Sobriety is Exhausting

Tuesday

2012-02-21T05:54:00.000-06:00

We have a small retreat like house here that is run by nuns and they have various spiritual classes and retreats. Last night I signed up for an 8 week, 2 hours each Wednesday Ta'i Chi Chih class. I am very much looking forward to this and blogging about the experience. They have an excellent labyrinth at their facility that I would love to walk but have never had the opportunity.

I must remember to use the word "analogy" when writing pee posts. LOL

Today I'm grateful:

That I've lived this long.
That "wanting to live" is no longer an issue.
That life is no longer all about pain.
That not all love is gut wrenching.
That many new adventures are mine for the taking.
That God could and would if he were sought.

Forgive my crudeness please

2012-02-20T05:49:00.000-06:00

I bought a box color this weekend and did what I said I'd never do again. There is no extra money for a hair salon these days and something had to be done, so I did it. I love it! Whew!!!

Do you know the "oh I REALLY have to pee" feeling? Way past the time you would normally go, but for some reason you were detained kind of pee? The panic kind of "holy shit, I gotta go NOW" feeling? Would your kids, your spouse, your boss be able to talk you out of it? Would the thought of finding a bathroom be all encompassing, drowning everything else out? Would you let go of a dying loved ones' hand if you were doubled over with the need of having to pee so bad that fear was setting in about the various outcomes of not peeing?
Just asking.
Just saying.
When I pushed my precious Mama, Daddy and children away from the stall door without hearing a word they had to say it was because I had to. I simply had to. There just was no more "holding it."

Serving the Necomer in a way that is helpful

2012-02-19T07:21:00.000-06:00

I am having some major problems relating to newcomers who have asked me to sponsor them and I am having to take a hard and painful look at where I am right now in relation to this. I am talking to women in their 3,4,5 years of sobriety and how they are relating to their sponsees and I am realizing that they are much more in tune with these new women. I am hearing them talk on the same level as I used to be able to talk, but my memory of "feelings" is just not as strong as theirs. The very last thing in the world I want to do is short change a new comer, or be a dis-service to them. I may need to go back to H & I meetings where we just present the beautiful program but aren't sponsoring the women in the room. I may need to simply go to meetings and share my experience, strength and hope at the meeting then go home. I may need to be one of those sponsors who just take women who are already firmly planted in sobriety, back through the steps or through the BB. I know I have a place in the fellowship but it is becoming painfully clear that maybe my place isn't in sponsoring brand new sobriety. I will just pray about this and let God show me "what's up." God knows my heart and knows how much I love the newcomer so I'm sure he'll find a way for me to serve in a useful way.

Trying to keep the mojo

2012-02-16T05:55:00.000-06:00

Postponing the end when you see it coming would be switching from Beam to beer, pills to weed. It entails changing anything in our life that might give us the mojo to continue using, drinking, numbing the brain. Some people say we do all the "switching" when we are trying to cure the problem of over doing it or are trying to be like normal people. My experience is that we start doing all the switching when we can see the ugly end of our using and we just want to postpone it for awhile. Personally, I never thought about not going all the way to the end (incomprehensible demoralization), I just wanted to postpone it for as long as possible. The fact that it was coming, was never a question in my mind. The paradox? It still shocked the shit out of me when it came and on the last few days of my using, I added tequila and hashish to my crack use, thinking that this combination would "smooth it all out" and make me normal. My brain came up with that brilliant idea. My brain was fried.

I try to remember all that when I'm in a meeting and newcomers are talking smack with their fried brains.

God has been so kind to me.

They have solved the drink problem.......thank goodness

2012-02-15T05:56:00.000-06:00

I had a very disturbing conversation with my oldest daughter last night about marriage and children. She is struggling with many conflicting emotions and I fear she will make a decision based on "the moment" that will cause her pain down the road. Sometimes it is so difficult to mother an adult. I wish that "down the road" was a place we could go visit occasionally in order to get a better perspective of the spot in the road we are on presently.

When I get a new sponsee I always tell them to hi-light, underline or circle the last line of the first paragraph on page 17 of the BB. It reads "They have solved the drink problem." So we have a solution as our end goal and we know the issue has been solved for us, we just need to follow the same path the "solvers" came up with. A lot of people know I am dieting right now and many of them have already solved their weight problems through the path of exercise or calorie counting or portion control or even gastric bypass. It's the daily maintenance of the weight loss that seems to stump a lot of folks, me included. What I love about our beautiful program is that I fully understand the daily maintenance, I understand the foundation the "solvers" came up with. I "get" the magnitude of willingness every day. The results are so startling that it's easy to get up every day with firm resolve.

Let's walk gently today, making our steps light. There are so many people stomping around and I don't see any point in adding to all the vibration.

The sun is coming back.....Jack

2012-02-14T06:04:00.001-06:00

I'm not a Valentines Day person, there I've said it.

I made white chicken enchiladas last night for my husband because I love to cook when I'm dieting. Boil the chicken, shred it, mix it with Monetary Jack cheese, roll in tortillas put it pan. Cook butter and flour till bubbly, mix in chicken broth, cook till thickens then fold in the sour cream, green chilies and pour over the enchiladas, cover with cheese and bake. I see that it is still sitting in the pan and covered with aluminum foil this morning without a single bite missing. What the hell?

I'm going to sober girls house at lunch today to return a big blood stone that is under my husbands side of the mattress. She put it there months ago to help his feet. Someone else has feet that need it now.

I am grateful today that the sun is supposed to reappear and the temps should reach 73. That's good livin'.

Let's grab Gods' merciful hand today and see where that leads us K?

It's a new week once again

2012-02-13T06:04:00.000-06:00

I have not posted in a few days because my mornings have been kind of whack and I am not an evening blogger. So some stuff:

I have lost 10lbs. since Feb. 1- through 900 calories a day and walking. Today I up the calorie count to 1000 for the next two weeks. This is the only way I know how to diet. I will raise the calorie count every two weeks until I'm not losing anymore. Fish and vegetables have been my mainstay...yum.
Sober girl has received yet another certification in some sort of healing vibration art. I don't know exactly what it is but she is performing some sort of energy transference from the moon to my oldest daughters womb this week in order to help her get pregnant. She is well versed in "all things crystal."
This past Saturday was my last meeting as Chair of my Area for my fellowship. It was bittersweet in that a lot of time will be freed up now but it was such an awesome privilege to serve in that capacity.
My young co-worker did in fact become my boss on Friday. I am good with that.
I have been asked to do a workshop at our Area Convention this summer and I am looking forward to that.
It has been cold here in H town and I do not function well in these temperatures. I need to be in the back yard digging up something or other and "for me" it's just too cold. I do not like the weather to dictate to me....."stay inside where it's warm!"
I'm anxious to see how this new week unfolds. My intention is to bring love to the space surrounding me, show compassion to those I come in contact with and ask God to lead me throughout the day.

Oh hell. What do I know

2012-02-08T06:06:00.000-06:00

Note to self: If you say you are going to write about a particular topic, you may want to give it some thought before your morning coffee.

OK, mental illness and addiction, and dual diagnoses and no diagnoses and missed diagnoses and addiction suffered by those who do the diagnosing.....whew!

In no particular order, since it's 5:30am and I am still having coffee.

Have you ever tried to sponsor someone with schizophrenia? I have, it's awful and damn near impossible. A person suffering from schizophrenia has thoughts about God and/or a Higher Power like nobodies business. I tried to get a catholic schizophrenic who was on and off her meds through the steps for two years and bless her heart is all I can say.

I've known people in the program who could not get results "fast" enough. They could not tolerate feeling better, they needed to feel "good". Nothing wrong with feeling good, but it usually comes with practice and patience and the process. An addict doesn't really care for practice, patience and the process. So for some begins the journey into "feel better meds." A little sompin' sompin' for the anxiety, the depression maybe, the general feeling of restlessness. Then a little tweakin' of those meds. Then a little obsession over the med tweaking and a search for the perfect meds and so on. It is the wiring of an addict to seek ways to feel better. It is damn near impossible at times to differentiate between an addicts wiring and a true need for meds. After my first year of sponsoring women I learned that it is wrong wrong wrong to attempt to diagnose a fellow addict. My experience with the steps is my only expertise. I will sponsor any woman who is willing and I don't care if she is or is not taking any psych meds. I stay on the path I know, they will either walk the path with me or not and I do not push or pull them.

Bringing me this morning to Sober daughter.
Age 6, caught her smoking in the bathtub while washing her baby dolls hair. Age 7, the school called to tell me she was sniffing fingernail polish in the bathroom stall. Age 10, smoking pot. Age 11 drinking vodka. Self medicating the demons, shutting out the crazy head thoughts. Self destruction. Lots and lots of therapy, doctors, rehabs, lock downs, forced observations, heartache, frustration, anger. Then at the age of 24 the program started to make sense to her, a road map finally, a compass if you will. Can she work our beautiful program without meds? No, unfortunately not.

Me. Beautiful childhood. No genetic predisposition to alcoholism or addiction. No pivotal moment. Just some guy said "hey Pam.....wanna get high?"......uh...yeah...OK. It seems to me that all my crazy thinking came as a result of the years of drinking and drugging.

So many different scenarios for some many different people. No easy fix and certainly no quick one.

Oh hell. What do I know.

Riding on the words of others

2012-02-07T06:06:00.000-06:00

I am having difficulty with blog time management. I'm reading everyone but I keep thinking I'll go back "later in the day" to comment. What time is "later in the day?" Hell if I know.

Mary Christine wrote about people taking notes in a meeting. Lou wrote about mental illness and addiction. Here is my random thoughts on each.

If you are hearing something profound (or for the first time) in a meeting then you probably aren't going to enough meetings.
Hearing someone share something about their experiences that you find "moving" is an indicator that you should speak with them after the meeting, get a phone number, get a new person in your sober life.
One of the most important lessons in going to meetings is learning to appreciate the concept of staying in the moment. One can not truly appreciate the moment if they are trying to write down and take the moment home with them.
How in the world would the person sharing their pain know that the writer in the room was not penning a note to their brother in Montana for heavens sake.
Reading a magazine, texting, talking and writing should be saved for the parking lot. Someone saying something awesomely inspiring in a meeting does not give one permission to write it down and take it with them. Keep coming back and you'll hear it all enough times for it to sink in.
None of this applies to the newcomer who has no idea about anything.

Well damn, now I have to get ready for work. I will piggy back Lous' blog on mental illness and addiction tomorrow for anyone who cares what I think.....LOL

Mine Melt

2012-02-06T05:57:00.000-06:00

Mini melt down Sunday.

Technology is supposed to help our lives not cause chaos. My email started sending out spam at 6:00am and 3 more times throughout the day. I have 100's of contacts in my email. My boss called my home to tell me he was getting emails on "how to make money" from me. I told him I liked the way I make money now....it's just spam. Well the phone calls started and texts and emails and even one knock on the door. By 7:00pm I could not stop crying. I could not get my email to disable, could not get my password to change and could not get my husband out of the neighbors house to help me. That led to crying about other things then my husband in desperation said "please tell me who I need to beat up or shoot and it's done." He was so sincere that I just snapped right out of it and started laughing at him. I don't know what got into me. I just became so frustrated.

I don't quite feel like myself this morning. I'm hungover with emotions and my eyelids are swollen. I have 36 more unopened emails from overnight, of people telling me that my computer was hacked. I'm not going to open them and that's that.

My feelings this morning are, embarrassment for causing people such aggravation, guilt from upsetting my husband, bewilderment for getting so upset and confusion from my own lack of control. I don't know where to put all that. God's hands I reckon.

I know when I get to work there will be a steady stream of people who will come by my desk to be helpful and ask me did I know my computer got hacked. I need to come up with one standard "I'm sorry" and not let it take me back to the crazies again.

Just sayin'

2012-02-03T05:54:00.000-06:00

When an addict ODs and dies, no one ever says "well at least he died doing what he loved best." That statement always seems to bring some sort of comfort to the family of the rock climber or the motorcycle racer or the lion tamer. I see nothing admirable about a life lived in the pursuit of climbing a higher mountain, going faster or taming a wild beast. Somewhere, there is still going to be a Mama trying to sleep at night knowing her son or daughter is tied to a rope on the side of a cliff, speeding along asphalt with no safety harness or staring down enormous teeth and claws. Just sayin'.

I am having absolutely no problem eating correctly. A knowin' is a knowin'.

It is supposed to be raining here all weekend and I had planed to clear a little patch for some flowers. I guess I will have to switch to working indoors on an art project. Oh.....maybe a couple of naps. Ahhhh good livin'.

Thursday

2012-02-02T06:10:00.000-06:00

I had a "knowin'" on Sunday and it was that I've had enough to eat. I've been alcoholically eating for the past 2-1/2 years. I've tried to explain it to a few people and it's difficult but I can honestly say that I could not get enough to eat. Really. I've been eating normally since the "knowin'" came.

I asked my "can't stop talking sponsee" to stop talking yesterday. She said "what do you mean?" I said "I mean, stop talking." There was a pause long enough for me to inhale and she said the silence was deafening. She's like a live version of tweeter. Her favorite thing to say to me is "yes, but."

I've made my favorite tuna salad for my lunch today, it's tuna, Greek yogurt, celery, onions, jalapenos, boiled egg whites, sweet pickles and dill. I love this on toasted English muffins and it's low calories. It's time to start the process of losing the weight and I am not the least bit afraid.

Enjoy your day. Ole'

This is a test

2012-02-01T22:02:00.001-06:00

I'm in my bed with my new phone. I installed a free blogger ap. It says I can post from here in the bed! When I go downstairs in the morning, where the real computer is, I will see if it worked!

Weary but grateful

2012-01-31T05:59:00.000-06:00

There are two guys running most of the other guys off from my home group. Maybe I've known this and did not want to confront them, maybe I used them to practice "live and let live." It's all of a sudden very obvious to me and I don't have a clue how to handle it. It may not even be my issue to handle, but then again, I'm getting an awful lot of phone calls about them. I'll pray about that situation.

I'm really tired of this fat girl phase I've been in and want it to go away. I'm really tired of this not going to the doctor phase I've been in and I want it to go away as well. I'm really kind of tired of me lately. I'm kind of stuck. I'm really tired of not addressing the stuck place. It's like there is a whole lot of me to deal with and I would rather turn my attention to others. Sometimes this is good and sometimes it causes me to fall behind in my own care. It's like getting behind in the laundry so far that it seems like an impossible job to catch up. That's where I am with my health.....there are just too many things that need my attention and all of them will require me to take time off of work and cost money. I'll pray about this as well.

I was so surprised at the amount of birthday wishes I got here yesterday! I rather enjoyed that!

I have a lot of faulty wiring in my head. I did not live an admirable life before I got sober, and I made a lot of bad decisions during the first 10 years of sobriety and beyond. God makes room for the willing I guess because he still keeps the obsession to use at bay, and has all the power necessary to help me out of this stuck place as soon as I'm willing enough. I'm so grateful to be sober and have a chance at something better.

Monday Monday

2012-01-30T05:57:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I slept away the day with sort of a headache and chills thing. Today, so far so good.

Today is my birthday. I've never been a big birthday person about mine or anyone else. I can not recall a single birthday growing up although I'm sure Mother must have made a cake or something. We all do it different don't we?

OK, it's been 20 minutes of staring at this space and that's enough. If I can't think of a single thing to write in that amount of time then I need to get up and get on with my day.

Not even looking at the clock

2012-01-28T07:35:00.000-06:00

I stayed home from work yesterday. My husband and I picked up his Aunt and Uncle from the airport to spend one night with us before they head down to the coast to hop a cruise for Belize. We had such a wonderful time at dinner and I enjoyed their talks of "remember when?" It's nice to see my husband with people who love him.

I am about to cook a breakfast of farm fresh eggs, bacon, home made buttermilk biscuits and milk gravy. They won't be in the south long so I need to do it right.

I'm grateful this morning to be able to do normal things like clean house for company, sit and listen to a conversation, cook a meal. These used to be things that just messed up my high. I would count the hours and minutes until forced niceties were over and I could get blitzed. I can't think of one single person (in my mind) that was worth giving up my high for.

Enjoy your Saturday and all the normal stuff that comes with it.

Good Enough

2012-01-26T06:10:00.000-06:00

One of my co-workers will be my boss in about 3 weeks from now. He is younger than one of my daughters. The blessing is that I really like him, I believe him to be super sharp and a genuinely nice guy. It's quite difficult to be an aging woman in a field of young aspiring adults. Upper management must have a PhD, middle management must have a Masters and Supervisors must have a Bachelors. I never went back to school when I was younger because I was raising kids then raising hell then just did not want to. I have a technical expertise in my field because of the amount of years I've put in and fortunately they don't teach what I do in school so my position has always been kind of cushy and the pay is more than decent. The problem is that people around me are so interested in climbing higher, making management, making more money, and having more responsibility. I sometimes "feel bad" because I can't make myself get into that mode. I really enjoy what I do and I would like to keep doing it until I retire. That attitude seems to be viewed as "not wanting to improve yourself." I do not tell the people at work....."Oh lordy, you have no idea how much I have improved myself!!" LOL

Today, I will turn to God where I always feel good enough and where I truly know that all the improvement in me has been through his grace and mercy.

Mid Week Again

2012-01-25T06:04:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was kind of odd at work. I had to sit in the "corner office" of upper-upper management and 'splain something. It wasn't anything bad or wrong I had done, just something he doesn't know and I do. Anyway, I have been with my company for 6 years and have never been in that office or had a conversation with that man. He is blind in one eye and it's very disconcerting to figure out where to look. I think I sounded knowledgeable, I hope so at least.

OK, you know my son- the ~~doctor~~ grocery store stocker right? We call him "Brother" at home and on this blog. He's the child pot head turned meth head who finally got a job in October at the age of 28, unloading trucks at the grocery store. He STILL has that job....can you believe it? He called yesterday to tell me that he has his own aisle now in the store and got a .25 raise. He is the only addict I've ever known that has never called his Mother or any other family member asking for money or a place to stay. I know he is still smoking pot but he has been off every other drug since he got this job. There is joy in my heart over this one.

I believe God has an excellent day in store for me if I choose to follow his plan.

Really, Doctor?

2012-01-24T06:04:00.000-06:00

Most mornings, I read every ones blog with the intention of going back later to comment. I find that I do this a lot with emails too and then forget. So, for what it's worth, I read you guys and have profound thoughts about what you have written but I'm usually too pressed for time to share them with you. ;-)

Sober daughter has had the worst luck with idiot doctors these last 6 months. I'm having a hard time not calling or writing a couple of them to ask "what the hell?" She is on the 3rd shrink and can not undergo any more changes in that area until all her meds are stable but jeez louise I want to stalk this lady thru a dark alley and her receptionist too. I'm thinking the shrink must be alcoholic because she spends a lot of time trying to convince sober girl that there is nothing wrong with drinking and has even quoted medical studies about wine being good for ones' heart. Sober girl tells me (during my outrage) that she just doesn't have the energy to explain alcoholism to the doctor.

I am not looking forward to the day. I'm tired and I did not get much sleep last night. When you share a bed with a large man AND a Great Dane it makes for hot flashes and being shoved over to about 6 inches of bed space. I'm going to need to ask God for some physical stamina as well as spiritual strength for the next 24 hours.

I am grateful for a sober daughter who has conceded to her inner most self that she is an alcoholic and no one can convince her other wise.

Rehab Relapse

2012-01-23T05:57:00.000-06:00

We had a good fundraiser on Saturday. Interestingly enough, nachos and cupcakes go quite well together. Yesterday the weather was in the 70's so I enjoyed some yard work time and my home group meeting.

Our meeting last night was on the spiritual malady. It was nice to hear people talk about never going back out. So many of the meetings I go to are filled with people talking about their last relapse or their last rehab stint. I sometimes think that it gives the newcomer hope that they can go back out and easily find their way back in. Other peoples misery never scares us into staying and there is never an easy way back in since walking into a meeting is usually precipitated by pain.

Newcomers who leave a treatment facility and "use" shortly thereafter believe they have relapsed and think that it is so painful or not. The true relapse is after one has worked all 12 steps, lived a sober life and have once again manifested the spiritual malady in their life and then use. I've seen that kind of pain many times in people and it is awful. Our spiritual condition must be our primary focus, it is what makes everything else fall in place.

"What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."

I'm Going to Need God Today

2012-01-20T05:56:00.000-06:00

A. Sober girl had the first of 3 days of allergy testing yesterday. She is so grateful to have the insurance now to do this. I am staying out of the fact that she is driving across town with a patch on one eye in a city with millions of cars on the road. The last time she had this done, she was 13 and too drunk or high to get to the office each week for the shots. I'm grateful we are not there!

B. My "can't stop talking" sponsee is going through some awful family crapola and can not hear me when I try to direct the conversation back to baby steps, asking God to hold on the problem so she can sleep at night, finding her part, working on small solutions for the moment, etc. I can not make someone hear when they can't or won't. At least she was honest when she told me "stop suggesting things that require so damn much work on my part."

C. I'm going to need God today. There is nothing out of the ordinary about to happen, but I've lived through all the stuff my sponsee is going through and did all the hard damn work to get through it. All the work yielded one conclusion that never changes and that is that I'm going to need God today.

No Particular Order

2012-01-19T06:08:00.000-06:00

1. One of the blogs I read each morning has gone private, with no instructions on how to join.
2. I took Syd's suggestion on changing the comment format and we will see if that works here.
3. My job is at a frantic pace right now and I notice myself thriving in that environment...hmmmm.
4. Years ago, a man I still work with told me that once a month he turns over the stack of papers on his desk and makes a decision "right or wrong" about the piece that has worked its' way to the bottom at that time. I have adopted that habit and find that the "I don't know what to do with this" issue gets resolved, right or wrong and I feel so much more capable of attacking new things.
5. I spend or waste I should say, many hours of my life trying to figure out the exact "right" way of doing certain things. I wish sometimes that I would just do it.
6. I sat in a very important meeting yesterday with a very important man and pronounced his name wrong the entire time. Damn it.
7. I can not even begin to fathom what God is thinking but I have faith that my name is mixed up in there somewhere.
8. I have the desire to do my very best today and I'm willing to take the action. I let God know my intentions and ask for his help to get there. That's all I know to do.

Dull Brain

2012-01-18T05:32:00.000-06:00

I'm hoping for some free time to sit and figure out why some of you can't comment, why Lou has problems with the text, why I can't post pictures, etc. Free time is hard to come by these days.

I went to sponsees house last night for BB study, but she could not seem to stop talking about herself. After two hours of it I finally had to say that I needed to leave and we had never opened the book. This can not happen again.

I have a convention fundraiser to go to this weekend that I'm kind of sort of looking forward to. The 3 speakers slated for the day have never told their story so I'm not sure why they were chosen for the fundraiser but I may be surprised. The food being served/sold for the day is nachos and cupcakes. Yeah, we're a weird bunch.

I think I'll stay sober today and not smoke crack. Every thing else is a piece of cake.

No thoughts

2012-01-17T06:11:00.000-06:00

I've been engrossed in a project at work that makes the time go by so fast. Sometimes that's nice.

I had lunch at sober girls yesterday and she is doing better but still in pain most of the time. You would not believe all the muscles that are affected by ones eye ball! Today, she is making us grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. In a city as large as Houston, I'm grateful that I only work 2 miles from her house.

Tonight, I am continuing the BB study at a sponsees house and I wish she didn't like to talk so so so much.

Good grief, my head is empty this morning. I'll come up with something brilliant in the shower and it will be too late, then tomorrow morning while sitting here, I will not remember the brilliant thought.

Let's walk gently today. Let's not barge in on peoples time, parking space, driving lane, or conversations. Let's not tell anyone a "better way" to live their life. Let's not correct any ones behavior with words or stink eyes. Let's live and let live.

Monday

2012-01-16T06:07:00.000-06:00

When I have some time, I'll mess with this font or use a different (something).

Yesterday, a young man that my husband has befriended because of their mutual love of hard work and entrepreneurialism, and his young girlfriend came over for the football game. It was interesting. My neighbors on either side were in and out as well. No one was drunk but everyone was quite buzzed. I get tired of that pretty quick. The food however was fabulous.

I left for a meeting as everyone was heading to the garage to play with the plasma cutter (yikes.)

The meeting was on acceptance and I always think it's funny how you can tell when someone got sober by which page number they refer to (449 or 417) in the BB about acceptance. Paul's experience can be a valuable "share" just as any other members'. It is not however, required reading.

One of the members of our group went out over the holidays and is now in NY doing who knows what. He pawned and sold everything for a major "run." During the last year he had been sharing with the group about his son getting out of prison and how he was so grateful that he could finally be a sober father and help his son. The son got out of prison the week after Christmas, came to his fathers' house to find it emptied out. Last night the son came to our meeting in tears wanting to know if we had heard anything from his father. It was very sad.

I am ready to start a new week as a sober responsible person and I have the exact same disease as that young mans father.

Thank you God for all you have given me!!!!