My Space

And thus, I complain!

2011-10-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

*grumble * grumble *grumble * grumble *grumble * grumble *grumble * grumble * grumble *

So....I lost my smartphone. Bummer!

*grumble * grumble *grumble * grumble *grumble * grumble *grumble * grumble * grumble *

Made for each other, but how?

2011-04-06T00:29:00.000-07:00

Anyone who's born a lady would surely agree with me - we need someone to crib to! After a hard day's work, we need a space to de-stress, to relax, and most of the times, this is the form of a verbal barrage of words to someone. A friend, sibling, Mom, last but not the least the spouse!

Imagine this scene: After a hard day's work, you go back home. No sooner than you unlock the door and cross the threshold, you see your husband sitting in front of the TV, engrossed in a cricket match (inspired by the ICC tournament :P). The sight of your better-half galvanizes you into talking, and mind you, it is not about how happy you are to see him. It is all about your work - bad boss, uncooperative colleagues, hostile work environment, the long hours spent in travel, the general tiredness, so on so forth. Office politics (I can see most of my friends who are working vigorously nodding their heads!). The twist in the story is thus: do you expect hubby dear to switch off the TV and listen to your rant? Or does he continue to watch the TV while you render a laudable imitation of a (much played) record?

The answer is (the background music rising to a crescendo) - there's no right answer! (No no...the crescendo is not deflating!). It depends....it depends on the relationship and the individuals involved.

I am no expert in the matter of relationships. However, I have had my fair share of friends to whom I have been an excellent agony aunt (or so I believe!). And yes, I get to listen to a lot of complaints. However, I have had my fair share of confides that have been extremely positive. And listening to the latter makes me think - so such men really exist? How much patience would that man have to listen to a whining wife all the time? Doesn't he have any frustrations of his own? Doesn't he feel that he is on the receiving end of a negative tirade all the time?

Maybe the secret is this - the relationship would have reached a level where the man feels that the positives of wifey outweigh the negatives (and that includes cribbing), and he is ready to believe in her and help her in any way he can. And if that involves being a sounding board, so be it!

You may have heard of the "Made for each other" sentiment. But couples are not random jigzaw puzzles to perfectly fit each other in style and temperament. Although rare, I have seen a few exemplary couples in real life - their love and respect for each other is so apparent that it makes me wonder - how much time did they take to reach this level of understanding on their journey together...how much time did they take to "fit" together? Is it a function of time at all? Or is it personalities? Or is it compromise?

Questions, questions, questions! I hope that time can answer them ;-)!

When in doldrum....

2011-01-27T16:54:00.000-08:00

.......have something nice.....

................like this :P!

The key to change

2010-12-26T14:16:00.000-08:00

There was once a time where I was posting left right and center on this blog. And having 50+ comments (here's the proof). Lately, it has dwindled to one, perhaps two posts every three months! Not good...not good at all...so tells the husband.

PA, as I refer to him in my blog, reads all my blog-posts including those on my photo-blog. This is surprising since he, being the typical male, dislikes (note: hate is too strong a word) all emotional, sentimental, ...er...all *tal things (you get the idea, right?) and my blog has tons of sentiment flowing out of it. Still, for a person who does not like books, it was surprising to listen to him saying "C, you have given up writing blogs? Why? You write so well. I was reading your blog and all I could think was what happened to this person who wrote so beautifully?" Well PA, I did not run out of topics. Some other priorities overtook this past-time. Plus, as in my previous post, I do not have an overwhelming urge, as I had before, to spew out my thoughts. I have changed (surprise of surprises!). For the better (I hope). And I quite like it!

So we come back to where I started - the blog. It's my baby, something I found solace in when I was mad at the rest of the world (well, still am but no so much :-)..). Sine the key to change (especially those pleasant ones) is to accept and move on, I suppose I should devote some time to blogging as well. Things that are in the process of changing my mind - PA, 24 comments awaiting my moderation when I logged in yesterday, friends urging me to blog again. As a result, notice the brand new template....and the post? Still more in the works.

Lately, I have been toying with the idea of making this blog password-protected. What are your thoughts? (Spew) out with it.......

People....thou are God

2010-05-03T22:05:00.000-07:00

I know I know! I've been away too long. And that's because, I found an easier way to express - well... I speak out :-)!

Jokes apart, the following is a topic that's been in my mind for quite some time, and (wonder of wonders), a pet peeve, something which PA has been nagging all along since....hmmm....hmmm...for almost two years now! Auuunnnnd the topic is - I don't hang out with people. I don't call up people. I don't interact with people. Given a book (and a laptop with Internet), I prefer to be by myself. Why? Given this soul-searching nature of the question, I had to dug into my depths of my memory to come up with a suitable explanation. I was such friendly soul in the past. But now, I've become such a notoriously selective person, so much that I prefer being alone rather than being with people who are a pain to be with. It's not that I don't hang out with friends. It's just that.... I like being alone. But then again, I like being alone. To the point of secluding myself. So..... what made me such an introvert? PA, this post is for you (and all those people who've foolishly ventured out to pop this question to me), and the whole world is out to witness my explanation....and my wrath.

Expl 1: I was nerd. A geek. During my college days, my geekiness (and gawkiness) was predominant in the way I dressed (ack....was it me?), spoke, and I guess, every aspect of my character. And I only came to know of this 'little thing' when the boyfriend of my friend (who's no longer a friend) revealed this truly revealing thought- "She is such a specimen." Ahem....ladies and gentlemen (I hope), that 'she' is none other than yours truly and imagine the distress she felt when she was addressed a specimen! (Not good for her image at all!). And to think that I actually cried over it! All names under the sun....to me!

Expl 2: Thanks to my.... err...'image', I was shunned by most of my collegians. Hence, the uppermost feeling during those days was a craving for acceptance. By peers. By friends. But most were too smart for their age: here I was, the loner who dressed badly. Imagine what would happen to your image if you hang out with me, this....this geeky specimen (hah!). The implications were too scary to imagine....... I guess. Between a geek and your friends, whom would you choose? Geek lost round 2 , and was condemned to remain alone for the rest of her term.

Expl 3: Public image is a very powerful thing. And more than the individual, this image is more or less fueled by the society, by people talking behind your back. And the more 'powerful' and 'influential' they are, the more you are screwed! Even if I was a friendly albeit badly dressed, geeky soul, people were simply not ready to 'invest' their time, energy and emotion in me because......I was simply not worth it. Most of the times, I was excluded out of that 'elite' group of people invited to a party, get-together, a trek simply because I wasn't accepted by the rule-makers of that group. Or somebody had an axe to grind with me. And even though I was apparently a your friendly neighborhood girl to hang out with alone, the helpful classmate who lends her notes to you, the kind girl who listens to your cribs about life (and boys), I .....was not 'classy' enough to be invited to your party.

I learnt one of the most important lessons in my life - it's easier to simply venture out and identify your friends rather than penetrate a judgmental clique. Nobody has the guts to speak up for you since they themselves want to be accepted (this is the best explanation I could come up with). If there's something called hope, you'll find people who accept you, and even if that number's pretty small compared to the phenomenal number of the 'accepted' group, you'll be happy being yourself with the former.

Past is history. But sometimes, history has a weird way of repeating itself. And I am very averse to be caught in that loop. I give too much credit....to myself! I am smart. Talented. I write well. I can express my thoughts fluently. I dress well. I look...and feel good. I am on my way to pursue my career ambitions. I am loved and accepted by all those who matter most in my life. The prejudiced rest are simply not worth my time.

And this, my friends, remains the fundamental truth of my life.

Dene waala jab bhi deta.....

2010-01-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

...poora chappaD phaaD ke deta......or so goes the song! And that's exactly what I am singing these days.....happily so! I've got not one but two news (or is newses?) in tandem! ~~However, blog pe sirf confirmed news~~. Please cheer your one and only (I hope) beloved blogger publishing two of her blog-entries :D ! (Drum-rolls and trumpets please... !)

TOI Bangalore Mirror published one of my blog entries 'Love and Marriage' in today's issue (15/01/2010). Do check it out on their e-paper here. For the blog version, you could simply scroll down or click here. Or if you love the crinkle of a freshly folded newspaper (with hot steaming tea), go and buy your own copy!

Aaaaah..... grrrrreeeat start to a New Year on Shankranthi festival! Looking forward to inching higher :-)!

HYN everybody!

Addendum: And here's the confirmed news: another blog-post published here but, alas, with the wrong blog address for credit. (No offense Shruthi :-)...)! I've mailed them to rectify the mistake. So dekhenge.......

Veg for thought

2009-12-09T23:34:00.000-08:00

I have been a vegetarian for as long as I can remember and the main cause being..... you guessed it, my parents were vegetarians! When I started working (and thus came in contact with the professional world), I discovered a very startling fact – vegetarianism was no longer a religion; from something that you HAD to be followed, it had boiled down to something that COULD be followed…..simply put, a choice. For most of my veg (er.... I use this term literally, of course, and NOT figuratively!) colleagues, surreptitiously eating non-veg, away from the omniscient eyes of their elders became a way of life. And going abroad expanded the options for the non-veg fare while at the same time reducing the risk of ‘exposure’.

When I was leaving for UK, the uppermost concern for my extended family (I call them extended because after all, they too have played a major part in my upbringing) was that of food, and specifically vegetarian food, or the lack of it. "You are going all the way to some other country. What would you do for ooTatinDi?" This was the most common question thrown at me. Till date, I cannot recall the answer I gave. All I can remember is being in a tearing hurry to pack all my stuff and then fretting about exceeding the weight limit!

Scotland, UK had a pleasant surprise in store - the place had a few grocery stores in some nooks and corners that sold Indian commodities. Step into that store and it was almost like our pakkada mane grocery store except for the cleanliness part. So you see, the only reason I lost weight abroad was due to stress and not due to lack of food - I still remember (and can almost taste) those booootiful deep-fried veggie burgers! Leep-smacking stuff !

Even though CN, one of my two room-mates was a non-vegetarian, she was so mindful of us (vegetarians) that she did not cook any non-veg stuff at home. Instead, we ended up going to restaurants which served both veg and non-veg food. Back in India, I would have gone to a restaurant which served both veg and non-veg food only because of two reasons: one, I did not find a decent veg restaurant and two, there was some yummy veg specialty which was unique to that restaurant. I had faint trepidations because I had endured some unpleasant situations on the likes of the following.

Imagine you, along with your non-veg friends, are at a popular fast-food joint with mouth-watering burgers on the menu. Imagine that in spite of you ordering a meatless burger, you discover the presence of meat. And imagine if the waiter just whisks off the meat patty and plops down the same burger with the cheery words, “There you go, no meat now.” Would that be acceptable to you?

Here’s another situation: Imagine you go to a multi-cuisine place and order a soup after repeatedly verifying with the lady that it’s vegetarian. Imagine your dismay when you discover pieces of fish in the soup. On enquiry, the lady innocently replies, “But fish is vegetarian, no?”

Imagine one of your friends casually dips a ladle used for spooning a non-vegetarian dish into the one and only vegetarian dish ordered for yours truly. After this, would you consider helping yourself to some more of that veg dish?

One of the fears passed down to me from the upper echelons (aka previous generation) was the lack of hygiene in restaurants which served both veg and non-veg food, “What if they used the same utensils for cooking both varieties of food?” Later on, this among a host of other passed-down fears was conveniently side-lined with the belief that the management respected vegetarians sufficiently to use separate cooking gear, and not mix them up. However, this belief was put to test with the McDonald’s suit. On a personal note, one of my friends who was working part-time at a burger joint to support her education revealed that the same frying pan/grill was used to cook both veg and non-veg stuff! So where does this leave vegetarians? At ‘sea’, strictly sticking to home-made food.

There are times I feel that the whole idea of vegetarianism is skewed with people mutating the meaning to their advantage (and profits!). “Bread contains enzymes that are non-veg.” “What about gelatin in ice-cream?” The more one examines things under the microscope, the more confused one would be. “If chicken comes from egg, there’s no way that egg is vegetarian” says one of my friends who’s been trying to prove that I am, thus, an non vegetarian and ‘licensed’ to eat other non-veg food. It has to be revealed that she’s been trying to coerce me into becoming a non-vegetarian for almost an year now :-). Thankfully, for people like me, the“I-don’t-eat-eggs-directly-but-then-eat-cakes-with-eggs-in-them” variety, this article comes as a welcome relief :-)!

Vegetarianism for me remains a practice, and I am at an age where I can safely vouch for my practices. I like to experiment more with new habits rather than steady practices which have benefited me till date. My friends’ circle consists of mature people who not only respect me but also my choice of vegetarianism, and go out of their way to make me feel comfortable amidst them (aaah….bless these guys!). Belonging to the minority group is definitely a minus point with me being on the tenterhooks all the time in any restaurant that serves both veg and non veg food, or with blokes who don't understand where I from. Yet,I feel confident to proclaim that I am a vegetarian. Are you ;-)?

TaDaaaaaaaan......

2009-11-30T13:45:00.000-08:00

The idea of a photoblog had been in my head for a very long time. Just the effort required to pen it on paper....er.....publish it on web was required. After a few false-starts, I plunged into the details aaaauuunnnnndddddd.... here's the final result. Finally...finally...finally launching my photoblog at http://chitraazclicks.blogspot.com :-D ! Yiiipppeeeeee yippeeeee and yipppeeeee (I simply cannot stop grinning)! As usual (ahem!), comments and suggestions are very welcome.

After all the effort I put into customizing my photos, wordpress turned out to be a damp squib - I found the photo quality to be faded and washed-out. So came back to blogger, and a plethora of extensive research, photoshopping and html tweaks later, and I was yuxtremely satisfied with the final result (do I sound modest here? :P).

I was very intent on launching my photoblog this year. In spite of a few hiccups (a prolonged seige by the flu being the latest), this year has been a very fruitful year so far.Still awaiting the results of something towards which I've been working from a very long time. Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best :-)!

When at a loss of words......

2009-10-03T23:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks NS your sweet e-mail. The (ir)responsible introvert I've been (and still am), I am still not very sure how I'm supposed to feel when thanks is conveyed in a manner so effusive as yours. Hmmmmmmmm....er......uh........ duh.......it takes some time to get used to the idea, I guess :-)! Since I'm a woman of few words, all I can do is convey a vaaary public thanks :-)!

Love and Marriage

2009-09-10T12:23:00.001-07:00

Love actually revolves around various couples and the ways they perceive and finally find love…..or something remotely similar. When I sat down to watch this movie, I was not prepared for the intricacy and subtlety of the plot, and of course, the various perceptions of love. At the end, I could have relegated it to another feel-good movie were it not for certain strains of reality and maturity depicted in the movie.

I’ve known love to be a very elusive quality, something very similar to luck. If one needs it, and even wishes for it hard, there’s certainly no genie appearing from the lamp to grant it to you on a platter. At the same time, all I know is if one knows where to find it, one can hold on to it….. forever. And oh, the channels to discover love, so many and varied. Through people, animals, work, a favourite pastime, eating (my personal fav)….. you can add on to the list.

Our very idea of love and romance is so much influenced by movies and books (Mills and Boon anyone?). Love at first sight, the thudding of heart, the shortage breath, and oh….how can I forget the song in the heart (not to mention the song and dance routine around the trees :D)! Makes one go sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. doesn’t they? But(there's always a 'but' at the end of the rainbow)....is love like this?

I’ve met people who’ve claimed to be influenced by all these factors and….and sometimes more :-). Dreamy eyes, lost expressions, countless hours on phone (make that mobile)…. yesssirraaah…. me see-eth all. It’s at this point where the movie ends with “They happily lived ever after” idea. And it’s at this stage that their hunky-dory world is bombarded with the harsh realities of the world around them. What happens later? Aaaah well…. no-one’s shown it…… yet.

I’ve been asked, discreetly of course, by most people - how is it that you marry a person whom you’ve never known more than a couple of months? And I counter-question – how is it that people get divorced in spite of knowing each other for more than a couple of months, and sometimes years together? Ultimately, marriage is a gamble – you enter this legal contract with the intention of making it work, and not knowing that it does have another door of escape called the dreaded D. And what does love have to do with marriage? Well….. if one can learn what love is through commitment, marriage plays a crucial part. For all those shaking your heads knowingly, you know what I’m talking about.

Sharing every thought under the sun , learning things together, exploring, fighting and making up, getting hurt, laughing loud at silly jokes, enjoying the simple pleasures of life,complementing each other, creating and nurturing the miracle of life, and falling in love all over again.....perhaps this is a form of commitment.....perhaps it's here to stay.....perhaps it's called marriage. The turnaround is complete.

All about moi :-)

2009-09-04T13:04:00.000-07:00

This explains it all :-)!

Courtesy: RK

This and that

2009-08-26T16:35:00.001-07:00

My niece, S, is one precocious little two-year old. She, along with her father (note the order) had graced to have dinner with us. When it was time to say good-bye, she bugged her father to hoist her up. Seeing this, we were unable to resist making fun of her. “Abba S, you are a big girl now. Why can’t you walk by yourself?” Smart kid instantly retorted, “Chappali illa.” Delicate darling that she was, she did not want to walk without her chappals :-)! Needless to say, we were dumbfounded by this response from someone so young!

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I love water bodies. I love clicking water-bodies. I love frolicking in water-bodies. What I don’t love is drowning in them!(Well......for that matter, who does?) PA’s been trying to teach me to swim. For every step (or rather lap) of progress, I hop/swim back two thanks to the fear of drowning. And the pool’s supposed to be only four feet. Sheeeesh! And moi's height being a little more than five feet is hardly any consolation. Double sheeeesssh! Still, the optimist in me tries to make the best of the situation by..... hopping up and down in water! The feeling of being buoyant comes into effect even if the act does make me look like a hoppitty bunny!

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What’s it with crowd dynamics? Everything I suppose. I’ve often observed that most people follow the lead of majority without even the benefit of doubt. There could be two reasons for that - first, one couldn't care less about the topic in question, second, it's easier to adopt or follow a popular opinion rather than pondering in detail about that topic. But what if the opinion is about a person or the character of a person? I find it very interesting how a person's character is ripped to shreds or conversely glorified out of proportion based simply on crowd dynamics. If a majority of people think that a person's up to no good, it's very likely that a newcomer to this group would simply go along with the flow provided he/she does not have any stakes (read as involvement) involved. Wham-bham and there goes everything down the drain. So what if the crowd is mistaken? It's after all only a person's character, right? As long as you don't have to do anything with that person, lage raho......

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There's so much discussion going about the topic of effective communication. Most educational institutions stress upon the right usage of words and their meaning, grammar of sentences, and how effectively one can communicate using the written language. Ironically, I find that people who have absolutely no grasp of the grammatical intonations of English can still manage to communicate effectively not only through calls but by mails as well. How? By simplicity rather than any fanciful bombastic words. How much more direct does "I would need this done by tomorrow morning by 11:00 a.m." sound than "It would be great if you could get this done sometime by tomorrow". Precise, concise and yes, effective. So what if the grammar's a wee bit flawed?

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I am not a 'sweet(s)' person [:P]. I like certain sweets but I can have them in very limited quantities. Two and I would be done, my throat muscles simply refusing to welcome the third. Still, I do find this very appetizing. Don't you? Sssssslllllluuuuurrrp! Stimulate your taste-buds :D!

A 'timely' gift

2009-06-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

As a youngster, the only days I paid some attention to was my friends’ birthdays, and even though I was pretty hopeless in remembering the exact dates, I never passed up the opportunity of presenting them with a greeting card and a hand-made one at that! Most of the ideas I made use of were from store-bought cards, presented to me by my friends. Some had glittery designs, some vibrant colors, while others had a colorful appendage which spread out when one opened the card.

Call me old-fashioned, but however imperfect it may be, there’s something heart-warming about a hand-made gift. A greeting card, a note, a cake, a cassette ooops….now it’s a CD containing favourite songs, a hand-painted garment, beaded bracelets…..you name it! Each occasion was marked with a sense of surprise and wonder; surprise because someone remembered that special day, and wonder because the person attempted to give me something which he/she made with some effort, keeping my likes and dislikes in mind, and with the obvious intention to please. Makes one feel special and cherished indeed :-)!

With the passage and lack of time, I succumbed to the pressure and thus, store-bought gifts preceded the hand-made ones. Even with that, I used to scout stores to find something suitable. And I would undertake this ‘expedition’ only when I was interested enough. Else I would ditch going to any b’day party altogether – feigning you-are-my-bestest-friend wasn’t my forte. This was on the ‘giving’ side. On the receiving side, I received some thoughtful gifts. Some included books (my favorite gift of all :-)), while others included personal knick-knacks. On one occasion, one of my friends had bought a lunch-dabba filled with lip-smacking North-Indian snacks. What more could I have wanted! That was one memorable b’day (burp!).

Most of my friends now have married, had kids, and are generally busy with their careers and lives. Though I miss them a lot, I am in touch with them through mails and sometimes calls. We hardly live in the same city, let alone same country to visit and exchange gifts on occasions of b’day or anniversaries. However, these small reminders are all the wishes/gifts I can afford to have. And it cheers me up immensely that they (unlike me) can remember :-).

First things first.....

2009-03-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

I had a pretty sheltered upbringing until I joined work. And even then, it was routine life with home, work and weekends :P. Until Edinburgh happened. My first on-site trip was to this city in Scotland, UK. And first things are hard to forget....similar to first love :-)!

I had worked hard for this trip, and was mentally prepared to be away from my family for a couple of months. But nothing could have prepared me for the desolation and self-doubt that plagued me initially. Here I was, all alone, in this foreign land, with no friends (no followers either :-)...), and no one to guide me. And the introvert that I was, I was a bit slow in getting along with my room-mates, LH and BN (the latter replaced later by CN). Since the girls knew each other for a relatively longer period, it was but natural that they bonded together very well. And I, being the fifth wheel (and an older one at that) felt out of sorts, disoriented, home-sick and work-pressurized.

The first week in Edinburgh was a revelation of sorts - never had I encountered a city with a weather as variable as this! As soon as I stepped off the plane, I was hit by an icy blast of cold wind; it was February. My thick jacket was no match for the icy droughts of wind and soon I was shivering lightly. It was only later that one of my (UK) colleagues advised me keep my ears and neck warm - that was the mantra to ward of cold. Pretty soon, thermals, sweater, jacket, topi and a muffler became part of my daily ensemble to anywhere outside our apartment. NB promptly let me know that I looked like a watchman with all that padding!

The intital feeling was homesickness was soon replaced by a sense of adventure and enthusiasm as I started discovering the city. Because of its historic significance, Edinburgh had quite a few tourist attractions. But first, I familiarized myself with the surroundings of my apartment - each street initially looked the same to me. But then again, it was fun getting lost and discovering new routes (as long as I was not hungry!). I roamed the streets, discovering and re-discovering, and reveled in the feeling of independence that any earning, independent woman develops when she's on her own.

It was in Edinburgh that I discovered quite a few things about myself - my through inability to stand the cold weather, my inclination towards bright clothes (sweaters, tops, mufflers, you name it!), my (very fierce) sense of independence, my ability to cook (ahem.....strictly based on the opinion of my room-mates), the travel freak within me, my passion for photography, my sense of adventure, my likes, my dislikes, my social skills (or the lack of it), my learning curve, my professionalism, and my ability to anticipate. I discovered that I was not shy (as I had originally assumed), just an introvert, very much liking to be by myself rather than any forced company. And the latter trait remains pretty much the same till date :-)!

This trip holds a very special place in my heart because it was a major turning point in my life.....one which changed the very outlook of the way I envisaged my future. It opened a door into a world which I had never imagined to be a part of. Thanks to the experience, I developed a sense of direction and a hunch to explore the same. I came in contact with some wonderful people, who influenced me in more than one ways, and some not so wonderful ones, whom I am better off without :-)! It was an eye-opener in more than one way, both about life and people. I learnt to make some tough decisions and not to regret them. After all, better way could you discover other than traveling and unraveling the maze ;-) ?

"To Sir With love"

2009-03-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

When I joined my first job, I still had the school-girlish tendency to expect guidance and spoon-feeding. Very quickly, I was ‘taught’ to expect otherwise. I learnt the hard way to anticipate and keep myself abreast of most things. One had to ask in order to learn. Very rarely did people ‘teach’. Still, a few odd things impressed me – words like “You respect my time and I’ll respect yours” by an instructor to a couple of people late for her class, “It’s those small things which can topple your effort. So make sure you tie up those itsy-bitsy loose ends first before focusing on the bigger issues,” by my very sage instructor who trained me during my first job, “A lazy employee is like a family black sheep” by a former project manager.

It’s startling how I remember most the things taught during my school times. Basic concepts of Geometry and Algebra (no Arithmetic though :-(....), how to write essays, how to make primary, secondary and tertiary colours, photosynthesis, plant and animal cells, staple food of North and South India, so on and so forth. However, the memory of my PU and Engineering days are loaded with blanks. And the conclusion I could draw was – either I was very studious during my school-days or the teachers were very diligent in their job. Considering the fact that I was an above average student (ahem-ahem!), the latter conclusion makes more sense.

Most of school life was interspersed with teachers who make the most boring subjects interesting. I still remember my primary school Science teacher who used to conduct experiments in the class in order to demonstrate a few aspects such as gravity, suction, capillary motion etc. I can still recall the excitement with which we used to await his class, and the effortless pin-drop silence that ensued during his experiments. And he did not even have to raise his voice for that :-)!

Then again, there were teachers who were so encouraging (and understanding) about one’s mistakes (at homework or otherwise), that one could only be compelled to learn from the mistakes and perform better. My English teacher was one such gem of a person who never reprimanded a student in rough language, and treated us as responsible kids rather than ‘simply students who had to be taught a lesson”. And so was my Sanskrit teacher who patiently taught us this completely new language of which we had no clue at all. This explains why I still remember the (dreaded) shabdas in Sanskrit :P!

As I progressed to the upper echelons of education, I encountered teachers who taught only for the sake of teaching, who viewed us merely as ‘undisciplined brutes’ and treated us as such, and who cut us to the core in public by their caustic remarks. I can only ponder about my lack of interest in studies – was I so unmotivated by my teachers so as not to understand the subjects, or was it plain disinterest, or were the subjects themselves too ‘heavy’ to be completely understood? My safest bet is that it’s a combination of all three.

It's been quite some time since I've posted something worthwhile. My apologies to my readers :-)! I've been preoccupied by a variety of tasks, incongruously insignificant, yet occupying quality time and adding up to a huge chunk in my day-to-day life. And every reflection-at-the-end-of-the-day leaves me wondering “What on the earth did I do today?” only to be reminded of the sage words of my instructor – small tasks are indeed preoccupying! Truer words were never remembered this often :-)!

And the Oscars go to......

2009-02-22T20:00:00.000-08:00

A. R. Rahman for the best song and music for Slumdog Millionaire :-)!

p.s: For more information, google 'Rahman' and 'Oscar' :P.

a.p.s: Slumdog Millionaire walks away all 'O's except the that for Sound Editing ('The Dark Knight' bagged it).

a.p.s: If this cannot break my 'silence', nothing will :D

Stuck for posterity

2009-01-10T17:28:00.000-08:00

I recently (read as several months ago) caught up with a classmate of mine in school, having literally bumped into her on a shopping spree.

She shouted over the din “You look positively radiant! Huge change since we last met.”

Out of sheer habit, I couldn’t help processing her compliment. Here I was laden with two big cloth shopping bags (er…not too much of a plastic fan), my purse, umbrella and perspiring enough to solve Bangalore’s water problem. And I looked radiant! Good for me :-)! The next part of the statement mentally teleported me to those times when I was an (un)certified geek (and perhaps still am)! Aaaaarrrrggggh !! Why can’t women pay a straight compliment???

It’s strange how people get stuck on one particular image of yours. And not all are positive……and real.

A classmate of mine had THE looks. I felt that she was smart, intelligent, articulate and what not. I was a huge admirer hers. When I ran into her at a musical show, she came across as a very selfish person. Charming but look-I-simply-don't-have-time-for-conversation-with-lowly-types-like-you type. Was it because she was an epitome of what I wanted to be? What was I thinking back then? Hmmmm......time really does provide you some much-needed perspective.

On a personal front, here’s one: I used to run into a girl who traveled on the same bus as mine. She never used to talk to anyone and was generally unresponsive to anything. All she did was stare outside the window (if seated near one), and not make eye-contact with anyone. Several years later, through a very curious twist, I came to know that she had a stutter and thus, a huge confidence issue. If I had stuck to that image of that cold forbidding girl, I would have lost a good friend.

When I am in my blue moods, I remember only the negatives associated with people. However, when I am positive enough (which is more these days :D), I am benevolent enough to ignore a person’s bitchiness, or not dwell upon it. But to ignore downright a person’s bad behaviour/ pointed insults/ indirect barbs, and to repeatedly forgive anyone……well…..simply put, it takes a great deal of effort. And why would I do that unless the person’s close enough? I’d rather keep a safe and comfortable distance.

Till date, I’ve been in touch with people for their honesty, intelligence and knowledge. And the fact that they tolerate me is an added bonus :-D. The thought of interacting with any one because they could be used in the future…..like………like shares is something I’ve observed in most people, but (thankfully?) not emulated. There have been times when I feel like I should be more street-smart, more like all those (clever?) people around me, do some ‘useful networking’, and lead a generally fruitful life. Right now it’s just a wish borne out of frustration when I allow people to walk all over me!

Perhaps in another ten years or so, or when I get really jaded, whichever happens sooner, I shall change…..for the better…......or worse ;-)! Till then, you are stuck with me ;-)!

I looouuuurrvveee......

2008-11-20T18:05:00.000-08:00

.........Gmail Themes! Mine's Graffiti! What's yours?

What a complex web we weave

2008-11-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

I’ve always wondered what bonds the complicated creatures of mankind namely the women. Is it talking for hours together (especially over the phone), gossiping, giggling over secrets, hoo-haaing over something trivial, ‘discussing’ recipes so on and so forth? Well…... I guess it’s all because I do not seem to possess any of those ‘fine’ qualities. And that alone brands me as an ‘outcast’ :-).

I’ve always been attracted towards intelligence….of any form. I like people who can hold a honest (a slowly dying trait) conversation about any subject under the sun without any prejudice. My girl-friends, even the blogs I follow (on Google Reader :-)...), in one way or the other, reflect the same. True, with time, we have bonded closely on a personal level. However, at the first instance, there’s this spark of honesty and intelligence which has been surefire turn-ons for me :-).

There’s RS whose blogs I read regularly. They are such a fine mix of level-headedness and intelligence that I was completely hooked (a rare feat I assure you). I don’t remember exactly how our correspondence started but it did….and with a bang! We even met up (our offices being close) and have kept in touch for….. (hold your breath) almost an year.

Then there’s NJ who has been a common friend through Jay. SA whom I’ve known since the start of my professional career. KA whom I had never interacted at work but got in touch later. So on and so forth. There has been a trait so compelling, so integral in all these ladies that had reassured me back then, and still continues to….in spite of the distance separating us.

But I have to confess that I am a big failure in forging relationships under force, or if I get nasty feelers from others. And (some) women seem to be so adept in this particular aspect :-|! I can good-humouredly tolerate rebukes. I can forgive taunts treating them as childish behaviour. However, at one point, I simply zonk out not caring about them at all. I marvel at people who can get along with people who spite them in the face. The penultimate peoples' person. Maybe it’s because of want. Maybe it’s because of need. Maybe they are mature beyond their years. The only thing I’ve learnt from such experiences is that each relationship requires a combination honesty, respect and time from both sides to nurture lastingly. A one-sided effort consumes energy and, with passing time, it simply drains away.

To digress, as kids it's so easy to make friends. All you need is a peace-loving play-mate :-). With passing age, developing personalities impede. And finally as adults (hoo-boy...I make it sound like the end of the world!), it becomes so very difficult to forge friendship of the lasting variety, thanks to already formed (and sowed) thoughts and opinions. Common interests are a must to 'keep-in-touch'. And for some, status in the society as well. When was the last time you liked somebody for what they were? And because they brought to the surface a different 'you'.....and a better one at that? If you did, do not let them go.

To all my girl-friends out there, thanks for being such an integral part of my life. I wish I could express how much. I hope that this does.

Snowflake(s)

2008-09-29T10:36:00.000-07:00

This is how a snowflake looks like........

And this is what I found on the banks of a lake in summer!

Can anyone dispute the versatility of Mother Nature?

Flash news!

2008-09-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

My moment of notoriety ;-)...!

Chitraaz commandments

2008-09-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

Life passes in circles - you get back what you give......good or bad......and sometimes exponentially.

You tend to learn not only from your mistakes but from others' as well.

A person who respects your time is worth your time.

If you can assess a person at a glance, you are experienced. If you can put yourself in others' shoes, you are sensible. If your mind scores over your heart, you are realistic. If you can bid for time, you are patient. If you have all these qualities, you are mature.

With passing time, the bar is raised for both good and bad.

The past shapes the present. The present shapes the future. The past cannot be changed. But the future can.

The acts of love are otherwise compromises done selflessly.

Marriage is like a jig-saw puzzle - there should be at least some compatibility between the pieces before time can fill up the gaps.

Pretence is very hard to keep up and if it slips, disillusionment creeps in.

Confidence and self-doubts are mutually exclusive.

If only love can be proved by mere words.......

A perfect relationship is one where in communication steps in from where attraction trails off.

Darn these emotions.......

2008-08-21T00:48:00.000-07:00

Newton is a great man for having discovered the Laws of Motion, of which the most all-purpose-quoted is the third one "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". And the same goes for emotions - for every emotion there's an equal and corresponding (not always opposite, mind you) emotion.

These emotions! Baaaah! How difficult it can be to express them...! The first emotion that comes to mind is aamchi looooouuuuuurrrve (okie NJ.... I hope I kindle fond memories..... and you can stop laughing now :D)!

But have you ever realized that it's even more difficult to control expressing emotions rather than outright expressing them? Once expressed (hopefully in the right fashion), the deed is done. Blessed phew.... er.....I mean relief! Out of the system.....out of mind.....balance is restored in nature and self.

Think of the converse. Like a worm gnawing away slowly on the insides, a thought ricocheting within the mind can be so distracting that one would be torn between expressing it and facing the consequences rather than hiding it.

The universe functions on a principle of balance...... an sense of equality. This is extended to all beings, from the smallest to the largest, from the tiny to the intelligent, from animals to humans. And we, being the most complicated of beings ((no) thanks to these emotions again!) maintain this balance in our own unique ways. We earn money only to spend them. We eat food to produce energy. We work throughout the day to sleep during night. In the same vein, we are receptive to emotions as well. We understand, comprehend and assimilate emotions in an individualistic manner. Ultimately, once an outlet is found, equilibrium is restored. Peace reigns within the being.

While some of us are mature enough to recognize the volatile ones and accordingly think of a safe outlet, others express them in the form of violence, anger, destruction, harsh words, jealousy ....so on and so forth goes the list of negativities. The end result is the same, except for the fact that the negative emotions let forth in a negative manner would have induced a chain reaction in others. Pity......a lack of forethought......and a whole maelstrom of emotions.....

Expressing emotions.......I think it's an art. Sometimes harsh, sometimes gentle......sometimes spontaneous, sometimes planned.........sometimes so near the surface, sometimes so deeply buried that it's forgotten. Perhaps expressing them requires finesse......or perhaps not......because anything that is thoroughly practiced is no longer emotional.

p.s And that's why we have songs......all for expressing emotions in a musical way :-)! Perhaps this and this say it all....... :-)!

Power play.......

2008-06-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

He was the one. Omnipresent and omnipotent. All-pervading and strong.

He would blaze down with all his strength leaving destruction in his wake. Everything alive, everything thriving would be no longer.

He was the very essence of power, intellect, confidence and virility, all rolled into one irresistible package.

He could leave no stone unturned in acquiring what he desired. Many a times, he demanded to be satisfied, no offering too less for him. He was insatiable, asking for more, and getting it nearly all the time.

He had admirers, followers.... devout and faithful. But he preferred to remain untouched by all, favouring to remain aloof…. alone........and free.

Until, he met Megha and was captivated by her dark beauty. His senses reeled every time he encountered her dark doe-like gaze. She was all fire, all thunder, and all sultry siren, beckoning to him with her slender form, and muddling his senses to such an extent so as to make him forget himself. In her company, he was all but a pale shadow of himself, half-heartedly trying to be his blazing former self, but ending up reining in his brute strength just to please her, to indulge her, to preen under her shower of affection.......hoping......hoping that she would reciprocate. But there were times when he showed signs of impatience, and reverted to his former glorious self, albeit for a brief period.

Thus, it was sunny for a whole of five minutes today in Bangalore ;-) :-D!

To say...or not to say

2008-05-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

I am the ultimate 'flee'er from confrontations.

I may have all the right reasons to defend myself, but most times, I let the person accuse me to the fullest, not even attempting to defend myself. It's similar to having a one-sided conversation… in this case, an accusation. One reason of not responding/reacting is to allow the people to vent the venom plaguing them inside. Another staid thought is that they are incapable of listening to any reasoning, however sound, during such emotional outbursts. Besides, any conversation hits home only when the participants are relaxed without being uptight and jumpy. In short, hysterically emotional (wow… did I actually coin that?)! My motto - stay away lest you get burnt (to a crisp!). The few times I let lose my feelings, I feel drained...... irritated with myself for losing my highly-prized control.

Sounds cool? Now you must be thinking what a control freak I am :-). True.....I do admit the fact (phew….finally!). However, my sense of control asserts itself not because I want things (or people) moulded to my liking, but more to prevent people getting worried because I am worried. Perhaps this nature of mine found its roots during my college days - classmate who was perpetually tensed during exams. I ensured that I did not run into her even accidentally because of conversations like this:

She: "Hey.....did you study Chapter xx? I got a tip that we would be having 40 marks worth questions based on that chapter.

Me: "Oh..... I guess I better get mentally prepared to lose them."

She: "Oh my God..... I don't know how I will clear the exams."

Me: <inaudible sigh>

I didn't know what was worse – listening to my 'concerns' being voiced aloud, or acknowledging that those 'concerns' scared the hell out of me!

There are times I feel I should vent out my feelings during that instant... nip that suffocating feeling, that engulfs me in the aftermath, in the bud. Situation, people......so many factors to tackle at one instant.

However, the flip side of thinking twice about letting your emotions get the better of you is that they sometimes tend to remain locked....frozen.....knocking the walls of your mind begging for a release.... and you simply can't, because you would have lost the voice, will and heart to do the same.

Hope, the universal booster, is no longer alive.

Under such circumstances, what should be done?

Another stab – to allow the trickle of feelings, or drive a stake to bury them deep within?