Forgotten

Unicorns?

2014-03-07T21:37:00.000Z

So I've finally and inevitably come to the conclusion that I complain about life way too much.

Ok no that's a lie, I probably realised this a long time ago, but I've decided to actually do something about it now...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not turning into a naive child who thinks the world is all rainbows and unicorns. But surely it's similarly or even equally naive to think that it's all:

That doesn't for even a second mean that I don't sympathise with anyone who is or has been affected by any of those events at all. I'm not saying the world is perfect, it's full of people suffering, but through it all there's also things that are kind of just crazy, beautiful, amazing.

Moments of Stupid Clarity

2013-10-19T23:53:00.001+01:00

There are those moments of clarity people get every so often when they realise that actually their life is pretty all right and they've made some all right decisions...

And then there's me.

Hah, no. My moments of clarity are when I realise how completely stupid I am. I just, I don't even know what the hell.

There's this guy whose two years older than me and I genuinely had the biggest crush on him, not even funny, and I guess I kinda still do. Anyway in the summer my family and his family and a whole load of other people went camping in Wales for a week and during that time we talked a bit and shit, anywaaaay he overheard me inviting his sister to my friend's party and he was like "I want to come".

Not gonna lie, I want to say I was all smooth and shit, but nope, I wasn't. To be honest I didn't think he was being serious. A couple of days later he was like, "let's turn up at the party together".

Once again, my brain did not process this as any other brain of a girl whose crush was asking her to turn up to a party together. Hahahaha, oh no, I thought he was joking around. He wasn't. But I really didn't know that, so I was like lol no. He asked me "why", still not realising he may actually be interested in coming to the party with me I just said "because I've got to get there early to help set up".

Then what did he say? "I'll come early with you."

Just a reminder that this was a guy that I had a huge crush on for like a while.

What did I say? In the perfect world - or one even slightly better than this one let's be honest here - I would've gotten the hint that he actually wanted to turn up together and said "yes".

Nope, I just rejected him. Again.

Just kill me...

The 'Summer Shit I Did Because I Was Off My Face' Category

2013-09-14T12:46:00.002+01:00

Haven't posted in a while ugh sorry summer's been busy!

I swear summer is the time where we can just do whatever and at the end just categorise it under 'Summer Shit I Did Because I Was Off My Face'. At least that's what happens in my group of friends.

But now there's a problem, and to explain I have to explain one of the stories under that category... let's not judge too much guys?

I was at a party where everyone was pretty much getting drunk, so yeah it was the usual, but I was part of the ones that drunk first - I'm pretty much the biggest lightweight ever. Like seriously. It's not even funny. And obviously it didn't help with the fact that I hadn't eaten anything that day other than Smurf Haribos - which I'm sorry but are the fucking best things ever invented.

Anyway, so yeah I got drunk and I needed to check my phone which I'd plugged into a socket in my friend's dad's room because it was supposed to be off-limits. So I was going up the stairs and at the top I bumped into this guy. He was like 'Hey' and I was like 'Hey' and then I just walked away to go check my phone, not quite realising the guy was following me into the bedroom.

He sat on the bed and said, "What's your name?"

My back was to him while I was trying to check my phone. "I'm Ro."

He laughed. "What like row row row your boat?"

I laughed, this wasn't the first I'd heard that. "Original."

I put my phone back on the windowsill and turned to look at him. He patted the spot on the bed next to him.

Once again let's not judge now I was pretty drunk.

I took my red vans off and climbed onto the bed, he laughed and then awkwardly shuffled so he was lying down next to me propped up by his elbow. We talked for a bit and then he leaned down and kissed me.

Yeah I know it was a random guy that I'd pretty much just met and I don't know where I'm going with this cos I have no excuse so let's just go back to the story...

He kissed me and I didn't feel anything. Literally nothing. I wasn't attracted to him and actually to be perfectly honest he wasn't the best kisser. So when his hands started moving down my back, I pulled back, got off the bed and said "Let's go downstairs."

I sat on the floor and pulled my vans on and then walked out.

That was the end of it.

But not. Because a couple of weeks later, my best friend started going out with him.

Which I genuinely am cool with like seriously I don't give a shit I don't like the guy. My only problem is that now she's pissed off that we kissed at that party.

What the actual fuck?

Like I'm sorry... but what now??!

Moved on?

2013-03-06T21:00:00.001Z

It's been a year today since me and my (ex? is that what you would call it when you just don't talk anymore?) best friend had a fight that pretty much fucked up our friendship. Not gonna go in all the details cos to be I don't even quite understand it and anyway it's all in the past now plus it's pretty boring lol.

So why am I talking about it now???

Personally - and this is one of those rare times on here where I get all weird and slightly deep I don't even know - I think that yeah you should move on, that's great and all but if you completely forget, then won't you just make the same mistake again?

I don't know, I guess what I'm saying is move on but don't forget completely because then you might fall into the same trap and feel shit again. Personal opinion and I don't know where I'm going with this all but there ya go!

Looking back now, a year today I was really genuinely low and you might think it's stupid because it was just a fight between me and a friend, but it was more than that because it ruined a friendship with someone who completely got me and was the closest person to me. But then there's today, and it's such a contrast because... I'm good.

I'm not feeling brilliant because exams (MY RESULTS FOR THE JANUARY MODULES ARE COMING TOMORROW SHIT) but I feel a hell of a lot better than I did on the night of March 6th 2012...

So I guess the point of this post is that if you feel really shit now, hold tight. Talk to someone. Listen to music. Get through it. Take one day at a time.

Because it'll get better.

I honestly hated it when people told me "it'll get better" because I was like "When?? When will it 'get better'?? How could you know??" and I guess you don't know when it's going to get better. But a point is going to come when you stop and realise, that actually you're ok. You may not be 'great', but you're a pretty strong 'ok'. Ok?

Love,
Ro xx

Irritating things

2013-01-26T17:49:00.002Z

Hi to everyone who's reading this, and actually follows my weird posts about the weird shit that is my life lol, ilya <3 <3

I like making lists, I don't know if you guys have noticed it, but I've made quite a few so far and I don't particularly think I want to stop haha so here's another one:

The most irritating things (in no particular order)

1. When pretty people call themselves ugly and fat. Like seriously can you not, if you're ugly what am I? Because in that case then I'm beyond ugly l don't even know I'm like a giant fucking troll or something lol ok whatever.

2. When someone you don't particularly like invite themselves to come along with you.

3. When someone in front of you walks slower than you. Oh my god... I actually can't even

4. When friends stab you in the back.

5. When you find out your favorite programme didn't record because it clashed with your stupid brother's 'Garfield Show'.

6. When it snows and it seems that the whole world gets the snow day off but not your school. Nope cause they never close, ever.

7. Those days where you just feel like crying but you don't know why.

8. WHEN YOU CAN'T WEAR YOUR LUCKY TIGHTS ON EXAM DAY CAUSE SOME IDIOT FRIEND JUMPED ON YOU AND RIPPED THEM. I don't know maybe this one's just me

9. When you don't know how to help your friends when you know they're upset.

10. Pointless lists that people make when they're bored loooool sorry

I'M BAAAAAAACK WEY HEY

2013-01-25T21:48:00.002Z

EXAMS ARE OVER FUCK YESSSS!!!! I HAD 12 FUCKING EXAMS THIS WEEK AND OVER THE LAST THREE WEEKS I'VE HAD 21. It wasn't even funny, it was absolute shit.

But hey there're over now so whoop whoop, I had 4 real GCSE modules in Biology, Chemistry, Physics and Psychology and then the rest were mocks or exams for the scholarship.

Anyhow let's stop talking about exams cause I've been thinking about them enough and they've ruined my whole internet anti-socialistic behaviour enough thanks.

Ok well you know the guy I was talking about in my last post who's going out with Sofia - you probably don't care but let's go with it anyway - he tried to commit suicide.

Fortunately it didn't work. Thank god. Not gonna lie he's not my all time favourite person because of how he was treating Sofia, but I guess now it makes sense why he did that, I don't hate him and I honestly don't think anyone deserves to ever feel so completely shit that they would rather commit suicide. I don't know.

Why are you even here...

2013-01-07T17:02:00.000Z

In all honesty the people I respect the least are the ones who get off on useless and pointless drama. The people who like to stir up shit. We all know at least one person like that. The people who enjoy stirring up random shit about people they don't like and watching it all play out.

But when something happens to them they're all like 'OMG WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO DESERVE THIS OMG'.

To be honest I don't particularly know where I'm going to with this post but I just feel a bit like ranting.

School starts on Wednesday, really really not looking forward to that, cos guess what, my school? It's full of people like that. I'm not going to lie on my own blog, I used to be one of those people. But I guess I grew up a bit, and to be honest? Life's so much more than pointless drama. It's really not worth it.

But talking about pointless drama, here's what's going on at the moment. This girl in my class, who I guess is my closest friend, (her name's Sofia) and she's the one I mentioned before who's bulimic, is going out with a guy. This guy a couple of months back, proposed to her.

PROPOSED.

She's 16 and he's 17, but he's only one year above her in school because his brain has the mental age of a 16 year old. Anywaaaay, yeah he fucking proposed. She told me when he proposed a while ago and I was like ummmm what the actual fuck. So yeah the reason as to why I'm posting about it NOW is that he broke the engagement.

I guess he came to his senses but the way he broke the engagement was harsh as fuck! He told her that, "We're only young, what do we actually know about love? We're probably going to brake up later and have lots of other relationships."

THE FUCK??

Who's boyfriend says that?? "We're probably going to brake up"?? I mean yeah it's probably the truth but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say that.

And that's not all of it.

A couple of days ago he also told her that he has feelings for another girl. Who happens to be this girl that he asked out before Sofia, but she rejected him.

I was speechless when Sofia told me cause I'm sorry but what a douche. I didn't say that to Sofia, cause she still loves him and has decided to not leave him even though he has become a massive dick.

I'm really worried about her cause she says she really loves him and he's told her that if the feelings he has for this other girl doesn't go away in the next to weeks then they should break up.

2013 expectations...

2013-01-01T19:54:00.001Z

HAPPY NEW YEARS PEOPLE!!

I can't even deal with the fact that it's 2013 already like what the hell happened to 2012 da fuq.

Alright so it's a new year and all that and you're supposed to come up with New Year's Resolutions right? I never actually do it cause let's be honest how long do these things actually last?? But hey, it's a new year and I'm up for trying new shit, so let's go;

New Years RESOLUTIONS

1) STOP STRESSING OVER STUPID SHIT.

2) Actually revise for exams - and not just in the week before I have to take them (lol that's going to be hard...).

3) Don't get low over what people think or say about me.

4) Stick to my real friends.

5) Don't cut

Especially the last one, though I've actually been doing pretty well, haven't done it for like a month now so wheeey. I've never actually posted about self-harming cause I hate talking about it but there ya go. Anyone struggling with it I'm here for you and I'll try my best to help <3

ANYWAYS what's your New Year's Resolutions??

Love ya guys and I'll try post soon but I've got exams coming late January so we'll see how well that goes ugh someone just kill me now seriously...

Pressure

2012-12-22T13:11:00.001Z

A letter came in the post a couple of days ago saying that I had been approved to take the test to receive a Scholarship.

So basically I need to take a test in English Lit, Philosophy, Psychology and Maths and also a 'Common Paper'.

The thing is though I really need to get it. I know it'd really help with the whole money situation at home. So I guess I'm freaking out cos now I have to worry about the Scholarship, and my GCSE exams and the mock exams - all of which are happening in January.

But in other news, this girl in my class has been bitching about me behind my back, wheey. Apparently she said, and I quote: "I hate the way she (talking about me) looks at you under her lashes and judges you." And she also said: "She pretends to be innocent but she's a judgmental bitch."

Greeeat. And this is the 'judgmental bitch' signing off. Bye.

"'Family Fun' anyone? Anyone? No? Ok..."

2012-12-14T09:21:00.001Z

So my mother is always looking for things that we can do together as a family and wants us all to spend time together. And obviously going on a holiday is too mainstream...

Let's just take this chance to look over some of her past *amazing* ideas for us to 'bond':
a) Camping (lol this never even happened but my mum was focused on this for like 3 days until she realised no, you can't wear heels on the site...)

b) Going to London every week (this was probably my favourite idea, but this was stopped after reality sunk in for my mother)

c) Playing 'Guess The Country I'm thinking Of' at the dinner table (unfortunately this still happens)

And there were sooo many more!

But moving on to her most recent idea, she called me down to the living room from my room and was like;
"Me and you dad (this is a lie I'm pretty sure it was just her) have decided that we need to spend more time as a family. So, we have decided that until 9pm no one is allowed to go on their phones or laptop so we can spend time together and talk in the living room."

Yeah she said that. She get's home at 6 and she wanted to spend 6pm-9pm all together. THAT'S 3 HOURS.

Considering the fact my parent's are addicted to their iPhones, this lasted half an hour until she finally let me go back to my room as she reached for her phone.

Well at least my dad doesn't think she cheated on him anymore.

Accusations

2012-12-05T19:54:00.002Z

So yesterday I was accused of copying and pasting my literature essays from the web and today I, by my P.E (sports) teacher, have been accused of forging notes to get out of doing P.E.

-___-

NO just no, shh.

Why I didn't forge a note to get out of P.E.

a) I wouldn't do that ok, I actually don't mind P.E. that much cos it's pretty good anger release which is something I really need at the moment. That doesn't mean I like P.E. cos I really don't and I'm really bad at it, but exercise helps clear my head, I don't know.

b) THE HANDWRITING ON THE NOTE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE MY HANDWRITING WHAT ARE YOU BLIND???? I COULD NEVER EVER WRITE LIKE THAT MY MOTHER'S HANDWRITING IS FUCKING TINY!!!!!!!!

c) I would be too freaked out that she might actually notice.

Ok?? Seriously, not a good week. I broke down twice in school today and I hate crying in public. Especially as I didn't just cry, I ugly-cried. Eww gross.

Anyway, as for the reason why I actually needed a note to get out of P.E, basically my foot's gone really weird. It hurt for like 2 weeks but I didn't tell anyone cos I hate getting attention and I thought it would go away.

It didn't go away. So after 2 weeks when it really hurt I told my mum, who freaked. Not gonna lie, she does that often. Anyway last week my mum took me to the doctor and he was like "I have no idea what's wrong with your foot. Rest it and if it still hurts then come back."

So after that ever-so-helpful advice, he gave me painkillers and I was out of there. Also I hate going to see the doctor and I hate hospitals. Don't know why but I just freak out it's not cool. It still hurts hence why I couldn't do P.E.

Screw teachers at the moment so tired of their shit.

Confusion

2012-12-04T20:47:00.000Z

Alright you know what I am pissed off, cos I worked my fucking butt off on this essay and yeh ok I used some notes and background info on the internet, but today my literature teacher accused me of 'copying and pasting from the Internet' to do this Macbeth essay!

What the FUCK?!

I would never 'copy and paste'!! I love writing - hence this blog - so I would never fucking do that! I use extra info and notes but I do not 'copy and paste'!

And she said this in front of the whole of my english class. WHAT TEACHER DOES THAT??

In front of the whole class. And now everyone thinks that's how I do my essays. Great. Thanks.

I do love writing, and I want to be a journalist in the future, but at the moment it's like what the actual hell. This girl asked me what I want to be when I'm older and I was like journalist, and she looked at me and laughed and was like 'You want to be a journalist?! Maybe you should re-think that. You can't write.'

I was like ummm ok then. You know when you're too in shock to do anything? Yeh that happened.

I walked away.

And this is turning out to be a pretty long post but there you go! Considering my closest friend is bulimic and the other one is depressed, I don't really want to load any of this on them.

I absolutely hate crying and I didn't cry in the literature lesson but after it at lunch I was like screw this and cried for like 10 minutes.

I guess what's going on is that I had something to look forward to. I was going to be a journalist. And life would actually be good. Now though I feel that that's been taken from me and I having nothing to look forward to and it's just a bit like, so what's the point?

Oh and I still have no clue as to how I could help my friends.

Awkward moment when your parents have more of a social life than you

2012-12-02T17:44:00.004Z

Literally it's not even funny, I swear most nights I'm home alone doing fuck-all. And by fuck-all, of course I mean REVISION.

Though to be honest I actually am doing a lot of revision. Got a mock psychology exam tomorrow and I have to do this speech for an English Controlled Assessment tomorrow as well.

Speaking. I actually feel sick about it. I'm one of those people who gets really nervous and almost throws up. It's gross ugh can't even. And the fact that I haven't even learnt it really doesn't help.

I also wanted to say a big thank you to you people who have subscribed to me!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! <3 <3 <3 <3

It really means a lot. Much love. xoxo

Also happy December, almost Christmas what is this?? Gone so quickly

"Share with your sibling", FUCK YOU

2012-11-30T18:09:00.001Z

I mean I can totally share when it comes to TV time with my brother, its unfortunate, but I do it.

But I don't understand why my mother just came up to me and asked me if I could let my brother keep my turtle (- which I've had since I was 8!!!! SO I'VE HAD HIM FOR LIKE 7 YEARS!!!)

No I will not let my brother have my turtle who I had for most of my childhood!

And then she goes on after I've said no, to say that I'm making things difficult and that she has heart problems.

Yes mother, I know you have heart problems. I know dad thought you were cheating on him (she doesn't know I know). I fucking know.

"Why don't you spend time with us?"

2012-11-29T20:40:00.000Z

My parents are always like "why do you never spend time with us?"

Why? Well let's see...
a) I have so much school work I'm suffocating under piles of paper filled with homework.
b) Whenever I do, my parents and my younger brother always insult me.

Ok? Cool.

The basic cycle is this,
1- I decide to actually crawl out of my room due to insane boredom.
2- I go down stairs to where the 'family' are.
3- I say something.
4- My younger brother imitates me in a sarcastic way (and what the hell he's only fucking 8!)
5- I immediately regret saying anything.
6- My parents insult me.
7- I regret even coming downstairs.
8- I leave.

I don't even know. Maybe this is just me and my dysfunctional family. Oh well...

Sorry I haven't been on for like a week

2012-11-28T21:15:00.000Z

I know I said I'd try and blog everyday, but it's been hard, I've got so many controlled assessments and mocks are coming up.... unfortunately... Except my psychology teacher insists on calling them 'Trials' cos she thinks we'll freak. Fair enough. Except we're in Year 11 and I'm pretty sure we can deal with hearing the word 'Mocks'.

Anyway, yeh it's been stressful. Ugh.

My best friend told me she's bulimic.

And another close friend told me she's depressed.

But the worst thing is that I have no idea how to help either of them, and I hate seeing my friends upset.

I guess I feel like I can't talk to anyone about what's going on with this whole thing and also what's going on with me cos I don't particularly think it's fair to put pressure on anyone else. So since I have no idea what to do, I decided to do the only thing I can, and just blog it all out lol. But whatever, I'll be fine. I just hope they will be too.

What to do when your mother tells you she wants to become a priest over dinner... no, really

2012-11-19T11:46:00.000Z

1. You will say 'excuse me?' because you thought you misheard.

2. Your mouth will open and eyes will become pretty big once you realise that nope, you did NOT mishear.

3. You eventually discover how to speak again, and once you do, you will ask her 'why? why? whyyy?'

4. Once she reveals that it is because she thinks it is her 'calling', you will quickly shove all the food on your plate in your mouth - because you know she won't let you leave unless you have eaten all your food - then you excuse yourself and run away from the dinner table to fully process what is happening.

Ok I mean, don't get me wrong I'm happy for my mum cos she seems happier but it'd be an understatement to say this came as a shock. Wtf though, seriously?? She used to be like a super bossy and slightly bitchy - no offense it's true - boss, and now she wants to be priest?????

I'm so confused

Oh yes Darling! Why I love your fake plant strategically placed here to make you look like you care about the environment

2012-11-18T18:02:00.003Z

I get that my mother is all 'Oh golly! My church friends are coming over for dinner! Let's make the house look good!'

But I really don't get the whole 'Let's go buy big fake plants with big clay pots and pointless random statues for when they visit!'

And of course the shouting at us to get the house to look good. No mother, shouting at us will not make us work faster, sorry...

Oh shit, they're here

Umm.... hi?

2012-11-18T16:17:00.001Z

I don't really know how to start this except for hey? haha yeh that's lame but there ya go! This isn't my first blog ever, but it is my first personal blog.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry if it turns out to be super lame and boring! But let's hope it doesn't... lol. Ok anyway, I'm Ro, so yeh hi people reading :)

A little about me, I'm 15, 16 on the 1st of April wheeey, I want to be a journalist and I love to write. So yeh that's me! Oh and I live in England, it really does rain all the time...

I'll try to write everyday, but that'll be hard cos my teachers enjoy drowning us in homework, seriously, they take pleasure in it I'm not even kidding, but I'll try!

And I gotta go cos we're having guests over and my mums gonna kill me cos I'm not helping lol ok bye