Bump & Baby Blog

Happy Birthday Olivia

2013-06-30T02:41:00.000-07:00

The Cord

We are connected,
My child and I,
By an invisible cord,
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen
By any on earth.

This cord does its work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised…. I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take away.

(Author Unknown)

36 & 37 Weeks Pregnant Update & Delivery Date!

2013-06-12T15:57:00.002-07:00

It has been a busy fortnight - to say the least. Delivery plans are in place :) Here is my bump at 36 weeks pregnant... (I will add the 37 weeks pic in in the morning - why do I insist on taking them in my pj's before hair and makeup??)

Baby's Weight My bump may still be small but my baby weighed 6 lbs at 36 weeks. Right on target.

Scans I have had 2 since I last blogged. Last week the baby's eyes were open and staring for about a minute - reminded me a little of the alien at the end of the Star Gate movie if I'm honest :) Freaky! The second picture makes him/her look so real.

The pics from yesterdays scan weren't as good since baby's face was looking the other way. The doctor pointed out that they next time we see the baby he/she will be in our arms.

Heartburn Oh. My. God. Agony! Why has the burn become a pain?!

Maternity Clothes During the hot weather I just wore some empire line dresses I had from last Summer. I haven't worn my maternity clothes this time so I decided to put them in the bad for the charity shop, keeping only a select few items.

Broodiness I think I'll take a break from baby growing for a while. Although I say that now but after I had the last two I couldn't wait to have more. As soon as Eve was born I was broody. I'm one of those women that equates giving birth to emotional crack. I'm pretty sure hubby has me on a four year ban after the stress of this pregnancy :) We'll see how it goes.

Cramps Starting at the back and moving to the front. Enough to take my breath away but nothing regular. Speaking of cramps, since the bump dropped I have been getting shooting pains that would make you scream from the muscle on my inner thigh. Sweet Jesus they make my eyes water.

The bump drop/ Internal Exams The bump dropped much lower 2 days ago and I got excited. Stupid. I saw my doctor yesterday and she did an internal exam. My cervix is closed and far back so nothing is happening yet. Today I was running around the shops trying to pick up the necessaries for my hospital bag (oh yes, last minute) and the pressure was so bad. I assume this is because this is my third and not because anything is happening - although I'm quietly hopeful.

Delivery scheduled I can't believe it but I'm having a baby on Monday!!! I have to go in at 7.30am. The doctor will check me to see if my cervix has opened at all. If it has she will break my waters and leave me for an hour only to see if pains start. If they don't they will do a very low dose of the drip but only for four hours. If the labour doesn't progress quickly by then then I have a c-section. The doctor booked it today and said it was likely nothing will happen with my cervix in that time. I get the feeling that even if I did get to try labour for a few hours that it will most likely end in a section anyway. That's mostly because my first delivery ended in a cesarean thanks to a failed induction rather than what happened to Olivia.

Sunny days in the park I spent most of the sunny days last week at the park with Eve. I feel closer to Oliva there and it's Eve's favourite place to be.We brought a picnic one day and Eve had her very first ice-cream cone - that I know of!

Food cravings I don't know if I can call this a craving but I really can't get enough of the Polkadot muffins from BB's. Anybody who follows me on Twitter may have seen me tweet this pic - same taste in cake as a 5 year old!

I'm also loving Tonic water with half a fresh lime squeezed in. I'm all about tarte, bitter, sharp tastes these days. Can I get an umbrella in my drink per favor!

Moving We are in the middle of planning a family move. A duplex isn't ideal with a toddler and newborn - too many stairs and no where to store a pram without dragging it upstairs. Eve is also most content outdoors - she has been this way since birth. I sense she might be a street urchin. While other kids get to play in the garden Eve gets sent to the balcony - not quite what we had in mind.

Parenting Books Baby Led Breastfeeding, Coping with Two, The Food Nanny, Toddler Taming... these are amongst the books I have read in the past few weeks. I know everything you reads in books goes out the window once the baby is born but I can't help but try to prepare. It's my nerd way of taking control over something I have zero control over.

I'm going to be a patent again in 5 days! Aaaaaaaaagh! I'm so excited :)) I can't stop packing and re-packing and making lists and ironing and getting everything ready. I think I'm supposed to be resting but what can ya do! I promise I will finish the breastfeeding post. I'm off to do that now.

How is everyone getting on with pregnancy, trying to conceive, parenting etc?

35 Weeks Pregnant & Case of the Crazies

2013-05-28T15:20:00.001-07:00

Today might not be the best day to blog about being pregnant. Why? Probably due to the fact that I am a raging hormone. That being said sometimes pregnancy makes you feel rubbish, it's not all little kicks and joy. Although, for me that is certainly the case most days.

Today is not one of those days. But first, to the bump pictures...

35 weeks pregnant Bump pic

I'm given to understand that feeling a little fed-up is normal towards the end of your pregnancy. This fact does little to settle aforementioned raging hormones.

Before I get to the good stuff I'm gona moan about the bad stuff. Oh yes, this is a form of therapy :)

1. Restless legs - I want to kick the bejesus out of everything. I have never had this before. To be honest it's probably responsible for most of my discomfort. Somebody help me! Have you had this?

2. Nausea.

3. Cramps - Periody type pains - don't worry, nothing regular or debilitating. Hoping they pass soon, it's probably just Braxton Hicks.

4. An over-tired, teething clingy toddler today. Completely understandable. I usually take days like that in my stride but Eve was much feistier today and every. single. little. thing led to a tantrum. By 4pm I just sat on the floor and wailed right along with her :) Excellent parenting Amy. I can actually hear her scream from outside right now as my husband tries to get her to come inside. Then again she hasn't slept or eaten in forever. If there is a prayer for patience I really need to start getting holy.

5. Head cold - I don't usually have time for colds. I take a Benyln Day/Night and get on with things like there is nothing wrong. But now that I can't take said Benyln drugs, thanks to their power to constrict blood vessels, and can only take paracetamol (hello, does that actually do anything?) I have had 5 days of stuffy head, runny nose, a throat that feels like a knife sliced through it and worst of all, the congestion - which has me up through the night and up for the day at 5am. Hey, maybe that's why I'm such a cranky witch today (ok, so replacing that w with a b might be more accurate).

6. Braces - My orthodontist added an elastic. Jesus, my face won't stop hurting.

Ok, rant over. Thank you for listening. You can let me know how you would like to be paid. Now to the hearts and rainbows....

Healthy baby My last scan was yesterday and the doctor was delighted with him/her. I could see a full head of hair swaying back and forward in the amniotic fluid. My heart warms every time I think of it :)) I got some good clear ultrasound photos of the face. I bet my husband that this baba will be a blonde like Eve and I, he's convinced it will be a brunette like him and Olivia. Our family consists of two of each so this baba will decide the balance.

Bump size Definitely bigger this week. Woo Hoo! The shape has changed too - it's sort of dipping down at the front like it's toppling over.

Movement Had one quiet day where I didn't get my usual mental evening kick session. If I'm honest, I was concerned but I did count enough movements throughout the day, they were just different. The following day everything returned to normal.

Weight As I mentioned before, I have stopped weighing. I was too concerned that I wasn't putting enough weight on.

Labour/Delivery I mentioned last week that we had to think about what we wanted if I went into labour myself before 38 weeks. The doctor told us that if that were to happen and I opted to try myself that I would be hospitalised from the very start and be monitored closely throughout the whole labour. That put my mind at ease so we decided to go with that option. If I don't go into labour before then it will be an automatic c-section. I would love to avoid this as we haven't decided how many children we would like to have but I wouldn't like to have to stop because of surgeries, I want to stop when we're ready to. I might be expecting too much. A healthy baby this time is the main priority. I'm actually a little excited about the idea of giving birth myself again. Terrified of something bad happening again but also excited. That's progress.

Pelvic Floor Ooopsie! When the doctor found out I was pregnant and decided for a section at 38 weeks it never occurred to me that I might go into labour before then. Sure, I was prepared for early pre-eclampsia again but that would have ended in a section too. As a result I have neglected my kegel excercises. Now with the possibility of a natual delivery I'm having regrets. How much work can I get done in 3 weeks?! Maybe I should prepare myself for middle-age incontinence - that's the threat the physio used to make me do them. Adult nappies can be sexy right?

Concentration - where art thou? I spoke before about how much I read, well that's on hold this week. I can't concentrate enough to watch a tv programme let alone read. The one thing I can do is write - so I'm beauty blogging up a storm.

Breastfeeding My post on my experience with breastfeeding is nearly done. It turns out that I had more to say on the topic than I thought. I'll put the finishing touches on it and post it tomorrow or Thursday at the latest.

Pregnancy Beauty Tips This is the topic of my beauty column in the Metro Herald on Thursday. I will post the piece when it's printed but I'm also working on a more detailed post on my beauty blog which I'll also put live on Thursday.

How is everyone? Tell me I'm not the only lunatic out there??

Love Amy

33 & 34 Weeks Pregnant

2013-05-21T11:02:00.001-07:00

So I started putting this post together when I turned 33 weeks, last Monday. Monday you ask? Yep, apologies for the delay. My only excuse is that I am exhausted. Since I was 34 yesterday I thought I would combine the posts.

So without much further ado, 33 weeks bump pic...

Bump at 33 weeks pregnant

and 34 weeks...in my pj's ....

Firstly and more importantly... Where have all the fizzy cola lollies gone?? I have searched high and low for some and they are not to be found. And because said lollies cannot be found I am now fixated on them.

Bump size I have definitely grown. Still small I know but baby is normal size so I don't mind. I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable getting in and out of bed and the likes. I sat on the floor in the library and when I tried to stand it took about 3 minutes. I must have looked like I was practicing pilates on the cook book isle. I also shaved my legs whilst balancing on one foot this morning in the shower. I sense an accident in my future. Maybe it's time to look for help.

Baba's weight Baby weighs about 5lb 4oz / 2.45kg at todays scan. A chunky little monkey. I couldn't be happier. The doctor said that if I was allowed go to term that this would be my biggest baby yet. Obviously earlier delivery will effect his/her size.

Ooh the discomfort During my 33 week scan the doctor commented that the baby's head was well down. By well down I don't mean pointing downwards - by the pressure alone I would say wedged down there. After having my last baby the natural way all I can say is ouch.

Weight gain very minimal. As I mentioned before, this is most likely from stress. I've stopped weighing myself. It was only making me more anxious. Baby is growing so I don't care if my weight isn't.

Baby Brain Yep, it's back. Now what was I saying? Reaching for MorDHA supplement as soon as I'm done here.

Prune Juice Ick on so many levels - texture, taste, colour...bleugh! A necessary evil sometimes. Lets say no more.

Delivery The doctor is so happy with the baby's growth that if I go into labour myself before 38 weeks she'll let me try the natural option. Because I have had a previous section and a loss I'm not suitable for induction. I have a decision to make if I go into labour before 38 weeks (1) go into labour on my own and deliver naturally which is safer for me and better if I plan to have a few more kiddies or (2) go into labour on my own and go to c-section which with our circumstances is safer for baby but riskier for me. I have Eve to think about too. Of course if I don't go into labour myself then the doctor has recommended a c-section. Some difficult decisions lie ahead. One day at a time.

Hyperreflexia What's that when it's at home? Apparently it's just when reflexes are too brisk. The doc noted that I had this at 33 weeks and ran bloods to check for pre-eclampsia. All were clear. Woo Hoo!

A new pain in the bum symptom Last week I kept feeling out of breath (but baby has dropped down) and like my heart was going to hammer out of my chest. I noticed whilst checking my blood pressure that my pulse had hopped from the usual 60 to 110bpm. It lasted 10 minutes, then passed but it was happening 4 times a day at any time. Last night I was watching a movie, felt nice and relaxed and all of a sudden it felt like I couldn't breath and my pulse was racing at 156 bpm. I mentioned it today and am under instructions to come to A&E if it happens again for and EKG. Sure by the time I get there it will surely have passed and I'll have to sit in the A&E queue for hours. Still, I'll be good and go. Better to be safe than sorry.

Nausea The doctor prescribed me something but unfortunately it didn't work. I shall suffer on. Such a martyr.

Breastfeeding Starting to think about actually having a baby. I haven't really accepted that part yet. I've been in the 'I'll believe when I see it' mode. After what happened last time I know its normal. But seriously I need to get my backside in gear! One thing I would like to do differently this time is to have a more relaxed approach to feeding. I was little bit scared of the whole thing last time round. I managed to feed Eve until she was 7 months but it wasn't stress free. Think I'll do a whole post of my experiences with breast feeding - the good and bad. I learned a lot but I need to learn more.

Reading I am a complete and utter book worm as you probably know. Well I had my first book related blubber fest last week whilst reading Clockwork Princess (Cassandra Clare). Bawled like a baby on three separate occasions. I'd like to blame hormones but I suspect otherwise.

I'll be back with my breastfeeding post during the week!

How is everyone getting on?

Love Amy

32 Weeks Pregnant Update

2013-05-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

So I made it to 32 weeks. I am 32+2 tomorrow - which is the same gestation we lost Olivia at. I feel everything from delight and happiness to anxiety and guilt. All part of the process I suppose.

Here is the bump at 32 Weeks exactly...

Was messing around with Cocoa Brown tan last night :)

Bump Bigger? A small bit I think. I measured 28 weeks at 32 weeks last time and I would say I am the same now. Once baba is getting chunky I'm not worried... well at least I'll try not to be :)

Veins/Broken capillaries Holy lamb of divine I'm turning blue. My veins look like they're set to explode! There is a lovely long one down the side of the bump, which you can see in my bump pic, and about a hundred more all over. I also seem to have quite a few broken capillaries. These went away within a few weeks of giving birth before so hopefully the same will happen. I don't want to start shelling out for IPL!

Maternity wear Tried on a few more over the bank holiday weekend. Think I'll just let it go.

Diet/Appetite My diet is usually quite good (with the exception of the odd pink French Fancie). I'm a grazer by nature and it seems to work well during pregnancy. I do tend to forget about food though so sometimes I set a reminder for myself. Silly but necessary. I don't have a big appetite this time, I was this way on my last pregnancy too. And yet on my first I was ravenous.

Cravings Am I the only one who doesn't get cravings? I keep hearing ladies at the hospital talk about them. Not that I mind - petrol sambos don't exactly do it for me.

Scans I have a growth scan on Thursday. The doctor usually does a quick ultrasound on Mondays too but with it being the bank holiday she wasn't there so I am extra anxious about this one. I'm sure it will be fine but with the week that's in it and the little bump I can't help but be nervous.

The fun parts Swelling hasn't gotten any worse - legs, feet and hands by evening. Hands stay swollen some mornings but legs go down to just a little puffy. I think my face looks a little different but I'm one of those people that gets a fat face as soon as I put on any weight (Boo Hoo). My blood pressure has been so low for the past week 80's/40's and then randomly shoots up only to go back down. Once it stays down I'm happy.

Emotions I had a lovely bank holiday weekend with my family. I was relaxed and enjoyed every minute of it. When I realised that tomorrow I would be 32+2 weeks something hit me like a brick. My feelings are related more to Olivia though than this baby's health - I know everything looks all right. I had a feeling that this would be a challenging time. Hopefully it passes when the day does.

Hope everyone who is pregnant is enjoying it and baby dust to all those trying to conceive! (I need to do a post on that one sometime). Let me know how you're getting on.

I think there might be half a Lindor chocolate bunny left in the fridge. Off to investigate. What's that I said about being a healthy eater?!

Love Amy

31 Weeks - Lovely scan photo this week

2013-05-01T12:02:00.003-07:00

Is it just me or have I gotten much bigger over the past week? Delighted!

Bump at 31 + 2 weeks pregnant

Ahem, please excuse the lounge wear and slippers. I bought a load of these tops in different colours for casual wear in Old Navy in the US. They were so cheap and I chose one size up to accommodate bump - the maternity clothes I had from my first pregnancy were too big last time round - something to do with the truck load of food I ate every hour :) and I didn't want to spend a fortune on nice maternity wear again. It has worked out well. I bought 3 pairs of leggings from Dunnes (the stretch ones - the other ones get baggy) and didn't bother with maternity ones. Other than that I wear empire line tops and dresses that were already in my wardrobe. I actually picked up a copy of In Style and Look today - I haven't bought those since I was in hospital during my last pregnancy. I'm looking forward to high heels already. Knowing my luck I'll put on a stone in the next month and need to go buy the friggin' maternity stuff anyway. Bring it!

Scan I had yet another scan on Monday and it was the best so far. Up until now the many, many scans we have had show outlines and silhouettes at best but yesterday I got a good long look at the baby's full face. He/she was fast asleep and the eyebrows were moving like he was dreaming. Baby's eye shape and forehead reminds me of both Eve and Olivia - daddy's features. Best of all - chubby cheeks have appeared since my scan last week. Baba is getting fatter - woo hoo! One more little scan tomorrow and then a big growth scan in Fetal Assessment Unit next week.

Great shot of baba's eyes, pity about the blurry lips - face was twitching...

Chubby cheeks...

Fat hands, fat feet, fat legs and occasionally a fat face... Oh joy. So swelling has really taken hold this week - just as my bump app predicted. I have had some welling around my eyes and lips a few times and have freaked out (pre-eclampsia) but all was well. In the evenings I swell right up to my thighs and my hands are a little bloated. Will keep a close eye on this one as this morning I was swollen up to mid-thigh by 11am. I also got a +0.3 protein reading when I checked my urine - once it stays below a +1 I think I'm good. Hopefully it's gone by the morning.

Sciatic Pinch Don't you just love it when you're out walking and your whole leg goes dead! I seemed to have this a lot in my last two pregnancies but it has only happened once so far this time round. Hopefully its the last time too. Man does it hurt and it also makes me look like a geriatric!

Not long to go Assuming there are no complications baby will be delivered in 6 weeks. In some ways I can't believe how soon that is and in others it feels like a lifetime away. More on that later.

Sleep I could sleep in a warzone, once I have a bed, but over the past few nights it is taking me longer and longer to drop off. Then I wake many times - thank you baby pressing on bladder, only to have trouble drifting off again. I'm pretty pooped.

Emotions I suspect this is the main reason for my sleep disruption. I'm emotionally exhausted. It's so hard waiting for something to come, or not. Checking my blood pressure and urine every day is becoming stressful - now I feel all anxious thinking about it. I assume that's because this is the time the symptoms showed during my last pregnancy. Since I have reached this same gestation I feel like every week baby is in there the more chance my body has of taking him/her down. It might sounds extreme but I hear its normal. Every day is another day that the worst can happen like last time. I know people tell you to be positive - I would tell someone in our position the same thing, but really it's pretty impossible. When the odds are stacked against you I feel like it's more important to be realistic. Then if everything works out it will be phenomenal. I actually can't even imagine what that will feel like. I can't imagine bringing a baby home. I hear that's normal too.

Eve loves her new Ted Baker blazer. (thank you Nan!) She keeps twirling around. She's also obsessed with her denim jodhpurs - she rubs them and says 'Oooh, jeans like Daddy'. Ah the cuteness.

Hope everyone is doing well! I'm off to keep my fingers crossed that there is no protein in the morning... and perhaps have some chocolate.

Amy x

30 Weeks Pregnant - What a Rollercoaster

2013-04-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

My belly has definitely grown a little this week. Bump pic at 30 Weeks pregnant...

I am actually wearing a maternity top today for a change. It wasn't out of necessity but rather that I wanted to actually wear some of the maternity stuff I bought before this is all over. Bit long in the front compared to the back so I guess I still don't have enough to fill it. Plenty of time and room for growth so!

This week has been like a Katy Perry song - 'Cause you're hot then you're cold You're yes then you're no You're in then you're out You're up then you're down :)

My week has gone something like this:

Monday: Calm, resigned, accepting

Tuesday: Relaxed

Wednesday: Feeling like myself finally

Thursday: Nervous, worried

Friday: Panicked

Saturday: from chilled to concerned

Sunday: from happy to anxiety to nightmares

Monday: Back to semi-normal
Tuesday: Nervous again

Oh the joy. I have to laugh, I'm all over the place.

Bump/Weight Freaked out a few times over bump size this week. I know people are sometimes small but when you have had a growth restricted baby before and two normal size bumps previously it's of little consolation. My weight went up by a pound over the past 2 weeks, which is the most I have put on in 5 weeks - happy about that. I had some round ligament pain the other day and was very hungry and woke to a bigger bump the next day :)

Scans I had one on Wednesday and one on Thursday last week. I also had one on Monday and again today. When we went to the hospital on Thursday the doctor thought amniotic fluid looked low based on the bump being small. She performed a little ultrasound and said that there was more fluid in there that there looks to be. Although she had no immediate concerns she wasn't happy to wait a week to look again and said that based on what she saw I needed to be monitored very closely at this stage and would see me twice weekly. I left feeling a little relived but also concerned about how small the bump is. I was also a little puffy that day so they decided to take more blood to check for pre-eclampsia. The scan today showed a happy baby who is growing well. Happy baby, happy mama!

Baba's profile...

Panic I started seeing blotches on Thursday afternoon. Blood pressure was normal so that night I rang A&E to make sure blood work from earlier that day was clear - it was.

Skin So dry

Hair Nightmare

Nails Bye, bye long and strong, hello crumbly and dry. I believe I have third trimester progesterone to thank for this. Will go smear on some Sally Hansen Vitamin E Oil right away.

Happy Birthday to Eve In other news Eve will be 2 on Thursday, I can't believe it! We had a little family get-together to celebrate yesterday and we'll have her to ourselves on Thursday. I think I will make some Rice Crispie buns with her.

Some Eve snaps...

We picked up Eve's dress and cardi in H&M. Love H&M baby clothes! Her shoes were cheap and cheerful, €7 from Penneys. She has a lovely pair of red converse, which she likes herself but these are great as they have an elasticated inner.

So since everything went well at growth scan this morning I feel relaxed and calm again. Wonder how long it will last this time. Friday is my next hurdle - 30+4 weeks was when symptoms showed last time. Feeling positive. Onwards and upwards as they say!

Must go, I'm being summonsed to go get 'Naisies' which are raisins apparently :) "naisies, wore-dar-you" is the Eve's favourite sentence lately. She also points at the bump and says - aww, baba hee hee, which I translate to mean 'baby in here'. She loves helping me apply bump lotion too. Very cute. I had a big proud Mama moment this morning when Eve pointed at an 'R' on her daddy's t-shirt and named it before making the sound 'rrr'. I can't take credit for it though - it's thanks to a phoenetics game on the ipad :)

Have a great day. Hope everyone is well.

Amy x

29 Weeks Pregnant

2013-04-16T13:39:00.001-07:00

Bump has grown a little this week...I think!

Bump at 29 weeks pregnant...

Check out the mirror smears - when I hold Eve on front of the mirror she likes to rub her hands over her reflections face!

Heartburn Sweet lamb of divine it BURNS!!!! The worst offender for me? Apples. You're having a laugh! Chocolate is a close second but they I would deserve that. I keep telling myself that Orange Rennies taste like Refresher sweets. Big fat lie.

Bump App According to my Baby Bump App the baby is now opening and closing his/her eyes, breathing amniotic fluid and losing all the white fluffy stuff he/she has been covered with til now. I love reading about the baby's development. I don't really get the chance to read the daily app updates - they're probably all to familiar having gone through two pregnancies so recently. But I do enjoy the updates at the beginning of each week.

Weight/Bump size Last time I mentioned the bump was measuring small and I hadn't put weight on in 4 weeks. When I ran this by the consultant last week she checked the on the ultrasound and said that there is very little fat between my uterus and my skin. I suppose that is a good thing huh! Well once baby is growing I don't care! Anxiety and a toddler are apparently keeping me slim, despite all the French Fancies :) For now, at least!

Scans Another one tomorrow. I am definitely bigger this week so I'm not worried.

Swelling Fat feet, legs and hands at night. Just put me in a boiler suit!

New hair Nothing like a few lowlights and a trim to perk up a lady. I also had a lovely Image Oxygen Facial this morning. I feel brand new.

Boobs Oh Sweet Jesus I've lost track of how many cup sizes I have gone up. I'm about half way down the alphabet in double letters at this stage. Thank you third trimester. I have abandoned all the icky maternity bra's that I have spent a fortune on over the past few months and opted for those fitted, racer-back, wireless cami tops. They offer amazing support and most importantly they look normal under clothes.

Sanity I feel better knowing that the steroid injections are in. It's a load of my mind, at least if pre-eclampsia shows early again the doctors don't have to wait if they need to intervene.

How is everyone?

Baby Grew!!

2013-04-11T12:19:00.001-07:00

Oh my God the relief! Safe for another week. I'm 28+3 weeks today. Huge thanks to all of you who kept us in your thoughts or prayers today. They worked!

Fetal Diagnostic Scan Baby has grown! I don't know my how much but enough that he/she is back in the safe range. I barely slept last night and woke at 5.30am with worry. I don't think I exhaled until I lay on that table and the consultant said baba was ok. I can't stop smiling. Of course this is still a tentative time - my pre-eclampsia symptoms started at 29/30 weeks last time and are expected again this time round. I feel so positive right now that I don't believe anything bad could happen. Baby's estimated weight is now 2 pounds 9 ounces.

If you can make this pic out you are a better woman that I. The consultant pointed out that this looked like the baby was kissing the placenta...

Yep, wavy black lines.

Steroid Injection It was recommended that I have my first steroid injection today and second tomorrow. This will help mature the baby's lungs in case he/she needs to make an early appearance. It's a relief to have this in. On my last pregnancy I had the injections as an in-patient but then no heartbeat the following morning. Having the expected hot flushes from it as we speak. I look like I have sunburn - that's probably the most colour I'll get this year :) Maybe I should throw on a bikini and imagine myself in the Seychelles!

Cramps Yesterday and today I had period-like cramps, which were worrying considering my history but they must have been stretching pains. Although they feel different. The consultant did an internal exam to check my cervix and all was fine. Nothing to worry about.

Gestational Diabetes Test No news is good news. I didn't get a call today so my insulin levels are normal. I really feel for those of you who have to watch what you eat when pregnant. It's probably the hardest time to stick to a diabetic diet!

Spent the rest of the day enjoying my big baba at home...

I need my highlights done asap! Eve will be 2 later this month - how is that possible?? Where did the last two years go?! Must get to planning.

In other news I love Mr Kipling French Fancies (or equally the Aldi alternative for half the price!) but I would like to start a Pink-Fancy-Only campaign. It's sad to buy a box and bin the brown and yellow but seriously, ick! Is it just me?

Drool... It has to be pregnancy hormones because I usually hate theses. Off to have one with a cuppa!

I'm almost afraid to think it but what if everything else goes smoothly? It certainly feels possible today. Man I wish I could bottle this feeling of relief.

*Happy dance*

Thank you all very much. I'm a lucky woman to have you lot to rant to!

How is everyone else? All calm or any drama?

Amy x

Measuring Small - 28 Weeks Pregnant

2013-04-10T09:46:00.001-07:00

Hi all,

A little part of me can't believe I've made it this far. The last few weeks has been turbulent to say the least and it looks like there may be more to come.

Bump at 28 weeks pregnant

Bump Very little, if any, change in bump size for the past 4 weeks.

Scans The consultant told me I was measuring small - I had figured that out having looked around the Glucose testing waiting room where everyone was 28 weeks. He also wasn't happy about baby's abdominal circumference but was reassured that there had been at least some growth between that scan and the previous. He did an ultrasound but the important one is in the Fetal Diagnostic Clinic tomorrow. Nervous. Nervous. Nervous.

Glucose Tolerance Testing Fasting from the night before - boo hoo. Multiple blood tests - good look finding a vein even for the first one. The lucozade they make you drink - bleuch!! I'm not concerned about gestational diabetes. It's just a formality because of PCOS. In fact, I left the clinic and had a big slice of carrot cake :) After a many failed attempts to get any blood from my veins and going into the same veins twice I deserved it!

Maternity clothes I'm so small this time that there is no need. I took down my maternity clothes last week and tried them on but they're all too big. If this bump doesn't get bigger there will be no need for them at all. Fingers crossed there is some growth soon.

Appetite/Weight My appetite is normal and I'm eating well. I'm addicted to crisp red grapes, Pink Lady apples and the pink French Fancies. No cravings though. Weight has stayed the same for the 4th week in a row despite eating what I want. Not good.

All in all things aren't looking great are they?! At least baby is moving well and I'm 28 weeks so if I need to be delivered soon it's not the end of the world. I'm hoping that the scan shows some growth has occurred tomorrow. Otherwise I fear I may not be pregnant for very much longer!

I hope all of you pregnant ladies are relaxed and getting spoiled whilst raiding the fridge!

My fingers and toes are crossed.

Amy x

27 Weeks Pregnant - Things are starting to happen!

2013-04-06T10:03:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

When I found out I was pregnant I thought to myself - if you get to 26 weeks that will be great, if I get to 28 weeks that will brilliant and every day after that will be a bonus. Well at 27 weeks I'm starting to panic a little. More on that later. First, this weeks bump picture (taken at 27+4 weeks).

Bump at 27 weeks pregnant

Bump size - Not too much of a change over the past 4 weeks.

Weight - I haven't put on any weight in 3 weeks. I'm eating well and regularly and I'm not exercising. I'm putting it down to small baby and anxiety.

Scan concerns - I went to see a consultant on Thursday who specialises in fetal well-being/diagnostics. She wasn't happy with the baby's abdominal circumference measurements from my 26 week scan. I knew to be concerned last week so I wasn't surprised by her reaction. It was at this gestation that Olivia's growth restriction started. I may be headed that way again. I'm in for a trip to Fetal Diagnostics on Thursday after my own consultant visit on Wednesday. Although I'm trying to stay positive this is what they have been preparing me for from the start.

Movement Last week I had my first freak-out about my baby's movement. Obviously on previous pregnancies feeling movement was just a source of delight. This time round it's different. I feel so much responsibility. Considering I felt movement decrease last time round until the worst happened, right now I don't trust my own judgment.

Anxiety I was unbelievably nervous before seeing the consultant on Thursday. It was one week of raw panic. After I left I felt a little resigned. If this is going to happen there is nothing I can do.

Crochet I'm making a baby blanket and have finished a few baby hats in a premature size. It makes me feel like I'm actually doing something. I'm trying to choose gender neutral colours.

I made these little ones for a friend of my mums who had a premature baby girl, they're so tiny!

Swelling/Bp - I've been keeping swollen ankles at bay by drinking nettle tea. It does wonders. Meanwhile my blood pressure is checked every day and remains low. Thankfully! It didn't go up until 30 weeks last time round.

Baby room I did wash the cardigans my Nannie and mother-in-law in Fairy and put them on the shelf. Other then that I haven't bought anything else. My husband and I decided to wait until we get to take a baby home before we even take the moses basket out of the attic. I'm sure this is normal among those who have experienced a loss?

My heart is in my mouth! Fingers crossed everything works out.

Amy x

26 Weeks Pregnant - Woo Hoo!

2013-03-31T04:25:00.004-07:00

I am thrilled to have reached 26 weeks without incident. You may be able to hear my delight continents away! If our baby is born early then he/she has a real fighting chance.

Bump at 26 weeks Pregnant

Scan/Growth I had another growth scan at 26+3 weeks which was last Thursday. I have them very regularly now. As soon as baby measures small, baby will be out. Those were the consultants exact words. Comforting eh! It was lovely to see baba again - even if he/she was hiding from the camera. The whole point of the scan was to make sure that the baby is growing - Olivia's growth restriction began at 28 weeks, 2 weeks before my pre-eclampsia symptoms showed up. Baby's abdominal measured small - in the 6th percentile. They explained that a small abdominal circumference, especially when compared to the head, can be a sign of growth restriction but for now everything is ok. Baby's growth is in the 14th percentile which is smaller than my previous two at this stage. I left very, very nervous. Hopefully the baba's tummy catches up this week. Otherwise we could be having a baby soon. I will see another consultant this Thursday, she's a fetal well-being specialist so hopefully I will get some reassurance then.

Maternity Clothes Blech! Although I did cave and buy a pair of maternity leggings. Holy cotton comfort batman!

Appetite Don't stand still, I may eat you. Weetabix with a banana and bowls of fruit are my favourites.

Pelvic Floor issues Holy God the pressure! Maybe it's because it's my third pregnancy or maybe it's that I delivered naturally the last time and was pregnant again within 3 months. Whatever the reason I feel like I have been cycling for 12 hours straight. Ouch. I was very good at remembering pelvic floor exercises - I heard the physiotherapist mention incontinence in your forties and vowed to do kegels every day. Since the doctors told me that c-sections would be safer for me from here on in I have gotten lazy. Looks like I'm paying the price now. Serves me right!

Nerves There's every chance that the damned pre-eclampsia will turn up at the same time as my last pregnancy, at least that's what they're preparing me for. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when I reach the time when things started to go wrong with Olivia - even if everything goes perfectly.

How is everyone else getting on?

25 Weeks Pregnant

2013-03-24T13:59:00.003-07:00

Man, I feel like a sack of potatoes this week! I'm 25+4 weeks in this bump pic...

Bump at 25 weeks

New due date Our consultant booked me in for C-section on June 17th at 38 weeks. Bye, bye July 1st due date. I have been warned that it is very likely that I will have pre-eclampsia again based on how early it happened last time. I think I'll start to sweat when I get to 28 weeks, which was when Olivia's growth started being restricted. I'll keep hoping I get to 38 week however unlikely that may be. At this stage I'm thankful for every day baba stays in there.

Bump has grown so much in the last week. My skin is itchy and tight and no amount of oils and lotions seems to be alleviating it. I don't care - once this bump is growing it's all good! Baby has been swimming around and around pretty much all day and night. I think this might be the most active baby I have carried.

Weight has finally reached the lower end of the normal range for my height and frame. I was getting a little worried. Like my previous pregnancies I seem to put weight on in spurts and then weigh the same for a few weeks before another little spurt. I guess that's normal for me.

Appetite / Nausea I have pretty much been starving all week. I woke up one day last week and was starving every two hours. Everything went back to normal yesterday thankfully. I still have nausea and occasional vomiting in the evening times.

Baby room My makeup room is no more. My lovely husnad painted the pink room a neutral colour this week. We also spent a few days clearing out junk and making room. I even cleared a closet and put in baby blankets, a few cardi's the Grandmothers have already knitted and some baby gro's we picked up whilst in Chicago. Doing that made me accept that regardless of the outcome this time I'm still having a baby.

Appointments This has been my first week off from hospital visits in quite a while. I loved it. I'm back in next Thursday for yet another growth scan. I'm usually worried but since my bump has grown I'm calm this time... for now at least. Ask me again on Wednesday night and I may give you a different answer.

Beauty Issues Is it just me who has to pluck my eyebrows every single day whilst pregnant?! My nails also need clipping twice a week and hair is growing long and thick. So far no acne. I had a facial this week and apparently the skin on my cheeks is dehydrated. I will get right on that.

Maternity clothes Again, a sack of potatoes. I took down a few maternity items from storage and tried them on. It did not go well. They just make me look like a round ball. I blame the increase in chest size - empire line seems to make the situation much worse :) I have been sticking to my ordinary clothes but wearing a longer vest top underneath. Bellybands have also been great - even if just to keep my bump warm.

In toddler news Eve said "leithscéal" this morning after she burped. I had a proud mama moment :) She's obsessed with the movie Tangled at the moment and will sit for the whole thing, completely absorbed. God she's cute!

Anyone else expecting?

21 - 23 Weeks Pregnant

2013-03-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

I have been a nervous wreck over the past few weeks. I am anxiously awaiting 24 weeks of pregnant, waiting for that viable time. Here are some bump pictures, yes, jammies n' all!

21 weeks pregnant

23 weeks pregnant

Bump has definitely grown! Lost of movement too.

Scan I had another anomoly scan at 21 weeks to follow up on the one at 18 weeks. Everything was fine, yay! Baby was wriggling away on the monitor and the doctors were very happy with growth so far.

Anxiety Huge! I just want to keep my head down and get to 24 weeks. I am full of nervous energy and always feel like I was to take off into a run. Pity I'm not allowed run this time round.

Swelling puffy ankles and legs at night.

I will be thrilled when I get to 24 weeks. Every week after that will be a bonus.

How is everyone?

18/19 weeks Pregant

2013-03-24T13:58:00.002-07:00

Very nervous this week about reaching 20 weeks and having to start worrying about pre-eclmapsia checks. It will all be worth it! Here are some bump photos...

Belly at 18 weeks pregnant

18 weeks

Scan Went very well. Baba is measuring a week small which is fine for my height and frame. There were no anomolies. Had a lovely view of our nugget on a huge flat screen. Magic.

Uterine Doppler Screening I was sent for this because of my dodgy history. The results were normal. I wish this meant more but it was explained that it really doesn't help access risk of pre-eclampisia if there are no notches present in the uterine arteries. What? I know, my thoughts exactly. I'm going with the flow.

Me in the scanning waiting room. Yes, we were bored...very bored.

Beautiful baba at 18+2 weeks

and his/her little foot...aw so cute!

My blood pressure is still low, which is great but I am so dizzy! We went away for the weekend, our last hurrah before 20 weeks - we decided from that time on we will stay close to our hospital. When we were away we picked up Eve a gorgeous new navy and pink Maclaren XLR buggy. They are the best. There is nothing wider and more comfortable. Her first one was in bit! Regretted getting the train instead of driving though, luggage and a buggy on a train was not fun. I can feel baby move much more strongly now. Feeling relaxed and ready for anything!

Belly at 19 weeks pregnant

19 weeks:

Bump has really grown over the past few days. I am back into my expected weight range, just about. I'm tired and have a cold but I'm happy! I'm feeling plenty of wriggles and kicks and my blood pressure is still low. My ankles have started to puff in the evenings now. How pretty! I have an appointment in Haemotology tomorrow and then I'm free from the hospital. Delighted!

Hope everyone is well!

17 Weeks Pregnant

2013-03-24T13:22:00.003-07:00

Belly at 17+2 Weeks

Bump has grown significantly over the last few days. As with all of my pregnancies, before a big growth spurt I am tired for three days before hand. Then the bump pops more.

Movement I have been feeling the baby wriggle for weeks but last night I felt my very first kick from the outside. I left my hand there for 10 minutes and felt a full kicking session. It was so incredible to feel that again after so long. It now feels very real.

Heartbeat I got an Angelsounds fetal heart monitor just for fun. It means the whole family can hear babies heartbeat.

Bump Lotions I am using so many creams and oils on my bump this time round. I leave one in the press in the kitchen and one on my bedside table. I am using Baby Bee oil, Bio Oil and Cream.

Weight Yay! Four pounds up from pre-pregnancy weight. Still a little behind but I seem to be catching up quickly now.

Energy Enough to play with a toddler all day, clean, work and occasionally prepare a dinner. Beyond that, nil. Walks, outings are a killer.

Leg cramps Starting!

Hair/Skin/Nails All doing well :) My nails and hair are growing like wild-fire.

Hospital Appointments I have uterine doppler screening next week to check the blood vessels in the placenta. I think it's to access the risk of growth restriction.

Baby Crafts I am crocheting up a storm. A friend of my mums had a baby at 27 weeks so I have been busy crocheting teeny weeny premature baby hats. I am also crocheting a blanket for Feileacain. These are used in memeory boxes in hospitals when babies die. They rely on people to make and donate white chochet of knitted blankets - I should probably do a big post on this at some stage to help raise awareness.

Hope everyone is well!

16 Weeks Pregnant...

2013-03-24T13:20:00.005-07:00

16 January 2013

Here is bump at 16+2 weeks (excuse the unmade bed, mess etc., I always take bump pictures first thing in the morning. Otherwise I would forget!)

Belly at 16 weeks pregnant

So at 16 weeks:

Scan I had yet another scan this morning. It's the first time I saw the baby move so far. I had four Jellytots before my appointment so baby was wriggling away. It was so lovely to see. He/she is upside down, facing away.

Swelling A little by evening time. It comes down by morning though. On my previous 2 pregnancies it started around now too and kept going away until it one day it stopped going and kept building.

Cravings None. I've never had one.

Movement I've been feeling wriggles on and off for a few weeks now but I felt the very first kick the night before last. Very happy about this.

Appetite Roaring. It's nice to be hungry instead of sick. Now, what can I eat next?

Anxiety It really peaked around Christmas and New Years, I could feel it in my throat. But it seems to have dissipated. I still get moments of nervousness, usually coming up to scan dates. By the time it comes to lying on the bed to have the scan I am a nervous wreck. I keep waiting to hear those awful words again. Fingers crossed I never have to hear then again. Other than that I'm quite calm.

Maternity Clothes Nope. I had to leave the button on my skinny jeans open when bump was low but it has risen higher now and my jeans close again... for now. I was looking through my maternity clothes yesterday. Most I didn't get to wear whist pregnant on Olivia, I never got big enough. According to what the doctors are telling me I may not get into them this time either. Unless I put on two stone of chocolate bickie weight that is.

And completely unrelated...

Getting away My mum bought us a voucher for a two night hotel stay in Waterford for Christmas. I think we'll book it for a break before I hit the 20 week mark and the anxiety really starts.
Books I still can't stop reading. I get so lost in a book, it's a great escape. I just devoured Divergent (Roth), a dystopian novel. I loved, loved, loved it. I'm half way through Insurgent, the second book in the series. I also finished the Lux series (Armentrout) - Obsidian and Onyx. Opal arrived in the post so I'm excited. I feel like I'm alone in my book interests, nerdy Amy I suppose :)

Hope you're all keeping well. How goes baby planning, growing, motherhood etc?

15 Weeks Pregnant...

2013-03-24T13:20:00.003-07:00

12th January 2013

I'm all over the place this week. Let me start with a 15 week bump pic...

Belly at 15 weeks pregnant

I was worried last week that there wasn't a whole lot of change but this week I can see a difference.

Me at 15 weeks:

Morning sickness Went away for a few days but pops back on occasion just for the sheer joy of it.

Blood pressure Is ridiculously low this week 80/45 today and yesterday. I have been parallel since it dropped down. I remember this for a couple of weeks while pregnant on Olivia at the beginning of the second trimester. According to my baby app on my iphone my body is making a few extra litres of blood. I'm dizzy and woozy, lovely.

Bra Issues Sweet baby Jesus my boobs are they are taking over the country. I am up two cup sizes since last week. I have had to wear a wireless bra, which I usually hate but have no choice. I posted during my last pregnancy about how much I hate maternity underwear..with a passion! Ugly and not what you need of days you feel frumpy instead of pregnant.

Weight I'm too afraid to weigh myself. Hoping that I have put on something, anything. But am doubtful. I will weigh myself at 16 weeks.

Movement Lots of little wriggles after eating and when resting

Energy Zilch. I'm putting this down to low blood pressure. I keep thinking that at 15 weeks on my last pregnancy I had buckets of energy. This pregnancy is definitely different to the last two.

Worries Met with the fetal expert doctor - I'm not sure what they are actually called but her job is looking after the foetus in the womb. As I'm high risk I've been seeing her every few weeks. I wasn;t offered any reassurances at this appointment, I think that ship has sailed, what's left is honesty. She told me that this baby will probably be out long before my due date. Since she deals with the foetus health she never mentioned pre-eclampsia but talked about the possibility of me having another small baby - growth restricted small. I was assured that if this baby measures small at any stage it will be whisked out. I'm trying not to think about it. One day at a time.

Appointments Next Wednesday I have an appointment with out consultant to check on everything. I'll have yet another scan. I'm always a nervous wreck before them now. Fingers crossed we see a healthy baby again at this one.

I had to add this photo...

Eve got a tent off her uncle for Christmas, she calls it her "bass" which we think means 'base'. :) She also got a toaster, who knew she would have so much fun with a plastic kitchen appliance! Happy as a sandpiper.

I hope everyone is doing well!

14 Weeks Pregnant...

2013-03-24T13:19:00.003-07:00

4th January 2013

I'm dying!

Ok so I'm a little melodramatic this week. Let's blame it on the hormones... oh and the barfing!

Belly at 14 weeks pregnant

Food poisoning On the 2nd of January I woke at 5am to a day of vomiting. I couldn't keep anything down, including liquids. I was worried about the baby but just kept sipping rehydration sachets and hoping for the best. The following day I was exhausted and nauseous. Still am.

Morning Sickness It's soooo bad. 14+4 weeks and no let up. It's hard to eat although I'm making myself. It also lasts all day which sucks. Anyone else ever had lingering morning sickness?

Movement On New Years Day I felt the first little wriggles. It can be hard to determine what baby wriggles feel like but since this is my third I'm ol' pro :) For me they feel like butterfly wings beating back and forth. Feeling life made me cry for an hour though since I know the dreaded feeling of no movement.

Weight Have only put on one and a half pounds since pre-pregnancy. This is reminiscent of my last pregnancy on Olivia. I'm trying not to worry but have been completely unsuccessful. I'm putting this down to the nausea and the occasional throwing-up session.

Excercie Not a chance. Can't. Move. From. Couch.

Boobs Still at an acceptable size. Yay. If you read my blog during my last pregnancy you will know that I was dreading the giant boobs that I got in the last few months of pregnancy on my first. I never got there in the end but my milk did come in, which was devastating. Stuff like this obviously doesn't bother me so much this time round but I'd still rather look normal in the chest department :)

Bump Hasn't grown a whole lot since last week but it's early days. I have looked pregnant for quite a while so it's great that everyone now knows. Walking around the shops with my large handbag on front of my belly was getting old.

Appointments I'm seeing the haematologist in a week. They're just keeping a close eye.

Poor Eve has come down with a tummy bug so I spent the afternoon cleaning her up. After a few wardrobe changes I opted to leave her in her robe and surround her with towels. The joys of parenting. She still looked cute though!

We brought her to her favourite park when she felt better - doesn't look like she wanted to be smooched by her mama though!

Side note - this is the most comfortable coat EVER! Thank you Zara :)

Think that's it for this week. Writing this has at least distracted me from the nausea for ten minutes. You are all so obliging!

How are you all doing? Any news?

13 Weeks Pregnant & Christmas Photos, Olivia...

2013-03-24T13:19:00.001-07:00

Christmas Eve 2012

Yay! I finally reached my second trimester. I'm 13 weeks today. I'm relieved to be at the stage where miscarriage chances are less but really I won't feel safe until I hear this baby cry.

Belly at 13 weeks pregnant

Screening Results - So after 4 days of waiting I finally received the call with the results of First Trimester Screening. A 29 year old generally has a 1 in 670 chance of carrying a baby with down syndrome so I was hoping for 1 in 500. Well after the screening this baby has a 1 in 13,750 chance - so basically I have the same risk of having a downs baby as a 15 year old. This is phenomenal news.

No shared care - As I'm considered high risk this time round I have all of my visits with the same consultant instead of the convenience of shared care with your local doctor. I obviously don't mind as it means a closer eye on this little nugget. But it also means that all of those little drop-ins to my gp over blood pressure and other pregnancy issues will all have to be taken up with the hospital. I dread to think of the parking fees!

Sinus headache - this plagued me on my last 2 pregnancies. My Gp prescribed a steroid nasal spray that doesn't pass through the umbilical cord but this time around I have no such options. It's paracetamol of nothing. Nothing it is!

Christmas tomorrow! Eve is sitting beside us on the coach watching ET for the first time. This is a right of passage in our family. I am very excited about Santa's visit and I have been dreaming of Christmas dinner for at least 4 months now. I won't be cooking, thank God! Here are some pics...

Our tree this year

Eve on Christmas Eve morning...

Ready for Santa....

Eve decided to gallop around on the reindeer ornament...

Hair is a holy shocking state - Yes, I have said this before. But no, it has never been in need of highlights so urgently. I avoided having my hair done in my first trimester so that means it has been 4 months and I only had a t-bar touch up last time. I shall be calling on mammy dearests services as soon as she has had her Christmas rest.

Remembering Olivia this Christmas. No she's not here in my arms but she is in my heart. It's a hard time of year for anyone who is missing someone. Last year we sat around the dinner table talking about how next year there would be two high chairs beside us. Regardless, our baby was part of our Christmas.

We lit her remembrance candle on Christmas Eve

Happy Christmas to all and to all a goodnight! Sorry, couldn't resist :)

Amy x

11 / 12 Weeks Pregnant - Wrong dates!

2013-03-24T12:57:00.004-07:00

So this week I thought I was 11 weeks but after a booking visit with the hospital and a little scan it turns out that I'm actually 8 days more pregnant than I thought. I'm actually 12+2 weeks today. Nice to fire ahead to the end of the first trimester - I was counting the hours anyway so I would be passed the obvious risky stage. Although my risky stage is still to come.

Belly at 12 weeks pregnant

Baby at 12+2 weeks

Scan & Booking Appointment - Everything looks fine. I had a little cry on the doctors table after hearing the words 'and there's the heart beating'. Every time I'm scanned I go back to that morning when I heard that Olivia's heart had stopped. I'm in for a lot of checks and scans but it's for the best.

1st Trimester Screening - Screening was recommended by my consultant due to a scan that showed that she had an echogenic bowel (enlarged) which can be a marker for Downs Syndrome. It involves a scan in the fetal assessment unit by a consultant in the field. They look at the amount of fluid at the back of the babies head - the more fluid the more likely your baby has downs. This was followed by blood work which checks for the presence of certain proteins. The results of the scan, the bloods combined with your age give you a 1 in ? risk. The general chances of having a baby with Downs at 29 is 1 in 660 (or there abouts), the screening gives you the chances for your specific baby. I have to wait a few days for the results, I'm extremely nervous. The baby wasn't moving around during the scan so the consultant had the sonographer check the blood flow in the placenta which looked fine. That being said it looked fine 2 days before Olivia died too so it doesn't offer me any more re-assurances. I was very anxious about going back into the screening rooms since the last time I was there I received the worst news a pregnant woman can receive. It turned out to be ok.

Olivia's room - I had to pass the room where I stayed after we got the awful news. It was the place we took her back to and with the exception on the chapel it was the only place she was. The room was empty and the door was open so I stood and took it in as means of ripping off the band-aid I think. It was upsetting but when I'm in the hospital she feels close. Maybe because we never brought her home.

Bye bye nausea - Finally, I have paid my dues. The nausea and vomit cloud has lifted and just in time for Christmas scoffing too!

Bump Size - As I mentioned in last weeks post there is no denying I'm pregnant. I haven't put on any weight and yet I look like I did at 4-5 months when I was pregnant on my first.

Weight Gain - None yet. I have a bump so the lack of gain is definitely due to the vomiting. The information on weight gain states that this is normal but I would point out that my lack of weight gain on my last pregnancy was definitely not normal. Never assume everything is fine, always ask. It never occurred to me that the reason I was wearing my own clothes at 7 months pregnant was because my bump was too small and my baby was growth restricted. There are plenty of people who wear their own tight fitting clothes the whole way through pregnancy but for me it wasn't a good sign. I think I will always worry.

Delighted things are going well so far!

Happy News!!!

2013-02-27T14:10:00.000-08:00

I am delighted to introduce you to baba number three :)

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!

This is baby at 18 weeks. I am now 22+2 weeks and due on July 1st. We couldn't be more thrilled!! This is a thoroughly nerve wrecking time having lost Olivia so recently but I'm trying to stay positive and enjoy the ride. My initial feeling was to keep this pregnancy private but I have had a change of heart.

This blog won't be for everyone, it certainly won't appeal to most of my beauty blog readers but I will post about my pregnancy weekly just as I did on my last pregnancy. I will also update with things that are on my mind, products I'm buying, dealing with loss, being high-risk, trying to conceive, pcos issues but also document what it's like to move forward with a new pregnancy having experienced a loss. I am hopeful and excited. But the truth is that I'm also terrified.

I have blogged each week of pregnancy so far with bump pics but I kept it set to private while I decided if this log was for me or to share. I'm really happy to be able to share this. I will post my pics and posts so far in the next few days.

I would love to hear how you're getting on - with your pregnancies, trying to conceive, with the kiddies you have or if you have experienced a loss, whatever it is I hope you can feel you can share.

Onwards and upwards in 2013!

With much love,

Amy x

Dealing with Pregnancy loss... Miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death.

2013-01-23T06:14:00.002-08:00

I'm writing this not to be morbid but to show that things do move forward, even when you can't ever move on. Even when you expect the world to end. When Olivia died I went online and tried to find others who had lost babies as a way to understand what was happening to me. What I learned most of all was that I wasn't going crazy, I was normal. So here I am bearing my soul today, it's painful but if one other parent finds this and realises that they're going to be ok, my job is done.

The good stuff

I have mentioned before that I have lovely memories of labour and delivery. It really was amazing. Adrenaline still takes over, your body knows it still has a job to do. It felt natural and normal somehow. It was too late for an epidural so I gave birth the old fashioned, pain-free way. It was lovely. I also have nice memories of spending time with her over the following days and the day of her ceremony was beautiful. Being able to hold her, have our family and friends see her, my husband dressing her, I am so grateful for all those memories.

The worst times

I am going to list the worst things I remember, most are too painful to talk about, before I go on to the moving forward part. I do this because I know some of you will relate and also because people are afraid to talk about this stuff. For the most part I now feel differently about the things on this list.

*Confusion over feeling movement when I moved against the bump after the news and before delivery
*My husbands pain
*Having her in my tummy but knowing she wasn't alive
*Milk coming in - nature can be very, very cruel. Terrorising.
*Looking pregnant for a few days after delivery - people giving you that knowing smile but they were wrong.
*Instinct - my body telling me I should be looking after my baby, hearing phantom cries etc. I cleaned the house like mad the day after I have birth. My body was telling me to take care of her but I had no baby.
*Feeling like I killed her. I knew it, I didn't think it. She was perfect and my body killed her. I've always felt my body, mind and soul together make me who I am and each one affects the other. This lead me to blame myself.
*Leaving the hospital with my pillow and a memory box instead of a baby like everyone else.
*Walking through the front door with said pillow and memory box instead of our baby
*Seeing her clothes in the press
*Empty arms
*Empty tummy
*Cancelling the order for the double stroller and the lady asking why.
*Not looking pregnant any more a week after delivery, back in pre-pregnancy jeans; I had nothing to show for what I went through. No baby, not even a stretchmark or a section scar. That was difficult.
*Seeing baby sisters together for the first few months
*Babies with dark hair for the first few weeks, as Eve is blonde and Olivia was dark
*Cremation. Can't say more.
Empty arms, empty arms, empty arms.

Have do you go on?

I don't know. But you do. For me the first three weeks were a blur of horror. I screamed over and over again, I want my baby, I just want my baby - even thinking about the pain I was in has made the tears come. That was my darkest time. After 3 weeks the unbearable days became every second day. Then a few good days followed by one bad, back to a few good ones. After 8 weeks had passed I had an unbearable morning or afternoon or night but never all day. By 12 weeks I was having a bad hour here and there during the week. Now 6 months on I still cry, I still grieve but I mostly smile and I'm mostly happy.
Everyone is different. Let it happen whatever way it happens. My husband and I decided together before I gave birth that we would let the agony flow in, however unbearable it was we weren't going to hide from it or try brush it under the carpet. It was torture. We got through it.You go from surviving one minute at a time, to one hour, to one afternoon, to one day. The loss never goes away I hear, you never stop missing your baby, no other pregnancy or baby can replace what you have lost but you do move forward somehow and life does get better.

How do I cope?

* On bad nights I slept with her picture frame in my arms.
* I keep a journal. I don't write in it all the time, only when I need to. Every few months they say you can look back and see how far you've come. They recommend not reading it too close to the time you wrote it as it can drag you back.
* I wrote a list of every single positive thing that came from having and losing Olivia. Every detail. It was three pages long. I read this list any time I'm consumed by the bad memories.
* I spend time with her by doing things like going through her memory box, holding her bunny or blanket, looking at photos.
* Scrapbooking - I would never have thought of this if it weren't for the A Little Lifetime Foundation. My favourite way to spend time with her is to make her scrapbook. That being said, some days it's too hard. Other days I enjoy it. You have to go with the mood you're in that day.
* Accepting that life in bitter-sweet. Eve and my husband make me so happy. Despite the sadness I feel I am still happy. Every event we experience has a bitter-sweet edge. For example, Christmas was so fun watching Eve but I know in your heart that my other baby was supposed to have a place at the dinner table this Christmas.
* At the beginning I accepted what happened after reading about early onset severe pre-eclampsia. The science of what happened offered me comfort - my baby wasn't singled out. It's nature, it can be amazing and it can be cruel. This also helped me deal with the feeling that I was to blame. My body was sick and it let Olivia down but the reason it happened couldn't be helped. Nothing I could have done would have changed it.
* Knowing that had they delivered her when I was admitted to hospital and not waited she might not have lived long. The blood supply had been cutting off slowly for a number of weeks. It was not a sudden thing. Her growth was being restricted before my symptoms showed.
*Knowing that she has brought us all closer together.
*Trying to look for the good in every little thing. It's there.
*Seeing a counsellor to deal with grief. I can say things to her I can't say to my family.
*Mostly I cope by taking one day at a time.

Advice

I have been contacted my so many mothers and fathers who have lost babies. I'm no expert but my only advice to anyone who has lost a baby is - Let it come. It's the only way to move through it. However horrible and unbearable it is, let it come.

Take care of yourselves,

Amy x

Early Onset Pre-eclampsia - Don't wait!

2013-01-13T10:12:00.002-08:00

Hi everyone,

I have never really talked about what happened to Olivia. I thought that if I could make one more person aware that writing about it might be of benefit. It also might do me some good to get if off my chest.

Olivia's official cause of death was Severe Early Onset Pre-Eclampsia. She had IUGR (Intra Uterine Growth Restriction) as a result of this. We declined a post-mortum having seen the state of the placenta and my symptoms, I already knew what the cause was.

The pre-eclampsia increased my blood pressure - although it was only to normal levels in hospital terms, for me it was very high. This affected blood flow to the baby. The blood vessels into the placenta grew thick and the blood wasn't reaching the placenta properly which caused certain spots on it to die. This continued to happen until more of the surface area was covered until Olivia wasn't getting enough blood to survive. The scary part - besides the "normal" blood pressure was that I had a scan 3 days before she died and everything looked fine, they couldn't even find an obvious problem when the scanned me after her heart stopped.

My intent is not to scare monger but to highlight to pregnant women that you can't put you health in someone else's hands. I should have gone straight to hospital in Lanzarote as soon as my blood pressure climbed and protein showed in my urine. Since the origins of pre-eclampsia are thought to be in early pregnancy when the blood vessels and placenta are being formed it was unlikely that Olivia would have been ok had she been delivered at that stage. She had not grown since 28 weeks and I was 32 weeks.

I should point out that what happened to Olivia was extreme, not the norm. While it's common to have late onset pre-eclampsia on your first pregnancy, it's uncommon to have early onset pre-eclampsia on you second after the late episode.

Early Onset and Late Onset Pre-eclampsia have different rates of recurrences and morbidity. I wish I had have known that it was different from what I experienced on Eve. I would have run straight to a hospital. My understanding is that before 34 weeks is considered early onset and is much more serious.

The cause of pre-eclampsia in unknown but the symptoms can be obvious. I would urge you to see your doctor or midwife if you are concerned at all. Even a quick phone call will put your mind at ease. They will let you know if you need to come in.

The symptoms: You may have only one of these or a combination. They show after 20 weeks.

Protein in the urine
High Blood Pressure 140/90 (but mine was normal! If you normally have low bp talk to your doctor)
Sudden swelling of face, hands, legs etc
Sudden weight gain after 20 weeks
Blurred vision, visual disturbance
Severe headache that doesn't respond to paracetamol
Abdominal pain - upper right rib

If you suspect anything please don't hesitate.The majority of babies are fine but that's because of careful monitoring and/or medical intervention. The preeclampsia.org website is excellent for information, research and advice.

My symptoms were swelling (hard to bend my knuckles, face was also puff, legs large), severe headache (like my brain was being crushed), protein in my urine (4 times the normal amount for pre-eclampsia) but normal blood pressure. Had my blood pressure been high they would have intervened. I usually have low blood pressure (98/54 average) so for me to reach 130's/80's was serious but it wasn't taken seriously because it was still within the safe parameters of pre-eclampsia. On that note, they need to change the definition of pre-eclampsia.

If I could give pregnant women one piece of advice having been through Olivia's death it would be to take your health into your own hands. Don't be passive like me, sitting there hoping you're not bothering the staff with your woes. Hoping they can see what's going on in your body. They can't. It's a bit of an Irish tradition to say 'Sure it'll be grand, don't worry', this was my downfall. I should have shouted it from the roof tops until someone listened. It's your life, it's your baby's life, don't wait.

With so much love,

Amy x

What to say when someone losses baby & What not to say!

2013-01-13T07:02:00.000-08:00

I felt the need to blog about this having talked to many others who have lost babies who are consumed by things other have/haven't said to them. I should point out that I have not been hurt by things people I know have said because I understand the panic of not knowing what to say but for other parents this seems to be a real big issue.

I think this comes down to awareness. I don't think anyone means to be hurtful but sometimes it comes across this way. Most people don't know what to say - that's fine. Put your arms around them instead and tell them you're sorry for their loss. The combined gesture said everything to me. Sometimes someone just being near me did the trick. Just don't hide from them.

One of the most important things is to acknowledge their baby. They are parents now whether they have other children at home or not. No matter how much time has passed since you have seen that person acknowledge their loss and the existence of their baby the next time you see them in person. It's awful to say, but I remember every person in my life who I have bumped into since Olivia's death that hasn't said a word about her. No hug, no I'm sorry, no acknowledgement that my baby was on this earth. I know it's because they don't know what to say but it's very hurtful none the less.

What not to say in passing: (this list is not exhaustive, just from my experience. I have had some of these thoughts myself but it's usually not ok for someone else to say them out loud).

*She's better off - you pretty much can't say anything worse
*She's in a better place - the only place a baby should be is with his/her parents
*At least she wasn't full term - makes no difference, after 24 weeks a baby can live outside the womb so it's no consolation. One woman said this to me and I wanted to plant her one.
*At least you have another child - no consolation for the loss of your baby, each child is a different human being.

I have been to a few baby bereavement group sessions in the past 6 months and what couples talk about every time is how upset they are at what someone said to them. There are leaflets available from A Little Lifetime Foundation for families and friends and also one for work colleagues, to show people the best way to respond to such a disaster. No one knows what to do in these situations.

The absolute worst thing you can do - is say nothing at all. Yet it happens too often.This is one I have been on the receiving end of quite a few times.

Have you had someone say something insensitive to you? How did you deal with it?