swollen itching brain

The Finer Points of Titty Bingo

2008-04-30T17:41:00.008-04:00

Today, I received a phone call reminding me about Willie Nelson's 75th birthday.

You might be wondering what the headline and Willie Nelson have to do with me.

In the past few weeks, during a tequila hazed late night call, I spoke with my old Ball State roomie and good friend, Bowman. As we laughed about old times, he mentioned a client, Dahr Jamail, who plays guitar in a band named Titty Bingo. Interesting and ballsy name I thought.

Royce directed me to the Titty Bingo website and told me to look at everyone onstage. Sure enough, there stood Willie Nelson. Plus, behind the piano sat Willie's sister, Bobbie Nelson.

A self proclaimed "garage band", Titty Bingo has quite a pedigree. This band isn't three chord "Louie Louie" playing hacks. Take a gander at their myspace site and you'll see they've been around the track.

Their website streams the band backing sometime member Willie on "House of the Rising Sun". Plus, you can hear a deliciously savage re-make of "Hey Joe" re-titled "Hey OJ". Certainly, kicks top 40 synth pop square in the teeth.

Happy birthday Willie!

Mary Ann Pulls A Gilligan

2008-03-12T10:53:00.007-04:00

This past weekend, during the greater Cincinnati Snow Blow 2008, my wife relayed an amusing anecdote from her long ago past.

While on lunch break, as she and a friend walked through the Westin hotel, they encountered Gilligan's Island characters, the Professor (Russell Johnson) and Mary Ann (Dawn Wells), sitting at a table. According to my wife, the pair were offering autographs, but there were no takers. People hurried by; oblivious to sitcom dynamic duo.

Which brings me this odd Mary Ann moment. Recently, 69 year old Mary Ann, err Dawn Wells, was busted for driving under the influence of wacky tobacky. According to an article by KTVB, the arresting officer smelled a strong odor of burning marijuana. Wells claimed the odor came from three pothead hitchhikers she had picked up. Okay, then.

Did other clues include a three quarter eaten bag of Island Girl organic tortilla chips, two empty tubs of Cheech Marin's Refried Dude Dip and Wrinkle Remover, three empty bottles of diet Mountain Dew, and a spilled bong?

Who were the three hitchhikers? Was she covering for the Professor, Ginger, and Tommy Chong?

Here's another clue: watch Dawn peel a spud.

Cincinnati Snow Blow 2008

2008-03-10T08:57:00.009-04:00

Wow, what an interesting weekend.

Friday began what will become known, at least around here, as the "Greater Cincinnati Slip-n-Slide Pre-Spring Snow Blast and Opossum Invasion".

A foot of snow made our weekend inconvenient. Unfortunately, Saturday afternoon found us unable to leave our condo complex. We tried, but a slippery hill refused to yield to our Tradicional tequila desires.

Hunkered down, I read the excellent oral punk history, Please Kill Me, by Legs McNeil. In my opinion, Legs has written one of the great rock and roll books. Raw, bare knuckled, and in your face, the book illuminates real rock-n-roll via the gutters. If you give a shit about rock and roll or punk, read this book. If not, resume listening to REO Turdwagon or any other flavor-of-the-week MOR craptacular band.

Early Sunday morning, we conquered the hill and headed for Jungle Jim's. Shopping in a nearly empty 1.3 million sq. ft. grocery store felt sublime. With chocolate insects, Mojo Risin' Douple IPA, and chicken enchilada fixins in tow, we felt complete.

We settled in for a day of excellent brew, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Paris Je'taime, and enchiladas. Everything was perfect. Until the killer opossum arrived. More later.

Back to the garage with the Clash

2008-03-07T11:07:00.003-05:00

A cold, snowy day means heading back to the garage.

Here's the Clash with What's My Name? and Garageland.

Time to Re-boot

2008-03-07T09:24:00.006-05:00

Here we are, months later, with no posts and a changed name.

For those of you who don't know, I split from Coshocton (and Coshocton Then Coshocton Now). Now, I have Swollen Itching Brain.

Now, at a crossroads, I ask myself, "Do I delete CTCN or build on top of it?"

After deciding there's too much interesting CTCN material, I'm opting to build over top of it.

New readers might be confused. What in the hell is Coshocton and who cares?

Well, you can read about homicidal Cletus Reese or headless Mary Stockum, but the content will change. There won't be any new Coshocton material.

I'm taking this blog into new non-focused directions.

Mostly, I'll head toward pop culture. In particular, music.

I'll post humorous and music related videos.

I'll write reviews about products I love. I'll try to steer clear of politics (but make no promises).

Who knows what else may grace these electronic missives? Hopefully, I can take this in an edgy direction.

Nonetheless, if you have suggestions or comments, leave 'em.

Zombie Noir and Heinz Ketchup

2007-08-01T10:07:00.000-04:00

Back from the dead!

As many of you know, CTCN has been on an extended hiatus. Well, it's time to get back on the horse.

In case you haven't heard about the Heinz Ketchup Top This TV Challenge, there's quite a few aspiring commercial makers competing for some notoriety and a little scratch.

Here's a funny one which garnered a five star vote from the CTCN staff: Zombie Noir

How about a little ketchup with that...brain!

5 Most Outrageous Inventions Ever

2007-05-18T08:11:00.001-04:00

The "Twirl-a-Squirrel" rates for the Friday Laff Fest. Nothing like a twirlin' squirrel to put a smile on your face.

read more | digg story

Where Oh Where Has My Memory Gone?

2007-05-17T11:42:00.000-04:00

Okay, you might be guffawing at my past post. You might be thinking something like:

"Memory, my memory's sharp. Why in the h-e-double hockey sticks would I waste time improving my memory?"

Good question.

Let's find out about your short term memory, eh? Trip, stumble, or fall on your way to Lifehacker where you can find a short term memory test.

How'd you do?

Leave your results in the comment section.

10 Ways to Keep Your Memory Strong

2007-05-17T11:37:00.001-04:00

What's your name again? Where did I put my keys? If you find yourself asking memory related questions, it might be time to work on keeping your memory strong.Here are 10 ways to keep your memory strong.

read more | digg story

5 Reasons Why Dennis Kucinich Can't Win The Democratic Nomination

2007-05-16T10:34:00.000-04:00

5. Captain K won't eat dead animals which confirms that he's in favor of upending the American way of life. Hey, pilgrims didn't eat Thanksgiving tofu; they ate the native populace.

4. 1st Energy has vowed, once and for all, to settle the MUNY score.

3. He wants to establish a Department of Peace proving he's out of step with mainstream America. Americans swear by the phrase, "If it moves, kill it."

2. His campaign peace chest holds $105.37 cash, a warped Bob Dylan album, one aluminum foil hat, one original Birkenstock sandal, a 14th century wood carving of Shirley Maclaine, and one unused Woodstock ticket stub.

1. You should never, ever, nominate who refers to the Oval Office as "my precious".

The Return of The Friday Laff Fest

2007-05-11T19:50:00.000-04:00

Traditionally, I've posted only videos for the Friday Laff Fest. Today, I'm beginning with the 25 funniest analogies (collected by high school English teachers).

Also, for your reading enjoyment, 101 Ways to Annoy Your Co-Workers. As if 101 weren't enough, here's five more:

Burp the star spangled banner with a kazoo jammed up your left nostril.

Say "we don't go for no law 'round here, law dog" whenever your boss walks by.

Hang a disco ball above your cube. Shine a laser pen on the ball and exclaim "Do the hustle"! every time management tells you how important you are to the company.

Wearing x-ray glasses and exclaiming "ooooooh lah lah" whenever someone walks by your cubicle.

Answer all phone calls with your best Gilbert Gottfried voice.

Okay, now for videos. First up, for my Memphis all star, Snow Shovel Bill, here's Pulp Muppets.

Feeling lost during Lost conversations? Do you suffer from Lost Discussion Deficiency Syndrome? There is a solution, Losticil.

Finally, 101 impressions in four minutes.

Does your stomach hurt yet?

What Can You Do With That Extra $5,000?

2007-05-11T14:01:00.001-04:00

The current issue of Money magazine features a plethora of money multiplying choices. Numerous ideas which make sense and help you grow a stack o' dead presidents with little pain.

Don't have 5 G's to play this game? Here are a few ideas to help:

Do you really need 500 channels of choice entertainment on your television? I think not. When I grew up we were lucky to have 5 or 6 channels. In fact, get rid of your cable, satellite dish, TIVO, and DVD addiction. Stop the wishful thinking; you know the Browns, Indians, Reds or Bengals aren't going to win anything. Besides, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Wonder Years, and Sanford and Son were cancelled.
Stop buying CD's. They're so yesterday. Anyway, there's plenty of blogs and file sharing programs where you can get all that stuff for free! Now understand this; I'm not advocating lawless behavior. So, if the RIAA comes a callin', you read this on California Then California Now.
Stop buying books and head to the library. Wait a minute, no one around here reads books. Scratch this idea.
Sell off your gas guzzling SUV/pickup and opt for an auto, scooter, bicycle, or walk. You'll save thousands on gas and insurance. One plus: Coshocton streets will look abandoned. One drawback: soccer moms will need to learn how to balance three kids on a scooter.

What are you waiting for? Follow the Money link below:

read more | digg story

Outlook User? Stop Spam From Foreign Countries

2007-05-10T13:11:00.000-04:00

If you're a Microsoft Outlook user, Lifehacker has an excellent way to stop foreign spam.

Need A Little Romantic Adventure in Cincinnati?

2007-05-09T08:39:00.000-04:00

Next time you're in the Cincinnati area, looking for a motel/hotel, and desire adventure, give the Wildwood Inn, in Florence, KY, a whirl.

On a recent visit, we opted for the Happy Days suite, and had a blast. There's nothing like laying in a Caddy, sipping Old Rip Van Winkle, and watching the Clash through the windshield.

The huge room, decked out in 50's era regalia, features a two person hot tub, huge screen projection TV, and a DVD/VHS player. There's plenty more in this feast for the eyes including a jukebox, phone booth, and antique Coke machines.

Top Tips For The Lazy Environmentalist

2007-05-07T14:10:00.000-04:00

With all the global warming hubbub, you might be wondering how you can help.

Let's face facts, you may not be interested in carbon offsets, driving a Prius, or cutting back on toilet paper consumption, but nonetheless, you'd like to do something.

Fear not budding pseudo-environmentalist, read the top tips for the lazy environmentalist.

A Diagram of World Fatness

2007-05-07T09:46:00.001-04:00

We're #1 !

read more | digg story

National Average Gas Price Now Above $3 Per Gallon

2007-05-03T16:12:00.001-04:00

While driving around Coshocton today, I noticed $3+ per gallon.

Of course, high gas prices continue showing up on local retailer's shelves.

Looks like it's going to be a long summer...

read more | digg story

20 Amazing Coincidences and 10 Bizarre People: WooHoo!

2007-05-03T08:43:00.000-04:00

After an extended hiatus, we're back!

Let's start off with the 20 most amazing coincidences. A couple of questions to ponder. Was James Dean's cursed or did professor Porsche build a none too sturdy vehicle?

What about the novella Futility, written about an unsinkable ship named Titan? The story eerily foresees the Titanic disaster. (A side note: a number of Titanic survivors passed through Coshocton on their way home) Coincidence or self fulfilling prophecy?

When you've finished that list, you must read the 10 most bizarre people on earth.

Nirvana On Top of The Pops

2007-01-12T10:03:00.000-05:00

What can you write about Nirvana that hasn't been written?

Often, it's best to shut up and let them speak for themselves. When Nirvana's world exploded open, they made an appearance on Top Of the Pops and "performed" Smells Like Teen Spirit. The video shows Cobain's disdain for mega stardom.

Watch it.

My Biscuits Are Burnin'

2007-01-12T08:31:00.000-05:00

Here's something you don't see every day.

During an interview, a man runs by with his biscuits ablaze.

Friday Laff Fest Gets Tasteless

2007-01-12T08:21:00.000-05:00

If you're easily offended, avoid this next video clip.

If you're not easily offended, enjoy this rip snorter film clip about a big vagina.

Sorry, I don't have any pictures for this one.

Bohemian Rhapsody Squeezed Out

2007-01-12T08:07:00.000-05:00

Here's the best version of Bohemian Rhapsody I've ever seen. Reminds me of a Queen concert I saw in 1980.

Biff Bang Pow

2007-01-12T08:05:00.000-05:00

Next time you're watching a bunch of 300 pound lineman pushing one another up and down a football field, come back and watch this video.

Top Ten Features of New Iraq Plan

2007-01-12T07:55:00.000-05:00

You've heard about it. Over and over. It's been analyzed, sanitized, crystallized, and criticized.

What is it? George Bush's bright and shiny new plan for Iraq.

David Letterman has a list of the top ten features of Bush's Iraq plan.

Ummm, Keith Olbermann had something to say, too. Oh, and Keith had this follow up.