it's so FUZZY!

I did some organizing!

2013-01-21T20:01:00.001-08:00

I actually did some organizing with my photo's and uploaded some of the pics that had been sitting on my computer for months... go me!

the newer ones are the trip to the mountains and the beach I did over the weekend... :)

Have a Merry BUZZY Christmas!

2012-12-24T12:07:00.001-08:00

I decided this year to participate in a Bloggy Ornament Exchange with the Sarcasm Goddess.. and I just got my awesome ornament from Lady Estrogen...

my adorable ornament with a surprise inside!

on our snowman Christmas tree!

The surprise was a little bullet! I laughed so hard I cried a little... then popped all the bubble wrap... which is a gift in of itself! Thanks again to the @SarcasmGoddess and @ladyestrogen!!

Much love and a Merry Christmas to all!

it's so right even when "Things Go Wrong For Me"

2012-12-21T08:53:00.001-08:00

today I'm taking time out of my busy pj wearing, chocolate eating schedule to review an amazing new book "Things Go Wrong For Me" by the Midget Man of Steel.. It's a hilarious book about his childhood as a fat kid, being a parent and adventures in vasectomy land.. and if you can make vasectomies funny.. well then... you have an idea of just how gut busting this book is... which btw.. includes funny pictures!

Mr. Moooooog himself even stopped by an answered some questions about his new book..

Are you ever still amazed at how you made it past childhood without dying of a horrible self-induced accident?

YES. Forget about the self-inflicted stuff I wrote about. The fact that I was a child of the 70's when kids rode on their parents' LAP in the driver's seat without those pesky seatbelts while everyone smoked and survived is a testament that I was meant for something else. Probably manual labor.

What did your parents think about their part in some parts of the book?

My dad doesn't know I wrote a book. He's an asshole. My mom ordered 2. She hasn't read it yet. I'm SO GROUNDED.

How traumatizing was it to go back and relive your childhood memories?

Not at all. It's always fun to go back and realize how cartoonish your life actually was and that somehow you managed to survive no matter how hard God was trying to obviously kill you.

Are you going to let your kids read this book when they are older?

Yes. When they're my age. Mid-40's seems appropriate, or whenever I feel it's okay for my daughter to read about her daddy shaving his balls. So, you know, maybe never.

What is the weirdest word you ever got for DrawSomething?

Umm. That's a tough one. I try to avoid stuff like 'cat' or stupid things where all you can do is draw a cat. I loved 'Band Aid' because most people would draw, you know, an actual Band Aid but instead I drew dinosaurs.

What is the strangest or worst drawing you ever had to guess?

Has to be something my kids drew. My kids are awful at drawing. My son got 'Yoda' one time and pretty sure he sent me a Sleestak from "Land of the Lost" instead. OH, and 'moose.' My daughter's version of moose looks like something mutated. It's amazingly terrible. I have them all on my Facebook page in an album..I suggest going through them. Lots of 'wtf' moments.

Did you go on lots of dates with women you met on match before you met your girlfriend?

Um, no. I'm pretty picky. I mean, I met a couple of women but wasn't really really looking for a relationship. Mind you, I'd known and been married to my ex-wife for over 20 years so I was pretty much just trying to make up for that amount of the sex I missed during that period.

Did you make awkward eye contact with anyone while in the adult store?

ALL eye contact in adult stores is awkward. Especially when you catch yourself trying out the bondage stuff in a mirror. *shudders*

Would you ever trust anyone enough to shave your balls for you? (ala – She’s Out Of My League)

GAH. No. Never. I barely trust myself doing it.

Do you ever eat a 3 Musketeers and have V-Day flashbacks?

hahahahaha. You know, I had to put off 3 Musketeers for a while because whenever I'd buy one in the store I'd just impulsively masturbate. Calendars like that will do that to a man. That, plus Cosmo is usually at the counter in the magazine rack. Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

So there you have it folks... how can you NOT want to get this book?! So I'll help you out by posting the links to his book:

Amazon: Things Go Wrong For Me

Barnes and Noble: Things Go Wrong For Me

It's a great book by a great blogger and all around funny guy.. thanks again Moooooog for stopping by!

I'm an asshole... and other such non news

2012-12-03T20:10:00.001-08:00

so I'm an asshole.

why you ask?

because I haven't fucking blogged in ... well.. i can't even fucking remember how long. It's really not my fault though. I'm working 6 days a week... and M-F I usually work 10+ hour days. When Sunday rolls around I don't even wanna turn on my fucking computer... let alone sit for 10 minutes and write some shit down. Hopefully though.. in a week or so I'll be done work and I'll be off til January and then back in school where I'll have about the same amount of free time.

BUT... I can procrastinate homework by blogging... plus as @OhNoaG and @JenReinmuth knows... Undergrads make for fucking blog fodder gold. (fuck those wanks)

Anyhow.. .that's really all that's been up with me. It's my birthday in a week (literally) and I can't believe how much has happened in a year. Though it feels like I'm not really in a better place than I was last year... that could be because I stopped taking my meds... because I'm poor and can't afford them. Could be because of all the shit life continues to send my way. Could be because it's that time of year ...and it always makes me sad. Over 2 years since my mum passed away and the feelings are still just as raw as they were 2 years ago. I really need to sit down with someone and talk about all these feelings.. but again... I don't have the money.

Though this year.. I am kind of digging the Christmas shit.... cuz I really used to LOVE Christmas before she passed.. I would decorate... sing Christmas songs... get all fucking joyous and annoying. The last couple years I've just been in avoidance mode... but I feel like this year.. maybe... I want to embrace it again. Or at least.. I'm gonna try. Hard as it may be.

Bring on the Christmas carols... baking, movies and fucking mistletoe bitches..... Merry X Miss is back!

(that's an old nickname I used to use back in the days o' Myspace)

blog fodder ftw

2012-10-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

thanks to CrakGenius for giving me something to write about .. these days the ideas are flowing about as well as...well.. something that doesn't flow.

uhh... yeah.

Crak Genius gave me an award!

The Liebster Award *happy dance*

though .. I'm not sure that I really deserve it.. cuz I haven't written anything of value in months... if I ever did.

but I'm going to accept the award as gracefully as I can (I think I already failed at that).. and play along.

SO ... here are the questions I was supposed to answer:

11 Questions For Awardees

Are you a grammar Nazi?(Spoiler: if you wanted to tell me that “awardees” isn’t a word… you are)
yes, yes I am... as you can tell from my incredibly grammatically accurate blog post.
*wink*
but seriously.. I'm more of a spelling nazi and BASIC grammar nazi... like "your" vs "you're" ..or "it's" vs "its" ... mostly because it's NOT that fucking hard to read the sentence to yourself in your head using "it is" and tell if it sounds wrong or not. Unless you're a moron. Sorry to all the morons out there.
(I'm not sorry)

If you had to choose just one, Facebook or Twitter?
definitely twitter.. thanks to my bestie @maliciousmandy for introducing me to this all too addictive site. I love that I've met so many amazing people (like CrakGenius)

How long have you been blogging?
uhm... I think a little over a year. I don't know... I don't really consider myself a "blogger" ... just a person who writes shit on the internet and people read it occasionally.

What’s the worst search term which led someone to your blog?
I think it would have to be "from my cold dead vagina" ... I feel really sad for the person who typed that search term into google... and even more sad that I'm sure reading about me having conversations with my vagina did not help them at all.

What’s your most popular post and why?
According to my stats, "soft kitty, warm kitty" is my most popular, but that is clearly because of the title, not the subject matter.... 2nd on the list is "Coversations with my Vagina" of which I am very fucking proud of. It STILL makes me laugh. Why is it popular? because vagina's are funny.. (seriously, have you ever seen one?... not as funny as dick and balls, but funny nonetheless)

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
definitely reading minds... but I'd like to be able to control it. Not just a constant stream of thoughts ala Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode where it drives her crazy. I just think it would be cool to always know what people were thinking.. to be able to tell when someone was lying to you or if someone was attracted to you.

What’s your favorite curse word and why?
most definitely fuck... it's just so fucking versatile.. you can fucking use it all the fucking time .. even multiple fucking times in a sentence and it doesn't seem out of place. It's a noun, adjective, verb... it's infuckingcredible..

What’s your porn star name?(First name is the name of your first pet, last name is the name of the street you grew up on… so mine was Caligula Mayflower… more like May DEflower… am I right?! Sorry. Moving on.)
ok.. but I'm going to warn you... it's quite possibly the most unsexy porn star name of all time. No joke... are you prepared? Snoopy Clovermeadow. Yes. Can you just imagine? watch Snoopy get doggy'ed .. ON the DOGHOUSE! ... so very wrong.

Do you have any tattoos? If so, how many?If not, would you ever get one?</b>
yes.. I currently have two and have plans for 3 (or so) more.. I really love tattoo's and believe they should all have a story. The story is almost as important as the subject matter or where it is, IMO.

Introvert or extrovert?
definitely an introvert who ACTS like an extrovert. Yes, it's possible. Shut up.

How did you meet your spouse / significant other?
online baby.... POF ftw.

ok... so now I have to tag others and give them questions. I don't know about 11 though, because I'm a lazy bastard... so let's see.

I tag....

The Borg Blog - she's witty, fun, funny and an awesome blogger and tweeter. If you haven't read her blog.. go over and give it a read... seriously.

My Life as Lucile - another fucking awesomely funny blogger and twitter companion. Anyone who loves Lucy must be amazeballs.

Handflapper - though she tries to tell me she's an old woman... I really have a hard time believing her... she has a young soul and a young heart.

Mayor Gia - because she's a MAYOR... and I'd LOVE to see her animated answers!
Stephani - she writes a fucking rad blog called "how many frogs" and she also wrote a fucking BOOK... yeah.. that's right. Recognize.
and now for the question portion of tonights show....

1. If you had the choice to know when you were going to die or not to know, what would you choose?

2. Favorite flavor of ice cream?

3. Panda or Rhino?

4. How many times a day do you swear? ..and if you don't swear... then wtf is wrong with you?

5. If you could change one thing about yourself.. be it something about your personality or a part of your body... what would it be?

6. Favorite movie?

7. Most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you.. or most embarrassing thing you've ever witnessed (if you're too chickenshit to share about yourself)

8. If you could be any kind of animal, mineral or vegetable on the planet (or any other planet).. what would you be?

ok.. 8 it is... because I'm fucking tired.

Thanks again to CrakGenius for being awesomesauce!

how thongs are ruining the economy

2012-10-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

the other day I was listening to the radio on my drive into work ... and I heard about Christina Aguilera on Chelsea Handler's show "Chelsea Lately" ...I don't really like either of them so I kind of tuned out.. until I heard this..

yes.. that's right.. Christina doesn't wear underwear.

I'll give you a minute to let that sink in.

Are you sufficiently disgusted yet?

OK ... moving on. So I was thinking about it ... and I wondered who else likes to go commando. Are there many of them out there? Could she be the girl sitting next to you on the train? Do they really enjoy the uncomfortable seam in their skinny jeans?

I started thinking about the right underwear to wear ... because there is a right and wrong here. I have very logical reasons... and this is my analysis.

I can't see this image without thinking of the League of Funny Bitches Podcast.. thanks Noa

Going commando... though "free" as it might be is just a yeast infection waiting to happen. Think about it. Tight jeans, rubbing... it's just all kinds of wrong. Plus.. anything that Christina Aguilera does has clearly got to be in the WRONG category.. So pantiless is out.

this made me laugh SO hard

Thongs.. while they are sexy and usually come in lacy varieties... are ruining our economy. Think about it. You pay the SAME price as regular panties but for LESS fabric. I'm sure while wearing them you feel uncomfortable and in need of more support to you go out to buy more panties and in turn are spending TWICE as much as a regular person who just wears regular underwear. It's going to become the downfall of our society... I'm telling you right now.

no one looks this good wearing bikini underwear, I assure you.

Bikini underwear MAY seem like the right choice here... but there's a fine line. That's right .. the bikini line... if you don't get the right size for these puppies .. you will look like you're being tied up like they do to chickens to keep them all together. Do you want to be a spring chicken? I didn't think so.

see? cute on everyone!

Boyshorts are clearly the right choice in this discussion... and not because you get the most fabric for your money so they are obviously the financial choice... but also because they are comfortable, sexy and what I wear on a regular basis.... and I'm always right.

I hope this was educational for everyone!

OH.. and if you want to laugh so hard you almost pee and have to run awkwardly to the bathroom at work while everyone gives you questioning looks... you should check out the League of Funny Bitches Podcasts... unless you already have, in which case.. you have chosen correctly.

shit is out of control

2012-09-19T22:58:00.001-07:00

so I'm a bad person.... a really, really bad person. I haven't blogged in... I don't even know how long. It's NOT my fault though. I'm back at work and I'm fucking EXHAUSTED. Working is serious bizness people, for reals. As well, the job I'm working at requires a lot of overtime ... it's not paid extra overtime, just regular time, but extra $$ nonetheless. Today I worked from 7:30am to 9pm.... that`s a long ass fucking day people. .. and what am I doing you ask?
(or maybe you didn't but I'm going to fucking tell you anyway)
I'm working at a photography studio that does school photo's.... and I'm a jack of all trades there.. I do editing, computer work, photo proofs, packaging, shipping, organizing..... it's fun seeing all the adorable kids pictures... and sometimes laughing at the weird fucking names that parents give their kids... like seriously people... do you WANT your kid to be made fun of? Was that your GOAL when you named them or are you just an idiot.
(probably the latter)

so anyhow.. that's what's up with me... and I'm really sorry if I haven't commented on your blog in awhile.. .I'm also behind in my blog reading.... there's just SO many... you guys are all so god damn fucking funny that I follow like 58697509857 blogs and so when I don't read EVERY day I get WAY fucking behind and lose track of my shit and it's just wrong. I wish I could get your blogs on my kindle, then I would read them on my lunch break like I used to do when I worked in an office where I had 6 hours a day free because I'm just fucking bomb diggity at my job and would get all my work done in 2 hours.
(that was a REALLY long fucking run on sentence, sorry)

you know what else I'm back to doing now that I'm back to work? Driving. I.Love.Driving..... I missed driving SO much.... no offence (actually, yes, offence) to all you transit people but you fucking smell. Well, not all of you..
(yes all of you)

and you're also loud, rude, mean, ugly and just plain annoying and I DON'T FUCKING MISS YOU AT ALL!!!

*five minute happy dance interlude*

though I must say... instead of smelly bus people.... I have fucking assweasel drives to deal with... I don't know what kind of tomfuckery you guys think you're up to.. but I'd like to tell you the following things are NOT ok:

- tailgating me
- cutting me off
- staring at me at stop lights
- driving in my blind spot
- not using turn signals (otherwise known as indicator lights)
- driving like old fucking grannies
- driving like drag racers
- complete and utter LACK of ability to merge

that's just a snippet of the shit I've dealt with on the road and I've only been driving again for a week and a half....

*smacks forehead*

well then.... I think this concludes our programming for the night... otherwise known as ... I'm going on five hours of sleep and a 14 hour workday and my brain is starting to turn to mush.

NIGHT all!!
xox

the past is behind us...

2012-08-23T22:35:00.001-07:00

and you can tell by the size of my ass.

seriously.. it's going to have its own gravity field soon....

so I was looking back through some of my old pictures (thanks Travis for the excessive "likes") .. and remembering old times. Good times, bad times, old friends, lost friends. I can't even count how many different hair colours I've had .. and it's only been 5 years!

What's also been different.. is my weight.. up and down and up and down.. but progressively up since I started on fb. This doesn't make me happy. I need to get off my fucking ass (no I don't pardon my french) .. and do something about it. I'm not necessarily unhappy in my weight.. but I'm not exactly happy either. Thing is... at this moment.. i have a bag of chips, a package of Aero bites and Campino yogurt gummies.. (though I'm sure the yogurt is only there to make people think it's healthier than it actually is).

I can't help myself .. i love my sweets!

I need to find a balance of eating junk, and exercising... without any money. Is that possible?

need some help here people.. what can I do at home... should I do lunges? sit-ups?

hmmmmmmmmmmm.. I need a plan.

any advice or suggestions would be helpful!

what to do, what to do....

2012-08-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

I blogged about my good and bad news a couple weeks ago ... and now, with only a week and a half left until school starts... I really need to seriously think about what I'm going to do.

As of yet, the bf has no serious job prospects ... and I have a few. I have one that I'd REALLY like to do ... which I did a couple years ago... working at a photo lab that does school photo's. It's temporary... I only work from Sept until Dec... I can wear jeans n stuff to work... AND I can work as many hours as I'd like.. which means for those three months I can make some good money. This will work out in a few ways... because not only will we be able to afford to live .... I might also be able to save up some $$ for school... which is always helpful.

The downside is .. of course.. that I'll be taking a semester off school... which puts of my graduation date even further.... I feel like I've been going to school FOREVER.. and I've been putting off having a baby until I'm done with school but if I keep putting off school... I'm NEVER going to have a baby.

I'm feeling really depressed and frustrated... and I don't know what to do... with my commute it's basically impossible to work and take a class or two .. and is that really helpful anyway.. it's still delaying the goal.

I'd really love some advice.... thoughts... jokes... anything at this point.

thanks all... xoxo

fuzzies and fun....

2012-08-20T10:06:00.001-07:00

Ferret Picnic 2012, a set on Flickr.

so what did you all do this weekend? Obviously from above you can see I went to a ferret picnic! It's the first one I've ever been to and it was SO much fun... being able to watch the ferrets run around with other ferrets and laugh at their shenanigans. It's nice as well, to be able to meet other ferret owners ... cuz I'd really like to be able to get together with other fuzzie people and get our ferrets socialized. Our oldest ferret Flower (the white with black tail) had some issues with a couple of the other ferrets there... and was a bit of a bully. We had to put her in a time out in her cage... though when we let her out the second time, she was much better.

What else did we do? Laundry.... uhm.... and well... that's it. Sadly we don't have any money right now cuz of the bf being unemployed... so life is rather boring in our house right now.

Hope all of you had a great weekend!

where has the time gone?

2012-08-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

it's Friday of my first week off and I can't believe the week has gone by so fast .... I guess it doesn't help when you spend two entire days in bed watching shows on Netflix.

We did get lots of stuff done this week... groceries, house, and other such stuff.

At the same time .. a lot didn't get done. There is a lot in the house that is still needing to be done... but I fully admit that I didn't do it either.

One amazing thing that did happen this week.... I got my grades back for the Ochem II ....in case you didn't see on twitter.. I got a B-

That means I ended up with an A- in Ochem I and a B- in Ochem II.... I'm VERY happy with how well I did ... my grades reflected the effort that I put into the courses. It makes me feel really good.

I think in science courses.... a person has to have somewhat of a natural talent for the material ..and has to put in a decent amount of effort.... because if one of the other is lacking, you won't do well. If you don't have a natural talent for science, it doesn't matter how hard you study.. you're not going to get it. As well, even if you have tons of talent, if you don't study.. your grades aren't going to reflect it.

I have both.... thank goodness... and it means I'm on the right track for life. No matter how many times I get de-railed.

xoxo all and hope you have a good weekend!

dancing around the room like a fool

2012-08-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

My summer term is FINALLY over! Now I can stop driving you all crazy with random tweets about organic chemistry and the excessive amount of negative energy I put out there before and after every midterm. I have massive self doubt, and even when I'm sure I know the material and have done a good job, I still don't believe I got a good grade. Part of it is because of my test anxiety, as I've NEVER scored well on tests before.

This term I don't expect to get the A- that I achieved for the first term, but I'm happy as long as I pass. Which I'm almost certain that I did. (did you catch that almost, there's my self doubt)

On the heels of my great news, comes some sad news too. The bf has lost his job. Since he was the sole supporter of the family while I was in school, I don't know that I'll be able to attend full time classes this fall unless he finds a new job. Therefore, I've taken some precautionary measures. I've emailed regarding deferring for a year (or a term), contacted my old job and talked to my dad about possibly helping us out financially so we don't have to worry about paying rent. My hopes are that he finds a job and I can continue this fall with my goal of finishing school. If not, though, it's not the end of the world. I've gone back 2 times now and it's not something I'm unfamiliar with. Starting over, that is. I'm determined enough to get my degree that nothing shy of an apocalypse will stop me from walking down that stage in a cap and gown.

If you could, my friends and readers, please send me all your well wishes. We could really use them about now.

*hugs and kisses*

(oh, and I switched to Disqus for my commenting system as it has a great platform for commenting and I love that it's connected so you can see all the updates from other comments you make. I hope you'll love it as much as I do)

caption it!

2012-08-06T21:58:00.000-07:00

I was going through my computer trying to organize stuff .... cuz I was THAT bored today.... and I realized I still hadn't uploaded the pics from our zoo trip... and I came across a couple photo's that are just begging to be captioned by my funny readers...

and some other fun pics that could be worthy of captioning also...

so bring it on, people.. and don't afraid to be crude.. you know I love a dirty whore mouth.
give it your best shot... I'm broke so I can't offer prizes for the best caption, but I can offer bragging rights and possibly some kind of goofy photo imitating that caption.. that's worth it, right?

and yes.. I'm willing to embarrass myself for this.. so give me your best shot.

just keep studying, just keep studying...

2012-07-30T18:57:00.002-07:00

just keep studying, studying, studying.... (sorry... channeling Dora from Finding Nemo)... obviously I'm starting to lose my mind (if you can't tell)

I blame the ochem.... seriously. I'm so fucking done. Two more weeks and I have:

-a midterm
-a prelab
-a 2pt lab
-a lab report
-an assignment
-a final

all in TWO WEEKS!

*faints*

I`ve done up summary sheets for the 3 chapters that we`ve studied the past 2 weeks.... (correction: I have 3 more rxns to be done) .... but it`s up to 6 pages DOUBLE SIDED.... all of which I have to KNOW by Thursday.

yeah.. so not gonna happen.

fuck balls.

I`m hitting a real low... because I know my grade isn`t going to be as good for this term as it was for last term (A- in case you forgot)... but so far I`m at a 70% in the lab (30% of grade), 80% on the first midterm and 50% on the second midterm (both are worth 10% each of the total grade).... I have one more midterm worth 10%, an assignment worth 5% and a final worth 30%...

is that too much math?

wish I had this shirt while in math classes

sidenote: I'm SO fucking glad I'm done with math for good.

It's been SO hard to study because even though I got rid of the migraine that irked me last weekend... since then I've had a headache every day.... and I've had to work on getting rid of them before I was able to do anything.. so therefore I didn't end up studying nearly as much as I wanted to last week.

*sad face*

I basically shot myself in the foot... with headaches.

fuck.

apparently some people can't cross their fingers.. isn't that weird?
(I'm gonna need it)

a small reprive

2012-07-26T08:31:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I can breathe again! ..well I guess technically I could always breathe, cuz if I didn't.. I'd be all dead n stuff..

Anyhow... thanks to the amazing advice of yougotsars.... I'm feeling SO much better today... and ready to study my ladyballs off for the rest of the term so that I can kick ass on the 3rd midterm and the final.... and get a good grade in Ochem II ... then I can lay back and be a lazy bastard for the rest of the summer!

I think that sounds like a plan, don't you?

*happy dance*

SO what have the rest of you been doing this summer? DO share.. I need to live vicariously through you cuz I've spent my summer with my nose in my textbook.

Anyhow... hope whatever you're doing you're having a good time.

xoxo!

headache: day 5

2012-07-25T08:09:00.001-07:00

so I'm now on day 5 of a headache... it was a migraine over the weekend... it's not now, it's just a headache.. but it still fucking hurts!

I've taken what the doctor recommended... 2 extra strength tylenol and 2 extra strength advil... hasn't really done anything.

Is it too much to ask to go just ONE FUCKING DAY without pain?

it's even affecting my school ... I can't study cuz I always have a headache. Thankfully I have only three and a half weeks left until this term is over. I don't even care how well I do in this course anymore.... I'm fucking done. I just wanna pass and be done with it.

Cheers all!

so very much pain

2012-07-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

how are you everyone? Did you have a good weekend? Was it fun?

good!

cuz mine wasn't.

I spent the better part of my weekend in horrid pain from a migraine... to the point that I actually went to the clinic on Saturday because it was SO bad. The doctor prescribed me Immitrex (or whatever that generic brand is)... I took one and started to feel better.... 2 hours later I took another one and felt ok.

Sunday I had planned to go see a matinee of Dark Knight Rises.... but at 11am (after we had bought tix online) ... I had a (worse than before) migraine again. After 24 hours I took another Immitrex ... but to no avail.... so I ended up in the hospital. Due to a family history of aneurysms and the fact that my headaches come on strong with no warning, the doc sent me for a CT and also wanted to do a lumbar puncture. The CT came back clear but he still wanted to do a lumbar puncture.

Let's think about this.. big needle in my spine? Possibility of a headache occurring when I already HAD one? YUCK.. no fucking thank you.

Though if I get another headache like the on yesterday I'm supposed to go back and get the lumbar puncture... *sad face*

I would like to get some answers as to why I get so many headaches.... so many migraines... I'm really quite sick of it .. but to the point of wanting to stick a needle in my spine?

no thanks.

I got home and slept ..on and off for the next 8 hours or so .. but woke up at 1:30am and couldn't sleep... so I got up and slept on and off on the couch ...finally went back to bed around 4am.... then woke up this morning at 8am.

I'm just not feeling normal today... they gave me a concoction of drugs in the hospital yesterday to help my headache (which it did) ...but not without side effects.. they made me jittery and jumpy and I still feel like that... like I'm not quite right in my skin.

so I'm taking today off school.. which I can't really afford to do.. but I can't help it.

Hope you all had a better weekend.. ...not that it's hard.

HUGS!

Knowing I'm no Oprah - GUEST POST!

2012-07-11T17:18:00.002-07:00

we have the amazing and wonderful robot mommy here today doing an amazeballs guest post. She writes a hilarious blog about her life and her kids ... personally I don't know how she does it .. I can barely manage this blog and school

so without further ado... here she is!

Forever ago, I started writing about my kids. This little hobby of mine gave me the outlet to ~~complain~~ talk about their behavior, their little habits. Their joys and triumphs. My joys and triumphs. And I think...

What if.... Oprah had kids? How would Oprah handle her kids? Would she discuss them on her network or would she, like me, become a blogger?

Can you imagine?!?

Hi. I'm Oprah, queen of the talk shows...richest woman alive from 1995 to 2010. I've decided to center my attention to how adorable, awesome and brilliant my children are because, let's face it, they are mine!

I'm sure she'd go on and on on their academic aptitude and how they look like little Denzel Washingtons. She debunk the whole "mommy blogger" genre and make up her own name like:

Women Writers of Power

or

Bloggers United for Change ( soon to be its own book club)

or

The VaJayJay Club

Gail would do all her writing because well, c'mon. Her giveaways would be epic.

YOU get a new web design and YOU get a new web design. EVERYONE GETS A NEW WEB DESIGN!

She'll make The Bloggess and Oh, Noa look like talentless hacks. Most of us would give up the ghost. Why write? We couldn't compete with her prose and network connections. She'd have on average 1000 comments per post. Even the simple ones about the weather... BECAUSE SHE'S FUCKING OPRAH!!

Hope that bitch never blogs. Then I'll have to go back to watching my children.

lmfao... I'm with trm on this one.

Thanks again to robot mommy for stopping by and making us laugh.

cuz let's face it, we could all use a lot more of that.

it burns, it burns!

2012-07-10T18:43:00.001-07:00

and I just wrote a whole fucking post that my computer decided wasn't adequate and deleted on me.

FUCKING BALLS!

seriously.

I was talking about how I splashed nitric acid on my face today in lab... (it's ok ... I'm not disfigured or anything)

How I fucking HATE summer cuz it's hot and I don't manage well with heat.

Also that we're having a make-up quiz on Thursday cuz our midterm was sucky.

basically that was it ... but I wrote a lot more.

the only good thing going on for this week is that we're having the awesomely amazing robot mommy writing a guest post for my blog this week..

*cue happy dance*

if you haven't read anything by the robot mommy.. I suggest you head there right now and read everything ... she's that amazeballs.

So tune in this week for her phenomenal words of wisdom.

I'm going to go drown my sorrows in Netflix.

seeeeeya.

Silent Sunday

2012-07-08T13:11:00.001-07:00

012, a photo by jselizabeth on Flickr.

this is my adorable little cinna... she's not this little anymore.

love my furbabies!

memories made of chocolate...

2012-06-26T22:17:00.000-07:00

I know as children we make memories of times with our parents.. some of them are bad.. like the time our parents spanked us .. but most of them are good.

One particular memory is of my mum and I baking together... it didn't happen as much when I was a kid.. but rather as I grew older and could appreciate the need for chocolate.

There was one particular recipe that my mum and I always defaulted to when we were both feeling low, and I can remember many nights sitting together waiting for our warm, gooey happiness to bake.

It's called brownie pudding... for any of you who have never heard of it .. which is apparently a lot of you because whenever I've mentioned it, almost everyone gasps and immediately asks me what it is.. and why they hadn't heard of it before.

Brownie Pudding is SUPER easy and takes relatively little ingredients which is why it's a good go-to when you're feeling like something warm and gooey but don't want to spend hours in the kitchen.

The recipe is as follows:

1 cup sifted all-purpose flour
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa (or instant hot cocoa mix)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk
2 tablespoons salad oil (I use vegetable oil)
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (I always leave these out cuz I hate nuts in my brownies)
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup cocoa (again you can use instant hot cocoa mix)
1 3/4 cups hot water (boiling)

Sift together the first 5 ingredients; add milk, oil and vanilla. Mix until smooth. Stir in nuts. Pour into greased 8x8x2 baking pan. Combine remaining ingredients; pour over batter. Bake at 350 for 40 minutes. Makes 6-8 servings (or one if you're me)

I know it seems weird to pour the hot water concoction on top of the batter.. just pour lightly.. and if it breaks the surface of the batter.. it doesn't matter.. it always turns out fine in the end. Besides.. it's supposed to be all ooey and gooey and messy... it's better that way.

That recipe is straight out of my mothers Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book from the 70's... lol... and the recipe is still as good now as it was then.

see for yourself!

pic I posted to twitter

Hope you all enjoy the recipe as much as I have over the years... and go ahead.. make it with your kids... those memories last a lifetime.

miss you mum!

just so tired

2012-06-17T22:02:00.000-07:00

I'm just so tired of fighting... it feels like every step in my life has been uphill. I just found out today that they aren't promoting me to 3rd year status because two of the classes I did in my term 1, were below 60% and I need to have completed 60% of my classes with a 60% standing.

If they need a 60% standing, then why don't they make the passing grade 60%? That makes sense, don't you think?

My term 1 was just a hellstorm.... most of you know cuz you were right here with me.. I was dealing with my mums suicide (still) ... and all the conditions I had before (anxiety, depression) were amplified because of my her passing as well as all the new stress I was under from school and life... It caused me to be physically ill before every test I took that term... and partly due to that is why I failed Ochem (which is why I'm taking it again this summer).. and why my other two classes that term are below 60% ... according to the doctor what I have is considered a disability.. which means it was not diagnosed that whole term... at least not until after it was too late to do anything that term.

...and now ... here I am ... working hard and getting good grades and STILL being punished.

just makes me feel completely hopeless.

THIS is the reason I have such bad anxiety.

THIS is the reason I don't want to leave the house sometimes.. and why I can't get out of bed sometimes. Cuz it feels like every time I've made a decision in my life it's gone horribly wrong... the bottom has fallen out. Every goddamn time.

I don't know what to do .... I'm going to fight it to the best of my abilities. I'm going to stand up and say NO... I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be stuck for another year in year two. I DON'T need any more electives... I took 3 years of undergrad trying to figure out what I wanted to do so I took a bit of everything... there is NO year 2 chemistry classes that I need... ALL I need is 300/400 level electives... chem electives to be more specific.

I just want to cry.

I feel like a failure all the time... and these people are not helping that.

some good news... the teacher quick graded my last midterm on Friday and I was at a 90.5% ... it might go down as he does a more thorough grading .. but that`s ok... as long as I`m above 80% ..I`m happy. I`m at a 79% standing for the class and 83% standing for the lab.

Do you think I deserve to stay in year 2... I don`t.

I'm not crazy... I'm born this way.

2012-06-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

Some people might say I’m crazy.... well... crazy is as crazy does.. or something like that. I’m starting to discover.. (or possibly I’ve known this all along).. that I’m NOT crazy... I’m normal.. it’s everyone else who is batshit insane. How do I know this?

Well......

first off.. there are more of “us” than there are of “them” ..(and if you need proof I made a very scientific chart to show you)

if you weren’t acting a bit odd after some life-altering moments... well then.. there might be something wrong with you.

If you don’t find humor in the crazy occasionally ... there might be something wrong with you.

Those are just a few of the reasons.. I quite often share with others that I’m crazy... but it’s ok cuz it’s normal to be crazy.

I have noticed, however, that there are far more women toting the “crazy” than men.... and I’m not sure what that’s about .. either women are driven to levels of insanity due to the crazy things that men do to us... which is a completely logical conclusion..

OR.....

Men are just way too insecure to share their crazy with others... possibly due to some archaic “men strong” barbarian theory where a man can’t show weakness at all lest he be labeled as a gatherer and not a hunter and forever be denied a mate.

Either way... I have met a couple guys recently who have shared their crazy with me.. and I’m proud of them. I’m happy that they are comfortable in themselves to share with the world their insecurities as well as their strengths. Bring it on, boys!

I’m writing this blog post instead of working on studying for my last midterm of the first half of the summer ... I have my final next Friday and then the following Monday I start the next course in the two part series for summer... it’s crazy. Thankfully I’m at an A- for the class and the lab so I’m doing well. It’s condensed so everything goes by very quickly.. I have a midterm every two weeks and lab twice a week. In a way it’s nice.. especially considering it’s the only class I have all summer so I can focus on this one class and that’s it. Sometimes though I get a little overwhelmed (“can you ever just be whelmed?”) .. (well word didn’t give me a squiggly line under whelmed so I’m assuming it’s something) .. sorry.. random sidebar. What was I saying? Oh yes.. overwhelmed. Like now.. when I have two full days to study for my midterm and about 15 reactions that I have to know...

Horrified Scream!

I plan on using flash cards, LOADS of book exercise problems, and probably an excessive amount of caffeine. Speaking of caffeine, we’re actually going to be extracting caffeine from tea leaves in my last lab this week. I’m sure that’s probably somewhat exciting for all you coffee/tea drinkers out there... no? just me? *grumblegrumble*needmorechemistrynerdfriends*grumblegrumble*

Anyhow... that’s a little update on me... hope the summer is going well for the rest of you. Peace, love and lots of wine!

decisions, decisions

2012-06-03T08:59:00.002-07:00

so I’m looking through my course list and categorizing all the classes I need to take for my degree.... I’ve colour coded it... put it into a table... listed the number of credits... for every term for the next two years (or more)

what I completely forgot is that for a degree you need 48 of your total credits to be 300/400 level classes... which I have.. but only if I take extra classes every term OR if I take an extra year of school... now I’m conflicted.. I really just want to be done.. I’ve been in school for what seems like forever... in reality it’s only been 3 years at community college, 1 quarter at UW, and 1 year at UBC... but there was a lot of “in between” time... where I wasn’t in school (though looking back I should have been)... but I was living life and whatnot. I should have been done ages ago but because of these decisions I’ve made the past 5 years.. I’m not. It hurts my soul to think that almost every decision I’ve made over the past 5 years has been wrong. Hell.. even decisions since 2003... all wrong.

Though not wrong exactly.. because it’s BECAUSE of those decisions that I am where I am... and I’m the person that I am... that I have the knowledge and experience that I have... so it’s not like I’m a complete failure.. I have learned lessons the past 10 years..

but still.. I feel like a failure.

and now.. another decision again.. and I’m terrified I’m going to make the wrong one. If I take more than 3 classes per term, I’m worried that I’m going to overload myself and my grades and sanity are going to suffer... but if I don’t I have an extra year of school and that’s an extra year where I’m not doing the other things in life that I want to do... like being a mommy...

god damn biological clock has been bonging in my ears the past few years like a fucking grandfather clock... you know the one.. where it bongs every 15 minutes and then again at every start of the hour?

my grandfather actually had like 3 of these at one point... try to sleep in that house.

So I worry that I’m going to be waiting too long... If I do another year of school I’ll be like 35 by the time I’m done.. and I know that’s not OLD ... but it’s getting up there.. and I worry about the possible complications that might arise from waiting that long.

but do I need to worry about the “what could be” or “what might be” ... that’s the problem with severe anxiety disorder... I can’t help myself.

PLUS.. there’s that.. my whole mental health issues.. I don’t exactly feel ready to have a baby mentally until I can get my mental health issues in order.... you can’t exactly not get out of bed for three days in a row when you have a baby to take care of .. but how do you reconcile the two? when getting out of bed sometimes is the hardest decision of my day?

ack... maybe I’m just overthinking... I’m queen of the over thinkers.

I need some advice... any readers out there have some pearls of wisdom they want to share with me? I’d really appreciate it.

Until next time...

sun is my enemy

2012-05-28T19:06:00.002-07:00

This weekend we decided to have a family day so we decided to spend the day at the zoo. My brilliant self remembered everything, except of course, the sun screen. After more than four hours at the zoo enjoying the train, the lion feeding and the raptor show, I was sufficiently pink.

Of course.. being the calm and non-dramatic person that I am.. I of course, did NOT complain the rest of the day about my horrible burn.

Of course.

*wink wink*

So then Sunday I spent the entire day in bed watching episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl on Netflix. I’ve never watched Gossip Girl before, but after watching half of the first season, I’m adequately addicted. It has a good soundtrack and lots of drama. Plus, 4 of the seasons are on Netflix so I can watch most of it during the off season….

Speaking of off season… one of my favourite shows starts its fourth season in a few days… Drop Dead Diva.. I don’t know if any of you have ever watched it but I loooooove it. The girl who plays the main character is hilarious and adorable.

I’m a couple days away from my second midterm in my condensed chemistry class … it’s a crazy schedule. Tomorrow I have to finish the three part lab that I’ve been working on for the last two lab periods, and then study furiously for the midterm. In less than a month, this class will be done.

ACK!

Can someone get me a drink?