That Kind Of Mom

My Weight Loss Journey- Week 12

2013-06-13T14:52:00.003-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238 (03/20/13)

Weight Last Week: 213.5

Current Weight: 211

Yep, I lost 2 1/2 pounds this week! That means not only have I reached a milestone of 25 pounds gone, but I surpassed it and have lost a total of 27 pounds! I am more than a quarter of my way to my goal, which is so motivating.

My BMI has dropped from 41.2 to 36.2. I'm still medically obese, and will only enter the "overweight" category when I reach about 172 pounds. My ultimate goal is to no longer be considered overweight, which for my height, will happen when I get to 140 pounds. It seemed so daunting and basically impossible when I started 3 months ago, but I have no doubt that I will keeping going until I'm healthy.

I'm still running a lot and loving it more and more. It's hard and I hate it, but I love it. I seriously get butterflies in my stomach every time before I run because I know how hard it is going to be, and how much I'll want to stop. The beginning is the worst and I spend the first mile always fighting the voice that is like, "This suuuuucks!" After the first mile, I am warmed up and mentally in the game. I ran four miles last night, which was difficult but I felt amazing when I got home.

I love running because it is something I could never do. I hated it, it hurt, I was slow and I couldn't run for long without needing to stop. I started to run not because I thought it would be fun or because I liked it all, I started to run because I wanted to prove to myself that I could be whoever I wanted to be. I wanted to conquer one of my biggest fears and embarrassments and to know that I was capable of big change.

Running has changed the way I look at myself. I'm a runner. I'm a slow, still-fat* runner, but I'm a runner. I get compliments yelled to me almost every time I go for a run. Last night, I was running at an elementary school track, and two teachers were standing outside, chatting during my entire 45 minute run. When I started to head home and ran past them (still running,of course) one of the ladies said, "You are a rockstar!! Seriously, that is so awesome. You go, girl!"

Sometimes, the comments startle me or even maybe annoy me sometimes, but this one just made me so happy. I love when people are so surprised that I run and run for a pretty long time. It's reminds me that I'm doing something a lot of people don't choose to do, and I'm doing it with about 70 pounds of excess weight. I can't even imagine how nice it will be to run when I'm not carrying around this weight!

I'm slow. I can run a mile straight through, and I can do it in about 11:45 seconds if I push myself. If I run longer, like the 4 miles I did yesterday, my pace goes to about 13:30 a mile, which includes intervals of walking after I complete mile 1 and mile 2. I am hoping to get my 5K race pace under 39 minutes, which I think is realistic considering it is three weeks away.

*Fat. Let's talk about that word. I hate that word, and I love that word.

I have always identified with the word. I'm not curvy, I'm not big, I'm not just chubby...I've got a lot of extra fat and I'm fat. I was afraid of the word my whole life and I was always, ALWAYS afraid that someone would call me that. And they did.

Then, I decided that I didn't care. To me, it's not a big deal to call myself fat. I am. That doesn't mean I hate myself or my body. It means that I have accepted my body for what it is and taken the power away from the word. I took the seemingly endless power away from the scale when I stopped acting like my weight is this big secret that could never be revealed.

To me, calling myself fat does not mean I'm not beautiful. One three letter word doesn't compete with the other words I use to describe myself- determined, committed, happy, beautiful, athletic, even sexy. I understand others might disagree, but fat, for me, represents truth and acceptance and a chance to really look at when my choices are doing to my body.

Well, time for this fat runner to get going! I have a super busy week ahead of me, starting tomorrow. We're going camping (childless!) for the weekend with a group of our good friends. When we return home, one of my best friends (for the last 20+ years!) and her kids will be staying with us for three nights. I am so excited!

My Weight Loss Journey- Week 11

2013-06-06T14:33:00.003-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238 (03/20/13)

Weight Last Week: 215.5

Current Weight: 213.5

I can't believe that it has been 11 weeks of a totally different life. Some days are more challenging than others, but usually, all of the changes come very naturally.

This last Monday was my thirty-first birthday and it was a great day for so many reasons.

I spent a great day with my family, and treated myself to mushroom pizza and salad from one of our favorite pizza places for dinner. Then, we walked over to my favorite gourmet bakery and I chose a ginormous cream cheese brownie for my birthday treat. Even though I totally indulged, I managed to stay within my calorie goal for the day.

My birthday present was a pair of running shoes that I got custom fitted. My dad was so generous and bought them for me, and Mark bought me the fanciest pair of socks I've ever worn but feel amazing. I ran 3.1 miles for my 31st birthday, and I felt kind of incredible. On my 30th birthday, I wouldn't have been able to walk 3.1 without getting totally exhausted.

Last year at this time, I was weighing a tad bit over 240 and I felt horrible. I knew I was not looking my best, and I certainly wasn't feeling my best. This week, I weighed in at 213.5. I feel so much better, and I am getting used to the constant change. Yesterday, I realized I hadn't looked at my license picture in a long time. When I did, I gasped. I took a picture of myself and compared them.

I just have to say, I'm really proud of myself. I never thought I would be embarrassed about my "before", and I'm not exactly embarrassed, but I'm more like..."why?" This lifestyle seems like second nature to me now. Even though I have off days, or even weeks, I know I am always moving towards my goal of being at a healthy weight and the level of fitness I desire.

The last few weeks, my weight loss had stalled, but I kept at it. This week, the weight has started dropping again and I'm pretty happy about that. I know weight doesn't mean everything, but the reality is that I am nowhere close to a healthy weight. But, I am getting closer and when I lose a half a pound more, I will have lost 25 pounds since I started this crazy journey at the end of March. Now that I'm 213.5, being under 200 is suddenly seeming possible and that is super exciting. Aside from hitting my goal weight, getting under 200 is the milestone I am most excited about. It will be a monumental moment for me, and there might even be tears.

Some of you have asked if I am taking measurements, and I have been! I need to take them again and then I'll share them next week. I know I have lost 5-6 inches from my hips/abdomen alone, which has completely changed my wardrobe. I wear a lot of dresses, leggings and exercise clothes because a lot of my clothes have gotten pretty baggy. I'm (maybe foolishly) hoping to stay in all of my "before" clothes until fall, and then I'm going to do a major wardrobe update. As I go down in sizes, I'm excited to hit thrift stores more often, too. As a size 22 or 24, it was impossible to thrift shop unless I wanted a mu-mu or something equally as shapeless.

I'm off to make (the hilarious sounding) "protein balls" to have around for an easy delicious way to get a lot of protein and good fat. Mine are no bake, and are made from oats, peanut butter, protein powder, raw cashews, ground flax seed, raw sunflower seeds, chia seeds, some dark chocolate chips and a little honey. I'll share it step by step next week, they are awesome for after a long run or if I need more protein for the day and I want something sweet.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you all have had a great week.

(Oh, I've been mulling over a few non-weightloss related posts that I want to write, so check in for that in the next few days!)

My Weight Loss Journey- Week 10

2013-05-30T11:12:00.001-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238 (03/20/13)

Weight 2 Weeks Ago: 216.5

Current Weight: 215.5

Well, hello! You may or may not have noticed that I skipped last week's update. I've been struggling a lot these last two weeks, and I was not in the mood to post that I had lost nothing, despite keeping my routine generally the same.

These last three weeks, I have lost 2.5 pounds, which is still losing. It took me 2 weeks to lose this last pound, which is frustrating Even though I knew to expect the weight loss to slow down, but it has been a bit discouraging. I'm working out hard, and running 3 or 4 times a week. A few days ago, I ran 4 miles, only stopping to walk for a minute after I finished each mile, and it felt amazing. Mark and I finished 30 Day Shred last week, and have moved onto Jillian Micheal's "Ripped in 30" circuit training video. I also make sure I take at least 10,000 steps a day, which I feel keeps me active throughout the whole day, not just when i'm specifically working out.

I'm really realizing what a long process this is going to be. I know I still have a very long journey ahead of me, and I'm accepting that there will be weeks that I just don't lose anything. I know my body is changing, and my clothes continue to fit me looser, so I hold onto that. I know that weight is just a number, but I am just so ready for this number to be smaller. I'm not ashamed of weighing 215 pounds (I'm actually super proud of it!), but...I just really, really want to be out of the 200's. My weight hasn't started with a "1" since my senior year of high school (12 years ago!).

So, I'm working out hard & still counting every calorie I eat. I'm so used to this way of life now that it doesn't seem like too much effort, so that is nice. I love exercising and running, and even though it is difficult and painful, I look forward to how awesome I feel when I am done.

I'm concentrating on the non scale victories; my fitness level continues to increase, muscles are become visible on my arms & legs, my collar bones have reappeared, my thighs don't jiggle as much and I haven't had a backache in months. My jeans are falling off of me and all of my clothes fit so differently. T-shirts that used to be skin tight are loose now. These are the things that really matter and I am grateful for all the changes.

I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and I'll see you next Thursday for another update!

My Weight Loss Journey- Week 8

2013-05-16T15:23:00.003-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238

Weight Last Week: 218

Current Weight: 216.5

Well, nothing too exciting to report here. I'm super pleased with my 1.5 pound loss this week. I'm at the point in my cycle where I am carrying a lot of extra water weight, and last month during the same week, my body would just not let go of any weight. I've made sure to drink a lot of water this week, and I think that's helped.

I'm running more often again, which has been challenging in the best way. I now run 2-2.5 miles about 3 times a week. I had a personal best of running 1 mile in 12:30, which means I have shaved 3 minutes and 15 seconds off of my single mile time. A couple of weeks ago, I did a practice 5K (3.1 miles), it took me over 46 minutes. I think I could do it faster now, and I plan to run one this evening.

I've stayed within my calorie goals this week, but, man...it was hard for me to really concentrate on healthy food. I have been craving chocolate and salt all week, and I indulged in something every day, which wasn't my plan. I really shouldn't have any guilt, as everything fit into my calorie and nutritional goals (grams of protein, carbs, fats, etc.), but I had cake from mother's day on two nights. And on the other nights, I ate a snickers. And I thought about that snickers bar all day until I ate one.

We haven't had any junk in the house for a couple of months, but then my husband went grocery shopping on Mother's Day with the kids and came back with a whole cake and a 6-pack of snickers AND a huge bag of M&M's. I was planning to treat myself with a candy bar for Mother's Day and asked for one, but he bought the 6 pack instead. And we had a movie night that night, so I asked him to buy a small regular sized bag of M&M's for the kids to split with their popcorn. Instead he bought the big bag AND the kids wanted to surprise me with a cake.

I wasn't upset with him, because he just thought the larger items were better value and we could put the candy into the freezer until I wanted another one some day. Yeah...this meant I had a snickers bar every night for 3 days in a row. And those M&M's taunt me from the freezer door, rolled up and smashed behind some frozen peas.

Even though I'm struggling with guilt, I'm not saying that this a healthy reaction. I mostly eat totally clean, nutrient dense meals, and I eat fresh fruit and vegetables every day, usually with every meal. And I work out. I run. I walk. A lot. 250 calories of a candy bar is not going to make me gain weight. I eat at a calorie deficient every single day, there is no way I could gain weight (aside from water weight and other natural fluctuations).

I'm still figuring out what it feels like to have a healthy relationship with food. I'm trying to create a sustainable lifestyle while reaching all of my health goals. I just don't want to feel like I need processed sugar or salty snacks, and this week I have been fighting that feeling every day. I hated feeling like I was always on the verge of a binge this week. I feel like I managed my cravings and emotions pretty well this week, but it has been a little rough.

This weight loss thing is no joke. Yes, the work I put into it is tough, but the emerging thoughts and feelings are much harder to deal with at times. I've talked before about the slight identity crisis I'm feeling, and it's still a daily struggle. Sometimes I feel like I'm just wearing a fat suit and my body feels so much less like me. I feel so healthy and fit until I look in the mirror or see myself without clothes on.

It has become a challenge to love myself every step of the way. Before I decided to change my life, I felt comfortable. I knew I was really unhealthy and I wasn't doing anything about it, but that was my status quo. It was my normal. Now, I have declared my status quo is no longer acceptable. The fat on my body is no longer comfortable. It's heavy, it's hot and it makes doing things harder. I often have to remind myself that I am doing everything I can, and that my body will eventually catch up with the person inside.

P.S. My husband, Mark, you know...the candy/cake pusher? He has been on this journey right along with me. He doesn't count calories or run. He rides his bike, does circuit training with me every night and has changed his diet by cutting out soda, most fast food and chips. He started at 242, and weighed in at 228 today. He's six feet tall and fairly muscular, so he is already slimming down quite a bit. I am so, so, SO proud of him!

Weight Loss Journey- Week 7

2013-05-09T10:31:00.002-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238

Weight Last Week: 221

Current Weight: 218

Twenty pounds....gone forever!

In my first week of doing these posts, I listed my first major goal as weighing less than 220 pounds. I haven't weighed under 220 pounds in 8-10 years...until a few days ago!

This week was pretty great and I was really rewarded for my efforts these last six weeks. Besides achieving one of my first weight goals, I also had a non-scale victory that may have been even sweeter.

My body carries most of my weight in my lower abdomen, thighs, hips and butt. I have always had thinner limbs as compared to the rest of my body. So, I have always had a problem finding jeans that fit me properly. I went up to a size 24 for a while, and then about a year ago, realized that I could wear a 22.

Well, on Monday, when I hit 219 pounds, I decided to try on a pair of size 20 jeans I've had sitting in my closet for a long, long time. I was never able to wear them, as I thought I was still a 20 when I bought them, ripped off the tags, tried them on and they wouldn't zip. I remember that moment and resigning myself to the fact that I needed a bigger size.

On Monday, I put on these jeans, zipped them right up and was shocked. They actually fit, and looked way better than the baggy jeans I had been wearing.

I also have a pair of size 14 button down jeans from Gap that I bought when I was 16 or 17. I could never fit in those either, so I tucked them away in hopes that I would wear them one day in the future. I had no idea I would have to hang on to those jeans for 15 years in order to even have hope of fitting in them.

Now, I know those jeans are only a matter of months away (It could be a lot of months, but still) and I am excited. In high school, I wore a size 14-18 depending on the brand, and I remember the day I grew out of Gap clothing as a depressing day indeed. Then Old Navy came to town, and they carried up to size 20 in the store. I remember getting too big for that, too. So, for the past 8 years or so, I have bought my pants online or in plus size sections of stores. I have watched as stores made more room for plus sizes, and I was always so grateful to find something to wear.

Now, I'm starting to get excited about the prospect of being able to shop anywhere. I'm not at that point yet, but it seems so much closer. I'm still able to wear all of my old clothing, but it just fits so differently. Pajama bottoms that were tight are loose, and shirts that I use to completely fill out look totally different...that type of thing.

I'm still running, doing 30 Day Shred and getting in 10,000 steps a day. I work out a lot, but my main goal is stay active throughout the day. I eat a lot most days, and I'm still counting every calorie. Counting calories and keeping track of my exercise has been so important to me, and has definitely changed the way I think about food. I don't deprive myself of everything I want, but I do make sure any treats fit into my calorie goal for the day, and I try to eat fresh, nutritionally dense food most of the time.

But, the truth is, I am not "perfect" and I don't have expectations that my diet will be. I am changing my life for good, and I don't want to live a life without ice cream. Or pizza. Or a cheeseburger and french fries. Or candy...okay, I have to stop because now I'm hungry!

I have ice cream almost daily. I eat fast food sometimes. One of my favorite meals these days is a ham and cheddar sandwich on sourdough, grilled with butter. The point of all of this is that you don't have to cut foods out of your life if you enjoy them and can fit them into a healthy day. The first two weeks, I ate totally clean. I feel like that was the right choice for me, because I feel like it broke the habit of eating huge quantities of junk. Now, as I have gotten used to preparing healthy meals with lots of lean protein, veggies and good carbs, I have found I have a little room in my days for something like ice cream or a cheeseburger every now and then.

I used to cut out everything that I liked or thought was bad. Then, after a week of trying to follow a fad diet or restricting myself like crazy, I would break down and binge on whatever I was craving. Then, the guilt would force me into a shame spiral, and I would convince myself I had ruined everything by not following my diet. Now, if I really want a piece of cake at a party, I make sure I exercise that day and I concentrate on having nutrient rich foods the rest of the day. And then I eat the cake, without a single feeling of guilt.

I have totally cut out some foods, because their high calories are just not worth it to me. I have not drank any calories in six weeks. I don't drink soda or juice. I used to drink a lot of diet soda, but I see it as a treat now and drink it rarely. Although I love pizza, I have not had a regular, greasy slice of pizza. I've been able to make my own pizza with English muffins or pitas and I just haven't missed restaurant pizza too much. But, I know when I really do want "real pizza", I won't stop myself from having some.

So, that's how I know this change is not stopping. I feel great, I'm eating a lot of delicious food and I don't feel deprived. Yes, I work my butt off in the gym, but I love that, too. I think that realizing perfection is not required was the first step to a new life for me. Sometimes, I do not meet my goals for the day. I screw up sometimes. But, every day, I wake up excited, because I know I am closer to my goals.

Weight Loss Journey- Week 6

2013-05-02T14:51:00.006-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238

Weight Last Week: 223

Current Weight: 221

Geez, is it Thursday already?! I have had an extraordinary busy week and it has just flown by!

As you can see, I lost another two pounds this week. I am so pleased with my progress. I am so, so close to saying goodbye to the 220's FOREVER! I haven't been below 220 in a long time (I'm guessing about 7-10 years?), so to be honest, I am a little nervous. There is a part of me that is scared to see myself as a different person. It's silly, nonsensical even, but I know I am going to have start mentally adapting to the different stages of size and fitness I will be going through.

I have been living a different lifestyle for six weeks now. I have been giving it my all, and I have stayed within my calorie goal every day except one. I'm active every day, even if that means that I all I do is get my 10,000 steps in. Most days though, it means 10,000 steps + 30 Day Shred and maybe Zumba or other dancing thrown in. I eat a lot of whole, healthy foods, but I don't deny myself small portions of things I'm really craving. As cliche as it sounds, weight loss is seriously all about moderation.

Most importantly and simply, sustainable weight loss is about creating a lifestyle where you regularly burn more calories (you burn a lot just by being alive and breathing, and also a lot more if you're active and/or exercising) than you take in. There are so, so, SO many myths about weight loss that I thought were true. There is no need to cut out any type of food, nor is it important to eat at certain times of the day. Seriously, folks, these are myths! I eat the majority of my calories after 6:00 PM and here I am, 17 pounds lost in 6 weeks. If you don't believe me, I highly suggest you visit the forums on My Fitness Pal and talk to the many. many people who have lost significant amounts of weight. I have been so inspired and encouraged by many there, and I realized how absolutely wrong I was about weight loss.

I try to eat as healthy and nutrient dense as possible, but I also know that if I denied myself carbs or sweets every once in a while, I would "cheat" and then end up demotivated and feeling guilty. Instead, I make healthy, filling meals and sometimes I'll leave some calories at the end of the day for something I really like, like ice cream and fresh strawberries. I don't feel like I'm cheating, because I'm not.

I think of my body so, so differently than I used to. Suddenly, somehow, I am faster and have so much better endurance. I have muscles popping up and have noticed small changes all over. My legs, which are naturally the thinnest part of my body, are already getting some defined muscle.

Physical activity and challenges excite me and bring out the inner beast. I want to be strong. I want to be fast. Skinny? Not so much. I want to look good in clothes and I want to be confident in whatever I wear, but thin is not my goal. Basically, I want to kick some ass.

As much as I have enjoyed watching the numbers on the scale go down, the non scale victories have been so much sweeter. My jeans are falling off of me and even my sports bra/tank top is getting looser. Button down shirts no longer scare me, and all of my yoga pants are getting loose. I can run for about 5 minutes straight before needing to walk, and I'm able to keep a 13:30 mile pace, which for me is darn good.

At six weeks in, I feel pretty great. Sometimes, I am frustrated because I feel like a healthy, fit person but in terms of appearance, I am still a fat girl. My mind has not registered the physical changes at all, and I still feel my insecurities and social anxieties regarding my weight come up. Sometimes, I think "at 200 pounds, I'll feel more like a normal person." But, I truly wonder if I will. Will I feel good enough at 180? What about my ultimate goal weight of 140? I have realized what a challenging mental journey this is, as I have always been the fat girl. Always.

I'm being forced to really look at myself every day. I'm choosing to ask myself why I have never thought I was good enough to be thin. I'm wondering why I feel more comfortable hiding myself under 100 pounds of excess fat, and why the idea of being thin kind of terrifies me. I'm comfortable as the side kick, the funny one, the silly one, the bookish one. I'm so excited about my future, healthier, smaller self, but I feel in a strange way that I am saying goodbye to the Laura that I have always identified with. I had no idea what a mental challenge it will be to go through a pretty huge transformation.

Thank you so much for all your support. It means everything to have people online and off that listen to me, encourage me and check in on me. I hope you all have a great week and see you next Thursday!

Weight Loss Journey- Week 5

2013-04-25T11:53:00.002-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238

Weight Last Week: 226

Current Weight: 223

Goal Weight: 140

It has been five weeks since I started changing my life, and four weeks of exercising and using My Fitness Pal to track everything I eat. In that time, I have lost FIFTEEN POUNDS!

At my heaviest, I was really close to 250, which is a bit unnerving to write. I lost ten pounds when I realized I was getting out of control, but I just didn't have the motivation to keep going. I felt comfortable at 235-240 for some reason, and I have been in that range for the last 3 years.

So, for comparison's sake, here is a picture of me around 250 (six months after my youngest was born) and yesterday, at 223.

I finally measured myself and I have definitely lost inches in the last 5 weeks. I have lost 4 inches from my hips/lower belly area (the widest part of my body), as well as my waist and arms. I didn't measure my thighs or neck, but I'm going to start! These pictures, and especially the comparison, made me realize that I am changing. I took the pictures below for reference in the future. I have a long way to go (87 pounds until my goal weight!) but I know I can do this. I'm excited!

I just want to say that truly, if I can change my life, anyone can. I'm really busy, I started off 100 pounds overweight, I have two kids, very little extra money or resources, I deal with depression and severe anxiety, but I decided it was time to change. I realized that I can either face my issues head on and figure out why I ate so much and moved so little, or be unhappy and unhealthy for the rest of my shortened life. It has been hard to really look at myself, and see how I was abusing my body and my mind.

I didn't want to believe that I was strong enough or even "good" enough to be a thinner person. I have been scared that getting fit would just be another thing I have failed at. It was hard for me to exercise at the beginning, and I was angry and physically really uncomfortable, but I wanted the change more than I cared about the pain. When you get to that point, I really think everything changes. The idea of food as comfort has just kind of faded into the background for me...I think about food a lot now, but it's usually making sure I eat the right amount of the right foods, instead of thinking, "What sounds like it will make me happy?"

When I had that moment, that day that I woke up and I thought, "I'm tired of this. I want to be the best me possible," I knew that something had changed. I knew I had a wonderful life, full of amazing and inspiring people. I didn't want to feel like I had to sit on the sidelines of life anymore, and I just knew that if I asked for support and help, I would get it.

My weight loss journey so far has been very public. I don't share about it on my private Facebook page or anything, but a lot of my friends and family read here and know exactly what I'm doing. I feel like coming clean with my weight started everything. When I published my weight for the first time, it became so real. It was no longer just a shameful number to hide, it truly represented how unhealthy I had become. I could no longer pretend. And, I didn't want to.

I loved myself and my even my appearance before this journey began. I knew I was a good person and I had a lot to offer the world. But, every moment of my life, I felt like I was letting myself down. Now, as I run, or make a healthy meal, or dance in my living room, I finally feel content with myself. I know that day after day, I will continue to grow and discover more about myself that I love.

Thanks for reading! See you next week for another update!

Weight Loss Journey- Week 4

2013-04-18T18:22:00.003-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238

Weight Last Week: 228

Current Weight: 226

Goal Weight: 140

Hi, everyone!

This week has been filled with ups and downs, but overall I feel great!

As you may have noticed, I lost 2 pounds this week! These 2 pounds were hard fought for and I no longer get disappointed if I don't have a "big loss" every week. I am ecstatic about losing these two pounds and I can't believe that in the next week, a month will have gone by since I started this journey! Overall, I have lost 12 pounds! Woo-Hoo!

I've had some other small victories this week. I've had several people comment that my face looks slimmer and I look smaller overall. Also, (and this is a big one), I went to Old Navy for the first time in months. I was with my mother in law, and I was looking at an XXL shirt, because I have worn that or Plus Size sizes from Old Navy for the past few years. She nicely told me that there was no way that would fit me, and I needed to try a smaller size. I took 3 different XL shirts into the fitting room (one button down) and they all fit. They weren't even tight.

I have been walking on air all day after that one. I cannot believe I just walked into a store and didn't buy the largest size. It is mind boggling to me. And so freaking exciting!

I have been increasing my calories over the past week, to better match the level of exercise I do. My wonderful, amazing friend, Ali, sent me a FitBit to track my steps and log my workouts. I walk a little over 10,000 steps a day and also am still doing 30 Day Shred every day. I get to those 10,000 steps by walking a lot, running a bit and doing Zumba or other dancing. I slowed down significantly on running because my knees started to hurt really badly when I ran every day. Now I run once or twice a week with that other stuff mixed in.

I know I haven't included any pictures in a long time, but I guess that's because I want you all to see a difference...? I plan to take pictures this week to mark my first month into my journey and I'll definitely share next Thursday.

Thank you all so much for your amazing ideas, support and advice as I have been changing my life. I have been overwhelmed with love and encouragement and it keeps me pushing everyday!

Weight Loss Journey- Week 3

2013-04-11T21:10:00.002-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238

Weight Last Week: 228

Current Weight: 228

Goal Weight: 140

Well, this week has really shown me just how long this "journey" is going to take. If you checked out my stats above, you may have noticed that I didn't lose a single pound this week. I would be totally lying if I said this didn't bother me at all.

BUT, I pretty much can guess what's happening with my body right now, so I know I'm making progress even if the scale didn't reflect it this week. I really, really amped up my workout this week. Every day (except my rest day) I do a 25 minute circuit training DVD (Jilian Micheal's 30 Day Shred) and most days I either run a mile or two or do and 1/2 hour of Zumba. One day I day I did all three, which resulted in an awesome hour and 15 minute workout. I'll probably start doing this combo every other day or so. The circuit training is fairly intense, with lots of reps of light weights with cardio and abs worked in, too. I *think* that my fat is being traded for muscle, and I also think my muscles are retaining a lot of water as they repair themselves. I also know that I am eating too few calories for this level of exercise, so I am trying to teach myself to eat enough calories of good quality foods.

Through all my research, I have come to accept that eating too few calories will not speed along my weight loss. I am an impatient person, and I also tend to get a tad obsessive with things. I knew this coming into my weight loss, and I am constantly battling that unhealthy, distorted voice that tells me to stop eating. I win every day, and I eat a lot of healthy food. This week, I allowed myself to eat smaller portions of some of my favorite foods, like the 1/2 of the taco truck vegetarian burrito I had today for lunch. I had been too restrictive the first two weeks, and I refuse to become burnt out and give up.

I love exercising. I think this will be a definite strong point in my journey, and in the end, I will have the body I really want, not just the number on the scale. I want to be strong and have endurance. I want to be small and fast and free.

Restricting myself and writing down everything I eat has come very easily for me. The moment that switch went off in my head three weeks ago, I knew I would never be the same person. I just started thinking differently and living for the life I could envision. Realizing that no amount of discipline or wishful thinking will speed the process along has been really hard for me to come to terms with.

In my twenties, I swear I just had to think about losing weight and I would drop around a pound every day or two. I literally would just stop bingeing and a week later- poof!- 5 to 10 pounds would be gone. Now, completely changing my diet and working out hard has kept me at 238 for a week. I know I'm probably losing inches, so I need to start tracking those, too.

I measure and log everything. EVERYTHING. I obviously had no idea how many calories I was eating before, so I feel like calorie counting is really reshaping my view on food. My weight loss plan is based on simply creating a calorie deficient (burn more calories than you take in), and sticking to my daily allotment of calories to do that. I know it will work, because it's the most simplistic and realistic way to look at weight loss. I have never been able to stick with a diet, but changing my entire lifestyle and not completely cutting out one food or type of food has worked.

As far as successes go, I really do feel like a new person. My sugar addiction as well as my addiction to high fat food is pretty much completely gone. I feel lighter and healthier and I don't ever have stomachaches in the morning which I used to get sometimes. It's easier for me to wake up, and also easier for me to fall asleep.

Also, I think my face is getting a little bit smaller. I know that all over, I have lost some of my "puffiness". Everything is getting a bit tighter, and I notice things like my wedding band fitting looser. My endurance is definitely increasing, and I ran the fastest mile of my life-seriously!- this week! I clocked in at 13 mins, 30 seconds which means I shaved two whole minutes off of the first mile I did 10 days before. My health is changing quickly, and I know that stupid number on that stupid scale will go down soon.

The World's Worst Blogger

2013-04-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay. I'm not the world's worst blogger but it has been so hard for me to focus and create posts lately. It's Tuesday evening,which means I would usually be posting outfits from the last week. But, the only thing I have really worn in the past few weeks is pajamas and work out clothes.

And yesterday, I should have done Me to You Monday, and given away free prinatables. But, I didn't do that either.

I wish I had a better excuse.

I have been distracted and busy. My obsessive tendencies have totally reared in their ugly head in terms of my new healthier lifestyle and weight loss goals. It's hard for me not to think about it all the time. And, now that I am eating so much better, I'm spending a lot more time cooking healthier foods from scratch. I am focusing on trying to make more meals ahead of time, plan out my workouts for the week on Sunday and stop obsessing.

I am eating a lot, so it's not that I'm starving myself or anything. Quite the contrary, actually. I am struggling to meet my calorie goals on a daily basis because I am so hard on myself. I eat a lot of vegetables and things like oatmeal that fill me up for a long time, so it's hard to eat as much as I need to for maximum weight loss. So, my days have been filled with being with the kids, cooking, working out and researching the best way to lose this weight and get healthier.

See? I didn't even mean to talk about this stuff today. Sheesh.

I have been taking pictures of a lot of my meals and measuring everything out so I can share some healthy recipes soon (with nutritional information!)

I'm also really trying to work more on my Etsy store and finally get all of the new products listed. I have totally hit a wall with it and I really need to focus on that for a while. Oh, I also have some tutorials that I have been working on and I need to get those finished, too. There's so much to do, that the only thing i have been able to focus on is being a healthier me. I know that in the long run, the time I devote to getting healthier will be so worth it, but I just need to find balance. As always...balance.

So, help a girl out. How do you balance your workout and a healthy diet with your busy life? Any time-saving tips or words of advice for someone who never really thought about this stuff before?

Ultimate Blog Party 2013

2013-04-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'm Laura!

I'm really excited to participate in the Ultimate Blog Party through 5 minutes for Mom! I did it couple of years ago and it was fantastic! Thank you to everyone stopping by, I'm excited to check out all of your blogs, too! If there's one thing I've learned in my 6 1/2 years of blogging, it's that community and online relationships make all of the difference to your blogging experience. I used to blog in a bubble, and had very little communication with other bloggers. Now, I love being part of a community of other people who love writing and having a voice in this online world.

I'm 30 years old, married for almost 7 years and the mother of two amazing children, Magdalena (5) and Liam (3). And I like to dress up. (This is from my 30th birthday last June.)

Oh, and I don't just like wearing costumes. I don't discriminate. I love all clothes, and I love sharing my outfits at least once a week. I have always been an advocate for feeling confident and beautiful, no matter your shape or size.

And I tend to be brutally honest with who I am and the things that I struggle with. I hold transparency and honesty at a very high value, and I try to always present myself as I really am.

Maybe sometimes I go too far...?

I love being a mom. My kids are hilarious and kind and wonderful. I consider my family to be my biggest blessing and I strive every day to be a patient, kind and wise parent. Sometimes, I fail. But, mostly, I just love being silly and happy and young with these two.

This was from our 5 year anniversary 'Wreck the Dress' family photo shoot.

My husband and I started dating when I was 21 and he was 20, so we have been together for almost 10 years. We love geeking out together over nerdy books and movies, being with our kids and working on our home. We raise chickens, grow our own fruits and vegetables and strive to live as naturally and locally as possible. Over the years, we have accepted our hippie qualities and live happily as nerdy hippies.

Our education kind of de-railed soon after we met, but we've both gone back to school in recent years. Mark is pursuing a bachelor's degree in Computer Science and will graduate next year (woo-hoo!) I am in the middle of getting my Bachelor's in Fine Arts, with an emphasis in drawing/painting.
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Wanna see some of my drawings? I also paint, and I love sculpture, too! I'm all about exploring in art, and being free to be me. I've been developing my own style in the past year or so, but I'm definitely a work in progress. I also recently opened an Etsy store, where I sell my hand-sewn felt items. I make coffee cozies, decorative items, accessories and more. I hope to have some prints and paintings in there soon, too!

Even though I am supportive of having a positive body image no matter your size, I recently began to know that I needed to change and become a healthy person. I started a very long journey to lose 100 pounds. I have been overweight my entire life, and about three weeks ago, I decided to change that. I have lost 10 pounds in those three weeks, and feel like a completely different person.

I am so excited to share my progress as I go through this. I have never been happier or felt more motivated- and I finally know that this time is MY time. I'm running hard (literally) for the goal and I can't wait to reveal some "after" pictures. Methinks maybe you should stick around for the next year to watch me shrink, yes?

Well, have I dazzled you with this post? Have I enticed you with my mustache cream and my weird nudie drawings? If you're still iffy on me and this little ole blog, maybe check out some of my favorite posts:

The Scariest What I Wore Wednesday

Beautiful just the Way I Am

The List

Vintage Floral Manicure

Meet The Chickens

Old Timey 30th Birthday

Thank you so much for stopping by and learning about me and what I'm doing here! Leave me a comment and I will make sure to visit your blog!

All professional photographs were taken by Amy Brown Photography

Weight Loss Journey- Week 2

2013-04-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

Highest Weight: 250

Starting Weight: 238

Weight a Week ago: 232

Current Weight: 228

Goal Weight: 140

So, this week I bought a new scale because mine was old and I didn't trust it. The new scale gave me a weight that was about 2 pounds higher than I had thought, so all of my number with that scale have been adjusted. I have lost 10 pounds total since I began my lifestyle change about 3 weeks ago and I am down 22 pounds(?!) from my highest weight ever, about 4 years ago.

This week, since I announced my plans to the world, has been amazing! I have had so much support and I feel like I am being held accountable by all the people that care about me. Just knowing that I will be updating this blog once a week with my progress has also been very motivating to stay focused.

What am I eating?

I use My Fitness Pal(my user name is thatkindofmom)to track every single thing that I eat or drink. It was hard and a bit time consuming at first, but now I really enjoy knowing exactly what I'm putting in my body. I also measure everything I eat to help me track what I'm eating. I was pretty clueless as to how much I was eating and what was really in it before. I haven't denied myself a couple of treats and I even had a semi-binge one night, but no matter, i put the food into my dairy.

I have been focusing on eating whole, real foods. I have pretty much cut out sugar and I only drink water. No diet soda or anything else. Just lots and lots of water. I want this to be a long term lifestyle that I can keep up with and feel happy with, so I am eating meals that I like, I just have adapted them to be way better for me and contain a lot less carbs.

How am I exercising?

This week, I really stepped up my exercise game. I actually have always really enjoyed exercising, but I have never had the willpower to change my diet. Now that I have changed my eating, I am way more motivated to really work out. I started running this week, and I basically am totally in love with it. I jogged/walked 2 miles three days last week, and yesterday I pushed myself to get 3 miles done. So, since last Thursday, I ran NINE miles. I can't even believe it. Today I started Jilian Micheal's 30 Day Shred, which is a circuit training DVD that you do for 25 minutes a day. It's an intense workout, with cardio and body weight exercises mixed together with no breaks. I know I need to real build muscle as I lose weight so i can actually tighten up and not be left with tons of loose skin. I'm also planning on adding Zumba to my routine. For the next month or so, I plan on doing a mixture of running, the 30 day shred and Zumba. We have also been having frequent dance parties at home, which the kids and I all love!

Yes, I weight over 225 pounds. And I run. And I'm not embarrassed. I'm actually proud when I'm running, because I know I am pushing myself as hard as I can and I'm making progress. I know I look so tired and big, but like I said, I don't care. I got this. I'm happy to be me and I'm happy I'm finally going to be the healthiest version of myself that I can be. It's hasn't hurt my body at all, aside from normal soreness and tiredness.

My goals for this upcoming week is just to keep doing what I'm doing. I want to keep the exercise going almost every day, and to definitely keep eating the same way I have been eating. See you guys next week with another update and I'll share a shot of me in my workout clothes so you can see if my body has changed at all. Thanks for joining me on this journey, I can't tell you much support from others has meant to me so far.

Easter

2013-04-02T23:19:00.003-07:00

Wow, five days just zoomed by and suddenly I hadn't posted! Easter weekend was fantastic and we had a wonderful time visiting with my sister and her family who are in town. We had a small Easter brunch and then the kids had a great time looking for egg, especially Liam who just did not want to give up. He just running everywhere, it was so funny and sweet.

We actually got a decent family picture- an added bonus from that day!

I didn't really take any outfit pictures this week and I've actually been pretty consumed with my whole lifestyle change that I've been doing for the last couple of weeks. I spend a lot more time cooking now, although I'm starting to figure out different recipes I like that have the right amount of calories and nutritional value that I'm looking for. I'm going to start pretty meals once or twice a week to cut back on the time I spend in the kitchen.

So, I definitely have a few idea for new posts coming up, but all I really want to talk about is my new way of living. I'll spare you the details for now, but on Thursday, I'm going to check in with my weight and how I'm been doing this week.

I hope you all had a great holiday with your family and friends!

Weight Loss Journey- Week 1

2013-03-28T17:59:00.002-07:00

So, I have really changed the way I eat and live in the last week. We did go on vacation for three of those days, but I somehow managed to make pretty good choices, and above all, control my portions sizes. When we all ordered pizza, I ate one large slice instead of the three I would normally eat. I thought about what I was eating, and that helped me a lot.

So, when I first posted my weight a few weeks ago, I may have fibbed a bit on my weight. This is so hard to admit, because everyone was so proud of my "honesty." I just decided to round down a little because I have never even admitted to being over 200 pounds. So, saying 225 was a huge step for me. But, the truth is that I weighed 236 pounds. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied and I'm sorry that I misrepresented myself. I know 11 pounds isn't the biggest deal, but I'm just angry and embarrassed that I couldn't come totally clean. So, please consider this a confession and an apology. I promise to be 100% honest about my weight, and weight loss, from here on out.

My highest weight was 250 pounds, which I hit when Maggie was about six months old. I panicked, and lost about 15 pounds in the next couple months just by thinking about what I was eating and simply not eating quite as much. I was 235 pounds when I got pregnant with Liam in 2007, and I gained about 10 pounds during his pregnancy. After I gave birth to him, my weight dropped to about 225, but I quickly gained 10 pound of those back. I have fluctuated between 235 and 240 for the last three years. I have never been able to get under that 230 mark.

I know I was over 200 pounds when I graduated from high school, I think about 215. When I entered high school, I weighed 174. I have never been a thin adult, or even a thin teenager. I had no idea what it feels like to be a non obese person. I have not seen the 220's in three years, and I haven't been under 220 in about ten years.

My short term goal is to finally, finally see a number under 220 again. My ultimate, final goal is to one day weigh 140 pounds, but I'm trying not to overwhelm myself with the reality of losing about 90 pounds.

When I weighed myself this morning, the number said 230. I have been here many times before, at 230. It feels comfortable in a way, the lower end of the range that I could tolerate for so long. In a way, it's so scary to think that in a few days, I could be back in the 220's. Like I said, I have never been thin. And although it is irrational, I am terrified of looking like a different person.

I've been eating way smaller portions, and have been eating extremely clean since we got home from our vacation on Sunday. I was eating so much processed or high fat foods, and I have cut those all out for now. I've been eating lots of fresh fruit and vegetable, lean protein like chicken and some whole grains like brown rice. I have been drinking tons of water, exercising for about a half hour every day (can you say dance parties?!) and just thinking about everything in my body. I also have been drinking only water, where before I was drinking soda or juice every day. Oh, and maybe most importantly, I stopped eating after 8:00. On the nights where I am just so hungry, I have been able to control myself and have some chicken or even a small scoop of peanut butter.

I feel great. My skin has gotten so much clearer and is glowing already. I'm excited. Mark is also eating differently, and he is motivated and excited, too. He has about 40-50 pounds to lose to get to his ultimate goal weight, so his journey is not quite as daunting as mine, but still significant.

I'm writing this to come clean about my weight, but mostly to be held accountable. I ~~want~~ need to this time to be different. I want to be healthy, and to feel like my weight isn't holding me back from anything. On our trip to San Francisco, the hills made me embarrassingly tired. And, to be totally honest, I want to see my face. I want to see what I'm supposed to look like. I want to buy clothes in any store I walk into, and I want to live a long, long time.

So, I'll be checking in once a week from now on to specifically discuss my lifestyle changes and my weight loss journey. I'm also using the My Fitness Pal app, so if you are on there, let me know! I need friends, online and off, to encourage me and who understand how freaking hard this is.

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What I Wore In San Francisco

2013-03-26T21:50:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I shared a long post about our trip to San Francisco over the weekend. We had a great time getting away with our friends and even some of our siblings. We were celebrating my friend Ali's 30th birthday and we had days and night filled with going to fun places. I tried to take pictures of all of my outfits, but I totally forgot to get a few of them. It was crazy how hard it was to remember to stop a take a picture everywhere we went. In the end, I have three outfits to share, although some of them were taken a on a cell phone. Drinking wine and remembering things don't always go together so well...

This was one of my casual site sighting outfits that I wore the first day in town. My sweater is from Target and I got my scarf from Ebay.

For my friend, Ali's official birthday dinner, we all got a little dressed up and headed to The Stinking Rose for dinner, which I had heard about forever. It's a restaurant centered around garlic, and we all loved our food and the fun atmosphere. The dinner was delicious and so fun! It was just a perfect night, which we followed up with another great day and night on the town.

My dress is Forever 21 plus, my sweater was from Costco forever ago, I ordered my bubble necklace from Simple Addiction and the strappy silver sandals are from Forever 21, too.

I love this picture of me with my ladies! We looked pretty darn good, if I do say so myself!

Sorry about the picture quality on these, too! Sheesh!

This dress is from Target, and so are the boots. Everything else has already made an appearance!

I'm so sad about the two outfits I didn't take pictures of, because they were my favorites. Oh, well... that just means I get to replicate them in the near future.

Are clothes an important part of your vacations? I love planning my outfits and I always have so much knowing I look my best in a new place. I've been to San Francisco many times, but this was the longest I have stayed there as an adult. It is quickly becoming one of my favorite places. I can't wait to go back!

A Perfect Weekend in San Francisco (In Defense of Vacation)

2013-03-25T20:24:00.001-07:00

I've been away from the blog for a few more days than I like to, but I have a really good reason. We spent Thursday through Sunday in San Francisco, having an amazing time celebrating my friend, Ali's 30th birthday. My friend, Annie, and I have been planning this group trip for about a month and it turned out so well. I was the official "documentarian" of the group, so I tried to take as many pictures as I could. I often was having so much fun that I forgot to document everything. I did capture a lot, though, so be prepared for a lot of pictures.

We started our trip by leaving with Annie and my brother, Alan, for the 3 1/2 hour road trip. We were so excited we could barely stand it. We got into town around three in the afternoon on Thursday, and we knew exactly how we wanted to spend our day: The Musee Mechanique to check out all the old video games, animitronics, dioramas and other cool things they had in there. We spent a little over an hour there, then walked around Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39. Those places are such tourist traps, yet I still somehow end up there every time. We bought a baguette from Boudin bakery, and sat on the pier, enjoying the view and just being together.

After our afternoon of sightseeing, we headed to Mark's brother's house to stay the night. We were so happy to see him, and it was nice to have a quiet night in before the weekend of craziness that was coming.

The next morning, on Friday, we headed to our hotel, the Financial District Hilton and we left our bags at the front desk so we could explore the area. We had a dim sum lunch at a nearby restaurant and then it was time to check in! We met the brithday girl, Ali, in the lobby and we were so stoked to check out the room we were all sharing.

All six of us had split the cost for this amazing room- a presidential suite on the 27th floor- and it was the best decision of the whole trip. None of could really afford a room like this on our own, but divided in 6, it was actually incredibly reasonable. There was one bedroom for the birthday girl and her boyfriend, and then Mark and I shared a pull out sofa bed. Annie had the couch and Alan slept on a roll away bed. We were actually pretty comfortable, except for poor Annie who was not used to Mark's extremely loud snoring.

Our room had two balconies and the view was seriously unbelievable. We spent a lot of time out there, and agreed the balcony was one of the highlights of the whole trip. Also, because we were in a presidential suite, we had access to the executive lounge, which was such a huge bonus. We could get coffees, tea, soda, snacks, wine and more at any time of the day. We also took advantage of the free continental breakfast in the lounge every morning and that was pretty awesome, too.

On Friday afternoon, right after we settled in, us girls went to the spa in the hotel for a mani/pedi and it was great. It would have normally been too expensive for us, but we had a Groupon for 50% off. When they heard it was Ali's birthday, they brought us champagne and a fruit and cheese plat to snack on during our pedicures. It was the perfect way for the three of us to connect and start the trip off with conversation and beautiful nails. So fun!

Friday night, we all got dressed up and walked to the Stinking Rose, which was the restaurant Ali had selected. We brought our bottles of wine, which I made customized labels for (partly to be festive and partly to hide the fact that it was Two Buck Chuck from Trader Joe's). Bringing in our own inexpensive wine saved us a lot of money, even with the corkage fee. I had garlic Crab at dinner and we all ate tons of marinated garlic and bread. It was a perfect dinner and ended with a garlic hat and dessert for the birthday girl.

We headed back to the hotel after that, where we drank more wine on the balcony and talked. Oh, we also had cupcakes waiting that we had ordered from a local bakery, so that was fun. It was a pretty quiet evening and we all went to bed around 12:30. We joked about how we were all getting old because we used to party until 6:00 AM when we all started hanging out ten years ago. It felt so good to wake the next morning with energy and pretty much no hangover. Yay for moderation!

The next day was Saturday, and we walked to Union Square and then took Bart to Dolores Park. We bought one of the best burritos I had ever had, and then had a picnic in the park. It was such a fun, relaxing time and the weather was perfect. It definitely has a very free, loose vibe and people just hang around with beers or whatever they wanted to do. We had a guy try to sell us coconuts and shots of rum from a bottle he was holding. Also, a Japanese tourist came up to my friends and asked," where is the weed man? We can't find him and we want to buy some!" We laughed about that forever.

After Dolores Park, Mark and I had a tiny bit of alone time to travel back to the hotel together and then go into Chinatown to buy a few little gifts to bring back to the kids. It was so nice to be able to think about the kids and talk with my husband for an hour or two, before we geared up for what we knew would be the more wild night.

We ordered amazing pizza to our room, and then we all got ready to head out. By this time, our party had grown by a few more people, and we were all so excited to get to the surprise destination that Annie and I had selected after weeks of searching for the perfect thing to do. We decided to rent out a private room at a karaoke bar and it was incredible. The drinks weren't too pricey, but we quickly figured out that bottle service was the way to go for such a large group. I had never had bottle service before, and that combined with the private room was really a top notch experience.

Mark's brother and his wife surprised us all by showing up at the karaoke bar, and that just made the night even more awesome. Mark and I were so excited to hang out with them a little more and we all just had a great time. We sang song after song and were all just happy and silly together. It was such a memorable night and I would recommend it to anyone. Unfortunately, I didn't bring my big camera that night, so I only have cell phone pictures. I'm also leaving out most of the pictures of that night to protect the innocent, but we all had our moments.

We had started early on Saturday to get the best rate at the Karaoke place, so our time was up at 10:00 PM after three hours. We went back to the hotel to enjoy one last night of the view and the amazing room. We spent a few hours talking and hanging out, and then we all went to bed pretty early again.

When we woke up on Sunday, we were all laughing about the shenanigans of the night before. We slowly picked up our room, figured out what belonged to whom, and had one last coffee on the balcony. As we said our goodbyes and headed home, I was shocked at the sadness that overtook me as we drove home.

I was so excited to see the kids, and even our puppy, and that allowed me to ignore how sad I was as we got closer to home. I had missed the kids terribly, but I knew the whole time that would be the only vacation Mark and I would take without them this year. I knew that Mark and I needed time to have fun and reconnect, so I had focused on that instead of the pain of missing the kids.

But, the one thing I hadn't counted on was the hole I felt when I realized how far away we are from all of these people we love so much. Mark and I are extremely outgoing, social people. Our friends and family have always meant the world to us and time connecting with others is really important to us as a couple. I realized how much I love and admire these amazing people in our lives- our friends that just showered us with generosity and love as well as our family that show time and time again that they know us better than anyone.

It seems like a stretch perhaps, but this vacation really changed my life and has left me a better person. I am so inspired by this experience and all the great people that continually impact us. Listening to everyone talk about their jobs, their relationships, their lives in general really inspired me to really keep pursuing my dreams and to work towards personal and professional success.

Basically, I loved this trip and I want to earn more experiences like it. I want to surround myself with the people who love and support us and know the true us. I'm on such a natural high after giving and receiving so much love and sharing so much laughter. I know not everyone can just leave for the weekend with their friends, but if you can, you really should. Some might see a child free vacation as selfish or something, but every penny and moment spent missing the kids was so worth it. And honestly, one of the bests about going as a group was that most costs were split in six or more. We honestly spent a small amount compared to how luxurious our trip was.

Have I mentioned that I'm already planning next year?

Hyundai Santa Fe's Epic Playdate Weekend

2013-03-20T18:59:00.000-07:00

If I could plan my own "epic playdate weekend" for my family, I would have a hard time deciding just what to do. One choice would be to explore a big city and show them all sorts of things we don't have locally, like a zoo, large museums, themed restaurants and unique parks. I know my kids would have an amazing time experiencing new things and seeing so many people in one place.

Another choice I would definitely consider is the beach. I would plan lots of fun activities and new experiences for the kids, like different games and camping. I would love to be able to spend a weekend with other families with kids for my children to become friends with, and just be silly and have fun. My kids have only been to the beach once in their life, but they talk about it all the time and keep asking to go back to the beach and play.

Hyundai Santa Fe's Epic Playdate Weekend sounds pretty much exactly like my fantasy beach playdate weekend with my kids. Actually, I think it sounds even better than my version because of all the cool people that will be there!

Different well-known and awesome bloggers (like Dooce, Mighty Girl, Oh Happy Day, Oh Joy, Say Yes To Hoboken, Girls Gone Child, BoingBoing, and How To Be A Dad) will be hosting this fun event in Santa Barbara, California. They're camping on the beach and hosting amazing sounding workshops and stations for the kids, like an ice cream sundae bar, a paint fight, a kids’ photography class, a hula-hooping workshop, and more!

Of course, given that there are all the fabulous bloggers doing amazing things in an amazing place, it's a pretty exclusive invite-only event. I would so love to go, wouldn't you?!

Well, now you have a chance because you can enter a sweepstakes for a chance to win a trip for four to Hyundai Santa fe's Epic Playdate Weekend, April 27 from 9am-5pm in Santa Barbara, CA. How cool would that be?

So, before you enter, you should know that you have to have a Pinterest account in order to enter. Also, when asked on the form "how did you hear about us?", please select "Clever girls Collective." For full details and to enter, see the official entry form here.

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls Collective, and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

What I Wore

2013-03-19T18:57:00.003-07:00

I wore this outfit for running errands and meeting a friend for lunch. I've been wearing this skirt and maxi skirt/dress separately forever, but I finally found a super cute way to pair them. I love this comfortable yet put together look for Spring. I felt fantastic all day!

Both of these pieces a little shapeless, so when I wore them together it looked really matronly and well, dumpy. I just added a skinny belt, and pulled my blouse out to create another little layer, and some waist definition.

As you can tell, I'm loving my new emerald bag and it seriously makes me happy every time I take it anywhere. It's also making me love color even more, which may or not be a good thing considering how colorful my outfits already are.

A few of you asked where I got the bag, so here's a link to the Ebay store that I purchased it from. Can you believe it only cost $23, including shipping? Just another reason to love it!

Mark and I are leaving on Thursday for a group trip with some of our best friends to San Francisco. One of my dear friends is turning 30 and we have gone all out planning an amazing weekend to celebrate her. I can't even describe how excited to spend three nights in my absolute favorite town. I've been planning my outfits for weeks and cannot wait to share them with you next Wednesday!

I'm linking up withThe Pleated Poppy

Me to You Monday

2013-03-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone noticed, but I didn't do "Me to You Monday" last week. I had a cold that day and I spent most of it just feeling miserable. Today, I feel great and I'm making up for last week by sharing THREE free printables that I made this weekend..

Feel free to print these 8 1/2 " x 11" PDF sheets to use as wall art or pin them to your quote board on Pinterest or anything you else you would like. I have so much fun making these and sharing them with you.

This week, all the prints are inspired by my upcoming trip to San Francisco with a group of some of our closest friends. One of my best friends, Ali, is turning thirty on Friday and we have so many amazing plans for the weekend. This will be the one vacation mark and I will take without the kids this year (a tradition we feel is necessary for our sanity) and I am so looking forward it. I will definitely share pictures when I get back on Sunday!

Anyway, I hope at least one of these makes you as happy as they make me!

Get this FREE 8 1/2 " x 11" printable here

Get this 8 1/2" x 11" FREE printable here

A New Addition

2013-03-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

No, I don't mean a baby.

Well, not a human baby.

This is the new addition to our family:

I am so excited to introduce to you Clara, our new puppy! She is a Lab/German Shepherd mix. She is just the sweetest little girl and she has fit right in with our family over the past three days.

Mark and I decided to start looking for a dog a few months ago, mainly because the foot traffic on our street has increased a lot, and we've had a few nerve-wracking encounters with passersby. I just really like the idea of having a loud bark on the other side of the door if necessary, and I never feel alone if there's a dog in the house. It's been three years since our poodle, Gidget passed away at the age of 15, and we felt like the kids were finally old enough to handle a puppy in the house. Actually, we weren't even looking for a puppy. We originally planned to adopt an adult dog front the local shelter, but then Clara came into our lives.

My mother in law read an ad in the newspaper for puppies that needed a new home and they weren't charging any sort of "re-homing fee" or something. Mark and I are pretty passionate about rescue animals, and I felt like these people obviously weren't having puppies to make money, and they genuinely needed good homes. Mark's aunt got one of Clara's brothers, and then she let us know there was a girl available. We thought the Shepherd/lab mix was a great combination, so we took the opportunity and picked her up that day. I am so happy her brother in is the family too, so they will be able to have lots of puppy play dates together. Clara was the runt of the litter, and her brother is such a bruiser compared to her. He's even fluffier and really cute, too!

The kids absolutely adore her and they have been really patient and kind to her. She is a very loved dog and I think all three of them have made new lifelong friends. We're definitely going to take her to puppy school and whatever other training it takes to make her a happy part of our family. I'm just so excited to have her and the kids grow up together.

It has been a lot of work, but it has been so worth it. She is so sweet, adorable and loving. She is a little puppy, of course, so she's half crazy energy and half sleepy snuggle monster. I am so happy and thankful for this little girl and I'm so excited to have our family grow!

DIY Chalkboard Plant Markers

2013-03-14T09:19:00.002-07:00

The idea for this project has been floating around in my mind for weeks, so I am so happy I finished them and they are finally in my garden.

I purchased a 6-pack of these flat wooden rectangles from a craft store for a few dollars. I also bought the 12-inch wooden dowels that they are attached to,and those were pretty cheap, too.

I started by painting the boards with black chalkboard paint. I used this Martha Stewart brand chalkboard paint, which I have used before and I love. One bottle is around 6 or 7 dollars, and as long as you aren't painting large spaces, it goes pretty far.

Image via

Let's talk about coats.

As in, you're going to need to do multiple coats of paint to get a surface that is truly a chalkboard that erases cleanly and easily. I have used this brand of paint on glass before, and I only needed to do one coat to get the results I was looking for. With the unfinished wood, the first layer was practically totally absorbed into the wood after a night to dry. After I painted one more coat, and I could still see the wood grain through the paint. Also, when I tested a piece of chalk on it, it wouldn't wipe anyway without water. Not a chalkboard in my opinion.

So, I found three coats, with at least a few hours to dry in between, to be perfect.

I then busted out my Sharpie paint pens to add the designs in light pink around the borders of the signs. I just free-styled it, but tried to use some of the same shapes and incorporated the word, "grow" throughout many of the designs.

After I had the sign painted and finished, I simply hot glued the wooden dowels to the back of the signs. Another (and probably wiser) choice would be to use wood glue and then clamp the dowel to the sign overnight. But, maybe that would be overkill. I *think* these will hold up outside!

The "flower bed" is what I am most looking forward to seeing come to life as Spring arrives. The vintage bed frame is filled with wildflower seeds and just yesterday, I saw a few teeny-tiny sprouts popping up!

To continue the whole bed pun, I added this sign that says, "Shhh...these flowers are sleeping!"

Check out the rest of my plant markers down below. I love these so much, I plan on making about a dozen more to place around the garden. They really help to visually organize the garden and add such a fun pop of color and design!

The broccoli is currently the only crop in our raised beds, but it will have a lot of company soon. I cannot wait to get our tomatoes, pickling cucumbers, beans and other veggies in the soil soon!

Thanks for checking out my latest project! Are you planting a garden this Spring?

What I Wore Wednesday

2013-03-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

I had a surprise visit from some out of town friends this weekend, and I was able to sneak out for brunch with them on Sunday morning. I wore this to brunch! I love mixing stripes and patterns with a little pop of color, so this outfit was right up my alley!

My dress is from Forever 21, and my striped cardigan and flats are from Target. I ordered my grey bubble necklace from Simple Addiction and I ordered my emerald purse from Ebay.

Last Wednesday, my post was super emotional and scary for me, because I talked about my weight (in numbers) and what it means for me to be plus size and still share my outfits. The post had a record number of comments for me, and they were all amazingly supportive, positive and affirming. This has been a life-changing experience for me. I feel so free, and I mentioned earlier last week, I always imagined that sharing my weight would be the worst thing in the world. Now that I have, I finally, finally, feel like my weight is just a number.

Getting Ready For Spring

2013-03-08T15:16:00.003-08:00

I know a lot of people still dealing with snow (and lots of it), but here in Northern California it is really looking like spring. I used to think Spring was boring and just reminded that the oppressive heat was arriving (we're talks months of 105 degree weather), but now I love Spring. I love seeing everything come to life. And now, spring means I get to put my garden in. I have been so excited to get started and for the past month or so, we have been really preparing for warmer weather and lots of time spent outdoors.

I have had a vision of a super colorful, playful garden and backyard running through my head all winter. I've started see some of my vision come to life, with the help of a lot of spray paint, and a lot of dirt under my nails. Below is a picture of my container garden that I'm pretty much in love with.

This picture is taken from underneath our gazebo/arbor thing that we grow wisteria over. In the summer, it creates a really cool little roof to keep the sun off of us. We have a patio table under there, too and we have enjoyed a lot of outdoor meals here. You can kind of see the structure and the Wisteria a little better in this picture:

So far, I have planted lots of basil and pretty much any other herb you can think of. We also have a small container strawberry patch going on. Last year, I let the strawberries plants spread and reproduce instead of really getting too much fruit. This year, we're rewarded with about 12 plants that will produce fruit this year.

I'm also super excited about these hanging pots that we'll be placing around the garden. A few strawberry plants are planted in these, but I still have to figure out the rest.

Oh, and here's a big tip! I didn't want to spend too much on hanging pots, but the cheapest at a home supply store was almost $10 and they didn't have the look I wanted. I went to the dollar store, and found these pots in the outdoor section, but they were terra cotta colored. They didn't have holes in the bottom, so I drilled 4 holes in the bottom for drainage. I then spray painted them in exactly the colors I wanted. I bought colorful rope to coordinate with the pots from the dollar store, too! I drilled four more holes under the lip of the pot to thread the rope through and there you go, custom hanging pot for a couple of bucks total.

My mother in law had this perfectly aged and weathered vintage bed frame and she always wanted to plant flowers in it, but never had the time to do it. I really wanted to be able to show it to her and I thought it would be perfect to create another visual "wall" for our outdoor dining room. There are tons of wildflowers and different flower seeds planted in there, with Morning Glories planted at the head and foot to create blooming vines. I'm really excited to share how this turns out!

Oh, and right off to the other side is the chicken run we had to make to keep the chickens out of the garden. They were a little miffed the first day, but now they're back to their carefree selves. And, since we've been doing so much work outside, they have been loving all the pulled weeds and things that we put in their yard to keep them happy and busy. Oh, they also get daily scraps for our meals, too. These are some happy, spoiled chickens! My next project is to paint the chicken coop, so that will be fun!

Aside from our container garden, we have two raised beds that we need to get planted soon. I know we'll be doing tomatoes, zuchinni, cucumbers, beans, corns and pumpkins. We already have our potatoes in, and we also have some broccoli sprouts we're planting today. In the front yard, we have a plum tree, an apricot tree, a blood peach tree and we also just planted three blueberry bushes. The blueberry plants already smell amazing and we are all so excited about enjoying those in the future. We also have two grape vines and I just planted a row of sunflowers for the seeds. It's a lot of work, but I just love everything about this stuff.

I'm planning a more detailed post in the next few days about having a backyard garden (oh, and the chickens!), so if you have any questions, please ask and I'll answer them!

This is Why I Blog.

2013-03-07T20:51:00.001-08:00

Wow.

I have had an amazing couple of days since I shared my last blog post, where I discussed body image, and most importantly, my real weight. In numbers.

The support through blog comments, Twitter, Instagram and facebook kind of blew me away.

This is why I blog. Why I could never stop. I love connecting with people, and I love having my own place on the internet to share whatever I think is important. I just cannot describe how good I feel today, knowing that I somehow became a different person overnight by just writing a few words and pressing Publish.

I feel free.

I feel like revealing my weight to the world was always my worst nightmare.

Now that I have lived through what I imagined to be so horrible, I finally, finally feel like my weight is just a number. For the first time in my life, I feel like the burden of my secret is gone. I might still be overweight, I might have a long way to go in my health journey, but the shame is gone.

Thank you all for being part of this incredible experience for me. I feel comfortable in the role, talking frankly about my body and what it means to me, and that is something I never imagined possible. I sort of feel invincible right now. I feel like that the tiny act of bravery I did just changed my life. I jumped, and so many beautiful, uplifting people were there to catch me with their words.

And the craziest thing is, I want to do it again. I just want to keep talking, and keep hearing what other women have to say about all this. This freedom, this...realness is soothing to my soul, and leads me to a more authentic self.

So, thank you. Even if you didn't comment or anything, thank you. Thank you for being here and being the reason I blog. Thank you for giving me a platform to say "This is me. Take me or leave me, but I love myself." This is why I blog. To try to evolve and grow and change, and maybe if I'm lucky, I'll affect someone else along the way.

The Scariest What I Wore Wednesday

2013-03-05T16:44:00.002-08:00

Hi, everyone! Welcome to another What I Wore Wednesday here at That Kind of Mom! I try to share at least one outfit a week, and I usually have two or three. This week, I have one, BUT I also made a collage of basically all of my favorite outfits I have put together since I started doing WIWW a few years ago.

I might not always keep up with taking pictures of my outfits, but I really do dress like this. On a lot of days, I am in yoga pants and a hoodie, but I love clothes. I'm plus size, yes, but I love clothes and I actually think I look good sometimes (shock!)

I consider weight loss part of a lifelong journey to become a healthy person (physically, emotionally & spiritually), and sometimes it's just not the thing I'm focusing on. But, as someone who has been not thin my entire life, I have never thought that I had to hide myself or my body. Like I said, I love clothes. Over the years, I have received quite a few e-mails and comments that have said the same thing, "You're so brave and I wish I was able to have the confidence that you do." And, after wiping off the tears of gratitude streaming down my face, I feel angry and sad. Really. Someone, somewhere, has told these beautiful women that they don't deserve to express themselves through their clothing. Someone told them that they weren't good enough, or that their bodies turned them off.

I've heard it before, too, and I've talked about fat-shaming here before...but I still get angry. And I feel like I have to keep sharing my outfits. I realize very few people will see this, and I'm not a celebrity or even a well-known blogger, but I still know this is one of those things I have to keep doing. The funny thing is I consider myself pretty conservative in my clothing, but I know a lot of plus size women hide in oversized clothes or layers.

I know when I see other larger women, especially when they look freakin' good, I'm always thinking "but she's way smaller than me. I could never pull that off!" Well, I'm here to say, I am really not a small woman, at all. I'm obese. And here's something I have never revealed to anyone and certainly never spoken aloud to anyone besides my husband or a nurse.

Today, I weigh 236 pounds. I am 5'4" tall. I wear between a size 18 and a size 22. I wear an XXL in brands that carry it, or 1X or 2X in plus size clothes. And I love myself.

If you just read my stats, then I must have managed to stop my heart from racing uncontrollably and I somehow became insanely brave. I mean, as I am typing this, everything within me is telling me to erase this whole post and pretend these thoughts didn't happen. I am truly terrified, but I feel like I have to. I know someone right now is judging me. And I have to let that go.

Because, seriously, I love myself. I like what I see in the mirror most days. I hate that I've let myself get so unhealthy and what it's doing to me physically, but I love me. I still get self conscious, and I want to hide some days. But, the truth is that I don't have to feel frumpy unless I allow myself to feel frumpy. And neither do you. I wish women of all sizes would be supportive and loving to each other, and help create relationships that build each other up. What I Wore Wednesday has been such an amazingly supportive community of women and I count myself blessed to be a part of it. It has been wonderful to see more and more women of all shapes, and sizes and I would love for even more women to participate.

I don't think I have ever asked my readers to pin a post before, or link to it or anything, but I just would love to show even more women that plus size doesn't have to mean dull, covered up, baggy, only black clothing. If you feel so inclined, it would mean the world to me if you pinned my collage to Pinterest or somehow shared this post. I feel like this post has been about 2 1/2 years in the coming, and it just feels so...important to me. So thank you for even reading this.

Oh, I almost forgot the whole point of this post; to share an outfit from last week! Here's what I wore to a girl's night dinner and margaritas. It was so much fun and I felt great in this outfit. As usual, my whole outfit is pretty much entirely from Target, and I paired my tunic with denim leggings from No Nonsense, a black cardigan and my fave boots. Oh, and in the lower picture you can kind of see my new green purse. I'm obsessed with , so get prepared to see it a lot!

That night, as I got ready, I shared this on Instagram with this caption:

"Smoke and mirrors, folks. Smoke and mirrors."

What can I say? I seriously crave and need transparency and realness in my life. I'm 30, yo! I've spent way too long worrying about what others think. It's time for me to just stop hating on myself and to really love all of myself...even my mustache.

Thank you again for reading this terrifying and liberating post. Would you ever share your weight on your blog? Am I insane for doing this?

I'm linking up with The Pleated Poppy