Mid-Life Metanoia

All done!

2014-05-13T20:21:00.003-07:00

With one of my blog followers checking in with me a few days ago, I realize I gave up trying to post the latest news via my blog since I can no longer load photos....and, boy, are there a lot of important photos to load! Primarily...my graduation last Friday, May 9th! Apparently at middle-age, I have become a cover girl...check it out here.... http://theology.sewanee.edu/news/graduation-day-at-the-school-of-theology. Yes...that is the look of euphoria! Three long and hard years of studying, fighting my way to school through snow and ice (okay, okay, it was a rough winter this year!), and not being able to eat Texas BBQ....and it is all over! Packing has begun and the van will pull out of Sewanee, Tennessee on either May 28 or 29.

The next big event is my initial ordination to the diaconate on June 21st at 10:00 a.m. at Christ Church Cathedral in Houston... http://www.christchurchcathedral.org/... those of you in the Houston area, come on out!

Then...on July 1st, I start my ordained ministry at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Waco, Texas! http://www.stpaulswaco.org/ .... so excited to become a part of this vibrant parish on the banks of the Brazos River just a few blocks away from the Dr. Pepper Museum (and you know what a Pepper I am!).

Whew, lots of change going on!! I suspect that Mid-life Metanoia will continue to unfold....at least for me! Don't know that the blog will continue since 1) it seems to not be working too well if I can't post photos (where's Christy when you need her??) and 2) I never was particularly regular about my posts (but aren't I going to have a lot of free time now??). Thanks for reading along....let me know if you have enjoyed the ride as much as I have!

Crawling over the finish line....

2013-12-19T14:56:00.003-08:00

My semester began with aching muscles after I managed to convince eight of my classmates to participate in a whitewater rafting trip on the Ocoee River less than a week before classes began for our last year of seminary. I suggested that it would be symbolic of the roller coaster experience we shared the past two years – lots of ups and downs, all at breakneck speed! Being out of the country for almost six weeks, I was not aware that Tennessee had experienced an extraordinary amount of rain this summer; consequently, the Class III rapids of the Middle Ocoee had turned into Class IV by late August. We all survived the raft trip...but the semester, hmmmm, this old girl feels pretty bruised and battered! (I'm the one on the far right...high in the sky!)

In the first 30 days of the semester, I learned 150 flash cards with minutia from the Book of Common Prayer for the infamous "rubrics" quiz all seniors must endure for their Liturgics class. I stood out in the rain with the cross and no umbrella for our mock Burial service. I preached my last sermon at the Chapel of the Apostles, our "laboratory." And I said goodbye to the dear people who have embraced me as their "intern" for the last year....here are some of the worship leaders when I preached my last sermon at the Thanksgiving service a few weeks ago.

But the marathon that was this semester ended with drama....as I was nearing the finish line, I got hit with a very bad cold. Many at the School of Theology had gone down with the flu, but since I got my flu shot in October, I must have had just a very bad cold with only one final exam left to take. I took the exam...pretty fuzzy-brained...and crawled to the finish line of the semester. A little rest to celebrate the birth of Jesus and then sequestering and more study for comprehensive exams January 6-8. Need to get some new running shoes....

What I did on my summer vacation...in 100 words or less!

2013-09-01T20:32:00.001-07:00

Instead of reading material for class tomorrow, I thought I would try to write a quick post...filling everyone in on my summer travels. I doubt I can do the summer justice now that classes have started and I have begun my last year of seminary (yeah!!) but if I don't try to capture the experience now it will soon be buried with Systematic Theology, Pastoral Liturgics, Contextual Education, Contemporary Moral Ethics, sermon-writing, and new chapel responsibilities!

First stop: Kenya! Rather than teach girls prayer practices at Oloile School in Kimana, I was a teacher's assistant for their Christian Religious Education (CRE) and English classes. While it might seem natural for a seminarian to assist with CRE, I thought everyone should know that this native Texan was informed that she was one of the best English-speakers to have visited the school. I think it is because I...talk....real...slowly....

Here is a view of Mt. Kilimanjaro from Oloile School...since it was winter while I was there, Kilimanjaro was frequently hidden behind clouds...but not on this morning! You can see the fence around the school that was built to keep elephants out during times of drought!

I developed rich friendships with my host and hostess, experiencing the gift of hospitality that gave me a deep sense of gratitude that carried me through the rest of my summer and back to Sewanee. Asante sana ("thank you very much" in Kiswahili) became words that I frequently employed while in Kimana. Here are some of my hosts' children and the children of their extended family...

After two short weeks, I started my four-day photo safari, crisscrossing Kenya and seeing African animals in their natural habitat. I saw four of the African "Big 5": lion(ess), water buffalo, rhino, and elephant. Never saw a leopard, the last of the five, or a male lion (my guide told me that male lions were lazy and never came out...). Here are a few of my favorite shots:

I had seen Maasi tribespeople at the market when I was in Kimana, but had been warned not to stare or take pictures of them. So when I got the chance to visit a Maasi village and learn about how they lived, I jumped at it! Here I am being "greeted" by some Maasi warriors in their "welcome dance":

And before I knew it, my two and a half weeks in Kenya were over. It is challenging to find words to describe the people, the landscape, the animals, and the experience that is Africa...but on to Jerusalem I went!

Secular Israel is different than spiritual Israel. We met with a Jewish settler one afternoon and, right afterwards, we met with a young man who was born and lived in a Palestinian refugee camp. Both spoke their truth, their experience of life in that land. The way toward peace will be a hard road...

We visited places that "traditionally" has been known to be the site that X happened. We visited places that we are "99.9% certain" that Y took place. Either way, I found myself guided by a few lines from T. S. Eliot's "Little Gidding"....If you came this way, Taking any route, starting from anywhere, At any time or at any season, It would always be the same: you would have to put off Sense and notion. You are not here to verify, Instruct yourself, or inform curiosity Or to carry report. You are here to kneel Where prayer has been valid...

Here are some of the lesser-known places or unusual viewpoints in Israel where "prayer has been valid":

Under the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem where Jerome translated the scriptures into Latin...and ultimately died and is buried there.

My feet in the Sea of Galilee!

In the Church of the Holy Sepulchre

99.9% certain this was the well Jesus met the Samaritan woman...the water was still cool and pure!

One of the eight 2000+ year old olive trees in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Just as Kenya entered deep into the marrow of my bones, so did Jerusalem. No, I don't have "Jerusalem syndrome," [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem_syndrome] but I will return, hopefully again and again. It is hard to explain how a city and a country that for thousands of years has been fought over can mean so much. Yes...it is a dirty, old city. And yes....there are too many souvenir hawkers. And yes...how do they really know that Jesus was born at that particular spot?? (Tradition has it...) But the land has always been sacred. Archaeologists have found evidence that Jerusalem was a holy site long before the Hebrews settled there more than two thousand years before the birth of Jesus. And for more than 1300 years, it has been a holy place for three of the world's major religions. We do need to pray for the peace of Jerusalem...because if Jerusalem can be at peace, the world will be able to as well.

Not much summer vacation for this old girl!!

2013-06-12T13:41:00.005-07:00

Wow...two years of seminary already completed! On one hand, it seems like I just arrived...but on the other hand, well...the other hand is suffering from writer's cramp, especially after my History of Christian Worship course from this past spring! As the professor said at the beginning of the course in January, we would cover 300 years each minute....for all of the major liturgical forms of worship (i.e., baptism, Eucharist, matrimony, etc.) in the church! It was like being in a liturgical vortex for 3 hours each Thursday morning...! I frequently was wringing my right hand and giving my professor a "poor pitiful look" as I worked out hand cramps!

The second semester of the second year of study here at the Sewanee School of Theology is notorious for being the most challenging. And I can say that it lived up to its reputation....it has taken me four weeks to get my sleeping patterns regulated! But the most challenging part for me was the "winter that would not end" - I finally pulled out my summer clothes in mid-May! When I was getting a hair cut the last week in February in nearby Monteagle, I was told that the Farmer's Almanac predicted three snow falls in March...and I can tell you now that the Almanac hit the mark! Here's proof of one of the big March snows...my classmate from Colorado continues to tell me that this is nothing but for this old Texas gal it is enough!

Holy Week is pretty special here in Sewanee...as I have said before, Episcopalians really know how to put on liturgical pomp and ceremony! Before the Good Friday service, there is a walked Stations of the Cross from one Episcopal parish to the University's chapel. A classmate sent this photo....

And a little known, but Gulf Coast driven, festival is celebrated on Holy Saturday - the Solemn Feast of the Holy Crawfish. It was a bit cold this year but the outside temperature helped with our internal temperatures during the celebration....

I received funding for two different trips this summer...so here is my itinerary! I leave Houston on June 29th and land in Nairobi, Kenya on July 1st. The next day I leave for southwest Kenya and will teach prayer practices to girls at a school that is in the shadows of Mount Kilimanjaro! ( http://www.staffofhope.org/) After two weeks there, I will take a 5-day photo safari...I mean, when will I get back to Africa??!! Then on August 18th, I fly to Tel Aviv....I have 5 days in the Old City of Jesrusalem before my academic program begins at St. George's College (http://sgcjerusalem.org/) on July 23rd. I return to Houston on August 8th...whew! Please keep my travels in your prayers...I hope to have great pictures to add to my next blog entry!

Time to go pack!!!

An out-of-culture experience!

2013-01-15T18:30:00.001-08:00

Last Saturday morning, I was escorted to a seat in the front, passing through rows upon rows filled with families of all ages. This was a significant community event and everyone was dressed in their finest clothing. There was a master of ceremonies who would introduce a speaker from the community, the speaker would give his impassioned speech, then there was usually a musical presentation, sometimes dancing, even a comedy skit, before another speaker was introduced. I lost count of the number of speakers! Trouble was – I didn’t understand a thing that they said. All the language was in a Karen dialect…that’s pronounced “Cur-in”…and I was attending the Karen New Year’s celebration at my new field work parish, All Saints in Smyrna, Tennessee. Yes…Karen refugees from Burma smack-dab in Smyrna, Tennessee.

Soon after I began seminary in August 2011, I was told I would have to find a parish in which to do field work from January-December 2013. Field work is typical in seminary – the educational experience of working in an actual parish is called Contextual Education. When I had envisioned myself in a different seminary, I was certain I would do inner-city field work so that I would have a completely different experience than my large and affluent home parish back in Houston. So, once I realized that Sewanee was a better seminary fit for me, I had to give up this dream to work with a diverse congregation…since Sewanee is in the “middle of No-where, Tennessee” as I have coined the phrase and there is little variety in these nearby small towns. Imagine my joy at discovering All Saints, Smyrna, believed to be the fastest growing Episcopal church in the country! I will now have the opportunity to learn parish ministry from a community of working class refugees – talk about a new experience! God writes straight with crooked lines, as I have been told!

Although I won’t begin my Sunday commitment to the parish until this coming Sunday, I went to experience Karen culture last Saturday as Karens from all over Middle Tennessee gathered at All Saints for their New Year’s celebration. The people were friendly, gracious, modest, and humble…what a community to become a part of! (Can you tell I’m excited??) As the final speaker was wrapping up his remarks, a team moved up the aisle and passed out bags of chicken and sticky rice and bottled water. Events were to move outside after the last song but rain was falling in Middle Tennessee. That didn't stop the young people who started up their soccer game despite the rain. I decided I could head back to the Mountain....

I planned to include pictures I took of these events in this post...but for some reason I cannot load them tonight, sigh! Perhaps the blog elves are telling me I should make more frequent posts than I do! But I have reached the half-way point in my seminary journey - yea! I am learning wonderful things..but it is extremely demanding so blogging will likely continue to take a back seat! Thanks for journeying with me!

End of Summer...and first year of seminary!

2012-08-06T20:21:00.003-07:00

When asked what word or phrase spoke to them or popped out to them after we read out loud the first few verses of the 23^rd Psalm, only Mr. Z responded, and he quickly said, “Green pastures.” After a week of getting settled in by filling out forms, learning computer systems, and getting security clearances as the new Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) interns at the Veteran’s Administration Hospital in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, we had finally been given our first chance to interact with patients by conducting the weekly “Bible study” in the dementia unit. When we were quickly given instructions the day before – fifteen minutes of karaoke gospel followed by fifteen minutes of Bible study/reading wrapped up by another fifteen minutes of more karaoke gospel singing – we were led to believe that the patients would have little response, although a few might sing. While most of the patients slept through the gathering, one patient particularly liked singing the old Baptist hymns but was not interested in participating in any reading or discussion. Mr. Z had joined us late and was distracted during the initial singing. But after his comment, I could not resist attempting to see if we could pull more conversation out of him. When asked if he had lived in green pastures, he responded affirmatively and his eyes pooled. For the remainder of the Psalm, the wells that were his eyes deepened, but he said very little other than nodding affirmatively when asked for input. When we resumed our singing, he began to join the other patient in vigorously singing the old gospel standards. We walked away feeling that our daily one-hour and fifteen minute commute to Murfreesboro was finally worth the drive. And that's how we began our summer...
After a long academic year when it sometimes felt I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death (I know, I know…overly dramatic but I was trying to stay with the 23^rd Psalm theme…), I began to feel that my Shepherd was restoring my soul this summer as I worked with our aging veterans. The whirlwind that was the last two years of my life has become lessened to a much greater extent so that I believe I can enter my second year of seminary being led beside still waters. (Okay…enough of the 23^rd Psalm theme…)

Some tidbits of life on “the Mountain:” Sometimes it was ten degrees cooler in Sewanee than it was in the lowlands of Murfreesboro this summer. Did you know it snowed three times this past year…my classmate from Colorado disagrees with my definition of “snow” as well as my definition of a “harsh winter.” I didn’t realize how “low church” I really was…and that there is still a lot of the Evangelical in my Contemplative self. I thought I knew humidity…black mold grows very quickly in my shower if I don’t wash it down with bleach periodically, unlike in Houston. The hiking and views are incredible…I just wish most of my hikes were in the woods and not to the library where my views are limited to stacks and stacks of books. I thought I knew fog growing up on the Texas coast…I have decided that the “fog” here in Sewanee is really just clouds overtaking us since our elevation is at 1,923 feet. The name of the people and the country is pronounced “Is-ray-el,” not “Is-ri-el”…I won’t make that mistake again! And the really big news…I am the first Cox who has been allowed to join a choir! My family is really proud…(the choir director still hasn’t figured out I am lip-synching…)

And so I start what is called my “Middler” year of seminary in late August. This year will find me start learning how to preach in our chapel, the Chapel of the Apostles, pictured below. In January, I will start doing my field work in a parish. So…lots of “new” experiences in store for me this year but the Lord is still my shepherd and I shall not want…

Proof of snow!

And fog!

My view when I preach next year...

Blah, Blog, Blah, Blog, Blah...

2012-03-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

I have heard a great deal from many sources a similar refrain..."Hey, what about your blog??" Well...the blog was an idea I had before the reality of divinity study hit me! I began a draft of a blog post last October that never got finished...it started something like this...

I remember the opening credits of a western that was on television for maybe a year or two when I was a child. The cavalryman had been accused of a major dereliction of duty, what I don’t remember. But as the theme song typical of 1960s television was sung by a full choir explaining the man’s crime, the soldier’s uniform was being ripped piece by piece of its medals and distinguishing marks until the man was left wearing just a plain blue shirt and the opening credits faded into the story. You didn’t know what was going to become of the man…but you knew he definitely wasn’t a soldier anymore. From the determined look on his face, you kinda thought the story would turn out alright for him…

Yes, this has been a challenging transition, re-entering the academic world after a twenty-five year sabbatical. I have been stripped of all the accoutrements of my former life as a competent professional woman, spiritual director, health policy duffer, helpful friend, regular shopper at Whole Foods...I am indeed wearing a plain blue shirt, marking a life in transition. But, oh what a transition! I am learning to chant this semester (even though I keep telling them in my deepest Texas accent, "Thar ain't no chantin' in the Diocese of Texas!") as well as a class to learn to read scriptures out loud with feeling...but I have definitely decided that I will not emote to the extent I am being taught by a theater professor while reading the Gospel in my future parishes...

Like the soldier from the 1960s Western, I maintain a sense of purpose...although frequently the look on my face is more akin to weariness than determination...but I know that, with God's help, "things will turn out alright"....and I will ride into a sunset like this in another two years, headed back to Texas!

A Pilgrimage Taken and Another Begins...

2011-08-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

We were pulling out of the parking lot as the sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon. It was Saturday morning following our first week of orientation at the School of Theology…and we were heading down off “The Mountain” (Sewanee-speak for leaving the campus…since the campus of the University of the South is literally on the Cumberland Plateau, about 2000 feet above sea level…amazing for this sea level kinda gal) and into the heart of Alabama. We were on a pilgrimage to Hayneville, Alabama to honor Jonathan Myrick Daniels and other martyrs of Alabama who lost their lives during the civil rights struggle. The Episcopal Church has set aside August 14^th in honor of Jonathan, an Episcopal seminarian who took a leave of absence from his studies to support African Americans in their efforts to register to vote in 1965 and lost his life…. http://vimeo.com/14117023.

When we arrived at Hayneville five hours later, we joined a large multi-ethnic crowd in the courthouse square, prayed and then processed to the first site, the jailhouse where Jonathan and his friends had been held.

The inside of the jail seemed like something you would see in a third-world country. After some readings (including Psalm 85, verse 11”Truth shall spring up from the earth and righteousness shall look down from heaven”), we moved to the next stop, Varner’s Cash Store, all the while singing spirituals and hymns prominent in the civil rights movement. I found myself quietly weeping behind my sunglasses as I sang and walked in lock-step with two African Americans who knew the words to those songs by heart…thinking of how impossible what we were doing would have been 46 years ago.

We stood around the steps of Varner’s Store (now Central Alabama Insurance) where Jonathan was shot and killed, heard how the deathly encounter enfolded as read from a biography, and again prayed. We then processed back to the courthouse square to a memorial established in honor of Jonathan by his VMI classmates, read scripture (Galatians 3:22-28) and prayed before entering the courthouse where Jonathan’s killer had been acquitted.

But for this day, the courthouse was turned into a sanctuary…the desk where the law and justice of the land are dispensed now was converted into an altar where the Body and the Blood were about to be dispensed.

There were probably 150+ people squeezed into that oh, so typical Southern courthouse, and instead of Atticus Finch striding in front of the judge’s desk, an Episcopal bishop humbly spoke words of repentance, remembrance and reconciliation. Jonathan and twelve others were eulogized before the bread was broken, blessed and shared. And then out into that muggy Alabama heat…and back on the bus to Tennessee, sobered by the example a fellow seminarian had given us of the cost of the way of the cross.

And so after three weeks, our orientation ended this week. On Wednesday, after a quiet day of retreat at a nearby convent, we participated that evening in a Matriculation Ceremony (http://theology.sewanee.edu/news/new-students-are-welcomed/) in All Saints Chapel where our name was individually called and we signed a book that all students entering the University of the South have signed since the dawn of time…or at least the dawn of the University. We were all given academic gowns (Harry Potter’s Hogwarts style)…and then classes began the next day. And so, my pilgrimage at Sewanee begins…here we go!

Run! Middle-aged woman trying to learn to blog!

2011-07-11T14:00:00.000-07:00

From a simple e-mail with instructions and encouragement from friend Christi, I am attempting to start a blog on my excellent, ecclesiastical adventure. There is a good chance I might not figure this out no matter the level of confidence Christi has in my intellectual capabilities...but I have had so much interest in my mid-life metanoia that I thought it might be worth at least trying....that is until the harsh reality of papers, exams, late-night studying and field work comes crashing in....

You're right, Reese, it makes my head hurt when I think of those challenges that lie ahead...so, it is best to stay in the present and let life begin to unfold as God would will it.

Why did I leave a comfortable life in Houston, Texas to attend seminary in Sewanee, Tennessee leading to the Episcopal priesthood? Well, since this is a blog and not a memoir, the best and briefest explanation can be found in a couple of lines from Mary Oliver's poem, Thirst... "Oh Lord...grant me, in your mercy, a little more time. Love for the earth and love for you are having such a long conversation in my heart. Who knows what will finally happen or where I will be sent, yet already I have given a great many things away, expecting to be told to pack nothing, except the prayers which, with this thirst, I am slowly learning."