The Adventures of Brutus

Bigger Stinky Fish To Fry

2013-01-22T11:29:00.001-08:00

Adventure #78 Single Me No Mas

For months now, I have received many texts, emails and face to face questions as to wether or not I am writing my blog anymore. A lot of funny things have happened with sprinkles of some uncertainty in all of this. Brutus is well and according to him and some other interesting characters (Keith.) I have to decided to once again get back at it and put my twisted thoughts all out on paper.

A lot has happened since October. Brutus had his birthday and I had my single self taken off the table. I am a "we?" Ummmmm pardon me? It's been over six months since I met Mr. 4th of July and things are as easy breezy as they ever have been. Well, with us anyways. There is the a small 63 pound growth that sits beneath my ones polished toes. The new guy is well aware that It's a package deal. Though, what is the point of ones limitations? Just how many poops, excessive barking, drool piles, torn backpacks, half-eaten shoes and sexual attempts to Mommy gone terribly wrong will one guy take?

Do u ever come home from a long day, get in your comfy clothes and attempt to reboot and relax? Well, most people with poodles and lazy lapdogs don't have a clue just how long it takes the two of us to simply just sit on the couch together... Here is a list of "our" sometimes successful and sometimes failed attempts at just dating... Me and you and that white turkey meatball that just wants Mommy all to himself!!!

Running
Extensive long walks
Basketball
Skateboarding
Garbage can carrying
Tug of war with coat hangers
Beer
Peanut butter stuffed toys with Benadryl inserts
Dog parks
Play dates with other furry friends
Tennis
Swimming
Mommy wine
Expensive enlarged dog bones
Melatonin prescribed by doctor and...
My exciting and usually successful TURKEY SPRINTS!!!!!!!!
????? Picture this: The off leash crazy bulldog gets a whiff of a savory piece of turkey! Then the boyfriend goes running as I hold the furious dog with all my strength! Then on the count of 3 I let go as the mouth-watering bulldog goes sprinting towards his reward of real turkey! After about 4-6 passes of both of us looking ridiculous and stinking of slobber and turkey we return home and cross our fingers! Maybe tonight we can watch 20 minutes of Chelsea lately.. But most likely it will be ten!

Forgetful Mom VS The Steamer

2012-10-02T23:31:00.001-07:00

Adventure #77 Give and Take

Most people in new relationships give and take quite a bit. If he likes motor sports you put on your "tough girl" gear and head out to the race track. If she likes girlie movies, he does his best and sits painfully through another.. oh wait they hate each other love story, but really they will miraculously end up together in 90 Mins or less Ashton Kutcher Typical Chic Flick. Though the question is: what happens when both parties start to forget their normal duties? I, have forgotten a lot of my normal once enjoyable daily duties. I haven't been running... and crossing my fingers with my hit or miss workouts haven't gained back much weight. (Thank God.) Though, things that I have been forgetting is my old boyfriend Brutus. Of course he gets fed, walked and loved daily but I have not been writing. I have not posted anything during the month of September but somehow I have gained readers! Maybe all the talk of Brutus's 21st Birthday Party Spread throughout the Internet?? Somehow, we have made it through another month together... me and Brutus and well the new guy. Brutus is always a daily challenge. Brutus's new thing comes in a pretty big and smelly package. The bed and bedroom is now gated and off-limits to Brutus. By my mistake this dog has slept every single night with me. Today, Bru is left out in the living room unattended and alone. He now has officially answered to this new situation in the morning with a perfectly placed steam pile saying, "F U MOM AND THIS SO CALLED NEW DADDY!" To best describe this, please in vision this...
The unwelcoming load is unbelievably smelly and "it resembles a dead mans corpse rotting away in its own feces accompanied with maggots of epic proportions throwing up over the dead man's corpse. GOT OK..MOVING ON.... THIS HAS TO STOP!!!! And between Google searches and BACK TO THE BASICS TRAINING... THIS DOG IS PISSED AND POOPING!! I'm asking my readers..any suggestions? Putting up a poll to the right.. You have one week to tell me what to do. We will be here waiting. Me, Bru, the new guy and the Steamer!

21st Birthday Party People!

2012-08-31T07:52:00.000-07:00

This digital ecard generated with Smilebox

DON'T LISTEN TO A WORD I SAY!

2012-08-15T23:35:00.000-07:00

Adventure #76 Order a Big Meal To Fill You For a Lifetime!

"I would like to order this, with a side of this, minus that, add that but take out this!" Sound Familiar? We are talking about dinner out right? You know those people; maybe you are one of them. You like that certain mouth-watering item but suddenly you change your mind.. Everything is halted and then it's time to order! "I will have your famous Cobb Salad minus the chicken.. you can add the bacon but only crispy please... egg whites chopped and dressing on the side right?" (should you be writing this down)? You get your meal and because you ordered it exactly how you commanded it, you are suddenly surprised it didn't all come out the way you planned it.....

I sit here. In Bed as usual. The clock ticks. I went to bed at 12 and between Instagram, Chicago Sports News and Brutus's Snoring; Its Suddenly 2 am. I have officially used Brutus as My New IHOME Docking Station. He is laid out on his back, flaps flopping and has become the primary holder of all the technical portals at my disposal. He has an IPOD, and IPHONE and a Cordless IMOUSE on his chest. He doesn't seem to mind, he's been out for hours. I wish I could say the same. So.... My Question Tonight Is:

Do You Think Relationships are a minus this or an add that? Cause Looking around the last ten years or so, I feel that You Can Honestly... Just Take It Or You Leave It! I look at some of my friends, and I feel like they really wanted the Perfect Cobb Salad but the settled for a side dinner salad instead. To Each as Own as the all say. And Then I get Down On Myself For still being single, married-less, not-engaged ever, non-prego and wondering...

Do I Want TO Settle For Whats on The Menu? Or Do I Wait Around For a New Restaurant to Open?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>THIS SONG HAS BEEN ON MY SPOTIFY ENTITLED:
"CLUELESS DONUTS" FOR THREE MONTHS!!! CHECK IT OUT BELOW<<<<<<<<<<<<

Little Talks - Of Monsters And Men VIDEO (Lyrics in description)

2012-08-15T23:34:00.001-07:00

Smashed Baby Bliss?

2012-08-03T08:34:00.002-07:00

Adventure #75 Forgetful Silliness

Brutus has a way a getting on to the bed. He sneaks and circles kinda like a shark does; slowly and patiently waiting to attack. When he pounces and finds his way, to his surprise there is another foreign object laying next to Mommy. Over the last now two and half years, this bed has been empty. As I have said before, I have barely slept in it. My long nights of Chinese and re runs on the couch have come to a close and finally I let someone real in. So, what now? Its been a month and I feel like I am on the verge of another guy telling me He's not good enough for me. So, what's so great about me? I forget to clean the toilet rings, pick up dirty laundry and have been even so lazy that getting up and filling Brutus's dog bowl feels like a climb up Mount Fuji! I also forget to throw out spoil milk, I barely buy groceries and I am pretty sure my gas tank is empty right now. So, I am left with questions and I am not sure if anyone out there can answer any of them? Here's three... Can somebody help me? Things are starting to get silly.

1. What is the point of all of this?
2. Why do we feel not complete being alone?
3. Is there anyway Brutus can wipe his butt.. cause I am pretty sure he left a foreign object hanging?

Song Below To My Surprise Has Now Come Out on The Terrible Thing We Call Top 40! I Knew It A Year Ago....:)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ?

Alex Clare - Too Close (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

2012-08-03T08:34:00.001-07:00

If You Lived Here. You Would Be Annoyed By Now!

2012-07-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

Adventure #74 Extra Baggage?

>>>>>>>>>For Rent! Two Bed, One Bath, Old Florida Style House! Enjoy this and more with echo-filled walls and a non-draining bath tub! Immediate Special Move In Rate! In Search of New tenant that will aid help and relief from English Bulldog!<<<<<<

The person that lives here is on the brink of a plummeting off the Sunshine Sky Way Bridge if shit doesn't get in check! Being Single for as long as I Have, you develop some patterns that seem to go unnoticed when living by yourself. However, when someone new enters your comfortable surroundings things find a way of getting very aggravating. Picture A Long Day At Work followed by An Amazing Fajita Filled Dinner and a Movie on a Friends Couch. The New Prospect is Cuddled up around you and your belly and your attitude about things are finally complete. Though, between sips of my wine and the cute smiles from the new guy, you hear tiny shreds of glass breaking through the lanai. It's a burden and annoying. It resembles a screeching baby on an airplane, when not one part of you is Maternal. Or a Jitter Caffeine Filled Kid in line at the grocery store. YOUR HUNGOVER and the kid is running into the magazine rack and with his gummy filled finger tips is TOUCHING EVERYTHING! Including Your Cart! And Then There is Worse. There is Brutus. After Just twenty minutes of the movie, we head home into what should be a relaxing downplay of the night. This quickly turns into a terror of getting up and out of bed multiple times to organize a new strategy of calming the beast. I tried the crate with a bone, I tried the bathroom with a blanket, I tried the leashed tied to the table with the water, blanket and a toy. And then we (mine to date favorite maneuver) of relocating my dresser wedged as a barrier to the entrance of my bedroom. The beast is stirring, and between slams and whines underneath the bedroom door crack, the new guy makes known that now we are the ones locked up. We are caged in my own house, and getting a drink of water seems like a task for the Marine core! Things finally calm down in about an hour and lets just say my patience isn't the only thing being put to rest tonight. The New Guy Is More Irritated then I can imagine and I am just taking in the irony of the whole thing. Brutus Imagined it was always just gonna be me and him.... If I Don't get this crap picked up, he just might be right!

Run Away Egg Sand Which

2012-07-17T08:35:00.001-07:00

Adventure #73 A Breakfast Of Champions?

Just finished the weekend with my best of friends, cocktails, keg stands and a shark watermelon. A month ago, I envision this weekend umm just slightly different. How so? Well, I never conceived making breakfast for "a sorta, kinda x," and "a fun easy breezy new guy." Yep, Picture this: Freshly showered and reclaiming our stubble steps from the night before; a slightly tired birthday boy comes rolling up into the kitchen. Me, being the nice "let's take the high road" invited him into a breakfast sandwich and some slight awkwardness. There sits the shirtless new guy and the hairy surfer dude side-by-side. I am crouched behind the fridge as I lock eyes with my best friend and realize HOLY CRAP WE ARE ACTUALLY DOING THIS!?? If neither of them realized who each other was.. I guess we are in luck.. But how could at least one of them not? Tracing my steps from the night before of hand-holding, soft kisses and some ass grabbing... the hairy one is absolutely stoned and clueless to the fact that I did exactly what I said I was gonna do. "I'm Moving On!" So, I played nice and crept a steep mountain of amenity, smiled and moved forward. Guys are different. They don't talk shit about each other shoes, outfits or hairstyles. For all I know, neither of them was even thinking about me! Though, if I were to ever my own restaurant one day, I would call this menu item: 1 egg with a side of X. I don't know how many of you have seen Sex in the City? But I will refer to one episode when Miranda is glowing about her new relationship with the handsome Doctor Robert. She feels a little guilty that Steve is still a bit of a bum and single. The girls are all at breakfast, when Samantha says very pointedly: "YOU WON!" Minus the Sex and the Bloody Tampon Nose, I guess that solves the problem how they are all gonna meet! I now can check that off my list! If its not a competition... then we can just call it:
NO CONTEST!

>>>>>>CHECK OUT THE SEX IN THE CITY SCENE LINK BELOW<<<<<<<<

Sex and the City: Miranda & Robert/Steve Season 6

2012-07-17T08:33:00.003-07:00

Wide Awake Wake Up Call

2012-07-08T17:35:00.002-07:00

Adventure # 72 Just One Of Them Days...

Letting Go Is Something I am certainly not known for and A lot can happen in a week. A lot can happen in 5 mins. Over the last few days, I have discovered that nothing is certain. Instead of complaining about the vices, miss steps and poop piles.... I am just gonna breathe. It took me a long time to let everything go, accept what cards I was dealt and picked up the pieces. Bru has been a true happiness in my life and I really can't take anything back... I think its best sometimes to just go with the flow and STOP ANALYZING EVERYTHING! A friend a long time ago told me never let anyone live in your head Rent Free! I love that saying, but hardly ever obey by it. I went out on The 4th Of July Very apprehensive as to what to expect. Some people (mostly couples) would argue with me that 4th of July is Not a "Couple Kind of Holiday." Sorry, but I beg to differ. Name one Holiday that really isn't? Here is what I pictured: 3 sets of couples, all holding hands, the famous ahh lets lean on my boyfriend's chest and take in all the oooohhhhhsss and ahhhhhhhhhhhhs. Then there's me and my wet, anxious meat muscle adorned with glow sticks, some Miller Lights and the feeling of vulnerability, that comes from a mid summer wish that just didn't happen. And Here's What Happened: Noticed a Guy's Back Of All Things, smiled and went on my merry way. Ended up running into his back a few bars down the road and proceeded to flirt my freaking face off in hopes of finding my own little firecracker! LOL Well.. Something Clicked so We Proceeded On Our Own Little Adventure for the next 36 hours. Countless Smiles, Bars, Friends, Exercise Challenges, Sushi Rolls and Crazy Scenarios came about in the following days... One Being Kicked out of a Popular Pool in Town, breaking a glass window to get into my house, a complete Brutus Dominance Challenge and Yelling at 2 Pig Face Rent-A-Cops where just a few highlights of the weekend. Though for some reason, even with all this crazy chaos... we were both able to even each other out! For Some reason, I am actually just going with it. Not Gonna Analyze, not gonna Question and I am gonna be quiet... Hell I Shouldn't Even Being Bloging about This??? Copy, Paste, Print, Delete or Save For Later?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>song below is totally an inside joke<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
so classic!

Don't take it personal(just one of them days)-Monica

2012-07-08T17:33:00.001-07:00

Bru's Top Ten

2012-07-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

Adventure #71 Rules To Live By

Brutus is sitting here and doesn't understand why I look so confused? So, being a "guy" and a "fixer" its time to just make everything clear, he has given me two lists to live by. One For Girls and One For Boys. Everything will be decided now based on these lists. If the girl doesn't fit into this list? Get Rid of her and quickly. (same goes for the boys.) Here Goes. Thanks Brutus!

Boys: Red Flags, Warning Signs and Gut Instincts

1. Dont Let Her Talk Down To You... Ever.

2. Make Sure She Takes Care of Herself... Who Wants To Kiss a Girl That barely shaves, doesn't brush her teeth or never works out?

3. Make Sure She Says Thank You. Even Its Something Small. She can Never say it enough.

4. Cross Your Fingers She Is A Giver. (in all ways.)

5. She has to know how to make the perfect 20 minute dinner. After a long day, do u really wanna do anything? A Comfort Filled Dinner and a Little Sports Center Never hurt anyone!

6. Make sure she is not cheering for your team, or drinking your drink just cause you do. The Girl at this point should already know who she is. If you cant tell.. go through her closet. If She has a Ohio State Sweatshirt, a pair of Gators Boxers, a Yankees Hat and a Red Sox's Thong.... Most Likely This Girl Doesn't Have a clue!

7. She Must Love Animals

8. Never, Ever Does She Pee In front of you!

9. She Doesn't go through your drawers, emails, Facebook or mobile! EVER!

10. Out in Public You Have NO Worry That She is Not With YOU!

Girls: Red Flags, Warning Signs and Gut Instincts

1. He Opens Car Doors.

2. He Listens.

3. He Offers Up His last Bite.

4. He Helps You off The couch, onto a boat and Into The Car.

5. He Must Love Animals.

6. He wants To find an answer when there is an arguement. Real Couples and Real Adults Find a Resolution and Want To Make Things Right!

7. He Likes to teach you things and doesn't get frustrated when you don't

do that well. Come on there is nothing Hotter then seeing his face when you do throw that perfect spiral!

8. He Likes Your Girlie panties, heartbreak movies and fluffy blanket. You even caught him singing on your ipod, playlist titled: My Pinkie PMS Playlist.

9. He's not a baby. He's not a Girl. He's confident and manly. He knows who he is and he is not scared to Show It All to You!

10. Out in Public You Have NO Worry That HE is Not With YOU!

The last few weeks have been a ferris wheel of emotions. I am putting them all to rest and remembering there are plenty of other rides and I Gotta a lot more tickets!

* song..... Call It What You Want! check it out below!

Yeah we're locked up in ideas
We like to label everything
Well I'm just gonna do here what I gotta do here
'Cause I gotta keep myself free
You're ducking and moving just to hide your bruises from all your enemies
And I'm in the crossfire dodging bullets from your expectancies

We've got nothing to lose
You better run and hide
Yeah you've crossed the line
I've got a knife behind my back (just sayin')
We've got nothing to prove
Your social guides give you swollen eyes
But what I've got can't be bought so you can just....

Call It What You Want - Foster The People

2012-07-02T10:16:00.001-07:00

See-Saw?

2012-06-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

Adventure #70 Finding My Own Wonderland.

Crystal skies, beautiful beaches, suntanned lines and sunsets. Yep. That's where I used to live... four days ago. Tropical Storm Debby with a "Y" has entered our Florida beaches and the Florida Local's patience. Even though he is English, Brutus is local and hating life! He is curled up currently on his Cubs blanket anticipating the Cubbies next big one in a row and his next trip to the playground? The streets are flooded and them as well as me are over pouring. Why has my patience grown so thin?

Got The courage to brave the entire three block walk with the Bru this afternoon. What the Hell is with Dogs refusing to poop when it's raining? Well, when the rain turned into downpour and each sniff turned into my umbrella flipping inside out and my vision of my after-work Miller Light was now as far away as my next "real relationship!" Flipping into a conversation with my friend Court and I today... Have ya ever ever heard of John Mayer? Yeah he's a little old school but this guy has got it all right! Have you ever heard of a late afternoon visual fantasy to pass the time? OK well here goes... (picture this): A clean, crisp all white modern bedroom. Its Raining T.S. Debby Style and the windows are opened and blowing your perfect crispy, white, see-through curtains all over your room. Then, the breeze slowly opens up John Mayer's completely ironed, button up, but buttoned down white shirt. His fingers play softly and all he is thinking about is YOU! The music is completely intoxicating and somehow even as a girl, you are able to SHUT UP and TAKE IT ALL IN! You don't have to question anything, J. Mayer is in your bedroom and somehow is giving you all the right answers. For Some reason, you actually believe that "Your Body Is a Wonderland." And just as you are about to strum your own cord you quickly open your eyes and realize he is not "Standing in Your Atmosphere!" He's an actual Guy. The fantasy doesn't exist. You have officially entered the playground of life and You're on the See-Saw. He's Up. Your Down. Somehow you can never just balance it all out. It's Raining and you decide to leave the playground again. Your Awakened self realizes it's time to just step over the puddle, carry on but watch your step cause the Your Dog Finally Took A Poo!
Check Out This Oldie Song.....It pretty Much Sums it Up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSEYOpI985s&feature=related

What Goes Down. Must Come Back Up!

2012-06-19T18:26:00.001-07:00

Adventure #69 Don't Drink The Tequila!

When I say that I cannot make this shit up.... PEOPLE I mean It! Over the last few months, I have dated a bunch of donuts. I said to myself.. get back out there...live again and try on a few for size. Well, being on a pretty low fat diet, I once again should have listen to my old, love handles. They used to be pretty spot on about everything. My old instincts were high and my "guydar" was an exact match! After an extended period of drought (fill in the blanks), I chugged back some questionable tequila without hesitation. If you have read one of my most popular posts "Mr. Tequila" Adventure #59 My Live-In Cock Blocker, you would have first met "Mr. Tequila!" I don't need to go there; we all know what happened. But what is so funny is what happens next. Yep... Lets Just list what I was told.

(SPOKEN LIKE A LOSER)

1. Yo. I'M moving to Colorado.

2. Babe. I'M gonna make some killer money.

3. Hey. Its the Family Business.

4. Check It. I Will Back In December.

5. Yo. I wanna Take you Somewhere Tropical.

Here is What I Was Telling Myself.

1. I'M Not Into You!

2. I Don't Care.

3. Have Fun. Good Luck.

4. OK. Whatever.

5. I will Believe it when I get my Plane Ticket.

So weeks and weeks went by. I have lived my life and really not thought about "Mr. Colorado" too much. Until... DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (drum roll please)?

A close friend called and told me her new boy got some important information....

(Spoken like a cliche Black Girl) GIRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL U GOTTTTAAA HEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRR ABOUT THIS SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIITTT!!!!???

SO I listened. "I heard!" I let my fingers do the research and discovered "Mr. Colorado" instead of being a ton of States away, was actually less then a mile from my house. And homeboy wasn't chilling in Sarasota on the beach... homeboy was cuddled up next to "Bruce" another fellow Sarasota County Inmate!!!! "Mr. Tequila" was as dry as ever and is now living behind bars without bond until Dec. 2012! There Was No Colorado. No Job. No Money. No Plane Ticket. No Ride. Just Lies. I guess If I was actually into him... it would hurt more. I am more pissed that I was completely lied too. I can't believe it took me over a month in this town to find out! It would give me great pleasure to show you his picture but something tells me I would loose my blog because of that. I guess we are back to where It started... YOU CANT LOOSE SOMETHING YOU NEVER KNEW WAS EVEN MISSING!

*** for all my friends here's the link... you know the name.

PS Brutus is So Pissed He Has No Comment!

http://www.sarasotasheriff.org/InmateChargeReport.asp#PageCenter

My Sweet Heart

2012-06-17T19:26:00.002-07:00

Adventure #68 I've Been Trying To Do It Right!

Had the perfect weekend with my Brutus Beefcake. Its Sunday Night, he is asleep at my tanned toes. I know this because he is snoring and I can feel his hot breath at my feet. He is still tired from his Saturday night of bar hopping with my best friends. Didn't know he was also an avid shuffle board player? I didn't know that Margarita Pizza crust made farts that smell like a dead grandma left out in the Florida heat in her rocking chair? Didn't know that after 5 hrs. this dog still had the energy to conquer a full size keg and make it his bitch/bar stool? Didn't know a lot of things until this weekend. Didn't know you could be thinking about somebody you just started hanging out with? I spent the evening summing up some stories with a friend, downloaded some new itunes and watch a little baseball. Nothing is really new. No News is good news.. correct? With that and keeping our toes crossed... I leave you with a new added song... Video Below To Follow!

"Ho Hey" By The Lumineers

(Ho!) I've been trying to do it right
(Hey!) I've been living a lonely life
(Ho!) I've been sleeping here instead
(Hey!)I've been sleeping in my bed,
(Ho!) I've been sleeping in my bed (Hey!)

(Ho!) So show me family
(Hey!) All the blood that I would bleed
(Ho!) I don't know where I belong
(Hey!) I don't know where I went wrong
(Ho!) But I can write a song (Hey!)

1,2,3 I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)

(ho!) I don't think you're right for him
(hey!) Look at what it might have been if you
(ho!) Took the bus to china town
(hey!) I've been standing on Canal
(ho!) And Bowery (hey!)
(ho!) And she'd be standing next to me (hey!)

1,2,3 I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you, you belong with me you're my sweet heart

And love we need is now
Let's hope for some
Cause oh, we're bleeding out

I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet heart
I belong with you you belong with me you're my sweet (Ho!)

The Lumineers - Ho Hey (Official Video)

2012-06-17T19:25:00.001-07:00

Sleep Patterns

2012-06-12T22:57:00.001-07:00

Adventure #67 Finding The Right Side Of The Bed...

I think its overrated. His Side, My Side, Our Side and Hairy Side... Most couples have their side of the bed.. we as humans like formality, we like things just the way they should be. Have you ever went into a meeting, taken a mini break and even though you did not leave anything in your seat, you return once again back to the same spot? Well, the same goes for beds too. I used to think the guy should sleep closest to the door... why you ask? Because if a robber, a bulldog or the monster under the bed comes raging at you in the middle of night, the guy should be there to serve and protect you... right? The Same goes for walking down a sidewalk. I was taught by my Grandpa that men walk on the outside, closest to the cars... and "boys who hesitate to do so are worth risking your own life and running to the other side of the street!" ANYONE OUT THERE THINK THIS IS TRUE??? Well.. back to Beds. My bed, no matter how many times I wash the sheets or scrub Brutus's Smelly Toys: NEVER feels clean! Currently in my bed I have: a Black Berry, 7 pillows, 170000 dOg hairs, slobber, A DIRTY KIDS CUBS TSHIRT, one doggy baseball, one turtle humping toy (for Bru), the book 50 Shades of Gray, a Mac Lap Top, a 65 pound Snoring English Bulldog and well oh yeah me.... Its 2 AM.. I will be up in 5 hours and I am wanting to reach for the phone, a glass of wine or my semi-soft porn book! I have lost the idea of caring what side of the bed is the right side... how bout the fact that I would settle for the bottom, the top, the left or the floor at this point! My dog has literally interrupted my make out life and has now interrupted my sleep. Though, I am thinking there is no correct side of bed.... I would just like to be a participant in someones! HEE HEE!!!!

GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE..... sleep tight. Love this song so much!!! CHECK IT OUT BELOW!

>>>>>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiQppszlXrg&feature=related

Bermuda Triangle

2012-05-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

Adventure #66 Easy Breezy Blvd?

Brutus is really good at telling me what he wants in little ways without speaking. He licks my feet when I get back from running, I think that means he misses Mommy. He Sits by the front door when he wants to hit up Legends Pub for some suds and hes been known to actually paw at his bowl when hes hungry. But what does he do when he gets mad at me? Well nothing. He never gets mad. He loves his life and I am pretty sure hes got it good. Its Just his Mommy lately that has it all wrong. Went to His Old Daddy's new Bar the other day and I was literally standing in a Bermuda Triangle of Failed Past "Relationships." To My Right, There was the main one who I knew I would see and I'm cool with that. No worries doesn't even phase me. And then to my left was that grey haired guy that ineverwantedhimtocallmeagainbutthenhedidntcallmeagainandiwaslikewtfiswrongwithmewheniwasntevenintohim.com anyone else know that site? Its a busy site for thirty some singles. Well, anyway it was weird. Like Really Weird. So standing directly in front of me was my mouth in a way I haven't seen ever. See, I drank the night before as well.. and instead of shutting my mouth, I let it run free down Highway of What Are We? And What is This? I should I have traveled down Easy Breezy Blvd. instead of asking questions to answers that I don't really care to know about right now...
FML AVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guzzled down a few Miller Lights, showed face, kissed babies and proceeded on ward down the street. The only thing is I couldn't really enjoy myself at a Luau Party of all Places because I was Dwelling on Worry Lane. Worrying is the Worst! I was talking to a regular customer at my work tonight and he proceeded to tell me that boys are easy, they are pretty black and white. If you cant tell it less then 8 words... DON'T! Easy, Breezy and to the point! Simple, Plain and Short. (Kinda like The grey haired guys personality!) HA HA. So, I did and I have decided to Listen to Brutus... Keep it Light. Keep it Simple. Don't Get Mad and Not enjoy Life. I do have it good... Now If I can just learn my lesson and SHUTMYFINGMOUTH.edu

Wish This Song Said: Shut Your Mouth but It Will Do For Tonight!

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will

Snow Patrol- Shut your Eyes

2012-05-28T22:45:00.003-07:00

Do I Need A Rescue?

2012-05-25T08:15:00.000-07:00

Adventure # 65 Mapping Out A New Path

2 Years. 2 Months and Countless Glasses of Wine. It officially feels like Summer and I am officially still single. Its hot and so are the locals. I finished a book at the dog park yesterday with My Boyfriend Brutus and between licks, sweat and my last chapter... "Finally Over Him.". I realized I am. I am covered in kisses and they are not just from Brutus anymore and I cant believe that it took me two years to finish this book. (ha ha) I have enclosed a link to this once embarrassing purchase from Barnes and Noble for any people out there searching through there own messes: "The Ultimate Survival Guide to getting Revenge and Finally Getting Over What's His Name!" The last Chapter is my favorite and now that I have become advocate for forgetting about what's his name, I was able to shake my girlfriend last night of her own worries. The Chapter is Titled: Have No Fear

"Don't let your fears cripple you. Most of the time what we fear never comes to pass. Many times our fears are exaggerated. The more we worry, the bigger and the worse the fear or hurdle seems."

See. It Took Me a Freaking Long Time To Get Here. I once had a plan, a sketch a someone and that someone just stopped trying. I was pissed. I was Confused. I am officially letting it go. This book made me realize that there is a chance that as lame as it is... "There Are Other fish in the Sea!" 6 months ago... I would never wanted to go back into the water and I most certainly wasn't ready to fish again. Funny enough... letting go and letting myself back in; I realized instead of sweating about what's his name I will sweat it out with someone else. What's even funnier is that there is a chance I could even get an upgrade!

If I could say anything to my friend that is covered in mental sludge from her own what's his name... I would say: Make a list of the things that you disliked or annoyed you about your ex. This will help stop you idolizing him. And this is the best part!!! Here are three of mine and this should help!

1. I hate that You kiss like a wet noodle... I could barely feel your lips.

2. I hate that you put ketchup on my four hour dinner I just made.

3. I hate that you think wearing sweat pants is appropriate on a dinner date. ---------

ahhhhhhhh Now That feels Nice... Yep.... I am back in the water and waiting to be rescued.

PS Check Out This Song.... It's Brutus's New Fav!!!

The Naked And Famous - Young Blood

2012-05-25T08:14:00.002-07:00

Destination Unknown

2012-05-17T08:16:00.001-07:00

Adventure #64 Do You Know The Way To Mystery Island?

Yep. It's Wedding season. And with that added stress of finding a date and buying that perfect dress it's finally coming to a close. The dress = Perfect. The Shoes = more then perfect. And my date? Well you can never go wrong with your best guy friend... Jimmy! I guess we did the normal date thing you can say... I picked out "his outfit" and he brought my 60 pound slobbering bulldog to the doggy hotel for me. You could say it was an even trade. We danced and got a little merry... however, the only problem I have been running into is: people aka "guys" thinking that "Jimmy" is actually my date. Dude, he's like my protective big brother that I could never you-know-what-with... and I am more then sure that his lack-of-feeling is mutual! So, there I am after a few chardonnays having to explain myself to friends, family member's and possible prospects that "Jimmy" is just a friend! I begin to have a conversation with my girl about moving forward and finally not stressing about Mystery Island anymore... What is Mystery Island you might ask? Well, Mystery Island Really Exists! See, Its a place where those great first dates and great conversations lead into a kiss, that lead into a real date, that lead into them floating away on a cloud to Mystery Island! What's the address you might ask? Well, I am a girl and girls actually will never receive the actual address! They are all there together... X boyfriends, great first kissers and the date that should have ended after dinner and not three hours later! They don't have phones or email and they certainly don't have Face Book! They love the line... "Can't Wait to See You Again!" or "Call Ya Later Babe!" But they never seem to lock in a time or a destination for the second date! At first, I was beginning to think it was just me but talking with other girlfriends, they have all been left on the runway of the plane headed for Mystery Island... with no E.T.A. home! I'll be honest, in the last two months I have been stranded with no answers from three guys... and since they don't have computers I can legally list there first names: Daniel, Jason and Tim. If any of my boys make it to that Island one day, I would like to pass on a message to them.... Guess what? I really wasn't that interested! One of you had grey hair, one was way to right wing and one was two years away from retirement... ouch! I would have never taken you to my best friends wedding and unless Jimmy or Brutus approves you were never worth that second date! See, it is nice having that wing man.. It is a smart idea to get others opinions. One Lick is good. Two Slobbers is Great!

Mini Brutus

2012-04-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

Adventure # 63 The Abrupt Dog-Napping of Mini Brutus

It the weekend. Its hot and I am sipping a mimosa poolside with my ladies! We are gossiping about boys of course, checking and crossing off the lists of possible suitors for my Girlfriend Kate and I. Too short. Too Pertinacious. Too Young. Too Hot. Too Cold. As I am casually getting a Mani-pedi and eyebrow wax... I am unaware of the cruel wrong doings that are happening just steps away. See, I have this little rubber Mini Brutus that posts up on my dashboard of my Jeep. Hes chill and protective and I absolutely love him! Unannounced to me.. He was ripped out of his perch and abruptly stolen out of my vehicle! I enjoy more mimosas and more chit-chat and wobble home to get ready for another Saturday Night Out! A few days go by and I log on to a social networking site... you might have heard of it.. its called Face BOOK. Anyways, I get a friend request from a miniature rubber bulldog claiming to be my Mini Brutus!

SAYYYYYY WHHHHHHHAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT??????!!!!! What is wrong with these people? What is wrong with the World? More Importantly, what the Hell is wrong with my friends??? Mini Brutus has been now missing for over a month and I want him back! I have offered rewards of beer, vodka and pleaded intensely back for his safe recovery! I am putting this out here to all my readers!! FIND MINI BRUTUS!! SAVE HIM FROM MY DRUNK AND IRRESPONSIBLE FRIENDS!!!! I love him and he's all mine!!! I am offering up an all expense paid trip to Legends Pub on a Saturday Afternoon for All You Can Drink Wine, Beer and Pizza in Mini Brutus's Save Return Home! I do want to mention that apparently Mini looks like he doesn't really miss me? He has been spotted at the gym, in a hot tub, at a few local watering holes and in the supermarket? I am beginning to think they are spoiling and brain washing him! I am afraid that he will never make it back on his protective perch, I am afraid for his safe return home to me. Mom.

I have included pictures of places last seen and his Face Book Link for examining.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003711768145