Light Humor

God's Pharmacy

2011-09-22T16:17:00.001+08:00

To: ALL THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN GOD

This is absolutely amazing - and makes perfect sense!

A friend sent this to me. It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... all before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...

God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!

God's Pharmacy! Amazing!

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums.. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries

Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

The Word F***

2011-09-21T11:10:00.000+08:00

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.
•It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
•It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
•It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
•It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).

As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."

Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"

Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."

Aggression "FUCK YOU!"

Disgust "Fuck me."

Confusion "What the fuck.......?"

Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"

Despair "Fucked again..."

Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."

Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost "Where the fuck are we."

Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"

Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"

Denial "I didn't fucking do it."

Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."

Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"

Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."

Directions "Fuck off."

Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."

It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."

It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"

It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."

It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

Definations

2011-06-23T16:46:00.000+08:00

Few good definations....

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Etc: A word to make people believe that you know more than actually you do.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Classic: A book which people praise but never read

Conference: A place where everybody talks, no one listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Dictionary: A place where "divorce" comes before "marriage"!

Tears: The hydraulic force by which musculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference 2: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Lecture: The art of transmitting information from lecturer's to students notes without passing through the minds of either.

Love vs marriage

2011-06-20T18:09:00.000+08:00

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

TV has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind , Marriage is an eye opener!"

In current context of corruption

2011-06-20T17:57:00.000+08:00

In current context of corruption! :)

Three contractors one from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The English contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil.
The English contractor after doing all the measurements says "Well I figure the job will cost you about $ 900, $400 for materials, $ 400 for labour and $ 100 profit for me."

The German contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $ 700.... $ 300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $ 100 profit for me."

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$ 2,700."

The official incredulously says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," the Indian explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!"

You have two cows!

2011-06-20T17:37:00.000+08:00

You have two cows

Chandrababuism : You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to Internet and milk them from Hyderabad .
Jayalalithaism : You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaa.." & fall at ur feet.
Karunanidhiism : You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to ur nephew ..
Gandhism : You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
Indiraism : You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism : You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
Rajnikantism : You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.
Rajivism : You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism: (Ultimate.)

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy?
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.
(The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1!!

Garage Door

2009-07-16T18:19:00.001+08:00

Garage Door.... Joke of the day..........

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was
down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and
said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your
garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door,
and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open,
and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about
his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When
my garage door was open, did you see my H ummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with
two flat tires..

Be Positive Like This Boy

2009-07-07T13:16:00.000+08:00

Be Positive Like This Boy

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. what is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..

Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to
IIM AHMEDABAD (Indian Institute Of Managment)
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

LATERAL THINKING ABILITIES

2009-06-04T16:56:00.000+08:00

Lateral Thinking Abilities

--- Think!
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1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! Why?

(This is probably the best known and most celebrated of all lateral thinking puzzles. It is a true classic. Although there are many possible solutions which fit the initial conditions, only the canonical answer is truly satisfying.)

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2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son! ?How can this
be?

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3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks,trousers, lumper, gloves and balaclava. He is walking down a black street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?

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4. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?

This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle that can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.

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5. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?

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6. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.

This puzzle claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its! statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.

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SOLUTIONS
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1. The man is very, very short and can only reach halfway up the elevator buttons. However,if it is raining then he will have his umbrella with him and can press the higher buttons with it.

2. The surgeon was his mother.

3. It was day time.

4. A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole. A round manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers should be round.

5. The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man Drank the punch, the ice was fully frozen. Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch.

6. The man had hiccups. The barman recognized this from his speech and drew the gun in order to give him a shock. It worked and cured the hiccups-so the man no longer needed the water.

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Coffee Art -2

2009-05-25T15:23:00.001+08:00

Here Comes part 2 of the coffee art, do check out part 1 here.

For all coffee lovers....

PUN

2009-05-18T16:04:00.001+08:00

100 years ago,
they said that when a black man became president,
pigs would fly.

and on the 100th day of Obama's presidency ...

Swine Flew

Feather Paintings-1

2009-05-02T15:10:00.000+08:00

Newton's Law of Love

2009-04-16T18:23:00.002+08:00

Universal law:
Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.

First law:
A boy in love with a girl, continues to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continues to be in love with him, until on unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and breaks the legs of the boy.

Second law:
The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.

Third law:
The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.

Global financial crisis and its impact

2009-03-10T14:37:00.004+08:00

Coffee art-1

2009-02-24T18:11:00.003+08:00

Today moring on CNA prime time morning ,when i saw two coffee experts talking, and viewing how artistically ,what they did with the cream , coffee, milk and imagination, remembered i had these nice snaps(their art) in my drafts. So thought of publishing them today..

Have a look, these pictures are from a restaurant in Vancouver (actually three) where they dress up the lattes.

For all coffee lovers,
PS: More pictures coming on the way

Coffee and Cup

2009-02-05T14:54:00.004+08:00

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups.

Now if life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change. Some times, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."

Don't let the cups drive you... Enjoy the coffee instead.

See you tomorrow

2009-01-29T21:12:00.001+08:00

An old man approached the White House from Across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been
sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to goin and meet with President Bush.

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same
Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides
here."

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said,
"Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking
to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no
longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you
understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said,
"Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you
tomorrow, Sir."

Strange Ads

2009-01-22T15:47:00.005+08:00

Party Puzzle (Old advertisements)

2009-01-21T15:09:00.005+08:00

Answers at the end..

Question 1
Which brand used this jingle - 'Suno Suno ai Babuji...kahan chale?'
1. Nirma Washing Powder
2. Fena Washing Powder
3. Doctor Washing Powder
4. Ghadi Detergent Cake

Question 2
Which brand used he jingle 'Ab main bilkul boodha hoon ...goli kha kar jeeta hoon'?
1. Dabur
2. Bajaj
3. Vicco
4. Crompton Greaves

Question 3
The TVC went 'Dadi maa, dadi maa woh madari ke pet mein dard hai' Identify the product.
1. Dabur ka Hajmola
2. Dabur ka Pudinhara
3. Dabur ka chyawanprash
4. Dabur ka Pachan Choorna

Question 4
'Dekho beta yeh toh kudrat ki baat hai' What was this one for?
1. Kribhco Khaad
2. Nasbandi Yojna
3. Nirodh
4. Vicco Vajradanti
5. Family Planning Dept.

Question 5
The line 'Pachaas Saal ke boodhe ya pachaas saal ke jawan' sold what?
1. Thirty Plus Energy Capsules
2. Shilajeet Yauvan Vardhak
3. Zandu Pacharisht
4. 555 Shaving Blades

Question 6
'Match ki aakhri gend, aur yeh laga sixer!' What was follow up?
1. Palmolive da Jawaab nahi!
2. Yeh Andar ki Baat hai!!
3. Thodi si pet pooja, kabhi bhi kahin bhi
4. Natraj phir champion!!

Question 7
'Aur phir bhediye ne memne se kaha...' which actor did this famous ad for Vicks?
1. Vivek Vaswani
2. Shafi Inamdar
3. Jayant Kriplani
4. Jalal Agha

Question 8
'Aap apni biwi se kitna pyaar karte hain?' was the opening line for which product?
1. Hawkins
2. Prestige
3. United

Question 9
'Pehle bhojan phir bhajan; Pehle mangni phir lagan 'What did this jingle sell?
1. Gagan Vanaspati
2. Pan Parag
3. Mala D
4. MDH Masala

Question 10
'Sach much kafi bada hai!'Kya kafi bada hai?
1. Parle G ka naya pack
2. Naya Colgate
3. Lifebuoy
4. OK sabun

Question 11
Which product's TVC did this line open - 'Kya hua? Bachhi ro rahi hai.'
1. Dabur Pudinhara
2. Woodward's Gripe Water
3. 555 Mughli Ghutti
4. Johnsons Baby Powder

Question 12
Paintal plays a Jester or Vidushak in mime for this product.
1. Jenson & Nicholson
2. Gold Spot
3. Cherry Blossom
4. Vicco Ayurvedic

Question 13
The jingle 'Bade nazon se paali hamari banno' is selling....
1. Fair & Lovely Fairness Cream
2. Emami Cold Cream
3. Boroplus
4. Vicco Turmeric
5. Clearisil

Q1.-- 1
Q2.-- 2
Q3.-- 2
Q4.-- 5
Q5.-- 3
Q6.-- 4
Q7.-- 3
Q8.-- 2
Q9.-- 1
Q10.-- 4
Q11.-- 2
Q12.-- 3
Q13.-- 4

You can make many copies of this (ofcourse after removing the answers),and then distribute among all, and can set some time limit too(say 5 minutes)
enjoy,,

Boys Vs Girls.

2009-01-19T09:58:00.001+08:00

Drawing a Lady from inside out....quite amazing

2009-01-17T12:41:00.001+08:00

Drawing a woman from the inside out; someone put a huge amount of work into this. Click on the link and be prepared to be amazed!

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

Praying For Ideal Husband/ Wife in New Year

2009-01-10T10:08:00.000+08:00

Husband's prayers for an IDEAL Wife

Aisi apni wife ho,
5' 6" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho,
Chehra jiska bright ho,
Umar 22 se 25 ho,
Aisi apni wife ho....

Sadak par sab kahe kitni khoobsurat ho,
Bheed mein sab kahe side ho, side ho,
Banjara hills, jubli hills ya kisi ameer ghar ki paidaish ho,
Saas ki seva jiski khwahish ho,
Aisi apni wife ho.....

Padosi jab baat kare to haath mein knife ho,
Dinner ke time candle light ho,
Hum mein tum mein kabhi na koi fight ho,
Milne ke baad dil delight ho,
ye shayeri padne ke baad log kahe "tum right ho",
Aisi apni wife ho.....

Kaash ye concept .0001 percent bhi right ho,
Agar aisi apni wife ho,
To kya haseen life ho...

Har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho,
Kudrat ki bhi aazmaish ho,
Khuda ke software mein bhi bug ki gunjaish ho,
Kahin to aisi paidaish ho,
Aisi apni wife ho..... !!!

Wife's prayers for an IDEAL Husband..

Aisa apna husband ho
6' - 6'2" jiski height ho
Jeans dheeli magar body tight ho
biwi ke har nakhre uthaye, itna mizaaj uska light ho
husband apna aisa bright ho.

uff tak na kare itna quiet ho
dinner banaye wo jab bhi romantic night ho
shopping kar ke jab bhi aoon, bole begum tum kitni nice ho
husband apna aisa bright ho.

mujhey rani bana kar rakhe, to phir zindagi delight ho
saas sasur ke samne kahe, jaan tum hamesha right ho
hamesha jo haar maan jaye jab bhi koi fight ho
husband apna aisa bright ho.

jahan chahoon jaoon, jo chahey karoon, kuch is tarah ki life ho
har doosre week ghoomne phirne ki flight ho
aisa ho jaye to mein udoon aasmaan mei, jaise ke koi kite ho
husband apna aisa bright ho !!!

A lie Detector

2009-01-07T08:47:00.001+08:00

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.

'What did you watch?' asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied.

We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'

'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

SCRABBLE

2009-01-04T13:34:00.000+08:00

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. Such nice anagrams..
(Wait till you see the last one)!

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE
When you rearrange the letters:

FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL
************************

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:

SPARKLING DRIVE
**************************

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:

END IS A CAR SPIN
**************************

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:

NICE SILKY WOMAN
***************************

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER
****************************

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT
*****************************

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE
***************************

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE
***************************

THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS
**************************

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME
**************************

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
****************************

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
****************************

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE
*****************************

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE
*****************************

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE
****************************

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER
*******************************

Poem & Practical, Don't miss it (+ 18)

2009-01-02T12:30:00.002+08:00

The sky was dark
the moon was high
all alone just her and I

Her hair so soft
her eyes so blue
I knew just what she wanted to do

Her skin so soft
her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine

I didn't know how
but I tried my best
to place my hand on her breast

I remember my fear
my fast beating heart
but slowly she spread her legs apart

And when she did
I felt no shame
as all at once the white stuff came

At last it was finished
it's all over now,
my first time...

Milking a cow

.