The Gamble Life

Moving Already

2008-11-01T21:37:00.002-04:00

Guess what? I'm moving over to TypePad! I'm excited--I think you'll like the new look too. I managed to move all my old posts, but for some reason only four of the comments. I'm pretty bummed about this since I love the comments you leave. But I'm working with TypePad and hopefully I'll get them all moved before too long.

If you subscribe to the feed you will have to go and re-subscribe (just look for the Powered by BurnFeed logo on the left hand side). Let me know if you have any problems.

Come visit me in the new home.

Eyes

2008-10-30T22:52:00.003-04:00

If there is one feature my boys have that gets commented on a lot, it is their eyes. What do you think?

The baby being admired by a friend of mine:

A closer look:

Both of them have these eyelashes that reach their eyebrows!

Halloween goodness on the way--we had a fun parade at school today.

Exciting, exhausting day

2008-10-30T09:43:00.000-04:00

Remember this?

And this happened on the way home. (I unbuckled him in the driveway, so when he woke up he could come in; he was buckled for the drive home.) This is a kid who hasn't napped regularly since he was three years old. What wiped him out? The best kind of day: a new experience.

First his little brother showed him the way:

He's never been close to a horse before. We've seen them from a car but never touched one or fed one or ridden one. So this was really and truly a new experience. And even though this horse, Mr. Dees, was exceptionally sweet and not all that big, my son still required a bit of time to get used to the idea of riding him.

So Grandma (my mom) was brave and rode the horse first: Well, okay, at first she just sat on the horse and said things like "Don't move!" "Oh!" "No no no! Not yet! Don't move!"

See how she won't take that foot off of the step? A Nervous Nelly is what we have here. She's looking at that horse thinking "Are you trustworthy?"

We have liftoff!

She did great after that though and rode around the ring several times while we cheered her on. Then it was his turn--after seeing Grandma and little brother do it, he knew he could too:

He's already cheeky!

And last but not least, here is the picture he took of me while I was riding the horse:

Don't I exhibit great form? I'm a natural, obviously.

Growing up his own way

2008-10-29T13:32:00.003-04:00

You know, in your head, that kids come with their own personalities and predilections already inside them. Of course, as parents, you have some influence over them, especially in the beginning. But eventually your child is going to do something, believe something, or be something and you won't know where it came from.

This is a pretty trivial example, but it has struck me that it is merely a precursor, an opening band, a preface, getting me all warmed up for the main act: his independence. My little T-Rex up there is showing off his new belt. A belt he requested, all on his own. I am a big believer in easy clothes for little kids. Such a big believer that at five years old, most of his clothes still have full elastic waistbands and pull over the head styles. Buttons, snaps, zippers don't get a lot of play at this house, at least not for kids' clothes. When he was two and learning to use the toilet, believe me, shorts he could pull off in one motion were a very good thing! And why mess with it when it works so well and requires so little effort from me?

Why, because he wants to! So now pants with belt loops are his favorite and he wears his belt proudly and happily. And shows me that he's growing up his own way, at the same time.

Pumpkin Pie!

2008-10-28T09:24:00.001-04:00

I am so excited! I made pumpkin pie from scratch (you know, from pumpkins!). This is something I've been wanting to do since...well, since the Pioneer Woman showed me how. And since the baby is getting dangerously close to that "solid food" time I figured it was time to pull the Cuisinart out of hiding anyway.

Specially purchased "pie" pumpkin (I plan to buy some extra because I'm pretty sure once Thanksgiving is over that these will disappear from the grocery store shelves):

It doesn't look so good like this does it? I always, always, always wonder how people first discovered something was edible. And how long did it take to learn to take it from this to a pie? I just can't see trying twice.

All ready to be roasted.

These we washed and roasted too, for the pepitas we've been snacking on. So yummy! Of course, my son put the jar of them on the back fender of my car. Then he and my husband went out to run an errand. So now the street has all those yummy pepitas. And some not-so-yummy pieces of glass. Oh well. We'll make more.

This put the Cuisinart to the test, let me tell you! I actually had to add a couple teaspoons water before the pumpkin would actually puree. I think maybe I should have roasted it just a little bit longer.

This is starting to look good! Some of this I tucked away in a jar in the freezer to bring back out for baby food in a few weeks. Lucky baby!

Now this is really starting to look good. This is the pie filling, warming and mixing on the stove. I didn't really follow one pumpkin pie recipe but kind of combined a few, relying heavily on Mark Bittman's recipe from How To Cook Everything; an awesome cookbook. For years my friend Liz told me to buy this cookbook, years. But did I listen to her? No, I just kept on with my collection of less-than-everything cookbooks until finally I spied it at my local Half Price Books. Bought it and never looked back.

Now, I could use some pie crust help, to put it kindly. Luckily, my mother-in-law has agreed to show me her pie crust secrets over the holidays. I'll be all set then.

Yes, I also managed to spill pie filling everywhere making for a very messy and unattractive pie. I had way too much so made some little crust-less pies too. Despite all appearances, these pies are DELICIOUS. So good. And since they are made primarily from pumpkins and milk I like to think of them as healthy. So does my son. We've deemed them an excellent mid-afternoon snack, with just a smidgen of whipped cream. Yum-um.

Gratitude for my Green Mom

2008-10-27T14:07:00.000-04:00

The past couple of months my mom has been "scrappin," no not lovingly pasting photos alongside heartfelt memories in a book, she's been collecting, sorting, and selling scrap metals. Prices were sky high and my parents own a lot of scrap metal. Listening to her talk about how much copper she found and sold reminded me of one of my childhood memories. I guess I've been recycling since the day I was born. I know it felt that way when I was a kid. We'd collect all the glass bottles and drive them down to the recycling center where I would get to run around and throw them into their proper container (green glass, brown glass, and clear glass). I thought that was so fun!

What I thought was not so fun was being told to hop out of the truck and fetch an old soda can someone had tossed on the side of the road. This happened whenever my mom spied an old soda can someone had tossed on the side of the road. Which, sadly, was a lot back then. These we turned in for money. Sort of like her current day scrappin!

In these days of curbside recycling there is little need to drive to a recycling center, although here I actually do collect up all my recyclable plastics which the city doesn't collect and take them to Whole Foods (where most of them came from anyway) and recycle them in their bins. They also take metal food containers which the city doesn't accept (those also originate there so I feel it's fair to take them back).

We used to pick up trash whenever we saw it too. I fondly remember my "Give A Hoot Don't Pollute!" t-shirt, and look! you can still buy one (going to have add this to the kiddo's Christmas gift idea list).

Well, I'm grateful my mom was so environmentally aware at a time when most people still weren't. I'm proud to say I grew up composting and recycling. Thanks Mom! And I'm proud that my son picks up trash he sees when we're out and about and puts it in the nearest trashcan. I want there to be a healthy, clean world for his children and we have to make sure that happens.

So, on that note, here are my suggestions for the three easiest "green" changes to make:

1. Recycle everything that can be recycled. Carry the recyclables home with you if there is no place where you are.

2. Pick up trash when you see it and throw it away properly. And never litter!

3. Teach your kids, if you have them, that our earth is not a trashcan. As my son likes to say "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle Mommy!"

The Perfect Fall Day?

2008-10-27T10:45:00.000-04:00

We woke up to a really nice fall day yesterday, sunny but cool, with nothing pressing to do so we could fill our time however we wanted. Like with a bike ride on our street. Downhills still require a parental hand on the handlebar, but uphills he can do all by himself.

Goofing off in a big pile of leaves,

a snack of home-made pepitas,

followed by more good work raking leaves.

And one of the highlights: voting! Here in North Carolina early voting is easy and fun. The polls opened at noon and there were already people in line. It was so exciting. I can't wait to see what the turn-outs are once the election is over. My five year old is very aware of the ongoing presidential election. We have a yard sign and talk about the candidates a lot and we often count yard signs on the way to school so he was really excited to go and vote.

Uh oh. Disaster averted when the kind polling volunteer gave us a sample ballot and allowed him to vote for his candidate of choice.

I gotta say, I like the way the kid votes!

Review: Plastic Bag Dryer

2008-10-27T10:04:00.003-04:00

I remember that my Abuelita washed and reused everything: tinfoil, plastic ziplock bags, even the flimsy plastic produce bags from the grocery store. When I was a child I thought it was all kind of silly, something left over from living through the Depression. Now, I feel differently, have for quite a while actually. Why throw something away just because you can? Besides, we may be entering our own depression these days and a little extra frugality never hurt anyone.

And when it comes to plastic I want to get the absolute most use out of every piece that I am responsible for. I actually bought this plastic bag dryer over ten years ago back when I was in law school. I've been washing and reusing my tinfoil and ziplock bags ever since.

I'll never forget being at a gathering of friends and noticing that one of the women there had on a dress from the same catalog and I mentioned how much I enjoyed that catalog and that I had just bought the bag dryer and she said something along the lines of "you are a sucker." I've really never liked her much after that. And I couldn't disagree with her more. I love this little bag dryer--it's ingenious and takes up almost no room. My son even uses it as a toy when it's not in use doing this:

I'm not ready to give up all plastic (but I wish I was!), and ziplock bags are really incredibly useful for a number of things. They are also really quite sturdy and can be washed and reused many, many, many times. So just because you can buy another box and treat them like trash, doesn't mean you have to.

Almost makes you feel sorry for Bush. Almost.

2008-10-24T14:55:00.002-04:00

By Richard Sisk, New York Daily News:

WASHINGTON - John McCain Thursday looked to beat Barack Obama by stealing the Democrat's top argument - that George W. Bush has been a lousy President.

...

On the stump and in interviews, McCain took Bush-bashing to a new level by charging that an Obama presidency would be a replay of the last eight years of Republican rule.

Birthdays

2008-10-22T09:32:00.002-04:00

My older son attends a Montessori school and when birthdays roll around they do something I think is kind of special in the classroom. A parent brings in some pictures, one from each year of their child's life, to share with the class. The pictures I brought in are in the form of a book, because that's how his old school in Texas did it. I would photograph the book for you but my camera and my computer don't like each other making it extremely difficult to upload the pictures from my camera. And since I have 352 pictures from our week in Texas I didn't want to add to the backlog. But you can see the book in my hands in the picture below.

The teacher asks the parent a question about what the child was like in a year, and then after hearing the answer and looking at that year's picture the child walks about the circle (with a "sun" in the center--here that's a sun votive holder) while the class recites the months of the year. Get it? The child is sort of symbolically re-living his years on earth. It's very sweet. Here he is walking.

And here is the only picture that didn't come out blurry. I'm not sure what happened since I wasn't taking the pictures. You can see the sun in this one too.

It was interesting because he had been so excited and looking forward to his class birthday celebration and then while it was happening he was so quiet and almost shy. He would sort of whisper his answers about how he was in previous years and he alternated between being really serious and pretty silly, which indicated to me that he was a little uncomfortable with all the attention on himself. All pretty normal for a new five year old I think, but he is just not normally remotely quiet or shy so it was interesting to see.

Since he turned five anytime anyone comments on his seeming taller or something like that he says "That's because I'm five now."

I'll be turning 39 myself in less than two weeks and I wish I had as much anticipation for it as he had for his birthday. I'm repeating the old stand-by to myself ("better than the alternative") but that doesn't really offer much comfort. It's not that I am upset about turning 39, but I'm not exactly thrilled about it either. When I was turning 30 I was very upset and so I trained for and ran a marathon as a combination distration/acheivement. I don't have the time to do that right now. But 39 is so very close to 40! And in my head, I feel like I'm about 29. Does that happen to you too? My conception of myself does not keep up with my actual chronology. And having a five month old brings it into focus too; when my mother turned 39 I was about to turn 16.

I'd love some good ideas of things to think about or do to make this birthday more meaningful and joyful rather than sort of a downer...so let me know if you've got some.

Book Review: A Slave No More

2008-10-21T07:19:00.000-04:00

A Slave No More: Two Men Who Escaped to Freedom by David W. Blight

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars

I heard an interview of David Blight on Fresh Air and knew right away that I had to read this book. These two narratives are amazing. Each man was a slave who escaped to freedom during the civil war and then later wrote the story of his escape. And each story was protected, but hidden, for almost a hundred years so that they are now available to us completely unaltered from their original writing (which wouldn't be the case if they'd been published at the time of their writing). It goes without saying that slavery was and is a horrible, evil institution with lasting ramifications that is (and should be) a permanent stain on our country. But I imagine that most people who aren't Black probably haven't really thought about what slavery was. Reading this book, which begins with Blight's excellent description of the overall times and history and which weaves in parts of Wallace Turnage's and John Washington's narratives and ends with the narratives themselves, really made me stop and think about slavery. Just one example: I think all of us know that slave owners raped their slaves and that children resulted from these rapes. And these children were themselves slaves. But how many of us have stopped to really think about what this means? Fathers enslaved their own children. Their own children! Sold them, separated them from their mothers, beat them, killed them. Their own children. I don't know if slavery made slave owners inhuman or if the inhuman chose to own slaves. Whichever, one remarkable thing is proven true by these two narratives: not even slavery could rob these men of their incredible dignity, their strength, or their determination to be free, no matter what it took. And what is true of these two men is undoubtedly true for the many millions of slaves who were prevented from writing their stories for us. View all my reviews.

Missing those canned beans?

2008-10-20T12:48:00.002-04:00

My heart kind of sank when I learned that the cans used for canned foods contain a plastic liner ... the plastic part is bad enough, but that particular plastic liner contains BPA. I have been wanting to cook my own beans anyway...eventually. But with a young baby and a five year old it wasn't high on my priority list. So I pretty much have just skipped the beans lately.

Good news for me though is that Eden Organics got rid of the BPA can liners in 1999! Now I can go back to buying beans until I get it together to cook my own. Thank you Eden Organics.

No More Bottled Water!

2008-10-20T12:36:00.004-04:00

Think that plastic bottle of water you bought is okay because you are going to recycle the bottle when you're done? Well, think again. The Environmental Working Group has just released a study of the water in 10 major brands of water and found that at best, the water is identical to tap water. At worst it contains known carcinogens and other dangerous chemicals!

I just flew back from Texas with my two sons and it was incredibly easy to bring my Sigg bottles through security empty and then fill them up at one of the water fountains in the airport. No need to create more plastic trash at all (because, really, who is going to carry home those airport-purchased plastic bottles and recycle them?).

So, do it for your health, do it for the environment, do it for your wallet (why pay a 1000+ times markup for tap water?), but go ahead and do it: dump the bottled water!

Teaser

2008-10-17T06:42:00.000-04:00

I Believe My Friend Is Amazing

2008-10-16T23:28:00.002-04:00

My friend Toya is a really amazing woman. Her essay for This I Believe is now "on air" so go and give it a listen and be inspired. Toya and I "met" online almost seven years ago when we were both planning our weddings. A whole group of women (around 40 of us) all met on the Martha Stewart wedding message boards. Eventually we migrated to an MSN board and now we're on our third board format and we've, all of us, become amazing true friends. It continues to be an incredible thing to see how we all influence each other, support each other, change and stay the same. I am so proud to call Toya a friend and I look forward to being her friend for many, many years to come!

Socktoberfest Kniting

2008-10-16T11:52:00.000-04:00

I always bring my knitting along on vacation and usually I end up carrying it all back untouched but this time I have a little extra motivation and I'm actually getting some done. I'm part of an online knitting and crochet group called http://www.ravelry.com/ and there is a Socktoberfest group whose members are all knitting socks in October, including me. This project is extra fun because the designer of the sock pattern is releasing it in pieces every Wednesday, so it's a "mystery" sock. So far I'm liking the pattern and I'm enjoying the knitting. The yarn is luscious--Blue Sky Alpaca's alpaca & silk blend. Now, the other two knitting projects I brought along are languishing, but I'm getting lots of reading done, as well as visiting with friends and family. And starting tomorrow, my 20th high school reunion! I'm alarmed that I graduated from high school 20 years ago (it just doesn't seem possible) but I am really excited to see some old friends. And next week I've got lots of great pictures to show you from this week's fun activities so check back!

Review: Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping

2008-10-16T07:55:00.000-04:00

Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping by Judith Levine

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars

I have an online group of friends and every so often some of us will have a "no spend" month during which we set limits on our individual spending and then report back to each other how we're doing. We started after one of us read about The Compact and got inspired. This month is a no-spend month and I joined in. It's a good challenge for me because October has one of my son's birthdays, Halloween, and this year a vacation to Texas to visit family and go to my 20th high school reunion. Judith Levine, along with her partner, takes this basic idea and extends it to a full year. Not Buying It is her record of that year and also her ruminations on consumerism, the economy, the government, and the future. I enjoyed the book. It wasn't too heavy but wasn't frivolous either. She draws interesting and important connections between Americans as consumers (instead of citizens) and the decreasing common-space goods and entertainments that we have (such as libraries, public schools, funding for the arts). Unlike some, Levine doesn't imagine a world in which we no longer consume beyond our absolute necessities. Instead she looks at how disparate distribution of wealth, a consumerist culture (intentionally created by the government and companies according to The Story of Stuff), and an economy reliant on evermore consuming lead to an increasing dissatisfaction with life and more and more spending as a way to try and increase that satisfaction. In other words, she puts forth some ideas for balancing things so we can have fulfilling lives and so can other people and we can still have a new sweater once in awhile. After reading about her year I feel encouraged and optimistic about my ability to control my spending so that I can focus my time and energies on the things most important to me. I don't want shopping to be a past-time in and of itself, for me or for my kids (I don't have to worry about my husband--he hates to shop). But I also don't want to live the life of an ascetic to be a good person. Which is good, because I could never pull it off.

View all my reviews.

Wilderness in the City

2008-10-15T07:48:00.002-04:00

We are so lucky to live in a development that has ten miles of wooded trails incorporated throughout. I don't know this for sure, but I believe the trails came about because the developer was forced to create a lot of water easements and drainage creeks. The trails, all ten miles pretty much, run alongside these creeks. Whatever the reason it is wonderful and transforms our middle-of-the-city house to something more like living in the country. As my son gets more active I am especially grateful to have the outdoors so easily accessible. I wish every child had the ability to get a little bit of wild just out their backdoor.

Review: Limbo: A Memoir

2008-10-14T11:44:00.001-04:00

Limbo: A Memoir by A. Manette Ansay

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars I've read a lot of memoirs and most of them I really disliked. Often I feel that they are over-the-top stories of abuse or neglect and if they are in fact close to what actually happened then it is just too depressing to want to read about. I always also wonder if the bad things that happen are given so much more importance and play in a memoir that it does a disservice to the memoirist's real history. Limbo is not like this. I really enjoyed Ansay's book in which she weaves together bits of her childhood, early adulthood, her father's early adulthood, and her mysterious illness. She uses repetition in a really effective back and forth way that mimics how often issues in life reoccur. And she is neither self-pitying nor self-aggrandizing. In fact, I enjoyed her writing so much that I've added her novel "Vinegar Hill" to my to-read list. View all my reviews.

Mushroom Prints Redux

2008-10-14T06:52:00.001-04:00

I did a little investigating (ie, I asked around) and learned that the mushrooms will only make prints before they release their spores. Makes sense and I'm sure I could've figured that out with a little more thought. So, our latest effort: The next morning before we turned them over... Prints! He took them to school to show all his class friends how cool they are.

Happy Birthday Beautiful 5 Year Old Boy!

2008-10-13T10:08:00.005-04:00

My wonderful son, how can you can be five years old already? You are such a delightful bundle of contradictions: brave enough to climb on the top of the car when I'm not around to stop you, but still afraid of those damn automatic flushing toilets; old enough to go to school alone all day and make your own independent relationships, but young enough to still want your Mommy in the middle of the night (thank goodness!), smart enough to understand almost everything you hear, but inexperienced enough to misunderstand in charming and hilarious ways. I so look forward to this coming year, your sixth in my life. Thank you for making me a mother and thank you for being such a wonderful person! (The cake above was made by MY mother--isn't it incredible? I helped only a little, with some decorating help and direction. Here are some close-ups of the awesome details.)

Get Rid of the Plastic Water Bottle!

2008-10-10T07:37:00.003-04:00

I read somewhere a few years ago that making the plastic for a bottle of water uses ten times the amount of water that's in the bottle (for cooling purposes mostly I assume). I don't really know if that figure is accurate, but it stuck with me and eventually I bought some Sigg bottles for my family and we've never looked back! http://noimpactman.typepad.com/ has issued a challenge today, based on the Break the Bottle Habit pledge and I'm jumping on the bandwagon.

Really, there isn't much that is so completely unnecessary as a plastic bottle of water. Especially in your home! And I have been served a bottle of water in friends' homes more than once. Once you get in the habit of filling your reusable bottle and tucking into your bag or car it really is no big deal. And it's considerably cheaper than buying pre-bottled water (much of which is city water from Raleigh or Houston!).

So take the pledge and buy a cute water bottle and feel good.

Three or Four Domestic Pleasures

2008-10-09T07:03:00.000-04:00

1. Fooling around with the almost-five-year-old and getting him to make silly faces that aren't TRex faces, for the camera.

This same boy actually went to bed tonight without getting out of bed with a number of creative excuses. My personal favorite is when he asks for fresh water in his glass because he thinks it tastes "composty." We asked him how he knows what compost tastes like but he always dodges the question. Whoever puts him to bed is routinely accused, to the other parent, of forgetting to tuck him in, thus hopefully securing a second tuck-in. Well, delaying bedtime is one of the main jobs of a five year old I think.

2. Introducing the youngest one to that venerable device, the Johnny Jump Up:

It's weight limit is only 25 pounds so it was now or never I think!

3. Celebrating a birthday with a custom made-at-home Stegasaurus cake! We had an early birthday party here in Durham with friends from school and I made this cake (and about 60 dinosaur cookies too, but I forgot to get a picture of them). No matter how beautiful a bakery cake is I alway prefer a homemade cake. And I only use butter which always makes it taste better. Some day I'll have to share my wedding cake tasting story.

The kids and I are gearing up for our trip to Texas to see family and friends. It's going to be a busy but really fun week. We're having a second birthday party in Austin, with a full-on dinosaur theme including a dinosaur egg hunt (my mom made the eggs--it's going to be great), pinning something on the dinosaur (a tooth maybe?), and a really fancy cake that my mom is making. Oh, and a dino pinata! I can't wait. Which leads me to number 4: anticipation of a vacation! (If only Chris were going with it would be perfect. But unfortunately he'll have to work as usual next week.)

Roly-Poly

2008-10-08T11:20:00.004-04:00

He's reached his first big milestone: rolling over! The first time he really scared himself and burst into tears immediately after landing on his back. After some soothing and time though he was ready to go and is now pretty much a champ.

Here he's giving me a look:

Here he's almost going:

And here's a video of him rolling left and one of him rolling right.

Oh, in one of them you hear me mention how we're getting rid of all our tupperware. That's in response to my other son who was looking for a plastic container to pack food in because he was going to be "leaving" because I wouldn't let him do something like walk to the mall or climb on top of the car. At least he'll be nourished if he runs away!

Book Review: The Secret History of the War on Cancer

2008-10-07T08:00:00.001-04:00

The Secret History of the War on Cancer by Devra Davis

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars

I don't even know where to start; I can't review this book in the sense of "here's what was good and bad about it." For me, this book is too big and important for that. Dr. Davis recounts in almost excruciating detail the painful facts about when scientists knew that cigarettes, benzene, and asbestos caused death and why and how that information was kept hidden for decades. At that point in the book I was thoroughly depressed (for one thing, how could all those company officials, scientists and doctors behave so cavalierly with other people's lives?), but at least relieved that we now know how dangerous those things are. The book from that point on proceeds to explain how the exact same strategies of confusion, obfuscation, and hiding research as "trade secrets" along with some newer strategies of attacking scientific studies are leading to preventable deaths every single day. Her language and conclusions are very controlled, and she gives the benefit of the doubt in situations where I would want to give a jail sentence. This is a serious book; she is not a conspiracy theorist. Much as I felt after reading Exposed, I feel again: Why do we choose to wait until proof in the form of thousands of injured and dead people piles up? Why do we choose to weigh the balance in favor of industry over health every single time? I have great faith in our ingenuity; if we currently have a dangerous product, like PVC (for one example), I know we can come up with an alternative if we just try. But we won't try if the manufacturers of PVC keep all the information about its dangers secret because we won't know we need to. Why don't we choose to shift the balance toward saving lives first? When it seems like cancer is everywhere, why don't we know what causes it is a reasonable question. What Dr. Davis tells us in this book is that we may in fact know what causes a great many cancers, but that information is being kept hidden and with it our ability to prevent the disease. I'm glad, very very glad, that we have talented and brilliant people searching every day for better ways to cure cancer. But I'd still rather prevent it and I think we have enough talented and brilliant people to do both. But we can't have secrets and progress both. View all my reviews.