Who Would Jesus Date?

Jesus loves the little children... but NOT some parents

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 15:15:00 +0000

Good tip, Jesus!

When you date a single parent, observe how they treat their children.

-- especially their attitude towards their baby-daddy or baby-mama!

If there's a lot of drama in that relationship, expect drama in your relationship!

And if you're a single parent getting ready to get back into the dating scene?

Here are some Dating Coach Karin tips!

1. Resolve your relationship problems with your ex before you start dating someone new! Don't put your children in the crossfire between adult problems. They suffer and so will any new romance.

2. Google both yourself and your ex to find out what exists on the internet about you both! If your future dates are smart, they'll check you out, so you will want to know what's out there.

What if you found this about yourself or a future date? Creepy!

A Jesus DO and a Dating Coach DON'T

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 07:35:00 +0000

Jesus knows this bugs the hell out of me -- as a Dating Coach I advise women

DON'T

post a picture of yourself with your girlfriends.

What is a potential mate finds her more attractive?

But Jesus, of course, LOVES pictures of women together --

Not that he's interested in dating them, but he's just like all men.

He loves the thought of girls together!

So DO post a photo like these if you want to attract horny men, even if they are the Son of God!

... but if you're looking for your mate, posting photos with other women is a Dating Coach

DON'T!

Thank you Jesus! Why Pam Anderson is great for business

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 15:06:00 +0000

A shout out to my man, Jesus!

When he creates moms like Pam Anderson, he ensures that I will be in business for a long, long time...

Pam's giving her young sons TWO stepfathers in ONE year ensures that they will have a very, very warped sense of women and committment.

When Pam's sons grow up, guess how they'll think of women and treat them?

Which will F*&%-up a lot of women who will turn to a Dating Coach like myself and ask:

"What's wrong with me?"

And ensure that I will be kept very, very busy teaching these women that it's not about them!

As well as really great guys who didn't have Pam Anderson as a mom will get F*&%ed over by F*&%ed-up women and turn to a Dating Coach like myself and ask:

"What's wrong with me?"

What's my expert solution?

Get yourself healthy - physically and emotionally -- and you will attract a healthy mate!

I did it and Jesus rewarded me with a wonderful man I met online.

We'll be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary this November.

I married (for the 1st and only time I hope) at age 43, so it's NEVER TOO LATE.

Let me help you with our Coaching To Marriage(TM) service!

http://www.thedatingcoaches.com/

A heavenly duet: Jesus and Stevie

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 02:04:00 +0000

I've never seen Jesus in awe before -- making you the son of God can swell your head -- until we both went to see Stevie Wonder in concert.

Jesus and Stevie have the same message, but Jesus admits that Stevie spreads the good word with much more rythym and soul.

When Jesus came up with "Love one another," he was pretty pleased with himself...

but Stevie's "You are the sunshine of my life" blows Jesus away.

We all want love, but --

How do you find the sunshine of your life?

The ONLINE DATING COACHES have developed a "Date Recap" so you can easily determine if you've found your Cherie Amour or A Fool for You...

Check it out starting on page 192 of our book

"FINDING YOUR MATE ONLINE: No Fear, No Embarrassment, Just Love"

available on Amazon.com.

Why GOD invented the smile...

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 17:16:00 +0000

Jesus and I are definitely in agreement on this one!

Jesus has always said that he was attracted to women by their smile. That's why he'd never date, Victoria Beckham.

"She always has her bitch face on."

As a dating coach, I tell women to smile more, but they always think that it's big boobs that turn men on.

Well, according to bartenders turned authors "You Didn't Hear it From Us," here's what turns on men the most!

DON'T PLAY IT TOO COOL

"We did a casual poll in our bar about what turned men on,

other than the usual Baywatch fantasy.

And every single one of the men put

'a smile'

at the top of the list."

Want more great tips? Ask Jesus or --

-- buy the book: "Finding Your Mate Online" -- it has a 100% success rate!

Jesus is NOT lost!

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 18:07:00 +0000

Nothing pisses off Jesus more than bad people claiming they've "found" him...

... especially after they've done terrible things.

Personally, I wish these criminals would stop bringing up Jesus' name because I'm tired of hearing him rant about:

Michael Vick

Son of Sam

Charles "Evil Genius" Colson

Jesus has a great way to weed out losers in online dating:

"It's a major red flag

when someone writes in their online ad

that they've found me.

I haven't been lost --

I've just been hanging with people who are busy

improving the world without mentioning me

Paul Newman

Cecile Richards

Dave and Cheryl Duffield

Cindy Waitt

What you can believe is

actions speak louder than words.

I tried to get this message across by asking

Janet to write in her song,

'What have you done for the world lately,'

but, no, she's a Jackson and she knows better than me--"

(Edited for length. Once you get Jesus going on a topic, it's hard to get him to stop!)

COACH'S ADVICE:

Volunteering is a great way to connect with other daters!

It's easy -- here's one idea:

1. Get involved either in person or online with a favorite organization.

(Both Jesus and Dating Coach Karin Anderson love PETA, ASPCA and Childreach.)

2. Mention your favorite charity in your online ad.

3. Post your online ad on speciality sites that connect people who love to volunteer such as Act4Love.

Jesus isn't perfect... and neither are you!

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:05:00 +0000

Jesus wonders why people like to list all their faults in their online dating ads?

"Don't they know that no one's perfect and

everyone has problems?"

Jesus assumes that his dates know he has issues

- Living up to his father's image

- Embarrassing scars on hands and feet

- Bad hair days

But he doesn't list these issues in his online dating ad.

As one of THE DATING COACHES, I get a lot of questions about the information people should post in their ads.

Too little info?

Your date might feel you're hiding something...

Too much info?

Your date might be turned off...

With some help from Jesus, here are two simple rules to follow in dating!

1. THE GOLDEN RULE

"Date unto others as you would have them date unto you..."

When wondering if you should tell your date about X, ask yourself:

"Would I want to know about X before I met someone?"

For example, if X is:

"I come from a dysfunctional family..."

No need to reveal that before a first date. We all have family issues.

If X is:

"I have a visible physical deformity or characteristic..."

You should reveal that before a first date so your date isn't startled or fixated on it. You want all the attention on you!

2. THE LANIE RULE

My sister-in-law once remarked about her autistic son:

"Sometimes life's initial tragedies turn out to be our greatest blessings..."

When describing the X you want to reveal before first meeting, present it in the positive light it deserves.

We're all humans in the same boat! We know that is sometimes sucks to

- Have a special needs child

- Deal with a physical deformity

- Suffer from a disease

But share with your potential date the silver lining you found, the lemonade you made. Your positive radiance will attract other positive people.

As the the inspirational Anne Frank said:

"I don't think of all the misery

but of the beauty that still remains."

Jesus googles before a date -- do you?

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 14:52:00 +0000

Despite what Al Gore says, Jesus created the internet so he wouldn't have to deal with all the crowds around his birthday.

During Christmas, he can shop and stay in touch with friends without leaving his beach house.

He discovered a bonus by "googling" his potential dates before he goes out with them.

"Why doesn't everyone google before a date?"

he asks me.

Thanks to Jesus, I googled my husband before dating him.

Do you google before dating?

If not, let me show you how!

The Dating Coaches

Jesus met Kate Moss at a charity event and said she was looking hot

but when googled her before their date, he found some major turn-offs on Perez Hilton:

Perez Hilton on Kate Moss

Jesus no longer does "crazy"

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:02:00 +0000

I swear, Jesus has the wackiest sense of humor...

... or at least I think he was kidding when he told me he created Britney Spears in the image of an old girlfriend he dated about a thousand years ago!

Seems he used to be attracted to hot and wild women

until they kept turning out to be nutcases.

COACH'S NOTE:

"Why it took Jesus a millenium to figure this out

isn't as important as the fact that he finally did!

So don't beat yourself up if you keep dating crazies...

it is possible to change!"

Jesus and I are living proof that you can find true love without crazy!

How?

Just follow Jesus' SIMPLE BUT MIRACULOUS TIPS in the form of my DATE RECAP(tm).

Finding Your Mate Online! (pgs. 193 - 196)

Fill out this recap religiously after every date, and actually follow your own advice.

(That's the miraculous part. That you actually follow good advice -- oh, you know what I'm talking about!)

As Jesus said to me,

"I don't care what people call it --

listening to your gut...

following your intuition...

My-hand-guiding-your-pen-to-paper...

-- the DATE RECAP(tm) really works!"

At age 43, I got married to a hot and wild NORMAL man...

... after a lifetime of hot and wild CRAZY guys.

Thank you, Jesus!

Jesus wants you to look in the mirror

noreply@blogger.com (Dating Coach Karin Anderson) — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 16:53:00 +0000

First thing this morning, even before I have my coffee --

and Jesus knows how much I love my coffee

-- Jesus says to me:

"Hello? Have we heard of a miracle called a mirror?"

Why do people post pictures where they look like serial killers*

or have a serious case of bitch face*?

And I'm thinking,

"Uh, Son of God, you would know this better than--"

At which he reminded me that it was a rhetorical question.

So help me get Jesus off my back by following his online dating tip for photos:

"Before you post and/or exchange photos,

ask a friend -- similar to the type you'd like to marry --

what they honestly think of your photo.

And then... follow their advice."

Too embarrassed to ask a friend?

Ask the experts:

The Dating Coaches!

And we'll reply after our morning coffee.

*Real photos, folks, from real dating websites. The opinions expressed, however, are Jesus'.