What the Blog

You don't own me

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Tue, 24 Jan 2017 11:02:00 +0000

This weekend I watched in pride and awe while working at the millions of women who marched for equality for all women, children, and men regardless of their religion, race, sexual orientation, disability, or creed. I desperately wished I could have marched myself, but could not because I could not take the time off of work. I cried when I saw my brother and sister in law march in Oklahoma, when my ex's ex sent pictures of her marching in Cincinnati, friends of mine from around the nation and the world sent me pictures of them marching in solidarity. Finally, finally some of the shame I felt from this election lifted and I thought to myself, we can impact our world and make a change, through peaceful protest.

Back in November, I helped create a FB page, with 4500 women and we all donned a hijab (traditional head covering for Muslim women) in a silent protest on 1/20/17 against the bigotry that DJT has time and again spewed towards Muslims. I felt proud of not only myself but all the beautiful women who had participated in this protest. The ultimate goal of this was to show our Muslim American sisters they are not alone, that we stand with them during these trying times. I see and read these beautiful women all working towards a common goal and I am grateful to be a part of it.

Then it started... the messages telling me, I am a hypocrite, I am a fad follower, I do not actually care for anyone's rights but my own. I was told I am selfish and could never care about any others than myself and I thought... this person doesn't even know me, after years of knowing who I am and being "friends" he is completely in the dark on what drives me and makes me who I am. I thought of the irony of this person telling me I care nothing for others, especially after all the times I helped him out and I realized, I don't need another man in my life telling what to do, I don't need his approval to be me. I just need to be me. I subsequently deleted and blocked him from both my Facebook and phone because really, who needs additional negativity in their lives.

This past year has been hard on me, I endured multiple surgeries, found out I had a chronic illness, lost my job and my husband. I have bad days, as anyone can read for themselves that follow my blog, but I also look on life knowing it can only get better if I try. I could wallow in self pity, but instead I have picked myself up once again and continue to move forward not only for myself, but for all women, all men, all children in a fight to have equal rights. True Christians do not judge, we continually pick ourselves up and help those in need with less than what we have, and I for one, will continue to do just that.

Till next time,
T.

Rising from the Ashes

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sat, 21 Jan 2017 00:19:00 +0000

I woke up at 445 in the morning the day after the election, I hastily looked at the results and with horror and dismay I realized the person I voted for did not win. I was stunned, I could not believe that America choose DJT to lead our country. I felt betrayed, scared, ashamed, a deep sense of loss and despair and cried as I watched the coverage of my country being torn apart.

I wearily logged into work and began my day, silently crying as I spoke to each person who called to make a reservation. I ended up taking a half day because I physically could not stop crying for everything we were on the brink of losing. I was in complete shock and could not unplug myself from the barrage of coverage on social media and CNN. Eventually in the evening I stumbled upon an article from a blog I follow, scarymommy.com, with women who were speaking out afraid to wear their hijabs because of the current political climate. They were afraid to physically practice their religion in America, a country founded on religious freedom.

As I read through the comments on the article, one comment stood out to me - a woman who said even though she was Catholic she would be happy to wear a hijab in solidarity with Muslim women and an idea was born. We created a page on Facebook, specifically to stand up for our Muslim sisters and today our idea became a reality. We brought together over 4500 women across the world and we covered our hair today in a silent protest against DJT, we covered our hair to stand with our Muslim sisters who are afraid to practice their religion openly, we covered our hair and empowered ourselves to stand up for one another. We are rising from the ashes of the feeling that our country we loved has been burned to the ground. We will stand together, we will stand for all women, men, and children, no matter their faith, no matter their race, no matter their sexuality, no matter their disability. We stand for each other, the truly good existing and lurking beneath the surface of the hatred and rhetoric we see daily.

We will rise up, we will become the phoenix and we will not lose our rights or the equality our mothers and grandmothers fought so hardly for.

Till next time
T.

Nightmares are real

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sat, 14 Jan 2017 06:14:00 +0000

I am feeling pensive and odd. Today was my birthday and I have been dissecting the last year detail by detail to figure out what went wrong with my life.

Did it start with me getting my wisdom teeth out last January? Did I lose something other than my teeth? Did the stress of that on top of daily life and rescuing dogs push me over the edge into the terrifying symptoms of Myasthenia? I have always been a stressed out person though, I have always thrived when under pressure, so I am not sure what really happened this last year.

Did the Myasthenia start the wedge that eventually ended my marriage? It was hard on both of us, but ultimately it harder on me. Was it that first big surgery that pushed him away? Seeing me with a scar down the middle of my chest? Did it scare him or repulse him? Is that why I am now alone, pondering my thoughts one at a time, trying to make sense of what has happened? Was it the recovery that took so long? Or the naps I had to take just to function to get through the day? Or the meds I was on that physically made me sick and changed my body? Was it the next surgery, albeit common, but still a third time going under a knife in one year.

Are the scars and pain what he now sees, and is that what pushed him away? Was it from me losing a job and him having to work overtime to make ends meet? Or me just withdrawing from everything and everyone? Could it have been because of the vitriol of this past years election that drove him a way? I after all am a liberal feminist, and he learned quickly I would never support who is coming into office. Perhaps he saw how truly liberal I am and that pushed him away. Was it from me going out of my way to befriend Muslims and people he was uncomfortable with? Or was it just me in general. I don't think I will ever know what truly began this downward spiral of our marriage.

I need to be true to myself as he needs to be true to himself. Perhaps one day I will see the lesson from this failed marriage, but today, I ask why. I want to know why I am going through yet another hardship, why I have to carry such a burden, when I have carried such a difficult burden this entire past year. I want to scream why me, but what good does that do for me. What does that accomplish for me? For now, I am going to glue myself back together once again and move forward with my life. I am going to stop crying over what went wrong and shove it in that little box of whys that will never be answered and just carry on the best I can. I will pull myself out of this nightmare and one day will be stronger for it.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Till next time,
T.

My manic is bleeding through

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Tue, 10 Jan 2017 04:43:00 +0000

Typing from my phone. Today has been so weird for me. Maybe it's because it really hit home how alone I feel right now. I have lots of friend and family that would come spend time with me but at the same time I don't want company. I want to wallow in my misery but scream from being bored and alone. I know eventually this feeling will go away but when? When will I feel like me again?

My ~~soon to be ex~~ husband and I decided to split up. He moved out, just up and left after saying he'd stay to help with the bills until I could find a roommate. Thankfully I found someone who will be moving in at the end of the month. But I'm still alone till then and it is a strange feeling. I haven't really been alone without roommate or relationship in years. Maybe when I first moved to Hilton head but that was 12 years ago. I slowly feel as if I am descending into a state of crazy or as my mom says I'm being manic.

So what if I am being a little manic? After all it's just another manic Monday. I miss so much that I used to do, I am finally healthy enough to do things again and feel like I am probably going into remission with MG (which is awesome) but now I want to do things. I want to travel and see old friends if mine, what do I do? Do I ignore my feelings? Shove them into a ball of nothingness and ignore them? Or do I go out and do something that makes ME happy? I am so tired of the same old same old. I hated last year, I don't want to hate this year to. What's a girl to do?

Decisions, decisions, decisions....

Till next time
T.

There's nothing you can teach me....

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 18:44:00 +0000

I feel as if we are on the brink of another dark ages. I don't think technology will be lost or anything as drastic as what happened when the Roman Empire fell but I do to an extent think that our very way of life in America is about to drastically change and I don't think it is a good change.

I know all about bad change, what with all I went though last year finding out I had MG and two subsequent surgeries to help with my symptoms, and now I am trying to eek out some kind of normalcy. It is not working. I have realized today how much I absolutely hate myself. I know its pretty fucking harsh, but I do. I hate everything I have physically lost, I want to know why I have such a fucked up disease, I am sick and tired all the time but look normal on the outside so I must not be that fucking sick. I spent NYE in the ER because I really am always fucking sick.

Now I look at the disease that has descended on the American political scene and wonder is it even worth it anymore? A President who isn't willing to give up his business while in office, who is appointing his children to positions with no political background or experience, no more ethics board to govern Congress and Senate and best of all a VP who gets in if our President is impeached would strip women of their rights. A man who believes in Creationism, who doesn't believe in birth control or abortions (even to save the mothers life) and thinks electric shock therapy will cure homosexuals.

What have we become??? What is the fucking point in this. Why am I fighting so hard, and what for? This is not the world I want to be in and this is not the body I want to have. I sit and contemplate how easy it would be to just end it all because what is worth all this headache, heartache, and disappointment day after day after day after day.

Till next time
T.

Goodbye 2016....Hello 2017

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 12:37:00 +0000

Each year I try and reflect today on what happened and what could have been. New Year's eve for me is a day that I think about what I could have done differently and what I can do differently in the upcoming year to grow and make myself a better person. I do not believe in "New Year's Resolutions" I believe in bettering myself and those around me if I can. I try to live my life as a series of lessons to learn from. This year has tried my faith, my semblance of life, and my patience.

2016 was a hard year for me, perhaps the worse to date, but I learned so much more about myself. I learned I have an incurable autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis, most people (doctors and nurses included) have no idea what it is or what it means to have MG. I learned that while I may not always have muscular strength to get something done, I certainly have not lost my inner fight to overcome and power on. Somedays I am fine and can do everything I want to do and others I cannot even get out of bed I am so weak. When the company I worked for let me go after I was diagnosed because they couldn't work around my new limitations, I said no, not gonna let you just walk all over me and I filed an EEOC and ADA complaint. We settled without a trial after mediation. I learned there are still good companies out there and I was able to find a full time job working from home with benefits that understands my needs and limitations. In today's economy this is a rare gem. I just celebrated my 6 months with them.

I learned more about my family this year than any other, my mother, father, sister, brother, and husband all stepped up to help us out. My mother and sister sat with me daily for months before and after a major surgery I had. They cooked and helped around the house while my husband was at work. I never expected them not to but after reading the lack of family support in some of the MG support groups online, I have learned that I am lucky for the family I was blessed with. They all researched what I have and what it means for me, they understand that some days will be good and some days will be bad and nothing can be done for it.

I learned I really am a feminist this year. I have always believed in equality, freedom of speech, freedom of religion but this year I watched countless bills put into office to restrict women of their reproductive rights, to restrict women of their religious freedom, to restrict women in general. I have watched in dismay all year at the potential of a woman in the white house to have my hopes dashed and I have read the horror stories of women who are afraid to openly wear their religious clothing in public with our President-Elect. I created a page for women only, to support one another, to love one another and to build each other up. While I am not an overly religious person, I am Catholic, and I will be covering my hair on 1/21/17 to stand in solidarity with all my Muslim sisters as a protest to who our incoming President purports himself to be: Anti-women, Anti-color, Anti-religion, Anti-LGBTQ+, Anti-disability, Anti-immigration, Pro sexism, Pro-white privilege. My father worries I am making myself a target, but also is proud of me for standing up for my beliefs. These are beliefs my parents instilled in me when I was young, these are not liberal or conservative views, they are my beliefs that ALL women and men are equal and therefore should be treated as such.

I have made many new friends with similar views and a few with opposing views, I cherish their differences and have learned from them. This coming year I will continue to stand for my beliefs, I will continue to fight for equality and for those with disabilities such as myself. I will continue to speak up and speak out for those who are beaten down by the system, for those who have lost hope and for those who need a voice. Everyone has a voice, but we have to be willing to use that voice to truly see change. This year I will become more active in my local community politics. I will keep calling and emailing my state representatives to express my dismay at their antiquated views on equality and I will keep being me. I will keep growing and learning to make this year a better year than what 2016 has felt to me.

Till next time
T.

What just happened???

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Wed, 09 Nov 2016 18:40:00 +0000

Last March I was diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disorder, called Myasthenia Gravis and I honestly thought the days leading up to this diagnosis were the worst of my life. The day I got diagnosed was a relief, but the days afterward, learning about my new limitations and what I could no longer do were awful. I would give anything for those days back today.

Two weeks ago, I excitedly and proudly cast my vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton, I truly believed in her message and really thought she would be the next president of the United States. Last night I fell asleep watching the election coverage on my iPad in bed and at 445 this morning woke up with CNN still streaming, and then I saw it.... I saw that Donald Trump had won instead. I have been in a state of shock since. I have been crying off and on all day and thankfully managed to get through work today.

I researched possibly moving to Canada, but my company is not currently doing any transfers to Canada, and would they really take me in having a chronic illness? So I am obviously staying in America, although not the one I grew up in. I grew up in an America that believed in progress and diverse cultures. Our new America believes in hate, bigotry, racism, discrimination, and misogyny, or I should say 1/2 of our nation believes in this along side President Elect Trump. If they have always believed this way then they hid it well, but it is now out in the open for all to know.

I am a straight white woman of Italian descent, my family came here about 100 years ago and now i wonder, is it time for us to leave? My biggest fear is that I am a woman and it is now ok for sexually predatory behavior (this is what our President Elect said), but what about my Black friends, Latino friends, my Muslim friends, my Jewish friends, my Lesbian friends, my Gay friends and my Trans friends? What about them? Are they all going to be "deported" or put into "camps" because of their faith or who they fundamentally are? Who will he attack next? Catholics? Will I end up in the same place as my diverse friends?

I understand I have to accept the results of this election, I understand that is what sets us apart, a peaceful transition of power and I will just not today. Instead, today I weep for the country we were, the country that had so much potential, the country we should be and the country we could have been.

Till Next Time:
T.

Runaway Trains

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sat, 05 Nov 2016 00:35:00 +0000

There is so much I want to say and this is an extremely difficult post for me to write. I love writing, it is a passion of mine that I no longer indulge in on a regular basis. The title of this post "Runaway Trains" is how I feel. I feel like we as a country, the United States is on a train that has lost control and will shortly implode. I don't want to offend anyone but to include all. This is not realistic and I have a few things to say and hopefully the people I do inadvertently offend can find forgiveness in their hearts.

Over the last year I have watched in horror as seventeen Republican Presidential hopefuls dwindled down to one. A man I never really "liked" but thought was an amusing on the Apprentice. I used to watch weekly with my mother and we like many millions across America would cackle and laugh when he would bang his hand on the conference room table and yell "You're Fired" pointing at the contestant on the chopping block for that episode. It never dawned on me this man could one day be the major Republican party nominee for President of the United States.

I was horrified the day he called Mexican immigrants rapists, shocked when he said to ban Muslims, I could not believe he called POWs losers or that he would publicly mock a disabled reporter. I wondered when enough would be enough after all the times he made fun of and made derogatory remarks about women he didn't like, I thought after he said an American Judge wasn't impartial because of his Mexican heritage, but it wasn't, just like saying women should be punished for abortion hasn't been enough. He described in detail sexual assault to unsuspecting women because he is famous and it is OK in his mind because he is famous, yet people still believe in him, and are in fact voting for him. This is a man who encouraged espionage from Russia, who asked why we can't just "nuke" ISIS and who also said it is OK to torture and kill innocent women and children in Muslim countries.

I know why you are voting for him, you want change, you want your jobs back, you think he is going to STOP abortion in America, you think you will have back something you used to have OR a dream of something you think should be. "Make America Great Again" is a lie, it is turning back time before there were equal rights, where women were home and men worked. We have progressed from this America, there is no going back to the past, there is only the future. If you want your jobs back, then lets start with Mr. Trump, perhaps he should have ALL of his products produced in America, instead of China effectively bringing millions of jobs to America, but he won't since he makes a higher profit and pays less taxes over there.

Conservative Christians, I know why you are voting for him, you don't want any more babies "killed", you don't want other religions influencing or moving in on what you believe to be your culture. I want to remind you Christians you would have NO religion if it wasn't for the Roman Catholic church you all seem to despise. If it wasn't for the Romans spreading Christianity throughout Europe you would be Pagan, Buddist, Jewish, or

wait for it

Muslim.... Let that sink into your brains. Change is bound to happen one way or another but ultimately, it has benefited you whether or not you've realized it.

This year I have seen countless articles on both Clinton and Trump, many disturbing, many truthful and many not. I have had to dig through vitriol and rhetoric to find the real story and source to figure out what is actually going on. I took the time to do this to make an informed decision. What dismays me is when I post my opinion, as a statement I wrote or as a meme, I am attacked. I am told to "leave", I am told I am lazy, wanting nothing but government assistance, I am told I am a murder, I am told I am wrong.

I am an American with a rich Italian heritage, I have a RIGHT to my opinion, I have a RIGHT to make my own choices. I have a RIGHT to practice any religion I want. I have a RIGHT to purse life, liberty, and happiness. I have a RIGHT to fully believe in the candidate of my choice, I stand behind that candidate and fully believe in her. While you may not agree with me, and I know many of you do not, it is my choice, my right. When we give up our rights we lose ourselves and then we will lose our country. I am America.

#Imwithher

A singular moment in time

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Thu, 16 Jun 2016 18:48:00 +0000

This past Sunday I woke up as I normally do. My husband helped me sit up as it is still difficult for me to do on my own two weeks after having my chest cracked opened to remove my thymus. He graciously handed me my daily morning meds along with a steaming cup of coffee, while I fumbled for my iPhone. This little device is my lifeline to the outside world. I read the "newspaper" on there, I check my various social media accounts, I check and respond to email, and I communicate with my loved ones on a regular basis with this small piece of technology. I woke up to pain, in my own body, but in the world as well.

A glaring, horrifying pain, one that is common in our country. There was a singular moment in time, where a sick mind broke, and in that singular moment he murdered innocent people. There are so many ways to respond to this hate that is played over and over on the television and our social media feeds. For me it can physically weaken me from the additional stress of empathy and sympathy. MG is one of the many autoimmune diseases that stress directly affects. So how does one respond? Do I turn off my television, do I go off the grid of social media, or do I share and pray and raise awareness of the heinousness of this hate crime? If you follow me on my blog, there is a good chance you follow my Facebook and you know that I chose option three. I do NOT believe in hate, I do NOT believe in tolerance, I ONLY believe in acceptance.

I worry for my very close and very loved LGBTQ+ friends, I worry for their safety walking down the streets, and I worry for their safety inside of a place where they should be free from persecution, their beloved clubs. For the first time, I begged my friends not to go to pride this weekend, because I cannot imagine a world without them in my life. I am being selfish, but I love them and don't want anything to happen to them. They are going anyway, but will be checking in with me so I know all is good.

I worry for my very close and very loved friends who also are Muslim. I worry for their safety walking down the streets and I worry for their safety inside of a place where they should be free from persecution, their beloved Mosques. No one in America should feel threatened or fear to practice their religion. We are a nation based on freedom of religion, why is there a fraction of Americans willing to take away this right? What has happened to us? Where has our acceptance gone?

I grew up in the Catholic church, we went every Sunday that I can remember as a child. I also participated in CCD and Peer Group. What I don't remember is being taught hate and intolerance, because I wasn't. I was taught Jesus loves ALL, Jesus wants peace on earth, Jesus is compassionate and we were to help those in need. My heart weeps at the loss of life from this singular moment in time. My heart weeps from all the hate and fear that enthrall the people of our country. My heart weeps because the LGBTQ+ and Muslim communities are being shunned for being themselves.

My heart weeps for every damn singular moment in time that innocents are killed just because.

My New Normal

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Wed, 08 Jun 2016 20:03:00 +0000

The day I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis, the staff neurologist told me to be happy I had MG instead of MS. He told me this was one of the more manageable neuromuscular autoimmune disorders and that I could lead a fairly normal life with treatment. Now that I knew what was wrong, I mapped out in my head what I could expect, because in my mind the meds would make everything ok. They didn't and brought along problems of their own.

I was put on Prednisone and Mestinon. Prednisone is a steroid which suppresses the immune system to keep my body from producing antibodies which attach my neuromuscular junction causing muscle fatigue and weakenss. Prednisone has horrible side effects, a few are weight gain, osteoporosis, depression, anger, and hair loss. Mestinon is a drug which makes the receptors at the neuromuscular junction work better to receive signals from the brain. Mestinon isn't quite as bad as Prednisone, but it too has side effects and is hard on the stomach.

After being in the hospital and returning to work, I was told by a regular neurologist that I could not work until I became stabilized. I notified the company I worked for, I did not qualify for FMLA or Short Term Disability as I had not worked there for 12 months. I lost my job less than a month after my diagnosis. I learned quickly that my life will never be normal again. Some days I felt great, I could go to the store and run errands to come home and cook just like I always did. Some days I could not get out of bed. I began to gauge how good a day would be based on if I could brush my hair out, if I was too weak to brush my hair I knew I would be in bed, if I could brush my hair I started planning everything I needed/wanted to accomplish for the day.

I began thinking, am I ever going to be able to work a regular job, how am I going to make money to survive? My husband works, but doesn't make enough to pay our bills combined, would we have to sell one of our cars, or move to a cheap apartment? I know material things shouldn't matter, but I worked hard for my material things and I don't want to give them up. So I have decided I will not go on "disability" even though I am disabled. I am limited in what I can and cannot do, but I am not ready to give up and leave the workforce. I picked up a job doing some part-time work from home for an awesome dog groomer and have a full time customer service position starting that is strictly from home at the end of June.

June is Myasthenia Gravis awareness month, throughout the month I am going to document my diagnosis and my treatment to help raise awareness of this devastating disorder.

Till Next Time:
T.

The search...

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 15:04:00 +0000

I am lucky it only took about six weeks to find out I had Myasthenia Gravis. Before I started having symptoms, I was working full time, going to school (online) full time, and fostering/transporting dogs (sometimes cats) in my limited spare time. I generally would drive on Saturday and Sunday each week to help get these animals to their foster and furever homes. My symptoms began with generally being tired and some blurry vision while driving.

I am a bit of a hypochondriac and will go to the doctor if I feel like something isn't right. About a week after Valentines Day, I was feeling bad, tired, blurry vision, and my leg was achy. I went to my primary I had seen for eight years. She said it was probably an inner ear infection and that I pulled a muscle in my leg and put me on some meds. Over the weekend, I just got worse, driving to and from Cookville from Knoxville on Saturday and Sunday just pushed me over the edge and I started to experience double vision. I called my primary on Monday and she told me to go to the eye doctor to see if they could figure out why I had double vision.

My eye doctor did all the tests and noticed I had some peripheral vision loss in both eyes and decided to order an MRI to be on the safe side, although he didn't think it was anything other than my eyelids beginning to drop from age. The MRI of my brain came back clear and my primary at that point said my symptoms were severe anxiety and put me on a new antidepressant medication. I gave the medication a week to get in my system and during that week I progressed quickly with additional symptoms. I lost the ability to speak clearly, I lost the ability to swallow food, I had double vision more often than not, and was weak all over. I had a constant dull headache and slept constantly when I wasn't at work. I didn't know what was wrong with me.

I went to my mothers primary as I lost faith in mine. She did a slew of blood work, could this be an allergy? Was it Lyme Disease or Lupus? Could I have Gillian-Barre? The MRI was clear and did not indicate MS, but could an MRI miss MS? She ordered CT Scan of my head, an X-ray of my chest and as test after test came back clear, she decided to refer me to a neurologist because she didn't know where else to turn. The wait to get into see a neurologist was months, finally my mother and sister wore me down and I left work on March 22nd and went to the ER in hopes of seeing a staff neurologist to hopefully diagnose me and on the path to recovery.

I walked in the ER presenting as if I had a stroke, slurred speech, drooping eyelids and facial muscles, difficulty walking and using my arms, extremely weak and fatigued. Luck was with me that day, the ER doctor had seen Myasthenia Gravis on a few previous occasions in his twenty year career. He quickly consulted the staff neurologist and they performed a Tensilon test, a test which quickly confirms if one has MG or not.

Testing me for MG was a big deal, there were many doctors and nurses in the room, it is so rare I could potentially be the only case some of them will ever see in their careers. The Tensilon test was positive and my blood was also sent to Mayo to test for AChR antibody, which came back positive a week later.

June is Myasthenia Gravis awareness month, throughout the month I am going to document my diagnosis and my treatment to help raise awareness of this devastating disorder.

Till Next Time:
T.

Crawling on...

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sat, 04 Jun 2016 15:52:00 +0000

There is so much I want to write and share with everyone. I honestly do not know where to begin. As you all probably know by now, I have Myasthenia Gravis. It is so much more than just an "autoimmune disorder". Right now MG, rules my life, even though I have been trying to keep some semblance of normalcy. It steals my strength and my ability to do what I want when I want. It has been devastating for me to have this.

I know it could be worse, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I want my life back, I want to get up get in my car and drive just because I can, but I cannot do this any longer. I want to go lay in the sun for hours on end and have the heat not affect me. I want to do yard work without feeling like I am dying 5 minutes into it. I want to brush my hair without my arms getting tired. I want to take my dogs on walks and go hiking. I want to be me again.

Last week, I had my thymus removed by having my sternum cracked open. It is just as bad as it sounds, it is the same surgery as someone goes through for open heart surgery except they were in my chest instead of my heart. It to date, was the most agonizing pain I have ever experienced. There is a small chance my MG will go into remission by having it removed and to me it was worth the chance. I won't know for a couple of months if I am one of the lucky few and will be blessed with remission or not.

For now, I am being very careful not to overdo it, my mom and husband have been taking care of me and keeping me from mundane activities like reaching for a glass on the top shelf. I have been sleeping 12 plus hours a day and allowing my body to recover from surgery and heal. I want to write about my journey with this, but haven't had the energy, but slowly it is coming back to me and I will post more on what has been happening with me.

Remember, June is Myasthenia Gravis Awareness month, by helping raise awareness more research will be conducted and hopefully a cure can be found. Please read up on what Myasthenia Gravis is by going to the Myasthenia Gravis Foundation of America page.

Till Next Time,
T.

You want to stick a needle in my neck??

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Wed, 18 May 2016 22:05:00 +0000

This morning, I had to get up at 5:30. Now don't get me wrong, I am a morning person and regularly get up between 6 and 7 daily. I used to be a night person, going to bed at 3, 4, or 5 in the morning, but I grew up. I got a job where I had to work in the mornings and I learned to slowly morph into being a morning person. Most days I don't have a reason to be up so early, but today I had to be at the doctor's by 7:30 and wanted to make sure I had enough time to drink coffee, take a shower, and make myself presentable. I haven't been feeling well the last two days and needed to pad my time so I wouldn't run out.

As I arrived to the doctors office at 7:30, I felt a little dizzy and uncomfortable, but if you looked at me you would probably tell me I looked good today. I look good most days, and only in the rare case do I "look" as bad as I feel. Today my appointment was with an endocrinologist, to followup on a thyroid nodule seen on a CT Scan while I was in the hospital in March. It was the first time I had been to this kind of doctor or specialty. I also found out that there was still $541 left of our $6000 deductible that had not been met. Goodbye $300 with only 1 cup of coffee in my system and struggling to stand up straight while listening to the lady behind the counter drone on as I hand her my card, just charge it, I'll deal with this at later date.

Amazingly for a first appointment, I was quickly brought back and met with the nurse for the specific doctor I was seeing, She took all my vitals, went over my history, etc.. Then I waited 20 minutes to actually see the doctor, certainly not awesome, but it could and has been so much worse. When he came in, we talked about why I was there, how I have been handling the Myasthenia Gravis medications and then he said it.....

"I want to do a needle biopsy of the nodule on your thyroid"

Um... what?? You want to put a needle in my throat? Hmmm, I don't know about that. He then explained how it will give one of 5 results to the nodule on my thyroid:

1. It will show it is cancer
2. It will show suspicion that it is cancer
3. It will show it is benign
4. It will show it is a-typical
5. It will not be a good biopsy and will have to be redone.

So, I put on my big girl grin and let him put a needle in my throat. Keep in mind, I was having a "foggy" morning and couldn't remember if it is Novocaine or Lidocaine that is on the MG no no list of medications to take, so I did it with just topical numbing like a boss. I also only had to be stuck 1 time not 2-3 times because I am very good at not moving with a needle in my throat. Just so you know, it hurts to have a needle in your throat. There was a sensation that it was in my ear, so I am hoping the results will be # 3 and nothing will have to be removed, because I feel like it will be painful recovery-wise.

The reason I went ahead and let this guy stick a needle in my neck... I have an appointment next Tuesday with a Cardio-thoracic surgeon to schedule removing my thymus, in results 1, 2, and 4 I will also have to have my thyroid removed, if that happens, I want the ability to ask the surgeon if someone in his practice can also remove my thyroid at the same time.

I've been home since around 10:30 this morning, and have been in bed the entire day with my laptop and Hulu watching Parks & Recreation since I physically cannot do anymore today. I did think ahead and throw dinner in the crockpot so we would have something to eat tonight. I feel bad, I have brain fog, and it took HOURS to write this post. Here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

45 days

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sat, 07 May 2016 12:47:00 +0000

It's been 45 days since I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. 45 days ago, I had never even heard of MG (the acronym for Myasthenia Gravis). MG is a neuromuscular autoimmune disease, it affects the voluntary muscles of the body. In my body, I have Bulbar MG, which means it affects my facial muscles, swallowing muscles, speech muscles, arm muscles and leg muscles. My body produces an antibody that attacks the neuromuscular receptor making it 80% harder for the muscles to respond to the signals my brain sends out.

The Back Story:
Back in February, I started having some issues with driving, my eyes would get tired and my vision would get a little blurred. I figured I was overdoing it and tried to cut back on everything going on. I was working full time, going to school full time (an online program), transporting dogs to foster and forever homes every weekend, and fostering a dog in my own home as well. So I started to cut back on transporting. I started to get double vision and freaked out, I called my doctor and she told me to go to the eye doctor to get checked out. I did, and he noticed my eyelids drooping a little bit, suggesting an MRI to be on the safe side, although he didn't think it was anything to be concerned about.

I had the MRI on my head and all came back normal. By this time, I was having a hard time swallowing food and sometimes when I would talk, my speech was slurred and sounded funny. I went back to my doctor, she said it was severe stress and gave me an antidepressant. It didn't help. My family was worried about me, I was worried about me, I thought maybe I had MS or something along those lines. I went to my moms doctor for a second opinion, she ran a full blood panel, allergy panel, ordered a CT of my head and a chest X-Ray, everything came back clear (expect I am apparently allergic to shrimp - pretty disappointing in my opinion). She decided it was time to refer me to a neurologist to see what was going on as clearly it was not just stress and anxiety. Here in Knoxville, it is almost impossible to get in to see a neurologist without having a diagnosis and it was going to be months before we could get in to see someone.

On 3/22/16 - a particularly bad day for me symptom wise, I left work early and went to the emergency room at my mother and sister urging me to go. At this point I had been having symptoms for over 6 weeks, weakness in my arms and legs, I couldn't eat solid food and basically living off smoothies and soup, I sounded slurred and incoherent when speaking, my face was drooping and I had severe double vision daily. I could barely hold my head up and my back/neck constantly hurt from the effort. I walked in presenting as a stroke victim.

I was lucky, the ER doctor, had seen Myasthenia Gravis a couple of times in 20 years of experience and he immediately suspected that is what I had. He called the staff neurologist and they both performed a Tensilon test. If positive, the Tensilon (a IV medication) immediately stops all symptoms for a few minutes. I am not going to lie, I felt great for 5 minutes, the first time in months that I felt normal. They also sent my blood to the Mayo Clinic to test for the antibodies that block my muscle receptors (these results took a week to come back, but I also tested positive for the antibodies). We had a diagnosis. I was admitted to the hospital overnight, and started on a high dose of Prednisone and Mestinon. Prednisone is a steroid that suppresses my immune system to keep my body from creating the antibodies and Mestinon makes my muscle receptors more receptive. The medication helps but I am still weak, I get exhausted easily and feel like I am walking through water, I can barely drive and the grocery store is the only outing I can handle on my own.

It has been 45 days since I was diagnosed. Everything in my life has changed. I no longer have a job, I lost it because of this diagnosis. I took a three month break from school and have two major surgeries coming up. Thankfully my husband works and we are barely scrapping by. I have a wonderful support system with my family. My goal is to track what this disease has done to me while I go though medical treatment and hopefully into remission. There is so much more that has happened. But for now, this is the beginning of my new life and journey with Myasthenia Gravis.

Till next time,
T.

Do unto others...

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sat, 06 Jun 2015 13:08:00 +0000

We all learn this phrase as children, "do unto others as you would do to yourself". It is the "golden rule" treating people as you want to be treated. It is astonishing to me to see how many people who really do not practice this though. Everyday I read negative stories and hypocrisy of so call religious people, when did Jesus say it was your job to judge people on their lifestyles and personal choices? He didn't, he said to love thy neighbor.

The first three months of this year were the roughest I've had that I can physically remember. It was a never ending loop of one thing after another and it was mind boggling. I shutter to think what would have happened if I didn't have compassionate people in my life. What would have happened if I didn't have the best family a person could ask for and friends who are always there. Whether it was just to vent my frustrations or cry on a shoulder, they were there saying it will get better. I know it's hard now, but give it time and it will work itself out. And they were right, it did.

Because of this, I made a promise to myself to help anyone I could who is in need. I don't want anything in return but one thing, for them to pay it forward, to help someone else out who needs it. The lack of compassion and empathy we show others is heartbreaking to me. I want it to change, I want people of today to truly love thy neighbor and treat others with respect and dignity. Everyone goes through rough times, it is how you react and how you help one another that truly makes you shine.

Till next time,
T.

Cold Comfort for Change

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Thu, 20 Mar 2014 16:02:00 +0000

There are so many thoughts running through my head and so much going on in my life at the moment. I really don't know where or how to begin with it. There are also so many little topics of interest to me that I weigh in on with my opinion, generally a shocked outrage on Facebook. I am not sure if I should write about this stuff or all the personal things going on. Traditionally my blog has always been more about me, so I guess that I will start there and attempt to write more often so my take on the bigger picture can come through.

First and foremost, I am, surprise surprise, no longer working with the family. Thank you Deal Chicken and Moolala for fucking us over royally, I really appreciate you both being complete assholes and breaking contracts. I hope you both go out of business as companies since you like to steal money from your vendors, oh yeah, thank you also for ruining the reputation of my family's company, we really think your ~~utter dickheads~~ swell for it. Currently I am on the hunt for a new job. I have an offer on the table from a major cable company, which starts in 11 days, but really don't want to work there as they are kind of hated nationwide, but a job is a job and the bills gotta be paid. I may have another offer floating around out there, that I would absolutely love to do, fingers crossed it works out, but I don't want to talk about it too much because I don't want to jinx my chance of getting it.

Next little thing going on in my life, I broke up with the BF, it was pretty much mutual as neither one of us were very interested in each other. Here is the twist, we still are living together as roommates, heck we are in a lease and a three bedroom house is certainly big enough for us. I feel like my family thinks we are crazy because we are still living together, but economically it makes sense and since we, so far, get along better as friends and roommates, I feel like it will work out better all around. My best friend moved back from IL and is also living with us, so it is certainly a dynamic in our household, me, the ex, and the gay man. It is my favorite kind of dynamic, lots of laughs with some crazy in the mix.

I am still going to school to get my accounting degree and so far am on the Deans List with a 4.0 average, so I am kicking college's ass. I also have a knack with writing good papers, but honestly there is no surprise there in my opinion as I have been ~~sporadically~~ writing this blog for years. Amazingly I like school, possibly because it is online and I do not have to sit through actual classes, but it is not as horrible as I remember from my high school years. Each little success in school makes me proud of myself that I am finally getting my act together to do something with my life.

I have also started volunteering with Blount County Humane Society and am now a part of their foster program. I am fostering a beagle/coon hound mix, Elliot. It is challenging but so rewarding. He is a really sweet dog (although has a tendency to hump my 17lb Dachshund) and loves everyone, I do not think he will ever be guard dog material. He is entirely too friendly, but would be an awesome family dog. I would love to see him find a great forever home with a huge yard for him to run and with kids to play with.

Final thing for today, there is someone new on the horizon, yes I know, I never wait and take time with meeting someone new... life is too short in my opinion and why waste time on the small stuff. It is nice to speak with someone on the same wavelength as me who has the same political and religious views as me, not to mention he is sexy as hell, but really its what is in his head that matters the most to me.

Till Next Time

Let's Get F'd!

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Wed, 08 Jan 2014 23:39:00 +0000

Ok so as you may or may not know, I have been working with the fam again, I like working with them, I can work from home, I don't have to get dressed, etc... it is kind of awesome. What is not awesome are companies like DEAL CHICKEN & MOOLALA eff'ing us over. I am not supposed to talk about it, but I am...hehehe, what are they gonna do me? Sue me??? Because I put online that they lie and don't pay their vendors?? Good luck, get in line, I rent and don't have any assets.... and because of you I most likely won't have a paycheck, I hope all you corporate ~~assholes~~ employees are happy destroying small businesses. I hope people see this and know not to trust or buy from these companies. Liars & Scamers, both of these companies, I hope they both go out of business and their corporate leaders can feel the complete and utter despair I am feeling today.

Till next time,
T.

Changes and Challenges....

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sun, 18 Aug 2013 00:15:00 +0000

I feel like my life is a whirlwind of insanity most of the time. Granted, I put myself in the middle of the whirlwind every time it pops up, whats a girl to do? About 3 weeks ago, I enrolled in college to get an associates in Accounting. I am tired of being told I am not qualified for a job because of a piece of paper. Fifteen years of experience in office administration and customer service apparently doesn't count for a degree anymore. I haven't been in school in sixteen years and decided to add a nice big challenge to my schedule but I am happy with my decision.

I have also been looking for a better career opportunity, hence the reason I have been told that you have to have a degree for some customer service jobs. Why have I been looking for a new job since I have a perfectly good job with a perfectly good company? Well the reason for that is according to one manager my self confidence is really arrogance and I am unapproachable to my fellow co-workers. Really?? I was completely flabbergasted when this was made news to me. Actually, the arrogance part is kind of true, but unapproachable.... come on you got to be kidding me. So I find myself in a position where I will never advance because I am now labeled "arrogant" and "unapproachable".

I did what any normal sane person does and started looking for new employment, I am not the type to relish the thought of never advancing, I want to do so much with my life and will never be able to do anything with it if I am stuck in a dead end position. I will admit, I jealousy looked towards the business my mother and sister run, their little jewelry business, wishing it was big enough to need me full time so I could work with my family again. Yes we had our problems with working together, but ultimately ran two successful web development companies before the great "recession" in 2008. I applied to anything and everything that I thought I could do, I went on interviews and guess what, most companies still don't pay jack shit in Knoxville, TN. How are you supposed to survive on eight dollars an hour, that's complete bullshit. Then I hit pay dirt on a great opportunity.

I helped my mom and sister out with their customer service calls on my off days from my regular position. They teamed up with one of those deal websites and went from four thousand transactions in 2 years to eight thousand transactions in a months time. I realized I really really wanted to work with my family again, and thankfully they realized they really really need someone to handle the constant customer calls and emails. Guess what, I quit my job and started back to work with my family this week and love it.

I jumped into the insanity whirlwind of my family to work with them again, God help us all :)

Till Next Time,
T.

Amazing

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 14:26:00 +0000

I am the type of person who gets along with everyone. I have lots of "friends" but I have a few very good, very close friends, who I love like family. One of those friends passed away almost a year ago to the day and she is forever in my heart and in my thoughts.

Last year I met another person, who I just clicked with and we instantly became friends, and then shortly after I found out he has cancer and I thought to myself, why? Why did I get to meet this great amazing person only to find out he has cancer and that its pretty advanced. Why do I have to lose another person in my life? About 6 weeks ago he told me he was going out of the country for an experimental treatment and that he might not come back. I've thought about him every day, hoping I would hear from him, dreading I would find out on the anniversary of Andrea's death that he had died too.

Today I just got amazing news, he's back in town, and doing better and hopefully will beat this and will be around for many years to come. I'm sitting here in tears of happiness that I didn't lose him and that I get to see him again.

Till Next Time,
T.

Chaos - We want You!

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 17:01:00 +0000

cha·os : /ˈkāäs/Noun

Complete disorder and confusion.
Behavior so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions.

I have been thinking about a multitude of issues lately and have been wondering on the best way to bring them all to light. We are living in chaotic times and I personally feel them everyday. I look to my family and friends and wonder, how did we reach this point, are we going to make it though to the next chapter of our lives or are we really on the brink of destruction? Is the world as we know it going to end?

Think about it, the economy of the United States is literally in the toilet, spinning round and round.... and no one really has an acceptable solution of how to fix it. Jobs are hard to come by, careers even harder, what to do when there is no one willing to pay for a job well done. How about our declining middle class, or the people like me and my family and my friends who are a growing mass of the working poor. I work 40+ hours a week and live paycheck to paycheck praying there are no emergencies because I wouldn't be able to afford it. How about all the lovely tax breaks for the 1% elite while I got a 2% income tax increase in January? Or about how they say the "poor" live off of them? Really?? I don't see how that is even remotely possible, I live off no one but myself, I get no help from the government or from any special programs, but hey making less than 25k a year is still more than the current poverty level of 15k a year so I guess I'm doing good in their standards.

According to the far right religious we are on the brink of destruction by having our government step in and allow "gay" marriage or gun control reform. Seriously?? How does it harm your family that if two people love one another they shouldn't have the right to marry that person? What does it really do to you? How does it really harm you? It has no impact on me whatsoever. Its their lives, not mine, live and let live. I love it when people start to quote bible quotes on this and that and how its all wrong and my standard answer is this, if you believe that then you are sinning too, you aren't living by everything written in the bible, your a sinner, we all are, and its no ones place to judge but God.

In regards to gun control reform, mental health checks should be a part of the background check, training should be required, what is wrong with that? There is no infringement of your right if your a law abiding, sane citizen? Knowledge is power, and you should want to possess any and all knowledge of having a weapon that was made to kill, oh yes I hear the arguments that "guns don't kill people, people kill people". Let me just say that is bullshit. Guns were created for one thing and one thing only, to kill. That is it, so if the masses want their right to bear arms (keep in mind this was written into our constitution before there were automatic weapons) then they should be required to pass a mental health exam, background check, and go through a safety course each year, but oh no that would go against the NRA brainwashing...

Last but not least... I am pretty sure we are about to go to war, either we are about to get into a war with N. Korea and this nuclear missile mess or we are going to end up in a civil war over economic and social change on our home front. Apparently we are not civilized at all and to that point I am ashamed of our country, ashamed of what we once were and no longer are. What happened to America the great? Where did it go? We no longer have educated citizens, just idiots who care about themselves and no one else, who only cares about locking people up and not finding the underlying problems that drive our citizens to do what they do. Its pure chaos.

Till next time.
T.

Infected with happiness

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 01:57:00 +0000

Its 10 days into the new year and I feel like 2013 will be owned by me. It kind of feels like everything is clicking into place very nicely. I'm very hopefully going to be getting a new car soon, yay for me, I can save some money on the amount of gas I put into my truck weekly. Work is going great, I love my job and the people I work with.

Best of all, I found the "one". Or I should say he found me :). I am so happy its ridiculous, I feel like dancing around and jumping for joy all at the same time. I had kind of given up on love, given up on finding my soul-mate, after all the pain and suffering I went though this past year I didn't think it was possible to find anyone who would make me so happy. I am kind of speechless and this is going to be a short post because of it, I need to work on a good way to express how I have been infected with the happy bug :)

Till next time
T.

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Hurt

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 14:12:00 +0000

Its another Sunday and I have been thinking of all types of topics I can write about for the past couple of days. The obvious one is the topic of twenty dead children who died without the opportunity to make something of themselves, I wonder what has our world become, where this kind of violence is common place, where the monsters are real, they come in the form of young men with multiple weapons and saunter into our schools to kill our children, our future....

I am sickened and sadden by all of this, I am tired of seeing these types of senseless killings...

And as I think of all the pain those poor people are feeling for their broken families, I selfishly feel the pain again of losing my best friend, I miss her so much, I feel this black hole of pain opened again in me and I think that its going to overwhelm me and take over. How do you overcome this? How do you get over this kind of hurt and pain?

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell checking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar).
Link up your post at Jana’s Thinking Place.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Darkness

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 21:41:00 +0000

Hello darkness my old friend....

I am looking back on this year, and I don't know if I should feel lucky to be alive and for the most part sane or if I should just give up and stop fighting, because lets be honest... who really cares, oh there are those who do, my family and the few friends I have, but other than that what do I have other than the never ending anxiety and fear that I will lose them too. Everything I have been though this year has been tragic and traumatic. I am tired of the up and down roller coaster I am on, I just want to feel normal again, and I honestly don't think that is going to happen....

My heart aches, I miss my friend I lost this year, who I loved like family. I miss myself how I used to be, where I was for the most part happy, and instead I have an empty hole in me and although I have attempted to fill it with distractions, eventually the distraction is just that and the empty hole is still there. More than anything I miss working with my family, amid all the fighting and lean months and crazy weeks were we worked non-stop, I miss it.

I want to scream and never stop.....

Where are the sicssors?

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 02:57:00 +0000

Today I feel like I have all these strings attached to me. They are once again pulling me in different directions, there are strings around my hands, my legs, and of course around my neck. I metaphorically being drawn and quartered....

I have my family on one side, friends on another, work is in there too... Decisions decisions, what to do, what to decide? I am moving this weekend, I am in a rock and a hard place with a waterfall trying to drown me...

I love my job, I am exhausted, I got a promotion, today is the end of day 7 of 9 in a row, then I will have one day off and then will work the next 12 days in a row...This is because of the promotion and me being stubborn and not wanting to give up my overtime on the weekends, its all good, I can handle it.

Moving is a great thing, my sister gets her garage & room back to start preparing for baby number two. I am so happy for her I could burst. I'm moving in with my friend Deb in a cute little mastercraft style house from the 1920s, its yellow with a red door, I love it, and shes Italian, and snarky and a complete nerd and it will be great.

Ahhh but once again, the other shoe dropped with my personal life. I knew it was too good to be true and it was. Now I am in flight or fight mode. I need to talk to you Andrea, can you hear me? Do you know I am talking to you, do you still hear me on the plane your in? I am in so much pain on the inside, and all I get when I talk about it is that I have to stop thinking about you, so I stopped talking about you to my family, because they don't understand. I need your advice, I need your snarkyness, I need you to answer me someway, somehow, reach out, you were the puppet master and you still are. I feel you around me all the time, I feel like I should just be able to reach out and touch you, but when I do your not there. I can handle anything but this losing you, its so fucking unfair! Remember our pact? I was supposed to move to FL if it didn't work out with me and Jason, and it didn't and then you were gone, it was too late, I should have just moved down there like we kept talking about, and I will regret to the day that I die that I didn't. I lost months of time with you because I just couldn't take that plunge and walk away again and move from TN.

This is one of those rambling blogs, so I apologize in advance. I also found out in the past week that my grandmother has breast cancer. I feel numb and hurt again, this is too close too soon since you Andrea, please talk to God, the Goddess, Allah, and everyone in between and tell them I am begging them for it to be not bad, that shes going to be Ok, I don't know if I lose the both of you in a year.

I'm hurting.

Till Next Time
T.

Stream of Consciousness Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (iTeresa) — Sun, 05 Aug 2012 05:14:00 +0000

I am so pissed off about this entire chick-fil-a shit, I don't understand why people just can't accept each other for who they are and why they can't accept that love knows no bounds. Everyone should have the right to love and marry whom ever they want, this shouldn't be controlled by the government.
Work was kind of awesome and a hellish experience combined today.
I am playing the do's and don'ts over and over in my head of what do I want, where should I live, and so on and so forth.
I seriously love Tom Petty and love that I can listen to Pandora :)
My family is driving me up the freaking wall, like normal.....
So is Bella...
This is my first week doing stream of consciousness Sunday, and I am trying to just write what comes to me, but my entire brain is like malfunctioning and its just not coming to me as easily as I thought it would..
I am so freaking tired, why did I decide to do this at 1 in the morning instead of doing this after I got up?
I miss you so freaking much Andrea...
I wish you were here in TN Denise, then I could drag you out with me and we could go plot together in person...or I wish I was in FL, and you could drag me out to go plot together...
Damn my hands hurt tonight..
Look my 5 minutes are up :)

Till Next Time
T.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar).
Link up your post at Jana’s Thinking Place.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.