Life Together

LIFE HAPPENS

2015-04-11T16:21:00.000-05:00

Life happens. And sometimes it interrupts the best plans of “life together”. I write this as I realize how long it has been since my last post. Doubly annoying because we’ve crossed into yet another month. I’ll save you, Dear Readers, from a saccharin quote about time, but …

So what happened?

One week was Spring Break from school. During that I enjoyed life with children such as watching the six year old jump into a game of Trampoline Dodge Ball with kids her brother’s age and older. She had no idea what was happening, but she soon caught on and actually helped her team to victory!

The kids are great Star Wars fans. So another day, we attended an IMAX movie at the Science Museum of Minnesota. The movie was produced by NASA to showcase the Hubble Space project. Through the detailed photos and videos sent back from Hubble, we actually “experienced” lift off and traveling to the edges of our universe. We saw places where stars are born, way beyond the Galaxy called the Milky Way! Gives one a fresh perspective on time and space – eternity.

Then there was Holy Week, Passover, Easter – the religious observances that give our life together meaning on this star, in this Galaxy, and throughout universes.

And finally a week to regroup, recover and recollect the meaning of getting our life together.

NOTE TO SELF: Remember how much richer life together is when we let our own life happen, create memories and share the stories.

WHAT'S IN YOUR STORIES?

2015-03-24T13:12:00.001-05:00

“The stories we tell our children shape

what they believe to be possible.”

The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsberg

U.S. Supreme Court Justice

Everyone is a storyteller:

What stories do you tell?

Stories from your past?
Stories from your day’s experiences?
Stories from history?
Stories of your heritage?
Stories about people you know?

Do your stories tell the truth?

Do your stories inspire?

Do you listen to a child’s story?

NOTE TO SELF: Am I an authentic storyteller, worthy of a child’s trust?

LIVING TOGETHER AT ALL AGES

2015-03-20T15:04:00.001-05:00

This week I had two opportunities to witness the impact of world history on people close to me at both ends of the age spectrum. They’re examples of how history influences and affects us all throughout life. Understanding that and being able to discuss history and its impact is what living together really is about.

Monday morning, while navigating rush hour traffic to get my 11-year-old grandson to school on time, his serious conversational voice piped up from the back seat.

“Grandma? I heard that some people in India – no that’s not right. Ireland? No not there either. Somewhere beginning with an “I” people are killing Christians! And holding other people as slaves.”

“You mean Iraq?”

“No but that’s close, I think.”

“Is the “I” word Islam?”

“That’s it. Islamic State, it’s called.”

“Where have you heard about this?” I tentatively asked, not knowing what kind of crash I was heading for – literal or emotional with this compassionate, sensitive kid.

“On the news - at school from my friends.”

I gulped a bit, and double-checked that annoying blind spot before changing lanes.

“Well, Islam is another word for Muslim. Do you have Muslim friends?”

“Yes, “ he said softly. “I’d like to know what they’re talking about.”

Ah, a teachable moment. This Grandma relishes teachable moments and sometimes gives more information than was expected or wanted. But, as we were safely off the freeway, I rose to the occasion, first making it very clear that ISIS is a group of evil extremists, and not an example of true Muslims. From there we had an overview of history – beginning with familiar stories about Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Hagar and Ishmael. I threw in ideas such as – “There is only one God.” – Mentions about the Prophet Mohammed and of course Jesus, whom my 11-year-old Grand knows well. We talked about Muslims, Christians, and Jews having so much in common as People of the Book. But these were certainly not the people referring to themselves as the “Islamic State”. It was pretty succinct history lesson on a short ride, I thought. Hope it made sense to him.

As we arrived at school, he said with relief in his voice. “Thanks Grandma. That was really helpful. I think Ishmael and I can still be friends.”

Then I realized the dilemma he was facing. It was pretty sobering to this Grandma. You see, he attends a dynamic public school in the heart of South Minneapolis, Minnesota. Some of the students are not only Muslim, but they are Sommali. Minneapolis has the largest Sommali population outside of Sommalia. Al Shabab and ISIS have been targeting propaganda and recruiting campaigns at young people in this community. I don’t know that this is what he’s hearing about on the playground. But it is sobering to think my “little prince”, age 11, is already learning about the hard, violent lessons of world history and their impact close to home.

The next lesson that reminded me to pay attention to the impact of history and challenges of living together came two days later while visiting my Mother. It was her 97^th birthday. We shared coffee and cake, and as happens with older people, it was easier to reminisce about decades past than what’s going on in her life, now. Her most memorable times are also associated with evil tyrants during WWII – including battles, intelligence briefings, strategies, personalities of Generals and other leaders. Since she’s the wife of a career Air Force Officer, there are many insider type stories from their conversations in her memory bank. (The 30-year secrecy restrictions have long passed.) Today, at 97, one of the frustrations she has developing friends at the nursing home is, “they don’t know my history.”

How important it is to be aware of and pay attention to the nuances of history that shapes our relationships – as a country, as a community and most of all as individuals.

NOTE TO SELF: How successfully we live together – whether 11 or 97 - is shaped by our knowledge and understanding of facts about people and events in history.

PART 3: HAVING TROUBLE DIGGING OUT YOUR STORY?

2015-03-17T15:55:00.000-05:00

Pretend that you’re conversing with someone – an old friend, even someone that you have admired in history. What would Shakespeare think and say to you? Winston Churchill is always good for a pithy response. How about a president or king, a musician or artist, even one of your ancestors? Write a letter to that person. “Dear President Lincoln, something has always bothered me about …” or “Hey, Grandpa remember when you told me …” The writing process often shows that there is more than one way to view some one or some event in your life. It helps resolve concerns and focuses your productive energy.

Since religious faith has positively shaped my life, I frequently find myself in conversation with God. I’ve had some strong opinions to share! But I hold myself accountable for the thoughts I have, and the truth I’m telling on the page. Over the years, I believe that I’ve expanded my capacity to be objective and I’ve been rewarded with increased insights and wisdom from JC, my Journaling Companion.

Engaging in an ongoing conversation opens many avenues for rich journaling experiences – most importantly it increases your capacity for listening to your inner self, as well as for telling the truth, as you know it.

NOTE TO SELF: Journaling increases Emotional Intelligence, helps process emotions, increases self-awareness and self-confidence. “Expressive writing is a route to healing – emotionally, physically and psychologically” Dr. James Pennebaker, author of “Writing to Heal.”

PART 2: GIVE JOURNALING A TRY

2015-03-17T15:51:00.001-05:00

Grab a pen and a lined notebook, nothing fancy. (No keyboards, please!) Eventually you might choose to use an, extravagant pen. A Mont Blanc? You might even invest in a leather notebook – Louis Vuitan? Or stick with old, comfortable friends – a black Uniball and a spiral notebook. Each suitably honors what you’re asking of it. All are great for making journaling a personal ritual.

Plan to write about issues in your life for at least 20 minutes a day without interruption. So get comfortable. Your strategy - a minimum three pages a session. It takes that much to unplug your mind, see where your thoughts take you, resolve issues or engage your most creative self. Don’t quit until you’ve completed three pages – or sometimes many more.

It doesn’t matter where you begin your thoughts, what you’re writing about, or what conclusions you arrive at. Some days I just begin with the weather – and see where that leads me.

Write without ceasing. Don’t edit as you go – if you struggle to find a word – and one pops onto the page, don’t scratch it out. Use it. Make it fit your narrative somehow. That’s the entertainment factor – and of course your unconscious mind surfacing. It helps you to actively engage with your thoughts.

Keeping a journal is not the same as keeping a diary. Unlike a diary, a journal is more than a documentation of events and facts. You may begin by talking about the weather, or describing events of the day. But quickly you move to a deeper level of conversation. It can provide you with insights even blueprints to your future. But no one else will read it. I don’t even bother to go back and re-read entries. To me, once they’re on the page they lose relevancy. The words capture what I’m thinking and feeling at a certain point in time. So you’ve filled a notebook? Keep it or feel free to burn it.

NOTE TO SELF: A University of Victoria study concludes, “Writing as part of language learning has a positive correlation with intelligence… [hand]writing goals physically signals your brain “this is important.” Writing boosts memory and comprehension. It nurtures your speaking skills. It keeps you in the present moment and increases your attention span.

PART 1: BE THE JOURNALIST OF YOUR LIFE

2015-03-17T15:47:00.000-05:00

There’s a reason good reporters become award-winning journalists. Reporters may report the basic facts, who, what, why, when, where and how - the “ 5 Ws and an H” learned in journalism school. But an award-winning journalist crafts a story that also engages imaginations, clarifies the issues, and still presents the truth.

Likewise, effective people like you learn to be journalists of your life by journaling. It engages your own imagination and clarifies the issues of your story. It helps you to be aware and pay attention to the details of your past, current and future life outcomes. What happened? What could you have done differently? What do you want to happen in the future? Great journalism and journaling are important tools for shaping outcomes for the whole world.

Journaling answers the mega-question “why” …

“why things happen”
“why you are the way you are”
“why others are the way they are”
“why political, social and cultural institutions are the way they are”
“why you can, and will be, the change you want to see in your life”

Afraid that you won’t find something to say?

Pretend – “fake it ‘til you make it” so to speak. You’re not working on a best-selling literary project. You’re writing for an audience of one – yourself. The rewards are not for your literary style. But friends, family, bosses and co-workers will notice a difference in your attitudes and problem-solving abilities. Be the award-winning journalist in your life.

NOTE TO SELF: Journaling is an exploration of language. It evokes a strong connection between happiness and mindfulness. It helps you focus, and actively engage with your thoughts. It assists achieving goals by flagging relevant opportunities along the way and identifies tools to achieve your goals – a psychological blueprint.

THE POWER OF ONE - 10 BENEFITS OF JOURNALING

2015-03-10T15:38:00.001-05:00

You’re the Subject Matter Expert of your life. You hold the memories and plans of your past, your present and yes, even your future.

Hey, Subject Matter Expert, how do you tap into that deep reservoir of ideas, dreams, and facts? How do you understand the events and even relationships of your life? Or do you just let things simmer deeper in your psyche?

Even in the digital age, when keyboards are kings of all communications, writing by hand is the way to pull a life together. And regular journaling is the easiest way to engage your creative self and regain understanding and control of your life. Stream of consciousness writing brings out thoughts and ideas you never understood you had.

I’ve journaled regularly – almost daily - for decades. The days that I don’t are days that something important is missing. It feels as though I’ve purposely ignored having coffee with a good friend.

The benefits of journaling are many. I recently ran into a list of 10 from Thai Nguyen, contributor to the Huffington Post. Here’s the list and in future posts, I’ll expand on what I’ve experienced with them.

Stretches your IQ
Evokes mindfulness and a strong connection to happiness
Helps you achieve goals
Increases emotional intelligence
Boosts memory and comprehension
Strengthens your self-discipline
Improves your communication skills
Heals – emotionally, physically and psychologically
Sparks your creativity
Develops your self-confidence

If you aren’t already, begin journaling. Three pages a day, for three days at least. Just start writing – don’t edit, don’t even change a word. If it is on the page, make it fit. Try it. You’ll like it.

ARE WE LOST?

2015-03-06T13:34:00.000-06:00

"Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going." ----- Rita Mae Brown, Author

WHERE'S THE HUMOR IN FERGUSON, MO?

2015-03-04T14:40:00.000-06:00

This past year or so has been rife with incidents challenging the expectations that we live in a “civil society”. Not the least of these were “what happened” and “why” in a small town, in the middle of the country – Ferguson, Mo. Yesterday the United States Justice Department announced the conclusions of their own investigation into the criminal justice system of that town. Among the findings was evidence of the pervasively bigoted culture of the local police department. Examples included a litany of off-colored, hateful comments and jokes about Blacks that are regularly passed around the department on public emails.

Last night I watched journalist Gwen Ifill, of PBS NewsHour, interviewing two obviously knowledgeable men about the implications of the JD’s findings. She was particularly interested in her guests’ opinions about what it would take to change the culture of the Law Enforcement community in Ferguson.

Full disclosure – Gwen and both of her guests are Black. So they must have experience of what it feels like to be the brunt of bigotry, coarse humor, and have foul language directed at them.

Both men said that they believed the culture was the problem and need to be addressed. Then Gwen raised the issue specifically about the implications of the ongoing emails – passing as jokes and humor in Police Department. But she couldn’t get either guest to answer her question about the role of those types of emails in the culture. You could see the frustration on her face.

Even though they were listening, neither man heard her question. They were so prepared to discuss their own erudite assessment of the situation they missed an important opportunity to address the power of language ----- as in WORDS ---- for inciting action and perpetuating a culture!

ARGH!!! ARGH!!!! ARGH!!!!

Jokes are important storytelling vehicles. They are also passed along easily and collegially. “Did you hear the one about …” They’re part of the initiation language of the “club”. The residual images left in everyone’s mind are specific, and memorable, and frequently trigger social responses… whether a small chuckle, a belly laugh, even a companionable groan, or something more dramatic. And what makes them powerful is when the people engaging with them believe they are based on some truth – something everyone can relate to. That belief can influence other decisions and actions over time.

Last night it appeared that these two Black experts had become “immune” to the power of WORDS in a civil (or less than civil) society. It will be interesting to see if there is any more dialogue on this issue.

GUESS WHO CAME TO DINNER!

2015-02-16T12:34:00.000-06:00

Recently I enjoyed a delightful, mid-winter dinner at the home of friends. Must say that it was an “unexpected” invitation. Although these are dear friends, I’m not really in their age group or social circle and I only knew one other guest. So how the dinner came about is as great a story, as the evening activities. Here’s what happened.

One could call Dave, our host, a bit of an “over achiever” for all of the things that he’s involved with and what he does to help others. The company he works for provides technical computer support – and probably many things that I’m not aware of - to corporations. I have gathered over the years that it is a demanding schedule but not without some “perks” that few companies offer to long-time, loyal employees.

When someone has worked at the company for 10 years, they receive bonuses of 3-month sabbaticals. Here my actual knowledge of the details ends, of course. But Dave recently arrived at his 10-year tenure and he created a very unique concept as his chosen sabbatical. He decided to invite numerous friends, family and their guests to dinner at his home.

Although Dave is not culinary expert or even amateur chef, he planned menus of different gastronomical experiences for 6 guests at each meal. He researched recipes. Practiced making them. Even took a class on how to use knives correctly. Did I mention, practice?

Last night’s meal was called Norwegian Szechuan Province and included perfectly cooked salmon spiced with a crust of pistachios, boiled potatoes with parsley, grilled romaine salad (rather like Norwegian kimchi) and just the right wine – Domaine de Vaufuget Vouvray (2012). (“Note to self” having the correct wine pairing really does make a difference.) Dave also found the recipes for Norwegian desserts - delicious almond cake, and rosette cookies! None of this was in his cooking or baking repertoire before preparing for this evening’s meal! But the execution was perfect! The conversation was cordial and enthusiastic. A good time was had by all!

How we were each invited was another great story.

Being the technically savvy person, Dave wrote his own computer program for invitations and reservations. He told us that he started with a small list of friends, as a pilot for the program and to ascertain general interest in the project. He sent out the original invites to that small group – but what he forgot to disable was the next step. Before he knew it, the program actually invited his much larger, unedited, personal email list.

The response was exuberant. Reservations quickly flooded in. Of course, the guests for each dinner self-selected, based on their interest in the menus and their schedules. The first two reservations for the first evening were his boss and his mother! That could have been a challenging conversation. But the circles of guests widened and he planned for 11 evenings. (He said that number was where his time, culinary experience and creative menus ended. Frankly I doubt that … but he is a goal driven person.) However, his Mother told me that he added two more evenings and still has a waiting list!

In all Dave is preparing unique and different menus for 6 to 8 guests over 13 evenings in February including a special Mardi Gras event. And by popular demand, he has posted tips, menus, recipes and the like on his blog, Cooking Sabbatical Blog. By the end of Dave’s sabbatical, 104 people will have experienced a gracious evening of dining and conversation with people whom they may not have met, or would ordinarily not spend a winter’s evening with.

What a gift – from Dave and his wife, Kris – and from a company that honors employees so well.

“Note to self: In our busy, self-focused culture, personal invitations and thoughtful hospitality reign supreme for nurturing friendships and communities.”