Blessings in Disguise

Purify Us, Oh Lord.

2012-10-29T13:21:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been reading a fabulous devotional book entitled Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman. The updated edition in today's language has been a huge encouragement to me each time I sit down to read what it has to say. There are quite a few day's thoughts I wanted to re-post, but the one for today is especially near and dear to my heart.

He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver. (Malachi 3:3)

Our Father, who seeks to perfect His saints in holiness, knows the value of the refiner's fire. It is with the most precious metals that a metallurgist will take the greatest care. He subjects the metal to a hot fire, for only the refiner's fire will melt the metal, release the dross, and allow the remaining, pure metal to take a new and perfect shape in the mold.

A good refiner never leaves the crucible but, as the above verse indicates, "will sit" down by it so the fire will not become even one degree too hot and possibly harm the metal. And as soon as he skims the last bit of dross from the surface and sees his face reflected in the pure metal, he extinguishes the fire.
Arthur Tappan Pierson

He sat by a fire of seven-fold heat,

As He looked at the precious ore,

And closer He bent with a searching gaze

As He heated it more and more.

He knew He had ore that could stand the test,

And He wanted the finest gold

To mold as a crown for the King to wear,

Set with gems with a price untold.

So He laid our gold in the burning fire,

Though we would have asked for delay,

And He watched the dross that we had not seen,

And it melted and passed away.

And the gold grew brighter and yet more bright,

But our eyes were so dim with tears,

We saw but the fire–not the Master’s hand,

And questioned with anxious fears.

Yet our gold shone out with a richer glow,

As it mirrored a Form above,

That bent o’er the fire, though unseen by us,

With a look of unspeakable love.

Should we think that it pleases His loving heart

To cause us a moment’s pain?

Not so! for He saw through the present cross

The joy of eternal gain.

So He waited there with a watchful eye,

With a love that is strong and sure,

And His gold did not suffer a bit more heat,

Than was needed to make it pure.

If this devotional reading has nourished your soul with even the smallest morsel of encouragement, I suggest you look into purchasing the entire book. There's one short reading like this for each day of the year. No matter what you're going through, God has never left you and never will. We all need that reminder because some days it feels otherwise. For some reason, I could not ignore the urge to share this today. If that reason is you, just know that I have prayed for you, whoever you are, and I stand with you in the refiner's fire to remind you that God, our refiner, is good. So very good.

May we all grab hold of the treasures we find in the valleys of life today.

Be blessed.

Drop Your Leaves

2012-10-28T21:53:00.000-04:00

We've had such a beautiful Fall this year. Fall has got to be one of my favorite seasons. I just love all the colors, the crispness in the air, the change. It's like you can see the change right before your very eyes, and change is often hard to see. I think that's why I love Fall so much. Trees dropping their leaves, preparing for the winter months ahead. It's one of the magnificently logical processes of nature.

52 Week Project ~ Week 32
Falling behind this Fall, but making the most of it.

With the change of seasons comes a letting go of all those little things that can potentially burden us with unfit weight that we no longer ought to carry. But unlike nature, often times we try to hold onto these things way too long. Though wind, rain, and tempest roar, some of us would rather lay down our lives than give up our pride.

I'm forced to ask myself why...

Why do we view life this way? Why do we resist change? Why do we hold onto things that we know we just need to let go of?

These things---they don't even have to be blatantly bad---can hinder us from having authentic relationships with family and friends, from reaching out of our comfort zone to help someone in need, or from seeing the kingdom of God in all its power and glory. They can keep us stuck in an old way of thinking or in a hardened place of unforgiveness and resentment. They can misalign our priorities or slowly lead us down a slippery slope of despair.

I'll bet a thing or two comes to mind. Something that you know you should've let go long before today, but for whatever reason (you may have some very good ones), you have yet to loosen your death grip.

Just because we're human doesn't mean we don't experience seasons and need to let go of things as part of the natural progression of life. I think we could all take a lesson from nature in knowing when to let go and move on. Each season of life has a purpose, and yet, I propose that one likely reason why we fail to recognize a particularly rough season's purpose could be that we're trying to carry unnecessary baggage from the past that we stubbornly refuse to offload.

So whatever it is that's weighing you down, now is the time to free yourself up, to move on. After all, Fall is the season of noticeable change. You know it'll be beautiful. We all need to stop wishing for Summer to come back and stop dreading the Winter's cold. This season has special things for us to do and discover. Don't let it pass you by---or else soon enough you may be the snow laden tree that fell because it refused to let go of its leaves when it had the chance.

Here's a few things I've discovered so far this Fall.

...in every day of life

2012-09-23T22:57:00.002-04:00

Like a mountain, life scales high before each of us. Climbing to the top requires much energy, strategy, and determination. Without the proper training or equipment, we might as well wish away our dreams of that "mountain-top experience"---only the best of the best make it to the highest peaks anyway.

Does this metaphor echoe the sharp tones of your life?

I've often found myself wrestling with the imagery of a mountain-centered life and the valleys it inevitably creates. Even my blog's subtitle reflects this widely-accepted view:

Discovering that, sometimes, the finest treasures can only be found in the deepest valleys.

In light of all this, it makes perfect sense for me to believe that if I'm failing to ascend to higher heights, than either
(a) I'm paralyzed somewhere on the side of the mountain---lost, scared, & confused---
(b) I'm hanging off the edge of a cliff awaiting a painful plunge, or
(c) I've already fallen into a deep valley far below all my past efforts and failed attempts to reach my goals.

Right?

Well, not really. But that's how I've felt lately.

After experiencing a harsh relapse of symptoms (around the time of my last post), I seem to have hit a bit of a rough patch...been stuck in a rut...fallen and haven't been able to get back up. It's almost as if I'm back at Square One with all this health crap. Full of uncertainty, disappointment, and questions...

Lots of questions.

From this heap of questions has arisen one, which, like many others, demands an answer:

What if I didn't view life as a mountain to climb?

And yet, all I can come up with is more questions.

Does that mean I should toss all my goals and dreams out the window and spend my days watching marathons of The Mentalist? No--leveling the mountain doesn't eliminate ambition.

Maybe I wouldn't feel so "defeated" when I find myself in a place that I formerly viewed as a valley?

Maybe I would take more time to notice---my surroundings and the people and relationships---that which I often overlooked when I had my mind fixed on reaching the top?

Maybe I would do what Ecclesiastes 11:8 says,

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 31

Amid the uncertainty lurking in these questions, one certain answer comes to mind.

I'd have to resist the temptation of a mountain-centered life on a daily basis because everywhere I look, that's what I see. Whether it's corporate ladder climbing or grad school applying, this "make-it-to-the-top-as-fast-as-you-can" fever is dangerously contagious.

The opposite extreme proves no better. The news of my medical leave from school goes out and in come the consolation text messages, the "I'm soooo sorry" hugs, the sad faces followed by a "How you holding up?" They all come from sincere hearts, I know, but they support a view of life that I'm trying to release.

If life really was a mountain, than this medical leave would be a major setback. However, since I refuse to adopt a victim's mentality no matter how crappy I feel, this season is anything but a setback.

With that said, yes...I'm grieving my loss; I'm frustrated beyond words; I haven't a clue how it's all going to turn out, and that scares me a bit. After all, I'm still human.

But don't you worry.

I'll be on the look-out for some blessings in disguise.

***

In the meantime, I need some advice. Should I change my blog's subtitle?? Leave any thoughts or suggestions through the "add a comment" link below.

blessings,

Our Mess. God's Masterpiece.

2012-08-06T22:36:00.000-04:00

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 30
Makes me wanna take a backroad =)

Ever have one of those days when you just feel like your thoughts are all over the place? On the one hand, your scatterbrain-ness is everything but productive. On the other hand, you learn a lot about yourself because of your hypersensitivity to the Wheel-of-Thoughts that's spinning in your head. Tick. Tick. Tick. Speeding up and slowing down. Wondering where it's going to stop. $1,000 or BANKRUPT.

If you haven't ever had one of those days (you're just one of those people who are "A-plus" focused all the time), you'll definitely get a feel for it through this post because that's been my day. It started when I left late for my chiropractor appointment this morning and had to turn off the radio because I was utterly distracted by a sea of amazing clouds rolling across the bright blue sky. I say a "sea" because I honestly had to remind myself, "No Elisabeth, that's not the ocean." The clouds seriously looked like crashing waves hitting the sandy coast, though, one after another, just like clockwork. And that's the perfectly timed picture that God painted for me on his Creator-of-the-World-sized canvas this morning. It was exactly what I needed. Even though I was late, I was too distracted by beauty to care, too awestruck by God's hypersensitivity to my scattered thoughts to worry. Somehow God brought peace and calm to my crazy, all-over-the-place-mess of a mind.

And you wanna know what the best part about all of that was? Not that I couldn't stop and take a picture of the sky this morning (because I was late...) but that God left it for me up there on my way home tonight! Never have I been so thankful for a drive through the backroads by my house. It's like God knew or something! (HA...I just laughed at that statement too) I couldn't keep focused on anything else today for very long, but oh my word, that sky! I had no other choice but stop my car a few different times to take some pictures.

You may think I'm a little crazy by now, but God has actually taught me some crazy lessons of trust today through the sky and my ridiculous lack of focus. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it all and find the words to describe to you how God's been moving in my heart today.

I'll start by being honest and say that this week I have worried wayyyyy too much about some decisions I have to make about what this coming semester is going to look like for me. I've felt almost paralyzed by fear of the unknown (a.k.a. my health) and confused whether as to confront those feelings of fear for what they are or listen to them as whispers of discernment. In any case, I have not been trusting the Lord with these decisions. I've been stressing, trying to figure it out on my own, and deceiving myself into thinking that I can keep things under control.

In reality, I'm more of a mess than I usually think I am, and I desperately need to rely on the Lord. I need to trust that his plan for me is perfect, and that nothing--not even my worry, or doubt, or chronic headaches--can get in the way of that perfect plan. For the God who made the sky and the oceans and the sun and everything that has a name and even the things that have yet to be named, is the same God who's in total control over this long, rough season of my life. To me, it feels like a whirlwind; to God, it must feel like...well, I'm honestly not sure, but I know that the winds and the waves stand still at his command, so my crazy life probably doesn't stress him out all that much.

So once again, for anyone who's ever felt like a complete mess, don't think that God won't come and meet you where you are. I know sometimes we all can get self-conscious and would prefer that God not come and see us in a frazzled, bad hair, no make-up kind of day, but God isn't as easily scared off as we think he'd be. Now is not the time to be shy with Him. It's time to be real. Say it how it is. Don't hold back. The God who gave you life is dying to be in a relationship with you; Jesus made that possible through his death and resurrection. He's waiting for you. What are you waiting for?

Maybe tomorrow morning he'll paint you a masterpiece in the sky, so don't forget to look past your mess to see it. Mmk??

Blessings friends!

To be or not to be?

2012-08-03T10:44:00.001-04:00

I have a confession or two (or five) to make...

The people who live with me already know that I haven't kept up with the Couch-to-5 K running plan.
I reached Week 3, but then lost my momentum.
I've stayed seated on the couch more than I've ran over the past two months.
I make excuses---my head hurts...I'm too tired...I just showered...I have too much school work...I just ate a whole cake Katherine, so give me a break---even though some are completely legitimate reasons not to run (in my mind at least).
Needless to say, my hot pink sneakers haven't lost as much tread as I thought they would've by now.

Once I fell behind, I just gave up. I had a rough couple of weeks health wise by the time I reached week 3 of the program and lost my wind. Instead of giving myself some grace, moving back to a slower pace in order to regain my strength, increase my endurance, and eventually make strides toward my goal, I decided to go sit back on the couch. It's not where I wanted to end up, nor is it where I felt like I should stay, but at least I knew I'd be comfortable there for the time being.

This kind of attitude tends to bench a lot of us. If we make one mistake, we think it's all downhill from there. We give up before we even get going. I think most people also think of their spiritual lives in the same way. We read in the Bible (2 Corinthians 5:17) about how God says that we are a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come, right? But sometimes we still feel old, act old, and look old. What then? Do we just go sit back on the couch and tell ourselves, "Oh, tomorrow I'll be a new creation" ? Sometimes, yes, that is exactly what we do.

When we do that though, when we revert back to the comfortable, old way of life, we put ourselves through an identity crisis, whether we know it or not. As believers in Christ, we are redeemed children of God, without stain or blemish in the eyes of the Almighty. We have been saved from a dark, torturous eternity separated from our Maker, and saved into a new life, full of God's goodness, mercy, and love. Our identity becomes Christ's, for that's how the Father sees us. He knows we're not perfect, but he's making us new. It may not always feel like the most comfortable choice, but we can have confidence that God will finish the work he began in each of his children, for Christ said so himself: "It is finished."

Until then, we can live each day with the hope that one day we will experience the completeness of our redemption through Jesus Christ. Even on the days we feel old, like there's nothing new about us, we can walk on with the strength we receive from God's Word, which says:

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure." (1 John 3:1-3)

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 29
#tobeornottobe

To be or not to be? That is the question.

Redeemed.

That is our answer.

This week I stopped listening to the voice in my head that told me I'd never be able to actually run a 5 K. I woke up early one day, made my way down to the treadmill in our basement, and walked a mile. It wasn't a lot, but it's something. At least I'm off the couch again.

At the very end of that one mile walk, the song "Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave came on my Pandora Radio. It perfectly summed up my reason for walking, for moving forward, for trying again. Not just in exercising, but in life. No matter the pain I feel, I always have a reason to get up in the morning.

I am redeemed.

Life is Beautiful

2012-07-24T11:47:00.000-04:00

It's official. I have made the leap to a smartphone.

A couple weeks ago I upgraded my old semi-smartphone (you know, the kind that looks like a dumb phone, but you can check email on it) to a really basic blackberry-looking phone that didn't come with extra data charges. I thought it'd be better to go simple, save some money, and limit the time I spent glued to my cellular device. Within the first few days, however, of using that basic phone, I had problems with it insisting on randomly restarting itself and displaying the wrong time. Not O.K. After enduring the stress of returning that phone, I gave in and bought a smartphone: the HTC Rhyme. It actually works AND it's purple! It does a bunch of other stuff too, but that's all I care about at this point.

I've been challenged this week to do a self-check and re-evaluate what I consider to be important. When technology spirals to the center of our lives, it becomes difficult for us to see beyond the screen in front of us. Materialism is highly addictive; with just one taste, we're hooked. We start thinking that a good life means having the coolest gadgets, the biggest house, and the prettiest profile picture. When we idealize life like that, we cheat ourselves in one of two ways: either through self-pity, resulting from an insatiable desire for more of the things we can't have, or through self-indulgence, resulting from too much of the things that we think we need.

Either way, we miss out on this.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 28

A holy life is a beautiful life. "Worship the Lord with the beauty of holy lives" (Psalm 96:9). Worshipping the Lord and bringing glory to his name should be our goal as long as we have breath. That's our purpose; the essence of life. If we deny that, we deny God the praise he deserves and we deny ourselves the experience of a truly beautiful life.

Jesus came so that we might have life to the full. Not full of stuff, but full of Him. For only in Christ will we ever be complete. Jesus spoke to his disciples these words which hold true for us today:

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing...You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last" (John 15:5, 16).

May we live abiding in Christ this week and worship God with the beauty of holy lives.

A 2-for-1 Deal

2012-07-17T22:44:00.000-04:00

Over the past two to three weeks, we've had the pleasure of watching a robin's nest out by our pool. I first noticed it when four bright blue eggs lay nestled in its twigs and branches. Then one of the eggs hatched, and before we knew it, four baby robins emerged into our crazy world.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 26

This photo is from two weekends ago, and it officially marks week 26, the half-way point of my 52 Week Project. It's amazing how helpless these baby birds are; without feathers or even eyesight in their first few days of life, these birds rely completely upon their parents for food, shelter, and protection. We sat and watched--and took lots of pictures, of course--of how these four babies waited with their mouths wide open for mama bird to arrive with their meal.

But if we sat too close to the nest, the mama bird would keep her distance. She'd perch herself on a fence post with her watchful eye, waiting for us to move out of her way. We also noticed that if the music was too loud, the mama bird wouldn't come near the nest either to feed her babies.

After turning down the music and quietly making our way into the pool, the mama bird finally flew over to the nest, and the babies received the nourishment that their tummies needed. This image has stuck in my head ever since.

Lately, I've struggled with anxiety, just worrying about all the details of life that seem so overwhelming and out of control. God has reminded me through this scene with the baby birds of his good care and faithfulness toward me. He makes sure that those babies birds are taken care of, and he most certainly provides for all my needs as well. We can turn to God's Word and find assurance that God cares for us. Matthew 6:25-27 reads:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

So often I lose sight of how much God cares for me. I forget that I am his treasured possession, his beloved, his child. When pain and confusion rush over me like a flood, I forget that my God is the same God that parted the Red sea and stopped the flow of the Jordan river so that his people could safely cross. And then He surprises me by meeting me exactly where I am in my time of need. When I turn down from the loud worries of life, quiet my heart, and just lay still, awaiting an encounter with God, that's when He comes swooping in to nourish my hungry soul. Nothing can stop him from coming near as long as I'm not standing in his way. But even then, he always knows where to find me and how to provide exactly what I need.

This second picture shows about a weeks worth of growth in two of the baby birds that were in our nest. The other two had already went on their way by that point. Somewhere in the falling process, they learn how to fly. Though they might be scared mid-fall, their parents know that all shall be well.

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." ~ Matthew 10:29-31

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 27

I've entitled this post "A 2-for-1 Deal" because I'm using it to share two weeks worth of pictures. With all the worrying that I've done lately, my desire to write has gone by the wayside which has caused me to fall behind a bit with posting for my project. I'm officially more than half-way finished though! So from here on out, I'm really going to try to stay on schedule. But I've committed to not worrying about it either! :P

Why you buggin??

2012-06-30T15:59:00.000-04:00

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 25
"Better late than never, heh?" #catchphraseofmylife

Last Saturday night, my boyfriend Pat and I set out on a mission to catch some lightning bugs. With over forty years of combined experience, I must say, we had pretty good success. Trying to get a cool picture of those tiny little critters, however, was a totally different story. I don't know how many pictures I took that night, but this was the only one that turned out.

That's a lightning bug on Pat's finger, in case you were confused. Looks pretty freaky huh? Let's take a closer look....

Okay...whether you call it a lightning bug or a firefly, it's definitely one creepy looking insect. Let's zoom in one more time...

Wow! I'll bet you'll think twice the next time you want to catch a lightning bug, huh?

Daddy's Girl

2012-06-20T20:10:00.000-04:00

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 24
Beloved Child of God

This adorable little girl's name is Sydnie. She just so happens to be my boyfriend's one year old niece, and we had the blessing of spending some time with her last weekend. On Sunday we stopped by her house to deliver some pictures to her parents that we had taken of her on the boardwalk in Wildwood, NJ. I couldn't help but snag a few more photos of her before we left that day though. Seriously. Look at that face! No camera can stay tucked away for long with Sydnie in the room.

When I look at this picture, I can only imagine the kind of love that this child's father has for her. I'm reminded of the love that I've received from my own father: unconditional, self-giving, sacrificial love. This love has made me desire to honor, please, and respect my dad in response to the kindness he's poured out on me throughout my life. Although no human love will ever reach absolute perfection, I think the purity of my dad's love for his children sure comes pretty close.

I wanted to dedicate this post to my dad as part of his Father's Day present, but it's already Wednesday night so it's a little late. Better late than never though, right? I love you Daddy!!!

I would've posted sooner but the past week and a half has been so filled with painful headaches and migraines that I haven't had the energy or concentration to write. I have endured a lot of trial and testing this week and have confronted the recurring questions and seeming inconsistencies that so often accompany the long hours spent in bed with unrelenting pain. I've mainly been challenged with the idea of how an all-powerful, all-loving God, our Father in Heaven, can allow his children to suffer all kinds of pain, sickness, and distress. I'm not just talking about the common cold or typical knee scrap, but the serious stuff. The stuff that keeps floors upon floors of children occupying rooms in hundreds of children's hospitals around the country: unexplainable pain, incurable illness, insatiable anxiety, failed treatments, harsh medicinal side effects....the list goes on, making it increasingly harder to reconcile the two realities of this painful life with a loving Father God who has good plans for his children. I'm so easily tempted to succumb to the thought that if God is really all-powerful, than He is obviously unwilling to heal because complete healing has not come.

With my focus solely on the present pain that I'm suffering, this seems like the most logical conclusion: that for some reason, God does not want to heal me. What a sad, depressing, and nearly heart shattering statement! I know I'm not alone in that thought either.

Our conception of love requires protection from pain at all costs; yet the greatest act of love that the earth has ever known required that God allow his only son Jesus to suffer the greatest pain of all, dying a cruel death at the hands of the ones he came to save. Isaiah 53:4-6 states:

Surely he took up our infirmities

and carried our sorrows,

yet we considered him stricken by God,

smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to his own way;

and the Lord has laid on him

the iniquity of us all.

Most of us tend to feel like we're entitled to a good, long, healthy life. We get mad at God when bad things happen. We think that if God is God, He needs to do something about all the evil, pain, and suffering that's tearing this world apart. When we don't see Him doing anything to make things better, we turn our backs on Him, harboring our feelings of bitterness and betrayal, which morph into despair and hopelessness in a matter of weeks, days, sometimes even hours. Digging our own graves, we blind ourselves from seeing God's masterplan of redeeming this broken world and everything in it. He didn't design creation to look like the mess we're used to seeing. God doesn't want anyone to suffer pain for all of eternity, although that's honestly the punishment that our sin deserves. But that's why Jesus suffered for us; paid our penalty and took our place. As a result, we all have the opportunity to be healed completely from the sin that sickens our wretched earthly bodies. Whether that healing happens this side of Heaven in a way that we can see or not is beside the point: by his wounds we are healed.

Next time we get frustrated and angry over the pain and suffering that we see and experience in this life, I pray that we'll quickly be reminded of Jesus' words he uttered in his last breaths as he hung on the cross, "It is finished!" As children of God, we can rest assured that this place is not our home; we're just passing through. While we're here though, I don't think that God will allow us to endure any suffering that He does not purpose for good. No pain goes wasted on God's watch. We just have to wait with the hope that God provides and trust---through the tears---that Daddy knows best.

After all, God is love, and love never fails.

Breaking Through Reality's Limits

2012-06-13T14:08:00.000-04:00

Last week was so busy that I did not have time to post, but after taking well over 500 pictures, I had a hard time picking just one to write about for week 23 of my 52 Week Project. This one stood out to me though.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 23

For starters, I've never seen a storm cloud like this before in my life! On Thursday evening, my boyfriend Pat, two of his cousins, and I walked up 110th street in Stone Harbor so the boys could practice their golf swing by the ocean. I tagged along of course, hoping to snag some cool pictures on the beach, but we didn't stay for very long. Once we reached the sand, we spotted this crazy cloud off to our left. It had lightning bolts shooting down from it and stretched twice as long as what I could capture in this photo. For nearly ten minutes, I focused my camera and all my attention on this cloud, attempting to catch a shot of the lightning.

Little did we know, as we stood fixated on this cloud to our left, that an even larger, darker, scarier storm cloud was forming right above us.

This picture doesn't really convey the apprehension we all were feeling at the time, but those clouds were moving fast enough that we unanimously decided to call it a night and head home.

My experience that night on the beach reminds me of how often I become so focused on the stressors and upsets of life that I fail to recognize the more serious spiritual warfare taking place all around me, thus leaving myself unprotected from Satan's attacks.

There is so much more to this life than life itself. As the finite beings that we are, we often have great trouble looking past our present circumstances. We secretly desire more, but we fear that our longing will never be satisfied because we've grown so accustomed to a limited reality of life. And so we make our best effort to survive on the tiny morsels of temporary happiness that we can salvage, hoping they'll suffice, but knowing from past experience that they can never quite last long enough.

In the same way that I failed to see that dark storm cloud above me on the beach because I was focusing on the strange, long cloud, we won't ever see more than our present circumstances if we don't turn ourselves around and look up. Only by the grace of God and his incredible mercy can we even begin to understand the mystery of the unseen spiritual reality that surrounds us. We need to become more aware of the limits that we place on reality and be open to how God will break through them. Until God's work is completed, the battle against evil and our own sinful nature continues to rage; yet, we must not forget that God's plan entails redeeming the whole world, so we can be sure that things are changing---even when the storm clouds roll in---and in the end, all will be changed for good. God never abandons the work of his hands, but promises to finish with the mark of perfection.

With this in mind, we need not fear the battle. For our Lord already has won the victory, and He has given us everything we need for life and godliness. As 2 Peter 1:3-4 states, "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." What a blessing it is to catch glimpses of God's grand scheme of things.

A couple weeks ago I wrote a poem for the dove in our front garden. This week, I'm making another attempt at the whole poetry thing because I feel like prose can't adequately express the dynamics of my experience this week.

"I Long for You"

I long to desire You above all others,

to seek you first, forsaking the rest.

Though now my heart still roams and wanders,

Your arms are where I know I belong, where I fit best.

I long to know You and to be known by You

in the most intimate way that transforms my soul.

Though my body is weak and my thoughts ever fleeting,

My spirit cries out, "Lord, take me home! Just take me home!"

I long to please you Lord in everything I say and do,

to bless your name, oh Great I Am.

Though I have stumbled and fallen many a time,

You cleanse me once again with the blood of the Lamb.

Couch-to-5-K

2012-06-01T16:18:00.000-04:00

I bought these sneakers with the hope that they will symbolize the start of a new stage of my recovery.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 22 #HotPinkAllTheWay

Before I got sick, running and I had always enjoyed a love-hate relationship, filled with some joyous, some not-so-joyous memories of never-ending track work-outs, driveway sprints, and Camp Lauren. Most of the time, someone else had to push me to run. Or rather, in some cases, pull me off the couch. Thanks Laur! Although I didn’t always have a self-motivation to lace up my running shoes, at least I was able to still do it and run a good race.

There were a few occasions when I was still really struggling with my health that I tried running again, but my head pounded with every step, making the entire process and the rest of my day torture trying to deal with an insane migraine.

It’s one thing to complain about not wanting to run or feeling sore afterwards, but it’s a totally different, almost defeating, thing to know that even if you wanted to, running was out of the picture. I guess it's sometimes true that you never know what you got til it's gone. . .

Today I began a exercise routine called The Couch-to-5-K Running Plan for new runners who want to progress from their sedentary state to running three miles, all in 2 months! I’m giving myself some extra time though. My goal is to be able to run 3 miles by the end of the summer.

After jogging/walking for 1.75 miles this morning, I just feel the usual aches of exercise. The really great part is that I didn’t get a migraine from the work-out AND I was able to complete it the right way. Compared to what I had done before, it wasn’t that hard of a work-out at all, but after not being able to do much of anything these past three years, it felt like a good enough sweat for me! Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up and finish what I've started. The fact that I'm on week 22 of my 52 Week Project seems like a pretty good sign to me that I have what it takes to commit. Ask me in two weeks how I'm doing. . . ;)

I'll leave you all with a running verse for inspiration: Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Bird's Eye View

2012-05-25T23:22:00.002-04:00

“Who stands fast? Only the man whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom, or his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all this when he is called to obedient and responsible action in faith and in exclusive allegiance to God—the responsible man, who tries to make his whole life an answer to the question and call of God.”

–Dietrich Bonhoeffer

This week I’ve sensed a common theme of the need to stand firm in the faith in spite of pressures, fears, and struggles that tempt us to abandon the convictions and beliefs we hold in our hearts. Through my reading of Bonhoeffer's life and my reflections of Christ's example of suffering that he has left for us, I have been faced with the challenge to take God more seriously. Lest the saints cringe to see one’s perseverance in the faith diminish into the looming darkness, one must possess an undeniable responsibility to God’s call, stretching far beyond one’s self and suffering, that makes the muddy trek through hell on earth worth every inch.

This dove, who has made her nest in the tree next to our porch, inspired me along the lines of this theme of perseverance and resilience, and so I've written her a short poem to conclude my post for this week. Please try to enjoy my attempt at poetry....

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 21

Innocent, pure, flawless Dove,

All too often have I underestimated your resilience.

To my surprise,

you remain steadfast to your duty:

protecting your baby dove eggs

even though blinded by the flashes of my camera and

frightened by the dangerous blades of Daddy's trimmers.

You know that I see you, and I know that you see me.

But this I must confess:

You have become the subject of my photo for the week

--I hope that's okay--

Not just for your beauty, though,

for with you, there lies more beneath your fine feathers.

It is the strong will and dedication with which you respond to your call,

which bids me to reevaluate my simple judgment on your kind.

Your resistance to flight in the face of fear has inspired me,

innocent, pure, flawless Dove,

to try to do the same.

Not just another flower picture

2012-05-18T17:39:00.000-04:00

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 20/52
Some Good-Looking Thorns

In case anyone was wondering, it's a tad difficult to focus on the thorns of a rose bush when its decadent flowers constantly fight for your attention. Anyhow, that's what I tried to do in this picture for Week 20 of my 52 Week Project. Although I had to edit it a lot to achieve what I had in mind---some good-looking thorns---the entire process ironically encompasses the change of heart that I've experienced this past week.

I must start by explaining, in brief, the news we received at my doctor's appointment on Tuesday afternoon....

For the most part, we were very encouraged by the news: all the parasites, bacteria, and viruses are gone! I still have some "imprints" or scars on my cells from the Lyme bacteria, which has caused a slight autoimmune response, but after a month or so of taking a homeopathic remedy, I should be all clear. So that's very good news! Praise be to God, the Great Physician who mends all our wounds and heals all our diseases!

With this great news, we had to ask the tough question about the possibility of permanent damage since I went undiagnosed and mistreated for so long and still have headaches everyday. The doctor said that sometimes patients have "dead spots" in their brain, which are supposedly permanent. I asked if those were technically called hypo-perfusions, because that's what showed up on my brain scan a while back when we first started thinking I had Lyme. He said yes, that they're the same. He continued to say, however, that even though the dead spots are lost now, the brain can re-route itself and work around those areas. The brain is pretty incredible.

But still, that's the part of the appointment that made it hard for me to fully rejoice over the miracle of healing. I thought, Wow, so I'm pretty much healthy, but because of this stupid brain damage I'll probably still feel pain, neuro symptoms, and memory impairment the rest of my life. That's just great.

After all I've experienced over the past three years, I most certainly cried over and still grieve the damage and loss, but I do not doubt in the least the sufficiency of God's grace, power, and strength in my weakness. Perhaps the dead spots will serve as a good reminder of how God has sustained and will continue to sustain me. I mean, it's a miracle that I've come this far already, and even with the permanent brain damage that remains, I know that God can still work miracles in and through me. What else could better attest to his great power and faithfulness? I can't help but to deeply identify, once again, with Paul when he writes about his vision and the thorn in 2 Corinthians 12:

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (verses 7-10)

I honestly believe that God has purposefully made me weak, with regard to my own strength, in order to make me strong through the strength that comes from Him alone. God has healed me, but I think to keep me from becoming conceited---from boasting about my intelligence, achievements, and honors---he has chosen to allow some weakness and damage to remain in my brain. However, when I can boast gladly about that, though, Christ's power rests on me. I know this to be true. I've felt it. This amazing truth of Christ's power within me has transformed my mind in ways that no medicine or therapy ever could. Though outwardly and physically we are all wasting away, inwardly and spiritually I am being renewed day by day through the power of the Holy Spirit who helps me fix my eyes on the unseen, eternal aspects of life. Because in the big scheme of things, God knows that even permanent brain damage is really only temporary. One day He will restore and redeem everything. All will be made new. The dead will be raised and the dead spots will be brought back to life in the glorious presence of our risen Savior, Jesus Christ. Now that is some really Good News! Amen??

Coming back to where I started, with the idea of the thorn, I'm learning more than ever before that all good things must be protected. Just as rose thorns are a protective adaptation to keep animals from destroying the entire rosebush, maybe my brain damage will guard against conceit and pride, which seek to attack the good fruit, lessons learned, and spiritual maturity that the past three years of trial and pain have produced in me. After all, nothing exists without purpose. Perhaps this is just it.

The Tell-Tale Glow

2012-05-12T23:43:00.000-04:00

I need you more than anyone darling,

You know that I have from the start.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ Week 19
A Special Dedication to My Most Special Mom

When we were young, my sisters and I always used to pick buttercups from the backyard, hold them up under our chins, and find out if we liked butter---a yellow glow would be the tell-tale sign. Of course, we all loved butter. But for whatever reason, who knows why, some days we apparently did not like butter, according to the buttercup test anyways.

Even though this test doesn't reliably determine the truth of the matter when it comes to butter-liking, it does make me think about how much I really do love my Mom. Just like the buttercup test, some days she can look at me and see that I do love her a lot. But other times, for whatever reason, the tell-tale glow just doesn't appear under my chin.

The everyday tests that shorten our fuses, our ropes, our tempers--or whatever you'd like to call them--make for unreliable tests that can't always determine the truth of the matter when it comes to Mommy-loving. However, I don't think that handing our Moms a well-written Hallmark card and a bouquet of flowers with some candy gives us passing grades either. I've always believed that love is an action word. The words "I love you" only possess deep meaning when acts of love, or service, accompany them.

That's what I've learned from my Mom, because acts of service are definitely her main love language. With that in mind, I'd like to publicly state, before whoever reads this blog, that for this Mother's Day, I commit to helping my mom weed her gardens on any morning of her choosing over the next week.

Mom,

I will get on my hands and knees to show you this year how much I love and care for you. You will know by the dirt under my fingernails, the pile of weeds in the wheelbarrow, and the open space in your gardens; the bug bites I'll acquire, the girly screams you'll hear upon my encounter of creepy crawlers, and the mere sight of me waking up and doing work in the morning. You just tell me when, but we have to do it together. Okay? Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you with all my heart. Just look for the glow under my chin, Buttercup. It's true. May you feel honored and blessed on this special day and remember that even on the days when I fail the test, my love for you will never wilt or fade. I love you mom! You're the best!!

Your dearest & most darling daughter,

Elisabeth :)

Happy Mother's Day to the rest of you Moms out there! May your days be filled with blessings upon blessings. In the midst of the celebration, try not to overlook the blessings in disguise!

The "Home Stretch"

2012-05-05T00:35:00.000-04:00

52 Week Project~Week 18

It's amazing how a little bit of pressure...aka Finals Week...can make us college students really grow to value the small things in life that we often fail to fully enjoy:

A Lottie breakfast date/cram sesh before an 8 am exam. A surprise cup of tea from a friend. Sharing flashcards. A warm smile after way too many hours spent studying late in the library. Late night pancakes. Free pancakes! Dogs in the Union?? Finishing a final early. Learning how to construct a "buff chick" wrap...and then making a mess trying to figure out how to eat it. Listening to Needtobreathe on my ipod walking around campus. A light sun shower after a steamy Friday afternoon. Getting mail. Going to Baker's. Catching up with friends. Cookies, ice cream, & pizza, yumm. Singing in the shower together. Sharing vitamins and cold medicine. Walking barefoot. Random dance parties. Weird dreams. And last but not least, playing with chalk in the middle of the basketball court...trying to complete our masterpiece before the storm came to wash it away.

And that, my friends, is my photo of Week 18.

SEE?? It is amazing how a little bit of pressure can help us grow to enjoy the small things in life. Between the overload of stress and lack of sleep during this past week, I would've thought that I'd have been in a bad mood. But I've actually noticed way more positives, especially over the past few days.

To give you an example, in addition to the awesome list and picture above, on Wednesday evening, before I had to stop studying and just go back to my room to get some sleep, I pulled off a book from the shelf behind me. I happened to be sitting in the Theology section of the library in the cubbies that I usually never go to. But during my last study break, I opened up to a random page in a chapter entitled "The Gift of Surrender" and read the following:

"Jacob wrestles all night long with no hope of really winning. At the end of the night, he is still in the struggle but ready finally to give it up without needing to triumph. He can just be what he is. It is enough, he understands, simply to persist rather than to need to overcome. To persist is to live in hope. To insist on overcoming the enemy, on the other hand, only dooms us to perpetual contention over something that may not have perpetual value. Not to us, not to anyone... Surrender is the moment in which we realize that it is time to become someone new. Surrender is not about giving up; it is about moving on.” ~ Joan Chittister, Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope (p. 59)

At the time, in the midst of all the undue stress that I place on myself with doing well on finals, that was exactly what I needed to hear in order to survive this last "home stretch" (as everyone keeps reminding me) of my freshman year of college.

I can just be what I am. It is enough for me to simply persist rather than to need to overcome the struggle that lies before me. To insist on being perfect or getting straight A's, even if it means missing out on the experience of fully enjoying the little things of college life, dooms me to "perpetual contention over something that may not have perpetual value."

Persistance, I'm learning, does not require absolute perfection. All it requires is a little bit (or a lot a bit) of pressure that forces us to learn how to enjoy the small things in life. Because without them, surrender is pointless. After all, "to persist is to live in hope," and we must have an idea of what we're hoping for.

"Surrender is the moment in which we realize

that it is time to become someone new.

Surrender is not about giving up;

it is about moving on."

This Is The Story Of A Girl......

2012-04-28T22:10:00.000-04:00

Only two more days of class left, then finals, and then I'm done my first year of college! I don't know where the time went. My mom has always said that the college years will be the fastest four (or five) years of my life. At the rate things are going, I think she's probably going to be right.

This past week has been crazy with finishing up papers and projects, and unfortunately, I haven't had as much quiet time with the Lord as I've needed. I was reading Psalm 139 this morning and was reminded of the reality of God's presence that I tend to lose sight of when I get wrapped up in the busyness of life.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 17/52

I feel like sometimes life seems more like riding a train. We get on knowing our final destination, but not being in control, we're not completely sure how we're going to get there.

The Conductor, however, knows the course. Even in our complaining about the multiple stops that must be made along on the way, we trust Him. After all, if we didn't, we wouldn't still be riding His train, right?

So, those were my thoughts this morning after reading Psalm 139 and reflecting on my week.

Since my metaphor has lots of holes in it, maybe it'd be better if you all just read God's Word for yourselves. . .

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." ~ Psalm 139:1-24

I hope you all enjoy the picture for week 17 of my 52 Week Project, and remember that even when it doesn't feel like God's in control, He's the one who set down the tracks and knows the course full well.

Wet Hair and Wishes

2012-04-21T22:04:00.000-04:00

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 16/52

A friendly hello to Week 16 of my 52 Week Project and to the hundreds, maybe even thousands, of dandelions springing up all over my backyard!! I remember as a kid searching for the fullest white dandelions, plucking them out of the ground, and making a wish as I blew the seeds away, hoping they would all disappear with the wind and somehow make my wish come true. Now I just take pictures of them and use them as illustrations for larger topics.

It's funny how time has a way of changing us: our thoughts, actions, and priorities. Looking back on our old selves (or young selves) we all can pinpoint at least one thing that we know now which has greatly influenced and changed us.

For me, it's not just my perception of dandelions, but of faith. When I was younger, I used to think of faith more like wishing on a dandelion. I would say prayers to God and hope that he would hear them and make my wishes come true. I thought maybe if I prayed hard enough, my words would make it up to Heaven like the dandelion seeds floating away with the wind.

I'm not sure when I realized that my dandelion, wishful faith was not the kind that the Bible talks about, but I've been writing this really long paper (that's due this Thursday!) on the influence of faith on my family dynamic, which has forced me to define what true faith really means. The first verse that comes to mind for a definition of faith is Hebrews 11:1 which says, "Faith is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you cannot see." But even that definition, I think at least, has holes. After all, I hope for a lot of things and there are many things that I can't see, so what is this verse talking about?

I think 1 Peter 1:3-9 sums it up pretty well. It answers my question from Hebrews 11 and then some. Take a look:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Q: What aspect of faith do we hope for?
A: An inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade, which is kept in Heaven for us as we are now being shielded by God's power until that day that we receive what we've hoped for --- of this we can be sure.

Q: What aspect of faith do we not see?
A: Jesus Christ, the object and the giver of our faith --- of Christ we can be certain.

Q: Is faith important?
A: Yes! It's of greater worth than gold!

Q: Why do we have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials?
A: So that our faith may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when we see Jesus face to face. After all, anything that's true should stand the test of trials.

Like I said earlier in this post, I don't know the day that I realized faith is more than wishful thinking, but I know that I've gained a clearer perspective on faith through the pain and suffering that I've endured. That's not to say that faith is just a resource that I pull out when times are tough. Rather, through trials and hardships, I've had to face the challenging question of "Who am I?" In faith, I recognize that I am a dearly loved child of God. If the storms of life must come to wash away the dirt that masks my true identity, than bring on the rain. If you ask me, a genuine faith and an inexpressible and glorious joy are most certainly worth getting my hair wet for.

Still have questions? Feel free to leave a comment or email me with anything that's on your heart.

Not Faking It No More

2012-04-14T23:59:00.000-04:00

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 15/52
This picture has significant meaning to me,
but I've chosen not to explain it here.
I hope that you all can still appreciate it for what it is
& how it touches your hearts.

"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I." ~ Psalm 61:2

This has been a really hard week for my family. Grief brings many strong emotions, unanswered questions, and tears. We know that we need not grieve like those who have no hope, but hope doesn't always answer the questions. Many times throughout this week, I've felt the sustaining power of hope in the course of the day and the long, restless nights. This hope is able to comfort our aching souls in the midst of a painful loss, however, I've found that the anguish I feel still remains.

How quickly we forget that even those who have faith in the God of all comfort can experience intense emotional pain. This week reminded me of that for sure. I've asked God lots of questions; I've been open and honest with how overwhelmed I've felt by the shock; I've sobbed spontaneously on more than one, two, or three occasions. I cannot tell you that I have it all together, or that I feel complete peace in my heart. Chaos and confusion surround me. Doubt and disbelief fille my thoughts. My emotions certainly do not seem to logically reflect my faith. . . and honestly, that bothers me.

Even in knowing the truth of God's word, of his unfailing love, grief has the unmatched ability to cloud my understanding or experience of what I know in my head to be true. I don't get how grief can do that so effectively. I haven't taken a class on death, grief, and dying yet, though I plan to at some point for my minor. Maybe then I'll be able to explain the powerful effects of grief. But for now, all I know is my experience of it.

I've been tempted to criticize myself for not having a "strong enough" faith, evidenced by my intense anguish I've felt recently over a tragic loss in our family. But criticism doesn't seem right either. During those times, I try remind myself of the account of when Jesus was in the garden on the Mount of Olives the night before his cruxificion. After Jesus prays his prayer, "...not my will, but yours be done" Luke writes in chapter 22 that "an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground" (v. 42-44).

The thing that I love the most about these few verses is that even after the angel came and strengthened Jesus, he was still in anguish. Jesus--God incarnate--was in anguish. I can only imagine that Jesus must have been grieving over his own death before it came to pass, although that probably only begins to scratch the surface of the mix of emotions that he must've felt that night.

There's no doubt that my hope is in the Lord my God, who strengthens me in my weakness, hears me when I call, and knows each tear that falls from my face---I know this to be true---yet, grief and anguish have consumed much of my energy this past week. My heart is still not yet at ease, but I've felt God's presence in the midst of that. He has handled me and the hot mess that I am very well. Surely if Jesus could express his anguish even after being divinely strengthened, he must understand.

So I'm not going to fake that I'm okay. I'm still confused and hurt, but I think that God needs our hurt and pain. He probably wants us to give it to him because after all, Jesus died to take on all the sins of the world, and isn't sin at the root of any hurt or pain we experience? Hiding our pain from him or just trying to stuff it down and ignore it doesn't do anyone any good. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be feeling the things that I feel, but seriously, when it comes down it, God already knows us more than we know ourselves, so expressing our feelings to Him isn't going to come as a shock. His love for us is unconditional. By taking that in, we can all let out a big sigh of relief!

We are not commanded or expected to "have it all together" or know all the "right" answers or be "completely sure" of every aspect of our faith. God's grace is sufficient, even in our weakness, in our confusion, and in our doubts. His love is unfailing even when we don't understand the how or the why.

"I spread out my hands to you;

my soul thirsts for you like a

parched land."

~ Psalm 143:6

"We wait in hope for the Lord;

he is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice,

for we trust in his holy name.

May your unfailing love rest upon us,

O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."
~ Psalm 33:20-22

Surely Alive

2012-04-07T22:55:00.000-04:00

I'm always pleasantly surprised when Spring persuades the flowers to finally bloom. After the winter's stretch of cold, dreary days--especially when the snow doesn't even come to brighten things up a bit--I find great joy in passing gardens full of flowers on my way to and from class. Even though I'm probably allergic to all of them, their beauty never ceases to make me smile. . . and so, here you have my picture for week 14 of my 52 Week Project!

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 14/52

It's amazing how such simple things like Springtime flowers, an encouraging note, or a surprise visit from a best friend (thanks Andrea!!) can cheer us up and remind us that life really is good.

When I think about how happy those "little" things make me and think about the "big" thing, or rather the biggest thing which was Jesus Christ's death and resurrection---the reason why we celebrate Easter---I'm completely blown away, struck in utter amazement by God's love for this world.

The fact that Jesus surrendered his own human will in order to obey his Father's will, take on the sins of this world, both yours and mine, in addition to God's wrath, which was poured out upon him, so that we could have eternal life and forever be in God's presence in Heaven one day. . . surely that is the greatest love that anyone could ever know.

Because Jesus Christ overcame the cross and the grave, thus defeating sin and death, rose on the third day, and now lives and reigns victorious on High, we should offer up thanksgiving and praise everyday in response to the One who gives us life and breath.

Not only does God sustain us physically, he desires that we experience life abundant, which we can only know through an abiding relationship with Him. This spiritual life that he offers is available to anyone who puts his or her hope and trust in Jesus Christ's finished work on the cross, resurrection, and life.

In confidence, we can proclaim, as Kristian Stanfield writes,

"My God's not dead, He's surely alive, and He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!!"

(this song has been stuck in my head all weekend. I couldn't help but share it. Hope you all like it!)

I hope that on this Easter day, we'll all rejoice in the life that we can have in Christ. May we never cease to smile at its amazing goodness. Just as winter passes and spring brings new life, Jesus' death and resurrection allows us the chance to be made new, to live again---to smile our way through the storms---and to experience love that transforms us into who we were created to be regardless of the season in which we find ourselves.

Any Other Way: ALPACA?

2012-03-31T23:52:00.000-04:00

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection

and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings,

becoming like him in his death,

and so, somehow,

to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

~ Philippians 3:10

Sometimes it’s hard to be thankful for the difficult and trying weeks. Most people don’t naturally embrace pain. I sure know that I don’t. The countless ways that I know how to reduce pain and my stubborn curiosity for finding new pain management techniques prove that I don’t enjoy living under physical distress nor do I find pleasure in the actual experience of suffering. This week was one of those weeks where I wished more than anything for relief from illness, from migraines, from fatigue: the things that drained me dry, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

In search of a thankful spirit within my broken and contrite heart, I found great peace and comfort through the songs on my playlist for the week. Tenth Avenue North’s albums The Light Meets the Dark and Over and Underneath were on repeat on my ipod, and I really enjoyed actually having time, despite the accompanying migraines, to listen to the lyrics of many songs that I had never taken the time to listen all the way through.

One such song in particular has been “Any Other Way” which talks about how pain is necessary for love to exist:

It’s not enough, it’s not enough

Just to say that you’re okay

I need your hurt

I need your pain

It’s not love any other way

Take a listen to what the lead singer of Tenth Avenue North

has to say about the meaning behind the song.

He says it better than I could...

I feel like so often we’re tempted, or at least I am, to put on our rose-colored glasses and idealize love in a way that distorts the essence of what love is. Love isn’t always easy. Love carries us through our struggles, our hurt, and our pain. Love doesn’t run away when the going gets tough. Love sticks by us not matter what. Love bids us to come as we are and welcomes us with arms wide open. Love is forever and a day. Nothing can scare it away---not even pain.

With Jesus by my side this week even as I laid in bed (or on the floor…) too sick to take care of myself, this is the love that comforted me. Christ's love—expressed through the compassionate actions of friends as close as family, the prayers of dedicated saints back home, the grace from my understanding professors and faculty at Messiah, and even the lyrics of simple songs—comforted me. In these little things, which were actually really big things this week, I saw and felt the greatness of God’s love.

God loved me by sending his son to suffer the ultimate pain, so that “By his wounds," truth be told, "you have been healed” (1 Peter 2:24). This amazing truth always gives us a reason to be thankful even when our present circumstances may seem less than desirable. I've clung to that verse this week, and I hope it can encourage you as well in whatever you're going through.

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 13/52 ~ Horsey & Alpaca!! =)

For week 13 of my 52 Week Project, I was blessed to meet this horsey and alpaca--Otto and Taps. I wouldn't have had this opportunity if I wasn't so sick this past week because they were in the backyard of this lady's house where I had a therapy appointment today. Although it may seem out of place, I really like this picture and it definitely means a lot to me. I hope that you all can just embrace the awkward timing of this picture and remember that blessings come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes we can't explain with words why they're blessings, but during those moments, we can be thankful that a picture is worth a thousand words. That's how my week's been, so I'm just gonna leave it at that for now. Isn't that a nice lookin' horsey and alpaca though?? I think so!

Beautiful Timing

2012-03-24T12:53:00.000-04:00

52 Week Project ~ 12/52

For those of you who were in eastern PA this week, I'm sure you've enjoyed the unusually warm weather we've had. It seriously felt like summer, and I loved it! Friday afternoon was absolutely gorgeous. A perfect day to sit outside, soak up the sunshine, and marvel at the beauty of God's creation. There's something about a gentle breeze on a sunny, 80 degree afternoon that breathes life into us. It's a glorious feeling, isn't it?

As I walked around campus that afternoon, I took some pictures of flowers, hoping to get a good one for this week's photo. After all, March 20th was the first day of Spring, so a nice flower picture seemed quite fitting for the occasion. After I thought about it a little more though, I really wanted a picture of something blossoming, either a flower or a tree, but it had to be natural. I liked my flower pictures--i just really love flowers in general--but I knew that they were recently planted, taken from a pot and stuck in the ground, perfectly arranged the way someone else wanted.

I was after a naturally blossoming picture because this week God has laid Ecclesiastes chapter 3 on my heart. The first verse plainly states: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." It then goes on to list various things... you should really go read it for yourself. After that list, verse 11 says, talking about God, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

The first time I read this passage, I remember being amazed by the truth of its simplicity. Knowing that God has made everything we see--the flowers, the trees, the grass--and is over everything that takes place on earth--the weather, the change of seasons, the blossoming of nature--it must all have a purpose and that purpose must be good because God is good. Even when it comes to you and me and what goes on in our lives everyday, God has made us and is sovereign over it all.

Since God is perfect in his nature and all that he does, he can do no wrong. Yet, as humans, we are not God. We are finite beings and not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. It makes sense then that when we take matters into our own hands, when we rely on ourselves or other people for that matter, and trust our flawed sense of the "right" timing, things don't always turn out as beautifully as we had hoped. Often we want things to work out so bad sometimes that we push and pull until our hopes and dreams tear and shatter before our very eyes.

And then what do we do? We sit back and blame God for the pain and unhappiness we feel when in reality, we brought it upon ourselves by not trusting that God would work it out. Although we often do, we cannot blame God if we don't trust him and his timing. If we do soever trust God and believe that he is true to his word and does make everything beautiful in its time--which isn't always our time--than we wouldn't be so quick to blame in him these matters when life doesn't seem to go our way.

When we recognize that we live in God's world, and not the other way around, maybe we'll begin to trust that his timing really is beautiful, right, perfect. Maybe we'll get a real sense of our finitude and dependence on the God who created us to be in close relationship with him. Maybe then we'll see and fully experience more blessings in disguise. For I believe that only those who trust in the Lord, whose hope is in Him, have the ability to recognize and receive those blessings in their fullest, intended measure.

If our perception of reality is the reality that we experience, we must learn to see through eyes of faith. Though God's presence is all around us all and his love can be found in all things, only those with eyes of faith and an open heart will see and feel God and recognize it as him. Do you recognize Him?

We may never be able to fathom what God has done from beginning to end, but we can hope because God has set eternity in our hearts, and we can trust because God makes all things beautiful in its time.

Miraculous Reflections

2012-03-17T17:18:00.001-04:00

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 11/52

"The prayer of a Christian," J.I. Packer has written, "is not an attempt to force God's hand, but a humble acknowledgement of helplessness and dependence."

I took this picture for my 52 Week Project at the beginning of spring break, which sadly, is soon coming to an end. The setting sun's reflection on this pond captivated me and my sister Lauren, and we tried snapping as many shots as we could of its marvelous beauty. You should've seen us. Our excitement was just a little extreme. Running the length of the pond, finding cool angles of sun glare, reaching high and squatting down low for the perfect picture. We were awestruck by the pond's reflection of the sun, the blue sky and sweeping clouds, the lone tree, the distant horizon of country lands. It looked beautiful--a perfect end to our day's adventure.

Whenever I see beauty like this, the kind that makes me speechless, I always try to stop and listen for what it has to say. Beauty of this magnitude surely speaks of that which is far beyond what our finite minds can fully understand, but it nonetheless provides us with glimpses of God's blessings in disguise.

Just as the still water in this pond can accurately reflect its surroundings when the sun shines down upon it, we can more accurately reflect God's character when we come to God in prayer--not manipulative prayer, which is more like magic, but true prayer--as Jesus modeled for us. When we see prayer as an effect of or our response to God's power, and not just a cause of it, we will experience significant growth and a sensitivity to God's presence. He will quiet our worries, still the rushing waters of our souls, and bring peace to our inmost places. God calls us to have a child-like faith because through that perspective, we increase our ability to reflect his will, his heart, his desires. In this way, we can agree that the act of prayer itself is the fulfillment of its purpose.

With this in mind, we need not slip into a pit of despair when it seems God has not answered our prayers. The truth is, God always answers prayers. The question is, whether or not we recognize and accept his answers, especially when they're different than what we'd like or expect. If we adopt a child-like faith, though, and use prayer as a "humble acknowledgement of [our] helplessness and dependence," even an answer of "no" or a "wait" can work a miracle in our lives. This miracle may not be physical healing, material wealth, or academic success; rather, we can experience spiritual healing and blessing by allowing God to transform our will to look more like his.

Just like Lauren and I were so amazed at the reflection in the pond, I'm also amazed at how God transforms the hearts of his children so that they can reflect his image more clearly. Often times this means refusing to give them something that they ask for because He knows it's not as good as what he really wants to offer them. As children so often do, we get confused and mad, some of us throw temper tantrums and act out in response to God's answer of "no." After we calm ourselves down, we know we can trust that God has our best interest in mind because he loves us more than anything we can imagine, he's in the process of making us even more beautiful, and desires for us to each reflect the likeness of his Son, Jesus Christ, who is, in himself, the essence of beauty.

Longing For Where I Belong

2012-03-10T22:48:00.000-05:00

In my last post I wrote about how I've experienced God as my shatter-proof refuge through the shock and disillusionment of unexpected troubles and difficulties. When we trust in the Lord, who acts as our strength and our stronghold in times of trouble--our Rescue and our Deliverer--the trials we face possess the unmatched potential of developing within us an irrevocable desire for eternity. Hurt and pain can either drive our hearts into the ground or intensify our longing for that hopeful day when we'll experience complete healing and renewal. Nurturing this craving, as opposed to ignoring it or writing it off as a far-off fantasy, has been essential to my spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being and has drastically transformed both my understanding of God and my relationship with Him.

Have you ever felt frustrated, discouraged, or dismayed by the pain and the suffering you see throughout the world--natural disasters, poverty, oppression? Have you ever felt outraged by the evil of our day that has polluted innocent children like those in Uganda--KONY 2012 anyone? Have you ever felt that this is not how life should be, that there's gotta be more than this?

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 10/52
Warwick Furnace

On a smaller scale, when we see abandoned buildings, or trees split by lightning, or thorns and thistle choking the life out of plants, we often have a similar reaction...that is, assuming we take the time to react. We know that the sad remnant in front of us does not line up with its original purpose or design. Even if we simply look away and refuse to acknowledge the brokenness, that reaction still speaks to our desire for wholeness, for a world where life and love reign, for something more than this. Our normal reactions, and whatever emotions they encompass, indicate our recognition that something is wrong with this picture.

However, despite these reactions, I also suggest that just as everything has a purpose--form does not exist without function--the existence of pain and suffering conveys the fact that it, too, must have a function. My psychology book presents pain as a biopsychosocial phenomenon that we must seek to understand in terms of its biological, psychological, and social influences. It argues the purpose of pain lies its message, which warns us that something is wrong. If pain indicates that something is wrong, the logical flip-side to this phenomenon illustrates the "rightness" of a time and place free from pain.

I'd like to encourage you in the midst of the confusion and chaos by proposing that the very existence of your feelings of frustration and wonder suggests that this is not how the world was originally meant to be and that there is, indeed, something better yet to come. Otherwise, we would not have a problem with pain and suffering nor would we have a desire to see it to go away.

With that logic in mind, I believe we can confidently and rationally justify our hope and our longing for Heaven, the place where pain and suffering cease to exist. Through eyes of faith, we can view our present suffering as a promise of the future glory that will soon be revealed to us. Until that day, we continue to persevere in faith, being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see. We continue to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ who entered into our suffering and took it on completely so that we could have the opportunity to take on his righteousness and his glory if we so choose. We shall continue to rest in the arms of our God, who created us out of love and desires to comfort us and pour out his blessing upon us in the midst of our pain. We continue to live with the perspective that this world is not our final destination. We were created for perfect relation with God which is why our hearts long for something more than the brokenness that we experience here on this earth. Not only do we feel it, but nature feels the same deep ache and groans in anticipation for the day of redemption as well. Restoration is coming!

If home is where the heart is, I hope that we will embrace the truth that Heaven is our home because our hearts belong with the One who "heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3). His name is Jesus.

"...and my soul is getting restless for the place where I belong, I can't wait to join the angels and sing my Heaven song"

~ Heaven Song by Phil Wickham

Our Shatter-Proof Refuge

2012-03-03T16:44:00.000-05:00

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 9/52

Have you ever not known how to start a story because the shock of the experience still floods your memory and seemingly drowns your words? Because that's how I feel right now. Usually I just struggle with writer's block, but I think it's safe to say that this time, writer's shock has gotten to me. With that said, please bare with me if this post seems a little rough.

By looking at the picture I chose for week 9 of my 52 Week Project, you can see that something clearly rocked my world this past week. I purposefully took this picture crooked and faded its color to illustrate the impact that this freak accident has had on me.

Last weekend when I came home, I discovered this bullet hole in my bedroom mirror. Someone apparently had shot my room while I was at school. The bullet passed through the wall, a mere few inches above my bed, through my mirror and the wall on which it hung. Needless to say, this caused quite a commotion in the Edelman household at 1:30 in the morning. I totally freaked out and, of course, woke up my parents too, so no one slept very well last Friday night.

My dad brought up a good point in the midst of the chaos and the disillusionment. We may think that our home is our refuge, a place of safety where no harm can reach us, but that is a disillusioned way of thinking. Dad reminded me that only the Lord is our refuge, our fortress, and our protector. I was curious and found out that the word "refuge" is used 95 times throughout the Bible, and it pretty much always refers to the Lord (or the cities of refuge which God set apart anyways).

2 Samuel 22:31 says, “As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him."

Psalm 5:11 says, "But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you."

Psalm 34:8 says, "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."

Psalm 57:1 says, "Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed."

Psalm 62: 8 says, "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

Isaiah 25:4 says, "You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat."

Joel 3:16 says, "The LORD will roar from Zion and thunder from Jerusalem; the earth and the sky will tremble. But the LORD will be a refuge for his people, a stronghold for the people of Israel."

Nahum 1:7 says, "The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him"

Over and over, we read that God is a refuge for those who trust in Him. He has proven time and time again to us that He is trustworthy, that He is faithful. He is our rock, our strength, our hope. If we profess to believe that God is who He says He is, then we can take hold of the blessing of actively trusting Him in every area of our lives. That may look different for each person because we each have our own individual troubles, and only God knows the extent of our pain. In light of our dissimilarities, however, I think the outcome of trusting the Lord will reflect the same image of surrender, peace, and comfort in all of our hearts. Even if you can't see that image yet or feel its presence, I encourage you to persevere in faith, patience and trust because peace and comfort comes in time to the soul that takes refuge in the Lord.

In the same way that the bullet definitely made an impact on my mirror but did not shatter it completely, this experience really challenged my thoughts on what it means to trust God, but it did not shatter them completely. Different times throughout the week, I had the choice to trust God or to rely on my own strength to get me through. It was only through those hard times, those trials, those pieces of broken glass, that I saw God as my refuge, my fortress, and my protector. He has proven that He's trustworthy, so I'm going to trust Him---day by day, moment by moment---because no matter how many times Satan tries to take a shot at me, God will always be my shatter-proof refuge.

Take heart brothers and sisters and humbly receive God's blessings in disguise. May our weary and beaten souls find rest tonight in the One who saves.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
~ 2 Corinthians 2:7-18

Chasing the Wind

2012-02-25T23:06:00.000-05:00

52 Week Project 2012 ~ 8/52

The picture to the left has an interesting story behind it, one which most people would probably be too embarrassed to tell, but I'm going to share it anyway.

As a preface, it's important that you know, this past week has overwhelmed me to the max. Five tests and one big project stretched my mental limits, my lack of sleep due to that insane work load pushed me physically and emotionally and, also, probably had something to do with why I felt so sick--worse headaches and nausea--especially towards the end of the week.

All that to say, on Wednesday, I desperately needed an afternoon nap. My body and mind wouldn't compromise with me on that. It was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL sunny and 60 degree day outside, birds chirping and all. The last place I wanted to spend my afternoon was cooped up inside my dorm room, but that's where the story of this week's picture begins.

I gave up what I imagined to be the perfect time of day to take pictures and granted my body and mind some extra time to rest and recuperate before I would force it to stay up until two in the morning to study again for yet another test. After nestling myself under the covers, I dozed off to the sound of the wind blowing in through my window, the coolness of its calming breeze sweeping over me, bringing with it renewed energy and a sense of wholeness. With each passing minute, the sun dropped lower in the sky. Upon reaching the opening of my 2nd story window, its rays gently poured into my room, filling it to the rhythm of the wind.

I awoke to the beat of the breeze with the syncopation of the sunshine. My first instinct was to hide under the covers, shield my eyes from the light, and rest some more. And yet, I'm glad that the wind blew so obnoxiously strong that afternoon because it forced me to wake from my slumber and roll out of bed into the shrinking darkness. I had not the option to ignore the wind nor the sunshine; their harmonious beauty captivated my attention and refused to let it go.

So up I went, out of bed, stumbling over my feet in search of my camera, intending on quickly snapping a picture of the wind that woke me from my much-needed nap time. 204 photos and nearly 45 minutes later, I climbed back into bed even more amazed and reflected on the subtly in which God often chooses to bless his beloved children if only they took the time to notice.

I thought I needed physical rest in the form of a nice nap. What really refreshed me, though, was having the chance to nourish my soul through encountering the beauty of God in his creation and attempting to capture that beauty with my creativity and camera in hand.

For week 8 of my 52 Week Project, I wanted a picture of the wind. After over 200 attempts, I realized that taking a picture of the wind proves to be a lofty task. In reality, I can only try to capture the effects of the wind. You may be thinking I'm crazy, but I'm not really even embarrassed that I tried for so long to do what any rational person would never think of trying because the process itself evolved into a precious Blessing in Disguise.

By focusing on the actual cause of the effects that I could see from the wind, I learned so much more about God. A lot of people like to say that God is like the wind--you can't see him, but you know he's there because you can feel him and see his effects on people and creation. With relative ease, we can capture the effects of the wind in the same way that we can often see the hand of God at work. However, I feel that it is exponentially crucial to the nourishment of our souls that we never give up seeking the face of God--or focusing on the wind--even though we may never understand his syncopated rhythm, his silence, or his beats in the breeze. We need not feel ashamed of pursuing something, someOne, that we cannot see; he's there; we can feel him. He blesses us through the process of seeking him, which to some may seem as crazy as trying to take a picture of the wind. It may seem impossible at first, but after 204 attempts, the truth stands steady: in Christ alone will we find our rest, our energy, and our purpose. Even when we feel like we're just chasing after the wind, God's promise remains.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." ~ Jeremiah 29:13