Relationships and Dating

15 Types Of Sex You Have In Your 20s

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 00:28:00 +0700

15 Types Of Sex You Have In Your 20s - When you received that copy of "Oh! The Places You'll Go!" for your college graduation, the well-meaning relative who presented it was probably thinking of your intended career path (or the four others you've tried since) or the cities where you might live. But as many 30-somethings looking back can attest, your 20s often involve experimentation of another variety as well. Between the ages of 20 and 30, your life is probably going to involve a decent amount of sex. And since this is the decade of exploring your options, that sex tends to be anything but uniform.

Here are 15 types of sex that you probably have had (or will have) during your 20-something years:

**Disclaimer: Some of the following can happen simultaneously.**

1. Bad.

Let's be honest. When you're in your 20s, you still aren't necessarily sure exactly what you like, how you like it and who you like it from. In the midst of your sexual experimentation, there are bound to be a few less-than-awesome experiences. Your partner might have absolutely no idea what he or she is doing, or just be too self-involved to care. For an explicit example of said bad sex, see every intimate scene in the pilot episode of "Girls."

2. "You're Convenient" Sex

Location, location, location. Maybe it's the person who you've run into in your apartment building on occasion and shot a (you hope) seductive glance, or that friend of a friend who lives three blocks away and made out with you at that party a few months back. You'll probably phone him or her after midnight and only when you're bored. And you'll hopefully enjoy yourself thoroughly once that call is made. (If the convenient sex also happens to be "just plain bad" sex, it likely won't happen more than once, which brings us to...)

3. One-Night-Stand Sex

Some sexual experiences just aren't meant to be repeated. At some point in your 20s you'll probably find yourself waking up in the bed of a near-stranger: someone you met at a bar or a party or one of your classes. You may not have intended to, or perhaps this was your plan for the evening as soon as you laid eyes on the person. You'll probably open your eyes after a night of moderately enjoyable sex seized with a desperate desire to grab your bra off the floor, high-tail it out the door and eat some brunch with people that you do want to hang out with for more than one night.

4. "I Could Actually Date You" Sex

This type of sex means something emotionally, which might make it the scariest kind of all. You may feel vulnerable and overly aware of your body as you take off your clothing. Since you actually feel some flicker of a feeling about the person you're with, you'll probably take time to think about what they want in bed and how you can give it to them, and worry that you won't do a good job, and hope that chemistry will intervene to make it great anyway, and that even if it isn't they they might find a way to love you regardless.

5. Creatively-Located Sex

The stacks. An airplane bathroom. A hostel hallway. Your parents' bed. A bar. The park. An alley. Your car. The possibilities are endless, and while it's fun to hope that you will still be this adventurous in your 30s, a carpe diem approach is probably advisable here. Also, these are not moments to hold back. Admit that this could also be called "do-it-for-the-story sex," then do it for the story.

6. Drunk Sex

Often combined with #1 and/or #3, this type of sexual experience is usually less than amazing. Great sex usually requires some amount of athleticism, and a bunch of uncoordinated flailing limbs, plus an alcohol-sedated nervous system, does not a mind-blowing orgasm make. On the plus side, you might be too sloshed to notice and/or care ... or even remember it the next morning. If you go in for this sort of thing (and you probably will), just make sure you've made a booze-resistant commitment to using protection before the first tequila shot.

7. Friend Sex

At some point during your 20s, you'll likely reach a point with a previously platonic friend in which you both agree that it's a great idea to sleep together. In most cases, it won't be. (Unless you're those uber-lucky, meant-for-each-other, "When Harry Met Sally" types.) If the sex is great, you'll either become gray area "friends with benefits," or just laugh about it a lot for years to come. If the sex is bad, you'll probably never ever speak of it again.

8. Sex For One

Sex by yourself is a great way to learn what it is you want from a sexual experience with a partner. It's healthy, it relieves stress and hell -- women deserve orgasms in or out of relationships. Hopefully, by the time you leave your 20s you'll know exactly how to make yourself feel good, sans assistance from another person.

9. Nonexistent Sex

There are times -- during any period of your life -- when you're just not having sex at all. Let's be real, we've all had a dry spell. It might be frustrating, but it's also a great time to reflect on what you actually want from your sexual experiences when they inevitably begin again. Plus, just when you've become totally convinced that you will never have another non-self-bestowed orgasm in your life, you'll be proven wrong.

10. Make-Up Sex

If you find yourself in a relationship during your 20-something years, the odds are pretty good that you'll get into some fights -- possibly dramatic ones (your 20s are good for nothing if not theater). You'll get extremely frustrated at your significant other for being inattentive or letting work consume him or her or being a jacka** to your friends. You'll scream at each other, perhaps shed a few tears ... and then channel all of that anger into some really excellent sexual play. It might not actually fix the holes in a romantic relationship between two 23-year-olds, but it is a good way to remind yourself of at least one way in which you connect.

11. Vindication Sex

Everyone has those one, or two, or ten unrequited crushes. At some point during your 20s you'll probably find yourself in the position to sleep with someone who previously rejected you or considered you below their notice. It probably won't be all that great, and you may not feel great morally afterwards. You will, however, leave with the satisfaction that you didn't peak in your teens years.

12. Home-For-The-Holidays Sex

During your 20s, you're likely traveling back to your hometown for the November and December holidays each year. During these awkward -- and delicious -- few weeks, you'll probably run into any number of people from earlier in your life, including one or more ghosts of friends-with-benefits past. You may find it uniquely satisfying to have a short, no-strings-attached fling (or just a night) with said person(s) each time you return. If you're still living in your hometown, you'll get to capitalize on everyone who's in town. There's bound to be quite a bit of overlap between this type of sex and #11.

13. One-More-Time Sex

You've sworn this person off, but for some reason you can't get him or her out of your head. Despite the fact that you and probably all your friends recognize that he or she is terrible for you, you may still fall back into bed with them ... just one more time. This kind of sex can be absolutely fantastic physically, but the emotional fallout usually makes it one you regret (and hopefully learn from).

14. Barter-System Sex

Sometimes you just really want some help putting together your IKEA furniture. And sometimes a little bit of (purely) physical pleasure comes out of a day of Allen key usage. It's really a win-win situation.

15. "Oh, THAT'S What It Should Feel Like" Sex

With any luck, you will have a moment at some point during your 20s (if not earlier), when you realize what truly great sex with another person feels like. Maybe it's taken getting into a committed relationship to feel comfortable telling a partner what you really want sexually, or maybe you're having a one-night-stand with someone who you have no emotional connection to but who somehow really understands how to please you in bed. Regardless, after you do have that "ah-hah!" moment, congratulate yourself. Then go try to recreate it as many times as possible. ( huffingtonpost.com )

Eyes right! Army wives stage charge of the lightly dressed brigade... but could fundraising calendar girls be getting over-exposed?

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 20:18:00 +0700

Eyes right! Army wives stage charge of the lightly dressed brigade... but could fundraising calendar girls be getting over-exposed? - There are many ways to show support for the heroism and sacrifices of Britain’s Armed Forces – but this has to be one of the most audacious.

These military wives have chosen to honour their husbands by posing for a series of provocative pictures with little more than a small item of uniform to protect their modesty.

The self-styled Garrison Girls, married to men serving in all three services, have posed for a new nude calendar, all in aid of treating post-traumatic stress for those who have served on the front line.

Shock and awe: A group of military wives, including Miss September, left, and Miss December, right, have bared all for a calendar to honour their husbands and raise money for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder

You can leave your hat on: The calendar, which includes Miss April, left, and Miss August, right, was inspired by the 2003 hit comedy film Calendar Girls

The women have never modelled before but are pictured exposing their breasts, bottoms and thighs – and in one case, a pregnant wife poses with her husband’s Army helmet tenderly placed on her baby bump, in an echo of Demi Moore’s famous 1991 Vanity Fair cover.

The women’s faces are deliberately hidden so they represent ‘all Forces wives’, according to calendar organiser Sarah Bennett Thurston.

Mrs Thurston, 35, whose husband Paul is in the Royal Signals, admits she was inspired by the original Calendar Girls of the Rylstone Women’s Institute.

‘I wanted to do something positive,’ she said. ‘It all started when I watched a nude photoshoot on a BBC programme about empowering women, and shortly afterwards I had to explain to my children why my friend’s husband wasn’t coming home.

Cover girl: The women, who have never modelled before, including Miss November, left, and the front cover model, right, posed with helmets, berets and sailor hats

‘It is very hard being a military wife and I wanted to do something to empower the girls. This shows them as they really are, with cellulite and stretch marks, but they all look gorgeous.

‘We have deliberately left out the girls’ faces to show they represent all military wives and we are all in this together.

‘It is about our commitment to the Forces, not about individual women getting their kit off.’

Miss August is a blonde woman kneeling down wearing a sailor’s hat and provocatively revealing her bottom, while Miss February is perched on a table in a fetal position.

Before and after: Expectant mother Lorna Rogers posed naked for the Garrison Girls calendar, left, shortly before the birth of her son Austin, pictured right at just one week old

For November, a woman poses in profile with her left breast bared and a red Royal Military Police hat placed carefully on her lap, while January’s model simply reveals her exposed buttocks, topped by an RAF hat.

Lorna Rogers, from Wigan, posed as Miss March when she was five months pregnant with her second child, Austin, who is now a week old.

The 20-year-old, whose husband Adam is a sapper in the Royal Engineers, said: ‘Military life is very hard and being pregnant you feel very vulnerable knowing that your husband could be due to go away on tour next. I wanted to show support by doing the shoot.

‘I was honoured to be asked but nervous at the same time, but the other wives made me feel very comfortable. My husband was chuffed and very proud. He loves the final photo.

Bottoms up: Miss January 2014, left, and Miss July, right, give a toast to the servicemen in the armed forces

‘Adam and I were high-school sweethearts and I was nervous when he said he was joining the Army but I knew it was something he wanted to do. It’s hard being away from family, but you make great friends.’

The other women who have taken part in the calendar, ranging in age from 19 to 40, want to remain anonymous. Their husbands include bomb disposal experts in the Royal Engineers, communications experts in the Royal Signals and sailors aboard HMS Sutherland.

Mrs Thurston added: ‘Some of the girls did the calendar shoot while their husbands were away in Afghanistan and it was their way of doing something to support them.

The Army Wives: The women who took part in the calendar, including Miss January 2013, left, and Miss May, right, wish to remain anonymous

‘One of the women got her calendar picture sent to her early as her husband came home on leave and we wanted him to approve it too.

‘Another woman has remained in England with her two children while her husband is posted in Germany for two years. It is incredibly hard for them and this was her way of giving something back.’

Garrison Girls have been producing calendars since 2008. The 2013 edition is available from garrisongirls.com, priced £10.

The ladies waiting back home: The women's faces, including Miss February, left, and Miss June, right, have been obscured so they represent 'all Forces wives' ( dailymail.co.uk )

Sex scenes in movies

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Sat, 20 Oct 2012 12:14:00 +0700

Sex scenes in movies—the non-pornographic ones, that is—tend to exist in a few rigidly defined categories: they can be erotic (the scene in Boogie Nights when Julianne Moore coaches Mark Wahlberg through his first shoot), comically grotesque (Ben Stiller and Greta Gerwig’s excruciating beer-and-cunnilingus date in Greenberg) or deliberately repellant (the bone-chilling coupling of Selma Blair and Robert Wisdom in Storytelling). Sometimes these categories can overlap—Awkward and sexy! Disturbing and hot!—but rarely will a movie step outside their bounds entirely and try something new. Then there is that very rare sex scene—say, Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie in their Venice hotel room in Nicolas Roeg’s Don’t Look Now—that does it all: turns us on, moves us emotionally, advances the story, reveals something about the characters, and showcases the filmmaker’s art.

The encounters between a severely disabled man and a hired sex surrogate in Ben Lewin’s The Sessions (Fox Searchlight) may not achieve Don’t Look Now’s level of cinematic artistry, but this frank, funny, tender film both asks and receives more from its sex scenes than any movie I’ve seen in a long time. Lord knows it gets a chance to thoroughly explore the topic: The Sessions is a movie structured entirely around sex, with naked therapy sessions between Mark O’Brien (John Hawkes) and Cheryl Cohen-Greene (Helen Hunt) making up the bulk of the movie’s slim 98-minute running time. When not having sex, Mark is usually either thinking about sex, writing poems about sex, or having no-holds-barred discussions about sex with his unflappable caregiver (Moon Bloodgood) and his free-thinking priest (a marvelous William H. Macy).

Mark O’Brien was a real person, a Bay Area man who died in 1999 at age 49. After having polio as a child, he spent most of the rest of his life in an iron-lung contraption, unable to move any part of his body but his head. A writer and poet (he typed on a computer keyboard using a mouthstick), O’Brien published a remarkable article in 1990 about setting out to lose his virginity to a professional surrogate at 38, after a lifetime of confusion and shame about his sexuality. It’s this piece that Lewin adapted into his screenplay for The Sessions, taking at least one significant dramatic liberty—in real life, O’Brien didn’t fall in love with the surrogate, nor she with him.

The Sessions is, at one level, a love story about the intimacy that grows between these two very particular people. But it’s also an ode to the act of intimacy itself, an unsentimental celebration of the power of sexual healing. Lewin treats sex neither as titillation nor taboo, but as a necessary anatomical function that’s also humanity’s greatest source of pleasure, connection, and mystery. The Sessions is only R-rated, but it’s not a movie you’d want to see with your parents (there should be a separate scale of MPAA ratings for that). The scenes of Hunt and Hawkes in bed together aren’t graphic, exactly, but they’re unadornedly real—there’s full- frontal female nudity (though no penises, for ratings reasons no doubt), close-ups of ears being kneaded and breasts being stroked, and lots of matter-of-fact, often funny banter between client and therapist about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what to do next.

Hawkes is phenomenal as the nervous, phobic, disarmingly honest Mark; there’s not a trace of self-pity or Oscar-baiting in his performance. (In fact, one of Mark’s more charming characteristics is his willingness to complain, his refusal to play the role of the silently suffering gimp. Explaining his Catholic faith to a new acquaintance, he dryly observes, “I would find it absolutely intolerable not to have anyone to blame for all this.”) Hunt, too, is extraordinary as the outwardly warm and nurturing but inwardly fragile sex therapist who must hide her growing connection to her client from her husband (an underused Adam Arkin). The Sessions will no doubt be marketed as an uplifting drama about triumphing over adversity. See it, instead, because it may be the year’s best movie about getting it on. ( slate.com )

Ooh La La! Paris's iconic and risque Crazy Horse cabaret lands in London

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Mon, 1 Oct 2012 19:07:00 +0700

Ooh La La! Paris's iconic and risque Crazy Horse cabaret lands in London - The iconic Crazy Horse – often referred to as Le Crazy – which has been seducing audiences in Paris and Vegas for over 60 years is for the first time ever staging a production on this side of the Channel.

Forever Crazy is a contemporary glamorous 'best of' show housed in a pop-up recreation of the Parisian venue – essentially a super-luxe tent – on London's South Bank, for just three months.

The avant-garde revue features a cast of ten dazzling dancers from around the world.

The Crazy Horse has landed in London and it's sexy, fun and very risque

The girls are a glossy, statuesque fantasy and different from beautiful women you see day to day.

They are sublime physical clones of one other with pert curves, sharp, muscular definition and arched backs that form perfect semicircles.

They're classically trained dancers and former ballerinas so the signature Crazy way of walking, dancing and behaving: sexily, elegantly, as if weightless and effortless is something they portray with perfection.

But it's not easy.

Each 90 minute show is exactly the same and consists of 14 sensual segments with a 20 minute interval, which you'll need to catch your breath.

The girls rotate to dance the solo performances, so each one is signature to all.

When Forever Crazy invited the FEMAIL team to come down we jumped at the opportunity.

The girls are a glossy, statuesque fantasy and different from beautiful women you see day to day

Past guest performers include Carmen Electra, Immodesty Blaize, Dita Von Teese and Pamela Anderson.

Demi Moore learned the ropes for Striptease by watching the Crazy. This was not one to be missed.

We were first treated to a twist on marching Coldstream Guards in God Save Our Bareskins; an army of snappy and seductive 'guards' in Bareskin outfits consisting of a tall fur hat and not much else.

Although this act has actually opened every Crazy show for the past 30 years it was also a fitting welcome for a British audience.

Crazy Horse manager Andrée Deissenberg has since told me this routine was choreographed by a lieutenant of the British Army.

There was a lot of impossibly elegant writhing on furniture in Leçon d’érotisme, Rougir De Desir and Purple Underground

The music was fiery, wild and rocky in Chain Gang where a dancer – the embodiment of a caged feline – bathed in a leopard-print projection cavorts in a makeshift bendy cage: frustrated, dangerous and sexy.

What followed was a brilliantly kooky leg display in Legmania: like something out of a Robert Palmer video in the 80s six girls lie down, legs in the air and perform a synchronised show with kicks, flicks and bends, bathed in lights, wearing Louboutins of course.

Talented hand dancing guest performers Up & Over It stole the show with their depiction of a dishevelled young couple in a drink and drug-fuelled post-party row played out with no words yet conveying a witty, gritty yet playfully warm narrative.

Thoroughly modern pieces shone among the oldies such as Crisis? What Crisis!

What followed was a brilliantly kooky leg display in Legmania

There was a lot of impossibly elegant writhing on furniture in Leçon d’érotisme, Rougir De Desir and Purple Underground.

Thoroughly modern pieces shone among the oldies such as Crisis? What Crisis! – depicting a trader engaging in the only striptease from full clothing to nudity, a self-styled antidote to the misery of the financial crisis – and Scanner, a quintet of hair-flipping hotties each taking their turn to cut a rug while a stealthy horizontal light moves up and down the stage.

Critics call the Crazy sexist while their owners prefer 'exotic ballet' and 'sensual striptease'. While unlike traditional burlesque it's more erotic than flirtatious, it follows the rule of suggestion rather than explicitness. Although the girls perform mainly in the nude you won't really see them naked.

They're 'dressed' in stage lights, projections and mirrors, leaving some work to the imagination.

Unfortunately, though, while they're fiesty and expressive they're mute. The girls mime along to some songs and it would have been nice to hear at least one sing live. It seems the point is not to get to warm to their characters but just to witness them in overt sexual expression.

Nevertheless this didn't take away from an awe-inspiring spectacle.

The Crazy remains a legendary institution in its own right and the epitome of slick and triple-filtered cabaret interlaced with the world of fashion and art.

While unlike traditional burlesque it's more erotic than flirtatious

Thousands of girls apply for the roles but only a select few are chosen and sent to boot camp

The lips sofa in Leçon d’érotisme is inspired by the one masterminded by Crazy fan Salvador Dali. Andy Warhol also frequented the show, as did Madonna, Prince, Jean-Paul Goultier – in whose show the girls have walked, David Lynch – for whom they've modelled, Steven Spielberg and many more, including President Kennedy.

Thousands of girls audition each year for just a handful of spots in the Crazy Horse troupe.

The successful candidates must be beautiful and meet strict height, wight and measurement criteria. They're sent to a Parisian boot camp for several months to learn the art of how to be a Crazy Girl, their names are changed.

They must have next to no tattoos or plastic surgery (guest perfromers are an exception).

It's this rigour and refinement that separates the Crazy from the dribbly Playboy or its jiggly neighbour, the Moulin Rouge. It's as much a cool celebration of high-production as it is of an ideal of femininity. ( dailymail.co.uk )

The Crazy Horse presents Forever Crazy at 99 Upper Ground, South Bank SE1. Sept 18-Dec 22. forevercrazy.co.uk

Kim Kardashian denies having threesome with porn stars at swingers' party

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:42:00 +0700

Denial: Kim has denied taking part in a threesome when she was 20

'Absurd and not true': Kim Kardashian denies having threesome with porn stars at swingers' party - Kim Kardashian's camp have refuted claims the reality star had a threesome with a male and female porn star 12 years ago.

Veteran porn actor Julian St. Jox says he shared a night of passion with the reality star when she was 20 years old back in September 2001 at a swingers' party.

And he claimed Kim, 31, also romped with his date of the evening - a female porn star called Emily Ann.

Kim is said to have arrived to the event on the arm of a black male, according to Star magazine.

At the time she was married to music producer Damon Thomas, although the publication says it is not clear if he was her date to the party.

St Jox said: 'As soon as Kim walked in, everyone was looking. She wasn’t known at the time at all, not like today, but for everyone who frequented these parties, she was interesting because she was a new face.'

The porn star said his date - Emily Ann - took a liking to Kim and propositioned her.

After some dirty dancing, Kim and her date joined the two porn stars in a private room later in the evening, the magazine claims.

There, Kim apparently had sex with both St Jox and Ann, the publication reports.

Claims: Veteran porn actor Julian St. Jox says Kim had sex with him and a fellow female porn star

'She knew what she was doing. She was very responsive to me', St. Jox recalled.

However a representative for Kim told MailOnline the report is 'absurd and not true'.

Kim rose to fame after a sex tape of her and then-boyfriend Ray-J - filmed in 2003 - was leaked online in 2007. ( dailymail.co.uk )

Lady Gaga the exhibitionist flashes her bare breasts in home video posted on YouTube

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 08:59:00 +0700

Lady Gaga the exhibitionist flashes her bare breasts in home video posted on YouTube - She has often posed nude and happily sports revealing costumes for her stage performances so Lady Gaga is no stranger to stripping off.

But while she usually has strategically placed items to protect her modesty the singer has now instead decided to bare all in a home video.

The 26-year-old shared a video on YouTube with her fans which was made up of footage from her home collection.

Scroll down to watch the video

Baring all: Lady Gaga posted a home video to Youtube in which she can be seen flashing her bare breasts

And one video sees Gaga repeatedly flashing her bare breasts as she dances around her living room for the camera.

Gaga, real name Stefani Germanotta, explains that the clip was shot on Christmas Day by her younger sister Natali.

It sees the superstar lip-synching and pulling shapes to her song Sheisse before lifting up her baggy black top to reveal she is wearing nothing underneath.

Laid-back: The singer reveals all as she dances around her living room on Christmas Day

Let me entertain you: Gaga can be seen flashing her breasts several times as part of her impromptu dance routine

Natali can be heard laughing in the background as fans get a rare insight into the star’s laid-back family life.

Her mother Cynthia then emerges from the kitchen and joins her famous daughter for a spot of dancing before handing her a lit up miniature Christmas tree.

Gaga looks less like a megastar and more like an aspiring pop star as she uses the prop as though it were a microphone in her casual outfit, with her platinum blonde locks in a messy high ponytail.

The revealing footage was just one of three home videos Gaga shared with her fans via her Youtube channel.

Christmas with the Gagas: The star is dancing to her song Sheisse and is then joined by her mother Cynthia (R)

Down to earth: Gaga can be seen lip-synching into a lit up miniature Christmas tree which she pretends is a microphone

In another clip she can be seen spending time with her young cousin Zachary and a third and final sees her rehearsing the choreography for a performance.

Each clip is interspersed with segments of a make-up free Gaga talking to the camera as she explains the story behind each of the videos.

The star, who is currently in Latvia, has been showing off a new look lately after dying her hair what she describes as ‘Louis Vuitton brown’: brunette with a blonde streak.

Gaga most recently posed nude in the advert for her new fragrance Fame, where she can be seen lying naked save for a few ‘tiny men’ crawling over her.

Fun with fans: The star shares three home videos with her 'little monsters' as a treat on her Youtube channel

How cute: Another clip sees Gaga cuddling up to her young cousin Zachary ( dailymail.co.uk )

Prince Harry Naked Photos During Vegas Rager exclusive

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Thu, 23 Aug 2012 07:05:00 +0700

Prince Harry put the crown jewels on display in Vegas this weekend ... getting BARE ASS NAKED during a game of strip billiards with a room full of friends in his VIP suite.

It all went down Friday night during a raging party in a high rollers hotel suite.

We're told Harry, along with a large entourage, went down to the hotel bar and met a bunch of hot chicks ... and invited them up to his VIP suite.

Once in the room, things got WILD ... with the group playing a game of strip pool that quickly escalated into full-on royal nudity.

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Some of the partiers snapped photos of the madness. In one photo, a fully nude Harry cups his genitals while a seemingly topless woman stands behind him.

In another photo, a naked Harry is bear-hugging a woman who appears to be completely naked as well.

No word on who the women are ... or if they got Harry's phone number.

A rep for the Royal Family tells us, "We have no comment to make on the photos at this time." (
tmz.com )

Kamasutra teaches emotional bonding

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 21:44:00 +0700

Kamasutra teaches emotional bonding - The ancient manual to love-making is not restricted to only the physical aspect of your relationship. It also holds the key to a healthy emotional bond with your partner.

The notion that Kamasutra speaks solely of the physical aspect of sex is extremely skewed. The purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sex

The purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sex

Kamasutra, key to emotional bonding(Getty Images)

Participation

Many positions (Asanaas) depicted in the Kamasutra call for active and equal participation of the woman. Rather than sticking to the monotonous / boring missionary position where the woman is a rather passive receiver, the scripture encourages more pro-active positions. Only when there's an equal contribution from both ends will the session truly be fulfilling and fruitful. There's no posture that's meant exclusively for the man, or the woman.

The message: Be it sex or any other matter; ensure that you equally involve your partner. Participation is the key word. When you seek an active role from your partner, (in and out of bed) he/she feels wanted and the synergy between the two leads to greater fulfilment. That's what samabhog (equal pleasure) is all about.

Body image Vs. the body

The varied techniques depicted in the scriptures make sex pleasurable for anyone irrespective of his/her body type and body shape. The person may be muscular, obese, or thin, body issues and pleasure are best not mixed, says Kamasutra.

The message: Work on your body image. You can still make the best of your body provided you stop having unrealistic expectations of how it should look. Acceptance is the word. Magazine covers may be flooded with images of perfect bodies, but don't let them sway you away from realism. Don't let negative body image play spoilsport in your life, sex

Touch matters

The Kamasutra lays a lot of importance on touch, and not only during intercourse. Going by the texts, touch is of varied forms, each designated to arouse a unique sensation from the partner depending on his/her liking. However, the role of touch starts from the foreplay stage itself (at times, the foreplay lasting for hours together) and continues till the very end.

The message: Do not undermine the power of small. That casual hug or the loving caress (initiated much before sex can say a lot more about your feelings than the act itself. The touch may not even lead to anything, but is a very potent method of conveying your emotions. It will do more good to your relationship than most other things.

Dress to impress

The scriptures' emphasis on shringaar cannot be undermined. Almost every character shown in the act in Kamasutra is embellished with elaborate ornaments. This includes men.

The message: While it does depict the culture and traditions of the time when these texts were written, the underlying idea is that of looking good and dressing up for your partner. Many couples after a few years of courting lose the urge to look good (for each other).

However, that's wrong. Just like you take the effort to dress up for a certain occasion, it is important to look at least presentable (if not great) for your partner. Do not undermine the importance of how you look. Get rid of the complacent attitude. It communicates that your partner is not important any more.

Go play

The scriptures pay a lot of importance on the fun element of sex. That is what converts a rather boring, mechanical session to something that a couple looks forward to. Try all the experimenting you want. If the fun element is missing, there's little that you can do.

The message: Learn to have fun with each other. Start by non-sexual activities and build a rapport. Play games, travel together, discuss movies, and find stimulating conversations. When fun becomes easy, no matter what the occasion, the joy will by default be communicated to other aspects of the relationship as well. ( indiatimes.com )

The Kamasutra also has advice on ways of making money and renewing friendship with a former lover

Why young men have the upper hand in bed, even when they're failing in life

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 21:43:00 +0700

Sex Is Cheap - Why young men have the upper hand in bed, even when they're failing in life - We keep hearing that young men are failing to adapt to contemporary life. Their financial prospects are impaired—earnings for 25- to 34-year-old men have fallen by 20 percent since 1971. Their college enrollment numbers trail women's: Only 43 percent of American undergraduates today are men. Last year, women made up the majority of the work force for the first time. And yet there is one area in which men are very much in charge: premarital heterosexual relationships.

When attractive women will still bed you, life for young men, even those who are floundering, just isn't so bad. This isn't to say that all men direct the course of their relationships. Plenty don't. But what many young men wish for—access to sex without too many complications or commitments—carries the day. If women were more fully in charge of how their relationships transpired, we'd be seeing, on average, more impressive wooing efforts, longer relationships, fewer premarital sexual partners, shorter cohabitations, and more marrying going on. Instead, according to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (which collects data well into adulthood), none of these things is occurring. Not one.The terms of contemporary sexual relationships favor men and what they want in relationships, not just despite the fact that what they have to offer has diminished, but in part because of it. And it's all thanks to supply and demand.

To better understand what's going on, it's worth a crash course in "sexual economics," an approach best articulated by social psychologists Roy Baumeister and Kathleen Vohs. As Baumeister, Vohs, and others have repeatedly shown, on average, men want sex more than women do. Call it sexist, call it whatever you want—the evidence shows it's true. In one frequently cited study, attractive young researchers separately approached opposite-sex strangers on Florida State University's campus and proposed casual sex. Three-quarters of the men were game, but not one woman said yes. I know: Women love sex too. But research like this consistently demonstrates that men have a greater and far less discriminating appetite for it. As Baumeister and Vohs note, sex in consensual relationships therefore commences only when women decide it does.

And yet despite the fact that women are holding the sexual purse strings, they aren't asking for much in return these days—the market "price" of sex is currently very low. There are several likely reasons for this. One is the spread of pornography: Since high-speed digital porn gives men additional sexual options—more supply for his elevated demand—it takes some measure of price control away from women. The Pill lowered the cost as well. There are also, quite simply, fewer social constraints on sexual relationships than there once were. As a result, the sexual decisions of young women look more like those of men than they once did, at least when women are in their twenties. The price of sex is low, in other words, in part because its costs to women are lower than they used to be.

But just as critical is the fact that a significant number of young men are faring rather badly in life, and are thus skewing the dating pool. It's not that the overall gender ratio in this country is out of whack; it's that there's a growing imbalance between the number of successful young women and successful young men. As a result, in many of the places where young people typically meet—on college campuses, in religious congregations, in cities that draw large numbers of twentysomethings—women outnumber men by significant margins. (In one Manhattan ZIP code, for example, women account for 63 percent of 22-year-olds.)

The idea that sex ratios alter sexual behavior is well-established. Analysis of demographic data from 117 countries has shown that when men outnumber women, women have the upper hand: Marriage rates rise and fewer children are born outside marriage. An oversupply of women, however, tends to lead to a more sexually permissive culture. The same holds true on college campuses. In the course of researching our book Premarital Sex in America, my co-author and I assessed the effects of campus sex ratios on women's sexual attitudes and behavior. We found that virginity is more common on those campuses where women comprise a smaller share of the student body, suggesting that they have the upper hand. By contrast, on campuses where women outnumber men, they are more negative about campus men, hold more negative views of their relationships, go on fewer dates, are less likely to have a boyfriend, and receive less commitment in exchange for sex.

The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health data offer other glimpses into just how low the cost of sex is for young men ages 18 through 23. Take the speed with which these men say their romantic relationships become sexual: 36 percent of young men's relationships add sex by the end of the second week of exclusivity; an additional 13 percent do so by the end of the first month. A second indicator of cheap sex is the share of young men's sexual relationships—30 percent—that don't involve romance at all: no wooing, no dates, no nothing. Finally, as my colleagues and I discovered in our interviews, striking numbers of young women are participating in unwanted sex—either particular acts they dislike or more frequent intercourse than they'd prefer or mimicking porn (being in a dating relationship is correlated to greater acceptance of and use of porn among women).

Yes, sex is clearly cheap for men. Women's "erotic capital," as Catherine Hakim of the London School of Economics has dubbed it, can still be traded for attention, a job, perhaps a boyfriend, and certainly all the sex she wants, but it can't assure her love and lifelong commitment. Not in this market. It's no surprise that the percentage of 25- to 34-year-olds who are married has shrunk by an average of 1 percent each year this past decade.

Jill, a 20-year-old college student from Texas, is one of the many young women my colleagues and I interviewed who finds herself confronting the sexual market's realities. Startlingly attractive and an all-star in all ways, she patiently endures her boyfriend's hemming and hawing about their future. If she were operating within a collegiate sexual economy that wasn't oversupplied with women, men would compete for her and she would easily secure the long-term commitment she says she wants. Meanwhile, Julia, a 21-year-old from Arizona who's been in a sexual relationship for two years, is frustrated by her boyfriend's wish to "enjoy the moment and not worry about the future." Michelle, a 20-year-old from Colorado, said she is in the same boat: "I had an ex-boyfriend of mine who said that, um, he didn't know if he was ever going to get married because, he said, there's always going to be someone better." If this is "the end of men," someone really ought to let them know.

And yet while young men's failures in life are not penalizing them in the bedroom, their sexual success may, ironically, be hindering their drive to achieve in life. Don't forget your Freud: Civilization is built on blocked, redirected, and channeled sexual impulse, because men will work for sex. Today's young men, however, seldom have to. As the authors of last year's book Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality put it, "Societies in which women have lots of autonomy and authority tend to be decidedly male-friendly, relaxed, tolerant, and plenty sexy." They're right. But then try getting men to do anything. ( slate.com )

Married 3 Years and Still No Sex

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 22:04:00 +0700

Married 3 Years and Still No Sex - We dated in 2007 and married May '08. We had talked about sex and decided to wait until we were married. I bought a sexy white sat an night gown but exchanged it for an old night shirt when he walked in to the bedroom with a T-shirt and sweatpants on. Before we were married he told me he had a mild case of ED because of his blood pressure meds. I was a RN for 27 yrs so knew this could be worked around.

I'm 53 he is 60. We've both been married before. Before we got married he told me he had 3 rules to live by. Making love in the morning, napping in the afternoon and never go to bed angry. So far everyone has been broken. I have tried to initiate some intimacy - even just cuddling and been turned down. This has happened so many times I don't even try anymore. I attended his appt with the cardiologist and discussed the ED issue and the Dr changed his blood pressure meds and gave him prescriptions for Viagra and Cialis. I have planned romantic weekend get aways to no avail. I finally asked him point blank if he didn't find me sexually attractive. He denied this.

I went on an extended vacation alone up north for 3 weeks while he hiked the knob-stone trail in southern IN. He was more affectionate when we both returned home within a day of each other in time to celebrate our 3rd anniversary. He had a romantic restaurant booked and a hotel room for the night. My first thought was 'at last'. We shared a bottle of wine in the double whirlpool with some foreplay and then nothing. I got a little frisky with him and he informed me he couldn't perform on demand. I thought all the planning he had done was leading up to the grand finale. I was wrong. I try to bring up the issue at neutral times and it usually ends up with him storming out of the room. I feel like we are roommates not husband and wife.

When i told him how I felt and asked how our relationship was different from room mates his response was he never loved a roommate. He won't go to counseling. We took a course through our church called Fireproof your marriage based on the movie of the same name. I thought we were getting somewhere but when the course ended so did his interest in trying to improve communication and intimacy. I'm not prepared to live the rest of my life sexless but I'm also not stepping outside my marriage. I moved from Ontario Canada to come to the USA to be with him. I really didn't have any ties holding me there where he has 2 grown daughters grandchildren, brother and sister and parents that are still alive.

I love his family and being a grandma. But that does preclude my need to feel loved and desired by the man I married. I am reaching the point of walking away, but I do love him. He can be controlling or try to be but I have a strong personality so that usually ends up in an argument, Times like that I feel he's using depriving my of sex as a control tactic. I don't know that that is the case but that is how I feel. I'm at a loss of what other suggestions to try and would appreciate any feedback or insight that may help me deal with this situation. ( webmd.com )

Does Public Nudity Spread Disease? - Not especially.

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 21:04:00 +0700

Does Public Nudity Spread Disease? - Not especially - A proposed law in San Francisco would require the city's nudists to cover public seats with a protective barrier before sitting down. Supervisor Scott Wiener, who introduced the bill, claims that sharing bus seats, cafe benches, and restaurant chairs with naked people is a threat to public health. It's a claim that's been repeated in city ordinances and even a Supreme Court case. Does public nudity really increase the spread of infectious diseases?

Not especially. Unlike most cities in the United States, San Francisco law has allowed public nudity for years so long as it is not "lewd" (i.e. directly connected to a sex act). Yet the city's department of public health has no published cases of a person who became sick from exposure to the neighborhood nudists. Whatever bodily microbes one of them might deposit on a seat pose no more of a health risk than those you might find in a public restroom or pick up by shaking hands with a stranger.

There isn't much reason to fear getting a sexually transmitted disease from naked sitters. These infections are most commonly the result of vigorous and prolonged exposure of a person's mucous membranes, the thinner and more permeable skin found in the mouth and on the genitals. If you happened to share a seat with an infected nudist, you'd be protected both by your clothes and by your epidermis, which serves as an effective barrier against pathogens all by itself.

Can you catch a cold, or worse, from nudists?

Scabies can survive apart from a human body for a few days, and are known to be transmitted via shared bedding or other nonsexual pathways. Extended, skin-to-skin contact does pose a risk of infection, but the danger of picking up the disease from a seat—especially if you're wearing clothes yourself—is negligible.

Diseases like salmonella, E. coli, and hepatitis A, which can be transmitted through the fecal-oral route, might also seem like threats, but there's no reason to believe that public nudity would lead to a significant rise in infection rates. Most people are regularly exposed to fecal-oral pathogens from other sources, including computer keyboards and dollar bills. The immune system of a relatively healthy and hygienic person is generally able to survive exposure to these pathogens in small quantities, and, indeed, most people do so daily. It's not impossible that one of these illnesses (or any other) could be transmitted from a nudist in an urban environment, but such events would be very uncommon. Public-health experts say that increased nudity would not lead to an increase in infection rates. ( slate.com )

Nudity Disappears from German Beaches, Parks

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 21:31:00 +0700

Nudity Disappears from German Beaches, Parks -- If you're visiting a public park or beach in Germany expecting to see plenty of exposed flesh, you may be in for a surprise.

The naked sunbathers who once crowded Germany's Baltic beaches and city parks are becoming an endangered species due to shifting demographics, the fall of the Berlin Wall, growing prosperity and widening girths.

Much to the chagrin of Free Body Culture (FKK) enthusiasts who have been stripping off their clothing on beaches and parks since the early 1900s, a cold wind has been blowing across Germany for nudists and their numbers are steadily dwindling.

"German society is changing and it's not easy to be a naturist anymore," said Kurt Fischer, president of the German FKK association (DFK). There are some 500,000 registered nudists and a total of seven million Germans sunbathe naked regularly.

Mostly clothed people relax in Munichs English Garten park. The naked sunbathers who once crowded Germanys Baltic beaches and city parks are becoming an endangered species

"But the numbers are unfortunately falling by about two percent each year," Fischer told a group of reporters in the Foreign Press Association (VAP) while sitting, fully clothed, at a beach bar in Berlin's government quarter. "Times are tough."

The main problem is the shrinking population, Fischer said.

The number of Germans fell by more than 3.2 million over the last three decades even though the country's total population has managed to remain more or less steady at about 82 million thanks to immigration -- often from countries in Eastern Europe and the Balkans as well as Turkey and Arabic countries.

"Our problems are demographic changes and the fact that immigrants aren't interested in social nudity," said Fischer, 70, whose association has such honoured standing in Germany that it is even part of the Olympic Sport Federation (DOSB).

"Germany is relying more and more on immigrants to keep the population steady. But many come from countries with strong religious beliefs. They just aren't into FKK."

Immigrants who arrive from cultures where headscarves are common will not usually be interested in becoming naturists in Germany, he said. Virtues of social nudity

With one of the lowest birth rates in the world, Germany's native population is projected to fall from about 75 million to 50 million by 2050, population researchers say.

The dwindling number of Germans has caused myriad problems -- affecting everything from beer and schnitzel sales to the numbers of schoolchildren. The country's proud nudity traditions are not immune. Fischer said the trend is inexorable.

"It's better that we shrink in a controlled fashion and keep a diverse age-group structure with all age-groups than to try to stay bloated with mostly seniors and few young people," he said.

Fischer added they were using "special trial offers", direct recruitment and other gimmicks to attract young people.

Nude sunbathing has a long tradition in Germany. The Free Body Culture (FKK) movement was founded in the early 20th century and succeeded in taking much of the smut and embarrassment out of nudity.

Even Germany's top model Heidi Klum was quoted in the German media recently extolling the virtues of topless sunbathing and describing difficulties she has pursuing it in places such as the United States and Italy where it's frowned upon or illegal.

"I love to get a sun tan and I don't like white stripes," said Klum. "I don't worry about what other people think." Her parents often ran around in the nude and still do, she said.

In Germany, public nudity on beaches and lakes is by and large tolerated and practitioners face no legal consequences, although some courts have fined some caught hiking nude on public trails or riding bikes or horses while naked.

For decades nudity was a popular way for those living in Communist East Germany to express themselves -- and was a small piece of freedom for those behind the Iron Curtain. East German beaches on the Baltic were always filled with nude bathers.

But that began to gradually fall out of fashion in many areas in the east after the Berlin Wall fell in 1989, and then tensions sometimes flared when some western German tourists unaccustomed to the widespread nudity complained.

"When we moved from western Germany to a town in the east, we noticed there was less of a taboo about nudity," said one American surprised by the ubiquitous nudity in the east. "It really struck me at a nearby lake when people were just naked in the water or getting a tan in the sun and nobody was bothered."

That, however, has also begun to change. "We've got a lot chubbier"

Increasing wealth and fashion-consciousness in Germany and especially the east has hurt the movement as well. "We're all equal in the nude," said Fischer, a westerner who admitted it felt like "torture" for him to sit in his clothes on a bright sunny summer afternoon while talking to journalists.

"When people are naked you can't tell the difference between the man with the doctorate and the man who collects trash. There used to be more of an egalitarian attitude. People now want to distinguish themselves and one way to show off is with fancy swimsuits. It's not easy for the nudist in a society like this."

There are other reasons contributing to decline of the unique German cultural tradition. As a 70-year-old eastern woman named Brigitte pointed out, growing prosperity has led to growing waist sizes.

"In East Germany, there were a lot more people with attractive physiques," said Brigitte, a retired dental assistant and avid naturist who asked that her full name not be used.

"But with the rise in prosperity a lot of people have come apart at the seams and they can't show their bodies in public anymore. We've become a lot chubbier with all this prosperity. It's not really very aesthetic anymore."

Brigitte said she misses the East German era when entire beaches and camping areas were packed with nudists even though parts of West Germany, such as Munich's English Garten park and West Berlin's Tiergarten, have proud FKK traditions.

"I miss those places more and more," she said, admitting that she often feels inhibited about being nude and now wraps a towel around herself until she gets to the water. "You definitely see fewer people in then nude. But I don't think the movement will die out. It's too much fun." ( Reuters)

Handsome Men Mean Better Sex

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 20:32:00 +0700

Handsome Men Mean Better Sex - Women orgasm more quickly and more often with handsome partners, according to research carried out by anthropologists and psychologists.

Noting that "supporting evidence indicates that female orgasm promotes conception," the researchers concluded that the female orgasm is linked to the urge to produce "quality" offspring.

The study, which was carried out at Pennsylvania State University, focused on the sex lives of 110 heterosexual couples, who reported who orgasmed and how often.

The male subjects were rated for "objectively-measured facial masculinity, observer-rated facial masculinity, partner-rated masculinity, and partner-rated dominance"; observers, as well as the men themselves, were also asked to rated their own attractiveness.

Women orgasm more quickly and more often with handsome partners, according to research carried out by anthropologists and psychologists.

Women whose partners rated as masculine and dominant reported more frequent and earlier-timed orgasms than those whose partners rated less well. The women whose partners were deemed attractive also orgasmed more often during or after male ejaculation.

Frequency of female orgasm as a result of masturbation was not predicted by the male partner's attractiveness.

"Thus, possible conception-promoting correlates of female orgasm may be especially effective and/or likely when copulation occurs with masculine males," the authors wrote in the study, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour.

"These results appear to support a role for female orgasm in sire choice." ( sydney morning herald )

Sex, Power, and Very Strange Habits

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 20:08:00 +0700

Sex, Power, and Very Strange Habits - Alpha males, for all their swagger and success with the ladies, are actually completely miserable.

Lashings of money, power and sex may be bloody wonderful but it's also bloody stressful to keep up; much more relaxing to be a weedy beta who works in accounts and only enjoys conjugal relations on weekends and alternate Wednesdays.

Research into the general well-being of the alpha - carried out by Princeton University and published this week - confirms my long-held suspicions, suspicions developed during a period of dating one.

He wooed me by beating his mighty fists against his broad chest (plied me with wine and carried me home from the pub on his back), but after a while it became clear that he used fake tan, worried endlessly about his weight and spent half an hour every morning preening himself in front of the mirror.

Alpha males ... vanity and strange habits are often part of the package.

'Do you fancy me?' he would ask, as he returned from yet another two-hour workout. The question was irritating and the more he asked it, the less I did.

Anyway, this study goes some way to explaining the increasingly strange behaviour of alpha alpha alpha male Bear Grylls. Mr Grylls, who was born plain Edward, got his name not because he wrestled grizzlies to the death, but because he used to carry a teddy around with him (so a good friend of his informs me).

The former SAS reservist, whose skills as a self-proclaimed 'born survivor' have been tested to the very limit as he toughs it out in hotels around the globe, has a new television programme that has just started on the Discovery Channel.

In one episode, he finds himself - as if by magic - stranded on an island off the coast of Scotland. How will he get out of this one? The rest of us mere mortals would simply lie down and die, or alternatively not ask a production company to drop us off in the freezing cold in the middle of nowhere in the first place.

But brave Bear, stumbling across a seal that just happens to have died nearby, slits the mammal in half and proceeds to wear it as a wetsuit. He has outwitted the Grim Reaper yet again!

This is not his first such display of ingenuity. He has used a sheep's carcass as a sleeping bag, and crawled inside a dead camel for shelter in the past. It is quite the party trick. But were you ever stuck on a desert island with Bear, you would have to sleep with one eye open to make sure he didn't kill you and wear you as a frock.

Yet, despite his undoubted survival skills, I worry about Bear Grylls. I worry about him in a way that I don't about, say, Ray Mears, because I think Ray Mears couldn't give a camel's carcass about being an alpha male. But Bear seems so obsessed with proving his toughness, that he only ends up emasculating himself.

When I watch his desperate battles for survival in some of the least hospitable terrain on the planet, I don't think 'What an amazingly brave man'. I just think: 'WHY?'

I fret that Bear might one day fall victim to the Boy Who Cried Wolf Syndrome. He'll be in real danger, and the crew will just think he's doing his usual macho posturing, and off they will go, thinking 'you've made your bed in a sheep's skin - now you must lie in it'.

Nah. I'd rather take an under-achieving beta boy or a grateful gamma guy over an alpha male any day. ( The Daily Telegraph )

How Berlusconi Could Make Love Five Times A Day

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Tue, 5 Jul 2011 21:43:00 +0700

How Berlusconi Could Make Love Five Times A Day -- A belly dancer and a regional councillor entertained controversial Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi with a 'lesbian kiss' at his infamous bunga bunga parties, a court has heard.

Karima El Mahroug was just 17 when she put on the show with former dental hygienist turned politician Nicole Minetti, 25, who is said to have recruited girls for the parties.

The details emerged in court documents on the same day the media tycoon's personal doctor said Berlusconi, 74, had the 'sex drive of a man at least 15 years younger and could make love five times a day'.

Miss El Mahroug is one of 33 women who were guests at the bunga bunga parties - the phrase said to refer to a crude after dinner sex game - that were held at Berlusconi's villa near Milan.

The court in Milan has already heard prosecutors describe Berlusconi's home as a 'bordello' because of the sexual element to the parties he hosted but which he claims were 'simply elegant dinners'.

Performance: Karima El Mahroug (left) and Nicole Minetti (right) are said to have shared a Lesbian kiss, paid for by Berlusconi at one of his bunga bunga parties

Prosecutor Pietro Forno told the court Miss El Mahroug had given a statement in which she described how she and Anglo-Italian Miss Minetti gave each other a 'Sapphic (lesbian) kiss at a party held in February 2010'.

Mr Forno added that her statement was backed up by other witnesses and 'not an invention of the young girl and was solely for Berlusconi' and that the sex acts were 'paid for by him'.

Telephone intercepts which have been leaked and which form part of the investigation reveal how women dressed as nurses and police officers during the parties and gyrated around lap dancing poles. The women were given cash and jewellery in return for providing sexual favours, prosecutors said during a hearing in Milan before judge Maria Grazia Domanico.

She must rule if there is enough evidence to send Miss Minetti, TV news anchorman Emilio Fede, 79, and showbusiness agent Lele Mora, 55, for trial on charges of recruiting prostitutes.

All three of them, Berlusconi, and the women have denied the allegations and earlier this year he said 33 women was too many 'even for a man half my age' - although his doctor Umberto Scapagnini painted a different picture of him.

In a radio interview he said: 'Physically Berlusconi is a man of 60 or even less - he could have sex four or five times a day, above the average, without any problems.

'He has even asked my advice on pills and injections and I've told him what I think, he is in good shape.

'I have suggested he take things easy and maybe have a nap after lunch but as we all know he is an ill disciplined patient.'

Berlusconi himself is currently involved in four trials, including one where he is accused of having paid for sex with Miss El Mahroug, which is classed as an under-age prostitute as she was below 18 at the time. ( dailymail.co.uk )

Is Pornography Desensitising The Male Brain?

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Tue, 5 Jul 2011 21:39:00 +0700

Is Pornography Desensitising The Male Brain? -- Pornography today permeates society - available on television, in magazines and to anyone on the internet. It may not come as a surprise to some that men spend up to 80 per cent more time than women looking at X-rated content online.

But feminists are warning heightened consumption comes with damaging, and addictive effects: disrupting normal sexual function and ruining relationships as young men become desensitised to the erotic appeal of their partners.

Social critic, political activist and author Naomi Wolf weighed in on the 'problem of porn' on CNN's Global Public Square blog this week. Wolf, who published her essay 'The Porn Myth' six years ago, contends that therapists and sexual counsellors in her research have connected a rise in pornographic consumption among young men 'with an increase in impotence and premature ejaculation among the same population.'

Relationship sabotage A couple shares a look through a pornographic magazine

'The hypothesis among the experts was that pornography was progressively desensitizing these men sexually,' she writes. A recent poll, conducted by BBC Radio One Newsbeat in association with doctors from the Portman Clinic, appears to echo her claims.

The poll, more than 1,000 18- to 24-year-olds in the U.K., found that eight out of ten men looked at porn on the internet - compared to one-third of women, with men spending an average of two hours a week watching pornography on internet, compared with just 15 minutes for women.

While 61 per cent said they were more likely to put off real-life sex after watching pornography, just 27 per cent of moderate and 24 per cent of light users felt the same. Dr Heather Wood, from the Portman Clinic, said hours online watching graphic images could have worrying effects.

The study found that heavy porn visitors, four out of five who watched erotic content online for 10 hours a week, were more likely to indulge in 'problematic and potentially compulsive' behaviour. Wood told BBC: 'Those people spending large amounts of time accessing porn are not having more fun.

'They are more worried about themselves, more worried about what they are looking at, and report more relationship problems.'

Researchers say pornography taps into intense emotional, biological and chemical connections throughout the brain and body. And arousal through pornography, which leads to the release of the naturally occurring chemicals dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin and serotonin, can become addictive.

Wolf writes: 'This dopamine effect explains why pornography tends to become more and more extreme over time: ordinary sexual images eventually lose their power, leading consumers to need images that break other taboos in other kinds of ways, in order to feel as good.'

'Moreover, some men (and women) have a 'dopamine hole' - their brains’ reward systems are less efficient - making them more likely to become addicted to more extreme porn more easily.'

'The neural circuitry is identical to that for other addictive triggers, such as gambling or cocaine,' Wolf writes.

'The addictive potential is also identical: just as gamblers and cocaine users can become compulsive, needing to gamble or snort more and more to get the same dopamine boost, so can men consuming pornography become hooked. As with these other reward triggers, after the dopamine burst wears off, the consumer feels a letdown - irritable, anxious, and longing for the next fix.'

That search for the 'next fix' has triggered a boom in internet porn - and industry that pulls in $4.9billion per year worldwide, according to research conducted by the online Master of Business Administration. Feminist blogger Sady Doyle is concerned increased consumption may be pushing women to be more submissive to their partner's desires.

Doyle told New York Times magazine: 'I think sometimes it's much harder for women to say, "I'm not into that," or "Please, I don't want to do that, let's do something else," than it is to say, "Sure,"' she said.

'Putting all the onus on the person who doesn't have that fetish or desire, particularly if the person who doesn't have that desire is the woman, really reproduces a lot of old structures and means of oppression for women.' ( dailymail.co.uk )

Kissing Styles According to Zodiac Signs

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:36:00 +0700

Kissing Styles According to Zodiac Signs - Does your man give you long lingering kisses or quick passionate ones? We help you decode your kissing style, and his, according to the zodiac. It could tell you a thing or two about how you should lock lips with your partner wink, wink!

Some like it hot

If you’re looking for hot passion, then nothing like the Fire Signs to float your boat. Aries Leo and Sagittarius love a bit of aggressive passion. They enjoy it, and they want lots of kisses, and quick!

Aries: Your kisses are filled with lust and passion, and are very quick.

Leo: You enjoy wild, unrestricted kisses which have some bite (literally) to them!

Sagittarius: You love to surprise with spontaneous kisses and always leave them wanting more.

Bring me back to earth

Like a bit of sensuality? Who better to bring it down nice and sexy than the Earth Signs – Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn! No quick thrills here. Their kisses are long, deep and lasting and it might take you a while to come back to earth after these heavenly kisses.

Taurus: Your kisses are heartfelt and can linger forever.

Virgo: Your kisses are sensual and heartfelt, but very tidy and subtle too!

Capricorn: Kissing relaxes you and de-stresses you and with your lingering passion, you want your partner to feel the same!

Head in the air...err clouds?

The Air Signs love intellectual stimulation because their heads are almost always up there in the clouds. Expect stimulating kisses but not before you’ve had a mind-blowing conversation, sharing your dreams or simply opining!

Gemini: You could giggle through your kisses or stop to smile and even make funny and witty observations!

Libra: You love the kisses but can stop to worry if your breath smells fine!

Aquarius: Your kisses can be messy, wet and you might keep your eyes open.

Smooth like water

Ever heard of “Still waters run deep”? The Watery ones (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) can be shy to start out but they’re more passionate than you realise!

Cancer: Warm and tender, you never want to let go of kissing.

Scorpio: You love to kiss, but your passion can make you rush to...umm, the next step.

Pisces: Expect Starry-eyed, passionate and long-lasting kisses from the Pisceans.

Now that you know a li’l more about your kissing style and your partner, don’t be shy to try some new moves and experiment. ( idiva.com )

Sex with someone from the future can be hazardous to your health

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 15:43:00 +0700

Sex with someone from the future can be hazardous to your health - There comes a time in every science writer’s career when one must write about female sea monkeys having sex with male sea monkeys from the future, and the troubles that follow.

That time is now.

In many species of animals, males and females have a conflict of evolutionary interests. Males compete with each other for the opportunity to fertilize the eggs of females. Males use all sorts of strategies in these competitions. They fight with each other for territory, they scare off intruding males, they put scrapers into females to dump out the sperm from previous males, and they inject “anti-aphrodiasiacs” to make females unreceptive to other males.

A number of experiments suggest that females have to pay a steep price for these male shenanigans. Anti-aphrodisiacs are toxic to the females, shortening their lifetime. Why would males harm the females that carry their offspring? In many species, males can mate with many females. The long-term health of any one female doesn’t matter–in an evolutionary sense–to the male.

As natural selection favors increasingly deadly male mating strategies, this onslaught opens up the opportunity, in turn, for the evolution of counterstrategies in females. In some species, females may evolve antidotes to male poisons. The males, in turn, may evolve counterattacks to overcome these new defenses. Theoretically, this coevolution can become a never-ending cycle of sexual conflict, capable of producing some of nature’s greatest extravagances

Up till now, the best evidence for this kind of sexual conflict came from experiments. Scientists manipulated Drosophila flies so that the males were free to evolve while the females couldn’t. The result: the lifespan of the females got shorter and shorter over the course of generations. In a flipped version of the experiment, scientists prevented males from mating with lots of females, as they normally do. Instead, the male flies were forced into monogamy. Now there was no evolutionary reward for competing with other males. Over time, the male fly toxins got less toxic, and the females lost their defenses.

Now Nicolas Rode of the the Center for Functional and Evolutionary Ecology in Montpellier, France, and his colleagues have found a new way testing this hypothesis: by having males travel through time to mate with females.

The time-traveling males in this case are brine shrimp (a k a sea monkeys). Brine shrimp produce tough eggs that can survive through droughts for years and then hatch into healthy young when water returns. In the Great Salt Lake in Utah, the brine shrimp egg cysts form layers on the lake bed going back decades. Rode and his colleagues gathered cysts from layers that formed in 1985, 1996, and 2007. They brought the cysts back to their lab and reared the sea monkeys. And then they orchestrated some sea monkey sex. They had females mate with males from their own time, as well as from the other years. For example, females from 1996 could mate with males from 2007 and 1985.

If sexual conflict is an ongoing evolutionary process, you’d expect females to fare differently with males from different time periods. They’d be best-adapted to the males of their own time, and worse adapted to males from other times. Evolutionary theorists have developed two different models for how this time-traveling sex would play out. It’s possible that males and females escalate their adaptations over time in an evolutionary arms race. It’s also possible that evolution moves more like a merry-go-round. For a while, one male strategy may dominate, and one female counterstrategy dominates as well. But then a new male strategy pops up, for which the females have no defense at all. That male strategy then rises to dominance, and a corresponding female counterstrategy eventually evolves as well.

Rode and his colleagues tracked the females, noting how many eggs they had and how long they lived. And they discovered, as predicted, that having sex with males from another time is bad for a sea monkey’s health. The further away in time the sea monkeys were, the sooner the female sea monkey died. When the male traveled 22 years to mate with a female, her life was cut short on average by 12%.

There are lots of caveats to this study–which you’d expect for the first study of its kind. The results weren’t clear enough for the scientists to pick the arms race or merry-go-round model as the best explanation for the conflict between the sexes. And over the entire lifetime of the female sea monkeys, time-shifting didn’t have a measurable effect on their reproductive success. That’s because they females who were dying faster also produced eggs at a faster rate.

Another mystery is how the time-traveling males are harming the females. Rode and his colleagues note one unusual aspect of brine shrimp sex: males and females can stay clasped together for hours–even days. They’re not cuddling in some erotic afterglow. Studies on other species suggest that the males are holding on tight and the females would prefer to get on with their lives. Amplexus, as this embrace is known, may be yet another way for males to outcompete their rivals. By holding on tight to females, they can prevent their mates from finding other males.

Females pay a price for this guarding; it can make them easier targets for predators and prevent them from eating. Scientists have found that female water-striders have evolved lots of acrobatic moves to get clasping males off of them. It’s possible that sea monkeys engage in a similar sexual wrestling match, and that the male and female moves evolve over time.

Whatever the answer to these questions, one thing seems fairly clear. If you’re a female sea monkey, and you see a blinding flash of light, and a male sea monkey suddenly appears saying he’s got to protect you from an army of sea monkey robots from the future–take care. Your well-being is definitely at risk. ( discovermagazine.com )

Orgasm Guaranteed - What I learned while freelancing at Cosmopolitan

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Wed, 8 Jun 2011 22:25:00 +0700

Orgasm Guaranteed - What I learned while freelancing at Cosmopolitan - As I walked into the elegant Hearst Tower, home to many of the country's top magazines, with gleaming white floors and a two-story waterfall, I was sure my life was about to change forever. I was 23, wearing a gray hand-me-down wool dress from Bergdorf Goodman that my mother's friend gave me, and I was reporting for duty for my first job in publishing: fact-checking at Cosmopolitan.

When I moved to New York City a few months before, I had a vague but highly determined notion that I wanted to be a writer. I got jobs baby-sitting and working as a catering waitress. I obsessively read books about how to write magazine pitches, took "secrets of publishing" classes, and dutifully followed alumni networking leads. One of those leads, it so happened, led a frazzled research chief at Cosmopolitan to call me one Monday afternoon in January. "Was there any way I was free to come in and fact-check for the rest of the week on such short notice?" I burst with joy as I replied in as soothing a tone as I could muster. Yes, after checking my schedule I could be available to fact-check for the rest of the week. She told me the pay was $25 an hour and gave me the Hearst Tower address.

I was sure it was my big break. I would be meeting editors! I would learn how the publishing world worked from the inside! Cosmo was owned by Hearst, which owns many interesting publications! I would be working in the glamorous halls of the glossy mags! My foot was truly in the door!

Once I had giddily called my parents to tell them this life-changing news, reality started to set in. First off, not only had I never fact-checked; I had only a vague sense of what fact-checking was. I had mentioned in networking coffee dates that I'd like to try it, mainly because I knew I'd be a terrible copy editor and I thought fact-checking seemed easier. Mild panic set in. I Googled.

Fact-checking, it appeared, was verifying the accuracy of statements in articles using research and calling previously interviewed sources to verify quotes. That seemed like something I could handle. But another large, looming question entered my mind: What kind of facts could Cosmopolitan possibly have?

Wasn't Cosmo the mega-blockbuster magazine that features perfectly Photoshopped models with miles of cleavage and screaming headlines like "17 Sex Tips That Will Leave Him Breathless for More!" and "Why Naughty Girls Have More Fun in Bed"? I didn't qualify as a Cosmo girl. I'd never given more thought to cosmetics than could fit into a few quick and baffling trips to makeup counters in department stores. My fashion sense deeply lacked direction. And I'd never been one to gush about my sex life. Cosmo and facts immediately produced cognitive dissonance in me.

But once I entered the spotless Hearst Tower with pre-programmed elevators and sweeping views of Central Park and the Hudson River, I was committed to checking facts of any sort. The research chief I was to be working under was a tiny woman with an Italian name. She whisked me through the office, which seemed to be filled with high-heeled women who avoided eye contact, to my workstation.

"Here's the first article—it's on mascaras. All of the backup research is in the folder. I'm not sure what kinds of pens and colors you like to use, but here's a few."

Pens. Colors. This must be a test.

"Um, so is it OK if I write directly on this printout? With the colored pens?"

She looked at me, slightly puzzled. "Sure, that's fine. Just let me know if you have any other questions," she said with some hesitation. I could see the question lurking behind her eyes. "Have you done this before?" She probably already knew that the answer was no.

I opened the folder on mascaras with a level of excitement I have never personally experienced from applying mascara.

All advice in Cosmo, I quickly sussed out, is provided by "experts," whether their area of expertise is lip liner or liposuction. Any material that is vaguely health-oriented has to be verified by a medical doctor or published medical literature. All descriptions of beauty tricks must come from interviews and are cross-checked with follow-up emails or calls from the research team. And every product must be checked for correct spelling and price. Every word in Cosmo, surprisingly, is verified with a professional rigor that far exceeds virtually all Internet publications and daily newspapers.

The days flew past and I stumbled my way through my first week and got asked back for future fact-checking sessions. My semi-regular stints at Cosmo now consisted of sitting in a cubicle in an open area next to a middle-aged office manager who wore leggings as pants every day, while drilling down on the truly important life questions: Is it scientifically true that when men spend time away from their partners the number of sperm increases the next time they climax during intercourse? Could a biology professor confirm for me that guys thrust more quickly and deeply during sex if they suspect their partner may be cheating? Usually the experts that I talked to were mildly annoyed that their thoughtful advice and explanations had been so oversimplified, but they also knew that their most recent book was getting mentioned in Cosmo after their name.

While other recent college grads might be placing orders for office supplies or turkey sandwiches, my side of phone conversations went something like this:

"Doctor, we're describing the technique of a 'hand job with a twist that stimulates the penis and G spot simultaneously.' Can I read you our description of this technique?"

"Oh. OK. So it's not accurate to call it a G spot. Only women have G spots? So you are saying it's important to call it a 'male G spot' or a 'P spot.' OK, I'm making a note of that to tell the writer."

"So here's the description: 'Wrap your hand around his shaft and gently bend it toward and away from his belly button.' Would this motion would be similar to moving a … joystick? Is that accurate?"

"So is it accurate to say that 'doing this causes the spongy tissue in his penis to rub against the prostate'?"

"Great. We have a quote from you on this as, 'Pressing on those nerves will have a domino effect. It primes his entire body, making every sensation down to his orgasm feel more intense.' Can we attribute that to you?"

"OK, so you are saying that is more of a description of direct prostate stimulation, rather than indirect, and that this technique doesn't have as strong of an effect?"

"So it's more about getting the penis to sink into the pelvis."

"Wonderful. And can I verify that your title is staff sexologist at goodvibes.com?"

"Thanks so much for your time."

At first, these calls filled me with a mix of titillation and humiliation. I was gathering my war stories in the publishing trenches and I secretly relished the shock value of casually deadpanning at parties, "I fact-check sex stories at Cosmo." It seemed to fit the mold of some New York City bad girl I'd never actually be.

But the novelty of checking sex tips quickly wore off. My email was eventually filled with one-liners from higher-up editors like, "Due to length and fact-check issues, we're going to cut the fact about the increase in size of the testicles during orgasm." Mind-blowing orgasms quickly seemed as boring as corporate-speak about mergers and acquisitions. I certainly wasn't learning anything about sex. All the advice seemed to be variations on earlier articles and ran together in my mind as I dissected the endless lists of tips and tricks.

After 18 months of sporadic assignments, I was given a new fact-checking task I hadn't done before. I had to verify with "real guys" their romantic and sexual experiences about turn-ons. Instead of doctors with books to sell, I had to call and email men whom writers had interviewed to confirm things like how hot it was when a girlfriend had dressed up in a nurse's costume. Since I had a list of their real names and email addresses before pseudonyms were added to the actual article, I could hardly stop myself from doing some light cyber stalking. Who were these people? It all felt so sleazy and personal and delightfully voyeuristic. However, it also made the whole process feel unabashedly creepy. When it actually came down to it, I really didn't want to talk to these random men and confirm their actual bedroom escapades. Gross.

I had to track one guy down about his story of how sweet it was when his girlfriend brought him soup when he was sick. I read him the one-line blurb.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say she was my girlfriend," he replied with a scoff.

"Um, OK," I stammered. "Perhaps 'the girl you were dating' would be more accurate?"

"Ha, well, I guess you could call her that. Hey, also, can you add in a part about what we did after she brought the soup?"

"Um. What do you mean, add something?" I asked, perplexed.

"How about something like, 'She brought me soup and it gave me the strength to be a man with her all night long'?"

I breathed into my stammering silence. "Um, well. No. I can't add that," I said diplomatically. "You aren't writing the story, and neither am I. I'm just trying to confirm if this original quote about the soup is accurate."

"Really? You can't add that?" He asked with indignation. "You know, my mother is going to read this. I want it to look good!" He said with no trace of irony.

As soon as I extricated myself from the phone, I couldn't resist Googling this Romeo who wanted to impress his mother with his tales of sexual prowess in Cosmo. His MySpace profile made him appear to be a meathead from New Jersey.

Shortly after that week wrapped up, I decided that maybe my time as a freelance fact-checker should come to a close. It wasn't calling Jersey-based stallions that prompted my decision, but the fact that I'd gotten away from the kind of work I came to New York to do. Even so, I'll always remember 13 creative ways to use a feather boa. ( slate.com )

The Sexual Fluidity of Women

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Fri, 20 May 2011 21:40:00 +0700

The Sexual Fluidity of Women - Ever since Margaret Atwood—a feminist novelist in the most important sense — wrote her famous story “Rape Fantasies,” people have understood that sometimes women’s sexual fantasies are anything but politically correct. Now there’s an interesting story in the New York Times Magazine that implicitly asks: Are contemporary women doomed to experience a schism between what their bodies lust for and their minds tell them they want? (Full disclosure: Dan Bergner, the author, is an old acquaintance.) The story offers up a road map of female desire as charted by postfeminist scientists, who have been exploring female desire with gusto. Guess what? What women want in bed is far more complex and, well, polymorphously perverse than some had formerly thought. In fact, no one understands any of it yet.

Yet one interesting idea emerges from the piece: the notion that female desire is based less on intimacy (the old truism) than on the perception of being desired—a notion that, it would seem, complicates feminist notions of owning your sexuality. To take just a few bits of research from the piece: As Bergner reports, scientists have long wondered why women sometimes describe feeling arousal (even orgasm) during nonconsensual sex; some scientists now theorize that it stems from an evolutionary adaptation to early human sex. (Women whose genitals remained unlubricated were more susceptible to injury, infection, and, consequently, death.) Bergner connects this to the fact that women seem to be more responsive—on a physiological level—to a breadth of visual stimuli than men are. One recent study, conducted by psychologist Meredith Chivers, found that heterosexual women responded sexually to a wider array of videos than men did; while the men in the study mostly responded to images involving women (and the gay men mostly responded to images involving men), the straight women in the study were turned on by everything from heterosexual sex to a nude woman doing calisthenics to bonobos mating.

Interestingly, though, the women recorded their sexual response differently than did the machines that measured it: They said they had been more turned on by the images of heterosexual sex—and less turned on by the images of bonobo sex—than they actually had been. Hmm. As I understand it, this discrepancy either means that women’s minds and bodies are subconsciously at war or that the women were conscious of their less “normative” desire but felt ashamed of it. In either case, it bears thinking about.

So does the complicated notion that there's something reactive about female sexuality. (After all, we've all had the experience, I'm sure, of not desiring a man who desired us.) Be that as it may, there's something worth mulling about the (mostly female) scientists' new thinking on the matter. As Bergner puts it, scientists like Chivers believe that “female sexuality [may be] divided between two truly separate, if inscrutably overlapping, systems: the physiological and the subjective.” So I’m curious: Did any of you buy any of this? What was your reaction? ( slate.com )

Seven Ways to Recreate Hot Honeymoon Sex

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Tue, 3 May 2011 15:56:00 +0700

Seven Ways to Recreate Hot Honeymoon Sex - Just because William and Kate are the ones who just tied the knot, that doesn’t mean they should be the only ones having any fun — and what’s more fun than honeymoon sex?

I’ll tell you what’s more fun – fake honeymoon sex. You see, the trouble with true honeymoon sex is that it can come loaded with an awful lot of pressure and preconceived notions. Some even say it’s a predictor of how the sex will be throughout the marriage. But that’s hogwash. Honeymoon sex is just that – honeymoon sex. It’s one night, one week, one month, or whatever out of the whole marriage.

Sure it might be stellar, but even if it’s mediocre, who cares. After all of that planning and partying, it’s no wonder. The cool part is, you can have a do-over any time you like. Whether you want to create the honeymoon sex that was the best canoodling of your life, or you want to have the kind of fireworks-inspiring sex that you had hoped your honeymoon would hold, all you have to do is follow these seven easy steps to great (non) honeymoon sex.

1. Set the scene.

If you can get the heck out of Dodge, do. But if not, do the next best thing – a staycation. Recast your room into a honeymoon suite complete with fresh linens, clutter-less counters, and delicious smells. Think lighting, music, and flowers, too. Better yet, if you have a guest room, take that over and pretend you’re somewhere exotic.

2. Choose your look.

There’s no point playing honeymoon if you’re going to wear that nightgown you’ve had since your kid – who’s now driving – was in elementary school or those undies that should have been retired long ago. Invest in some pretty underthings or some handsome new boxers and surprise your sweetie for a change.

3. Plan ahead.

Send the kids to your mom’s. Take the dogs to the kennel. Put the phone on silent. And tell your boss you’re indisposed. The more you plan, the easier it will be to relax and enjoy. Stress and distraction are two of the top killers of good sex. So, put the world at bay for once and enjoy your (non) honeymoon.

4. Get the goods.

Whether it’s candles or massage oils or sex toys, this adventure is a great time to do a little naughty (and nice) shopping and take things to another level in the bedroom. Now’s the time to do all of those things you’ve been meaning to try but had no excuse to bother with. Well, now’s the time to get hot and bothered!

5. Do your homework.

No matter how much of an expert you are at something, there’s always room to learn more. So, read those books, watch those videos, and reinvent yourself as a lover. Honeymoons are all about first times, sweet surprises and nights to remember. So treat your love to a whole new you in bed.

6. Take the pressure off.

The night doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to “be.” It has to be a time for you and your partner to be together and refocus on one another for a change. That’s the best part of the honeymoon really -- having no one to focus on but each other and nothing but pleasure to worry about. Plus, this time there’s no “have to have a perfect honeymoon” pressure. So, enjoy, for a change.

7. Give in.

Whatever your lines are, let them slip as far as you’re comfortable pushing yourself. Do you usually like the lights off but your partner likes them on? Give in. Do you usually like to stop after Round One but your partner likes to go for the gold? Give in. Do you usually have a standard menu of plays but your partner would like to deviate from the tried and true? Give in.

I wish William and Kate a lifetime of love and joy. And I wish them a peaceful, pleasurable, and paparazzi-free honeymoon. As for the rest of us, let’s not spend too much time toasting the newlyweds. Instead, let's recommit to being “newly bed” like it was the first time all over again! ( foxnews.com )

With same-sex marriage on hold, elderly and ailing couples face a lengthy appeals process

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 11:55:00 +0700

With same-sex marriage on hold, elderly and ailing couples face a lengthy appeals process - Judges last week extended a stay on same-sex marriage until higher courts rule on Prop. 8. Derence Kernek and Ed Watson hope that process will move faster than the advance of Watson's Alzheimer's disease. — Derence Kernek and Ed Watson live together each day in fear that they won't be able to pledge "till death do us part" before it's too late.

Watson, 78, is in rapidly failing health, afflicted with Alzheimer's disease, obesity, diabetes and hypertension.

A federal appeals court ruled last week that same-sex marriage will remain on hold in California until a judge's ruling striking down Proposition 8 as unconstitutional makes its way through the higher courts — reviews expected to take a year or more.

"We don't have the money to travel to a state where it's legal," said Kernek, 80, observing dejectedly that the travel would probably be too grueling for his partner of 40 years. "Besides, we wanted to do it in California, where our friends are, where we live. Now I don't think we'll be able to, not while Ed can still remember."

Ed Watson, left, and Derence Kernek of Palm Springs have been together for more than 40 years. (Glenn Koenig / Los Angeles Times)

The ticking clock on Watson's awareness was one of a chronicle of arguments presented to the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in an unsuccessful bid to convey the urgency of letting same-sex marriage resume during the protracted appeals process.

A 9th Circuit panel made up of Judges Stephen Reinhardt, Michael Daly Hawkins and N. Randy Smith denied the request Wednesday without explanation.

Proposition 8 proponents had argued that the voter initiative's restriction of marriage to one man and one woman should remain in place pending the appeal. They said the stay was necessary to avert social chaos if, as they insist is likely, the courts decide that the voters of California had the right to outlaw same-sex marriage.

The Aug. 4 ruling by U.S. District Judge Vaughn R. Walker in San Francisco striking down Proposition 8 as unconstitutional buoyed hopes across the national lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities that their rights to marry and raise families would eventually earn full legal recognition.

But for some, including Kernek and Watson, "eventually" could come too late.

In response to an online appeal by the Hollywood-based Courage Campaign for testimony to back the legal challenge of Proposition 8 and other gay-rights litigation, more than 3,000 couples came forward with their stories about why they believe marriage can't wait.

"Life is not eternal — sometimes it is tragically short — and courts should not act as if it were otherwise," said Chad Griffin, board president of the American Foundation for Equal Rights and a key strategist in the legal campaign to scuttle Proposition 8.

The anecdotes of fatal illness and faltering minds were intended to put human faces on gay- and lesbian-rights advocates' arguments that continuing to prohibit same-sex marriage after Walker's ruling inflicts irreparable harm on many.

The Proposition 8 opponents argued that Walker's ruling recognized marriage as a fundamental right for all Americans, and their veteran lawyers, David Boies and Theodore B. Olson, cited case law dictating that a court should suspend a judge's ruling only when the party seeking that stay shows that it is likely to win on appeal and be irreparably harmed in the meantime.

"Each day plaintiffs, and gay men and lesbians like them, are denied the right to marry — denied the full blessings of citizenship — is a day that never can be returned to them," two same-sex couples who brought the successful lawsuit against Proposition 8 argued in their motion.

Those who will be harmed, Courage Campaign chairman Rick Jacobs argued in an accompanying letter to the court, are couples like Kernek and Watson and San Diego residents Jerry Peterson and Bob Smith, both in their 70s and longing to marry before the end of an appeals process that could outlive them. Shane Mayer and John Quintana, 28-year-olds from San Francisco, want to marry while Mayer's cancer-stricken father can still take part, the friend-of-the-court letter testified.

Andrew Pugno, a lawyer for Proposition 8 backers, hailed the panel's ruling as "a victory for Proposition 8 supporters and the initiative process as a whole."

In his appeals court filings, Pugno had argued that the same-sex couples' claim of urgency "rings hollow." He pointed out that they waited six months after the initiative passed to bring their lawsuit and failed to challenge the stay when the 9th Circuit first decided last fall to keep the ban in place while the appeal was being expedited.

Pugno's opponents say they didn't make an issue of the stay when Walker imposed it or when the 9th Circuit agreed it should remain in place because the appeals court said the case would be fast-tracked, Jacobs said. But when the 9th Circuit on Jan. 4 asked the California Supreme Court to decide whether the Proposition 8 architects have the legal right to appeal Walker's ruling, it became clear that the process would drag on until the end of this year, if not longer, Jacobs said.

That outlook is dispiriting for Kernek and Watson, who don't like to contemplate their prospects for surviving the appeals process intact.

"I can't even say how many times I've had to call 911 when he falls or gets into a position where I can't lift him," Kernek says of his partner.

The two retired to this gay-friendly desert oasis five years ago, after their eclectic college pursuits — horticulture, social work and engineering — took them from the Bay Area to Kansas City, then an Oregon farm that was their home and livelihood for a decade.

They registered as domestic partners when they arrived in California, and after the state legalized same-sex marriage three years ago, they thought they could make the ultimate commitment to each other when the time was right. The passage of Proposition 8 in November 2008 shocked them, as did Watson's diagnosis of Alzheimer's a few months later.

Kernek is more confused than bitter about the legal obstacles preventing them from taking vows before Watson's memory recedes to a point of no return.

"Why is it important to anybody else who you are devoted to?" Kernek asks. "I just don't see how who I love hurts anybody else's marriage." ( .latimes.com )

If music be the food of love Tastebuds.fm is on to a winner

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Thu, 3 Mar 2011 18:59:00 +0700

If music be the food of love Tastebuds.fm is on to a winner - Bands are always splitting up over 'musical differences' but a new music-based dating site hopes to have the opposite effect

Music is littered with bands who've broken up due to "musical differences". But, like the young Hollywood starlet suffering from "exhaustion" (translation: she stopped eating solid food five days ago), those "musical differences" can mean something else entirely. They could cover the drummer refusing to address the singer via his spirit guide; the bassist itching incessantly after secretly boinking the keyboardist's boyfriend; or, our favourite, All Saints' Shaznay refusing to let Natalie Appleton wear the jacket she wanted for a photoshoot.

Opposites Attract, Paula Abdul and MC Scat Kat.

But can musical differences migrate to non-musical relationships, too? Couples don't really fall apart because they don't share the same taste in music, do they? Well, maybe not "because of", but we're sure that it doesn't ingratiate them to each other. After Princess Diana left Charles, did he think: "Well, at least that means I don't have to listen to Rio at full pelt any more"? Probably. Was Madonna pissed off when her Ashtanga yoga session was rudely interrupted by Guy Ritchie blasting out The Best Of The Chieftains from the downstairs room? You bet!

Because, despite what Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat memorably told us in 1990, opposites don't attract. Well, they attract for a bit, until you realise they were lying about loving Wings Of Desire and when you played them Lou Reed's Coney Island Baby they thought it was Dire Straits.

Now coming to test the theory further is Tastebuds.fm, a new dating site that uses music fans' Last.fm profiles to "allow you to find similar single people who share your passion for music"; instead of GSOH it's "must love Nizlopi". However, they've forgotten to add that people who use the site are probably awkward geeks who think that a "good time" involves arguing about the best Black Flag album on a messageboard while watching a YouTube clip of a panda farting.

Nevertheless, we type in a list of our three favourite bands (Vengaboys, Napalm Death and 3OH!3) to search for a match. We get six results: two who look like they've just come from a Twilight convention (the Napalm Death fans, we assume), three who don't have photos, and one who looks vaguely normal. The problem was that no one matched The Guide's bands exactly. So we attempt another, less disparate, collection: Plan B, Olly Murs and Echobelly, perhaps? Again two of the same girls come up. Hmm. Is it serendipity or just an glitch in the cache?

We don't seem to be getting anywhere, so – like Bowie in the 70s – we switch sides. There's a dude whose profile says, "I mainly joined this site to find out what a homosexual MF Doom fan looks like", and he's dressed up like a wizard in one of his photos.

So what have we learned? That true love is unlikely to flourish on Tastebuds.fm and, yes, Napalm Death fans look exactly as you imagine them to. ( guardian.co.ukm )

Why I'd Date An Older Man

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Tue, 1 Mar 2011 16:29:00 +0700

Why I'd Date An Older Man - You might have some grey in your hair and a wrinkle or two, but you can still win a younger woman's heart.

Given a choice between George Clooney and Prince William - two men on every most-eligible-bachelor list worldwide - I'd choose 49 year-old Clooney, pants down, over the prince who's practically half his age.

That's a bold statement, considering William is rich, handsome, destined to be king - and about the same age as me. But then again, I'm like a lot of young women: the men I should be attracted to rarely interest me.

Of course, age alone doesn't make a man sexy. Fact is, right around age 35, men start to fall into two categories: attractive bachelor or pathetic single guy. (Or, if he's married with kids: the Eric Bana set.) The Clooneys and Banas of this world attract the admiring glances of younger women because they've cultivated some of these characteristics.

He's experienced, but not fatherly

An older man has sampled enough of life to know how to navigate roadblocks. He has wisdom to share. He's a problem-solver, but doesn't try to solve his lover's troubles. He listens to her, supports her decisions and offers his solutions if - and only if - she asks for them.

He's intelligent, yet hip

He discusses the post-modern complexities of Blade Runner and the social implications of punk rock, not the differences between seed and venture capital.

He's successful, but not flashy

He's a man who has something to show for his life - a career he's passionate about, a home and relationships. He's invested in the world, financially and figuratively. His success is sexy; it's subtle and speaks for itself.

He's in shape and healthy

He exercises and eats heathily, but not just for vanity's sake. He cares about his health and his future and has given up smoking and binge drinking. A man who takes care of himself is capable of taking care of other people - say, future children.

He's stylish, but also age-appropriate

This man has developed a classic and unique style that reflects his age and status in life. He knows the value of quality clothing and good tailoring and knows how to spend money well. He would know how to select elegant lingerie for a present.

He acknowledges his age, but doesn't focus on it

When he dates a younger woman, it's not because he gets off on the fact that she's 22 and he's 42. He doesn't patronise her with endless conversations about the age difference.

He makes me dream about taking him to bed

An older man presumably has had enough sex to figure out exactly what women want in bed. He's polite and discreet; his intentions and ability to follow through on them are telegraphed through a knowing twinkle in his eye.

He knows what he wants

He's passed the waffling, what-do-I-do? stage. When he wants a woman, he tells her. And not surprisingly, often gets her. ( lifestyle.yahoo.com )

Dating After a Breakup

noreply@blogger.com (charapay) — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:55:00 +0700

Dating After a Breakup - After a significant relationship ends, or if you've been through a divorce, the idea of jumping back into the dating world can be overwhelming and intimidating. This is especially true if you are a single parent, or if you have been out of the dating game for a long time. Fortunately, there are many ways you can simplify your return to courtship and make a success out of your newfound singledom.

These are the 4 things you need to know:

Take time to heal.

Make sure that you are mentally and emotionally prepared to date again. This is one of the most important parts of dating after a split. The end of a marriage or long-term relationship can be quite traumatic, especially if children are involved and you were together for many years. You can get through this difficult time by talking to a therapist, relying on friends and family for support, and taking each day as it comes. When you are ready to date again, you will know it!

Find your confidence.

Divorce can do a number on a person's self-esteem. You might blame yourself for a breakup, think that you are a failure, or obsessively wonder what you did wrong. Stop! Your heart is still reeling, and only time will help heal the happiness and confidence that you lost. Until then, fake it ‘til you make it. Try a new haircut, get a facial, start working out again, or update your wardrobe. It might sound simple, but sometimes a little self-esteem boost can do wonders!

Get out there.

You are not going to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right if you never leave the comfort and safety of your own living room. Make an effort to meet new people, and commit to dating at least twice per month. Ask your friends or family members if they know of any great single guys or gals, or try your hand at online dating. The more dates you go on, the more chances you will have to meet someone special. And even if the romantic connection isn't there, you can still network, meet new friends, and just have fun!

Prepare the kids.

If you are dating and you have kids, try to keep any prospective partners away from the house until you are certain he or she is a keeper. Have sleepovers at their house, or if they have kids too, rent a hotel room or save sleepovers for nights when the kids are away. You don't want to confuse or hurt your children if the relationship doesn't pan out. Once you both feel comfortable that the relationship is serious then you can bring your new mate around to meet the kids. Try to make it a fun activity, such as a picnic lunch at the park, or an afternoon at an amusement park.

Remember, love and romance are important parts of everyone's life. Commit to making dating part of your life again, and enjoy the adventure and fun that comes along for the ride! ( lifestyle.yahoo.com )