Musical Musings

The Bitch Is Back

2018-10-03T15:41:00.000-04:00

Wow, Gentle Readers. It certainly has been a while. I'm not even going to begin to explain all that has happened in the last SEVEN years - I shall only say that I lost my creativity somewhere along the way. But, I want to get it back. I've delved into photography and drawing recently and I'm not too bad at either, but my original love is for the written. The only way I will find my mojo again is to just start putting pen to paper. Or fingers to keyboard, as it were. And I plan to go back through my blog posts of yore to see if that will spark some inspiration. And if I can remember how to use Blogger, I may even update some of the MANY broken links I see have developed...

Blogging is a lost art. And by lost, I mean that America has lost interest in it. With Twitter and Snapchat and Insta-stories, you can get everyone's thoughts on everything in a split second. I admit, I do embrace a Social Media outlet or two, but I am a bit more old-fashioned than all that. I value the narrative over the blurb, and think that some ramblings deserve more than a mere 280 characters. For instance, this rant on aging that I shall now commence:

WTF, people? When? Why? How?

One day, people still think I'm in my late twenties. And the next - and I mean OVERNIGHT - I am three measly months shy of my *cough, cough - heart palpitations - cough* FORTIETH birthday and find myself falling apart.

Where did that gray hair come from? And that one? And the one over there?!? And when did my eyes start to look like bird feet?? And when did my chest start to take on the appearance of that gift bag filler I shoved in my mom's birthday present?

Oh, and the biggest question of all: WHERE DID I GET ALL THESE CHINS?!?!?!?!

And don't for a minute think that all these new karmic bitch-slaps came with a reprieve on the acne. OH NO. I have ADULT acne, now!! It's even more awesome because you can't just burn it off with that OTC Clearasil you've used for decades anymore. OH NO. NOW you have to figure out how to balance detoxification with moisturizing and clarifying and hormone regulating. For the love of all that is holy, getting old sucks.

ESPECIALLY if you're an old WOMAN. Stupid men just look distinguished. And somehow get even hotter. Points in case?

THIS:

is now

THIS:

and

THIS:

now looks like

THIS:

Rat bastards.

Meanwhile I now look like...

THIS:

Except, add a few more pounds to that midsection there.

It ain't right, I tell you! It just ain't right. What did I ever do to you, Universe??

Damn you, Eve, for eating that blasted apple. You started all this.

Bitch...

Saved By the Bell - Saturday

2011-05-28T23:55:00.001-04:00

Howdy, folks! Sorry I've been so sporadic lately. It's been a crazy time in the life of your Song Master. Part of what's made my day-to-day so nutty is the start of concert season! Yay!!! Seven lined up so far this summer, starting with Panic! at the Disco last night, and James Taylor tonight. (Did I mention that I'm a "contradiction in every way"?) Last night's show was a date with NewB and some pals and tonight's was a date with dear old Dad (our 3rd time seeing the original JT together).

My friend Timmy, one of those pals who accompanied me to Panic! last night, reminded me of one of the most classic of all SBTB episodes EVER the other day. Since it kind of fits in with the start of concert season, I thought we'd take a look back to the "Rockumentary" episode in the this week's installment of SBTB Saturday! Woot!

Remember Zack's kick-ass band?

They were so uber talented! It's terrifying to think we almost lost them to their petty spats, egomania, and power plays.

(Can't exactly remember why Screech is dressed like some kind of priest...)

But, as Kasey Kasem so brilliantly divulged in Zack's elaborate daydream/fantasy/imaginary Behind The Music installment, fame was almost too much to handle for our blonde heartthrob. (As was that trashy pedophile manager of his... Stay tuned - one of these days I'll actually get around to posting the SBTB Saturday edition on age-inappropriate relationships that's been floating around my head since the theme's inception.)

Thank goodness the Bayside High gang learned a valuable lesson on standing by your besties and getting back to your roots (i.e. The Max),

otherwise, we might not ever have been graced with this little ditty:

"Friends forever" Zack Attack
Tags: "Friends forever" Zack Attack

"Friends Forever. It's a nice idea."

Side note - "Rockumentary" wasn't the first time we were introduced to the "Friends Forever" sentiment. Remember "The Friendship Business"? When, for a class project, the gang sells friendship bracelets? Only, Zack again gets a little greedy (common theme in SBTB), forcing Jessie, Kelly, and Slater to come up with the even awesomer "Buddy Bands". In case you forgot:

You can thank me later for that one.

(Don't worry, though. They realize in the end that working together -and "Luv Cuffs" - are the way to go.)

Every Picture Tells A Story

2011-05-20T17:24:00.001-04:00

My, Oh My, peeps - has this been a crazy couple of weeks! (That almost rhymes.) I thought about debriefing you all on the myriad of events that have taken place since I posted my masterful mixes last week, but then I realized I'd prefer it if you all kept reading my blog. I still want to tell my story, but I figure since the average blog reader has the blogging attention span of a pre-schooler (or, maybe that's just me), it might be more entertaining to tell my story in pictures. You can interpret them how you like:

(Oh, I will tell you that the GORGEOUS baby boy is my new nephew Logan - born last Thursday. He's perfect!)

(And - some of these pictures come right out of email conversations between NewB and me, which often contain funny images that sum up our goings on.)

(Disclaimer: All of the following images are stolen from other sites. Thanks to Allie at Hyperbole & a Half and all the others from whom NewB and I pilfered.)

(I half expected to see this guy pop out from some dark corner:)

Me:

Blah, I am just terrible today…

NewB:

Figure 2: Life worth living

Figure 3: Soul crushing disappointment

My favorite part.

Me:

NewB:

I’m guessing figure 2 is me and you and figure 3 is just you now?

Here’s a couple for you J

The End.

The Mixed Tape - Parts I-IV

2011-05-10T15:09:00.002-04:00

So, this is a music blog. And a humor blog and a trash talk blog and a bitchy blog, but mostly a music blog. I am obsessed with music. Duh. Since I was born with a terrible voice and absolutely no hand-eye coordination or music-reading capabilities, my hopes for musical ability have manifested in an uncanny gift for creating the perfect compilation CD. (In my humble opinion, that is, and for what it's worth.) For instance, I created a string of mixes for my sister that spanned 19 discs and roughly 360 songs. Since her music repertoire now consists primarily of the Fresh Beat Band and Yo Gabba Gabba (remember - she's about to burst with her third little rugrat), I decided my mixes for her were probably going to waste. So, for 2011, I have decided to create one mix per month (and sometimes two), purely for personal consumption. These tend to be completed around the middle to the end of the month and generally consist of 18-19 choice tunes.

I have decided the that by not sharing my fantastic selections with you, fair readers, I have been doing you a great disservice. As such, I have created a new series of entries entitled "The Mixed Tape" (as you can plainly read), through which I will impart my genius on you all. You may like my taste or you may hate it - though I don't see how! But hopefully, if nothing else, you might find some inspiration to investigate new bands and sounds. Enjoy!

(PS - Songs in bold are my most favoritest right now.)

(PPS - A lot of this year's mixes have been inspired by Big Love, which has a KILLER soundtrack. Down the road I will provide you with the song list from the entire series. You're welcome in advance.)

Part I - January: Happy Birthday to Me!!

Home - Engineers
Letters from the Sky - Civil Twilight
Wordless Chorus - My Morning Jacket
The Fallout - O.A.R.
Chasing Pavements - Adele
The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - The Postal Service
I'd Rather Be With You - Joshua Radin
Fidelity - Regina Spektor
Moth's Wings - Passion Pit
Flying Horses - Dispatch
Seven Days in Sunny June - Jamiroquai
Sugar We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy
Take Your Mama - Scissor Sisters
Strict Machine - Goldfrapp
Misery Business - Paramore
Little Bird - Annie Lennox
Stay Young - We the Kings
Strictly Game - Harlem Shakes
Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti & Spearhead

Part II - February: Love Stinks! (though I'm not feeling that way so much these days...)

Save Me - Remy Zero
Skips - Alexz Johnson
Airplanes - B.o.B. & Eminem
Leap of Faith - Sanctus Real
Laid - James
Touch Me I'm Going to Scream, Pt. 2 - My Morning Jacket
Twilight Serenade - Jason Myles Goss
Lay Down (Candles in the Rain) - Melanie
A Love Song - Anne Murray
Half of My Heart - John Mayer
Silly Love Songs - Glee Cast
The Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A. - Donna Fargo
Glass of Water - Coldplay
Black & Gold - Sam Sparro
Lights Out - Santogold
Thriller/Heads Will Roll - Glee Cast
DJ Got Us Falling in Love - Usher
I Hear the Bells - Mike Doughty
Your Easy Lovin' Ain't Pleasin' Nothin' - Mayer Hawthorne

Part II(a) - February: Kick Its Ass! - A Mix for the Bar Exam

Lose Yourself - Eminem
Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Uprising - Muse
Me Against the Music - Glee Cast
New Shoes - Paolo Nutini
Down - Jay Sean
Dynamite - Taio Cruz
Lisztomania - Phoenix
The Real Slim Shady - Eminem
Little Bird - Annie Lennox
Tik Tok - Ke$ha
Firework - Katy Perry
Club Can't Handle Me - Flo Rida
Life is a Show - Cassie Steele
Raise Your Glass - Pink

Part III - March: March MAD-Ness

Sing - Glee Cast
Scott Mescudi vs. The World - Kid Cudi
Naturally - Matt Wertz
Dead Flowers - Miranda Lambert
The Cave - Mumford & Sons
Help Yourself - Sad Brad Smith
Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch
Turn Back Around - Lucy Schwartz
Your Protector - Fleet Foxes
Ain't No Reason - Brett Dennen
Right Me Up - State Radio
Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise - The Avett Brothers
Say - John Mayer
My Mirror Speaks - Death Cab for Cutie
The High Road - Broken Bells
Cosmic Love - Florence & the Machine
Ambling Alp - Yeasayer
Animal - Neon Trees
Daylight - Matt & Kim
John Saw That Number - Neko Case

Part IV - April: April's Fool

Pretty the World - Matt Nathanson
What is Mine - O.A.R.
Roll Away Your Stone - Mumford & Sons
Middle of Nowhere - Hot Hot Heat
Fall With You - Vic Kingsley
Pony - Ashley Monroe
One Red Thread - Blind Pilot
City of Black & White - Mat Kearney
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
I Feel It All - Feist
The General - Dispatch
Wash Away - Joe Purdy
Rise - Eddie Vedder
Cult Logic - Miike Snow
Modern Man - Arcade Fire
See the Light - The Hours
Faster - Matt Nathanson
Life is Life - Noah and the Whale
Love Always Remains - MGMT

Part IV(a) - April: Gone Country

If I Die Young - The Band Perry
Better Life - Keith Urban
Love Like Crazy - Lee Brice
Suds in the Bucket - Sara Evans
In a Real Love - Phil Vassar
Bones - Little Big Town
Put You in a Song - Keith Urban
I Don't Have to Be Me 'Til Monday - Steve Azar
These Days - Rascal Flatts
Me and Charlie Talkin' - Miranda Lambert
Dixie Chicken - Little Feat
Chicken Fried - Zac Brown Band
Dust on the Bottle - David Lee Murphy
Fly Away - Sugarland
Love is a Beautiful Thing - Phil Vassar
Meet in the Middle - Diamond Rio
Somebody Like You - Keith Urban
Mayberry - Rascal Flatts
Red Light - David Nail
Little White Church - Little Big Town

Waist So Skinny - Mondays

2011-05-09T14:47:00.000-04:00

Well, this whole diet thing has been a bust. I had resigned to give up but then NewB started using words like "cruise" and "Bahamas", which conjured up images of "bikinis" and "cocktail dresses". So, it's back on, peeps!

Weekly updates to follow...

Tell Me Why - Wednesday

2011-05-04T21:43:00.001-04:00

This is more like it:

Waist So Skinny - Mondays

2011-05-02T17:19:00.001-04:00

Better this week, but barely...

Weight: -0.1 lbs
Times Exercised (If you count the two days of yard-work I did, which, I do...): 2
Days I Tracked Points: 0
Splurges: A lot

To give myself credit, I had to overcome some outstanding obstacles this week in order to NOT balloon up like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. And, so as to rationalize my paltry performance (at least to myself), I shall regale you with the list of those obstacles:

Odds Defied; Week Five:

1. I was traveling again for work. To the extraordinarily depressing town of Reading, PA.
2. In said hell-hole I found an incredible little diner that served a delightful French Combo. Brie omelet with pumpkin bread French Toast? Yes, please!
3. I got sworn into the State Bar (yay, me!) and celebrated over a Melting Pot feast.
4. I drank YET ANOTHER Chick-fil-a milkshake while running errands. (Hmm... I guess this doesn't really count as a defied odd, but rather a flat-out failure...)
5. I was insanely tired.
6. New Boy (we shall call him, NewB) is quite distracting.
7. So is really crappy TV.

Yet, despite my ridiculous caloric intake, infinite distractions, and intense level of sleep deprivation, I still managed to lose! Imagine what I could do if I actually put my mind to it...

Little Bird (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-04-27T21:56:00.001-04:00

Waist So Skinny - Mondays

2011-04-25T22:52:00.001-04:00

So, the whole diet thing? Not going so well. I forgot to weigh myself this morning in my frenzy to catch a 7:30 flight (running through the airport OJ Simpson-style to the gate only to have the flight delayed an hour...), but I know I wouldn't like the results if I had. I thought forcing myself to post my dieting failures would prevent them from occurring, but I would be wrong. As such, in no particular order, I bring you this week's list of excuses for why I didn't watch the ol' weight (Incidentally, the following also serve as my excuses for not blogging hardly at all, either):

I was traveling for work. We've already discussed the negative impact that has on all my good intentions.
On said work trip, I caught strep from some nasty fat lady in front of me who wouldn't stop coughing and blowing her nose on the sold-out flight. Grr...
I stayed at my mom's while my out-of-town family stayed at my house, so I'd have my own bed and not infect anyone. Therefore, I was at the mercy of my mom's menu for the weekend. And it was quite tasty!
It was Easter.
The internet was down from Friday morning until tonight at my mom's (yeah, yeah - I know that shouldn't affect my diet. It did prevent me from posting any brilliant witticisms, though...).
That Chick-Fil-A milkshake was very soothing on my strep-ridden throat! (As was the second one I had today...)
I was in Wisconsin, so I needed the body fat in order to keep warm.
Actually, I really just need to say: I was in Wisconsin. Let's face it, that's excuse enough.

At the moment, I'm in Reading, PA. As such, I have already started working on my list for next week's entry. In the meantime, I think I'll embrace the curves...

Trash Talk - Tuesday (on Wednesday)

2011-04-20T23:20:00.001-04:00

OPINIONS AHEAD.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Today's (well, yesterday's) topic...

The Stupid Disguises on Y&R: A Photo Essay

For those of you who are new(ish) to Musical Musings, you may not know that I watch the Young & the Restless - and have religiously since birth. It's hella stupid, I know, but boy do I love it! NEVER miss an episode.

The soap is dumb. It's supposed to be. It's unrealistic and crazy and silly and, if taken seriously or over-analyzed, it's insulting to a person of somewhat average intelligence. This insult is arguably most evident in the writers' pathetic efforts to masquerade its characters when they're spying on one another, stealing trade secrets, or, most commonly, running from the law. When they can't write in a complete plastic surgery makeover (see this issue of Trash Talk for more on the absurdity of that), they resort to the most clever of disguises! (No sarcasm there at all...)

Some examples:

1. This is Sharon:

Sharon has been accused of murder. She knocked out her guard in the ladies room and escaped from the courthouse after her conviction. With the help of her luv-ah Adam, she's now a fugitive on the run. But, with this foolproof plan, I'm sure NO ONE will ever find her!

Because everybody knows it only takes slutty clothes and hair a shade darker to evade capital murder charges!

2. And, here's Skye:

Incidentally, this is the woman Sharon has been accused of murdering. But before she fell down a volcano to her untimely demise, she was already supposed to be dead. Victor, Skye's (and Sharon's) father-in-law, helped Skye fake her own death and escape to Hawaii. Since the Newmans are the equivalent of the Trumps in Soap-Land, I'm sure the news of a Newman wife's death would never make it all the way to the islands. Just in case, though, Skye came up with this killer guise:

With realistic Heidi braids like these, she's home free!!

3. Jack is a mainstay of Y&R. He's been on it since the beginning of time. This is Jack on a typical day:

Jack flew to Hawaii (to find Skye). Knowing that he'd be recognized by Victor's strategically-placed lackeys if he went as himself, he chose to portray a middle-aged surfer/drifter:

Because, I guess if he gets some salt water in his hair and says "dude" enough, he's basically a whole different person...

4. Across town, and unrelated to the Sharon/Skye/Victor/Jack debacle, Jana, who normally looks like this:

Is up to all kinds of no good. She's decided to find her ex-hubby's niece - who she suspects has been sold to a black-market baby broker - in a pathetic attempt to win him back. (OMG - I am realizing how ridiculous this show really is, seeing the plot-lines in writing...) So, she goes "undercover" (read, fake baby belly and a crappy accent) to meet the kiddie-dealer:

And then again to investigate a suspicious bank account number:

I know I'm fooled!

(Sorry the spacing is all messed up. I really don't have the patience to fix the HTML right now.)

5. Suspicious of Jana's wacky behavior, Chloe and Gloria:

Decide to partake in a little breaking & entering to sift through Jana's belongings for clues.

C'mon, what good lawbreaker's wardrobe doesn't include a stealthy cat-suit?? I mean, you just KNOW you're getting caught without one!

6. Last, but CERTAINLY not least, is Adam:

Adam is THE BEST at disguises!!

This is Sabrina - Victor's late wife:

Here is Adam - playing the dead Sabrina:

Uncanny, isn't it?!?!?! Convincing enough to drive Ashley (the blond in the first picture) to the mental institution, anyway!

But, even better than his Sabrina get-up is Adam's affinity for baseball caps and sunglasses. It seems that this convicted murderer, forger, fugitive, perjurer, and all-around stand-up guy need only don his favorite hat, a pair of sunglasses, or maybe some strategically-placed flowers to get away with - well - any of the aforementioned crimes:

Adam - for your ingenuity and remarkable effectiveness, we salute you!! And to the writers of Y&R? Maybe you SHOULD quit your day jobs...

Waist So Skinny - Mondays

2011-04-18T11:24:00.001-04:00

Week Two:

Weight: +0.6 lbs

Times Exercised: 0

Lapses in Judgment/Overindulgences: 9

Incidences of Shame/Guilt: 9

Dieting is for chumps.

(Actually, I guess I'm NOT a Loser. That's precisely the problem...)

Letter Read

2011-04-15T16:45:00.000-04:00

What a fun, fun little Link Up! It's "Passing Notes" day!! The task is to handwrite or draw or doodle or whatever something - just like you did in grade school - and then post it!

Katie over at Words By Katie listed her favorite things about living alone. Meg, the host of "Passing Notes" at O. is Me, listed the fun stuff she wants to do this summer.

I LOOOOOOVE writing with markers and doodling and making up stupid poems and listing song lyrics. Apparently, I always have. I kept a notebook back in high school that I shared with friends. We passed notes in it, wrote poetry, and drew each other pictures. AND – I still have it! So, instead of drawing something new for you guys today, I decided to post some “vintage” notes – circa 1994 (sophomore year). Hope you enjoy my dorkiness! Don’t mock me too much…

I swear this is real. Classic! I’m appalled at my grammar, though. The smartass response, however? No surprise.

(Side note – I forgot my little notebook in Bio one day. My teacher decided to put it up on the chalk-dish at the blackboard so I could claim it. She felt the need to turn it to this page before she did so. It sat there for all to see for two days. That wasn’t at all embarrassing.)

This is pretty self-explanatory. Totally random and a bit ridiculous, perhaps, but self-explanatory nonetheless.

J-Non – my “bestie” for the last 20 years practically – decided the other shoe deserved some attention…

How am I an accountant/attorney and not a world-renowned artist right now, I don’t know. (Note the song lyrics in the upper right-hand corner. This was a favorite pastime of mine – drawing pictures to go with songs. See? Here' are some more...)

Alrighty, I’ll stop now. How fun was this (for me, anyway)? Hope you enjoyed getting inside my adolescent head. Now, go pass a note to somebody!

Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts

2011-04-14T20:26:00.001-04:00

Hello boys and girls!

Last I checked, it's Thursday! And you know what that means!!!!!

Shall we begin?

Ice Cream Man!

That's pretty much all I have to say about that. Like clockwork, EVERY SINGLE DAY - rain, sleet, hail, snow - it doesn't matter. The ice cream man is a helluva lot more reliable than the mail-persons around here. I think he might be a front for something. Drug ring? Maybe. More likely though, he's a Narc hired by the homeowner's association. I swear, those people never miss a violation. If I'm an hour late in getting my trashcan inside? Nastygram. Wreath with a red bow up the week after Christmas? Nastygram. Friend parked on the curb? Nastygram (and sometimes a big sticker on their windshield). Pretty clever when you think about it. What better way to spy on your friends and neighbors than by selling their kids sugar-laden goods?

So Much for That Plan!

Diet? What diet? I know I'm not dieting! Or, at least you'd never know it by what I've consumed in the last 48 hours! Work trips are kryptonite for dieting. Corporate Amex + delicious restaurants + tired Kristen = 5,000 calories. I used up all of my bonus points for the week and then some on several delicious meals. The good thing? I'm STILL full, so I think I can skip dinner tonight. Maybe I'll be able to resist temptation over the weekend, too, since I didn't just whet my appetite, I drenched it...

Much Too Young to Feel This Damn Old

I am 32. You all know this. However, I am blessed to be able to say that most people never guess a day over 25 - at the oldest. (Okay, maybe 27 once or twice...) No wrinkles to speak of and not a grey hair in sight. And I have one of those "baby" (read, fat) faces that allows me to keep a "youthful glow". So why am I bitching? That would be because of the waddle. No, not this kind of waddle:

Rather, this kind of waddle:

As aforementioned, I have a plump face. But now, I have this THING hanging down where no chin should be! Hot damn! I did NOT sign on for this!

You know I don't post pictures of myself. For privacy reasons, and because I LOATHE pictures. But to be fair, please know that I do NOT look like this:

Or this:

Or, heaven forbid, this:

(THANK GOD!! And for a multitude of reasons!)

But, I am starting to look a little bit like this:

So, dear readers, what in the world can I do about it?? Despite my weakness for As-Seen-On-TV exercise equipment, I'm not to the place in my life where I will be pressing "Pay Now" on these items any time soon:

(Well... Maybe just that last one...)

But, I am on the lookout for DIY exercises that actually work! Anybody know of any? If so, please enlighten me. (But, no, I do NOT need to hear how the aforementioned break in my diet might be directly correlated with my chicken-chin, thank you very much. I am well aware.)

The Moment You've Been Waiting For!!!!

If you look to your right, you'll notice that I am up to 39 followers. Better, but not best. Since I am certainly not above bribery and groveling, I have decided that it's time for Musical Musings' VERY FIRST

That's right! Free stuff! WOOT!!!!

I'm not telling you the details just yet - but know that it will be AWESOME (of course). So, recruit followers! When there's fifty of you guys over there, I'll announce the killer prizes and the rules for entry! (Don't worry, it won't be difficult.) I know you're on the edges of your seats!

Gee, I hope I Don't Get Fired!

I was supposed to be at a dinner/awards ceremony this evening. However, I was out of town for work. So, I had to drive back home rather quickly in order to make it on time. Note, I did not want to go to the banquet. They are boring. On the other hand, I DID want to go to the Coach outlet that's on my way home from the client location. If people in my state could drive, I would've been able to do both. However, due to a broken-down tractor trailer, street paving at the most inopportune time imaginable (5:30 pm), and people who can't seem to understand that they post those "Slow Down, Paving Ahead" signs for a reason, my two-hour drive quickly turned to three. Needless to say, I didn't make it to the banquet. But, I do now own these:

Assuming I don't get fired for missing the banquet (we weren't getting an award or anything, we just had a table and no butts to go in the seats), I think it was well worth it.

Alrighty kiddos, with that, I am off. Hope you've had a fabulous Thursday and are super-psyched for Friday!

Hasta pasta!

Say Something Funny - The Whenever I Feel Like It Facebook Status Awards!

2011-04-13T23:49:00.000-04:00

I haven't done this in a while! It's time for FACEBOOK STATUS AWARDS! For those of you who are new to Musical Musings, this is when I salute the wit, hilarity, and pure comic genius of all of my Facebook pals (and it serves as an excellent cop-out when I'm too tired or in too much of a food coma to come up with something original - which is most definitely the case right now). So, without further adieu, some of my favorites of late...

A day in the life:

FUCK why did I think the 5 hour energy @ 10 pm was a good idea?
I'm just having one of those bird-glued-to-my-head days.
The total number of times I have walked into our screen door has not yet exceeded the total number of times I have fallen while putting my pants on.
Watching yet another season of Dancing with the Somewhat Well-Known.
I figured out what wakes me up... Lady Gagas new song blasting on my alarm clock across the room... Was dancing on my way to turn it off, but that ended when I fell into the dresser then I realized how much i hate waking up before 7 am
I'm wearing shorts for the first time this season. Consider yourself warned.
[Husband] has strep! I'm so excited, I could punch myself right in the face!
Check in... The bathroom.
Our library is right next to Barnes & Noble. Sometimes when I pick up some books, I'll wave them at the B&N snobs and yell "SUCKERS!"
Currently eating the best meal known to man: French fries dipped in a Frosty. Why? Because I'm a grown up.
I had a dream I was lying awake in my bed all night. And today I'm tired as hell. Weird.

Ah, Kids:

My daughter is 2. She's REALLY good at it.
My darling daughter's quote of the week: "Come down here right NOW Mommy [Last Name]! This t.v. is NOT working!".... Oh Lord.
Day has improved dramatically! A 4th grader just told me and then someone else I was her best friend! :)
Cleaning the house before your kids are grown is like shoveling the driveway before it stops snowing. ~unknown
There is either a mouse or a zhu zhu pet hiding in our downstairs office!! I am way to freaked out to figure it out...
A while back, we told Ben that thunder was just God moving furniture in heaven. Tonight he said, God needed to keep it down because he couldn't hear his show.
I sang the entire theme to Mr. Belvedere to my first graders today to blank stares. Kids nowadays just don't appreciate butler themed vigoroso.
Talking about heroes today and a student asked me who my hero was. I told him Bill Murray. He asked who that was and I told him that he fought ghosts and then freed the slaves. He said Bill Murray was his new hero too. I love molding young minds.
[Son], my 5yo, just came into the room with a plastic sword, yelled "LOOK DAD, THIS BOOMERANG IS BROKEN!" and threw it at my head.

In case you didn’t know:

FYI, coconut milk coffee creamer tastes like burning.
A tongue ring is like a tramp-stamp for your face.

Relationships are Overrated:

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

If your life had a face I'd punch it.

That’s a really good question:

How many of my friends did you make out with this weekend?
Riddle me this: Grown man selling candy apples on the corner of Ghetto & Hood in M-town. Drugs in apples? Or get drugs when given change? Confused.
[Friend] wonders if Statue of Liberty costumes sell during any other time of the year or just at tax time.
So, Addams Family on Broadway?! Are they *THAT* out of ideas?!

Weather:

Dear Northerners who had snow: I had to drive around today with my A/C on because it was too hot to drive with the windows down. Suck on that.
From the amount of suck I just witnessed while driving home in the rain, it's become all too apparent that people did not grow up playing Rad Mobile like I did.

Stupid Chemistry Jokes:

‎2 scientists walk into a bar. The first one goes "I'll have some h2o." The second one says "I'll have some h2o too." But then he dies.

(Yes, I know that’s a math joke, but it didn’t warrant a whole new section)

A neutron walks into a bar, orders a drink and asks the bartender "How much?" The bartender looks over and says, "For you? No charge."

Just Plain Random:

Olive Garden - where fired Outback servers end up.
I'm not sure why you aren't at the Cat Expo at the Agricenter!
Haikus are easy.

But Sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.

Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo. - That is a completely legitimate English sentence.
‎"I don't have a microwave, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit."
Q x Coefficient of Angst = Inverse of Actual Usefulness

Hope you enjoyed! Off to sleep in my "Heavenly" Westin bed. Nighty, Night!

Waist So Skinny - Mondays

2011-04-11T13:09:00.000-04:00

Drop 10 Lbs and Do It Now Campaign of 2011: Week One Results

I am somewhat pleased to report the following weight-loss results for the week of April 4-April 11, despite having spent two days at my grandfather’s (aka “The Land that Time Forgot”), where the healthiest food in town comes from the Wendy’s drive through. In other words, diet successfully blown in 48 hours. Regardless:

Weight: -2.8 Lbs

Times I Exercised: None. (Shut up – baby steps, you know)

I impulse bought the Ab-Circle Pro last week after getting sucked in by the mini-infomercial:

Since it’s small enough to fold up and slide under the couch, I thought I might be motivated to use it while I watch TV. But, then again, that was the theory behind my elliptical, too, and we all see how well that worked out. Basically though, I’m a sucker for As Seen on TV exercise products, and the reviews on ACP were surprisingly decent. However, there are several reports of this little machine being a little bit difficult for those who are coordinationally challenged, including horror stories of sliding off of the knee pads and wiping out at regular intervals. As we all know (see “Drop it Like it’s Hot” for a typical day in my life), I am the world’s biggest klutz. So, if nothing else, the Ab-Circle Pro will provide a flurry of business for the local ER and hours of entertainment for any circumstantial bystanders. Too bad for you guys I’m not too handy with a video camera, or I would post my efforts. (Well, probably not. I’m all for self-humiliation, but that may be taking things a bit too far…)

So, anywho, hopefully my report will be better next Monday. Keep your fingers crossed that I can stick with it this week.

Saved By the Bell - Saturday

2011-04-09T23:00:00.002-04:00

Now that the Apocalypse Now of hail storms has passed,

(here's a sampling of actual photos:)

it's time for a quick:

This week we're going to highlight the super-awesome dance contest with guest star Casey Kasem - specifically Lisa and Screech's new hit dance craze, "The Sprain". Remember this spectacle of cheese? Wow - impressive. My favorite part? Slater's hella-sweet spandex ensemble. Thank goodness his jerry-curl mullet distracts from his oh-so-obvious package...

Check it out:

You're welcome.

Peace out.

Make It Stop

2011-04-07T22:56:00.002-04:00

Yeah, so, my area got the hail/thunder storm from hell on Tuesday. My power went out at 2 am, and didn't come back on until almost 11 am. While I did enjoy the extra few hours of sleep I got (Hey now - No hot water? No hairdryer? No functioning garage door? What else was I going to do?), I am not terribly excited by the effect said power outage seems to have had on my security system.

This is now my life:

CLICK HERE SINCE STUPID NBC WON'T LET ME EMBED

Since I can't exactly rip my house alarm out of the wall and beat it to death and then shove it down a garbage chute, what would you guys suggest?

UPDATE: It's amazing how handy instruction books can be. Off to sleep now! Goodnight one and all!
K$

Memories

2011-04-07T16:05:00.001-04:00

Top Five Music Memories, That Is

Again, thanks to Katie at Words For Katie (serving as a conduit for Meghan at The Perfect Compilation Tape), I have a new topic for a post! Generally I'm not too in to the theme days at other blogs - I like my own randomness and trash talking - but this one is perfect for me!

Meghan does "Top Five Thursdays", and today's topic just so happens to center around music! Perfecto!

So, without further ado, my Top Five Music Memories (in chronological order):

1. Dreams - My mom loves to tell the story of how I would sit in my carseat when I was two and sing along to this song. One day, my adorable toddler self said "Mommy, I have a friend named Crystal but she doesn't have a vision." How cute was I???

2. Billie Jean - Or, really, any of the songs included in the setlist for the 1984 Jackson Victory Tour. This was the first concert I attended at the ripe age of five. I remember thinking how cool it was that I was getting to stay up until MIDNIGHT! I didn't even know a 12:00 am existed until then!

3. Can't Promise You the World - 6th and 7th Grade. Back of the bus. Giant yellow Sony "Sports Edition" cassette walkman. The Whisper Tames the Lion and Fly Me Courageous - both played until they would play no more. No doubt, the favorite band of my 'tween years (and why shouldn't they be, seeing as they formed just down the street from me?). And the first concert I attended without parents (at the awkward age of thirteen). This takes me back...

4. Recently - Thanks to my hip older sis', I was ahead of my time on this one. She brought me the tape of Remember Two Things after having sat on the stage with the band at a local show in Tuscaloosa, AL. Dave was a nobody then, and I LOVED HIM. That tape would start a years-long love affair with DMB that would last until "He Did It" and the crowd turned into passed-out drunk fourteen-year-olds. But, alas, the brass-enhanced jam band sounds of this pride of Virginia defined my high school days.

5. At This Point In My Life - The title of my senior English project in high school, and my final yearbook quote ("I've conquered hills, but I still have mountains to climb"). It was perfect then, and it's perfect now. Sums up all the struggles in life - from relationships to family to failure to success. I admit it, I'm tearing up just a little hearing it play in the background. Listen to the words...

And there you have it. I hope you've enjoyed this walk down memory lane with me. I know I really, REALLY have. So thanks again to Katie and Meghan. You other bloggers out there should post this, too. Cathartic experience, I must say...

Happy Thursday!

I Woke Up In Love This Morning

2011-04-06T22:05:00.001-04:00

My pal Katie over at Words By Katie did an entry the other day that was one of those "A Little Bit About Me" things. It was short, to the point, and comprised of ten innocuous questions. (And incidentally, I did learn a lot of new, fun things about Katie.) At the end of this post, Katie indirectly challenged me (and all of her other readers) to complete the same quiz. Don't worry though, you can all breathe a collective sigh of relief. In the interest of limited disclosure, I'm not going to answer those ten questions.

Well, with the exception of Question 8...

8. Who is your biggest celebrity crush?

This question caught my eye because this was Katie's response:

Um...YUM!!!!!!!!!

Katie's a sports fanatic, so she knows who this is (some football player or something?). I do not. What I do know, though, is that he is FINE. And surrounded by tack, which means he rides horses. That's my kinda man, ladies! (And gents, of course.)

But he's not my ONLY kinda man, OH NO!! As wishy-washy as I am about everything else (see my "About Me" for my lists of "Favorite" things - I can NEVER pick just one!!), you didn't really think I'd have just one single celebrity crush now, did you?

So, in no particular order, here are some of the Hollywood Hotties who make me melt like a popscicle on the 4th of July...

George Clooney

If you put a gun to my head and said I absolutely had to pick A favorite, it'd be him. Political views and womanizing ways aside, this is my DREAM MAN. Ever since his days as Booker on Roseanne and that guy on Facts of Life, I've been in love. Sigh... <3 <3 <3

Favorite Flick: Toss-up between O' Brother Where Art Thou and Up in the Air. Oh yeah - and Ocean's Eleven.

Mmmm....

James Marsters

I used to be a die-hard member of Team Angel (and don't get me wrong, David Boreanaz is still GORGEOUS), but somewhere between Season 4 and Season 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I fell for Spike. Maybe it's the bad-boy thing. Maybe it's the fact that he consistently made me laugh my ass off. Maybe it's the fact that he's sexy as hell. Maybe it's all of that. Regardless, he's right up there on the list.

Paul Walker

I admit, I've only seen Paul in the Fast & Furious films, but with eyes like those? That was enough!

Justin Timberlake

Anyone who's ever actually read this blog probably knows how much I adore Justin Timberlake. Yeah, he's pretty frickin' adorable, but what gets me is that he possesses my most favoritest quality in big-time star - he can make fun of himself. Need proof? Watch a couple of the videos posted under "Absolute Hilarity" (to your right). Favorite Role: Since I haven't seen Social Network yet, I'm going with Cup O' Soup. Or maybe DD Implant. Or Hip-Hop kid...

John Stamos

Don't even try to deny it - Uncle Jesse was HOT. Well, sans mullet anyway. Nowadays? Damn... (Catch him on gLee every now and then. Tuesdays, 8pm EST)

Taylor Kitsch

Before he was the scrumptious Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights, the eye-candy to your left was an Abercrombie model. 'Nuf said.

Shemar Moore

I love him on Criminal Minds, but before he was Derek Morgan, he was the original, Oh-So-Fine, Malcolm Winters on the Young & the Restless. And that, my dear fans, is how I choose to remember him. (Perhaps because they replaced him with Family Matters' Eddie Winslow (Darius McCrary) who is just God-awful. You just can't replace Shemar...)

And speaking of the soap...

The Men of Y&R

Greg Rikaart - The lovable trouble-maker of Geona City - Kevin Fisher. Always brings comic relief and an adorable smile. I wish he was straight in real life. :(

Christian LeBlanc - Like Greg, Christian's patented facial expressions and witty retorts keep viewers chuckling. And ironically? Christian plays Kevin Fisher's half-brother, Michael Baldwin. But, sadly? Rumor has it he's gay, too. Aren't all the good ones?

Joshua Morrow - Despite some questionable hair decision (both of the head and facial variety), Nick Newman is a hunk. I don't think any fans would disagree.

Billy Miller - I fall more in love with Billy Abbot every day. Hard not to when he looks like that! (And is adorable, funny, and mischievous as they come...)

Well guys and gals, I'm hitting the hay. For those of you that are into this sort of thing, sweet dreams of all of these delicious treats!

Love and Rockets,

Waist So Skinny - Mondays

2011-04-04T16:04:00.001-04:00

Well kiddos, yours truly has, in this first quarter of 2011, redefined the art of stress eating. Unfortunately, in so doing, I have also redefined my waistline, and not in a good way.

Let me put it this way - I still weigh 10 lbs more than my sister and she is a centimeter dilated and 50% effaced.

As such, it's back on Weight Watchers I go, but this time, I fully intend to stick with it. I've done it before (and lost 25 lbs!), but I've stopped exhibiting any signs of self-control, and I am inching back up to the VERY bad place (I crossed into the "just bad" place about a month ago).

So, how will I ensure weight-loss success? My dear, fair readers, that's where you come in. Monday is my weigh-in day (as it has been every time I've dieted), so every Monday I have to report my success (or failure) to you guys. That way, if I fail, I will fail publicly. And everyone knows that public humiliation is the best motivator!

Look forward to next week's post when, hopefully, I will have good news for you! (3 lbs, 3lbs, 3lbs...) And maybe I'll even have some funny anecdotes along the way...

Wish me luck! (Goal is to lose 10 lbs and start exercising 2-3 times/week)

PS - I'm already STARVING

Saved By the Bell - Saturday

2011-04-02T14:17:00.001-04:00

That's right, I'm talking about THE Saved By the Bell. Inspired by my hilarious friend Maureen's always laughter-inducing Facebook posts and statuses, I decided to start a new blogging series on one of the most influential television shows of our generation. I mean - what would life have been like without the Zack Attack? Kelly Kapowski? The infamous "Jesse Gets Addicted to Caffeine Pills" episode? I know my own life was permanently altered. Was it for the better or for the worse? I'll let you decide...

So, every Saturday (when I feel like it, anyway) I'll share some snippet from Saved By the Bell, highlighted by my own sassy opinion on said snippet. Prepare to be enlightened.

This week, (again - thanks to Maureen) we look at the super-creepy music video by "Hot Sundae" - the impromptu musical act that contributed Jesse's unforgettable drug (sort of)-induced breakdown:

If you remember, the following MTV Video Award-worthy display of musical genius somehow magically ended up in the hands of a famous producer (stuff like that always seemed to happen to the SBTB kids - by my calculations, they should've been gazillionaires by the 10th grade), and the girls were scheduled to perform for him in an effort to win a recording contract. But, as Jesse so emotionally taught us - what goes up must come down. After too many No-Doze, our soon-to-be stripper passed out and slept through that potentially life-changing performance. Thank goodness she was there to teach us all such a valuable lesson about legal drug abuse! And, if you're paying attention, you might also learn a thing or two about the dangers of g-string leotards paired with black leggings...

The moral of this pointless post? Kids - careful with those Red Bulls. You may be "so excited" now, but you'll only find yourselves "SO scared", later...

Happy Saturday!!

Random's Manifest - Thursday Thoughts

2011-03-31T22:42:00.003-04:00

TA-DA! My first installment of Random Thoughts since my return to Bloggy Land!!! I know you're frickin' thrilled!!! Don't deny it. The bizarro workings of my inner-mind are totally kick-ass.

Crash & Burn

Who knew that a side-effect of getting the GREATEST NEWS EVER!!! was total mental shutdown? Not only can I not concentrate for doody, I feel kinda like hell. I realized something today: I'm tired. Like, hella tired. I've been running on "OMG I have to pass this [insert name of any of a seemingly infinite number of exams here]" adrenaline for over a decade. The fact that I'm DONE - at least for the foreseeable future - has caused my brain to totally cease functioning. I stare now. A lot. And I feel like I'm going to pass out pretty much all the time. Boss Man Jr. said tonight - "Why don't you go on home (at 8:15). You...your eyes look really...uh...tired..." (read - "You look like hammered shit.") Once this post-o-brilliance is finished, I shall retire for the evening, I think. (Or, don't think, since I'm apparently not actually capable of doing so...)

Dude, that's sick.

Someone had the bright idea of ripping up our floors in our BRAND NEW building at work, so the elevator banks are closed on my floor and I've been working on the floor below mine this week. (No, not because I'm too lazy to take the stairs. Because there wasn't room on our floor. Stop judging.) That means I'm sitting amongst a totally new set of people that I never see and didn't even know existed. A pleasant bunch overall, with one rather nasty exception. THREE TIMES I have heard women leave the bathroom without washing their hands. Seriously, people. How old are you? Learn about hygiene, PLEASE. If not for yourself, then for your appalled co-workers. Signed - "I can hear you!"

Not Every Actor Can (or Should) Sing...

Glee rocks. American Idol showcases actual singing talent. Grey's Anatomy, though? I have a very hard time believing tonight's musical episode will be anything but tragic - and not in a good way. Yes, yes, I understand that the episode is over by now, but I will only be catching it by virtue of my blessed DVR this weekend. (I have too many episodes of Y&R to catch up on tonight.) Gotta say, though - the musical episode has been done. Sometimes well, and sometimes not so much. It's a tired concept. While Buffy the Vampire Slayer NAILED IT, I can't really think of another instance in which this deviation from the norm marked anything other than a show's impending demise. I'm interested to see the general reaction to tonight's display of actor versatility (or lack thereof), and I would love to hear your comments. I'll weigh in after I catch up this weekend.

Man, do I love me some Spike!

And Wow, Do You People Love You Some Baby Beauty Queens!

Blogger has made some changes during my hiatus. For example, I'm super-thrilled to see the "Stats" tab! Sweet! I stalk my readers via SiteMeter and BlogPatrol, but now Blogger has made it incredibly easy to monitor your traffic! Two things I've learned thanks to the Stats tab:

(1) I need more readers in a MAJOR way. I mean, c'mon! I know I'll never be a Chicken or a Cheeseboy or a Hyperbole, but I'm at least kinda funny, right? (Please say yes - my fragile ego can't take any more rejection.) So - to all my Blogging pals out there - how do you do it? Any hints?

(2) My readers REALLY love kiddie pageants. And I mean really! Here's a snapshot of my most viewed posts:

Kinda sad, I know. But patheticness aside, check out the top post! 1,680 views of the March 2, 2010 episode of Trash Talk. Wow! Now, I know my analysis of the kiddie pageant circuit was pure, unadulterated brilliance but, damn! Maybe I should just devote my blog to covering the local pageant scene. I bet my followers would increase infinity-fold! (PS - In third place is the follow-up to the original pageant post, and coming in second is my rant on Jodie Sweetin. Go figure...)

Necesito Practicar Mi Espanol - In a MAJOR Way

Not sure if any of you know this, but I have a Bachelor's Degree in Spanish. (Yeah, I'm weird like that. Took some classes and just decided I might as well get another degree. I've got problems. But, then, you probably figured that out already...) And, honestly? I'm appalled to admit that to you. Not because I don't think Spanish is a perfectly fantastic major and an incredibly useful language, but rather because I don't remember a damn word of it. This was made abundantly clear to me this evening when the Hispanic maintenance man came by and asked if he should vacuum the conference room in which I was working. Granted, he wasn't asking me this in Spanish, but he was definitely struggling to get the idea across in English. I thought to myself, "Gee, how much easier would this be if I could just have this conversation with him in Spanish?" Then I realized there's no possible way I could do that. For starters, I can't remember the word for vacuum, much less how to properly conjugate the verb. That's just sad, folks. Sad. I need to get to Spain again tout suite...

Alrighty kiddos - off to bed. As aforementioned, I'm beat. Have a fantastic evening and get your friends to read Musical Musings! Please! I need readers! And new friends! And affirmations!

Love ya -

Follow-Up: Grey's was just as horrible as I thought it would be. There's always one person who fancies herself a singer, thereby becoming the focus of such a musical episode. In the Buffy one, it was actually several - Giles, Tara, Spike... But in the Grey's musical, it was Callie. She was good, but not good enough to warrant subjecting innocent audiences to all the other wretched voices on that show. And, it added nothing but distraction and confusion to the plot line. Epic fail, Grey's. Epic fail. I look forward to hearing about your now-inevitable cancellation.

Tell Me Why - Wednesday

2011-03-30T18:27:00.000-04:00

Why is that when this happens:

This must also happen:

Discuss.

Trash Talk - Tuesday

2011-03-29T23:55:00.031-04:00

OPINIONS AHEAD.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

So, in the expanse of time between my last, dismal post and this moment (or, yesterday), when I rejoined the blogging race, I have become mildly (read frighteningly) addicted to all things FLDS. For those of you who don’t know, that’s the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

NOTE: I am NOT talking about the mainstream LDS, which is a church composed of wonderful people and some of my dearest friends. No, the FLDS is that crazy polygamist cult that got raided a few years ago. Remember?

Its prophet is currently in jail serving terms for rape, accomplice to rape, tax evasion, fraud, etc. It’s a real peach of a “church”.

(Warren Jeffs with a 12-year-old bride)

I’m not entirely sure what draws me to this alternate universe, but I am absolutely fascinated by all things polygamous. Point in case, my obsession has manifested in:

1. Watching all five seasons of Big Love in the course of two months – going so far as to add HBO to my Direct TV package so I could watch the last season real-time (FANTASTIC show – highly recommend);

Reading the following memoirs:

a. Lost Boy

b. Escape

c. Triumph

d. Cult Insanity

e. Stolen Innocence

3. DVR-ing “Banished: The Lost Boys of Polygamy” and “Inside Polygamy: Life in Bountiful”;

4. And, of course, catching every episode ever of:

And that brings us to this week's Trash Talk Topic:

The Brown Family

(Disclaimer: The Browns are NOT part of the FLDS cult. They call themselves Polygamous Mormons, or Fundamentalist Mormons. They wear normal clothes, the kids go to public schools, they watch (and star on) TV, etc. They are NOT a cult, and the following trash-talk is NOT bashing their religion or lifestyle, but rather their patriarch – and solely because he’s so cheesy, you can’t watch him without crackers.)

For the most part, I kinda dig the Brown Family. The kids are endearing, the wives are pretty cool (except maybe Janelle – she’s a little odd and gruff), but my question for you, dear readers, is WHAT is the appeal of KODY BROWN? How in the world has this man managed to snag not one, not two, but FOUR wives??

I mean, there’s the hair:

The CHEESEBALL smile (and, again, the hair):

The RIDICULOUSLY impractical Lexus 2-seater convertible when he has SIXTEEN children and his wives are driving Suburbans that break down on the side of the road, thus stranding said SIXTEEN children:

The age-inappropriate wardrobe symbolizing failed efforts at “cool” (check out the jeans):

The selfish decision to “go public” and subject his family of 21 to this:

Police Investigating Sister Wives Stars for Felony Bigamy

BY MIKE FLEEMAN

Update Tuesday September 28, 2010 08:00 AM EDTOriginally posted Monday September 27, 2010 10:00 PM EDT

And then, of course, there’s still the hair:

Now, I know I am both supporting and perpetuating this frighteningly bizarre phenomenon by religiously (no pun intended – har har) tuning in to TLC every Sunday night at 9:00 pm EST. But, what can I say? This show is a fascinating train-wreck from which I cannot avert my eyes. Check it out this weekend, or try to find some episodes online somewhere. And if you’re looking for enough satire, sarcasm, parody, and trash-talk out there to entertain you for days, try Google-ing Kody Brown. Trust me, you won’t be sorry.

It's My Turn Now!

2011-03-28T15:48:00.000-04:00

Yep, that's right! I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the reason I'm back? Well, because I imposed upon myself a blogging and horse-hunting hiatus that could not end until I could address you all as:

Yes, that's right, yours truly is now a Certified Public Accountant AND a Licensed Attorney at Law!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONE am I with the days of using all of my vacation for studying!

DONE am I with that nagging guilt that plagued me whenever I read a book for fun!

DONE am I with the stress-induced ulcers and splitting headaches! (Well, at least I'm leaving those up to the job now, anyway)

DONE am I with all things academic!

So done, in fact, that I have imposed yet another moratorium upon myself - this one forbidding me to engage in any academic, accreditation-related, or career altering activity for a period of ONE YEAR. I am to do nothing but my current job and take care of myself.

Hours of TV! Tons of literary trash! Afternoons of indulgent naps!

HALLELUJAH, it is FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(More tomorrow, after I come down from my prideful high...)