The Little Ranting Reptile and Other Stories....

Moth, I am sorry.

2011-12-05T05:18:00.000+05:30

A soft disturbance on my knee.

Nonchalant I flicked it casually.

Golden powder on knee I see.

And moth crippled nigh by destiny.

The moth could have been me.

Just a short poem at this hour of the night/morning to slightly lighten myself from what just happened. I hope I didn't damage the moth too much. One wing is very thinned, with no colour, and slightly broken at places. The other lush golden velvety wing tells me what a proud beauty the damaged wing once was, before I damaged it. The moth is sitting quietly. Flutters and jumps if I bring a finger near it. Hope it is able to recover, fly and live. I did not intend this.

Occupational Hahahazard!

2011-12-03T06:13:00.001+05:30

A very famous cook who dearly loved his job, was crying while cooking something. Seeing this, his concerned friend asked

"What is wrong? Why are you crying?!"

"Oh, nothing these are tears of joy!"

"Ah! That is nice! What kind of joy are we talking about?

"The joy of cutting onions, of course!"

Yes folks, a silly little joke that you can be sure I made up while cutting onions yesterday.

BTW ever wondered how many onions do they have to cut to gather all the tear gas for use around the world every year? ;)

When I decided to Levy Straws on the reader

2011-06-28T17:36:00.004+05:30

I always knew my life sucked. One day I found out why. Straws suck. My life, it turned out was a straw. And that is how it broke my back.

-The camel with a broken back.

P.S. : I wonder how the cat manages. It has nine lives. Would the tenth one have been the last straw? Does that mean I am the unsung hero? With even more lives than the cat?

P.P.S. : All this also proves that a drowning man clutching at the straws is basically trying to hold on to dear life. But then we knew that already.

P.P.P.S: Stupidosaur says (and not the camel) : Who knew it is possible to write about 15 sentences connected through unrelated phrases talking about drowning men, cats, camels, straws and how sucky one's life is while giving it all a touch of a philosophical fable and finally signing off giving it a title that is a horrible pun on some apparel brand (Levi Strauss) :P

Dynamics of Dough'ry & Dough'ters

2011-06-19T15:59:00.000+05:30

I read a blog post about a well-off couple's first hand experience of using up entire life's saving + additional loan just for daughter's marriage!

First of all this doling the dough is just wrong. But then I also wonder if it will be a feasible phenomenon long term. This trend cannot continue in India if another trend continues. As the sex ratio in India is getting more and more skewed, there would be a scarcity of females in the 'marriage market'. So even if there is a huge cultural barrier, wouldn't the law of supply-demand act out in the end? A 'commodity' with higher demand than supply would be at higher premium. The guys would become the needy ones. So dowry thingy should go away. But that is just the less extreme end of it. Being the rarer commodity in the market, maybe females will start demanding dowry :P.

The secret of my good health

2011-06-18T21:25:00.000+05:30

Ever since I heard that it is Tetra Pak that really protects what is good, I pour the juice or milk down the drain and happily munch on its box.

Yeah that's how you protect your good health.

Lolitickly incorrect.

2011-06-17T16:18:00.001+05:30

Teacher : O.K Little Johnny, I am going to test you on gender opposites.

Little Johnny : Yes miss.

Teacher: King?

Jonnhy: Queen!

Teacher: Good! Prince?

Johnny: Princess?

Teacher: Thats right! So tell me, King Kong?

Johnny: Ermm...Queen Congress?

Up! Up! And Abbey!!!

2011-06-11T01:37:00.000+05:30

Give Me Some Sunshine!

Give Me Some Rain!

Give Me Another Chance..

I Wanna Grow Up! Once Again!

Thus sings Phunsukh Wangdu before the second trial of his new GM seeds. The first trial failed. He plans to sell them under the brand them Up!

Compilers ignore comments!

2011-06-10T02:37:00.001+05:30

Until I get more creative, here's something interesting.

It is a comment I made here: Cicadas: ready for prime time. At the time of publishing this post it is still awaiting approval.

The article talks about a particular variety of cicadas who show up only every 13 year and are currently screeching/chirping around in Alabama and Arkansas (USA states). The author explains one existing theory why they show up after such a strange number of years. I just added my two pennies worth. Here's my nerdy comment. Have fun ;)!

"Cool explanation. I thought a little about it, thought I would present the thoughts to maybe make this 'more complete' or at least add food for thought.

I think LCM (Lowest Common Multiple, since different people learnt different names for it in school) has a very important part in this, even more than a prime. The LCM of two numbers is their product if they have no factors in common.

e.g.

6 & 7 - no factors common. LCM is 42 (6X7)

6 & 9 - 3 is common factor, so LCM = 18 (6X3 or 9X2) is smaller than above even though 9 is larger than 7

So if our 13 year friend has 39 year cycle predator, every generation of the predator would still get a nice cicada buffet, even though that would be every third cicada generation.

On other hand, if our cicada had a 10 (2*5) year cycle, which is definitely not a prime, the twain shall meet every (2 * 5 * 3 * 13) ie 390 years!!! that way 38 cicada generations would heave a sigh of relief, and every 39th would be screwed. But that 'years of peace' is just the direct advantage. Additinally, the same predator's 9 generations would be devoid of cicada. If cicada were vital to their survival, they might be very dwindled in numbers, if not gone totally extinct. So more reasons for the 39th cicada generation to rejoice!

--->So, if the cicada is looking at saving itself from just ONE particular predator ( as your article says "these loud insects are trying to evade A predator"), it would get maximum advantage by 1) having a life cycle years number which has no factors common with predator life cycle years number, even if it is not a prime. 2) Within constraints of condition 1, having as large cycle as possible.

But, therein comes the statistical aspect, and an important one. Does the cicada have to worry about just one predator? Most likely, no. And even if yes, does the cicada/nature know what the life cycle of this predator is? Again, we could lean in favour of no. In such a 'blind' or 'random' case, cicada's best option is to go for a prime number, because it can only have factors common with predator if the predator's cycle is a multiple of it's cycle. I that case, the twain shall meet at every preadtor generation (tough luck!) for such special 'multilple of cicada year's predator, and will meet at large intervals (product of cicada & predator's cycle years) for every other predator!!!

--->So yeah, that way primes are best, if we don't know the predator's nature!

And hopefully, the things the cicadas eat do grow every year, otherwise such prime cicada's would hit puberty, come out happy to find no predators, and die hungry!!

Also, this theory makes sense only if, the 'adult cicada' eating preadtors themselves are in a biological state of feeding on cicadas for only 1 year (or such short duration of time that the cicadas are out)

Otherwise, say the cicada has 13 year cycle, and predator has 30 year cycle. Mathematician will predict many happy care-free generations for the cicada, (13 * 30 = 390, so only 390th generation needs to worry). But suppose out of those 30 years, the predator is in a state that can feed on cicadas for 5 years (adulthood suppose). Then well, the cicada and this theory are both screwed. Like this...

say year 0 of the cicada (13th year of last generation) was year 0 of predator (25th year of last generation). Then in the 13th year 1st generation cicadas are safe. But in the very next generation ie. in the 26th year, the cicadas are out just when the predator starts feeding! Shit! So if the predator has a large 'feeding band' of years, prime or its neighbour non prime would not make heck of a difference. cicadas with 13, 14 or 15 years cycle would be toast in their second generation. Rather the cicadas with 12 year cycle (non prime) will be safe at least in second generation. This is just a knee jerk thought, and a very conveniently picked example to illustrate it. I have yet to think whether primes still cope better with such 'band feeding duration' predators in the long run. I think in this case the optimum number might be a function of the 'ideal cicada prime' (if predator was not banded duration feeded), the predator cycle, and the predator feeding band years. Just an intuition. Maybe will work on it later, maybe not."

Alarming Behaviour!

2011-06-08T13:26:00.000+05:30

Why do I turn the alarm off even when and especially when the alarm goes off?

Isn't that like beating a dead horse? :P

PUNy little post

2011-06-07T01:55:00.000+05:30

The Cat.

The Rats were offended because of it.

Cos Rats were often dead because of it.

If the Cat was named Pun, and it killed 10 Rats, this is a classic example of my copyrighted label

"Pun in.Ten dead"

;)

The name is Twister! :P Twister!

2011-06-06T03:57:00.001+05:30

"Some fishes can fly but no flies can fish" thought the flying fish as it died of fly fishing.

Also, the :P in title means 'tongue'
:P

Monet and Impressionism...at your friendly neighborhood Blogger!

2011-05-29T22:04:00.001+05:30

You know why Blogger calls the Adsense feature as 'Monetize'?

Monet was a great painter!
He painted the Impression, Sunrise.
This is the painting that gave Impressionism its name!
Impressionist paintings or 'Impressions' are a rage at auctions.

Blogger Adsense is just that! Auction of ads related to page Impressions!
It is all about Monet, not money. If seeing is believing, here's proof:

Still insist it is about money?
"Show me the money!"
:P

The Inner Child

2011-05-29T02:32:00.000+05:30

"There is a child withing each of you! Never let it die." said the motivational speaker.

"What the heck! I am a guy! I am not pregnant! Yaargh!" (guy in the audience)

"Dammit! How did you know? I was gonna have an abortion without telling anyone!" (girl in the audience)

"Hear hear!" (anti-abortion religious person in the audience)

"Haha you are so wrong bub!" (the littlest Babushka doll in the bag of a little girl in the audience)

How to be more human....

2011-05-10T18:25:00.000+05:30

Be a cannibal at times!
Cos u r what u eat!

And oh yeah, like the nuclear deterrent...no one will mess with u! World peace!

Dear February,

2011-04-10T11:14:00.000+05:30

Stupidosaur: Hey you know, my landlord keeps changing the house rent every month!
Smartamigo: Haha thats odd!
Stupidosaur: Yeah.
Smartamigo: Is he like, crazy or something?
Stupidosaur: Not really
Smartamigo: But why do you put up with having to pay more and more rent every month?
Stupidosaur: Oh he doesn't do that. He sometimes increases the rent, sometimes decreases it!
Smartamigo: Thats insane! Didn't you sign some rent agreement with him?
Stupidosaur: Oh we did! It was for the monthly rent!
Smartamigo: Umm.....?
Stupidosaur: It is the daily rent he keeps changing. High in November. Low in December. He didn't change it in January. But man he increased it to killer heights in February! Thankfully it went back to low January rates in March, but in April he has increased it back to the old November high!
Smartamigo: (Processes the info and...) Argghhhhh!
Stupidosaur: But don't worry! My daily wages also change the same way ;)

Dial F for Four Letter Word

2010-11-26T04:20:00.000+05:30

I never say the f word in the usual non literal contexts. Why? Am I a prude? No. Since class 8 I could never understand why I should start making a mental association between a word that describes something nice and negative states such as anger, hatred, frustration, etc. Just didn't make any sense. Neither makes sense now.

If you find that odd, go chuck yourself. Wherever you prefer.

P.S.: Taken literally, the last sentence just tells u to get the hell lost somewhere. although a rhyming word might have made you think something else :P

And yeah, happy swearing everyone!

Her favorite!

2010-11-20T22:40:00.000+05:30

There is a pretty girl who loves to eat. She loves fruits. She loves vegetables. She loves milk. She loves fish. She loves meat. But no eggs. Anything egg-less, yes she loves it. She loves Enrique EgglessYes.

Two Tales of Three TVs

2010-11-20T20:52:00.001+05:30

Have you watched a TV ad promoting a TV by showing two TVs on your TV? I am fascinated that there are so many of them around. It is the ultimate tribute to stupid.

In this ad, they show a generic TV with bad picture and then they show the advertised TV with a great picture. If I am able to see clear picture in the second example and be fascinated by it, it automatically means my current TV is good, since it can show that clarity to me. So why would I need to buy their TV?

Or, if my current TV itself has bad picture, then I will never get fascinated by the 'clarity' of second picture. So why would I give a damn about buy their TV?

Their wonderful TV will look only as good as my current TV already is :P

I am having hard time to decide. Are the advertisers stupid? Is the audience stupid? Or is it stupidity that makes the world go round? :P

New Kid On The Blog!

2010-08-30T09:10:00.000+05:30

Hello folks!

Its been quite some time since I blogged. With my blogging frequency reduced, another punk has come on-board to make up for it. Its none other than my Camera! Yeah. Stupidosaur's Camera! Go check him out...

http://ooh-its-a-beautiful-world.blogspot.com/

Also, since he was pleading so much, I nominated his blog here
http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/99206
You can vote if you feel like it. There is that minor inconvenience of registering though!

Prayer to the pot-belly deity!

2010-06-12T23:58:00.001+05:30

Oh no, I am not talking about Ganesha here! That one has an elephant head on a pot belly. I am talking about the one that supposedly has a lizard head on what is now officially a pot belly...The Stupidosaur!

The thing is, I recently had my 'Body Composition Analysis' done. I didn't get it done by going out of the way. It was done as part of regular admission procedures at the gym I recently joined. And what did the analysis find out? The same thing many of us knew just by looking at me...that I am OBESE :P Thrrrrbbbt! :P

Here are the hard numbers to convert the non-believers amongst you into believers....

Body Fat Mass (kg) - 20.5 (Normal range - 7.4 to 14.7)

Verdict? OBESE!!!

BMI (kg/cubic meter)- 25.2 (Normal range - 18.5 - 25.0)

Verdict? OBESE!!!

Percent Body Fat(%) - 29.1 (Normal range - 10.0 - 20.0)

Verdict? OBESE!!!

Waist to Hip Ratio - 0.89 (Normal range - 0.75 - 0.85)

Verdict? OBESE!!!

For such a mighty deity as described by the statistics above, I have made a prayer. However unlike usual prayers, it is more of a bhoot-bhagao (ghost-busting) mantra - meant to destroy the very thing it is directed towards - my godly obesity!

So folks! Without further ado and boring delays, I present to you....

Prayer to the pot-belly deity!

(Side by side original prayer in gray for a greater illuminated enjoyment ;-) )

Tum hi ho mota, petu tum hi ho,

Tum hi ho mata, Pita tum hi ho,

Tummy baloon hai, sukha tummy ko!

Tum hi ho bandhoo, Sakha tum hi ho.

Tum hi ho Haathi tummy se haarey...

Tum hi ho saathi...Tum hi sahare...

Tummy naapna, bada huaa rey!

Koyee na apna siva Tumhare!

Thinny hoainga, toning kavraynga...

Tumhi ho naiya Tumhi khevaiya

Tummy se bhondu sucka' tumhi ho!

Tumhi ho bandhu sakha Tumhi ho.

Jo hil sakey na woh fuley bum hain

Jo khil sake na woh phool ham hain

Tumhare (charne-ki-bhool)-e-gham hai

Tumhare charano ki dhool ham hain

The yucky bursty bada pet apna

Daya ki drishti sada hi rakhna
Tummy baloon hai sukha tummy ko
Tumhi ho bandhu sakha Tumhi ho

Tum hi ho mota, petu tum hi ho,
Tum hi ho mata, Pita tum hi ho,
Tummy baloon hai, sukha tummy ko!
Tum hi ho bandhoo, Sakha tum hi ho.

------------------

--------

So, is the deity gonna go all 'diet'y? Nah! Just exercise I guess :P

Meetha Sa Chadiya Bukhaar...Ramji Karo Beda Paar!

2010-06-07T01:47:00.001+05:30

Statcounter keeps me informed when people visit old pages on this blog. Recently someone visited this one:
http://saying-private-yarn.blogspot.com/2009/06/senti-mental-post.html

A comment by Abhishek Sim there set me thinking. What would have the joke that he mentioned actually been like...

Why should a guy wanting to get paired up go to a temple?

Wahan...
Bhakti milegi,
Aarti milegi,
Pooja milegi,
Shanti milegi,
Punyata milegi,
Diya, Deepika...haan woh bhi,
Saumyata milegi,
Khushi bhi mil sakti hai,
Prerna bhi,
Arrey haan, wahan aksar Vidhi bhi hoti hai,
Kisi kisi ko Deeksha bhi prapt hoti hai.
Mandir ki Garima toh ekdum khas hoti hai.
Aur kuchh mandiron ki Shobha badi hi sundar hoti hai. (Spell checker of Chrome is prompting me to change hoti to hot)

Why should a girl wanting to get paired go to a temple?

Wahan...
Prabhu milega,
Dev milega,
Anand milega,
Prasad milega,
Kalyan hoga,
Omkar hoga, Om bhi,

I am feeling sleepy and giving up for now. Who all do you expect to meet up with at temples? Comments section is wide open! Continue the lists!

(BTW title is a song (not title song ;) ) from Dev D, which is quite fitting, since the movie has both 'Dev' in title and marriage somewhere in the theme ;) )

Greek to me!

2010-06-05T12:29:00.000+05:30

If 'Citizen' is originally a Greek concept, why do we call a Citizen a Na-Greek?

Technology and Nature ;)!

2010-04-29T08:00:00.001+05:30

"Hey Stupidosaur! Where are you off to?"

BEFORE TECHNOLOGY:

"Nature's Call!"

AFTER TECHNOLOGY:

"Nature gave a missed call! Gotta call back!"

P.S.:

I think technology enabled version is more accurate description ;)!

Oh the times have changed!!!

2010-04-12T05:49:00.001+05:30

Aaj Kal Apney Pairon Pe Kulhadi (Axe) Marogey To Ladkiyan Tumharey Kadmon Mein Girengi!

P.S. : I don't use it.

Forrest Gump

2010-03-06T22:02:00.000+05:30

I want to run. And run. And run.
I want to run into everything.
And away from everything.
All at the same time.