Lily the Organic Baby

Getting This Food Under Control

2013-11-19T14:23:00.001-05:00

Fun fact of the day: the incredibly delicious Panera cupcakes have 520 calories in them. That's right. Five. Hundred. Twenty. FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY!!!

I had cut out the carbs and sugar, and while my weight dropped, I got very sick. More than withdraw, the headaches, body aches, and confusion went on for more than a month. I'm still breastfeeding, so I have no idea what my body really needs until it makes me eat it. So, I started eating some lasagna and peanut butter cups. I got ill from some bad salad a couple of months ago and then stopped taking it to work, so I was confused with what healthy foods I should fill the cracks in my appetite. I'm pulling teeth to just try to make it through with the little sleep that I get, so I don't have time to be sick.

I gave up on waiting for the weight to come off before shopping for clothes. I went out and bought a new work wardrobe, none of which was a size larger than I was before pregnancy.

Then, I noticed that I unintentionally stopped eating meat and my weight started to balloon. Between the easy-to-make cheese lasagna and the broccoli cheese soup at the brand new Panera, I wasn't being the carnivore I know I am. I went from 168 lbs to 176 lbs really fast. It was horrible. None of my new pants fit last week! Mind you, I was 150 lbs when I got pregnant and gave birth at at least 190 lbs. I cut down my calories to 2,000 or less per day,. Before, I was eating probably 3,000 to 4,000 and maintaining a good weight for awhile. But, even at under 2,000 calories per day, I was still gaining weight!

I remembered that I started loosing weight when I was eating meat and veggies for lunch and dinner. I thought it was the sugar and grains that were causing the stagnation. Last week, I ate several Indian dinners with naan (bread). Lots of bread, actually. And, I started loosing weight again! By eating meat and veggies, I had also inadvertently cut out dairy, too. The baby and I also cut dairy out last week to see if that would reduce her night wakings. She is certainly sleeping better. And, even though I have no idea how many calories I'm eating, the weight is still dropping. It's at least under control.

I also cut down on the coffee I was drinking, because I read where one lady said she couldn't even drink decaf after noon without her breastfed child being up all night. I think Lily's really a lot happier now. We don't know what is going on with her nap schedule. Some days, she'll take two naps, but other days, it's just one. I am not sick by not eating much grain or sugar now, so I think that the large quality of coffee I was drinking to make it through all of the sleepless nights (that was causing some sleepless nights) required a larger amount of grains and sugar to deal.

Even at 2,000 calories or less per day, I couldn't loose weight when I was eating lots of dairy. How incredible. I would not have thought it mattered as much what I ate as long as I didn't eat too much.

Cedar Oil for Lawn Treatment

2013-11-12T12:29:00.002-05:00

We had been held hostage in our house and away from the yard this whole summer. The mosquitoes were horrendous. They were relentless. And, no matter what Sean did, they left painful quarter-sized welts all over his body. Apparently, these were African tiger mosquitoes, or something like that. We tried to make mosquito traps using carbon dioxide to lure them in, but those failed to catch much of anything. We then bought two insect lamps with mosquito-attracting pheromones, and those seem to work well. But, they have a limit to how affective they are.

It was killer, because we couldn't just lay in the yard on a blanket with the baby. Oh, she would have loved it. Sean and I both grew up in the middle of nowhere and made the forest our home. I remember the countless days where I would curl up in our yard on a blanket while dozing off and watching the clouds float by. We have a bigger yard and more green space that we would have ever thought living in this city. But, because we were not willing to spray chemicals on the lawn, we couldn't use it. My mom mentioned to me that everyone in Ohio uses Chemlawn. I didn't realize until just a few weeks ago that our lawn growing up was treated with chemicals. Of course, it makes sense now. There were never any bugs. Just fireflies.

During our visit to Texas, we saw a sign for Cedarcide, an organic lawn treatment. Sean looked it up, and it was for sure not just another chemical treatment masquerading as something natural. It was a cedar oil mixture.

When I saw a brown recluse near the side of the house, I knew that we needed to do something. Baby girl could have so easily come into contact with it while romping around the yard. I was ready to just have them come spray the lawn. For most people, that's okay. We played in sprayed yards growing up, and we ended up fine. Lots of people do. But, for us crazy people who spend a good deal of time, money, and energy trying so hard to minimize the chemicals in their lives, this seemed like a huge deal. It was a question. Do you want chemicals or do you not want chemicals? It was maddening. Of course we don't want chemicals. We wanted to use the yard!

Sean reminded me about Cedarcide, and after milling over the price, we eventually made the leap. Someone mentioned that having a company come out to spray the yard would be much more expensive. It was about $80 for one small bottle. I had been worried we had just paid $80 for two small treatments and that we would need a new bottle before we got rid of the bugs, but that was not the case. It contains eight treatments, but the instructions say to use 8 oz for the first treatment. My mom sprayed the yard and commented that she had enough in the bottle to soak the yard three times.

I was really happy with it. We had a bonfire for her birthday and there weren't any bugs.

Toddler Art Class

2013-11-09T21:56:00.000-05:00

We've been hitting up this toddler art class from time to time. Though creating art on paper isn't something Lily is able to really grasp at a year, the whole activity is very engaging. There is a central activity, such chalk dipped in tempura paint or dipping cars into paint and driving them on paper (I know, cool, right?). Additionally, the kids can use crayons, markers, or colored pencils at another station. At a third area, there are toys and books to play with, as well as comfy chairs for parents to sit in. And, there is coffee to boot. It is definitely an activity with forethought.

The first time Lily interacted with a medium on paper to make art!

First Birthday

2013-11-08T15:12:00.001-05:00

Starting to decorate

decorating cupcakes

daddy and birthday girl selfie

teething baby

first bonfire awake

fairy beanie

hanging on the porth with my mom and dad

walking with Sean's mom

tex mex night

National Arboretum

Long-Term Side-Lying Night Nursing

2013-10-21T14:01:00.000-04:00

I belong to a very distraught and tired segment of the nursing mother population: the long-term, side-lying, night nursing group. Code word: Human Pacifier. Let me tell you a little bit about how we got here. In learning about breastfeeding, one of the common things told to new moms is to not give babies a pacifier. That a baby who gets attached to a pacifier might suck on it instead of nursing, which could lead to many issues, including a decreased milk supply. Very determined to get an 'A' in Breastfeeding 101, we didn't really offer the pacifer to Lily save the car or when I returned to work at 5 weeks. Who knows, with her personality, she probably wouldn't have ever taken it anyway, but of course on the worst days I'm going to sit here and go, "Why the bleep did I think that was a good idea?!" Because, mixed with cosleeping and nursing on demand, I am now the pacifier.

snuggling with mama!

Sometimes, it's sweet and wonderful. I love to cuddle with her. I love to snuggle and stroke her head. She is now putting her little leg up on top of mine.

But, there are a few other problems with this long-term, side-lying, night nursing. I am laying in the bed with her for hours. I can't move. I have a hard time getting comfortable. For months, I had debilitating hip pain, because once her legs got too long, I couldn't curl up comfortably next to her. Sure, everyone says to use the pillows to support you, but that only goes so far. Here are some things that I've been working on:

I sometimes switch sides in the middle of the night or work on the top boob to give my hip some variety.
I try to get my bottom hip out from under my top hip. If my back is leaning out, which it easily does, I need to get that bottom hip away from the baby, so that I am leaning in a little. So I am laying more on the front of my hip than my side. It's hard and I feel like I'm constantly trying to wiggle it out. And, I loose the position while sleeping, so it still hurts a little bit, though not nearly as much as it did before.
I tried for awhile to wait until the baby fell asleep and unlatch, but my rolling around would wake her up and she would need another boob and we'd be right back where we were and I'd just go to sleep. Sometimes, I am successful.
sleeping with her legs on top of mine
We transitioned her to a toddler bed on the floor at 11 months thinking that the rolling around was waking her up, but we found that it's just HER waking up wanting a boob. Grrr.
Trying to feed her more during the day, and this girl eats like a champ, so that's not the problem. Still trying to get her to eat more.
Dr. Sears says for the long term side lying night nursers that we should seek out other people who are doing what we are doing, because most people don't understand and will likely say to just wean, stop cosleeping, let her cry or something.

Now, she likes to put her feet on me to snuggle and thati's causing a lot of back pain! I can't win. But, she's so comfortable. If I give her the other leg, her leg is up too high to be comfortable, but she will sleep with her leg up there anyway! Crazy baby. I don't think we're ever going to be able to night wean.

Old Maryland Farm

2013-10-13T21:17:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, we were far from home and had to stop and hop in the car because Lily needed a nap. We passed around the idea of heading somewhere cool. Anywhere. The cool, autumn air was delicious. Maybe we should frollick around Old Town Alexandria and look at the ducks in the rain. Maybe we should head to Annapolis or Baltimore. We finally decided to head to the Old Maryland Farm at Watkins Regional Park.

What a trip. I half expected the farm to be closed, us to have needed a reservation, or something else that really restricted us from getting up close to some animals. What we found were lots of animals that we could get up close and personal with. There were rabbits, chickens, peacocks, ducks, geese, llamas, sheep, goats, BABY goats, cows, a pig, horses, and a donkey. She got to pet a bunny!

There is a good sized playground at this park. And, during the summer, there is a carousel and a good sized trained ride. Definitely some place of which we're going to make a whole day. And, in thinking about a homeschooling future, it is most certainly a place to keep in the haystack. Get it. Haystack. Hahahaha.

Bad Sleep and Normal Schedule

2013-10-10T09:50:00.000-04:00

So, we've been getting really bad sleep for weeks. I mean, there was the two weeks I was on nights, a week in Texas, and then it took three weeks after that for everything to be sorta right. There was a developmental phase and teething. Sure enough, she was either awake for two hours in the middle of the night or thrashing around.

It is a funny realization when after 5 months of wishing baby girl would wake up after 7:00am, then she finally starts waking up at 7:00am (after being awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night), and all I want is for her to go back to waking up at 5:30am again. I built my routine around her going to bed around 8:00pm and waking up at 5:30am. I might get to snooze by myself for 15 minutes. We play, we eat, we take a walk. We try to drink coffee. When she takes a long nap, I get to get ready for work and poke around on the computer. With her waking up at 7:00am, I lost my getting ready for work time, cooking time, showering time, and we lost our morning walk.

I knew the 7:00am wake up couldn't last. I suppose I don't care what kind of crazy sleep schedule she has, just as long as it's some kind of consistent. That way, we can build our schedules around her crazy.

This morning, she woke up at 5:30am, and it was the most wonderful thing. And, I will deny that I ever said that.

More Birthday Preps

2013-10-06T11:20:00.001-04:00

We are three weeks away from Lily's birthday, and this four months of planning really paid off. There was about three months where we were too busy walking the baby to work on anything. Now, after a big push this week, we're almost finished! We just need to make a tree trunk, buy some straws, buy some cupcake papers, and put this whole thing together. I even tested a cupcake recipe that was a hit with Daddy!

For the cupcake toppers, I loved these owl ones, but in trying to keep it under $100, I wasn't going to spend $40+ on just those. I also wanted to keep with the (free) owl theme I found on How to Nest for Less, but those were round and I really liked the squares with the layered-looking border. I was going to print white squares and layer them on scrapbooking paper, but I realized I didn't have enough of one color without going to the store. And, I realized I wanted the back to say something different like the Pintrest/Etsy fancy ones. So, I used Photoshop to create a layered border.

cupcake toppers

I wanted to put these owl faces on glasses, but we were having trouble locating the right kind of glasses without buying a new set. When we were looking through ideas again, my mom and I came back to this picture of an owl-themed party, and mentioned that we have a ton of mason jars in the shed. So, she did the mason jars up with the foam we had laying around:

owl glasses

I loved the idea of owl magnets as a party favor after I saw these. But, again, I didn't want to spend $1 per magnet and wind up dropping $40+ on favors. So, I purchased magnet paper off of Amazon for $9 and printed us up some 36 magnets.

birthday magnet party favors

I liked the theme here, but we really didn't have much we could do with it. So, I took the owl from the window and made it out of foam for our window:

owl for the window

We picked up a couple of silicone cupcake pans. I was thinking about just buying cupcakes, but these gourmet cupcakes run about $3/cake here. And, we need some gluten free ones anyway. So, I picked up a couple of silicone cupcake pans for $25 total on Amazon. Including the flour ($18ish), we've only spent $40 on cupcakes so far. Just need to buy some cupcake papers and little butter for the frosting.

11 Months Today

2013-09-26T18:01:00.000-04:00

Lily is 11 months old today. I cannot believe that the next time I'll write about how old she is, she will be a year old. No way. She took her first steps a couple of days ago. Today, she danced to music on her own for the first time. I couldn't believe it when the music played and she started tapping her foot and wiggling her butt. A few days ago, she also figured out that the thumping above her head was Mommy or Daddy getting home. That was a day I dreaded, because I cherish the five minutes I would get to put the milk away, change, and use the bathroom. This month, she has figured out how to walk up and down the stairs (with assistance). She also started to cruise the furniture a few days ago without assistance. She traveled on a plane for the first time, and had her first little bit of fresh-squeezed orange juice. We bought her a first pair of shoes, which she has already run into the ground, and she's gotten to play on the play ground. She's beginning to understand what we're saying. She is in love with a few Sprout TV personalities, including Chicka, Elmo, Paddy, and Spartacus. Her favorite foods right now are apples, bananas, pancakes, and sweet potatoes.

I Love-Hate Our Local Organic Market

2013-09-25T16:43:00.002-04:00

I have been ruined by Whole Foods. I really wish that I was one of those people that preferred to shop at a small, local grocer. But, I'm not. I love that there are many different kinds of organic choices at Whole Foods. Don't like these pickles? Well, here are some other pickles. Don't like this cut of meat? Well, here are 17 other cuts of meat you might like, half of them grass-fed, of course. Anything you fancy, you can buy a healthier version of it at Whole Foods. Yet, even when we're eating very basic foods, we struggle to find the healthiest foods at this local organic market. We still have to travel to Whole Foods to buy a bunch of stuff anyway.

When we moved into this house, a Whole Foods was supposed to be going in down the street. That is, until one of the local municipalities decided to unnecessarily stall the process. Good news yesterday that there was a ruling in the most recent set back.

Why our local organic market drives me nuts:

The meat section smells a little rotten. We've bought meat there that has gone bad within 12 hours before. They don't carry whole chickens or organ meat, so we can't buy the healthiest foods there. The meat selection is very poor.
They only have one organic "no sulfite added" white wine, and it's one I don't like. They don't carry chardonnay, and the pinot grigio they do have is green or pale yellow. They have one bottle of golden yellow pinot grigio, which is one of the only bottles of wine in the place that doesn't make me sick.
They were out of diapers sizes 3-5 for more than a month. That's basically a year range of diaper-aged kids for which they didn't have diapers.
I didn't even know they carried diapers for four months, because they were behind a pillar in between the bottled water and paper products.
They don't have any grass fed filets. Most of their grass fed meat is from Australia, which has most likely been frozen. I don't like my food to have been frozen. And, I wan to eat local cows, preferably, but I'd even settle for cows that didn't have to cross an ocean.
ALL of their baked goods are vegan (save the breads). As in, soy products are used and they are milk/butter/dairy free. I don't eat vegan stuff. I want real food! I want cupcakes, cakes, and cookies made with real butter and real milk.
They don't stock up on the popular items. If you're not in there on delivery day, you're not getting it for two weeks to a month.
They didn't have organic blueberries, so I was going to just suck up and buy the conventional. But, there was a sign in front of the blueberries stating why you should only by organic blueberries. There weren't signs in front of the other fruits. Just the blueberries telling you that conventional blueberries had 50 different chemicals on them. Yet, the store didn't have any organic blueberries nor did it appear there was an empty space for any on the shelf.
They stopped giving a military discount. Let me tell you, 10% off of a bagillion is a lot of money. Like a trillion dollars we were saving.
People say Whole Foods is more expensive, but that's not true. It's more expensive to shop at this organic market. You have to do the math when it comes to how much you're getting for what you pay. Sure, the organic meat costs the same, but I'm getting 1.3 lbs at Whole Foods for the same price.
This is where I bought that horrible face wash that had parabens in it. I complained to the manager, but it's still on the shelf!!!!
They routinely put out avocados and sometimes bananas that take more than a week to ripen. I mean, if I wanted to wait until next week to eat my banana, I will buy it next week.
I saw an employee take lettuce out of a retail plastic container and fill the bulk salad container. If you're selling me bulk salad, I expect that you didn't get it out of a box. Some folks stay away from the pre-washed boxes and bags of salad because of bacteria. It isn't clear that salad is not washed and prepared at the store.

Why I love our local organic market

The staff is awesome.
It's hardly ever packed.
They have raw cheese.
They have low-temp pasteurized, grass-fed, organic milk in glass containers.
They give credit when you bring back the glass milk containers.
They have grass-fed ice cream!
They have hot, organic coffee.
They carry Bandit wine, which I like a lot! And my favorite champagne, though that now makes me sick.
They have these awesome gluten-free frozen pizzas.
They have many items from local farms.
They sell organic broccoli heads; at WF I usually have to buy the whole stalk and it's by the pound.
They carry organic peanut butter cups.
Thank goodness they carry beer and wine. The Giant down the street doesn't have it!
The manager responded to my crazy email with some feedback. And, they still haven't chased me out of the store, which I have been waiting for.
They remind me to bring my reusable bags, which I rarely remember to do. I need to remember to do that. Note to self.

Natural Cure for Ringworm

2013-09-24T12:38:00.001-04:00

The ring on my hand
looked something like this

I thought it was washing my hands more and more that caused the skin to crack and peel. Then, I noticed it. This red ring on the bottom of my hand. I knew instantly that I had somehow gotten ringworm. I'm itching all over just writing about this! But, where could I have gotten it from? And I wash my hands like crazy. This dry skin had been going on for weeks. I hadn't been around pets before I got it. People usually get it from pets. Did I get it from a play date? Maybe I got it at the gym the one time I was able to go. The spots it developed in looked similar to where I would hold the elliptical. Note to self: wipe down the elliptical before I use it, not just after. Ugh. That is, if I get to go to the gym again this year. Lily's nap time on a 2-nap schedule is right when I need to leave to hit the gym before work.

Not a parasite or worm, as the name suggests, ringworm is a fungus that is very contagious. I kept my hand wrapped for while until I got it under control, threw every once-or-more-used towel in the house in the washer, washed the bed sheets, vacuumed, and mopped the floor. It's characterized by itchy, flaking skin and eventually looks like a red ring. It looked like it was cutting a hole in my skin.

Tapering off after 2 days of treatment

The infection is gone, but my skin is still healing now. I had immediately googled natural rememdies for ring worm, and I came up with this site that gave great ideas.

I tried:

apple cider vinegar
apple cider vinegar/salt compress
tea tree oil

I also bought some garlic, but I didn't need it. I started out with the vinegar/salt compress 2 times daily and swabbed tea tree oil several times a day. That was working okay, but I felt like I was still battling the fungus. Eventually, I switched to straight apple cider vinegar. I dipped cotton balls in the vinegar and secured them to the infection with bandaids for anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes one to two times per day. That worked like a charm. BAM. Take a dose of ACV you fungus!

Working on Her First Steps

2013-09-23T21:16:00.001-04:00

So, I haven't blogged much recently, because Lily has become more dependent upon us for the past three months. This has been a whine, and for the sake that this walking is supposed to be a positive experience, I've just kept my mouth shut. It has a happy ending, so I can write about it now. For about the past 2.5 months, I've been in denial that this is reality, but the last two weeks have just been marked with acceptance. This acceptance comes on the end of a wonder week developmental period. So, Lily is awake for approximately 10 hours per day. On most days, for those 10 hours, she wants to walk all over the place. This baby LOVES to walk. And, that walking, because she can't do it on her own, has required us to be hunched over with this cute baby having a ninja grip on one or two of our fingers. Our backs hurt. If we tried to use our knees on the wood floor, our knees hurt. This has been going on for three months. Ten hours a day for three months. My mom would take on six hours of the walking while I would take on four. In my defense, I also have a fulltime job. Daddy jumps in when he can.

I negotiate with her sometimes. "Can Mommy just take a gulp of coffee while it's still warm before you drag me to the otherside of the room again? Just one? Please, stay here. No, I just wanna-- Okay, you can have my other hand. No, I just wanna get this mug. Can we stay here for a minute? Oh, all right. I hope we come back to this mug soon before the coffee goes too bad to drink (again)."

This was supposedly the leap of sequences in which she can begin to understand and manage the flow of events and relationships over time. The example that the Wonder Weeks app gives is putting the spoon into a bowl, scooping food, and putting that spoon with the food into her mouth. We've recently seen this manifest in her excitement when we eat with silverware in front of her and her increasing desire to use that silverware.

But, we were hoping it would develop the walking. You know, moving it along. We waited. She could sit up a little better. We waited more. She could walk holding one hand pretty well. And we waited. That was about it for a week or so. Then, over the weekend, she started to cruise,which is where babies move along piece of furniture or other object. She had been so reluctant to do this before that this was a miracle. Today, I set bath toys along the tub and she moved back and forth on her own to knock them in the tub.

This is a snapshot of Lily learning to walk (what we could take pictures of!):

I was just starting to standy-uppy-pick-up-toy-while-held around July 4th!

Standing in crib early August

Local mom passed along her walker toy. A hit!

No, no. That's MY walker toy!

Bought me shoes, so I can now walk at the airport!

Walking at Grandma's in Texas!

Walking at my Aunt and Uncles in Texas!

Aunt Laura got me a walker for Texas, because I love to walk so much!

Walking while waiting for Tex-Mex food in Texas!

We walked in the Metro!

I decided to make the mile trek to the park via walking and the stroller and baby carrier. Lily can't always make it a mile and back. But, she loves the park. Today, she held onto a red seat thing and she wanted to walk to the blue seat thing. She made like she was gonna do it herself, but didn't. I eventually offered my hand to help her walk over, because I was worried she'd let go and crack her head on something. She was holding the blue seat and I had stepped a bit away to take a picture. She took one look at me and took THREE unassisted steps towards me. SHE TOOK HER FIRST STEPS TODAY!!! She is still mostly walking assisted with fingers, but she is getting more confident in her ability to get around.

And then there is today...

Right after Lily took her first steps to Mommy.

Breaking News and the TV Mom

2013-09-18T15:09:00.003-04:00

We were on our way to a baby activity Monday morning when I heard about the shooting at the Navy Yard on the radio. I immediately knew what this meant:

This would be a soul-breaking day too close to home.
I would be walking into wall-to-wall (no commercials) breaking news for hours and hours.
My bones would hurt when we're done.
I would not be able to get to work my normal route. It goes right by the Navy Yard.
Traffic would be crazy. I would need to leave early.
We would be fed something greasy and yummy.
I wouldn't be able to pump much.
My boss would like to call me in early, but would not actually call, because it's difficult for Lily to be away from me for so long as it is.
I had forgotten that there would be no time to get snacks. Damn it. Tragic breaking news demands snacks. Must feed soul sugar.

I decided we would go to the activity anyway and just stay for 30 minutes. The staff apologized, because the performer would be a little late "due to, you know, the metro situation." I clarified, "The shooting?" There was only one other child running around on cushions very far from us. I suppose I'm a realist. It is what it is. Not trying to shelter anyone from the reality of the world. "Uh, yeah." She nodded. But, kids should be free to be kids and hot have to worry about adult problems, right? I suppose that's what you get when your mom works in the news business. I am starting to think that there can be a little too much real in reality.

Quickly slipping into "breaking news" mom, I noticed that I kept trying to pull Lily back to our table so that I could message people. We only had a short time together, and I needed to put down my phone and enjoy this activity with her. So, we danced, sang, listened to stories, and walked around. Lily loved meeting new people, seeing babies and toddlers of all different developmental stages.

To change her diaper, we walked into the main room of the cafe, which was separated by swinging double doors, and the TV's were blaring the news. The staff was watching some network. Whatever it was, it wasn't my station. I couldn't hide from the reality of what we do. My adrenaline started to rise and I could feel my body move into breaking news mode. Walking back into the activity, it was a little kid bubble that was sheltered from the reality of what was happening outside. This was a happy place. I wished we could stay and that what was happening wasn't happening. But, I purposely parked in a 30 minute parking spot to make sure that we only stayed a little while.

I packed the baby up, to go coffee in hand, and we headed for home. Enough time to nurse the baby, throw everything in the car and go. The route that I normally take to work was shut down. Helicopters were landing on the bridge from DC to VA. So, I had to wind a bit through the city. There is no being late on a day like today. My mom had asked if I would be home late. This not being my first rodeo, I said nope, it will have winded down by quitting time.

I had heard in the car on the way to the activity that two people were presumed dead. At the activity, I heard that four people were possibly dead. At home, my mom said my station said three people were dead, but shortly after that, they were saying four. These rising numbers and the delay in dissemination information in such a short period of time was telling. This thing was far from over. It was going to be a long day for everyone.

The shooting happened at 8:20am, and it was 11:10am when I walked into the News Transmission Control Room. I deal with live shots via microwave, satellite, and fiber. On days like this, lots of them. We also work with LiveU, which is a multi-cell network transmitter that lets us get live from places we would have never gotten live from otherwise. A busy day for one operator is typically three or more live shots. At this point, there were six live shots with various reporters, interviews, and press conferences. Three were LiveU (Navy Yard, Medstar Hosital, and Washington Hospital Center). Two reporters were live near the Navy Yard via microwave. One was live via satellite a little farther away from the Navy Yard. Eventually, we would have set up seven microwave live shots (all in the direction of the Navy Yard), two LiveU's, and a satellite shot for the 5pm news. We usually pay for satellite time in 5-15 minute increments, which we have to call to book, but that shot was transmitting longer than my entire 8 hour shift. It feels like one of those days where someone called and said just give us the window until further notice.

I wonder what Lily will think about my job in TV as she grows up. After all, she grew from a little seed into a baby bean during a presidential election year. I think a TV station is a pretty cool place to tour. It's fast, exciting, and mysterious to the outside. Like police officers and firefighters, we're the kind of people who don't evacuate. We don't run from crazy shit--we run towards it. We ride towards the storm, instead of away from it. What's that, a hurricane? Let's get a hotel room to make sure that we're able to get on the air! Every cell phone is now a potential live camera. We're here no matter what, holiday, hurricanes, shootings, bombings, fire alarms, presidential inaugurations, marches on Washington, and all.

But on that crazy night, I drove by the Navy Yard on the way home. I started to get excited about how I would get home to Lily more quickly today, since everyone stayed away. Then, I realized the great traffic was due to the fact that 12 people were shot dead while they were doing what we do every day. Just working. My heart will be forever with them as I pass by.

Night Shift Ends

2013-09-06T15:32:00.000-04:00

Here's the good from today:

I got to sleep a little longer than Lily, because my mom took the baby when we woke up.
Sean passed a certification exam than he's been stressing about.
Sean got home at around 11am, had nothing to do, so we got to make out in the living room for a few minutes.
Sean got to play with Lily lots and lots.
Lily and Daddy went on a walk.
My mom and I started packing for the Texas trip, minimizing how much I freak out tomorrow.
There were three adults to one baby, so no one felt like they were exhausted.
Daddy got to take a nap.
Lily took a 2nd nap before I left, so we used less milk. This was unexpected, because she woke up so late in the day.
The 2nd traffic back up dissipated before I hit it.
I got to work 5 minutes early.
I have left over Indian food in the fridge for dinner.

And, the bad from today:

Lily was awake from 3am to 4:30am, even though I got into bed at 12:30am.
The baby treated my boob like she was a gymnast at Cirque du Soleil this morning. She was flipping and flopping all over the place with the boob in her mouth.
Checked traffic during her 2nd nap, which was horrendous. Even the back way to work was jacked. I had to leave ASAP, which should have been easy. Not today! A 20 minute process turned into an upside down 45 minute process.
I couldn't slip away from sleeping baby during her 2nd nap, because she was intent on using me as a pacifier.
I almost slipped away the 5th time, but I was wearing a sweater that wound up under the sleeping baby.
From me trying too many times to slip away, Lily woke up. This usually means a fussy day with Grandma and/or more milk.
I was freaking out when I left, because of the blown nap and the bad traffic, so my last few minutes with Lily weren't good. That means I'm super gonna miss her all day.
Now stressed and rushing, I microwaved some pizza, instead of using the oven to warm it up.
There was no time to stop and get snacks at the store. I don't have a snack. Boohoo.
I wanna go home.

My Advice for Fussy Baby Car Trips

2013-09-05T20:06:00.003-04:00

1. Travel during naps. There was a period where we couldn't get her to sleep in the car, but that is because she wasn't tired enough and we had to drop a nap. Now, she is awake for 3 to 4 hour at a time, and if we need to go somewhere and its nap time, we throw everything in the car and go. But, this was a lot easier with the infant car seat and snap 'n go than it is with the convertible car seat.

2. Blast the air. Lily gets really hot, and it's not always obvious how warm it is in the back. So, if you have a warm baby, too. Try blasting the air. And, we also sort of dress her down so that she's not sweating in the car seat.

3. White noise. We turn on the static on the radio and turn it up when it's nap time and she's having trouble falling asleep. We also have a white noise track (Baby Got Colic) on the amazon mp3 player. We use the colic track when we're transferring her from the car to the snap n go or to the house. But, she's been sleeping so well lately that we haven't had to.

4. Take the route with the least stop lights. If I want her to nap, I take the route that has the most movement and the least stop lights. The stop lights are killer! Actually, it's not just when I want her to nap, it's all the time!

5. Travel in pairs, one person sitting in back. If possible, Sean and I travel together. I sit in the back. This to sing to her, play with her, feed her distract her, etc. Even though Kelly Mom doesn't condone this, I boob her in the car if nothing else works.

6. Sing to her. We've gotten though so many car rides by singing our hearts out. Sean's aunt recorded me singing on her smartphone and played it back for Lily, which put her to sleep the other day. Very cool. We need to try that.

7. Teether toys. In the beginning, we could hand her a teether toy and be good for a little bit. But now, she's not really interested in teether toys.

8. Food. We find a favorite food that she can hold onto, and when she starts freaking out (i.e. as soon as she's in the car seat), we hand it to her. This has been bacon, turkey jerky, and apple slices lately. This doesn't always work. But, if she's sleepy and I hand her something to suck on, she'll pass out more easily. Some parents are worried about choking, but Lily is fine. If she's having trouble, I will pull over and get in the back seat. But, this has really allowed us to get around a lot easier, and especially with me and her by ourselves.

9. Other toys. I would bring a bunch of things in the diaper bag and just hand her different things as she dropped them or got fussy. This worked for a few car trips.

10. Toys that are not toys. Lately, she isn't putting everything in her mouth. So when I'm alone, I hand her lots of different things (a new thing every time she starts to cry), which gives me a few minutes. My floss, library card, mail, keys, etc. This is when we're kinda at the end of our rope, and she's done. Sometimes, she's kinda covered in a pile of stuff, but it gets us home! LOL.

11. Pull the shade back so she can see out. And, I use the mirror to see the sun in her face, so that I can pull the shade back. I sometimes have to toss a blanket over the carrier if the sun is really horrible.

12. Check the diaper. Lily is one of those babies who cannot stand a wet diaper. So, I check/change her before a car ride.

13. Stop the car. If she won't stop crying/melting down or go to sleep, I will stop the car to check her diaper and nurse her.

14. Roll the windows down. Lily loves the fan in the nursery, and she fell asleep three times on Friday because I rolled the windows down a little.

Her Work is Important, Too

2013-09-03T21:47:00.000-04:00

I have spent many days putting aside what Lily wants to do, because I have to get to work. Because I'm an adult and she's a baby, so me getting ready for work generally takes precedence. I have to take a shower, get dressed, put on makeup, make lunches and dinners for several days, pack my lunch, pack my pump bag, cook food for Lily for a few days, do the dishes, pick up the house, and whatever else needs to be done.

But, one day I realized that she's got major work to do, too. She has to learn how to walk and get around, how to process, express, and understand her emotions, how to eat, how to communicate, and other very important things. I could fill every moment in the morning with "getting ready for work". So, it's very important to set as much time aside as possible for Lily to do the work that she needs to do.

Favorite Baby Smartphone Apps

2013-09-03T19:53:00.000-04:00

We originally wanted to keep Lily away from all television and electronics, but that's futile. First of all, she really doesn't like the TV to be on. And, she wants to play with my phone quite a bit. Mostly, it's a chew toy. But, we decided to let her play with it after realizing that she can't get away from technology and maybe she could become really good at technology and do something amazing with it. This guy had some good thoughts about technology and little ones that I agree with, though I also agree with the nervousness of his wife and mom. I agree that boundaries and moderation are key. So, a couple of times a week for a few minutes, we let her try to play a game on my smart phone. We're depending on them to be our ace in the hole when we fly to Texas soon. It has been really cool to watch her press the screen intentionally to get a result.

There is also this whole natural perspective of trying to minimize the electronics in our lives. Some folks do so much as to move very far away from civilization to remove themselves from electromagnetic radiation. Sean and I are both technology addicts, so this is one crunchy place we fall short. On the other side of it, we're encouraging her intellectual development, because tablets, phones, and computers are a major learning vehicle right now.

Here are some of our favorite baby game apps:

Baby Piano: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.dokdoapps.mybabypiano
Baby Fireworks: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.dokdoapps.mybabyfirework

Baby Paint: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.kidokoinside.kidokobabypaintfree

Baby Drum: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.dokdoapps.mybabydrum

Baby Phone: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=au.com.penguinapps.android.babyphone

PSA: You Might Want to Stop Using Conventional Maxi Pads

2013-08-31T20:29:00.001-04:00

All right, guys. You might want to just close this window now. I have something important to share with the ladies. STOP USING YOUR CONVENTIONAL MAXI PADS. They might be messing up your reproductive hormones.

My periods have become more and more like a gruesome murder scene over the years. I thought it was because my body wanted me to have a baby. After the baby, they were okay for one month, and then they got so much worse. I read that bleeding 2-5 tablespoons in that week was in the range of normal for most women. Normal for me was something like 5 quarts. I don't really know how I'm still alive, but they say some women just bleed alot.

Yesterday, I posted this on one of the crunchy mommy forums:

My periods have always been super heavy, but now that I've had a baby, they are worse. It's not cysts or anything like that. I don't have pain, not even really much cramping. But, it's so heavy for a couple of days that it wakes me up in the middle of the night and I have to jump out of bed to prevent it from getting everywhere. Sometimes, I wake up the baby, because my boob was in her mouth.

Do you have any tips for herbs or other ways to reduce menstrual flow?

The responses that I got back included:

Do you use mama clotth or disposable pads,or tampons? I have read that even switching to a greener brand of disposable pads can help reduce flow and cramping for those that get cramps. Cloth is supposed to make a greater difference though. -Anna2007

And:

Mine was completely like that until I got off all commercial products. I use Mama cloth for night time and sea sponges during the day (hadn't found a cup that fit me well). Suddenly my period was down to just one day of heavy bleeding with cramping and pain then 4-5 days of moderate to light flow. Then I added liquid calcium/magnesium/D3 (BlueBonnet brand) to my nightly routine, and boy was I surprised. About half the time (as long as I'm faithful), I get slight cramps about 2 hours before I start, and my heavy day is now a day that I would have called moderate before. Then it's just 2-3 days of light bleeding (even turning brown by the 3rd day) and a day of spotting. -Sharims

And:

Yes, I found the same info from pps when I was looking before. Low on those minerals and vitamins, and changing to cloth pads. Also found some great info in the book making babies, believe it or not. Another thing that helped me even out (from the book, actually, as I was ttc) was drinking loose leaf green tea. Made such a difference! -oceanmel

Yes. This is it. It's the conventional pads. I would have never figured it out. I was researching herbs for decreasing flow. But, it's the MFing pads. I have been using the Always super in a box forever. I use the natural pads when my flow slows. And, I thought it was really odd that it was heavy for 5 days now, instead of the 2 or 3 before I gave birth. Since it's going to be heavy, I put the Always pads on when I first start bleeding. This is actually causing my bleeding and cramping to increase!! Can you believe that? My period started yesterday, and it was really light. I got excited. Put an Always pad on and BAM. Murder scene. I was drinking lots of water for two days, trying to balance my hormones, which actually sorta worked to decrease the bleeding. In previous months, I thought the excess water was decreasing my milk supply, so I wasn't drinking that much.

After I read that feedback today, I pulled out one of the natural pads (you can find them at Whole Foods, another organic market, or online) and put it on even though I was bleeding like a water hose. THE BLEEDING IMMEDIATELY SLOWED ALMOST TO A STOP. My cramps stopped. My area down there stopped aching like someone punched it. I feel great. I even went to dinner on day 2 of my period and sat somewhere for 2 hours at dinner, didn't use the bathroom, and I hardly bled at all! I associated all of this with being late in the week. I would have never thought it was the pads.

And, I bled for 3.5 months after birth. My midwife said it was hormonal. I thought the stress in my life had jacked up my hormones. But, it was those damn pads. Ugh.

mama cloth

I was reading on how hormones play a role in how heavy your period is, and I'm thinking that something in those conventional pads blocks your hormones from telling your body to stop bleeding. Sean and I were talking about it today, and we think that it might not have been intentional on the part of the conventional pad companies, but once they figured that out, they decided to keep it going because they could sell more pads.

I am going to look into mama cloth, which is reusable pads.

How are You Supposed to Run Errands with a Baby?

2013-08-30T22:27:00.001-04:00

Just woke up from a nap outside the DMV
in line sitting in a folding chair

I don't understand how people with kids are supposed to do these inane and time consuming errands. I don't know how all of you moms and dads out there do it. This is ridiculous! There's eating, nap time, boredom, and diaper changing to contend with.

Sean is working his butt off, and I'm not able to take off work to deal with this stuff. I talked to my boss about what she did when she was a single parent. Did her parents watch her little one while she ran errands? Nope, like me, she trekked around town doing this stuff with her baby girl. I thought I hated waiting in a government line when I was single. Pssh. Try doing it with a squirmy, fussy, breastfeeding baby!

When we moved into the house in Maryland, I had to go change my tags, registration, and license. That was a two-day process. I took Lily with me, because it could take three hours a pop, and I could not easily pump the amount of milk we would have used during that time. I showed up the first day right when they opened--it was me and 50 other people. I thought I'd get a number and sit down in a chair to wait for your turn. You know, like you do in Virginia when I worked the night shift and no one was in front of me at the first counter. NOPE. You had to tell someone why you were there before you could get a number. I spent more than 30 minutes in line before we could sit down. I was freaking out holding a squirmy baby that just wanted to nurse. But, I had so much stuff with me, and we had to get in and get out so that I could make it to work, I couldn't just get out of line to do what we needed to do. When I had to change her diaper, I was afraid I wouldn't hear my number be called!

I had to go back the next day because I needed a 10th piece of paper that said I was a resident. Ugh. The second day, I got there 45 minutes before they opened, took a folding chair up to the door, and even napped Lily before the DMV opened. We were in and out as quickly as possible.

When I got the notice a few weeks later that I needed a separate emissions test (this after I had to drop my car off for two days to get a safety check), I about shit a brick. Come on! Why couldn't this have been required BEFORE registration? Like in Virginia and Ohio. Ugh. And, why is this a 50 step process?! Lily and I get in the car and head to the emissions test center a half of an hour before they opened. This place was a cluster to say the least. The gates to what looked like a parking lot were locked. The only place to line up was on the street, but cars were parked there. I was the first person there, but this van pulled up in front of me to "park". I was nursing Lily in the back seat, and when the gate opened, I had to put her back in the car seat and jump in the front, so that I didn't end up at the back of the line. I almost got into it with the guy in the van who tried to jump the line. When they did the test, I had to pull the car in and there wasn't an opportunity to really get Lily out of the car the entire time. And, there wasn't a waiting area. It was just mostly unfinished shop-ish in there. It was over in a few minutes, but what an experience getting to drive away. I had to stop on the side of the road and check her diaper, because there was nowhere to do that near the complex.

Putting air in the tires was a two-day process. I stopped to get gas, but the gas pump kept kicking off. Had to wait for the lady in front of me to move to her car (she was idling doing something, I don't know what) so that I could use the pump in front of me. This whole 10 minutes, no one was at the air pump. As soon as I'm finished getting gas, a car pulls in front of me and up to the air dispenser. DAMN IT. So, I decided to vacuum my car while waiting. NOPE. The only open vacuum was out of order. DAMN IT. I decided to leave and come back the next day, because I couldn't make this a 20-30 minute stop at Lily's bed time.

My tires were low on air, because I had screws in not one, but TWO tires that needed patched. I found several tire places near me. The next day, I pack Lily into the car at 7:00am to get to the tire place when it first opened so that we weren't there all day and I could actually make it to work. Oops. I looked up the hours for the wrong tire place, so the one I showed up at opened at 9:00am. No wonder why there were no cars in the parking lot! It had awesome Google reviews and I remember Sean had a tire patched there lickety-split a few months ago. I decided to head down the road with the fussy baby to the Just Tire place that was actually open at 7:30am. Turns out that they do EVERYTHING and tires, so the guy tells me that I need to leave my car for a day (to patch a tire) because I don't have an appointment. We head back down the road to the other place. We walked to Starbucks, watched the cars, and then came back to nurse in the car. When they finally opened at 9:00am, we'd been there for almost two hours. They were super fast. They patched both tires in 40 minutes. But, I was starting to blow her nap time, and we were getting an increasingly fussy baby. If she fell asleep on the way home, we'd be in trouble, because the convertible carseat doesn't come out of the car, and I had to go to work!

I was finally able to vacuum my car on my lunch break. I have been trying for a couple of weeks to find time to do that.

And now, I have a headlight out and the one lamp that does work is kinda pointed in the wrong direction. I'd never know, except I'm on the night shift for two weeks, so I'm driving in the dark every day. We have tried two times to stop at the auto parts store, but we keep running out of time in the morning. I have no idea how we're going to manage to get a new bulb. Hopefully, Sean can help me do that this weekend.

Thank goodness we can walk to Target. That's all I have to say.

Night Shift Begins

2013-08-28T18:05:00.002-04:00

So far this week, we've gone to a baby/toddler music time, library story time, and a baby/toddler pool play date. It hasn't been a bad week. This was the start of Monday and sums up our new routine:

5:30am - Baby wakes up. Daddy the trooper plays hard with her while Mommy sleeps. They had stations set up and just kept rotating around the house. They were so busy, neither of them remembered to eat breakfast!

6:30am - Mommy turns off alarm and accidentally falls back asleep.

6:40am - Lily and Daddy come to find sleeping Mommy so that Daddy can get ready for work. Mommy nurses Lily in the nursery glider. Lily falls back asleep! Whoa! They really played hard. Lily and Mommy curl up back in the bed and sleep longer.

7:30am - Lily wakes up, nurses, and we go to find breakfast! Lily doesn't want breakfast. Well, she eats a potato and lots of bacon. Hmmm.

9:20am - Mommy and Lily leave for baby-toddler music time. Lily loves walking around a new place (since Mommy brought socks). Lily hates the socks, because her feet were getting warm, but she likes to walk around. There were several steps all of the walkers like to walk up and down. There is often a traffic jam between toddlers, parents, and servers at the stairs.

10:30am - Lily is getting tired, but Mommy wants her to stay away as long as possible. If Grandma has to put her down for a 2nd or 3rd nap later AND put her to bed, she'll use way, way more milk than Mommy can pump in a day.

10:45am - Lily and Mommy go to the store to buy bananas and apples.

11:10am - Lily and Mommy go to the library to return our book about penguins and check out a book about goats.

11:20am - Lily and Mommy get back to the house. Lily has a blast walking all over the house. Lily plays "Pay Bills and Read Mail" and then pushed her walker around. Grandma brings Lily's pack-n-play upstairs.

11:50am - Lily naps!

12:20pm - Mommy absconds from sleeping baby to get ready for work, which includes packing pump, changing into work clothes, making lunches, and wandering around the house like a confused and lost mental patient.

1:20pm - Baby wakes up from nap. Mommy tries several times to nurse distracted baby. Walk around house with baby.

2:00pm - Mommy runs out of house like crazy person.

10 Months Today

2013-08-26T15:51:00.001-04:00

walked to Starbucks

Wow, this is exciting. The home stretch to the end of the first year. I heard someone saying the other day that they've been having more bad days than good lately. Oh, that's right. It's not about being happy or getting it all right all the time. It's not about balance. The only thing I can balance is Starbucks on my head. It's about having more good days than bad. But, sometimes, I don't know that it's actually a good day until I look back on it and it's over. And, a good day can totally include a freak out by Mommy or Daddy. I have started pausing to appreciate the good moments in the day and the small victories amongst the chaos.

Lily is closer to walking than crawling. Watching her learn to walk has been amazing. We have been kind of desperate to get her to crawl or move on her own. She hates trying to crawl, though the last few days have given us a couple of good scoots towards a toy. Even though everyone says we don't want her to be moving around on her own, we disagree because she so very much wants to move around. She doesn't sit up well, doesn't play on her own much anymore (this because she wants to be WALKING all over the place to play with everything). So, she drags us all over the place. She's sitting up better this week. However, if she sits herself down, she will still keep a tight hold on your finger so that you can't get away. I'd much rather be running after a hyper baby with a coffee in hand instead of hunched over a determined, curious, playful baby for hours glancing towards the other room where my coffee sits on some table yonder. All of the adults in this house agree.

She's happy, she's learning a broader spectrum of emotions. She clearly knows what she wants, but she struggles when she can't have it. It's hard to explain to a 10 month old baby why she can't walk around a restaurant when she has free reign at home. Or why she can walk down the stairs when grandma's watching her, but we don't want to go down the stairs when I'm watching her.

Just when you think you figured it out, that you're just struggling to find your own space in this crazy existence of Parenthood, something funny happens. I start to appreciate moments that used to drive me crazy. Last week was really hard for me. It was emotionally draining in a way that hurt my soul. The thing that got me through was curling up with my baby girl. It was the thing that healed my spirit. It was all I wanted to do. I knew it was a rough week for everyone, so for a few nights, I just brushed my teeth when I got home and fell asleep with this precious little girl.

Here's what happened this month:

play date

splash fountain

crunchy play date

visit from Texas

Elevation Burger

Port Discovery

play date

library storytime

first metro ride

first museum

splashing in water

retrying cloth diapers

now walking

loves beets!

Hanging in Old Town

elimination communication play date

Banana Coconut Flour Pancakes

2013-08-23T11:37:00.002-04:00

Well, Lily has been an egg champ in the mornings, but she's getting tired of the egg. I know this, because she'll eat a couple of bites of egg as if she's not hungry. But, if I give her a banana or something else, she'll devour it. Sean remembered this recipe for pancakes he used to make:

Wisk 2 eggs in a bowl.
Mash a banana in the egg.
Add a little coconut flour and baking soda.
Turn heat up above medium.
BAM! Banana-coconut pancakes, biatches.

Throw some Grade B organic maple syrup on that stuff, and it's the bomb. Grade B syrup is less refined, so it is supposed to have minerals in it. Grade A is basically sugar.

Happy Lily

Happy Daddy

About to Get Carjacked by the Night Shift

2013-08-22T09:37:00.001-04:00

Next week and the week after, I'll be moonlighting on a long night shift. Our routine is about to be carjacked, and the routine is the only thing (topped with food, booze, laughter, cuddles, and kisses) that keeps us sane. Seriously, it will almost be as if someone walks up to our routine with a gun, tells us to get out of the routine, steals our money and our car keys and takes off with it. This only to leave our routine burnt out on cinder blocks under an overpass in the bad part of town. I ain't even playing. You will hear about this on the news. Let me tell me tell you how abouts my birthday week is going to go (don't worry, I already learned and I am taking this week off next year):

The baby doesn't care that I won't get home until after midnight; she is still going to wake up at 5am. And, WTF am I going to do if she's up from 1:30am to 3:30am like she was last night? She's working on some big skills here!
My mom will spend 10+ hours taking care of the baby for these 10 days I'm on the night shift, which is about two hours longer than normal.
Between my mom and Sean, they will have to try to make the baby think that they have a boob for 4+ hours every night. Hahahahahahaha.
Because there is no boob at bedtime, they might have to use a lot more milk to get her to sleep. I'm pumping less, so that's a problem. They might use less, because she could just sleep and not look for a boob. We just don't know.
Oh, and to make up for being gone so long, I'm going to have to pump a 4th time. And, finding the time to pump is more difficult, because of the way the shows are stacked, and because I am by myself the whole evening. Who am I kidding? I can't pump 4 times on those shifts. Shit.
I will probably spend her naps during the day trying to sleep instead of bathing and getting ready for work. That means I will rely on my mom help to get ready for work. Lily doesn't mess around, and she's been dragging us all over the house as she's learning to walk. It's really cool, but really exhausting.
Crap. And, I'm still going to have to make lunches. Someone get me some coffee. Forget the cup, just IV the shit.
What in the bleep are we going to doing about this mammouth of a convertible car seat that we just bought? It lives in my car, we can't get it into my mom's car, and we do have to leave it here, so that they have it just in case they need to drive her around or bring her to me. I take the baby places, and I won't be able to stay home all day with a finger-jabber-walky, fussy baby. So, it's looking like we are going to have to keep pulling it out of my car each day. What a pain in the butt.
Daddy is going to have to take Lily in the mornings. He loves to start the morning off with a little Lily Bean in his routine, though I often let him sleep in. But next week, I am not getting out of bed until 6am.
I am going to spend a shit ton of money on comfort food to get me through.
I am going to loose my keys and other important things. When the routine is jacked up, we loose lots of stuff.
I will have zero alone time.
Once I get home, I have to be ready for bed. This because I will take a sweaty, sleeping Lily off of my Mom's chest, who will then be a squirmy-for-a-booby Lily, back to our bed room to nurse to sleep. There's no doing anything after work. It's home, change, boob, sleep.
She just started to sleep like a champ most nights (not last night, but she's working on big stuff). That all goes out the window when we totally change the routine.
I really have no idea when I'm gonna take a shower.
And, it's going to jack up our routine for the week after. It takes awhile to get our jacked routine back in line.

There are several positive aspects to working the night shift by myself:

I will get to maybe take Lily to some 11am events. What, you ask? I dunno...
I won't hit anyone when I roll across the feed room floor to tune a microwave shot and then immediately record said microwave shot.
I might see coworkers I generally never get to talk to.
It will be quiet at night. No one will be in the building.
That said, I will get to breathe for a stretch without the damn phone ringing off the hook.
Overtime makes happy check.
We're leaving for vacation the next week, so that would have jacked our routine up anyway. If there was a good time for my schedule to flip like this, this was it.

Pumping at 10 Months

2013-08-21T21:04:00.002-04:00

monitoring trial footage while pumping

I have an ebb and flow relationship with my pump. Sometimes, the milk flows. And then, sometimes the milk ebbs. Two months ago, I was pumping double what the baby was drinking during the day because of solid food. I thought we were smooth sailing into the end of the first year. Now, she's drinking much more than I am pumping, even though she's eating a lot of solid food. WTF? What happened?! This on top of pumping less because of leaving work early while she is drinking more because she is sick. We started to realize that we're starting to use the freezer stash to make up for the fact that I'm not pumping as much.

I realized that if this continues to be the trend, if she continues to eat more than I pump every day, then we might have to come up with a solution beyond breast milk. I suppose I was against cow's milk, because I don't really drink it myself, I thought parents were giving it instead of breast milk, and the recommendation by most doctors is to switch from breast milk to cows milk at one year. I didn't think we'd ever get to a point where I was pumping less than she was drinking on the daily again. I thought we'd get to a point where she wouldn't drink any milk during the day. That she would just eat solids. I certainly can't go back to pumping up a friggin storm. Forget that. I can't bring myself to pump at home. I talked to Sean about how maybe we'd just feed her this grass-fed, organic, low-temp pasteurized milk from the market when I could no longer keep up. That sounded like the plan.

After that discussion, Lily and I went to a Le Leche League meeting, the topic being the very appropriate "Nutrition and Weaning". I asked about what we're supposed to do if we get to that point where we're out of milk and she's drinking more than I'm pumping. The feedback I got was that if that happens before a year, the recommendation is formula. If that happens after a year, folks say I can switch to cow's milk. A couple of the moms pumped until 15 months. One of the leaders mentioned that it was expected that milk supplies ebb around 9 months, when babies start to get mobile and too busy to nurse. They then pick back up around 11 months when babies realize they left a boob or two behind and all of a sudden go f*#$!!

I suppose at this point, we're just waiting to see what happens. Maybe things change again in a month or two. Maybe we are fine until after the first year. Maybe I need to start pumping like a fiend again (I think I want to push past the recommended formula point).

The Crunchy on Cancer

2013-08-16T17:18:00.000-04:00

Avoiding cancer is one of the main motivations to be crunchy. Cancer pisses me off. I get all in a tizzy by the pushing of chemo-drugs as the only answer. I am furious that people with real answers about cancer are shut up by the medical community. It upsets me that there was this hype about what we call cancer might not even be cancer at all. You think? And, this guy. THIS GUY. This guy who decided to scam insurance companies by telling people they had cancer when they did not. THIS GUY is why you always get a second and third opinion.

It angers me, because, from what all I've learned about food and the human body, I believe that we do this to ourselves. The way we alter our food and the land, we do this to ourselves, and I believe that it's possible to fix it.

Let me tell you a little bit about the some of my crunchy thoughts on cancer:

1. I do believe that we create an environment for cancer to thrive by what we put into our bodies and what we surround our bodies with. From the chemicals in our beds, in our body products, and in our food, we bombard our bodies with radicals that negatively affect us. We are surrounded by dead things and we eat things that have no living quality and do not resemble food all of the time.

2. I believe that there is a life-giving quality to food that 99% of American food is missing. And, I believe that life-giving food holds a lot of the key towards preventing and curing cancer. Even in the organic world, this life-giving quality isn't always there. We need whole food, food that is alive (even if cooked), and food that nourishes us. This real food is often very hard to find.

3. I do not believe that chemotherapy and surgery are the most effective methods for dealing with cancer. The body has the amazing ability to heal itself if we give it the right tools to work with.

4. I do believe that doctors and companies make a lot of money from cancer treatment and research, so they would like to keep the system as it is.

5. I believe that once you actually have cancer, it can be cured with food. However, it takes a monumental effort for a person living the average American life to go from zero to cancer curing. This lady, Christina Pirello, is my hero and living testament to the power of food. She went from dead-in-a-few-months to cancer-free a year later. And there are many stories like this guy, who was told he had "incurable" cancer and went on to get a cancer-free bill of health after using food to cure it.

6. At this point, I think that some radical forms of veganism, such as macrobiotics, are necessary to treat cancer, but it is not the answer to prevent cancer. I do believe there are many vitamins in animal foods that we need.

The capitalistic nature of the world creates this environment where we have to be so aware of everything going on around us. We have to watch everything from our food, our make up, our sunscreen to our bug spray, our bubbles, and everything else we touch. It's hard, and sometimes it hurts, because you can't think about everything all of the time, and things slip through the cracks. I sometimes get upset that I find something about a product I use all of the time is bad and I have to find something else. Just today, we were reading about how fake olive oil is just as profitable as the cocaine industry. We can't win them all. We just have to do it all over again tomorrow. This time, with feeling.

And, I hope that we can pass some of this happy natural living onto Lily without being militant or pushy about it. With being a happy, healthy family. Giving her the best chance that we could possibly give her to have a happy and healthy life.