I do appreciate going to a church service. I love the sounds of an organ, the music, and the ritual portion of the service. I also enjoy a good sermon that has a message of forgiveness, love, and grace. Community and service are an important mission of the church and I have been a part of churches that definitely served the community. And let me not forget the Fellowship Meals after church services served by the sweetest old ladies you have ever met and desserts that have you lifting your hands in the air and hollering Amen.

One of my biggest issues with the majority of denominations is their treatment and condemnation of homosexuals. I can remember sitting in the Southern Baptist Church that we attended when I was a child and hearing from the pulpit how homosexuals were an abomination and would burn for all eternity. As a teen my parents became members of a non-denominational charismatic church that preached that homosexuality came from the devil and was the result of demon possession.

I have an eclectic, evangelical, fundamentalist, religious background. Not one church affiliated with the private schools I attended or churches we belonged to as a family accepted those in the LGBT community. When not being told about them being cast into the depths of hell we were told that they could be healed, cured, fixed, and changed. After all homosexuality was a choice. Even though these teachings about homosexuality were taught in our home, our church, and even the school I attended I never felt right about them. Whenever I would hear preaching or teaching on the sin of homosexuality a voice inside of me would say “this is wrong”. Every time I heard being gay was a choice I believed that was wrong. And whenever I heard people speak about gays and lesbians burning in hell for eternity it seemed to contradict every teaching of Jesus that espoused love, grace, and mercy.

After I became an adult I did my own soul searching, read the scriptures for myself, studied up on the meaning and the history behind those scriptures, and came to entirely different view. I also looked to the teachings of Jesus, who was completely silent on the issue. I know that there are people who disagree and would love a hearty debate in the comment section but nothing you can say or show me will lead me to believe that God hates gays or that they are condemned to hell. If twenty years of brain washing didn’t work then comments on my blog are surely not going to change my mind.

For five years I attended a Seventh Day Adventist church. I loved our pastor and got to meet some wonderful people who attend there. Our best friends, the godparents of our children are Adventists that have been nothing but wonderful. However the politics of the church got to me. I know that politics are an issue in just about every church but being up close and personal to it was a big turn off. There were also tenets of the denomination I just did not agree with. Many were founded in tradition and while there is nothing wrong with tradition, labeling certain things a sin and judging someone based on traditions rather than scripture more than bothered me. However I pushed through any reservations for the fellowship.

I’ve never felt that going to church should be a habit or an obligation. Being at church should be about worship, having your spiritual tank filled, and to be part of a community. After awhile my heart was no longer in it. My spiritual life seemed to be damaged by just being there. I found myself attending church for the wrong reasons that had little to do with my personal spiritual growth. While I was having this inner struggle I met a young woman who was raised an Adventist. She had been kicked out of the church for being a lesbian. I then found out other people in the church had been dis-fellow shipped due to their sexuality and it sickened me. Let me say that this did not happen at the church I attended but another Adventist church but the fact it is part of their denominational practices gave me great pause. The hurt and the sadness that I saw in this young woman who was abandoned by her community, her church struck me.

One of the great teachings of Jesus is the acceptance of others. We constantly see with His interaction with others that He loves them unconditionally. In fact He says “whoever comes to me I will not cast out”. Seems pretty simple. Love your neighbor, don’t judge, and don’t throw people away were messages that Jesus continually taught and demonstrated yet Christians, churches, and denominations continue to do so. People seeking to be closer to Jesus sit in the congregations of pastors like Charles L. Worley. Not only do they sit and listen, they tithe their money and say “Amen” when this man calls for gay concentration camps. This is not only disturbing but frightening.

In this age of rapidly changing technology, social media, and the ability to capture just about anything on video you would think that people would be more guarded and less inclined to distribute their hateful messages to the masses. No longer behind closed doors the world is seeing more and more the hate and bigotry preached from the pulpits. It hurts Christianity. It diminishes the message of Jesus Christ. It also takes away from us as human beings because it shows a lack of compassion and empathy for others.

The unbalanced people hollering out “Amen” are less frightening to me than those sitting in the pews of this church who feel or know what this pastor was saying was wrong being silent. Why is it that when a man (or woman) stands in a pulpit and preaches hate that people just sit idly by. If you don’t have the courage to jump up and say “that isn’t Biblical” or “That is not what Jesus would do” then at least have courage to get up and walk out and not go back. I know a lot of people who are attending churches right now that do not support the judgment and intolerance of others. What I do not understand is why?

I ask myself – why are these constituents sitting in silence? Is this how they really believe? Is killing African Americans, homosexuals, Muslims, and Atheists something they believe is morally sound? Biblically sound? Is condemnation and judgment the basis of their belief system? And if so, does that make these people any different than the extremist, the terrorists who kill in the name of their beliefs?

Someone is going to write me and say something to the effect that “Jesus hates the sin but loves the sinner”. I find this line of reasoning pathetic and it does not serve those of us who are believers well. It is like leaving the door cracked to prejudice and hate. Those who use this to arm themselves to stay in churches that walk a line of bigotry are wrong. Surely not everyone in Pastor Worley’s church believes in the annihilation of homosexuals. I feel confident that there were mothers and fathers, brother and sisters, and even homosexuals sitting in the pews on Mother’s Day when he gave that damning sermon who did not agree with him but NONE of them spoke up. Fear? Perhaps. There is nothing righteous about passive church attendance and tolerating sermons that do not completely embrace the message of Jesus Christ. It is not about agreeing to disagree, if you sit in a pew and say nothing you are in fact contributing to the deterioration of the Word.

Schools across the nation are beginning to get out of school and before the rug rats step off the cheese wagon that one last time before summer break the moaning and groaning of many parents has already begun. I want to say “Why the fuck did you even have kids?” under the numerous Facebook statuses of parents dreading the summer break like it is the Apocalypse.

I am quite aware that children being at home all the time poses some challenges. I do home educate five kids. Notice that word HOME. In case you don’t get that – they are with me 90% of the time. I take them out. I plan activities for them. We do stuff together. We play games. We also do chores. We also do nothing. Every hour of the day I am hearing “Mama” or “Can I” or “Will you wipe my butt”. I don’t expect any pats on the back or awards for doing what I am supposed to do just like I don’t think anyone should console you for having to take care of your children.

AND is it really that hard? Is it really that much of a burden that for 10-12 weeks you have to spend time with your child(ren). Instead of pinning all those cute crafts and activities to do with children on Pinterest might I suggest you get off your ass, turn the electronic devices off and do some of them with your kid. Check out what is going on in your community. See if the theater, skating rink, or bowling alley has a summer program for kids that all of you can take part in. There is this building called the library that you can get books for FREE for your kids to read too.

Go out and create some memories with your kids instead of bitching about them being underfoot. They are only little once.

Thank you God/Goddess for giving me 38 years here on earth. Sweet Jesus thank you for giving me each day with my family and friends. Without faith and grace I am not sure how I would have made it through this past year.

It was difficult. There were many storms. But I am thankful. What a wonderful year for growth.

My marriage strengthened under the pressure of the unknown. I spent many days weeping in the shower so my children would not know or be afraid for their future. I savored moments with Mr. K that otherwise would have gone unnoticed. I was lifted by friends with laughter and prayers.

I challenged myself to over come certain fears. I kayaked. I hiked in the mountains. I hunted waterfalls. I even went camping.

I hugged a lot of people. I was blessed with smiles from the old and the young.

I worked and I loved it, but not enough to compromise my ethics.

I stayed fat. And I am okay with that.

I worked on my mental health and my physical health. I am thankful for crazy drugs, art therapy, and hormones.

I read a dozen works of fiction and I liked it.

I told other people NO and myself YES more in the past year than I have my whole life. I set boundaries. I lost friends.

I was lied to, manipulated, and called names and I couldn’t be more grateful that it happened. My Truth Teller knows what is best for me, even when I don’t listen the first, second, or thirty-second time.

I made new friends, reconnected with old ones and missed many.

I’ve missed my brother more this past year than any other.

Overall, 37 was a year for growth emotionally and spiritually. And while I only did half the things on my Before 38 list, I felt like a lot was accomplished. I feel good about 37 with its rocky start and ups and downs. After all it is about the journey and not the destination.

We all know people who tend to believe that the grass is always greener on the other side. If only they lived somewhere else they would be happier. If only they had a bigger house, a different car, a different spouse or a different job their life would be better. They tend to be jealous of others. They play the shame game and point fingers at others for their unhappiness.

As I head to 40 (my new favorite phrase) I have some assvice for you – buy a sprinkler. Chances are if you are unhappy where you are right now you will be unhappy somewhere else. Maybe not right away, but before long, your yard will get brown, have weeds, and possibly even shrivel right up and die because likely the reason your life is not going the way you expected it is one of two things – YOU or how you handle the piles of shit that end up in your yard.

I have a friend who believes that if she moves somewhere else that her life will magically improve. She fails to realize that the things that are making her miserable are things that she can actually take control of and change in her life if she was honest with herself. Relocating may give her lusher landscape, but if she tends it like she tends her current yard, she will need to move again and again and again because the problem is her. Some people actually do this. They move from place to place to place trying to find where they will fit in, where they can find happiness, only to discover that where they moved from really wasn’t much different than where they are now. The same can be said for relationships and work.

So how can you have green grass right where you are?

Take inventory on why your grass is not that green. Do you need to add fertilizer? Does it need to be reseeded? Maybe some water? Possibly it just needs a good mowing and some attention. Hell, maybe you planted St. Augustine when you should have planted Centipede.

Take responsibility for your choices. If you have made mistakes, own them. If you need to make some changes to spruce up the yard, do so.

Maybe you have too much fertilizer in your yard. Stray dogs are coming up and peeing on your lawn leaving yellow marks and piles of crap. Time to create some healthy boundaries. You don’t want to hurt those dogs, just keep them out of your yard. Build a fence or invest an electric one. Might I also suggest getting out the pooper scooper and getting rid of what has been left in your yard. Bury it or throw it away never to be seen again.

The biggest problem though with lack luster yards is sporadic watering. We need to take care of our needs and we need to rest. There is no need to drown your yard, but consistent tending with some sunshine should do the trick.

And on the days when you do not have the energy, let the sprinkler do the work for you or invest in a good lawn man (aka therapist).

After you get the grass green where you are then you can move on because you will know how to take care of your yard anywhere you go.

Mr. K asked to guest post on my blog. This is his very first blog post and I am so excited! For those of you just tuning in, Mr. K is my husband of 19 years. We have five children together and we are unequally yoked. 

A New Perspective on Spiritual Fitness—Mr K

Ever thumb through the television dial to see what’s on just to randomly stop at an infomercial for a couch-to-Olympic training program that can literally morph your body in a matter of 60 to 90 days?  Have you noticed how various trends have a knack from migrating from one market or institution to another?  How about how unsettled things have become?  Twenty minute marriages?  The stock market?  The political pendulum?  Are you wondering now what the point of all these seemingly random questions is?  Well if any of this rings a bell in your mind or if you just wanna see what the idiot writer is up to, then by all means read on.

Yes, throughout our modern culture and our history, if you look hard enough, you will notice a great deal of borrowing of ideas from one art-form or even one subculture to another.  For example, ideas in poetry such as impressionism carry over to art and then into music.  Or patterns in government can find their way into economics and vice versa—socialism and communism comes to mind.  You can even consider organizational management and marketing trends—take network marketing.  So you get the idea.  Well it just so happens that (if you look hard enough, listen hard enough, and read enough) you would know that music and religion have had an ongoing exchange of ideas throughout the history of the world.  Well I would like to point out—call me crazy—call me delusional—that there are newly emerging deals being exchanged between our spiritual practices, and you guessed it—the fitness industry.

So think about it, even Biblical texts have been known to compare our spiritual struggles and practices with their physical counterparts.  Paul’s epistle to Timothy states that bodily exercise has little profit, but godliness is valuable to all things.  In Hebrews, the writer allegorizes his spiritual life with the running of a race.  Even the ancient Greeks paid homage to their gods through the performance of physical games.

Well enough of that, let’s go back to one of those questions I asked in the beginning.  One of the infomercials I was particularly impressed with was from a pre-packaged workout called the P-90 series—P90X being the most popular.  This formidable fitness plan has proven to be highly effective because it focuses (in addition to a rigid diet plan) on a central philosophy—muscle confusion.  This concept is fairly simple to understand:  if you’ve ever begun an exercise program and noticed marked improvements over the first several weeks only to hit the proverbial “brick wall” then this should be easy for you.  The reason you’ve hit the brick wall is that your body has become super-efficient at performing the routine of exercises day after day…week after week.  Accordingly, you begin to taper off your weight loss.  Your muscle definition starts to plateau, then your drive begins to taper along with your motivation—you reach sort of a combination of physical and psychological burnout with your fitness routine.  The muscle confusion concept is a switch from the traditional workout plans followed by other health disciplinarians—not that the traditional plans are no good—but the P90X plan constantly puts your muscles in shock.  They never achieve that perfect efficiency because the workout is constantly changing—your body seems to slide past the saddle-point that most workouts give you after 7 to 12 weeks.  You’re probably thinking—ah, this is another sales pitch, but no!  I’ve seen this work with a friend of mine.  He literally went from couch to lean in a matter of 90 days and then to hard-body in the matter of one year—this program really works!  Remember, the concept is muscle confusion.  Lots of fitness programs do it:  CrossFit, SealFit, GymJones, etc.; but P90X is in my opinion the most marketed and most popular.

Now how has this technique permeated other areas of society?  Well, it’s old news for some things:  take crop rotation for instance—farmers have rotated planting of crops so nutrients are preserved rather than depleted from soil.   Some of the most successful musicians and actors have performed in more than one genre to avoid boredom and typecasting.

Ok, enough beating around the burning bush—let’s cut to the chase.  So what is Soul Confusion?  It’s not the practice of listening to Ray Charles one day, James Brown the next, and Taylor Hicks the next.  This practice is a much newer and much more spiritually rooted practice in our modern society—I know people who do this quite effectively.  Here’s how it works?  Let’s say your spirituality is strictly rooted in one religion (say Buddhism) that promotes good will to your fellow man, which is a good thing.  If you’ve not done well at supporting a good center of balance in your life, your efforts to make “good will” for your fellow man could result in people taking advantage of your good nature.  Realizing this, you begin to seek refuge in another spiritual foundation which allows you the liberty of defending your religious beliefs 2 days out of the week while living like hell 5 days of the week—you join the crusade of Southern Baptists—yes, I can say this because I was one of them.  Well after a period of this, you begin to feel guilty of your transgressions, so you decide to walk the straight and narrow—you feel you don’t deserve to be forgiven, but you want others to marvel at your perfection once you achieve your next goal—you end up enrolling in an Orthodox Jewish temple where you practice flawlessly the laws of the Torah.  Well, this has become tiresome so, [wait for it… wait for it…] … notice how some body builders “take the week off” to allow for growth?  Well, there’s a trend for this too—just become an atheist for a while.  That will surely give you a break.

So there’s the general plan.  If you need a personal trainer to help you design and supervise your plan—you can find a local affiliate.  A sample Soul Confusion regimen follows:

In closing, I want to clear up one thing.  The term cross training takes on a connotation depending upon where you live.  In most places, cross training is exactly what we’ve been talking about.  However, one must be careful when in certain regions of the United States (like the southeast).  Here, cross [kras’] training is what it is; however, cross [krawss] training is specifically reserved for Southern Baptists and some fundamentalists indigenous to the southeast.

Anyway, that’s my spill…

The Beloved Mr K.