Wilson Counseling: The Armchair Chronicles

How To Support Someone Going Through Infertility

noreply@blogger.com (Nabila) — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 11:00:00 +0000

Guest Blog Post by Sarah Bradshaw
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For many women, trying to get pregnant is difficult, stressful, and painful

Have you heard this story: woman meets someone, they fall in love, commit to one another, and then along comes a baby (or two or three)? Simple, right? For many women, having a baby is anything but simple. It can, in fact, be a difficult, stressful and potentially painful --both emotionally and physically--experience.

Sometimes, the above story goes like this: woman meets someone, they fall in love, commit to one another, and then--nothing, absolutely nothing. The woman goes to see her doctor to see if something is wrong. Sometimes, there's nothing wrong. The doctor says it’s just going to take more time (insert frown or angry face here). Sometimes they get referred to a specialist. The referral is the start of a very bumpy and emotional ride. I know because I have been there, and I know many other women who have been down the same journey. Everyone’s experience is different, and you don't always end up with the baby that you have long yearned for.

I have a friend who is currently going through a very stressful fertility journey (fingers crossed for a happy ending). She tried and tried on her own, went to multiple doctors, went to a specialist, had her eggs retrieved, frozen, thawed (and then died), retrieved again and tested. I am not even sure how many cycles she did and how many eggs she ended up with.

The best response? A hug

I can, however, still see her face when she told me while sitting on my driveway with her two adorable dogs, that all her eggs died when they were thawed (this was during the first round). She just started crying. The tears were slow at first but then came like a rushing river. And just as soon as she started crying, she stopped. She was quiet for a moment (felt like an eternity), but she finally looked back up at me.

“Why?” she pleaded.

I didn’t know what to say. I gave her the best answer I could think of. I gave her a hug.

Just listen even when you feel helpless--it's an act of love

My friend is still trying. Even with all the shots, doctors’ appointments, bloodwork, missing work, bruising on her arms, legs, stomach, and buttocks from the shots, tests, prescriptions, more shots, and more tests, she is still trying. She told me that it helps her to talk to someone who knows what she has gone through even though our journeys are not identical. Why did it help? Because she was talking to a person who is nonjudgmental, who cares, who is empathetic, who understands, and who knows when to just...listen.

I do the same thing in counseling that I did with my friend: I listen. Talking about infertility, whether you are just starting or have been trying for years, is difficult. I want you to know you aren’t alone.

My hope is this is her year. And I hope for all the people who are trying to conceive, I hope this is your year, too.

If you are struggling with infertility and would like to speak to a Houston, Texas Counselor about your pain, please contact us at 713-591-3612 or via email at nancy@wilsoncounseling.org. You don't have to go through this alone.

More about the author:

Sarah is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified School Counselor. Sometimes our path in life
is not always simple and straight forward. We may face challenges we never saw coming or don’t
have the proper skills to tackle. Sarah’s goal is to assist you through your journey and help provide
you with the skills you need.

Sarah has 10 years of experience in education and has been an LPC since 2013. She uses a client
centered approach to therapy as well as cognitive-behavioral therapy.

You can find out more about her and the rest of our Wilson Counseling Houston Therapists on our website.

Why You NEED A Life List & How To Make One

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Mon, 20 Jul 2020 02:42:00 +0000

Are you feeling down? Making a life list can boost your mood and inspire you.

Some people refer to life lists as bucket lists, but that always sounded kind of morbid to me. I am not trying to do all the things before I kick the bucket. I am trying to enjoy and make the most of my life all along the way. I have had a short list of things that are on my life list that I file in the back of my mind. A lot of them are big-ticket items like taking my family on safari one day (this has been a dream of mine for a long time).

We don't have a lot of options

I don't think about my life list all the time or anything. Frankly, in the middle of quarantine, life seems to be on hold. Not only am I am not doing any of the things on my life list right now, but we even had to cancel one of the things on my list that had been planned for this summer. It's frustrating and discouraging and makes me feel stuck. It's hard to get excited about our lives when we don't have anything on the calendar to look forward to. It can be downright depressing.

My life list immediately lifted my mood

I was talking with my daughter about some things she is excited about, and she immediately added these exciting items to her life list. She keeps a running list of things she wants to experience at least once. When she asked me what was on my list, I honestly couldn't think of very many things. So I decided to start a list on my phone. I noticed my mood lightened and brightened as soon as I started making the list. Because I love to travel, I also started watching travel shows that inspired me to add more things to my list.

A life list can help direct your life goals

But I wanted my list to include more than just travel, so I looked up examples of what others have on their life lists. I ran across this list which had organized sections or areas of exploration such as places she wanted to photography, mountains she wanted to climb, and specific places she wanted to swim, along with goals she wanted to accomplish and more. I personally found it helpful to have these kinds of categories. But the format is not as important as the simple exercise of allowing yourself to dream and plan and get excited about living. It also helps you clarify what is and isn't important in your life. It can help you work towards goals that give you a sense of purpose and joy and cut out things that don't move you closer to your goals.

Tips for how to build a list

Start with brainstorming. This means not censoring yourself too much. Put things on your list that may seem hard or expensive or even not very realistic in the near future.
Make your goals measurable. Travel the world is too broad. Visit the waterfalls in Iceland is more realistic and doable.
Don't worry about how you organize or prioritize items on your list. You can worry about that after you have a long list.
Prioritize growing your list. I like the idea of having the list on my phone so that whenever something sparks my interest, I can easily add it to the list.
Share your list with friends or family. There is joy in creating, sharing, and discussing your list. It can also help others feel inspired and dream about their own lists.
Leave things on your list even after you accomplish them. It will give you a sense of accomplishment and joy to look back on all of the cool things you have done.

Categories to consider

Travel (Visit the Grand Canyon, See the Eiffel Tower, Go on Safari)
Skills and knowledge (Learn fluent Spanish)
Experiences (Soak in Iceland's hot springs, Swim with whale sharks)
Career (Own your own company, Quit a job you hate)
Finances (Pay off credit cards, Donate 10% of your income to charity)
Relationship and family (Trace my family tree, Watch my children graduate from high school and college)
Physical feats (Exercise or move my body every day, Climb Mt. Rainier)

Domino effect - One step leads to another

Start with one thing on your list and do it soon. I realize we are more limited than normal, but start with something you can do safely. For example, I could still surprise my husband by cooking a five-course meal, set up a regular donation to a charity I care about, hike the Blue Ridge Mountains, or trace my family tree. Doing just one thing can start a domino effect as you feel empowered by doing something on your list. You can do this! You will get a jolt of joy from just creating the list, and we can use all the joy we can get these days.

Learn to feel more grounded and less anxious in just a few minutes

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Thu, 02 Jul 2020 06:00:00 +0000

Grounding is a coping skill that helps you stay more in the present moment. It is really helpful for decreasing anxiety, panic, PTSD, and feelings of disconnection, or flashbacks.

When people are highly anxious or feel numbed out, spaced out, or like you are in a dream state, becoming mindful through a grounding technique will help. It can help you be more in the here and now so you feel safe, comforted and calm. Give this technique a try and let us know how you like it. If you have been struggling with anxiety and need to talk to a counselor and begin the process of healing, please contact us at Wilson Counseling. We have Texas-based therapists who can meet with you virtually or in person.

Lessons From The Therapy Room About Race and Open Heartedness

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Mon, 08 Jun 2020 13:00:00 +0000

It feels like an understatement to say we are in the midst of hard times. For so many people, 2020 has brought on one difficult life event after another. We are in the middle of a pandemic which has left the mental health of so many of us compromised. It is against this backdrop that video surfaced of an unarmed, hand-cuffed black man, George Floyd, having his life taken at the hands of a police officer. Floyd pleaded for his life for 8 minutes while indicating he could not breathe even as the life was squeezed out of him.

At nearly the same time, a video surfaced of a white woman, Amy Cooper, who called the police on a black man, Christian Cooper, whose only crime was to ask her to put her dog on a leash. She then proceeded to call 911 and tell them falsely that a black man was threatening her. She knew she had power, and she knew how to wield it to threaten Cooper. These are only two incidents that have highlighted problems with injustice and racism in our society. Sadly, it is a very long list.

Traumas like racism take their toll on people

I am not black, so I cannot know what it means to live in a black body in our society. But I understand enough about individual and collective trauma to know that longstanding injustices take their toll on people.

I was talking to a black friend of mine about George Floyd. She asked me if I had watched the video of his murder, and I said that it was too distressing for me to watch. I asked her in return if she had watched the video and she responded, "I haven't watched it. I am not going to. I have enough trauma." For me, watching the video would have been deeply upsetting, but for her it was traumatizing and likely would have triggered past racial trauma.

Stories of racism

I spoke with a black client this week who shared a conversation he had with a group of his old classmates about racism. One of his black friends was discussing the racist atmosphere in their high school. The non-black friend said something to the effect of "it wasn't that bad, you're exaggerating." My client was pretty shaken when he recounted the nooses that were left in the lockers of some black students, the threats to their lives--"you won't see the sun set on your black ass"--and numerous racial slurs. That was his experience, but it was not the experience of his non-black classmate, and she was surprised to learn that even though they were friends growing up in the same town and going to the same school, they had not experienced the same world.

I also had a friend who shared a story illustrating her experiences with racism in her own home. She is white and married to a black man. One day her husband, a dapper, gentle doctor, was standing in their driveway, and someone called the police on him because they thought he was not supposed to be there.

Still, there is hope for change

I have heard stories like that over and over from my clients. It hurts to know how common these experiences can be for Black Americans. But I am still hopeful because I also see people learning, asking questions, and trying to pursue justice. Sixty thousand people marched peacefully through the streets of Houston this week to remember George Floyd and to demand justice for him and so many others like him who have been denied justice. That gives me hope. It is a start, at least.

Submission and open-heartedness are key to understanding

When it comes to people, I continue to commit myself to two principles The first principle is the idea of submission. I try to give up whatever preconceived notions I have about individuals and instead submit to the fact that they know their own experience best. I have to defer to them and their story in order to really understand them.

The second principle is the idea of open-heartedness. I attempt to stay open to hearing a person's perspective even when I don't necessarily share their perspective or life experience. As a therapist, it's important for me not to project myself into their story, but instead to listen, empathize, and walk with them as they process their story and reach for change. I spoke more about this on a previous blog post.

Healing the world

There is a Jewish concept called Tickun Olam which refers to the idea that people should work for the healing of the world. I believe that is the work of therapy, as well: to work for the healing of each client.

Menachem Mendel Schneerson said, "If you see what needs to be repaired and how to repair it, then you have found a piece of the world God has left for you to complete. But if you only see what is wrong and how ugly it is, then it is you that needs repair."

I hope that we can see what is ugly--both in our world and in our own minds--and still have the hope and resilience to work to repair that brokenness. It's not easy, but there is hope and joy if we let ourselves be a part of this process of healing.

If you have been struggling and need to talk to a counselor and begin the process of healing, please contact us at Wilson Counseling. We have Texas-based therapists who can meet with you virtually or in person.

Free and Low Cost Counseling Resources

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Mon, 18 May 2020 21:00:00 +0000

We know these are trying times, and Wilson Counseling wants to support you. Here are some of our free and low-cost resources.

Low-cost Counseling

We have a licensed professional counseling intern, Jennifer Douglas, who is seeing clients for a low-cost fee. This option is great for those of you who are concerned about the cost of counseling. Jennifer's background working as a nurse in mental health facilities as well as her counseling background has given her a unique skill set to be able to understand both the emotional and physiological aspects of her clients. She brings this knowledge and experience in the counseling room with her. Contact Wilson Counseling to schedule an appointment.

Telehealth/virtual therapy

Wilson Counseling offers telemental health services, including counseling over the phone and by
secure video. These services make counseling convenient for people who may have trouble getting
to our office, those who want to avoid the commute, are concerned about health issues, or may have
trouble getting childcare, or if you just feel more comfortable in your own home. We have found that
many people actually feel it's easier to open up when they are home in a familiar space.

Virtual counseling is offered for legal residents of Texas, not just those in the Houston area. You can
find more information about virtual therapy on our website. If you are not sure if virtual counseling is for you, we do offer a free 10-minute virtual consultation, so you can see if you like it before committing to scheduling an appointment.

Social Media

Following the Wilson Counseling social media accounts are a great way to stay up to date on tips for managing stress, parenting, thriving, finding joy, and encouragement in your life. It gives you access to your counselor's thoughts and provides help in-between sessions. We also share articles, quotes, and other resources that answer questions we hear from clients in session. If you like or follow us on social media, you will be more likely to see our posts.

You can find us at:

Email list

Sign up for our email list to get major announcements and to find out about new programs from Wilson Counseling. We send out emails infrequently, and you will not be spammed.

Blog posts

We post informative articles on our blog that often address common issues that people bring up in counseling sessions. The blog is written in a conversational tone and include real-life examples from the therapy room as well as from our own lives.

Here are a few of our popular blog posts, especially while dealing with the pandemic:

If you don't want to miss these great free resources, then definitely subscribe by entering your email in the box on the left-hand side, so you never miss a post.

Youtube videos

We upload videos regularly on topics such as relaxation, mindful eating, and self-esteem. Some of our recent videos include

To keep seeing videos, subscribe, and hit the notification bell.

Resources page

On the resources page of our website, you can find the articles, videos, support groups, and other resources that we recommend on a variety of topics.

We hope you find these resources helpful! If you are struggling with loneliness, conflict, or anxiety during this time of quarantine, speaking to a professional counselor in Houston can help. Contact us at Wilson Counseling to find out more about our services or to schedule an appointment today. You can reach us via phone at 713-591-3612 or on our website. You don't have to go through this alone. We are in this together.

If you are not sure if we can be of help, please don't hesitate to give us a call, and we would be happy to point you in the right direction, even if that means referring you to another practitioner that fits your needs best.

Why is waiting so hard? A hopeful lament.

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Wed, 22 Apr 2020 14:00:00 +0000

I was asked by my church to speak on the topic of waiting for their Ash Wednesday service, a Christian holy day that precedes Easter. It is meant to be a time of meditation, of looking inward in sober self-examination before we start looking forward to the joy and celebration of Easter. Before the joy, though, comes waiting.

I feel stuck in the waiting place

It's funny that I spoke about waiting in a theoretical context just a couple of weeks before the coronavirus forced all of us into a long, metaphorical waiting room. Sometimes it feels like we are permanently stuck in that waiting place. Have you ever been trapped on a plane that is having difficulties, and the pilot keeps coming on and saying they will take off shortly? And an hour or two later, you feel like you are going to lose it if they don't let you off the plane or the plane still doesn't take off? The months of March and April feel a little bit like being stuck on a plane with no word from the pilot and no sense of when things will get better.

I miss so many things that I took for granted

I miss seeing human beings in person. I miss their energy and their smiles. I miss hugs. I miss the spontaneity to go places and explore my world without fear of contagion. I miss seeing the joy my kids experience when they play with their friends. I miss the smile on my parents' faces when they get to spend time with their grandkids. I miss the rituals of every day life that we took for granted. I miss the collective effervescence of large group gatherings.

The coronavirus feels like it came out of nowhere and ripped a hole in the social, physical and mental fabric of our collective lives

I am sad for those who suffer. I am sad for those who mourn. I am worried for those who labor on the front lines to keep us healthy and fed. I grieve with those whose businesses will close and for those who have lost their jobs and their ability to feed their families. My heart aches watching the cases of domestic violence rise and knowing so many young and vulnerable victims are trapped at home with the perpetrators. The coronavirus feels like it came out of nowhere and ripped a hole in the social, physical, and mental fabric of our collective lives.

Day by day I try to look for and lean into what is good

This period of life has not all been bad, of course. I personally am thankful for the concentrated time with my family and for getting to slow down for a bit. I am thankful for the cooler weather which has allowed us to be outdoors and experience the cardinal's song and the humming birds sucking the nectar from our star jasmine. These are little bits of grace that shine through even the heavy moments.

If there are lessons to be learned from this, I hope one of them will be to take fewer things for granted and to value the people I encounter more. I hope I can keep the regular struggles of life in perspective. I hope we will all grow more resilient and more compassionate.

I would not wish for this pandemic, but I am leaning in and trying to embrace any good that may come of it. I am practicing mindfulness, and meditation, and prayer, and gratitude every day because I need it every day. The need is always there, of course, but in my normal life, it is not so apparent. It is good to know that I am not the god of my own life and I don't need to be.

Waiting feels like suffering

We are all in a season of waiting, so you know how hard this is. We are not just waiting for the virus to be eradicated or for a vaccine. There are so many other things in our lives we are still waiting on. Waiting for the pain to go away after a tough break-up, waiting to move back after losing your home in the floods, waiting to see if your cancer is gone for good, waiting to see if you can have a baby after a long struggle with infertility--waiting. And in those moments, sometimes, waiting feels like suffering.

Why is waiting so hard? In part, because we are made aware that we are not in complete control of our own lives. You have to let go of some things before you will ever feel comfortable with waiting. You have to let go of some control of the future and learn to live more in the here and now. This is a discipline that you practice moment by moment. It's not easy, but it will free you up from so much anxiety.

Stay healthy and safe and practice radical compassion - to yourself and others. These are tough times.

Related:

Using Gratitude To Find Your Joy - Youtube Video
To read more about what I spoke about at my church on waiting, read here.

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If you are struggling and would like to talk to a counselor, please contact Wilson Counseling at 713-591-3612 or via the website.

The advice in this blog is not a substitute for professional counseling.

Loneliness and the Coronavirus - Ways to Stay Connected While Social Distancing

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Mon, 06 Apr 2020 16:00:00 +0000

We Are Social Creatures And We Require Human Connection

We have been social distancing for a couple of weeks and even for the introverts, it can start to feel lonely. We are social creatures. All of us. We create meaning in groups. We have identity in groups. We are tethered and grounded in our interactions with people. Right now, those things have been ripped away from us.

Even if we can't be physically near people, it does not mean we have to be in solitary confinement. That will feel like torture. In fact, it is not coincidence that they use solitary confinement as a means of punishment for prisoners. But this is not prison (though it sometimes feels like a prison of the mind). If you are feeling lonely during the coronavirus pandemic, what can you do to connect with people?

Ideas to Help You Connect While Social Distancing

Zoom Party

This works for birthday parties, happy hours, trivia. You name it, it can be done over zoom, or FaceTime, or any other virtual tool made for meetings.

Socially Distant Walk

You can walk with someone else keeping at least a 6 foot distance between you. It is also nice to walk around alone and just observe other people from a distance. Seeing people walk their puppies is almost guaranteed to make you feel better.

Netflix Party

You can watch television shows or movies at the same time as friends on Netflix with Netflix Party. This allows all your friends to comment on the screen while watching the programming. My daughter just watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off with friends in this format. Her dad and I embarrassed her by quoting lines from the film.

Virtual Board Game

Set up your Monopoly or other board game in your home and have friends or family members set one up wherever they are. It's really.

Good Old Fashioned Phone Calls

Thankfully our phones still work and we have more time than ever to speak. You know your parents and grandparents would love to hear from you.

Neighborhood Activities

I have been seeing some pretty cool sidewalk/driveway chalk art when I go for walks around my neighborhood. This is a great activity to do with you kids and it is fun for others to see when they walk by. I have also seen people putting teddy bears in the windows and kids will go around and count the number of bears they find as a contest to see who can find the most. There is a sweetness to this kind of communal activity that I think brings people together at a time when they feel so disconnected.

Connect With People In Your Home.

You can cook together, have a dance party, play a board game, go for long walks, have a drink on your patio, or do a movie marathon. Connection within your home can be very meaningful and is the safest way to get your social needs met.

This is not an exhaustive list. There are lots of ways to connect. Be creative. Use platform and mediums in new ways. Challenge yourself to connect with the outside world (in a socially distant way) a little bit every day. Your spirit needs it. I would love to hear what you are doing to stay in touch with people you care about. Be safe and look out for your mental health.

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If you are struggling with loneliness, conflict or anxiety during this time of quarantine, speaking to a professional Counselor in Houston can help. Contact us at Wilson Counseling to find out more about services or to schedule an appointment today. You can reach us via phone at 713-591-3612 or on our website at www.wilsoncounseling.org.

How to Get a Better Night's Sleep

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Mon, 30 Mar 2020 16:30:00 +0000

If you don't sleep well, you don't feel well. Getting a good night's sleep is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. Sleep helps replenish your mind and body. It helps your mind process and figuratively hit the reset button on the stress and complications of the day.

What does sleep do for you? It helps in many amazing ways, such as it

Helps your brain sort and process your day. This ability helps create long-term memory and sorts information for when you need it later. Sleep helps your brain learn and remember.
Releases growth hormones which help you grow and help repair your body.
Contributes to healthy brain functioning and emotional wellbeing.
Allows your nervous system to relax.
Decreases the stress hormone called cortisol.
Strengthens your immune system by releasing a protein called cytokine. Cytokine help fight inflammation, infection and trauma to the body.

What are the repercussions of not sleeping?

Your brain has trouble focusing and remembering.
Your body has trouble healing, which can lead to increased risk of heart disease, high blood pressure and stroke.
Sleep deprivation increases your chances of weight gain and even obesity.
Your immune system may become compromised and have trouble fighting infection.

According to this article from the National Institutes of Health on Sleep Deprivation, "After several nights of losing sleep—even a loss of just 1–2 hours per night—your ability to function suffers as if you haven't slept at all for a day or two.

But sometimes you just can't sleep. Either you have trouble falling asleep or you have trouble staying asleep. I made a video on how to sleep better with tips to help you make sure you are practicing good sleep hygiene. Good sleep hygiene will make it more likely that you can get a good nights sleep.

Parenting and the Coronavirus - Give Yourself Grace

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Tue, 24 Mar 2020 19:15:00 +0000

As the parent who never has the color coded schedule, doesn't have a Pintrest board for what to do with my kids on rainy days, and is not the first one to sign up for that school field trip to the Renaissance Festival, I appreciated this Huffington Post article entitled, "Parents, It's Ok If You're Barely Getting By Right Now.

I love my kids and my version of loving them my way is gonna look different from how my friend does it. Have grace with yourselves, parents. We are going through some insane stuff right now.

We get scared and stressed, too. If you are showing up for your kids and loving on them the best you can, you are killing it as a parent. It is OK if you are barely getting by right now, seriously. No shame. We are all in this together.

"In this time of the coronavirus, keep your kids safe, make them feel loved and feed them. That’s all."

For more parenting tips, please check out our Wilson Counseling Facebook page.

If you are struggling during this time and want to talk to a Houston Therapist, please call us at 713-591-3612, or request an appointment on our website.

Wilson Counseling Offers Online Therapy | Video Counseling

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Fri, 13 Mar 2020 19:00:00 +0000

Don't let drive time, physical or medical conditions, concerns about privacy, anxiety about coming into the office, or anything else keep you from reaching your goals, making changes in your life, and starting to feel better.

All video sessions are conducted on a secure HIPPA compliant website. Video-based counseling outcomes have
been shown to be as good as face-to-face counseling sessions, and some clients find they are more comfortable
opening up in this setting.

Watch this video to see if video counseling is right for you.

Benefits of Online Counseling

Increased confidential and anonymity

You have online counseling sessions from the privacy of your home or wherever you have a computer.

Save money

Save on gas from not having to commute. Traffic can be a pain and really cut into the amount of time it takes to
get to therapy. Avoid all of that with online sessions. And time is money. This can also be a money saver for
couples or individuals who might otherwise have to hire a sitter for their kids.

Flexible hours available

You can meet with a counselor for after-hours or early morning appointments. You can even do a therapy
session while on your lunch hour.

You can meet with your favorite counselor even while traveling or away from home

Sometime life will take you out of town for work or for personal reasons. You still want to be able to get
regular therapy. Online counseling is their perfect solution. In the past if you were struggling while on break
or on a business trip, you were probably out of luck, but not anymore.

Schedule your session today. You can meet with a licensed counselor on your lunch break, from your home, or
wherever you have access to the internet. Get the benefits of counseling without the commute.

If you have questions about scheduling or to discuss whether this option might be right for you, please contact one of our Houston Texas Counselors at 713-591-3612 or via our website here.

Worried about the Coronavirus? 5 Tips For Feeling Less Anxious

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Sat, 07 Mar 2020 19:21:00 +0000

If you are tuned into the news, you are hearing about the coronavirus, repeatedly. And you may be starting to feel anxious about possible outbreaks. Your fear is understandable, but it may not be helpful. As with everything, you actually have a lot of control over how you feel. You just need the right tools to keep your anxiety in check.

So before you go into pandemic panic, there are a few things that will help.

1. Get accurate information

First, get accurate information about the virus. Not everything you read is accurate. The CDC is always a reliable source for information. You can read about common myths and facts about the virus on their website. A friend of mine shared this post and I found it really put things in perspective for me.

2. Turn off the news & social media

Second, spend less time watching the news and reading social media posts about the virus. The more time you spend pondering the virus, the more panicked you are likely to feel. It will keep your mind stuck in a negative place, and this can cause the anxiety to spiral.

3. Recharge with friends, exercise, nature and fun

Unplug and focus on things you enjoy. Go outside, exercise, go for a walk, read a book you let yourself enjoy your hobbies and friends. These things are recharging and will help you feel a sense of normalcy.

I find being nature very calming. Walking around Houston, the Live Oaks are strong and green, the Carolina jasmine is in bloom and the world is still beautiful. This video with Louis Armstrong singing "What a wonderful world," always reminds me of the wonder of our world and takes me out of my own stressed out head space when I need it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKOPBjKm0k0

I ran across this version of the same song, and it also feels very joyful. The smiles on the kids from the African Children's choir are precious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddLd0QRf7Vg

4. Sleep

Get a good night's sleep. It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do to put things in perspective and help you process your anxieties and all of the junk you have accumulated in your mind over the previous day. Your body needs sleep to stay strong, and your mind needs it to help hit the reset button.

5.Wash your hands

Wash your hands. A LOT. This is the most important thing you can do. The bottom line is, washing your hands throughly and regularly will prevent the spread of the virus to most of you. And if for some reason you get the virus, remember, most people who have contracted the virus worldwide have only mild to moderate symptoms and have fully recovered, especially those who are not in vulnerable populations like the elderly. So wash your hands and try to avoid touching your face. You have way more control over this than you think.

Stay healthy!

Some people may feel more comfortable staying home these days, but would still benefit from having a counselor to speak to. Wilson Counseling does offer both video and phone sessions for clients.

If you are feeling anxious and you would like to speak to a Houston counselor, please Contact Wilson Counseling at 713-591-3612 or contact us via email at nancy@wilsoncounseling.org.

Are you growing apart from your partner by doing this one common thing?

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 01:35:00 +0000

If you are in a long term partnership or marriage, you already know how easy it can be to take each other for granted. We lead busy lives, and sometimes it feels hard enough getting everything done, let alone making time for our partners.

It can be simple things, like are you looking at your partner in the eyes, giving them a kiss or hug when you leave for the day? Or when your partner is talking with you, are you really listening and responding?

I had a client share a story with me recently about an incident with his wife when he was talking to her and she was on her phone. His feelings were really hurt by it, so he just stopped talking and walked away. In the moment that her husband first started talking, his wife made a choice. She could have walked away or ignored him. She could have reacted in an irritated way. Or she could have stopped what she was doing for a few minutes to engage with her husband. John Gottman, one of the premier experts on relationships calls this process by which you stop and engage in a positive way with your partner, "turning toward." You can read more about this in a Psychology Today article called "The Tiny, Easy Habit That Keeps Love Alive."

Pay attention this week to how often you are turning toward, turning against (expressing irritation) or turning away from (ignoring) your partner. Consciously find ways to turn toward one another. If you don't, you may find yourselves growing apart and feeling disconnected.

If you are struggling with your relationships and would like help, we have Houston, Texas Counselors who can meet with you. You can contact us 713 -591- 3612 or by email at Nancy @ wilsoncounseling. org. This blog is not intended to substitute for professional counseling.

Letting your kids fail occasionally can teach them resilience

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Mon, 20 Jan 2020 22:03:00 +0000

Guest post from therapist Sarah Bradshaw.

I had a parent call me monthly about her student. She would call anytime he was close to failing and would ask how can we prevent him from failing. She also told me that she emails his teacher almost weekly, and couldn’t understand why she hadn’t heard anything back. I listened empathetically to her talk then asked, "What is the harm in failing?" I think that was the first time she didn’t have anything to say because she never thought about failing as an option. It's painful to see your kids struggle. Rescuing your kids is a completely normal impulse, but there are times when it might be unhelpful to your kids.

Failure can teach your kid resilence

Grades are an important part of school. How else do teachers measure a student’s progress? But, grades are not the only point of going of going to school. School is a good time for your child to learn about resilience, hard work, how to change habits that aren't working, and how to successfully communicate.

Every struggle give you the opportunity for teachable moments

The way you react to your student's failure , can be the difference between helping them learn these skills for themselves, or teaching them to be dependent on others. What do you do when your kids fail? Do you get mad, get a tutor, call the teacher, or ground them?

It’s ok to let your student fail. How else are they going to learn? How are they going to learn to ask questions and get help for themselves? How are they going to self-advocate?

You can still be there for them when they do fail.

How to be supportive when your kids are struggling

Here are a few ways to be supportive when they fail:

Help them with their homework when they do have questions or don’t understand (don’t do it for them),
Be an assistant on projects or buy supplies (don’t do it for them),
Ask them questions or help write practice questions for quizzes and/or tests,
Make your student talk to the teacher when they don’t get something right (they are the ones sitting in class, not you),
Make arraignments for after school (if needed) so your student can attend tutorials.

And remember to give them a hug and tell them you still love them. Failure is an option, and it’s part of growing up.

Get professional help

If your child is struggling emotionally or academically, or if you are struggling with the stress of parenting, counseling can help. Contact one of our Houston, Texas Counseling therapists today to schedule an appointment. You can reach us at 713 - 591- 3612 or via email at Nancy @ wilson counseling. org. This blog is not intended to substitute for professional counseling.

About the Author:

Sarah is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified School Counselor. Sometimes our path in life is not always simple and straight forward. We may face challenges we never saw coming or don’t have the proper skills to tackle. Sarah’s goal is to assist you through your journey and help provide you with the skills you need. Find out more about Sarah and the rest of our Wilson Counseling therapists in Houston, TX at our website.

How to Choose a Therapist in Houston, TX

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Fri, 03 Jan 2020 02:00:00 +0000

Research shows that your success in therapy is dependent on the quality of the relationships between the therapist and client. In other words, it is more important that you have a good relationship with your therapist than it is to find a therapist who practices a certain kind of therapy, has a particular training or certain credentials.

You have already made a big step in choosing to go to therapy. It can be tough to schedule that appointment and share your life story with a stranger, but it will be worth it if you find a therapist who is a good fit for you. I have shared some tips in this video that will help you know how to pick a therapist, research them and interview them to determine if you want to work together. Hope this is helpful.

If you are ready to get help, and you think Wilson Counseling can help, please contact on of our Houston, Texas Counselors via email at Nancy @ wilsoncounseling. org or via phone at 713- 591- 3612 to ask any questions you have or to schedule an appointment.

*The advice in this blog is not a substitute for therapy.

New Years Resolution: Change Things That No Longer Serve You

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Fri, 27 Dec 2019 00:50:00 +0000

I need to connect with people and disconnect from my screens.

I want to keep this post simple. Life is complicated enough without a complicated post about how you can change your life.

I can let work and life distract me from really being present and fully enjoying the people and experiences in my life. I know I am not alone. I find times with friends often interrupted or diminished by regular phone checking.

For myself, I'm working on being more mindful and less distracted, which usually means having clear boundaries with the things that distract me, like my phone and computer. I find myself regularly trying to multitask. This desire to multitask comes from the nagging feeling that I can never get everything done. The reality, however, is that multitasking actually makes me less efficient, less present, more anxious, and less capable of enjoying my life and loved ones.

This New Years, I am going to focus on changing something that no longer serves me well--being on my phone and computer too much. It's hard to completely disconnect from my phone and computer. I need it for my practice and to communicate with family and friends. But the fact is that being so connected no longer serves me well.

What have you lost by holding onto things that no longer serve you?

I think of times my daughter was trying to get my attention, and I was distracted by an email or social media. I am not doing either thing well. I think of those times that I check email into the evening and then have trouble sleeping because I am trying to problem-solve things right before bed time.

I am making a commitment to powering down when possible, to putting my phone in the other room, to starting my day with some deep breathing, meditation, or scripture instead of checking email as soon as I get up. I am making a commitment to prioritize things that are of value. And I will start to consider which relationships no longer make sense in my life, hoping to make room for other new relationships. Change is hard, so these changes are largely aspirational, but you have to start somewhere.

Sometimes you have to let go of something to make room for the things of value.

You may be working really hard at things that no longer work for your life. Be willing to let them go in pursuit of something else that makes more sense for you. Continuing to work hard at things you don't love and that no longer give you fulfillment will only keep making you frustrated, even if you happen to succeed.

By letting go of these things in your life, it may make room for something that will give you joy and fulfillment. It will make room for the things that are the best use of your time and talents.

We only have so much space in our hearts and minds. Human beings are creatures of habit and comfort. We keep doing what we have been doing because it is easier than changing. That is a big part of how we get stuck and stop growing and feeling interested in our lives. If you are feeling stuck, it's usually a sign that it's time for change. You have to have the courage to pursue change before things will get better.

How can you let go of things that no longer serve you?

This New Years, think about what is not working in your life. It may be a relationship that has not worked in a long time, a habit or addiction, a goal that is out of date with your values, a belief system that is keeping you stuck, or obligations that stress you out but provide no real value.

Stop and make a list of everything that you suspect may not serve you anymore. What is one of those things that you are willing to change, remove, or replace? Place a Post-It note or a reminder somewhere to help you remember the thing you want to change. Remind yourself why it is worth changing that thing. Imagine how your life will be improved with this change. Imagine how free you will be without this thing, habit or person.

Getting rid of that one thing may be the change you need.

If you are struggling to make changes in your life, we have Houston,Texas counselor who can help. Please Contact us at 713-591-3612 or email us at Nancy @ wilsoncounsleing . org.

This blog is not meant to replace professional counseling.

Empathy is my superpower, but sometimes it feels like my kryptonite

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 21:39:00 +0000

People can begin to experience healing often after just a single encounter of empathy

I would be a rotten therapist if I didn't have empathy. Empathy allows me to understand and feel the world of my clients. It gives me the ability to help clients feel seen, cared for, and feel normal. People can begin to experience healing often with just a single encounter of empathy.

If empathy is such a great thing, why does it sometimes feel so bad to be an empathetic person? When people suffer, empathy allows us to go into their world and hold some of their suffering. But there is a cost to that. If you really share in someone's pain, that means you may also feel that pain. You lighten their burden, but sometimes in the process, you take part of their burden on yourself.

As a therapist, I have generally been able to be empathetic and present for my clients without taking all of the pain home with me. I have had less success doing that in my personal relationships.

To lighten someone elses burden, it may make your burden heavier

I had a friend whose husband died in a plane crash. I was shocked when I heard about it, and I couldn't stop thinking about her and her children. I felt overcome with emotion. I thought about her son's upcoming graduation and his first day of college without his dad. I thought about how it must feel for her to go to bed at night and not feel her husband next to her. I thought about the feelings of hopelessness and regret that come when someone you love deeply dies suddenly.

I had another friend whose stepchild was killed in a heartbreaking and senseless act of violence. She sent me a text with her favorite picture of him, young and full of life. And she shared that his burial day was also his birthday. I sobbed thinking of the unspeakable loss of a child and the cruel twist of fate that had him buried on his birthday. I sobbed sitting there at dinner in front of my kids feeling so sorry for her, and so thankful for my loved ones surrounding me.

I would like to think that being empathetic in this way allowed me to be a more caring person in her life. And for that, I would not trade empathy for anything, but the truth is, sometimes it's a gift I would like to give back.

You have to go into someone's grief to really have compassion...and it's hard and uncomfortable

It is not fun feeling sad, feeling heart ache, confusion, and crying through other people's suffering. When I asked a friend of mine for advice about how to help a grieving friend who had just lost a child, she said this, "You have to go into someone's grief to really have compassion...and it's hard and uncomfortable." It's hard and uncomfortable. That is gospel truth.

We live a life where we choose comfort and pleasure most of the time. I can't really even blame people for doing that. I do it. But there are times that call for something more than that. You can either ignore other people's pain, or you can walk with them as far as you are able and as far as they will let you. For me, I don't think it's really even a choice if I am going to do the work I believe I am created to do.

So, even though it means I am sometimes more emotional and fragile, I want to keep committing to being empathetic. It is my superpower and my kryptonite. And that is part of what makes it a gift. It is something given at a cost.
Empathy is a gift and part of our calling as human beings living in community.

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To those of you who are struggling with pain, professional counseling can help lighten your load. Please Contact one of our Houston, Texas counselors at 713 - 591 - 3612 or email us at Nancy @ wilsoncounseling.org

This blog is not intended to substitute for professional counseling.

Stop Emotional Eating

noreply@blogger.com (Nabila) — Sat, 02 Nov 2019 18:53:00 +0000

We have all used food to deal with our emotions. If I have a bad day at work, I might come home and eat some ice cream or chocolate. I have clients who stop at the drive-thru on the way home from work and get large meals and binge eat them in their car before heading home. They do this in hopes of push down some of the pain or anxiety they are feeling.

I love food as much as anyone, but I know that when I use food to stop the pain, or distract myself, or keep myself from getting bored, it never works for long. After eating a tub of ice cream, I still feel lonely. I feel lonely and uncomfortably full, and ashamed.

You can experience freedom from this kind of emotional eating and learn to meet your real needs. In this video, we explore how to do that. It is a good first step. If you want more help, we have Houston, Texas Counselors who can meet with you. You can contact us by calling 713 -591- 3612 or by email at Nancy@wilsoncounseling.org.

The advice on this blog is not a substitute for professional counseling. Please contact a therapist if you need help.

New Associate at Wilson Counseling Offers Weekend Hours

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Thu, 17 Oct 2019 13:11:00 +0000

Wilson Counseling is excited to welcome Sarah Bradshaw. Sarah is employed as a school counselor, in addition to working in private practice, so she has a lot of experience working with adolescents, including all educational issues, as well as college and career planning. She also has a heart for working with individuals who are going through infertility issues.

Sarah is working at Wilson Counseling on Saturdays. We know that sometimes it can be hard to make an appointment during the weekday, so we are thrilled to make Saturday appointments an option for clients.

If you are interested in setting up an appointment with Sarah, please contact Wilson Counseling at nancy@wilsoncounseling.org, or you can fill out a contact request here.

Change How You Talk About Yourself To Boost Your Self Esteem

noreply@blogger.com (Nabila) — Tue, 10 Sep 2019 07:00:00 +0000

Change your critical self talk and you will change how you feel about yourself. Learn to notice negative self talk, stop it, and replace it with more affirming language. Don't be your own worst enemy.

If you are struggling with feelings of despair, sadness, or anxiety, we have Houston, Texas Therapists who can help you. For more information, or to schedule an appointment, call Wilson Counseling at 713 - 591 - 3612 or email us at Nancy@wilsoncounseling. org.

How To Successfully Communicate With Your Partner + Switching To Youtube

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Mon, 26 Aug 2019 07:30:00 +0000

I have been blogging for a while now. It started from a place of wanting to share information that could be helpful to people who may never walk into my office, as well as people I work with who need resources even when they are not in the therapy room. I love writing and wish I could do it more regularly, but I honestly can't keep up with it, so I decided to make some changes and try vlogging instead. It's much quicker for me to shoot a video than it is to write a blog. When things are not working in your life, it's important to be honest about it and switch course to doing something that works. I hope to be putting out video content more regularly than I have been able to blog.

This first video is about improving communication.

You love your partner. You don't want to fight, but you find yourself miscommunicating and arguing anyways. In this short video, I cover two easy steps you can take to start communicating better with your partner, or really with anyone in your life.

Enjoy!

If you liked that and you have liked my content in the past feel free to subscribe to my channel!

If you have any topics you would be interested in hearing about in a video, comment them down below or send it to me via email (nancy@wilsoncounseling.org).

Reasons why crying is good for your health.

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Sun, 14 Apr 2019 21:39:00 +0000

When you bury your emotions, they have a way of coming out anyways

I always keep tissues in my counseling office. For a lot of people, once they start to open up, the emotions just find their way to the surface. Those emotions have been buried and pushed down long enough and the body knows. It needs an outlet. It needs to cry.

It's interesting that people often apologize when they start to cry in my office. I always reassure them that tears are a perfectly normal and healthy part of getting better. I point them in the direction of the tissue box. I like to think of the box as a reminder that they are not alone in feeling overwhelmed. Lots of people cry in my office.

You don't need to apologize for your tears; they are a sign of your humanity

I have one client who jokes with me about how I like to make him cry. He's a stocky, muscular guy who played football in college. It's not exactly true that I like to make him cry, but I am grateful that he feels comfortable enough to let his feelings out. I am thankful, too, that someone who appears so tough on the outside now has a place where he doesn't have to keep it all together. The counseling office is a safe place for him.

I had another client, Oscar, who came in this week to talk about the sense of depression that had overcome him. Depression is not a common experience for him. He has been through it a few times in his life, but those times were few and far between and they had not lasted long. Oscar is a high-powered businessman. He's logical, confident, driven, and not highly emotional. If anything, anxiety is his go-to emotion. So I was a bit surprised when he started crying almost uncontrollably in our session.

We all need places in our lives where we feel safe enough to cry

Society does not encourage crying. We're embarrassed to cry in front of other people. I have had clients who had a parent die and did not feel they had the right to cry at the funeral. They got the message that they had to be strong and keep it together. That sucks. And it gives the clear signal that crying is weakness, crying is for the weak, crying is bad.

Our bodies need to cry to get our needs met

That is just plain WRONG. Our bodies were made to cry as a natural and healthy way to get our needs met. If you hold back the tears, you are missing out on a lot of benefits. This article in Medical News discusses the 8 benefits of crying. So cry away from when you need to do so. It can be regenerating.

According to the Medical News article, there are eight primary benefits of crying. The following list below is quoted directly:

"1. Has a soothing effect

Self-soothing is when people:

regulate their own emotions

calm themselves

reduce their own distress

A 2014 study found that crying may have a direct, self-soothing effect on people. The study explained how crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which helps people relax.

2. Gets support from others
As well as helping people self-soothe, crying can help people get support from others around them.

As this 2016 study explains, crying is primarily an attachment behavior, as it rallies support from the people around us. This is known as an interpersonal or social benefit.

3. Helps to relieve pain

Research has found that in addition to being self-soothing, shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins.

These chemicals make people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain. In this way, crying can help reduce pain and promote a sense of well-being.

4. Enhances mood
Crying may help lift people's spirits and make them feel better. As well as relieving pain, oxytocin and endorphins can help improve mood. This is why they are often known as "feel good" chemicals.

5. Releases toxins and relieves stress
When humans cry in response to stress, their tears contain a number of stress hormones and other chemicals.

Researchers believe that crying could reduce the levels of these chemicals in the body, which could, in turn, reduce stress. More research is needed into this area, however, to confirm this.

6. Aids sleep

A small study in 2015 found that crying can help babies sleep better. Whether crying has the same sleep-enhancing effect on adults is yet to be researched.

However, it follows that the calming, mood-enhancing, and pain-relieving effects of crying above may help a person fall asleep more easily.

7. Fights bacteria

Crying helps to kill bacteria and keep the eyes clean as tears contain a fluid called lysozyme. A 2011 study found that lysozyme had such powerful antimicrobial properties that it could even help to reduce risks presented by bioterror agents, such as anthrax.

8. Improves vision

Basal tears, which are released every time a person blinks, help to keep the eyes moist and prevent mucous membranes from drying out.As the National Eye Institute explains, the lubricating effect of basal tears helps people to see more clearly. When the membranes dry out, vision can become blurry. "

Crying from time to time is very normal, however, if you find you are crying every day for long periods of time, you may experiencing depression, and should contact a professional counselor. We have Houston, Texas Counselors who can meet with you. You can contact us at 713 -591- 3612 or by email at Nancy@wilsoncounseling.org.

*this blog is not intended to substitute for professional counseling

Forget about New Years Resolutions, try this technique instead for a much happier 2019

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Mon, 31 Dec 2018 19:56:00 +0000

Criticism leads to shame. Self-compassion leads to action.

This year, instead of making a resolution that I won't keep, I am resolving to focus on being more compassionate to myself. Sounds hokey, I know. "What does that even mean?" you may be asking. Self-compassion is largely about treating yourself with the same compassion you would treat others you care about even when you fail.

So, for example, instead of berating myself for parts of my body that I don't like, I can acknowledge that I work hard and use my body well and that I am a work in progress. It's okay if parts of me are not what I want them to be at all times. That compassionate attitude towards myself allows me to work on what I want to change without shaming me. Shame, after all, just leads to inaction and poorer self-esteem.

"Suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience." --Dr. Kristin Neff

Kristin Neff is a researcher and professor who has done great work to help people nurture more self-compassion. If you want to learn how to be more self-compassionate, I recommend using these exercises from her.

Dr. Neff says the following about self-compassion:

"Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. Think about what the experience of compassion feels like. First, to have compassion for others you must notice that they are suffering. If you ignore that homeless person on the street, you can’t feel compassion for how difficult his or her experience is. Second, compassion involves feeling moved by others’ suffering so that your heart responds to their pain (the word compassion literally means to “suffer with”). When this occurs, you feel warmth, caring, and the desire to help the suffering person in some way. Having compassion also means that you offer understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Finally, when you feel compassion for another (rather than mere pity), it means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. 'There but for fortune go I.'

Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a 'stiff upper lip' mentality, you stop to tell yourself 'this is really difficult right now,' how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, whoever said you were supposed to be perfect?"

How can we apply Dr. Neff's advice? Try noticing when you are suffering. Are you moved by your own suffering? Do you offer understanding and kindness rather than judgment when you fail or make mistakes? Next time you feel like judging yourself, try mindfully acknowledging the distress, pain or suffering you are experiencing. Acknowledge how hard life can really be and offer kindness and compassion for yourself. Ask yourself, "What advice or kindness would I offer to my best friend in this situation," and then offer that to yourself.

If you can acknowledge your shortcomings without harsh judgment, you will have more energy left for changing those shortcomings

It may sound as if compassion toward self is just excusing one's own bad behavior or laziness. Maybe for some people, that's true. But in my experience, most people are overly critical of themselves, and that critical spirit can lead to two crucial outcomes:

1. Self-compassion gives us more energy to change what we don't like about ourselves.

Not only can self-criticism lead to criticism of others, but it may actually prevent us from changing the things that we don't like about ourselves. We only have so much energy, and we use up a lot of that energy in self-criticism. If we can acknowledge our shortcomings without harsh judgment, we will have more energy left for changing those shortcomings.

2. Self-compassion fosters true community.

Self-compassion creates an opportunity for people to be human and still work on themselves. It also allows people to live more authentically in community with other flawed people because they don't feel the need to hide the flawed parts of themselves. And they don't expect others to be perfect, either. Recognizing and being loving towards the flawed parts of yourself allows you to be open and loving to the flawed parts of others, as well.

When we are self-critical, we tend to be other-critical, as well. In other words, being critical of ourselves can lead us to being critical of those around us. And that outward criticism of others prevents the true community that most of us are seeking.

Trade judgment for compassionate observation

In 2019, I hope to be kinder to myself and to all the people I interact with. Harsh criticism and judgment are exhausting, and I don't have space for that in my life. I will choose instead to practice compassion internally to myself and externally to others. And when I fail, I will get back up and try again the next moment. That is my New Year's resolution.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Wishing you all an abundance of resilience, kindness, and love in the new year.

If you are feeling stuck and need to speak to a counselor, Wilson Counseling has a Houston Therapist who can help you make the changes you want to make in your life. You can contact us by phone at 713 - 591- 3612 or via email at Nancy@Wilsoncounseling. org.

Legacy

noreply@blogger.com (Nabila) — Wed, 05 Dec 2018 02:12:00 +0000

I was attending church, and during announcements, one of the members (who happened to be George H W Bush’s grandson) got up to encourage people to get involved in Big Brothers Big Sisters. It is an organization that he himself was very involved with and was passionate about. He talked about how his grandfather had taught him that he is responsible for being a point of light in the world.

When 41 spoke about the 1,000 points of light, I always assumed it was just a political talking point. But, I realized at that moment, that it was more than just a talking point. It was part of the Bush legacy, something he passed on to those who were willing to listen, including his grandchildren.

No one who does anything of importance has a spotless or perfect record. That’s not what life is really about anyways. Life is messy, love is messy, caring and fighting for what you believe in is messy.

But, when it’s my time to go, I would like to know that my legacy will be one of having given hope to people, one person, at a time. Connecting, empathizing, and caring enough to lift people up to reach their purpose and potential. I hope that I will strive to be a point of light and not just another cynical point of darkness.

What do you want your legacy to be?

If you are struggling with your relationships and would like help, we have Houston, Texas Counselors who can meet with you. You can contact us 713 -591- 3612 or by email at Nancy @ wilsoncounseling. org. This blog is not intended to substitute for professional counseling.

I died that day - An account of sexual abuse

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Thu, 27 Sep 2018 14:00:00 +0000

Andrew was just 11 years old when it happened. His mom had to work nights, so him and his twin brother Jack were being watched by a close family friend, Florence. She was kind of an Aunt figure to the boys. She woke the boys sometime in the dark of night, and said one horrifying word he can not forget, "Fuck." She forced him and then his brother to repeatedly perform cunnilingus and then have intercourse with her. Each time saying "again, and again, and again."

Andrew remembers her musty smell, the chill in the air and the glow from the moon in the hall. He remembers desperately hoping that someone would hear them through the opening in the door and rescue them, but a rescuer never showed.

Trauma can work in strange ways. There are some parts of the traumatic event that can imprint in your brain as clear as if you are watching them on TV right in front of you. Other memories get buried and can be hard to access.

Keeping the secret of abuse

After Andrew and his twin brother were molested by Florence, they never mentioned a word to anyone. Andrew was scared and ashamed. He felt as if he had done something wrong to make this happen. Him and his brother never spoke of it to each other, either. It became a secret he held onto closely and shaped how he felt about himself. To this day, he has never told his mom what happened that night, and he can't bear for her to know because it will be painful for her to hear.

Sex was always a dirty thing

As a teenager, Andrew became hyper sexual. He was a fit, handsome boy and a star athlete, and it was never hard to find sexual partners. Later in adulthood, he lost all interest in sex. He never felt he was good enough in bed. And it was difficult for him to become aroused if his partner was not dominating him. Sex was always a dirty thing to Andrew after his own abuse.

"I am a failure"

There are things from that night that Andrew can never forget. The image of Florence making him go down on her and then fuck her saying repeatedly, "again and again" is burned into his brain. His young mind read those words as a kind of condemnation of him. As if she was saying, you're not good enough, so you better do it again and again until you get it right. He felt like a failure. And he has felt like a failure ever since.

"I feel like I died that night"

When we worked on the abuse in therapy, Andrew talked about the sense of hopelessness, anger and confusion he still feels now as a middle aged man when he thinks of his abuse. He says, "I feel like I died that day, 31 years ago."

As a human being, and as a parent, it breaks my heart to hear these stories. As a therapist, I am grateful there are tools that can help people like Andrew start to heal from his trauma. Healing from sexual abuse takes work. Andrew was not freed from the burden of his abuse overnight, but he committed himself to healing. It has been wonderful to see him start to be able to recover his life.

I am a survivor

One of the tools I used with Andrew is a type of psychotherapy often used with trauma victims called EMDR. EMDR can help people heal by removing blocks that prevent emotional healing. Through therapy, Andrew went from saying "I feel like I died that night" to "I am living," "My words are the words of a survivalist," ""I am not to blame," and "I'm free."

We are in the era of the #MeToo movement. It is a time when people are sometimes more open about the abuse they have experienced. There is an expression in the addiction world, "You are only as sick as your secrets." With secrets comes the idea that you or your actions are shameful and should be hidden from everyone. But it can be freeing to open up about our secrets.

We believe you

I worry that the downside of all of the revelations of abuse is that it is also triggering for survivors. I worry too about the backlash against victims who speak up. It can be a secondary trauma to be abused and then when you have the courage to speak up after years of living with the trauma, to be questioned, ridiculed, shamed, or harassed.

To all the victims of abuse who are reading this, please know that we hear you, we believe you, and that there is hope for healing. If you are a victim, please consider contacting a therapist and maybe telling a trusted friend.

If you are struggling and would like help, we have Houston, Texas Counselors who can meet with you. You can contact us 713 -591- 3612 or by email at Nancy @ wilsoncounseling. org. This blog is not intended to substitute for professional counseling.

Feeling sad? Let the music heal you.

noreply@blogger.com (Wilson Counseling) — Wed, 19 Sep 2018 22:16:00 +0000