనీ, పని పాట లేదు, బేవార్స్ గా ఉన్నాడు, ఏదో సరదా కి చేస్తున్నాడు అని అనుకుంటే, మంచి హోదా లొ ఉండి, 24 రాళ్ళూ సంపాదిస్తూ యదవ లా ప్రవర్తిస్తారు.

ఫ్రెండ్స్ లిస్ట్ లొ అమ్మాయి ఉంటె చాలు. ఎలా ఉన్నా పర్లేదు. ఆమె ఇడ్లీ తిన్నా, కూరగాయలు కొన్నా, వీడు ఆ స్టేటస్ ని లైక్ చేసి ధర్మవరపు సుబ్రహ్మణ్యం మిస్టర్ పెళ్ళాం లొ A V S గారికి జోహార్లు పలికినట్టు, 'వాట్ ఎ ఇడ్లీ, ఆహా వాట్ ఎ వొంకాయ కూర' అని కామెంట్ రాయకుండా ఉండలేడు.

ఇక అందిరికి చిరాకేసే విషయం ఏంటంటే టాగ్స్. అమ్మ తోడు అడ్డంగా ట్యాగ్ చేస్తా అనుకోని కొంత మంది పండగ కోసం కాస్కోని కూర్చుంటారు. ఎనీ పండగ సింగల్ హ్యాండ్ అనుకుంటూ ఫోటోషాప్ ధీరులు ఎక్కడెక్కడనించో టెంప్లేట్ దొంగతనానికి పాలుపడి రెడీ గా ఉంటారు. కాని, రాఖి పండగ రోజు మాత్రం ఎవ్వడు కనపడడు.

ఈ ఫోటోషాప్ ని వాడి కొంత మంది వాళ్ళ చిత్రాలతో చిత్రహింసలు పెడతారు. తన వెనుకాల సింహాలు, పులులు, బాక్గ్రౌండ్ లొ హిమాలయాలు పెట్టుకునే వాళ్ళు ఒక రకమయితే కాజల్ అగర్వాల్ పక్కన నిలపదినట్టు, ఇలియానా తన వాడిలొ కూర్చున్నట్టు చేయించుకునే వాళ్ళు ఇంకో రకం. బాబుల్లారా, మీ ఆసలు బాగా నే ఉన్నాయి. కాని, సమాజం పట్ల కొంచం దయా దాక్షిణ్యాలు ఉంటె బాగుంటుంది.

ఫర్మ్విల్లె ఆడే వాళ్ళు, రకరకాల apps వాడి గోడ ను పాడు చేసే వాళ్ళు, బూతు బొమ్మ కనిపియగానే చొంగ కరచుకొని క్లిక్ చేసి సిగ్గు లేకుండా LOOLLZZZ అని స్టేటస్ రాస్కునే వాళ్ళతో మనం కనీస జాగ్రత్త వహించాలి. వీళ్ళకి ఎందులో పడితే అందులో వేలు పెట్టె అలవాటు బాగా ఉంటుంది. న్యూస్ ఛానల్ కి కూడా పనికిరాని రకం వీళ్ళు.

ఇక ఇలాంటివి చాలా ఉన్నాయి. అన్ని రాస్తే ఈ పోస్ట్ కూడా అమ్మమ్మ.com అవుతుంది. కాని ఈ కొన్నినియమాలను అనుసరిస్తే మీ ఫేస్బుక్ జీవితం RTC బస్సు ప్రయాణం లాగా సురక్షితం, సుఖవంతం అవుతుంది.

తెలియని విషయాలలో వేలు పెట్టరాదు.
కాజల్ అగర్వాల్ ఫోటో డిస్ప్లే లొ పెడితే, అమ్మాయి ఆవరేజ్
డిస్ప్లే ఫోటో లొనల్ల కళ్ళజోళ్ళు పెట్టుకున్నచో మిమ్మలిని అమ్మాయిలు ఆడ్ చేస్కుంటారు అన్నది ఒక అపూహ, భ్రమ.
ఇచ్చ్చాట పెళ్లి సంమంధాలు చూడరాదు.
మీ మగతనాన్ని చాటడానికి వైరస్ వీడియో లింక్ ని క్లిక్ చేయరాదు. మన సంస్కృతి నేర్పిన తండ్రి కూతుర్ల బంధాన్ని గౌరవించండి
ఫేస్బుక్ మనందరిది. దీనిని పరిశుభ్రంగా ఉంచుదాం.

- దీపక్ కారాముంగికర్

A letter to those who made the 3G population control ad

2011-08-02T00:45:00.004+05:30

Note: Reader discretion is advised. Post contains offensive language.

To,

Those who made this 3G population control ad

Dear Sir,

I don't want to waste time introducing myself. Let me get into the matter straight away. I wonder what you and your bunch of excel sheet excretionists were thinking when you brought out that advertisement that took average IQ of your industry into negatives. I am talking about the population control dick-wagging your agency came up with and you approved it like an out of business cyprian.

First of all, the music. The music in your advertisement sounds like you gave all the money to AB and hired a local train beggar/singer and his Rs. 20/- a day assistant to finish the job. I seriously want to know what your market research guys were smoking when they came up with this report which says that people fuck only when there is a power failure? People fuck whenever they can. It is true. You might want to try.

Coming to the internet-porn-addict sleazy creative guys and the director who decided to show the bed rocking metaphor for copulation, they didn't have to show to the entire world how they were born. As such, your ad and your service are as unrelated as a Camel's penis and Trigonometry.

Showing long queues of people waiting to take a shit and footage of large crowds to depict India's population is as cliched a man scratching his groin on a sultry afternoon in Chennai. And when he says, 'Bechare aur karenge bhi kya?', I wished someone got medieval on your sphincter and stopped your reckless bum-wiggling.

Introducing a phone as a substitute for a wife was the point where your sanity levels dropped so low that they emerged from the other end of the earth. Also, when you say 'Iski Kya Zaroorat Hai', showing a vasectomy clinic, your ridiculousness surpassed the retardation levels the entire thought that believes watching videos and playing games on 3G is actually useful.

And that 'Maine vaivahik jeevan tyaag diya,' scene where a man is seen fiddling with his phone where he should be fiddling with something else, reinforces my belief that the grey part of your brain people is no bigger than the fluid generating glands between your legs.

Finally, to control population people need to pay Rs.5/- and buy a condom and NOT Rs. 5000/- and get 3G anal probe done every month.

- D K

Silence...

2011-07-26T01:52:00.000+05:30

Frenzied by the breeze, she stood on the hill

Engulfed in her fragrance, he froze still

Clouds obscured the sun but a speck lit up her face

No roar of lightening could end his gaze

Horizon silhouetted as the sky darkened grey

She glanced at him and put his gloom at bay

He walked closer but she seemed too far

When his eyes met hers, clouds were at war

It drizzled in his heart as he touched her hand

The whole world changed like with a magic wand

His soul fluttered as her hair danced to the breeze

She smiled once and his heart was at ease

It then rained hard and rekindled the fire

In each other’s embrace they found a mire

- (c) Deepak Karamungikar

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: K Kesava Rao to start spoken English classes.

2011-07-22T18:13:00.003+05:30

Senior Congress leader Mr. K Kesava Rao has decided to start Spoken English classes after he finishes his current agitation. He was impressed with the cheering he received recently after a press conference to a English News Channel. He is confident that this move, will make him quite popular among the people and also help people learn English in the current global environment.

Mr. Kesava Rao is known for his Cambridge-esque vocabulary. And his grammar expertise makes him a No. 1 among all the congress leaders in the region. He is also well appreciated by the people of the region and the news media equally. He has been at the forefront of all the issues and has been actively involved in speaking to the media. Last time he gave a interview at a national news channel, its TRP rose by 400%.

After observing a series of interviews on TV and his speeches, 'prajalu, yuvakulu' (people, especially youth) have come up with this demand that he starts Spoken English classes so that every one can join and try to become like him. Owing to the public demand and wave of appreciation, he has decided to give in. The spoken English course will be delivered in 2 phases -

Phase 1. Speaking in English.

Phase 2. Making people understand in Telugu/Hindi/Urdu.

The fees for the course is yet to be decided, but already 2000+ students have enrolled for the course. Parents in their workplaces have already started competing and are of the opinion that their kids' life will settle and a few of them are also thinking of getting good marriage proposals for their children.

- D K

*No intention to hurt anyone. Just for fun. Pure Satire. Nothing Else.*

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: Harry Potter fanatic carries broomstick to office

2011-07-14T18:21:00.000+05:30

Howlesh Kumar of Hyderabad has been a Harry Potter fan for over a decade now. He was in school when he first read the 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone' and has been living HP ever since. He was so excited when the first part of the movie released that he got himself the same glasses which Daniel Radcliffe wore and also continues to wear them.

He has been excited ever since he heard of the release of the last installment of the series on film. 'I love Harry and gang. I can't imagine, we are 7 parts old now. And this is gonna be the last part,' he said emotionally as his friend handed him over his handkerchief.

But he did something no other fan in the world had managed. Howlesh was excited and emotional at the same time, that he actually entered his office with a broom stick between his thighs, although he didn't fly.

Howlesh wanted to buy an authentic Nimbus 3000 broomstick, but when he went to Begum Bazaar, he found only Monkey and 555 brands and settled for a Monkey brand broomstick with plastic handle and 6 months replacement warranty. As he entered the office with the broomstick stuck between his thighs, security personnel mistook him for house-keeping staff, but he was soon recognized. Fellow Harry Potter fans cheered and a girl, Shunya, whistled and quickly kissed him on his cheek.

Howlesh spent the whole day walking around the office. He also drilled a hole in his office chair so that the he can insert and adjust the broomstick under his bums when he sits. Howlesh and his broomstick have become an Internet rage now as he is getting ready to watch the premier show of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows - 2. Apparently, he has also taken special permission at PVR Cinemas to watch the film sitting on his broomstick. Howlesh and his Monkey broomstick are talk of the HP fan community world over and is also trending on Twitter. Some of the most elite fans believe that this act can actually land him in Hogwarts.

- Deepak Karamungikar
*Pure Satire. Nothing Serious*

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: HR Executive becomes first person to crack same joke on Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and Google+

2011-07-11T22:35:00.001+05:30

Miss. Kamnahi Kyakaroon is a HR executive working in the pay-roll department of an IT company. After her work for the month was done in the first week, she received a Google+ invitation from one of her friend which added to her social responsibilities. Yesterday, she became the first person to successfully crack the same SMS joke on all four websites Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and Google+, (yes all four of them). This achievement is being touted as one of the rarest and the best yet.

Kamnahi had realized that her boss was absent for the day and in a fit of excitement, she used the same browser to open all four windows and networked with friends. Kamnahi who writes her name as ♛K@mN@hi ♛ on Orkut, has been on Social Networks for the last 6 years. Her display photo has varied from Kajol, Madhuri Dixit, Aishwarya Rai, Trisha and now Genelia. She has over 9 testimonials, 7 of which were force-bartered. The other two were actually text art from a stalker who has been following her for years now.

Her Facebook where she is known as ‘Kamnahi Kyakaroon :D’ account had remained idle for a long time, since she didn't know many of the features. However, Farmville, Fishville and Astrology apps interested her and she started using Facebook. Today, she is a proud user of 300 apps and has been tagging people in over 2000 photographs which make no fucking sense whatsoever. She probably is also the first lady to click on all video viruses on Facebook till date. Apart from the app notifications, describing weather, she shares 2 SMS Shayaris, 2-3 EPIC LOLZZ videos and tells the world what she ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Kamnahi on Twitter has as many followers as Antara Mali has fans. So, let’s not discuss about it. Last week, Kamnahi received a Google+ invite and she hasn’t been trying to figure out what to do with it although she has been going around in circles. To her rescue, came the tech geek from office who is currently stalking her. He helped her figure out stuff and she agreed to go out for coffee with him. Yesterday, when she saw that there was nobody to bug her at work; she accomplished the rare achievement of cracking the same SMS joke on Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and Google+ with extraordinary results. She got over 30 scraps, 18 Likes, 1 RT and 12 +1s.

Kamnahi attributes her success to her hard work and persistence. She said, ‘See, like, you know, I mean, you know, I am on Orkut. Orkut is like a God to me. But, time is moving fast. We also have to move. So, I have to catch up. Facebook status is like a daily chore to me. Also, I would like to thank the geek sir who helped me achieve this, without him, It would have been so difficult to crack same joke on 4 platforms!,’ she said. However, she refused to comment on her single digit follower count on Twitter.

- Deepak Karamungikar

*Pure Satire. Nothing Serious*

Image is used only for effect. Source: topnews.in

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: Obsessed by Delhi Belly, s/w engineer calls his boss 'Bhos***e'

2011-07-08T23:28:00.003+05:30

Pappu Bewakoofkar until yesterday was a software engineer with a project in hand (usually a rare combination). But life changed for him after he watched the movie 'Delhi Belly'. He was awed by the use of swear-words in the movie that he watched the movie 5 times in one week. Especially when one of the actors said 'bho****ke,' without any context, he laughed out hysterically. Pappu comes from a conservative family and has always secretly enjoyed swear-words.

On Wednesday, when he reached office, he was greeted well by everyone. But at lunch, in the cafeteria, he was reminded of the hilarious scene where one of the actors takes a shit and finds that there is no water in the toilet. He laughed out loud. When his boss, who was sitting at the adjacent table asked him, 'What happened?', he promptly replied, 'Chup bhosdike'. There was a deathly silence when he said it, but Pappu kept walking towards the counter singing 'Bhaag DK bose DK bose...'.

When Pappu realized what happened, it was too late. His boss' colleagues were ROFLing. When this was taken to HR's notice, Pappu was taken to task and was handed over his termination letter and was asked to leave the premises immediately. Other software engineers were found gossiping about Pappu and one of the girls said, 'Kya ch***ya hai, pata nahi behe****d kab gali deni hai, kab nahi deni. Gali kabhi waste nahi honi chahiye'.

While Pappu's boss is not having a good time facing everyone in the office, he was heard saying 'Izzat nikaal di bho****e ne,'

- Deepak Karamungikar

*pure satire. nothing serious*

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: Ad film maker with an IQ of 120 discovered.

2011-07-07T21:18:00.001+05:30

Inspired by my childhood favorite TV programmes, 'Ulta Pulta', 'Flop Show' and by the famous 'Faking News', I thought even I should give Satirical News a try. I will call this series 'DONT TALK RUBBISH'. I hope you will like it as much as you like my short stories and blog posts. The first one in the series is here.

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: Ad film maker with an IQ of 120 discovered.

If the sources are to be believed, the unimaginable has happened. An advertising film maker with an IQ of 120, yes, 120 has been discovered. However impossible it may seem, there actually exists an Indian ad film maker with such high IQ. Meet Mr. Ashish Dimagwala, the smart ad film maker.

Ashish Dimagwala was found selling Vada Pav near Juhu chowpaty. An old colleague from the intelligent-days of TV advertising instantly recognized. Apparently, Ashish has a very sad story to tell. 'I was sacked because I was intelligent and could make good ads,' he said with tears in his eyes. 'There was no place for someone like me. Our industry needs people with IQ in the range of 20-25. Some freshers also come in with an IQ of 5 and make the Idea and DoCoMo ads'

Before he was sacked, Ashish Dimagwala was under tremendous pressure to make dumb ads but given his natural instincts, he failed at every attempt and was finally sacked. He was often ridiculed and tortured for being smart. His colleagues found him unsuitable for the industry. ‘They used to say itna dimag lekar kya karega?’ he said as tears rolled out of his eyes. ‘They also tried to brainwash me, but I didn’t listen to them,’ he added.

Ashish Dimagwala is now a happy man selling Vada Pav and is soon going to expand by starting five more branches. He doesn’t want to get back to ad films any more. ‘I was scared that I would become like them. But luckily I survived the retardedness around me. They had started a movement on the lines of ‘Size Zero’ called ‘IQ Zero’ that was when the DoCoMo ad was being made and I was sacked,’ he said.

On the other hand, Ad Filmmaker’s Association of India has denied all such rumors and has termed Ashish Dimagwala as ‘Fraud’. ‘It is impossible for any ad film maker in India to have an IQ of anything above 40. 120 is a ridiculous number and I think Mr. Dimagwala is a fraud and is trying to gain some cheap publicity. We, on behalf of the agency deny the existence of any such professional,’ said Mr. Ch. Nandan, the chairman of AFAI who personally boasts of an IQ of 2.5.

Denying allegations of intelligence, Ch. Nandan said, ‘If you want, you can check all the ads on TV. If any of them can be termed as ‘smart’, I am ready to strip in public,’ he said. ‘As an industry, we have never tolerated smartness. It is a fundamental norm. We ensure that all ads we make, especially the FMCG ones are dumb. I promise that we would maintain the same dumbness at all times.’

- Deepak Karamungikar

*Pure satire. Nothing serious.*

Lekin...

2011-06-15T02:04:00.000+05:30

खता हमारी नज़र की नहीं

जादू तुम्हारी अदा में है

शरारत हमारे नीयत की नहीं

धोका तुम्हारी अदा में है

नशा हमारी आदत ही नहीं

मैखाना तुम्हारी आँखों में है

तैरना हमरी क़ाबलियत ही नहीं

गिर्दाब तुम्हारी आँखों में है

नींद हमारी दुश्मन तो नहीं

चोरी आपकी नज़र में है

दर्द हमारी फितरत तो नहीं

छुरी तुम्हारी नज़र में है

दीवानगी हमारी सीरत में नहीं

जूनून तुम्हारी मुस्कान का है

बेहयाई हमारी अलामत में नहीं

जबर तुम्हारी मुस्कान का है

- दीपक करामूंगीकर

Castaways

2011-06-10T22:51:00.003+05:30

Most of us have been through college and the rest of you will be there soon. If you stop for a moment and let your mind sneak into the past, you will find there was always this guy who had girls around him all the time. I always wondered how these guys manage to get so much estrogen around them. Finding the reasons and researching this subject is as pointless as waiting for a maiden over from Ajit Agarkar. However, I will give it a shot.

While I was having lunch today at Kritrunga, I saw a guy who had come with another guy and four girls. This guy, sat in between two girls and was trying really hard to impress, I don't know which of those four. He cracked about 6 jokes including putting the plate on his head rolling his eyes in order to look funny before their food arrived and for each of those jokes, he was the only one who laughed. I am sure his moments of joy lasted only till the bill arrived. However, as I walked back to office, I remembered a few of such characters from the past.

In my Intermedia, I knew of a guy who refused to share the petrol cost with a friend and quoted family problems but the same day bought a dairy milk family pack to give it to a girl who he never saw after college. He was always found in female company. Me and my friend later learned that he wrote the lab records for three of his girl-friends for three full years. Today he is 33 and is unmarried and all his female friends are on his Facebook friends list. What a fucking waste of opportunities.

And then there was another who used to hang out with the girls so much that even if one of them went to the toilet, he would hold her chunni/dupatta and wait outside. There is so much display of platonic affection that if let's say someone falls sick, there's spoon feeding happening during lunch time and if someone is crying, there's hair caressing and shoulder offering that happens. It is an insult to your intelligence to believe that there is no jerking off happening later at home.

Another thing that pisses me off is the nicknames these girly boys get. Suddenly one day, all girls start calling him 'Chinnu'. And he nods his head like the decorated bull that comes to your doorstep on the next day of Sankranti. He will do their work, bring samosas for them, drop them home without expecting a thanks, everyday and buy chocolates for them when he is angry with them.

The saddest part of their lives is that there are beautiful experiences that they missed out being with guys in a gang. While he was sitting in the canteen secretly stealing glances of her cleavage but pretending to do combined study, the other guys were getting a high playing cricket. While he attended the class just because the girls are attending, the other guys were throwing strips of newspapers in the air and screaming and dancing on the first day of a movie in a theater.

While he was showing off his smart alecness to the girls, he missed out on being smart.

- Deepak Karamungikar

Note: No intention to hurt women/girls. Just that it is a guy thing.