The Grey Area...

Grass is always greener on the other side . . . or is it?

2013-05-22T14:24:00.002+05:30

It was seven in the morning. she was standing in her bedroom window staring at her neighbor. Dressed smartly in a grey skirt and white shirt, her friend was off to work. She felt a pang of jealousy.
This could have been me.
She sighed. she knew she had left behind the competitive corporate world for a life of quiet domesticity. It was her decision to get married and stop working. It was her choice but, sometimes, when she saw her friends going to work with their smart phones and their Mac Books in tow, she felt envious. When she heard them talk about their work, their travels and their every increasing paycheck, she always felt a twinge of regret. It was not that she wasn't happy in her own life but there were days when she couldn't stop her mind from questioning her heart.
Is this it? Is this my life now?
Today, standing in her bedroom, framed by the window she felt claustrophobic. she longed to leave the shackles of domesticity and sour high in the sky. she wanted to not think about the grocery shopping and laundry but wanted to worry about figures and presentations. She was lost in her thoughts when she felt someone tug at her pyjamas. she looked down and saw her two year old standing beside her groggily rubbing his eyes.
"Momma!" he said happily and motioned for her to pick him up.
she smiled and bent low.
"Good Morning."
She turned and looked back at her husband. he came towards her smiling, carrying a tray with two cups of tea on it. he placed it on the bed and handed her one cup kissing her lightly on the cheek. her son rested his head on her shoulder and heaved a content sigh. she couldn't help herself, she smiled broadly.
"What's with the smile?" his husband asked, sipping his tea.
"Nothing." she took a sip, "Good tea."
she looked back at her friend who had climbed into her new car and waved at her. she waved back with a smile on her face.
Life is not so bad.
She put the cup on the window sill and hugged her little boy tightly.

Sitting in her new car, she waved at her friend, smiling tightly. A wave of jealousy swept over her.
Here I am all dressed up and off to work and some people are still in their pyjamas!
She started her engine and reversed her car from the parking lot. Her phone started ringing. She glanced at the screen. it was her assistant.
"What?!" she barked into her smart phone.
Her assistant told her that the meeting has been postponed by an hour. she listened, with her temper rising, and then threw the phone on to the passenger side seat.
This is just perfect.
Involuntarily, her eyes again went to the window on the third floor where her neighbour was standing cuddling her two year old son in her arms with her husband by her side, sipping the morning tea. she looked at herself in the car's tiny rear-view mirror.
Is this it? Is this my life now?
She had decided to pursue her career going against her family who wanted to get her getting married. Now, five years later, she was the youngest manager in her organization with an impressive bank balance. She was happy with her life . . . she liked her work, she liked going on dates, she liked her independence. But, then there were those days, like today, when she couldn't help but think about her life, about how lonely it sometimes felt to be on her own all the time. There were days when she felt like giving it all up and getting married and having a brood of kids.
Where I don't have to worry about profits and losses and just think about my kid's grades.
Her beeping phone brought her back to reality. She picked it up, frowning. it was an email from her boss. As she scanned her mail, her face lit up.
Another promotion!
She pumped her fist in the air.
Life is not so bad after all!
She started the engine and drove to work, smiling broadly.

From Darkness to Light

2013-04-30T11:03:00.000+05:30

Broken and empty, she walked alone;

Clutching tiny pieces of her heart, she wandered lost . . . Shielding her soul, hiding her tears, shying from prying eyes, shuddering at every helpful touch.
Months passed and years flew by, devoid of desires and scared of her dreams, she uttered a hopeless cry.
Opened her eyes and found him standing beside . . . Kind and considerate, warm and understanding. Distrustful of even her own shadow, she ignored his friendly smiles.
He matched her steps, walking by her side . . . Silent but strong, he became her companion, her only ally.
No questions he asked, no answers were sought . . . He taught her to trust, to laugh, to live.
Soon, she was whole . . . Beautiful and full of sunshine.

Her heart was healed, she was complete, he filled her very being.

Writer's Block

2013-04-29T13:34:00.000+05:30

She stared at the word file. Her slender fingers resting on the keyboard, she was willing herself to write . . . But, no thought, no idea, no words came to her . . . her mind was as blank as the document opened in front her. She stood up and walked towards the lone window in her one bedroom apartment. She stood by the window and glanced out. She loved the view, especially in the mornings. The kids would be laughing and stomping their way to school. The men would be driving off to work. The women would be seeing off their kids and husbands. The street dogs running around barking. The maids would be reporting for work. The newspapermen and the milkmen would be cycling around delivering their respective goods. Doorbells would be ringing, birds would be chirping. In the mornings, the street itself felt alive and pulsating with the cacophony of sounds. But, now, it was three in the afternoon and not the favorite time of the day for her. All was silent. It was a sleepy afternoon. She could see a huge Gulmohar tree in the veranda of the house right across the street from her. It was in full bloom and the ground below was littered with red flowers that had fallen from its branches. In the morning, the tree seemed to be dancing in the gentle breeze. But, now, the wind had stopped rustling the leaves. The birds had stopped chirping. A dog was lying lazily on the ground in the shade of the tree as if lifeless. The street looked and felt dead. She pictured all the housewives and the kids lying on their beds with the AC's on full blast taking their afternoon naps after consuming a hearty lunch. She looked up at her rusty creaking fan. She smiled sarcastically.

Such is life

She went back and sat in front of the laptop. Staring at the blank document filled her with anger.

Why is this happening to me? Why can’t I write? Everyone is going on with their lives and I am just stuck. I need to write something . . . anything, but something.

She, once again, placed her fingers on the keypad. Once again, she was met with a wall . . . strong and indestructible.

Maybe I need a break.

She closed her eyes to rest for some time. In the descending darkness, she could see a murky path underneath her. She was walking on it looking around trying to make sense of where she was. In the distance she could make out a vague shape. As she inched closer, she realized it was a giant bookcase. A huge beautifully-carved wooden case filled with numerous books. She quickened her pace. She wanted to touch it, smell it, feel it. . . she ached to run her fingers over the smoothly carved surface and caress the various engravings. She was getting closer. Her pulse quickened. She inhaled the scent of freshly carved dark wood, the intoxicating aroma of old books. She took a long breath so as to fill every pore of herself with the musty scent. She touched tentatively the carvings of flowers and butterflies engraved intricately on it . . . the wood felt cool as ice underneath her wandering fingers. She was close enough to realize that there was an empty space between the many books stacked neatly. There was space in this magnificent bookcase for one more book – hers. The idea made her giddy with excitement. She felt as if her heart would burst with happiness. She extended her hand to slide her book into place but her hands came up empty. She searched around frantically, but she had nothing with her. She noticed the bookcase had begun to recede in the background. She took a step towards it and the case slipped a little further behind. She realized with growing anxiety that it is moving farther and farther away from her. She shrieked, “NO!” and started running towards it but it continued to elude her until the darkness swallowed it whole.

She woke up with a start. She looked from side to side. She was all alone in her tiny room. Apart from the rhythmic creaking of the fan, all was quiet. She glanced at the open laptop in front of her. It stared back at her, mockingly.

Life is what You make it

2013-04-20T11:24:00.000+05:30

She met him, by chance;
Trusted him, by choice.

They fell in love, by chance;
Got married, by choice.

He met another, by chance;
Left her, by choice.

She was alone, by chance;
Got herself someone new, by choice.

They met again, by chance;
Both remarried, by choice.

He was lonely, by chance;
She was happy with her choice.

Life is a series of chances and choices, but how you end up . . . depends entirely on you.

The Oath of the New Mommies

2013-04-19T13:04:00.001+05:30

Thou shall refrain from imparting your infinite wisdom about child-bearing as well as child-rearing until and unless asked explicitly.
Thou shall not judge other fellow new-mommies based on their parenting choices.
Thou shall not brag incessantly about your kid's every little achievement.
Thou shall not turn your baby into a show-doll demanding her to sing, dance, recite poems as per your fancy / to entertain guests.
Thou shall not exclaim or gasp in horror as if the world has ended upon hearing that another baby has not reached a particular milestone at the same time as your baby.
Thou shall not impose your parenting techniques on others.
Thou shall refrain from 'tut-tut'ing, sneering, rolling your eyes and /or passing a scathing comment on a fellow mommy who seems to be having trouble controlling her little explorer in a public place.

Something that I have learned in the last one year of being a Mommy. You are welcome to add to the list.

Dreams . . .

2013-03-23T10:07:00.001+05:30

She was packing feverishly. She still couldn’t believe that it was actually happening . . . that she was going on a holiday with her husband. Just the two of them . . . away from the daily chores, the mundane tasks . . . away from the slow life of matrimony she had settled into, no questions asked. She took out a big stack of clothes, her western outfits that she had bought for her honeymoon and which, for the last two years, were laying unused hidden deep behind her burgeoning stack of sarees and suits. She smiled as she put them inside the suitcase.

You would finally see the light of day.

She held up a dress and tilted her head sideways, trying to imagine herself wearing it. She held it against her body and twirled a little. She was ecstatic. She couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

Two Years. I haven’t been on a holiday for two years!

The last ‘holiday’ she had been on was in fact her honeymoon. After that she had only been visiting her extended family in one town or other.

And God knows that is no holiday.

All these visits were the same, the kitchen changed, the rooms changed, the houses changed but the tasks remained the same. she was still expected to wake up before everyone and make tea.

All because maji likes to show off how talented bahu she has got. But not this time.

She was anxiously looking forward to staying at a hotel, ordering room service, trying put different cuisines and just having loads of fun.

Just me and him. No family. No cooking. No bahu rani. No hanji-hanji. No dupatta covering the head.

She smiled and carefully folded the dress. She went to her wardrobe to get another stack of clothes when the door to her room opened. She looked up, quickly closing the cupboard behind her. Seeing her husband, she heaved a huge sigh of relief.

“Are the tickets booked?” she asked apprehensively.

He went over to their shared dressing table and took off his watch, “Yeah. We have to leave in a week.”

She asked confused, “A week?! But the advertisement said the offer is only available for flights leaving this weekend that is day after tomorrow.”

“I know. So, we are not going by flight. It’ll be too expensive.” He went inside the bathroom. She could hear him bolt the door from inside . . . The tap water running . . . The splash it made as he washed his face. She stood outside, staring vacantly at the door. She was so excited about boarding a flight. She chewed her lower lip, a nervous habit.

At least we are going on a holiday.

She perked up a little and turned to resume her packing. She saw him walking out wearing his pajamas rubbing his face with a towel.

“What should I pack for you? Where are your shorts?” she said fiddling in his side of the wardrobe, “You look so nice in them.”

He smiled at her indulgently, “They are on the bottom shelf. You only put them there.”

He sat down on the bed, “Listen, I asked ma and bauji. They haven’t been to Goa either so I booked their tickets too. And guess what, ma asked Rinku mausi to come with us and she agreed to. It’ll be nice with all the family going together.”

He didn’t notice that she had stopped midway as if frozen. Her hands felt like they were made of stone. She was unable to move, unable to breathe.

Maji and bauji are coming? And Rinku Mausi?!

“Bu . . . But, this was supposed to be our holiday?” she asked stammering.

“It is. They are our family,” he replied nonchalantly.

She just kept staring at him. She opened her mouth to say something when the door opened with a loud thud and her mother-in-law entered.

“Bahu, did he tell you we are also coming with you. It’ll be so much fun. Rinku and Nandlal bhaisahab have also agreed to come.” She laughed her boisterous laugh, “arre, bhaisahab has only agreed on one condition that you’ll make your famous kachoris for the trip. I toh told him ki bhaisahab that’s a given! No train journey is complete without our bahurani’s wonderful cooking.” She sat down next to her son.

She hastily shut down the suitcase lest her mother-in-law see what she had packed.

“Beta, your bauji was saying that he knows someone who has a guest house in Goa. Staying at a hotel with so many people would be too expensive na. The guest-house has a caretaker and he said that a maid could be arranged. That leaves cooking which I, bahu and Rinku can handle, right?” The mother-in-law looked straight at her with raised eyebrows. She nodded faking a polite smile. She knew she has no say in these matters. She will have to do as the elders deem fit.

“That sounds like fun. I am dying to have that mutton dish that Rinku mausi makes.” Her husband replied smacking his lips.

She sighed.

“So, I’ll tell your father to book the guest-house,” she said getting up, “bahu remember to pack that new saree that Nandlal bhaisahab had given you otherwise he might feel bad.”

She nodded mutely.

At the door, she turned back, “Bahu come quickly in the kitchen; let’s start preparing for the train journey. I think there’ll be around . . .” she counted off her fingers, “around 15 people. I am thinking let’s make pooris and aloo ki sabzi for lunch. Also you have to make kachoris and let’s also make that namkeen that you make. It takes a week no? ” Without stopping to listen for her answer, her mother-in-law left muttering to herself, leaving the two of them alone.

She stared at him with her stony gaze as if willing him to read his mind.

“It’ll be fun. All of us together, hanging out at the guest-house eating delicious home-cooked food. It’ll be just like home, like we never left.”

That’s exactly what I didn’t want.

She bit her tongue. She didn’t like confrontations. She took a deep breath and started replacing the skirts with suits in her suitcase dejected, holding back hot tears.

Mommy Musings!

2012-03-13T12:16:00.000+05:30

If you have been a regular follower and have been wondering where have I disappeared, I would first - like to thank you for missing me and second I would like to share that I have recently been promoted! No, not professionally but rather on the personal front! From being a wife, now I am a Mommy... MommyM to be precise! This promotion has been the major reason for me being absent from the blogging world for such a long time.

The pregnancy brought with itself many questions, some anxiety and loads of joy and happiness! Apart from morning sickness and weight gain, pregnancy also led to... writer's block! All I could think about was the baby... I couldn't write and that scared the shit out of me! I didn't want to publish something for the heck of it so I decided to wait and stay away... Now the baby is out and so is the writer's block! Yay!! :D Last month, I became a proud MommyM of beautiful baby girl - BabyS. PapaP and I are in seventh heaven. She is the apple of our eye and we love her to death.

Earlier, some months back before I had held my little princess in my arms, I could never understand the obsession parents had with their babies... putting up their pictures, always talking about them non-stop! I always used to find that very strange... but now, the tables have turned and how?! I talk about her, I keep clicking pictures of her every mood, I maintain a baby diary, I keep staring at her (even when she is asleep) and lately, I have even started updating my Facebook status with mentions about her. Guess you have to have a baby of your own to understand that the 'obsession' is nothing but just unconditional love.

The feeling of holding a tiny little bundle in your arms, who is yours, is something else... just indescribable.

As I said before, I couldn't write because all my thoughts were occupied by BabyS (they still are). But, recently, I had also started to miss my first love - WRITING! I am taking baby steps and that is why have decided to publish my 'Mommy Musings'! As a new mother, there are a lot of things I don't know and understand... there are still a lot of questions that I have, and a lot of discoveries to be made. I am taking each day as it comes. This post is about all the thoughts that have crossed my mind since I have laid eyes on my angelic BabyS.

Here's what I have been thinking and feeling (a.k.a. my Facebook status updates from the last couple of days) I hope you enjoy reading them, I am sure mothers (new and old) would -

Sometimes BabyS smiles in her sleep, sometimes she sobs, other times she gets angry and there are times when she gets scared... Some people say that infants remember their past lives and dream about instances that had happened to them in an earlier life! :O Will we ever find out if that is true...? I guess not... #sleepybaby
BabyS likes to be rocked to sleep... There have been times, when the rocking has stopped before she has fallen asleep and I swear she has looked back at me with the expression that says, 'Did I tell you to stop rocking? I am still awake, kindly continue.' :O #TrueStory
BabyS sleeping peacefully with a hint of a smile... I touch her little palm lightly and she holds my finger in her tiny hand... Moments that take MommyM's breath away! I can stare at my sleeping beauty for hours... :D #MomentsThatMakeYouGoAww
That amazing feeling when your new born baby is sleeping peacefully curled up in your arms, breathing softly, with her face against your chest, your cheek lightly resting on her head... And then suddenly, without warning, she poops on your hand! Awesome ain't it! :S #truestory #joysofmotherhood
Her Highness BabyS woke up at 10:30 (after sleeping at 4 in the morning)! In the next one and a half hour, she fed, peed, pooped, got a massage, bathed, fed again and very promptly went back to sleep. MommyM who also slept at 4am has been up since 7am! *yawn*yawn* #neverendingchores
BabyS has 5 distinct type of cries which basically mean - feed me, burp me, change me, hold me, and rock me to sleep... Still figuring out which corresponds to what! ;) #newmotherlearnings
Daytime - cry, feed, burp, sleep... Cry, pee, sleep... Cry, poop, sleep... Cry, play, sleep... Repeat in no particular order! *loop* Night - cry, feed, burp, wide-eyed... Pee, wide-eyed... Poop, wide-eyed... Cry... Repeat in no particular order! *loop* It's BabyS' life! #joysofmotherhood #yawnyawn
BabyS' sleeping time = MommyM's shower+lunch+nap time! :p #offtosleep
The volume of BabyS' cries is directly proportional to the frequency of MommyM's yawns! :S *yawn* #joysofmotherhood #nightshiftbegins
BabyS looks like an angry baby sparrow when she doesn't get what she wants! :P #mylittleangrybird
Do you remember those dolls that opened their eyes when held up and closed them when laid down on the bed...? well, BabyS is the complete opposite! Her eyes are closed when she is held and as soon as she is laid down on her cradle, her eyes pop open! #joysofmotherhood ;)
NaniL rocking BabyS to sleep... *5 minutes later* BabyS still wide awake and NaniL has rocked herself to sleep! :D
BabyS - sleeping peacefully; MommyM - thinking of all the tasks she can complete before the baby wakes up again! 'Sleep when the baby sleeps'...?! BAH!! Not possible!!

BabyS is a little older, she can read it with me. I would love to hear what all, the Papas and Mommys amongst you have gone through... feel free to comment.

I would try and update the blog (with other of my writings apart from Mommy Musings) as much as BabyS would let me... she is a attention seeker, she is!

And she cries... time to log off and attend to Her Highness - BabyS.

Another crime against Women.

2011-07-16T21:46:00.000+05:30

Saw in the news that a student of XIth standard was gang-raped in front of the village by a group of men in a small town in U.P. The reason was that she was allegedly having an affair with her teacher. This was the eighth rape that has been 'reported' in the state of UP in the last 'one' month.After the incident, the girl, embarrassed and humiliated, committed suicide.

I had the following question in my mind when I saw this news -

Why was only the girl punished for having an affair with the teacher? First of all, the 'punishment' was totally unnecessary. Secondly, if the so-called moral police decided that punishment was much needed, why wasn't the teacher, that is the adult in the whole situation, punished for having an affair with a minor? Isn't his role more offensive than the girl?
Why is it that in our rural societies the only punishment for a woman that these so-called moral upholders of our society can think of is rape? Is there no other form of punishment available? Is rape the only way?! Is this emotional, mental and physical humiliation is the only way to teach any woman a lesson? If this is so, what kind of society do we live in?
When did rape become a form of punishment? Isn't it a more heinous crime than falling in love with a teacher?!
Nothing... I mean nothing, can justify a rape. Men can't go through it (well, they can be sodomized but that happens rarely) that is why they would never understand what a woman goes through after such a horrendous experience. It not only scars her body, but her mind and soul as well.
If this is the only way, men can exert their power over women, then... shame on them!
The only punishment for a rapist should be castration.
Eight rapes in one month?! And that is one state. What is our country coming to...?

Lappy Troubles

2011-07-12T14:15:00.000+05:30

You may or may not have noticed that I haven't been updating my blog... all thanks to my faithless and uncooperative laptop! It has decided to have a mind of his own and as a result of that, it has stopped responding to the start button! It turns on when it feels like it, but on most of the occasions, we just have a staring match with me staring at the blank screen and losing my patience and it staring back at me with all the time in the world. The match almost always turns out with me switching it off in frustration and it smiling back at me in smug satisfaction. I am not kidding, it does look like it's smiling with his stupid square jawline! Today, with some luck and lot of persistence I have finally managed to make the dumb machine start up. Hence, the post.

Sometimes, I wonder if it's not a transformer who turns into some awesome machine when I am not looking! I know it's a little far-fetched and it's actually not a transformer. How I wish it was one though... ;) I would have called him Red Riding Hood, just because it's hood is red. And I am sure it would be a she transformer... (Did I not tell you about the mood swings, just in the above paragraph?!) This makes me wonder why isn't there a single female transformer in the movie series?! Maybe the absence of women is the reason why the Autobots and the Decepticons are at war with each other and destroy their own planet! Now you see, how important it is to have a female perspective. I am sure if there were She Transformers, they would have talked everything out and their planet would still be at peace and not in pieces! So, stop killing women lest you want Earth to go the Cybertron way! (It could be about anything and I can turn into a women-centric post! God, I am a feminist! ;) )

Anyway, I digress... This stupid non-transformer-but-irritating-machine a.k.a laptop has ruined my dream of publishing 365 posts on 365 days. In other words my 365 day challenge has gone down the drain and I have also lost a follower (::Sob::Sob::)

So, if you want me to keep on publishing on a regular basis, help me buy a new laptop... and I don't mean advice on which is the best machine in the market, I mean monetary help! (I kid... NOT!) ;)

And yeah I almost forgot... I hate Technology! (No specific relation, just saying!)

My First Interview!

2011-07-08T11:11:00.000+05:30

Some weeks before I was approached by a blogger - Jidhu Jose. He wanted me to do an interview for his blog. At first, I thought this was some practical joke but then I went to his blog and realized it was not! His blog was pretty interesting and had loads to read and see... So, I said yes and did my first interview!

You can read it here.

Do let me know what you think... :)

This & That!

2011-07-07T14:01:00.000+05:30

There are so many things I want to write about but gosh, how time just flies by! I just haven't had time to jot down all that is going through my mind. So this post, is a little bit about everything! Kindly bear with me ;)

House-wives - When I was younger, I too, like many of my friends, used to turn up my nose at house-wives. In spite of the fact that my mother was one too. I wanted to be a career woman. I wanted a corporate lifestyle. I wanted to be a jet-setter. But, alas... God had other plans! After I got married I had to move to Kovalam and in the interiors of Kerala, I couldn't find a job to my liking. So, began my life as a freelancer + a homemaker. I, like many, used to believe that managing a house doesn't require any special skills... How wrong was I?! When I had to take care of everything from making sure the toothpaste is there to deciding what to cook for dinner, I realized what a tough task it is! There are no offs, no compensation and you can't even put it up on your resume! I mean I manage a whole house... I make sure it functions properly and smoothly. I have people who work under me such as a maid, the newspaper wallah, the press wallah, the milkman... these are my employees! I manage the budget. So, basically I am the MD, the Financial Controller, and the operations manager of my household... how can that not be counted as adequate experience?! My respect for my mother and all the other home-makers has grown manifold... It is not easy, believe me!
Child Artists - I absolutely hate it when the protagonists of a show is a child! I firmly believe that this practice should be banned. It just robs the children of their childhood... I mean, fine... your child has a talent. you have his whole life to hone that. Let the child be a child instead of decking him / her with make-up, making him / her shoot for 'n' number of hours. I don't understand the dialogues these kids are made to recite. and the worst are the reality shows. Singing shows and dancing shows for the kids with indecent amount of money as prize. what will a kid of 9 years, do with 50 Lakh rupees?! I am sure the parents can find many uses for the same. So, whenever I see a 8 year old kid singing sheila ki jawani or gyrating to munni badnam hui, I don't think the kid is super talented, I realize the parents are super dumb! These reality shows have so much competition, and it infuriates me no end when a child cries because he couldn't live up to his parents' expectations! Let the children enjoy their childhood... if they sing well, if they dance well, if they are good actors... I am sure they will retain their talent when they are 17-18 years old as well. Let them be...
The Gaalli Culture -Sometimes I wonder if I was the only one who didn't understand what the big deal was with the song 'DK Bose'...Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who doesn't use swear words / abuses / ma-behen in normal everyday language... Sometimes I wonder if I am a dying breed for whom 'ullu ke patthe' was the worst Hindi gaalli... Sometimes I wonder if using abuses had become the new 'in' thing and I am considered 'uncool' (if that word exists) because I don't use them...sometimes I wonder If people think me as a naive little protected girl. But, generally I am amazed at the language used by today's so-called youth! But, after all the wondering I realize that I am proud of the fact that I didn't understand what is the big deal with DK Bose... I am proud that I don't need to use abuses to put my point across... I am proud that the extent of my knowledge regarding swear words stops at 'ullu ke patthe'... I am proud of being this sophisticated and if you think I am naive... so be it! I will never be a part of the gaalli culture! ;)

OK, so this marks the end of my mish-mash post! What do you think...?

Bubble Gum Love!

2011-07-04T12:16:00.000+05:30

His...

He stood there staring at her from behind a tree. She was flirting with another guy. She laughed and touched his arm carelessly. And electric current ran through his body. He didn’t know he was capable of such strong emotions of anger for someone. He threw down the rose and walked away, thinking, ‘I have no hope, she is obviously not interested in me. It's time I stop wasting my time.’

Hers...

She knew he was standing behind the tree looking at her. She decided it is time to take matters into her own hands. She laughed at some pathetic joke her companion said. She touched his arm slowly. She knew this was enough to make him jealous. The fear of losing her would give him the courage to come and tell her that she was waiting to hear since college started. She glanced at his retreating back, sadly, ‘maybe tomorrow he would say something.’

Aren't teenage romances the best?! Have you ever been on either His or Her side? I surely have and it hurt like hell that time... But now, all it does is bring a small smile to my face ;) What about you...? Share away...!

Death for Love

2011-07-01T13:16:00.000+05:30

She saw him crumpled up on the floor, lying in a pool of blood. Her love, her life. she crouched down beside him. He was not breathing. She wanted to cry but no tears come out. She looked up at his killer. It was her father... her own father. The man who had given birth to her. The man who had taught her to walk. The man who claimed to have given her everything she ever wanted. She thought, 'No, you haven't.Instead you have just taken away the only thing I had ever wanted more than anything else in my life. And why?! Just because he was from a different caste?' But she didn't say anything. She just sat there with him in his warm blood and blinked. Her father was standing towering over her in a fit of rage. "Dad..." she finally whispered. But stopped when she looked at him. He was not her father anymore, he had transformed into someone else. He wasn't looking at her with love in her eyes, but with disgust and pure unadulterated anger, "you ruined our family honour! how could you run away with him?! What did you think I'll never find you!!" He was almost blinded with rage. She kept staring at him with blank eyes, awaiting her fate. She took his limp hand in hers and closed her eyes. The last thing she heard was a gunshot.

P.S. - A post on the similar topic last year - Honour Killings... What a shame!

Happy Accidents!

2011-06-30T15:09:00.000+05:30

Serendipity is when someone finds something that they weren't expecting to find. In the simplest of words, it means a 'happy accident' (This is how wikipedia defines it as!). It is one of my favorite words. I mean who doesn't love it when they accidentally find money in the pocket of their old pair of jeans?!

On a little more serious note, I believe love is generally serendipitous. It generally finds you when you are not looking for it or have stopped looking for it... when you get tired of searching for the elusive Mr or Ms Right and try to focus on something else, it is then that BAM! you come face-to-face with him / her. I remember one such encounter - A girl was forced to go to a different city for some project by her boss. She had gone grudgingly, thinking this was going to be the worst trip of her life but she ended up meeting her soul mate! (yeah, that girl is me! ;) )

Do you have any such serendipitous encounters?! looking back on which you can't help but smile... Why don't you share them?

P.S. I had written an almost similar post last year! You can read it here. This one was, however, more descriptive!

A widow & A widower

2011-06-29T22:48:00.000+05:30

Hers...

After a long time she was sitting with her in-laws. Everyone was watching a comedy movie and laughing. A funny scene came and she also started laughing. The room went quiet. She realized that all eyes were on her. She felt guilty. She quietly got up and went to her room. She was a widow.

His...

He was getting dressed. It was his wedding. He checked himself out in the mirror. He looked dapper. He put on his turban and smiled... a little sadly. He sighed and went out. There was celebration all around...firecrackers shooting in the sky. No one could tell it was his second marriage. He was a widower.

I know this scenario is changing rapidly... But there is still a long way to go.

The Weaker Sex

2011-06-28T11:13:00.000+05:30

Since as long as I can remember there have been ladies seats in the buses and also there has been a strong opposition to them from the male gender. I remember travelling in buses to and from college and hoping, before every time I entered one, to find a place to sit… hoping that one of the ladies seats is empty. It was not because I was very tired or that I had a huge bag with me, but because I didn’t want to be touched or groped. I didn’t want the man sitting next to me to fall on me on the pretext of sleeping… I didn’t want the man standing alongside me to lean against me when the driver hits the brakes. I have lived in Delhi all my life and trust me, I have never felt safe travelling or being alone, outside of my home that is. And I know for a fact, I am not an isolated case. There are many like me and this is the sad case of our ‘Mother’land. If you are a woman living in India, the sooner you get to know that you would be molested, the better it is. By making this statement, I am not condoning these acts. But, I am just trying to say that the sooner you know about it, the earlier you can do something against it!

I know of many cases wherein a seemingly innocent bus / metro ride turned into a groping session. So, when I found out that the Metro had got a separate ladies compartment I was very sad. I was sad because I had left the city and would not get to use the benefit of travelling in the metro without a man falling all over me!

What ~~surprises~~ shocks me is the reaction of many men to ladies seats and ladies compartments. I have encountered men sitting stubbornly on a ladies seat even if they see an elderly lady standing next to them. I have met men faking sleep and not even getting up after being repeatedly poked at. There are some men who would ridicule the idea of a ladies compartment altogether. I want to ask all these men, how many times have you been molested? How many times had someone tried to touch you inappropriately?! Never, right? I thought so.

What bothers me more is the psychology behind all this? Many men who do it are not hooligans but college students and middle-aged men going to work. I can’t understand that why would a man, going to office on a normal day, want to do that? What does he get out of it? Cheap thrills?! What does he think while getting on the bus – who should I fall on today? What prompts a man, a father, a husband and a son to stoop so low?

Many times the finger of blame has been pointed at the women. How many times have I heard people blaming the woman who had been sexually assaulted by saying things like she doesn’t dress properly or she called it upon herself for wearing something like that. Why it is that it becomes a woman’s fault for dressing up in a certain way rather than a man’s who couldn’t keep his hormones or testosterone in check?!

I dare all the men who keep ridiculing the need of a ladies compartment to dress up as a woman and travel in the buses and metro for a day. It doesn’t matter if you are wearing a skirt, a salwar-kameez or a sari; it doesn’t matter if you are the most beautiful woman or some average Jill; it doesn’t matter if you are young, middle aged or old… rest assured you would be teased, taunted, made lewd comments at, groped, touched inappropriately, whistled at, leered at, jeered at and maybe even followed. After that one journey, I would want you to answer…who is the weaker sex? The one who is trying to live her life on her own terms or the one who can’t keep himself in check?

This Post was originally written and published as a guest column for The Viewpaper - The Voice of the Youth.

What’s the deal with...?

2011-06-27T17:45:00.000+05:30

Whenever I go out, there are a lot of disconcerting habits of people that disgust and irritate me. It makes me wonder that how are these people allowed to be out of their house?! They should be locked up and given hygiene lessons!

Some of the habits that completely make me go insane and also wonder, what’s the deal with...?

Peeing in public – This is done mainly by the men. I mean what’s the deal with it?! there are so many public services all over the city, why don’t they make use of them? Granted, they are in a pathetic condition but who is responsible for that, huh?! I mean it is such an ‘Eww’ sight when you look out of the window of your car and some man is wetting the wall! Have you ever seen a woman doing that?! If women can control themselves and wait till they get home or some other restroom service, why can’t men?
Spitting in public areas – I absolutely loathe whenever I see someone spitting on the walls. I mean you just have to wander through CP and you can see the handiwork of some buffoon on the pillars. it is a disgusting habit as it is but people have to make it worse by spraying their red spit all over the city! In addition to spitting paan, many people spit otherwise. Something is the matter with their throat, and they make sound like a gargle and then thinking of the world as their personal wash basin, they go on spitting away! I just want to say to them – That is disgusting!
Picking your nose – What do these people expect to find in there? Some lost treasure?! They are at it, without a care in the world... And God forbid, they find something! Eww... that goes right there – under the chair or table where they are sitting! Eww!
Burping in Public – Don’t you hate it when you go to a nice restaurant and are sitting, waiting for your meal to placed in front of you... when the person sitting on the next table decides to tell you what he had had for his meal! Eww!! Go to the washroom, you neanderthal man! What irritates me more is when you give that guy (yes, it is generally a man!) the dirty look and he, instead of being apologetic or even a tad bit embarrassed, just looks back at you and smiles, pretty shamelessly! Like the burping incident was pretty normal! News Flash Mister, you are not at home.
Throwing stuff / garbage on the road – This is the habit which I don’t understand. I mean there are so many dustbins all over the city, why is it that people insist on throwing garbage outside of it?! I have seen kids thinking their soda cans to be a basketball and the garbage bin as a hoop and indulging in some basketball practice! But the problem, if the freaking can doesn’t end up in the bin, they just leave it lying around there and go about their business. I mean how difficult it is to pick up the can and put it in the bin?! Don’t you keep your house clean? Why can’t you do the same for your city?
Honking Incessantly – It is a red light and you, as many others along with you, are waiting for it to turn green. Doesn’t it make you mad that as soon as the light turns green, the jerk behind you starts honking repeatedly! I mean, the light just turned green two seconds ago! Give the person ahead of you some time to start the engine, put the car into gear... But no, he / she is getting late to save the world maybe! It irritates me more, when I see a car behind a rickshaw-wallah honking over and over again... it’s a man pushing a person behind him. It would take time. Make your peace with it. Sometimes, I wonder what the honking driver thinks would happen by pressing the horn? Does he think that his car would sprout wings and he would be able to fly over?!
Not standing in queues – Why can’t people understand the concept of queues?! I guess everyone thinks that they are Amitabh Bhachhan and wherever they stand the line begins from there... That is not so! If you go to a counter and there is a group of people standing one behind the other, that is a queue... and you need to go at the end of it and not at the beginning because believe it or not, you are just like everyone else. I absolutely hate it when you are waiting for half an hour in line and someone who thinks they are too good enough to stand in line (like everybody else) and instead goes straight to the front. But I love it that when something like this happens, how the whole queue of varied individuals unite as one!
People who give wrong directions – Now, this is plain silly. I mean why is it so difficult to tell someone that you don’t know they way to the place they are asking you about?! There have been so many instances when I have ended up going in a circle or in the completely opposite direction when I asked for the way. A simple – I don’t know – would have been much more appreciated.

There are many more such habits of people that I can enumerate but I would want to give you a chance to the same... what are the habits of random strangers that make you go Eww

P.S. I don’t know if you noticed or not, but there was no post yesterday... I am still on with the 365 day challenge, it was just that my trusted Internet connection ditched me! But all is well now and I would make up for that one loss... cheers!

Height Of Loneliness

2011-06-25T11:57:00.000+05:30

She dialled his number for the tenth consecutive time. Still, her call was on waiting. She clutched the receiver to her ear and kept listening as the automated voice repeated the same message in various languages, 'the user is busy on another call...' she smiled bitterly, thinking, 'Someone has the time to speak with me.'

Image courtesy - 123rf.com

P.S. Can anyone tell me a good site to download free pictures? Yes, I have been living under a rock! :P

Superstitions

2011-06-24T13:48:00.000+05:30

Yesterday night, my husband started to cut his nails and I instinctively, and without thinking, told him that you shouldn't cut nails during the night. He looked at me puzzled and asked why and I had no answer. And that got me thinking why shouldn't you cut your nails in the night? I am not superstitious but there are somethings that you just follow... because your parents told them to you. you never question them, you just do it. Maybe because it is a trivial little thing. they tell you don't cut your nails in the night and you obey them. what's the big deal right?! But this time, I wanted to know. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that this thought process must have originated in the old days when there was no electricity. So, people might have cut their fingers or toes instead of their nails because of the dark! Made sense. So, as any normal person would do, I googled to confirm my theory and I found that many people like me believed the same.

That got me thinking, there are so many superstitions out there that we blindly follow without sparing a thought to their origin or relevance or to the logic behind them. Such as when you sneeze or get a bad case of hiccups, it means someone is thinking of you. What is the logic behind this?! How is that even possible?! But we believe it or maybe we like to believe it. It's somewhat reassuring that someone somewhere is thinking of you.

Some days before my maid had chastised me after I let the milk over-flow. she told me that something awful would happen now. however, the only awful thing that happened was me cleaning up after the milk accident as she refused to touch it lest the jinx follows her! and I do think that is the most awful thing that happened, because cleaning split milk is no mean feat!

Another one that I have heard quite often is if a lizard falls on you, it brings good luck. Really?! How?! good-luck, my ass! It is just disgusting!! It's a pest that should not have been in your home in the first place! Maybe the good luck is that now you know that it is there so you can get rid of it!

Going under a ladder is also considered wrong... According to me, you should not walk under a ladder not because it might bring bad luck, but because you might accidentally let it fall on your head and could get hurt?! Right?!

Another one - If a dog is howling in the night, it means that death is on it's way and someone in the family would pass away soon... Silly, isn't it?! I believe that since it is dark and eerily quiet so obviously when a dog suddenly howls in the night you would get scared! and what are people most scared of? Death and ghosts... so obviously a dog must have seen that only! :P

If a crow craws in front of your house, expect a visitor soon. I never knew that crows have the detailed information of everyone's extended families as well.

Well, these were just some from the top of my head. I am sure there are many more that you know off, please do share them... And if you know the logical reason for any of the ones that I have mentioned, please leave a comment and do enlighten me!

The Cycle of Love...

2011-06-23T11:32:00.001+05:30

She was ATTRACTED to him from the first time she had seen him. Slowly, those shy looks gave way to words and they became FRIENDS. And soon after, he told her that he LOVED her. She was overjoyed. Everything was hunky-dory till they started having ugly FIGHTS for no specific reason. They started being ANGRY with each other all the time. She was FRUSTRATED. This was not what she had expected from this relationship. Soon, she stopped caring and he was INDIFFERENT too. The BREAK-UP happened not long after. She felt LONELY and cried herself to sleep for many nights. She felt REJECTED. She thought she wouldn't be able to TRUST anyone ever again. Her friends helped her to see whatever happened was for the best and in TIME she was finally able to MOVE-ON. Then, one day while she was returning home from work, she saw him and couldn’t help being ATTRACTED to him. She smiled and braced herself for another heartbreak or a happily-ever-after. She didn’t know how this one would end but she was ready to take that RISK.

Am I missing a stage? Do let me know...

P.S. This is a simplified version... I know being in love is much more complicated and complex! ;)

Mirror, Mirror on the wall... who is the fairest of them all?!

2011-06-22T10:30:00.003+05:30

Till date, I have never understood Indians' fascination with fairness. I can't help but cringe whenever I see an advertisement about one of the many fairness products. Sometimes I wonder if it is not the hangover of the British Raj. Why is it that our definition of beauty begins with fair-skinned? Why is it that every Tom, Dick and Harry, whenever he is looking for a girl to marry, begins his matrimonial advertisement with looking for a fair, slim girl...? it doesn't even matter how butt-ugly he is, he would always want a woman who should look like Aishwarya Rai.

I think the fairness products category must have the most number of products in it's kitty. From fairness creams to face washes to even powders... everything is available. And now, these products are not only there for women to use, men have joined the bandwagon as well. Gone are the days when Tall, Dark and handsome was the eligibility criteria for choosing Mr. Right. Nowadays, fair and lovely women want fair and handsome men for themselves.

I ask you is only fair-skinned people beautiful? if that is so what about Naomi Campbell or Bipasha Basu? Aren't they gorgeous women? Does it really matter what your skin measures up on the so-called 'fairness meter'?

I know so many women who have serious inferiority complex irrespective of the fact that they are intelligent and smart... and it is all because they are not fair but wheatish. Actually, this phobia with fairness has been engraved into our minds since we are little babies. since the time we are born, the first thing people notice is if the baby is fair or not... especially if the baby is a girl. Because it is the general perspective that if you are fair, then only you are pretty. How many times, have you gone to meet a new-born and heard some aunty saying, 'rang thoda savla hai par koi baat nahin dheere dheere saaf ho jayega.'?and these are the same aunties who suggest to the new-mother about applying besan, dahi and all such gharelu nuskhas so that 'rang gora ho jaye.' as if fair skin is the be all and end all of existence!

As I said before, this fairness phobia can be attributed to maybe the Britishers. When they were here, I am sure all the desi men must have been enamored by the phirangi memsahibs. And it is just continuing on...

The irony - Foreigners come here to get a tan and brown skin (they even have artificial tanning booths) and we, in the hopes of aping the west, are applying fairness creams, powders and what not!

The Devil & The Angel... Me!

2011-06-21T11:21:00.000+05:30

The Devil in me is starved,
she's jealous, selfish and greedy...
She wants what is not hers,
she wishes to take what is yours

The Devil in me is angry,
she is furious at the restrains...
She is waiting to burst out,
engulf me whole so that she can be free

The Devil in me is restless,
she is tired of all the waiting...
She demands to take over
to control and unleash her fury!

The Angel in me is calm,
she is forgiving and lets me be...
She is selfless and giving and content,
shows me the path of love and how to be happy

They both tempt me no end,
the Devil charms me with her bounty
and shows me how 'We' both can rule the world!
The Angel gives me the right to choose,
the way 'I' want to carve out my destiny!

In the end it is my choice,
who I let win me over...
the Devil with her malicious grin
or the Angel with her serene smile...?

Sometimes I do let the Devil win,
and sometimes it's the Angel that succeeds...
They both keep trying to persuade me
but I... can't seem to be convinced.

True Love

2011-06-20T09:00:00.004+05:30

Lying next to him, she whispered,
'would you be my hero, baby?'
he smiled and kissed her on the forehead,
'I would kiss away the pain'
she embraced him and murmured 'good night.'
'sweet dreams' he replied and drifted off to sleep...

On the dance floor, as man and wife, he sang along,
'There is nothing for me but to love you'
she pressed her cheek against his and sang too,
'And the way I look tonight...'
He pulled her closer and whispered, 'I love you.'
She smiled mischievously, and replied, 'Ditto.'

Many moons later, she was old and wrinkly, she said,
'We were both young, when I first saw you..."
He laughed his throaty laugh and sang,
'I knelt to the ground, and pulled out a ring...'
She smiled, 'you said, marry me Juliet, you never have to be alone.'
'I love you and that's what I really know,' he replied.
She held his hand and whispered in his ears,
'you know I love you, right?'
He nodded, 'ditto.'

Few years later, he died peacefully in his sleep,
she didn't cry, she didn't sing, she looked at him and closed her eyes too,
their children came and they did cry... and buried them together, holding hands.

Their tombstone read,
'True love. One died. Neither survived.
they lived together, loved together, died together.'

Note: Yesterday I was browsing through my blog and realized there are too many sad love stories, so decided to write a happy-happy one! :D

Do you like it?

The Proposal

2011-06-19T13:02:00.000+05:30

He sat there wondering, 'What had gone wrong? I did everything I was supposed to do. I bought an expensive solitaire, made reservations in the best restaurant, arranged for special music. I did all that effort and for what?! So that she can say no and run off!' He was getting more angry as he kept thinking about it.

'Everyone must be laughing at me! That waiter with the champagne, the violinist, people in the restaurant... my parents, my friends! everyone would make fun of me! I would be a joke! This is the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me!'

He got up and drove down to her apartment.

He banged on the door till she opened it. Her eyes were all puffy and she was wearing his old sweatshirt. But, he didn't notice that. He was blinded with anger. He shook her and blurted out, "What the hell did I forget to do? I made sure there was everything... a huge ring, the best restaurant, amazing food and drinks, special music, champagne... everything! If there was any other girl, she would have been floored, but you...? you say no to all that and leave?! Did you even think for one minute how I would have felt!"

He let her go and paced with a hand on his head thinking about what he must have done wrong. And he remembered, "Is this because I didn't get down on my knee?! because if it is, that is really stupid."

She just stood there with tears streaming down her face.

"tell me damn it! What did I forget to do?!" he yelled at her.

She slowly wiped her tears and spoke, "You forgot Love."

"What?!"

"Yes, you forgot love. You forgot me. you forgot us. this everything you did, this whole charade... I never wanted any of this. If you had just stood there with nothing and asked me to marry you because you love me, because you can't live without me... I would have said yes in a heartbeat. But instead you decided to make a show and love was no where to be found. It was all about you... what you did, how you felt embarrassed and humiliated. there was no us... there has been no us for a long time."

He just stared at her open-mouthed.

She went on, "I don't want a solitaire, a gold band would have been fine. I don't want an expansive meal, something you would have made would have been more delicious. I don't want violinist flown from where ever they were flown in from, the song that was playing when we first danced would have been perfect. Instead of that speech you just delivered, two heartfelt words would have been enough. I don't want a perfect proposal, I wanted a personalized one... one that is from the heart and not from your mind."

She stopped for a breath and continued, "You did everything you were supposed to do but love is not doing what you are meant to do, it is what you want to do. So, next time you propose, do it when you do want to get married and then it would be from your heart, and believe you me, whoever she would be, she would definitely say yes."

She smiled a sad smile and went inside closing the door behind her.

He stood standing there under the moon light, wondering...

Six word stories!

2011-06-18T12:15:00.000+05:30

Troubled Life. Finally, Rest... In Peace.

Where I found this picture - Simply Known As TJ

The only mourner, her pet cat.

Where I found this picture - Photobucket

Drunk driver speeds. Single Mother shrieks.

Where I found this picture - Compare car

Two Strangers. One umbrella. Love blossoms.

Where I found this picture - Umbrella of togetherness

I do. I do. They Kiss.

Where I found this picture - Wedding Beauty

Smiling, she stood frozen in time.

Where I found this picture - Graphics Hunt

This are some attempts at six word stories. Yes, I have become a little obsessed with them! I keep writing them in the hope that one day one of them would turn out extra-ordinary!

Today, to be honest, I was pretty blank on what to write. (Not feeling too well, maybe that's why the Grey cells are not working properly!) Tomorrow, would be something better, I promise! :D

P.S. I googled the images and chose what I thought were the most relevant. I have mentioned the websites where I got them from. Just to be on a safer side ;)