Red Vines and Red Wine

Tragedy demands answers- start asking the RIGHT questions

2013-05-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

Two more tragedies for the autism community occurred over the last week as well. This is almost too much for my heart to bear. I have included links to Drew and Owen at the end of this blog. Please send healing thoughts to their families as well.

Unspeakable tragedies occur more often than anyone wants to think about. When terrible things happen, whether on a national or global scale, such as 9/11, Newtown, Boston Marathon Bombing, or on a smaller scale, such as the case of Mikaela Lynch, an autistic child who wandered off and drowned, people want, no, they DEMAND an answer. WHY did this happen? HOW could this have happened? And most of all, WHO is to blame?

Mikaela Lynch disappeared from her family’s vacation home in Clearlake, California on Mother's Day of this year. Mikaela had non-verbal autism, and like so many children with autism, she was attracted to water. From the minute I saw the first story released, (you can read it here,) my heart went out to the family. I know what it's like to have a wanderer, The Boy wandered off twice when he was young- once even being brought home by the local police, prompting us to put alarms on the windows and special locks on the doors. The Boy was somewhat verbal at this time, he could tell people what his name was, and, at 4 years old had a developmental delay of about 2 years. It was when this happened that I went out and researched autism and elopement, because it was all new to us. I was shocked to find out that nearly half of all children with autism wander. I was equally shocked to find out that he number one cause of death of individuals with autism involve wandering incidents leading to drowning. Both occur frequently and a quick glance at the latest autism news headlines will reinforce these unfortunate statistics. What is also very sad and scary- only about 50% of parents and caregivers are aware that elopement is a common issue with autism. If you don't know, how can you be preventative? Educating PARENTS about the very real issue of wandering and autism is imperative.

Headlines focused on the fact that she "wandered away, naked", I don't think I saw one major headline that didn't focus on this part of the story. MISSING AND NAKED screamed at people seeing the story. Most people's first question was "Why was she naked?" This headline also lead to immediate assumptions that there was something wrong with the parents. It's human nature. When something terrible happens, especially to a child, we as parents may question our own parenting, or mentally pat ourselves on the back for doing a "better job". One article in The Examiner said "The parents have been under scrutiny for their failure to supervise the child, leading directly to her disappearance, which has caused animosity between some people. The fact of the matter is that no matter what the circumstances, parents should never leave their young children unattended when they are at risk of being harmed." This made me beyond angry, and even more so, when the article went on to say "This should be a warning to all parents". Typical of an publication like The Examiner, but infuriating nonetheless.

But blaming, shaming, and shoulda-woulda-coulda does nothing to help. We NEED to continue, and do more about EDUCATING the masses about autistic behaviors. One very common occurrence (ask just about any family raising a child on the spectrum) is stripping off all clothing. Sensory and tactile issues are a very large, and common issue among those with autism. Tags, scratchy fabric, things that are something neurotypical people just deal with, can literally be painful for someone on the spectrum. So the fact that 9 year old Mikaela had taken off her clothes is not something that was shocking to me. What bothered me was people's reactions on my Facebook page- "Why was she naked? Where were her parents? If they knew she might wander, how come they weren't paying attention?" These comments made my blood boil!! These are NOT the questions to be asking! This is not the time to start blaming parents! But that is exactly what was happening. Fingers were pointed at Mikaela's mom, who was in the back of their home, putting screens on vent holes because the wasps were building hives in them, to keep her family from being stung. s A bee scared Mikaela’s brother and he ran. That is when Mikaela disappeared. Her mom's response time was immediate- literally 2 minutes- and police were called within 13 minutes. These are NOT the actions of a neglectful parent.

Our kids can disappear in the blink of an eye- in the time it takes to go to the bathroom, check something in the oven, or answer a phone call, it is possible for a child on the spectrum to disappear. It literally is that fast. I keep a VERY close eye on The Boy. My hands are on him at all times in public- even now that he is almost 11. We don't have to use alarms or special locks anymore, but I am still hyper vigilant. He is high functioning, but still has a diminished capacity for self preservation and danger. And all it takes is one second. I learned the scary way about autism and wandering, but was very lucky The Boy wasn't hurt. I educated the neighbors with pools about his attraction to water. And, living on an island as we do, and not far from water, he was never outside without me or The Mister. Even after repeated concerns to his first preschool about his propensity to wander away, and assurances from the teachers that they would be watchful- he still LEFT preschool, without anyone knowing. That was a phone call I will never, ever forget, that and the feeling of abject terror that came along with it. Again- the situation had a happy ending, but so many don't.

The National Autism Association has a campaign called Big Red Safety Box which includes the following

1) A Get REDy booklet containing the following educational materials and tools:

A caregiver checklist
A Family Wandering Emergency Plan
A first-responder profile form
A wandering-prevention brochure
A sample IEP Letter

2) Two (2) Door/Window Alarms with batteries

3) One (1) RoadID Personalized, Engraved Shoe ID Tag*

4) Five (5) Laminated Adhesive Stop Sign Visual Prompts for doors and windows

5) Two (2) Safety Alert Window Clings for car or home windows

6) One (1) Red Safety Alert Wristband

This is a wonderful resource, and through the help of donations, many families can be provided this invaluable resource. There are also GPS tracking bracelets that can be purchased, but are VERY expensive (starting at around $299) and for already cash strapped families this may not be possible. Swim lessons are also a must- unfortunately, your average YMCA swim instructor may not know how to teach an autistic child to swim. There was a program near us that actually did a "clothes on" lesson so children could feel how different it is- heavy and constricting-nothing like when wearing a bathing suit.

Perhaps the most important ethical question we can ask ourselves when such event happens is whether there was anything that could have done to prevent it, and what can be done in the future to prevent it. and on some levels, we do ask ourselves these questions Unfortunately, the immediate thought is there must be someone to fault, something to blame. This is human nature, a visceral reaction to something we cannot understand. While there ARE many cases that there is a specific target to lay blame on- this is definitely not one of them. This is a tragedy, this is a family who has lost their child, and a mom who will most likely blame herself forever . Asking why Mikaela's mom took her eyes off her is not the right question. Making statements like "If that were my child I would have done _______ or ________" are not helpful either. Let's remember, this is a mom. A mom who has lost a child. A mom who needs support, not accusations. It is times like these that the autism community needs to rally around one of its own- and work even harder than ever to EDUCATE everyone.

Drew Howell
Owen Black

My baby went to camp today and I am a WRECK!

2013-05-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

Ready to go!

Fifth grade camp. An amazing opportunity the kids in our district get to experience and look forward to from 1st grade on. When I sent Teenzilla, I was a little nervous, but she had already spent a week at Girl Scout camp, so she was ready to go, and I was pretty relaxed about sending her.

But The Boy is different. Not only does he have autism, he is MY BABY. And in almost 11 years I have not been away from home for more than a weekend- and not even a full 48 hours so this is just as much about me as it is about him. Today, The Boy is embarking on a journey that a lot of kiddos on the spectrum may not get a chance to do. Runners, non verbal, numerous medical issues may prevent a lot of kiddos with autism from being able to enjoy and be safe at a fully inclusive school week long camping trip. I feel very blessed that The Boy is able to participate.

While I know in my heart he will thrive there I cannot help but have those crazy motherly instincts that drive all moms bonkers when they are away from their babies.

Am I excited for him to experience camp? Absolutely. Do I trust that the teachers,staff and high school counselors will care for him, watch over him, and not let him near danger, and recognize when sensory overload is imminent ? Undoubtedly. Am I worried about his very limited eating, sleeping in a bunk bed and group showering? Damn straight I am! Do I think he will come home singing fabulous songs, full of stories about his week away and be tired and smelly? I expect it.

But I am a mom, and I worry. I worry that he may not like certain activities. I worry that he will get homesick, I worry that he will feel alone. These are all irrational fears, I know. I have sent a kid away to camp- and she was well taken care of. The Boy will be well taken care of, too. He is bunking with some buddies from football, who found him right away this morning to get on the bus. He was smiling,and excited. There weren't any tearful second thoughts, hanging on to me or dad and refusing to let go, not one, single, concern. That may change tonight- his first night away from home, a strange place, a different routine, but the teachers and counselors are all aware and assured me they will make the transitions as easy as possible. And even though they discourage calls home- if he really really needs to hear my voice- they will let him call home. That eases my worry, if only a little bit.

This experience will put him in an environment where he was required to be more independent, work with his neurotypical peers in a setting completely different from school, or the football field. It will hopefully help him to gain confidence in his own abilities, the fact that he can live without screens and be a bonding experience with other kids that will be a big help when they go to middle school next year.

I am a nervous wreck. My mind is alternating between the worst and best case scenarios, trying hard to concentrate on the best. His smiling, excited face and declaration of "I am so excited to go to camp!" are definitely keeping my emotions in check- I didn't even cry too much when they left! And I am reciting "No news is good news" over and over in my head- because that is a solid truth I can be confident in.

This week away is a huge learning experience, for us both. It is sure to fly by, before I know it, it will be Friday and The Boy will be home. I can't wait!

Happy and excited!

Oops! Autism still exists beyond April. What happened during Autism Awareness Month?

2013-04-30T17:16:00.000-07:00

Well, Autism Awareness Month may be over- but our job as Autism parents never ends. And even though it is the end of Autism Awareness Month, it is certainly not the end of promoting Autism Acceptance. That is something to work on every day of the year.

Beautiful letter written by an autistic child

I usually do a post a day on Facebook about Autism. This year, between my school, Teenzilla's many endeavors and constant back and forth with The Boy's school- I did not meet that goal. Believe me, it is all about Autism awareness in my house- as it is in ANY autism household. And while a part of me felt like I missed a lot of opportunities, I know that I ceaselessly promote autism awareness and ACCEPTANCE on a daily basis. So I missed some status updates- the world goes on.

I just want everyone to understand and know, that while awareness is necessary, ACCEPTANCE is vital. And just because the month of April is over doesn't mean the efforts to continue spreading awareness should stop. “Autism Acceptance” needs to be applied to every other month of the year. More than that, I want everyone out there to continue spreading just plain old ACCEPTANCE. As we move beyond this month let us all embrace what comes after awareness; acceptance, inclusion, respect and full lives for all of us regardless of our abilities or disabilities.

Just because someone is "different" doesn't mean they don’t need and deserve to be accepted with open arms by members of their community. We all look, act, learn and behave differently but we should all be treated equally and be afforded the same opportunities

I think May should be dubbed "National Inclusion Month". Inclusion is such important concept when talking about acceptance because true inclusion involves interacting with, communicating with, teaching, and accepting people. Not just because they’re different but because they’re the same. Did that just blow your mind? We are all human. There is no sane reason to exclude individuals with differences or their families. Don't we all deserve the same respect and to be included, despite any "differences"?

What I really, really want EVERYONE to remember is just because the calendar changes to May- doesn't mean that all persons with autism disappear for another year. Nope. Kids and adults alike with varying forms of autism are still working, living, learning, loving and existing EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR!

It is great to have an entire month dedicated to the cause, but autism will continue to affect the lives of families all year round.My challenge to you is to continue to advocate for awareness,education and ACCEPTANCE of ASD. The need for answers does not begin and end with the month of April.

So stay strong, keep advocating, and dammit- get a minute for yourself if you can Autie/Aspie parents caregivers and teachers! We need a little downtime on occasion too.

Don't forget, I am doing a giveaway on my Facebook page Red Vines and Red Wine- a GREAT book- How to talk to an Autistic Kid, written BY and autistic kid!! It is wonderful and awesome and I can't wait to find out who the winner is!

You got me WHAT for Mother's Day??

2013-04-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

OK- it's another in a long list of blogs by seemingly ungrateful mom's saying what they DON'T want for Mother's Day. I full embrace my ungrateful, whiny, bitchy side when it comes to this day. For years, I was the smile and say how much I loved the homemade gifts and home burnt, I mean, cooked breakfasts,mom. Then my spawn got older, and the gifts didn't get any better. No thought, no pizzazz, and homemade Chore Coupons are a bunch of bullshit- because as soon as you try to redeem them the kids are nowhere to be found.

I am my family's EVERYTHING- as most mom's are. I am the cook, maid, chauffeur, doctor, lawyer, teacher, warden, confidant, laundress, go to every meeting, school function and know where EVERYTHING is at ALL times, super woman 24/7. Mother's Day is every damn day a far as I am concerned. But do I ask for anything? Nope. And most likely, I will end up doing something for someone else, or giving up something I wanted to do just to keep the peace. (Or spare the credit card- I have serious issues spending money on myself).

I like quiet. No video games or sports (unless I choose one of them) playing on the TV. No laundry or cleaning. No fighting among kids. Maybe take me out to breakfast or brunch. Or let me stay in bed all day if I choose with NO INTERRUPTIONS. Make me a mimosa. Or three. A day trip to the spa- now you're talking. But I most definitely do not want:

1)A burnt, partially cold breakfast in bed. First you woke me up. Second, you made a huge mess. Third- I don't like eating in bed. The flower/weed from the yard does not pretty up this disaster. So thanks, but no thanks.

2) Asking me the day before what I want. If you haven't at least THOUGHT about Mother's Day prior to the day before- just forget it.

3) Anything that implies household chores. Vacuums, pots and pans, a 50's style apron. Nope, nope and nope. Save that shit for birthday and Christmas.

4) Jewelry. Yeah- you heard me. I wear my wedding ring, occasionally earrings if I can find a matched pair. But I don't need or want anything else. Now- get my wedding ring cleaned- that would be appreciated.

5)Gift Cards. Really? I mean, I love giving these easy, no muss no fuss gifts- to teenagers and distant relatives. But not on Mother's Day. To me. No thanks.

6)Clothes. I am super picky about what I wear- and I am overweight, so odds are that unless it is a scarf or a pair of socks,(which I don't want either) it will be the wrong size and I will have my feelings hurt or be pissed. It doesn't work out for The Mister, or the kiddos- don't do it.

7) An afternoon with the in laws. I love them- but I really don';t want to spend my afternoon being worried what The Boy is doing, or having to stare at a sulky Teenzilla. Honey- YOU take the kids and go hang out with YOUR mom! That would be awesome!

8) NOTHING with "Best Mom Ever" or anything similar on it.

9) Nothing handmade from the kids. The two who are at home are almost 15 and 11. The oldest is 22. GO TOGETHER AND BUY YOUR MOM SOMETHING DAMMIT!

I am simple- I would enjoy a day of chillin' with the kids, taking random naps, NOT doing laundry or cleaning up after anyone, having full control of the TV and sipping mimosa's. If The Twenty Something has to work, take me out for dinner at Chile's and give me some of those awesome margarita's like you did last year- you know, the ones that had me laughing too loud and damn near dancing on the table? That was great!

Just be extra nice to me, ok? Don't ask what needs to be done- just do it. Don't make snippy remarks to antagonize someone, be sarcastic with The Boy who doesn't get it anyway, ask me where ANYTHING is (unless it is my empty wine glass- I will be happy to point you in that direction) and don't begrudge me MY day. I love you all, and am grateful to have such a beautiful,wonderful family. Me getting a day "off" won't change any of that. And please- don't forget- this is my 11th Mother's Day without my own mom. I miss her every day. This day is one of the hardest. I might be kind of weepy. Don't ask questions, and don't make a big deal of it if I burst into tears and run upstairs. It will pass. Just have another glass of wine waiting when I return- and everything will be just fine.

Autism and the full moon- what is going on here??

2013-04-25T17:07:00.000-07:00

Every month I start seeing the signs. Dramatically (and I do mean DRAMATICALLY) increased energy level. Dramatically increased irritability. Easy to anger. Easy to cry. Disjointed thoughts and speech patterns. Increased OCD behavior. Increased verbal stimming. Sleeping issues. No need to look at my moon phase app, I know it's that damn full moon again- messing The Boy (and me) all up. With his sensory issues- I really wonder if the tug of the Earth is felt on a deeper level for him, causing everything to be out of whack.

Deluxe Moon

And this is not unique to my son. All over Facebook, and Twitter, spectrum parents are saying virtually the same thing. Our kiddos are "off". And this isn't just from parents, teachers say the same thing. So what is it? Are we all suffering from some group hallucination? I mean, the word "lunatic" comes from the Latin ‘luna’ meaning moon and can mean someone who goes mad with the changes of the moon. so is it our kids, or is it us? Maybe our kids are not autistic, they are actually werewolves!

Howl at the moon!

According to an article in Scientific American there is a theory that that the full moon’s supposed effects on behavior arise from its influence on water. The human body, after all, is about 80 percent water, so perhaps the moon works its mischievous magic by somehow disrupting the alignment of water molecules in the nervous system. But the article also goes on to say that "the gravitational effects of the moon are far too minuscule to generate any meaningful effects on brain activity, let alone behavior." So what gives?

This seems to be in direct opposition to the many, MANY folks who say their ASD kiddos act "loony" during a full moon. I wish I had a theory. I have read so many of them, some plausible, some ridiculous, but even though "Full Moon Madness" has been supposedly debunked- it is apparent that those doing the "de-bunking" weren't raising or caring for someone on the spectrum. Or heard the mountain of anecdotal evidence from law enforcement, labor and delivery nurses, or doctors working in psychiatric facilities.

So pretty- so maddening!

Right now, all is quiet and for that I am grateful. Because I am so very tired, and The Mister is caught up in the NFL draft and isn't paying attention. I am going to start keeping a chart of these behaviors, just to see if these increases in hyperactivity, decreases in sleep and all around madness are concurrent with the full moon. In order to really form a theory, I guess I should also be paying attention to the new moon as well, when it is completely dark. I will see what I come up with.

Right now, I am going to go have a glass of wine and curse the stupid draft and the damn moon under my breath. Quella luna pazza- that crazy moon....

Photo courtesy of autismliveshere.com

Deluxe Moon App: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/deluxe-moon-pro-moon-phases/id482361332?mt=8

Autism awareness, and teaching your kids tolerance

2013-04-09T06:41:00.004-07:00

Today The Boy went for a bike ride to the local park that is a block from our house. This is something he does quite frequently, AND quite frequently comes home with a story of how he met someone, and made a new friend. The best part of that- they usually know me and that just blows The Boy's mind!

So anyway- today he went to the park. There was a group of kids there- he said he couldn't remember their names, but he has seen them at school. He decided to introduce himself, (and I am sure he did it in his grand fashion of a sweeping bow, followed by his entire name, age and grade in school) and wanted to hang out. This is difficult for people on the spectrum. Interpreting social cues, knowing how to approach people- these things are a lot more difficult for the kiddo on the spectrum. It doesn't come easy, or natural. The group of kids apparently laughed at him, and started teasing him.

It was about this time, that The Boy realized it was time to leave, so he started to ride his bike away, and this group of kids chased him, calling him names and telling him they knew where he lived. The Boysaid he rode as fast as he could to get home- but "They were just joking around with me mom". That is the saddest part to me,The Boy really thought they were just joking around with him. This was a teachable moment, a time to explain to him that not everyone is nice or worthy of being a friend. His look of confusion breaks my heart, and makes me want to shelter him from a cruel and intolerable world that will always look at him as deficient, not worthy, and "weird".

I was mad, I was hurt for him, I was ANGRY! What is wrong with parents that don't teach kids to be tolerant or even kind? And I know- parents can't be responsible for everything their kids do when out of their sight- but if they are TAUGHT AT HOME, they generally act the way they have been taught in public, with or without their parents.

And the way The Boy explained it, there were 4 of them, and a kind of "pack mentality" seems to have set in- and they singled out my son, by himself, as weak, and easy to bully. Yeah-- kids at this age are jerks- but they have obviously not been taught how to act, or treat others. And if just ONE of them was taught that this was wrong, that one could have stopped it. They might be young, but they are not stupid. Teenzilla was sticking up for the "underdog" as young as six years old! It's not unheard of.

I am not writing this for the other parents of children with special needs who have seen their children bullied, or excluded, or have their feelings hurt because of similar behavior This is directed at those OTHER parents. The ones who seem to have forgotten that their job is to teach their children about diversity, tolerance and problem solving skills. And how bullying is NOT ok... ever.

It's already hard enough with The Boy being socially segregated at school- put in a categorical classroom that is not made to seem like a part of the school community at times and social isolation and harassment can go hand in hand. Without meaningful interaction with students with disabilities, other students are more likely to make hurtful remarks based on stereotypes. THIS is where parents come in. TEACH YOUR KIDS! If you want your child to grow up being not only tolerant but inclusive then you need to expect that from the very beginning. Don’t expect them to learn these values as adults if you haven’t encouraged it of them as children. And don't expect it to be taught in school- because the school's that do embrace the full meaning of inclusion are few.

So parents- let me give some helpful advice in how to teach your kids to NOT be jerks- and maybe some of you out there can take this advice as well.

Teach the golden rule; Treat others the way you would want to be treated!!!

Model tolerant, accepting behavior. Kids learn what they live- THAT is a fact.

Don’t label! Referring to other kids as "that one with autism" or "that girl who wears hearing aids" only points out differences, issues that may not even concern your child, but will become the focus now that you have pointed it out. This is just as important as if you are talking about ANYONE, whether directly to your child or not. See above statement!
Encourage questions, and if you don't have an answer- talk to someone who KNOWS. Talk to a parent of a kiddo with special needs, particularly autism, because it's invisible- and not something that can be seen. ASK ME!! I will tell you whatever you would like to know, and I will help you talk to your kids.

April is Autism Awareness Month. It is also Autism Action Month. Check out these websites for some great information, and ways you can become more aware, and therefore more tolerant- which enables you to help teach your kids how to be more tolerant, kind and compassionate. We really need more of that in the world, don't you think?

http://nationalautismassociation.org/

http://www.autism-society.org/about-autism/facts-and-statistics.html

Who "celebrates" Autism Awareness Month?

2013-04-02T11:18:00.004-07:00

April is Autism Awareness Month. I hear so many people asking how others are going to "celebrate". There is no "celebration", unless it is celebrating the accomplishments our kids make. Or celebrating the parents and the family members who make countless sacrifices every day. No, Autism is NOT cause to celebrate. What it is, is a cause for panic- why are the numbers climbing? Why is NOTHING being done about it? Why are so many useless "studies" being done? It's all about maternal age. No wait, it's all about paternal age. Oh no, it's about how close you live to a freeway. GAHHHH!!!

I use platforms such as my blog, my Facebook page and my big fat mouth to push autism awareness, action and acceptance. I will shout it from the rooftops. I want to make people aware of the EPIDEMIC that is Autism. I don't celebrate it. I don't know many who do. I celebrate my son's accomplishments. I celebrate his milestones. I celebrate his amazing little self- but I DO NOT celebrate the fact that he is 1 in 50 children that are diagnosed with this disorder.We should honor and celebrate those that live with autism and face and overcome more challenges than a lot of people could ever imagine.

Then you have Autism Speaks- the first organization it seems that comes to mind when talking about Autism. It is easily one of the biggest and loudest voices talking about autism. Some questions I wish more people would ask about Autism Speaks- aside from why they mismanage the money gained off of hopeful families walking in circles- where are the Autistic people on their board? Why do only 4% of the funds raised actually go to the families that need them? WHERE DOES THE MONEY GO??

And to bring up the MOST controversial of topics- the fact that AS has said repeatedly that vaccines and autism cannot possibly have any link to one another, but, in 2009 Dr. Geraldine Dawson says almost the exact opposite. "It remains scientifically plausible that the challenge to the immune system resulting from a vaccine (or other immunological challenges) could, in susceptible individuals, have adverse consequences for the developing brain." and "Evidence does not support the theory that vaccines are causing an autism epidemic. However, it is plausible that specific genetic or medical factors that are present in a small minority of individuals might lead to an adverse response to a vaccine and trigger the onset of autism symptoms." Oh- and when I went to look at this interview with her- I got an error message on the AS website ACCESS DENIED. Hmmm... interesting

So if you want to know why I no longer support AS, follow the link- you will see one BIG reason why. Autism Speaks Financials shows salaries of upward to $400,000 dollars! SALARIES! Add to that a very large lobbying budget, and the fact that 44% of Autism Speaks’ budget may go toward research, but only a small percentage of these funds go towards research into improving the quality of life of autistic people. Hell- I want a CAUSE or CAUSES pinpointed for the huge upswing in Autism- then perhaps a cause will lead to a cure and so on and so forth- but the simple truth is there are already way too many children and adults already diagnosed- who are struggling NOW. I would love to know how many of these families and individuals have actually received the Autism Speaks Family Grant, and how much they received.

I know many say that Autism Speaks advocating for a "cure" is discounting anyone with autism, and portraying them as burdens. I can understand that. And I am not an advocate for a "cure" necessarily. But when I talk to the mom who is still changing her 10 year old son's diapers or the dad is holding on to the hope that his daughter will one day make eye contact and say she loves him- I have to say would a "cure" be so bad?

All of that said- I do not begrudge anyone their opinions or beliefs. I will not be rude, or mocking of anyone who believes in AS. I once did too. And my opinion is not everyone's. Just like my "Educate before you vaccinate" stance- I encourage people to look into local charities for Autism, or The National Autism Association as well, before throwing all of their money at Autism Speaks. Do your own research- and make decisions based on what YOU feel is best for you. I did.

My boy. Autistic and AWESOME

In the meantime- I will be an awareness junkie. I will read, research, talk, and write for Autism Awareness, I will shove facts, figures and stories in your face - just in the hopes that you will pass on that knowledge to someone else. This is how awareness is spread- from me to you, from you to your spouse or friend and from them to someone else. I don't expect you to become and expert- I am not an expert - but I know a hell of a lot- and you might learn a thing or two from me.

This is not a month to celebrate. This is a month to learn, and to teach. Parents of autistic children, and adults on the spectrum are a wealth of knowledge that only want the rest of the world to understand. We need to tell our stories so that people will begin to understand and accept our loved ones for who they are, what they are capable of doing, and not what is “wrong with them.” They are human beings living here with us. They are smart, funny, capable, loving and not going away.

The one where my daughter shaves her head

2013-03-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

My brave, awesome girl!

March 16, 2013 will forever be one of the most amazing days of my life. That was the day that my 14 year old daughter shaved her head for St. Baldrick's Pediatric Cancer research. If you don't already know the story behind this amazing thing she did- you can read it here, Would YOU shave your head for a great cause?

How many teenage girls would do such an amazing thing? I mean- 14 years old, a freshman in high school, at a time in her life when girls are usually obsessed with their looks, wanting to fit in, and dealing with the hell that can be high school? Frankly, I am still kind of surprised she went through with it. But she did, and now I am in absolute awe.

This is really something to be proud of, for everyone involved. Everyone should be proud of the very brave folks who got into those barber chairs and then allowed strangers to shave their heads completely bald with hundreds of people looking on. This is a HUGE thing to do, from the men who may not have a lot of hair (I also saw a lot of beards getting shaved off!), to the young kids who aren't as concerned with what they look like yet. But most especially for the women and girls who shave their heads. It is a powerful statement to make to the children currently battling cancer, and have no say in losing their hair. and to those who love them.
It was an exciting day full of emotions for everyone. Our team, Donna's Good Things Michigan raised almost $4000, and Teenzilla raised $1150 of that. The event, St. Baldrick's of Romeo MI raised over $230,000 this year, and has raised raised over $760,000 in just six years of hosting events for St. Baldrick's. This year there were 520 shavees....520!!! It was a literal assembly line of people shaving their heads. It was HUGE!

The story behind the pink spots on her head: Mary Tyler Mom had made a comment when we first began this journey, and my Teenzilla had hot pink hair, that "Donna would have been enchanted with her pink hair" Since that pink was long gone- Teenzilla was ADAMANT that we do a quick dye job before shave day. I di my best to keep the dye of her scalp, but failed in spectacular fashion! Between baking soda and peroxide, she has gotten most of them off now! But it has been a HUGE source of questions. So now you know!

Meeting Mary Tyler Mom

Teenzilla was amazing through it all. She brought a friend with her- which was so great- I think that really helped keep her calm and they danced to the music playing, and checked out the cute boys. ) And when Mary Tyler Mom showed up- wow! Teenzilla was so excited to meet her, the mom of the beautiful Donna who was her inspiration to do this, and when I found her and said "She's here!" , Teenzilla's face lit up like Christmas and she rushed to go and meet her. After a big hug, MTM presented her with a "Swag Bag" and the most heartfelt thank you I have ever heard.

When they called her time (3:27) to come to the staging area, I went with her and the captain of our team, Danielle, to get in line. When it was time for me to walk away, I lost it. I started sobbing, hugged them both so tight, not able to put into words how proud I was of them. Not since each of my children made their entrance into the world have I felt so overcome with pride, and emotions. I seriously felt dizzy with all the feels. There are no words to describe it.

When the time came for her to climb into that barber chair, I was shaking, crying and laughing all at the same time. Then came the next huge moment I will never forget. A man told us that she was amazing, and how he had lost his young daughter in September and how proud HE was of our daughter for what she was doing. Again- the flood of emotions that came over me was literally staggering. I lost my mom to cancer, but I have no idea what it means to move to "Cancerville" as MTM says, and to lose a child. I call myself a warrior mom, dealing with autism, but these parents, and kids are true warriors.

Teenzilla goes back to school tomorrow- and she is nervous. Even though a lot of people knew she was doing this- it will still be a shock to see her beautiful bald head. I will be nervous for her, and have already told her if she needs me to come get her- I will be there in a hot minute. But, I don't see that happening. This kid of mine is one of the strongest people I know. When I asked her how she felt about what she did she replied, "Pretty damn awesome, mom". I think she is going to be just fine.

Love this look!

Gorgeous!!!

Holy crap! My daughter is shaving her head!

2013-03-11T10:43:00.000-07:00

You know a year ago, when my Teenzilla said she was going to shave her head for St. Baldrick's, raise money for pediatric cancer research, and in memory of Donna Hornick, I indulged her. As parents we all do this, our kiddos say they are going to do something BIG, or something CRAZY and we smile and humor them, knowing that the fancies of kids, especially teenagers are fleeting.

Now we are 5 days away from the shave event, and she has not wavered once. At least not out loud, or in front of me. Her conviction is strong, her ideals are overwhelming, and her passion is that which only teenage girls have.

But, until the other night, when talking to my dearest childhood friend, I had not thought about how I felt about it. Other than knowing without a doubt that I could never do it, I have only really felt fierce pride in my girl. But now it's stuck in my head, all the feelings that I have not even thought about. My baby girl is going to be BALD. BALD. A part of me cringes at the thought of my very pretty daughter not having hair- I mean, isn't hair one of the ways how we females define ourselves. If we have a bad hair day, it really puts a damper on the rest of our day. If we get a bad cut or color, it really upsets us. Unfortunately, we live in a society that bases everything on how we look. If we are overweight we must be a slob. If we choose not to wear makeup we must be a hippie. If we do something out of the ordinary to our hair (like when Teenzilla went shocking pink) there are stares and judgmental asshats to contend with. And being a teenager?? In high school? Fuggedaboutit.

I have been told "I can't believe you are LETTING her shave her head. she is going to be teased so badly" Letting her?? No- this is HER decision. This is not some whim of a fickle teen girl- this is for an amazing cause, something bigger than she is. It takes guts and heart to do what she is going to do. It's amazing, it's life changing, and not only am I "letting" her do it, I am her loudest supporter! But there is the part of me that is scared for her, and worries about any teasing or bullshit she will have to endure. She is a strong kid, a good kid, but I don't know if she has, or if she is even able to really process what going bald means. Aside from the amazing sense of doing something awesome that is. I don't pull any punches- I have told her repeatedly, people are going to stare. People will make comments, and not all of them will be nice. She says "Bring it on". I hope that attitude stays intact- she's gonna need it. I am very nervous about the reactions, and most of all, how my girl will handle it. It's gonna be hard. Oh- and did I mention she is also in the schools Spring production of Cinderella? Yeah- she is going to be in the spotlight- shiny bald head and all. Well- she will wear a wig...but still!

I have caught myself reminiscing about her hair when she was little, long, curly and beautiful. She cut it off in first grade for Locks of Love, and I cried. Not in front of her, and I cried not only because she cut off all her hair, but because even at the tender age of 6, she had a big heart. And....she wanted to have a haircut like Dora the Explorer! I have always been the mom who encourages trying different things, from wardrobe to hair. Especially hair, after all, it does grow back. And I can't say I have loved every hair decision she has made, but I raised her this way- and she is her own person- and a damn good one at that. I get compliments all the time, what a great kid I have, and what a great mom I am, having raised such a great kid. And I will take credit for raising her to be the way she is, but she deserves the lion's share- she is not a little girl, she is a beautiful, funny, smart young woman who made this choice all on her own.

Today, I had a comment on my FB page- and I just have to share:

A year ago Jan, I had to shave all my hair off for a brain surgery. My hair was to my boohiney, I braided it, cut those 5 thick, long braids off & donated them as well...as the clippers inched their way over my scalp, I felt a new me emerge! At first it felt like my identity was being stripped from my grasps, I felt naked, vulnerable & honestly, a little lost! I think it was harder on my best friends than it was for me! Then a saying came to mind as tears were streaming down my face "If you don't like something...Change it...if you can't change it...Change the way you think about it!" That's what I did, changed how I thought about it! I began to think of the process of the wigs being made, the ladies that would receive them (I had THICK, long hair so def made at least 2 wigs! ), how it would effect their lives forever & suddenly I had peace! Sure people stared at me where ever I went, women (most of them!) were THE worst & the men were surprisingly wonderful! I received A LOT of compliments & support! Im not sure why Teenzilla is shaving her hair, sounds like its just for donating it & that is plain AMAZING!! I want to thank you, as her parents, for raising such an AMAZING daughter!! Thank you! As I would tell myself, its just hair & it grows back! It did in fact change me, it strips you down to your core & thankfully I had been working on myself in order to become my best self before having to be naked, vulnerable & bald in front of the world, I was taught to be comfortable with WHO I am not the identity of my long, thick hair! Bald ROCKS!! Rock it out Teenzilla!! I will be bald agn soon, another brain surgery, you what tho! I GOT THIS & BRING IT ON!! P. S. she will be really cold, a friend made me the best beanie ever & it became my favorite accessory! Go beanie shopping before or make one with one of those knitting looms (WalMart $13) and she can pick her color of yarn! Rock it out Momma & Teenzilla! YOU got this & BRING IT ON! Much Love! -Nicole Johnson

While she is not donating her hair, the money she has raised, that all goes back to St. Baldrick's and the solidarity for those who don't have the choice to go bald or not- it's mind boggling to me.

And once again, I have to thank the indomitable Mary Tyler Mom for sharing her beautiful Donna's story with us. The sad reality that is childhood cancer, and the lives taken much too soon has a face, a name, a story, and is not just another sad statistic for us. It's amazing how one family's story changed our perception in such a huge way.

Please check out the links here, about St. Baldrick's, about Teenzilla and share!

St. Baldrick's
I'm shaving my head!
Rylee's Donation Page
Michigan's Team Donna's Good Things

Bring on the IEP!

2013-03-08T13:45:00.000-08:00

Springtime brings a lot of wonderful things, sun, new beginnings,and longer days just to mention a few. If you have a child who receives Special Ed services in school, it is also IEP season. That time of year when you sit in a room, surrounded by those who are supposed to be helping your child be all they can be, reviewing goals, setting new ones, perhaps transitioning to new schools (like we will be- middle school YIKES). The IEP is supposed to be an opportunity for teachers, parents, school administrators, related services personnel, and students (when appropriate) to work together to improve educational results for children with disabilities. If you are lucky enough to be working as a TEAM and not fighting tooth and nail for any and all accommodations your child needs.

Courtesy of http://www.kidstogether.org/parentside.htm

I remember the first time I walked into a meeting room filled with those who proclaimed to know what was best for The Boy (educationally speaking anyway) and feeling intimidated and so much like the awkward girl that wanted to sit at the popular kids table, to the most recent encounter when I went in to do battle and was caught off guard at how easy it was to present MY goals and not be met with "we know best" attitude. Of course that was all blown to hell at the beginning of the year when I found myself fighting for the mainstream instruction that had so readily been agreed to just a few months prior. It didn't take me long to learn that miles and miles of red tape surround our special children's education, and that really, the IEP really is a bullshit document. Oh sure, it's "legally binding" but the loopholes and confusing language really work in favor of the school and the district- NOT your kiddo.

You never REALLY get what you think your child needs and the services never seem to be quite enough.

This is supposed to be about the CHILD's education,and the fact that kids CAN learn, and need to be challenged, not written off, assuming they can't do something without ever trying. It's not supposed to be a PRE-WRITTEN document that they slap down in front of you and then rush through everything and hand you a pen to sign it.

It is supposed to be a commitment to a child, MY CHILD... not a number, or a budget. The living, breathing human being who has unlimited possibilities if given the proper support and tools. It shouldn't have to be this hard to secure our children a free appropriate education.

I have followed all the major rules for successful meetings, and for a couple of years, I actually was happy to go to the meeting, talk with everyone and would leave feeling like things were accomplished, that The Boy was in good hands, that my concerns and ideas were listened to, and there was no pressure to sign a document if I had ANY kind of reservations. That changed when we moved The Boy back to his home school district Great schools, if your child is average to above average. Great schools if your child will do well on standardized tests. Not so great for the child with Autism.

The biggest argument we have had the last two years is the argument for inclusion. Children with special needs CAN be accommodated within a regular education classroom. In our case especially. The Boy is high functioning. He has been shielded for so long, not given the chance to grow his potential. The lack of faith from teacher's and unwillingness to push him just a little bit harder has him doubting himself and his capabilities. The truth is ALL children benefit from the experience of an inclusive classroom, including the reduced child to staff ratio that makes it work. It's possible. And, it's right. It breaks my heart that there are thousands of children all across America being treated as second-class citizens because they are different. They are in "special ed" they are "weird" they "can't learn". It's all bullshit I tell you.

This year- we will be discussing the transition to middle school. I am beyond worried for The Boy. It is going to be a HUGE shock for him. The homework, the expectations- I foresee many, many meltdowns. I have A LOT of info I am going to be breaking out, accommodations that I will INSIST on- and will sign NOTHING until these things are included. Things like a "Early Pass"- getting to go to his next class just before the rest of the students, to avoid stress and bullying. A "safe place" to go in case of sensory overload. Reduced homework, use of the AlphaSmart, or the opportunity to use computers and printers for assignments with a lot of writing. These are just a few of the things I will be insisting on. Well, those and a big bottle of wine.

Celebrate Donna Day 2013 with me!

2013-03-01T04:03:00.000-08:00

This smile!

When I found Donna's Cancer story, I admit- I didn't want to read it. Not at all. I knew it was out there, I saw links to it every day in my Facebook news feed, but I didn't want to read what was sure to be a heart breaking, sad story.

As I looked at my own kids, I told myself that I could never endure the story of a beautiful little girl living through 31 months of cancer treatment and the pain her family endured. I didn't want to get to know this family, only to lose a precious member of it.

The day came, when I decided to just start reading. I had already saw several re-posts on my Facebook of number 16 Relapse, and I started reading. And I didn't stop until I was caught up. And And I cried. Ugly, snotty crying. And I kept reading, stopping only when I couldn't see the screen through my tears.

I have never felt such a connection, to Donna and to her family who until that day, were total strangers to me. Just another sad story of a child with cancer. But it was so much more. I was blown away by the raw, honest beautiful way Sheila, aka Mary Tyler Mom, wrote about her daughter, her family, her fears, her hopes. This was written TO me, FOR me. This was written in such a way, I felt like I had been sitting with Sheila having coffee as she told me this story. That is powerful my friends.

The feelings evoked in me after reading Donna's story ran the gamut from sadness, to hope, to anger, to fear and to guilt. Guilt that my kids would be home for me to hug them, guilt that I complain about dealing with autism, about teacher's and IEP's. The same guilt I sometimes feel when I read a blog written by a parent dealing with a child who doesn't speak, when mine does.The Boy is autistic.He is not like the other kids. He may be a 7 year old in a 10 year old body. He may be wild, unpredictable and sometimes make me want to scream. But I get to hold him every day. My struggles are a cake walk in comparison to what Sheila's family lived through, what Donna endured. I was extremely humbled by Sheila's words in installment 30 Choosing Hope:

"When all of this began so long ago and I first typed the words 'choose hope,' my guess is that most folks assumed the hope was for Donna's cure. If I'm honest with myself, it probably was for a time, but as much as that mantra is for Donna, it was for me as well. To remind myself that hope comes in many forms and, more importantly, it is a frame of mind, a choice one makes. For so long, and to this day, it is the only way to live. Without hope, how would I wake up in the morning? Without hope, how do you continue to be with Donna, laughing and playing and so brightful, knowing that she will be gone much too damn soon? "

It is completely amazing to me how Sheila's family fought. How in the midst of it all they welcomed a new life into their family. How they coped,how they survived,how they “chose hope” in the face of such despair.

After hearing her dad and I talking about this amazing blog, my Teenzilla decided to read it too. Her reactions were filled with all the vehemence and anger that only teenage girls can muster. "F**K CANCER. What bullshit!"

My Teenzilla

It was around that time that I first heard of the St. Baldrick's Foundation. St. Baldrick's began as a head-shaving event and continues to be the signature event of the Foundation. "Shavees" ask friends and family to make donations "on their head" and in return, they attend one of thousands of volunteer-organized events around the world where they have their heads shaved in solidarity with kids fighting cancer.mSince 2000 more than 230,000 shavees—including more than 22,700 women—have shaved their heads at 5,500 events, raising critical funds for childhood cancer research.

I watched as several of my friends made their way to Chicago last year, and prepared to shave their heads. I donated and cheered them on. I followed their blogs and their Facebook pages. And I shared all of this with Teenzilla. She looked at me after seeing all the pictures of the newly bald, and said, "I want to do that". I chuckled, and I said, yeah, right. She looked me straight in the eye and said- "I am serious mom. So many kids have to go through chemo and lose their hair and they don't have a choice. I want to do this. It's just hair. It will grow back."

I told her that I would support her 100% if she wanted to do this, but secretly I thought she would never do it. The next event was a year away- that was a lot of time to think about it. And being a fickle teen girl- I expected her to forget about it, and then change her mind.

And now here we are, 17 days away from the event, a little over $1000 raised by her, just over $2000 raised by her team, Donna's Good Things Team Michigan and she, while a little nervous, is still as determined as ever. If I could bottle that passion- I would be a millionaire!

What I need you to do now is: 1)READ DONNA'S STORY! Statistics are scary- this story will make you see beyond the statistics, into the life of an amazing family, and a very precious little girl. You will BE in the hospital rooms with them, you will SEE Donna's gorgeous smile and amazing blue eyes, you will KNOW her love to dance, you will FEEL all the feelings. Do it.

2) Please please please visit, Donna's Good Things at Candlelite Chicago, and click on the GREEN BUTTON to donate. $5, $10- it is ALL helpful and goes to an amazing cause.

3) Watch this wonderful 3 minute video

4)Watch Donna's Radiothon story Song...

And remember- visit Donna's Good Things at Candlelite Chicago and

CLICK THE GREEN BUTTON!!!

The Dreaded/Hoped For Snow Day

2013-02-07T10:47:00.000-08:00

Woo-Hoo! Snow Day!

The Snow Day. Capitalized out of respect, it is a very complicated thing. Pretty much everyone, except parents, love them and wish for them. But they are definitely a mystery to the everyday person.

What constitutes a Snow Day? Depending on where you live, a light dusting might be cause for panic and the immediate canceling of schools across the board. These are generally areas that don't get a lot of snow. Ever. If you are like me, and live in the Midwest, school only closes if you literally can't open your front door, because the snow is that deep.

We are in the light blue- 4-8 inches

So why do Snow Day's happen? Will we have one tomorrow? According to the weather the East Coast is going to get slammed with 2-4 FEET of wet heavy snow.Where I live in Michigan, we are supposed to see a fraction of that, possibly up to 6 inches of wet, heavy, accumulating snow, with periods of sleet and freezing rain turning our roads into big icy slip and slides. Last year, they called school off for a supposed Snowmageddon that never happened. I am sure that mistake won't be made again.

The truth is, nobody really understands a Snow Day. With the exception of the weather person- and even then it's debatable. The powers that govern school closings i.e The Superintendent, decide when and if schools will close, if the roads are too dangerous, teacher's can't make it in to teach, how many Snow Days a district has. (In our case we should have at least 3, we haven't used any as of yet).

Fun in the snow

Now you might be saying "WHY IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT A SNOW DAY?? DON'T YOU REALIZE THE KIDS WILL BE AT *GULP* HOME? WITH YOU??" Yes, yes I do, and I am perfectly o.k. with that. I mean, how can you NOT love a Snow Day. A Snow Day is basically Mother Nature looking down and saying, "Hey, everyone! You can sleep in! And, guess what? No homework! Is that OK with you?" To which everyone always replies, "HECK YEAH!" For us, it means a lazy day, watching TV, eating junk food, and chilling out. (literally). Depending on the temps, it probably means some great outside fun. Yeah- it messes up The Boy's routine a little, but we can overcome that. It means I don't have to go into work, The Mister will probably work from home and we all get a well deserved three day weekend.

So, I am going to share with you, what Teenzilla's kindergarten teacher shared with her class. A secret, tried and true method to get a Snow Day in 4 easy steps. Now, you do not have to do the ritual, either way, the nasty storm on it's way may decide for you. But, if you aren't sure, and you would really enjoy a day off of school/work/etc. then follow these steps- IN ORDER, or who knows what the outcome will be!

1)Wear your pajamas inside out. This will be even more effective if your pajamas have feet.

2)Flush ice CUBES down the toilet. Remember, they must be CUBES, crushed ice won't work! (My theory about this is if the ground isn't frozen, snow won't stick, right? And the pipes in your toilet eventually go underground, right? And if your pipes get cold enough, than the ground will freeze, right? So, it stands to reason that if you flush enough ice cubes down your toilet, your pipes will be cold enough to freeze the ground so the snow will stick, which will consequently render the roads DEATH TRAPS. Automatic snow day.)

3)A spoon, or a white FROZEN crayon under your pillow (I really don't get the reasoning behind this- but hey, whatever works!)

4) The obligatory snow dance. Kind of like a rain dance but with a lot more yelling, running in circles and BIG spazzy arms. Be careful of furniture and proximity to other people during this snow dance, you don't want to spend your Snow Day hurt or in trouble for breaking something.

There you go. That should do it. And if for some bizarre reason these methods do not get you your Snow Day (pssshht, yeah, right) then at least you got to have some silly fun with your family, and THAT is the best possible outcome anyway.

P.S. I HAVE done this with The Boy- and we didn't get a Snow Day. Due to Autism's literalness, he wasn't a happy camper. This was two years ago. Now, he understands it is all in fun, and if we get lucky we will have a Snow Day. Autism parents, you will know how much, if any of this will go over well in your house.

Sorry Valentine's Day, I'm just not that into you...

2013-02-05T12:18:00.001-08:00

I love, and I am dearly loved, but Valentine's Day just isn't what it used to be for me anymore. No romantic dinners (unless you count eating the leftover heart shaped hamburgers the from the kids) no romantic evening out (unless you count running to the store together to buy wine), no declarations of endless love (unless you count the mumbled "I love you" as we roll over and go to sleep), no chocolates (unless you count the ones pilfered from the kids V-Day Party stash), no sexy lingerie (unless you count the one pair of underwear I can find that isn't falling apart, and of course my crippling low self esteem and endless stress about my doughy body) no cutsey stuffed animals, (good!) silly "Sexy Coupon Books" (really, what are we, 20?) or anything that seems to go hand in hand with yet another mass marketed holiday.

Valentine's Day might have started as a day to celebrate love but nowadays it has become another day to force people to shop compulsively for things that they don’t need or they don’t want to buy in order to express their love. Don't get me wrong, I like gifts as much as the next person, but don't hold my hubby hostage to these "holidays" that are designed to make people feel like they HAVE to get something OR ELSE. I believe in love. But I hate to see how Valentine’s day has become another commercial festivity to sell flowers, chocolates, jewelry, cards with silly messages and stuffed animals.

courtesy of sommecards

I’m all for doing fun stuff with my kids, and now that they are getting older, that is pretty much a thing of the past. No, now I get to hear my 14 year old Teenzilla go on about how Valentine's Day sucks, she doesn't have a BF and everything is stupid. I hear ya kid. It REALLY sucks to be a Freshman in high school, and watch all the commercial, contrived bullshit going on around you, and not be involved.

I also hate to hear the competitiveness between women on Valentine’s Day. Someone bragging about their enormous bouquet of flowers, another one flashing the diamonds she got, while yet another one claims that her man really loves her because he never takes her out but tonight they are going to the best restaurant in the city. Doesn't she realize that it is only a Valentine’s Day marketing game, he never takes her out except on Valentine’s Day, and she is delighted. Poor girl!

Valentine's Breakfast 2012

And contrary to the above, I am still a sappy girl,a romantic person, a dreamy girl who seems to have found her happily ever after. And when I say that I don't really care about Valentine's Day, people look at me like I am from Mars, assume I have a thoughtless husband, or think I am just old to care anymore. Most people do not understand how someone who is happy in a relationship doesn't gush all over Valentine's Day like a teenager experiencing their first "love". I am beyond all that. Not romance all together, but summing it all up in one day. I do fun little things, love notes in a lunch, sexy texts, favorite dinners, etc all the time. I may rev it up a little in February, but it's also my mister's birthday in February, so of course he gets a little extra attention.

I have an ideal husband, who is a hopeless romantic and after almost 16 years, still tries to woo me on a daily basis. Work, school, and kids have made me tired, fussy and, well downright bitchy most of the time, and the fact that he still puts up with it is pretty damn awesome. He doesn't ignore me until the 14th day of February rolls around and then attempt to shower me with romance and affection. I get Valentine's Day any time I want it, really. And he is pretty damn lucky himself. I am not into jewelry, or expensive stuff, I am pretty low maintenance when it comes to gift giving. The only thing I DO ask, don't get me household appliances for V-Day. Any other gift giving occasion (well, except for our anniversary) is fine for those kinds of things.

If you feel like you HAVE to give me something, get me a bottle of my favorite wine, order out so I don't have to cook, and yes, heart shaped pizza IS acceptable or take me to MY choice of movies- NOT the new Die Hard either. Save that one for your birthday ♥

NOT a Valentine's Day movie

Giving up, giving in, or retreating for now. How Algebra is kicking my a$$.

2013-01-23T16:35:00.001-08:00

WHAT?!?!!?

I went back to school last August. I incurred a mountain of student loan debt and was ready to finish my degree so I could finally teach. Things were going great, even if fast track online classes were making my head spin. Then came the class I have been avoiding for years. The class that is holding me back from finishing school. ALGEBRA. I. HATE. IT. I do not understand anything beyond the very base level problems that require me to "Solve for x". What's worse, I seem to be able to learn math skills,and have a low level of confidence, and suddenly the information is just gone. POOF. Like it never existed. What in the hell is THAT about?

I thought it was just "math anxiety" which is a very real thing. Researchers at the University of Chicago found that for people who get anxious at the idea of doing mathematics, just preparing to do a math problem can trigger activity in a part of your brain that registers physical pain. NO SHIT!! When the subjects were asked to prepare to do a math problem, they showed significant activity in the posterior insula, an area deep in the brain that is associated with responding to threats and experiencing pain.

Yeah, that sounds about right. As a matter of fact, laying my hand on a hot stove burner is right up there on the list of "Things I Would Rather Do Than Math" that, and stabbing myself in the eye with a pencil. Just thinking about this is giving me a math headache right now.

Where did that 0 come from?

I didn't do well with Algebra in high school, and now many, many years later- it is a million to the tenth power times worse. My brain seriously does not think in "theoretical" terms. Much like my son on the autism spectrum, I deal in concrete terms. If you give me a math problem, there should be a definitive answer. Not this bullshit, 6x+4y=15 where we are going to say y is 0 and x is 1. WHAT THE FUCK? Where did the 1 and 0 come from? How come making up numbers is ok? How is there a bazillion answers for one problem?? What the hell is a slope intersect and how do you graph it?? What is a function? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!?

Not THIS Khan

For three weeks I have sat at my kitchen table, using the numerous resources at my disposal- the textbook, online tutors, The Khan Academy (which is not teaching me how to shake my fist and yell "KHAN" in my best William Shatner voice), Purple Math (which is geared towards middle school age kids), other students, The Mister, Teenzilla, Youtube videos- whatever I can get my hands on. I am averaging 18-20 hours a week on the homework and about that much sobbing and throwing things. I have lost sleep, I smoke like a chimney and my family hides from me. This can't be simple "math anxiety" and with these fast track classes I do not have time to seek a possible diagnosis for Dyscalculia which is a specific learning disability involving innate difficulty in learning or comprehending arithmetic. It is akin to dyslexia and includes difficulty in understanding numbers, learning how to manipulate numbers, learning maths fact, and a number of other related symptoms. (Wikipedia)

ALGEBRAAAAA!!!

Learning is hard work, and it's easy to get lazy once you are out of school. This isn't the case. I am NOT lazy. I LOVE school. I have a 3.89 GPA right now. I AM intelligent. I just can't do math. Trying to see how algebra actually fits into my every day life is frustrating to say the least. This abstract crap does NOT fit into MY everyday life! I truly believe that I have no practical use for graphing inequalities.

NEVER going to need this

So what do I do? I have been TRYING so damn hard. I am truly doing the best I can. I hate to fail at ANYTHING- I have never felt so much like a failure than I do now. I do not have the time or financial resources available to re-take this class- much less an Algebra II class. I am ready to just give up. I mean- what would be any different if I fail and then take this class again? The understanding of Algebra isn't going to magically appear. And seriously, pushing 40 years old- taking 3-6 months off to get counseling and intensive tutoring just isn't going to happen. I am already at the edge of the curve to be hired- what with all the baby faced youngsters flooding the teaching profession.

Someone commented on one of my many ravings on Facebook that I wouldn't want my kids to just see me give up. What they are seeing mom lose it daily, cry, snap at everyone and just be generally miserable. They are watching me sit at my kitchen table, asking for help, trying to do the work for HOURS on end to the exclusion of EVERYTHING else...sometimes even dinner. What they are seeing is mom doing her very, very best, and not "getting"it. Hard work is not something I am afraid of. Hard work with no reward and a big fat "F" is.

Instead of calling it "quitting" I will call it a calculated retreat. In the meantime, if anyone needs me, I'll be under the covers with a glass of wine and some chocolate ruminating on my failure.

I choose......YOU!

2013-01-18T14:52:00.001-08:00

I was very surprised and honored when I found out that The Mommy Ref nominated me for The Liebster Award! I have been nominated for this once before, and it was just as big of a surprise- especially since I am such a lazy blogger!

So now it's my turn. Check out the "rules" for The Liebster Award and enjoy!

This award is given to new or up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support each other.

1. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.

2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you, then create 11 new questions for the bloggers you pass the award to.

3. Choose 11 new bloggers (or with less than 200 followers) to pass the award to and link them in your post.

4. Go to their page and tell them about the award.

5. No tag backs.

11 Random Facts About Red Vines & Red Wine

ü I have a fear of open closets.

ü I am afraid of thunderstorms

ü I am becoming increasingly OCD. Seriously, the glasses and coffee cups in the kitchen cabinet have to be “just so” or I get REALLY annoyed!

ü I like to eat saltine crackers with butter on them

ü My blog used to be called Ramblings of a Wineaux Mom. Drinking a glass of Sweet Red wine one night, I happened to eat a Red Vine. Then I decided to change the name!

ü I love Zombie movies, shows, books etc. Especially The Walking Dead

ü I have had an idea and rough outline for a children’s book for about 6 years.

ü I have been married for 15 years this July

ü I collect pigs. I LOVE pigs!

ü I love the movie White Chicks

ü I used to be a cheerleader. I really really love cheer. I coach pee-wee cheerleaders in the summer. Teenzilla hates it. I made her do it anyway.

Questions from The Mommy Ref

1. Why did you start to blog? I like to write, and I thought, what the hell? Then I started reading Moms Who Drink and Swear and that was it! I wish I blogged more- I really need to be more disciplined about it. Right now though, school is taking up most of my time.

2. Do you have a story behind your kid(s) name(s)? My oldest is named after Meggie’s son in The Thorn Birds (Dane) Teenzilla was difficult, all of us started with “D” and I kind of wanted to stick with that- but I didn’t like any “D” names. The Mister woke me up at 1:00 in the morning about 3 weeks before she was due and said RYLEE! And so it was. The Boy, we both really liked Noah! Each of their middle names is a grandparent as well.

3. What is your favorite sit com? The Big Bang Theory, New Normal and Modern Family

4. Have you ever been to another country? Mexico and Canada. I went to Tijuana when I was in high school, and I live about 20 minutes from Windsor Canada. Only been there a couple of times though!

5. What is your favorite ice cream? Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. YUMMMMM

6. What did you want to be when you grew up? A lawyer! I was going to go to NYU and live in New York. Getting preggers at 16 sidelined that! I started teaching preschool when Teenzilla was 2, and never looked back. Now my goal is to teach special ed with a focus on ASD and implement an ASD program in our school district.

7. Are you allergic to anything? Walnuts- funny story- our wedding cake was made by my sister’s mother-in-law and was full of walnuts! I could only have a teeny tiny bite and even that made my tongue itchy

8. What state would you move to if you could? If I could afford it, I would move back to California. Temperate climate, we were right by the ocean, I loved it- except for the cost of living!

9. What is something you want to accomplish before 2013 is over? Lose 20 pounds and to get through these damn algebra classes without killing anyone!

10. Who is your celebrity crush? Hmmm…. I guess I would have to say Nathan Fillion- he is so damn sexy, and funny. I bet he is amazingly cool in real life!

11. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Shooing kids off to class as I left my part time job as a morning latchkey provider.

Questions from me to my nominees- you know- to stalk them better!

1) Are you a Night Owl or Morning Person?

2) What is/are your favorite book(s)?

3) How many kiddos do you have?

4) Why did you start a blog?

5) What's your favorite junk food?

6) What did you want to be when you grew up?

7) If someone offered you $20 million dollars, but you had to give up one of your senses, would you? Which sense?

8) What is your favorite movie? One that you will watch over and over and over?

9) If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

10) What is your favorite color?

11) If it could be one season all the time, what would you pick?

and now MY PICKS for the Liebster Award- go check them out- they are awesome!

Autism Sparkles

Life With Legos

The Mighty Mr. M vs Autism

Dad v. Autism

The Plucky Procrastinator

Sooperdad Blog of Awesomeness

PDD World

Love That Max!

Our Life in Pieces

Me and My Professor

The Neurotypical Mom

Yep- pretty much all Autism related- but all wonderful blogs, and you should check them out!

I'll have Christmas please. Hold the Autism.

2012-12-27T13:03:00.001-08:00

Christmastime is a minefield when you have a kiddo with autism. Routines may change, no school, the anticipation- these are all things that provide a perfect environment for a HUGE meltdown. We were miraculously meltdown free until Christmas Eve when our normal plans were sidelined due to a sick Grandpa. Our big dinner and present opening with Grandma and Grandpa and Auntie was not going to happen. So, Grandma and Auntie came over to drop off gifts and to get hot dinner to take home. Presents were opened while I tried to get everything done in the kitchen. It was loud, and hot, and NOT THE SAME. The Boy was very disappointed that the family wasn't staying. I was disappointed. But I plastered a smile on my face and kept going, trying to gloss over the fact it was NOT THE SAME.

The calm before the storm

I could see the signs, EXTREME hyperactivity, rude language, flushed cheeks, dilated pupils- meltdown was imminent. I hoped that after eating something he would calm down. Nope. The Boy rushed through dinner, and even though I knew better, I made him stay at the table with the rest of us, it was Christmas Eve dammit! I had the NORAD Santa tracker going, and kept updating Santa's trip- but The Boy couldn't have cared less.

Dinner ended, and we were cleaning up. Teenzilla and The 20 Something were playing with the Nerf arsenal we get every Christmas. This agitated The Boy even more. "It's not time!" he yelled and frantically picked up the Nerf darts all over the living room.

We prepared for our annual reading of The Night Before Christmas, saying goodbye to Clyde our Elf and setting out the cookies and milk for Santa. The Mister called everyone together. The Boy reluctantly came, holding his new Nerf gun from Grandma and grumbling about wanting to lay on the couch. We made it through the reading, with Teenzilla and The 20 Something interjecting their humor into it- much to The Boy's chagrin. Things were deteriorating fast.

Then- the MOMENT happened. The Boy had gone upstairs to watch TV in my room. Netflix WASN'T WORKING! He came flying downstairs in a panic, "Netflix isn't working!! Netflix isn't working!!" I went upstairs and checked it out. I turned the Wii off and on again. Nothing. I came downstairs and checked. Nothing. I went online- Netflix was out for certain people. There was nothing I could do. I calmly explained this to The Boy. That. Was. It. He screamed, he cried, he threw himself on the couch. Hoping to pull him out of it, I said "Clyde is still here you know. You don't want a bad report to Santa on Christmas Eve. Let's get Santa's cookies ready." So I dragged him through what is usually a fun ritual, and told him he could lay down in my bed and watch something on the DVR. I led his rigid body upstairs, tucked him in and turned on the TV. "I'm sorry mom" he said. I hugged him tight and tried not to cry. "It's ok buddy. Time to sleep so Santa will come." I kissed him and went downstairs.

All of my years with dealing with the dreaded meltdown and I broke every damn rule about avoiding one. The initial disappointment, the rushed dinner, the forced sitting with us, putting him through the motions of cookies and milk, saying goodbye to our Elf- what the hell was wrong with me? Things had gone so blessedly smooth, I was lulled into a sense of complacency, a sense of NORMALCY, so much so that I blew off the signs of impending doom and forced a fun Christmas Eve. I felt like crap. I consoled myself with the fact that come morning all of this would be forgotten. And of course, it was.

Christmas Day arrived and everyone was up early and so very excited- of course. The Boy was hyper, but what kid isn't on Christmas? Opening presents was awesome, and Santa had brought just what The Boy had asked for- an Xbox with Kinect. It was awesome to see his face when he opened it! It was awesome watching all of the kids open their gifts! The Mister set the Xbox up as I explained to The Boy that we were going to another Aunt's home for the family Christmas brunch, so he only had about an hour and a half for playing. He waved me off- "Ok, ok, I know!"

And we're off!

I got myself ready, cooked the bacon that I was bringing and got more and more tense as the time approached to turn off the Xbox and pile in the car to drive 30 minutes and go have brunch (which he wouldn't eat anyway) with 12 cousins, 9 assorted aunts and uncles, 2 dogs and a house he hadn't been to since he was a baby. What could possibly go wrong?? More noise, more heat, more craziness- I mean for someone NOT on the spectrum this was sensory overload.

The whole fam damily

Calming himself down!

As everyone arrived and the house got more crowded and noisy, The Boy parked himself in front of the giant fish tank. He zoned out on the peaceful swimming fish. He blinked, looked around and greeted cousins. He even got up and mingled. And as I watched like a hawk, I started seeing the same signs, flushed cheeks, jerky movements and wide eyes.I prepared for the worst and started to go to him. He looked around and made a beeline for the fish tank. He sat in front of it and just watched. You could see the tension start to leave his shoulders, his face relaxed, HE relaxed. He SELF REGULATED PEOPLE! He KNEW it was all too much, and he KNEW how calming that fish tank was for him AND HE WENT TO IT! No prompting from me or anyone. HE DID IT HIMSELF! This was fantastic! And no other gift could top it. Nobody else noticed, nobody else had any clue what had happened. But The Mister and I did. Merry Christmas to us.

So now here we are, over halfway through the second day after Christmas. The house is mostly put back together,the cookies are gone, the leftovers are all gone, and life should be getting back to normal after another chaotic holiday. Kids are bickering over the Xbox, we have played outside in the snow, had a Nerf gun battle and things have been fairly relaxed. Why do I feel like I have been on a month long bender? Like The Mister said- you don't have to drink too much for Christmas hangover. Ain't that the truth?

Darkness stealing the light

2012-12-15T16:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday a madman went into a school and stole 26 lives from the world. 20 innocent children and 6 innocent adults. Before he did that he allegedly shot and killed his own mother. He turned the gun on himself. He came into what should have been a safe place, school and killed babies. It has left our nation grieving, angry and desperately wanting answers.

As reports about the shooting were flooding the internet, TV and radio- the speculation that the shooter had autism started being reported. Myself and thousands of other parents with children on the spectrum, and adults on the spectrum flooded Facebook, Twitter, blogs and other social networking sites to proclaim their outrage that Autism may have played a part in this senseless massacre. Just like the Aurora CO theater shooting all over. That man was also said to have "some form of autism." I pleaded on my own Facebook page to please, please PLEASE not believe reports that the monster who killed all of those people, those babies, had autism and further stigmatize a portion of our society, adults and children. As a mother to a child on the spectrum I can without a doubt in my mind say that even if this individual was on the spectrum, that autism was not a key component in his insanity. Autism is not blatantly violent like this. Nobody can say what was happening in his mind, nobody can come up with a definitive answer for this madness. Autism IS NOT the answer to this horrific act of violence. Please, do not talk of this with others and say "he had autism" as if it is an answer. IT.IS.NOT.

There were so many comments, anger, pain, and fear colored many of them, and understandably so. People wanted answers, people wanted to know WHY? And by stating that this monster had Autism- the media effectively gave the public a reason. BUT IT IS WRONG.

One report said: "One former classmate who said he was familiar with the disorder described Lanza as having a "very flat affect," adding, "If you looked at him, you couldn't see any emotions going through his head." Others said his evident discomfort prompted giggles from those who did not understand him. Autism does cause issues in social interactions, but it is very rare that an individual on the spectrum to be violent. It is much more likely that they themselves will be the victims of violence of some sort. And this interview with someone who also goes on to say that he didn't really know him paints a very dismal picture indeed of Autism.

These things alone are not indicative of autism- or any other disorder for that matter. There is nothing as of yet that purports this man had any kind of disability, or that he didn't. But putting the Autism diagnosis on him was not only irresponsible reporting, it made Autism, which is already woefully misunderstood, appear to be something that was the cause of unspeakable violence, and created the very real possibility of witch hunts and individuals on the spectrum becoming targets of yet more violence.

The inevitable outcry for more gun control began. If our country had better gun control laws this wouldn't have happened. This is a fear based reaction that I totally understand. But it is not the answer. If someone is disturbed angry or just evil enough to want to hurt people, hurt babies, they will do it. Proof of that are the 22 children stabbed in a school in China, where they DO have strict gun control laws. I do not think that the kinds of guns he did have access to, that were part of his mother's legal collection, should be allowed in the hands of civilians. Semi-automatic and automatic weapons are not needed to protect oneself, family or property. This is my opinion anyway. But clamoring to curtail our 2nd Amendment right is not the answer.

Mental healthcare disparities and the fact that the healthcare system as a whole is broken was another thing being talked about. THIS is a problem our country CAN work to fix. There is no amount of legislation that can "fix" evil. There are people in this country that need help, their families need help, and they slip through the cracks. No, every single person that may need mental health care will receive it. But the amount of atrocities that are occurring and the perpetrators are being said to have mental health issues, is a very big statement about just how degraded the state of mental health care is. Astronomical costs for medication and therapies, finding doctors and worse, the stigma placed on families and individuals makes getting help even harder.

But even this is not an "answer" and it certainly does not heal the families who could not tuck their children into bed last night, who will have unopened gifts under their Christmas trees, and whose lives will never be the same. This does nothing to bring back those innocent babies whose lives were snuffed out. This does nothing to ease the pain of those left behind.

Those of us who watched this on TV will grieve. We will be angry, we will disagree with others on the question of Why? Those of us with children on the spectrum may even fear for our own children, young and grown because of inaccurate and inflammatory media.

I encourage people that blog, have Facebook, Twitter or any access to any kind of social media outlet to share FACTS about autism. Thanks to The Autism Self Advocacy Network for their statement that included "Autistic Americans and individuals with other disabilities are no more likely to commit violent crime than non-disabled people." Or the Autism Society's statement that "There is absolutely no evidence or any reliable research that suggests a linkage between autism and planned violence. To imply or suggest that some linkage exists is wrong and is harmful to more than 1.5 million law abiding, non-violent and wonderful individuals who live with autism each day. Stereotyping an entire group of individuals because of the actions of one individual is wrong and unacceptable. "

I don't have any answers either. But I can say with certainty and conviction that Autism is NOT TO BLAME. To say this happened because he had autism is like saying he did it because he was diabetic. IT IS NOT AN ANSWER. There is evil in this world folks plain and simple. And I think we all caught a glimpse of it yesterday.

I refused to use the shooter's name. Hear is a list of yesterdays victims. Try to commit at least ONE of them to memory.

- Charlotte Bacon, 2/22/06, female
- Daniel Barden, 9/25/05, male
- Rachel Davino, 7/17/83, female.
- Olivia Engel, 7/18/06, female
- Josephine Gay, 12/11/05, female
- Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 04/04/06, female
- Dylan Hockley, 3/8/06, male
- Dawn Hocksprung, 06/28/65, female
- Madeleine F. Hsu, 7/10/06, female
- Catherine V. Hubbard, 6/08/06, female
- Chase Kowalski, 10/31/05, male
- Jesse Lewis, 6/30/06, male
- James Mattioli , 3/22/06, male
- Grace McDonnell, 12/04/05, female
- Anne Marie Murphy, 07/25/60, female
- Emilie Parker, 5/12/06, female
- Jack Pinto, 5/06/06, male
- Noah Pozner, 11/20/06, male
- Caroline Previdi, 9/07/06, female
- Jessica Rekos, 5/10/06, female
- Avielle Richman, 10/17/06, female
- Lauren Russeau, 6/1982, female (full date of birth not specified)
- Mary Sherlach, 2/11/56, female
- Victoria Soto, 11/04/85, female
- Benjamin Wheeler, 9/12/06, male
- Allison N. Wyatt, 7/03/06, female

Do NOT compare my child to your dog. EVER.

2012-12-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

As the parent of three actual humans, I get annoyed with people that call themselves a “pet parent.” The only parents a pet has are those of the same species that had sex in a river, up in a tree, or in some dark alley after sniffing each other’s butts. Period.As a human, you are their owner. Their caretaker. Their trainer. Their master. BUT YOU. ARE NOT. THEIR PARENT!

This is NOT a hairy baby. This.is.a.DOG.

Now I know a lot of people feel differently, and I’ll openly admit that I’m not a pet, more specifically a "dog person” I like other people's pets. I play with my mother in law's giant slobbery Boxer who weighs about 100 lbs. and thinks he's a lap dog. He is sweet, but I wouldn't want to own him. I also like my good friend's two pit bulls- sweet funny dogs who I like to give ice cubes because they love them so much!

If you like pets, if you LOVE pets, that’s great –they’re good for companionship, and I am a big fan of service dogs. I have a kitty, and I love him very much.So do my kids. So go ahead, love your pet! Dress your pet in goofy looking Christmas sweaters. Put galoshes on them in the rain. Feed them with a special spoon. Don’t get me wrong. There’s no denying that as living, breathing creatures, they’re part of the family – the family pet. They should be loved, taken care of an not mistreated or abused. But do not EVER compare your ANIMAL to my CHILDREN. That shit won't fly.

Sure, pets are like children in some ways. They make messes and don’t clean up after themselves. They’re active. They like lots of attention. They make me swear at least once a day. But the similarities end there and the differences are what makes having pets absolutely nothing like raising children. I don't pop my kids on the nose (or anywhere else for that matter) with a newspaper,(or my hand or ANYTHING) nor do I leave them in a crate while I go to work. I do not have to go to doggy school and advocate for their right to an education. But I DO do that with The Boy. I DO have to console Teenzilla when a boy has hurt her, or a so called best friend is being not such a good friend. I do have to be a MOM and all it entails to my very human children.

I live next to TWO of these

I know what I will do! Devise a plan to get rid of those dogs!

I have very inconsiderate neighbors with two extremely irritating yappy dogs. They bark and bark and bark and bark at all hours of the night, super early on the weekends - at the fucking wind blowing. They are also very BITEY. Came into MY YARD and tried to bite The Boy. In his own yard!! They disturb not just my sleep but The Boy's and Teenzilla's AND The Mister's. And let me tell you, disturbing a kiddo on the spectrum's sleep- ON A SCHOOL DAY- that pisses me off no end. For two YEARS I have been dealing with these useless barking fuckers. TWO YEARS! I have tried to befriend them, I have tried giving them treats- and they just bark. Yes- their owners are inconsiderate jerks. Yes they are "just dogs" but after speaking with them, talking to Animal Control (which seemed to work for a couple of months- barking bastards had shock collars on- blessed quiet!) I have had it! I will be IN MY HOUSE- and they can see me in the kitchen window and they will bark. Forget outdoor activities in the summer- they ruin it. I wish they would run away.I have said I will buy a BB gun and shoot the little fucks when they bark. I have wished terrible things on them (and the human owners as well) ESPECIALLY when I am awoken at 1:00 A.M and again at 6:00 A.M. on a Sunday. But do I act on these things? Of course not. Do I sit and dwell on this shit, improvising elaborate methods to ensure the dog's demise? No. I do have a life. That doesn't stop me from disliking the neighbors and their complete lack of consideration, nor does it make me like those stupid dogs.

THIS is a child. MY child.

Someone recently on Facebook actually said I needed counseling and wonder if I throw my kids out when they irritate me- oh DAMN. That is the FASTEST way to piss me off. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER COMPARE MY CHILDREN TO YOUR PETS! EVER!!!

The plain and simple truth is dogs grow up to be dogs. Love them, buy them toys, treats, take them on walks, they are going to love you. And when he grows up he’s still going to be a dog. As a nation we have become particularly obsessed with our pets, pet hotels, pet psychics, animal advocates (don't get me started on that one) but your obsession is not going to change the fact that your dog will probably grow up to be the same dog he was going to be anyway.

Raising children comes with knowing that you are responsible for molding a human being that will someday be able to go out on their own and become productive members of society. This requires a constant investment in them, keeping an eye on friends and activities, helping achieve success in school and ultimately passing on the morals and values that you want them to carry for a lifetime. You raise your kids to eventually leave you and go out into the world as adults to live their lives and maybe have children of their own someday. Your dog will be with you forever. And it will still be a dog. Maybe slower, and definitely older. STILL A DOG.

People need to think twice before comparing their dog to someone’s child- ESPECIALLY MINE.

Here are some key differences between dogs and kids for those who might need the info.

If you're a dog owner, and you're out of milk and you need it for the recipe you're making for dinner, you can run to the grocery store without your dog.
If you are a parent of a small child and you find yourself faced with a grocery emergency, you either must find a babysitter immediately, or dress your child appropriately for the weather, take your child to the car whether or not your child wants to go, strap your child into an appropriate restraining device, listen to your child complain about your selections on the car radio all the way to the store, take your child out of the car seat,strap them into a cart (depending on their age of course- try strapping a teenager into a cart- that doesn't go over well!) listen to your child ask whether you can buy every tenth thing you pass, load your groceries into your car and return your cart while also wrangling your child, strap your child back into the car seat, drive home, and then figure out how to get your child and the groceries out of the car at the same time. Now- do this with a kiddo on the spectrum that you have had to interrupt while playing Lego Starwars. Multiply all of this by 100.
A new puppy may wake its owners up several times a night to be played with, have to go to the bathroom, etc.
A new baby will wake a mother up several times a night to CHEW ON HER BOOBS.
A new puppy may sometimes pee/poop or barf on the floor
A new baby may sometimes pee/poop or vomit IN YOUR FACE. Not to mention the clean shirt you just put on.
It might take a couple of months to potty train a puppy.
It can take YEARS to potty train child. Oh- kiddo on the spectrum? That could be, well, never.
You can leave your dog alone in a fenced yard with a bowl of food, a bowl of water and some toys for eight hours a day while you work, and you might feel a little bit guilty.
If you leave your child alone in a fenced yard with a bowl of food, a bowl of water and some toys for eight hours a day while you work, you will be arrested.
You have to teach a dog that chewing your favorite shoes to pieces is not an appropriate way to play.
You have to teach a child that playing with matches could set your entire house on fire.

This is by no means a comprehensive list- but it does cover some important things that should help if you find yourself confused.

Sidebar: Abusing or mistreating animals is WRONG. Please inform your local Animal Control if you see evidence of abuse. Sadly, more animal abuse cases are followed up on than child abuse cases. Try and justify that.

Service dogs are AMAZING. Check out 4 Paws for Ability. They are awesome- and I have a friend with 2 autistic children who has a dog from there- and he is great. Oh- and doesn't bark at air.

P.S. People say it is the owners fault. I agree to an extent. But these same people also STILL compared kids and dogs- Bad kids have bad parents and bad pets have bad owners. Love the ignorance and intolerance. Sorry- but my kid isn't always being "bad" He is autistic- and might be overwhelmed. And I also firmly believe that there are bad apples everywhere. Even with dogs.

He's Autistic vs. He has Autism What is the difference?

2012-12-09T13:41:00.000-08:00

I have learned a lot over the last 7 years navigating the world of autism. I have learned so many three letter acronyms, supplements, vitamins, therapies, I am surprised my brain can remember any of it. It's not like I don't have anything else to remember, what having a house to run, a degree to finish, a teenage daughter to manage and a husband to take care of.

One thing over the last year I have really started to notice more and more of, is the difference being placed on "Autistic" and "Having Autism". I really never saw a distinction between the two. In my mind, they both mean the same thing. My child has autism. My child is autistic. Even typing them out doesn't change it for me.

There are some that think that autism is the whole person. That it isn't a set of neurologically fucked up symptoms that make up the diagnosis of autism. Some think it is just someone who acts quirky, or bangs their head, or can recite numbers. Even with all the "awareness" that is being shouted from the mountain tops, people on the outside of autism still don't really have a clue as to what it is!

"Autistic" can be used as a small description of one's identity. Whether autism is potentially curable (something I hope for) or permanent, it affects so much of how each individual observes, understands, and operates within the world. So referring to someone as “autistic” might tell you a lot, but NOT everything about them. Saying "has autism" is like saying "has a cold" and implies that it is something that the child won't always have. That a cure is possible. (I HOPE SO) That years of behavioral training and learning coping skills won't be necessary for those considered "high functioning" to be able to function highly in society.

There is a mindset of "person first" terminology- and saying "Has Autism" apparently puts the person before the diagnosis whereas saying "Autistic" is putting the disorder first and implying that the person is defined by autism. WHAT?!? It's so confusing to me- and as I said, I use the terms interchangeably, depending on who I am speaking with, or how it flows in my writing.

Which brings me to my next point- the talk of damaging a child's self esteem by talking about wanting a "cure" for autism. This is going to be a controversial issue- as so many believe that autism is a part of their child, and many autistic adults feel it is a part of them, and talk of a cure is demeaning and cruel.

I call bullshit. At least from the perspective of a parent raising a child on the spectrum. I am a "lucky" parent in the world of autism. The Boy speaks (some days he never stops) he is potty trained (although accidents still happen) he is what is considered "high functioning" and for that I consider myself "lucky." He didn't always speak, he wasn't potty trained until he was 5 and the meltdowns he had were daily in nature and it changed the way I had to do EVERYTHING. Now that he is older, the meltdowns are fewer (but no less volatile), he can be reasoned with (to a degree) he can dress himself, he can feed himself and he can be responsible for small things. At 10 however, he is still markedly immature in comparison to his typically developing peers and the things that most 10 year old boys are able to do, he cannot. But what he CAN do is my focus, and even though I work on the deficits I still nurture the abilities. So if someone came up with a "cure" for autism- you damn well bet I would be all over that. I have said it before, and I will say it again- AUTISM DOES NOT DEFINE MY SON! He is smart, and funny, and adorable and loves dinosaurs. Would this all go away if I could "cure" his autism?? I don't believe it would.

Being autistic and having autism mean the same thing to me. If you ask my son he says it doesn't matter to him either. "Having autism" is not a bad thing, and can be compared to saying "My son has brown eyes." Yes, he is different from those who may have blue eyes, but that doesn't mean he has a problem. And it's the same way with "being autistic". He is not "being a problem,"he is just "being" him. Another way to think of it: having a difference verses being different. Two separate phrases, both mean the same thing. Language really isn't an issue unless you make it one. Focus on the good things!

The Christmas Letter:Celebrate the holidays with lies!

2012-12-04T08:34:00.000-08:00

It's that time of the year when you open your mailbox and get the dreaded "Christmas Letter". It may be from family, or friends, but either way, it is just an annoying litany of trumped up achievements and makes you look at your own family and close your eyes and pretend that they were just half as perfect as the family outlined in this letter. Then you remember that you actually live in the real world and your beautiful, perfectly imperfect family is amazing and you wouldn't trade them for anything. And then you polish off your bottle of wine and yell at everyone to come eat dinner.

People I Want to Punch in the Throat, and her blog post, Humble Brag Christmas Letters got me all excited to write my very own Christmas Letter. Of course, I decided this would be a complete work of fiction and I smiled as I typed away and imagined the looks on some of the more conservative members of my family as they read it.

Cheers!

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

You will all be happy to know I am FINALLY off parole!! I also got this fancy new computer, completely legal and everything! Of course the mister is still in jail- but his next hearing is set for the 23rd so..fingers crossed!

The oldest got her license to grow medical marijuana last month. Grandma couldn't be happier- being recently self-diagnosed with glaucoma and all.

I was especially proud of the 4 year old's performance in the preschool talent show! He did a humorous interpretation of Sweeney Todd that had the other parents SPEECHLESS! He definitely outdid the rest of the class, what with their Justin Bieber interpretations and Taylor Swift karaoke. I mean, these aren't even age appropriate. am I right?
My dear middle child met a wonderful young man during her court mandated community service. Best thing about this one? All of his tattoos are spelled correctly! I know 15 is kind of young, but I think this might be true love, and anticipate planning a wedding within the next year. Here's hoping anyway!

Now that I have that pesky ankle tracker removed, I am able to work outside of the trailer - which is so nice. Being a Family Protection Consultant was nice, but selling insurance by phone really gets boring. I have replied to an ad on Craigs List to be a "Exotic Dancer Handler". I will basically be the "House mom" for the girls at The Landing Strip, a Gentleman's Club out by the airport. I am very excited to start, it will be like reliving my younger days at the Toy Box in Canada.

The spirit of Christmas is family, is it not? And the spirits for Christmas are usually wine and vodka! I know we are lucky to have this humble trailer and not to be on the street, especially considering the homeless murders that have happened in the neighborhood. Please enjoy the brownies I sent- FYI- the oldest made them using her own special recipe and they have a "kick" so give them to the kids right before bed- works wonders for the 4 year old!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

Surviving the football banquet

2012-12-02T15:43:00.003-08:00

We made it through another football/cheer season. The Boy made it through a second season earning the Iron Man Award. This is a pretty awesome achievement- the award is given to players and cheerleaders who make every single practice and game. That is 5 days of 2-2.5 hour practices and games every Saturday. Wind, cold, rain, and not too much play time are just a handful of the things that the kids deal with in a season. And to not miss ONE practice or game- well- that DESERVES an award. I think that they should start a new award for the PARENTS that are at every single practice and game without fail too....(pssst- it's us in case you were wondering!)

My Iron Man!

The banquet is a long, long, LONG afternoon of coaches talking about their players, many tears, lots of accolades and speeches. Trying to get The Boy to sit with his team and goof around is impossible- he always sits with us, headphones in, playing on his iPad. When it is his turn to accept his awards he does it as quickly as he can. He won't eat any of the food that is served and usually needs to take a break and get out of the room at some point. We were pleasantly surprised to hear his head coach tell a funny little story about him today- and I watched with pride as the other coaches all hugged him and congratulated him on a job well done. Do they have any clue how amazing it is that this kid is actually suiting up every day and playing? That sensory and social issues are a daily struggle? That a developmental delay makes him a bully target and that most of this team of 10-11 year old boys help and encourage him- and never make fun? Do they know how lucky THEY are to have the opportunity to work with him? I think a couple of them do- and they will never fathom the depth of my appreciation for their patience and hard work with him. Thank you guys- it just isn't enough.

Peanut Bowl 2012 Runners Up

Autism and football don't always mix well. Especially at practice when The Boy is sitting way too much for a practice and gets antsy and acts up. Not being very aggressive and not wanting to hit is a drawback as well. I mean- it's football! Hitting is what it's all about! And it's not like they are not fully padded. Injuries happen, sure. But learning HOW to hit will help avoid injuries and make a kid a player who gets more play time. Lack of an attention span also is a drawback- I don't know how many times we were yelling from the stands "BRUISER! GET OUT ON THE FIELD!"

Drawbacks or no- he IS trying. He IS growing his limited social skills. He IS learning the game- no small feat for any 10 year old kid- but it is a MAJOR milestone for a kid on the spectrum.

Recently, a story was featured on ESPN about Anthony Starego, an autistic high school senior at Brick High School in New Jersey. Anthony was inspired by Rutgers kicker Jeremy Ito and worked for 6 years to become the amazing kicker he is today. You can read about him here: Autistic Kicker. I have also included 3 videos of Anthony you just have to watch. I cry every time I watch- he is such an inspiration.

Kicking is a repetitive action- he can expect the same thing for every play. Just like playing safety or end- but with the possibility of a lot more play time. One of his coaches today said he thought it would be awesome for Bruiser to get into the kicker position. That, and watching Anthony and hearing his story makes me hopeful for The Boy and his football career.

Over the next 10 months The Mister will work with The Boy on kicking. I really think he has the opportunity to be GREAT. Now to make HIM believe it is HIS idea- that will make him UNSTOPPABLE!

The Lonesome Kicker

Autism, Paranormal Investigators and a Guest Blog

2012-11-29T13:43:00.000-08:00

I have been a terribly lazy blogger. I have been very busy doing other things, but I don't want to make excuses! To make up for my laziness I asked the author of the blog My Ausome Son from one of my most stalked Facebook pages A Legion for Liam to write a guest post for me.She is an amazing mom and I love her blog! Every day this month she is sharing a holiday coloring page or maze chosen by Liam- so cool! Her Liam reminds me a lot of The Boy and her attitude reminds me a lot of MYSELF! Go check her out on FB, and go read her blog- you won't be disappointed! One of her most recent posts I REALLy enjoyed and could relate so much with was Yes, even Santa makes mistakes So, without further delay- introducing, A Legion for Liam.

Photo courtesy of http://myausomeson.blogspot.com/

I was asked by Red Vines and Wine to do a guest blog post….So here goes….I hope I do it justice.

(Of course she did!)

Tell me a little about you! (Paranormal investigator- I want to know about that!):

As you may or may not know, my real name is Courtney. It’s funny because I have come to “know” so many of you, but most of you I know by your page names, not your real names.

I am 33, the baby of my family, and grew up in a small town. I still live in a small town, not far from where I grew up. I have always had macabre interests that stem from as far back as I can remember. When we moved in 1988, our house was placed on top of the old foundation of the Goodwin Family homestead. Where my room was, used to be the old kitchen, and it was where my great great Aunt, passed on. It wasn’t long before our house had paranormal activity, and at that young age I was terrified!

Photo Courtesy of http://emparanormal.webs.com

The older I got, the more interested I became. I wanted to know if all the experiences I had as a child were real, or part of an over active imagination.

In 2007 we started to have experiences in our own home, and through a friend, I contacted a local paranormal group. They investigated our home, and caught one EVP. They also asked me to join their group. I was ecstatic.
So, in my spare time, I am a paranormal investigator with Endless Mountains Paranormal. (they are on Facebook Check ‘em out and tell them I sent you!!!) It’s often harder for me to go now a days because Liam tends to be so much of a hand full, I feel terrible leaving him with his dad.

Tell me about Liam:

More about Liam:
Liam is now 6. He has only been officially diagnosed for over a year, though I have always known there was something different about him.

As you may or may not know, Liam’s official diagnosis is now Autism Spectrum Disorder. He was originally diagnosed as having Aspergers, but upon a second opinion, it was changed to ASD. He is however high functioning. He very much resembles a child with Aspergers, but he also leans more towards a traditional ASD diagnosis. He is kinda, in between.

He is super smart, has an AUSOME memory and really amazes me (and many others) with his vocabulary. What is funny is that, he can’t read between the lines, he doesn’t get a joke, yet he will try like hell to make one!!!!

He is a good boy but is VERY high strung, often aggressive, and mouthy as well. Many don’t believe he is on the spectrum because “he is so smart!” A common misconception and one of the reasons I wanted to start ALFL.

Photo courtesy of http://www.facebook.com/ALegionForLiam

What are some of your experiences with autism? The good, the not so good and the AWFUL

I tend to be a glass half full person, and I always try to view Autism in that manner. Let’s face it though, it’s not always that easy. There are days when Autism sneaks up, kicks our legs out from under us, and knocks us on our arses! I HATE those days!

Those are the days I want to scream! I want to take Autism away, and never have to think about it again. Those are the days I might actually tell you I WANT a cure for Autism……..
If you know me, or follow me, you know that is NOT like me. I don’t feel my son needs “cured” because I don’t feel there is anything “wrong” with him. I feel Autism is a part of who he is, and without it he would be a different little boy……

But as I said, the days when Autism is full blown and raging in my face, I hate it! I hate when my child wants nothing more than to play with other kids, and then he is shot down because of his inability to understand the game or social cues of the other kiddos. I hate Autism when it shoots his anxiety through the roof, and something so simple for “normal” kids, such as a birthday party, becomes a cause for concern and major worry for a 6 year old child. I hate Autism when it makes him meltdown over a thrown away receipt, or a penny he NEEDS to pick up from the dirty, nasty ground. I hate Autism when my son won’t hug me, show me affection or look me in the eye……

Photo courtesy of http://www.facebook.com/ALegionForLiam

I also LOVE Autism. Yep, you read right, I sure do! I love Autism, when my son teaches ME how to use my computer better. I love Autism when my son teaches me how to play a video game. I love Autism when my son repeats a commercial or catch phrase word for word, at just the right time. I love Autism because of the bond he has with his friends with Autism. I love that they are drawn to each other and have a friendship like no other. I love Autism because I have met some great mothers with children I adore! I also love Autism because it brought you all to me, or me to all of you. I feel I am part of a sorority/frat house of other Autism parents, who understand one another like no one else can. For all of that, I love Autism!

What is one quirk that you LOVE about your Aspie?

My favorite quirk of Liam’s would have to be his connection with the elderly. Put him a room of his peers and he fails to connect miserably. Take him to an old folks home and watch him shine! He is a 6 year old with the mind of a 60 year old. He is for sure an old soul! Every year when we go trick or treating, we HAVE to take him into the retirement home. NOT for candy, but to VISIT! Yes, I said visit. He absolutely adores them! We have elderly neighbors, and almost every day he goes over for a visit.

What is one thing you would trade anything so that he would not do it?

That being said, I have to say he also has some annoying quirks. Hmmmm, where shall I start. We DON’T step on cracks! (sometimes that is a real PITA) We can’t say certain things (ie: kill two birds with one stone,(because why would you kill 2 birds!) (we also can’t say, “see you later” unless you fully intend to see that person later!) VOCAL STIMMING!!!!! I used to think Liam just talked to talk, or to annoy me!!! I now know better, but that doesn’t make it any easier. One can only stand to hear “Topeka Kansas” less than 100 times a day. Oh and phonics, well they suck! He stims on every consonant sound, UGH!!!

How do you deal with autism and the holidays?

As those of you who follow my ALFL page know, the holidays are already upon us. That means STRESS for everyone!!!! Of course, Autism doesn’t take a break. It doesn’t take a day off, nor does it care about the holidays.

Every year I am constantly thinking of how the family gatherings will go. I will say it has gotten easier since the official diagnosis. They all know Liam has Autism, and no longer think, “wow her kid is a brat!” With that said, I still am self conscious about how he will behave.
I ALWAYS take a bag with sensory toys and things to keep him occupied. Electronics are a must!!!! The newest addition is his body sock. This way, if I have to remove him from all the excitement, he can crawl in and feel even more secure.

Photo courtesy of http://www.facebook.com/ALegionForLiam

Let’s not forgot the special goodies… He is no longer GFCF because well, we can’t afford it. (that sounds awful but hey, I am honest!) I do take food because as many of you know our kiddos are so darn finicky! I make sure I take enough for him to share because hey, he is not the only kid at these functions.
One thing I have also learned to do is to judge his emotions. I pay close attention the day of the function to how he is feeling/acting. Upon arriving at said function, I make no bones about alerting everyone to the fact that Liam is having a “rough, good, bad, angry or anxious” day. I am not looking to get him sympathy, I am looking for them to cut him a little slack if he behaves inappropriately. It seems to work with our families, and he is now more understood by them all than he has ever been!

So, my friends, that is my life in a nutshell. I am not an exciting person. I myself am quirky, awkward and sometimes anti social. I am me! You either, love me or hate me. It makes no difference to me. I am who I am and though approval is nice, it’s not needed. Hey, took me 30 years to learn this! (I couldn't have said it better Courtney!)

Thank you so much Courtney for sharing Liam and a snapshot of your family with us!

Photo courtesy of http://www.facebook.com/ALegionForLiam

Just clearing the air

2012-11-20T17:16:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling a rant coming on for the last couple of days. Blame it on the PMS, blame it on my supreme over tired, possibly coming down with a cold cranky bitchiness- whatever the cause it's festering. And nothing that includes the word "festering" can be good. Most especially with Thanksgiving coming up.

So- let's start with my daily Thankful quotes. I am thankful each and every day I wake up. I am thankful each and every day I wake up healthy.I am thankful each day my kids wake up healthy. I like to showcase that during the month of November when everyone is feeling all grateful and thankful and warm and fuzzy. I do not discount the notion of being grateful every single damn day. But guess what? There are days that I am NOT grateful. Not for one damn thing! SURPRISE! I'm human. Apparently there are those who think this is stupid and don't miss a chance to say something about it. IT'S FACEBOOK PEOPLE. DON'T LIKE IT? DON'T READ IT! BLOCK ME! Just keep your condescending "You should be thankful every day of the year" bullshit to yourself. This DOES NOT include those who are NOT condescending, preachy or assholes. Just sayin.

I wish this was me

Let's throw in The Mister being off work for most of Thanksgiving break. And the fact that for 1 1/2 days we will be kid free. And the way he is leering at me and grabbing my ass every time he walks by. Listen- I am not opposed to some middle of the day sexy naked time- WHEN I am not PMS-ing like a bitch from hell, my hormones are fucked up - because apparently my crazy level wasn't high enough and I believe perimenopause has set in and I can't remember ANYTHING! Like to give The Boy his meds, remember he has band an extra day this week, or forget to help Teenzilla put the drops in her ear due to a mild ear infection. Or did I take aspirin, did I finish that homework assignment, what the hell was I just doing??? But then my bitch level reaches DEFCON 1 and everything my hubs does makes me MAD! It's not his fault, and when the mood switch is flipped I am a blubbering mess and apologizing like there is no tomorrow.

Now throw in a moody PMSing Teenzilla and it is like WWIII around here. Not pretty.

Schedule. He needs it.

Then of course there is the fact that kiddos are off school, starting at noon tomorrow through Monday. Well- The Boy has Monday off, Teenzilla doesn't- STUPID. Let's look at the rest of the week shall we? No school Monday. Full day Tuesday. 1/2 days Wednesday and Thursday. Full day Friday. Is this a fucked up schedule or what? The Boy is going to be ridiculously out of sorts and I swear the first phone call I get from the school is not going to end well. You people couldn't have Tuesday and Wednesday be full days and Thursday and Friday be 1/2 days? HOW FUCKING HARD WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN?? Don't get me started on how parents won't come to conferences on Fridays- I teach- I am a parent- this could have worked out in a much less clusterfucky fashion.

Look at that. I am already feeling better. Or maybe it's the wine. See the smile?

It's not Christmas YET!! Let's sing Turkey Carols!

2012-11-15T16:31:00.000-08:00

I hate how Christmas begins in October. I hate going into a store and hearing Christmas carols BEFORE Thanksgiving. I know I am not alone. As much as I love the holiday season- I really, really hate that it starts so damn early.

So in the spirit of Turkey Day- let me introduce you some Thanksgiving Day Carols...I am sure you can figure out the tunes on your own. Enjoy!

HERE COMES THANKSGIVING

Here comes Thanksgiving

Long before Christmas Day

No jingle bells, no Christmas trees

No songs about a sleigh

We will eat and we will sleep

We’ll watch some football games

Cause it is almost Thanksgiving

And it’s long before Christmas Day!

A THANKSGIVING SONG

Tur-KEY roasting on an open fire,

Gravy cooking on the stove.

Thanksgiving carols being sung by a fire,

Our eyes as big as Oreos.

Everybody knows some turkey and some cranberries

Help to make the season bright.

Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow

Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know Thanks-GIHHHHVVV-ing’s on its way,

And that means lots of white and dark meat on a tray.

And every mother’s child is gonna try

To see if they can eat everything on the table and not die.

And so I’m offering this simple phrase

For kids from 1 to 92.

Although it’s been said, many times, many ways,

Merry Turkeyday

Tooooooooooooooooooooo

You.

THANKSGIVING

I’m dreaming of a Thanks-giving

Just like the ones I used to know.

Where the turkeys glisten

And children listen

To hear someone at the do’.

I’m dreaming of a Thanks-giving

With every mouthful that I bite.

May your days be merry and bright.

And may all your Thanksgivings-es be all right.

Here's hoping that you will be singing these LOUDLY the next time you are in a store that insists on Christmas carols too damn early. Who knows, maybe it will catch on!

Would you shave your head for a great cause?

2012-10-09T19:54:00.002-07:00

My girl!

What would you be willing to do to make money and a statement for a great cause? Would you be willing to shave your head? I know I wouldn't. But my Teenzilla is. My heart is so full and proud- I really can't describe it.

Last year we started reading Donna's Cancer Story.Sheila Quirke, AKA Mary Tyler Mom, wrote a heartbreaking serial blog about her beautiful daughter Donna, and her 31 months of treatment. I have never read anything more gut wrenching than this. I sobbed. I raged. I shared this beautiful girl and her beautiful family with everyone.

Donna

Teenzilla read Donna's story too- and like me she cried and said "Fuck Cancer. What bullshit. It's not fair."
Said with all the conviction and vehemence only a teenager can muster.

Through Mary Tyler Mom, I learned of the St. Baldrick's Foundation. "On March 17, 2000, reinsurance executives John Bender, Tim Kenny and Enda McDonnell turned their industry's St. Patrick's Day party into a head-shaving event to benefit kids with cancer. Their 20 "shavee" recruits planned to raise "$17,000 on the 17th." Instead, they raised over $104,000! Now this has turned into the world’s largest volunteer-driven fundraising program for childhood cancer research and today the St. Baldrick's Foundation funds more in childhood cancer research grants than any organization except the U.S. government."

I watched as several of my friends made their way to Chicago last year, and prepared to shave their heads. I donated and cheered them on. I followed their blogs and their Facebook pages. And I shared all of this with Teenzilla. She looked at me after seeing all the pictures of the newly bald, and said, "I want to do that".

I chuckled, and I said, yeah, right. She looked me straight in the eye and said- "I am serious mom. So many kids have to go through chemo and lose their hair and they don't have a choice. I want to do this. It's just hair. It will grow back."

I told her that I would support her 100% if she wanted to do this, but secretly I thought she would never do it. The next event was a year away- that was a lot of time to think about it. And being a fickle teen girl- I expected her to forget about it, and then change her mind.

Then a few days ago, my friend Danielle from Life With Penis People, who had talked about starting a team last year, asked if Teenzilla was still interested- because she was starting a team here in Michigan. I asked Teenzilla and she said "Oh heck yeah I am interested!" I asked "Are you sure?" And she said "Absolutely positive mom"

So we are starting the fundraising. The big day is March 16, 2013. Teenzilla's fundraising goal (a'la me) is $1000. She is a little worried about raising that much. I told her- "You are young, beautiful and an amazing kid. People will donate and you will raise $1000 and make a difference. and then you will be bald and I get to rub your head!"

Our captain, Danielle! Thank you for starting our team!

I am beyond proud of her. This is HER idea. I am so amazed by her. She is mature beyond her years and has the all consuming passion that is unique to young people.

And in 5 months she will be shaving her head in honor of all the kids going though the hell of chemo.

Damn. I am in absolute awe.

Please consider donating to this wonderful cause. St. Baldrick's is just an amazing organization. Following are links to Teenzilla's fundraising page, and our Team, Donna's Good Things. If you are in Michigan, consider joining us- as a shavee or a volunteer! Look for St. Baldrick's events in your town too!
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Teenzilla's fundraising page

Shave your head!

Team Donna's Good Things

Danielle Bare Team Captain

Teenzilla's Mom