the turmoil within

Walk With Me

2015-01-25T03:09:00.000+05:30

“Walk with me. Hold my hand and trust me like you do your eyes”, he said.

She trembled as she held his hand. She had only known him a little while but still trusted him.

“Where is he taking me? Is it really okay to trust him? All the stories I have heard tell me that this could lead me to my grave.” Her mind kept racing as she put one foot in front of the other.

He was more of a stranger. A familiar face in the photos she had seem of him, a voice she had gotten used to listening, but seldom had they met. She hadn’t even met him in the company of his friends.

The sound of twigs breaking, the smell of rains that were going to come and visions of everything that could possibly go wrong. He did not say a word, kept walking and guiding her. She knew he was walking in front of her. The only thing she could really feel was his hand in hers.

Although she felt secure holding his hand, she still could feel paranoia seep in. What if he let go of her hand in the middle and she might not know the way out? She tightened her grip and with eagerness to find out what lay at the end of this path, she almost urged him to walk quicker.

Suddenly she sensed him pulling her forward. A loose branch hurt her arm but she did not want to draw his attention to it. She almost gulped her cry of pain and followed him with the eagerness to see the end to this.

He finally stopped but did not say a word. She let his hand loose. She removed her blindfold and tried to soak in what lay in front of her.

Before her was a clear lake and she could see snow covered mountains at a distance. The sun peeked through the clouds. The light that touched the lake seemed to add to the beauty of the place. The water was still and she bent down to see her reflection. Suddenly realizing not seeing his face in the water she turned with alarm only to find him crouching at a distance, looking at her.

The feeling of having found him again took over her and she ran down to him to hug. Withdrawing herself slowly she asked him, “Why did you bring me here?”

He smiled and looked at her as a parent looks at their inquisitive child with adulation.

She urged him to answer and then he finally said, “I at first wanted to bring you here just to show you the place I found most serene. But then, I thought I might as well test you while doing that.”

His smile broadened and turned into a witty one as he knew what she would ask him next. Which, she did. “What test?” She asked as she took a step back.

“I wanted to blindfold you at first just for the surprise element, you see. But then I thought, I might as well see if you would trust me to take you someplace safe. I knew you would have doubts but I wanted to see what was greater, the trust or the doubt. I could have got you from another route, but I wanted to cross the forest with you to see if you would just drop your blindfold midway or ask me repeatedly where we were going. I wanted to see if you also trusted me to save you from the branches and all that could have been in there. But now I see I haven’t done a good enough job.” His voice had a pang of guilt as he touched her arm where she had been hurt.

She simply asked him to go on with his explanation.

“Then I wanted to see your reaction upon seeing the place. It was all planned, except the part where I would want to see you from a distance rather than show you around. When we got here, something in me wanted to step back and let you discover. I was almost mesmerized when you kneeled down by the river. You made this place more perfect for me somehow. And when you smiled at me and hugged me, I just realized that this small walk, test or surprise, whatever you may like to call it, was a small journey for me. I know I might have surprised you a little with the place but you, you surprised me more. By not letting my hand go, by trusting me, and letting me walk with you through it. Thank you for all of it, especially for trusting me.”

When he finished talking she held his hand and made him look at their reflection in the water. She then put her arms around his neck and said, “Thank you for beginning this journey.”

THE END

It is a fearful place, my mind

2013-04-14T03:11:00.000+05:30

It is a fearful place, my mind
It is a frightful place, my thoughts
It is the place where ghosts of the past come alive
It is a place where spirits of the dreadful future come alive

It is a fearful place, my dreams
It is a place where i am never alone
It is a place where all mistakes haunt
It is a place where every wrongdoing is repeated

It isn't a fairy-tale,

It isn't a place with castles and sand
It is a place where fragile valuables break
It is a place where hope gets torn

It is a fearful place, this chaos
It is a place where things i don't wish happen
It is a place with no escape for it is in my own mind, in my head, there just is no escape.

All a lie

2012-09-04T07:48:00.000+05:30

I kept telling myself, that the look in those eyes was a lie, it was all a lie

I kept telling myself, the warmth in the embrace was a lie, it was all a lie

I kept telling myself, the honesty in the voice was an act, another lie, it was all a lie

But something inside me said, the ending of it all, that was a dream, a lie, that was the biggest lie

The fairy-tale had ended, there was no happily ever after

The credits had rolled and the show was over

The hall was empty and all had left except me

Who sat there in hopeless faith to see more in the darkness that hovered

All alone but the shadow, all alone but my own voice

Recalling and forgetting, selectively picking from the fragments of memories

Betrayal and regrets forgotten, picking petals from thorns

But it was the first time i was experiencing, the petals hurting more, like they were nails of steel

Betrayal hurts more than anything else, for it means you had trusted

But then all wounds heal, and so will this soon be ended

Scars be left behind, right at my feet

For when i shall learn to walk again, it'll always hurt a little,

to remind me good times ended, but i can still experience

Can feel pain but also am capable of hope and numbness

So i shall walk again, in the simple hope

That whatever wrong happens will leave no more than a scar

And that the episode will be no more than a bad dream, a lie, it'll all be a lie.

Hardening With Time

2012-08-12T07:00:00.002+05:30

I was told to be strong,
Nobody taught me how to.
They told me not to cry,
But they didn't give me a reason to smile too.

They told me the wounds shall heal,
They didn't tell me about the scars that will be left behind.
They told me I should smile even when i feel low,
They didn't teach me how the pain i should hide.

I may not have been taught yet i have learnt,
This art of deception.
They may not have all been angels in my life,
But i realize their importance upon reflection.

Each one who made me cry, hardened me for the next letdown.
Each one who hurt me became a mentor of mine.
I am learning each day to be what they always told me i should,
I am mustering strength and fighting this, one step at a time, one less tear each time....

An unaccomplished task...

2012-07-20T02:45:00.000+05:30

Close my eyes and shut down life
But my thoughts drown me
My lips are sealed, there is silence all around
Yet the feeling tears me down.

There was bliss a moment back
Which was followed by an abyss
The fervor burnt me down, it was not mine to deal
The horizon was far beyond, the weariness took me down.

The shining yellow overtaking the noir
The chirping shrill taking away the ominous lull
Even then it was far from a blissful dawn, the waves were raging inside
It is only a matter of time when i shall be riding the tide, only a matter of time when in it i shall drown.

I need mo mercy, pity is not what i want
Leave me to walk this boulevard on my own
It is not you who taught me how to walk
What made you think it is you who i need to bring me up for you have never been around?

I was here is what i need to set in stone
There was more to me than my presence is what i want to prove
There shall always be a part trying to win this hurdle race
But i might give up in a heartbeat, if i even for an instance believe, i never really deserved the crown..

A snippet form "A Train To Pakistan" by Kushwant Singh

2012-07-12T03:51:00.000+05:30

Not forever does the bulbul sing
In balmy shades of bowers,
Not forever lasts the spring
Not ever blossom flowers.
Not forever reigneth joy,
Sets the sun on days of bliss,
Friendship not forever last,
They know not life, who know not this.

A Language I Didn't Know

2012-06-18T17:18:00.000+05:30

I shouted and said hello
In a language they did not know
Nobody turned, no one replied
I shall try to make the best of itThe fact that i am a tourist, an observer
An outsider to this world where my language need not be guided.

An abuse ignored, apologies easy to make
Explanations only a matter of who gives up first
Anger with the subtitles of actions
Like learning a new language knowing the translations first.

It was all good when i could say crappy things only with a smile on my face
I could call a thing expensive and walk out looking like it was beneath my taste
Oh i was turning into a fine actor, better than any i know i presumed
But it wasn't hard to fake any of these

What was really difficult was to dissipate a misunderstanding that i wanted dissolved
To tell someone how i felt
Or even worse when i wanted to say goodbye to someone i didn't want to let go
Not because i didn't know how to say it in the new language but i didn't even know the translation of such a thing in mine.

The Terrorist

2012-01-25T01:17:00.000+05:30

"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness."

The vast green
The open skies
Life was such a pleasant surprise,
Bright sunny mornings
The fresh breath of spring
The clattering of raindrops waking me
From my pleasant dreams

My family was a precious gift
To be treasured at all cost
I saw the rich smile of the fading day
Which lingered on in my thoughts
It was not to last...it was too perfect to be true..
This was my greatest fear..
the bitter truth that I knew...

Every spring is followed by a fall,
But..
I never knew this one would take my all....

Darkness has no path,
It follows no direction...
On that fine day, it came knocking my way..
It was unexpected..
Unanticipatting and carefree was me..
Evil has no limits, no boundaries entraps it...
It spreads its wings
everywhere...
There is no stopping.

I saw them,
Running around, toys of death in their hands...
Smelling out
every source of happiness..
And obliterating all innocence,
Ignoble, impassible men...hiding in the silhouette of their own dreadful past..
No reason...no logic...
Just stomping past...

We hid in a corner of our house...
Hopeful as hope was all we had..
But it was not the will of thee..
And they found us entrapped...
I saw hiding in a corner..
The debaucheries and atrocities on my own father..
My mother ran screaming helplessly
For the life of her son...

Selfless act,
But the audience was not apt...
She could only plead
Heart of stone...black blood..
I don't know why they left me,
Would have been so much easier for them and for me..
But they left, a bleeding heart, a broken soul..
My world had fallen apart..
Scattered all around in small parts..
I had no choice,
Revenge burning through my veins,
The clouds of hatred and disgust
Clouded my only escape..
I took a pledge..
In my 16 yr old mind...
I wont let them laugh it off..
Will make them pay every single dime..
Sentiments and judgment should never be mixed..
It has dire consequences that can never be fixed..

As I took upon myself to put everything at stake..
I had lost all, my family my childhood...
I thought I had it, to no more
Be the bait..

That day was one of rejuvenation for me..
I wore the dark hooded mask...
Didn’t know whether it was to hide from the innocent or to hide from thee..
Couldn’t face myself, I turned my back,
Could feel my soul bleeding..
And the blood was black..
We were few,
But we were in command..
It was raining in the dark night..
Even God was crying on our evil plan...
I saw the happy faces around,
Enjoying themselves,
just as I was when it was all taken away...
Made effervescence...

Other started the deadly facade as I watched..
I broke down,
Couldn't think,couldn't stand anymore..
No, don't test me..test me no more....
Once again evil had its eyes set on me,
I was standing with a man
Begging at my feet, searching for some sign of humanity
Hope or sanity left in me..
The other pushed me on..
Urged me to go for it,
To take the life that was not mine to take

I pointed the crafty pet of Satan at the man's head..
I was in a state of oblivion,
I was shivering I was quivering..
I had it in me no more..
I was just a naïve child..
Enraged and who couldn't control his own mind....

As the coxing grew louder
My heart came in my mouth...
I was gasping for every breath..
My vision was blurred, tears filled my bloodshot eyes..

My mind and heart..
Fought the great battle between good and evil...
Killing a man, portraying my own reflection...
Is like killing your soul,killing it whole..

I had the choice, I was his God..
The noises grew louder..
As my body came back to senses..
I had taken the decision
I had made my choice..
The dilemma was over...
As instinct took over..

“to err is human, to forgive is divine”

I held my breath and fired the shot..
It was done, it was over..
I had killed the innocent man,but..
It was me who fell over...

My life: an untold story

2012-01-17T01:21:00.000+05:30

My life has twists and turns like that in a thriller or like that in a comedy movie
It seems like I could write a book on it or a motion picture that tells my story.

It is funny how it suddenly turns unexpectedly, does things I never expect would happen
And then when I am just about happy with the surprises, it drives me into a lane of melancholy

It doesn’t pace up the events I want to be over with soon enough and the ones I wish to live don’t last
And when I pause and reflect, I see like it is an amusing journey

Of a person who walks alone but sometimes has a person to keep them company
Like it were a story I had read, or something I had seen in a movie

So now I get back to acting my part of a protagonist (a powerful one I wish to see her as),
As this, will continue to be written as I live my years and complete only when I myself become history.

Fake friend or Real?

2012-01-04T07:10:00.000+05:30

Give me neither the red carpet nor the cushioned recliners
Give me neither the single occupancy rooms nor the exquisite brunches
Give me the familiarity of my house or the college street
Give me my friends who don’t judge me with my wallet, nor those false pretenses.

Give me neither the shallow laughter nor those who smile to mask their greed
Give me neither those who throw stones at me nor the ones more cunning than a thug
Give me those who when I fall will laugh till their jaw hurts
Give me those who but if i shall cry not let the cause be dismissed with a shrug.

The former are all bent for they are weighed down by their wallets,
They are all crooked for the hollow society is their mould,
Their loyalties rest in the bills that are showered on them, for them
And like commodities, their interests to the highest bidder shall be sold.

It is not what I want for me or my life,
Neither for you or anyone else;
To be surrounded by people fake and cunning, but for all
To open and check if there is a pearl within or just an empty shell?

The Promise of tomorrow

2012-01-02T10:22:00.000+05:30

Land rich with food

Enough for all men...

to take and to share,

to give all that is to be given....

Happiness all around

Shouts filled with elation within....

lush greenfarms...

and rains pouring in...

No boundaries for thoughts, no borders to cross....

freedom to reach out , to absorb,

to be , whatever we

want to be....

where the sky is bright,

filled with blue and white....

every school and every college

shines in the bright light of knowledge....

All paths are leading to prosperity, integrity and Sovereignty,

where all rise above discriminations of race and religion

and appreciate the inner beauty..

hear me , hear me...

this is my prayer to thee'

this is the promise of tomorrow,

this is how I want my world to be.....

The Asylum of Darkness: THEDARK side

2011-12-15T10:43:00.000+05:30

It is there, thumping…

In a corner, lurking around

Breathing, slow, heavy, harsh breaths

It enjoys the darkness, turns blue to black,

The smell of remorse and grief are like flowers laid along its track

It feeds on laughter and joy,

Play’s with your emotions, like they were some broken toy,

It kills the senses, you see nothing butblack,

It eats you from within…leaves you an empty rickety rack

Chain it down,

stop it. Don’t let it be awake….it will take away all..

All that is to take…

As night finds its way,

Loneliness comes and takes it all away,

And one fine day you find yourself stranded,looking at fear straight in the eye…

Alone at the crossroads, with no one around, and no were to go…you only wish if you could die…

That is when you turn around,

Head hung down…

That is when you can’t face it, can’t beer to stand alone anymore...

Anguish and despair hold you by your arms and take you back

On that very path you feared for so long…

To call upon it….to knock those somnolentdoors,

It won’t stop now;it’s bound to happen,

I feel the shadows creeping on me,

Feelings being ripped apart, shredded to smithereens.

It’s making its way, crawling out of its slumber,

Shaking and crumbling all in its way…the ground below is quivering

It is awake, and your only companion now,

You can’t run and you can’t hide...

It’s coming for you; it is coming to stand by your side…

Accept it, Embrace it, it is now a part of you…

It is your DARK SIDE!!

What If...

2011-12-06T23:21:00.001+05:30

A different attempt this time. Enjoy reading!!!

Security. A word that defined the way Samar lived. Financial security was the reason behind his low paying government job, emotional security was the reason why he was still living with his parents, but living, he hardly did any of that.If there ever were moments that he “felt” life, they were very few but the moments were very simple and to him, priceless.

He had felt happiness in being alive when he experienced the air whistling in his ears while he rode his bike. He had found the joy of living when he was served that yummiest butter chicken at one of the roadside dhabas.(* How ironical isn’t it, he felt lucky to be living when he ate a dead animal?*) He didn’t remember the name of that dhaba and hated himself for it. He had found the joy of living when the falling raindrops and the cool breeze made it difficult for him to stand yet he stood there to experience it.

But he had lived these moments when he was young and to him, now times and changed and he had to act responsible. So he never went on those rides where he would push himself further than the 60kmph mark or when he would allow himself to not wear a helmet when the weather was nice.
He never went to any dhaba anymore, as he had tried enough times and failed that many to find that place again. (he thought on leaving chicken, but to him that was more than remorse). The only moments when he now experienced rain was when he was on his bike and it rained suddenly, but he had a raincoat in the boot of his bike to make sure he doesn't get drenched. He did trace the drops stuck on the window’s path towards the bottom end of the window pane though and somewhere longed to get wet again, he longed to do all those things again, but he always had a voice inside him reminding him the one question he had repeatedly asked himself over the years, “what if”?

What if he rode without the helmet and met with an accident? What if he let himself try all the dhabasand never find that one place again? What if he got wet and got himself sick? He had started asking himself these questions in order to act responsible but now, as it turned out, it had become his paranoia. He believed every pleasure let lose a side of you that would lead to an act of foolishness. The consequences of which could harm him emotionally or physically. The very thought of finding the place where the dhaba once stood and now it being the land where petrol pump would stain his best memory forever. He was afraid now, afraid to let lose the vulnerable side of him.

Samar was not the kind of a guy who would attract any attention as he mingled easily with the crowd. He had nothing unusual or outstanding about him or his appearance that would make anybody notice him. He was the wheatish complexioned 27 year old man, heighted 5’10”, medium built who dressed simplistically. He was the perfect common-man.

After 5 years into his job, Samar finally got a promotion. His pay had increased and he was elated. He hopped onto his bike, and soon as he did, small drops started falling on his hand. He looked at the skies above and tried embracing the slight breeze by opening his arms wide. The drops tempted him to experience them the way he used to. The breeze teased him by fading away after every few strokes. He longed to have the same experiences again. He wanted to have that silly, irresponsible, unsafe bike ride again. It was like God had offered him his favourite chocolate in the morning and now was handing him over the candy that could bring back his childhood memories. All he had to do was to let the child in him push his hand forward for the now dull and responsible Samar, and push hard it did.

Samar hung his helmet on his hand, turned on the ignition and accelerated the bike. He had made up his mind, he was going to find that dhaba today. He set out in search for it. His friends had drove him there while he was fast asleep and while coming back, the well fed tummy had dozed him back. Nobody remembered the place as they were lost already when they had found it and were sloshed on their way back. Guessing and enjoying the rains he eventually did find the dhaba. He had tried losing his way from Chandigarh to Delhi again but starting from Delhi this time and as he had known God’s hand on his shoulder for the day, he eventually found it. The chicken tasted just the same and just as amazing. He raised his head upwards and thanked the heaven for granting his wishes. It was still raining when we was on his way back home. He hadn’t been happier than this in years.

He rode at the speed of 80kmph and was enjoying the breeze. His swollen tummy got him a few burps in between and he would smile at finally having found the place. Though it wasn’t raining anymore but the road was slippery. He was singing to himself when a truck with a drunk driver inside hit him. With the jerk from behind, the bike went sliding forward, and his body was thrown off it. As he hit the road, he landed head first. The helmet rolled alongside but got weirdly stuck in his arm. The blood flowed and got diluted in the puddles of the now over rains. He died on the spot. But he died content.

Since college he had been nothing but a rat and forgot about his desires. Feeding his family, keeping his boss happy and not thinking about joys but responsibility were all that occupied his mind since the age of 22 and the only day he kept these aside was the day he died.

His life as a rat started with a “what if” for himself but ended with a “was it”. Was it god’s evil plot to grant him everything he wanted before taking his life or was his loosening himself that led to his death? Both are likely. But for all we know the question mark shall remain there forever and there is always one in our minds too. For the rebels it is “why not? “, for the complacent ones “why me?”, for the ones with a positive attitude “what next? “ and for the paranoid ones like Samar, it is and shall always remain “ what if?”. It isn’t right to be of one kind always but it isn’t right to switch sides immediately also. Samar lost his life to it and leaves you with one question, what if it turns out that thedhaba wasn’t the same place where he had eaten those 8 years back? As for all he knew the chicken tasted the same.

MY SOUL

2011-12-05T00:41:00.001+05:30

I remember you today running down the hall

to greet me even if you were sleeping,

adhearing to every single call,

chasing you around the house,

as if you were some mouse.

You hid beneath the sofa set

and I was waiting for the ball that you went to fetch.

Sleeping in positions that would be hard to imagine.

Bringing a smile to my face every single time I saw you sleeping.

Walks at odd hours

with you besides me were never scary.

Today even the thought of it

makes me weary and shivery.

There is a lot more fromwhere these have come.

Memories of the time spent together

which I will cherish all along.

The small things that were a part of my life

are long lost and will never come back

no matter
how much I strive.

The night was dark,

sullen and sinking was my heart,

watching you painfully fight death,

the inevitable that was to come.

Finally a sigh of relief

when I took you from the doc’s room to the car.

You lifted your head and saw me once in that final hour

I said :”you’ll be ok!!”

That was the only line I had left to say.

You rested your head on my arm,

Then all of a sudden, your head shifted with the slight movement,

and silence fell over the hour.

I knew, it was the end

but did not want to believe.

My friend, my childhood, my brother, my family

were all gone

but, I was not ready to believe.

As we rushed back, desperate to catch any glimmer of hope

but doctor said “nothing can be done, the situation is out of my scope”.

The silence of the dark fell on me and clouded my mind

and in a long long time,

I felt I was alone in this panoramic world of mine.

Taking you home as you lay limp,

Thinking of you, as memories flashed through my Stone Age mind.

I felt the crack wide open as feelings swarmed in,

But not a tear I shed as I walked back home

Thinking was it me? Was it my carelessness? Could I have done something to change the tide of time? To save the one who was truly mine!

Burying you with all the feelings I had

As I patted you for that one last time on your back.

My heart was filled with foreign things, but nothing could be done as it was finally time for my awakening.

You will live long as you are a part of me.

You are my solitude, my feelings and my soul

Buried in a 4 by 4 whole.

I will miss you the most no matter what,

You are the brother I never had,

The one who knew all, All that I had!!

As I Leave..

2011-12-03T00:19:00.001+05:30

“I have to leave right now, but I shall come back soon

Please wait while you can, for when it gets too hard, let me know

I might not even be able to come then, but at least I would know nobody is waiting

I may not be able to make your life more comfortable, but when it’s not

Smile for me, just a little, whenever you think it is fading”

“You ask too much of me, you give me too much hope

You ask me to wait for you as you leave.

You let me know your true feelings

For if you don’t return as I grow older, I might only grow weaker

I would feel guilty but know that I might not, after all, wait forever.”

What came out the mouth of these lovers were what they felt as one departed

Was it love, loneliness or anger speaking, I know not

There was too much to lose to make him stop, she knew

And it would be too late when he came back

She might not wait all this while, she should not, is what he thought

He didn’t want to take all hope away from her

He knew he was leaving her alone

So he gave that dim light of him coming back

When he knew he was going forever

Something even she knew but did not want to admit, it was a nightmare for her

She would get used to it, of not having him around

He was leaving not because he was forced to, he had made a tough choice

To go and not turn back again

To leave her where she stood forever

He was going to let her go, even though he loved her too much and would continue to do so forever and ever..

I Wanna Be Me

2011-12-02T14:51:00.000+05:30

In the darkness of the night
I walk on a path unknown
I don’t know where this leads to
I don’t know what I might find

All I know is that it’ll lead me to a place unknown
All I know is that there nobody shall judge me

All I know is that there all my masks shall be off
I would be truly myself there, more so I’d let myself be..

Why does it so happen that there are layers to one’s personality?
Each more opaque, the more superficial it gets
There is a tinge of color in the one closest to your soul
And well the color is black

This is where the secrets lie
This is where jealousy is born
This is where you are truly yourself
This is where if anybody was to judge you, would only find you wrong

This is where the demon sleeps
But also is attached to a layer superficial
This hides the dormant evil
This is only given a slight sheen

So now I take off the cloak of goodness
And walk by myself
I let the dark hide the dark side of me
So that by the time it is morning, I am comfortable.. Comfortable being ME..

Please Smile For Me This One Last Time

2011-12-01T22:50:00.001+05:30

Put on your best smile and look at me for one last time
Don’t say anything to me this time, don't put on a frown, oh please no, not this one last time
I have only darkness to surround me, to it I shall succumb
Please smile for me this one last time, oh please.

I knew I might not live forever, who does

I am glad to not see you go at least, but even leaving you alone is tough
I would want you to be happy always; even after I am gone I don’t want you to grieve
So please smile for me this one last time, oh please.

I shall succumb to this illness and not live to see tomorrow
But I am glad I knew you in my short life on the earth
And now I might have to greet the angels for they have waited too long
Don’t make it tough for me to let go, please let me see you smile this one last time as I close my eyes forever,
Please smile for me even through your tears, this one last time, oh please..

The Sheer Beauty That Was Her

2011-11-30T23:22:00.001+05:30

“Sir, would you like another coffee?”
“No, thank you. Just get me the cheque please.”
His eyes still remained fixed outside,
His hands on the table alongside the 4 empty cups.

He sat there every day,
And placed the same order
He would look out the window overlooking the street,
Sitting all alone with his eyes focussed, not letting them wander.

At this time a tall slender figure would walk out the bank,
Her delicate hands holding a purse, file or putting away her black silky locks,

She would walk cautiously to the parking and away from his sight
And he would keep staring at her, looking at her through the wall of glass, always dressed up

As if he got ready everyday to go and talk to her
But never had the courage enough so would simply sit and gaze
Gaze at her sheer beauty, and at the grace she had
He had once even met her but it passed too early as he was in a daze

Since then he had crossed her path once,
But she hadn’t recognised her,
Why would she remember the small encounter, he wasn’t so special
And in spite of that, he to this day, after months, still sat by the window simply to marvel at the epitome of beauty that was her..

A Plain Sheet Of Paper

2011-11-30T00:01:00.001+05:30

We all have a clean slate to start our lives with
Which we blot with our mistakes
Then take a peek into others’
As if to cheat in this life’s test.

Mine has too many strike through
Too many that it looks as if I am the most imperfect

But then when I see what did I actually cut
I don’t feel bad about it or sit and fret

Coz there was a time in my life
When the things I did were what I wanted to do
Some decisions were right so are overlooked
The ones that were wrong are equally mine and I say it with no regret.

I would rather have a blotted sheet of paper that speaks of my life
Than to have one as clean as the given slate
For at least I tried and failed than not try at all
I willed more than the weak-hearted, at least I dared.

Make me a phoenix

2011-11-28T06:03:00.001+05:30

Make me a phoenix and give me those years to live
To experience like the unwise and then learn all there is to learn
Make me a phoenix for then I shall experience all that there is to life
Then from my remains let me be reborn

The past erased like it was somebody else’s
Burn to flames my mistakes and all those experiences

Then let me live once again like I never have
Let me build a new life for me, let me rise again from my own ashes..

When You Left

2011-11-28T02:26:00.001+05:30

You left footprints in the sand and i know it for sure
I had only turned around for a second
And couldn’t find them anymore
The wave took the impressions with it
But left the very same sand
And now as i am not sure where you went
So right there i still stand

A Was and A Will Be

2011-11-28T02:16:00.001+05:30

There is a was, the reason we cry..
But there also is a will be, which is why you should smile :)

A Dark Outline With A Darker Shadow

2011-11-27T00:16:00.001+05:30

At dusk i saw an outline
A dark outline with a darker shadow
I could see it moving
I could see it approaching
With fear there was a curiosity in me
To see the face that belonged to the outline,
That belonged to the shadow

I expected it to be dark
I expected scars, marks of stitches
I tried to lean in to steal a glimpse

Even when my legs were shaking
Yet something about the way the outline moved
I felt the danger wasn't so grave,
Yet my heart was pounding

Was my strength because of my faith in the divine
Or was it only the curiosity building up in me
That momentarily overlooked the danger that lay in front
Is something i don't have answer to
I couldn't take a step forward
But back also i went very little

The figure finally came there
A few steps away
I stood fixed
Hoping to see the face
And praying not to be seen
I hoped the tree hid me well
I prayed to be the chameleon hiding in the dark

To my relief i wasn't spotted
Or was i simply overlooked i don't know for sure
As the figure ran past me
The dead leaves crushing under his soles made noises
That didn't simply die after him
It only increased manifold
And it approached him in a speed faster than his

He had tilak on his forehead
And his eyes had burning flames
The ones that came after also had eyes bloodshot like his
But they had kohl adding black to the red
It was a war, a war of religion
Whose fault it was i don't know and have no interest in

For all i know i was spared
Spared of potential danger
When my mind itself had stopped working
I was spared by a stranger
My curiosity could have ended me in a situation i pray everyday not to land in

Yet i was standing there,
Just to see what was happening

It's been years since,
And i ask myself this question everyday without fail
Why did i want to see what was happening
Why did my eyes want to give a face to the dark outline
All i know now to my satisfaction is
There once was me in a dangerous situation,
Saved by a probable culprit, a possibly dead stranger....

Tending To My Wounds

2011-11-26T23:31:00.001+05:30

There were times when we fell down and bruised our knees,
And people would come sprinting after us just to get us back on our feet,
The injuries were hardly there yet there was a deep concern,
And with age the same feeling would never return.

You fall down and stand up before anyone sees you,
You hurt yourself and bandage it too, cover it with your clothes so that no one can even see the bruise,

Such is the tale time tells me, to become more independent by the day,
To get hurt and let it heal by itself, lean on a crutch if I have to, but no, not on a shoulder, not even for a day..

A Place With No Names

2011-11-25T23:25:00.001+05:30

A different attempt.. posted with second thoughts.. *fingers crossed*

What would it be like to have no name?
It would be mostly be the same for everyone: 'hey', for a friend, foe or acquaintance
I wonder what would be like when I would want to call someone
Would I touch their arm or wave from a distance?

It is funny to imagine the chaos it would create
Some guys would have pounding hearts when they'd see a hot girl waving from a distance

Some would simply shout abuses for turning many times when not having been called
And some would just shout at those passing by, to laugh at the sheer nuisance.

When someone would owe a debt, they'd never turn around
How easy would it be to lie, to say "I never got your call", for instance
But as much as it is funny, it would get irritating
Who would want to be called short, fat or bald; my silly name is better than being called Little Scary Princess