Got Funny?

The Story of Ugly Jane

2012-01-11T16:49:00.000-08:00

Jane was one of those ugly women, so ugly it hurts.

She never had a boyfriend so she went to a psychic for help.

"Honey," said the psychic. "You will not have luck in love in this life. But, at the reincarnation, you will be a very desired woman and all men will fall at your feet."

Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought, "The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins."

She decided to jump off the bridge right away.

But, incredibly Jane didn't die!

She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face,

"Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Please! One at a time!"

Funny English

2012-01-09T21:59:00.000-08:00

Then & Now

2012-01-09T18:17:00.000-08:00

Kid with Adult Weight

2011-12-05T21:34:00.000-08:00

Three year-old Lu Hao from China could very well be the fattest kid in the world. Weighing an incredible 132 pounds (60 kg), he eats as many as four helpings of dinner every day. And he is only three years old (2011)!!

Ironically, he was born underweight, tipping the scales at only 5.7 pounds (2.6 kg) and currently stays at home as he has been banned from the nursery -- to protect other 'normal-sized' children from accidentally getting hurt.

You can hardly see his eyes...

Drunkards doing Yoga

2011-11-24T22:21:00.000-08:00

Savasana: Position of total relaxation

Balasana: Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana: This position calms the brain and heals tired legs

Halasana: Excellent for back pain and imsomnia

Dolphin: Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms

Salambhasana: Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms..

Ananda Balasana: This position is great for massaging the hip area.

Malasana: This position, for ankles and back muscles

World record headed goal

2011-11-07T16:25:00.000-08:00

While most of us are having difficulties executing a simple header, in an amazing show of strength, A Japanese player managed to head in a goal over a distance of more than half the length of a soccer field.

Japanese club Fagiano Okayama defender Ryujiro Ueda did just that in a Japanese Division Two game on 30th October 2011.

His header, off Yokohama FC goalkeeper Kentaro Seki’s goal kick into Okayama’s half, sent the ball sailing 58m over Seki before bouncing into the net.

“I was focused on getting back to my position,“ said Ueda. “I didn’t notice I scored until after it had gone in.”

Rehab for a Pickpocket

2011-10-26T22:36:00.000-07:00

Click directly on the image for a larger view of the cartoon

One Word

2011-10-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

Holy Soap

2011-10-11T18:29:00.001-07:00

Two priests are off to the showers late one night.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way....

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser!"

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.

Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go.

She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.

So she gives several more tugs, then yells....

"Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!

What is a Financial Bail Out?

2011-10-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

In view of the current financial crisis surrounding Greece, let's have a light-hearted moment together.

It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down harshly, and all the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some room-keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and rushes down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of animal feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the friendly neighbourhood pub. The pub owner slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar - who, in spite of facing hard times, has always gladly offered him her ‘services’ on credit.

The hooker then rushes over to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

The hotel proprietor quietly replaces the €100 note back on the counter, so that the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, states that none of the rooms are satisfactory, picks up the €100 note, pockets it and leaves town.

No one has produced anything. No one has earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, dear ladies and gentlemen, is how a basic financial bailout package works!

What Does 'Big' Means?

2011-09-25T18:33:00.000-07:00

The giant grasshoppers look a bit fake....anyway, draw your own conclusions

Retiring with Diginity

2011-09-22T18:07:00.001-07:00

It may happen to any one of us sometime, someday.

Gotta Luv Older People!

2011-09-18T17:44:00.000-07:00

An elderly man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

A woman walks past and says, sniggering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better looking it would lift itself."

The Wrong Automation

2011-09-07T23:18:00.000-07:00

What the Sh....t? LOL

Ahhh...How Time Flies

2011-08-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

Start of the innocence

At the prime of our lives

And before we know it....

Push-Up Bra Problem

2011-07-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

When You Don't Exercise

2011-07-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

This is what you may become...

Size Matters

2011-07-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

This picture could be a hoax but anyway, have a good laugh!

Doctor Jokes

2011-06-30T22:10:00.001-07:00

"Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!"

The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."

One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."

The doctor asked, "When did it start?"

The man replied, "When did what start?"

I remember one time I told my doctor

I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."

My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.

One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."

The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these

If they don't work, give me a ring."

Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.

The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

You know, doctors can be so frustrating.

You wait a month and a half for an appointment,

Then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."

Today is the oldest you've ever been, yet the youngest you'll ever be, so enjoy this day while it lasts and live life to the fullest while you can!

Natural Gas Motorbike

2011-06-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

Sleeping on the Job

2011-06-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

Air Asia flight stewardess catching forty winks while on a flight. It's not a pleasant sight but at least the plane is flying smoothly, I think.

Human Bomb Class

2011-06-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

Kan Pei

2011-05-29T17:54:00.000-07:00

Kan Pei is a Chinese greeting for 'bottoms up'

A Chinese man and an English man were dining in a restaurant.

The Chinese man lifted his glass up and made a toast to the English man, “Kan Pei” (Cheers).

The English man was confused but he continued eating.

This happened a few times and whenever the Chinese man wanted to drink he would always say “Kan Pei”

The English man only nodded and silently continued to drink and eat.

Not long after, the Chinese man once again said, “Kan Pei” whilst lifting up his glass.

This time, the English man put down his cutlery and angrily said to the Chinese man, "It’s all right if you CAN’T PAY!”

I'll pay! So just shut up”.

Maximum Use of Vehicles

2011-04-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

Female Police Officers

2011-04-22T20:24:00.000-07:00

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