with unveiled face

new blog address

2010-01-19T11:21:00.002+00:00

http://laurenmusgrave.wordpress.com

old vs. new

2009-12-07T19:53:00.002+00:00

In order to take up the cross, deny self and follow Christ– do we need to know what self is? I think if we didn’t know what self is, and who we are, then we would leave behind precious truth, and stories that have meaning and power to help and heal those that we cross paths with – we are not held by this wounded ‘old self’, but through looking at what self is, and the woundedness therein, we are being healed and brought into the ‘new self’ – the new creation, in Christ – this means to deny the old sinful self, and instead walk in the healed new self.

The self that takes up the cross of Jesus is one that is in the process of being healed – on the journey to real freedom.

This freedom connects and identifies with the the Holy Spirit as all that it is comes into line with life, being fully alive in the resurrection of the cross.

Matthew 16:24-28
Then Jesus spoke to his disciples. He said, "If anyone wants to follow me, he must say no to himself. He must pick up his cross and follow me. If he wants to save his life, he will lose it. But if he loses his life for me, he will find it. "What good is it if someone gains the whole world but loses his soul? Or what can anyone trade for his soul?

There is no good in forfeiting the human soul, for it has holds treasure to the person that walks the journey of healing. Losing the old self, means finding life in Christ, in his death and resurrection – which means we find life in suffering as we share in the suffering of Christ – this is crazy, but it doesn’t make sense to the human mind that processes all things on earth, but instead to the human spirit that is in line to the Spirit of God that processes and identifies with the humanity of Christ, here on earth as it is in heaven.

locks.

2009-11-01T15:33:00.004+00:00

The oppression is from the consequences of someone's wounded disposition that found its crack in yours. That woundedness has locked into your own disposition and you have carried that for a long time now. You were not created to carry those burdens. Be free from the chains that have found themselves around your ankles and wrists. But even still, those words 'be free' still leave you with a pain in your chest. It numbs you....

You think that you are not qualified for being free...that you are meant to stay in this place...but you are not meant to remain here...

grace...

...has set you free from all bondage. All slavery.

You have sin in your nature. And sin was done to you.

However, if you believe and have faith - you are free by the grace that has saved you through Jesus who died on that cross!

Take a little step. Then another. You can trust him. He is trustworthy.

"Look! The winter is past. The rains are over and gone. Flowers are appearing on the earth. The season for singing has come." Song of Solomon 2:11-12

That pain in your chest will begin to shift to hope as his spirit shows you the locks that have held you for so long.

trust.

2009-10-13T16:45:00.002+01:00

I'm sitting in a coffee shop...one of my best places to stop and think...as well as watch the world go by. I love people watching, it makes me aware even more so of people, seeing reactions, mannerisms, and interactions with others. I love it.

So, I have been thinking about a few things lately, and whilst picking up a treasured possession sometime last week, I found myself reading about wisdom...namely Psalms, and Proverbs.

What was so astounding, was that as I was reading about lady wisdom, I realized that she keeps me safe, and secure. What does wisdom say it does? It says that if I cry out for insight and understanding, I will then understand the reverent fear and worship of my God...and I will therefore REALLY KNOW HIM! This is not insight of my own, but it is of God!

Where does safety and security come into the equation of wisdom? Well, these are found in trust. In a trustworthy relationship with the Father, his understanding above all things.

Through your life experiences and seeking out the Word of God, your cry is to want to know Him! You know him when you trust Him, and trust comes when you cry out for his ways through the hardships and suffering, and not your ways. It sounds harsh, but he promises a land that you will dwell in forever, in safety and security...

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding...in all your ways, know, recognize and acknowledge him, and he will direct and make straight and plain your paths.' Proverbs 3: 5-6

This is lady wisdom...she says she will bring you into reverent awe, and prompt you to cry out for Godly insight, and in return she will keep you safe in a land that you will live in forever...a land where you settle in trust, where peace lay holds of you, and you will not be afraid of the terrors of the dark.

there comes a day.

2009-09-21T17:58:00.005+01:00

I was on the bus today, it was my day off.

My capacity to think was not as high as normal, but I have realized that that is alright...as thoughts come in from nowhere that actually are good, and I have also come to recognize that voice that lets me know that it is safe to go 'there' (wherever your 'there' is), and allow the thought to progress into something....it's about having control over your thought life...

But you know though, when it is so easy to worry, like where you have come from in your struggles and trials, what has happened in your life, and allow the old Lauren (insert name here) to run back there to that place.

Fear loves to entrap you in that 'place' of numbness, where in your mind you think 'how silly do you think you are, that you could move forward.' But in your heart you just so want to be there person you were designed to be, in purity, integrity and wholeness....

There comes a day in all your trials and tribulations, that you can let go, and in courage move forward as you know trust in your heart, that your life is not meant for nothing....that your life's trials were not meant for nothing.

That day will come for you...it really will come...

beautiful story.

2009-08-31T01:09:00.002+01:00

Some of the the most beautiful stories of the hearts of men and women, are birthed from some of the most painful experiences of loss and suffering.

Even though you don't understand what is going on through this time in your life...just remember to keep on persevering in your faith...never underestimate perseverance...your story is going to be one of the most powerful stories that touches the hearts and lives of others, to inspire them and give them hope to the hopeless heart, mind and soul.

Your perseverance is promised to develop character...a character that is being built up in confidence, humbless, compassion and kindness...

...and above all, the love that we experience through coming to know hope, is a love that doesn't shame or disappoint us...Rom 5:3-5

This is the love that we come to know through the stories of our own lives, in loss, pain or hardship...the stories that will change the lives of others, and set eternity in their hearts...

...those stories which God makes beautiful...in it's time.

a little something.

2009-08-30T02:13:00.004+01:00

..never dismiss the patient enduring...it is for the development and establishing of the things unseen...

... don't live by the superficiality of the surface, but resource yourself from the crevices of the healing deep.

death.

2009-08-30T02:12:00.003+01:00

In order for you to gain life, do you not have to know what you have lost? Sounds silly I know, but think about it...

I was talking with someone a few weeks back, and the above sentence jumped out of my mouth, and it astounded even myself. It clicked...

Loss is not something we all want to have to experience...but it happens to us...to most of us...loss of homeland/tribe, family, friend...there is also loss of identity through trauma, loss of security of heart and mind through words said to us...loss of worth through void crucial relationships like mother and father, or growing up in peer groups...

There is so much to say about all the above...but I'll keep this short...

Your heart, mind and soul, experiences situations and trauma that you just did not expect to happen...then how do you have to all of a sudden deal with yourself in the situation...

You are at a loss....a loss for words....a loss for peace...a loss of sanity....a loss of well-being...the list goes on....and on...and on...

So I'll go to the beginning...for you to gain life, don't pretend that you have not lost treasures of earth...

Life...actual life, like, breathing and living life in fullness and well-being...you have to face the things you have lost...heal, and move on...no actually, I mean move 'in'...that is where the part of gaining life comes...

Moving in...moving into Christ...why?

Because the crevices of your deep soul are being activated and are looking for substitutes.....the places that Christ needs to fill...the risen Christ...life through death...crucifixion to resurrection...death to life...

...the life of Christ...

original copy.

2009-08-27T23:39:00.002+01:00

...be original by being unoriginal. in other words. be who you were created to be. not by the standards of people. but by the grace of God.

I know, I posted this on my facebook a little while ago, but it reminded me of what I was thinking about today...sorry, but it wasn't on the way to work...but at home...I was too fried whilst walking and trying to think...

The little thought goes like this......if we stopped copying other people, and allowed God to develop, build and transform our inner beings through him, even in the unknowingness of life...would we then actually believe we were unique and actually believe the christian cliche verses of Psalm 139? We love saying it, but do we really KNOW it in our beings?

The beginning of this post says about being who you are by the grace of God..not people, and what they say over your life...

Be the original person that you were created to be...which means, you can have revelations like CS. Lewis, and the rest...not just like them, but more, or however which way it happens...but this is not for recognition, but just in humbleness, allowing God to bring hope and freedom to others...once you know it is available to your own heart and soul...

...as the great verse goes in Psalm 139...'you formed my inward parts, you did knit me together in my mother's womb...I will confess and praise you...wonderful are your works, and that my inner self knows that well.'

Wonderful you! Unique and created you! Know it well! Trust and rely on a trustworthy and reliable God...

shame.

2009-08-26T22:11:00.004+01:00

You'll never believe this! But I was walking to work (again!)...and I had some thoughts!!

my thoughts were about...shame...

I was thinking about what happens when we are aware, or not even aware, of what we do with shame on our lives.

It's probably what you would call, our 'relationship with shame.'

You don't realize the times when you feel shame in your life, other than it being an obvious overwhelming emotion that paralyzes you from the inside out...but this relationship disguises itself in a way that sometimes is hard to identify...and I was thinking about it this morning, as we unknowingly act out a persona or story with this 'shame.'

You know in those films where there is a scene, and someone pretends like they don't know someone, and acts like everything is okay in their presence, but away from their friends, they know this person?

Its like this relationship with shame...you befriend this unpopular reaction called shame that hangs around with you, but until you get into the presence of the Almighty God, we pretend like we don't know anything about it...and that we are okay. We almost live these two separate characters, one that cultivates this shame , but when we pray, talk with God, or let him search our hearts, we automatically pretend like we don't know this character called 'shame.' Our hearts then become discouraged from not feeling like we are known, as we actually don't allow God to permeate our entire being when we commune with him...and let us be KNOWN by him...

However in Psalm 34:1-4 it talks about looking and seeking after the Lord, delivering us from all our fears and troubles, and our faces will become radiant, which will not blush for shame, or be confused.

...its about being in his presence with every part of you, enquiring and seeking after the Lord with our faces turned to him, and that shame lifting as we look to him, and are left radiant.

Our relationship with shame then begins to lose its grip...and you are then able to walk in the unveiled glory without confusion of who you are in him....

train rides.

2009-08-25T22:50:00.004+01:00

I was on my way to work this morning...on the train. And I asked God to be with me today. I asked him to help me be in step with him...I did not know where to start with my prayers and conversation with him. But I just started talking, and asking him to be near.

...and then he started letting me in on a little secret...

He directed me in my heart towards my gaze, and where I was looking. All he was saying is 'look up and fix your eyes on me...not on people. You are meant to love people, not seek out who you are in them.' There is a BIG difference...and we get the two so confused!

This obviously was going deep - but I started to understand - that when I do actually look TO him, it frees others to be who they are meant to be, because I am not expecting something from them, or demand their love. As I fix my eyes on him, I am able to love in freedom.

How this works practically...is everytime my thoughts want to compare myself to another, is when I stop myself and tell the thoughts of my heart to look upward, the character and steadfast love of God...here is where the freedom actually begins to take place. Do you know how freeing that is??!

Colossians 3 speaks of looking to things above, the new life you have stepped into, and are walking in through the resurrected Christ - and you have to die to something to find life...walk through the darkness into the light...He hides you in his glory...his resurrection...through death. Through this death I am able to live in life...life in loving people for who they are created to be...in freedom.

..this morning I was so grateful for that moment I had with the father...

i hate all your shows

2009-08-03T22:25:00.003+01:00

Amos 5:23-24

"I can't stand your religious meetings.
I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,
your public relations and image making.
I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
That's what I want. That's all I want."

medicine.

2009-07-14T23:55:00.004+01:00

I do really like to laugh...laughing from the deepest part of me, is medicine to my soul and also acts as a feeding tube into my functioning as a human being in the times of a world that does not know what to do with my life...BUT I need not worry, as my life is being held high in the hands of my Jesus.. So the things that enter in, and travel through that tube, are tested from the hearts of another, and the purity of their own journey...where they are, authentic in their walk even though it may be a painful journey for them...or even confusing....however they are not denying where they are. That is what makes me joyful, from the life of another person...sharing in their life...their character interwoven in their story...which brings times of sadness, yet also times of joy...it makes my own heart jump inside of me...that life is meant to be spent with one another as we walk through confusion, pain....yet joy comes in the mourning...don't give up...your story is meant to be shared with another...whatever, and however it looks...keep going...

i have a dream.

2009-07-12T22:41:00.005+01:00

In the words of Luther... I have a dream....for the church...not just for a nation geographically, or even for the content of character rather than the colour of skin...but for the hearts of leaders, to turn back to their Lord...the church...

Where serving is not used as a 'means of grace'...worth is not found in works or the building of a system but instead where there is a cultivation of 'working out your own salvation', and for chains to be broken from the ankles of slaves not just of colour, but slaves of religiosity and performance driven success.

I have a dream that within each one of us, we are looking to the Lord for our healing...stripping off the need to use power in place of weakness...

I have a dream to let people be themselves where they are...with no need to cover, hide, or be judged....where I am not holding them to their own failures, weaknesses or shortcomings...but to allow a place of rest, peace and acceptance in the place of confusion and discontentment.

Once those failings are faced...weaknesses are looked straight in the eye...shortcomings are traced...and vulnerability is sitting at your door...that is the place where we then let go our urgency to hide ourselves away, to stop using people to escape from ourselves and as a result, get up again and again and again...

Then it may be possible to say 'free at last, free at last...thank God Almighty I am free at last!!'

burning.

2009-07-07T21:38:00.009+01:00

When I was sitting around a little fire, having burgers (english ones...ew), there was a conversation going on..yet there was more to it than just a conversation. It was as if there was more theological debate hiding the character, than it was actually getting somewhere in the topic of conversation. But that's just me, I see the person rather than the information spewing forth from people's mouths.

I therefore got my phone, and wrote this down:

To know everything, and work out the intricate details of most things by human reasoning, and relying on that information, is the the deeper issue of not really knowing who you are. It is relying on you as a person and your damaged character, a separate entity from God because you have learnt to hide behind that information. He wants you to believe even when you don't hear, see or even feel him, but that means you have to strip away those things you have always covered up, built upon, and relied on. Go on...get to know the real you in the risen Christ...I dare you...

the impostor.

2009-07-05T13:43:00.009+01:00

The impostor self always wants to raise its head in times of vulnerability. When you are most fearful about being yourself, with all things that have already taken place. Things done to you, and decisions you have made yourself - who are you then when you think about such times. The times when you have succumbed to making your own choices - are they enough? Do your choices define you, or do you define your choices? Without balance to such questions, the line is blurry, the boundaries are not in place, identity is not yet formed enough to be able to rest in a place of contentment. What is contentment? Is it not the sense of actually living in the times of not knowing...but with enduring patience, putting one foot in front of the other with a sense of purpose, yet now knowing where you are going or what it is for?

When you/I sit with someone, talking, sharing, exploring the minds and hearts of one another - how much do we also question the thoughts of who we are in relation to that person? There is such a deeper current of identity taking place within those conversations that we are not aware of - who are you? You may ask if we are not being vulnerable enough within those trusted friendships and relationships, how are we then going to get to really KNOW one another? Words are powerful - are you drawing your words from the source of life and healing, or are you drawing your words from a source of guilt, loss, anxiety, anger and not dealt with experiences? Whatever your answer to those questions are, you need to know that there is such power and meaning in the depths of your character, whether wounded or free. Refrain from being hasty with your words when you are also trying to work out who you are. Spend those blurry times in the sanctuary, behind the curtain, being formed and developed in the secret place of intimacy. This does not diminish relationship with another, in figuring out who we are as there is important place for that too- but 'happy, blithesome, joyous, spiritually-prosperous, with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favour and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions, are the mild, patient and long suffering (those with controlled strength), for they will inherit the earth.' (Matthew 5:4-6). There your character is formed, developed, and above all, identity is found...rooted and established in love, God.

less talk, more transformation

2009-07-03T22:49:00.008+01:00

No one can touch those times spent, in the inner sanctury...it is of more value than gold..the blood, sweat and tears that it takes to get there...where there are no short cuts, but just you, naked, stripped of all your human imposters that cover the real you...but there you are standing before an Almighty God...who knows every inch of your system, your working, there is no hiding. In that place is where real transformation happens...where it hurts, is sacrificial, and surrender takes place...THAT is priceless. It is not something to strive after, but to seek the Lord, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, and find him in the quietness of his house, away from the noise.

...been a while.

2009-06-30T18:57:00.009+01:00

So it has been a while since I have blogged...I only posted one blog since I started this thing, but hey, small beginnings even though they were a few years apart.

Anyway, so much has happened in my life even since the last post that I actually really want to start blogging again, and share the things that are precious to me, with the world, yes I did well say that...my deep thoughts are for the public's eyes to read - whoever you are, friend, family, acquaintance or a random arrival.

As I was reading someone else's blog today...I realized yet again that I have something to share with you all - the deep crevices of my heart are wanting to reveal hope to the souls that have been convinced, through emotion and feeling, words or acts, that there is no hope. But I want to say that there is hope where you feel troubled...where you are either in that valley, or you are frustrated over the smallest relational pattern that seems to get in your way all the time! I am by no means saying I have the answers, but I am saying that I have something to say. If it means that I write it on here, talk with a friend over coffee, or dinner, so be it. I also am not saying that I have it all together, because I definitely do not have it all together, but as I have come to accept my brokenness, my story and my experiences in life, I have also come in touch with an ever increasing sense of who I am in the presence of an Almighty God, even in my weaknesses, in my trouble, and anxieties, he is still my refuge and he is still trustworthy. And it is in that place that I am once again awakened to my spiritual citizenship, by knowing that I look ahead to the race marked out, yet gaining healing from the things that have gone before.

So...from now on, I want to share with you, my heart, my story, my day. Let the world see that I have not given up on life even though I have felt it has ripped me from it's foundation at times. I am getting up, again, with a fire that is burning in my innermost being, and as a woman, grasping how much she is wholly and dearly loved, through the intimacy of her Abba Father. It has not been easy, but this life so far, as a 25 year old, has been one of intense despair and pain, with situations that words cannot express the feeling the experience brings. BUT, I am still here, and that is reason enough to speak, act, and share what I have learnt. I believe it can help you too.

....heart issues....

2007-05-04T10:20:00.006+01:00

So I thought I would start a blog to write down a few things about life in general, and mostly what God is teaching me through my walk with him....one of them....

....heart issues....the story of my life....

Have you ever felt defeat...gone through defeat...exprerienced defeat??? Well I have had this new experience arise...something I thought I would never ever actually exprience...

...have you ever hoped for change, longed for change....held on for change yet change never seems to show up...you fight for something, hope for something yet you never feel like you are seeing the 'something' happen....

...I had this metaphoric epiphany....have you ever seen a warrior/soldier fighting on their own in a battle...they are still fighting for something that everyone else is fighting for...their skills are something that is going to help the team bring victory...however when they are battling and fighting for the cause and there is no one to watch their back, there comes a time when the warrior spirit starts to fade and eventually they put down their weapons from tiredness and start walking away...

...they feel defeated....

...'Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around.' Prov 13v12 (msg)

Unstoppable dissapointment makes the heart sick and causes it to feel defeated, failed, and unable to feel like it can fight for anything anymore....BUT a sudden good break can bring fullfillment...

...I think...no, I know God is the God of change and turnaround...its his business...He knows our passions, desires, our DNA...what makes us tick...
...if I have something I long to see happen...if I constantly fight on my own for it...I will get tired...however I have the assurance that if I put my weapons down, God will pick up his and fight on my behalf...He will fight for me...thats what He does...But I need to give that over to him...trust Him in it, get on with my day in and day out things...have a hope IN Him and not hold SO tightly...let it go...do the things that make me tick, make me who I am, bring me fullfillment in this life, and let Christ do His thing...