Books, Life n More

Learning New Things!!

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Mon, 16 Jan 2023 10:12:00 +0000

There was a time when my bio would have started with "An Avid Reader" but as I was thinking today I realized that reading is constant in my life but I have evolved and it doesn't define who I am...

I am more & have grown a lot...

I have seen & survived a lot...

A cancer survivor by luck...

A foodie by choice...

Continuing to live life as it comes...

and I have realised

I do not have patience to listen only to your life problems and issues...

I have mine but I take them in my stride and move forward...

I give a truckload of nothing to what you do with your life...

Because I have my own issues and would rather not have anyone comment on them...

Life is precious, let us live it the way it should be...

Let's be thankful for what we have...

Chin up and march ahead...

Surviving 2022 - My Tryst with the Big C

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Wed, 23 Nov 2022 10:17:00 +0000

When a year passes by you sit back and take stock of how the year was; 2022 for me was a land mark year, it took me to a path that I had never imagined. Life threw me a curveball and proved yet again that we can not predict anything.

I lost my father to liver Cancer in Dec 2017 (I have already written about it here & here) and the whole experience affected me in a manner that I can't put in words. I had this illogical fear of getting Cancer and a vicious circle of negative thoughts would take over where I would assume the worst and put myself in a major frenzy. The whole situation snowballed to a point that I would start visiting doctors for the smallest of issues. Then one day I spoke out about my fears out loud to a doctor. He was kind enough to steer me back towards sanity and put some logic to my brain.

Though my fear didn't go away completely but life took over, there were bigger worries and I started living my life. A not so healthy life if I may say so myself. And then came the event which changed each of us forever CoVid.

The Pandemic taught us a lot, we all suffered losses one way or the other. On the one hand it taught us to survive with what we had but in other ways we all suffered setbacks. Many things of priority were delayed and one such thing for me was my annual health check-up. I had my last check-up in the first quarter of 2019 and was scheduled to have the next one in March/ April 2020 i.e. just before the pandemic had hit all of us. Once the immediate effect of Pandemic ebbed down and hospitals were open for Health Checkup I had booked my appointment at Sri HN Reliance Foundation Hospital for January 2022. But fate again played its part. We were struck by the third wave, and I had to wait a little more before venturing to a hospital.

I finally went for my health checkup on 26th April 2022 and all my check-ups were going smoothly and I was looking forward to getting finished by 1 PM and reaching home on time. Things changed when I went for the Sonography. The procedure took more time than usual, yet I wasn’t worried because I knew I had fibroids. But after a while when another senior doctor came in my curiosity got better of me, and I asked her if there was any issue. To which she replied that she could see a growth on my right kidney and the doctor would guide me in detail during consultation. I though she must be talking about stones but no, there was a tissue type growth.

After the sonography I was sent to physician who made me look at this a little seriously. She discussed all my other parameters but was stuck on the findings of the Sonography. The growth was on my right Kidney, and it was a mass of tissue & her seriousness made me change my outlook especially when she wrote PRIORITY on her prescription and kept on repeating that I need to get either CT scan or MRI as soon as possible. The urgency in her tone made me decide to get the CT Scan done there & then; provided they could fit me in.

That decision of mine got the ball rolling for something that I had imagined but hoped would never come true. I was advised to go through a Contrast CT scan & for that they had put an IV in my hand & was advised not to eat anything till the Scan was complete. After the first scan I was supposed to wait for 15-20 mins to get the IV removed but there were issues in my 1st scan and I had to get it done again and to cut the long story short the whole process took me more than 2 hours and I was finally free by evening. And boy was I hungry! I managed to grab something super quickly (I need to thank the hospital staff for that) and rushed home which was some 30 kms away. By the time I reached home I was both stressed but in denial and hoping this wouldn’t be something serious. Yes, I was scared but did not really express it to my husband, I guess it was if I say my worst fear out loud and it comes true?

Next morning, I rushed to give a training program and was in the basement of a hotel with no coverage on my mobile. When my Boss asked about how the check-up went, I told him about the growth, he was kind of worried and that worried me. After a few follow ups and in the middle of the training session I received a call from the hospital confirming that they have mailed the report to me. I stepped out, opened the report but did not really understand it, handed over the report to my boss and continued with the training session. A little while later my boss stepped towards me, handed over the mobile back to me (which had the report), “this is serious please consult a doctor immediately.”

When we were done for the day, and I was still casual about the report until he showed me these three words in the report - “likely Renal Cancer”. It had the desired effect, it jolted me out of the denial. The return trip to home was the only time when I cried during what was to come. I guess the uncertainty & my past experience was fueling my fear. I was imagining the worst. I was thinking about my 11-year-old son and cried a little more.

Once I reached home, I & hubby discussed the report and decided to call my mother so that we could connect to my Mamaji who is a doctor and whose opinion we trust the most. It was a difficult call to make, my mom had already faced so much during my dad’s time plus I knew I would break down if I made that call. My husband made the call, gave them the background & the verdict from my Mamaji was, “it is a tumor which HAS to be removed, be prepared for a surgery”. That was the first time we gave it a name that I was scared of “Tumor”. But I must add that despite the situation my mom was a trooper, she was like do not be scared and do not worry, there is a problem, and we will get it resolved. I am strong, you are strong, and we will defeat this.

With that thought process we got into the groove and the next few hours or days are a blur. We decided to show at HN Hospital only because we knew it would provide us the best care. We chose the Urosurgeon doctor from the website who had the most experience and boy were we lucky!

We went in for the consultation the next day & it was one of the most surreal & out of body experiences for me. Our doctor, Dr, Percy Chibber studied my report for 10 mins, turned around and said, “we have two choices to make, whether we have to take the whole of your right kidney out or just scrape a part of it; when we remove the tumor, but that's a call we will take during the surgery.”

I do not know what we were expecting to hear but this was not it. My husband was first to break through the reverie we were in, and his question was, can medicines not do anything and shouldn’t we be doing a biopsy first?

It was then that I got the 2nd shocker. In the words of the doctor, the size (approx 5”) and nature of the tumor was such that It was a foregone conclusion that it was malignant or if I may use the C word, it was “Cancer”. It had been living in my body and had I not gone for the routine check-up it would have spread conveniently (it was already touching my liver).

We both were in shock and decided then and there that we would go by the doctor’s advice and get the surgery done ASAP. Next couple of hours went in a jiffy. My Nephrectomy surgery was scheduled for 4th May, we finished the pre-surgery formalities and by the time we reached home we were drained mentally & physically.

A incident I can not forget during the pre surgery formalities was the nurse asking me why is your BP High? I was like, I have just been told I have a tumor which is cancerous, and I am having a Nephrectomy in 6 days, and you are asking why is my BP High!!!

The next 5 days were slow & passed in a daze. We decided neither to google nor to discuss the issue with many people. Only the immediate family members were informed & I chose not to take calls from relatives. I preferred isolating myself over listening to sympathetic voices and questions on, how could this happen, you are so young, we are so sad, this happened to one of my relatives and who is no more now, we are so sad that we are unable to eat etc. etc. I decided to close myself to the outside noise and chose to be relaxed. We continued with our normal routine and doing normal things we do as a family.

The plan was simple, we had something in my body, and it had to be removed. My Mom came in a day before I was to get hospitalised & I pride myself in not crying when she came in. But yes, her arrival gave me strength.

The other elephant in the room was my son. We did not hide anything from him, he was aware about everything. He was with us when we had visited the hospital and he was aware of every single decision we took. He was trying to be strong, but I can never forget him hiding in the bedroom and wiping off his tears as we were leaving for the hospital because at the end of the day he is just an 11-year-old. Yes, he was scared but unable to express himself. I do not know how I would have handled him if he had broken down in front of me because we were all trying to be strong for each of us.

Was I scared? Not really! But yes, I was in a daze and wanted to be done with whatever was coming, if they had to remove a kidney, I was prepared but I wanted to be done with it. I was to be hospitalised on 3rd May & were to leave once the hospital called us to inform us that our room was ready. I cannot tell you how many times I called the hospital to enquire about when we can come because I wanted to be done with it. My Mom was laughing at me, “don’t think they have any other patient who is as eager as you to get hospitalised.” I guess I was unable to take in the uncertainty.

I remember walking into my hospital room later in the evening and getting this surreal feeling looking at the fully equipped hospital bed. I looked at my husband and said, “I cannot sleep on this, I am perfectly ok, it feels odd to even lie down on this”. That thought process and approach followed me till the time I was operated on and during my healing also. Every time a doctor & nurse would visit me & ask, what is the problem that you are facing, my standard answer was “nothing, they found this tumor which needs to be removed otherwise I am completely fine, yeah I need to lose weight but that's a topic for a different day”. The night before the surgery was hectic, so many nurses walked in & out that I cannot even remember the count. Next morning I was wheeled out at 7:30 AM and taken into the Operation Theatre by 8:30 AM. All I remember is getting anesthesia, joking with the doctors about the super cold room and then drifting to unconsciousness and then I remember being woken up at 12:30 PM.

And then began my road to recovery which to be very honest was nothing but boring. It’s been 20 years that I have been working and then to suddenly lie on a bed and to not be able to do anything was more boring than painful. I would wake up every day and feel bogged down by the full day ahead of me and the weakness from the surgery was not helping either. Due to the CoVid restrictions visitors were not allowed and it was just me, my husband & the TV.

I will not bore you further with how I recovered.....

I was discharged in 5 days and when we went in 5 days later for check-up, we came face to face with the Biopsy report. It was indeed a stage 2 Renal Cancer; I had literally dodged a bullet. I took a month's medical leave to recuperate, and it has now more than 6 months to the surgery and besides few issues I am almost back to my normal self.

I strongly feel that our attitude decides a lot for us. I chose to remain positive & kept saying to myself that I need to come out stronger from this. I should be thankful that I came to know about this in time and I am getting out of the situation. I should be thankful that I am in a place where I could get the surgery done within 5 days, I had the means & thankfully my company was such that it supported me through & through.

I was thankful to be surrounded by people who were as positive as I was, be it my husband who I feel has more confidence in me than I have in myself because he kept pushing me to get up & be normal after the surgery, or my mother who despite all her recent loses was positive that we will come out of this with a win, or my boss & colleagues who had nothing but positive words and gave me full support. In such times we need to surround ourselves with people who have a positive outlook to life who will push you to take everything normally and move ahead.

It is in such times that we understand the beauty that life is. We should not ignore our health and we should not ignore the Annual Health Check-ups. I still shudder when I think that had this tumor not been diagnosed in time and had It spread further things might not have been as smooth for me as they are now. And that is why I thank my stars & God every single day, I count my blessings that I came out of the situation with several scars but alive. We should not take life lightly and live every day as it might be your last day because you never know what’s there on the next turn.

Where do we go from here?

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Thu, 30 Jun 2022 16:08:00 +0000

Life is such that it keeps on going...

We keep moving with the flow....

We let life take control....

We let things happen....

We get comfortable with Status Quo....

We get comofrtable with routine......

And then comes a day which change everything.....

Our beliefs are shattered...

We start questioning everything around us...

We start taking stock of simplest things......

We look at everything with fresh eyes....

Like when it rains and clears everything around us....

In such tough times we need to choose a path.....

The path to positive thoughts.....

Or.......

The path that takes you down a rabbit hole...

I chose the former.....

I chose positivity......

Am living to tell the tale......

Hopefully......

Under Lock-Down - Things I miss

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 06:15:00 +0000

We are in the 4th month of Lock-down and I have been working from home from around 18th March and today is the day when I get time to dust away the cobwebs from this place.

So three months down the line what are the things that I am missing most

The comfortable office chair which could be twisted to any angle.
The Cappuccino from the CCD store at office!! Man I love the coffee I make but there is something about CCD that I miss!
The Chilly Paneer served in our office canteen and which we used to have with Tandoori Roti. Yeah weird but amazing combo.
Those mini breaks that we used to take for coffee and gupshup.
We usually used to go out on Saturday afternoons and when I look out of my balcony at that precise time I feel a pang. But honestly and strangely I do not feel like going out at all. And it is surprising because I am one of those people who need to go out every week to rejuvenate.
Stepping out in the rain to have hot Vada Paav or Onion pakoda
The right to crib about Mumbai rains and how difficult it is to travel :D
The fun of going to a super market and going berserk with buying random stuff.
The executive Lounge of my office and the Lavish Chaat Buffet of Friday's. Man! I am craving for those golgappa's.
Ratlami Sev!!! Hey! those are out of stock here!!
Gulajamun's!! I guess I need to cook them one of these days.
The Fruit Chakli and other baked items served in our office bakery!!!
The freedom to go to our favourite small restaurant which serves basic home made meals! Though I love cooking but there are days when you want a break from your own food and that's when I miss this place.

Things that I am not missing....may be next post!

Leaving you with this image clicked from my balcony

Mind Your Language!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Wed, 22 Jan 2020 04:33:00 +0000

So this fine day we were watching something on the TV when the brat exclaimed..."What the Fu"

I was like what?? What did you just say???

Brat: Nothing Mamma!!!

Me: No!!!! you said something......

I was persistent and was trying to ignore the looks from Hubby who was trying to make me understand that I was digging my grave by insisting on knowing on what the brat said.

Brat: I just said what the Fun!!!!

Me: Excuse me???

Brat: What the Fun!!!!

Me: Never say that again!

Brat: But what is wrong in saying what the Fun!!!!

Me: Nothing! You will not repeat it!!!

Brat: But tell me what is wrong in saying what the fun!!!!

I decided to do the mature thing and just walked off!!! Steadily ignoring the smirk on husband's face which meant "I told you so"!!!!

And then it was another fine day when we were heading towards Brats school for a meeting

Brat: Mamma!! you know in our class kids keep showing middle finger!

Remembered the lesson learned and decides to ignore

Brat: I know the meaning but I never use it!!!

Me: What????? Who told you the meaning!!!

Ya my self control is exemplary.

Brat: Daddy!!!!

When I looked at the father of my child he was squirming in his seat and said " I don't know what he is talking about and I haven't told him anything".

I decided to take the plunge!!!

Me: So what does it mean????

Ya ya I know I shouldn't have asked but well sue me for being curious!!!

Brat: Go to hell!!! It means Go to hell!!!

Well, I realized this knowledge was better than the real meaning!!!

Say What?

All In A Day - Day 1

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 16:29:00 +0000

So, I was going through Pepper's Blog and realised that it is that time of the year when many of us try to get back into blogging through April A-Z Challenge. Her post motivated me to give this a try. Though I can not begin to think of a theme but I know I am not someone who can work under pressure & a theme. So let us take one day at a time.

The above words were written yesterday morning and then I could not complete the post. I even tried finishing it at 10 PM but got distracted.

So here I am cheating & posting it on a back date and hoping I will do better over the next few days. And that is how my life is right, we take each as it comes and there are so many things to be fit in A day that the day flies by.

Cancer up close and Personal!

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Mon, 04 Feb 2019 17:25:00 +0000

Cancer is one of the most dreaded word in recent times. I came face to face with it when a senior of mine was diagnosed with it some 25 years back. She however conquered it and came back as a classmate of mine and eventually we went on to become good/ inseparable friends but I don't remember ever talking to her about Cancer.

Post that I kept hearing horror stories about Cancer and always dreaded it. But honestly speaking it didn't really affect me and I am ashamed to accept that I used to wonder why people use the term "Cancer survivor" in their bios. I used to think OK they managed to fight it off but then does it become your identity for your whole life??

Now I know better!!! And from the bottom of my heart I apologize for my thought process!

When I see Sonali Bendra/ Tahira Kashyap / Irfaan Khan (those are the popular faces) telling people to fight Cancer with their might and to take each day as it comes; I applaud them on their courage. It take a lot to wake up every day and be hopeful that life will play the cards that you want despite knowing what the statistics say and most importantly what your doctor says. And to smile in such circumstances takes a hell lot of courage and when I say that I mean it because I can not even think of smiling and can not believe how people can be so courageous in the face of such a mighty disease.

When I see Mr. Parrikar and I remember my father; it is his story that resonates with mine. Despite all his will to live my father was in too much pain. He was so frail and though he wanted to live but it was very difficult to be positive, optimistic and to smile. His last few months were painful for him and our whole family. It was so difficult to see him slip away from our hands every minute & every second. I wish we had more time to fight this bugger off! I wish it wasn't Lever cancer which doesn't leave people with much time to live by the time it is diagnosed. I wish it wasn't cancer.

To be told that he has just few months to live was just out of movie scene, a scene which we have seen numerous times but never really thought would play in our lives.

Cancer really is the scariest disease out there and having seen it up close and personal I know how difficult it is to fight it and to come out as a survivor. It is something that I wouldn't even wish for my deadliest enemy.

All we can do is keep all the people out their suffering from one or the other form of cancer in our prayers. We can pray for their survival, we can pray to God to give them and their families immense strength and we can pray for their pain to be lessened.

Life Lessons Learnt Hard Way!

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Thu, 17 Jan 2019 05:57:00 +0000

Till before December 2017, I was a novice as far as seeing death was concerned. Some might say I was over protected, some might say that is strange but it is what it is. I am the youngest one in my family and was somehow protected or not brought face to face with death. I only viewed it from a distance and never really understood the depth of it.

But with the demise of my Father things changed. I realized what it really meant and having seen it from the closest possible quarter i.e. literally being there when he was taking his last breath I was shaken to the core. I did cry but there are feelings, words, anxiety and so many things that I can not put in words but are buried inside the core of my heart.

Before this, I used to be very hesitant about offering my condolences to people who would have lost their close ones. The thoughts that used to run in my mind were, What will I say?, what if I said something wrong? etc. But now things have changed within me; I do not hesitate in going up and meeting the person. A friend of mine suddenly lost her very young brother. And i just walked over to her and gave her a hug. I knew what she must be going through, I could understand her loss and I could feel that she must be having sleepless nights. I told her that I know what you are going through and shared my experience with her. In a way that opened her up and she could share her thoughts with me.

I have now realized that talking out helps and I have been offering my help and been sharing my experience with people who are going through similar difficult times. Unfortunately I have learned it the hard way i.e. by experiencing it. An experience which I would not wish even on my worst enemy.

Does It Happen with You Too??

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Mon, 08 Oct 2018 16:26:00 +0000

That you make 120 rounds of all the food stalls in the Food Court (be it that of a mall or your work place) get mighty confused and end up ordering something that you can not even gulp?? And then you think of 110 other things that you could have ordered?

As soon as you order and sit back with a smile you see someone else carrying an appeasing dish and you curse yourself for not ordering that?

That you move around with your food and make 4 rounds of the food court looking for a seat to sit and find all seats occupied. Occupied by whom? By random couples who are just sitting & occupying seats to indulge in PDA or guys who are either working on their laptops or just chit chatting? I know this is a free sitting area but at least look at people who have food to eat but no place to sit!

That you are too scared than your son about missing a weeks School?

That when you planned writing this post you had several ideas but by the time you really get time to write half the things fizzle out?

That your son picks up words like "Sexy" from a song and asks you the meaning? And you end up telling him "the singer is only saying backseat?".

That you wish for Rain to go away and as soon as they comply you end up hating rains for going away?

That you tell your husband that it is time to buy a Smart TV and the husband though is unconvinced initially buys the idea but ends up selling the one that is at home before buying the new one?? Bole to we are without TV and guess who is the sad one among us?? No prizes for guessing :P

You know when....

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Sun, 23 Sep 2018 13:56:00 +0000

Every bloody known and unknown nook & crook of your body is paining you know that the Zumba has been done right.

When your son refuses to eat Noodles because they are unhealthy you know you have done some thing right but then in the same breath ask "Aunty do you have Maggie instead?" You know that your right is not really right!!

When your son refuses to get up to eat because he has to finish reading the last few pages before getting up...you know you really have done something right!

When you are doing a skit on "Negatives of Social Media/ Internet/ TV/ Gadgets" and one of the Mom's tell the young participants "if you all say the dialogues properly I will give you my mobile for 1/2 hour to play" you really know nothing is right!!

When you have some random thoughts but just no time and you pick up your mobile to blabber it all here you know that you are doing alright!

A Decade....

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 11:52:00 +0000

The idea for this post was to put up a line up of thoughts that have been going on in my mind to take this blog forward and then I realized that in June 2018 this humble blog of mine completed a decade! I simply can not believe that I have been here for that many years. Though my frequency of writing has fallen drastically but not a single day passes by when I don't jot down my thoughts in my mind but all that is in my mind :)

Last week when I was being felicitated for completing 16 years in my current company I was asked to tell something about me that no one knew and I had shared my passion for reading, reviewing and blogging not realizing that I had hit a milestone here as well. So here is to many more years and hopefully many more posts.

I have been thinking about what to post here and have so many ideas brimming in my mind, so let me jot them down

Usual Book Reviews - my kindle has been out of action for last few weeks and instead of buying a new one I have decided to start reading all the unread novels that I have with me and mind you the number is huge. So I might as well review them.
Book reviews from my son -Yesterday as I was getting ready for work and my Son who had a holiday due to Janmashtami was hounding me with questions, Mumma you read a lot na? Where do you keep getting all these books from? I then went on to tell him about Blog and what it means and how I got books for review etc. I took that opportunity to share what had been going on in my mind for sometime. I told him to write few points or things he likes about the books that he has read and I will publish them as his reviews on my blog! The smart Alec that he is he tells, "Mumma if that is the case I will tell you about a book that I want fore reviewing". Guess apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Web-Series - As is the current trend I have been watching a lot of web series and love some of them and hated many of them. I think I will start writing about them. What say?
Food Posts - My favorite kind of posts :D
My usual posts about anything & everything.

I hope I take out time and work on all the ideas that I have.

Good Luck to me!

The Silent Widow - Book Review

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 12:15:00 +0000

Title: The Silent Widow

Author: Tilly Bagshawe

Publisher: HarperCollins

Price: INR 230/- (paperback) & INR 197/- (Kindle)

Extent: 448 Pages

Genre: Thriller

From the Blurb

A young American au pair, Charlotte Clancy, vanishes without a trace in Mexico City. The case is left cold, but its legacy will be devastating. A decade later, LA is shaken by a spate of violent murders. Psychologist Nikki Roberts is the common link between the victims, her patients at the heart of this treacherous web. When someone makes an attempt on Nikki’s life, it’s clear she is a marked woman.

Nikki makes a living out of reading people, drawing out their secrets, but the key to this shocking pattern eludes her. With the police at a dead end Nikki drafts in Derek Williams, a PI who isn’t afraid to put his hand into the hornet’s nest. Williams was thwarted in the notorious Charlotte Clancy case all those years ago, but what he unearths in LA – and the mention of one name in particular – leaves him cold, and takes him on a dangerous path into the past.

A shadowy manipulator has brought his deadly game to the streets of LA. In a crime spanning generations, it seems Nikki Roberts knows all too much – and a ruthless killer knows the price of her silence. In this crooked city, where enemies and friends are one and the same, Nikki must be the master of her own escape . . .

My Review

As the blurb suggests this is a thriller to the core. Everyone around Nikki, our protagonist is dying making her wonder if she was the real target. The book is a real page turner and keeps you on the hooks.

There are so many things going on at the same time that it doesn't let you think. My only issue with the book was that there were too many sub-plots and like a typical bollywood thriller a few loopholes and few answers or reasons that weren't logical.

But if we ignore those; this is a typical Thriller that most of us have grown up reading. Fast paced, page turner, full of thrills. Perfect for travel reading where you just want to keep yourself busy. In fact perfect for a rainy day when you don't want to leave your couch & just want to laze around.

My Rating 3/5
Trivia: I have read quite a few books from Tilly and actually started reading her when I saw the name "Sidney Sheldon's" on her books. Initially I thought she was his assistant and is probably writing on his behalf. But with the frequency of books that she has been shelling out I felt the need to google to know the background. Though I found no clear answer but the closest I found was this on Yahoo "Sidney Sheldon died a couple of years ago. As sometimes happens when bestselling/trashy authors die, whoever he left his estate to (presumably surviving family members) decided to keep making money out of him by engaging another writer to write books in his name. That was Tilly Bagshawe. Presumably she either gets a flat fee for writing the books, or shares in the profits with Sheldon's family.

When I fell in Love with a Politician

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Thu, 16 Aug 2018 10:04:00 +0000

I am a very head strong person and when I supposedly like a person I almost worship them and when I hate someone it is another extreme. If you have read my blog you would know about the few people that I love to bits! But there is one person whom I always Idol worshiped but seldom talked about.

Yes, as the title suggests I am talking about Atal Bihari Vajpayee; beyond idolising him & loving his poetry there is a very special connection that I have with him. We share our Birthdays :)

My fascination for him began in my college days. When I was doing my graduation from Banasthali Vidyapeeth when Atalji was at his political pinnacle. I idolized him to an extent that I had his poster and poems written by him stuck on my cupboard. Many of my hostel mates thought I was weird because for someone of my age to idolise a politician was not normal. Add to that, I had a collage of Salman Khan on my wall and Atalji on my cupboard. Ya I know incomparable but well....somethings are beyond logic.

I remember this morning very vividly when a girl came rushing to my room shouting "Smita Warden Ma'am is calling you". To get a call from our very strict and scary warden was never a good news. Though I rushed to meet her but my mind was in rewind mode thinking of all the pranks that I had played in last few days and for which I could get an hiding.

When I met the warden she was having her tea and she looked at me and smiled. I took a deep breath, thanked God (because her smile meant that at least I was not getting scolded) and then wished her morning. She said, "Congratulations, Your Vajpayeeji has won the election and will now be the PM and here is some sweet for you." I was on cloud nine when I heard that and remained there for a week.

Yes, my love for him was known across the hostel and one girl even gifted me a picture of hers with Atalji though that was more towards making me jealous. I still have that picture saved somewhere.

Today, when I read about his ill health and I know the inevitable news I had tears in my eyes and I can't explain the sadness that I have in my heart. It is like an era is threatening to end; it feels like a personal loss. But a glimmer of hope still persists and prayers are on the top of my mind and heart.

Chronicles of a Bad Mother!!!! - Homework Tales!

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Fri, 03 Aug 2018 12:11:00 +0000

When I was in school I used to dream about the day when my studies would end and I would start earning. I have never been very sincere about studies and in a way not really liked them. It was a compulsion to study. The day I received my MBA degree and the day I got my job I promised myself that this is the end of my arranged marriage with studies and I had thankfully managed to keep my distance with anything related to studies till few months.

But with Brat in 3rd Class his studies are slowly increasing, home-works have started coming in and so have the questions.

Before writing further let me to confess few things about me

I hate Mathematics.
I hate learning new Languages.
I have never studied Grammar in the strictest sense. I can write perfect sentences but I go with my gut feeling. But if you ask me what is adjective, noun, pronoun, verb etc. then I would say you are knocking at the wrong door mister.
I was one of those students who are attentive in class but never really studied at home and always hated revision.
My Spoken Hindi is impeccable but my written Hindi is legendary. My family still laughs at what I once wrote in class 6th Hindi paper. To put this in perspective, I write hindi in english!!

With that confession in place I hope you can understand how I feel when I am bombarded with questions on General Knowledge, Mathematics, Grammar, Hindi, Marathi etc. To add to the mix brat's school is one of those Alternative Schools who follow unconventional methods of teaching. For someone who had difficulty in learning Maths through conventional methods it is like Sone pe suhaga!!!

So, when we sit down to study Hindi, Marathi & Mathematics it is difficult to understand who is learning more, me or my son. The beauty is when I get to hear, Mumma you don't know this?? Did they not teach you all this in school???? *face palm*

The worst scenario is when he gets Marathi homework.....It is like living a nightmare. I sit with a English to Marathi / Marathi to English Dictionary, Learn Marathi in a month, Google & a Marathi Colleague on speed dial to help him in his home-work and yet lose the battle.

Last week my brat opened his Marathi home-work book & showed me his last home work.

Brat: Mumma! remember this home work that WE did last week?

Me: Yes!

Brat: See how many mistakes Ma'am has found.

Me: Oh!!!

Brat: Ma'am had asked me to show this to you.

Me: Oh!

Brat: With a shrug She thought you will scold me but she doesn't know it was you had helped me in this homework.

Me: Errr!! you should have told her.

Brat: I thought kya bataoon!!!

We have now instructed my son to pay more attention in Marathi class as his parents are useless and we expected him to teach what he learns.

You might call me shameless or incorrigible but trust me home-works are nightmares. I hate studying and I hate teaching.

God Bless me and all the mothers around!!!!

8 Going on 18!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 06:29:00 +0000

On the way back from my return from office

Brat: So Mumma how was your day???
Me: It was good but very tiring. How was your day?
Brat: It was good!!! Tell me something, which is your best time at work?
Me: There is nothing like that!!!
Brat: But still Mumma there has to be something no!! What do you do when your work is finished?
Me: Beta!!! Work never finishes!
Brat: Uffo!!! There must be some free time na??

Gives up the pretense of being holier than thou and as if I never do time-pass at work

Me: Well I browse through internet.
Brat: What on Internet? WhatSapp, Facebook, Youtube etc??

I seriously now believe that life gives you back in this lifetime because I have always been known for my smart mouth and never ending questions but let us not regress

Me: I check WhatsApp on mobile but can not check facebook.
Brat: So you check Facebook?
Me: No! You see sites like FB/WA/YouTube/Twitter do not work in my office network
Brat: You mean all SOCIAL MEDIA sites are not working???

And here I was struggling to make him understand and he summed it up all in two words which I didn't think he would know!!!!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall!!

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Tue, 03 Jul 2018 11:54:00 +0000

I am not a big fan of Beauty Parlor's! Heck come to think of it I am not a big fan of beauty per se or if I have to word it differently I would say I do not give it due importance. However have realised lately that I do need to pay attention to some of the basic things and thus have started taking care of my skin. In my language taking care means

Application of Aloe Vera on my hair (I take fresh Aloe Vera leaves from my balcony garden, take its juice out and add a dash of Lemon, Curd, Coconut Oil, Honey & sometimes a little Mehndi to it; apply for an 30-45 mins and wash it off).
Applying that Black Head Removal strip on my nose.
Recently have started applying this Charcoal Pack also.
Once in a quarter I dig out my Face Massage Kit which I had received Free with Hindustan Times Subscription. Gosh! I need to check the expiry date on the bloody kit because I haven;t renewed the subscription in last three years. *Major Face Palm*

And that's it.....I don't know if that's bad but I would pat my back and say I have come a long way because there was a time when I used to visit Parlors once in a year that too during Diwali when I would have a 3-4 day break and do nothing else besides that.

Now I have started visiting the hell holes a little more frequently. Oh! don't you raise your eyebrows on the term "hell hole" because trust me they aren't any better. Let me tell you why.

As soon as you enter the premises you will get hear the following statements for sure

If you go for a hair cut/ treatment

Ma'am the condition of your hair is horrible!!! So dry! God please kill him already!
No cut will suit you because either they are so frizzy. Why haven't I killed you to till now??
Ma'am you don't apply any serum???
This looks like a jungle! You are still alive?
You apply Aloe Vera??? All that is OK but have you tried this new product of ours??? It is a miracle worker. In other words I have been living under a rock.
You have so much white hair! Here it comes!
You should color it Ma'am. This is no way to treat it. Oh! Really?
So can I color it? There is this good scheme going on right now! Can I borrow your scissors and murder you already?
No Ma'am these are completely Natural colors! No Chemicals! And I was born yesterday.
By the time you manage to dodge all their attempts to ~~Cheat~~ makeover your hair they are so disappointed in you that you might actually end up with a bee hive!!! I mean since you don't care for your hair what difference does a bad hairstyle will make to you!

If you have gone for a Face Cleanup and you choose a basic Cleanup pack because that is what you need then lo behold

Ma'am this pack is not for your skin type! OK! Then which one should I go for?
They will then choose the most expensive one & the next expensive one and tell you that these packs were just made for you. But they are so expensive.
They will then go on and tell you that how bad you have been! Not taking care of your skin; have so many black heads and the skin is soooooo tanned!!! And now you are thinking of money??
You need to take care of your skin and that I agree with.

There are times when I stick to my horses and do not budge but then there are days when I show a moment of doubt and end up with the most expensive face pack on my face. Alas! the result is all the same.

I seriously do not understand the whole funda. There was a time when a visit to the parlor was akin to pampering but these days its like you are going their to get robbed off your Money and your Self esteem. Beauty has become an industry which is just way beyond my understanding.

A Cage of Desires - Book Review

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 07:32:00 +0000

Title: A Cage of Desires

Author: Shuchi Singh Kalra

Publisher: Penguin

Price: INR 250/- (paperback) & INR 175/- (Kindle)

Extent: 175 Pages

Genre: General Fiction/ Contemporary Indian

From the Blurb

There's a kind of love that makes you go down on one knee, and there's the kind that brings you down on both. You don't need the latter, because no matter what you do, you cannot make anyone love you back.'

Renu had always craved for love and security, and her boring marriage, mundane existence somehow leads her to believe that, maybe, this is what love is all about. Maya, on the other hand, is a successful author who is infamous for her bold, erotic books. What do these two women have in common?

How are their lives intertwined? Renu's thirst for love and longing takes her on a poignant journey of self-exploration. The answers come to her when she finds the courage to stand up for herself, to fight her inner demons and free herself from the cage of desires . . .

My Views on the book

This is a book which is unapologetic about the desires of a woman, in Renu we have a protagonist who knows her mind, desires and needs. She has been living the life of a forced spinster as her husband chooses to a job which relocates him to a different city and she is left alone to take care of her children & an old-interfering father in law. The story is all about what happens when she chooses to voice her needs & opinions.

Things I loved about the book

The unapologetic tone of the whole setting.
The character graph of the protagonist of how she rises from the worst situation to be a winner but yet be very human and not really being molded as a superwoman.
The fast pace of the book.
There is something liberating about the book which kind of makes you like it.

There is something which slightly bothered me about the book but I can not talk about it without giving away the plot but I would like to file it under "~~cinematic~~ plot liberties.

What I would love reiterate is that the book is thoroughly readable and a must read. With the monsoons round the corner I would suggest you pick this one along with a cuppa coffee and plat of Pakodas.

Rating - 4/5

How I Became A Farmer's Wife - Book Review

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Fri, 18 May 2018 12:20:00 +0000

Book Review

Title: How I Became A Farmer's Wife

Author: Yashodhara Lal

Publisher: Harper Collins

Price: INR 250/-

Format: Available in Paperback &; Kindle formats

Extent: 277 Pages

From The Blurb

Mild-mannered Vijay is the perfect good Indian husband - responsible and predictable. Well, at least he was, until he decided to turn Farmer! Vijay's unsuspecting wife Yashodhara is caught off guard when, tired of the rigours of city life, he actually rents land and starts dairy farming! As if Yash didn't have enough going on already, what with her high-octane job, three children and multiple careers. As Vijay dives deeper into his quirky hobby, the family is plucked out of their comfortable life in the steel-and-chrome high-rises of Gurgaon, and thrown headfirst into a startlingly unfamiliar world - complete with cows and crops, multiple dogs and eccentric farmhands, a shrewd landlady and the occasional rogue snake. Will these earnest but insulated city-dwellers be able to battle the various difficulties that come with living a farmer's life? A laugh-out-loud romp that'll leave you wanting more.

What Works for me

This is a very difficult book to review because it is a memoir and come on how can you even question it? It is a life lived and narrated :)

The book is a quick read and gives us an insight into the hectic lives of Yashodhara, Vijay and their kids. We are pulled into their roller-coaster life where getting time out for self is a luxury and yet you see each of them trying to fit in their dreams. It is a very interesting to read how a city bred man turns in to chase his farming dream and his family stands with him albeit reluctantly in the beginning.

A fast paced book which reflects our own lives in a way. I could relate to the emotions of a working woman of how we feel guilty of not giving time to our kids and then end up spoiling them some way or the other (not a good thing I know). There is a small portion in the book when I felt that nothing really is happening but well, it caught pace later.

I love the way the author puts even the mundane situation in words, her books are always very relate-able and that's a big plus for me. I liked the book and would recommend it to one and all because it also reiterates that it is never late to chase your dreams, one may fail but there should never be the regret that "Oh! I never got to live my dreams."

My Rating - 4/5

The Story of a Long-Distance Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Thu, 12 Apr 2018 10:03:00 +0000

Book Review

Title: The Story of a Long-Distance Marriage

Author: Siddhesh Inamdar

Publisher: Harper Collins

Price: INR 199/-

Format: Available in Paperback & Kindle formats

Extent: 192 Pages

Release Date: 25th April 2018

From the Blurb

Rohan and Ira’s life takes an unexpected turn when Ira decides to leave for New York to study. They’ve been married for only fifteen months, but this is the opportunity of a lifetime, and Rohan is not going to come between his wife and her dream. So, sad but supportive, he stays back in Delhi, where he is on the brink of a promotion at a national daily. After all, his relationship with Ira is strong enough to survive the distance. Rohan prepares for a year without Ira, getting by with a little help from his friends: Yusuf, his on-call confidant who lives in Bangalore; Alisha, a colleague he likes catching up with over tea; and Tanuj, his new role model at work. Life without Ira is going surprisingly well. Until the day, that is, she reveals the real reason she left.

My Views

Since the day I have bought my kindle (the hardships I faced with the book not being on kindle is a matter of a different post); I have hardly read any paperbacks so agreeing to review this one was a change for me. The blurb of the book had attracted me and I am glad I chose to read this book. It is a short, sweet and very contemporary novel.

To Rohan it feels he has been in love with Ira forever. From having shifted cities to be with his partner to being prepared to live separately from Ira so that she can follow her dreams, he feels he is the epitome of sacrifice. But does Ira feel so?? You need to read the book to know that but what I can guarantee you is that this one is a breezy read and very contemporary outlook of ~~marriage~~ relationships today. It makes you think beyond the symbolism that we get into in the name of love. It makes you think about the idea of love that we have created in our minds and the reality that is love. It makes you realize that really understanding your life partner is more important than anything else.

I loved the book for its simplicity & relate-ability. A must read; I especially loved the way the author describes the protagonists love for specific cities; it made me reminisce about my favorite city and the reason that make it my favorite.

All in all a very good and quick read.

Rating: 4/5

P.S. I felt there was no better way to resume blogging because my father loved reading and this is one of the habits I took from him. Plus I still remember the day when he was really sick and could hardly speak but remembered asking me about the book I was reading. Love you Dad!

The Blankness....

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Fri, 23 Feb 2018 09:39:00 +0000

From not seeing death ever to watching your closed loved one slipping away right in front of your eyes is a memory I wouldn't even wish to my worst enemy....

Because when everything end it leaves behind a mountain of memories...
Memories which over ride every moment of your life....
Life supposedly moves on but the memories stay engraved....
You end up reliving every moment again & again...
You remember the exact minutes & seconds....
The exact words spoken...
The words unspoken....
The unfulfilled wishes....
Said....
Unsaid....
The Pain endured...
The guilt that lingers on because you feel; at least the pain is gone...
The smell of that moment lingers on...
The smell you end up hating because it reminds you of the moment....

You smile, laugh, talk, eat, sleep and go on with your life but the moment you close your eyes it all comes back....
Because there is no running away from the fact that a void has been created...
A void that can never be filled...

Death....

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Tue, 30 Jan 2018 04:29:00 +0000

Somethings in life are such that you don't really know what it is unless it really hits you.

Death being one such reality....

Matter of seconds and your life changes in a poof!!!!

The moment it happens remains engraved in your mind..forever & ever!!!

What happened before that and what happens after that doesn't really matter.

It is that moment which changes you....

It makes you question the very existence of life....

It makes you question every thing you do when you live....

It makes you question everything that you run behind when you live....

Because in that one moment of death nothing else really matters....

Unfortunately the reality stares at you and you can do nothing about it....

Death has a moment

It has a smell

It has an aura

and it stays with you evern when everything is finished....

Random Lessons on Parenting # 1

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Sat, 23 Sep 2017 04:56:00 +0000

Parenting can not be taught; it is something that can be learned by experiencing it. Your parents may give you pointers but that's about it and trust me I have learnt it the hard way.

One of the most important message that I learned was; there is a lifetime to do things. ~~As soon as~~ A little while after brat was born (I took time to being a parent) there was this feeling to buy everything possible for him. I wanted books, toys etc, even if they were not appropriate for his age and he played with utensils/ garbage and what not. It was much later that he used the stuff that was bought for him and unfortunately there were some toys which he could not use the way he was supposed to and they got spoiled.

That is why I decided to hold on to my horses and bought things for him very judiciously and realised he was having more fun with his things as well..

A lesson well learnt....Just don't go berserk with buying things for kids as soon as they are born; take a breather and begin....

Small Joys of life

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Sat, 16 Sep 2017 14:33:00 +0000

Son sitting reading a book *nazar na lage*

Dhinchak songs playing in the background

Dinner ready to be served...

Blissful Saturday night...

Foot note: Son is taking on me on the reading department; once he starts reading he goes on....and reading while eating is something that I am trying to stop but well difficult to practise what I preach specially when he doesn't forget to point it out; "you also do the same."

Anonymity

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Sun, 10 Sep 2017 04:51:00 +0000

There are days when you miss the joys of anonymity. There was a time when you wouldn't know a person unless you meet them but these days we all have virtual friends and we feel we know them in n out. But the fun begins when n if you meet them in reality....You realise you really don't know them....

Few months back when I was checking my friends list on FB I realized I had 500+ friends and I didn't know 25% of the people there. Dost ka dost; Relative ke relative, blogging friends, mouthsut time ke friends !!!! God!!! I tried cleaning the list but wasn't really successful...It was like sorting my phone list where I have saved numbers but don't even know who the person is but am scared to delete because well I must have saved the number for a reason. Though the funny part is in case I need to use the number I wouldn't even know how to search the person well because....I guess you can figure out what I am trying to say...

I did sort out the shit in the list but as such my use of FB has reduced a lot. I have de linked my blog from FB and stopped sharing pictures there because when you meet random relatives for the first time and they know what you have been up to because ta da they are your FB dost; it's unnerving.

But I wanted to post pictures so I went in to Instagram and was happy there. But last week I realised that bloody everyone I was escaping from in FB was following me on Instagram. Unfortunately that is one platform that I don't want to leave....You get to see such lovely food video's there that it will be a crime to leave it....so I did cleansing there as well...But it leaves me a thought what will it take to go back being anonymous???

Whose life is Worse!

noreply@blogger.com (Smita) — Fri, 14 Jul 2017 07:09:00 +0000

X: You come to work Saturdays?
Y: No!!
X: So lucky!!!
Y: But you are on payrolls; we are not.
X: Noo!! Who said so??
Y: They can ask us to go any time
X: But we are also on contract!
Y: But they won't ask you to go!
X: if the project ends they can
Y: We don' even get our salary on time...
X: Yes that we do but....

And thus the who is in a worst situation than the other fest continues....

I fail to understand that why people forget to count their blessings...
I fail to understand that why can people not accept a compliment and move on...
I fail to understand why we feel that being in a good situation is bad....
It is totally beyond me that people need to bring out negatives happening in their lives and not celebrate the positives.....