Never Say Never

There is no difference between chickpeas and garbanzo beans.

2025-04-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

Chickpeas and garbanzo beans are essentially the same thing, just different names for the same legume. They are both part of the same plant species, Cicer arietinum, and are used interchangeably in cooking. The term "chickpea" is more common in some regions, while "garbanzo bean" is more common in others, particularly in Spanish-speaking areas.

Why would it matter? Well, apparently, when you put it on a grocery list and someone else does all the grocery shopping, it might make a difference. This is not the first time I have asked for this item, but in the future, I will ask for garbanzo beans to avoid the main shopper in our house from leaving long messages on my voicemail and going to four different stores to find chickpeas.

Fun times with ADHD looking like dementia. She was so distracted in the store that she forgot there was no difference in the items. I need a nap.

Things I had to Google today.

2021-08-16T13:12:00.009-07:00

Living in an extended family home has so many benefits.

My favorite is when my mother reads my children stories about their great grandparents and some of their adventures while owning properties in downtown San Francisco in the '60s and '70s.

Today's new words consisted of:

Hand Jobs

Blow Jobs

AIDS

Prostitution

Pasties

G-String

Drag Queen

Psychedelic

Cherries

Insane Assylum

For my sweet boy having his grandmother explain pasties was too much.

We closed my office door and started reading the little excerpts my aunt had written while helping manage the office building.

He was very embarrassed but willing to talk with me about what my mother read to him.

When I explained what a prostitute did, he said, "I'm pretty sure that is not an occupation I would not like."

We explored all of the definitions of each of our words of the day and got a quick lesson on why you don't google everything. Rue Paul is fun to see, though.

When we were done and went back out in the front room, he gave his younger brother some good advice, "If grandmother tries to read you something, RUN!"

Jingle Bells

2020-12-30T17:06:00.002-08:00

My husband has developed a way to get me to stop working at 5pm no matter what I'm in the middle of.

At exactly 5pm the blow up trees outside our house fill with air and start playing Jingle Bells over and over and over again.

I can't hear it any where else in the house except the 2 rooms I work in.

Well played husband. Well played.

I'm kinda scared he might get a singing blow up for every season....

Math and Sex Ed

2020-09-21T16:47:00.003-07:00

My youngest is struggling with the math rule that you do parentheses, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction.

Go with the acronym, PMDAS.

Or you can use PMS.

He turned 3 shades of red and I knew he would never forget the PMS again.

His brother came in and was like MOM!!!!! Couldn't you do Parachutes My Dear Aunt Sally anything but Premenstrual syndrome!!!! He will be scarred for life!!!!

Yes but he will never forget to do the parentheses first.

"Nothing like getting two subjects done at the same time! Math and Sex Ed!"

Disastrous Dinners and Ear Explosions

2020-09-21T16:40:00.004-07:00

Coronavirus has given us less drama most days.

Less to write about.

Less drama.

Less fun.

Just less.

The other night we had an explosion of issues.

I put the chickens my mom got from Trader Joes in the oven and went back to work.

An hour later I smell the chicken, it doesn't smell good.

At the same moment I realize that the chicken may have gone bad, my grandmother needs her ears cleaned out.

I go in the bathroom to help her and end up messing up her ear so it started bleeding. Well crap!!!!

Back in the kitchen the smell is getting worse and worse as my husband is cutting it up. We have to throw away the chicken it is rancid. My husband starts to dump the chicken juices in the kitchen sink. Safe place you would think if you could put that type of thing. Nope, that is where I had just left the pasta to strain for the rest of dinner.

Now I have a grandmother with a bloody ear, ruined dinner, a house that smells like a toilet, and 3 kids running around spraying Lysol and Febreze.

Dinner ended up being leftovers for those of us who are grain and gluten free and pasta with white sauce for my grandmother with microwaved chicken tenders on top. (She loved every bite, since she seems to hate everything I give her I will take the win.)

A week later her ear is still having issues and the doctors won't even see her because of COVID. Plus, I served her almost the same thing last night and like clockwork, she hated it.

I know how parents of toddlers feel from personal experience with my toddlers now I am experiencing it through eyes of someone who can talk back. I am pretty sure everything she says is what the toddlers would like to say.

Some days I can do no right.

2020 Lessons - Corona can suck it and so can racists

2020-06-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

During this insane time I have:

Been a hair stylist. (Not a good one, I dyed my hair pink and my husbands blue which didn't show up because he has black hair.)

A nail technician. Again, not a good one, I glued my fingers together trying to glue my grandmothers acrylic nail back to her real nail.

Helped keep one essential business open. Thank god no one got the virus!

Helped one trade school to reopen and one karate studio.

I have listened to people tell me everything from "this will all be over in November," to "we all need to just get it and let those that die, die," to "We all just need to stay home and never leave again."

The research and care I took to do all the things I have done have led me to believe:

1. Diseases are not political. Stop making this about the election.

2. I don't want my 96 year old grandmother to die like that. We won't be just going out and letting her get this illness. Nor will we be attending any corona-virus parties.

3. No I have not become agoraphobic, I will be going outside. I will also not be going to your large parties, I have a 96 year old grandmother, a 73 year old mother, and 2 kids who have lung issues.

4. Yes I will giggle about your struggles with homeschooling, only because you probably told me at some point that I was nuts for homeschooling and that my kids would not be normal because of homeschooling. Or some other societal thing that you were fed about making sure your kid was in school and it made you uncomfortable that I bucked the system.

5. I will also give you whatever help I can to make your homeschooling experience easier. I have gotten one kid into college and he does have a 4.0.

6. I will wear a mask because I have done my own research and know that even though the "system" says I should, it actually makes sense to do so. Bucking the system here is just not worth it.

7. I am allergic to most of the masks I have tried. I will keep trying to find one that doesn't make my face break out in hives.

8. Black lives matter. When my children ask if a police officer could do that to their stepfather my answer is a heart sickening yes. Could it happen to anyone sure. However, I know that my white ex husband is less likely to be pulled over than my Hispanic husband. It is more likely to have him murdered by police than my ex-husband so I will not lie to my children and say no.

9. I am tired of people who stare at my husband and I when we go places. Dude he's hot and you need to get over the color difference.

10. I am disgusted with Christians who say they follow Jesus yet here we are in 2020 having to pass laws to allow LGBQT's keep their jobs. If you followed Jesus "LOVE THY NEIGHBOR" there was no subtext there that said love thy neighbor unless they are a different color, gay, or you know just weird. He said love them and if you are uncomfortable don't hang out with them but that's YOUR problem not theirs.

11. By having people tell me I am being crazy and overprotective it is not endearing you to my heart it is just hurtful. I am doing the best for my family with a vast amount of research I have done to keep not just my family safe but the businesses I help run.

12. Mental health is important. Getting care for our children when they are young could help them have happy successful lives. Get over your issues and get your kids help. They will thank you later when they don't have to deal with those same issues as adults.

Mental Health issues are real. Corona and racists can suck it .

Homeschooling at its finest.

2020-05-04T16:40:00.001-07:00

My youngest son came into my office this afternoon very upset.

"What's wrong?"

"I am reading science and it just doesn't make any sense to me."

"What doesn't make sense?"

"The book says one thing but the rest of the world says something else."

In comes the oldest:

"That's called using facts to slant an argument in the direction you believe it should go regardless of the actual facts. Mom, you never made me do this science."

"You did science."

"Not at his age."

"Crap, you're right."

The conversation went down hill from there to the point where the oldest pulled out the common core standards and asked the youngest all the questions he should be able to answer to pass the standard.

"See he's done with science for the year and it looks like he's done till 8th grade."

There aren't many days that they team up against me, but today they did and won. They used facts and slanted them in their direction. I could have fought it but I know that this will not be the last time that my youngest will learn about animals. I will stick it in with all his other stuff so he won't even notice it's science. Just like I did with the oldest.

Teaching PreAlgebra using Social Distancing....Some Days I Scare Myself

2020-05-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

My little guy came into my office this morning for help with math.

Today I was listening to the most recent laws to help employees with the COVID-19 virus. He waited for my conference to end and then fell apart.

"Mom, I just don't get this!" (Tears! Lots of tears come after that.)

What don't you get my love?

"THIS" 30X=.08

"I don't get it at all!!!"

Okay kido lets look at this. So what they want to do since X is too close to 30 people is socially distance those 30 people from X. What do we have to do to get someone who is multiplying an illness?

"We remove them."

"So how do you remove 30 people when they are too close to the illness?"

"We divide them out."

"And then what?"

"Then you get .02 and 2/3 and less people getting sick."

Exactly

Glitter=Evil

2019-12-02T22:46:00.001-08:00

Part of me just wants to go ahead and get these for my niece just to spread the cheer all year long and maybe for a lifetime.. Glitter is the herpes of art supplies....you never seem to be totally rid of it.

Just Die Already.

2019-12-01T10:27:00.001-08:00

I know it sounds harsh but seriously when someone asks you to pray at church that they die soon.....Well just die already.

Its daily. This constant want for release from this world. I have to assume that something in the universe isn't ready to take her out yet. Or they are just unprepared to deal with her. She is feisty.

I know my family will miss her when she is gone but when your body is falling apart and you can't remember that you have ever been sick or that your family paid someone to teach you how to use an ipad well I can understand not wanting to be here anymore.

What did I do that was so bad in my past life?

2019-11-22T07:44:00.000-08:00

I was talking with my BFF the other night telling her all about life. We talked about my mom, grandmother, husband, and the ex-husband.

BFF " I have come to the conclusion that you did something in your past life you are now paying for."

Me: "I am pretty sure I'm paid on full."

BFF "Sweetie you must have done something really bad cause your life isn't normal. What happens to you is usually saved for lifetime movies and even then yours has more porn and curse words."

"I think maybe you are paying for 2 life times."

Me: "I must have done something really bad then......I could use a little normal."

BFF "I don't know if you could handle normal. It doesn't have all the flavor your life does...besides how would you make everyone else feel normal if your life was normal?

Bite me.

Beware f bombs and stalkers ahead

2019-10-05T10:00:00.001-07:00

My moms stalker was back zach knocks on my bedroom door. "F@#*!; Mark is back" watch your mouth
Me knocking at my moms bedroom door "your boyfriend's back"(in a sing song voice)
Mom "f@#$"

Funny I didn't use that word but know it must be generational. Sigh.

Darth Vador soon to be in the house!

2019-10-05T09:57:00.001-07:00

I'm dying right now. I was explaining to the kids that D wakes up with a headache every day and that hopefully next week it would get better with the machine he is getting this week. It will help him breathe better but he may look like Darth Vader.

A: D just don't turn evil on me okay? I don't want to be choked out with the force.

C: Your lack of faith disturbs me.

I never know what will appear on my desk....NEVER!!!!!

2019-03-14T19:43:00.001-07:00

This evening I came into my office, it's tax season, to find this lovely gem on my desk.

I am not sure what my grandmother is trying to say. I sent this to a couple of friends:

"Is she looking for some action do you think?"

"LOL!!!! OMG!!! Well....is your vagina in a funk? I am a bad friend.....I haven't checked on your vagina lately....."

"Oh dear!!!! Hopefully it's personal and not about you. I mean her old junk just might be rancid. It might be a cry for help. LOL"

I think with everything that has gone on in the last few months I needed that laugh. I am hoping that is why she left it on my desk. Some days that lady just knows when I need a good laugh.

I finally got my grades!

2018-12-13T19:58:00.001-08:00

Okay, they aren't my grades, Mr. Z finished his first semester of college! Low and behold he got straight As in the classes that have posted grades.

I am a homeschool mom who has been told by people through the years that homeschooling would ruin my children's ability to function in society and attend college.

I normally keep my blog clean and neat so for those who told me how awful I was to homeschool my kids go f yourselves. He got straight As b@#$%@#!!!!!!

We Found it! Now how long should it take to get a loan!!!!

2018-05-19T08:10:00.001-07:00

April

After months of searching, having allergic reactions to properties, watching my mom fall down one set of stairs into a wall, and looking at so many properties our realtor told us we had finally reached her most looked at houses clients we found a house.

It wasn't perfect but close to. It has an office, a two room suite with a bathroom downstairs, and a casita outside for my mom, a room for each of the kids and a master bedroom we can hide in when all hell breaks loose down stairs.

The house had just fallen out of escrow and we were able to buy it for that price.

We were qualified for our loan so this part should have been easy. As my grandmother says, "Nothing is easy." I will never use that loan person or company again. Good lord they almost asked for my ex husbands mothers birth certificate. Not that extreme but they did ask for his tax returns.

10 days late, and after saying I would give them the dog we finally got our new house.....Let the adventures begin!!!

Fire in the kitchen.....and other mishaps over the last week

2018-05-08T15:14:00.002-07:00

To: DH

Had a moment to think of how grateful I would be if my dear husband would install a fire alarm near the kitchen. Especially since no one alerted me that the kitchen had been on fire. My first indication that there had been a fire was when I started cleaning the stove and found ash and soot all over the place.

From DH

Giggle...I will

To: BFF

This morning I wake up to glass shattering. I got up and got my robe and told the dog "come on and let's go see what they broke now." I find my mother and grandmother trying to clean up a large vase that had fallen on the tile floor. Amusing to watch the two blind mice trying to clean up the glass. More amusing when they tried to take the vacuum from me,
"why do you want it?"
"So I can clean."
"Can you see the glass?"
"No."
"No vacuum for you!"
Just another day.

BFF: Life on the edge.

Yup

Get it? Glass breaking, edges Haha

Month 3 of the search

2018-04-05T11:16:00.001-07:00

In the throws of my busy season, tax season, I am looking at houses at every opportunity. I have become immune to pretty paint and floors. I can walk through a house in 35 seconds and say yes or no.

I have begun looking at houses by myself as we have approached the 150 marker of homes we have looked at and arguing with my mother about the houses and how they can be changed before we even like the floor plan is making me nuts.

We got so desperate to see one house we gave them proof that we could actually buy the house with a pre-approval and proof that we had the funds to actually buy the house. It was a wonderful house on 10 acres with a pond and a couple of out buildings. Exactly what we thought we wanted.

What we thought we wanted until my oldest child, my mother, and myself started having watery eyes, running noses, and coughing. Apparently we are all allergic to the outdoors and would probably die of anaphylactic shock within two weeks of buying the place.

I swear our realtor is a saint. She just said "okay I will change your portal to look for track homes instead of country properties, I'm going to go home and have a drink." I think I am going to make this poor woman into an alcoholic.

In the mean time we had heard that our friends would be staying put and not losing their home. One less parameter to worry about.

A wrinkle in the plan

2018-04-05T11:15:00.004-07:00

After looking at houses for over a month my mom and I went down to visit some friends.

It appeared that they were going to lose their home and that maybe if we got a house with property they could get a trailer and park it there.

At this point my honey lost it. "Ummm so now we get your mom, your grandmother, your mom's best friend, and your oldest childhood friend who is in a wheelchair? "

"Well jeez when you put it like that it sounds like a lot!"

It didn't strike me as strange or weird to open my home to people who may need a little extra help. Its what you do for family.

I am pretty sure the realtor was ready to kill me at the prospect of changing our parameters of what we wanted again. We had already looked at over 30 homes and hadn't found what we wanted. God bless that woman for putting up with me and crazy....or crazy and my mom.

The search

2018-04-05T11:15:00.002-07:00

This is the email I sent my realtor....

I am going to be house shopping and selling houses this year. Looks like I need something with a mother in law sweet, cottage out back and even better both…..I may be moving my mother and my grandmother in with me. I think my budget jumped but really would like to stay under the original amount I told you if possible. My house, my mom’s house and probably my grandmother’s house will go on the market (though I think she will want my uncle to sell it) Lots of work to be done after tax season. If you hear of anything can you let me know?

My realtor sent me a link on the MLS and I started shopping, sending my mom links to houses and finally setting up some time to look at said houses.

Almost a month after we started looking online my grandmother informed me that if we didn't hurry up she would want to move into temporary care facility until we found the right house so the search was on for real!

Living with a Saint...Sometimes...

2018-04-05T11:14:00.002-07:00

After the conversation with my mother. I called my dear, sweet, loving, patient, saint of a husband. This man has already taken on kids that aren't his some who have special needs and a crazy woman.

"Hi love! So I just left my grandmothers."

"How was she?"

"Good......"

"What???"

"So........how would you feel if we looked for a house that would fit her and my mom.....?????"

"Okay." (What is wrong with this man? Why doesn't he run? I would have run. I tell him to run all the time but he stays.)

"Okay....you sure? You know you are damning yourself to a life with 3 strong willed women under one roof and the kids?"

"I love you. Let me know when you find something."

RUN MAN RUN!!!!!!!! It is one thing for me to gladly anticipate living with my family members...Its a whole other thing for someone else to live with my family.

Why I have not been blogging.......The Idea.....

2018-04-05T11:12:00.001-07:00

The idea to eventually move my mom into our home has always played in the back of my mind.

Even though I know my mom has enjoyed living alone over the years as she gets older it seems less and less practical for her to do so.

I toyed with looking at different new homes, they have some really nice new ones with in-law suites attached with their own entrance and everything.

Earlier this last year I was discussing this idea with my grandmother who was debating moving to an assisted living facility. She is in her mid 90's, still driving her own car, and living alone since my grandfather passed a few years ago.

"Well we could start looking now and you could move in and mom could move in after you pass." (We are a morbid family.)

"If you find something we will think about it, but I think that sounds like a good idea."

I never in a million years expected her to say maybe let alone yes. She is so independent and determined that no one will ever take care of her. I was in shock, not that I didn't want her to move in with us I think it is a huge benefit to my children but I just really thought she would tell me to piss off that she really wanted to live in a facility.

I left her house that day in a daze. I called my mom and told her what had just happened.

My mothers response was "if your grandmother is moving in so am I. I am tired of living alone." WTF just happened? I just went from a roughly 2800 sq foot house to a monstrosity in 1.2 seconds

Note to self, call when you get certain text messages

2018-02-11T15:46:00.003-08:00

Well nothing like having the hell scared out of you on a Sunday afternoon.

My oldest sweet pea is away for the weekend at a karate seminar. Its a huge 2 day program that certifies him to be able to continue to teach at his karate studio. My mom went with him as this is a busy time of year for me. Really what could happen with a room full of trained black belts.

Why do I assume nothing could happen in a room full of karate students? Dumb.

I get the following from my mother:

Me: You on your way back yet?

Mom: Not yet. There was a man who has been taken into custody he was threatening everyone. About 20 police sheriffs and fire are here. He threatened to blow up the school. I don't know if they are going to shut down the class early or what. Will let you know as soon as I do.

Me: WTF?!?!!?!??!??!

Mom: I am in my car in the parking lot. Saw and heard everything going down.

Mom: How's the weather up there?

Me: cold

After the last message I had called the studios owners wife, she had no clue what was going on. Point one to always call my mother before I call anyone else. We talked for a few and figured that it couldn't have been a big deal but you never know.

I called my mom:

Me: Again WTF mom.

Mom: well a transient went into the school where the kids were and screamed at the kids and started throwing all his stuff around the gym. Then Zs instructor and a friend picked it all up and put it outside, apparently the man left at the same time. He was starting to move towards the men who evicted him at the same time the sheriffs showed up. They calmed him down and took him away.

That's when the instructor told my mom she might want to leave for a while.

Okay that isn't what your message indicated but I am so grateful that everyone is safe.

As I am relaying this information to my grandmother she says "you are so calm, most parents want to get in the car and get to the kids."

Me: Well for one thing I know sometimes mom gets a head of steam up about little things so I wanted to make sure of what was going on before I went on a momma bear strike. For another thing, if that jerk had gone back in there to hurt those kids I have no doubt that my mother would have put her car in drive and run his stupid ass over and I would be buying her a new car this week.

My grandmother laughed, "you're right, you sent him with the right person."

Life according to Mr. C, a Les Schwab commercial

2018-02-09T21:16:00.001-08:00

Woo hoo!!! Fast food frenzy day!!!!

The day the kids get to go with 25 other kids to a bunch of junk food places and eat whatever they want for 2 hours.

I happily allow the two oldest children to walk around with their friends without too much supervision so I can hang out with my friends for a bit and have some adult time.

Tonight when I got home I was looking at the Instagram posts and low and behold there is a picture of my middle son in a freaking shopping cart, making a goofy face. Oh hello kitty why??????

I call said child to our bedroom for a little powwow about stupid photos and them showing up on social media.

Me: Why did you put yourself in the shopping cart?

C: Because my friend told me to so he could take a funny photo.

Me & Hubby: Seriously, you need to make better choices. You cannot let other people dictate to you what you should or should not do. You need to make choices that keep you and other safe.

C: You mean like Les Schwab tires, doing the right thing matters.

Making sure I didn't make eye contact with my husband and trying to keep my face without expression, "Yes, C, doing the right thing matters, I love you, go get ready for bed."

C leaves the room and my dh says "did we just spend 20 minutes of our lives trying to instill the if your friend jumps off a bridge should you theory into the child to be quoted a tire commercial?"

Me: (While snorting with laughter) Yup, he needs to be their spokesperson.

From Burnt Grilled Cheese to Sushi

2016-05-11T21:36:00.002-07:00

I'm guilty of being a bad mom tonight. I forgot to pack lunches for my children to take to theater for dinner. We pulled up to the theater and the boys both told me they were good but would be starving after theater.

Their step father and I picked them up and started driving around trying to figure out what everyone wanted. We were all starving!

Plan A was nachos at home but we were out of cheese sauce.

Plan B was pizza but no one could agree on a place.

Plan C was Chick Fil A but we drove passed it because we couldn't get over due to some lame driver who sped up every time I sped up and slowed down every time I did and I am sure didn't know that when someone puts their blinker on it means they want to get over.

Plan D I think was KFC.

Plan X was sushi at the local made to order all you can eat place.

We looked at each other and decided that if it was a total disaster there was always Taco Bell on the way home. Not exactly thinking it was a good idea but what the hell when has that ever stopped me.

Diego ordered lots of different kinds of sushi, miso soup, maguro, chicken, and gyoza.

Adam was not fond of anything but the chicken and rice. He did try some maguro and the miso soup.

Corbin on the other hand tasted my maguro, then grabbed the rest from my hand dumped it in the soy sauce wasabi mixture and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. Then went back for seconds and another sushi roll.

I am sure the aliens have come again and replaced my child who up until recently would only eat cheese pizza, open faced grilled cheese, and nutella sandwiches.

"Mom, I'm so grateful you brought us here. This food is delicious, delectable, and delightful. I do hope we can come here again."

I guess 2 out of 3 kids liking sushi is pretty good in my world. Now if we can just get over the nutella I'd be happy.