What's Next ?

Story so far

2008-07-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

So a little about me and were I am on this journey! Like I said I am living in an apartment in a big city in the UK, were we are all treated like lemmings, we work all our lives and what do we get at the end ? Ask yourself do you live to work or work to live?

I will tell you exactly what my thoughts are on this matter I work to live, they say money isn’t everything but my opinion in that money is right up there with oxygen!!

I share my apartment with a very close friend, and our philosophy on life is take one day as it comes and no matter what the next day will come and we will wake and so on!

Another philosophy of ours is, you would never buy a car without test driving it first and that’s the exact thing we are doing right now! Who says what is wrong is wrong and what is right is right! Two things I think that each human being should posses is honesty and integrity for others.

If two people feel the same so be it we live in a world were there are too many rules, or better still other people’s opinions! If I want to meet new women enjoy their company and dance with the devil so be it.

The other night I was relaxing watching tale when a friend of mine text me saying she wanted a catch and that she was down! Now I am not the kind of guy to turn my back on any women I know who is need of a bit of TLC, now what comes with a catch us guys know all to well.

She came over and we had a cuddle and got in to bed no agenda set but one thing led to another and there wasn’t any complication it felt really natural she is off the same mind set as me and I tell you something this doesn’t happen to often ! She get as much form this as me, great sex companionship and conversation, so to have more than one dish on the menu and make a few women happy is that a bad thing?

I am now going to pass you over to my close friend so that he too can share a little with you!

I’m not much of a writer so bare with me, not sure where to start so just going to let rip, the women in my life and trust me there is a few would say that I am a closed book and getting close to me is impossible, in fact you could probably call me Tom Cruise “Mission impossible” but thinking about it would they really want to get in my head!! uurrggh no ! If they did they wouldn’t like what they would find!

My life is like a game of poker keeps your cards close to your chest and cheats as much as you can! Or get away with, I have to back up what my friend has said, are blokes worse than women? Yes they are, not one human being can possibly not want or take advantage of an offer in which they want to refuse.

And that is my life I can’t say that it’s what I want or that I even enjoy doing it, but how long are we on this rollercoaster? Year’s months days who knows the one thing I do know is that live it to the full and always take one day as it comes. Today imp eating beans tomorrow I am eating caviar.

I feel as thou I am getting somewhere now! I will tell you what I am currently up to! Still seeing an ex after 5 years and dating a new women thing is I have a serious issue with finishing with women, I think of myself as a squirrel, they gather as many nuts for the winter as possible and then go hunting in the summer like a monkey I swing from branch to branch not letting go until I reach another in a nut shell that me, a home grown true person!

Keep Moving !

2008-07-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

Well it didn’t take long before I had to come back and unload… I once heard a conspiracy that we are being played like a game of chess, well if that was the case I must be a pawn !

This weekend I have had my boys, great to ! I picked them up from nursery and we had the best weekend I dropped them back a while a go I love spending time with them. I miss them so much a little scared that they will resent me or forget me I know they wont but it hurts, my dad left me when I was 8 and to tell you the truth it hurt and only looking back now my dad could do no wrong in my eyes after everything he did to my mam! It was the love for him that I had.

I once remember running home from school so proud that I actually beat the bully up to find he had left that hurt, there was times when he wouldn’t turn up and I would be sat waiting at the top of the garden with my bag so excited to see him!

I was bullied in school and I think that if my dad was living with me that would have been a different case, I wasn’t always bullied I changed that myself.

I have promised to myself that my boys will be the focal point of my life and will come before anyone! Even thou I do not live with them I will always be there in just one phone call every other weekend and as they get bigger and I get more settled every weekend.

See I miss them so much their little face’s and the way the laugh at their silly dad and the excitement in their eyes when I pick them up, how could any farther let them down ? I never could.. and now I am having a child with someone I hardly know, I just hope that this child will have as much love as I give them !

The girl I mentioned in my last blog well for some reason and considering how keen she is this is quite crazy, she hasn’t replied to two of my texts this weekend. I have only sent the two she hasn’t phoned or text so it is really weird as its not like her to be so quiet,

The reason for her being so quiet was that her ex seen my number on her phone and threw it at the wall, funny isn’t it how life does a full circle at times , I was that man a few months ago hurt rejected and insulted that some other man can take my place in her life and have the ordasity to show you up and make her happy !

Well the difference between him and me is that I didn’t do half the things he has done to her, infact the exact opposite I was shit on and then shit on again the only thing that got me through those hard times was friends, time and music.

I am very a much music person I love it I would call myself and eclectic I love all music, mostly indie especially acoustic.

You know the saying when your waiting for a bus it doesn’t come but when your on a bus 20 come well that is exactly were I am right now……….

I will explain all soon.. until then goodnight god bless

Batchelor Diaries !

Thursday 10th July 2008

2008-07-10T12:38:00.000-07:00

What a journey I have been on these last 7 months, in fact the last 5 years, for her sake I will not use her real name, believe it or not I am a good person, but she would never say that, why is it women persist to think that the only possible truth can be what they think it is ? They would rather believe what they "THINK" they know rather than what we tell them.

What I am going to wirte here and for how long I dont know, you guys will understand and appreciate but if any women read this its a different story !

7 Months ago I left my wife, we got married on July 28th 2007, we have two little boys aged 3 and 1 who are the apple of my eye, I had been with "Sarah" for 5 years and in that time we had our ups and down's we broke up 3 times before we got married, she likes to say that I left her for another women !! I disagree it wasnt until afterI left her and found attention from other women that I started to bother with them.

See she doesnt understand that the reason I left her so many times was because of her controlling ways and the fact that everything was my falt, literally she couldnt take blame, if we had an argument I would say " ok ok so thanks for telling we what I had done wrong BUT what part did you play " her answer always the same " well if you hadnt of done that or this I wouldt of " and so round and around we go, untill we had our second baby, what is a man supposed to do, I love my children and I didnt want our kids being another satistic like I was... so we got married, things got worse instantly, This was my life actually it was our life but this is how it affected me. Wake up, get children dressed and breakfast, shes upstairs getting herself ready, I go up stairs we start to argue because I want to get ready and charlie is calling me and she cant bare it.. so I go and see my boy he is sorted i go and get dressed we argue because she needs helpto her car, I help her she then tells me I look rough !! so I close door get myself sorted and I then have to sit in traffic or an hour on the way to work and as I was rushing I have left me cigerates in house... she rings I snap phone down, in work I am super busy big presentation today £280k shes calling andasking if I mind picking kids up from nursery havent got time ! I am now a rubbish farther go home we argue until bed and next moring we start again !!

Sorry but after 5 years I cracked ! so I moved out in Feb this year now living in the next big city to were they live, I see my boys every other weekend and we do lots of fun stuff away form the roes but I do miss them. The first weekend I move out she meets someone, not going to lie it was the biggest kick in the guts I have ever had, she is telling me every little detail of what he dos to her sexually and how he makes her feel, now I would let her know this but it was driving me mad, I wanted to kill him, she rings me up and says I want him to meet the Kids... What do I say no and he does anyway, Not going to go in to to much detail but he now crosses the street if he see's me, now its been so long I couldnt care what she does, she is no longer with him but she is doing what she wants. She is always on my case thou making my life so so hard always keeping on she makes me so sad and puts me down, she blackmails me and loves the fact that she has my kids and all threatens me with them not seeing them she is so mean.

Back in October I meet someone at a works conference I have a brilliant job in the TV industry anyway I meet someone and we super clicked and we did have sex, ever since we have been in contact via work email as she was is a real bad realationship she was abused and beaten, so for her sake we had to keep it low so on every work event we would spend the whole time together snuggle up in bed and just have a cuddle, until really recently she had left him, we spent the whole weekend together ans it was amazing, we are now seeing each other and things are progressing nicely neither of us want to rush anythign as I got hurt bad I forgot to mention I found her in bed with somone I knew ! exactly..

So things were looking okay for me except for the ex being a bitch all the time, until I had a phone call, from a one night stand I had weeks ago, this was before the new girl and I were seeing each other... it said I am preganent!! can you believe my bloody luck worse part it she wants to keep it !! what am I going to do ? just when I find someone I want to be with and really like BANG !!!