Everything and Nothing

Because I love you so.

2014-12-06T09:18:00.001-08:00

She said :
I promise to love you, through bad and good, sad and happy times. I promise to love you at all times. At 5 am, or whenever in the morning when you wake up for work. With your messy hair, sleepy and tired eyes.

And then during the time you leave for work, I promise to kiss you goodbye. And when you're rushing out, I promise to never forget to tell you that I love you, so that no matter how your day goes, you remember that I'm always gonna be there for you, as the warmth you need, the ease you need, the love you need, the care you need.

And later when you come back home from work, I promise to welcome you with a smile and a warm hug full of love, so that when you enter our home, you forget all the work stress and know that your day can't entirely be bad.

And finally, when you come to bed to sleep, I promise to hug you tight and cuddle with you, be in your arms, and cover you with sweet little kisses and let you know that I love you, through my eyes, through my words, through my hugs and kisses, so that when you finally fall asleep, you sleep happy, dream happy and wake up happy.

Because you know I love you so.

He said :
Wow. I love you so much my angel. I know my promises don't mean much. But I have just one promise I want to make. I promise the day we get married, I'm gonna take you to church, show you to everyone there and prove, that you're way way way better than them, than what they think of you. I promise that I will do anything and everything to make you happy when your're sad, to keep you happy forever. And that I'm yours... Now and forever more.

Because you know I love you so.

Ignorance is not bliss!

2014-11-05T22:53:00.001-08:00

There comes a time when we all just lose our calm, our patience. There are millions of situations or people or things that bother us, but we stay mum, we ignore them because has other serious and IMPORTANT issues to offer us. So we keep ignoring and concentrate on the good parts. But then what do you do if it keeps happening and gets too much to take? How much do you ignore or can you ignore? And then finally when you react, you become the one that did the wrong thing. I mean, How dare you react? You are supposed to stay quiet and ignore it. You are supposed to act like nothing is wrong and go on with your life. Is that so hard for you to do, you numb skull? But, why is there a need for you to pretend like nothing is wrong? Why can't you just be upfront about things? If it's bothering you, well then it is bothering you. If you can't let go, well then you can't. Why do people expect YOU to be calm all the time? Why do people expect YOU to ignore things all the time? You don't have a say in things or what? You can't stand up for yourself when you know nobody else will? Well, you have to stand up for yourself, right? You can't just keep ignoring things when you know that something is not right. And when it happens to this one relationship you have which makes you happy, then what? You're supposed to ignore it and stay happy? Or are you supposed to put a stop to it and then stay happy? I don't think you can stay happy by ignoring some sadist person who keeps saying things to put you off and make you feel like you're in the wrong relationship. Yes, you can always ignore, but only if your ready to deal with the bunch of frustration it comes to you with in the end, because ignoring such things only add on to your frustration. That's exactly what happened with her too. Some sadist of a person keept messaging her, and she kept ignoring, not reacting. Not giving that person the reaction he/she wanted to see. So, that demon in human form kept messaging her, and she kept ignoring which only kept adding on to her anger, her frustration. Finally, when she reacted, she became the wrong person. She became the disturbing element. She realized that she should not have ignored anything at the first place, and instead she should have listened to her gut feeling but she chose to listen to others which did no good. Just like this, there are millions of things in our lives that we don't fight for, that we just ignore, but we don't realize that ignoring something like this can end up being a pain in the a**. I mean, such things can end up become a serious problem for us. Whoever said, "Ignorance is bliss", most probably was not even dealing with a real crisis. Because I believe that ignorance often brings you trouble and you wind up regretting all the things you ignored at the first place.

Dwelling on the best.

2014-09-30T00:57:00.001-07:00

She just sits, staring at the ceiling of her room, trying to gather her thoughts, trying to gather her feelings. A lot has happened in her life over the past 9 months and she's trying to know, trying to decide, really trying hard what she thinks and believes. All her thinking power drained out over these past few months. She came to a phase where her mind is actually blank from a phase where she had an over storage of thoughts in her mind.
So much happens in your life that you just block everything out, every thought. People question you, your existence, make you feel bad about yourself, try to take away this one person in your life you truly love and want to spend your life with. She really was badly tested. She had fights with him, almost everyday. Fighting with him killed her emotionally and mentally. She did not want to fight, she loved him. But everytime something happened, she lost all her patience, she lost all her mental peace, it suffocated her, it was too damn frustrating. She desperately wanted it all to end, not her relationship, but all the bad things that had a bad effect on her relationship with him. Then he told her, "baby, I love you. i don't want to lose you. Please don't let this affect you, this is something trying to break us." And she knew he was being honest, because there was an honest desperation for her in his voice.
               She tried to put her thoughts in a diary. But everything that came out was negative. Not because she did not trust him, but because of all the negative happenings. Then, she decided letting all the negativity go and thinking about all the good things, all the positive things that happened in between all the negativity.
      Without taking much time, she realized that there were many good things that happened, many precious moments that she had shared with him. She forgot that whenever she was with him, whenever they met, there was no trouble, they were truly happy, in love. She forgot about all the times he gave her the strength to hang on. And most of all, in between all the negativity since the past nine months, she also did not notice one important thing, and that was... Nine months of negativity, nine months of fights, he never gave up on her, they never stopped loving each other. After every fight their love just grew for each other. Their bond just became stronger and stronger with time. And that's when she realized, that she's one stupid girl. She has all she wants, all she believes in right there with her, and she was letting the negativity ruin her when she had her strength right there with her.
                     She once told me, "you know love is the worst and the best thing that happens to us, we just have to choose what we dwell on, and I now decide to dwell on the best."

Not Easy!!

2014-02-23T06:07:00.002-08:00

Life gets really tough when you suddenly find out that the one person you love doesn't really love you. All that person feels or felt for you was sympathy. Maybe because you had some problems and they thought that you'd be broken if they leave you. Yeah, sometimes you just over think and assume such things but sometimes all these things happen to be real. You just find out what that person really feels for you. And whatever that person feels, its not love. Call it care, call it sympathy, anything but not love. Yeah maybe you were spying on that person, checking on a few things they do because of your insecurities but you find out that your insecurities turned out to be real. Then what? You blame yourself for doubting on them and checking on them or you blame them? And on top of all that, if you find out that this person doesn't only NOT love you but loves his/her friend and that friend loves them back, then what? You feel like shit! Don't you? What do u believe now? Them telling you that they love you and not their friend? That they were irritated with you because of some stupid fight you had with them, so they said it out of anger or irritation or would you believe the chat you just read between them and their friend? It gets so complicated. What about your feelings that just got crushed? What about that heartbreaking feeling you get when you see your love telling someone else they love them and not you. How do you believe that person when they tell you they love you. You try hard, you really do to trust them, but!! The "but" stays. You see them crying, you see them fighting for you, to have you back in their life, you know they love you, but then every time they tell you they love you, you pause for a second and can't help but think of that moment when they told someone else they love them.

Things change. You decide to give your relationship another chance, but at the same time you put restrictions in their life. You start feeling insecure when you see them talking to that friend again and so you ask them to stop talking to that friend, and they listen to you and stop talking to them. All for your happiness, so that they don't lose you. But you feel like you lost yourself somewhere in here. You realize that you are restricting your love from doing things they like, from talking to people they like, you doubt, you let your insecurities grow. But what you really wanted to do was to take a chance, give your relationship a chance and trust them, learn to trust them and be happy but instead what you did was put a limit to their happiness and because of that your happiness comes to a stop. Why? Because you love them and if they are not happy, then how can you be happy? They stop telling you how they feel, especially if they are unhappy because of something because they feel it'll upset you. So they decide to not tell you.

Both of you think of the other person's happiness, but still things don't work. You end up fighting, crying, apologizing, and don't know what all you do. You love each other. You definitely do. But something just went wrong. What, you don't know. So what do you do? You don't know that too. All this, all the problems, just because of that one thing you found out, something they did by mistake, something they did out of anger or confusion.

What's the solution? It has to be love, for love heals everything I've heard. And so, if they both love each other, then things have to be alright. They try, try, try and try till things work. They fill in the pits on the road and work it out together to put a happy road to their life together. Well, its a matter of love. All kinds of complications creep in. So no matter what, the ones who get out of these complications together, strongly are the ones who are meant to be together. Its a difficult road to walk on, but such is life dearies!

Year Ends Here...

2013-12-30T05:50:00.002-08:00

Its 30th of December and I'm sitting on my bed, with a laptop on my lap, drinking my coffee and thinking. Aaahh, "thinking", something that I do every second. Sometimes I think I should be able to write more and better because of the thinking ability that I have, but I get scared of being too bold in what I write. Then I open my diary and start writing, so I keep that to myself. Someday, that diary may become a book, but I can't let anybody read my diary till I'm alive. Too many thoughts in there, but I still don't do any justice to my mind. That's how much I think!!
I'd like to share my thoughts though. The ones I've been having today. I woke up today, not happy due to some reasons, and thought, very soon this year will end and as soon as the next year starts, I'll start going to college starting off with my 4th semester. 3rd semester did not go well. I mean the results which I got last night only. And then I started thinking about all the things I did this year. Had my ups and downs, more of downs, but I still ended up staying strong and happy, all the credit goes to some beautiful people in my life and I thank God for them every single day. Today, I realized that I grew up every single day. Every day I learned something. I don't know about how positive or negative impact it left on me, but I did learn, about people, about life, about myself. Even if we stop growing physically, we never stop growing mentally and emotionally, which I think is very important for us. This year I stopped talking to some people, for the good or bad, I don't know. I got to know new people. I learned that if you care for someone, it's not necessary that they care for you too. I learned that you don't always get what you want and you should be okay with it but I also realized that if that goes on for a long time, then you start giving up, you start losing faith. No matter how much you try to hold on, you just can't and I think it's perfectly alright because you are a human being and you can't be perfect. I also learned that if in this moment you are sad, you have something to be happy about the very next moment and you should not stop yourself from being happy. Because sometimes we think we are supposed to be sad, which is not true. Like today, I was not happy in the morning, I got up from my bed, brushed my teeth, took my bath and whatever that is needed for a normal human being to get fresh, got ready and walked towards Hannah's(my best friend) place. I knew she'd make me forget about it all even if I don't talk to her about it but obviously, you don't hide anything from your best friend, do you? It does not even take seconds for her to change my mood. It's like God made her my best friend so I could transform into my normal self from a boring sad person. And while I walked towards her place which takes at least 15 minutes, I listened to some music, using my amazing new earphones, Yes I wanted to mention that! because I just didn't want my thoughts to ruin my amazing walk. I reached her place, entered her room and she looked at me and there I smiled. The first smile of the day on my face. That's it, my happy hours began there. And while I was talking to her, I realized yet another thing, I have another home, and that's hers. I can go there any time I want and take all my frustration out and come back happy. I'm lucky on that part. Thank God for best friends.
And so, as I thought of everything I did this year, about all my ups and downs, even though the downs were more in number, I know I smiled more than I frowned. Hence, it was a happy year and I thank God for all the blessings he has showered on me in form of the wonderful people I have in my life, who do everything possible and impossible on this earth to see me smile. With this, I know I'll have another happy year, even if it comes with a lot of downs. I know how to stand up straight and walk head to head with all the downs.

Someday...

2013-11-12T05:48:00.002-08:00

She is sad. Or broken. She keeps trying to get back to a normal state of mind but something goes wrong every time she tries. People ask what's wrong, and all she says she that she is tired. Tired of having to go through the troubles she'd been facing. Tired of that pain she felt almost every day. Tired of trying to run away to a better place. Tired of looking for happiness. Tired of trying to have some peace of mind. And even if at some point she gets some peace of mind, something or "someone" always takes it away from her. She wants to help herself, but she's helpless? Nothing works. She's banged up, mentally and emotionally. But everyday she walks out with a smile on her face, because that's what she's supposed to do. It's gotten to a point where she doesn't know who she is anymore. She constantly feels like she is on the verge of breaking down. She feels like she's going crazy. She can't sleep, she can't concentrate. She's a mess. She's coming apart at the seams and it scares her. Everybody tells her to be strong, that she can't give up. But they don't know how her life is. They would never know till they try living her life. She knows it wouldn't even take a day for them to give up. Whereas, it's been years since she's been seeing and going through all that she didn't deserve. Nobody understands but there is a difference between giving up, and knowing when you've had enough, and she knows she has had enough. Enough to still go on like this. Enough to still having to live in this hell. But what is it that she can do?

She knows that someday she will be happy again. She knows that someday it will all be good. She knows that someday she will have everything she wishes for. Someday. Only if that someday could come sooner... Someday...

On His Day!!

2013-10-06T08:14:00.002-07:00

She started thinking almost a month before about what she could do for him on his day...on his birthday! Now that he was not too far away from her, she wanted to do something for him. She tried to save money, thought she could gift him a t-shirt or maybe his favorite headphones. Then she realized her pocket money would not be enough, but she tried to save anyway, but it just did not happen. She was sad and worried because she really wanted to do something for him. She could have made a journal for him but then they wouldn't have had as many pages for the journal because they were in a long distance for a year and she needed quite a few pictures with him to complete a journal. And so she dropped the plan of making a journal for sometime. She kept thinking and thinking and thinking and could not come up with an idea. She got upset. Thinking was not one of her best things. Every time she thought about something so much she would end up getting upset, because obviously, too much of thinking does no good to anybody. She kept asking her friends to give her some ideas but none of them could help her. She knew he would not expect anything for all he cared about was her being there for him and her love for him, but she wanted to something anyways. She wanted to be able to do something special for him but it seemed like her plans were ruined.

A week before his birthday, all she would talk about was his birthday, her friends were bored and she wanted to shut up but her excitement could be seen on her face and her friends would tease her. And then just a day before his birthday, she started thinking of the words she would say while wishing him at midnight, but nothing seemed to be right, nothing seemed to be perfect. Anything done for him was always too less. An hour before midnight, she started getting restless, she just wanted to call him up and wanted to be able to talk to him. She wished her family wasn't around so that she could wish him and talk to him properly. And she waited... 20 minutes before midnight, she called him up and they talked about random stuff and she suddenly felt nervous, she went all blank, did not remember anything she wanted to say to him...but she didn't let it show...

Finally, at midnight, she wished him and came up with a stupid birthday song and after singing she felt stupid, like a kid. "What was that?" she thought to herself. It was his birthday and that would have possibly been the worst way of wishing anybody. But something made him smile and she was happy about that. He had to keep the phone down because his friends had started calling and they called it a night. In the morning, while she was getting ready to go out, she kept thinking about him. She missed him, wanted to be with him on his day. She still thought of things she could still do for him but nothing worked. She missed him all day and thought about him. He was with his family atleast, he would be having fun and that is enough. "He should have a good day with or without me on his day" she thought but she still couldn't let it go. She so badly wanted to do something for him, that her mind just did not leave the thought of him.

And suddenly she said to herself "I never did so much of thinking for any guy..why am I thinking about him so much, Yes, I love him but...is that how love makes you feel every time, like you want to keep them happy somehow, want to be able to do something every time?" But this stupid love struck girl was stupid enough to not let go of it...and finally she did something, which she still wonders if he'd like it.

So, she still did not stop thinking. Now she had something else to think about. "What if he doesn't like it? Is this good enough for a birthday?" And like always....she kept thinking. The job she does best but it does no good for her.

If Only Fairy Tales Could Come True!!

2013-09-04T09:57:00.002-07:00

Ever heard about a childhood love lasting forever? In movies right? It could be true in real life but it happens rarely. One has to be really lucky for that to come true. It's like a fairy tale. It's good to hear but you know it would never come true. And love at first sight? blah! Not possible in real life. But sometimes its great to know that it happens in real life with some lucky people. So here comes the story... A REAL ONE.. not much of a fairy tale but its real and that's what matters...

He was in the second year of sixth grade in a new school. His parents made him repeat since he had not done well. So, a new school, first day, first hour - he saw her. For the first time ever he felt something different about a girl. She was very beautiful! Fair and straight long hair. Everything about her was special and it was a love at first sight. Now as he was just in 6th standard, he was too small to have the guts to ask her out. But in seventh grade, a year later he made his friend tell her about his feelings. His bad luck, she simply told his friend to tell him to get lost. His heart was broken!! Then the poor guy came to know that he was the 17th guy to have asked her out that year. Wow, now who could have imagined she was that beautiful or maybe guys were just desperate. But that was true, so she may have thought that he's one of those stupid guys with no true feelings. He was an invisible person till then in that school. He then started participating in cultural activities like singing, dancing etc and became a well known guy in the school. She had started noticing him and finally went to him and told him that she had fallen for him. Lucky guy was jumping around with happiness because he could not handle the happiness. They started going out from then. She was his first love and he was the same for her. He was mad about her. She stayed 15-20 kms away from his place. He had gone to her house one night all the way walking. This lover used to do this almost every time. First love, initial days. HAPPENS. They were both mad about each other. Years passed and they finished schooling and were still going strong. Both joined for engineering. But in different places, as in different states. She joined somewhere in Cochin and he was in Bangalore. Damn the long distance, nightmare it is. So as expected, long distance started bugging them. Days passed. The frustration creeped in. Again his bad luck, she cheated on him. He came to know about this from someone else and his heart was broken!! And then were the days of anger, sadness...and then he broke up with her. After some time she came back and realized what she did was wrong. She really did understand that. He got back with her. Again after 4-5 months, he realized what she did and broke up again. It was really some confusing time for him. He had feelings for her but couldn't accept the fact that she cheated on him. This became a daily routine for them, break up and patch up, break up and patch up. This went on for a while. Then they finally just broke up. It had been quite some time that he contacted her. He was over her but she was not. Or maybe he thought he was over her but he was not. He had given her a lot of chances but she had broken his heart so bad that he couldn't forget it. She kept coming back to him telling him she loved him and she was sorry and wanted to be with him, but he kept going away.
Then after a long time, she came in contact again, and now they are back together. Hoping to have a future together. Maybe he just needed time to get over whatever had happened because no matter what he loved her and he couldn't let her go. And she really loved him and so she kept trying and trying. And finally it paid off. Guess real love always stays. They were both happy and so what else did they need? The past was forgotten and they were back together, in love like never before, stronger!!

And I always love it when love is in the air and that's why I love doing love stories.
And this was not much of a fairy tale like I said before but it is a true story!!!

It's Complicated!!

2013-07-08T04:16:00.000-07:00

Do you love fighting? I hope not. Do I love fighting? Definitely not.

Then why do we fight? Why do we argue? Why do we get into fights with the ones we love? The more we love someone the more we fight with them? Why?

Because sometimes we don't agree with what the other person says, or because we don't like what they do. Something or the happens and we get into fights.

I am so scared of fights that whenever I get into a fight with a close one, I get scared. I get scared that I'd lose them, that they'll go away from me. I don't take fights in a positive sense at all. Can fights be taken in a positive sense? I don't know. Because when we fight, it never feels good.

I've been fighting with him since 2-3 days now. Everyday, we fight over some new topic. Sometimes its about his job, sometimes its about some stupid thing I did or something that he did. Things get so weird for me because I get scared and I can't help it. Why do we have to make compromises in relationships? Every time one has to compromise for the other. Why can't we just live without compromises? These things make the relationships so complicated. You do something, then the other is not happy and then you do something for their happiness but you really are not that happy. One always has to adjust. But why do we have to adjust? Why can't things be a little easier? Why does every part of living has to be tough? Whatever we do, one of us is always a little upset with things. But this does not mean we don't love each other. We do. A lot. We just have to meet to forget it all. We just meet and see each others faces and all the sadness goes away and it feels like nothing was ever wrong. Every time we fight or every time one is upset or angry with the other, we meet and it all goes away.

But knowing this does not help us when we fight. I feel pathetic when we fight and I know he feels the same too. I know he does not like it at all. But having different opinions and wanting different things spoils it all. He does everything to make me happy. He thinks about me all the time and if I'm not happy with something, he gives it up for me. That is one reason why he's in Delhi today. But I am just way to selfish about him, I just can't do anything because of which I'll have to live away from him. I feel pathetic when he does something for me but I can't do the same for him. It only makes me question myself. And the only thing that I know after that is that I don't want to lose him. But what if I have to? Will I ever have to let him go? I hope not. But if I don't want to lose him then I will have to adjust with things and I get scared when I think of adjusting, because I can't be happy with it and he just gets to know about it.

How am I even supposed to manage all this? Just think that everything will be alright and let it be? How can things be alright if we don't do anything to make it alright?

And again, I have no answer, no solution. Just questions and confusions.

When Negative Thoughts Hit You..

2013-05-22T09:03:00.001-07:00

Why do we think too much? Why do we have negative thoughts? And when we have positive thoughts then why do we believe in the negative ones? Why do we spoil our mood because some thoughts. How does negative over power the positive? Why do we lose our hopes? Why do we doubt?

We give up on relationships because of these doubts and negative thoughts. We give up on our beliefs because of these doubts and negative thoughts. We lose our friends, family and every special person because of our doubts and negative thoughts?

Why can't we give up on the negative thoughts? Every time we think of something negative, why can't we stop ourselves and think of the positive?

I don't have any answers to this because I think too much and its mostly negative. Whatever I think about, whether its relationships, studies, family or whatever, I think negative. Its like I don't believe in myself, its like I don't believe in my relationships, like I don't believe in God. Its easy for everybody to say that 'God has set something real good for you, don't worry.' Ever noticed that people can just say that so easily but when it comes to themselves they doubt their own abilities? they doubt their own relationships? they doubt themselves? And to be clear, I'm not criticizing here, because I too am like that. I get happy over small things but at the same time I get upset over small things. I doubt myself, I start losing hope and I ask myself, "Why me?"
I'm sure everyone asks this question to themselves and to God, "why me?" Why can't we just tell ourselves that God will help us through? Why can't we just believe that this bad phase will be over one day and we'll be happy again with whatever we have and that we'll have better. We all give up on our relationships over small issues. We all doubt our capabilities just because we are not getting placed from our respective colleges. We all blame ourselves when something goes wrong? And every time we blame ourselves, I now believe, we blame God.
Ever thought that like we get hurt, God gets hurt too? God gets hurt when we blame ourselves, when we doubt, when we lose hope, when we give up, when we don't believe in our relationships and in our capabilities?

I don't know where I'm going with this. But this is all that I'm thinking about right now. But all I can say is its high time for me to stop thinking too much, and if I can't stop thinking then I should stop thinking negatively and if I can't do that then I can at least try to control the negative thoughts and let some positive thoughts in, because if every thing has a negative then it has its positives too.

Life Is Mean And Tough!!

2013-04-20T04:34:00.001-07:00

I write because I like writing. I write because when I read my diary after a year or 5 years I will remember how I felt when I wrote whatever I did. Because maybe after a year or 5, I will not be the same person I am today. I maybe a little more mature physically..mentally..emotionally or maybe not. I know I'd laugh at most of the things I wrote. Like today I laughed at one of my posts in which I wrote about getting Cancer and dying. What the hell was I thinking? I thought about deleting that post but then I thought, Why should I? I wrote it that time because I really felt it and I should not be ashamed of what I feel or what I felt. I can laugh at it but not be ashamed of it. I don't even know if I'd be alive to read all this. But my family and friends would know. They would know what,how,why I felt about things.
This is one of those times when I don't know what to write but I know I want to write. I am happy and I'm not happy. Everybody is like that. We are all happy and unhappy in life..with life. There are somethings we are happy about...and there are somethings we are not happy about, but we can't change that. We have to live through it no matter what. Nobody is going to change their course of life for you. And when they get a chance, they are going to blame you for a lot of things, but whats important is that you don't blame yourself and you don't regret anything that you do. Happiness comes later. I hate it when people keep telling me what I have and they don't have, that I'm luckier and blah blah...but honeslty, they can't say all that, because they are not living my life.
Today I'm happy I have somethings..some people in my life but I'm unhappy about a lot of other things. I talked to my mom and I cried my heart out infront of her and I just realized that the only person I'm comfortable crying infront of is my mom. Everybody is. But my mom is literally the only person I'm comfortable crying in front of and yes, ofcourse, my "him". Now getting back to what I was trying to talk about. For one moment I lose all my hopes but after sometime I tell myself that God will help through all the ups and downs. No matter how tough History Hons is for me because its definitely not what I wanted to do. I still cry for not being in a situation to do Mass Comm. No matter how tough things get with my brother, my dad. If they don't understand what I feel..how I feel..why I feel, there are some people who understand that and I can talk to them and feel my best. I just have to let things go. And will hopefully keep the psychiatrist away.
At times I can be so very moody. Why? because when I want a hug I don't get it. Because all my favourite people are away. Yes, him too. Life can be so mean and tough. But then what I always forget to think is that when they are away for me, I too am away for them. When they want a hug from me, they don't get it and it upsets them too. It upset "him" too. Life is mean and tough for him too.
So here's what I know I want to say to life... You want to be tough? I'll be tougher!!!

Maybe not Forever..

2013-04-08T05:43:00.000-07:00

It had just been 10 months of him and her...they were still crazily in love with each other...but the long distance was giving her a tough time and they were facing a lot of problems too. Everyday fighting, arguing, frustration and irritation was giving them a tough time. She had started doubting herself. She didn't know if she could handle all of it. All she knew was that she wanted to be with him...forever! But knowing the fact that she will not be able to be in a normal relationship with him was giving her a headache. She didn't think of anything other than him and the long distance. She just wanted her life to be easier...she just wanted to face all the other problems with him by her side, but he said, It may not happen. He told her if he gets placed in Bangalore then his parents will most probably shift to Bangalore too. And she knew that meant the chances of him visiting Delhi could be very less. He may not visit at all.
She kept thinking, I want him. I can't live without him. I love him. But I want him here...in Delhi. Not some other place away from me. I can't just talk on calls and whatsapp all the time or skype. That is not real. And I want it to be real.
How can life be so unfair, she thought. She was angry with him...with herself...with God. She told him that it'll be the end of their relationship if he gets placed in Bangalore. And just like that her hopes of being with him forever were dead. She told him, Maybe we are not meant to be the forever.

The Damned Distances!!

2012-12-11T08:24:00.003-08:00

For the first time in 6 months, she had nothing good to say about her relationship. A relationship is not a cake walk all the time. She should have known. Every kind of thought crossed her mind... "what if it doesn't work out", "what if I give up" , "I don't want to stay away from him", "does he really care", "do we actually have a future together", "how will I handle the distance"..with all of these crazy thoughts she thought its getting too complicated but with all these thoughts, she forgot the most important thing. That was the relationship they shared...the love they had between them. Was that not enough to have them handle the distance?? But for 6 years? she said...Is that not too long? But with their love...with the understanding...they should come out strong. But she went crazy thinking about him and the distance. Having to stay away from him for 6 years was not a good thought to have.

She knew he couldn't help it...she knew he was not at fault but she couldn't help being mad at him. She couldn't avoid all the thoughts messing with her mind and she took all the frustration out on him and she regretted it...she was sorry but she couldn't help it...she was just crazy. Why did love had to be so strong? Why did love had to be so difficult...so challenging? why did love had to test you like this? she thought and she didn't get an answer to any of her questions. And she got crazier. In the end, all she could do was cry. She cried it out. She cried it all out. She just wanted to feel better...get back to her normal self. It felt like she had wanted to cry since a long time. She thought crying would make her feel better..that crying will help her get all her frustration out. But it affected her health. She got a little unwell. Little high a temperature. Guess..thinking too much about things does spoil your health. So she thought..."fine, wait for 6 years and get married to him to spend time with him and don't over think about this now...don't spoil your mood...don't spoil your day...don't spoil your health...just be glad that you have him and get through these 6 years and then you get to be with him your entire life...eat his head after that...ruin his taste buds by serving him burnt and pathetic food...don't kiss him when he would want to or anything else more than that and just take all the 6 year frustration out on him like that..get back at him and he better not complain".

WOW...right?? She is one crazy girl....more than I am. All planned to give him a hard time and she was sure he won't complain...he's too good to do that. He could handle her at her worst..and this was nothing. So she came up with the idea of giving him a hard time in some other way...ha ha. I wish I could explain it in a better way but I'm just starting to try it. But anyways...she told him that she wanted to get things back to normal...that she didn't want to lose him...and he told her that he will not leave her. She knew that already.
After all....Distance means so little when someone means so much!!

Four days with HIM!! Finally!!

2012-10-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

He came to Delhi on the 21st of October and gave her a call in the morning from the Delhi Airport!! She was so excited but couldn't say anything because of her dad sitting next to her!! Yeah, the parents don't know yet. So they start talking in the evening....both of them excited about finally meeting the next day!! She, literally, couldn't sleep because of her excitement!! Crazy, yeah!! Totally!!

The next morning she woke up..got ready...boarded the metro...met him at Janakpuri West!! They moment they met, they hugged each other....and the metro guy comes and says, "You are not supposed to hug publicly". Not supposed to hug publicly?? Really??? That guy can go to hell!! She said to herself.
And then she turns to him.. nahh.. not the metro guy!! the guy she hugged!! and says.. "finally, we meet!!!
"yessss" he replies!! She went to a Church with him...the Church she has been going to with her mom since she was a kid. She liked going there and wanted to go with him too. They go to eat..the place was awesome! Though she didn't really eat anything. She was all happy with her shake...and he had to eat her stuff too!! That was no biggie for him.

Why do we have to go back? she thought. She really didn't want to leave. But then they had to! And she anyhow managed to convince him to meet the next day!! Phewww!! She had not planned anything for the day. All that she wanted was to meet him..all that he wanted was to meet her. Please...if you're reading this..don't be disgusted. This is what happens when you fall in love. You'll realize when it happens to you!!
Again..as time passed by...they had to go back....she didn't want to leave..not that he wanted to but someone had to be stronger and they had to remember...he was in Delhi just for a few days. But she spoiled her mood on the way back. He was with her...he used to drop her till her metro station but she had totally spoiled her mood. Didn't hug him while leaving. She knew that would hurt but she still didn't hug him. She regretted it the moment she left...maybe it was too late for her to go back to him for the hug. She had to talk it out with him...she let all her feelings out in front of him through messages and he promised her that they'll meet again. She felt bad...she knew he had to spend time with his family but she couldn't help it. She knew she was being selfish..but she just wanted to be with him. Because after all, they were not going to meet for a long time after he left from Delhi.

Their third meet...and she meets two of his friends!! Not really bored but then they just didn't have any common topic to talk about. But then she still liked meeting them. They clicked a few pictures of him with her..again something they wanted for so long, a picture together and it came out nice!
And another meeting got over. They went back to their respective places and yes, she did hug him while leaving this time. And no bad mood.

Now, they knew it was going to be their last meet. Not that they were not going to meet ever...but the next meeting was not going to happen for a long time now. She wanted it to be good. It was good...they went for a movie...she finally ate something with him and they went to Barista. Spent some time together...and it was coming to an end...and she was starting to spoil her mood again but she had to be fine with it. She knew it would spoil his mood too. He dropped her to her metro station..they looked at each other..that was it..she had to leave. They hugged and yeah..a quite a tight hug. She got a rikshaw...he didn't leave till she was gone and they already missed each other. Too cheesy??? Well..stay away for this long and then meet your guy/girl..you'll know how hard it is!!

The four days were good...meeting him was good. Spending time with him was good. Better than good!! And in between they had their first kiss. She didn't want to give the details about this.

And with no idea of when they'll get to meet again....she just prays that they grow stronger!! She knows they will. Because he is also not gonna let her go weak.

The Spoiled Surprise!!

2012-09-13T07:09:00.001-07:00

Long Distance relationship??? Aaaarrrggghhh..... just a mood spoiler when your guy/girl isn't there to share your happiness with you... to hug you whenever you need it... to just be there with you when you're upset. Irritating right?? Upsetting it is!!

What about those who start their relationship with someone who's far away. And you don't know how but you spend three months staying away from each other, well, you do lose your patience. Especially when you realize that your not gonna meet him for at least one year. God... you just go down with that!! How in hell can someone bear that??? But, in love, we do! We get this super duper magical power of waiting for as long as you have to...you just become patient!! But one year without even meeting him/her once??? Your patience blasts out!! Well...she did lose her patience.... I don't blame her!!!

She decides to go to her friend's place and spend her day with her. They talk and update each other with everything they've been missing on and he messages her -

HIM - hey... guess what??

HER - what?? *thinking its good news*

HIM - can I call?

HER - yeah, sure.

*and he calls*

HIM - guess what..

HER - yeah?

HIM - I'm also going to Kerala in December.

HER - Ok, but I'm not sure that I'm going.

HIM - yeah, but I'm going. My parents want me to go as I've not been to Kerala for a long time now.

HER - okay.. wow!! there she goes down....**** love!!

HIM - yeah

HER - anyways..I gotta go now, I'll talk to you later

HIM - why?

HER - she *her friends..lets not name her* is showing me something.

HIM - okay, bye

HER - bye *and that's it...she can't stop thinking about this crap*

And the worst thing... her friend has to try and cool her down now.

She was so angry. First, it was October and it got cancelled because his placements and now the December visit is cancelled. Why did he have to tell her about it when she was with her friend?

Oh wait... that was not it. He also added one more thing to his line... " We'll only meet after one year now". And she felt like giving him a hard one right on his face *even though it was not his fault* but she was irritated with him too. After sometime, when she still couldn't stop thinking about it, she just wanted to give him a piece of her mind and she texts him a long one. He apologized. She felt bad for being so rude with him. He called her up and apologized for spoiling her mood and told her that he'd be coming in October.

SILENCE!!! she was shocked. She couldn't believe what she just heard. Is he kidding me? she thought.

And says - what??

HIM - yeah, I'm coming. I wanted to give you a surprise but then I couldn't see you upset. I'm sorry I spoiled your mood.

HER - I'm sorry... I spoiled your surprise. *she was feeling so pathetic and cursing herself*

HIM - its okay *he was a little down too*

HER - why did you tell me about your surprise now?

HIM - because I can't see you upset like this. And I didn't want you to be upset just because I wanted to give you a surprise and I know you'll think about it all the time and I didn't want you to spend 2 months like this.

HER - *wanting to hug him or maybe even kiss him tight* I love you

HIM - I love you too baby

and they start talking about general things.

Well..so now she knew that he was coming in October and she still feels pathetic for spoiling the surprise.

So, if you're jealous of her for having him!! "Bwaahaaahaaahahaa" on your face.

But honestly... you don't have to jealous. When you're in love.. he/she will do such beautiful things for you.

*naah... I'm just trying to be nice actually* Don't mind!!

But one thing's for sure.... You'll be in a world full of love and happiness if you find someone like him. And I'm saying that because she is just too happy with him and is head over heels for him. And she feel great!!

P.S. I still don't blame her for spoiling it!! *eyelashes*

Holding On!!

2012-08-24T01:51:00.002-07:00

People tend to go all crazy when they fall in love. They start talking about thing which they once thought was stupid or they do things which they never even imagined they'd be doing. The feeling of love is different for everybody. Some describe love as passion, some describe it as a need.

For me...Love is something which cannot be described. It has no language, no boundaries. Anyone who has ever been in love would know what I'm trying to say.

Love is when you see them and you can't help but smile. Love is when the moment you see them you have this twinkle in your eyes. Love is when you go weak on your knees every time they look into your eyes and tell you that they love you. Love is when you don't want anything but to have them by your side. It is love when you'd give anything to see keep them smiling.

I could just go on and on about love.... but the feeling is different every time. Love has many moments.....many sweet and beautiful moments. But you don't feel the good of it all the time because love can be very testing. You have to hold onto it no matter what.....and the ones who do...well they'd have no regrets. It can be bitter but in the end you get the best out of it.

And again....she thinks about it all... she knows he is what she wants. She knows this is not going to be easy. Staying away from the one she loves....not being able to meet....thinking about the time when she'd meet him....what they'd do....and she gets all teary eyed because she knows that she's gonna have to wait a lot to be able to meet him. He tries to make her feel better and tells her to think about the time when they'd be together, when they'd be with each other and not about the time when they are apart because that is something which they can't do anything about. They both know they're gonna have to hold onto each other because its about them and its worth it.

They love each other...no matter what. They get scared at times...but they don't leave it at that because love means holding onto each other just as hard as you can and there is nothing they would like better than to hold onto each other forever.

Him and Her......EVERYDAY!!!

2012-07-10T21:30:00.001-07:00

They may look like crazies to others...but its about him for her and her for him!! That's all they care about. And she thinks, This is what love feels like? She's in a beautiful world with him and doesn't want to get out of it. She wants him forever. She just wants to tell the whole world.
The fact that they stay far away is not so pleasing for them...it upsets them...they just want to be able to meet as soon as possible. Well, God bless computers and internet and people who made things like Skype....they can video chat. They do it as much as they can. They don't get enough of it. Every time they video chat..it makes them want to be with each other all the time. They did not even think of being with each other like this even in their wildest of dreams....but you just never know. Things happen when u least expect them and Love is one of them.
Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can truly turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. When something wonderful happens you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. And this is exactly the kind of relationship they share.
He is not embarrassed to cry with her when she's hurt or laugh with her when she makes a fool of herself.
He gives it his best...all that he can. He gets scared sometimes, he doesn't want to hurt her feelings in any ways....she knows he never will. He builds her up and shows her the things about herself that make her special and even beautiful. He just doesn't realize how special he is. It takes a lot to make someone feel so good about themselves...to make someone feel so loved...and he makes her feel on the top of the world. Even though they fail to express their true feelings for each other...just because they don't find the right words. But, they still know how special they are to each other and that helps them hold on to each other even when they are so away from each other.
One of the best things about them is that there is no pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness and the calmness is not awkward at all. They can just be themselves with each other and not worry about what one will think of the other because they love each other for who they are. And as one crazy person she is...and he still bears her...in fact loves her is the proof of it!! But then at the same time its good for him, he'd never get bored!! Thanx to her!! He's one lucky chap. Though she's lucky too....as she never believed in relationships, he just did not have to do anything to make her believe in relationships. He was enough for her, falling in love with him was enough for her. They way he looks into her eyes is enough for her to fall for him head over heels every time.
Though sometimes they get scared about their relationship and that's because of the distance between them. As he says, distance is good for a little time, not always! But at the same time they know they have to handle it, they have to manage. They have to be strong, and its just about some time..and it'll be perfectly alright. Just some patience and they'd be able to be with each other whenever they want. They know that relationships have their good times and bad times as well...they can be together in the good times and they can be together in the bad times as well. Because now that they are in love, now that they are together, to her life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Her only hope and security is in knowing that he is a part of her life. A kind of a part which is the most special and important to her, a part she will never let go of and she knows it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be real hard. She knows they're gonna have to be patient, strong every day and she wants to be and she will be because its him who matters to her and that's all she wants. Him and her......everyday!!!

And then they were one!!

2012-06-25T01:07:00.005-07:00

So he was in Bangalore, working on his reports...going to college but from good morning texts to the good night texts...they were always talking!! She didn't mind disturbing him and he loved it. They just couldn't get enough of talking to each other. They didn't realize that there was maybe something more than friendship between them...or a lot more than that. It was like they knew each other since ages. They did flirt in between with their lamers. Things only they could talk and laugh about.

Since a few days, she had these negative thoughts that were disturbing her. He tried to calm her down and told her that everything would be alright. The next day she made up her mind, she knew that thinking so much about some bullshit was not worth it. That day she was very upset about a lot more things and that just made her talk to him more. He was the only one she wanted to talk to and he did call her at night. The moment they started talking...she forgot everything she had been thinking about...she forgot everything she had been upset about and started having fun talk with him, getting teased and teasing him. That was all she waited for. That was all she wanted. Suddenly their conversation got serious and they talked about the things that had been disturbing her. She shared a lot of things with him....cried on the phone while talking to him but he could make her feel better and she was happy again in a few minutes!!
The damn balance is a problem. He got over with the balance in his phone and had to put the phone down. They continued their conversation through messages for sometime and suddenly he stopped replying and she knew that he slept off. He had this bad habit of sleeping off while texting but it was bearable for her. She put her phone down and started thinking about him and in no time she realized that she was in love with this guy. She realized that she just wants to talk to him all the time. She does something and wonders, "what would he be doing?" "what would he think?". At that very moment she had this huge smile on her face and she started reading all his messages. All the messages in which they had flirted with each other, all the messages which showed how much he cared for her, all the messages which showed that maybe, he loved her too. But she was not sure, she thought "He may not be serious about all this, this could all be just some fun for him."
The next day she woke up in the morning and she had received a message from him wishing her good morning and apologising for sleeping off at night. He did that all the time. Sleeping off while texting and then apologising the next morning. Gosh, boys will be boys! Anyways, she said it was fine and they started talking. They did not need a topic to talk about. He was enough for her and she was enough for him and they would just start talking about anything...and it lasted till they fell asleep at night..uhhmm...sorry....till HE fell asleep!! They were talking and somehow they started talking about their feeling for each other. He opened her heart in front of her and so did she. And soon, he asked her out and how could she refuse him? She was in love with him. And they were one and happy!! They so wished they could be with each other at that time so they could hug each other and some spend some time together but they were miles away. But it was alright, they took in the right spirit.

Yes, yes....they did say those three magical words to each other. A love story is always incomplete without those words. I love you, they said, she had butterflies and they both smiled.

So, now I'll continue with their love life soon.

When its about Love.....you gotta have patience!!

They just talk

2012-06-19T07:06:00.001-07:00

It was just another day for her...all bored, she signed into her facebook account. She checks all her notifications and all her messages from her friends and listens to some of her favourite songs. She sees that she has received a message on facebook and she checks it...and he messages her after a long time. They were not good friends as such...but they still used to be in touch.....and their conversation goes like -
HIM- Oii...wassup?? Long time re..
HER- oh yeah! long time..and nuthing holidays are going on. You tell me..wassup?
HIM - same here..back in delhi for now..got my internship going on!
Here, to know about him he's the guy from Delhi studying outside Delhi who was back in Delhi during holidays!! And so, they talk and update each other with their things. Then as usual, they start talking about relationships. The are you single or committed, no..i'm single now. Oh, seriously? I didn't know kinda talks. He was committed the last time they had a talk and now when they were talking after such a long time he tells her that he had broken up a long time back..and as she was in a relationship, she tells him so and they talk about her relationship.
The damn power cut problem and they exchange phone numbers. But they didn't start talking as such....they talked when they met online...and the talks continued, they opened up a little. And in between all this they get talking on the phone one night and she almost tells him all her stories and he keeps listening, just what she wanted. After talking for hours, she puts her phone down and sees 10 missed calls from her boyfriend. Oops, but somehow she didn't really care. She had a fun time talking to this amazing friend she has made, yeah, who was just listening to her stories and having fun.
After somedays, they met and talked and teased each other. Though mostly she was the one being teased but they still had a good time. They just never went out of a topic to talk about. So like this, they made friends with each other and he in no time was one of her good friends with whom she could be herself.
And now it was time for him to leave Delhi. He was in the airport, waiting to check in, and she was missing him already even though they were texting. She suddenly was this emotional chick who didn't want her friend to leave.....just to be funny she sings him a song-
HER - hasta la vista, kaise kahein tumhe alvida
HIM - muh se!!
HER - saare emotions pe paani pher diya...huh
HIM - arrey, its because even i can't say bye na
HER - yeah, i know! well actually we don't even have to say bye! You were in delhi and we just met once but we talked all the time. You're gonna be in Bangalore, you'd be busy with ur classes but we'd still talk, so it's almost the same I think.
HIM - ghanta classes!!
HER- arrey, ghanta sunke I just remember one more story!
HIM - save it for tonight!!
So, he reached Bangalore and called her up...and it was like he never left Delhi. They still talked all the time and it was the best of the times they were having!!

The story will continue...I just don't feel like typing anymore!!!
P.S. They call each other their soulmates because they have so much in common....and there still is a lot more to discover!!!

Last Year of Schooling and The Fear Of Board Exams!

2012-04-14T00:46:00.000-07:00

So, 1st March to 4th April was a long and hectic time for all the students who appeared for their Board examinations. As I was one of them, I know about all the mental stress and how we wait for the last day of the exam so that we can go out and have all the fun in the world!!

No one studies for one whole year...because we feel that its the last year of schooling and we should have fun and we start giving more importance to fun and start bunking classes or start irritating the teachers by not concentrating during the class.We study, we play, we talk late nights and text late nights and we still wake up early in the morning for school. We meet each other everyday but we still never get short of things to talk about or to do. We always manage to get new pranks done on friends and teachers. Sometimes things get serious and we get suspended for a week or so, and it makes us laugh at ourselves and we say 'well, these are the things that make memories'. To be honest, Even I think that these are the things that make memories and I will always cherish my school days. All the fun I had with my friends, all the pranks we played and all the hard time our teachers gave us. The hiding from teachers while bunking classes, the warnings from school prefects and teachers due to wrong uniform and late works. These things never get old. After all, ALL THE FUN IS IN BREAKING THE RULES!!

December arrives...and we all get excited about scribbling on the shirts...and the Farewell day....but before all that we have to go through Pre-Boards...and we somehow manage it though the result may not be good.
Students are always found planning their Teacher's Day and Farewell and the Continuation Parties. We go shopping and spend hours in selecting a Suit or a Saree because we all want to look good on the farewell Day. And finally when the day arrives, we get busy in dressing up, going to school and meeting the teachers and complimenting each other. And soon after the farewell, if there's a continuation party organized then we dance our life out there. We get involved in it so much that we don't even get to know when and where all that time vanished away.

And finally, after the farewell...we start scratching our heads because then we have to study for THE BOARDS! Our parents start blackmailing us, and we get all the pressure of the world on our heads. And as we start studying, one hour feels like one day! It gets difficult for us to sit at a place and keep studying for hours and we start cursing the Board system!! (Every student does!) We all wait for the last day of our exams so that we can throw all our books away and have some fun again. And we get the freedom to have fun. We hangout, we talk late nights, watch movies, we do everything that we had stopped doing because of exams. And we feel fresh and alive again!

But what after Boards??
Its College admissions...filling up college forms.....entrance exams.....and the most of all......its the BOARD Result and we start biting our nails!
So, for all the people out there who appeared for their Board exams this year....have fun!! And All the best for your results!! And fill up all the forms you see....you'll get an admission in any one of them! Don't be stressed about that! We don't like it! Do we??
Cheerios!!