This Glorious Adventure

Remember

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Wed, 26 Nov 2014 19:42:00 +0000

As I was beating eggs, mixing in sugar and folding in pecans yesterday I couldn't help but think upon the blessings that have come our way in the past year. While recounting my blessings my mind wandered and I couldn't help but remember. I couldn't help but remember that while I give thanks there is a world of people who are suffering.

The truth is, Thanksgiving is the beginning of a season where we give thanks and praise for all that God has done, but there are people everywhere who are begging for something to be thankful for this year.

The father who lost his job and doesn't know how much longer the savings account will carry them through.

The mother who lost a child.

The woman who has tried for years to conceive and still waits to rejoice in God's provision.

The dreamer whose dreams have been shattered and doesn't even know where to start life again.

The couple whose marriage has been torn apart, who are caught between love and hate yet only want peace.

The college student who is suddenly searching for life's direction.

The elderly man who can't remember his own child's name.

The refugee from a war torn land that struggles with starting life in a culture vastly different from their own.

So many people, so much loss. Our world is full of people who have known heartache far worse than I will ever experience, people who have every reason to rebel this week and not feel thankful. Someone is missing at the table, dreams have been lost, reality has changed for many and they just don't feel thankful at all. I simply cannot blame them. But I also can't just leave them sitting there in their loss.

Friends, my challenge to you this holiday season, is to remember. Remember those who are hurting, and love them in their hurt. Stand beside those who grieve and allow them to grieve. Be the reason they can have hope and be thankful. Be with them in their loss and walk the road toward healing beside them. Give them a piece of your joy, give them a reason to give thanks.

Mom friends: my kid needs me to have them.

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 19:21:00 +0000

It happened fairly naturally. We had a baby and I stumbled upon some pretty incredible relationships with other women at our church. We got together for "play dates" for our boys who could barely hold a toy at the time, and would glean any parenting insight we could from one another about sleeping, eating, poop consistency or frequency, you name it. The tiny little humans were throwing us mommas for a loop and we needed each other. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I survived the first 2.5 years of parenting in large part because of these women.

What I'm realizing now is that these women are not only instrumental in my life but they are vital in the lives of my children as well.These women impact my kids in numerous ways.

1. My children are learning that other people can love and care for them by the example set forth by these women. There have been many occasions where one of these women has hugged or kiss a boo boo for my child and he's learned that other people can comfort his pain. They've prepared allergy friendly foods for my kids and embraced them as they would their own.

2. While our discipline styles may be different from each other I love the fact that my son is learning to listen to and respect other adults and other ways of parenting. These women love my kids fiercely enough to redirect poor behavior on my kids part. I do the same for their kids and we have a mutual respect for each other when doing so.

3. My parenting and the pressures I put on myself (and my kids) are directly impacted by my other mom friends, in a good way. They inspire me to live out grace and patience. They challenge me to love fiercely even when it's hard. They've got my back if I'm carrying a screaming kid out to the car and as I drive off give me that look, the one that says, "you're going to survive this tantrum, I know, cause it was my kid yesterday."

The list goes on, really. I could go on about how these women help me keep my sanity, the mass quantity of texts and emails that go back and forth giving me encouragement to press onward, how I sleep better at night because of their words and support, how they remind me that God listens when we pray and that if I seek Jesus with all that I've got he will be found in the midst of the chaos of two babes. When I learned I was pregnant a little over 3 years ago I didn't expect that I'd gain the gift of such life altering friendships, for me, or my children. You see, as much as I need these women in my life, my kids need them too. We wouldn't be where we are without them.

Seasons

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:37:00 +0000

I'm a four seasons kind of gal. Not the hotel variety, but the kind you experience when living in northern climates...Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. I love the hope and the changes that come with each new season, even the ones that accompany my least favorite season: Winter. Each season has its glory. Springtime has the green grass, the rain that renews and the flowers that remind us that the cold, drearyness of winter cannot stop new life. Summer has the warm weather, the summer thunderstorms, and flip flops. Fall brings about soups that simmer all day, football, crisp mornings and cool evenings on the porch, while winter brings that fresh blanket of snow that so vividly reminds us of how Gods mercies are new every morning. While I create my lists of the gifts that come with each new season I'm reminded of the "gifts" we would rather not have. For example, Sringtime can bring floods, Summer heat waves can steal the joy of the gift of warm weather, the drearyness of Fall can linger and let's face it, Winter can become downright miserable when a snowfall leads to months on end of brown slush on our streets. Growing up in the Midwest I learned that sometimes the best way to make it through a season is to simply embrace it. Bemoaning the snow won't stop it from coming, neither will complaining about the heatwave that shows up every August. Survival simply came with preparing, acknowledging mad embracing each season as it came. And I'm realizing that this is the same with the seasons of life that God puts in front of me. I've lived a variety of seasons from working with homeless youth, doing street outreach and searching abandoned buildings in the middle of the night to walking slums in east Africa learning kiswahili and making friends with women as I learned their way of life. No matter what I did I seemed to land the job of a lifetime and claimed yet again to do so as I packed up and moved to North Carolina (which doesn't have the harsh fourth season of winter I might add) to serve as a Missions Pastor, then Care Pastor. In each season I experienced grand moments of Gods faithfulness, His presence, His provision and joy. I'd be lying if I said there weren't also those dreary days or those times when those seasons were hard. Fast forward to 2014... my last season came unexpectedly like that hurricane that arrives before the noted "hurricane season." It caught me by surprise and if there was ever a time when God was trying to instill in me the task of embracing the season I'm in it is now. My job these days does not require me to have performance evaluations (although that might be nice) or report to someone in leadership above me. It doesn't have me traveling to distant lands, except in storybooks and make believe. My charges are 2 babies 18 months apart who have their own whims and desires. They have their own idea of adventure and my job is to love them, lead them and help them grow into world changing adults. I won't lie, this has been one of the hardest seasons to settle into. This season that has moments of full hilarity and full chaos all in a two second time lapse has been a tough one for my adventurous, independent and sometimes selfish spirit to submit to. But like other seasons, I'm learning the blessings of embracing it for what it is. As my passport collects dust, for the first time ever, I'm learning that God has prepared me for this, he has called me into this, and that it is, much like my other career moves, likely just a season. My babies won't have health issues that require my presence quite so regularly forever. My son will one day walk into school and not look back. My daughter will use those big brown eyes to speak straight to my heart without words and one day they will look into the eyes of another while she says "I do." This season we are in is chock full of joy. It overflows with laughter and good times and it is also speckled (or slathered depending on the day) with moments of challenge, heartache and frustration. But it's a season. One that God has put us in. And one thing true about every season, is that He is very present in the middle of it. He still speaks to me like He did in the plains of Africa. He pulls at my heartstrings much like He did in those days talking with kids living under bridges in Indianapolis. He has his arms wrapped around me as I navigat this season of parenting two babies who need their momma. We have choices in the advent of a new season. We can moan, complain, strategically think of ways out of it or around it or we can embrace it and seek to learn and experience all tha God has for us in the season we are in. I think I'll choose the latter. I may be forgetting Kiswahili, but I'm becoming quite an expert at translating 2 year old gibberish. It's a season worth embracing. It's the season He has me in.

Wife, Mom & Missions Pastor?

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 19:08:00 +0000

Even before Will was an idea in our minds, people were letting me know that most likely I would not continue to be in ministry when he came along. They told me that having a child changes things. They said it was near to impossible to be a mom and be in ministry. I grieved. Oddly enough, growing up, all I wanted to do was be a mom. I had visions and dreams of a white picket fence, of green grass, a handful (I was a kid people, give me a break) of kiddos, and all of that glorious perfection of motherhood that society paints for us. Five years ago I landed a dream job, one that was perfect for me and fit my heart, skills, and passions perfectly. Honestly, I could not have dreamed up something better. Then I landed the perfect husband and almost 9 months ago gave birth to the sweetest, most adorable, most awesome little boy a mom could dream of. With all of these changes I have learned that sometimes visions and dreams change. Sometimes by choice and other times not. One thing remains the same, God loves us and meets us in those places where dreams and visions are transformed. To be clear, my dream of being a mom hasn't changed. I LOVE being a mom. I adore every moment I get to spend with peanut. Watching him learn, grow and explore the world around him is a highlight of each and every day. Never in my life did I think I'd find pureeing various fruits and vegetables rewarding, or the regulation of a tiny persons bowels so important. Never did I imagine that I would find such peace and hope in allowing another woman to come to my home and give my son such tender, heartfelt care in my absence. What changed, is my insistence that I would never be a working mom. The person who once thought there was no way she could work and be a good mom is now seated on her office couch working on task-lists, dreaming of how to help our church do missions better, and at the same time wondering how peanut is doing back home. My heart and brain have been challenged by the idea that perhaps I can be a great wife and mom, while at the same time serve God and our church community as their Missions Pastor. Perhaps my being a mom will help me to be a better pastor, and perhaps vice-versa. Perhaps instead of sacrificing greatness because his mom works, my son will have a larger world view because of the church family we work with and because of the experiences he will have being a part of it. Honestly, sitting on this couch is several months in the making. Returning to work has been a challenge and adjustment for both peanut and me. I don't know what it means to be a missions pastor...and how to be a wife and a missions pastor... let alone be a wife, mom and missions pastor. But I do know one thing, Just as God loved and met me in that place where visions and dreams are transformed, he will meet me in this place of not-knowing what I am doing.

Silence.

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 17:41:00 +0000

Well, this ol' blog has been silent... for almost TWO YEARS! A lot of life has happened since March 2011, and there is no way I could sum it up sufficiently in a blog post... let's suffice it to say that it has been a much more Glorious adventure than I could ever put into words. There has been a lot of good, and a lot of hard, and I lacked sufficient words for both. While I find myself not even sure where to begin again, there is a piece of me that is ready to come back to the surface. Ready to start putting all of these thoughts in my head and in my heart into words, again. I have NO IDEA where this will go, or how long it will last, but I think I'm ready. I think I'm ready to break the silence, and open up about what I'm learning and discovering in life.

Wrecked.

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 18:02:00 +0000

A year and a half ago I was described as: adventurous, on the go, loves to travel, free spirited, and my personal favorite, "hesitant to let grass grow under her feet."

In those days, if I was asked to go to Kenya or Haiti there was little hesitation, my response was always filled with excitement, and I would count down the weeks, then days, then hours, and yes sometimes the minutes until my plane took off.

Today I fly to Kenya, and there hasn't been a countdown.

I'll be honest. I am a WRECK. A complete and utter embarrassment as I shed tear after tear and keep asking for one more hug and one more cuddle on the couch. I've commented several times that I remind myself of a two year old with separation anxiety.

It's not because I don't love Africa anymore... cause it still holds, and always will hold this amazing place in my heart. It's always on my mind, and I carry the people with me wherever I go. The same goes for Haiti. And lest the elders or my co-workers get worried, it's not because I don't like my job anymore, because that couldn't be farther from the truth. I LOVE what I do.

It's because my heart has grown 10,000 times in the last year and a half. It's because I found this place where I can be loved fully and wholly for who I am, and I opened myself up to it. This wonderful guy, has created a safe place for me to be me, the good and the bad, the lovely and the ugly (and sometimes my soul can be quite ugly). I've found this security, this support, this safe place in this man and I've been allowed to sit there and grow for the last 18 months. I've found great comfort, learned more and more about trust, been loved more than I can possibly imagine, and now I have to walk into the world... for 8 days.

I'm a wreck, but its a good thing. I would rather be a miserable snotty mess saying goodbye and have this greater capacity to be loved, and more importantly, love others than be who I was a 18 months ago. I'm looking forward to Kenya, but in a new way. I'm positive that everything Jason has taught me about grace, love, and serving can go with me and I will be better at what I do for it.

Thank you Jason, for tearing down the walls I used for protection of my heart. Thank you for making me a wreck.

New Traditions...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 16:19:00 +0000

We've been having a lot of conversations between the two of us about what Christmas should stand for in our little family. As newlywed's its been interesting to learn about the different ways our families celebrated Christmas, and we're finding ourself in this little place of choosing what that will mean for us. It's been fun, challenging sometimes, but always ending in laughter and reminding ourselves what Christmas really means...

So a few new things happening in the Markley household...

1. We're staying in NC for Christmas! I've typically boarded a plane around 6am Christmas morning and went to my brother's house. We've decided that for now we will always spend Christmas morning at our house. There are many reasons for this, but the big one is related to tradition #2.

2. We're going to always be a part of Christmas Eve at Crosspointe. Yes, it is sorta my job, but even if I didn't have to be there, I wouldn't want to miss it for anything. Today we're wrapping up the final 4 of 7 services this week. We expect to be exhausted, so why wouldn't we spend some time at home on Christmas?

3. We're heading to Durham Rescue Mission tomorrow morning to celebrate with the men in the shelter as they receive their Christmas gifts. The folks at Crosspointe generously gave all of the presents for the men, women and children in the shelter. We figured it would be fun to be a part of actually "giving" them their gifts... So in our exhaustion we're getting out of bed and going to the mission at 6am. As painful as the early wake up sounds, I'm getting more and more excited about it by the minute!

4. We're hosting friends! We have a few friends who don't have family nearby, so after we serve, we're having brunch. It's a treasure to have friends who are like family!

5. And we're anxiously awaiting news from friends and family. I'll admit, as excited as I am to be "home" for Christmas, there is grief in my heart about not seeing any of our relatives and close friends from outside the area. A few weeks ago the cards started coming in, and we had an idea... let's not open one of them and instead put them on our tree until Christmas morning. So, we're excited to see the faces, read the stories, and hear from our loved ones Christmas morning, even if it isn't in person.

Identity

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 22:12:00 +0000

I find that I'm in this weird season of re-discovering who I am, and more importantly, learning "whose" I am.

I got married. And my world has drastically shifted. I knew it was coming (we had a few months of planning) but what I didn't know how to plan for was the new identity that came with my new role of "wife."

First, let me say, I LOVE marriage. I LOVE my husband, and I wouldn't change anything, even if it meant more comfort in my heart through this transition.

But, this new identity, is hard one.

No, its not about names, as I've already mentioned to some of you that I still often times correct myself... "hello, my name is Pam McKerr... I mean Markley" is a common phrase.

It's the new role. Let's face it, I've NEVER been a wife before. And like other things, I really want to be excellent at it. But I'm not sure how to do that...

I'm not sure how to be a friend that is "married" or a pastor who is "married" or a wife who is a "pastor."

I'm finding that this change also brings about thoughts of who I want to be and what type of person I want to be. I am redefining what matters most, and what takes precedence in life. It's confusing. difficult. and sometimes makes me want to hide under the covers.

But I find myself incredibly thankful that my friends, co-workers, and husband are all quite patient with me as I figure out how this new role affects all other areas of my life. I am more so, incredibly thankful for a God who has planned this for me, who knew where I would be, and chose this man for me, and will guide me through the process.

World AIDS Day

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 03:30:00 +0000

I was in 8th grade when I first heard the phrases HIV and AIDS. I remember the panic, and I remember the "talks" we had in class. I also remember when Magic Johnson made public the fact that he had HIV. I remember hearing a lot of statistics, and really HIV/AIDS was only a bunch of statistics to me... until I moved to Tanzania in 2006. When I started walking around Unga Limited with mama Diwani, I started to see the faces and hear the stories of people affected by HIV/AIDS, and the lack of education on how to prevent the spread of the disease.

It was in Unga Limited that I met Elizabeth. The girl who will forever for me be the face of AIDS. I met her a few months before AIDS took her life and I am forever changed. It will forever break my heart to think about the fact that a disease that can so easily be prevented has taken the lives of so many like Elizabeth.

Waiting...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 02:44:00 +0000

Simply put... I'm impatient. When I desire something... I often lack the desire to wait for it. Sometimes you don't really have much choice to wait, and recently, a desire of a lifetime was filled. And while the wait wasn't always fun, I will say emphatically that it was worth it. Well worth it.

I was that girl. The girl who was always watching her friends in relationships. I didn't date much in high school. I had a very protective big brother and most boys in school were scared to come near me. Even with a big brother I still managed to date the wrong guys, the guys that no one wants their daughter dating. By the grace of God, and with the protection of an older brother, I made it through. I was the girl who watched her girlfriends as they were "wooed" by this guy, adored by that guy. As I approached college, I watched a handful of them fall in love and get married. And I stood. Waiting. I won't dare say it was easy. I believe God created us for relationships... and this is only one type of relationship, but for many girls, it is THE relationship they are waiting for.

I didn't date much in college either. My girlfriends were always dating, but after high school, I became much pickier. Not long before graduation I discovered Christianity, and my world changed drastically. I had a new found purpose and a new identity. Up until this point my desire for a significant other was out of the overflow of a heart that felt incomplete, and out of a heart that desperately longed to be loved. But now, I found wholeness in who I was in Christ. That didn't change the desire to one day find a man to share life with, it just changed the motivation, and to be quite frank, the criteria. I didn't want to date just anyone, but at the same time, there was a lot of grief around my girlfriends always "having someone" and me being alone. I'll be honest, it was hard. I can remember one summer where 8 of my girlfriends got married, and I was still waiting.

Then came life after college. And I continued to wait. I went out with a few guys, but they weren't "the guy." I watched other friends get married, the previous friends have babies, and I continued to wait. I can remember the paradox I would experience, great joy for my friends, as they found "the guy" or held little bundles of joy (it is no secret to those who know me that I have always looked forward to being a wife and a mom.) I was so thrilled for my friends, but inside I would grieve, and I would ask God, when is it my turn?

Then I hit 30. And honestly, I was shocked that I was still Miss McKerring as I entered my 30's. All of my girlfriends, save 2, had married. Most of them had children. And when I reached 30, the high school students I mentored in college were now marrying, some of which having children... and I waited. And sometimes in my waiting, my attitude wasn't pretty. There were some pretty un-glorious conversations between me and God. Ask me sometime, I'll tell you.

And now I am going to be "that girl." The girl who has crossed "that line" into marriage and says, I am SO glad I waited.

By waiting, I have had some of the most AMAZING experiences in the world. I've traveled among a variety of cultures, I've been able to love people in many different languages, I've been unhindered in my ability to go and serve when opportunities arose.

By waiting, I learned that I really can talk, ~~kick, scream, throw a fit,~~ beg, plead, trust, obey, listen, rejoice with God about anything.

By waiting, I don't have as many regrets. I willfully admit that I did have a few things about my dating life I would have changed before I met Jason, but once I became picky, and changed my perspective on what I was waiting for and why... I had none. If only I had that perspective in high school. I'd have no regrets.

And the best part of waiting... is the man in the picture.
He is EXACTLY the perfect man for me. He pursues me. He loves me for me. His heart for others mirrors mine, and his quirkiness matches my quirkiness. We aren't identical, if anything we are quite opposite in many ways. Our approach to problem solving is different (engineer meets social worker?), our approach to time management is different, he thinks logically and linearly, I'm all over the place. But when we meet each other where the other person is at, the most beautiful collision of personalities occurs. Never in my dreams did I imagine God doing something so beautiful in my life. I am so glad I did not settle earlier in life. This adventure I am on, couldn't be matched. Jason loves me, for me, not for someone I might one day be. He cares for me in ways that I need caring for. He encourages me to pursue my passions and my heart, even if it might affect our plans. He embraces my free spirit, but also helps me to ground myself a bit. His committment to Christ, outshines that of any man I have ever dated, and inspires me in my committment to my marriage and to my own walk with Jesus.

There was a point, when I thought all the "quality guys" must have been taken. And I figured I would just have to give up on that dream of marriage and one day parenting cause settling still wasn't an option. And even as I doubted in my waiting that it would ever be possible, God stepped in, and put this wonderful man in front of me.

He was well worth the wait.

My Big Brother...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 12:31:00 +0000

Has an uncanny ability to make me cry...

We got home from Italy friday night, and apparently checked the mail too soon on Saturday, because when we came home from church on Sunday Jason found a box on the porch. I wasn't feeling well, so had already made it back upstairs, crawled back into pj's, and was crawling back into bed.

But I cannot resist opening a package... I simply cannot... especially when it's from South Texas.

Amongst a jacket I had loaned to my sister in law for the wedding, some amazing artwork from Connor, and our wedding gift was a card with a note from my brother:

I wanted to include a copy of my speech from your wedding. I had it all prepared I just never got a chance to give it, but I wanted to make sure you heard (read) the words.

Some of you may have heard that I can be a bit of an overprotective brother.

I assure you that i always had her best interests in mind, however what some of you may not know was that I wasn't always successful at protecting or providing for my sister.

When she was 10 or 11, I was instrumental in the grand idea to put the sprinkler under the trampoline in which she later fell and broke her shoulder.

WHen she was six or so, I "accidentally" hit her in the face with a shovel while trying to help our dad dig us out of a Colorado snow storm.

When she was about 4, I convinced her to run away from home with me, I think because the neighbors house we were running to had an atari or something.

When she was really little, my parent had her in one of those jumperoos that hangs from the door jamb. Well I obviously didn't think that up and down was good enough for my sister so I decided to pull her out as for as I could and let go so she could swing back and forth as well.

Clearly, I was trying to improve or enhance Pam's life during all of these but came up a little bit short. (except maybe for the shovel thing-that was a straight up accident, sorry.)

Well I am happy to say that I finally got one right.

With regard to the boys that I may have allegedly "intimidated" or "threatened" while growing up; I was just protecting her until the right guy came along.

I was protecting her for you.

Welcome to the family brother.

I bawled through each word, so much so that Jason offered to take over, but I'm stubborn and didn't let him. I feel so incredibly humbled to have such great men in my life. Even if they make me cry.

Fighting for Sabbath...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 04:17:00 +0000

It's hard. It's also hard when you throw in moving, a wedding to plan, and well... you get the point.

But it is SO IMPORTANT!

I'm going out on a limb here, and mostly speaking from personal experience, but I'm thinking that one of the most important spiritual disciplines is keeping the Sabbath... or resting... neither of which I am very good at... even though I recognize the indescribable value in them.

I used to be stellar at keeping my friday off as my down day. Well at least I was for the first 6 months or so that I worked at Crosspointe, but then, something happened, and I can't tell you when or how. Errands started creeping in, as did doctor appts, and well all those lovely things you have to get done M-F between 8 and 5pm. And somehow... friday was filled with chores and not so restful anymore.

A few months back I was reflecting on the Sabbath and wondering how those of the Jewish faith managed to keep it. I mean really, how in the world did they keep from lighting a fire, from cooking, from cleaning... especially back in the day when there wasn't a drive through... and it dawned on me... the fought for it. They worked hard for it.

So this weekend we tried something new. Work like crazy people on Friday and Saturday, so there would be NOTHING left to do on Sunday. I'll admit, Saturday was hard. Doing this meant some adjusting in life. I used to cook two large dinners on Sunday night. We would eat off of both of them all week. This was going to be moved to Saturday. I would also do laundry on sunday. This too had to find a new place in the rhythm of life. Last minute tidy-ing up on Sunday? Also moved...

Saturday is often busy for us, and I wondered if it would work, but we managed. Somehow we managed to fit the yard work in, and well, we were quite behind on a few things, so that took most of the day. Can I say edging? powerwashing? yes... THAT far behind :) There was also this little deal of a car being at the dealership and waiting for answers as to why it was NOT running! In addition I found myself scrubbing some baseboards with a toothbrush... yes I know, poor Jason is starting to realize what he's gotten himself into. At least he understands my fondness of a label maker! Saturday, literally, was spent, almost in its entirety, cooking, cleaning, sorting, filing, unpacking, paying bills, mowing, edging... yada... yada... yada all in anxious anticipation of Sunday.

We fought for it. We fought hard, and we won. We went to church, and after all of the services were finished we came home to an empty task list. The house was clean, the yard work was done, the meals for the week prepped... and we rested. We did nothing. I took a nap, because we all know how much I love sleep, we played a game, we enjoyed each others company, we laughed, and we talked with family on the phone... and we rested.

And it was completely worth it. Honestly folks, words cannot describe how incredibly refreshing it was to have NOTHING to do! Well I'm sure there were some things, but not anything that had to be done TODAY. We felt like new people.

And somehow, while I slept little last night... I feel more refreshed than I have for weeks.

It's worth fighting for people. Trust me. It's worth it.

Change

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 05:25:00 +0000

I am usually a person who embraces change. I moved often as a kid, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the newness, the sorting, the organizing, the purging... the new place, the new friends, setting up the room again! Loved it. Some might actually accuse me of trying "create" change in my life as an adult in my inability to stay put in the same place for several years... I'm a wanderer...

I'm a wanderer whose heart has found a home in the heart of another. And I love this. I love that I can trust this man with my entire life and with all of me, my heart, my mind, my spirit. No, he won't be "perfect" and neither will I, but we have this hope that we will give grace when needed, always learn and grow, and love each other honestly. As well as a mutual agreement to always fight for each other and for our marriage. Yes. We know it looks easier in print than it will be, but you gotta aim high right?

So my wanderer/vagabond/explorer heart was recently surprised (read overwhelmed) the other day as I stopped to process what was going on in my soul. I think I hadn't put it all together yet, but I had been feeling the effects of it all for the last several weeks... say since May? And I didn't know what to do with that feeling... or the emotions that came with it.

There is a LOT of change going on. A LOT. More than this vagabond-change-creator has ever experienced... this coming from a girl who sold all she had, packed some bags and moved to Tanzania a few years ago.

In May, life took a turn, a very good turn, one that I am thrilled about. I said "yes" to the man of my dreams. And even though we had talked about things beforehand, it was all now becoming reality. And the changes began.

It was subtle at first. A change in how we prioritize time, a change in how we prioritize each other. A change of clothes (had to look good for pictures). And it grew... a change in how we manage finances... a change in how we operate in our previous family traditions... and it grew some more... a change in how I approach my job (sidenote: I am not quitting my job, I LOVE my role at Crosspointe, but you have to admit, when you love someone, the approach to travel and what your heart experiences with each trip is different)... a change in how I spend my free time (aka, now wedding planning/dreaming time) a change in what we read (we've got some great books we're going through on how to have a healthy marriage and love each other well.)

And then.. some more...

a change of address... a change in medications (let's face it, enough change has happened this year, we don't need to add to the Markley clan quite yet) a change in lifestyle from renter to homeowner... a change in the list of weekend chores with said home ownership... a change in living environment (someone else must be considered here, even if he isn't living here right now) a change in how I load the dishwasher, or how dishes are managed.. a change in how laundry is managed... a change in... life.

All of this change is good. All of it. And this list is not to say that Jason isn't doing a thing, or is asking me to do things his way, its just proclaiming the fact that for the last several years we have lived life differently, and we are both adults who like systems and processes, and we are both learning how to operate and love each other in our different systems and processes...

And I find myself overwhelmed. Which is where this post began. The wanderer/vagabond/explorer has found her match. What I find to be incredibly awesome, is that monday afternoon I could finally put a word or two to what I was feeling. Overwhelmed by change. Monday night I came home, and over dinner I opened up... and shared... shared my excitement for the future... and my excitement for all that is taking place... and my joy over all of it... but that there is this great feeling that is also gripping my heart... I am overwhelmed by it all.

And Jason... in all his security said... "I know." He didn't panic, he didn't try to "fix" it, he listened. I love this man.

We both know that life is radically, and quickly changing. We both recognize there are going to be points that are harder for each of us individually, and while we are excited about the future, recognize that there are going to be points that are incredibly overwhelming...

But we're not alone. We have this hope, this trust, in Something beyond us. Something bigger than us. SomeOne who dreams beyond our dreams, who leads us, who loves us fully, who guides us, and who we truly feel has brought us together. And we take comfort in that Hope. We trust Him to lead, and we find security in knowing that those feelings that might be too big to fit in our chest... aren't too big for Him. And we keep making necessary changes, and we keep celebrating, and we keep learning to love each other and keep being intentional about learning how to do that better.

And change and transition continue.

Transition...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 21:14:00 +0000

There's a whole lot of it going on! Of course it is expected, but man, we've been busy!

When we dreamt of life together, we were excited about the future and the ways God would use us, and we remain so, however we have been in a whirlwind of planning for life together, as well as for the wedding. The list, never really seems to get any shorter, but we continue to have fun, and yes, wear ourselves out too!

One thing we've considered important is taking the time now to set healthy boundaries, and taking stands for what is important in our relationship, both now, and in the future. A few changes that have already taken place:

*A set time weekly to talk about financial matters. It's no secret finances aren't my favorite topic, but it's important that we make time to communicate about our financial goals, and the many aspects of life that affect them, its also been a great opportunity for me to learn a thing or two from someone who has a keen awareness of managing finances.

*practicing the art of talking with each other before making plans! Let's face it, I've been single for 32 years! We both have lived very independent lives, and are learning that our decisions also affect the other person.

*A "wedding-free" time set in each week. I will admit I was the first person who said my life will not be ruled by a wedding, but that is SO much easier said than done. Like I said, the task list never gets any shorter. So, in order to preserve my sanity, each week has to have some time that is "wedding-free."

*Date night. You probably think this is nuts, but life does really have a habit of getting in the way of "dating" each other, and well, even as an engaged couple, we know that "dating" is important. So we've planned those out and are guarding the time set aside to pursue each other.

And these are just the beginning. A few coming up:

*Changes in living situation. A short while ago I received my renewal letter from my apartment complex. My lease is up this month, and in order to have a shorter lease through the day we are married, my rent was going to almost double. While we may sound old-fashioned, we do believe that God's best plan for us is to live separately until we are married, but at the same time, the drastic increase in my rent was hard to swallow. We considered several options, and recently firmed up a plan where Jason will quite sacrificially move out of the house and in with a friend until the big day, and I will move into the house. Did I mention I haven't started packing yet? I should probably get on that!

*Pre-marital counseling. We know that marriage is a big commitment, and one that we agree is for life, and while we are adults, we believe we can learn a lot from others. With July being occupied with relocation and me going to the Dominican with some students, we set our first appointment for our pre-marital counseling at the beginning of August. Not to worry though, we haven't put off until August to get prepared! We've ordered a handful of books recommended by people we believe to have a strong marriage and great wisdom in the area.

So yeah, life is a bit busy! We are indeed having fun, and are very excited for life together, and yes, couldn't believe it could begin soon enough!

Choosing between loved ones...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:36:00 +0000

Jason and I are incredibly blessed, and loved by many. Over the years God has blessed both of us with incredible relationships that we are amazed by. And I thought I'd share a struggle I have been journeying through. It's really silly to be honest, but I'm practicing transparency here.

The struggle, can also be called, "the guest list, " or the, "list of invites." And it is both amazing to realize how loved we are, but it is also incredibly difficult to choose between those we love, but the fact of the matter is, we are having to make some tough decisions, because we just can't invite everyone. Neither the venue or our budget allows for us to have a wedding large enough to celebrate with every friend we have. So how do you choose between people you love?

Jason and I have jokingly tossed around a few ideas... charging admission? Raffling off tickets? Allowing the first 175 to RSVP to actually attend and celebrate with us... of course none of these ideas are actually going to be put into practice, but it has helped to laugh through this tension. The only thing we have managed to establish is that we are asking our local guests to find a sitter for their children and count this celebration as a date night.

The hard thing is, that I am afraid of what will be communicated to people. What will a lack of an invitation say to them? Will they think we value their friendship less? Will they think that we don't care about them? Or that we don't enjoy their company?

The fact of the matter is, this is not the case. We place a high value on the friends we have, and the relationships that are a part of our daily lives.

So please receive this statement, from my heart as we find ourselves finalizing our list: We love you. We love each and every one of our friends and family members. We are thankful for you, and for the ways God has used you in our lives. Please know, that if an invitation doesn't find its way to your mailbox, that it is not because of a lack of appreciation for you, but merely because space and budget do not allow for us to have an infinite number of guests.

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:48:00 +0000

Just spoke with Pam. Internet service continues to be down in Jacmel so I'm posting for her. Thanks for all your continued prayers and support. The team is doing amazing, life changing work. Here is a video clip of the team in the clinic from Oprah's web guy who is on the ground there with them. Enjoy.

Jonathan Bow
Lead Pastor
Crosspointe Church

Extremes...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 02:17:00 +0000

It seems as if each day has its own set of extremes. Today wasn't any different.

There was extreme sadness as babies cried when they were seen, and extreme hope at the thought of new life possibly entering the world in our clinic by the end of the day.

There are extremes of noise in tent city and in the streets where we are staying, yet when we walked around Old Jacmel tonight, and many of the streets were deafly silent. Somber. So difficult to take in.

And then there was extreme illness and health. Yesterday the little girl pictured below was very ill. She spent hours on a bed in the clinic with a ridiculously high fever (I think at one point it reached 106 degrees) and Chris Marsi, and Melissa spent those hours pouring over her, trying to get her fever down and trying to figure out what was wrong. Eventually we sent her on her way with meds, and hope, that she would be better in a few days.

She came back today, with her parents, the entire family grinning ear to ear, full of joy at restored health. Ok, so I know they aren't grinning in the picture, but they really were in real life. They were thrilled at her restored health, dressed up in their finest, and came back to say thanks.

And we smiled too. Some of us to the point of tears.

4 weeks ago...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 22:07:00 +0000

Haiti was changed forever.

This week we have been too. We have marveled at miracles, been in awe of generosity, and humbled by the measures of grace we have seen.

We have also been in awe of the devastation, the injuries, the wounds, the sickness and the improper treatment by those who came ahead of us.

We are changed. We are having a blast, and we grieve simultaneously. We will never know the depths of sorrow that is felt by our friends serving here or by the Haitian community, but we will commit to partner with them as they walk in discovery of what the "new normal" will be.

Clinic today was a great success! Yesterday we saw about 200 patients as we were learning our groove. Today we are pretty sure we doubled that. Please continue to pray for us.

(apologies for the limited photos, the internet is not cooperating.)

Clinic Day 1

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:10:00 +0000

Words cannot adequately describe our day.

I am SO proud of this group. Their patience, flexibility, endurance, and hard-work meant that hundreds were offered various forms of healing today.

Healing through...

giving a sick child antibiotics...

teaching a mom how to more effectively breast-feed...

listening to an elderly woman and weeping with her as she described losing her entire family...

or praying with a young man who lost his.

We got to be God's hands, feet, ears, and heart today, and we can't wait to go back tomorrow.

You can see pictures here.

Building a clinic in a shanty-town

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:02:00 +0000

When we refer to "tent city" we are referring to what used to be a soccer field in Jacmel that has now become home to too many people, living in both make-shift tents, as well as some tents built by the Venezuelan Government. It's sad, because so many people are homeless and living in what we would consider to be substandard conditions, but at the same time, they have no where else to go, and they are making the best of it. Our Saturday photos were a glimpse of "tent city."

Today we took over a corner of tent city, and turned it into a medical clinic. It was awesome! Several of us arrived at 6:30 this morning to start clearing the land of trash, overgrown shrubs and also of things that you don't want to say out loud. The most awesome part, was that without any prompting or asking the residents living in tent city showed up in throngs to help. Together we turned a place of squalor into a place of healing.

You can see pictures here.

Saturday Pictures: Tent City

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 01:09:00 +0000

Resilience

Playground

Kitchen

Home

Fast Food Restaurant

Apartments

Condominiums

Compassion

Clothesline

Cafeteria

Cul de sac

Sunday...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 00:59:00 +0000

Today we sang, listened, prayed and were humbled. Again, it is such a priviledge for us to be here. We have been afforded the opportunity to join the Haitian church, as they block off the road, and set up church under tarps in front of their church building.

Each of us were challenged today by the words of Nick Mangine as he preached. Many of us were brought to tears as Nick eloquently, and appropriately, led the church in taking another step forward in healing from the earthquake. This earthquake changed everyone's lives, and we get to be witnesses, and encouragers as they take steps towards healing.

I encourage you to ask your family members about today. Ask questions about what it was like, how they felt, what they saw. I know that I, myself, will never forget the face of an elderly Haitian woman weeping after being given permission to do so by Nick. Never. I don't know her story, I don't know how the earthquake changed her life, but what I do know, is that she was given the freedom this morning to let her heart break before God, and again, she is changed.

Future Clinic Location

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 22:17:00 +0000

This is one of the many images we've gathered of "tent city" on Saturday. Today it was officially decided that our team will erect another tent here, this one 20" X 40" and create a clinic for those needing care. Set-up starts at 6am tomorrow morning. We hope to have the supplies set up in the tent in order to start by 8am.

One team, many purposes...

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 13:10:00 +0000

A quick try for internet access proved successful! Thanks for being patient with us. Mostly wanted to post a quick update to assure the families that we are all here, safe and sound, and having some fun.

I'll try to post more pictures and stories if internet allows, but for now, rest in the knowledge that we are all safe, we are all together, and we are all doing well. We are ready and eager to start clinic tomorrow, and are overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity that has been given to us as a group representing Crosspointe Church.

It is an honor to be here. We recognize that this trip isn't just about medicine, but that it is about healing in many ways. It's about encouraging our friends the Pye's and the Mangine's, and their kids, it's about reminding them that even when crisis hits, as a church we are here for them, that we love them, that we are committed to them, and we will help them move forward.

This morning it's about worshipping in the street with the church here, praising the God we all know and love, and reminding them, that He is here. God has never left them, and He never will.

(for our families watching this blog for updates...if the blog is quiet, please don't worry about us, it mostly means that internet isn't allowing for us to post. The phone allows for almost continual twitter updates, so watch the sidebar to the right.)

Update from Jacmel Haiti

noreply@blogger.com (Pam Markley) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 22:00:00 +0000

Thanks for praying!

Team #1 is on the ground in Jacmel, Haiti! As of now the second team will board a plane at first light Saturday morning and fly to Jacmel. They have accommodations through G.O. Ministries in Santiago.

Rick Smith (for Pam)