Riding the Roller Coaster

Advocating for Our Military Brats: How Do We Cross the Military/Civilian Divide for Our Children?

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 12:46:00 +0000

It's no secret that military families tend to believe that the general public doesn't fully understand our lifestyle. But as I wrote in my latest post for Blue Star Families, I'm beginning to think that we can help people understand us simply by opening the lines of communication and sharing our stories. We're all adults, right? We're all capable of verbalizing our feelings, right?

Well, not exactly. What about our children? How do we help our precious military brats when civilians don't understand them?

The other day a mil spouse friend of mine was seeking advice on Facebook. Her husband is deployed, and she lives in a non-military town. Her daughter was inconsolable at school, missing her daddy so much that she couldn't stop crying. And there wasn't a single adult at her school who was able to help her. When my friend questioned the administration about what had happened, she was told that no one at the school was trained in working with military children.

Now my friend is wondering how she can help educators understand the unique needs of a military child. I sat down to compose an answer for her, but I found myself at an odd loss for words. Odd because I'm both a teacher and a mother of two military brats who have endured deployments. But as a teacher, I've only had 1 student who had a deployed parent, and his behavior never changed. And as a parent, I've seen only minor and temporary behavior changes in my children while their daddy was gone.

Despite the fact that I earned my teaching degree at a university in a military town and the fact that I currently teach at a school in a military town, I've never been trained to cope with, as my friend put it, the unique needs of military children. The only reason I feel capable of understanding my military brat students is because of my experiences as a parent of military brats. But what about my co-workers who have had no personal experiences with military families? How would they deal with a student who was inconsolably missing her deployed daddy? My co-workers are all fantastic teachers, most with way more experience in the classroom than I can claim. But most of them probably have no idea about those unique needs of military brats.

So how do we advocate for our children? How do we speak for our young military brats when they don't know how to speak for themselves? How can we help their educators/caregivers understand their unique needs? What kinds of resources can we share with them?

Military OneSource is a great place to start, both as a resource for ourselves as military families and for educators learning about children in military families. Printing out online articles for teachers to read and directing them to websites like Military Child Education Coalition, Military Kids Connect, and Sesame Street for Military Families are also helpful. But most of all, I think we all need to remember the most basic means of crossing that military/civilian divide: communication. Inform teachers before your spouse deploys so she can start looking for behavioral changes at school. Share the books you're reading to your child at home (you can find some of my favorites for both kids and adults here). Describe what methods of coping are working at home for your child, such as Daddy Dolls, deployment journals, or as my friend is trying, art therapy. Keep the lines of communication open and encourage teachers to do the same.

Our military brats do indeed have unique needs because they are unique children with unique challenges. And they need and deserve all the advocates they can get.

Have you ever had to advocate for your military brat with educators or caregivers or other civilians who just didn't understand? What advice can you share? Please chime in here or join my Facebook discussion!

Top 10 List of My Kids' Cutest Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:52:00 +0000

Kids say the funniest things, don't they? And I think it's my duty as a parent to write them all down and periodically share them on my blog.

The other day I was cleaning out my Word documents and found the list I started about a year ago of the funny things that come out of my kids' mouths. It was so much fun to reread their quotes and relive those moments. You probably won't find them as hilarious as I do because sometimes you just have to be there, but reading every single one of these again cracks me up.

Here are my...

Top 10 List of My Kids' Cutest Quotes

Big C = 7 year old boy
Little C = 4 year old girl

(10)

Little C playing with her princess diving sticks in the bathtub: "I'll save you Princess!" said in a husky prince voice.

"No thanks," she replied in her princess voice. "I will help myself."

(9)

Me to Big C as he chews on a vitamin that I didn't give him: "How did you open the vitamin bottle? It's childproof."

Big C: "I read the directions on the cap."

***SIDE NOTE TO CHILDPROOF BOTTLE MANUFACTURERS: DON'T PRINT DIRECTIONS ON CHILDPROOF CAPS. SOME CHILDREN CAN READ.***

(8)

Me to both kids as Mr. RC tries to get some work done on the computer: "Don't bother Daddy. He needs peace and quiet."

Little C screaming as she runs around the house trying to find him: "I'll bring him peace and quiet!!!!!!!!!!"

(7)

Big C after falling off his bike: "I hate gravity."

(6)

Me in response to Little C mumbling in the backseat of the car: "Are you talking to yourself?"

Little C, nodding: "Myself knows what I mean."

(5)

Big C looking at a book: "I think this picture is of Mars. But no one has ever been there before."

Me: "How do you know that?"

Big C: "I read it in the newspaper."

Me: "You did?!"

Big C: "No I'm just kidding...I read it in the Economist."

(4)

Little C pretending to be a waitress: "Mommy, what do you want to order?"

Me: "I want to order no screaming, screeching, shrieking, or whining."

Little C: "You can't buy that. We don't sell that here."

(3)

Me after Big C's baseball practice: "Big C, you have a great swing, but you have to keep your eye on the ball."

Big C: "I do Mom."

Me: "But you need to watch the ball come all the way to you."

Big C: "But Mom, I can't. That's when I close my eyes."

(2)

Me on a particularly whiny day: "Honey, why do you whine so much?"

Little C: "So I can put you out of business."

(1)

Me on one of my longer days: "I'm done being a mommy today."

Big C: "You can't quit. You're going to be a Mom forever. Even in your grave, you're going to be a Mom."

Do you write down the silly, funny, precocious things your kids say? What are some of the best of your kid quotes?

Just Another Manic Monday

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 20:20:00 +0000

Yes, it's just another manic Monday.

Is Monday killing you?

(And I apologize for getting that song stuck in your head.)

The Story of Good-byes: Raising Military Brats

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 12:26:00 +0000

"You know who my first girlfriend was?" I was minding my own business, grading papers at my desk during free time the other day when one my students decided to pour his heart out to me.

"Your first girlfriend?" I asked, stifling a chuckle. "Hmmm, no I don't think I know who your first girlfriend was."

"My first girlfriend was Sara. Do you know Sara? I really loved Sara. I wanted to marry her. But she goes to a different school now. I don't know where she is. Who am I going to marry now?" I reached over and gave my heartbroken little friend a hug for losing the love of his life. "I wonder who my next girlfriend will be." Then he shrugged his shoulders, and poof, he was off to build a Lego masterpiece with his buddies. Ahh, the resilience of a 5-year-old.

I watched the boy laugh with his friends, and I imagined his life as he grew up. This wouldn't be his last heartbreak. This wouldn't be the last time a friend left to attend a different school. This wouldn't be the last time he lost track of friends. I knew this because, like my own children, he is a military brat. His life is destined to be filled with good-byes.

My kids have already said lots of good-byes. At almost 8 years old, my son has lived in 5 different houses in 2 different states and 2 different countries. My daughter, at 4 years old, has lived in 3 different houses in 2 different countries. They've said good-bye to friends who were PCS'ing, and they've said good-bye to friends because of our own PCS'es. They've seen friends come and go, and they've seen old friends make reappearances in new locations. Yes, the military lifestyle is filled with good-byes.

Luckily my children don't remember most of these good-byes because they were both too young to remember our last PCS move, and so far we've been successful at homesteading at our current duty station. This is actually the 3rd year my son has attended the same elementary school! That's highly unusual in military life. And I'm so grateful. We've managed to keep the good-byes at bay.

But there's no guarantee how long we'll be here. And there's no guarantee how long friends will be here. In fact, our family will soon be saying good-bye to friends we've already said good-bye to once before. But this second farewell will be much harder than the first. This time my kids are old enough to understand what good-bye means. This time they're old enough to miss their friends. This time I have a lot more explaining to do. This time will be tough because I'm going to be just as devastated to say good-bye to my own friend as they will be to say good-bye to their friends.

As I've said good-bye to friends in the past, I told myself it wasn't good-bye, it was see you later. Deep down I knew that some of those people would resurface later in my life and some I'd never hear from again. It's easy to rationalize these good-byes as an adult. But it's not so easy for kids.

Whether it's one of my kindergarten students saying good-bye to his first girlfriend or my son saying good-bye to his Bey Blades battle buddy or my daughter saying good-bye to the only consistent playmates she's ever known, I try to remind these amazing children, these sons and daughters of service members, these military brats who didn't ask to be a part of this crazy lifestyle, that it's not good-bye. It's always see you later. One day our paths will cross again. In the meantime, we'll keep in touch and meet some new friends along the way.

I hope that my children's good-byes are limited. I hope that the good-byes they do have to say become life lessons in appreciating friendships and working to maintain them no matter how geographically challenged they may be. And I hope that they're always as resilient as my 5-year-old student as he searches for his next bride-to-be.

Have your military brats said many good-byes? How do they handle it?

Top 10 Interesting Search Keywords That Have Brought Readers to My Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 12:05:00 +0000

How many times a day do you Google something? Have you ever Googled something and wondered why your search landed you on particular hits? Well, I wonder the same thing about some of the Google searches that land people on my blog.

A few months ago I discovered the "Stats" button on my blog, and I have to say I'm fascinated by it. It tells me how many hits I'm getting on my blog, my most popular posts and how many hits they're getting, URLs that people click over from, the countries people are reading from, and yes, the Google search keywords that lead people to me. Most of the keywords aren't surprising considering what my most popular posts are. But some of them are just wacky and head-scratching. Here are my...

Top 10 Interesting Search Keywords That Have Brought Readers To My Blog

10) Ranting military wives

9) Dear Santa I'll buy my own sh*t

8) I hate surprises control freak

7) Klutz and proud

6) Exists my brain

5) MILF cougar

4) Limbo game mosquito

3) I jingle his dog tags

2) Animal pooper

1) I am crawling and cuddling your body

Have you ever looked up your blog stats? What funny search keywords bring readers to your blog?

Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Worlds

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:57:00 +0000

I've been a columnist for Blue Star Families for almost 2 years now, but lately I've been a major slacker with my contributions. Hopefully you'll be seeing my face there more often, starting with my latest post that went live today called "Bridging the Gap Between Military and Civilian Worlds."

I would love to hear your feedback! Do you think there's a gap between military and civilian worlds? Whether you are part of a military family or not, have you ever tried to bridge that gap? What were the results?

***If you're interested in reading some of my old columns on Blue Star Families, click HERE for a list of all my posts.***

We Could All Use a Break Every Now and Then

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 11:49:00 +0000

My 7-year-old son woke up yesterday morning complaining of a sore throat and asking to stay home from school. He rarely complains about stuff like that, and he never asks to stay home from school. So I went down the normal mommy checklist, and the only ailment he could come up with was the sore throat.

"But Mom, I don't want to go to school today," he continued to whine. And after several attempts on my part to figure out why he wanted to stay home so badly, he finally admitted: "I just need a break."

I didn't know what to say because quite frankly I needed a break too. I wanted a break just as badly as he did, enough to be tempted to pretend I didn't know he was faking just so I could have a mental health day. But I knew I couldn't give in and teach him it's ok to feign an illness.

"Sorry buddy, you have to go to school today. But we have a 3-day weekend coming up so we can both have a break in a couple of days." I think I was just as bummed about having to go to school as he was.

Fast forward 30 minutes, when our entire family is dressed and fed and minutes away from piling up in the car to head out to school. I'm brushing Little C's hair, and I hear this weird coughing/gurgling sound. I race into my bedroom and see Big C sprawled out on my bed, gagging. Next thing I know, I'm watching my son, the one with a sore throat who needs a break, vomiting all over my bedroom floor.

After leading him to the bathroom, I went downstairs for cleaning supplies. Mr. RC, who apparently needed a break too offered to stay home with Big C. "No, it's ok, you go to work," I said. "I'll stay home." And then we both practically ran to the phone, fighting over who was going to call in sick. I'll call in! No, I'm calling in! No, that's ok, I'll stay home!

Yes, we could all use a break every now and then. And yesterday we all got one. Mr. RC and I tag teamed our sick days, each working a half day so we could switch off staying home and tending to the sick boy. Oh, and that sick boy? Not so sick as it turns out. When I got home at noon for my sick child shift, my men were lounging in bed eating Oreo cookies. I don't know exactly how Big C was able to spontaneously produce vomit at just the right moment, but if I'm not careful, I might have a Ferris Bueller on my hands.

Have you ever let your kids stay home even though you knew they were faking an illness? Do you ever take mental health days off from work?

Happy 2nd Blogoversary to Me!

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 11:46:00 +0000

Today is the 2nd blogoversary of Riding the Roller Coaster!

Two years ago today I stepped my baby toe into the waters of the blogging world. I had never read a blog before, and quite frankly, I had no idea what I was doing or what in the world I would write about. Never in a million years did I imagine I'd still be blogging 2 years later. But here I am, celebrating my 2nd blogoversary and still going strong.

2nd anniversaries aren't usually as momentous as the 1st, thus this blogoversary post isn't going to be as celebratory as last year's. But I sure had fun going back and reading MY VERY FIRST BLOG POST and then rereading my 1ST BLOGOVERSARY POST and reminding myself where and how it all started.

My life has changed in so many ways since Riding the Roller Coaster was born. I'd love to sit down one day and read through my whole blog from start to finish, all 490 posts of it. But since that walk down memory lane won't be happening today (who has time to read 490 posts?!), I'd like to instead take a minute to thank all of you. Whether you're a new reader or one of the few who has stuck around since the beginning, thank you for reading and commenting and sharing your own stories. Thank you for your support, your advice, your encouragement, and your friendship.

Here's to another year of blogging! Cheers!

To Whom It May Concern

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 12:02:00 +0000

Dear Monday,
You are my Kryptonite. My weekend was going just fine until you crept up out of nowhere and made me have to think about lesson plans and packing lunches and wearing clothes that aren't athletic gear. Please stop ruining my weekends. And please pass quickly today. Tuesdays are so much kinder than you.

Thanks,
A Weekend Junkie

Dear Compression Socks,
You are the coolest thing to enter my running world since the adjustable sports bra. You may not be pretty, you may cause other runners at the park to dart strange looks my way, you may be almost as difficult to put on as Spanx, and you may be ridiculously expensive, but you have made running a whole new experience for me. I don't care how silly you make me look, you are my new love.

Yours forever,
Happy Feet

Dear Dr. Seuss,
You are the focus of the thematic unit for my kindergarten class this month. And I just wanted you to know how awesome you are. I bow down to your rhymes. I am in awe of your ability to entertain children while simultaneously sending your adult readers hidden messages. (I have to tell you how much my students love your book Yertle the Turtle and how much I love that the book is actually about Hitler.) Your words live on great one.

A Huge Fan,
Thing 3, I mean... A Grateful Teacher

Dear Mental Block,
Please move. I'd write more. But you're in my way.

A Creatively Challenged Writer

The Art of Shutting Up

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:05:00 +0000

My first week of graduate school. Behavior Management 101. The assignment was to answer a question posted online and then respond to two other comments within that thread. Being the overachiever that I am, I was one of the first in the class to respond, and I checked the website repeatedly in anticipation of other classmates' posts that I could respond to. I was shocked when another student posted a response that was opinionated and offensive and downright stupid. Of course, I responded with my own thoughts and maybe with a few fancy words that may or may not be synonymous with curse words. Within 24 hours, the thread had grown so contentious with other classmates taking sides that the professor deleted the entire thread, reprimanded us all for not abiding by online etiquette, and started the assignment over with a different question. We were all aspiring teachers. And that was our first lesson in Behavior Management.

Did I regret my response that I voiced from the safety behind my computer screen? Yes I do. Do I wish I had allowed myself to stew for an hour away from the computer before posting a response? Of course. Do I wish I had just shut up and walked away the bigger person? Absolutely.

And that is when I learned The Art of Shutting Up.

I'm pretty active on Facebook. In fact, I probably get most of my current event updates as well as social interaction via FB. But as much as I love Facebook, I realize that it's a breeding ground for negativity, hurtful opinions, and the snowballing of hostilities. It's very easy to hide behind a computer, just as I did in graduate school, and spew out a whole bunch of brain vomit without thinking before typing. And once you hit that POST button, it's out there, and people are already responding before you have a chance to regret what you've written and figured out how to delete it. Before we know it, our words have gone viral. All it takes is a few people to copy and paste or click on that share button. For better or for worse, our opinions are shared. And there is no professor, no referee, standing by to monitor our words and give us a do-over.

There's always interesting chatter in the military spouse Facebook community. From the SpouseBuzz post about comparing complaints, to the news about the president's plan to downsize the military, to the annoucement of the dates of the MilBlog Conference, Facebook has been abuzz lately with passionate opinions and equally passionate responses. It's so easy to get sucked into the drama, whether we agree with someone's thoughts or vehemently oppose them.

After my graduate school experience, I learned to take a step back before offering up my own snarky response that accomplishes nothing but feeding into other people's childish behavior and exhibiting an inability to fully think through an issue and tame my own emotions. I made a fool of myself that first week of school, and I think of that harsh lesson every time I consider responding to an offensive post on Facebook. Pursuant to the Art of Shutting Up, I now bite my tongue, remind myself not to take offhand comments personally, and allow a full hour to pass before posting a response. Usually, by the end of the hour, the urgent need to share my thoughts has dissipated. And if that desire does still remain, then at least I've had an hour to compose a more refined reaction than the knee-jerk one I would have initially posted.

As much as I believe in freedom of speech, I also believe in the importance of shutting up, especially when it comes to the viral rantings and ravings on Facebook. But when the rantings and ravings carry on, and the ability to keep my mouth shut and be the bigger person gets too difficult to maintain, I also firmly believe in the UNFRIEND button.

Book Review: 1001 Things to Love About Military Life

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 21:10:00 +0000

So I just read this book

and it was awesome! Want to learn more about it? Check out my book review over at the Homefront United Network!

Wife on the Roller Coaster Meets Semper Fi Momma

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 16:32:00 +0000

Today fellow mil spouse Semper Fi Momma is announcing the launch of her new military lifestyle website. And I'm excited to say that I'm her featured guest author for the big opening day!

So what is the site all about? It's a lifestyle website powered by military wives writing in the shared passion to bridge the gap between the civilian and military worlds. The site will share posts about a wide range of topics including parenting, deployments, marriage, decor, and recipes.

So make sure you head over to Semper Fi Momma today! Check out my post called Life Lessons as a Military Spouse, and then stick around awhile to visit with Semper Fi Momma. I'm turning my comments off here so you can go share some comment love over there.

***If you're a mil spouse and you're interested in being a contributing writer for Semper Fi Momma, please email her at laura@semperfimomma.com. The more the merrier!***

Top 10 List of My Most Popular Posts of 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:14:00 +0000

Well, here we are on New Year's Eve. The last day of 2011. This is the time of year when top 10 lists abound. Top 10 of the year's biggest headlines. Top 10 of the year's best dressed celebrities. Top 10 of the year's best movies, books, albums. Heck, I even found a top 10 list of top 10 lists for 2011!

Just in case you haven't read enough top 10 lists today, I'm posting one of my own (and yes, it is selfishly revolved around my blog). Based on the number of hits as well as number of comments, here is my...

Top 10 List of My Most Popular Posts of 2011

10) Top 10 List of Books About Deployment for Military Families

9) The Quest for a Baby-Sitter Who Puts the Pizza in the Fridge

8) Top 10 Ways to Stay Connected With Your Spouse During Deployments

7) Top 10 List of My Deployment Behaviors

6) Top 10 List of My Favorite Military Slang

5) Helicopter Parents

4) Battle of the Baggage

3) Surprise, I'm Home

2) Top 10 Things NOT to Do as Military Spouse

1) Top 10 List of Military Spouse Quotes

{{{Based on this list, I guess top 10 lists aren't such a bad thing!}}}

What are some of your most popular blog posts of 2011? Did some of them surprise you? Are you sometimes surprised by the posts that generate the most comments?

Have a safe and happy New Year everyone! See you in 2012!

Talking Blog Swap on USAA

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 16:04:00 +0000

I'm thrilled to share that I'm being featured on the USAA Military Spouse Blogging Community today!

So head on over and check out my interview with Wendy Poling about the Mil Spouse Holiday Blog Swap. (And if you feel so inclined to leave some comment love, that's even better!) Thanks!

A Final Resting Place: Saying Goodbye to the Most Adorable Chocolate Labrador Retriever

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 12:38:00 +0000

August 1998. I had just graduated from college and moved to a new town with my boyfriend. He was introducing me to his new roommates and giving me the tour of the town house when I looked up to see the most adorable chocolate Labrador Retriever I’d ever seen perched at the top of the stairs.

“Aww,” I gushed as the thick dog stared at me. “I’ve always wanted a chocolate lab! What’s his name?”

And before my question could be answered, that most adorable chocolate Labrador Retriever barrelled down the stairs, knocked me off my feet, and humped me as I remained shocked and helpless on the floor, pinned by 85 pounds of unleashed testosterone and drool. Little did I know that the man who owned this crazy dog would become my husband (that’s a different story for a different day). And the horny dog himself would become my pride and joy, my running partner, my bed mate, my first child, my children’s first pet, my best buddy.

Cody was 2 years old when I met Mr. Roller Coaster. He was past the puppy stage but not quite past the possessive nature of a dog who had never had to share his owner with another human. Suddenly this new lady enters the picture, and Cody has to relinquish his longstanding place in his owner’s bed, his car, and his heart. Cody declared his resentment by staring me down, chewing up my unmentionables, and incessantly humping me.

But soon my relationship with that most adorable chocolate Labrador Retriever changed. Suddenly I was the one feeding him and walking him and taking care of his basic needs. His resentment turned to loyalty. He became my dog. He followed me around. He obeyed my commands. And I don’t think he ever humped me again.

Cody was there when we moved to our first duty station. He was there when our son was born. He was there when Mr. Roller Coaster deployed to Iraq. He was there when we moved across the world to Japan. He was there when our daughter was born. Cody was a part of us, an important member of our family. And when he got sick and I called the vet to schedule the appointment to put him down, my heart broke into pieces to think of a life without that most adorable chocolate Labrador Retriever. But he was in pain, and it was time.

Cody never made it to his appointment. He passed away in his bed in our bedroom in the middle of the night after suffering his third seizure. Mr. Roller Coaster and I were with him. We were able to say our goodbyes and tell him how much we loved him. It was December 16, 2007.

Why am I retelling this story now, 4 years later? Well, until a few days ago, our beloved Cody had yet to find his final resting place, we had yet to fully let him go. You see Cody died while we were stationed in Japan. Because we didn’t want to leave him there, we had him cremated and brought his remains back to the States. No man left behind right? But years passed, and we never had the heart to bury him. His remains rested inside the decorative container the Japanese crematorium gave us to house the urn, which we tucked away on a closet shelf at our family's cabin in the mountains. Every time we visited the cabin we gave Cody a little smile, promised ourselves we would bury him one day, and then closed the door again.

Every time but this time.

This past July we welcomed the most adorable black Labrador Retriever into our family. Gunner could never replace Cody, but he has filled a void that we’ve been unable to fill in our family since Cody died. And I think that’s why we were finally able to say our final goodbyes to that most adorable chocolate Labrador Retriever. Four years after his death, we finally buried our beloved Cody, we finally laid him to rest.

Goodbye Cody. We miss you. You’ll always be in our hearts.

Christmas Blogging Hiatus

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:39:00 +0000

Christmas is almost here, and we all have so much to do. I truly believe that Christmas is a time to spend with loved ones. That's why I'm taking a brief blogging holiday hiatus. I want to focus my full attention on my family and take advantage of the time I have off from work to spend time with them.

I'll continue to check my email and Facebook throughout the hiatus, and if I get particularly inspired I may come back to the blogosphere earlier than planned. But otherwise I want to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year! I'll see you in 2012!

Roller Coaster out.

Year in Review: My Top 10 List of 2011 New Year's Resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 21:40:00 +0000

Tis the season for reflection. As the end of yet another year comes to a close, many of us use this time to reflect on the past year. Our highs. Our lows. Our goals accomplished. And when we've finished reflecting, we look forward to the fresh start of another year as we wonder what fate has in store for us.

That brings us to the whole concept of New Year's Resolutions, our lists of goals that we vow to accomplish within the next 365 days. I had every intention of compiling a list of 2012 resolutions, which was on schedule to be my top 10 list today. But when I went back to my Top 10 List of New Year's Resolutions for 2011 and calculated my success rate, I had a change of heart.

So instead of new resolutions, here is a...

Year in Review: My Top 10 List of 2011 New Year's Resolutions

10) KEEP UP MY BLOG: SUCCESS!

Woo hoo, I managed to stick to this one. But barely. Once school started up in September and I went back to work, I was lucky to bust out blog posts twice a week.

9) PLAY MORE GAMES: FAIL

I had such good intentions with this one. But somehow Friday Night Game Night never materialized, and all of our family board games are still collecting dust on the shelf in Big C's closet.

8) WATCH/READ THE NEWS MORE: FAIL

Is it pathetic that I learn most of our world's current events on Facebook? Again, good intentions. But my Sunday newspapers still end up in the recycling bin usually unopened and my Daily Beast Cheat Sheet emails still end up getting eaten by my delete button.

7) READ AT LEAST ONE BOOK PER MONTH: FAIL

Hmmm, let's see. The last book I read took 2 weeks start to finish. But I had the whole Thanksgiving break and 12 hours in a car to read. The book before that? Three months. Three months to read a 200 page book. I think my 7-year-old son read more than that.

6) GET BACK INTO THE RACE: SUCCESS!

I think running has been the most consistent aspect of my year. And it's the first time I've ever participated in one of every length race I set out to do: One 5k, one 10k, one 10 miler, and one half marathon. Next year's goal? (Not a resolution, a goal! Yes, there's a difference.) Two of each length. And quite possible a full marathon added to the mix.

5) SUBMIT MY CHILDREN’S BOOK MANUSCRIPT (AGAIN): FAIL

I wrote the book over 6 years ago. I already have a stack of rejection letters. Guess I wasn't ready to turn over that mental block.

4) TRY NOT TO STRESS ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF MY CONTROL: FAIL

I'm a military spouse. I always stress about things that are out of my control. I think I set myself up for failure on this one.

3) EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE FOR AT LEAST ONE THING EVERY DAY: FAIL

At the beginning of last year I started my own Project Gratitude in which I took some time out of every day to think about what I was thankful for, sometimes posting my thankful thoughts on my blog. But somewhere around May, Project Gratitude disappeared and never resurfaced.

2) ESTABLISH A WORKOUT ROUTINE: FAIL, SUCCESS, THEN FAIL AGAIN

A year ago I vowed to establish a routine to squeeze my workouts in after work. By the time the school year ended in June, no routine existed. Fail. But then I was out of school for the summer, and I was working out almost every day. Success! And then school started again in September, and I was back to grumbling about being too tired to go to the gym after work. Fail. I better try again though because that half marathon I signed up for in March is going to be really ugly if I keep making excuses.

1) START WRITING THE NOVEL THAT’S COMPLETELY WRITTEN IN MY HEAD: THE ULTIMATE EPIC FAIL

This is what I wrote about this resolution last year: "Realistically, I probably won’t start on this resolution until June when I start my summer vacation, but it’s a resolution that’s been on my list for the last decade. This is my year." Ok, so I didn't write a single word. Not. One. Word. 2011 clearly wasn't my year of the novel. Here's to hoping for a more prolific 2012.

Conclusion?

2011 New Year's Resolutions Success Rate = 20.3%

I am a big fat failure in the resolution department.
I think I'll pass on the 2012 resolutions.

How did you score on your 2011 New Year's Resolutions? Are you making any resolutions for 2012?

The War in Iraq is Over...Now What?

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 21:06:00 +0000

As most of you know, the war in Iraq is over. But what many of you might not know is that there are very mixed emotions throughout the military community about the conclusion of a nearly nine year war that cost way too many lives and way too many dollars, a war that is leaving people wondering whether or not it was all worth it.

Over the weekend, I watched a video of the final convoy exiting Iraq as it crossed over the border to Kuwait.

I read articles in the Washington Post and USA Today summing up the war, quoting service members who had firsthand knowledge of the war, and contemplating the implications of our removal from Iraq, both for our country and theirs. I read thoughts shared by military spouses about mixed emotions on blogs like SpouseBuzz and Wife [Widow] of a Wounded Marine. And I discussed the topic at length with my husband, whose professional as well as personal experiences in Iraq I'll never fully understand. But despite spending a large portion of my weekend thinking about the end of the war in Iraq, I still don't feel like I have a firm grasp on how I feel about it. And I don't think I'm the only one struggling with this sense of ambivalence.

Despite my own mixed emotions, I do know a few things for sure:

I know that it makes me so happy to think about all the troops who are coming home and are no longer in harm's way.

I know that I appreciate all the service men and women and the sacrifices they and their families have made in the name of this war.

I know that my heart breaks for the families whose loved ones made the ultimate sacrifice while serving in Iraq, families that are probably reflecting on what the end of this war means for them and missing their lost loved ones even more.

I know that our troops are coming home as different people, whether their scars are visible or hiding beneath the surface, and they need all the support we can give them.

I know that the term "the war is over" is misleading not only because we still have troops in Afghanistan, but because we also have families coping with the aftermath of both wars here on the homefront.

And I know that regardless of how I feel about the war in Iraq and its ending, I will always...

Mil Spouse Holiday Blog Swap 2011!

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 05:00:00 +0000

The holiday season is upon us! People are busy shopping for the perfect gifts for loved ones, finalizing travel plans, decorating their homes, and cuddling up on the couch for that special holiday movie. And somewhere amidst all the chaos, we bloggers still manage to find the time to write about it.

In the spirit of bringing friends together during the holiday season, I thought I'd bring some of my mil spouse bloggy friends together to share our thoughts about the holidays. And what better way to do that than a blog swap. So I proudly present to you the Mil Spouse Holiday Blog Swap 2011!

What's a blog swap? It's kind of like a Secret Santa, but instead of exchanging gifts, we're exchanging blogs. For one day, 28 military spouses will be guest posting for each other as we contemplate all things holiday. So check out all of the amazing participants of the Mil Spouse Holiday Blog Swap in the linky below as we invade each other's blogs!

You can find my holiday post over at Rebekah Sanderlin's Operation Marriage. Rebekah is an incredible writer with a VERY impressive resume. NPR, CNN, Washington Post, New York Times... the list goes on and on!!! (Check it out for yourself HERE!)

And who is my guest blogger today? Well, I'm hosting the amazing Homefront United Network.

The Homefront United Network is a product of Angela Caban's desire to connect military spouses and family members in a positive and supportive environment. It's a place "for you to gain resources, vent, support others and celebrate our lives as military spouses, family and friends." The HUN, which is currently celebrating its one year anniversary, offers articles written by a variety of mil spouses, a ton of resources for military families, fun giveaways, and the all-knowing Military Martha to answer your burning questions about military life. If you've never visited the HUN before, you're truly missing out.

But enough chatter from me! It's time to hear from Amanda Allen, one of those awesome writers you can find at the HUN. So take it away Homefront United Network...

Where to Spend Our Christmas

I was listening to Christmas music on the radio yesterday while driving and a popular Christmas carol came on. The lyrics, that I’m sure we have all heard, says “I’ll be home for Christmas.” And I couldn’t help but stop to pause and think about exactly what that meant to the singer and what it means to me personally, and my family as a military family.

“Home,” after all, is a pretty complex concept for a Military family! Is home where we are currently living where we have a house? Is home a place we lived and felt most comfortable or “at home?” Is home where we grew up? Is home where our family/parents are currently living? Or, in response to the ever so popular quote, is home where the military sends us? Is home where our significant other is?

As a military family, choosing where and who to spend our Christmas with can be a tough decision! Do you stay at your house in your current station where ever that may be? Do you go to see his family? Do you go to see her family? Do you have your relatives come to your house?

My husband and I have been married for just over 3 years now and this Christmas will be our fourth together. Our first Christmas we put up a dinky little tree in our apartment but spent our time with all of my family on Christmas eve, a few hours alone just the few of us that night, and then he worked Christmas day. The next year we drove to Seattle to spend Christmas with my mom and little brother. The next year I was living in Minnesota with my adopted family while he was in training in prep for deployment so he came to Minnesota and spent the time with us. But this year, this year was the first really hard “where do we spend Christmas” decision we had to make.

We just got stationed on the East Coast away from all of our family, we bought our first home, and our daughter is old enough to get excited about the decorations and presents and just everything that is Christmas. Where is home for us right now? Where do we spend Christmas to make the most of it? If we go out of town do we put up decorations?

After a lot of debate, and some emotions on my end, we decided it was best for our family to stay home… in our family home. After all, “home is where the navy sends us” right? We have taken up root here and we want to start building traditions as a family! It’s hard for me to imagine Christmas without all the traditions and togetherness of all the different parts of my family, but I know we will make it great here. Maybe one year we will be able to have family come and visit us!

Where is “home” for you at the holidays? Do you have your own family traditions or are you constantly traveling to meet everyone’s expectations for the Holidays?

Dear Santa: Top 10 Things I Want For Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 21:26:00 +0000

Dear Santa,

I know you're busy getting ready to travel around the world and trying to slim down to fit down all those chimneys, but I've been very good this year and was hoping my good girl status would earn me a coveted spot on the Nice List. I've thought long and hard about the following items on my Christmas list, and I believe they're quite reasonable requests.

I hope you have a safe trip! Don't forget to charge your GPS. And please don't text and drive. I'm leaving a plate of cookies for you, although the stress of the holiday season can only be mitigated by chocolate so I can't promise the cookies will still be there upon your arrival. I'm sure Rudolph will share his carrots.

So here is my Christmas list in Top 10 format for your convenience...

10) The rewiring of my puppy's internal clock so I can sleep past 5:45 AM without 50 pounds of energy pouncing on me

9) A magical anti-whine potion to slip into my children's breakfast every morning

8) Running gear that makes me run twice as fast, gives me twice the endurance, and burns twice as many calories while simultaneously tightening my abs, toning my triceps, and forgiving my lack of willpower for all things chocolate

7) The power to teleport my family and friends to visit me whenever I want

6) Snotty, backstabbing, competitive, overly sensitive co-workers. Oh wait, I already have that. So yeah, the exact opposite of that.

5) A housekeeper, chef, personal trainer, and reliable baby-sitter, all on-call 24 hours a day who work not for money but for hi-fives

4) A fountain of youth

3) The complete eradication of germs, traffic, and hangovers

2) The addition of an hour to the end of each day and a zero to the end of my salary

1) A clone of myself so she can tackle my to-do list while I'm working, sleeping, eating, exercising, spending time with family and friends, and putting my feet up with a glass of wine and a good book

Thank you for your consideration Santa! Ho ho ho Merry Christmas!

Love,
Roller Coaster

Top 10 List of My Favorite Christmas Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 11:39:00 +0000

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without certain movies. Some are stories that pull at your heartstrings. Some are comedies that help you laugh at the holiday chaos. And some are classics you've been watching every year since you were a kid. There are so many Christmas movies out there, but here are my...

Top 10 List of My Favorite Christmas Movies

10) A Christmas Story

9) Scrooged

8) The Muppet Christmas Carol

7) Polar Express

6) Love Actually

5) It's a Wonderful Life

4) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

3) A Charlie Brown Christmas

2) Elf

1) The original animated version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas

What tops your list?

Shouldn't We All Have Our Own Personal Cheerleaders?

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:19:00 +0000

Over the weekend I ran a holiday 10 mile race. I was a little concerned because I've been sick on and off for almost 2 months and my training hasn't been where it should be. I was also concerned about the chilly weather and my aversion to all things cold. But I got out there with a positive attitude and some butterflies in my belly and vowed to try my best without putting too much pressure on myself.

The first half of the race was awesome. I felt great, the cold wasn't bothering me at all, and I loved looking around at the runners dressed up in festive costumes. Then the course changed directions, and suddenly it was a different race. For the next 2 miles I fought brutal wind and felt the familiar twinges of an old hamstring injury. By the time the course changed directions again and I had the wind at my back, I was mentally drained and unsure of whether I'd be running across the finish line or crawling.

It must have been around mile 8 when I first heard my name during the silence in between songs on my iPod. "Go Roller! You can do it Roller!" I looked at the sidewalk where people I didn't know were calling out my name and cheering me on. (It took me a second to remember that my name was printed in big bold letters on the bib pinned to my shirt.) I felt like I had my own personal cheering squad. It was just what I needed.

My feet felt a little bit lighter, and I realized I was running with a smile plastered on my face. I checked my GPS watch, and sure enough my pace had picked up. I found an upbeat song on my playlist and pumped up the volume. There was no longer any doubt about how I'd be crossing that finish line.

Before I knew it I was at mile 9 and a half. The line of spectators was growing thicker so I took off one of my headphones. I couldn't even hear the music in one ear as onlookers clapped and cheered and clanged cow bells and hooted and hollered and yes, called out runners' names. I rode the wave of their enthusiasm for the next half mile until I sprinted my way across the finish line.

If you've ever run a big race, you know that the finish line is not the end. Despite the fact that you probably want to collapse and/or puke, you have to keep walking through a secure area before you can stop and get your bearings. As you catch your breath and try to find your way to the end, volunteers hand you a medal, bottles of Gatorade and water, bananas, energy bars, and maybe even a surprise gift. Then when you reach the end of the barricades, you find your loved ones, smile for the camera, and commence the celebration of your accomplishment.

I had no loved ones greeting me at the finish line, no one snapping pictures, no one sharing the celebration of my accomplishments. But as I walked through the secure area of finishers accepting goodies in my post-race delirium, I had those personal cheerleaders. "Good job Roller! You did it Roller! You rock Roller!" I hung that medal around my neck, clutched my banana and Gatorade in one hand, and with my other hand, I high-fived those strangers who chanted my name as if I had just won an Olympic goal medal.

I truly believe that those cheerleaders were the reason I sprinted across that finish line instead of crawled. And as I walked to my car with my medal around my neck and my runners' high wearing off, I thought about how nice it would be to have personal cheerleaders clapping and cheering by our side to get us through those hurdles in everyday life, both big and small. A million things on your to-do list? Tackle the easy ones first Roller!!! Kids throwing tantrums? Let them work it out themselves Roller!!! Questioning the direction your life is going? Follow your heart Roller!!! Yeah that would be nice.

But I guess I do have my own personal cheerleaders. They might not be chanting my name or clanging cow bells, but my friends and family are always there with encouragement when the course changes directions and I hit a brick wall. I don't need to run a 10 mile race to know who my cheerleaders are. And for that I am incredibly grateful.

Who are your personal cheerleaders?

Mil Spouse Weekly Roundup: The Final Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 10:57:00 +0000

When I first started my blog, I was a full-time Domestic Engineer. I had plenty of time to read other blogs and gather up a list of my favorites. It was a pretty long list.

Then a little over a year ago I went back to work. I no longer had time to keep up with all the blogs I used to read. But I didn't want to stop reading the blogs I had grown to love. I kept thinking how much easier it would be if people could just email me their favorite post of the week.

And that's how the Mil Spouse Weekly Roundup came to be.

For 60 weeks, mil spouses/girlfriends gathered on Fridays to share one of their blog posts from the week. The hostess title was passed from one lovely lady to the next so we could all get to know some new faces.

But sadly, participation has been dwindling, and I felt it was time to call time of death for the Roundup. So this week, Week 61, will be the final edition of the Mil Spouse Weekly Roundup. Your final host is Pam over at Troop Petrie. So go on over and link up and show Pam some love.

Thank you to all of you who linked up week after week. And thank you to all of the wonderful hosts. Now go link up and make this final Mil Spouse Weekly Roundup the best one ever!

Top 10 Must Haves When Trapped in a Car with Young Children

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 22:05:00 +0000

This year my family road tripped for Thanksgiving. Over 6 hours each way. Two adults. Two kids. One puppy. Not exactly one of my favorite things to do.

The Roller Coasters have been on all sorts of trips, and over the years I've discovered a few techniques to make road trips bearable, especially as my children get older. Here are my...

Top 10 Must Haves When Trapped in a Car with Young Children

10) Games
I'm not talking about board games where the pieces go flying all over the car at every sharp turn. No, I'm talking about the creative interactive old-fashioned games. Looking for license plates from every state. I Spy. 20 Questions. Even Rock, Paper, Scissors. Somehow last weekend I forgot about the magic of car games. But I'm sure a good game of I Spy would have greatly cut down on the whining.

9) Reading Material
Mr. Roller Coaster typically does most of the driving on family road trips. So I get a chance to catch up on all the magazines and books I've been neglecting. My kids bring books too. It's one of the few quiet activities they'll willingly engage in.

8) Comfortable Clothes (and backup outfits in easy reach)
My daughter is extremely picky about her clothes. And when I say picky, I mean she throws screeching tantrums almost every morning because of her clothes. So if I know we'll be in the car, I make sure she's wearing her favorite outfit. The last thing I need is a wardrobe malfunction 100 miles into the trip. And I need to have easy access to more clean comfortable clothes. You never know when she's going to fall in mud right before getting in the car or vomit all over herself.

7) Music
I remember making the 10-hour drive home from college on breaks and blasting my music. I spent the entire trip singing at the top of my lungs. It kept me entertained and kept me awake. I still love listening to music. Unfortunately, Mr. Roller Coaster and I don't always agree on music. I guess that's what headphones are for.

6) iPhones with kid-friendly apps
When we bought our car, I told my husband I didn't want DVD players installed. I didn't want to be that mom who needed television to make a 10 minute drive to the grocery store. My parents never had tv in their cars, and my brother and I managed road trips just fine when we were kids. That being said, I have no issues with my kids entertaining themselves with games on my iPhone. And maybe in a dire emergency a Netflix movie. Ok, so maybe I did let my kids watch tv in the car. You gotta do what you gotta do.

5) Baby Wipes
Someone will spill something. Someone's hands will get dirty. Someone will pick her nose and have boogies stuck on her fingers. Someone will vomit all over the backseat. Nothing takes care of quick clean-ups like baby wipes.

4) A Handful of Plastic Grocery Bags
What don't I use these for? Trash to toss at the next gas station. Dog poop clean up. Vomit. Clothes covered in vomit (in case you're wondering about the common vomit theme, yes, there has been a lot of vomit in my car). I don't go anywhere without plastic bags.

3) Toys (of the kids' choosing)
I once made the mistake of packing bags for my kids with toys they could play with during the car ride. Big mistake. I either didn't pack enough, I packed too much, I didn't pack their favorite toy, I packed toys they didn't like anymore, you name it, I got blamed for it. Now I make the kids pack their own backpacks with toys and books. Just make sure they pack enough toys. One time Little C had this big backpack, and when I peeked in to see what she had chosen to bring, she had one lonely toy. She wasn't very happy.

2) Food
Have you ever noticed that kids are hungry the second you hit the highway? Why is that? It doesn't matter if they had a four-course meal before strapping their seatbelts. They will want snacks. And they will whine until they get them.

1) Patience
And a whole lot of it. Because you can only hear "What time is it?" and "How long have we been in the car?" and "I'm bored." and of course the traditional "Are we there yet?" so many times before you feel like jumping out the window. And when you run out of patience, that's when the headphones and reading material come in handy.

What things do you absolutely have to have with you when you're on a road trip (with kids or without)?

Unplugging for the Holidays

noreply@blogger.com (Wife on the Roller Coaster) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 12:25:00 +0000

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Another Thanksgiving that flew by too quickly. Another Thanksgiving that involved an obscene overindulgence in food and alcoholic beverages. Another Thanksgiving that ended with a need for a vacation from my vacation. And now that Thanksgiving is over, we can all move on to December, a month filled with holiday magic and glee. Or for people like me, stress, stress, and more stress.

I'm well aware that a lot of my holiday stress is self-induced. But how can I NOT be stressed when I get on Facebook and read about the holiday feats of my amazing friends around the world. Thanksgiving turkeys are being stuffed while Christmas trees are simultaneously being trimmed and Black Friday sales are being pursued and Christmas cards are being signed, sealed, and delivered. And my Facebook friends have photos on their walls and status updates to prove it.

Despite the fact that I was visiting family and wasn't the one required to prep recipes for 4 days, I still felt like a slacker every time I signed onto Facebook and read of the spectacular culinary feats of my cohorts. Facebook was stressing me out! So I decided to unplug for the Thanksgiving weekend so I could enjoy the holiday without feeling as if I was failing to live up to some sort of bizarro world Facebook expectations. I didn't see photos of Food Network-worthy turkeys and lists of Black Friday deals and retellings of Christmas tree trimming ceremonies. It felt almost liberating to divorce myself from the computer, like I was living my life instead of narrating it on Facebook.

Now that Thanksgiving is over and I'm home from my road trip, I'm back on Facebook. But now, instead of Thanksgiving turkeys, I see photographs of beautifully decorated Christmas trees. And I imagine the photos of holiday preparation and status updates checking off holiday to do lists will only increase in the next couple of weeks.

I guess I can't avoid Facebook for the next month so I'll just have to embrace my inner slacker and ignore those in high holiday gear. Who knows, maybe next year I'll join the ranks and have my Christmas tree up before the Thanksgiving dishes are washed. I can dream anyway.

Do you get lost in the magic of the holidays or the stress? Are you a holiday early bird or a slacker like me? Does Facebook ever stress you out because of friends' status updates and photos?