Kings of Astris

Friday Comic: Dairyville

2011-11-10T20:53:00.001-08:00

I'm starting a new thing, where on Friday, instead of a post, there will be a comic. Hope you enjoy them.

Teenage Love

2011-11-10T15:32:00.001-08:00

Oh, the false love of high school. I can't stop thinking about it. In case you haven't guessed, I'm a teenager myself. Yup, that's my confession today. I could probably write for a very very long time about my love life, but that's personal. (shh.)
Girls are ripping out all our hearts leaving them. We don't know anything about love. We have to learn from experience. So, if we offend you, don't dump us. We're teenage boys. We're stupid. We crush on girls without knowing what to do. We're not old enough to marry; we're just floating around in the zero-gravity space of love, lost until we grow up. So, teenage ladies, don't blame us.

That's all I have to say today. (I'm speaking from experience.)

Battling the Bunny Bug. (The History of Astris)

2011-11-05T16:49:00.000-07:00

No. Bunny Bug wasn't a typo. It's not supposed to be 'Bugs Bunny.' Above is me, battling the bunny bug. I barely survived. Imagine if you had to battle a creature like that. Its poisonous fangs, its distracting colors, and its ugly complexion. It was so hard. I had to use my shield that I used for my Halloween costume, and I had to fetch the Ancient Sword of Astris, long slumbering, now awakened, to defeat this monster. This event made me decide to share the history of the land of Astris.

This is the Sword of Astris. It's what I have used over my many years of reign to defeat so many monsters. It watches over the land and only goes to its aid in the most dire times of need. Like, for instance, when the bunny bug came.

A purple man, wearing pink symbols and carrying a book, decided to curse the land and destroy the sword. He succeeded. The world fell into darkness, and everyone became depressed. Without sun, wouldn't you be, too? After many years of the reign of darkness, I rose.

I was a little kid, living in a small village.

One day, a giant snake with no teeth appeared, and it almost ate me.

Suddenly, the Sword of Astris appeared in my hands, so I killed the monster,

The darkness faded, as did the sword. In reward for me killing the snake, the people made me their king. Now, they love me, and I rule over them. It's a mutual benefit system. Now, the sword appears when the people need it, and I kill monsters.

That's the history of me.

Hugging = Happiness

2011-11-04T16:37:00.000-07:00

The comic above is an example of my new style of drawing. Like it? Probably not. Anyway, I've made a goal to post three times a week or something. It's certainly possible, and I think it will get me more views. I just I could have fans. Am I not funny enough or something? I guess not.

This is how I feel writing my blog:

I'm so emo and lonely. Everyone hates me. All I can do is curl up into a ball and stare at my screen, waiting for page-views. I don't want them, I need them. So, if you don't want me to commit suicide, follow me.

Happy Late Halloween!

2011-11-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah... I missed it. I had computer problems, and I missed it. Oh well, guess I'll have to live in sorrow; sorry that I never got the chance to wish you all a happy Halloween. Anyway, I can make images again, temporarily.

If you noticed that the theme was disco, I'm sorry. It looked cool at first, and now I hate it, so I changed it again. It will probably change a lot.

Anyway, did everyone go trick-or-treating? I hope not, unless you have kids. Then you probably will. I didn't. I went to a party instead.

This picture is a rendition of my Halloween costume. I was Ares, the Greek god of war, in case you were too lazy to read my previous post. Mis amigos y yo (My friends and I) dressed up as the Greek gods for Halloween, and we had Aphrodite, Artemis, Poseidon, Hermes, Athena, Hera, and me, Ares. We had no Zeus, sadly. Although... never mind.

I know the artwork is a little deformed, but I'm working on regaining my former skill. You'll love me after I'm done practicing.

I've decided to switch to stick figures like the one to the left. They're half stick half body. You know that eventually the drawings will come alive anyway.

In honor of Halloween, please watch this hilarious video. It will make you laugh. That's not a guarantee, though.

I have also constructed some artwork in honor of Halloween. Please enjoy. I must warn you I have the capability to draw disturbing images.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

T-Shirt Drafts

2011-10-28T15:25:00.001-07:00

So, do you see the numerous pictures above? I've been bored, so I decided to make some T-shirts. I used the 2 good images on my blog so far, and I want to use them. What do you guys think?

Return from the Grave

2011-10-27T15:48:00.000-07:00

Yeah... I've been busy. But hey! I'm back! Aren't you glad to see me, nonexistent viewers? I've been running out of creativity. I have a total of 20 views! Party! No, I won't throw a party until I get at least 1,000,000 views or 1,000 followers. There will probably be prizes and stuff. It will be an online party too.

Anyway, enough dreaming, I am in crisis. No, not really. I was just wondering what you people would do when I said that obviously nothing. I can't do art!
The only reason I'm not doing the sweet art I did before is that Flash CS4 does not work on my mac and the computer it does work on, is the slowest computer you will ever try to use. It will kill you.
So, as soon as my computer dilemma is solved, I will post art again. I know all you imaginary people miss them.

Please sign up for interviews. They'd be awesome. You know the directions. Alias, email address, and wait for your questions.

What are you all dressing up as for Halloween? I would love to know. Me? Well, I'm going as Ares, the greek god of war. (or should I say geek god of war?) I know, nerdy, but hey, I'm a nerd.

All you invisible viewers, I have a request for you. If you like this blog, please tell your friends about it. That would be totally awesome! You could all enjoy a laugh and I'll be happy with all the viewers. It's a mutual benefit!

Okay, I'll make you all a deal. If I get 100 followers, I will…
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………………………… make a comic. A funny one, dedicated to all my followers. I will spend a lot of time on it, too. So please do so! You know you want to!

Want an interview?

2011-08-21T15:54:00.000-07:00

I have decided to start interviewing people.

Go to here to sign up for a slot in google calendar. Don't pay any attention to the times, it's just slots.

Sign up here!

I am looking forward to speaking with my community. However, I must warn you.

You will be asked very queer questions, and if I hate you, our interview will not be taken heed to.

When you apply for a slot, just put your email and an Alias down and I will eventually ask you 10 questions.

More slots will come, I'm just lazy right now.
Usually there will be about 5 interviews a week, and I will pick the best one that will go on the blog.

Prepare...

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

2011-08-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

Yes... you all know that the time has come.

School is back.

The art to the left shows of my mental state during the school year.

Quite resourceful, right?

Wrong.

I am not a very good grade keeper. Although, I have vowed to do well and get good grades, even though I talk too much and most of my teachers hate my guts.

Except for the ones that talk too much.

However...

I am going to launch "Fat Man" at La La Land to completely destroy it and start anew with my life.

I WILL GET GOOD GRADES!

Farewell, La La Land! Prepare to be destroyed by uranium. It will hurt. Bad. It will kill all of you citizens and burn down all of your buildings by splitting an atom, causing the neutrons, protons, and electrons to fly off, colliding with other atoms, splitting them, causing a chain reaction in which energy...

I did a project on the atomic bomb, and I got an 'A' on it, as a matter of fact.

I decided I should stop talking so much about science, and more about comedy. A few minutes ago, I realized that I wasn't the first to come up with the name "Astris"

Apparently in some mythology somewhere, there was a person named Astris. Sad, isn't it? To have your creativity crushed by some ancient freaks.

Awhile ago, I stumbled upon something useless.

I quote: "How many times have you found yourself in this situation? You’re just hanging out and watching TV when all of a sudden *BOOM* zombies come pouring in through your living room window. Happens to us all the friggin’ time and now we are no longer getting caught with our pants down (depending on what we’re watching on said TV of course).

Behold, the Zombie tested and victim approved Safe Bedside Table. Getting rushed by flesheaters? No problem! The Safe Bedside Table has a removable leg that acts as a club and a top that doubles as a shield for self-defense.

That will learn those pesky ghouls with their insatiable hunger! The table was created by James McAdam of London out of cherry wood and steel. Visit his official site here for more."

I think some people have no imagination,

And I think that some people have too much imagination.

But also, I think this table would prove to be very useful.

I am fighting zombies every day, and I keep running out of ammunition. I need supplies, I need money,

Zombies are coming too often these days.

I need a zombie table.

Kings of Astris

2011-08-20T19:36:00.000-07:00

I would like to ask all my viewers right now.

Is the thing on his head a crown, or a jester hat? I don't know myself, that's why I asked you.

Okay, I'll give you a hint.

This is me. Metaphorically. I'm not a cartoon character that killed his king... or jester... to sit on the throne. I do not own a throne, a jester hat, nor a crown, sadly. But still, which one do you think?

Okay, well, welcome to Kings of Astris, where I was super bored and decided to make a comedy blog thing. This is where I will post all my creations, stories, and funny stories, products, all that jazz. I hope I get quite a few readers out of this, because then I'd be able to make an actual profit by selling T-shirts and stuff.

That would be awesome.

I will post probably about once or twice a week, and guess what? I decided to include at least one clipart that I make in each semi-weekly post that has to do with what I'm talking about. Well, readers,

I'll give you a week to guess whether it's a king or a jester.