The Grey Area...

Darling Daughter... Love You Forever & Always, Mommy

2016-05-06T21:26:00.002+05:30

Darling Daughter,

Today, you turn from my baby girl into a young woman… and I am in equal measure excited and petrified. As you step into adulthood, you enter a world of responsibilities; even though I don’t want to scare you but I can’t stop myself from sharing my thoughts with you… my experiences as a woman, as a wife, and as a mother.

This society, people around you, the world we live in, all of them would try very hard to fit you into certain moulds. They would tell you how to talk and what to say, how to think and even what to think, how you should look and how you are expected to behave. Just ignore them and their unsolicited advice. Resist the urge to please everyone and try to create a space that is your own, that reflects you and your sensibilities.

Whether you choose to break the stereotypes or decide to live them, always remember the most important thing is choice, your choice. You have been blessed with a strong and beautiful mind, never hesitate to use it.

As a parent and as woman, I can’t stress enough the importance of being independent. Naturally, I want you to be financially independent but emotional and mental independence is as important. For me, independence doesn’t only mean the freedom to spend as much as you like. It means the freedom of thought, freedom of choice, freedom of speech, freedom to have an opinion… and the right to exercise them. I want you to be able to think for yourself, to have a say, to make your own decisions and to have opinions.

Always remember your career, although important, is only a part of your life, just like love is. Do not make it your whole life. Your life is much more than your bank balance; your happiness is more than the designation on your business card. To find out who you truly are, I would suggest, once in a while, look at yourself and see how would you want to define yourself, devoid of your career and the many roles you would eventually play… and if you don’t like that definition, work on yourself to change it. Explore. Laugh. Love. Eat. Dance. Listen. Speak. Think. Feel. Live to the fullest my darling.

As is natural, sometimes you would be exhausted with all the responsibilities adult life brings and you would feel like letting someone else, your partner perhaps, take charge of your life; someone else drive for a while as it might seem more comfortable… you won’t have to be constantly vigilant and instead you could relax… Seems enticing, right? But, don’t forget, when you give someone else the steering wheel of your life, the power to drive you around, who knows where you would end up! When you give someone else the right to make your decisions for you, you also give them the agency to control you and your life… which in my humble opinion, is not such a good idea, don’t you think so?

There would come a time when you would be deified as a goddess or expected to be a superwoman who juggles home life and work life perfectly, someone who is always in control and whose life is in perfect harmony. Don’t let these epithets go to your head and also don’t be daunted by the expectations they entail. It is okay if you don’t live up to them. Don’t think less of yourself. It is okay if you fail because you are human, you are allowed to make mistakes, you are allowed to fail, you are allowed to ask for help.

Never be afraid to say ‘No’ when you mean it. Also, don’t be afraid to say ’Yes’ when you mean it… because the ‘choice’ when to say what, is always with you. I could not stress enough that you are the star of your life; you are the sun of your galaxy… you are bright and powerful.

Life is very long and along the way, there would be times when you would see people, your peers, your friends, doing better than you are… at those time, resist the urge to compare yourself to them, the urge to look at your life and feel dejected... just because you didn’t see their struggle, it doesn’t mean they haven’t had any. You concentrate on what you are doing to the best of your abilities.

Endeavor to be kind and compassionate to other people’s feeling and their problems. When I say you should think about others, I do not mean that you stop thinking about yourself… and believe me, it doesn’t make you selfish. So, even though I want you to think about others and be empathetic, but not at the cost of your own happiness.

Soon, there might come a time when you would fall in love, hopelessly and unconditionally so. But, at that time I would want you to remember your first love – that is self-love. I agree, the 'getting-to-know-you' part is thrilling and interesting and although, it is good to know the favorite color or favorite of your significant other, what is more important to know is that you want the same things in life at similiar times, today and later.

I have no doubt that someday you would have to choose between what makes you happy and what would make your significant other happy… making a decision at that time would be a tough one, right? But, that’s a test almost every relationship has to face sooner or later. You might be tempted to keep his (or her) happiness before your own. All I can say is think long and hard before you do so. Again, it is not being selfish. Your happiness is as important too. If you put your dreams and aspirations on the back burner because of love, there might come a time when you would regret your decision and resent your partner.

But, that doesn’t mean you only choose yourself and what makes you happy because I, from experience, know that your decisions also impact those who are closest to you. So, I can only tell you to talk to your partner... and listen to what s/he has to say. A relationship is a partnership, and one of you can’t make a decision to what would impact both of you. When you are in a relationship, the saying – you should listen to everyone but do what you want to do – doesn’t work. There are two people in a relationship and it is only fair that the two of you decide on what works for both of you. So, one hand I want you to never follow your partner blindly and put across your feelings, but on the other hand I want you to be considerate to his feelings as well. Love is an integral part of a relationship but so are communication, respect, freedom, and trust.

When you would grow up a bit more and get married, you would be told, like I was, to keep the husband’s needs before your own. People might also tell you that as a woman, your place is only behind or besides your man. You would be told that his career would always be more important than yours, his dreams more significant than yours. You would be told that his success is yours and later in life, your children’s success would be termed as yours. Even in movies and TV shows, you would see that how it is a wife’s duty to make sure that her husband is happy and comfortable. All around you, you would notice that how a woman is expected to be a man’s strength and his support system… albeit a silent one. What they show in such movies and in such shows, in advertisements and in songs, is not true. Don’t believe them. All they attempt to do is to silence your voice and restrict your thoughts. Don’t let them.

Do not settle to be a silent spectator in a marriage. There is no point to a marriage if you can’t share your feelings and thoughts with the person you are supposed to spend your life with. And if you feel lonely in a relationship, share your concern with the partner, and if still, nothing changes… it is time to move on. And believe me when I say, love doesn’t happen once and your first love is certainly not your last.

In the name of being a good wife, a dutiful daughter-in-law, or a selfless mother, you would be expected to take a backseat in your own life. But, do not let your dreams be tied down by these labels because that’s what they are, sweetheart, mere labels, unrealistic labels. You are and will always be much more than just a wife, just a daughter-in-law, just a daughter, just a sister and even just a mother. It is very common in our society to use these terms, these labels to make women believe that only being a wife or a mother is enough but I can tell you from my experience that it is not. These are merely roles that you would play in one lifetime… Don’t let them define you.

Having said that, I know, in life, compromises are inevitable and sometimes you would have to sacrifice for someone else, be it friend, family, work life, your children… but the important thing to remember is that the Keyword here is ‘sometimes’, do not make it a habit.

If ‘you choose’ to be a housewife or stay at home mother at some point in your life, rest assured, people and society would again tell you to keep the needs of the earning member in front of your own. Do not listen to them. Even if you are not contributing in the financial aspect, you are contributing socially and emotionally. I say again a marriage is a partnership. You are and would always be an important part of your family… irrespective of how much money you bring in. So, your needs and wants are as important. Your opinion matters as much. What you think carries as much weight as the one who is bringing in the moolah. Do not let the lack of finances make you feel inferior. But, I would again reiterate, always make sure you are financially stable… save, save and then save some more.

You would notice that I haven’t mentioned anything about how you should look? Well, because looks, they don’t matter. They are fleeting and whether you are stick-thin or overweight, whether you are dusky or fair, it is your inner beauty that concerns me more. As I said, people would tell you how you should look, what’s in style, how you should dress, what makeup suits you… let them. You wear what you want to wear. You be what you want to be.

Lastly, in your lifetime, if you ever feel trapped or lonely; if you ever feel hopeless and the world doesn’t make sense… always remember that I am here with an open mind and open arms… to always listen and never judge. My darling, you would always, always have a home with me and I will always support you and your decisions… no matter what.

Love you forever and always,

Mommy

Best Friends... Lovers?

2014-11-15T18:53:00.000+05:30

She was staring at the blank screen of the laptop waiting for her thoughts to unjumble themselves... waiting for the words in her mind, hiding in its deep recesses, to tumble forth onto her fingers and in front of her eyes. The more she stared the more deeper they hid. The determined stare at the white document made her eyes water but she kept staring, kept waiting.

The sudden chirp of her phone made her jump. She blinked, furiously. The water in her eyes made its way down her cheeks. Sniffing and wiping her face, she picked up the phone. The name flashing on the screen made her smile. She swiped the flashing green symbol.

Without any greeting, she began, "I got your wedding card. It's nice."
"Why are you crying?" He asked concerned.

"I am not crying... just frustrated. The writer's block is going to be the death of me!"
"Ahh.. why don't you write about me?"
"Puh-leaze... I would rather be blocked. Anyway, I can't believe you are getting married!"
"Neither can I."

She could sense the smile in his voice, the happiness in her words. She could even imagine him lounging back on his couch, lazy grin in place, with his feet dangling from the sides.

"I can't believe someone agreed to marry you!"
"Sour grapes, sweetheart... I know you are jealous," he said in his trademark teasing tone.
"Ha! As if! I pity the poor girl who has to spend her entire life with you," she snickered.
"She is very lucky that I am a part of her life and, unlike you, she knows it. Thank you very much."
"Come off your high horse, mister... there's still time for your baraat procession."
"I know and you have to come and dance in front of my ghodi. No reason, excuse, prior appointment will be accepted, understood?"

She mock-saluted him, "yes boss! And you don't even have to say that, silly, I will be there. After all it's my best friend's wedding."
"I love you."
"I love you too."

She hung up the phone with a smile on her face. She couldn't believe he was getting married. The silly goofy guy who ran from commitment and girls was finally ready to settle down.

'My boy is growing up,' she smiled, tenderly.

He was her best friend, her 3AM agony aunt, her patient ear... Her soulmate. They had known each other since school. Over a decade long friendship, they had shared their deepest fantasies, their darkest fears, their boundless dreams and their life. They were always together and their constant companionship had made people, including their friends and family, assume that they were in a relationship... that they were a 'couple'. They were a couple indeed... a couple of best friends who loved each other, unconditionally.

'Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.'

She remembered her girlfriends quoting Harry from When Harry Met Sally innumerable times. But sex never came between them. She was an attractive woman and he was a good-looking guy, but during all the time they had spent together, they had never, not even once, spoke about dating each other... There was never any awkward sexual tension, no unspoken words, no lingering touches, no uncomfortable hugs. They were as comfortable with each other as moon is with the stars. They talked about their crushes, their romances, their dates with abandon... But, people never understood that.

She remember when she got married, their common friends were 'consoling' him. They thought, he was crying because I had got married to someone else. She remembering laughing heartily when he had told her that someone hinted that he shouldn't turn into a Devdas. Nobody knew, he was crying because he was losing his best friend. He knew that with my marriage, things would change. Like I know that with his marriage, things would change further.

The calls would become less frequent, the meetings would be few and far between and might include two more people... their world which previously had a population of two would increase exponentially. She touched her baby bump with a tiny smile.

'Change is the only constant,' she sighed.

She got up to get a glass of water. While walking back to her seat in front of the laptop, she remembered a quote she had read sometime back - '“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other... Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”

'or maybe never. They might never fall in love with each other, but they will always love one another,' she smiled sipping her water. She had got an idea for her next post.

Shaadi ka Ladoo!

2014-11-10T19:45:00.002+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

Chapter Twenty Two

“If you love someone, does a marriage license matter?”

8^th October

Mukti woke up suddenly. She was sweating. She had a nightmare . . . a horrible nightmare. She had seen that her novel had been published and she was at her book launch. Everyone was around her and she suddenly saw a lawyer with Priya, Mukti, Veer and her mother! All of them were looking at her with eyes full of hatred. The lawyer hands her a piece of paper on which only three words were written - You are sued! That’s when she woke up sweating profusely. Mukti was breathing heavily. She concentrated on what she had seen.

It was a dream. Obviously it was a dream. The paper would not say you are sued right? And what was mom doing there?!

She grabbed a bottle of water by her side and drank it. She finished almost the complete bottle in one gulp. She put the cap back on and put the bottle down. She took out her phone to check the time. It was eleven in the morning. She got out of bed and got dressed. She looked around the room. It looked almost empty. Everything was neatly packed in cardboard boxes. Today was the day when she was moving in with Veer. Her phone rang, it was her mom.

“Hey beta, all set?”

“Yes, almost.” She hated lying to her mother but she did want to stay with Veer.

“How is Sonali? She must be excited about this?”

No mom, she is not! She has not talked to me in the last thirteen days and if I don’t convince her soon, there is a possible chance that I can say good bye to my dream.

Instead she said, “Yes, mom she is.” She saw Veer from her window walking towards the house, “Listen, I have to go. I will call you back.” He rang the doorbell. Mukti opened the door and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He seemed really happy. Mukti for some reason did not share his excitement.

“Hi.”

“Hey” said Veer. He looked around, “So, all packed?” he asked rubbing his hands.

“Yeah.” She said.

“You don’t sound as excited as before?”

“Veer, you know there are a lot of things going on in my mind.”

When Mukti had told Veer what happened. He was the one who had suggested putting the shift on hold. He had helped Mukti in trying to convince Priya and Sonali to get on board. For the next whole week, Mukti and Veer had done everything they could . . . calls, messages, Facebook messages, chat pings, Facebook posts . . . to get Priya and Sonali to talk to Mukti. They had gone to Priya’s and Sonali’s respective homes and offices but both had vehemently refused to talk to Mukti.

Veer had also suggested that they send the manuscript to them but the package had come back unopened and the mails got no response. Mukti was quite upset and she realized that Veer is more depressed than her. Slowly, it dawned on her that Veer’s depression is more so because of the fact that she has not moved in with him. It was then that she decided to go ahead with her previous plan. She will never forget the look on his face, he was so happy that he hugged her and spun her around the room.

That was three days back.

Now, she was all packed. Her parents had needed a little convincing.

It is not safe to live in Delhi alone. So, many rapes and murders keep happening. That is why I am moving in with Sonali. Two is better than one.

Thinking only of their daughter’s safety, they too agreed. So, today she was moving in with Veer and somehow she was not as excited as she had hoped she would be.

This lack of excitement is only because of Priya and Sonali and nothing else.

“You okay, baby?” Veer asked again concerned.

“Yeah, I am fine.”

Both of them started wrapping up the rest of the stuff. Veer was telling her about the space he had made in his wardrobe for her stuff.

“I have also cleared up the bathroom cabinets, so you can put your toiletries there.”

“That’s so sweet Veer.”

“Mukti, I never asked you but do you know how to cook?”

“You sound like a typical mother-in-law!” Mukti started laughing, “will your mom ask this when she meets me, ‘bahu do you know how to cook’?”

“Why will she ask you that? Why will she call you bahu?” Veer stopped packing and looked at Mukti.

“Not right away stupid, sometime in the future.” Mukti was still packing and didn’t notice that Veer was looking at her with an expression resembling a ball has hit him and knocked him off completely. Veer got up and walked across the room to where Mukti was taping a box. He held her arms and looked into her eyes.

“There is not going to be that future Mukti.”

Mukti blinked, “what are you talking about?”

“About the future that you are picturing . . . it’s not going to happen.”

“Veer, I don’t understand. I don’t mean right away, maybe after a year, two years . . . let’s see how it goes.”

“This is as far as it will go. I thought I made it clear that I don’t believe in marriage.”

It was as if a rock had dropped in her stomach. Her mouth suddenly went dry, “Uh… what are you saying? That this is it?”

“I thought you knew.”

“How . . . How would I know? This is the first time you are saying it!”

“You know about my parents’ marriage. I think that a piece of paper or saat pheras might keep two people together but they don’t guarantee happiness.”

“So, you are saying you might never want to get married?”

“No. I will never get married.”

“But you wanted to marry Meera?” she asked confused.

“And it didn’t work out! As soon as we thought of marrying, we broke up. Marriage ruins everything!”

“That is so stupid!” Mukti was getting irritated now.

“Whatever Mukti. I don’t want to get married. I don’t believe in it.”

“I want to. I want to get married, have a home, and have children. I want all of it.”

“We can still have it.”

“No, we can’t,” she looked up with eyes full of tears, “we can’t. Marriage is not about just saat pheras, it is a celebration of your love. It is a declaration to everyone that you want to spend the rest of your life with the person standing next to you. It’s not a forced decision, it’s a promise made from the heart.”

“I can throw a party after that . . . we can tell everyone that we are moving in together.”

“It’s not funny.”

“Mukti, we’ll talk about this later. Let’s just get a move on.”

“Will you change your mind?”

“Will you change yours?” he asked her.

“No.”

“I will neither.”

“Then, there is nothing left to talk about. I want more from the relationship than you are willing to give.”

“What do you mean? I am willing to give you everything. Home, togetherness, love, kids, everything . . . what more do you want? What will marriage change?” he asked irritably.

“If it is not such a big deal then why don’t you want to get married?”

“We can go on and on about this. Let’s move in together. We’ll talk about this in the future.”

“I am not moving in with you, Veer.” She said and as if a dam had burst, tears started falling down her cheeks.

Veer came and hugged her, “I love you. Don’t do this.”

“I am not doing anything, you are. I am sorry if your parents’ marriage didn’t work out but you can’t make it as a benchmark for your relationships believing that all marriages fail. I mean you are ready to live in with me, why not marry me?”

“You are also ready to live in with me, what difference does a marriage certificate make?”

“It makes a hell lot of a difference. It is important and I need to know that relationship is moving towards someplace.”

Veer said in a resigned tone, “I don’t know what to say, you take your time. Think about it, think about us.” With that he got up and left behind a crying Mukti.

Mukti had never felt so alone in her life. She had no one to talk to. Her friends were not talking to her and Veer was upset. The only other person she could think of was her mother. But what could she tell her? She couldn’t talk to her either because of the lie.

I have got caught in the whole web of lies I have created!

Whenever she had got upset earlier there had been either Priya or her mother to listen to her. But this time, there was no one. There was so much going on in her head that she was positive that it might explode anytime soon. Her eyes were swollen from crying but the tears just didn’t stop.

It’s all my fault. I should have explained to Priya and Sonali before writing the novel, now I don’t have friends or the novel.

She sniffed and started sobbing again.

I should have had a talk with Veer before making the impulsive decision of moving in with him together. Now, none of us is happy, not I, not he and I can’t even talk to ma!

She slumped down on the floor and curled into a ball. With silent tears streaming down her face, she kept lying down till the wee hours of the morning.

Broken Trust and Secrets Unleashed!

2014-10-29T17:57:00.000+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

Chapter Twenty One

‘Breaking a friendship’s sacred code – Sharing a secret you swore you will never do.’

25^th September

The past ten days had passed in a blur. Mukti had locked herself in her house, had put her phone on silent and had even asked Veer to hide the modem to avoid temptation. She just wanted to complete the novel before the deadline. She worked on the novel tirelessly and, to her own amazement, finished it in a week. She was herself surprised how all the loose end just came together. The next couple of days were spent in editing. She was quite proud of herself actually. There were still two more days to go and was done with the writing part, the only thing left was to read it again and fine tune some bits. That night to celebrate, Veer took her out to Mainland China in GK II. They were seated at a corner table waiting for their food to come.

“When will you move in? I think after you submit the novel, then you would have some free time, right?”

Mukti had a sip of her water and decided to pester Veer a bit, “I think I will only move in with you if I manage to get a book deal.” They were laughing and joking with each other, when Veer held Mukti’s hand and pointed in the distance, “hey, isn’t that your friend’s boyfriend Shantanu?”

Mukti looked to where he was pointing, “My friends or their ex-boyfriends do have the tendency of landing up whenever we are out for…” she stopped short. She was shocked to see him walk holding her hand.

“His fiancé looks different. Very stylish in fact. It seems she has had a complete makeover.” Veer said sipping his drink.

“No, that’s not Shivani. That’s Priya. She is with Shantanu.” She said, confused.

“yeah right. Wait, what is she doing with Shantanu, I thought they decided to call it quits.”

“I thought so too.”

“you didn’t know about this.”

Mukti turned towards Veer, “look at my face. Does it look that I knew about this?”

“Do you want to go and talk to her?”

“No. I don’t. not right now.” She sat up straight and picked up the menu card.

I can’t believe she would blatantly lie to me!

They ate their dinner in silence. Mukti saw from the corner of her eye, Priya and Shantanu holding hands and laughing together. Mukti decided then and there not to confront Priya.

If she wants to tell me, she will. I am not going to ask her. Not now, not ever. I also want to see till when she can hide it.

Mukti didn’t know it yet but Priya had been hiding it for long time . . . Since the day she had come and told Mukti and Sonali that she had slept with him for the last time. Priya had never stopped seeing him; she had just stopped talking to them about him. Shantanu had not taken a transfer either. He was still her boss. Shivani had gone back and they had resumed from where they left off. Priya had once again forgotten, very conveniently, that Shivani existed. Everything was going fine but deep down inside, Priya was feeling guilty for keeping a secret from Mukti.

When Mukti and Veer were leaving the restaurant, Priya saw them as well. She ducked under the table pretending to pick up the napkin that fell from her lap. She was not ready for a confrontation yet. She needed time to prepare herself for the argument that she knew was inevitable.

***

27^th September

Maybe it was the fear that Mukti had seen her already or maybe she was genuinely guilty for hiding something so important from her best friend . . . whatever the reason, it was strong enough for Priya to go and meet Mukti with the resolve to tell her the truth.

When she went there, Mukti was immersed in her novel. She had papers lying all around. She had a pen in her mouth and she was reading with great concentration. Priya could see Mukti’s eyes darting across the page. She kept staring at her for five minutes. When Mukti gave no sign of looking up and acknowledging her presence, Priya cleared her throat. Mukti looked like she was seeing Priya for the first time.

What the hell? I need to clear the papers! Priya can’t see them right now.

“How did you get inside?” Mukti said shuffling the papers together.

“I have an extra key, remember.” Priya said entering.

“oh . . . yeah. Why are you standing, come, sit down.” Mukti said putting the papers aside, “how have you been?”

“I’ve been fine.” Priya said picking up a paper and reading it, “Is this your novel?”

“Yeah.” Mukti said taking the paper from her hands.

“I can’t believe you have written a whole novel.” She looked up and Mukti noted that Priya was smiling.

“I can’t believe it too.” Mukti said.

“I can’t believe I haven’t even read a single line of it!” Priya looked up at Mukti, this time she wasn’t smiling.

“You have been busy.”

“I can’t believe I don’t even know what your novel is about?”

“as I said, you have been busy.” Mukti got up and started walking towards the kitchen, “I am making coffee, you want some?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

While Mukti was in the kitchen, Priya picked up a couple of random papers lying under the dresser that misses Mukti’s eye and started reading them.

“I don’t want to go.” Krishna wailed.

“It’s Mumbai! How can you not go? I wish I could go in your place.” Devyani said.

“But I won’t know anyone. You know how difficult it is for me to make friends.” a tear gleamed on Krishna’s walnut-coloured cheek.

“You will make friends. Trust me. You will have so much fun that you’ll forget all about me.” Devyani pouted.

“That’s not possible. You are my best friend. I’ll never forget you.” Krishna hugged Devyani and the two girls stayed locked in each other’s embrace for a long time.

Priya smiled and turned to read another page.

“Devyani, I think I am in love.” Krishna gushed into the receiver. She was sitting in her hostel bed with massive books opened in front of her. she had a much-chewed pen in her mouth. The whole room was in a mess covered with books, dirty laundry, pizza boxes, and a massive heap of tea cups.

“what?! You have been there for only six months and you are already in love?! By the way I know who it is!” Devyani teased her best friend. She was lounging on her couch with a novel in her hand.

Krishna just giggled.

“It is Shekhar, right?” Devyani asked.

“How did you know?”

“Since you have landed in the hostel, he is the only one you talk about. Shekhar this and Shekhar that. It was not hard to guess.”

Krishna lie down on her bed and sighed deeply, “it feels so great to be loved. You know Shekhar is so charming! He takes such good care of me. I feel so blessed to have someone like him in my life.”

“I am very happy for you.” Devyani smiled picturing her friend walking hand in hand with the guy she loved into the moonlight.

Something stirred in Priya’s mind.

This conversation seems oddly familiar.

She hastily picked up another paper from the floor and started reading it.

“What is the matter Krishna? Why don’t you take my calls? You didn’t even tell me that you were coming back!” Devyani plopped on Krishna’s bed where she was lying with a sheet covering her face. Devyani shook Krishna, “What is the matter? Did you have a fight with Shekhar?”

Devyani heard Krishna sobbing. “Kris are you crying?” she went ahead and dragged the sheet off her sobbing friend. Krishna was indeed crying. Her eyes were red and swollen. She had a deep gash on one side of her face. Her lip was swelled up as well and had a cut on one side.

“What happened to you?” Devyani asked worried.

“I fell.” Krishna said looking away.

“No, you did not. Tell me what happened?” Devyani looked Krishna over. She saw that she had marks all over her arms as well. “Has your mom seen this?”

She just nodded her head.

“She believed that you fell?”

Krishna again nodded her head.

Devyani sighed and made Krishna face her, “Who did this to you?”

“No one.” Krishna mumbled.

“Was it Shekhar?”

Krishna shook her head but her eyes unwittingly filled with tears.

“I know it’s him. he hits you right? I knew it! Even though you disagreed, I knew what I heard was the sound of a slap. I knew that you were lying when you told me that you are stressed because of the course. It was all him all along, right? He beats you?”

Krishna got up from her bed and held Devyani’s hands, “You can’t tell anyone. Please. You can’t tell my parents.”

“What?! What are you saying?” Devyani said irritably.
“Devyani, he is trying to change. He has promised that he will not hit me ever again.”

“Are you crazy Krishna? Look at you! You are bruised all over and you are still defending him? you should file a complaint against him. wait; let me tell your parents.”

Krishna held her hand and made her stop. She looked at her with pleading eyes, “Devyani, he is the first guy who has ever shown any interest in me. I can’t drive him away.”

Devyani was getting agitated, “Do you hear yourself? Are you crazy? So, what? You will continue to get battered so that he doesn’t leave you?”

“He promised me he will change.”

As Priya continued to read, her eyes opened wide.

No, she didn’t!

She hurriedly picked up another page from the pile.

“What the hell is that now?” Devyani asked Krishna, “I know that you didn’t burn yourself while ironing. I know that’s a cigarette burn.”

Krishna continued to evade any questions regarding Shekhar until Devyani threatened to tell her parents. Finally Krishna broke down and narrated the entire story between sobs.

“Everything was going great in the beginning. I was so happy; it felt as if I was floating on air. He made me feel so special. Then one day while working on a project, he fell asleep in my room. The next morning when we woke up, he suggested that he doesn’t want to leave.” Krishna looked at Devyani with a sheepish grin, “I also didn’t want him to leave and we started living together.”

Devyani raised her eyebrows but decided to not interrupt Krishna.

“I was so happy, waking up seeing his face and going to bed with his protective arm around me. But, then after a while things started going wrong.”

“Why what happened?” Devyani asked hoping it was not what she thinking.

“We slept together.” Krishna almost whispered.

“What?!” Devyani was stunned. Her sweet innocent friend who, till Shekhar came along, had never even had a boyfriend had already slept with someone.

“I didn’t want to Devyani, I swear I didn’t. But he said that if I loved him, I would not stop him. I wanted to prove my love for him so I let him.”

“Oh God!” Mukti just sighed.

“It was so painful. I asked him to stop but he kept insisting that I’ll start enjoying soon. But I didn’t, I was so sore the next day that I couldn’t even walk properly.” Krishna was sobbing.

“Did you have sex with him again?” Devyani asked.

Krishna nodded and added hurriedly, “He hit me if I didn’t. But afterwards, he would apologize profusely and vowed to never do that again. He would promise every time that he will never force himself on me but he didn’t keep his word.”

Krishna wiped her tears, “slowly he became so possessive. Even if I talked to someone else, he’d get angry. You remember that day when I had come with a swollen eye; he had knocked me out with a punch because I had refused to sleep with him.”

“Kris you need to tell the authorities. You need to tell your parents.”

Krishna begged her to not to out her secret, “I only have him, I can’t lose him. I just can’t lose him. I love him, Devyani and I can’t live without him. He loves me too; it’s just that sometimes he loses his patience. He says he is working on it, but—“

Devyani’s eyes filled with tears looking at her smart and intelligent friend beseeching her to keep her secret. She hugged her tightly and promised to not tell anyone.

The more she read, the more furious Priya got. Angry tears welled up in her eyes. The resemblance was uncanny. She was Krishna and Shekhar was Mudit, her college boyfriend. Mukti had written about her past. She had written about Priya’s ordeal, what all she gone through at the hands of Mudit. She was going to divulge her secret. Priya’s hands were shaking with rage and betrayal.

How could you, Mukti? How could you? I trusted you. You promised. I can’t believe you would turn my life into a manuscript!

Another page flapped up against her leg and she picked it up to read as well.

Krishna was standing outside Devyani’s house. Her hair was hanging flaccidly covering her face. She was tensely fumbling with her shirt but her eyes looked straight at Devyani, unwavering. She muttered calmly, “I have punished him for what he did to me.”

These words transported Priya back to a cool December night when she was the one standing outside Mukti’s house shaking with nervous excitement. Like Krishna, she was also in a dishevelled state. Her hair were hanging loose and flapping in the cold winter air. She was anxiously playing with a loose end of her dupatta. In spite of the nip in the air, Priya was breaking out in a cold sweat. She couldn’t believe her plan had worked. All those weeks of planning had finally come through. She rang the bell twice. Finally Mukti came out.

“I have done it. I have punished Mudit. I have taken my revenge.” She said looking straight at Mukti with her stony gaze.

Mukti motioned her to keep quiet and dragged her inside her room discreetly. Once indoors, Mukti sat Priya down on her bed and asked her, “what do you mean you have punished him?”

“I have taken my revenge. He is in jail.” She said. Mukti noticed that Priya was trying to be calm but she had an edgy demeanour. She was tapping her foot restlessly and fumbling with her dupatta.

Mukti placed a hand on hers, “What? You finally filed a FIR?”

Priya first glanced down at their hands placed on each other’s and then looked up at Mukti’s concerned face, “No. I did something better.”

“What did you do Priya? Just tell me already.” Mukti was getting panicked.

“I convinced him to steal our final exams question papers and then sent an anonymous tip to the Dean. They searched his hostel room and found the papers. He got arrested. He is in jail now. He might be locked up for seven years.” Priya said without a pause. Mukti saw panic flash through Priya’s eyes. Her jaw fell down with shock. Her head was buzzing with numerous questions.

“Didn’t he say that you were with him? How did you steal the papers?”Mukti asked. She had trouble believing that her friend was capable of something like that. “Explain in detail please.”

“I was fed up Mukti!” Priya said getting up from the bed and pacing the room, “I was sick and tired of the constant torture. He used to come up and demand sex whenever he pleased like it and if I refused he would beat the shit out of me!”

A silent tear trickled down her cheek, “Then one day, he brought some friend over and insisted I ‘service’ him.” she said with aversion.

Mukti’s eyes opened wide, “he did what?”

Priya’s head hung with shame. Mukti went and hugged her friend tightly.

Priya continued, “Since that day I was thinking of extracting revenge. I was lying low taking all his bull shit just waiting for an opportunity. Then, one day I heard the peons talking behind the cafeteria, about how the question papers would be locked up in the dean’s office two days before the exams. That’s when I hatched this plan.” There was an odd gleam in Priya’s eyes that scared Mukti. She had never seen this side of Priya. This facet of Priya’s personality was hidden deep below the surface that came to the forefront only when she was backed up against the wall.

Mukti urged Priya to continue, “But, how did you steal the key? What did you tell Mudit to persuade him to do this? Why didn’t he tell the authorities that you were also involved?”

Priya looked back at Mukti, “I decided to use Mudit’s character traits against him. He was always taunting me that I was a topper and didn’t have to study much, so when I heard the peons talking, I went and told him that he could be a topper too. Mukti, he had such desire to succeed that he didn’t even flinch when I told him that it would involve stealing the question papers.”

Priya sat down on the bed with a faraway look on her face, “The next day, he sat down with the peons for a drink. He was always a sweet-talker. He won-over the peons with his honey-laden words. They fell into his trap. The alcohol worked as a charm as well. Soon, they were dishing out all the staff gossip. After just one bottle, they told Mudit where the spare key to the Dean’s office is.”

“Didn’t they tell the police that you were an accomplice too?”

“Mudit is his own worst enemy. It was so easy to trick him. I pretended to take the lead but he couldn’t have that. I knew he wouldn’t let me be the leader. And as I told you he was getting increasing possessive, he didn’t want me to come in front of the lecherous drunk peons. They had no idea I was hiding behind. It worked out perfectly for me.”

Mukti was getting increasingly worried, and a little proud, of Priya’s conniving side, “Where was the spare key?”

“It was in the staff room. The next day, when the staff room was relatively empty we entered making some excuse. While I distracted the lone teacher, Mudit made the impression of the key on soap.” She paused, “That was also my idea. I was the innocent student clearing my doubts before an exam while Mudit was a student lounging around the staff room. Plus the idiot didn’t even wear gloves so the spare key had his prints.” Priya gave Mukti a small smile.

“The next part was easy. That night we sneaked into the dean’s office while the guard snored peacefully. We stole the papers that were stacked neatly in the closet, made copies from the dean’s copier. We placed the originals back at their place and sneaked out.”

“What about CCTVs? All hostels have them now!” Mukti was sure Priya would not have thought about that.

“The peons had told us that the CCTV in the dean’s corridor had not been working for a while now.” Priya held Mukti’s hands, “I am telling you Mukti, God was with me. he wanted me to do this. I am still amazed that how it all went so smoothly.”

“Okay. So, you tipped the dean later about the papers.” Priya nodded.

“Didn’t Mudit tell them that you were with him the whole time?”

“No body believed him. I am a topper Mukti. I don’t need the papers to pass, but Mudit did. Plus the peons told them that it was only Mudit who had come up to them with alcohol. The teacher also testified that she had seen Mudit lounging around in the staff room where the key is kept.” Priya said.

Mukti racked her brain to ask her something else but she had no more doubts. She hadn’t till now, but after clearing all her doubts, she couldn’t stop herself from smiling broadly. “So, he is really in jail?”

“Yes. He is.” Priya was smiling too.

“But why didn’t you just tell the police that he was sexually abusing you?”

“Because,” Priya paused, “that would kill my parents. In our country, one way or the other, it is always the woman’s fault. If the news came out that I was sexually abused, somehow, I know it will all be labelled as my fault. I would be branded as characterless and what not. Instead of the victim, I’ll be written off as a desperate woman who was asking for it. I can’t let my parents go through it.”

She was pacing Mukti’s room. “ I knew I wanted to punish Mudit but I didn’t want the world to know what he is being punished for. I am sure he has understood by now for what crime he is behind bars.” Her eyes filled with tears again as the months of abuse flashed by her mind.

Priya hugged her friend, “You did the right thing. But, what if the truth comes out that you were behind it all? It’ll be a black mark on your life forever.” Mukti said kindly, concerned for her friend’s well being.

“That is why you have to promise me, you’ll never tell anyone. It is our secret. I don’t want anyone to know that I was raped. I don’t want anyone to find out that I was the mastermind behind Mudit’s imprisonment. I just want to forget about this chapter and move on with my life.”

Priya was shaking. Her forehead was covered with tiny beads of perspiration even in the chilly winter air.

“I promise. My lips are sealed forever.”

My lips are sealed forever.

The words echoed in Priya’s ears and tears came streaming down her face. She was numb. Her arm fell limply to her side and the page flew out of her hand. She didn’t even notice when Mukti offered her the cup.

“Priya?” Mukti shook her.

Instead of taking the mug, Priya stared acrimoniously at Mukti. The look on Priya’s face made Mukti freeze on the spot. Priya’s eyes were filled with anger, hurt and disappointment. At first Mukti, didn’t understand why Priya looked so mortified, but then she saw the papers lying around Priya’s feet and everything fell into place.

“Priya, I was about to tell you.” Mukti began.

“When? When it came out from the press?”

“no, before that. I was just . . .”

“you were just what, Mukti? You were just what?!” Priya was yelling.

“Listen, sit. Calm down. Have some water.” Mukti put the coffee mugs down and went close to Priya.

“Don’t touch me.” she jerked Mukti’s hands away from her, “ how could you?”

“It’s not what you think. Read the whole novel, you will understand.”

“What will I understand? That how you are using my life to become famous? All this is just a story for you, right?! A scandalised account of a poor ugly girl. Well, it happened to me!! the stuff with Mudit, that was personal! And you have dished out every little detail for everyone to read and pass judgement on! how can you be so insensitive?”

“How will they know it’s about you? It can be any girl?” Mukti tried to calm Priya down.

“well, our friends will know that it’s about me! my family will figure it out! How could you be so selfish!”

“I am not being selfish. I want the world to know that there are jerks like him out there that will play on your emotions and hurt you. That’s all. I am telling you, please read the whole thing before you get upset. It’s not about you. It is a highly fictionalised account of what happened to you.”

“You did this before also with that blog post and now this! You didn’t even tell me and wrote the whole damn thing! You were going to submit it without telling me weren’t you?”

“No, I was not. I was going to tell you tonight.”

“I can’t believe you hid something this important from me!”

“well, I am not the only with secrets.” Mukti was getting angry too.

“I know you saw me yesterday with Shantanu. That’s why I had come here.”

“why would you go out with him again? Why? Why did you lie to me?”

“Because I was scared! Okay! I was scared that you will not understand, that’s why I lied to you.”

“Priya, you are…”

Priya cut her off, “Don’t. don’t you say anything. I am not interested to listen. After this,” she threw the paper on the floor, “save it.”

Priya started walking towards the door.

She turned with tears streaming down her face, “I just wish that you will stop making an example out of my life. it’s been almost two decades that we know each other, but you still don’t understand me.” with that she walked out, leaving behind a stunned Mukti.

Mukti didn’t know what to do. she sat down on the floor.

What has happened to us? We can’t even talk without fighting anymore!

She started crying. everything flashed in front of her eyes.

Since the time Shantanu has come into the picture, everything has gone wrong.

She picked up her phone and dialled Veer, his phone was coming busy. She tried him a couple of times, but every time it was busy.

God knows who he is talking to.

Then, she dialled Sonali’s number.

“Hello, Sonali?”

“Yes.”

“I have to talk to you.” She said in between sobs.

“Why do you want to talk to me, I thought I was a bimbo?”

“What?!”

“Isn’t that what you think? Isn’t that what you have written in the novel?” she said accusingly.

“Sonali, it’s not what you think. Priya has just read snippets. These characters have been modelled on you guys but they are not completely your personalities. You guys have much more to it than this.”

“Ok, but you still think I am a bimbo?”

“You are not. The character is. It’s a fictionalised account. The only similarity between you and Snigdha is that you both are air-hostesses, that’s it.”

“Mukti, I don’t know what to believe. Priya is with me. let us just be. we’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

Mukti kept staring at the phone. How had everything turned into such a mess. The novel, her dream, was breaking her friendships apart. all the moments spent together with Priya and Sonali came in front of her eyes and she started crying. she laid down on the floor and fell asleep amidst her own tears.

***

Mukti woke up with a buzzed head. Her whole body was aching especially her neck from sleeping on the floor. she got up and went to get a glass of water. She looked at the time, it was three in the morning. She checked her phone. One call and one message from Veer. None from Sonali or Priya. She didn’t know what to do. in a couple of hours Nits will be expecting that she send her manuscript. She decided to ask for some time.

But what if she doesn’t give it? What if she says she doesn’t want it after ten am?

She thought about a while and made up mind to talk to Nits directly instead of indulging in pointless speculation. She opened her laptop and typed a quick mail to Nits apologizing and asking for an extension. Surprisingly she got a reply.

Sweets, what is this? We are waiting for the manuscript? Why this delay?

Mukti noticed it was sent from her iphone. She looked at the watch again and called Nits.

“Hi Mukti. What happened? Saw your mail.”

“Nits, what are you doing awake at three in the morning?”

“You are also up but your voice tell me you are not having as much fun as me.”

Mukti could hear soft music in the background.

“Nits, where are you? Can we talk?”

“Well, it is not a good time. Wait, Punit, I’ll join you in a sec.” Mukti heard a giggle and then Nits was back, “Mukti, I have to go, someone is waiting for me. when can you submit the novel?”

“I don’t know… another month.”

“A month is a long time.” She suddenly got serious. “Punit, I said I’ll be back.” She said sternly. Mukti heard a door slam.

“Mukti, tell me what’s wrong. The last time we spoke your manuscript was almost finished, right? What happened suddenly?”

Mukti told her the whole thing.

“See, this is your personal matter but I will suggest that you urge your friends to read the whole novel and see for themselves that it’s not about them. And to tell you the truth, you should have asked them before hand… Mukti, please give me the novel only when you solve this thing. I don’t want any cases afterwards. And I will tell Prakash to add another clause in your contract, that if anyone sues the book for the characters and situations, you will handle it. The publishing house has no relation with it. Well, that will happen only when we decide to publish it, I am sure we’ll love it, by the way. Anyway, I hope that you will able to convince your friends. I can’t give you a month, I will give you a fortnight. Tell me after fifteen days, if you can submit it or not. Puni’s getting restless baby, I will talk to you later. ciao”

Mukti was stunned. fifteen days?! Will she be able to convince Priya and Sonali to let her publish? Will they sue her if she published?

I am sure they won’t sue me? they are my friends!

She didn’t even realize when she fell asleep while thinking of the novel and her friends.

Love and Let(s) Live-In!

2014-10-29T17:54:00.001+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

Chapter Twenty

‘What are your thoughts on a live-in relationship? Why it is still frowned upon in our society?’

15^th September

Mukti looked at the time. It was just eight p.m. She had been browsing Facebook for three hours checking Veer’s profile, Shantanu’s pictures and even reading Kshitij’s posts. Her eyes hurt from staring at the laptop for so long. She rubbed them and heard the distinct rumble from her stomach. She went into the kitchen to make something to eat and realized her cabinets, which generally only contained Maggi and other ready-to-eat junk, were devoid of those as well.

Time for grocery shopping, I guess.

She picked up her wallet, put on a jacket and went to the nearby departmental store. She was browsing through the aisles picking up ready-to-eat meals, junk food, munchies and some fresh fruits. Her phone rang; she rummaged in her bag hoping it was Veer. It was her mother.

“Hey ma!”

“Kush raho beta, how are you?”

“I am good, was just doing some household shopping.”

“Put some veggies and fruits also in your trolley and not only junk,” her mother said laughing.

Mukti looked around.

“Are you here ma? Can you see me?”

“I can always see you. But I am not there. I know you pretty well. That’s how I figured out what kind of items you would be heaping your trolley with. You should eat healthy too.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mukti added potatoes and onions into her trolley.

“So, how is the novel going? You have money right? For the rent and everything? Should papa send some?” her mother asked.

“Ma, I am fine. I have money and the novel is also going okayish,” she lied.

Mukti hadn’t progressed further than Priya’s issue for almost a week but she couldn’t tell her mother that and worry her.

“What is the matter dear? You are not sounding yourself.”

“I am in a departmental store, mom, can I call you back?”

“Yeah, ok. I will be waiting.”

The talk of money and rent made Mukti realise that she actually doesn’t know the condition of her finances. Mukti went to the cash counter and paid for her shopping. Afterwards, she rushed to an ATM machine to check her balance. What she saw shocked her. She had only Rs. 450 left.

How is that possible? Mukti thought about the past couple of weeks. She had not taken up any new assignments because she wanted to work on her novel. But she had not worked on her novel because she got stuck. Also, she was too preoccupied first with Sonali’s pregnancy scare and then Priya’s affairs and then with Veer.

Am I just wasting my life? I have to submit the novel in . . .

She counted off dates in her head.

… fifteen days!! Three months flew by so quickly!

She hurried home and decided that it’s time to make changes. The first thing she did was to put her phone on silent. Next, she disconnected her internet connection. She put away her groceries, made a quick bite for herself and settled comfortably on her mattress with a mug of coffee. She opened her first draft of the novel and started typing but she couldn’t. It shocked her that she didn’t remember what she had written.

Why can’t I remember where I had left off? Isn’t it a bad sign that a writer doesn’t remember what she has written?

She scrolled up and glanced through the draft stopping at the chapter which she was currently writing. She read it again and started typing. Without checking the spellings or even the grammar, she typed the rough draft.

I’ll edit it later. Let me type out the whole thing before I forget the details.

With her head bent low and fingers moving nosily over the keypad, she kept typing. When she finally looked up again, it was almost midnight. She yawned and went into the kitchen to get something to drink. She was pouring water when the window banged shut scaring her. She dropped the glass which fell on the floor with a loud clank spilling water everywhere.

“Damn it!” She got the washcloth and started cleaning the spill. She had just stood up with the glass in her hand when the door bell pierced the silence scaring her again. The glass fell down and rolled under the fridge.

Who will ring the bell at midnight?!

She looked around and due to lack of options, picked up the butter knife. She moved cautiously to the door and asked, her voice trembling, “Who is it?”

No one answered. She cursed the landlord under her breath for not putting a peephole. She stood frozen looking at door. Nothing happened for five minutes. She relaxed her grip on the knife when someone started banging on the door repeatedly. The knife fell from her hand. She rushed screaming towards her phone and dialled Veer’s number. To her surprise, she could hear it ringing somewhere nearby. She went closer to the door and she could hear Veer’s ringtone. She slowly opened the door an inch and saw Veer standing there waving his phone and smiling.

Mukti disconnected the phone and opened the door, “Are you mad? You scared me half to death!”

Veer looked from a sweating Mukti to the knife lying on the floor. He looked back up at Mukti and started laughing, “Who do you think was at the door?”

“I don’t know . . . maybe a thief, a rapist, a psycho!”

“And they will ring the bell and ask for your permission to come inside your house and rob you or rape you?” he picked up the knife lying on the floor.

Mukti snatched it from his hands, “it could happen. Don’t you read the newspapers?” she said walking back into the kitchen

Veer looked at her, “yes, it could. I think it is not safe for you to stay alone.” He hugged her from behind.

“yeah, well I have no other option. Priya’s rent is too steep for me to afford and Sonali is flying off so often that it is like living alone only. And by the way I am not living alone, I have the Bengali family. It’s just that I don’t have any way to get to them except through that door.” She said waving the knife in the door’s direction.

“What about me?” he asked nonchalantly flopping down on the mattress.

“What about you?” Mukti looked at him confused.

“You could move in with me.” he asked simply.

Mukti looked at him unblinking. She didn’t know if he was joking or was he actually serious.

Is he really asking me to move-in with him?

“Very funny.” She went inside the kitchen, “Have you had dinner? I am making Maggi for myself, do you want some?”

She turned around and saw him standing by her dresser.

“Maggi seems fine. But, you didn’t answer my question.”

“Are you serious?”

“I am dead serious.”

“Veer, we have been only dating for six weeks. I don’t even know you properly. We haven’t even spent any time together.”

“Exactly. We have been dating for six weeks and we have not spent any quality time. If we live together, that problem is solved.” He said grinning, “We’ll wake up hugging, go to sleep kissing.”

“you are not taking it seriously. It is a big deal for me. what if our families find out?”

“I don’t care about my family. And you can tell yours that you are moving in with Sonali.”

“you want me to lie to my parents?” she asked clutching her chest feigning shock.

“It’s not a lie, it’s a small fib. Or you can tell them the truth, if you think they’ll understand.”

Mukti laughed and said, “they will never understand a live-in relationship.”

“Okay, a fib it is then. So, shall we start packing?”

He is serious.

“Veer, don’t you think it is moving a little fast? What will your neighbours think?”

“Do you think I care about my neighbours? I haven’t even spoken to them. Mukti, we are not moving too fast. It’s fine. It’s normal. Everyone does that nowadays.” He said biting into an apple.

“How many times have you done that?”

“never.”

“Liar!”

“No, seriously. This is the first time I have actually wanted to share my space with someone.”

“Why me?”

She looked at him. He shrugged his shoulders, “Because . . .”

Mukti smiled, “Because?”

He looked down shyly, “okay, this might sound crazy but whenever I have used the” he hesitated a little, “The L word, something bad has happened. I don’t want to jinx what we have. You know how I feel right? Don’t make me say it.”

“That’s so sweet” and added as a whisper, “and so superstitious!”

Mukti looked at him standing biting into an apple with his boyish grin in place and realized she wanted to wake up every morning looking at this face.

“Ok. I’ll move in but I need some time to figure out what to tell my parents.”

Veer smile stretched, if it was possible, from ear-to-ear, “Great!” he crossed the length between them in a stride and kissed her passionately. Mukti’s hand went into his hair and she could feel herself melting in his arms.

Ignorance is Bliss!

2014-09-16T11:39:00.002+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

Chapter Nineteen

‘They say ignorance is bliss and knowledge is power, but is it always true? What if the knowledge that you acquire doesn’t give you any power but does take away your happiness? Is it better to know the truth and be hurt than to live in a lie and be happy?’

9^th September

“Nits, I’m almost done with the first draft. I am just finishing the climax. Actually I am kind of stuck.”

Mukti was saying into her handset while pouring juice, “Uh, huh . . . hmm . . . I am there when the protagonist wants the guy to get punished but her friend is too scared. So, now I don’t know where to . . .”

She stopped talking, picked up her glass and sat in front of the laptop.

“I know Nits, you are not supposed to help me as an editor just yet, but you can help me as a friend.”

She took a sip.

“Fine, don’t help me. I will think of something myself,” she said stubbornly, “Yeah, yeah . . . I know the clock is ticking. Bye.”

She put down the phone and stared at the laptop window.

Think! Think! Think Mukti! Why won’t you file an FIR. I know you wanted to punish him and you did. Should I change it somewhat or just write it like it happened?

As soon as she started typing, her phone rang.

“This phone will never let me work!” she screamed with irritation.

“Hello!” She yelled into the phone.

“Mukti?” it was Priya.

“Oh, hi Priya. How are you? You ok? You want me to come over?” she asked with concern. It had been a couple of days but still she and Sonali tread cautiously around Priya. She was still not back to her usual self.

“Can I come over? I need to talk to you and get out of this house.”

“Yeah, sure. You don’t even have to ask. Come on over. I’ll order some pizza.”

Mukti ordered the food and made some tea. She saved her draft and switched off the laptop.

I should not take any chances, just yet.

She picked up the laptop, put it in a cupboard and locked it.

All in good time, all in good time.

The bell rang and it was Priya standing with the pizza.

“You look awfully familiar, pizza delivery woman?” Mukti asked smiling.

“Ha Ha very funny. He was walking up, so I paid him. Here.” Priya said handing Mukti the pizza box.

“You hungry? You want to eat it right now? I just made some tea.”

“It’s ok. We’ll microwave them later. Let’s have some tea. I have a terrible headache.”

“Hangover?” Mukti said winking at Priya.

“No, no hangover. Shantanu stayed over last night.” Priya said as quickly as possible. Maybe she was removing the band-aid as fast as she could so that it might hurt less.

Mukti stopped dead in her tracks and turned around slowly, “And . . .? Don’t tell me that you . . .?” she didn’t complete her sentence but Priya nodded.

“Again?! Are you freaking kidding me?! How is that even possible? He was not willing to even talk to you? How can he? What!?” Mukti didn’t know what to say, how to react. She was completely flabbergasted.

“Mukti. Just sit down. I’ll explain everything.” Priya said calmly.

“How can you be so calm about it?! He is engaged Priya. You are having an . . . an extra-engagement affair!”

To Mukti’s surprise, Priya burst out laughing, “An extra-engagement affair?! Is that even a word?” she said amidst chuckles.

“Priya. This is serious. Stop laughing.” Mukti said.

Priya sobered down completely.

“I know it is not funny and you have no idea how serious this is.”

“Tell me what happened? I thought Shivani was in town? Don’t tell me it was a threesome!”

“Maybe in your uninhibited fantasy, but in reality, it was not.”

“Well . . .?”

“He came over last night, it was his birthday. He wanted to spend it with me as well. So, he lied to Shivani that he has some urgent office work. He came for an hour. We were just going to talk. I had baked a cake for him.” she smiled hesitatingly, “He told me that Shivani is going back day after, that is tomorrow now, and most probably by the end of this month their wedding date is bound to be finalized. We had a little too much to drink. He got emotional. He didn’t know what to do.”

“Well, he certainly knew how to do something!”

Priya continued as if there had been no interruption, “He was almost in tears. He said he loved me and cared for Shivani too. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but didn’t know how to handle the situation. Whoever he chooses the one who will get hurt the most is him. Listening to this, I also started crying. I realized how much pain he is in. As we both sat comforting each other, we somehow didn’t realize and it happened.” She completed lamely.

“It happened?! How can it just happen?! Where was his hurt and pain for Shivani now? You know Priya, I really thought that he was a nice guy and really cares for you, but he is not and he doesn’t!”

“You don’t know anything about him.”

“And I don’t want to know anything about him! I know enough! First, he shouldn’t have initiated anything knowing full well that he can’t leave his fiancé. Even if he felt something for you, he should have controlled himself and not dragged you into all of this. And second, sleeping with you?! I mean what the hell was he thinking? Like this would solve anything? What did he think that having sex with him will make it easier for you to move on? And what is wrong with you? Why can’t you control yourself?” Mukti asked Priya.

“I couldn’t control myself because I love him, damn it! Why is it so difficult for you to comprehend? I love him and he loves me!”

“But you don’t have a future together! Do you? Has anything changed in these last 12 hours regarding that? Has he said now, after having sex with you again, that he will talk to Shivani?”

Priya didn’t say anything.

“Has he? Huh? Tell me Priya, has he?!”

“No, he hasn’t! And he will not. Because he is the only thing that’s keeping her alive! If he breaks up with her, she will be shattered!”

“Oh . . . good to see you have so much compassion for her? But tell me, where did all this care for her go, when you were in bed with his fiancé who had lied to her to come and meet you?” Mukti said sarcastically.

Priya just looked at her, hurt.

“I thought you will understand my situation. But obviously, that was a mistake,” She picked up her bag and opened the door, “you won’t listen to anything about me and Shantanu anymore because we have decided to end it. That’s why I wanted to meet you. Bye.”

Mukti sat down on the floor, quite frustrated.

This did not go well!

She went into the kitchen and saw the pizza box lying there. The tea had reduced to almost nothing. She switched off the gas. And bit into the cold pizza.

Why did she have to sleep with him? I know her. This will make it all the more difficult for her to break away from him.

She took another slice from the box and started nibbling on the side.

But, didn’t she say that they have broken up?

She got really confused and called up Veer. After explaining everything to him she was waiting for his response.

“Well . . .?” she asked after two minutes of no response.

“I think that what they did was wrong but if they needed that to get over each other and move on, then you should support her.”

“I don’t know, I just got so angry! I mean how could she do it? She has no self control or what?!”

“Sometimes you just can’t help it?”

“Please don’t tell me that you have experience in that as well.”

“I know two people who have lost control,” he paused for a moment, “Do you want me to refresh your memory about a certain moonlit night some weeks ago?”

Mukti blushed as the images of her first night with Veer came rushing in front of her eyes. Thank God, he can’t see me.

“But, I didn’t know that you were engaged.”

“Exactly, you didn’t know me at all! Isn’t that more dangerous? I could have been anyone! What is that saying, a known enemy is better than an unknown one?” he asked.

“Known enemy is better than a false friend.” She corrected him.

“Yeah, whatever. At least she has decided to break up with him. Chapter closed. Now, she just needs your shoulder to cry on and later your support as she moves on.”

Mukti said, “Yeah” vaguely.

“Anyway, uh . . . can you do me a favour. I can’t seem to access my internet from office. Can you log in to my account and text me the contents of a mail that one of my friends sent. It has some information I need.”

Ooh! Checking someone’s mail . . . Maybe this will cheer me up!

Unaware of Mukti’s snooping prowess, Veer gave her his login details. Mukti opened his email id and texted him the information he wanted. He messaged her saying thanks. Mukti was just about to log out when . . .

One peek won’t hurt. He has given it to me willingly, it’s not like I have hacked his account.

After convincing herself, she started browsing. She checked the inbox, the sent items, the trash box, going through everything with a fine toothcomb.

Nothing interesting. Should I be sad or happy about that?

She was just about to log out when she her eyes rested on the little tab marked chat history. Should I steal a look?

She clicked on the tab and his entire chat history was before her. At first there was nothing, some boring exchanges with his male friends, some job related bitching but then she saw a name that kept recurring . . . Natasha Aggrawal.

Natasha? Where have I heard that name before?

Then she remembered, “Veer called me Natasha when we first met.”

She looked at the chat date. These chats were recent. She clicked to open one.

Ok. This is just friendly banter. How are you types.

Then, another click.

Hmm . . . coffee date.

Another click.

Ok. Now this is definite flirting!

She checked the date. It was of a couple of weeks before she had met him. The chats had become significantly fewer after she came into the picture. She opened some older ones and was shocked to see Veer flirting freely with this Natasha Aggarwal person. From reading their chats she understood that they worked together at some point.

Is she the same girl Veer was talking about? But he said she got married two years back. This is some months old. It can’t be her. I can’t believe I forgot to ask him her name! But who is this Natasha?

She got hooked and kept reading and reading. As she went to later dates, the number of women increased but Natasha was there all through. The chats with others were sometime flirtatious and sometime friendly. She felt faint, angry, hurt, disappointed . . . all at the same time. She opened Facebook and searched for Natasha Aggarwal through her email id. The profile that came was locked. She couldn’t see anything, not even a profile picture. She got frustrated and shut off her laptop.

“How do I find out the truth now? Shit! I can’t even ask him. What will I even say? Look Veer you trusted me and I’ve found a reason to not trust you in return, thereby giving you a reason not to trust me, so the power of my query goes out the window because he can cross question me for not . . . Oh My God . . .this is nuts!”

She looked up. “Who is this Natasha and why are you so shamelessly flirting with her?!” she yelled. The ceiling stared mutely back her.

How do I ask him? Why did I have to snoop. I was so happy before. Ignorance is indeed bliss!

She picked up her phone to talk to Priya, but then realized that she in turn might not want to speak with her. Oh! Fuck!!

She dialled Sonali’s number.

“Hey Mukti. How are you?”

“I am ok. How are you?”

“I am great, have taken up more flights to keep my mind from Kshitij and going to his office and killing him or writing ‘Stop pretending and come out’ on his Facebook wall.”

“Good for you. Have you spoken to Priya?” she added distractedly.

“Uh . . . yes. She is not very happy with you.”

“How was I supposed to react? She told me that she . . .” Mukti stopped herself. She didn’t know how much Sonali knew.

“ --slept with Shantanu. I know. She told me too.”

“Don’t you feel that’s wrong?”

“Well, yes I do but who am I to talk. It’s not like I haven’t done it or you haven’t done it?”

“But you didn’t know that Kshitij will turn out to be gay? And mine was just an impulsive reaction? But she knows there is no future with Shantanu.”

“Exactly Mukti. I didn’t know that Kshitij will turn out to be gay but he did. And you slept with Veer the first day you met him, you didn’t know then what kind of a guy he is. So, there are no certainties in life. Maybe Priya thinks that by some luck something might change in the future. Maybe sleeping with her will create an emotional connect and give Shantanu the will to talk to his fiancé. I don’t know and you don’t know. But what we do know is that Priya needs us right now. She is our friend and she is lonely.”

“When did you become so emotionally intelligent?” Mukti joked.

“Funny Mukti! Just because I believe in the power of love doesn’t automatically mean I am foolish!”

“I guess you are right.”

“Anyway, how is everything with Veer going.”

“Not too good.”

“Why? Did he turn gay too? Or a secret fiancé cropped up?”

Mukti told her the whole snoop tale. “I don’t know how to ask him now. What should I do? If I don’t find out soon, I will go mad!”

“Hmm . . . why did you snoop in the first place?”

“Don’t you know me?! That’s what I do! It’s my addiction!”

“Remind me to never give you my login information.”

“Can we concentrate on the problem now?! Should I ask him?”

“Yeah, if you want him to never trust you again.”

“Sonali . . . help me please!”

“Did you look for her on Facebook?”

“Is that a rhetorical question? Obviously I did! It was locked. That bitch has also made her picture private!”

“Whoa, jealousy brings out the poet in you.”

“What do I do?” Mukti asked again maddened with jealousy.

“Hmm . . . why don’t you talk to him and ask him casually?”

Hmm . . . that might work.

“Good idea. Let me call him. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

She hung up and started pacing.

How can I ask him? What should I say?

She was still thinking when someone pinged her on her laptop. She looked and was amazed to see Anurag / Prateek.

“Why is he pinging me?”

Hi Mukti

She didn’t respond. There were other important things on her mind.

I know you are angry with me but I just wanted to apologize. I hope we can still be friends.

No, we can’t. You are a liar and a hacker and a cheat. You led me on, you moron! I can’t be your friend!

And then other thought came into her mind.

What if Rajveer Singhania did the same thing. Leading me on? What if I am just one in a million girls? I have to find out . . . soon.

Without thinking what she will say, she picked up the phone and dialled Veer’s number. It was three in the afternoon so Veer was a little free.

“Hey sweetheart. I was just thinking about you.” Veer said pleasantly.

I am sure you say that to every girl you speak to.

“Hmm . . . that’s nice. Uh, Veer, you know who pinged me right now? Anurag?”

“Who is Anurag now?”

“The internet guy? Because of whom we met?” She got irritated, “How can you not remember him?”

“Oh, yeah. Tell him thanks from my side. What was he saying?”

“Nothing, just apologizing. That made me think, do you have any secrets from me?”

“Whoa! Where did that come from?”

“Nowhere. Anurag just pinged me and I realized that he lied to me and he had a very huge secret that he didn’t tell me, so I was wondering if you had one too?”

“Do you have any secrets from me?” Veer asked instead.

“No. nothing important.” She crossed her fingers.

“Well, I do. It’s not a secret but it’s just I never got time to tell you. Now, since you asked I think it is about time you should know. But I think we should have this conversation face-to-face. Can we meet?”

Mukti forgot to breathe. He is finally going to tell me about Natasha.

“Why don’t you come over?”
“Don’t mind if I do. Today, I am a little free. I can be there by . . .” he paused to look at his watch, “seven in the evening. We’ll talk then, okay?”

“Okay.” Mukti nodded.

She kept staring at the watch on her laptop after every few minutes. It was becoming increasingly difficult to pass the time. She created various scenarios to fit in Natasha in Veer’s life.

Maybe she is a cousin? Maybe a friend who flirt with each other but nothing serious is going on? She kept thinking and glancing at the watch forgetting to work on her novel. Finally at quarter to seven the bell rang. She rushed to open the door. Veer was standing there smiling, dressed in a pair of denims and a shirt. There was a paw mark on one of his sleeves. Mukti was used to seeing them. He had sprayed a generous amount of perfume to hide the smell of his various canine and feline guests . . . a practice that Mukti had enforced after a whole lot of nagging. His hair was falling over his eyes and he was holding a single long stemmed rose. Mukti, for a second forgot all about Natasha, and hugged him tightly.

“Hi,” he breathed in her ear.

“Hello.” She said, her face still nuzzled in his chest.

“Can I come inside?” he asked.

“Yeah, come.” Mukti finally let go of him and held his hand. They sat together on the mattress and Veer tried to snuggle up to her. She was about to fall into his arms when she saw the laptop and the chat history ran through her mind. She put a hand on his chest and pushed him gently away.

“Your secret please?”

“Oh you still remember, huh?”

“Obviously.”

“Okay, here goes nothing. There was another girl in my life before Meera.” He began.

Meera?! Who the hell is Meera now?!

“Meera?” she raised an eyebrow.

“The girl I wanted to marry. I told you about her?”

“You didn’t tell me her name.” She made a face, “so, who was before Meera?”

“Well, she was and still is in my life.”

I know and her name is Natasha.

“Her name is Amrita.”

Amrita?! How many girls are there?!

“She was with me in college. I used to really like her and she liked me too. You can say that she was my first love.”

Love?!

“What happened?” Mukti braced herself for the worst.

“I was really a lost soul then.” He paused as if to think and added, “Let me start from the beginning. As you have seen, my dad has a lot of money. So, while growing up, I was the typical bad boy. The guy mothers warn their daughters about.” He chuckled. “More interested in partying and girls, I barely scraped through college. And then one day, I met Amrita. She was the conventional good girl. Class topper, student body president, focused, ambitious. She was quite pretty too, so naturally I wanted to, you know . . .”

Is he making it all up? Is this a movie script? Do these things happen in real life?

“I know what must have happened. You tried to be good to impress her. She was indeed impressed. You start dating and eventually she finds out that you were only acting and that you are really a bad boy. You break her heart, she breaks up with you, and you realize your mistake and turn over a new leaf. Right? I am not stupid Veer. This is right from numerous B-grade movies. Don’t challenge my intelligence by reciting some bad Hindi movie and passing it off as truth.”

“Wrong.”

“Wrong, what do you mean wrong?” she was confused.

“Well, I liked her but I didn’t want to waste my time one her. She seemed too much effort and why would I run after someone when I had ten other girls dying to be with me.” he winked.

“I am liking you less and less now.” Mukti muttered.

He laughed, “I was in college Mukti. I was a teenager.” When Mukti’s expression didn’t change, Veer continued with the story, “Anyway, it was she who came up to me. Why? I don’t know. Maybe she wanted to be considered cool?”

Mukti raised her eyebrows.

“We used to hang out and I really did fall for her.” Mukti felt as she had been stabbed in her heart. “But then college ended. As expected, I couldn’t clear any placement interviews. She, on the other hand, got placed in some hotel in Mumbai. But, before leaving, she came up to me and she said and I quote, ‘I can never be with a man who is a failure. I don’t want to ruin my life. You will never amount to anything worthwhile.”

“Oh shit! That’s bad.”

“Just short of a slap on my face. At home, my father was also taking my case. I really needed her support but she just walked out on me.” he sighed a deep and heavy sigh, “I was completely broken. Her rejection was indeed a turning point in my life. I wanted to prove her and my father wrong. I applied everywhere . . . frantically. Finally one hotel gave me a chance. It was in Pune. Meagre salary. I had to start at the bottom and I still decided to join.”

Mukti noticed that Veer had that faraway look in his eyes, as if imagining those days of his struggle, “Those days at Pune were the best and the worst of my life. I literally worked my ass off!” he started laughing at the memory.

“What about your family? Your mother? Your father? He was well to do, he must have contacts? Didn’t he help you?”

“I didn’t want his help, I wanted to make it on my own. You know what my first salary was?” after a pause he added, “Rs. 2000!” he laughed, “I had to pay the rent, manage my food and everything else in it. It was difficult at times.”

“Your parents didn’t mind you living like that? Especially your mother?” she grabbed at the opportunity to find out more about his family.

“My mom helped me, she used to send me money saying that it’s for my birthday, for her birthday, for her and dad’s anniversary.” He laughed. “She managed to find one occasion every month.”

Mukti smiled, “Moms are like that. But, look at you now. They must be so proud of you.”

“Yeah, maybe” He said and went quiet.

I have to find out about them a little differently.

Mukti decided to change the topic and come back to the matter of his parents in a while.

“You said Amrita is in your present also? you called and talked to her?”

“No. What happened was that after Pune, I got selected in a hotel in Bangalore. I was there for a long time. And got a lot of promotions. That was where I had met Meera also. After Meera and I broke up, I got an opportunity to work in Udaipur in a resort. I wanted to get away from the city, there were just too many memories, so I took it up. There I was the HOD. I had to hire staff, so I was interviewing people. That’s where I met her, again.”

“Whoa! She had applied?”

“Yes.”

“Seeing you take her interview must have been such a slap on her face!” Mukti felt a surge of pride for Veer.

“I don’t know about that but she was indeed shocked. Her husband had lost his job during recession and wasn’t able to find anything else. So that’s why she had been forced to work, again.”

“That’s sad.”

“Yeah, I felt bad for her too. She didn’t qualify for my hotel but I pulled some strings and got her a job. She is very happy now and we are still in touch.”

“Mr. Singhania, you are a good man.” She said giving him a peck on his cheek.

Veer laughed, “I don’t know about that.”

“So that is all?”

“Yeah. That is all.”

Mukti took a chance and asked him about his family, “What about your parents?”

“What about them?” Veer got up and walked over to the window. It was dark outside and a light drizzle was falling.

“You never talk about them, so I thought--”

He turned and Mukti saw a flash of irritation pass through his features, “See, Mukti my family is not like yours, okay? We are not as close-knit as you guys are.” He turned back towards the window. Mukti couldn’t see his face but she could see that his posture had turned rigid. His hands were in the pockets of his jeans. She could make out from the veins popping in his forearms that he had clenched his palms into a fist. Mukti walked slowly towards him and touched his arms softly. She noticed that he was breathing heavily. When he didn’t relax, she rested her head by his shoulder and put her hands in one of his pockets. She covered his balled-up fist with her hands and just stood clinging to him for a while. She whispered softly, “you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

Veer’s shoulders slumped and he looked sadly at Mukti. She smiled tenderly. He held her hand, still inside his pocket and kissed her forehead. They stood there hand-in-hand, staring at the falling rain for a long time. It was only when the light showers turned into a heavy downpour that they moved back from the window. Veer closed the window and Mukti got some towels to dry the fine mist they were covered in.

“I’ll make some coffee.” She went inside her kitchenette.

Veer followed her inside and stood by the dresser watching her get busy in preparing coffee. Without warning, he began, “My grandfather was a very rich man.” Mukti stiffened at the sound of his voice but didn’t turn around. She continued with her work. She realized this is not easy for Veer. Maybe he can’t say all this on my face.

“My father, because of his birth, was rich too. He was a workaholic. I guess I take after him.” He went quiet again as if debating whether to tell her the whole truth or a sobered down version, “He worked very hard to ensure that me and my mom had a comfortable lifestyle. He was always working. We even had a small office at home where he would be cooped up for hours. He never realized that instead of expensive things, we just needed his time.”

Mukti finally turned around and saw that Veer was sitting on the floor. She sat down next to him and handed him his mug of coffee.

“My parents were the perfect example of an unhappy marriage,” he smiled sarcastically, “Unlike other normal children, I don’t have any memory of family outings or even family dinners. All I remember was me sitting scared in my room with a nanny keeping me company as I heard my parents fighting outside. They didn’t even care to lower their voices so as to not scare their only son.” He said resentfully.

“If your dad worked all day, what about your mom? What did she do? She must have spent some time with you?”

He smiled a sad smile, “My mother was an alcoholic. She was barely sober to spend any time with me.”

“I never knew things were so bad.” She rested her head on his shoulder.

“They were horrible. There were days when my mom didn’t even get up from her bed. She would just lie there like a corpse with a glass of scotch in one hand staring vacantly at the walls. I was only eight then and seeing your mother like that . . . I am no expert but I think it can’t be good for a child.” He sipped his coffee.

“Who took care of you then?”

“I was literally raised by an army of servants. My father, with all his money, made sure that there was someone always around me. As I grew older and started asking questions, I was sent to a very expensive boarding school. To give credit where credit is due, they really behaved like nothing was wrong whenever I was back for vacations. But I could always see thorough the act. I knew that they were having affairs on the side.” He added bitterly, “There have been times when I saw my dad sneaking his dishevelled secretary out of his home-office.”

He stopped talking and took a long breath. Mukti didn’t know what to say.

“Have I made you uncomfortable?”

Mukti just shook her head.

“I don’t know why they didn’t just get a divorce and be done with it! Everyone would have been a lot happier.”

“You can’t just break up a marriage. It’s a sacred institution.” Mukti muttered under her breath.

“You have got to be joking! You think what they had was a sacred institution?! They were miserable together.”

“I am sure they must have their reasons to stay together.”

“Whatever!” he turned his attention to his coffee.

“Did it ever get better?”

“My dad as usual worked round the clock, I used to see him once in a week during my holidays too. My mom did quit drinking. She joined a rehab. Instead of alcohol, now, she kept herself busy by spending my dad’s money . . . first in shopping and later by doing charity work. And as they say charity begins at home, she used to lavish me with presents and all the luxuries a teenager could want. Naturally it all got to my head. You know about that.”

“So, now what terms are you on with your parents?”

“Dad is pretty upset because according to him I run an animal shelter. He thinks that I have deprived him of an heir. I think he hopes that I will get married soon and give him a grandchild who might take care of his empire! Well, he can dream on.”

“What about your mom?”

“Mom is mom. She is busy with her latest project, taking care of under-privileged kids. Ironical huh?” he said with a bitterness in his voice.

“But, do you talk to her?”

“Once in a while.”

They sat silently for a while sipping their respective coffees. Veer broke the silence, “So, now you know all of my secrets. Anything else Madame?”

Not all. I still don’t know about Natasha!

Mukti shook her head. She still hadn’t figured out how to raise that issue without admitting to her snooping habit.

I am not ready to share all my secrets with you yet.

She took his empty mug and got up to wash it. Veer held her hand. She looked back at him. He was smiling lightly, “Mukti, thanks. It was nice getting it all out. You are the first person I have shared all of this with.”

Mukti could feel her face breaking into a broad smile, “Really? Not even with Meera?”

He shook his head, “No, not even with Meera.”

“You can tell me anything you want to. I am always there to listen . . . anything you want to share, I am here.”

“That rhymes.” Veer said lighting the mood.

“Yes it does.” Mukti smiled.

As they stared adoringly into each other’s eyes, Mukti heard Veer’s phone buzzing which broke their eye contact. Veer sighed and glanced at his phone. It was a message from Geeta. He read it and Mukti could see him frown.

“It’s Duchess. She has fallen sick. I should go.”

“Do you have to? It’s raining.”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll call you once I reach home.” He got up and kissed Mukti, “Bye.”

Well, this conversation was not a complete waste. I feel I know him so much better but I still don’t know anything about Natasha. Is he really cheating on me? but didn’t he say that day that he is in love? But then why was he flirting with her? Oh, this is frustrating!

She looked at the clock. It was ten in the night. She ate the leftover pizza and logged into Facebook. Then she realised something. I have Veer’s Gmail id and password. Let me give it a shot. She logged out from her account and typed in Veer’s Gmail id details. She waited with bated breath to see if it works. After what seemed like an hour, the page opened.

“Yes!”

She was logged in through Veer’s account. There were so many messages and pending friend requests. She ignored all of them and went to his friend list and searched for Natasha Aggarwal. There she was. She clicked on her profile. After few moments, her page loaded. The picture was of a girl who was standing in front of sea. She was not gorgeous but was pleasant to look at. She was smiling and it seemed like the photo had been cropped from one side where she was holding someone’s hand. Mukti's heart skipped a beat.

What if this is Veer's hand?!

She hurriedly checked her other pictures. There was none with Veer. Some were with friends, some of a wedding she attended and some of her workplace. When she didn’t find anything worthwhile in her profile, she checked Veer’s. She scanned his profile scrupulously methodically going over every status update, every comment. She read all his posts . . . every last one of them! She realized that Natasha worked with Veer before he opened PetCare. But, what astonished her was his liberal use of various terms of endearments that he had directed at almost every woman in friend list.

She shut off her laptop and started chewing her nails. She wanted to call Veer and confront him. But she knew she couldn’t just pick up the phone and demand answers. Why did I have to snoop around? The more she thought about what she had read, the more questions cropped up in her mind. She became skeptical of her relationship with Veer. She started doubting him as a person.

What if whatever he had told me till now was nothing but lies? but, what if he was just hiding this because he knew I would get hurt? Well, who is he to decide what will or what will not hurt me?! She started pacing the house. It was raining violently outside. She could hear the breeze making scary howling noises. The storm outside mirrored the tempest raging inside her brain.

One after another, thoughts were racing through her mind. Maybe, I made an error in judging his character. Maybe he is not what I thought he was. Maybe I have made a big mistake in sleeping with him? How could I be so stupid?

“But at that time, you couldn’t control yourself Mukti. You were drawn to him unnaturally. As if some unseen force was dragging you towards him.” And then suddenly, her thought went to Priya. Maybe Priya also couldn’t control herself even after knowing everything.

She shook her head, “No, if I was in Priya’s place I would have controlled myself.” She said stubbornly.

But you are not in my place. You can’t know how I am feeling right now. Priya’s voice filled her ears. She turned around half-hoping to see Priya standing in her doorway drenched to the bone. But she was all alone. She decided to call Priya.

“Priya?”

“Yes.”

“how are you?”

“I am ok.”

“I am not,” Mukti said. Then taking a deep breath she added, “I am sorry for yelling at you in the morning. I shouldn’t have. I am not in your place and I can’t understand what you are going through.”

“Don’t you think, you apologize to me too much?”

“I am sorry Priya. I really am. How is Shantanu?”

After a pause, Priya replied, “I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him. And you will be very happy to know that he asked for a transfer to another department. I might have a new boss soon.”

“How are you holding up?”

“Like I said, I am ok. I’ll be fine in sometime.”

“I have to tell you something.” When Priya didn’t say anything, Mukti thought of that as meaning ‘go on’ and said, “ it’s about Veer.”

“Mukti, I am really happy for you but I am not in the mood to listen to how happy he makes you. I know I am being selfish, but now I am sorry.”

“I think he is not telling me the absolute truth.”

“what do you mean?”

Mukti told her all about the mails and Facebook . . . What she had seen, what she had read and what he had told her, everything.

“So, what do you think?”

“I think you are crazy!”

“I am crazy?! He is the one who is hiding stuff from me and I am crazy?”

“Yes, you are. First, because you have landed yourself into such a mess? Who told you to go sneaking around his mail and on top of that you logged into his Facebook account?! Have you heard of a little something called privacy?!”

“He gave me his password.” Mukti said sheepishly, “I didn’t hack his account.”

“Exactly. He gave you his password. This shows that he trusted you and he didn’t think that you might go snooping around. And also, if he had something to hide, he won’t have given it to you in the first place? If those chats or even that girl meant something, he would have deleted them. Don’t you think so?”

“Yeah, that had completely slipped my mind,” but then immediately another thought came into her head, “What if he didn’t know that his chat history gets saved?”

“You are impossible to please.”

“I am just being analytical.”

“Ok, let’s assume that he was seeing this girl but isn’t that before you met? How does it even matter?”

“It matters . . . To me. I have to find out the truth. I will go mad otherwise. I have to make sure that he is the right guy. Priya, I am in love with him. I can’t have him turn out to be lying cheating jerk.”

“Then talk to him.”

“haven’t you been listening? he doesn’t know I snooped around. He thinks I am a nice space-giving not-at-all possessive, not-crazy girl!”

“Well, then you have to tell him that you are a snooping, possessive crazy woman. You said you want to be with him, you can’t pretend your whole life, can you? You have to tell him the truth someday.” Then after a pause, she added, “ Isn’t it ironical? You want him to tell you his secrets but you don’t want to tell him yours?”

“ are you in addition to calling me a snoop, possessive and crazy, also labelling me a hypocrite?” Mukti asked with amusement.

“yes. I am,” Priya went on, “Mukti, you know you have to admit it, you are just postponing the inevitable. Or if you don’t want to tell him, just forget that you ever read anything. Simple.”

Mukti knew Priya was right. She had to tell the truth to find out the truth. Without losing steam, she called up Veer.

“today must be my lucky day… two calls in one day.”

“Are you busy?”

“Never for you sweetheart. Tell me?”

“I have a confession. When you gave me your login details for your Gmail earlier today, I used them to snoop around your account.”

Veer tried to interrupt her but she cut him off, “I am not finished yet. Let me complete. I saw your chats and FB messages with Natasha.”

“so, you hacked my account?” he sounded amused rather than angry.

“Technically, I didn’t hack your account, I just used the information that you gave me without your permission.”

“so, you are calling me to apologize . . .?”

“Yes and to find out the truth. Who is Natasha? Why were you flirting with her? Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

“I didn’t tell you about her because she means nothing to me. We used to work together and sometimes indulge in a little harmless flirting.”

Mukti was not convinced.

“I don’t believe you.” she said angrily.

“Mukti,” He said sternly, “If you want us to have a future together, you have to trust me, okay. I admit I have had affairs, I have dated a lot of women,” Then added softly, “but you are special. I hope you understand that.”

“I want to, but I am scared. I don’t want to lose what we have.”

“Then learn to trust me. Stop with this snooping business. We are not teenagers anymore.” With that he hung up. Mukti kept staring at the phone for a while. She knew she had acted immaturely.

She typed a message – I am sorry. I trust you. I promise, this will never happen again. Please don’t be mad. And send.

Veer messaged back – I am not mad but I hope you will have faith in me and our relation. I will never hurt you Mukti.

I know. I am sorry for doubting you.

It’s okay. Stop apologizing and get some sleep. I’ll be here for a while. Duchess is seriously sick. I might have to take her to a vet.

You need any help?

No, you get your beauty sleep. Good night. :*

Good night.

Kya Zindagi Gulzaar Hai…?

2014-09-10T10:54:00.000+05:30

What if the recently-concluded famous Pakistani serial – Zindagi Gulzaar Hai – was made in India:

· It would be called ‘Kyunki Zindaagi Gulzaar Hai’.
· Zaroon would have wanted to marry Kashaf not because he admired her character but to make her life miserable and to exact revenge on her for what happened in college… even though it was his fault.
· Kashaf would have agreed to marry Zaroon because of some emotional drama from her mother and sisters; and also because she was always secretly in love with him *wink*wink*
· Zaroon’s mother and sister would have agreed to the match halfheartedly and would have vowed to break the alliance as soon as possible. ::Vamp Alert::
· The original serial ended in 26 episodes; in the Indian version 26 episodes would be devoted only for ‘The Wedding of The Decade – Zaroon Weds Kashaf!!’
· After marriage, Kashaf’s character would undergo a major transformation and she would turn form a headstrong career woman into a doormat smiling through all the ‘torture’ from Zaroon and his family’s end and shedding truckloads of tears when alone.
· Kashaf would try and make Zaroon fall in love with her through her unconditional love and undying devotion.
· Zaroon would eventually fall in love with Kashaf after she undergoes a physical transformation and turns into a ‘supermodel’.
· They would have few episodes of marital bliss that would be showcased through them slow-dancing in endless parties and functions on soppy filmi songs.
· Their small misunderstanding regarding Asmaira would be turned into a huge deal… all thanks to Zaroon’s mother and sister… and would be stretched for a minimum of hundred episodes.
· They would remain separated but would not file for divorce because they secretly would always love each other. *Sob*Sob*
· There would be a leap of 20 years during which the little girls would be all grown up – one would be a fiery extrovert and other would be a shy introvert.
· After 20 years, everyone would still look the same with just a few grey strands here and there… which would also disappear in the subsequent episodes.
· The twins would be working with Zaroon (who instead of a civil servant would be a business tycoon by now) without realizing that he is their father! *gasp*
· After a couple of hundred episodes, Zaroon and Kashaf would be reunited… thanks to the daughters.
· Eventually, both the daughters would fall in love with *surprise*surprise* Asmaira’s son! *GASP*
· The Kashaf-Zaroon-Asmaira love-triangle would be explored again.

And on and on and on it will go… till the end of time!!

Would you like to add something...?

LOVEly Tales

2014-09-08T16:10:00.001+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

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Chapter Eighteen

“Can you fall in love with two people at the same time? If yes, is the intensity of feelings for both of them is the same? And if you don’t feel the same passion for both of them, then obviously you feel strongly for one than the other. Then how can you be in love with two people?”

6^th September

“She is not picking up,” Mukti told Sonali.

“That’s strange. It’s two in the afternoon; I hope she is all right?” Sonali asked concerned at this recent aberration in Priya’s temperament.

“She’ll be fine, I am sure she is just busy somewhere, maybe in some meeting.”

Mukti turned her attention to Sonali, “To more important matters now.”

She came and sat down next to Sonali, “So, you ready? All set to find out the truth?”

Sonali nodded.

Mukti and Sonali were sitting on Sonali’s bed. Mukti had gone in the morning and purchased a home pregnancy test from the neighbourhood chemist amidst disapproving glances from him as well as his other customers. An old aunty pointedly stared at her from head to toes and shook her head as if stating her apparent disapproval. Mukti was sure she heard her mutter, ‘today’s generation’ under her breath. Mukti was so annoyed with this blatant display of bigotry that she stared back at the aunty daring her to say anything to her face. The chemist handed her the pregnancy test and Mukti walked out with her head held high.

Such hypocrisy! If I was married these same people would have been after my life to procreate citing the hormonal clock and now just because I am not married, I am not fit to be a mother! And how do they know that I am unmarried? Just because I don’t have that ‘chutki bhar sindoor’!

She had marched back muttering to herself.

The pregnancy test was now lying on the mattress in front of the two girls just waiting to be used. Sonali was staring at it with such dread like it was some monster that might swallow her whole. Mukti was looking exasperatedly at Sonali waiting for her to get up and get tested. The suspense was killing her. Finally she picked up the pregnancy test and put it in Sonali’s hand, “Go. Let the truth prevail,” she said smiling.

Sonali held the test in the palm of her hand and kept staring at it for a while. She took a deep breath and walked with determination towards the bathroom.

“Hey,” Mukti called out, “All the best. And no matter what I am always here with you.”

“I know.”

Sonali went inside nodding her head.

Mukti started pacing the living room as an expecting father paces the hallway outside his wife’s OT. After a wait of almost twenty minutes, Sonali came out with tears streaming down her face.

“What happened? Is it positive?”

“No,” she said crying.

Thank God!

Mukti rushed over and hugged her, “Then why are you crying idiot?!”

“I don’t know,” Sonali cried even harder.

“Let me get you a glass of water.” Mukti came back with one. Sonali drank it all in one go.

“Now tell me, why were you crying?”

“It’s just that for the last three weeks I have been thinking that I am pregnant. And now when I have realized I am not, I don’t know why but I just miss it. I know it is stupid, but I can’t help it. I guess, subconsciously I was looking forward to it.”

“That’s your body and your hormones wanting to fulfil its purpose! But rational reasons apart Sonali, it is good that you are not pregnant. The baby needs the love of both the parents and you know how that ass feels about it. When your time comes to become a mother, it has to be positive and wholesome.”

“I guess so.” Sonali replied weakly. After another glass of water she added, “But I am so relieved I am not pregnant! How will I manage a baby all alone?!”

“And you are back.” She kissed Sonali on the cheek.

Sonali laughed out loud and asked Mukti to call up Priya, “Let’s go out to celebrate.”

At that instant, Veer called up Mukti. “Just a sec,” she said to Sonali and went outside, “Hey you . . . calling in the afternoon? What’s wrong?!”

“Ha Ha,” Veer laughed, “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just that I have been missing you terribly. Are you free? Can you come over to the hotel for lunch?”

“Uh . . . I am at Sonali’s place…” She said glancing back at Sonali sitting on the floor and looking pensively at the pregnancy test still in her hand.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot. So, what happened? Is she . . .?”

“No, she is not. False alarm. We were just planning to go out.”

“Great. OK. So, I’ll see you later then.” He said a little disappointed.

“Yeah,” Mukti looked at Sonali and decided to try her luck, “Just a sec, I’ll be right back.”

She went inside, “Sonali! Sonali!”

Sonali had thrown the test in the bin and was making her bed. She didn’t look up.

“There you are. Uh . . . that was Veer. He is generally never free during the day . . .” she began but Sonali cut her midway.

“Go.”

“What?”

“I said go,” She looked up. Mukti saw she was smiling, “Your last night was also ruined because of me. Go, spend some time with your loving boyfriend before I get jealous and forbid you.” She winked.

“You will be fine right?” Mukti asked making sure she was not being selfish leaving a friend in need.

“Yeah, yeah . . . I’ll catch up on some sleep. Go. Have fun.”

Mukti put the phone back at her ear, “listen—“

“I know, I heard. Come quickly. I am waiting for you. See ya.”

Mukti smiled and was about to rush out the door before Sonali stopped her.

“You are going to meet him in my old faded pair of pyjamas?”

“Oops!” Mukti rushed back inside. Sonali went into her cupboard and came out with a flowery skirt and a matching tee. She threw it at Mukti who caught it in midair. “I can’t wear this. I’ll go home and change.”

“Don’t be silly. Rajveer’s hotel is closer from here.” She got busy rummaging in her shoe closet for a matching pair, “and you have borrowed my clothes many times. No big deal. Got it!” she pulled her hand out which was clutching a pair of flats. “Best for monsoons.”

Mukti thanked her and rushed inside the bathroom to change. When she came out, Sonali inspected her make-up and handed her an umbrella. She stood at the doorway waving at Mukti like a proud mother.

Mukti reached Veer’s hotel in flat twenty minutes. After the long walk across the lawns, where she waved and nodded to the various members of his staff who had taken to calling her ma’am, she finally reached the lobby. Geeta was, as usual, behind the front desk interacting with a lady dressed in a silk sari and cradling a cat in her arms. She had a massive suitcase beside her.

“Mrs. Ayer, you don’t to bring your own towels and sheets. We have everything.” Geeta was saying.

“Geeta, you know na last time how she had developed that rash. I don’t want that to happen again. Kindly adjust na?”

“Ma’am Veer sir is completely against it.”

“Then call him here. I’ll talk to him myself.”

Geeta nodded and picked up the phone.

Mukti ducked into the nearby restroom and fixed her hair and re-applied kajal and lip gloss. After looking at herself from every angle she rang Veer.

“Hi. I have reached.”

“I know. I saw you rush into the rest room.” He said chuckling.

“Umm . . . yeah, well a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.” said Mukti; her cheeks flushed in a healthy blush “So, where are you?”

“I am at the restaurant.”

“We are eating dog food?” she asked innocently.

“We do have a proper restaurant. You know for people when they come to drop off their pets and who might get hungry.”

“Why have I never seen it before?”

“It must have slipped my mind. Anyway, there is a buffet today and I know how much you like them. Come up to the second floor; ask anyone they’ll direct you here.”

“I don’t like buffets, I love them! An economical, eat all you want, smorgasbord of delectable yummies! What’s not to love?!”

“Ok, ok . . . come up. I am waiting and I am very hungry.”

“Coming.” And she hung up. She climbed up the stairs and saw Veer. Her stomach settled in waves of discomfort. He was standing with a woman whose arm was gently resting on his forearm, while they shared a mutual hearty laugh. Her other arm held onto a miniature poodle patiently sitting by her side, panting a little. Mukti just stood there looking at both of them. Then, Veer led her to the buffet table and handed her a plate, excused himself and came towards Mukti.

“Hey.”

“Hi. You saw me?”

“Yes, I did. I saw you watching me like a vulture stares at its prey.” He said jokingly.

“Who is she?” Mukti tried to be nonchalant.

“She is some guest, or like we call it here some guest’s person. No big deal,” he guided her to a table, “Let’s sit here.”

Mukti sat down and put her bag next to the table.

“So what will you have?”

“We are not having from the buffet?” Mukti said looking around.

Veer smiled. “Of course we are, let it clear out a bit then we’ll go.”

Mukti picked up the glass of water and had a sip.

“Hi Veer. I was looking for you yesterday night . . . where did you go?” came a voice from behind Mukti.

A long slender arm shot off from Mukti’s side with perfect manicured red painted finger nails. She looked up at the face that belonged to the arm. It was heavenly to say the least. Oval face, grey eyes, perfectly shaped red lips matching the shade of the nails, long straight hair and an hourglass figure . . . Mukti gulped down her water and looked at Veer. Veer was smiling broadly and had that woman’s hand in his’.

“Oh, I am so sorry Lavina. I had to go, some work problems. You understand right?” he said smiling.

Lavina?

Mukti cleared her throat to get some attention.

“Lavina, this is Mukti,” He hesitated a little and added, “My friend. And Mukti, this is Lavina, one of our most prestigious clients. She is one of our first patrons. In fact, she has a huge role to play in our success. If it was not for her word-of-mouth publicity, we wouldn’t have got so much business.”

Mukti stood up and smiled politely.

“I am more than just a client or a PR agent, aren’t I?” She smiled staring at Veer.

“Of course. Is Duchess comfortable in her suite?” he asked still smiling broadly and holding Lavina’s hand.

“You know Duchess loves it here. Apart from that unfortunate incident when that guy forcefully tried to put a leash on her, her stay has been very relaxing as usual.” Lavina said seductively.

“I am very sorry. I have instructed the staff that duchess doesn’t like to be leashed.”

“She is not an animal you know.”

Those two went on for another fifteen minutes.

Have I turned invisible or maybe transparent? It’s as if I don’t exist.

Mukti sat down and started nibbling on the bread sticks.

Finally she heard Veer saying, “Let’s get something to eat.”

“Oh, Lavina left? Why didn’t you ask her to join us?” Mukti said sarcastically.

Veer answered, “I did but she had to rush. Maybe next time.”

Mukti glared at him. Veer started laughing, “Chill. She is just a client who gives me a lot of business. She is a typical high-flying socialite. Not only does Duchess, that’s her Chihuahua, stay here for almost three months of a year, Lavina even makes her friends and family leave their pets in our care whenever they are flying out of town. That, what you just saw, was part of my work. So you don’t have to get jealous, baby.”

“Ha! Me and jealous? I was not jealous, I was just asking.”

“Yeah yeah I know. Can we eat please, I am really hungry.”

They went to the buffet table and started filling up their plates. Mukti was quite impressed with the scrumptious spread on display, considering it was a pet hotel after all. Suddenly Mukti remembered something, “Why did you tell Lavina that I was just a friend?”

“Huh?” asked Veer who was busy deciding what to eat.

“I asked why you told Lavina that I was just a friend?” she looked Veer in the eye.

“Oh, that. Well, she is basically a client and we are not on terms wherein I tell her whom I date and whom I don’t. It doesn’t matter. The important people know.”

“Important people? Like who? Your parents? Your friends? Family? Who?” Mukti asked turning in Veer’s direction.

“I will tell everyone when the right time comes, Mukti, everyone.”

Mukti opened her mouth to say something, but Veer cut her off, “Let’s eat.”

They went back and sat down at their table, when Mukti saw someone familiar from the corner of her eye. Even though she hadn’t met him ever, she had obviously seen his profile on Facebook. There was no mistake, it was him.

“Oh my God! That’s him.” Mukti grabbed Veer’s arm and whispered.

“Who?”

“That guy, over there, next to the centre piece, he is Shantanu, Priya’s boyfriend . . . I think? What is he doing here?”

“This is not happening, again!” he said exasperatedly, “Please tell me he is sitting with Priya?”

“No. I am sure that is Shivani. I have seen their pictures of Facebook.”

“Who is Shivani?”

Mukti was staring at them trying to get a good look. Shantanu was sitting, a few tables away with a girl who was comparatively better looking, was wearing a conservative salwaar kameez and was nervously looking around. They both were sitting quietly, but they had an air of comfort around them. Shivani said something and Shantanu looked up from his plate. She laughed and reached out to wipe his lower lip. They both looked into each other’s eyes and Shantanu reached out to hold Shivani's hand.

“Who is Shivani?” Veer asked again.

Mukti looked at Veer and said, “Shivani is Shantanu’s fiancé.”

Veer got confused, “But I thought Shantanu was Priya’s boyfriend?”

“He is.” Priya said matter-of-factly.

“You have a messed up circle of friends.” he started eating.

“No, I don’t. They have just been unfortunate with men, that’s it.”

“Okay. Can we eat? Or do you have to call Priya and she will come here and we will have another scene?”

“What is he doing here, at a pet hotel?” Mukti began chewing her nails.

Veer, who had his back towards them, turned in his seat and stared at the guy, “That balding guy?” he asked pointing a fork in his direction. Mukti glowered and lowered down the fork and hissed, “don’t point.”

“well, your friend’s boyfriend just dropped off a puppy, a birthday gift from his fiance. They are planning to go out for a couple of days and they want him to stay here.” He ate some rice, “I ask again, do you need to call Priya?”

“No. I am sure she knows.”

“Okay, let me get this straight . . . she knows that her boyfriend has a fiance and they are going out for a romantic weekend together and she has no problem? Wow, that’s progressive.”

“it is not progressive. She is scared of losing him that’s why she agrees to whatever he says.”

“Where does a man like him find two women? I mean look at him?! he is no Brad Pitt. In addition, one woman knows about the existence of another woman in his life and still hangs around! Maybe I should take tuition from this guy!” Veer joked.

“What?”

“nothing.” He said hastily, “So why is she so scared of losing him?”

Mukti explained him the whole story.

“Hmm . . . that’s quite messed up.”

“Ok. She is my best friend. I won’t listen to anything negative about her.”

“Ok, OK. My dear, you need to talk to her. She can’t live her life like this. Right now, this guy is engaged. sometime later he will get married. I hope she in not thinking of having an extra marital affair with this guy?”

“No, no. I won’t let her. Anyway, you relax. Let’s eat.”

They ate in silence.

“How is your novel going?”

“Uh . . . it’s almost done.”

“Do I figure in it?”

“Yes, in bits and pieces.”

“Shouldn’t you have asked me before writing something about me?” he asked mischievously.

And with that Veer touched upon a sore spot. This issue was continuously bothering her. She had started working on the novel but still had not gathered enough courage to tell anyone what the novel was about.

I know no one will have any problem except Priya. She is the one who might create a ruckus. Plus there has never been a good time to talk to her calmly about it as well. And now with Shivani in town, I don’t know whether I should bother her with my trivial matters.

She tried to soothe herself.

“Where are you lost?”

“Nowhere,” she smiled.

“How is your family? It always amazes me how close you are to them.”

“Yeah. They are fine. Ma and Pa are trying to get busy. Ma is missing her social circle. She has started giving yoga lessons to the colony’s aunties!”

“Your ma knows yoga? Terrific! Why don’t you learn from her and then teach me too?”

“I know the basics, but have lost touch. Next time when I will go, I will get back to it.”

“What about your dad? What does he do all day?”

“He is getting used to not working. He has got this new habit of gardening and cooking. So ma is very happy. And Pankaj, my brother, is as usual busy with his work.” She beamed with pride.

“Good.”

“What about your fam—“Before Mukti could complete his sentence, he spoke again, “how is your content writing going?”

He never talks about his family. I don’t even know the names of his immediate family members.

“It’s slow. I have told them I am not well so they don’t bother me too much. I do need to keep doing them till I don’t get the book published. There are no guarantees that it will get published, so I don’t want them to forget about me.”

“understandable. But what do you think? The publishing house must have given you some signs?”

“Yeah, Nita was helping me in the beginning but then she got some other assignments so she got busy with it, and technically she is not supposed to give me any concrete suggestions before the contract is signed. I have another month to go before I submit the book. I am almost finished. I just wish someone could read and tell me if it is good or not.” She looked at Veer pointedly.

Veer just nodded his head and continued eating.

“That was a subtle hint.” Mukti said exasperatedly.

“What? You want me to read it?” he asked.

“No! I want you to want to read it.”

“Oh . . . I want to but I don’t have the time.” He took a sip from his glass and added, “Why don’t you ask Priya or Sonali? I am sure they’ll be happy to help.”

It’s not that this had not occurred to Mukti, in fact Priya had, in the past, many times offered to read and give suggestions, but now Mukti was scared of showing it to her because of obvious reasons.

“Yeah. I’ll see.” Mukti shrugged non-committal.

They resumed their lunch chatting about this and that but whenever Mukti tried to steer the conversation towards Veer’s family life, he would change the topic. Finally after finishing off their respective meals and Mukti having two different kinds of desserts, she left and Veer got back to his work.

Mukti was standing outside waiting for an auto when she heard footsteps behind her. she turned and saw Shantanu talking on the phone. She hid behind a perfectly trimmed bush and started eavesdropping.

“I told you a million times that till the time Shivani is in town I can’t meet or talk on the phone. How difficult is that to understand?” Shantanu was saying.

After a pause he said, “Look, she is leaving town in a couple of days, can we talk then?”

Another pause.

“Please stop crying. I will try and come but I can’t promise anything. Ok? Now go and eat something. Yes . . . ok . . . I said I will try . . . yeah . . . I love you too. Bye.” He disconnected.

He looked worried. He sighed heavily, looked into the sky, closed his eyes for a moment and made his way back inside, walking briskly, faking a smile.

Not wanting to, but Mukti felt bad for Shantanu.

Maybe he is in love with Priya. Maybe he seriously can’t do anything. But, I just saw him with that other girl and they looked so compatible and comfortable with each other. I need to talk to Priya.

She took out her phone and called up Priya. This time Priya picked up after a single ring.

“Hello.” She sounded sleepy.

“Priya? You ok?”

“Yeah. I am fine.”

“Where are you?”

“At home.”

“Ok. I am coming over.”

Mukti hung up and hailed an auto. On her way, she called up Sonali and asked her to come over to Priya’s place as well. She reached Priya’s house and rang the bell. Priya came and opened the door. She looked awful. Her unwashed hair was hanging down limply down her face. She was wearing old pyjamas and looked like she hadn’t eaten in a long time. Priya walked slowly back into the house. Mukti closed the door behind her. She looked at the house and doubled up. Priya’s conscientious house was in a mess. She had to squint slightly to see anything as it was very gloomy inside. After a while her eyes got used to the darkness and Mukti realized that the whole house was topsy-turvy, as if hit by a tornado. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

There were broken glass shards lying on the ground, the sheets of the house were rumpled up and half dangling from the bed exposing a torn mattress underneath, the cushions were on the floor, there were books lying open on the table with ring marks left by coffee mugs or beer bottles on their pages, the television was turned on and was playing some silent random movie. The whole house stank of stale air. Mukti wrinkled up her nose at the strong lingering odour of alcohol.

Just like Priya hasn’t taken a bath in God knows how many days, similarly she hasn’t cleaned her house!

Mukti went and opened the windows. She breathed in the fresh air with some relief and started tidying up without saying anything.

“What are you doing?” Priya asked, “Leave it. I’ve called the maid to come in tomorrow. She will do it.”

“Priya, what are you doing? What the hell has happened to you in three days? Have you eaten anything?

When Priya didn’t say anything, Mukti went into the kitchen and saw that the fridge was empty. There was only a carton of milk and some eggs. She made scrambled eggs, and a cup of coffee. She handed the coffee mug to Priya and put the plate in front of her. After making Priya eat her food, Mukti guided her into the bathroom and ordered her to take a shower. Meanwhile she cleared up the house and found three bottles of scotch under the bed.

That’s what she has been doing! When Priya came out, Mukti asked her, “So what have you been doing home? It looks like you haven’t gone to work for a couple of days.”

“I have not been feeling well.”

Mukti decided there was no point beating around the bush. “I saw Shantanu today.”

Priya looked up at her, “Did you look him up again on Facebook? Did u find a picture of him with his fiancé this time? Is that why you are here? To tell me the results of your snoop assignment?”

“I am here because I saw Shantanu with his fiancé having lunch. I was there with Veer. So, I know that she is in town. I also heard him talking to you on the phone. So, I knew that something is wrong. I am here not to rub anything in but to be a friend. I also found these under the bed,” she said holding up the bottles and added, “I guess you have a lot of explaining to do.”

Priya sat down on the bed with her head in her hands.

“I am sorry. I have been very irritable these last couple of days.”

“Tell me what’s bothering you.”

Priya looked at her.

“I mean I know what’s bothering you but you have always known that she is there right?”

“Yes I did. I have always known she is there . . . tucked away in Sikandrabad. But now, she is right here in Delhi. She is with him and I am not. He won’t even talk to me when he is with her. I haven’t spoken to him properly for the last three days.” Then added softly, “I just miss him so much.” Priya started crying. Mukti sat down beside her and hugged her.

“It’s ok. I am sure he misses you too.”

“I know he does and that’s what hurts the most. He wants to be with me and I want to be with him but we can’t. And this visit of Shivani is just a prelude of what's going to happen. Like she has come into town, she will come back into his life and he will be forced to forget me.”

She started crying harder. Mukti didn’t know what to say.

Should I tell her about his impending romantic getaway? She took a deep breath. She was about to tell her about what she had seen when Priya hugged her tightly, “This can’t happen again! He is the first guy after Mudit who had shown any interest in me. Nothing can go wrong like it did last time. It can’t Mukti. Don’t I deserve love?” Mukti hugged her back just as tightly and decided it wasn’t the right time to tell Priya to forget Shantanu and move on. So, she did the next best thing. She just listened.

“I love him Mukti. And everything was so perfect. He is a great guy and a great boss. Then, Shivani comes into town to surprise him. I found out that he has taken a whole week off to show her around. I can’t go to office and not see him there. It’s so hard. I have taken a sick leave. I just keep waiting for him to call but he doesn’t. And whenever he does, he is with her so he can’t talk properly. I have been dying here.” She said in between sobs.

“Ssshhh . . . it’s ok. Everything will work out.” Said Mukti not believing it to be true herself. Priya went on for about an hour and then she finally went off to sleep. Mukti was making a cup of tea for herself when the bell rang. She rushed to open it lest it woke up Priya. It was Sonali. Mukti added more water, milk and sugar to the already brewing tea. They sat down in the living room and Mukti explained everything to Sonali.

“You saw him? with Shivani? How did they look? Strained? Distant?” asked Sonali.

“At first I thought they were not talking to each other, but then something really sweet happened and I realized that they don’t need to talk to each other to have a conversation.”

“How is that possible? You just said, that Priya is hundred percent positive that he is in love with her?”

“I don’t know because I saw him later talking to Priya and he looked genuinely worried. He was stressed out.”

“This is really confusing.”

“That’s what Veer said.”

“I can’t help but imagine what Veer must think of you . . . and us!”

“I know. Anyway, I just wish that everything works out for the best.”

That night, Sonali offered to stay with Priya and Mukti headed home. When she finally reached home, she decided to start working on her novel but even after repeated attempts couldn’t. The events of last night, today afternoon and evening kept playing in her head. She opened her blog page and started typing.

‘Can someone be in love with two people at once? And I don’t mean love like a friend? Or like a brotherly / sisterly affection . . . I mean the love that is supposed to happen once in a lifetime! The Raj-Simran kinds, the Romeo Juliet kinds . . . that kind of love that makes you see everything through rose tinted glasses, when you can spend hours talking to the other person about everything and anything, when you can lose yourself in him and forget the world and its troubles . . . I am talking about the diamonds and the red roses, the champagnes and the cakes kind of love. So is it possible to be in love with two people simultaneously? It is possible that you are in love with someone and you are quite happy and then someone else walks into your life and you feel yourself attracted to that person as well. And this attraction is not only at physical level but on an emotional plane too. His happiness makes you smile and his sorrows bring tears to your eyes. Is it possible that a person can fall in love when he is already in love? Or maybe the first love (I mean the current love) has lost its charm and he is looking for some lost spark? Or maybe they have known each other for so long that sometimes you feel the need to talk to a stranger and let her define you all over again? Or maybe you can’t help yourself? I know a love triangle, where a guy is in love with two women. One woman loves his passionately in spite of knowing he is already engaged and the other one has no clue whatsoever.

Mukti stopped typing and read the post again. She wondered if she ought to upload it when her phone suddenly rang making her jump.

“Veer! You scared me.”

“Oh . . . I am sorry. What were you doing?”

“Just writing a post.”

“You had dinner?”

“Yes.”

“You sound different. What’s the problem?”

Mukti thought whether to tell him or not but then decided to take his opinion.

“Do you believe that a person can fall in love with two people at the same time?”

“Why are you asking? Are you seeing someone else?”

“No, you idiot. I am not. I am just asking you because of Priya and Shantanu.”

“I think that instead of wasting your time on figuring out if he loves her or not, you should tell your friend to get herself together. I mean either she should ask him to talk to his fiancé or she should just forget about him and move on.”

“It’s not so easy to move on.”

“I know it’s not easy but it’s not impossible. I have done it and I am sure you must have done something like this too in your past.”

“You have done it?!” Mukti’s heart missed a beat.

“Yeah, haven’t I told you?” he said casually.

“Did my response not tell you that I don’t know anything?”

Veer took a deep breath, “Ok, ideally it should have been done face-to-face but since I know you and I know you will not rest till I tell you, so here goes.”

Oh My God! This sounds serious!

“When I was working in a hotel, I had met a girl. She was my colleague. We became friends and then we fell in love. We wanted to get married but couldn’t.”

“What?! You were so serious with a girl that you wanted to marry her? And I didn’t know anything about it till now?!”

“This was way back in my past. It’s been more than two years that I have even talked to her.”

This is not good!

“Then? What happened? Why didn’t you marry her? You found out she has a fiancé too?” she said sarcastically.

“Actually her parents were very superstitious and big believers of kundli-matching. They matched our kundlis and as luck would have it, they didn’t match. The pundit scared them further by making some weird comment about either one of us dying or some such shit.”

“Oh my God!”

“Yeah. She tried to persuade her parents but then eventually cracked under pressure, broke up with me and got engaged to someone else . . . all within a span of a couple of weeks.” He sighed.

Oh thank god!

“Oh, how sad. So, she is married now?”

“Yeah, she got married six months after that. Ironically, she even invited me for her wedding.”

He said chuckling.

“So, did you go?”

“Obviously not! I was still in love with her. Anyway, she got married and moved to a different city. I have had no contact with her ever since.”

Mukti heaved a sigh of relief.

“But as I was saying, I have also been a victim of circumstance. I loved her, she loved me but the situations were not ideal for our match and we broke up. It was very painful at first. I thought that I might never get married, that I won’t even look at another girl. I believed that I’ll never fall in love again but look at me now . . . I am in love and I am very happy.” He said matter-of-factly.

Mukti’s heart skipped a beat once again but this time, it was the good kind. Veer had never said that he was in love with her.

“You are in love?” she asked him.

Silence.

“Uh, so as I was saying, there is always a . . .” Veer continued as if he had not heard Mukti.

“You didn’t answer my question?” she said smiling.

“All in good time Mukti, all in good time.” He answered.

He is in love with me!

Mukti couldn’t believe he has said it, well almost. She did a little jig. He will say it. One day, he will say it!

“So, coming back to the topic of Priya and her boyfriend or whatever he is, tell her this is not the end of the world. Even if it doesn’t work out, there is someone better waiting for her. And I am not quoting some self-help guru, I am talking from experience.”

Awww . . .

“Aww . . .” Mukti said smiling.

Veer laughed and said, “Now since you have become very pleased with yourself, try and cheer up your friend.”

“I am trying to, but it will be difficult. I just hope she is able to handle this.” You don’t know her like I do.

“She will. You are with her right?”

“Yes, of course. I am always with her.”

She glanced at her post. I am always with her. She saved her post as a draft and went offline.

The Other Woman

2014-09-02T11:21:00.000+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

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Chapter Seventeen

‘Why is the ‘Other’ woman always labelled as the ‘Dirty’ mistress? If a guy has an affair, it is because he is not happy in a relationship or it’s in his nature to cheat . . . In both the scenarios how does the other woman end up being the Devil? Or is there a third reason as well . . .?’

5^th September

At her house, Priya was lying on the bed in the dark. A tangled mass of hair covered half her face. Her usual meticulously applied kajal and mascara were both smudged and smeared over her eyes and cheeks. Her lipstick left a stubborn mark behind where she had tried to rub it off roughly. She had a bottle of scotch lying empty on the floor and another one in her hand which was dangling from the bed. Her eyes were half-closed. She could hear the phone ringing but didn’t posses the strength to even move a finger. She felt drained . . . of all her energy, all her will power. Priya had been drinking to forget all her troubles. She took a sip from the almost empty bottle, her lone trusted companion. She held the bottle close to her face.

“I know you don’t judge me and you will never leave me. You will be there whenever I’ll need you.”

She took another swig. She had always turned to the bottle when things got a little messy. Alcohol was like a friend to her who listened patiently without pronouncing any verdict. A bottle of scotch never conferred any ethical lecture.

You don’t preach. You don’t ask me to follow logic and reasoning. You listen silently. You are indeed a true friend.

She put the bottle to her lips but nothing came out. She turned the bottle upside down. It was empty. She sat upright and threw the bottle at the floor in frustration. It shattered making a loud crashing noise; its million pieces lying motionless on the floor reflecting the yellow light, splitting it into many colours of the rainbow.

“You also leave like everyone else. Go! Go away!” She yelled at the stationary pieces of the bottle. She started sobbing with her head in her hands. She had been drinking since morning to try and switch off her brain . . . To transport herself to a happy place where she is with Shantanu.

She wanted to stop thinking about his fiancé Shivani. She wanted to forget everything that had happened, especially in the last couple of months.

It had all started with one phone call.

One innocent ‘Good Morning’ call.

Priya was, as had become their custom, talking to Shantanu on the phone in the morning. She heard the bell ring in the background and Shantanu’s footsteps echoed through the receiver. He was applauding her work on their current account and she was beaming with pride. Suddenly, he stopped talking and she could hear a girl yell ‘Surprise’ in the backdrop. She didn’t want to accept it but she knew, then and there, that it was Shivani. She was proved right. It was indeed Shivani. She had come into town to give Shantanu a little surprise for his birthday. Shantanu disconnected the phone without saying anything. Priya kept holding the phone to her ear listening to the engaged tone for a long time. She called him up after an hour but he disconnected.

I must have called you twenty times but you never picked up.

“What if I was dying?!” she said to the empty room.

After trying for a couple of times more, she had opened that first bottle of scotch. She didn’t even go to the office, sending a message proclaiming she was sick instead. She poured herself a drink and tossed it back in a quaff. She kept trying to talk to him, even sending numerous messages but he didn’t reply once. Finally, Shantanu called her back in the evening. He was incensed, “What the hell is wrong with you? You knew I was with Shivani, why were you calling like a crazy person? What if she had found out?” he had thrown a volley of questions at her.

“I don’t care if she finds out. Why didn’t you take my call? What if I was in trouble?”

“I knew you were fine and Priya, you better start caring about Shivani finding out. She is my fiancé for crying out loud!” He seemed furious.

“And who the hell am I, huh? Your dark secret? The dirty mistress?”

“We have been over this, haven’t we? I have told you, I love you but I can’t leave Shivani. She will die without me! Why is this so difficult for you to understand?”

Unwillingly, at his declaration of love for her, Priya’s eyes filled up, “I love you too Shantanu but this is tough. I thought I can handle it but I can’t. All this sneaking around in office was strenuous as it is and now I can’t even talk to you! I don’t—“

He interrupted her, “It’s difficult for me too. I had told you everything before. You knew I had a fiancé. You knew I can’t leave her. You got into it knowing completely well what the whole story is. I have never lied to you. Now, you can’t blame me for anything.”

She was taken aback at his statements, “I am not blaming you Shantanu. I am just saying that I can’t share you anymore.”

“Well, you have to. There is no other option,” then added hurriedly, “Stop calling me now. I have to go, Shivani is waiting for me. I’ll call you later. Bye.”

And he hung up.

It was as simple as that.

He hadn’t called after that. It was almost three in the morning but she had not even received a single message from him. Priya didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t call Mukti.

What will I say to her? That you were right?

She couldn’t call Sonali.

She seems to have her hands full with Kshitij and her flying.

She looked around and saw another bottle standing proudly on the mantelpiece.

Vodka! Just the shoulder to cry on I needed.

She wiped her tears and tried to get up. She felt a little woozy and sat back down. She shook her head and tried getting up again. She felt light-headed but she made her way determinedly, holding various pieces of furniture for support. Finally, she reached the mantelpiece and picked up the bottle. She smiled proudly at her achievement. Priya unscrewed the cap but before she could guzzle it down, the bottle slipped and shattered on the floor. The sight of tiny shards of glass scattered all along her wooden floorboards triggered something inside.

Just like my shattered dreams.

She started sobbing . . . Everything from her past came rolling in front of her eyes like a silent black and white movie. She remembered sitting demurely on her mother’s lap while relatives offered tips on how to make her fairer . . . The scene dissolved, now she was standing, as a five year old, sobbing alone as kids teased her . . . She saw herself, pimply faced, hiding behind a pillar as her best friend from school made fun of her with her boyfriend . . . she recalled looking wistfully at Mukti as she accepted a rose from a teenage boy on valentine’s day . . . she sobbed thinking about the time she stood waiting at the theatre for a date that never showed up . . . she could see herself staring in the mirror applying fairness cream . . . She closed her eyes tightly as Mudit’s face pointing and laughing at her swam into view. He came closer and slowly transformed into Shantanu who hugged Shivani and smiled conspiratorially at her.

She opened her eyes and looked around. Her sobs turned into wails and she slid down on the floor. She hugged herself tightly curling into a ball and kept crying till she finally drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

From Prince Charming to Frog!

2014-08-25T18:25:00.001+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

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Chapter Sixteen

‘Everyone falls in love with Mr. Wrong. He is the one who helps you appreciate your Mr. Right. Sometimes you have to go through numerous Mr. Wrong to finally find your Mr. Right. So, have you found your Mr. Wrong yet?’

5^th September

After patiently waiting for Veer to make time for her for almost for a week, Mukti put her foot down.

“I don’t care! We are going out tonight. I will wait for you at Urban Pind. If you don’t come there by eight, I will never speak to you ever again. And I am not kidding this time.”

Veer had just laughed, proclaimed her adorable and promised to meet her there. He did keep his word and reached before Mukti. They were just walking up the stairs when Mukti saw someone familiar walking ahead.

“Oh, that’s Kshitij,” she said.

“Who is Kshitij?”

“He is my friend, Sonali’s boyfriend. I told you about him. He is the same guy from IIML, she met over the internet,” she explained trying to refresh Veer’s memory.

“What’s with you and your friends trying to find love on the internet?!” Veer joked.

Mukti glared at him, “For your information, everything is going fabulous between them, they are really happy together.”

“Wow! Your friend needs to get a wax more often!” Veer said. He was over 6ft tall and could see over Mukti’s head.

“Huh? That’s so rude,” Mukti exclaimed and stood on her tiptoes to get a better look. She saw Kshitij walking closely next to a short skinny guy wearing green plaid shorts, suspenders and loafers without socks and a trilby hat.

“That’s not Sonali, dumbo,” she said hitting Veer playfully on his arm, “Maybe he is out for dinner with some friend.”

Mukti and Veer walked to an empty booth by the stairs. Kshitij and the guy also sat down at another booth in a corner, diagonally opposite them. Mukti intentionally sat so as to have her back towards Kshitij.

I am so not in the mood to make small talk with Mr. IIML.

Veer, on the other hand, could see Kshitij and his friend perfectly. The guy was sitting next to Kshitij.

“Uh . . . sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s no friend,” Veer said after some time.

“What do you mean?” she asked suspiciously.

“Well, for starters, they are sitting too close together for guy friends. And I just saw Kshitij discreetly place his hand on the other guy’s skinny thigh,” he smiled at Mukti.

“Stop kidding around Veer. It is not funny,” Mukti said getting irritated.

“I am not joking,” he raised his eyebrows, “And now they are playing footsie under the table.”

Mukti turned to look and saw that Veer was indeed right. Kshitij was sitting next to the other guy laughing at something funny he might have said and gently stroking his arms. Mukti sat up straight wondering what she had seen. Priya’s statement – ‘I think he was staring at the waiter’ swam in front of her like a thought bubble.

Veer squinted a little and added, “Kshitij just whispered something naughty in his companion’s ear,” He let out a small whistle, “Someone is getting lucky tonight!” he said munching on some breadsticks.

Mukti stared at Veer scandalized with his observational skills, “how the hell do you know that he might get lucky? Can you read lips also?”

“Well, I do the same… hand on thigh, gentle caresses on the arm while whispering something naughty in the ear,” He said matter-of-factly and looked at Mukti.

Mukti raised her eyebrows.

“I meant I used to do that,” and added hastily, “with girls.”

Mukti continued staring at him.

“Now I don’t do all of that unless of course it is you, baby,” he winked.

“Very funny!” she turned her attention back to Kshitij and the girl. She saw the look on Kshitij’s face, the adoring way he was staring in that other guy’s eyes. Something she had not seen when he was with Sonali.

“Oh my God! What should I do? Should I tell Sonali?” and then muttered angrily, “I knew there was something different with that guy.”

“Sonali is your friend right?”

Mukti nodded.

“Then obviously you should tell her that her boyfriend is cheating on her with a guy. What are you waiting for?”

“What if she doesn’t believe me?”

“Then tell her to come here and see for herself,” he shrugged his shoulders casually.

Mukti called up Sonali and asked her to come to Urban Pind ASAP. As had become Sonali’s habit, she made some excuse. But when Mukti told her that Kshitij is here, Sonali picked up her bag and rushed out the door without even brushing her hair. She reached the restaurant in a record time. Mukti and Veer met her at the door only. They didn’t want Kshitij to leave before Sonali came. Mukti told Sonali everything and pointed in Kshitij’s direction. At first Sonali, didn’t believe her. She dismissed Mukti allegations as baseless but then when she saw Kshitij with the guy, her eyes welled up again. She saw the same dreamy look in his eyes when he held that guy that she had been dying to see for herself. But this time, they were not tears of disappointment or hurt. They were tears of anger. She wiped them and went towards Kshitij followed by Mukti and Veer.

Sonali tapped Kshitij on the shoulder. He looked up with a big smile on his face but as soon as he saw Sonali, the smile disappeared.

“Sonali” he whimpered.

“Hey Kshitij. How are you? Long time . . .”

“I am fine,” Kshitij didn’t know what to say, and then he added, “What are you doing here?”

“Kshitij have you forgotten your manners? No introductions?” she turned towards the guy and held her hand out, “Hi, I am Sonali. I am Kshitij’s girlfriend,” she said mustering her sweetest smile, stressing on the last word, “And you are…?” she kept smiling sweetly.

The guy looked at Sonali, then at Kshitij, “I don’t want to get into the middle of anything,” He got up to leave and then turned and said to Kshitij, “Call me when you have figured what do you want.” And with that he left.

“Sonali what is this? Why are you creating a scene here? He was just a friend?” he whispered urgently.

“Oh really? If he was just a friend, as you claim, why did your face turn white when you saw me? And why did your ‘friend’ leave when I said I am your girlfriend.” Sonali’s voice was getting louder with every word.

“We can talk about this in private.” He held her arm and try dragging her out.

Veer stepped in and put his hand on his shoulder, “I wouldn’t do that buddy.”

“Who is this guy?” he asked Sonali.

“He is a nice guy who respects women, unlike you!” she jerked off his hand from her arm.

“Will you stop shouting? What has got into you? What is the matter? I can’t have dinner with a friend anymore?”

“You have no time to return my calls and messages but you have time to have dinner with your so-called friends? And didn’t you say you were going on a business meeting?”

Kshitij started stammering, “Yeah . . . so that was a client only.”

“A couple of minutes back, he was a friend, now he is your client? Make up your mind!”

“Whoever he is, is none of your business!”

“It is my business, because he is with the father of my child!” Sonali yelled.

“What?!” Mukti and Kshitij asked simultaneously.

“Yes, I am pregnant damn it! I am pregnant. I have been trying to tell you for three weeks now, but you never have the time. You are always busy, but now you know. I am pregnant and it is yours!” she yelled at Kshitij. Mukti looked around. Everyone had stopped eating and was looking at the four of them.

Kshitij looked at Sonali like a lost puppy, but then his face hardened and he said, “It can’t be mine! We have never even had sex.” He said looking around making sure everybody heard him.

Sonali looked as if a bucket of cold water had fallen on her head.

“You don’t even remember? We did. Last month, at my house! After which you have been trying to avoid me and have stopped taking my calls.” She said shaking with anger.

“I am trying to avoid you because you don’t get a hint. Listen to me,” and he said slowly emphasizing every word, “I Am Not Interested in Sleeping with You! I am not attracted to you. Stop with your twisted attempts to get me into bed already.”

Sonali could feel a tear trickle down her cheek. She wiped it off, took a step toward Kshitij and whispered in his ears, “I know you remember everything and I know you are gay. What I don’t know is why are you are acting like a jerk instead of just coming out.” Sonali looked straight in his eyes, “Whatever be the reason, this sham that is your life is just pathetic.”

“You don’t know what it is like being me.” He said slowly, “You don’t know what it is like to be a homosexual in our society. I do. I know no one is going to accept me if I come out. I have to keep up this pretence. This is my curse.”

Sonali was astonished, “It’s not a curse. It’s natural. You are attracted to guys, plain and simple. What’s there to hide? Don’t you get tired of pretending?”

“What do you think? Of course I do. All the sneaking around and acting like I am attracted to girls is exhausting but I have no other option.”

“You do. Why don’t you come clean?”

“You have no idea what my life is, Okay?! So, stop pretending to care.”

“Why are you so defensive? I want to help you.”

“I don’t want your help. You were just one of the many countless girls I have to sleep with to keep up this charade. You mean nothing more to me than that.” He said arrogantly, “You can try and tell people that I am gay but no one is going to believe you.”

Sonali was disgusted with his behaviour. She took another step towards him and slapped him right across the face as hard as she could.

“You are a pathetic,” and she walked off leaving behind a stunned Kshitij.

Mukti looked at Kshitij, “you should be ashamed of yourself, you asshole.” She rushed to follow Sonali. Veer accompanied her.

Mukti and Veer came running out of the restaurant. They looked around and saw Sonali sitting by the road with her head in her hands. Mukti went over and hugged her.

“I am not pregnant.” Sonali said.

“Oh thank god!” Mukti sighed with relief.

“Well, I don’t know. I might be.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? What the hell were you doing having sex without protection?!” She was glaring at Sonali.

Veer cleared his throat, “Mukti, we didn’t—“

Mukti stared fiercely at Veer and hissed, “Now is not the time.”

She turned her attention back to Sonali who had started crying silently.

Now is also not the time for a sermon.

She hugged Sonali and whispered softly, “Why don’t you get it checked?”

“I am scared, and now more so because I know what gender Mr. IIML prefers. How will I take care of a baby alone?!”

“Don’t worry. You are not alone. We are with you.” Mukti said stroking her hair gently.

Sonali hugged Mukti, “I want to go home.”

Mukti looked at Veer. ‘I’ll drop you guys.” He said, taking out his car keys.

Veer dropped them off at Sonali’s house and left the girls to figure out a plan of action together. Sonali, after changing into her shorts ordered for aloo parathas from the nearby dhaba. She gave Mukti a clean pair of pyjamas to change into as well. After settling comfortably, she told Mukti about the out-of-station trip and all that had happened since.

“Oh, now I get the conversation about men being dogs that we had. Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“I just didn’t want you to say, I told you so.”

“Oh Sonali, I wouldn’t have said that. I am sorry.”

“It’s ok.” She sobbed.

“Does Priya know?”

“No one knows. Apart from you, Veer, Kshitij,” and then added with a sad smile, “and the people at the restaurant.” She suddenly started laughing heartily. Mukti looked at her scared. She placed her hand on Sonali’s shoulder tentatively, “are you alright?”

Sonali wiped tears from her eyes, “That’s why he didn’t want to sleep with me? Because he is gay and I thought he is different from other guys and wants to know me better before having sex! I am such a moron. I did a strip tease for him and he fell asleep!” Sonali covered her face with her hands.

“No, you are not a moron. You are just a girl who fell in love with a wrong guy.” She said smiling, “We all have, haven’t we?”

“I don’t know. What will I do if I am pregnant?”

“We’ll go tomorrow, pick out a home pregnancy test and you can find out. Okay?”

Sonali nodded. Then, after a few minutes added, “Call Priya. Tell her to come here.”

“Are you sure? If you don’t want to, we can tell her later.”

“No, I want to. I don’t want her to feel left out. Call her and ask her to come over.”

Mukti called up Priya three times but she never picked up. Mukti thought she might have fallen asleep and stopped trying. If she just knew, what Priya was up to, she might have never stopped calling.

Her Daughter's Mother...

2014-08-21T17:47:00.000+05:30

She was 23 years old. An expectant mother.
The father found out it was a girl and asked for an abortion.
She refused... The mother, always the protector.

She was 25 years old. A single mother.
The daughter was playing with her grandmother.
She was getting ready for her second job... The mother, always the nurturer.

She was 29 years old. Her daughter was 6.
She needed new shoes; the daughter, a Barbie.
She decided to get her shoes mended for the nth time... The mother, always the one to sacrifice.

She was 36 years old. Her daughter was 13.
She was saving up for the rent; the daughter wanted to go on a trip.
She drove her to the airport... The mother, always the giver.

She was 39 years old. Her daughter was 16.
"I hate you! You are never there!! I wish Dad was still with us!', the daughter screamed.
She sobbed silently... The mother, always lacking somewhere?

She was 42 years old. He was 30.
She was the single mother. He was the family friend.
She loved him. He loved her... Life was beautiful!

She was 19 years old. He was 30.
She was the pampered daughter. He was the family friend.
She loved him. He loved her mother... Life was complicated.

When she found out, she sacrificed her love and silently stepped away... The mother, always the martyr!

She was 43. Her daughter was 20.
She brought love and happiness into her life.
She smiled as he slipped the ring onto her finger... The daughter, her mother's reflection!

Love and its Side-Effects!

2014-08-19T12:44:00.000+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

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Chapter Fifteen

‘Is there something as a mutual break-up? Isn’t breaking up of a relation, as a rule, meant to be messy?’

27^th August

Life is like a complicated puzzle . . . a Rubik’s cube, if you please. Whenever you think that you have managed to get all your colours together, you turn it over and see that an errant blue is between all the yellow . . . And you have to start all over again.

She sat wondering about her life.

‘Everything was so wonderful,’ she believed that he was her knight in shining armour, ‘why wouldn’t I? We had the same interests, we both loved watching movies, listening to Rock music, enjoyed reading. We were a perfect fit.’

She thought harder about the time they had spent together.

‘But he had certain idiosyncrasies that bothered me always.’

She had found his peculiar tendency to disappear for days altogether, very odd. There were weeks when no one had a clue where he was at.

‘Not even me,’ she thought sadly. It did hurt her but nothing hurt her more than his emotional unavailability.

‘The times when he was lost in his own dream-world, unaware of anyone around him.’

She hated those moments when she would be sitting right next to him, chatting about her day, and he’ll be quiet and distanced.

‘Maybe lost, wandering in his imaginary world and I was obviously not special enough to be a part of it.’

She had voiced her disapproval numerous times but nothing had changed.

“I need my own space. Don’t try and tie me up. I am meant to fly,” he had said one day that left her all the more agitated.

“I never wanted to tie you down. I just wanted to fly with you,” she whispered to his photograph in her phone. But, he had chosen someone else to fly with.

‘Why did it have to be your her? Your ex?!’ she thought bitterly, ‘why not me?’

He had taken her ex-girlfriend, his supposed best friend, on one of those ‘alone’ times he so often craved.

‘You didn’t even know how much it hurt me. You were so oblivious to my pain.’ Her thoughts turned to his ex.

‘How many times had we fought over her? She was always coming between us, tearing us apart.’

But he never noticed. She deleted his picture angrily. She hated the easy camaraderie that they shared. She abhorred the way they touched each other with such familiarity as if aware of every mark, every scar.

‘I didn’t like it, not one bit. But you always assured me that there is nothing between you two. It was all in the past.’

She had believed him. But, when the time came to choose between her and the ex, he had--

Mukti read what she had written . . . again and again and then one more time. It doesn’t matter how hard she tried to forget, she still felt a pang of jealousy mingled with hurt and anger whenever she thought about it.

Mukti sat on her mattress and had placed the laptop in her lap. She had reached that part where she was writing about one of her protagonist’s relationship that mirrored her most serious relationships till date, the one with Sagar. The first guy she had walked up to and initiated a conversation with. She was thinking about how foolish she had been then, when her phone buzzed. She looked at the screen and smiled to herself.

“Hello stranger.”

“Hey. What are you doing?” Veer asked. He was walking around his hotel inspecting the various areas.

“Nothing, trying to write.”

“What are you writing about?” and then added hurriedly, “Just a second, hold on.”

Mukti could hear Veer yelling some instructions on the other side. After a minute, he was back, “Sorry about that. These idiots need to be told every damn thing.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. So, what are you writing?” he asked again.

Mukti contemplated whether she should tell Veer about Sagar or not?

We have just met. Isn’t it too early?

She decided to wait and instead tell him some story.

You have already slept with him and now are scared of telling him about your past?

She thought for a moment and decided to go with the truth.

“I was writing about the first guy I dated.”

Veer whistled, “Your first love?”

Mukti asked curiously, “You are not jealous?” His reaction was contrary to what she expected.

“As long as he is in your past, I have no problem. So, what are your writing about him?”

O-k-a-y! He is one secure guy.

“Well, I met him at a party and we became friends. He told me that he was already seeing someone but things were a little rocky with her. I had a huge crush on him but I still helped him work things out with his girlfriend,” Mukti began.

“Are you sure you were helping him? Or is that code for I-was-secretly-trying-to-break-them-apart?” he picked up a stray ball lying on the stairs and pocketed it.

“No! I sincerely wanted things to work out for him. Isn’t that what true love is about? Sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of those who you love?” she said dramatically.

“In that case, how very gallant of you?” Veer laughed.

“Anyway, despite my best intentions, they did break up.”

“Mission accomplished,” Veer fake-coughed.

“Do you want to listen or not?”

“Okay, okay. No more interruptions.”

“We started going out after around six months of his break-up,” she paused for Veer to say something but when he didn’t say anything, she continued on, “but, still he was very close with his ex and that was something that always bothered me. I never said that to him explicitly but whenever they would be laughing over a shared joke or discussing something I wasn’t a part off, it really pained me,” Mukti took a deep breath.

“So you broke up because he was friends with his ex?” Veer said trying to comprehend.

“Is this you not interrupting?”

“I am sorry I thought the story was over. Please continue by all means,” he bent down to play with a puppy that was being walked by a handler.

“In addition to his ‘friendship’ with his ex, there was also his absences.”

“Absences? As in? I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t understand them either. He would just switch off his phone and disappear. No one would know where he is. And after a couple of days he would be back as if nothing had happened,” Mukti had started chewing on her nails.
“Was he on drugs?”

Mukti laughed, “No, I don’t think so. He said and I quote, “I need time to think.” Think about what? I don’t know either.”

Mukti paused remembering about the first time he had pulled this stunt.

I was so scared when I couldn’t reach him for two days. All kinds of thoughts were going through my mind. It was horrible.

“Then one day, he disappeared and I found out that he has gone on a ‘self-discovery’ trip to Rishikesh,” she added after a pause, “and he had taken his ex along.”

Veer whistled again.

“That was it. When he was back, I gave him an ultimatum . . . he had to choose, either her or me,” Mukti said. She could feel a lump rising in her throat. She cleared her throat.

“He chose her?” Veer asked.

“I still remember clearly, I had asked him to not call me till he had made a choice. I was so foolish,” she said shaking her head, “I thought he would obviously call me the next day and tell me that he was sorry.”

“He didn’t, did he?” Veer asked. She could make out that he was concerned.

“My final exams were going on and I kept waiting for his call. He didn’t call me the next day or the day after that.”

A tear trickled silently down her cheek as an image of her teenage self covered with books staring intently at her old worn-out Nokia phone flashed before her eyes. She wiped off her tear and smiled sardonically, “Instead he sent me a message.”

“That’s bad.” Veer said softly.

“That too after a week. He had written only six words - I don’t love you anymore. Sorry.”

She paused again. The same feeling of rejection enveloped her once again like a fanged python coiling around her, crushing her very bones.

“My final exams were going on and I, as a fool, for seven days thought about nothing else but him. I kept waiting for his call. I kept hoping that he would apologize and everything would be fine. But, what did I get in the end? A pathetic six word message. He didn’t even think that I merited a meeting or even a phone call. He broke up with me over a damn message!” she could feel her temper rising. She could feel herself breaking free from the stronghold of the python.

She laughed derisively, “You know I was so in love, I thought that message was one of his jokes that I don’t get! It was when he didn’t call that I realized that he was not joking. It took me almost a month to understand that he meant what he had sent. So foolish of me . . . I felt like such an idiot for loving him, for trusting him.”

“Why didn’t you call him?”

Mukti sobered up a little, “Do you think after the uncouth way he decided to tell me that he is breaking up with me, I would ever want to talk to him again?! I have too much pride and self-respect for that Mr. S.”

Veer only said, “Hmm . . .”

They remained silent for a while. After some time, Veer cleared his throat, “so, that’s how your first love story ended.”

“Yes.” Mukti sighed.

Well not really. The idiot did send a very considerate mail.

“Tragic,” Veer answered.

Mukti was about to tell Veer about the mail, when she heard a loud yelp followed by a crashing sound.

“DAMN IT! WHO LET HIM OUT WITHOUT A LEASH?” Veer yelled at someone. He said to Mukti hurriedly, “I have to go. Some idiot let a Great Dane out without a leash and he is on a rampage. Talk to you later, bye.”

He hung up and Mukti smiled to herself. Job hassles.

On an impulse, she logged into Gmail and opened the mail that Sagar had sent, a couple of years before.

Obviously to purge himself of any guilt.

She read it patiently.

I know you would be pretty upset with me and you have full reason to be so too. But, you have to understand that whatever I did was for your own good. I was not good enough for you Mukti. You deserve someone who treats you well, who understands you. I was not that person.

Mukti sighed and braced herself to read the next part.

That part where he shows what a true moron he really is.

I know you think that what I did was wrong but it was not. I did what I thought was best for you. I wanted you to break up with me. And to reach that end, I chose all the means that I deemed fit. I acted aloof and detached. I pretended to flirt with my ex. I even sent you that message so that you might detest me. And I have remained incommunicado all these years because I wanted to make it easy for you to move on. Trust me Mukti, I did all this for you. If I had the option to go back in time and change everything, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was all part of a plan so that you hate me.

Why did you explain all this to me then? Why are you trying to come back into my life? Don’t you think that explaining all this defeats the purpose of your earlier actions.

Mukti had read and re-read this mail countless times. She knew what it said. What she didn’t understand till now was why did Sagar sent it when he did.

Now, since a lot of time has passed, I thought maybe you should know the truth, you should understand the reason behind my seemingly rude actions. I just hope now that you know why I did what I did, you would find it in your heart to hate me a little less.

This statement always managed to anger Mukti.

Me, me, me!! That’s all he is worried about. I wanted to break up, I was scared, I wanted you to hate me, I want you not to hate me! It was all about him! He never even asked how did you manage after the message? How did you feel about it? What did you want?

“There is one thing that I hate most and that is people making my decisions for me. I have a brain and I know how to use it, thank you very much. If you just had the courage to come up to me and tell me the truth. But, no . . . you chose to go the childish way and create this elaborate ruse, all to save your skin! You were absolutely selfish, Sagar!” She yelled back at the screen and shut it down angrily. She drank a glass of water to calm herself down.

How strange it is that even after almost a decade, I feel so strongly for him . . . Even if those are emotions of annoyance and irritation.

Her phone beeped and she saw that it was a text from Veer.

I just wanted to say, that guy was a jerk to let you go. His loss, my gain. And I am sorry for hanging up on you in a jiffy. Let’s go out tonight, get drunk and we can cuss him. ;)

She smiled to herself. She had realized that her anger at Sagar was slowly ebbing away and she knew that was because of Rajveer. He made her happy . . . the first guy to do that after Sagar.

It’s not that Mukti had not dated anyone since Sagar, she had but she always managed to find some quirk to stay away from them . . . sometimes it was bad breath, sometimes it was the way they said a certain word and sometimes it was how their stomach flipped when they got nervous.

She smiled at the memory of her disastrous date with Prakash.

Veer is different than other guys. He somehow makes me feel safe.

Even though, she had been dating him for a little over a fortnight, she had managed to find out his quirk.

But, it’s not scary enough to keep me away from him though.

Mukti had realized that Veer was a workaholic and belonged to that tiny percentage of human population who actually loved their job!

I mean, who does? I have never, and I mean never, met anyone who loved his job as much as he does.

Veer had no shifts. He practically lived at his hotel. Mukti had been there a couple of times and had been astonished after seeing the opulence, to say the least.

A five star hotel for pets! Some people do have too much money!

She couldn’t believe that Veer’s PetCare was a thriving business and to think she had had no idea that there even was such a thing as a Pet hotel.

I felt so foolish. I thought it would be a two room structure where pets would be caged up till their owners came to redeem them again.

Instead she was astounded at how massive the hotel was. It was located in Mehrauli, near Qutab Minar. Spread over almost an acre, the hotel had expansive manicured grounds and a huge gleaming pool. The hotel, itself, was almost two storey high.

“I plan to expand it a little. Maybe add another floor, or develop it horizontally . . . I don’t know yet,” Veer said while giving her a tour of the property.

Inside, there was glossy marble flooring and a contemporary decor. Mukti noticed Hussain’s horses, similar to the one in Veer’s house, hanging behind the front desk. The lobby was beautiful with a lush sofa on one side. There was a table in the middle adorned with a centerpiece made from fresh flowers. Veer steered her towards one of the rooms and she was struck by the magnificence. The AC room had a tiny bed with satin sheets and plush pillows. There was a bejeweled designer water bowl in a corner. Veer explained that depending on the room’s occupants, the staff placed appropriate toys inside the room.

“If it’s a dog, we place chew toys and if it’s a cat we have squeaky toys. Once, a client wanted a ball of yarn to be placed in his cat’s room!”

“People are so fussy when it comes to their pets.”

“You have no idea. Some clients even have specific music they want played when their precious pet is sleeping.”

Mukti raised her eyebrows.

“I swear I am not kidding.”

Mukti was impressed with all the tiny details Veer had taken care of. She was amazed at the thought behind it.

“We have segregated the sections according to age and temperament. So, there is a separate section for lazy animals and active ones. The older pets stay on the ground floor and the exuberant puppies stay in a different area. You know so they don’t disturb each other,” Veer said. Mukti noticed his eyes twinkled as he continued to share details of his business with her.

Veer took her to their play areas, “We have different areas for cats and dogs. Since canines are more active, there is a Gymboree gym kind of an area for them with tunnels and mazes. For our feline guests, we have created fake trees that they can climb on and scratch at to their hearts content. There is also an aquarium with colourful fish for them to see and admire,” he chuckled.

“Isn’t that cruel?” Mukti asked.

“I don’t think so.”

He took her to the hotel’s rambling grounds. Mukti could see many handlers bouncing along with dogs, playing catch with them or simply walking with the pets. In the distant she could see the pool where a couple of dogs were swimming and playing with a ball.

“This is amazing,” she let out a satisfying breath.

“You haven’t seen the amazing part yet,” he held her hand and guided her to a spacious room.

“This is our grooming section,” he said with a flourish. The room resembled a kind of a salon but with a difference. Mukti could see many dogs perched on tabletops and being washed and combed. Some were getting their fur styled and some were even getting their nails clipped.

Mukti squinted her eyes, “Is that dog getting his nails painted?”

“That’s a dogess and yeah.”

“Dogess?” Mukti asked raising her eyebrows.

“Oh, here we don’t call the female dog,” he whispered, “a bitch.”

Mukti couldn’t help but smile. “You are so cute.”

Veer grinned. “The cats have a similar area in a different section of the hotel.”

They were walking around the hotel when a tiny girl almost collided into Veer.

“Geeta?”

She looked up. Mukti noticed that everything about Geeta was small. From her eyes which were magnified by her round glasses to her mouth. She looked hapless. She was shaking her head and her long high ponytail was bouncing along as well. “Veer thank God you are here.”

Veer introduced her to Mukti as his Manager, “She is the one who is in charge when I am not around.” He said smiling fondly at her. Geeta blushed, gave Mukti a warm smile and turned her attention to Veer, “Mr. Shah had come with his Pomeranian again. He wants us to give him a facial.”

“Facial? To a Pom?” He asked incredulously.

“Yes.” She nodded vigorously.

“How is that possible Geeta? It has a face full of hair.”

“That’s what I told him but he is adamant.”

“Where is he? Let me talk some sense into him.” he shrugged his shoulders and went with Geeta. Mukti wandered around the hotel taking in the amount of work gone into the whole concept.

“Do you work here?” came a stern voice from behind her. Mukti turned to see a tall bald man standing with a cat in his hands.

“No, I don’t.” Mukti smiled and turned back to admiring the gardens.

“How dare they put out an old sheet for you Mr. Whiskers. I had specifically mentioned a new satin sheet for you. Don’t you worry, I will straighten out the problem.” He left muttering to himself. After a while Veer came back, puffing, with a Labrador by his side.

“Someone with a cat named Mr. Whiskers was looking for you. Something about a satin sheet--” Mukti suddenly said, “Isn’t he?” She took a step towards the dog.

“The one and only, Charlie.” Veer said patting the dog’s head. The dog was obediently sitting by Veer’s side, panting heavily and wagging its tail.

Mukti smiled, “May I?”

“By all means.”

Mukti stepped towards him, sat down in front of him and held out her hand, “Hi Charlie, I am Mukti.”

Charlie promptly placed his paw in her open hands. Mukti laughed heartily, “He is adorable.” She started playing with him, cuddling him and patting his head.

“I know” he said in between breaths, “What were you saying about a guest?”

“Oh yeah,” Mukti managed to get out despite being licked by Charlie all over, “A guy with a cat was looking for you. He was annoyed about some sheets.”

“Oh yeah, he found me. Can you believe he wants brand new satin sheets for Mr. Whiskers who is not even potty trained! Last time he ruined a sheet by pooping on it.”

“Eww.”

“You can say that again.”

Mukti smiled, “As much as I love being kissed by Charlie, but I think we should leave. We’ll miss the movie otherwise?” She said getting up. Charlie ran to chase a ball that had come rolling in the lawn. Mukti smiled and stared moving towards the exit. Veer held her hand, “I am sorry, but can I take a rain check? There has been an emergency. A dog has swallowed a cat toy that was lying around. I need to be here.”

Mukti confused with the emergency, just nodded. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” He gave her a kiss on her cheek, “I’ve called for a cab. I’ll call you in the night.” He yelled while running away. Mukti sighed staring at his retreating back.

The story of my life.

She had that nagging feeling that she was having a relationship with Veer’s phone.

Sometimes I feel I am having a long-distance relationship and then there are those days when I feel that you are married to the hotel and I am your mistress!

She frowned slightly at the word ‘mistress’.

Right now, someone else is in the danger of actually becoming one.

It had been a fortnight since they had fought. Neither Priya, nor Mukti had initiated a step towards reconciliation. Sonali had tried to ask Mukti about the apparent discord between them but Mukti had conveniently changed the topic. But, today, sitting alone Mukti missed Priya terribly.

The cold war has gone off for a long time already, it is time to act like the bigger person and end it.

Mukti dialled Priya’s number and waited for her to take the call.

I hope she answers and doesn’t disconnect after seeing my name.

Priya picked up after a couple of rings.

“Hey Priya. How are you? We didn’t get to speak after that altercation between us,” Mukti said trying to lighten the mood.

Silence.

“Hello? Priya? You there?” Mukti asked.

She heard sobbing. Priya was sitting on the floor hugging her knees and crying quietly.

“Priya? Are you crying? What happened?”

“Nothing,” Priya said in between sobs, “Nothing happened.”

“Priya. I know you are crying. And I know something is the matter. Tell me what the problem is. Even if I can’t provide any solution, you will feel better once it is off your chest.”

“Shantanu . . .” she whispered.

I knew it had to be something related to him only!

“What did he do? What happened?”

“That day after I told you about our kiss, I had called him up and asked him to come over,” she continued, “he did and we were talking. One thing led to another and we . . .” after a pause she added, “slept together.”

Oh! God!

Mukti wanted to yell at Priya. But she composed herself and asked calmly, “Then? Has he said he will talk to his fiancé about what happened?”

“No. he has asked me not to tell anyone also.” Priya said choking back hot tears.

“What? Why? What does he mean not tell anyone?”

“It’s not what you think, he has asked me not to tell anyone in office, because he is technically my boss. Nobody knows that we are seeing each other.”

“How convenient! Why can’t you see what he is doing?” Mukti could feel her temper rising.

“He is not doing anything! He loves me too. He is just protecting me in the office. He said that. He doesn’t love his fiancé anymore. He wants to be with me.”

“Then why are you crying. Tell him to tell the truth to her and his parents. Then everything will be fine” Mukti was exasperated with Priya’s obvious unwillingness to acknowledge the truth.

“He can’t leave her. I have told you before. Shivani will commit suicide if he doesn’t marry her.” Priya said stubbornly.

Mukti couldn’t hide her anger, “Then what the hell is he doing sleeping around with you?!”

“Because he loves me! He can’t help himself and neither can I.” Then added softly, “We are perfect for each other. We have the same interests, same ambitions . . . you know we can sit for hours just talking about anything and everything under the sun.”

“OK, for one moment, let us assume that he loves you too. Then why is he compromising? He is ruining four lives you know! Yours, his, that fiancé’s and the guy you might eventually get married to.” Mukti said hoping Priya would listen to reason.

“What does my future guy have anything to do with it when I can’t think of anyone else other than him?”

“Then tell him to start thinking of you too and do something. I am sure that girl also would not want to get married to someone who doesn’t love him.”

“I don’t know what she thinks, I don’t know what he thinks. I just know that we can’t live without each other, but I also know, my bad luck will eventually shine through and he will also leave one day like everyone else did before him.” She started crying inconsolably.

“Priya. Control yourself. Nothing will happen. Everything will work out. You just tell him to talk to his fiancé. Promise me that you will talk to him.”

Priya said yes feebly, mumbled something about someone on the door and hung up.

Mukti sat in silence for two minutes thinking about Priya and her predicament.

How is that she always manages to land herself in so much emotional trouble.

Mukti had no doubts that the guy had no intention of breaking up with his fiancé. He was just fooling around with Priya, having a nice time with her.

That asshole is having his cake and eating it too! I wish I meet him one day, I will break his head!

At that time, Veer called.

“Hey.” He said.

“You are not coming.” Mukti said. She hated these calls and she could always find out when he is making one of those I-am-stuck-at-work-I-am-sorry-I’ll-make-it-up-to-you calls. And this was one of those times.

“You don’t know that.” He said teasing her.

“Yes, I do. I know the tone. This means you are stuck at work and can’t make it . . .again!”

“Don’t get upset. I promise, I’ll . . .”

But Mukti interrupted him, “ . . . make it up to you. I know, I know. So, what is it this time?” she asked.

“Nothing, just an irritating client. The German Shepherd is adorable. Its owner not even half as much. A stupid trainee, did some goof-up at the dog’s check-in so he is making my life hell. Sometimes I think, half of the time I am listening to all this bullshit because of these lazy asses who can’t get their act together. Even the dogs’ barking makes more sense than these BHM students.”

“It’s ok. Relax and calm down. Go, work. I’ll talk to you later.” Mukti said sighing audibly.

“You are not angry? I am really sorry.”

“No, I . . . well I am . . . a little bit. But I’ll be fine. It’s ok. It’ll take some time but I will get used to all the cancelling and change of plans.”

“You are a doll. A total sweetheart.” He gave her a kiss through the phone.

“That I don’t need some guy to tell me . . . now, go. Call me when you get free. I’ll wait for your call. Don’t forget, otherwise I’ll be very very angry.”

They said their byes and hung up.

Now what should I do.

Mukti paced here and there, flipped through the channels, read through The Midnight’s Children – a book that she had been trying to complete for almost three months now, ate Maggi. After a while, she picked up her phone to call Sonali.

Let me check what’s happening with her.

Sonali picked up after three rings.

“Hi Mukti. How are you?”

“I am fine. What’s up with you? You tend to disappear nowadays . . . this is not good!” she said jokingly.

“I am always here. You can make a little more effort and try to keep in touch.” She snapped back.

“Ok, ok, jeez don’t bite my head off, I was kidding, what happened?”

“Nothing. I am sorry, I am not in the best of moods.” Sonali said.

That’s spreading like wildfire!

“Why? What happened to you? Fought with IIML,” and correcting herself quickly, “I mean Kshitij? I am also upset, Veer cancelled on me again. And Priya,” then she stopped herself, she didn’t know if Priya had shared anything with Sonali yet.

“Priya . . . what happened to her?”

“Nothing. Office troubles.” Mukti lied.

“That’s better than guy troubles. Why did Veer cancel on you?”

“What else, his wife.”

“HE IS MARRIED! YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT!!”

“Thank you for making me deaf,” Mukti replied sarcastically. “And no, he is not married. By wife, I meant his hotel, his work.”

“Oh . . . I tell you these men are dogs! In the beginning, they give you too much attention, but when the girl says yes, then all their love just disappears! Poof! She becomes worthless for them. They don’t even spare a thought for her or her needs. They start to ignore your calls, make excuses not to meet you and basically, they just sop caring!”

“Uh . . . dogs are very faithful, they will never ignore you.”

“Whose side are you on?!” Sonali shrieked.

Mukti placed the receiver further away from her ear, “First of all, stop yelling. I am in serious danger of going deaf and second, I am always on your side, tell me what has happened?”

“Sorry. And nothing has happened. I was just making an observation.” She said sullenly.

“Ok. Then how is Kshitij?”

“Fine.”

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

“O-k-a-y. Where are you flying off to next?”

“Chennai.”

“When?”

“Day after.”

“You want to meet tomorrow for lunch or dinner or coffee?”

“I don’t know right now. I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“Ok . . .”

Before Mukti could put up another question, Sonali said, “Listen Mukti, I have a headache. I am going to bed, ok. I’ll talk to you later.” And she hung up.

What is up with everybody!

Mukti wondered, but she had no way of knowing that Sonali did not have a headache and she had not gone to bed. Sonali was lying on her massive bed under her cosy comforter staring up at her slowly moving fan. The TV was blaring at full volume in the background but Sonali was lost in her own thoughts. She was biting her lower lip, a nervous habit she had picked up recently. Why hasn’t he called yet?

She called Kshitij yet again and got no answer. She had lost count of how many messages she had sent him. Tears filled her eyes. She threw the comforter covering her and got up. She was wearing her favourite denim shorts with a tee. She pulled her hair into a high ponytail and walked slowly towards her balcony. The sky was overcast with heavy clouds as was usual during Monsoons. Dusk was falling and in the distance, she could see a row of two bright yellow headlights trudging along, as if tired.

Returning to their loved ones, no doubt.

She glanced again at her phone. No calls, no messages. She wondered what had gone wrong. How had it turned into this? What had gone wrong? Didn’t she do everything right?

Everything was perfect a month back. They were having fun, going out, talking for hours on the phone. After they had come back from Neemrana, Sonali had devised another plan to get close to Kshitij.

How can you love someone and not want to touch them?

This time her little scheme had worked as a charm and they ended up in bed together.

It was not as much fun as I hoped it would be but the first time is generally bad. It tends to get better.

But, instead of getting better, everything started going downhill. Kshitij started avoiding her. He was always busy either on some project or with his family. Sonali started sobbing.

Earlier, he always used to call before going to bed but now he is always too tired to talk. Earlier he used to instantly reply to my messages but now he was always busy in some urgent meetings. She had last met him almost ten days back and now for the last two days they hadn’t spoken. Kshitij had told her that he is going out-of-station for some meeting.

“He has time to log into Facebook and update his status and reply to other people but not to talk to me!” Sonali, full of frustration, said to no one in particular.

It had happened with her so often that she knew what will happen next but just didn’t want to think about it. Mukti’s words echoed in her head, ‘More often than not, you sleep with every guy you date. And after that, while you are making plans about moving in with him and wedding arrangements and picking out baby names, he is making plans to move on to another woman.’ No! Mukti is not right.

She wanted to believe that Kshitij was different, but all signs were the same as her previous experience. But this time, there was something different. Something that was just a hitch and Sonali hoped to God that it didn’t turn true.

Is only Fair Lovely?

2014-08-13T11:27:00.000+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

------

Chapter Fourteen

“Do we still judge a book by its cover? Is the packaging everything and the substance . . . nothing? Are looks everything? Can’t we, as a society, look beyond a person’s physical features?”

12^th August

“It smells so wonderful, musty and fresh,” Priya said taking in the familiar scent of rain-soaked Earth. She was standing by the window in Mukti’s apartment and admiring the majestic Gulmohar across the street, standing tall in the faint yellowish glow of the street lamp.

It was a Tuesday and Priya had come over to Mukti’s apartment after her office for a cup of coffee and some chit-chat. When Mukti didn’t say anything for the next five minutes, Priya turned around to see Mukti lost in her own thoughts. She was sitting in her pyjamas, smiling to herself and twirling a strand of her hair absent-mindedly. Her coffee mug stood untouched in front of her.

“Why are you smiling like an idiot?” asked Priya suspiciously.

Mukti couldn’t stop grinning since yesterday. She was on cloud nine. She kept reminiscing about the time she had spent with Veer. The instances of the previous day and night kept flashing through her mind. She was not aware where she was at or even who was with her . . . she was still living in her dreamland with Rajveer by her side.

“Mukti? Mukti? Mukti!” Priya shook Mukti, “Are you all right? Is everything ok?” she sounded worried.

Mukti looked at Priya with a huge smile plastered on her face, “Everything is super,” she said and then, not wanting to hide her feelings, decided to tell Priya about Veer, “I want to share something with you.”

“What? Tell me . . .” Priya inched closer to Mukti.

“I met someone,” Mukti began.

“Again?! Where?” Priya raised her eyebrows.

The expression on Priya’s face made Mukti doubt her decision.

Should I tell her? I should, right? She will understand. She’ll be happy for me.

After deliberating internally for a while, Mukti made up her mind to tell Priya the whole story, right from the beginning.

“Uh . . . a couple of months ago, I got a mail from some guy. He sent it to me accidentally. So we got talking, and one thing led to another . . .” she mumbled.

“Wait, wait, wait . . . hold on! After giving Sonali that moral lecture on how it is not safe to trust people you meet online, you met some random guy through the internet? Sonali’s was still a guy who had seen her in person, yours was an accidental mail!”

“I know, I know . . . hear me out. I met him online and then after we spoke for around two months, he suggested we should meet . . .”

“How come I don’t know any of this?! This has been going on for two months?” Priya asked her eyes wide with surprise.

“Will you stop interrupting me?!” Mukti said a little irritated with the constant disruptions.

Priya pouted and nodded. Mukti explained the whole situation with Anurag and the fortuitous meeting with Rajveer. Priya listened patiently without saying anything. Mukti finished with a flourish and said, “So, this proves my theory that if you meet someone online, he is bound to be a creep or a jerk!”

“I am sure after this episode and the one involving a certain Mr. P, you are thinking about doing something regarding your Facebook account? Deleting it perhaps,” Priya propositioned.

“How did Facebook come into all of this? It was not my fault that Anurag turned out to be a hacker and as for Prakash . . .” She turned pensive, “I have to come up with something to dissuade him. He has called thrice today. Apparently, he was quite put off that I have started interacting with Nits instead of him.” Mukti said pacing the room.

“Hmm . . . you should. By the way, tell me about this Rajveer guy. What does he do?”

“Well, Veer is a pet-hotelier,” Then, seeing the confused expression on Priya’s face added, “He owns a hotel where he takes care of people’s pets when they are off on vacation,” Mukti explained.

“A pet-hotelier, really?! That’s quite innovative,” Priya said genuinely impressed.

The rest of the evening was spent in their girly talks with Mukti giggling like a schoolgirl and blushing ever so slightly while giving a detailed account of her previous night’s escapades to Priya. Listening to Mukti gushing about Rajveer, Priya also decided to share the intimate details of her kiss with Shantanu.

“What?! What in the world were you thinking?!” exclaimed Mukti, “Isn’t he engaged to be married?!”

I can’t believe Priya would be so stupid as to get entangled in such a mess.

Priya, a little shocked with Mukti’s outburst, tried to explain her, the whole thing. “Shantanu is not in love with Shivani anymore. He said so himself that he is not attracted to her. He thinks that she is boring and a small-towner.”

When Mukti’s frown just deepened further, Priya added hastily, “Mukti, Shivani doesn’t understand him the way I do. We are so compatible. We understand each other,” She almost whispered, remembering their kiss fondly.

“Do you hear yourself? That poor girl sacrificed so much for this jerk and instead of being grateful to her; he is making out with someone else, behind her back . . . and even calling her names! And you, how can you do that to someone else?” Mukti was enraged.

Mukti went on with her diatribe. She was pacing the room and gesturing wildly. Priya heard everything calmly, all the while staring out the window at the Gulmohar. It had started to rain heavily accompanied by thunder and lightning. Every now and then, she could see a blazing white light flash across the sky accompanied by a loud booming noise.

“Are you even listening to me?” Mukti asked, after a minute breathing in big gulps of air.

Priya added softly, “How do you know Veer is not a jerk as well. Maybe he has another girl tucked up somewhere. At least I know Shantanu and it was just a kiss. You slept with some guy, you just met.”

Mukti, who had been pacing the room stopped, stunned. Priya’s words had hit home.

Oh my God, she is right! I don’t know anything about Veer.

She stared back at Priya who was resolutely looking at her.

But, this is not about me right now. This is about Priya and her attraction to an almost married man! I’ll think about Veer later.

Mukti cleared her head, “Don’t you drag Veer into it. First of all, this is not about me or him. This is about you. Secondly, even if Veer is engaged, which I think he is not, I don’t know about it, yet.”

Oh God! Please let him not be engaged.

“But, you do know about Shantanu. You know that he is engaged. Has he told you that he will leave his fiancé for you?”

Priya turned her eyes to the floor, tears pooling in her long dark lashes. She didn’t want to admit to Mukti that the same thought was plaguing her mind as well.

“Why don’t you understand? I have never felt anything like this before. You don’t know him as I do. I feel so alive when I am with him and I know he feels the same. I can see it in his eyes. They sparkle Mukti, every time he is around me. I know he loves me too,” she tried to defer Mukti’s thought process.

“That is not the answer to my question,” Mukti was not the one to be hoodwinked. She asked determinedly, “Has he said that he will leave his fiancé for you?”

Priya shifted her weight from one leg to another nervously. She really didn’t like confrontations.

“No. we haven’t talked about it yet,” she said hurriedly and turned to look outside.

“Haven’t talked about it?! You know you are setting yourself up for another heartache?! And for whom?! I have seen his Facebook profile. He is such an ordinary looking fellow,” Mukti inched closer to Priya, “He has a receding hairline and even a small paunch! He is absolutely not worth going through so much trouble for?” She went and hugged Priya from behind, “You are worthy of so much better. You don’t deserve a selfish ungrateful unsightly pig of a man with a beer belly,” she added lightly.

“Enough!” Priya broke away from Mukti’s hug. Mukti stared at Priya, dumbfounded.

“He is what I deserve Mukti. That unsightly pig, as you have put it, is the only kind of man that will ever fall in love with me. I am a realist. I know what and who, I am worth of,” Priya was enraged with Mukti’s easy dismissal of the man she was in love with.

“What are you talking about? This is not about your looks again, is it?” Mukti said resignedly. They have had a conversation about Priya’s notion of her beauty, or the lack of it, countless times before. Mukti added sympathetically, “You are beautiful. You are the epitome of perfect Indian beauty.”

Priya laughed a hollow laugh, “C’mon Mukti, Look at me! I am not gorgeous like Sonali or even pretty like you. I am a plain Jane . . . a dark ugly duckling. You might not see that but that’s how people perceive me and I know that,” she started sobbing softly.

“Priya . . .” Mukti hated seeing Priya cry.

“You don’t need to protect me. I know how I look. I even know how you and Sonali make fun of me behind my back for using fairness creams. I know everything,” her dark eyes were on Mukti, unswerving.

Mukti felt as if she had been caught. A conversation she had with Sonali, not long back, flashed in her mind. She said guiltily, “That’s not true. We don’t laugh at you. It’s just that we don’t understand your fascination with cosmetics and creams.”

“You just see me using fairness creams and cosmetics but what you haven’t seen are the years of torment I have gone through. Since the time I was a little girl, I have been stared at. I have had to endure mumbled comments and advices,” she smiled sarcastically, “You just see an always-groomed Priya, what you don’t see is how, till date, all my relatives and even neighbourhood aunties insist on imparting their knowledge about homemade remedies to get a fairer skin. You don’t know how embarrassing it is to listen to all their suggestions and implied hints that if I don’t have a fair complexion, no one will be interested in marrying me.”

Mukti was getting increasingly irritated with the whole fascination with fair skin that our society seemed to harbour, “All that talk is rubbish. You know they are talking nonsense! Why do you even listen to them? You don’t have to.”

“I have to, Mukti. I have to! I have seen the worry lines on my mom’s face and the frown on my dad’s whenever they browse through the matrimonial columns. I know how much grief I give them because I am dark-skinned,” Priya said spewing the last two words with disgust.

“All guys are not looking for fair-skinned girls. Those matrimonial ads are a scam and nothing else.” Mukti opined.

“Really? If that is the case then why hasn’t any guy ever shown a modicum of interest in me? You have known me since forever, when have I ever had a serious boyfriend? You had so many admirers, did I ever had even one? Huh? I was good in studies, I participated in sports, I won debates, heck I was even school president but still it all boiled down to the fact that I was not pretty.”

“That was school. Everybody is foolish and immature then.” Mukti sighed.

“Okay, let’s look at the current scenario. I have a MBA degree; I work at a prestigious post in a MNC. At 27, I have my own car and a 2BHK flat in Delhi, but before Shantanu, did I have any guy who was hanging by my every word? Did I have a man who was least bit interested in me?”

Priya raised her eyebrows. Mukti didn’t know what to say so she kept mum. Priya continued on, “Everyone, be it in school or college or even now, just sees my dark skin and maintains a one arm distance. All of these sayings - that beauty is skin deep - are nothing but bull shit! I know everyone judges me based on my complexion. That is why I started using fairness creams and cosmetics, in the first place.”

“That’s not the answer to anything.” Mukti interjected. Priya didn’t listen to her and went on, “I know you think I am addicted to them . . . what if I say I am? I admit I am addicted to them. These cosmetics, these fairness creams, these branded clothes . . . all of them are my ways to correct what nature has distorted.”

“Now, that’s a little extreme.” Mukti, again, tried to intersperse.

Priya was not in the mood to listen to her, “All of them are little rays of sunshine for me. I apply fairness cream with the faith that they will work. I apply make-up, wear expensive clothes from Chanel and Prada in the hope that they will make me desirable.” Priya was crying now. Mukti could see that her kajal had smudged and had mixed with her tears that were creating dark black lines across her dusky tone. She slid down on the floor. Mukti went towards her and hugged her,

“Priya complexion isn’t everything. There are more important things to look at than one’s physical features. What you are from inside is more important than how you are from the outside.” She wiped Priya’s tears.

Priya looked up at her, “Really?! Is that so? Then why didn’t I find anyone?” Priya countered.

“Because you have built a wall around you! You don’t let people enter; you don’t let people get close to you.” Mukti added wearily.

“If I was pretty, someone would have tried harder to break that wall. No one did because I am not worth the effort, you see, as I am plain.” Priya said getting up. Mukti opened her mouth to say something but Priya didn’t let her, “But, Shantanu did. He broke that wall. He might not be a Greek god. He might be balding and fat but he is considerate and charming.” Priya smiled fondly, “He is smart and intelligent. He accepts me the way I am. He might not be good-looking but he is a nice guy.” She sniffed. Because she had been crying, her voice was increasing becoming nasally. Priya suddenly laughed sarcastically, as if remembering something, “And isn’t it ironical, here you are lecturing me that outward beauty is not important and two minutes ago, you were judging Shantanu based on his looks. You don’t even know him and you completely wrote him off as worthless.”

“What?! I am not criticizing him because he is ugly. I am judging him based on the fact that he is engaged and cheating on his girlfriend!” Mukti was annoyed at Priya’s proclamations. But, Priya was in no mood to listen to reason, “If looks were everything then you would have still been with Prakash.”

Where did Prakash come into all of this? And isn’t this what I have been trying to tell her, that looks aren’t everything? Oh God! My head is spinning!

Mukti smiled as she realized what Priya was trying to do, “I get it! You do know what you are doing is wrong that is why you are not even listening to my reasoning. Instead, you are turning it all on me! Why are your dragging me into this?”

Priya sighed loudly, “Because I am tired of your logics and reasoning. I am fed up of your inane need to give advice. You have this inherent craving to control the lives of people around you. Well news flash . . . Mukti! We are not characters in your novel. We are living breathing human beings who are capable of making their own decisions!” Priya was almost shouting now.

Mukti had never seen Priya behave like that. She was stunned into silence. She took a minute to grasp what Priya had said. This is nonsense. I am not like that. I don’t give needless advice. Priya is just angry. She doesn’t know what she is saying.

“You don’t mean that.” Mukti said shaking her head.

“I do. I mean every damn word. Look at your life . . . you were giving Sonali a moral sermon about meeting someone online and you did the exact same thing. Now also, you are criticizing me over a harmless little kiss when you have already slept with a guy you barely know. Why don’t you practice what you preach for a change?” Priya added viciously.

Mukti was taken aback. She just stood there as if turned into stone. Priya gave Mukti a long cold look, picked up her bag and stomped out, slamming the door behind her. Mukti kept staring at the floor. That’s what she thinks of me? Am I one of those people who insist others do what they think is right? I don’t force people to abide by my rules, do I?

‘Let’s make a night to remember . . .’

Mukti’s ringing phone brought her back to reality. She slumped over to her dresser where she had put the phone on charging. It was Prakash.

Oh! Damn it.

She composed herself. “Hey Prakash,” she said trying to sound normal.

“Hi Mukti. How are you? You sound a little sad,” he said.

“No, I am fine. You tell how is life?” And then before she could stop herself, she added, “Haven’t seen you in a while,” she bit her tongue.

Shit! Why did I have to say that!

“I was thinking the same thing. I have been out on your last few visits and Nita has appropriated all your time.”

“I know, but I like her company. She is fun to be around.”

What the hell am I saying?!

“Uh . . . not that I don’t like being with you.”

Bloody Hell! Shut up Mukti!

“Good, you feel that way. I was wondering let us meet up for lunch.”

“Uh…”

Enough is enough I can’t lead on the poor guy. I have to tell him the truth.

“Listen, Prakash as long as it is a business lunch I don’t mind but if it’s a lunch ‘date’, then I am sorry but I won’t be able to come.”

“Why?” asked a crestfallen Prakash.

“I know you like me, and I like you too but only as a friend. I am . . .” after a pause she took a deep breath and added hurriedly, “still in love with my ex.”

Better than the truth right? I don’t want to break the poor guy’s heart.

“What? Really?”

“Yes. I am sorry, but I am still in love with him and it will be unfair on my part to get into something with you if I am not hundred percent sure.” She added feeling guilty already.

“I understand. I will wait for you.” And then added, “Till the time you are not comfortable interacting with me about your book, you can take Nita’s help on the same.”

“Thank you.” Mukti sighed with relief.

They chitchatted for sometime about the novel and its progress, said their goodbyes and hung up.

At least Prakash chapter is over. Now, on to the next one - Priya.

Mukti groaned.

Love at First Sight?

2014-08-04T17:48:00.001+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

------

Chapter Thirteen

‘Love at first sight or Lust at first sight?’

11^th August

Let’s make it a night to remember . . .
At first Mukti thought it was playing in her mind. Apt song.
January to December . . .

Then realization hit her.

That’s my phone.

She had changed her ring tone a couple of weeks earlier when she had gone out for a girl’s night out with her friends.

She tried to get up but Rajveer’s hold just tightened, “Don’t go.” He cuddled close to her and she whispered, “I have to get my phone.” He whispered something inaudible. Mukti discreetly untangled herself from him. She got up and put on his shirt lying abandoned on the floor where she had thrown it last night. The phone had stopped ringing. She looked back at the sleeping Rajveer. The sheets were covering him only partially. She could see his chest rising and falling with every breath. She could also see that he had a smile lingering on his lips and there was a love bite on his neck as well.

Now where did that come from? Ahhh . . . And a sudden shyness crept over her. She went into the washroom to freshen up, gathering her things on the way. She didn’t know what had gotten over her. She splashed some water on her face and the events of last evening flashed through her mind.

She remembered him asking her for a cup of coffee at his house. They had driven from the coffee shop to his house in GK (II) in his Honda city. As soon as Mukti sat down in the car, she was engulfed by the same smell she had encountered in the restaurant.

“Don’t you take a bath? Or wash your car? It is stinking.”

“Oh come on! This is the aroma of cute puppies!” he said taking in a long breath.

“Puppies? You have puppies?” Mukti loved animals. She had always wanted a dog but since her mother was allergic, she had never managed to own a pet.

“I am a pet hotelier.” He said starting the engine.

“A what?” Mukti thought she heard it wrong.

“A pet hotelier? I own a hotel for pets,” he said nonchalantly.

“Is that a real thing? Are you joking?” Mukti asked innocently, “See I don’t know you well enough just yet to know when you are serious and when you are kidding.”

“I am serious. I own a luxurious hotel where people can leave their pets while they go for a holiday. I have a staff of over fifty people who take care of our furry guests. There have been times when I have had to ferry pets in my car, hence the smell.”

“You are serious,” Mukti stared at him.

He nodded. “The hotel – PetCare – is equipped to take care of dogs, cats, birds, fish, and even reptiles.”

“Wow! That’s awesome.”

Rajveer talked about his various clients and how some of them are so eccentric as to demand to know the thread count of the towel that might be used to dry their precious dogs.

“I even have staff to give a manicure to cats. And you won’t believe it, they seem to enjoy it very much.”

Mukti started laughing, “Who? The cats or your staff?”

“My feline friends.”

He stopped his car in front of a huge white bungalow with a sprawling garden in the front. Mukti gulped, “You live here?”

“For the time being. This is my parents’ house. My apartment is being remodeled and they are out of town so I thought let me use my old room for a while,” he said getting out of the car.

Mukti stepped out and looked at the bungalow again. It was two stories high and was gleaming in the moonlight. Rajveer held her hand and led her through the wrought iron gates.

‘What the hell are you doing Mukti? You don’t know him!’

Mukti hesitated a little, “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

“You can trust me and you can leave whenever you feel like. Plus I have very nosy neighbours, one scream and someone or the other would come to your rescue,” he winked.

‘I hope it doesn’t come to that!’

Mukti allowed him to lead her into the bungalow. The interiors were tastefully done. She could spot a Hussain hanging behind the couch. There was a huge chandelier hanging from the ceiling reflecting the light and shining like a bejewelled crown.

“So, Mr. Singhania, I take it you are rich.”

“Nah, my parents are rich. I am your average Joe trying to make ends meet.”

Mukti smiled at the memory of using the same line just some hours before with Nita. Rajveer motioned her to follow him up the stairs. She trailed behind him, up the spiral staircase all the while running her hands on the smooth marble railing. She reached the first floor and saw him standing in front of a room opening the door for her. She smiled and entered inside a huge room.

“This is as big as my whole apartment,” she gulped.

The room had a huge round bed in the centre. There was a walk-in closet on one side and a balcony on the other. The room was spic-n-span, very unlike her messy apartment. There was a blown-up picture of Rajveer playing with a Labrador adorning a wall behind the bed.

“You have a dog?” she said looking back at Rajveer who was on an intercom ordering two cups of coffee, “you have servants?”

“My parents have servants, I do not. I do, however, have--” he pointed at the picture behind the bed, “Charlie.”

“Where is he?”

“At PetCare. I have gifted Charlie a luxurious weekend stay at my hotel,” he smiled. Mukti noticed that whenever he smiled, he crinkled his eyes as well. So endearing.

“So, now since you know that I am a pet hotelier, it is only fair if you tell me what do you do? I hope you are not a serial killer?” he joked.

“No, I am a writer . . . at least I think I am,” she sighed.

She walked over to the balcony and looked down. She could see the lush green garden underneath with dew drops glistening in the moonlight. There was a swing on one side swaying lightly because of the cool breeze. She shivered slightly. She felt Rajveer draping her lightly with his jacket that was too big for her. He noticed that his hands lingered on her shoulders a minute more than necessary.

“This is all I have,” he whispered.

“Thank you,” Mukti snuggled inside the jacket breathing in the fresh lavender scent.

“You said you think you are a writer . . .” he asked tentatively. He was standing very close to Mukti with their arms brushing together.

“Uh . . .” It took her a moment to gather her thoughts and form a coherent sentence, “I am working on a novel right now. Until it is published, I can’t say I am a writer right?” she turned to look at him, smiling. Rajveer was standing right next to her. She could see the colour of her light brown eyes. She smiled a little at the fact that he had sprayed on some perfume and didn’t smell like a walking talking dog anymore. He took a step closer. Their noses almost touched. Mukti’s heart skipped a beat because of the proximity.

He murmured softly, “Since the time I have seen you, this is what I have wanted to do. I am going to kiss you now. If you step back, I will stop there only. But if you don’t, then I won’t be able to stop myself.”

He leaned in closer and she closed her eyes . . . waiting to feel his soft lips. It was the most magical kiss she had had. As soon as their lips touched she felt herself floating out of her body and watching the scene from above. After what seemed like eternity, he stepped back and picked her up in his arms. Mukti felt light as a feather as if she had not a care in the world. She clung to him tightly holding on to his strong taut chest. He laid her down gently on the bed as if she was made of wax and would break at the slightest force. She closed her eyes. A strand of hair had fallen on her face; he gently tucked it behind her ear and kissed her forehead. It was then she had opened her eyes to see him staring at her looking for a sign to ensure him that this was okay.

This time she had taken the initiative and kissed him back with abandon, letting go of all shyness. He had responded with equal passion.

“Let’s make love, sweet and tender . . .”

Shit! The phone!

Her ring tone brought her back from her stupor. She ran outside, blushing, and picked it up before it awoke Rajveer.

“Hello?” she said panting.
“Where the hell have you been? I have been worried sick? Are you all right? If you hadn’t picked up now I was about to call the police! Where are you? Did that guy turn out to be a creep?” Came a volley of questions from Nits.

“Hi, I am fine,” Mukti replied back breathing heavily.
“Why are you panting?”
“I was just running to grab the phone,” she said steadying herself.

“Really?! How boring. I thought maybe you were with your nerdy internet guy,” Nits said mischievously.

“Oh you were right. He was a creep…” she began.
And just about then a pair of hands came from behind and wrapped themselves around her waist. Rajveer kissed her neck and said in his early morning sexy voice, “Good morning Mukti. I am glad you are still here. I am not done with you yet,” he said kissing her on the other side as well.

“Who is that?” Nits asked curiously, “I thought that guy turned out to be a creep?”
“I’ll be right with you,” Mukti said giving Rajveer a peck, “Yes he was, so you were right in saying that he would turn out to be one but I was also right that you can always find love through the internet,” Mukti said smiling.

“I see. Details please,” asked Nits.
“I have got to go now. I’ll tell you later.”

“Where are you going?”
“To my knight in shining armor,” Mukti said smiling at Rajveer, “bye.”
“Kids.” Said Nits and hung up smiling to her.

Love in the Time of Internet

2014-07-28T19:00:00.000+05:30

My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

Chapter Twelve

“Is it possible to find love through the internet? Maybe… Maybe not?”

10^th August 2012

The last month had flown by in a daze. Between trying to complete the novel, warding off Prakash’s advances and making plans to meet Anurag, Mukti didn’t have much time to meet Priya or Sonali. Both of whom were also quite wrapped up in their lives or rather with the men in their lives.

A few weeks earlier . . . 27^th July

Sonali and Kshitij had come for an out-of-station trip to Neemrana Fort for Kshitij’s birthday and this time Sonali made sure they were alone. On the day they were supposed to drive back to Delhi, Sonali woke up to find that Kshitij’s clothes were strewn all over the room and his arm was lying on her breast. His naked torso was visible over the bed spread. Sonali didn’t get shocked or surprised; instead she frowned and slumped into the bathroom to freshen up. Things had not gone as expected.

When even after being together for almost three months, Kshitij had not even kissed her properly, she had decided to take the lead and introduce some intimacy in their relation. So, acting on the same plan, she arranged for a magical night complete with candle light dinner, drinks and dancing. She even ensured that drinks kept flowing and by the end of the night, they both are happy high. As soon as they reached their room, she threw herself on him and started making out.

“What are you doing?” Kshitij said pushing her gently away, “I thought we were taking some time to know each other.”

“I know you enough to want you,” Sonali said sliding up to him and unbuttoning his shirt.

Kshitij held her hands, “you are drunk.”

“No, I am not. I am happy high,” she kissed him again.

“I still think we should wait.”

Kshitij wriggled out from her grasp and sat down on the couch.

“Fine.”

Sonali said and went to the bathroom. It was time for her plan B. She came out wearing a sexy black negligee.

“What do you think?” she asked winking.

Kshitij looked up and moaned, “you look nice.”

Nice?!

She went and sat down next to him. They watched TV in silence and Sonali even stifled a yawn. After a couple of minutes, Kshitij got up and made another drink for himself from the mini bar.

Sonali made a great show of getting up and stretching. She fake yawned and told him that she is going to bed. Kshitij just nodded mutely. She walked seductively towards their bed and bent down giving him a generous view of her cleavage to take off her high heels. This did the trick.

Kshitij came rushing towards her taking off his shirt. He kissed her forcefully and started taking off her negligee. She stopped him midway and led him to their four-poster bed. She made him lie down and started doing a little strip tease for him. She turned and did a little jiggle when she heard it. She turned around and saw that Kshitij was snoring loudly.

“I can’t believe you fell asleep!” she threw a pillow at his face but he was out cold. Angrily, she took off her heels and slid next to her snoring boyfriend.

When she came out of the washroom, she found him reading the newspaper. He greeted her happily giving her a peck on her cheek, “Good morning. Last night was wonderful. Thank you for making it so special.”

She smiled and nodded. Kshitij went inside to get ready. All through the drive back home, Kshitij didn’t apologize even once for falling asleep on her. Sonali found his behaviour strange.

I planned this trip to get close to him but all the arrangements has been worthless.

It was a first for her that she wanted someone and the guy didn’t reciprocate her feelings. She was intrigued. She decided to keep this secret to herself. She didn’t want anyone to find out that some guy was not attracted to her, especially that guy she was lusting after, the man she was in love with.

Priya, on the other hand, was fighting with her feelings for her boss, Shantanu. Last night they had gone on a celebratory team dinner. Priya and Shantanu had a little more to drink, and they stayed back at the restaurant, long after everyone had left. They were chit-chatting about his upbringing. He was doing most of the talking while Priya just sat their engrossed in his voice.

“We were a joint family. My family is not very educated. My father owned a local grocery shop. When I told him that I wanted to go to the city to study, they were completely against it mainly because of Shivani.”

He paused. This was the first time he had taken his fiancé’s name. Priya stared at him. She realized that he looked like any average guy, there was nothing particularly striking about him but still she found herself drawn unnaturally towards him. She wanted him to keep talking even if it was about his fiancé. She hoped that time will stand still so they can spend an eternity talking to each other without a care in the world. She realized that he had started talking again.

“Shivani was my neighbour. I met her in school. We are childhood sweethearts, if you can call us that,” he guffawed. Priya smiled politely.

“She is from a different caste and in our small town of Sikandrabad that matters a lot. But, she is a feisty little thing. She not only convinced her parents but mine too. My mother loves her.” he stopped to finish his drink and order for another. Priya sat there motionless hanging by his every word.

“She was a topper in school but decided to not study further because my parents didn’t want her to,” he smiled sadly, “She has sacrificed a lot for me. When my parents didn’t want me to do MBA, but come back and marry her instead, it was she who convinced them to let me get a job before settling down. She has a way with words.” he finished another drink.

“Maybe we should head home.” Priya said softly.

“You know, I admire her. I respect her but somehow in all this sacrificing business, she has turned into someone else. She is not the same feisty go-getter Shivani that I fell in love with. She is turning into my mother,” He hiccupped loudly.

“Sir, I think it’s enough for today. We’ll continue this conversation later,” Priya made a move to get up but Shantanu held her hands.

“She is not like you. She doesn’t know anything about my world. She has never seen the city life. Recently I have started feeling that I can’t talk to her about anything.”

Priya sat down and listened with increasing expectancy what she had been longing to hear. She didn’t have to wait long.

“The same talks that I found engaging a while back now seem boring. The same Shivani who looked like a movie star now seems . . .” he paused and gulped down another drink, “dehati. Maybe my worldview had expanded or maybe I am just falling out of love from her. I don’t know.”

He ordered for another drink.

“She is not you, Priya.”

Priya thought she would burst with happiness. She tried to stop herself from blushing.

Shantanu continued, “I keep wondering what it might feel like to touch your lips.”

He hesitated a little but then gently stroked Priya’s lips. She felt herself shiver. She closed her eyes and felt him murmur close to her ears, “I wonder how it will feel to have your body rub against mine.”

Priya could feel his lips near her ear, she let out her breath, “how will it feel to taste you—“

Priya opened her eyes and saw that Shantanu’s face was inches away from hers. She could feel his breath on her bare skin. He said softly, “You are gorgeous Ms. Priya Goyal. Absolutely breathtaking. Since the day I have met you, I can’t get you out of my mind. You are smart, intelligent and ravishing . . . The prefect woman.”

He leaned in and kissed softly a too-willing Priya. In that one instant, she forgot that she was in a lounge surrounded by people; she forgot that he was her boss; she erased the fact from her memory that he was engaged to someone else. In fact, in that moment, both Priya and Shantanu had forgotten of Shivani who at that time was most likely waiting for her Shantanu to call her and tell her how his day went . . . The highlight of her day, that one call.

Priya had decided, then and there after they had broken apart, that this would be her secret. She didn’t want to discuss this with the girls yet. She knew they, with their rigid notions of right and wrong, would never understand. She decided to wait for the right time to tell everyone that she was in love!

Mukti, herself, was quite pre-occupied with the men in her life both fictional and non fictional. She had yet to tell anyone about her novel or the inspiration behind it.

This is not the right time. Let me at least be sure that they will publish it before I get into a confrontation otherwise all the fights and explanations would be for nothing.

Mukti, on one of her trips to the Mehta, Kumar and Roy publishing, had finally got to meet the dreaded Nita. It was one of those lucky days when Prakash was not in office. He had taken a sick day off. Mukti had gone for a meeting because she had written couple of chapters and wanted Nita’s opinion before moving ahead with the rest. Since Prakash was not in, Mukti was directly ushered into Nita’s chambers. Whatever Mukti had expected Nita to be, she turned out to be completely opposite. Instead of a bespectacled stern lady wearing a tweed suit, Nita or Nits, turned out to be, for the lack of a better term, a hottie!

She was smartly dressed in a Mary Katrantzou dress. Mukti noticed that Nita was almost as tall as Sonali, which means she was somewhere around 5’7” or 5’8”. She had long straight burgundy hair that she kept loose. Nita had a perpetual cigarette dangling from either her lips or from her fingers. Years of smoking had given her voice a husky gravelly tone. She had an air of confidence around her and Mukti was pretty sure she had seen her on more than one occasion gracing the glossies with her perfect smile. Mukti was right. Nits liked to be seen and was generally spotted in the company of the rich and the famous. Changing men like people change clothes, she was spotted at all high-flying parties with a new arm candy, all of whom were not a day older than twenty; but that never bothered Nits who had been celebrating her own twenty fifth birthday for the last fifteen years. Mukti had an instant liking for Nits who was not only straight-forward, sarcastic and funny but also very passionate about her work.

She gave Mukti pretty valuable comments about how to improve her writing and helped her whenever she got stuck. In the last one month that she knew her, Mukti had become so close to Nits that on one occasion while Nita was telling about her college days and how she was the only girl to drive a motorcycle, Mukti also shared the whole Anurag episode with her. Nits thought she was joking, and didn’t pay it much attention until Mukti told her that she is going out to meet him next week.

Present Day . . . 10^th August

On the day when Mukti was going to meet Anurag, Nita couldn’t stop herself and landed at Mukti’s place.

“Are you sure?” Nita asked for the nth time.
“Yes, I am. And you asking me that after every fifteen minutes will not make me change my mind,” replied Mukti.
“But, are you really sure you want to go through this?” Nita said lounging on the mattress.
“Oh my God Nits, I’ve told you like a thousand times I am sure. I am hundred percent sure. Heck, I am 200 per cent sure. I want to do this. Now can you please zip me up,” said Mukti sweetly.
“But why do you need to do this, Mukti? I mean you are a smart, intelligent, gorgeous woman who is going to be a published writer soon, God willing. You will find someone without stooping to this act of desperation.” Nits again tried to knock some sense into Mukti.

“You seem to be confusing me with you. You’re all that, I am just an average twenty seven year old who is trying to make ends meet.” Replied Mukti mockingly, “now after we have established that fact, my zipper please.”

“Oh come on. Don’t be so self deprecating. Don’t sell yourself so short.” Nits said still sitting.

“I am no Cinderella or Snow White. I believe in taking charge.” She said struggling with her zipper.

“I can see that.” Nits got up to help her.

Mukti took a deep breath, “How do I look?”
Nits looked Mukti up and down. She was wearing a blue skirt with a lacy white top. She had worn her hair loose which were falling on her shoulders in small curls. All in all she looked like the perfect girl-next door.

“I thought you are going on a date?”
“Yes I am,” she said spraying some perfume.
“Then why are you dressed like you are going for an interview?” she asked innocently.

“Um . . .” Mukti was in two minds whether to tell Nits or not. She knew Nits is bound to make her life miserable if she told her and she also knew that if she didn’t Nits is bound to make her life miserable anyway. So she decided to tell her.

“We decided to wear a combination of blue and white so we can recognize each other,” Mukti replied sheepishly. “I will kill you if you laugh.” She added threateningly.

Nits just looked at her for a split second before bursting out laughing.

“OH MY GOD! Do you hear yourself? I hope you know you are not sixteen anymore.” Nits said between wiping her eyes.

“I know. Will you stop? This is really important for me.” Mukti said getting a little upset.

Nits sobered up a little. “Mukti I love you and that is why I am coming with you. You have never met this guy. What if he is dangerous? Don’t you read the papers? What if he turns out to be a criminal? Or a rapist? How can you trust him?”

Suddenly a conversation she had with Sonali some time back flashed through her mind.

What am I doing? This is a mistake!

And then Anurag’s face swam in front of his eye with his warm brown eyes and welcoming smile and she shook her head to clear her mind of all doubts.

“I trust him, Nits. I think he is the one.”

“For God’s sake, you don’t even know what he looks like how can he be the one, and what is that anyway, The One? What if everything he told you was a lie? Huh?? Have you ever thought that?”

“First, I have seen him or his Facebook profile picture and second, yes I have thought that too. That’s why I am meeting him at a crowded restaurant for lunch and not dinner. And if I am not back by seven, call the police,” Mukti added mockingly.

“It is not funny Mukti,” Nits said rolling her eyes.

“I am kidding. Relax. Everything will be fine. Don’t be cynical, let me give love a chance.”

“Oh please don’t make me puke. You can’t find love through the internet”

“Ok. Time to leave. Wish me luck.” Mukti looked at herself in the mirror one last time, took a deep breath, grabbed her purse and marched out the door followed by Nita. Nita offered to drop her off but Mukti had already called a cab. As she sat in the AC backseat, she realized that she was nervous . . . Very nervous. But she wasn’t going to let Nits find that out. There were so many doubts in her mind.

What if he turned out to be a creep just having a laugh at her expense? What if he doesn’t turn up? What if he is married?
No. he is not like that.

She tried to calm herself.

But you also found this dress code thing strange, right? Admit it.

That was her voice of reason again. Even though she didn’t like to think about it, she found it very strange when Anurag suggested a dress code.

Too filmy.

He suggested that they wear something co-ordinated. Mukti had asked for phone number through which they might be able to locate each other but Anu had insisted on wearing something in blue and white.

“It’ll be so romantic. Both of us would look like we are made for each other,” he had said.

Something which seemed so romantic then, now looked a little moronic. It’s all Nita’s fault.

Mukti took a deep breath to steady herself and thought of all the nice moments she and Anurag had shared. She smiled and waited to meet him. She reached the restaurant first. They had decided to meet at Berco’s, Delhi’s favourite Chinese hangout at two thirty for lunch. She saw an empty booth and sat down. She put on her jacket that she had carried, just in case he turned out to be a creep. Mukti looked at her watch. Two fifteen. She still had 15 minutes. She looked at the door after every two minutes. No sign of him. Then another thought stuck her. What if he came, saw me and left!

“Oh God! I have got to stop thinking.” She said and put her head in her hands.
“Aww . . . don’t say that. You should always keep thinking, it gives your brain something to do,” said a voice near her.

Mukti looked up to see a man sitting opposite her. He had a wheatish complexion, must be 6 ft tall, broad shouldered, with light stubble and wearing stylish glasses. He had long hair which kept falling over his eyes. He was grinning and looking at Mukti, a little too adoringly. Mukti’s first instinct was to look at what he was wearing. Nope. Nothing white or blue.

Mukti smiled and said politely, “Hi, I am waiting for someone.”
“Oh me too.” He replied.
He waved at a waiter who appeared at his side in two seconds.

“Uh…I would like a glass of water and a cold beer please,” then he looked at Mukti and asked, “Would you like anything?”

She glared at the stranger, “I told you I am waiting for someone. So do you mind . . .?” she waved her hand to give him the hint to get up and leave.

“I’ll take that as a no. Just beer then. Make it fast.” He said and winked at the waiter.

The waiter disappeared and the man made himself comfortable.
“Well?” she asked again.
“Yeah what?”

“This is getting too much. I have told you I am waiting for someone. Why don’t you move to another booth?!” she could feel her voice rising.

“Whoa. Relax. I will move. Jeez.”
Mukti wrinkled her nose, “What is that smell?” she sniffed a little and realised that the smell was coming from the man seated opposite her, “It’s coming from you.” She said pointedly.

“I know. Dogs! How much you bathe them, they’ll still smell like, well, dogs.” He said nonchalantly.

“I thought you were moving to another booth.” Mukti glanced nervously towards the door once again.

“I will.” He said munching on some nuts that were placed on the table.
After five minutes, that man was still sitting there looking at Mukti which not only irritated her but also, to her surprise, made her blush. Finally she couldn’t stop herself, “What is your problem? There are so many empty booths, why can’t you go and sit at one of those and stop staring at me!”

“Are you always this uptight?”
“What?!” she was really irritated.
“I was just asking that are you always this stressed out or is this some special occasion?” he smiled making no effort to move.
“I am waiting for someone. He could be here any moment and I don’t want you here when he shows up.”
“He is the jealous kinds huh? Well I would have been too if I had a girlfriend as pretty as you.” he said softly.

Mukti turned red without wanting to, “Are you flirting with me?”
“Yes, I am.” He said nonchalantly, “Actually, just trying to make you change your mind.” He grinned.

“What?”
“You seem to love that word don’t you?”

“OK. Game over. Ha Ha. Now please leave,” She said with a note of finality.
“Fine. I’ll come to the point.”
“Point? What point?” she got suspicious.

Is he some friend sent by Anu to check my IQ?

“See, I am dating this girl. She was very nice in the beginning but now lately she has got pretty serious. She wants to get married to me!”
“So? And why are you telling me this?”

“I want to break up with her.”
“Again I would have to ask . . . so? What do I care?”
“I want you to pretend that you are my girlfriend so that she thinks I am cheating on her and breaks up with me instead,” he smiled at his brilliant plan.

Suddenly the faces of all those guys who had dated her in the past flashed before her eyes.

All guys are like that. First they woo the girl and when the girl gets serious, they just want out. How disgusting! And this one! He is the limit. Just going up to any random girl and asking her to pose as her girlfriend so that he can break up with someone else.

“Are you out of your mind?! Why will I do that to some poor girl? You guys are just … Forget it. I am not doing that. So stop wasting my time and find some other impostor.”

“Oh come on. You don’t know what she’s like. She’s absolutely crazy. She is possessive and obsessive and jealous.”

“Maybe you are the one who is crazy? And why do you think I even care? Just tell her that you don’t like her anymore or some such shit. Why don’t you use the most popular, it’s-not-you-dear-it’s-me line on her and maybe she would realize how big a loser you are and leave you herself.”

“Someone’s been dumped a lot,” He said under his breath.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing. See, you wouldn’t even have to do anything. You just have to sit here and she will do the talking and the breaking up.”
“What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you want to break someone’s heart so mercilessly?”
“You don’t know anything about her. I am the victim here, not her. You think I haven’t told her how I feel. I have. But she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t let me break up with her. So I have to create circumstances so that she breaks up with me.”
“So what?! Did you plan on coming in here, spot some girl and make this proposition.”
“Yeah,” he said taking a sip of the beer that the waiter bought.
Mukti was flabbergasted, “Well, you chose the wrong table pal. I am not like that. And if you won’t leave then I will.” Mukti said picking up her bag. As she turned to leave, she came face to face with a pimply guy in his late teens. He was wearing a blue shirt and white trousers.

Oh No.

“Mukti?” he asked looking at her from head to toe.
What the hell? What happened to Anu? Does he suffer from the same disease as F Scott Fitzgerald wrote about in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and is now ageing backwards?!

Mukti gulped and slid down next to the earlier guy and said, “Uh sorry?”
“Mukti! It’s me? Your Anu . . .”

This cannot be happening. He was not supposed to be this ugly or this young or this fashionably unstable!

“I think you have got the wrong table. I am not Mukti. Right dear?” she looked at the guy sitting next to her who was grinning. He had a twinkle in his eyes which seemed to ask ‘who’s better now?’
“Right dear?” she said tentatively putting her hand on his. He looked down at their hands on top of each other and then stared right in her eyes as if daring her to do more.

“No, I know you are Mukti. You are also wearing white and blue, just like we decided. And besides I have seen all your pictures on Facebook,” he said smiling.

“See, I told you, you have me confused with someone else. My profile is locked and the profile picture is of me as a toddler,” Mukti breathed a sigh of relief.

“Uh . . . actually, I saw your picture in a common friend’s album. You are very pretty.”

Mukti smiled politely, “Thank you. But I am not who you think I am.”

Go away!

“I know it’s you. I have hacked your account. I know everything about you. I have read your blogs. I know you Mukti.”

Mukti didn’t know what to say. She shrunk a little into the seat.

Anurag continued on, “I had already read that Serendipity post on you blog that you sent me the link of. It was only after reading it that I sent you that mail and turned it into a misunderstanding so that’ll you might think that we met by chance and not by choice.”

Mukti could see from the corner of her eye that the guy next to her whose hand she was holding was trying very hard not to burst out laughing.

“I turned myself into someone you’ll fall in love with. I created a fake email id and Facebook profile in Anurag Mukherjee’s name.”

“What’s your name then?” Mukti blurted out.

“He is my brother’s friend. It was his Facebook profile you saw. My name is Prateek Handa.”

Mukti took a deep breath.

“I went through all this trouble, only for you Mukti. I wanted it to be a surprise!” Prateek gushed with a childlike innocence.

“What?! You hacked into my . . .,” she stopped in time and said instead, “I mean someone’s account, created fake profiles, used someone else’s name . . . all to befriend some girl? You’re pathetic.”
“Oh come on Mukti. I know it’s you. We have been chatting for months now. I know that I am a little younger than you but it’s the 21st century. These things don’t matter anymore honey,” he said taking Mukti’s other hand in his hands.
“Look. I am not Mukti. I am with him, ok,” she jerked her hand away.
“Who’s he anyway?” Prateek asked.
“His name is . . . uh . . .” Mukti looked at the guy sitting next to her with pleading eyes. The guy took pity on her and jumped in, “Hey. I don’t think we have been introduced. I am Rajveer,” he said pulling Mukti closer.

“I am sure you are mistaken, this isn’t your Mukti or whoever you are referring to. This is my fiancé, uh, Natasha,” He said squeezing Mukti’s hand.
Fiancé?! Mukti looked at him angrily. The nerve of that guy.
“No, you are lying,” Prateek said stubbornly.
Rajveer stood up to his full height which was enough to scare Prateek.
“Or maybe you are right. I am sorry for bothering you guys. Maybe she left. I’ll keep looking. Bye,” And with a small wave he left.

Mukti heaved a huge sigh of relief. She was cursing herself inwardly for believing that she might be able to find her Mr. Right through the internet.

These things happen only in movies or books or with Sonali! Normal people like me don’t find anyone through the internet.

She was thinking about all this when she heard him speak, “So, honey. What’s the plan for tonight? Your place or mine?” he said whispering in her ear and snuggling close to her. As much as she hated to admit even to herself she got goosebumps and a shiver ran up her spine.

“Thank you for jumping in there but I have to go. I have plans.”
“What plans? Chatting?” He said mocking.
She smiled tightly, “I am sure you are going to have a great laugh over this.”
“Oh, you bet. But why would you do that? Find love on the internet, I mean. You can have any guy you want,” He said looking into her eyes. And she realized her guards melting away. Summoning all her will she got up to leave, “I have to go. Good luck with your girlfriend.”
But Rajveer caught her hand and pulled her towards him. She fell on him. Their faces just inches apart. He leaned in a little closer. She closed her eyes and her lips parted waiting for a kiss. Rajveer looked at her face. He didn’t know why but since the moment he had entered the restaurant and saw her sitting there looking up eagerly after every few minutes or so at the door he had wanted exactly this. She in his arms and their lips merely inches apart. It took all his willpower not to stoop down and kiss her. Instead he said, “Well, well, well. Aren’t we a little ungrateful today?”

Mukti’s eyes flashed open. The words stung her like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water at her.

What the hell are you doing Mukti!

She saw him smile and broke away from him.
“What do you mean?” she said sitting straight.
“It’s a tit-for-tat world darling. I helped you get rid of your boyfriend, it’s your turn to pay back,” he said
Mukti couldn’t believe what she was hearing, “I told you before that I am not going to help you in that little scam of yours.”
“You are such a hypocrite.”
“What did you say?”
“You just broke up with a guy because he was ugly.”

She turned beetroot red.

Thank god, people didn’t know about her relationship. They would think how desperate I am, to get all dressed up and come meet a total stranger whom I had met online.
“I did not break up with him because he was ugly.”
He raised his eyebrows.
“Fine, that was a very big reason but it was not the only reason. He lied to me. He hacked into my account. He told me he was twenty nine!”

“What did you expect? You should have guessed a guy you are meeting online was bound to be anything but what he said he was,” he said smiling.
“Whatever,” she again tried to get up.
“You are not going anywhere.” He was not ready to let go off her just yet.
“You know what? This has gone way longer than I expected,” With that she wriggled herself loose and got up and found herself face to face with a woman. She was around Mukti’s age, petite, short black hair, and for some reason with a fascination for the colour red. From her eye shadow, to her lipstick, to her nail paint to her dress to even her highlights . . . everything was a shocking shade of red.

“This has got to stop happening,” Mukti whispered to herself, “Uh . . . excuse me,” she said trying to get past her.
“I knew it!” she said in a squeaky voice.
“What?” Mukti was taken aback, first because of the voice and then the statement.
“Misha! This is a surprise. What are you doing here?” Mukti heard Rajveer say. He had got up from the booth and was standing near Mukti. His arm brushing hers.
Mukti looked back incredulously and mouthed, ‘is this her?’
He nodded discreetly. OH! MY! GOD! She controlled her laughter. He could see that she was enjoying this. He raised his eyebrows as if to say, ‘now do you know?’
“Who the hell are you? What are you doing here with my boyfriend?” Misha said and wrapped her arm protectively around Rajveer. “He is mine. I know girls like you. You see a nice handsome rich man and you just can’t wait to put your paws into him. But you know missy this one right here… is all mine. So you just have to find yourself another one,” She said shrilly.
“Oh you are getting it all wrong. I don’t even know . . .” Mukti started to say.
“Oh shut up! You save that crap for someone else. I know better than that. Bitch!”
“Ok that’s it. You just get your hands off of my fiancé,” Mukti said and brushed Misha’s hands off Rajveer. Rajveer looked at her with an expression of confusion and humour.
“Veer is in love with me and not you. And you are the bitch and not me. Listen babe, he doesn’t like you and he is been trying to tell you that for the last, god knows how many months. But you just don’t want to believe it. I have kept quiet for all this time but not anymore. So stop being such a wuss, get your pathetic act together and move on!” Mukti realized that she was yelling and the whole restaurant was looking at them.

To both of their disbelief, Misha started sobbing, “I am sorry,” she said softly and ran away crying.

“Misha, wait…” Mukti began but Misha had gone off the restaurant by then.
Mukti was stunned; she had never acted like this. She had never made someone cry before.
She looked at Rajveer and both of them started laughing.
Rajveer addressed the room, “I am sorry folks for ruining your lunch, get back to your food people… show’s over.” And then added to her, “That was great.”
“I know,” Mukti said.
“I thought you were not going to help me,” he said teasingly.
“I was not helping you. She was abusing me. I was helping myself.”
“Oh… in that case you still owe me one. Have dinner with me.”
“That’s very chivalrous of you.” Mukti said picking up her jacket.
“So we on for tonight?”
“No. I don’t even know you, how can I go out with you?”
“Let us refresh our memory, shall we? Weren’t you just here to meet some random guy who you met on the internet?” he teased.
“See, whenever I start to think I was wrong about you, you prove me right.”
They both stood in silence for a while.
“Anyway, where did you meet her? She looked like…” Mukti started, wanting to know where a guy like him might meet a girl like that.
“A cartoon?” he completed the sentence for her.
“Yeah,” she said laughing.
They both started laughing again.
“Well, I met her at a friend’s birthday party.” He started saying but then seeing Mukti’s reaction added hastily, “It was a costume party. I thought she was wearing a cute red devils costume, but then I met her in broad daylight and there it was again. The red everywhere but thankfully she was not sporting her horns and tail. And my God that voice. It drives me crazy! Since then I have been trying to break up with her but she doesn’t want to believe that I may not be interested in her.” He sighed.

“I think today might have done it.” Mukti said. “Why didn’t you ask one of your friends to act as your girlfriend?”
“That was the plan but she ditched me at the last moment and then fortunately I saw you.”
This again brought Mukti to reality. She was just a back up.
“Hmmm . . .”
“Where did you meet your guy?” he asked.
“He was not my guy. I met him online. Started chatting and then ended up here.”
“Why do you get so defensive?”
“I am not defensive. I was just thinking that you were giving me so much grief over “my guy” and look who you were dating?!”
“Well, at least my girl is not underage.”
“You girl looked like a hooker!” she said angrily.
“Your guy was a hacker!”
They both sat in silence for a while again trying to calm down.
“Look I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Mukti began, “I am sure she was a nice girl.”
“No, she was not and I am sorry too. Let’s start over,” he said extending his hand, “Hi, I am Rajveer, can I please have the honour of having lunch with a pretty lady as yourself.”
“That is so 18th century.” Mukti said rolling her eyes.
“Ok, then how about this. Hi I am Rajveer, go out for a cup of coffee with me, woman?”

“And that’s extreme!”

“Come on, I’m just trying to lighten the mood.”
He said looking hopefully at Mukti. This time Mukti smiled and took his hand.
“That’s more like it.”
They drove down to the nearby coffee house and over endless cups of coffee found out almost everything about each other. After sitting at the coffee house for hours, Rajveer asked tentatively, “Would you like to come over?”
Mukti laughed and asked, “For what? Another cup of coffee? Don’t you think we have had enough?”
“Coffee, dinner, breakfast . . . whichever you please?” he said in his low husky voice and Mukti again felt her stomach turning but in a good way. And without thinking she said, “Sure.”

How Well Do We Know Our Best Friends?

2014-07-22T13:17:00.004+05:30

Chapter Eleven - My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

‘Is life really an open book? Or does everyone have certain chapters that is for their eyes only?’

5^th July 2012

Priya and Mukti were sitting at QBa - a swanky lounge in CP waiting for Sonali. They were celebrating Mukti’s almost book-deal. All of them were supposed to meet few days before but since Priya had to go on an out-of-station trip and Sonali was flying to Dubai, the festivities were pushed ahead. Today, after a wait of ten days, all three friends were in the same city. Even though Mukti and Priya were seated right next to each other on the plush couch, both of them were lost in their own thoughts… Mukti was thinking about Anurag and Priya about her new boss.

A few days earlier… 1^st July 2012

Mukti, giving up, had made the first move and added Anurag on Gtalk. She was, however, still pissed about his Facebook profile. Whenever she looked at the picture, she could feel her blood boil.

Why is she standing so close to him? Why is her head resting on his shoulder? Who the hell is she? Is she that ‘other’ Mukti?

The fact that she couldn’t talk to her friends about this issue that pestered her constantly didn’t help either. She continued making up stories trying to calm herself down.

Maybe she is his sister. Maybe a distant cousin? Maybe just a touchy-feely friend!

“She obviously is not that important for him that he would talk to me about her,” she tried to comfort herself.

Or maybe YOU are not important enough for him to tell you about her.

After a week of this constant speculation, she decided it is about time she asked him who was she? She was chatting with Anurag and he was telling her about some trip he had taken recently to Rishikesh.

I did rafting for the first time. It was so much fun! Have you ever tried—

Who is that girl with you on your Facebook profile picture.

Mukti pressed enter before she could stop herself.

What? Anurag asked.

What am I supposed to tell him now?

“Uh . . .” Mukti stalled trying to come up with a conceivable explanation as to why she was checking out his Facebook profile. She glanced at her minimized Facebook window and instantly knew what to write - Your profile came up as one of ‘people you might know’ notification. That’s when I saw you hugging that other girl so I was just curious who was she? then added as if to appear nonchalant, your girlfriend?

She waited with bated breath, staring hard at the Gtalk window for his response. He pinged back with just a smiley - :D

What the hell is this supposed to mean now?

She was about to type in another question when Anurag replied back.

Are you jealous?

“Obviously” She said out loud and typed - Ha! You wish.

Well you are certainly acting like a jealous girlfriend. Stalking my profile, questioning me about who I get clicked with? Don’t you think?

No. I am not. I was just curious if that girl was the ‘other’ Mukti.

That’s it? Nothing else is bothering you?

Yes. That’s it. Will you just tell me already who that bimbo is?!

In that case, that girl in the picture is just a friend . . . she was a little high when the picture was clicked. There is nothing going on between her and me.

Oh thank God!

Okay. And even if there was something going on between you guys, I don’t mind.

She replied back.

Really? You don’t? And then he sent a sad smiley. L

Mukti smiled broadly. She was thinking about something witty to type when Anurag pinged back again.

Let’s meet.

Mukti stared long and hard at the words – Let’s meet. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She knew this was supposed to be the logical next step to what she had started a couple of weeks before, but now that the inevitable was staring at her right in the face, she didn’t know how to respond. She was too shocked to reply. She was a little taken aback at the ease with which Anurag had typed them out – Let’s meet.

I wish doing it was just as effortless as typing the words out.

Without replying anything she shut down the laptop.

I’ll make up an excuse about some problem with the internet connection. I can’t handle this conversation right now.

She started chewing on her nails, staring at the closed laptop. Even when it was shut down, she could see the two words floating around her. Let’s meet. She got up from her mattress and stood near her window staring at the hovering clouds. It had rained a couple of hours back. A pre-monsoon shower. She inhaled the intoxicatingly sweet fragrance of the moist soil. God! I love rains. It was just the beginning of the famous Delhi monsoons and she could see cotton like clouds gliding over the horizon playing hide and seek with the sun. She stared at the distance and thought about Anurag.

Enough of this hide and seek. It’s time I take matters in my own hands. This is an opportunity of meeting the love of my life. It is just a date. I have been talking to him for almost a month. I have seen his pictures. He is smart, funny, and intelligent. There is no harm in meeting him.

She had almost made up her mind when she suddenly realized.

But what if he turns out like Prakash with some really annoying habit or maybe with an obsession of collecting pictures like a stalker? He doesn’t seem like that, but you never know . . .

“Hey, where are you lost?” Priya asked bringing Mukti back to the present.

“Huh?!” Mukti glanced around and noticed she was seated comfortably in Qba. “Nowhere . . . uh, you tell me? How was the trip? You went with your boss right?”

“Yeah, it was great. We had so much fun.” She said smiling broadly with a faraway look in her eyes. Mukti stared at her for a minute and noticed that Priya had the same dreamy look in her eyes that she gets every time she is attracted to someone. She also observed that Priya had started blushing slightly.

“Oh my god! You like like him, don’t you?!”

“What?” Priya’s head snapped into attention, “No, I am not in love with him!” She stammered slightly, completely unlike her personality, “I told you before. He has a fiancé.”

“Well, I hope you both remember it before something bad transpires, which I think will ensue knowing the goofy expression on your face! And I said like, not love.”

Priya closed her eyes, “Nothing will happen. I just like his company that’s all. He is fun to be around. I promise, nothing will happen between us . . . ever,” said Priya, then added in a whisper, “He loves his fiancé.”

“I believe you. Don’t prove me wrong,” she took a sip of her water and asked, “Where is Sonali?”

At that same moment, they saw Sonali walking up the stairs smiling and waving at them.

“There she is.” Priya said waving back.

Mukti looked at Sonali and saw a tall lean guy sporting a stylishly short spiked hairstyle walking hand-in-hand with her. He was dressed meticulously in expensive brands to boot. He walked with a swagger and was smiling lazily as if aware that all eyes were on him and his gorgeous companion.

“Who the hell is he?” Asked Priya.

“Oh God no!” Mukti said at the same time.

“You know him?”

Mukti nodded and mouthed Kshitij.

Sonali came to their table and made the introductions smiling.

There goes the girly talk session!

“Ladies, this is Kshitij and baby, these are Mukti and Priya” she said pointing them out.

Mukti rolled her eyes at Sonali’s term of endearment. Kshitij shook their hands and Mukti noticed that he had perfectly manicured nails, unlike her chipped ones.

I knew I should have saved to get that manicure this month.

Priya squeezed next to Mukti and made some space for Kshitij and Sonali.

“If you would have told us you are brining a guest, we would have taken a bigger table,” Mukti said straightforwardly.

Sonali gave her a dirty look, “Kshitij is not staying long. He has another party to attend.”

Priya intervened, “So, Kshitij, we hear you are a consultant,” She asked in her attempt to make small talk.

“Yes, I am. I got placed right after college,” Kshitij replied in a drawl. Mukti noticed that he kept glancing around at other tables. She thought he seemed more interested in other people than in knowing them.

She whispered to Priya, “Why does he look so bored already? He has been here for like ten minutes?!” Priya simply shrugged her shoulders.

The conversation went on at a snail’s pace with Sonali trying very hard to make everyone comfortable.

“Mukti has just been offered a book deal.” Sonali said animatedly.

“Nothing is finalized yet.” Mukti replied trying to be modest. Kshitij just smiled tightly. As much as Priya and Mukti didn’t want him to be there, it seemed Kshitij also just wanted to run away. Mukti noticed him staring at other women and made a mental note to share that detail with Sonali when alone. The party drank in silence. Priya tried once again to make small talk and asked Kshitij about their Goa vacation, “Sonali was telling us you guys had loads of fun.”

“Yeah. It was great. I loved spending time with Sonali. She is a great gal.” He squeezed Sonali’s hand. Sonali beamed with this small PDA.

“You guys should come next time if we plan to head out. Sonali would have some company. I tend to get a little lost with the guys forgetting that I have invited guests.”

Mukti looked at Priya and mouthed guests?!

Sonali saw the supposedly discreet interaction between the ladies and kicked Mukti below the table.

“Ow!” Mukti yelped in pain.

“What happened?” Kshitij asked.

“Nothing. Mukti just banged her toe with the table. Right Mukti?”

Mukti simply nodded. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Kshitij excused himself and left saying he had another party to attend. Sonali also got up and accompanied him till the door to say goodbye. Mukti and Priya made use of her absence and began their discussion of the alleged The One.

“I didn’t like him.” Mukti began, “He seemed so bored. And I saw him specifically stare at a woman.”

“I think he was staring at the waiter,” Priya observed.

“What?! Why will he stare at the waiter?”

“I don’t know,” Priya shrugged her shoulders.

Both of them saw Sonali heading back to the table and went quiet.

“So, what do you think?” Sonali asked barely hiding her excitement.

“He seemed nice,” Priya said diplomatically.

“It seemed he didn’t want to be here,” Mukti proclaimed bluntly, massaging her toe.

Priya looked at Mukti and then back at Sonali.

“Well, you didn’t make him feel very welcome,” Sonali replied stubbornly.

“That will teach you not to spring such surprises on us. Today was supposed to be about us. First you walk in late and then you have IIML tagging behind you---”

“His name is Kshitij. He also didn’t want to come, but I brought him because I thought that maybe my two closest friends might want to meet the guy I am in love with? My mistake,” She said getting up to leave.

“Sonali, don’t go. Let’s . . .” Priya tried to hold Sonali's hand.

She shrugged it off, mumbled that she is not hungry and left anyway.

“Look, what you did now,” Priya said looking at Mukti with anger.

“I didn’t do anything. That guy is not good for her. You spoke to him today, he is such a snob! Did you see the way he was replying to you? And he called Sonali a guest? A guest?! I mean here is Sonali planning their wedding and he is calling her a visitor!”

“I don’t want to hear it. I know you think you are an expert on relationships and guys but you can be wrong. We can at least give him a chance . . . for Sonali?”

“I can try,” she said sulkily.

That night, they both got the food packed and went to Sonali’s place. Mukti apologized, Sonali didn’t listen, Priya intervened, Mukti apologized again, Sonali started laughing and Priya felt relieved. The gossip that couldn’t happen at the restaurant happened at the house.

“So, there I was walking towards the podium to conduct a training session for the interns and I tripped on the carpet and fell! Right there in front of almost seventy five interns!” She ate a forkful of spaghetti and amidst gulps added, “I was lying flat on my face on the floor. Thank God for Shantanu. He came and helped me stumble back to the podium. He even shared an anecdote about how he had tripped to lighten the mood. I’ll be eternally grateful to him.”

Mukti raised her eyebrows, “Really?”

Priya blushed and dived back down into her Spaghetti Bolognese.

“This is nothing!” Sonali interceded, “On this flight to Dubai, I had this passenger who seemed eight months pregnant. So naturally I alerted the pilot and asked for the lady’s passport and doctor’s recommendation.” She paused to take a bite. “It turned out that she was not pregnant at all!” She started laughing.

“Oh my God! You made that inexcusable faux pas. You asked a fat lady if she was pregnant?!” Mukti doubled up with laughter.

“That’s not the end of it.” Sonali said wiping tears of laughter, “she was not a she, she was a he!”

“What?!” Priya giggled.

“Yeah. He was a clean shaven sheikh.”

All three girls were laughing so hard they were in danger of falling on the floor from Sonali’s luxurious queen size bed where they were perched at. It took the girls a while to sober down. Priya nudged Mukti to tell Sonali about Prakash. Mukti made a face and described hurriedly about her pictures on his desktop, “And he had a whole folder with my pictures that he had, no doubt, copied from my Facebook profile.”

“Wow! I am so glad Kshitij is not that obsessive. He gives me my space. He lets me be.” Sonali said getting up and putting the plates back in the kitchen.

Priya and Sonali exchanged knowing glances. “Yes, because for him you are an expendable guest.”

“Ssshhh . . . Sonali will hear you.”

“She should. Don’t you think we should tell her what we think of Mr. IIML? She is setting herself up for heartache and you know that. He was staring at other women for God sakes.”

“Men. I still think he was staring at the waiter.”

“Whatever. But she needs to know, right?”

“Yes. But not right now, not today. We will tell her soon enough.”

Mukti nodded and the girls continued with their gossip session discussing everything from the impending rise in metro fares to the ill effects of fizzy drinks . . . From debating about Kiran bedi’s new welfare scheme to deliberating about the rejection of bail plea of Jaganmohan Reddy. They even talked about the imminent arrival of rains. However, none of the girls told the other about the secrets that they actually wanted to share . . . Priya didn’t let out that she had actually fallen for her boss; Sonali didn’t discuss that she is contemplating taking the relationship to the other level and Mukti didn’t disclose her secret online affair with Anurag and how she had decided to merge the online with the offline!

Inspiration and Secrets!

2014-07-16T10:16:00.001+05:30

Chapter Ten - My Little Writing Project

To refresh your memory about previous chapters, or to know about My Little Writing Project, click here.

Inspiration is nothing but what you see, hear and feel around you. It’s up to you, how you mould what you visualize, how you perceive the world, into something coherent... right?

24^th June 2012

After three days Mukti was almost ready with her character sketches and the first five chapters. She was amazed at herself that she had been able to complete it. However, Mukti being Mukti, still hadn’t been able to finish the synopsis. She was pondering over this when someone knocked on the door.

Who could it be?

She got up from her comfy mattress and opened the door. Priya was standing there with a furious expression on her face.

“Where the hell is your phone?!” she asked while walking into the house. She marched straight to where the phone was plugged in for charging. She picked it up.

“Why is your phone on silent?! I HAVE BEEN CALLING AND THERE ARE SOME,” she glanced at the screen, “. . . 15 missed calls!! Me and Sonali have gone mad trying to reach you! What the hell happened? Are you working on some top secret mission?!”

Mukti wanted to tell Priya the real reason she had been avoiding her specifically. She needed some space from her to be able to concentrate on her novel. She knew that if she spoke to Priya, she is bound to slip up and spill out what the book is about . . . And she was not ready for that.

I know you are the one who has made this possible and I am hiding this from you only but this is something I have to do. I hope you will understand.

“Nothing . . . you will be very happy to know that I have been working on the novel. I have a meeting with Prakash tomorrow and I have yet to complete the synopsis,” she said hoping Priya might get the hint and leave on her own.

“Wow! I see progress. I guess this Prakash guy is good for you! So, when do I get to see the novel,” Priya said moving towards the open laptop. Mukti rushed forward and closed it down.

“Uh . . . let me complete it then you can go through it.”

Mukti hadn’t yet figured out a way to break the news to her friends, especially Priya, about the concept behind her novel.

I will think of something. Priya has to understand. Anyway, no point thinking about it now, I will cross the bridge when I come to it.

“O-k-a-y . . . what’s with the secrecy? Is it about me and how I have been such a loyal friend to you over the years?” Priya asked with a poker face.

Oh . . . you have no idea!

“Yeah . . . you can say that. Anyway, has your new boss joined?” she asked changing the topic.

“Oh yes, he has. He is such a welcome change from Her Bitchiness. He is smart, funny, and very charming. He just is so adorable. He lets me take decisions, he asks for my advice, and he respects my thoughts. He treats me like an educated colleague and not like some PA or secretary, no offence to either. I have actually started looking forward to office now,” she was looking at something and yet at nothing. Mukti could identify the dreamy look on her face.

“I think someone is completely taken in by her boss,” Mukti said half-joking.

Priya started blushing and said rather forcefully, “What rubbish! I am not in love with him. He is my boss for crying out loud!” then, added in a small voice, “He is engaged anyway.”

“Oh my God! You are blushing! You like him, don’t you?!” Mukti asked incredulously.

“No I don’t. You are crazy.” Priya said trying to hide her embarrassment.

“Well, he is engaged so even if you do, forget it. He is your boss Priya!”

“I don’t like him. I mean I do, but just as a boss. Nothing more. I appreciate the fact that unlike my previous boss he values my opinions. It feels good to be applauded for your work. I like being validated at the professional front. My work is all that I have, you know,” she added a little sadly.

Mukti didn’t know what to say, so, she kept staring at Priya, trying to gauge what was storm was raging behind the smooth and calm façade. Finally after five minutes or so, Priya broke the silence, changing the topic, “Have you heard from Sonali?”

“Did you not just see my phone on silent with 15 missed calls?”

“Yeah . . . let me call her. Let’s go out for lunch. It’s been long,” said Priya and called Sonali.

After five rings when Priya was about to hang up, Sonali picked up.

“Hello?!” Sonali asked breathlessly.

“Who or what are you running from?” asked Priya putting the call on speaker.

“Nothing . . . nothing.” She took a deep breath, calming herself, “So, what happened?”

“Nothing happened. I was at Mukti’s and I thought let us all go out for lunch. Will you join us?”

“I am sorry, I can’t. I have plans,” she said.

“Plans? What plans? Don’t tell me you are going out with IIML again? Since you have started seeing him, we hardly get to meet. You are always busy with him?” Mukti said, a little angrily.

Sonali lowered her voice, “His name is Kshitij and that’s not true. I had already made plans to meet his friends. I can’t just not go at the last minute? You understand right?”

“Why are you whispering? Do not tell me he is there?”

“Yes, he is. I have to go. Bye,” and she hung up.

“I can’t believe she hung up on us!” Mukti was agitated, “She has time to meet his friends and not her own. That is the problem with girls these days. They just turn into these non-existent entities who have no life of their own. The guy’s friends are their friends. Whatever he wants to do, when he wants to do is done—“

“Ok ok ok … can you stop with the feminist lecture? Can we just go and eat. I am starving,” she said getting up.

“Yeah, let us go.” Mukti picked up her bag and they went out for lunch.

Lunch with Priya was as usual fun. However, Mukti had to take care not to talk excessively about her novel which was exhausting to say the least. She tried her best to keep the conversation about Priya and Sonali and succeeded somewhat. After coming back from it, Mukti was ninety percent sure that Priya was dangerously close to falling for her boss. Although she kept talking about him and ascertaining that he is engaged to someone else. Mukti just wished that Priya comes to her senses soon enough and stay away from messing her life once again. She picked up her laptop and logged into her mail and Facebook.

As had been her habit for the last couple of weeks, she went straight to Anurag’s profile. Even though she couldn’t see much but she could see his profile picture and some of his info. He had locked his friend’s list and she couldn’t see anything else. Anyway, she found comfort in the fact that he had not lied about his work and educational details. Another thing that she had access to was his profile picture. She spent many nights just looking at it and imagining their dates and how much fun they’ll have when they would finally meet. But, today her smile turned upside down when the picture leaded because he had changed it. This time, Anurag with his dogs was not grinning back at her, instead a girl who had her arms around Anurag’s neck was smoldering at her as if saying ‘stay away, he is mine!’

He has a girl friend! He has been lying to me all this while? I feel like such an idiot!! No I am not an idiot, he is an asshole!! I will not act like anything has happened. I will talk to him like I usually do and when he is completely unsuspecting, then I will strike!!

She checked her email and there was none from Anurag.

“yeah yeah, why will he mail now!” she said to no one in particular.

She tried to finish her synopsis, but couldn’t. She, again, had got stuck.

Writer’s block! Awful timing they have!

She tried her best to concentrate but couldn’t. There was so much going on in her mind. Now, when the time to show the synopsis was coming closer, she was plagued with so many doubts. What if her parents read it? What’ll they say? And her friends? What will be Priya’s reaction if she knew…! She didn’t know who to call, who to turn to. She felt all alone . . . In spite of the imaginary world she had created, all the fictional characters she had brought to life just hours before, she felt lonely in her own web of words. She felt as if she had alienated herself from everyone. She hesitated in calling those people – her two best friends – with whom she had shared every dirty little secret of her life . . . she couldn’t sum up the courage to dial the number and talk to her closest friends.

Am I doing something wrong?

She picked up her phone and scrolled down her contact list. Name after name came up of ex-colleagues, relatives, friends she had barely spoken to in decades.

I need to sort out my phone book.

She scrolled down for a while trying to find one name with whom she could share her woes, to whom she can voice out her doubts, who will understand her and tell her that what she is doing is not wrong. She wanted just one person who will listen without prejudice, who will try and understand what she is going through, who would not laugh at her behind her back, who might grasp the gravity of the situation, who might help her comprehend, who would get the bigger picture, who will aid her to be rid of her dilemma.

Her phonebook seemed worthless, just random names with arbitrary numbers who had no existence for her . . . who were expendable. She kept scrolling down till she reached one number. She had saved the number not under any name, but had defined it by their relation.

Ma.

Mukti was very close to her mother and the realization that she hadn’t immediately thought of her, astonished Mukti a bit. Whenever she had been in a fix, she had always called her up and felt relieved. Her mother was always there to offer advice and pick her up whenever she fell.

Better late, than never.

Mukti dialled her home number. After couple of rings her mother picked up, “Hello?”

“Hi Ma,” Mukti said.

“Hi beta . . . how are you? How is your writing going?” she asked and Mukti could imagine a big smile on her mother’s face.

She had always been proud of my writing, showing off that useless lifestyle magazine as if it was the Time or the New Yorker.

“I am good. Writing is also good . . . slow and steady. Actually there is some news.”

“News? Good or bad?”

“Right now it is nothing, just news . . . neither good nor bad.”

“Oh ho . . . alright, alright. What is it?” Mrs. Chopra asked getting impatient.

“Priya introduced me to this guy, he works in a publishing house. I am meeting him tomorrow to pitch my novel idea.” She said hurriedly.

Mrs. Chopra suddenly started chanting some mantras and said, “Don’t worry beta. It will work out fine. Man ka ho to achha, na ho to aur bhi achha. Remember?”

“Yes, ma. I do.”

Then after a small pause, Mukti said, “Actually ma, I am stuck. I don’t know how to proceed.”

“What is your novel about?”

Where to start? Should I tell her? Of course I should, if I can’t tell her then how will I tell Priya and Sonali? Let me see how ma reacts . . . it is bound to give me an idea of what to expect from others.

“Uh . . . ma, this is about me. I mean us. I mean me . . .”

“Why are you so confused? Tell me what the novel is about?” Mrs. Chopra asked.

Mukti took a deep breath.

“It is a story of a girl who is born to a well-to-do family, then her father faces a setback in business and how she reacts to the new circumstances around her. There are sub-plots of love, relationships and those of her friends.” she paused a little, formulating how to say what she intended to, “Uh . . . In fact I have used some qualities from people I know to create characters and I have also taken up some incidents from our life to construct the structure of a story.”

“So, am I a part of you novel?” Her mother asked animatedly.

“Not entirely but yeah, some parts of your personality are.”

“Hmm . . . But why do you sound so conflicted? What is the matter? You are not the usual coherent and concise Mukti I know. What is troubling you?”

Ma! Always figures out when something is wrong.

“You are right, there is something bothering me. Actually, there is one incidence that I want to highlight and that is related to Priya and one that concerns Sonali,” she paused.

When her mother didn’t say anything she continued, “I think just the thought that how everyone might react when it gets published is stopping me from progressing.”

Then she added hastily, “Maybe I am just thinking too much? Maybe it won’t even get published!”

“Stop with such depressing thoughts. See, I can only talk about myself. I won’t mind what you write. In fact I would like to read your thoughts on how you perceive me. But, I can’t say the same about others. I know Priya, she is a little private and possessive about her life. You do remember that blog incident? How furious she got. So, it is better that you take permission from her before writing anything about her life, however small. As far as Sonali is concerned, I don’t know her too well, but I would suggest still ask her as well. It is always better, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess so . . . anyway, how is papa and bhai?” She asked trying to change the topic. She knew her mother’s advice was the logical thing to do but it was not what she wanted to hear right now.

“Your father is busy doing something or the other on the internet and bhai is as usual neck deep in work. We hardly get to see him sometimes. I miss you, my darling. I am so happy for you. Everything will work out fine. I’ll pray for you.”

“Yeah, I miss you too. Let me get back to work and finish it off. Bye ma.”

“Bye beta. Tell me how it goes.”

Mukti hung up and sat motionless for a while. She looked up at her creaking fan revolving dully. Next, she glanced at the pile of books waiting solemnly for a home for themselves. There was pin-drop silence in her house while she could hear the raucous laughter from outside.

Kids playing no doubt.

She wanted to go down and play with them but she had more important things at hand. She read her unfinished synopsis again till the point where she was stuck, the situation regarding Priya. She had typed in the entire episode countless times and deleted it almost immediately.

Ma says I should tell Priya and Sonali, but she doesn’t know them well enough. I know Priya. Without thinking anything, she will jump to conclusions and create a fit. She will never let me use that episode.

She closed her eyes.

Am I betraying a friend using something that is very personal to her for my own gain? Am I being utterly selfish?

Her eyes popped open at this thought.

No, I am not being selfish. I am trying to write something convincingly. I am trying to create fiction using inspiration from facts. Isn’t this how every writer works? Taking inspiration from the world around her; finding muses in their acquaintances and friends? I am doing the same. I am not writing about Priya because what happened to her and how she reacted was scandalous but because I want to show that these things happen in our society. I am just using something that has happened to her and countless others as an example to showcase a bigger picture here?

Mukti sat upright.

I am right. I am not doing anything selfish, I am just using what has happened around me as motivation. I am not writing about Priya per se, I am just writing about an isolated incident that has happened with many other females I am sure.

She started typing.

There is no point in telling her now, maybe it won’t even get selected and then I never have to tell them.

After talking to her ma, Mukti had a way to go forward. Even though she didn’t take her advice, her mind was at rest. If her mother will not be ashamed to let her private things come to light, neither should Priya and Sonali. She completed the synopsis and saved the draft.

But as soon as she went to bed, the old thoughts and doubts returned. Her sleep was far from dreamless. Suddenly there was too much going inside her head. She kept tossing and turning the whole night . . . thinking about the fate of the novel, wondering what might happen when Priya and Sonali found out about the content, picturing Anurag and the girl in his profile picture tangled together and dreading facing Prakash again. Finally she fell asleep and after what seemed like all of ten minutes, she woke up agitated and bleary-eyed to the sound of her alarm.

***

She got dressed up in a haze and went to meet Prakash at his office. Mehta, Kumar and Roy publishing had swanky offices in Connaught Place. The huge building had many floors and glass exterior, the kinds you see in Gurgaon or in Hollywood movies.

Mukti always wanted to work in an office where you had time cards and automated doors. As Mukti entered the building, she found herself standing in a huge lobby. Beyond the hotel-styled lobby, she could see many cubicles where everyone was busy reading something, marking something or researching something.

She felt someone place their hand on her shoulder.

“Hi.”

She turned around and saw Prakash, all six feet of his dimpled-self, standing there looking down at her adoringly. She felt a little something in the pit her stomach.

Damn those dimples!

“Hey Prakash. How are you?”

“I am good. Come let’s sit in my office.” He led her to the third floor.

“This is the fiction section, basically short stories, novellas and novels. We also publish in Hindi and other regional languages. That is on the next floor. This is for Indian fiction in English,” he was saying while he took her into a small office space overlooking the metro track.

She looked around. Even though the office was small it was classy. There was state of the art laptop and many pictures adorned the walls some had people laughing at each other and some were laughing at themselves. There was a wall-to-wall bookshelf and instantly the bibliophile in her did a little inward flip. She was drawn towards the bookcase.

“Do you need some time alone with them? Should I come back later” Prakash said finally.

Mukti came out of her trance and realized she had drifted away from Prakash towards the book shelf and was caressing the spine of one of the books lovingly as if cradling a child, “Sorry. It is just that I love books and can’t stop myself in their company.”

“I understand. That’s the case with me as well. I also love reading books. I wanted to publish my own novel but didn’t posses the writing talent, so publishing others’ was the next best thing,” he smiled.

Mukti realized when they were in a professional environment, he was not so bad. And he definitely didn’t do that creepy stomach thingy! They talked for sometime about irrelevant topics. All through which Mukti was wishing that they’ll get to the point. After half an hour, Prakash asked for the synopsis.

Here goes nothing!

She took out the prints, neatly folded and put in a brown paper bag, and placed it on the table.

“I have just one request.”

Prakash nodded.

“Can you read it when I am not around? I mean I can go out and come back or something?”

He smiled, “It’s ok. You can sit here. As it is I have to discuss with my associate editor before making any decision. I will go and discuss with her. You be comfortable. Continue romancing the books.” He winked and walked off. Mukti was just thinking what she should do, when he peeped in and asked, “Do you want tea or coffee?”

“Hmm . . . coffee?”

“Sure. I’ll send one right away. See you in sometime.”

And he finally left. Mukti looked around. She walked towards the window to look at the world rushing ahead down below. She turned and was face to face with Prakash's desk. She sat down at the swirling chair and started spinning around. There was a knock on the door and Mukti heard someone clear his throat. She stopped spinning and saw that an office boy was looking at her incredulously with a tray of coffee in his hands.

“Uh . . . where should I keep this?” he asked without making any effort to move as if he had seen a ghost which might attack him if he moved.

“There . . . on the centre table is fine.” Mukti turned scarlet.

Great! Now the peon is going to think I am from some village or something.

He nodded his head, moved cautiously, placed the tray on the table and rushed out without turning back. Something about this scene seemed really funny to Mukti and she burst out laughing. She was just staring at the screen of the laptop and her laughter died suddenly. Her mouth popped open and she turned pale. She got up and picked up her phone lying on the coffee table and dialled Priya’s number.

“You won’t believe what I just saw?!” Mukti said before any kind of preamble.

“Mukti? What happened?!” Priya asked sounding concerned, “Are you ok?”

“Prakash has my picture on his desktop!” she almost yelled.

“What?! How is that possible? Have you given him your pictures?”

“Yes, I have. I go on distributing pictures to random strangers or to people I have just gone out on one date.” Mukti replied sarcastically, “obviously I haven’t given him my pictures!”

“Don’t get mad at me! I don’t have your picture as my desktop background.”

“I will see if he has others also.”

She said and walked with determination towards the laptop. She snooped around and found a folder named Mukti. She opened it and there were many of her pictures. She was wondering from where he could have got all these pictures when suddenly she remembered.

“Oh. My. God!!”

“What? What? What?! What happened? Has he morphed them into porn?!” Priya asked.

“Eww! No! Geez Priya where do you come up with such stuff?! I just realized from where he has got all these pictures.”

“Where? Did he break into your house and stole them? Or has he had you followed?”

But Mukti wasn’t listening, “He copied pictures from my Facebook account,” she said in a small voice.

“What? What did you say?”

“I said, he copied them from my Facebook account. He had sent me a Facebook request during our dinner date and I accepted. Apparently he has copied almost all of them and pasted them in his folder here.”

“I hate to say this but I told you not to use that damned site too much.”

“How is this my fault? How was I to know that a person YOU introduced me to will turn out to be a psycho?!”

“Oh I am sorry for thinking about you . . . for trying to help you.”

“I am not saying that. I added him when I thought he was a cute smart guy, not before I find out he is some crazed psycho stalker person!”

“Calm down. If you look at it, it’s not such a big deal. I mean how does it matter if your pictures are on Facebook or on his desktop? He is just looking at them? You should be flattered.”

“Are you crazy?! It is a big deal. I don’t like this guy and he has my picture as his desktop background so he obviously likes me. This is not a good situation. If things work out, he will be my editor! How will I work with him?”

“That’s what I am saying. You have to work with him so it is better if you don’t make a big deal out of it. I mean you can’t confront him, you are snooping around. You shouldn’t even be aware of this technically.”

“You are right. So I should pretend as nothing happened?”

“Yes, for the time being.”

“I don’t want to lead him on,” Mukti heard footsteps so she quickly said bye, came and sat at the couch and picked up the coffee mug.

Prakash walked in, dimples et al. Mukti looked up at him and smiled nervously.

“So…?” she asked.

“Nita, my associate editor, loved it,” he said smiling.

Mukti jumped from the couch and hugged Prakash, “Oh my god! Really?”

“Yes, but hold on. There are still many things that need to be sorted out. She liked it on the first read. But, before we confirm anything, you need to submit the whole book. All the chapters, with a beginning, middle and end. After going through the whole book only, the deal can be finalized.”

“Oh. So I got excited over nothing?” Mukti said her excitement ebbing down a notch.

“Nno, it is not over nothing. Most of the manuscripts we receive don’t even pass this first litmus test. Nita is very particular what goes through her. She loved your writing style, she was not too happy with certain points such as some characters stands, but that can be taken care of at a later stage. First we, me included, want to see how you handle the characters and the various situations that you have outlined in the synopsis. If put together right, this has the potential of becoming a bestselling feminist thriller.”

“I will do my best. When do I need to submit it, the finished novel I mean?”

“As soon as possible.”

“Uh . . . could you give me a date? I have realized that I work best under deadlines,” Mukti said.

“Umm . . . if you want a date, then how about 20^th of September? You would have comfortable three months to work on it. Or why don’t you start writing, and then give me an idea in a couple of weeks or so. Then we can fix up on a date. How does that sound?”

“Sounds fine,” Mukti said getting up, “I will keep you posted on the developments. And thank you so much for helping me,” she said smiling.

“No worries. Call me when you reach home, maybe we can plan out to meet somewhere . . . you know last time, our date was cut short.”

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

“uh . . . yeah, let’s plan something. I have to go now, bye. Speak to you soon,” And she rushed off.

This has to stop. I have to tell him something. Anything, but something. And that too fast.

The Uprising

2014-07-13T10:34:00.002+05:30

This is the second part of the story - Bedroom Politics. You can read the first part here.

The three friends – Mehr, Chitra and Sunaina – were sitting together at their favorite table, waiting for the fourth one to join their weekly lunch date. After ordering food and drinks, they started talking about the events of the last couple of months. The ritual that had begun in college had been going on for almost a decade, but with Meera’s pregnancy and subsequent delivery, the four friends were meeting after a gap of almost three months. A lot had changed in these past few months and each one had secrets that they wanted to share, stories that they wanted to narrate… But there was also a little hesitation, of being judged, ridiculed.

Finally, Meera arrived with a big smile on her face. She sat down and ordered for an Iced Tea.

“It feels so nice to be outside without the baby!” Meera exhaled.

“Aww… Don’t say that Sia is such a sweetheart. You should have brought her along,” Mehr said.

“She is a monster! Now with her birthday approaching, she is getting so naughty. Her nani has her hands full,” she sipped on her water, smiling proudly.

“How’s her father?” Mehr asked.

Meera sighed and looked at all the three expectant faces. She knew they wanted an update, and rightly so. All three had been there, especially Mehr, counseling her and supporting her every step of the way.

“He is fine. We are trying to work things out,” she said nodding slightly.

“I can’t believe you did what you did. I am so proud of you,” Mehr got up and hugged her friend.

Meera hugged her back, smiling.

“I had to do it… for Sia, for myself, for him. He had to understand that what he was doing was wrong. A relationship, a marriage, is between two people… and both of them should have a say. If something is making me uncomfortable, he has to understand.”

Sunaina, who was silent up till now, spoke up softly, “But, still it takes a lot of courage to walk out of a marriage.”

“I know, and to tell you the truth I don’t even know where I got the strength to just ask him to stop. I guess, the motherly instinct just woke up; it was much too strong then the wife one,” she shrugged at the choice of words.

With her hands in her lap, fingers entwined, thumbs rotating, she relayed the story she had told them a couple of times already, “That constant drugging was making me so weak and dizzy all the time… I couldn’t concentrate and with the added responsibility of nurturing the baby growing inside me, I was so tired. I knew, and he knew, it was obviously not good for the baby… and he did stop for a while but then it started again. I had to do something. I had to protect my little girl. I had to protect myself. So, I gave him the ultimatum - stop or I will leave.”

Sunaina, held Meera’s hand. She knew what happened next. Meera, herself, had narrated this story a couple of times… sobbing on the phone, crying when she went to meet the baby… but she also knew that Meera had to get it out of her system… every now and then. She needed confirmation that what she did, what she was doing, was right. Sunaina held Meera’s joined hands and patted them gently.

“You know what hurt the most?” she looked at Sunaina, with her big innocent eyes, filled with tears, “that he didn’t stop me… that first time. I was six months pregnant with his baby and he let me go; he let me walk out of our home. It made me believe for a long time that as if sex was everything; the only thing that mattered in our marriage. My self-esteem shattered, my self-image broke to smithereens.”

She untangled her hands and pressed a tissue to her eyes before the tears could make their way down her cheeks.

Sniffing and sobbing, she smiled, “I am fine.”

“But, I thought everything was okay between you too, now?” Chitra asked, concerned, handing her friend a glass of water.

“Uhmm… Actually not completely okay but we are getting there. He came to visit us in the hospital when Sia was born. He says that seeing her lovely daughter changed something inside of him; that he wouldn’t want her husband to do what he was doing to me. He promised me not to drug me again, to respect my wishes; to give me the time to heal and be ready for intimacy. He begged me to come home with him but I needed time, you know. I can’t just forget everything and start fresh. It’s been 11 months, we are getting to know each other… again. It’s kind of nice, but let’s see what happens next. For the time being I am enjoying raising my daughter and working at the school.”

“Don’t your parents mind? I mean you have been staying with them for two years? Don’t they urge you to go back to Rajan?”

“They are my parents, they understand that I need time to forget and move on.”

“You are lucky,” said Chitra, with a hint of bitterness in her voice.

“What do you mean?” asked Meera.

“I mean not all parents are ready to let their married daughter stay in their home,” she gulped down her scotch.

Sunaina and Mehr shared looks. Was it possible their guarded friend was finally easing up… letting them inside her mind? Mehr decided to take a chance.

“Is everything alright with you?” she asked Chitra.

“Oh yes! It has never been better,” Chitra answered in her trademark style, but with a wide smile on her face. They all looked at their usually silent unexpressive friend who at the moment was nothing short of beaming.

“Why are you all looking at me like that?”

“Nothing… nothing.”

An awkward silence descended on the group… broken by Chitra who began narrating her monologue in an even and unemotional voice.

“Tanay used to hit me… a lot. All the times when I pretended to be clumsy, or say that I had a nasty fall down the stairs or I just slipped in the bathroom, it was because he was angry with me; because of something I did or didn’t do. The hitting was his preferred way of showing displeasure,” she took another sip of her drink.

The friends, who were aware of Tanay’s temper tantrums, had no idea the situation was so bad. Chitra has always portrayed a rosy picture of her family… a loving husband, adorable daughter – a picture perfect family indeed. The cracks were there for everyone to see, but none of them ever questioned her respecting her privacy. The few times they did ask, they had been rebuked by Chitra who insisted that everything was as it should be. This was the first time she was sharing about her personal life, in so much detail, in an explicit manner, and none of the friends wanted to disrupt her stream of consciousness.

“Recently, there were some problems at his work so he was generally in a foul mood. The monster that was reserved for my nights was rearing its ugly head in my daughter’s nightmares too. From a loving and caring father, he was turning into something else, a strict disciplinarian if you can say that. He used to get upset with every little thing that was out of place; if Suhana would make some noise, he would yell at her; if she asked him something, he would just storm out. He said that he had a lot of thing on his mind. Like, we don’t. Anyway, he never hit her… no, that ‘privilege’ was reserved only for me. So, even when Suhana made him angry with her questions or actions or whatever; it took almost nothing for his temper to flare that days, it was my fault and I had to bear the brunt of it,” she smiled sarcastically.

She looked in the distance without seeing anything as if looking in her past, seeing her little girl’s scared face with tears streaming down her face as her father towered over her tiny frame, yelling at her for sitting on his lap when he had just arrived from work.

“I could see she was scared of him. Then, one day, she accidently broke a picture frame that one of his friends had got from Paris. All of us knew he really loved it. So when it broke, my daughter’s heart broke with it. Looking at the shattered pieces on the floor my poor daughter was scared to death. She was shaking and crying bitterly. I tried to soothe her but to no avail. Then, suddenly, she looked up at me and whispered, ‘Will papa hit me too now?’”

A lone tear dropped from her long eyelashes into her scotch glass. Nobody said anything.

Chitra wiped her eyes and spoke again, “That ‘too’ made me realize that what I thought was happening behind closed bedroom doors was ingrained in my little girl’s mind. She was deathly scared of her own father. It made me realize for whom I was tolerating all of this for… the beatings, the humiliation? What kind of image of a woman, a wife I am portraying to my daughter… that of a victim? Of a weak woman who can’t even stand up for herself? Of someone who should bear the torture of her husband, however, unreasonable? My daughter had started to think it was okay for her father to hit me, to hit her? She will grow up one day and God forbid, she is in an abusive relationship, she would think it is alright? That’s how it is supposed to happen? So, instead of my reasoning that by tolerating all this I am providing her with a nurturing and loving environment; my staying in this abusive marriage was doing her more harm than good. That ‘too’ made me realize that enough is enough.”

“So, you left him?!” Meera inquired.

“No, we are still together.”

“How…?”

“The next day, we were sitting together watching TV, him and me. He was drinking and he needed peanuts, so I gave it to him. They were roasted and he wanted salted… So, he slapped me. As I lay there on the floor in a disheveled heap while he kicked me, I could see myself from my baby’s eyes. I could hear Suhana’s voice playing in my ear like a loop – will he hit me too now, will he hit me too now? I don’t know something snapped inside of me. I just got up and slapped him right back, with everything I had, really hard, right across the face. He stumbled and fell on the couch. I still remember him looking up at me as if he had seen a ghost. We kept staring at each other for a long time and then he just got up and went inside the bedroom, without saying a word. I think he could see the hatred on my face, the determination that I wouldn’t tolerate it anymore.”

She smiled, thinking about the memory - the bewildered look on her husband’s face.

“So, the abuse has stopped?”

“Kind of. This happened couple of months back. He hasn’t hit me since then. He does get angry now and then and I know it’ll take time. He can’t go from 80 to 0. He has finally agreed to join anger management classes, so that’s another positive step in the right direction.”

“So, it just stopped? You hit him and it just stopped?” Sunaina was confused.

“The next day, we had a long talk… actually a couple of long talks. I told him about what his daughter thinks of him, what I think of him… How I feel when he insults me for every little thing; hits me because of a bowl of peanuts. I showed him the marks, the welts, the bruises on my body. He looked grief stricken, ashamed. He couldn’t even look me in the eye. Even though, he promised not to lay hands on me again, but you can imagine a man like him, prone to severe temper, being hit by a woman, who according to him should be a weak submissive creature. He bruised my body but I bruised his ego. I didn’t want to take any chances, so I moved out for a couple of weeks and stayed at a hotel. But, he came around. I think he missed Suhana more than he missed me, but that’s fine.”

“Are you sure he can be trusted? Are you scared?”

“I don’t know, but, I am not scared anymore. He knows if I can hit him once, I can do it again. Maybe it was just me standing up to him, challenging him… that was what was needed.”

She nodded.

“But, why didn’t you go to your parents. Why in a hotel?” Meera asked innocently.

“Because everyone’s parents are not as understanding, as welcoming as yours Meera. My mother knew about the abuse for a long time. You know what she told me? That I should adjust; I should not make him angry; that it was my fault that my husband had to resort to such means. Can you believe that?!”

She shook his head angrily.

“And when I went to them afterwards, she refused to let me stay. According to her, a husband’s house is the wife’s house. When she realized what I had done, she was flabbergasted. She was worried that Tanay would leave me. Apparently, in her eyes and mind, there is nothing worse than a divorced woman, not even a physically abused and mentally tortured one.”

Chitra laughed a hollow laugh.

“Why didn’t you tell this to any of us?” Sunaina asked.

“I don’t know. I was worried you might judge me? Me, the strong, independent editor of a leading magazine, being kicked and punched at home. I was embarrassed. I am sorry.”

“You are strong and independent. You have nothing to be ashamed off. You did a brave thing… for yourself and for your daughter. We all are proud of you.”

Chitra smiled and ordered for another drink.

Sunaina who was listening the tales of both the women silently, decided to share her ordeal with her friends too.

“Listening to your stories, I am inspired to share mine as well,” she took a deep breath.

“What happened to you?”

She closed her eyes and mumbled, “The swinger couple I told you about last year, that was me.”

“WHAT?!”

“OH MY GOD!”

“How could you?!”

She opened her eyes and looked at her friend’s faces – replete with shock, sympathy, and a little bit of disgust.

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. You guys can be so judgmental!” She went silent.

The three friends looked at each other and were a little ashamed and horrified when they saw the expressions on each one’s faces mirroring the other.

After a pregnant pause, Meera spoke up, “We are sorry. We are not judging you, we are just concerned. Are you alright?”

“Now I am. But I was not for a very long time. The whole experience and then keeping it a secret was taking a toll on my mental faculties. I dreaded weekends. I hated seeing Amar going into a room with someone else’s wife; I shuddered at the touch of an unknown man removing my clothes. It was all horrible.”

She shuddered again.

“Then why did you do it?”

“For my family? For our children? Amar is a wonderful father… I didn’t want to take their father away from my children,” she said sobbing silently.

“So, you still go?”

“No. And Amar and I have been separated for six months.”

“What about the kids now?”

“They are too young to understand anything. I don’t want them to hate either of their parents. They still meet him on alternate weekends. They just know that mom and dad do not get along anymore. I suspect they believe that it is a temporary thing and one day we all will be together, like old days.”

“Is it?”

“I doubt it. I mean how can you get over something like this? How can you erase these kinds of memories?”

“How did all start? Tell us everything.”

“It started around two years back. He asked me to go to one of these parties just for fun… to see what goes on behind closed doors. Then from a monthly, it became a fortnightly an then a weekly affair. At first, we just used to go and make conversation and talk… like any other party. But, then the expectations started. People wanted us to participate. He wanted us to participate and –“

She drank from her drink.

“I did… for him, for our marriage. To add some spice to our boring sex life,” she smiled sarcastically.

“I never enjoyed it though. The idea of casual sex never appealed to me. To each his own, I guess.”

“Then why did you go? Why you just didn’t stop?”

“Because he was a wonderful father, a caring husband. Or I thought so, then. I didn’t want to break our family. I just thought it was a weekly chore that I have to accomplish. I never used to think, I never allowed myself to feel anything. Until, I found out I was pregnant.”

Silent tears made their way down her face.

“And I didn’t know whose baby it was,” the lively giggling Sunaina broke down in front of her friends. Chitra and Mehr immediately got up and hugged her. Meera held her hand and offered her a glass of water. Sunaina drank the whole glass in one go. Chitra wiped her tears. Mehr stroked her back.

“I am fine. I am fine.”

“When I told Amar that I was pregnant, he was as shocked as me. It suddenly became my fault… for not insisting on protection, for not taking pills. He asked me to abort it. When I refused, we got into this huge ugly fight. The worst we ever had. And he said something that jolted me. He said, “if they can abort my baby what is the problem with you?’ And I was stunned. What kind of a marriage is this where the husband is impregnating other women and the wife doesn’t even know whose child is she carrying? I was disgusted with myself, with him. Is this the relation I was trying so hard to protect; the marriage for which I was tolerating everything? And was it worth it? What will I tell my children that I don’t know who the father of their step-brother/sister was? Because Amar had outright refused to give the baby his name.”

“Then…?”

“So, I walked out... From his house, his life. I went to my parents who thankfully were more accepting than Chitra’s. It took a lot of courage but after a few weeks when they realized that I was not going back, I told my mom everything. As expected, she was scandalized. My father, on the other hand, was really supportive, surprisingly. He told me I could live with them for as long as I wanted.”

She smiled, with tears still clinging to her eyelashes.

“It’s been six months and I haven’t spoken-spoken to him. I don’t even know if he still goes there or someplace else to spice up his sex life. We talk about the kids’ schedule; about the pick-up and drop time; about the weather but I guess he suspects; and I surely know that this is as far as it will go. There is no chance of reconciliation… not for the kids, not for the family.”

Sunaina took a deep breath before continuing, “There are some times when you have to put your self-respect, your happiness first and this is one of those time. I am a mother and I love my children but I am a woman first and I just can’t forgive him for what he made me go through.”

“What about the baby?”

“It was a false positive. When I went to the doctor, he confirmed that it’s a false pregnancy.”

The three women looked at Sunaina with admiration. No one said anything, no words were uttered. They silently held hands to let each other know that they were together.

“Let’s make a pact to tell each other everything from now on. No more secrets, no more suffering silently. We have to be each other’s strength,” Meera said.

“No more judging,” added Sunaina.

All of them nodded.

“Well, in that case, I have to tell you guys something too,” Mehr began.

“What?! Not you too. Ranvir is such a nice guy.”

“Yeah, he is. Uhmm… I can’t get pregnant,” Mehr looked at her empty plate.

“Oh but we thought that Ranvir didn’t want children.”

“That’s what everyone thinks and that’s what makes him so great. When he found out that I can’t conceive, he told everyone – his family, my family, our respective friends – that he doesn’t want kids. So, I could be saved from everyone’s taunts and scrutiny… at least for a while. It was his way of protecting me I guess,” Mehr shrugged.

“That’s… nice,” Meera said.

“Yeah… So, what I wanted to tell you is that we are planning to adopt!”

“Oh my God, really? That’s great!” Chitra gave Mehr a side ward hug.

“I know… we have submitted all the documents and have had one round of interviews, some formalities are still pending after which we will be able to bring a baby home.”

“Your families okay with this decision?”

“At first they weren’t. There were talks about family tree and genetics. Her mother cried that who will take the family name forward. There were lots of tears, lots of arguments but he handled everything. And they have agreed, not completely, but I am sure one look at an innocent smiling baby and they’ll get there.”

“So you are getting a girl or a boy?”

“I want a boy, he wants a girl… we might have to adopt both if we don’t settle on one soon.”

The women laughed together, enjoying the rest of the meal in their shared knowledge that whatever life throws at them – the good, the bad, or the ugly – they had the power in them to handle it, to make it right.

Boys Don't Cry

2014-07-10T14:24:00.000+05:30

She was standing at the stop, waiting for her bus, when she saw three kids approaching. The elder one, who must have been around 10 years old, was clutching the hands of his 4 year old twin siblings - a boy and a girl. He carefully crossed the road and started walking towards the stop. The sister, who couldn't keep up with the longer strides of her brother, slipped. She fell on the footpath, face flat.

The woman at the bus stop rushed to help the children. She picked up the crying girl and checked for any scrapes or bruises. The elder boy thanked her and dusted off the little girl. The woman backed away, looking at the boy blowing on her sister's knees tenderly.

He wiped her tears and spoke softly,"Don't cry... see, you are okay. No bruises."

He looked around and saw a tree with yellow flowers, in full bloom. He asked his younger brother to get a flower from the many that had fallen on the ground. The younger brother, who was looking at her sister with innocent eyes, did as was told and came back quickly with a beautiful yellow flower in his hand. Wordlessly, he gave it to his elder brother.

"Here you go. You like flowers na," the handed her the flower, "Come, get up now."
He helped the girl get up, "Can you walk? Does it hurt?"
The little girl sniffed the flower, smiled a toothy grin and shook his head. The elder boy patted her head. He held the hands of his siblings tightly and started walking, albeit a little slowly.

She looked at the trio, walking away hand-in-hand, marveling at the boy's tenderness and applauding, in her mind, the parenting who had raised such a sensitive and mature young boy.

*A Couple of Weeks Later*

She saw the same three children again. The little girl was chasing her twin. The elder one was walking alongside. This time the little boy fell and scraped his knee. She was just about to help the boy get up, when she remembered the previous incident and realized that the young boy was up to the task.

However, another young lady couldn't stop herself and tried to help the little boy get up. But, this time the elder one stopped her.

"It's okay, aunty, he will get up on his own. He is a big boy," the elder one said without even moving a muscle. The woman remembered how he was by the side of the little girl in a second when she had fallen.

The little boy sat up and looked at his bleeding knee. His eyes instantly filled with tears.
"Stop crying like a girl. Don't you remember what papa told us. Boys don't cry. Are you a weak little girl or a strong big boy?!"

The little boy wiped his eyes and got up, "I am a strong big boy."

"That's better. Come, let's go."

The kids walked away, the elder boy holding their hands, the little girl smelling a flower and the little boy, limping.

She looked at the trio, walking away hand-in-hand... confused at the gender stereotypes that condition the thinking of children at such a young age.

Reality

2014-07-09T11:49:00.001+05:30

She had just switched on the gas stove and put up the milk to boil, when she heard him call out to her.
"Ritu! Where are my shorts?"

Muttering to herself, she went and assisted him once again. She came back to the kitchen shaking her head, with a small smile on her face, "God knows what he will do if I am not around."

"Who are you talking to?"

The sudden question made her jump. She turned around.

It was her mother.

She looked back at the milk that was just about to boil over.

"No one," she lied.

Her mother walked slowly and stood next to her, staring at her intently... trying to read her mind, look into her soul.

"Have you taken your medications?"
"Yes mother," she lied, once again, exasperated.
"I hope you are not lying. These medicines will help you with your dreams and hallucinations," her mother said speaking softly, as if to a child, stroking her hair. She put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched a little but didn't move away.

She heard him call out to her again. She started to turn around when she felt her mother's grip tighten, "You can still hear him, don't you?"

The milk finally boiled. She switched off the burner and concentrated on putting the milk in the mug.

"Well, do you?" her mother asked again.

"Who?!" She tried to act nonchalant. Her shaking hands gave her away.

Her mother sighed audibly, "He is no more Ritu. You have to accept that. You have to move on. I know you loved him but he is gone now... he has been gone for a long time. Some things are just out of our control."

A cold shiver ran down her spine. Whenever her mother spoke about her husband in the past tense, about him about leaving her, she felt like yelling at her... shaking her up. But, she knew it was not her mother's fault. Her dementia was playing tricks on her mind. Discreetly, she dropped the tablets into the hot steaming milk.

She handed her the mug, smiling a fake meaningless smile while her mind itched to go and see what he was doing, "I know ma. I know."

As she turned to leave, she saw him standing behind her mother, shaking his head, concerned. His handsome features, troubled. He had been so supportive... taking in her ill mother who refused to even acknowledge his existence.

Her mother sighed once more and also turned around to walk back to her room. He smiled as she passed next to him but, as had become her habit, she walked by without even a sideways glance. She knew her mother never liked him but her behavior nowadays was appalling, completely unacceptable. She stared at her husband who was leaning against the doorway... ever so patient, ever so understanding. He smiled a sad smile and shrugged. She gestured at him to come closer.

The mother turned to look at her troubled daughter. Her husband's untimely death had completely devastated her. Agreed, she never did like him. He was the reason, there was this vast ridge between them that could never be filled but she never wanted him to die. But he did, in an accident... almost an year ago. The rift that his memories were creating now, troubled her even more. Before, her eyes,her daughter was slipping into oblivion, and there was nothing she could do about it. Her daughter still believed her husband was there, around her... living with her, breathing next to her. Her heart broke as she saw her little girl, with a twinkle in her eyes, smiling, staring at nothing but emptiness.

"There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind" - Patrick Rothfuss

Which woman do you trust...? The daughter who thinks her mother has dementia and is not willing to acknowledge the existence of the son-in-law she never appreciated? or the mother who believes her widowed daughter is hallucinating about her dead husband? and Why?

Enough is Enough

2014-07-05T13:45:00.003+05:30

3 years old
She was playing with her brother. He was a couple of years older than her. She playfully snatched a toy from him. He started crying. Their father, who was sitting next to them, said, rather harshly, "why are you crying like a girl?! Boys don't cry! Wipe your face, now."
She looked at her father with big innocent eyes, thinking, 'Girls cry. Boys don’t cry.'

5 years old They were in the park, playing together. They decided to have a race. She won and laughed heartily. His friends standing nearby started jeering, "You lost to your sister?! A girl beat you!" They taunted. Oblivious to their remarks, she walked up to her panting brother. "Best out of three?" She said with a twinkle in her eyes. He looked at her, face contorted with anger, ears burning red. He pushed her, hard. She fell to the ground. She got up, dusted herself and punched him in the stomach. She walked off the ground without looking back, the laughter of boys ringing in her ears, wondering, 'Defeating a boy is a bad thing?' Upstairs, she stormed into her room and slammed the door.

A moment later, the door burst open and her grandmother entered followed by her smiling brother. She pulled him off the bed and slapped her hard across the face, “You will not hit your brother!”

“But he hit me first…” she started to say.

“Girl’s don’t retaliate. Girls don’t hit. Apologize… Now!”

With tears streaming down her face, she did as was told.

“Sorry,” she whispered meekly. Her brother, smug with satisfaction left the room with their grandmother.

Stunned into silence and massaging her stinging cheek, she thought, ‘Girls never hit back.’

7 years old

She was in the living room, trying to finish her homework. The bell rang. It was her father. Her grandmother, sitting on the sofa, counting off her prayer beads, yelled, “Meera, go get water for your father.”

“Grandma, please ask Aakash to get it, I am studying.”

“Now Aakash will do household chores. Go get water,” she replied sternly.

She got up and walked past her brother playing video games, thinking, ‘Boys are not supposed to help around the house, girls do.’

10 years old

“Look what I have got for you guys!” shouted her father as he entered the house. Both the kids rushed to see their surprise presents.

“This is for Aakash, and this is for Meera,” he handed each his respective gift-wrapped boxes. Both of them tore open the wrapping, greedily.

“Wow! A new bat!”

She looked at her brother’s bat and then down at her kitchen set.

“You always get kitchen set or a doll house for me. I want a bat too,” she said.

“Arre beta, girls play with this only. Bat and ball are for boys. C’mon let’s make tea on your new stove,” her father replied.

She opened the packaging of her kitchen set, thinking, ‘Girls don’t play sports.’

13 years old

“Mom, I am going out to play,” said her brother tying his shoelaces.

“Okay, but come home soon. Mehta uncle and his family are coming for dinner,” her mother yelled from the kitchen.

She also got up to go out, when her mother held her arm.

“Where are you going? Come and help me in the kitchen, there is so much to do.”

“But, bhai also went. You didn’t stop him.”

“He won’t set the table or cut the salad. Let him play, he needs the exercise. You come inside. Today, I will teach you how to make a flower out of a tomato. It’ll help you in the future.”

She shut the door and followed her mom inside, thinking, ‘Girls don’t need to play; they need to learn cooking.’

15 years old
“Mom, I am leaving,” she yelled as she wore her watch.

Her brother who was sitting on the sofa watching television said, “What the hell are you wearing?”

“It’s a new skirt I bought. Nice, na?” she said twirling around.

“You can’t go out wearing this.”

“Why not?! You wear your ganji and shorts all the time.”

“In the house!”

“Don’t lie; I have seen you wearing that on the corner-side tea-shop as well… where you sit with those loser friends of yours!”

“I am a boy. No one is going to stare at my legs!”

“Well, it’s boys like you who stare at women’s legs! So, you should tell them to stop.”

“Don’t argue with me,” he said getting up, “Dad, look at what Meera is wearing?!”

Her father came outside from his room, “what is all this racket?! Why have you turned the house into a fishmark--” He saw her and stopped mid-sentence, “Meera, what are you wearing?”

She looked at him, confused. She didn’t know what to say. Her mother came out from the kitchen. Her father gave her mother a look. Without saying anything, her mother ushered her inside her room.

“Change right now. Girls should dress appropriately. The outside world is very bad,” her mother said making her take off the skirt.

She changed into a pair of jeans with kurti, ‘Girls should cover up and dress down because the world is bad.’

17 years old

“Mom, I am going for Rajesh’s birthday party. I will get late. Don’t wait up,” His brother said as he left the house at 9pm.

She went and sat by her father and cleared her throat.

Her father smiled, “what do you want?”

“Uhm… My friend Ragini is having this sleepover at her house. She has invited me too. All my friends are going. So, I was wondering, if I could go—“

“No,” his father said shaking his head.

“But why, dad?! You let bhai go everywhere.”

“He is a man; he can take care of himself. No night-outs for you.”

She looked at her with tears in her eyes, “But, it’s at her house. It’s only one night.”

“I am saying this because I care for you. You will thank me one day.”

He left her sitting on the couch all by herself, thinking, ‘Girls shouldn’t party. They shouldn’t stay out late. It is all for their own good.’

19 years old

She came home, visibly shaken.

“What happened?” her mother asked, concerned.

“Those guys I told you about? They stopped me again today. One of them even tried to touch me…” she broke off and hid her face in her mother’s lap.

Her mother ran her fingers through her hair, patting her back softly, “That’s how the world is my child, and you just have to accept it. Just avoid them. Don’t go to college for a couple of days. Change your timing or find an alternative route. Walk in a group, don’t walk alone. And stop wearing all this kajal and lipstick. Just walk with your head down and no one will say anything. Mingle in the crowd, don’t stand out, okay?”

She nodded wiping her tears, thinking, ‘World is like this only. Girls should not draw attention to themselves. They should walk with their head bowed.’

21 years old
“Dad, I want 1000 rupees. I want to apply for post-graduate—“

“Enough with the studies. Now stay at home and help your mom,” his father replied without even looking at her.

“But I want to study more.”

“I don’t have the money.”

“Aakash performed so badly in his engineering college but still you paid for his management seat. You haven’t saved any money for me?” she asked stubbornly.

“Of course I have. I have a marriage fund for you. What will you do with so many degrees, after all you have to handle the house only na? Now get me a cup of tea please.”

She went into the kitchen, thinking, ‘Boys need education fund, girls need marriage fund.’

24 years old

She sat on the bed, bedecked and jeweled, waiting for her new husband.
He stumbled in, a little drunk.

He came towards the bed and started taking off his clothes.

“I was wondering if we get to know each other a little better before we…” she whispered slowly.

“We have all our lives to talk, today is our wedding night,” he said moving towards her. He took the pallu of her saree and yanked it from her shoulder. She held on to her saree tightly.

“I am not comfortable right now. Can we please wait for a couple of months at least?”

“Months! Don’t do all this drama with me. I am your husband. I have complete right on your body. Stop all this natak and take off your clothes.”

Afterwards, she lay down next to her snoring husband, thinking, ‘Married woman don’t have any right on their bodies. They should do as their husbands tell them too.’

25 years old
“Mom, I can’t take it anymore. He hits me if I refuse. It hurts a lot. He humiliates me every chance he gets. I don’t know what to do,” she sobbed on her mother’s shoulders.

Her mother stroked her hair lovingly and said, “It’s only been a year. You will slowly understand him. Try to adjust and compromise. It will get better.”

“Can’t I stay here with you guys? I don’t want to go back.”

Her mother sighed deeply.

“A husband’s house is a woman’s home. You can’t come back. What will the people say? Your father will die of humiliation! Who will give us their daughter if our daughter is sitting at home after marriage? You should think for all of us.”

She looked at her mother with tears pooling in her eyes.

“I can’t handle his abuse, his temper. I am scared all the time.”

“You are his wife. Try and mould him the way you want. Slowly, you will be able to gauge what makes him angry and once you stop doing those things that angers him, life will be fine,” then as an after-thought, she added, “Why don’t you think of having a child? A baby always calms a father.”

She hugged her mother, thinking, ‘A woman needs to adjust and compromise for her family… for a happy married life.’

27 years old

Everyone celebrated the arrival of the new born… The son who will take forward her husband’s name, the son who will take care of them in their old age. Only she shed a silent tear for her daughter who was not even allowed to breathe… the unborn daughter who was killed in the womb. She held her son, wondering, 'Son's a blessing; Daughter's a curse?'

29 years old

“What the hell is this?” he threw the plate on the floor.

“I am sorry but I was so tired today, Rajat hasn’t slept a wink and—“

“I don’t need excuses. A man comes home, tired after a 10 hour shift and you can’t even put a decent meal on the table. What do you do all day? You just have a tiny baby to handle!”

“I told you na, Rajat didn’t sleep at all…” she said picking up the broken glass pieces from the floor. She was irritated because of lack of sleep and didn’t even realize when her husband crossed the length of the table and was standing next to her. He yanked her up and slapped her, tightly.

“Don’t you dare use that tone with me… Understood!” he said angrily.

Their 2 year old son who was playing on a mat nearby started crying. He rushed to his son and picked him up, “Oh no no… Raju, don’t cry… nothing has happened. See, mumma is fine. Mumma papa playing,” he looked at his wife and gestured at her to come closer.

“you want to play too?” he asked the toddler who nodded his head.

He held her son’s chubby little hands and made him hit his mother on the face, “hupp mumma… Hupp mumma.”

“Stop crying and smile. Can’t you see the poor kid is scared,” He ordered.

As the intensity of her son’s slaps increased, she stood there smiling through the tears, thinking, ‘A mother, a wife, a woman's worth is directly proportional the taste of the food she cooks.’

40 years old

She came into the living room and saw her son watching the match on the television. She sighed and switched it off.

“you have your exams. You need to study.”

“What the hell?!” her son got up and walked towards the television stand. She stood in front of the TV.

“Go to your room and study.”

He looked at her angrily, and pushed her aside with such force that she fell to the floor. He turned on the TV and stood hovering above her, “Don’t interfere in matters that don’t concern you. I will study when I want to. You go in the kitchen and do what you know best.”

He rolled his eyes and sat in front of the idiot box.

She got up from the floor and stared at her teenage son. He had started looking like his father. She stumbled into her bedroom, thinking, ‘Where did I go wrong?’

That night.

Her husband dragged her into the room as usual. As he started to disrobe her, she pushed him off of her, “No. Not tonight.”

She walked out of the room with her husband following her.

He held her arm, “Have you gone mad? You will refuse me? I am your husband.”

She looked at her son who was sitting on the couch playing some video game. All the anger she had felt in the afternoon, over the ears, boiled to the surface. She took a deep breath and slapped her husband with everything she had. He let go of her hand. Her son, who was used to the arguments and the hitting, glanced lazily towards them expecting the same scene – his angry father and his cowering mother. Instead, he saw his father clutching his reddening cheek and her mother looking at him as angry as he had never seen her before.

“Switch off the television and go to your room,” she mumbled, “Now!”

Scared, he did as was told.

She looked at her husband, “No means no. Don’t you dare touch me without my permission again. I am your wife, not some whore you have bought. Understood?”

Confused and shocked, he simply nodded.

She went inside the bedroom and bolted the door, thinking, ‘Enough is enough.’

An Open Letter to UPAGAs!

2014-07-02T17:31:00.000+05:30

Dear Unsolicited Parenting Advice Giving Acquaintance or as I like to call them UPAGA,

I hope this letter finds you in the pink of health. Oh, are you wondering if this is meant for you? Let me make it easy for you to figure that out – if you have ever felt compelled to tell your new neighbor what she should feed her new born, then yes it is for you; if you have shared your pearls of wisdom regarding parenting with a woman in a mall on how to control her kid’s ‘rage’ issues, then you should read on. If you haven’t done either (yet!) you should still continue reading to not fall into the category at a later stage… because you will.

Ah! Where are my manners… let me introduce myself. I am a work-from-home mother of a 2.5 year old adorable monstrous angel. I am also a victim of unsolicited parenting advice giving acquaintances. This ‘abuse’ (for the lack of a better term) started right when my daughter was born. Here, I was a new mother trying to cope up with the overwhelming and unpredictable responsibility of raising a tiny human being who was dependent on me for her every requirement, be it food, cleaning herself, bathing, even sleeping… and there were these so-called ‘well-wishers’ who would drop in to see her armed with their advices and suggestions. I had my first brush with an UPAGA when this lady who I had never ever met before in my life – an acquaintance of my husband’s – came to my home, stayed for three hours to see the baby who, as is expected of newborns, slept right through the ordeal, and shared her parenting experience (without being asked for, I might add) with me and my mom. She drawled on about how to remove extra facial hair from my two week old baby’s face to how to make her complexion fair-er to how I should make her sleep on a special pillow to make her head rounder! As I said, it was the first time and I was just amused at her total lack of figuring out that my mom and I were silently laughing at her behind her back. However, soon I learnt that her behavior was not the exception, it was the norm. Almost every other person who visited me and the baby had something or the other to share… never mind if they had one kid, ten kids or none, almost all of them had a precious parenting nugget up their sleeve that they absolutely had to share with me - the first-time, sleep-deprived, haggard new mommy.

It’s been two years since that day and yet this parting of unasked for ‘valuable’ parenting ‘suggestions’ still continues.

You must be wondering why after 2.5 years, I have suddenly decided to speak up, that I should be used to it by now. Well, I am… most of the times. I have learnt to arrange my face into an attentive mode while tuning out the words and dreaming about cake! But, a couple of recent incidences have made me realize… that UPAGAs need to be stopped! They need to be told that they are not helping… that we don’t care for their unasked for suggestions!

The incidents in question are –

A lady I have never met before, who supposedly lives in the flat next to me, met me in the elevator today. After polite hellos, she inquired why I don’t bring my daughter to the play area. When told she sleeps through the evening, she first ‘tch-tch’d, then looked at my daughter as if she has terminal illness and then proceed to enlighten me on the importance of playing. Did I mention that I didn’t even know she was my neighbor till 15 minutes ago?!
A couple I met at the bus stop for the first time told me how I should make my daughter sleep early as it would be beneficial when she starts big school. Again, relative strangers; unsolicited advice.

To some of you, they must seem like innocent statements that I should not take to heart. I am sure you must be thinking that this woman is making a mountain out of a mole hill, that I should listen from one ear and let it fly out from another. Some of you might argue that these are valid suggestions, kids should go out and play and they should sleep early. However, the validity of these statements is not the point. The fact that they are right or wrong is not the question. The point is that why do people have this urge to pass their wisdom to others? Why do we, as a society, have this need to tell others what to do? Why do we think that our way is the only way? Why can’t we, before suggesting something, stop and think that ‘hey, she has not asked for it. Maybe she might have her reasons for doing what she is doing?’ And the bigger question is why do we give suggestions to people, who have not asked for it, at all. Did I ask these well-wishers for their advice? For their suggestions? No. Also, the fact that these ‘advices’ were coming from complete strangers who don’t know me, my daughter, and our situation completely baffled me.

So, these two seemingly innocent remarks got me thinking and I decided to write down why these UPAGAs irk me so much. So, here goes nothing –

The fact that you are a total stranger who I have never ever met in my life before is definitely number one.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me. You don’t know my daughter, you don’t know what is going on in our lives. You don’t know our situations or our struggles. How can you comment on my parenting style without knowing anything about me or my life?
Having two kids doesn’t make you an expert. Neither does three… Neither does meeting your nieces and nephews every alternate month.
You have a healthy happy teenager, great! But, you had a kid almost a decade ago! The times were different, the age was different. Have you stopped to think that maybe your parenting style is not applicable now?
Yes, you have raised kids, now please let me raise mine. Thank you very much.
Okay, so you don’t have a kid , you have never interacted with a toddler before but it worked for your bhabhi’s sister’s jethani’s friend’s nanad’s masi’s daughter so it will work for my kid too… uhh no, it most probably will not.
It helped your kid, good for him. I absolutely must try it with my kid? Because a kid is a kid is a kid? Again… uhh, no!
Nodding in elevators, meeting at the same bus stop, having the same maid, standing in line at the same grocery shop… does not make us friends! So, no I will not discuss my child’s sleeping pattern with you.

If you are an unsolicited parenting advice giver, I have an unsolicited advice for you – Please stop. I know you think you are doing us clueless mommies a favor by sharing your infinite parenting experience, but honestly nobody appreciates it. Let me come to you with a problem, and then maybe you can impart your parenting wisdom and I might listen and actually follow. Till then, please comment on how cute / friendly / naughty my child is and be on your way.

Thanking you,

An extremely-bugged Mommy

P.S. - If you think I sound like an ungrateful biatch, let me tell you I am not. I really appreciate all those people who have helped me in my parenting journey and I am sure they will continue to do so… but on the other hand, these UPAGAs really annoy the bujeesus out of me!

P.P.S and no, I don’t know if it’s a word, I am just annoyed… and I like the sound of it - Bujeesus!

The Security Guard and his Ma'am

2014-06-27T16:08:00.000+05:30

He splashed some cold water on his face and sat up straighter. He had been at his duty since 7pm last night and was really tired. Even though his shift ended 20 minutes before, he sat waiting. She came at exactly 7:30am. As usual her infectious laugh preceded her appearance. He brushed his hair with his hand and put on his cap. He adjusted his uniform and waited for her to walk past him. She came round the bend and he saw that she was wearing a light green Salwar Kameez. With her laptop slung on her shoulders and a smart phone in one hand, she brushed an erratic lock of hair from her eyes. As she passed his desk at the security cabin, she stopped, "Good morning Raghav. Kaise ho?"
"Good morning ma'am. Me fine. How you?" he said earnestly.
She smiled her dimpled smile, "I am fine too. Bye Raghav, see you."
In a society where no one even spared him a second glance, she not only knew his name but reserved a special smile and a greeting for him every morning. Her polite gesture was enough to make him forget all his tiredness. Her smile rejuvenated and refreshed him. Oblivious to the effect she had on him, she left leaving behind a mesmerized security guard dreaming with open eyes.

He stood in front of her office dressed in the best shirt he had with a thin gold ring and a rose. It had taken him almost seven months' savings to buy this Valentine's day present for her. He was nervous but seeing her made him forget everything. She also spotted him and walked towards him with a questioning look.
"Raghav? What are you doing here? All well?"
He nodded. Her kohl-lined eyes made him forget all the sentences he had been reciting for months. He closed his eyes and concentrated.
"M... Ma... Mala," it felt nice to say her name out loud. He extended both his hands, one had the gold ring and the other a long stemmed rose, "Mala, I lou you. Marry me. Pleej," he opened his eyes pleased with himself for not stammering. He saw Mala had a horrified expression on her face. She was joined by two of her friends who were snickering.

"Tum pagaal ho kya? Yeh kya bakwaas kar rahe ho?"

"This true," he said slowly.

"Listen Raghav, this can't happen. I don't love you. Main tumse shaadi nahi kar sakti. Yeh sab rubbish bhul jao. okay?" She said.

Her friends unable to control themselves started laughing hysterically, "Mala... Mrs. Security Guard!"

Mala turned red, "shut up girls. Come on let's go."

She left without even a glance back, leaving behind a confused and embarrassed security guard clutching the gold ring, crushing the red rose.

"Oh God! Stop following me. Mera peecha chod do," she screamed, agitated.

"Par Mala... tum aise kyun baat kar rahi ho? Tum to roz mujh dekhke ismile karti thi. Kitni haas ke mujhse baat karti thi... achanak kya ho gaya?" He was walking a few steps behind her trying to figure what went wrong so suddenly. Her Mala who always walked past his desk at 7:30 had started using the back gate. She had started ignoring him and even if she saw him accidentally, she never said anything, she never smiled looking at him anymore.

She suddenly turned and joined both her hands together loudly, "Uffo, galti ho gayi jo tumse baat kar li, maaf kar do mujhe."

The look of anger on her face shocked him.

"Aisa mat kaho mala..."

"God! Leave me alone," She turned back and started walking fast.

He took a few steps and grabbed hold of her hand, "Meri baat to suno..."

Mala stopped, turned and slapped him hard across the face, "How dare you?!"

His hand involuntarily went up to his stinging cheek and his eyes watered, "Mala..."

"Ma'am. Mala nahi, ma'am. If you don't stop following me around, I will complain to the society chairman and the police. Apni haad me raho," saying this she walked off leaving behind a stunned and angry security guard.

She writhed uncontrollably on the road. Her face, neck and shoulders burned. She yelled in agony but no one came forward to help her. The unbearable pain took hold of her senses and she passed out. Finally, someone called an ambulance. A few metres away, a drunk security guard threw away the tiny glass bottle that had just moments before contained acid. He smirked as the sirens grew louder.

He left murmuring to himsels, leaving behind a disfigured ma'am.

Men will be Men. Seriously?

2014-06-27T10:18:00.000+05:30

They were standing at the metro station. The train came and a horde of passengers rushed forward. Natasha saw a man move his hand across her friend, Meera's waist and walk past without even a backward glance or any kind of expression on his face... like it was a mundane part of his morning routine. Natasha looked at Meera who seemed just a little bit disgusted, but apart from that she also had no extreme reaction, as if she had been used to this morning anomaly for a long time. She just opened her dupatta and spread it across her chest.

'Why didn't you say anything?!' Natasha asked unable to control her frustration anymore.
'Let it be na, men will be men,' Meera said with a dismissive shrug and a frown as they waited for their turn to get into the train.
'Men will be men?! Seriously? That's the most absurd argument I have ever heard!'

They entered the compartment and stood near the door. Meera stared outside having nothing more to say but Natasha was in no mood to let it go.

'Do you even realize what this casual statement of yours - men will be men - implies?'
'You are not going to let it go, right?' Meera said with a sigh.

'No,' Natasha was quite agitated with Meera's offhanded attitude, 'Your innocent remark suggests that it's in men's genes to behave the way they behave... it means that's how they are and that's how they'll be. It implies that these 'poor' guys can't help it, that's how they are wired. They are programmed to burp and fart and lech and stare and abuse and molest. It means that they have no control over any of it because it is in their nature.'

Meera looked at Natasha silently, aware of the rising pitch of her voice and the many stares they were getting thanks to her monologue.

"By saying 'men will be men' you indirectly mean that it's not their fault if they misbehave because that's how they are created. And if it's not their fault, then whose fault is it?' Natasha looked at her friend who just shrugged her shoulders.

"Obviously it's yours! It's always, always the woman's fault... for enticing him with suggestive clothing, behaviour, glances, flirting, etc. Your seemingly innocent statement takes the blame away from them and pins it on you... It's because of you that rapes happen as you dress in a certain way that mess with his head and men being men can't do anything except act out. It's because of the way you talk or drink or walk that you are molested and abused because men are behaving according to their basic nature. So, because they can't change, you must... you must dress conservatively, not smoke, not drink, not laugh, not talk blah blah. I can't understand why don't men find this statement more offensive. It practically means that they have not even an ounce of self-control, that they lack even the tiniest bit of will power."

Meera shuffled nervously, shifting her weight from one foot to another.

"Whenever someone says men will be men, I feel like yelling - stop turning the perpetrator into a victim!"

"Sshhh... be quiet, everyone is staring. I think you think too much. Now c'mon let's go, our stop is here," Meera held Natasha's hand and led her out, with her bent low.
'Women will be women,' thought Natasha sarcastically, shaking his head.

The Arranged Meetng

2014-06-26T12:21:00.002+05:30

They were sitting at a posh cafe for their second date... actually it would be wrong to call it a date, it was more of a meeting - a meeting to discover each other's likes and dislikes, a meeting to figure out if they were compatible, a meeting to confirm whether they would want to get married or not.

He was telling her about his mother's superb cooking. She was listening silently, sipping her coffee.

"I guess we have been really pampered by her. She always cooked and somehow I have never liked a maid's food. It doesn't have the same taste as your mother or wife's," he picked up a cookie and bit it into half, "I hope you can cook?" He looked at her with a questioning smile, wiping cookie crumbs from his face.

She handed him a paper napkin, "I can, can you?"

"Oh no, no... I can't. I only know how to eat," he smiled and picked up his coffee mug, "actually with studies and work, I never got the time."

She nodded, "how educated are you?"

"MBA," he said proudly.

"Me too. What are your office timings?" She sipped her coffee looking up at her from over her mug.

"Uhm..." he shifted in his seat. He felt a little disconcerted under her unnerving gaze, "I leave around 8:30 in the morning and come back home at 9-9:30. It's almost a 12 hour shift."

"Mine too and I could still find the time to learn to cook, why couldn't you?"

"Uhm... mm."

"Anyway, let it be. So, hypothetically, if we decide to get married, my office would be on the opposite side so it would take me an hour more to commute."

"O-Kay," he said completely clueless as to where the conversation was heading.

"So if you are against keeping a cook and you can't cook, that means I have to get up early and make breakfast, pack lunches, and prepare dinner?" She asked.

He shrugged, "I guess... every woman does that."

"Hmm... so you could maybe help me around the house? You know maintain the house, clean up, do the laundry--"

"Do the laundry?!" He interjected, a little angrily, "that's a woman's job! You want me to wash clothes after I come tired from work?"

"A woman's job? What's so womanly in putting clothes in a washing machine...? And besides if I can cook after coming from a similiar 12 hr shift, why can't you wash the clothes?"

"I can't do all this," he said shaking his head in irritation.

"Well then, I can't do this," she said getting up, leaving behind her share of the cheque.