Angela's Favorite Things

There'll Be Days Like This

2014-02-07T12:25:00.002-05:00

No one quite understands what it's like to go from zero to 2 kids without the time to adjust to the idea of having a kid, like a foster parent who doesn't have bio kids does. Even step parenting is different since the kid knows at least their bio parent.

Pregnancy takes almost 10 months to grow a child that parents have the time to wrap their head around. And that's one kid...usually. And people go all crazy trying to help prepare you. People usually bring meals over after the baby is born. People reach out and offer to help with laundry, cleaning the house, etc. At least people at my church do.

Except...no one did for us. No one offered to come help me. No one offered to set up a meal plan for us to help take some of the burden off of us while we adjusted to being parents. Because well...I guess we don't seem like we need the help since we don't have a newborn. I guess we don't matter quite as much since these aren't technically our kids yet. Since we didn't conceive, carry, or give birth to these kids, our journey isn't one that gets to be celebrated. We didn't get a baby shower. It worked out that Baby J's first birthday party was shortly after we got him, though. I also had a couple friends donate some clothing for him. For those things I am grateful. These kids aren't going without, which I appreciate, but that's only part of it.

What about the aspects that people don't think about? What about the fact that we are raising kids that we know nothing about? We don't know their family history. We don't even know who Baby J's father is. We have to leave medical history blank. What about the fact that we now have not one but TWO kids within a 4 month period? They're not infants, but they're both toddlers, exactly 13 months a part. I know my mom did it. I know my aunt did it. Kudos to them. It isn't an easy feat. They also had 10 months to prepare for the second baby on the way. I had a day. I had a few hours to prepare for Baby J entering our life. I had a day to prepare for Sister J entering our life. We're still adjusting and adapting. We're doing the best we can. Our social worker thinks I'm a rock star. The kids' social worker forgets that we're new to fostering because of the good job we're doing. The kids' guardian ad litem is constantly telling me how happy she is with how the kids are doing. I appreciate all of those ladies so much...but it's so difficult to do this on a daily basis when the people in our lives don't seem to get it.

This situation is NOT the same as giving birth to a child or two close together. It's so much more difficult in a lot of ways. I have to confront demons from their past that I can't even put a name or face to. There are days when all I can do is shove Baby J up my shirt to give him skin to skin time because he is SO out of sorts, and I have no idea why. There are times when Sister J says, "Mommy! Don't hurt my face!" and I just have to reassure her that Mommy and Daddy are NOT going to hurt her face. We're not going to hurt her at all. That we LOVE her.

Most days, these kids are the happiest of kids. I know they feel safe here. I know they know they're loved. However, these kids also have pasts that even their social worker don't know about. They've felt abandoned, alone, scared, hurt, etc. It makes some days very challenging for me. There are days where I've jokingly, but almost seriously, asked Vance to come home because I was going to lose it.

Motherhood is difficult at times. I get that. I'm ok with it. I'm not afraid of a challenge. I never have been. This is who I am DESTINED to be. God has this entire situation in his hands. I know this. I know these kids are MEANT to be with us. I am SO thankful these kids are in my life. I am not the same person I was before I met them. They've changed me for the better. They removed a dark veil from over my heart and filled my days with sunshine. However, there are days, days like today, that I struggle. I get overwhelmed. I just need a moment. It doesn't help that we all have pretty gross colds, and I could really use a shower...which I'll get at nap time.

I know today will be better. Vance will get home from work. We're going to church for a children's ministry volunteer meeting. My dad is going to watch the kids for us so we can both attend. A nice little hour and a half break will do me wonders. Nap time will do me wonders...especially since I'll get that shower.

"Mama said there'll be days like this...there'll be days like this my mama said..."

I Posted This On Facebook Today

2013-08-22T13:18:00.001-04:00

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Just an FYI: We totally LOVE and appreciate that SOOOO many people care about us and want to know where we are with our fostering to adopt journey. I PROMISE that as soon as we hear from our social worker about our application, THE WHOLE WORLD will know! (Well, at least our whole world will know!) Thanks for loving us and wanting to be a part of our journey!

Sadly, we have no new news to share. There are only 4, yes FOUR, people in the entire state of NC (100 counties) that read through and can approve/reject foster care applications. They do a very thorough and good job in the review process, which is why it takes so long! We have no doubt we will be approved, though! We are hoping it is any day now, but it could, in all reality, be next month until we hear anything! Thanks for hanging in there with us! Keep on praying!

Luster NOW! Instant Whitening Toothpaste Review

2013-07-19T16:53:00.000-04:00

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From Luster Now Toothpaste's Website:

Instantly whitens teeth after just one brushing
Contains Bluverite, a propriety formula that creates the optical effect of whiter teeth
Removes surface stains with daily use
Gentle on teeth and safe for dental restorations
Perfect for when your smile needs an instant boost

My Opinion:
Influenster sent me a sample of this in the ‪#‎idovoxbox‬. At first, I was hesitant due to hearing that any whitening product can damage your teeth. After reading more about Luster, I decided to give it a go. Boy am I glad I did! I love this! I saw a big difference within a couple of days! I highly recommend this product to anyone! Easy to use and works wonderfully! ♥

Q-tips® Precision Tips™ Review

2013-07-19T15:45:00.000-04:00

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From Q-Tips' Website:
With pointed tips specially designed for makeup touch-ups and cleaning tight spaces, new Q-tips^® Precision Tips™ cotton swabs are must-have at home!

My Opinion:
Although Q-Tips does NOT condone nor endorse using Q-tips INside of your ears, I do use them from time to time to dry the crevices on the OUTside of my ears. These are especially good at fulfilling this purpose due to the blunt-pointed tip. These are also good for creating nail art (polka dots are my fav!), smudging make-up along the brow/lash line, and Max, the little boy I nanny for enjoys using them with paint to create works of art! Q-Tips are definitely the softest cotton swabs out there! I've tried other brands and while they work sufficiently enough, they do not even compare to the softness that the Q-Tip brand brings to the table! I highly recommend these Q-Tip Precision Tip cotton swabs to anyone!

Dr. Scholl's® For Her Ball of Foot Insert Review

2013-07-19T15:12:00.000-04:00

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From the Dr. Scholl's website:

Helps prevent ball of foot pain

Immediate Massaging Gel™ comfort for the ball of your foot

Only ball of foot product made with unique FabuSTEP®gel

Prevents toe scrunch

Stays firmly in place

Removable without damage to your shoes

Discreetly fits all women's shoes

Made with FabuSTEP® gel to prevent feet from sliding forward

Gel waves cushion the sensitive ball-of-foot area

Massages your foot with every step

Small design prevents toe scrunch

My Opinion:
I have flat feet and am known to have issues with my arches because of them. These inserts make wearing heels (even kitten heels, though they are designed specifically for 2" or higher heels) much more comfortable! I am so impressed with the cushioned-feel and support these little inserts provide. I am blown away at the ingenuity behind these tiny inserts! Never in a million years did I believe they'd make as much of a difference as they do, yet stay out of sight in even my slimmest silhouetted shoes. Two thumbs way up!

Tips, Tricks, and Recommendations:
Those with wider feet may have issues getting the overall feel of support that medium width shoe-wearers get. (I wear a size ten medium width and it is perfect for me.)

(If you'd like an invite to my Influenster team, shoot me an email!)

Hurry Up and Wait

2013-07-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

My husband has always told me that his father, being a military man, raised in a military family, has always had the "hurry up and wait" mentality. This means that if he's only five minutes early, he's actually late. He'd rather get somewhere excessively early and wait, than be "on time" or GASP, even late! My mother-in-law is like that, but not to the same extreme. The hubs has become less and less a hurry up and wait kind of guy since he knows I like to be early, but not super early! (Thank goodness!!!) I love my in-laws, but the hurry up and wait thing drives me a bit bonkers! Then again, my parents tend to be the five minutes late kind of people, which also drives me a bit bonkers! (I'm a five minutes early kind of gal!)

That leads me to foster care. Oh foster care...how I loathe your LONG and tedious process! We're currently in the hurry up and wait phase. Everything is done and submitted with our application and such. We can't do anything now to speed up the process. We've crossed every "t" and dotted every "i." We've signed every last paper. We've checked off every box. So what do we do now?

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We wait.

Since ancient times no one has heard,

no ear has perceived,

no eye has seen any God besides you,

who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.

Isaiah 64:4 (NIV)

Top Ten Tuesday

2013-05-16T14:28:00.002-04:00

It's that time again! Time to link up with Shabby Blogs and post my top ten of the week. This week's theme is music!

These are NOT in ranked order!

So here....we....go!

1. Lifehouse (Hanging By A Moment, Everything, Broken, You and Me, etc.)

2. Journey (Don't Stop Believing, Faithfully, etc.)

3. Mark Schultz (Walking Her Home, Letters From War, Remember Me, etc.)

4. Need To Breathe (Lay 'Em Down, Signature of Divine, Something Beautiful, etc.)

5. Shaun Groves (Welcome Home, Bless the Lord, After the Music Fades, etc.)

6. Gungor (The Earth is Yours, Beautiful Things, etc.)

7. Kelly Clarkson (Stronger, Behind These Hazel Eyes, A Moment Like This, etc.)

8. Hanson (MmmBop, This Time Around, Where's the Love, etc.)

9. United (Lead Me To the Cross, From the Inside Out, Hosanna, etc.)

10. Matt Maher (Hold Us Together, Lord I Need You, Christ is Risen, etc.)

What are your favorites?

Falling For Friday

2013-05-10T09:00:00.000-04:00

What am I falling for lately?

Chalkboard motifs. I love chalkboard anything...online. I am not a fan of the feeling of real chalk, nor the mess that it makes, but I love chalkboard graphics, printables, labels, etc. That's why my blog layout is chalkboard themed! I'm loving it right now!

Here are a few FREE chalkboard themed printables I've found online!

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Care to see what others are falling for this Friday? Head on over to Just Dawnelle and see what people have posted about! You can even write your own FFF post and link it in the linky party! Have fun with it!

What are YOU falling for today?

Progress!

2013-05-09T09:00:00.000-04:00

What's going on with the foster to adopt process you may be thinking? (If not, will you at least pretend you're interested??)

Well...we've made progress! Our social worker sent us our homestudy bio to proofread. Oh my word. It is LONG...and full of errors. Oi vey. Between typos, mixed up info, and inaccurate info, I found 30 corrections. That doesn't include grammar or flow issues.

My two favorite oopsies include one about my Great Grandma Sweetie who passed away last August and one involving Vance.

1. Our social worker wrote that my Great Grandma Sweetie's name is Betty "Sweetie" White. I laughed for a good couple of minutes at that one. My great grandma is Betty White?!?! That is fantastic!!!

Granted, I prefer that my great grandma be who she was, but I LOVE that our social worker put that her name was Betty White! Here's my response to her via email, "This one made me laugh really hard! (In a good way!) My great grandma's name was Juanita "Sweetie" Bumgardner. We always called her the Betty White of the family because of Rose Nyland from Golden Girls, who Betty White played."

I was like...20 here. Possibly 19.

2. Our social worker also wrote that Vance, my husband, is proud that he smoked pot. My hubs texted me saying, "For the record, I am NOT proud of smoking pot in the past!" We both got a good kick out of that! "Give us other addicts' kids! I'm proud of my pot smoking days!" Yeah...that'd send mixed messages! I responded saying, "I think it might be better if it said, 'He stated that it is something that he is NOT proud of, but it is something that did happen.' ;-)"

I haven't heard back from our social worker, but last we heard, she was working on the other portion of our application and should be done this week! YAY!! When it's all typed up and looked over, it can be submitted...FINALLY!

Please say a prayer or two for us! The "end" of the foster care application process is almost done!

Wordless Wednesday--The New Wreath I Made

2013-05-08T09:00:00.000-04:00

Top Ten Tuesday--Happiness Is...

2013-05-07T23:20:00.000-04:00

This week's Shabby Blogs TTT's theme is "Happiness is..."

1. Happiness is my husband.

2. Happiness is my pug, Petey and Cinnamon, my doxie-beagle.

3. Happiness is knowing God has a plan for me even when it seems like there's no hope.

4. Happiness is having clean water to drink, food in my pantry, and clothes on my back.

5. Happiness is Spotify. (Seriously. Check it out!)

6. Happiness is being content no matter my circumstances.

7. Happiness is baby thigh rolls, bellies, double chins, and elbow dimples.

8. Happiness is arts and crafts. (Check out tomorrow to see the new wreath I made!)

9. Happiness is my family, near and far.

10. Happiness is grace found only through my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ!

What Makes A Mother?

2013-05-07T09:00:00.000-04:00

With Mother's Day quickly approaching, it has me thinking about what TRULY makes a mother.

Is a mother someone who merely gives birth? Are you a mom once you conceive? Are you a mom as soon as you adopt? Are you a mother only when the child is legally yours?

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Merriam-Webster defines "mother" as the following:
Mother (noun)
1. a female parent
3. maternal tenderness of affection

Mother (adjective)
1b. bearing the relation of a mother

Mother (transitive verb)
2. to care for or protect like a mother

By all of the above definitions, am I a mother? Yes and no. Since I can remember, I've always mothered children...or even my siblings and cousins. (Sorry guys!) My nicknames when I was little were "the boss" and "little mother." (Among others!) I'm the oldest of all the grandchildren on both sides. Mothering comes naturally to me. I've nannied for a few families now, always treating the children just like I'd treat my own. I've loved them and cared for them just like I would my own children. I've accidentally been called mom by a couple of them, though I didn't tell their mom's for fear of hurting their feelings! However, I am not a parent. Can I be a mother without being a parent?

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Obviously, if you've read my blog for any amount of time or if you know me in person, you know I do not have children. I've yet to be able to conceive. We're applying to foster to adopt, though, which means we will be foster parents and adopt children that become "legally free" for adoption while in our care. We are also eligible to adopt children that become available for adoption without going into foster care, though that process is a little different. Do I become a parent once our application for foster care is approved? Do I qualify as a mother once a child is "placed" with us? Do I have to wait until I legally adopt a child to be considered a mother? Where's the line drawn? When do I get to be a mother???

My answer? NOW.

I am a mother now. At this very moment. As I type these words. I. Am. A. Mother. Period. End of story.

Again, how can I be a mother without having any kids? I pondered on that a good while, actually. I've come to the conclusion that just because I don't have my baby YET, doesn't mean I am not already a mother. God has a plan for me. God has gone ahead of me and prepared a baby, MY baby, for me. Because of that, I am already a mother, even though my baby isn't in my arms, yet.

I like what Wendy, from Disney's Peter Pan, says about what makes a mother.

Well a mother, a real mother, is the most wonderful person in the world;
She's the angel voice that bids you goodnight
Kisses your cheek, whispers, "Sleep tight."

Your mother and mine
Your mother and mine

The helping hand that guides you along
Whether you're right, whether you're wrong

Your mother and mine
Your mother and mine

What makes mothers all that they are?
Might as well ask, "What makes a star?"
Ask your heart to tell you her worth
Your heart will say ,"Heaven on earth."
Another word for divine,
Your mother and mine.

Birth mother. Adoptive mother. Foster mother. Pregnant mother. Step mother. Mother of a baby born sleeping. Future mother. All are mothers, regardless of the way they achieved their motherly status.

I don't expect anyone to recognize me this Sunday on Mother's Day. I won't receive any Mother's Day cards or presents. I won't be given any handprints, homemade cards, or flowers. By society's definition, I am not a mother. I am just a woman who hasn't been able to conceive, who hasn't adopted, and has no legal rights to any child in the whole wide world.

However, I know in my heart that I AM a mother. I know God has predestined me to be a mother. He instilled DEEP within my spirit and my heart the desire to be a mother. He has given me the passion to mother. God CREATED me a mother, so pardon me while I give society a big ole "screw you" and continue singing the above song...KNOWING it's about me.

Nursery Preview

2013-05-06T09:00:00.000-04:00

This room isn't finished by any means, but here's a quick little preview of what it looks like thus far!

(This will have a picture of our kids one day!)

Twin Bed: Craigslist

Crib: Craigslist

Bookshelf: Ikea Expedit (this color is only available in stores while supplies last)

Boxes: Ikea Drona (this color is unavailable at this time)

Twin Duvet Cover: Ikea Vandring Rav

Twin Sheet Set: Target RE Easy Care Sheet Set in Faded Green

Fox Stuffed Animals: Ikea Vandring Rav

Crib Sheet: Ikea Len

Crib Comforter: Ikea Vandring Ruta

Lamp: Ikea (this design was purchased in '09)

Swing: Hand Me Down (Fisher-Price Starlight Papasan Cradle Swing)

Elephant Rocker: Craigslist (KidKraft Enchanting Elephant Plush Musical Rocker--unavailable at this time)

Picture Frame: Christmas Gift

Madison Lilly

2013-05-04T09:00:00.000-04:00

Madison Lilly is an up and coming artist with a soul-filled voice! She's also my 14 year old sister-in-law! I made the video below using my husband's photography, Madison's recording, and iMovie. Please give it a listen and a like, and don't forget to subscribe to her YouTube channel! We'd greatly appreciate it if you could spread the word! More videos are coming VERY soon, so stay tuned!

*Just an FYI, Madison owns the rights to "A Moment Like This." Vance Bailey Photography, my husband's photography business, owns the rights to the pictures. The chalkboard slides are free for personal use.

Falling For Friday

2013-05-03T08:29:00.000-04:00

I recently stumbled across a funky new (to me) blog called Just Dawnelle. She's a hip momma of two young ones who posts about interior design, all things beautiful, and of course, her babies. Her blog is eclectic and super fun and inspiring. :-)

One such inspiring series she does is Falling For Friday. I read two of her FFF posts and I was hooked! What a fun idea! You get to post about and share your current obsession...whatever it may be. Who doesn't like to gush about the things they enjoy the most? I know this girl does! It's a nice distraction from the every day rollar coaster feelings and hardships!

So without further ado, this is what I'm currently falling for...

Quilts. Yes, quilts.

For a good while now, I have been obsessed with making a quilt. I've even gone as far as purchasing fabric to make a quilt for the crib. Have I even begun to cut the fabric pieces? Ahem...that's beside the point! ;-)

Here are some of my favorites that I've seen and pinned to my quilting board on Pinterest.

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Want to join in or see what other people are falling for this Friday?

60 Days

2013-05-02T09:00:00.000-04:00

Last year between March and the beginning of August, I lost around 40 lbs. I looked better. I felt good. I was on the right track. Then Depression hit me like a ton of bricks. My great grandma died, we started MAPP classes, I had to face my infertility as a loss head on, the weather grew colder, etc. I had a hard time staying out of my funk long enough to care about nutrition, health, and fitness. I was just trying to get up in the morning and function among the living on a daily basis. No one truly knew how bad it was for me on the inside. Regardless the reason, I gained back all but about 15 pounds of the lost weight. I didn't notice until about December/January. That's when I knew it was time to get back into it.

I began broaching the idea to the hubs. I talked about eating better/less, exercising more, logging my food and exercise with My Fitness Pal, etc. I talked and talked and talked about it for several weeks. I WANTED to do it, but getting past myself to actually start was far more difficult. I began to wonder if I was ever going to stop talking about it and actually DO it. That's when Heather, a lady in my Sunday school class, approached some of us on Facebook about starting a FAN (fitness and nutrition) group. We'd commit to 90 days of logging/tracking food, drinking enough water, exercising, etc. We could choose our own plan, but the goal was to stick to it for 90 days. This gave me the extra push to get started. The hubs and I committed and even started about a week or so before the FAN 90 group started.

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Last Saturday was the group's 60th day. A lot of the group members have slacked off. I'm not trying to be mean, but when a group of 32 only sees about 6 or 7 of the same people posting regularly, then it's safe to assume the rest of the group has slacked off for some reason or other. However, the hubs and I have stuck with it. It hasn't been a smooth and perfect road, but we've tracked out food, exercised often, and worked really hard towards our fitness goals. I'm back to 26 lbs lost. I've lost +/--10 inches overall. The hubs has lost several as well. We've begun to not only do cardio, but weight lifting as well, so our bodies are toning/firming up.

Here's what our progress looks like thus far...

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2013-05-01T09:00:00.000-04:00

I'd like to preface this post by saying
1. Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes popped into my head, but I didn't recognize it, so I had to Google it.
2. I am not a David Bowie fan, but apparently I've heard this song in my upbringing. Thanks Mom and Dad. I'm guessing you guys are the ones who exposed me...even though I didn't realize it.
3. This post isn't about this stupid song.

Now that that's out of the way...onto the real deal.
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The hubs and I have known each other for almost four years and have been married almost three years. This thought astounds me, because I feel like I just met him yesterday. (In a good way!) Three years sounds like an awfully long time to me, but to think that three years has passed seems impossible. I didn't walk down the aisle and become a Bailey three years ago! That's crazy! I only just said, "I do" yesterday...right? How in the world did three years pass without me knowing it? Odd.

However, when I really start to think about it, three years must have passed. All of those moments when an hour felt like a lifetime and a month felt like an eternity. Those moments where I wondered if I would get my period or if I would get a positive sign on one of the countless pregnancy tests I took. Those agonizing minutes to see the test results felt like three years instead of three minutes. Then to see the negative yet again, making time stand still, just briefly, while greif consumed my heart, body, and spirit. All of those weeks and months of Depression while trying to process what was going on with our bodies. Being judged by doctors who didn't want to help us, because I'm not insured. Being told that if we lost weight, things would be easier. Being told that "Maybe God isn't ready for you to be parents, yet." Being told by an aunt, in front of a lot of family members, that she shouldn't have to help pay for my pregnancy with her tax dollars if by some miracle, I finally were to get pregnant. Having my sister go toe to toe with said aunt while I bawled in my grandma's guest room and called my mom who fumed with anger about the whole situation. Then having an extended family cousin show me love and compassion when I needed it the most. All of this, of course, on one of the hardest days for me (at that time)...my cousin's baby shower day. All of those moments, when added up, feel much longer than three years. They feel like thirty years. They've aged me emotionally. All of those moments that, at the time, felt like they'd never end, changed me.

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Did they change me for the better or did they change me for the worse? I dare say, I don't know. I just know I'm different now than I was before all of this. I sometimes long for the times when I dreamed of being pregnant. I don't dream that dream much anymore. I've accepted the fact that I may never conceive/carry a child. Most days, I'm ok with it, as long as I get my babies through adoption. But some days, when I recall the joy I had over the idea of feeling a baby, MY baby, move inside of me...man...I long for the ability to dream that dream again. I wish my heart wasn't so calloused to the idea of it all. I wish I was that naive, at times. I just wish I could keep dreaming the dream that my heart so desires.

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But I can't. I just can't. I can't, and I won't allow myself to be that naive anymore. It hurts too much when that dream doesn't reach culmination. It doesn't make sense to allow myself the luxury of the dream of being pregnant, because let's face it, it may never happen. Obviously, there's still a possibility that it may happen for us one day, but I can't and don't allow myself to think like that anymore, because right now, it's just not going to happen.

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So...again with the changes. Am I better off for having my "battle scars" or am I worse for the wear? In some ways, I know I am stronger. I've been to Hell and back, emotionally, and I'm still here. I KNOW that my God is going before me to prepare a future for me that will knock my socks off. God has me (us) in the palm of his hand, and I know he has great plans for us. On the other hand, I have buried a portion of my heart. I've buried one of my greatest desires, because it is too painful to let it live freely in the daylight. It's something I only allow myself to ponder in the wee hours of the morning when I can't sleep, because only then, in a half sleep, half dream state, is it safe to dream real dreams.

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The battle scars, fear, and hurt does not define who I am or what I am about. I won't let it. I REFUSE it. It isn't something that is allowed to determine WHO or WHOSE I am. I will not be bitter because of the hand I'm currently playing with!

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I CHOOSE joy. I CHOOSE patience. I CHOOSE love. I CHOOSE to take these past three years and change for the better. I CHOOSE to let God protect my heart, but also keep me vulnerable. I CHOOSE to keep on keeping on and to face adversity hand in hand with my husband, surrounded and protected by our God. Why? Because he's got this, and I trust him to come through for me.

(Source ?)

Top Ten Tuesday

2013-04-30T23:36:00.000-04:00

Shabby Blogs is having a Top Ten Tuesday Linky Party!

Every Tuesday they'll be giving a new topic for their readers to post about. Then we run back to our own blogs and post our top ten list for the topic. This weeks topic is 10 Random Things About Myself.

Alrighty...here we go!

1. Strawberries are my favorite food...followed closely by steak.
2. Growing up, I played basketball and softball, but I liked basketball the best.
3. I HATE ladybugs!
4. The smell of broccoli makes me gag.
5. My boobs are the exact same size.
6. I'd rather read a good book than watch TV...most of the time.
7. I love to sew, but I HATE cutting fabric.
8. I get ANGRY when I'm hungry. We call it hangry in my family.
9. If I'm at home, 99% of the time I am braless and in pjs.
10. The smell of my pug, right now, makes me sick to my stomach. He needs a bath.

I Want Out of This Stinking Hallway

2013-04-30T09:30:00.000-04:00

I took an unscheduled hiatus...again. I just haven't had a lot to say. Life just keeps on rolling. I keep rolling with those punches. Proverbial, of course.

Our social worker is almost done typing up our home study to be submitted to the State! Hallelujah! This process is ridiculously long, in case you were wondering. Oh and the whole adoption home study thing is another story. We had to postpone meeting with our adoption worker. Which reminds me, we need to reschedule that ASAP! We honestly can't wait for all this bureaucratic nonsense to be over. We just want our baby(ies) dang it! I/we still have our moments when we wonder why in the world it has to be such a long, drawn out process for us to get our babies, while some people get pregnant "on accident." However, we keep trusting God and praying that he handles it all.

Source

We had a discussion a couple of days ago when I was feeling a bit frustrated/down trodden. I basically expressed to the hubs how I wished everything would suddenly come easily to us once we're approved for fostering/adopting, but how I was extremely doubtful since NOTHING has been easy since we've started trying to expand our family. His reply was that I am only doubting because up until now, nothing has come easy, but that something's got to give eventually. I KNOW that all of this will be worth it in the long run, but man oh man, when you keep knocking on doors and they keep staying closed, it feels like you've ALWAYS been in that stinking hallway! We've been in this particular hallway for almost three years now. If this hallway had a name, it would be "The BLASTED Hallway of Infertility" or aka "My Personal Hell." True, we've moved from one end of the hall to another because we've come from "we can't seem to conceive" to "we're going to foster to adopt," but at the same time, the "foster to adopt" door is still closed until we get submitted, approved, then approved a few more times along the way to adoption. It's a long, drawn out process, which frankly doesn't make a lot of sense in some ways. But I digress. I can't change the system. I can't even change my own mind about trusting God because what sense does that even make?

Source

I/we gave God full control over this situation. Who in the world am I to question his ways??? I've recently been having some personal Job moments in my mind. It's the part of the book when Job begins to finally break down and question God and his ways. (Job lost everyone and everything but his wretched wife and his obnoxious friends.) The same phrase keeps playing in my mind. It's one of the first things God asks Job after Job has his little meltdown.

God says, "Where were you when I created the earth?"

I then have a humbling, meek moment of "Oh yeah...you did do that...oops..." God gave Job a tongue-lashing to say the least! Below is a short part of the lengthy response God gave Job. It's found in Job 38-42. (This is in The Message version.)

“Why do you confuse the issue?
    Why do you talk without knowing what you’re talking about?
Pull yourself together, Job!
    Up on your feet! Stand tall!
I have some questions for you,
    and I want some straight answers.
Where were you when I created the earth?
    Tell me, since you know so much!
Who decided on its size? Certainly you’ll know that!
    Who came up with the blueprints and measurements?
How was its foundation poured,
    and who set the cornerstone,
While the morning stars sang in chorus
    and all the angels shouted praise?
And who took charge of the ocean
    when it gushed forth like a baby from the womb?
That was me! I wrapped it in soft clouds,
    and tucked it in safely at night.
Then I made a playpen for it,
    a strong playpen so it couldn’t run loose,
And said, ‘Stay here, this is your place.
    Your wild tantrums are confined to this place.’

(Click here to read the whole passage for a true butt-kicking!)

When I get stuck in the moments of questioning God, it's so humbling when these chapters come to mind. Where WAS I when he created the earth? I wasn't even thought of yet, right? Wrong. I was. God saw me. He went before more. He made a way, HIS way, for me before the beginning of time. God spoke me into existence. He knows me. He created me. He has great plans for me. He will never let me down.

Source

Did You Miss Me?

2013-01-31T10:22:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't blogged in quite some time, but I had a lot going on.

I had to grieve for my Great Grandma. I had to grieve for my fertility a bit in silence. (This will be a life long grief, but it's a sweeter grief now that God has full control over my sorrow! AMEN!) I needed some peace and quiet from the blogging community, which I was allowing to be my only outlet for myself. I have a better control over myself and my emotional outlets. I cry less. I talk more. To my hubs. To a couple of ladies who have reached out to me. To my mom. To my sister, Hannah, who is the first to cry with me if I need her to. She doesn't always understand, being that we're nine years a part and she's just now about to enter into young adult hood, but she loves me, so she hurts when I hurt. (Hannah: You have a sweet heart. Don't lose it. You mean more to me than you'll ever know. Thank you for being you.)

We've moved exponentially in our foster to adopt licensing process! We took the MAPP class from September until October. We became CPR/First Aid certified for infants-adults in November. We had our first home visit and our second home visit/application filling out visit. We filled out our individual questionnaires and had our individual interviews based on our questionnaires. We have our twin bed, our twin bed bedding, our dresser, hangers for baby/toddler clothing (to prove we have closet space for each child,) and car seats. We even have strollers, a baby swing, a travel swing, tons of newborn-4T clothing for both girls and boys, a bouncer (very pink, but who cares?), an expedit bookcase, some cloth diapers, crib sheets, a crib quilt, etc.

We currently need:

Crib (getting this tonight for an amazing deal on Craigslist!)
Crib Mattress (getting this tonight with the crib!)
Individual Physicals/TB Tests (Getting those around the middle of the month)
Fire Extinguisher (Getting this hopefully early this month)
Carbon Monoxide Detector (Getting this hopefully early this month)
Fire Inspection
One More Home Inspection (To make sure we have beds/bedding)

The list may seem long for our needs, but honestly, they should all be done before the end of February, so hopefully we'll be fully licensed by the end of March! (Here's hoping anyway!) Keep praying for us!!!

Check out a future (soon) post for a preview of what the nursery looks like at this moment! (It's a work in progress! Ha!)

xo,

Currently Listening To: When The Tears Fall by The Swift

Currently Reading: Love You More: The Divine Surprise of Adopting My Daughter by Jennifer Grant

Currently Watching: Army Wives and Supernatural via Netflix

It Was Her Time

2012-08-29T08:01:00.003-04:00

Great Grandma Sweetie passed away this morning.

My family is headed up to Illinois tomorrow morning.

Please be in prayer for the entire family for understanding, coping, and for safe travels.

PLEASE rejoice over her life with us and PRAISE God that such an AMAZING, WONDERFUL, LOVING, KIND, and AWESOME lady ever lived!

If you never had the chance to meet her, you truly missed out...and no...I'm not being bias. It's just a true fact of life. Grandma Sweetie truly lived up to her nickname of "Sweetie." (Her given name is Juanita, but she hated that name.)

Grandma Sweetie, we love and miss you already! I know I am a better person because I knew you. Thank you for all those years of swinging on the porch. Thanks for letting us swim in your pond. Thanks for all the RC Cola. Thanks for letting us sleep in the heart room with you when we visited at your old house. Thanks for always ALWAYS singing a song...especially Somewhere Over the Rainbow, which I love the best. Thanks for always being full of life, even when you were in pain, tired, or not feeling well. Thanks for ALWAYS giving me a reason to laugh. Thank you for the wisdom you've bestowed on me. Thanks for calling my husband Ryan. We crack up about that often...most recently as of last night. Thanks for always listening, always being patient, and most of all, always being an example of Christ. I love you infinity!

xo,

Organizing The Apartment Pt. 1

2012-08-28T10:00:00.000-04:00

It's been a while, but I promise we've just been super busy getting ready for the whole foster care thing! (So exciting!!!) I plan on sharing some before and after pictures as we get things accomplished, but they may be slow-coming as it requires money to keep things going! :-) For now, take a gander of an easy project I tackled in 30ish minutes...and $5!

The Guest/Vance's Bathroom Linen Closet

Before:

Everything's thrown/stuffed in there from when we moved in. It seriously needed a makeover and some organization! Even though people wouldn't see it...unless they're nosey...it still makes me feel better! Wanna see the changes? Check them out below!

After:

Isn't that SO much better? All it cost me was $5! I bought the top shelf basket, the two pack of small baskets, each level of the staking shelves, and the third shelf basket to make this project a success! $5 + tax! An easy, inexpensive project made possible by Dollar Tree! (These items also come in hot pink and lime green at my Dollar Tree.)

Top Shelf (L to R): Heating pad, basket w/light bulbs, extra wallflower room freshener bulbs, etc., cosmetic bag with extra hair product, seasonal soap, lotion, and body wash.

2nd Shelf from Top (L to R): Bubble bath/nail polish remover/aloe/Vance's hair trimming kit, 1st small basket w/nail polish, 2nd small basket with razors/waxing kit, stackable shelves have first aid items (bandaids, neosporin, anti-itch cream, bandages, burn gel, ace bandage, etc.) in bottom shelf and medicinal (ibuprofen, excedrine migraine, thermometers, nyquil, nettie pot, nasal spray, etc.) in the top basket.

Middle Shelf (L to R): Vance's towels (some were in dirty laundry), hand towels, basket w/wash cloths.

2nd Shelf from Bottom (L to R): Beach towels, guest towels, extra towels.

Bottom Shelf (L to R): Extra pillow cases/shams, flannel sheet set (one more sheet set will go on top of them once they are washed.)

So there you have it! My much better organized linen closet!

All it took was 30 minutes, motivation and around $5!

What do ya think??

xo,
A

I know. I suck.

2012-08-27T17:59:00.000-04:00

I know! I KNOW! It's been too long since I've posted. I've just been so busy! Between working both jobs, organizing our apartment, taking care of foster care stuff, and budgeting/meal planning/trying to sleep more than 5 hours a night, I've just been too drained to blog.

I honestly don't have a ton to say right now...except that I have a whole lot to say. I just don't know how to say most of it. There's just...so...much! Here's my attempt...

1. My great grandma, Sweetie, has been ill and progressing more and more so. Hospice has been called in. Please pray for her situation. She told my grandparents (when they were in IL visiting a few weeks ago) that she's ready to meet Jesus. While I admire her faith and her peace, I am having such selfish thoughts of not wanting to let her go and also about the timing when she does die! Foster care classes start September 11th and are every Tues/Thurs until October 11. If she dies at the "wrong" time, I probably won't get to go to Illinois for her funeral...which would crush my heart. See? I'm being totally selfish in this regard.

Update: Please continue to keep Great Grandma Sweetie in your thoughts and prayers. The end is near. Please pray that her pain is minimal, her spirits remain high, and that those of us who know and love her remember to mourn like those who have faith and not like those who have no hope!

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 (The Message) "And regarding the question, friends, that has come up about what happens to those already dead and buried, we don't want you in the dark any longer. First off, you must not carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus."

2. Foster care stuff has my mind CONSUMED and swarming!!!! We applied, but are STILL waiting to hear from our social worker about our "interview" home visit. Vance has called several times and she is so kind, but there isn't anything they can do to make the background check people move faster. FRUSTRATING, but understandable. I have no doubt that it will all work out, though. I have a million and two questions about things though! Some things, I ask one of my managers at work since she and her husband adopted three kids through foster care last year. Some things we ask Vance's mom since his siblings are all adopted through foster care. Some questions, neither know the answer to, since they didn't apply to their situations. I trust God has all of this in his hands. We've been praying for all of this. Can't wait to get rolling!

Update: We should hear from her tomorrow. She's not in the office today, Monday, so if our background checks are back today, like she was expecting them to be, we should hear from her tomorrow!

3. We have been super busy organizing and cleaning the apartment! We've gotten a lot done, but haven't gotten everything that needs to get done, finished! We've been working hard, but it's a work in progress! Stay tuned this week to see some of our project progress! (Tomorrow's post is about our linen closet! I know, right??? Exciting stuff!!)

Stick with me folks. I promise I won't disappear forever. Thanks to those who have stuck by me for so long and have been faithful readers/pray-ers! Keep it up!!

xo,
A

My Heart Aches For Them

2012-08-10T13:00:00.001-04:00

So much heart ache has happened this week...for other people.

If you know me in person or if you've read my blog for a good while, you know I am a sarcastic, in your face, opinionated sweetheart. What you might not know, though, is that I am super sensitive, especially to other people's pain. I tend to take on what other people are feeling and bear the burden as if it were my own. It has made me into a better pray-er, but it doesn't do good things for my migraines.

Anyway, I say all this because the last few days have SUCKED in relation to other people's heart-breaking news. SUCKED BIG TIME.

Wednesday, the people I nanny for had a doctor's appointment. They hadn't told me directly, but I knew they were pregnant. When they got home, I knew they were no longer pregnant. I looked at this couple and saw sadness in both of their eyes. Then M (the wife) started crying in the living room. S (the husband) obviously was trying to keep it together as Max, their 2 year old son, was just happy/surprised to see them home so early. I gave M a hug and she cried and said, "Thank you." I didn't say much to her except, "I am so sorry." There really isn't anything you can say to someone who just lost their last chance of having another child. (According to something M said previously, this is their last round of IVF.) Please pray for them, if you're a praying person.

Then yesterday, I read a blog post of a wonderful woman named Ashley. I've posted links to her blog Feigning Fertility, before, but this link isn't as wonderful. Please read it in it's entirety. (Seriously. Do it.) She is currently pregnant with a "miracle" baby, but there is something "wrong." There may be nothing but a scare, but she doesn't seem to think so. (Make your own opinion by actually reading the blog post I linked to.) Either way, this is an incredibly scary time for her and her husband, Mike, so please keep them in your prayers as well.

xo,
A

So Much For That Heart Attack

2012-08-08T12:22:00.000-04:00

I just heard from Vance who just had a conversation with DCS, that Foster Care classes don't start until September 11th now. They've reworked the schedule and didn't update the website.

In some ways, that's really good! It gives us more time to better prepare for what's to come. It also gives us more time to have our preliminary home visit and fill out our initial paperwork.

Whew. That takes a little stress off my shoulders, that's for sure!

Please pray everything goes quickly (ha!) and smoothly so we're able to get started in September. If we don't take the class in September, the next one isn't until January! AH! I don't want to wait that long, nor do I feel like we should wait that long!

Isn't it kind of funny (or odd) that my gut said September is when we should take the class...and September is when we can take the class?? I do believe that God is in this!

xo,
A