On Call Mom

Stronger

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 03:39:00 +0000

**I'm thinking that with this at the finish line, I could run as long as I needed to. Photo c/o my talented friend, Tabitha.**

I kissed the kiddos goodnight and slipped quickly into my room to tie my running shoes on. The final rays of a beautiful spring evening were falling, and I wanted to enjoy them. I told Rockstar where I was headed, then stepped outside to let my feet hit the pavement.

In contrast to the humidity of earlier this week, the lightness of the air felt positively intoxicating. I took off in a different direction than normal, and quickly found my stride.

My legs pumped as I headed up a long hill, and I noticed how strong they felt as they glided me up towards the top. The music on my shuffle blended with the gorgeous greenery around me, and created the perfect stage for my thoughts.

I let my mind peruse issues I've been weighing, and noticed that I didn't have to struggle too much against the effort of my muscles to keep my mind focused.

I turned the corner after one hill, and realized that I had more in me. I wasn't done running yet,
so I looked for a way to extend the run and keep moving, keep moving.

When I finally headed up the final hill of my run, I noticed that my lungs were not collapsing under the weight of that hill as they usually do.

And suddenly it occurred to me. A simple truth I'll probably be stunned by again and again:

I'm stronger than I was a month ago.

Spurred on by a race my friend organized in April, I'd decided to try out the knee I'd injured last year. I wanted to feel strong again. With my knee cooperating, I'd set a modest goal for how often I'd set out to exercise. And I've kept that goal.

Now, a little over a month later, I am stronger. My body can handle those hills differently, can exert itself longer, can enjoy things that seemed laborious a few short weeks ago.

There's still so far to go, but I let myself relish the small victory.

And I reminded myself of the broad application of this principle in my life.

It's so often that way: we methodically push through pain and discomfort to find stronger minds, stronger hearts, stronger relationships.

Then in those moments where we glimpse that we have become more capable, we are spurred on to raise the bar again. To persist in difficulty. To be further astonished by our ability to grow, change, and conquer life's inclines.

Mother

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Mon, 14 May 2012 03:16:00 +0000

This is my mother. Isn't she gorgeous? I wouldn't have minded getting a few more of those exotic genes.

Every year I enjoy the chance this holiday provides to ponder the way that her influence has shaped my life. To think about the things I love best about her.

I have become accustomed to hearing talks at church on this day of the year that highlight someone's supermom. They talk about women who made canning, sewing, raising 11 children, and serving the community look effortless.

But as I think about my mother, it is not any supposed idea of perfection that makes me love her so fiercely. It all she has accomplished in spite of human frailty and life's difficulties that make her a hero in my mind.

When her body would fail her as she dealt with chronic illness, she fell to her knees. It didn't look like weakness. It taught me there was power in prayer.

When her past hurts would surface, she'd look to a higher source for healing, and keep loving her family the best way she knew how.

When she came upon questions she didn't know the answers to, she sought them out.

She was always trying, always growing, always evolving. She wasn't perfect, but observing her process of transformation, taught me how to grow myself: how to fill in my own gaps.

When a mother births her first child, she doesn't suddenly become that sainted figure we often hear paid tribute to.

And thank goodness. It has been watching my mother fight the good fight: watching her try and fail, learn and grow, love and then love better, that has taught me the most crucial lessons of all.

Happy Mothers Day, to a truly beautiful woman.

Happy Easter!

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 02:34:00 +0000

Easter is a wonderful holiday. I love the traditions, love the season, love the meaning behind it.

Wishing everyone a full heart and a full basket on this Sabbath Day.

Finding the Balance--3

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 02:39:00 +0000

I had anticipated making my way through this 'finding the balance' series a little more quickly. But, you know, life has other plans most of the time.

In the last few weeks, I spent a lot of time dealing with this:

That would be Tiny with peri-orbital cellulitis. She ended up requiring a trip to the ER for IV antibiotics when the oral version wasn't cutting it. And my girl did not cry (or even wince!) when they drew blood or placed the IV. She is so my daughter. And she's all better, which is fabulous.

**All better and livin' it up at the Home Depot!**

And I spent a long weekend with some dear friends. I took all these books with me to read, but why did I do that? Because when I'm around my friends, we never stop talking. I still managed to finish two books thanks to my quiet plane rides. I kept feeling like I should be wrangling a little body into their seat, but, nope--just me and my book. I'm sure husband was glad that I got out some of my talkiness (though he would never let on!).

So, anyhoo. I've been playing catch-up. One 'finding the balance' tip before I dive into kelle hampton's new book.

1)Squeeze good into small spaces: Because time spent at the hospital or clinic can be so draining, it's easy to let that suck the life out of the little time you have that's not at the clinic or hospital. Rage against the machine, my friends. Don't let yourself get caught in the trap of putting off all fun until the training road is done. I've always been someone who relished having something to look forward to. Whether it was big or small, I've liked having a little anticipation in my back pocket. It has added color and sparkle to my days.

That can be a powerful thing during medical training. When you're tired, it's easy to want to hang out with your DVR or a book instead of the friends of yours who are meeting up at a restaurant. Because, you know, that would require wearing something other than scrubs, combined with the scarce commodity of energy. And most of that time, I think it's just fine to skip those things. You do need to rest. You do need to be careful about not stretching yourself too thin.

But you also need to remind yourself that there is still fun to be had along the way.

Rockstar and I were celebrating our 2nd anniversary during my intern year. We switch off surprise-planning them, and when baby status allows for it, we try to make it a weekend getaway. It was my year to plan. At first I felt defeated at the thought of trying to plan something fun into such a chaotic schedule. But I reminded myself about the power of anticipation, and the need to keep living my life. So on one of my Golden weekends (a rare bird where you are post-call on Friday, have Sat/Sun off, then return to be on-call on Monday), I planned a New York trip. It was a whirlwind of restaurants, Wicked, and shopping. Even knowing I had to be back to craziness in 48 hours, we ate it up. It's still one of our favorite memories.

I might've been tired, but I felt alive.

Most of my simple joys were on a smaller scale: McDonald's ice cream cones, live music, walks by the local river, trips to the bookstore, phone conversations with old friends, dinner out.

**inexpensive manicures! (Shellac really does last 3 weeks!)**

Such things, for me, were key to maintaining sanity.

Find something that makes you feel alive and try to fit it into small spaces every once in a while. Have something to look forward to. Make it happen even during improbable times. That's not always easy, but the dividends are rich.

Finding the Balance--2

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 03:28:00 +0000

**Balancing toddlerhood and effortless cool.**

*Choose the right partner. I say this partially tongue-in-cheek, but if you know you are going into medicine, be honest about what that might mean with your future spouse. I had a friend in college whose boyfriend was a little worried about what the medical training road looked like. At the time, I thought it was sort of funny how he did a lot of research, and interviewed people who’d been down the road to decide if he was up for it. I mean, when you’re 21, that doesn’t sound very romantic. Love is love, right? Looking back, I realize how smart he was. He found out what the road would entail for both of them, and decided he could commit to it. They got married and have navigated the ensuing road as a team. Also, if you are both pursuing time-intensive careers, communicate honestly about how you plan to merge those paths, or who is going to compromise, and when. Better some upfront discussions and research than down the road bitterness.

*Take care of your spouse: We've established that the partner sacrifices a lot in the pursuit of the medical dream. But it's important not to become so myopic in that intensity, that you forget there are lots of little ways you can pamper your spouse. A love note under the pillow, a quick phone call, a surprise donut pick-up on your way home--things don't need to take a long time to have an impact. Let your spouse know that they aren't unappreciated or forgotten in the long hours and sleep deprivation. Medicine can make you tired, but it doesn't have to make you a narcissist. :)

**You've gotta love a partner who can find the right anniversary card. Rockstar says those boots are the pre-cursor to Uggs. And I'm totally buying him some. Happy Anniversary to the man who has carried me through many a difficult thing!**

Bonus Round: Here's what I love about the people I work with. After a month of my co-workers analyzing the utter insanity of a certain reality TV show, I walked in one morning to find the following on my bulletin board(both relating to said reality show's finale that aired this week).

It definitely had me smiling as I walked into the first room of the day.

**Thanks to those who left comments on my last post--they gave me food for thought as I write these posts!**

The Balancing Act

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 04:20:00 +0000

**I brake for Saturday morning donut runs.**

You can get sick of anything after eating it enough. And as much as I loved the veggie burgers sold at the hospital I trained at, eating them every 4th night pretty well destroyed their appeal. Only one thing made them bearable: the company I kept while eating them. Rockstar came to the hospital every 4th night for my entire intern year. Whether I had a 10 or a 30 minute break, those stolen moments scarfing down a tired sandwich, kept me going.

I’ve never taken my husband’s support of my career for granted. In fact, it still strikes me as this incredible thing: that he bought so fully into a dream that wasn’t his own.

When I meet young couples, one of whom is starting down the medical training road, it’s usually the partner who I feel sorry for. Because I know how this road demands everything a family has to give, and that’s harder for the person who didn’t choose it. I’ve seen relationships fall apart when the spouse wasn’t ‘all in’ and felt like it was all too much.

Last week I wrote the post below on Interruption. I talked about how the weight and joy of the white coat is that when it’s on, it’s really not about me.

**Spring is here-happy, happy day.**

Reader, Aurora, who is starting out her journey in medicine, made the following comment:

“The thing I struggle with is this: How do I be okay with taking that time away from my son and husband and (essentially) acknowledge, "It's not about me... OR you." It's so hard sacrificing family time for patients on my child's behalf. I see so many children of physicians resent the time their dad missed a baseball game to repair an aortic aneurism or counsel a patient. Where do you draw the line and how do you reconcile that boundary, emotionally?”

These are great and important questions to consider.

The tricky thing about medicine is that for better or worse, it does require a relinquishing of self that not many other professional training roads do. It’s not that other training roads aren’t as or more rigorous than medicine, but medicine is one of the most iconic service professions. There are expectations that go along with that, and they live alongside the reality that lives are always hanging in the balance.

So, what is the trick to balancing family and medicine? I’ve seen it done a lot of different ways. Over the next week or so, I’ll be stopping in to share what I’ve learned along the way. I'll start with medical school and work my way up to attending-hood (what, you didn't know that was a word?)

Here’s one before I hit the sack:

*During those first two years of medical school, be physically present as much as you can. With so much lecture material available in notesets or in textbooks, many students in my med school class skipped some lectures in lieu of reading the material on their own. Depending on what kind of learner you are, this can be an effective use of time, and free up more time with your family. The last two years of med school don’t allow a lot of flexibility in terms of location and schedule, so use that flexibility while you have it. Of course the ideal is to be home physically and mentally. But your physical presence still matters, even when your mind is on pharmacology. Some people can’t study well at home, and I get that. Sometimes my friends and I would study at Barnes and Nobles on Friday nights. We knew it wasn’t as good as library time, but we were getting through some material and also preserving our sanity by feeling like we weren’t locked away at school all the time on weekends. Especially if you have kids, think of studying at home in the same way. Not perfect, but yielding important benefits.

**Shoot for the stars, baby. And when you fall short, that's okay too.**

Interruption

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 04:24:00 +0000

**Target is dangerous. I saw a heart shaped miniature pie-press,and wham-o! How could I not have a Valentine's tea party for Tiny and a couple of her friends?**

Among the many things that can interrupt the mojo of an afternoon of patient care, are fire alarms.

Yep, fire alarms.

Take this week, for example. My patient was all set up for her IUD placement, and my nurse and I were at the ready. I sat down to begin, when I heard a strange buzzing.

"What's that sound?" I asked my nurse.

"I'm not sure--should I check?"

"Yes, just in case it's a fire alarm."

**I think Rockstar's alarm bells go off everytime I walk by the dollar bins. Because suddenly I'm in a haze of, 'it's pink and miniature and ONLY A DOLLAR!' Seriously, though, thanks for the cute straws and party bags, Target.**

Well, whaddya know, it was! My patient was gracious about her sudden, albeit temporary, reprieve from the scheduled procedure. My nurse and I waited outside for her to get dressed. Several people passed us while we waited, and advised us to get a move on. We advised them that it seemed in poor taste to leave without our customer.

We walked out into the (mercifully mild) weather, and observed an enormous group of people--staff, doctors, nurses, patient's--standing together in the parking lot. Commenting on the cold, checking smart phones, wondering if this was 'real'.

I wondered how I was going to come back from what ultimately ended up being an almost 40 minute evacuation (!!!).

Miraculously, things went incredibly smooth once we got back into our office. Patients were understanding, visits were fairly straightforward, and a normal departure time looked not at all unlikely.

My last patient was a nice woman who I've been taking care of for a while. In the course of our conversation, she mentioned some chest pain that she'd had recently. She seemed almost embarrassed to bring it up. "I know I shouldn't even say that word in a doctor's office," she said.

**Say the word 'jewlerybox' to four little girls, and you've suddenly got their undivided attention! Again, thank you to the dollar bins.**

After discussing it, I knew we needed to do an EKG. Since we were down in a satellite office that afternoon, it would take the nurse some additional time to get the machine brought over and set-up. I mentioned to the patient that I wanted to proceed with doing the EKG and she said, 'But you guys have families that you need to get home to! Are you sure?'

I laughed it off and said, "I promise you that I don't base my clinical decision making on what time I want to leave the office.

I left the room and waited for the EKG to be done, feeling grateful for my nurse. She didn't even bat an eye at the delay.

Here's the thing: I'm not going to lie and tell you that there was no passing disappointment when I realized that my family would be waiting an extra half hour for my arrival home.

But the weight and joy of this white coat is that when it's on, it's just really not about me.

And that is the thing that ultimately keeps me going. Because when it's the right cause, giving more of yourself than you sometimes want to give means pushing through to something better. It means fighting fatigue and being flexible to land in that place of satisfied exhaustion that fills you up and lets you know that maybe your efforts are adding up to something bigger after all.

**My girl loves nothing better than to take pieces of this, and bits of that, and turn it into something bigger. In fact, I think she could do it all day long.**

Experiments in Dining

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 03:59:00 +0000

**Exuberance personified. Him, not me. Both?**

I have a theory about toddlers.

They are most comfortable with a certain level of ambient noise. And if their present environment doesn't include it? Well then they will happily fill in the negative space.

Here's my evidence (and you'll forgive its entirely anectodal nature!)

Last week my brother was in town for an interview. We decided to head to a fancy french bakery downtown for lunch. My sister's kids were with a sitter for the morning and I only had Drummer in tow.

Due to a minor miscommunication, I thought lunch was a quick stop into the main floor to get a chocolate croissant. My sibs envisioned a sit-down lunch at the upstairs restaurant part we'd never visited before. I agreed to give the sit-down lunch a go and hoped that Drummer would cooperate. After all, he had been a perfect saint at a casual burrito place the night before!

We walked up the stairs and into complete silence. I glanced around the tea room, no bigger than my living room, and noted that some people's mouths did seem to be moving. Just, nothing was coming out. So quiet! There must be some lip-reading etiquette pertaining to french tea rooms that I missed along the way.

The waitress seated us (why didn't I get a picture of that ridiculously fancy high chair?!) in that coolly polite way that implies they hope your meal will be a short one.

No sooner were we seated than Drummer smiled at me and shouted, "Truck!"

"Shhhh!" I whispered back. "Yes, that's a truck outside the window."

"Truck!!" He then glanced at another diner's meal. "Toast!"

"Shhhh! Yes, that's toast. I'll get you something to eat soon." And so it went. Toast! Shhhh! Truck! Shhh! Catch! Shhh!

After a minute had gone by, and my muscles were feeling the burn of fellow diners' stares**, I begged the waitress for some bread. Anything to stuff his mouth with, I thought.

What did she bring me? The hardest, crustiest, whole wheat roll I'd ever seen. Drummer tried unsuccesfully to bite into it and handed it back. He asked me for peanut butter. I asked the waitress. She didn't have any.

"Toast!"

I knew we were sunk.

Rockstar offered to take him out walking while we ate, but, you know, poor husband. He's always taking one for the team.

The other diners were clearly aware of us and probably wondered what we'd do. It was at the point where it would've been almost as embarrassing to stand up and admit noticeable defeat than to stay. But I can take a little embarrassment.

I looked at my sister. "I know you want to eat here, but I think I will die from tension if I have to sit here worrying about every happy exclamation that comes from his mouth."

She didn't argue. In fact, she was out of her chair and down the stairs so fast, I didn't even see her go!

I notified our relieved waitress that we would be on our way and we ducked out of that tea room after my sister as fast as we could. The sound of silence echoed behind us.

We bought some to-go pastries from downstairs and then found ourselves a restaurant with some serious ambient noise.

Much, much better.

Two days later, I took the kids to a local organic burger joint (with the most delicious veggie burgers for me!). It's a relaxed, family joint with a typical amount of accompanying noise.

And guess who sat quietly, eating and minding his own business the entire time? My sweet little guy.

Which brings me back to my new theory.

And whether its right or wrong, I'm sticking with lively environments unless the kiddos are home.

**Side note: half of my parental discomfort comes, it seems, when I expect things from kids that I shouldn't. You know? No one would/should expect a 1 1/2 year old boy to sit quietly in small tea room. And I should've turned right around when I realized that's where we were. So that tension I felt? Certainly not my boys' fault.
Lesson learned again:Be thoughtful about your expectations.

**You expect me to wear a snowsuit in the snow?? Oh, the injustice of it all!**

Baby, Mine

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 02:59:00 +0000

**While I am at liberty to dress him up as a little chap, you better believe I will.**

Even though I don't have any kids in the 'newborn phase' at present, I do not take sleep for granted. Because the number of things that can go wrong in the sleeping machine are too numerous to count.

Generally, my kids are good sleepers. But right now, we've got nightmare and molar interruptions popping up like whack-a-moles. Once we think we've conquered the problem, 'WHAAAAAAA!!!!'

Last night was a doozy. Tiny woke up sometime in the early morning with a nightmare. Rockstar dutifully put her back in the bed and turned her lullabies back on. If there's one thing I've learned recently, though, it's that once she has a bad dream, she'll be in and out of our room the rest of the night until we let her stay. Since we still reside in a Queen bed (are you reading this, dear???), there isn't a whole lot of room for a third little body. I sleep fine with Tiny squished between us, but Rockstar objects to her foot in his rib.

After Rockstar and Tiny had done the back and forth several times (separated by stretches of time I'm not sure how to quantify except in increasingly drowsy exasperation), I said, "Let's just let her sleep on the floor next to us in her sleeping bag." She was thrilled and stayed quiet as a mouse the rest of the night.

**Do I look like I could cause trouble??**

Except, hello, Drummer did not get the message that his parents were done with this game! Just before 6, I awoke from a dream wherein I had been super annoyed that some baby had been crying for a very long time. And upon waking and realizing that my baby sounded like he had been crying for a very long time, I felt pretty guilty. I glanced at my comatose husband who was definitely not aware of the crying baby. He'd done more than his fair share (read: all) of the nighttime shenanigans thus far, so I dragged myself out of bed with a sigh.

Drummer was in that wide awake state where I knew he wouldn't go back to sleep if left to his own devices, but definitely needed more sleep. So I pulled him out of bed. "I am so not ready for this day to begin," I thought. And yet, I knew my alarm was going off in a mere 30 minutes. I pulled him close to me and sat in his rocking chair, hoping at the very least for a few minutes of stillness with him.

One minute led to two and then three and then, holy cow! This baby was sleeping on my chest! I was delighted. It had been a long time since I'd gotten to rock my sleeping boy.

As lovely as it was, my body felt desperate to lay down, if only for five minutes before I had to get ready for work. Drummer woke every time I tried to lay him down in his crib, so I'd abandoned that idea. Then I realized, 'Hey--I know where there's a vacancy in this house!'

Cradling him, I crept into Tiny's room, and maneuvered us into her empty bed without waking him. His steady breathing coaxed me into dreamland and there we lay--a mother and her son.

Rockstar crept in a little later to let me know that my alarm had gone off. I couldn't be moved. 'Come get me in ten minutes,' I said. 'I'll get ready fast.' I drifted off for awhile until I heard my husband's voice.

"You'll be late, babe."

"Okay," I said, but I hated to wake my little man.

Just then, as if on cue, his blue eyes fluttered open. He turned his face towards me and our eyes locked.

**Straight to the heart.**

In that moment, I knew that while my body was full of exhaustion and frustration, it was held together by one beautiful, golden word:

Grateful.

A New Year

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 04:04:00 +0000

**There's nothing like seeing Christmas through the eyes of little ones.**

I have friends who take issue with the whole idea of New Years Resolutions. Their general beef, as I understand it, is why wait for January to make resolutions? I get that. On the other hand, I am not averse to a built in reminder to stop and reflect. My life gets so busy that it's easy to just keep on moving without setting new goals or taking a step back to survey where we've been and where we're going.

When I graduated from residency, one of the strangest things for me was the fact that I no longer had an academic or training schedule to mark time by. Life just stretched out in front of me as one great expanse. I think the whole New Years phenomenon fights against that in a good way. It breaks down time into pieces that we can measure and make sense of. As I’ve read blog posts recently, I've seen a lot of, '2010 was a struggle, but 2011 was restorative.' Or, "2011 brought change" etc., I think it's nice to have these discreet time frames that we can assess, learn from, and then move on from. It's like September for those of us no longer in school. A fresh slate. Or, to modify an Anne of Green Gables quote, 'A new year with no mistakes in it'. (uh, well...it was eight days ago.)

**Taking her new bitty twin on a ride on Drummer's new radio flyer.**

So what are my resolutions? Well, they look an awful lot like last years. So many of the most important goals are lifelong journeys.

But there is one overarching thing I want to keep in my mind this year. As I lay in bed last weekend, contemplating the new year and letting my mind consider what I would want to pay more attention to in the new year, one word came to me: Teach.

And then as I thought about my children, where I feel the most urgency to apply that word, two more came in quick succession: by example.

Yes, I want to seize the moments I have to teach them directly about the world, about how to be a good person, about what is important and right.

**She's all about teaching her doll children the way the world works. Finally, she's the boss!**

But I also want to remember that everyday they are watching me, soaking up my example.

Recently while we were driving, a car cut us off, causing us to get stuck at a light. Tiny said, "Oh! Why is that car being so annoying!?" I laughed in the way you do when you hear your own words parroted back to you. And I made a mental note to keep my trapper closed on the road.

But it also underscored what a powerful opportunity we parents have to put out into their world the things we really want them to be infused with.

Last week while the kids were playing in the basement, I sat on Rockstar's lap, and He and I laughed as we talked about the day. Eva looked over at us and a huge smile appeared on her face. "You guys are silly," she said. It occurred to me that a lifetime of witnessing moments like that will do more to inform her opinion of how to have a loving marriage than anything I could sit down and tell her.

How I handle my mistakes and persist in hard things will likely be as pivotal for my kids as any pep talks I could give them about 'not giving up'.

How I look out for those around me will naturally teach them how we treat our fellow man.

So, this year, I do want to accomplish lots of little concrete goals that I've jotted down in my iphone. I do want to think about who I want to be. But more importantly? I want to think about who I want my children to witness me being.

Happy 2012, everyone.

Merry Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 21:58:00 +0000

**Breakfast with Santa. Drummer looks nonplussed.**

**Who is this guy, mom?**

It's true that the holidays can be a little crazy. There is a lot of baking, wrapping, shopping, mailing, caroling, writing, and decorating to be done. And by the number of articles I see about reducing holiday stress, this is a pervasive issue.

I'm not immune to December getting crazy, though I think I reduce my stress by reducing expectations for myself. i.e., I am not the mom delivering plates of 10 varieties of homemade cookies (though I will decline to say how many of those received that I have eaten!)

**Cookies that I did not make, but have enjoyed tremendously. c/o my MIL.**

But any time I start to get stressed, I make myself think about the Christmas's of just a few short years ago.

**I had my eye on an a semi pricey advent calendar, but wanted to save money. I found this DIY on Oh Happy Day and am pleased as punch with the result. Hopefully next year I'll actually put things in them.**

I've always been a Christmas junkie and so the medical student/resident years were especially hard during the month of December. I wanted so much to bathe in the holiday spirit--to sit by the twinkle lights, go see the nutcracker, and drink hot chocolate at home by the tree. Working the hours I was, that just wasn't going to happen. I would dream of a Christmas Future where I would get to indulge all of my Christmas fantasies.

**Our mantle came with a plug right in the middle. Hooray for more twinkle lights!**

In order to quiet the longing for a month of Holiday Immersion, I'd bring my ipod shuffle to work. Clipped inside my coat where no one could see, I'd put one earbud in, tucked under my long hair. The Christmas carols played on a loop while I walked around the hospital; writing orders, checking on patients (I hit pause!), and answering pages. It helped--my own tiny connection to the holiday season.

**Hark! Drummer spies a train at a gorgeous exhibit we visit every year.**

Now that I'm living that Christmas Future, I feel like I'm duty bound to enjoy it doubly for all the years I couldn't. But I also remember with fondness my small efforts to make the holidays work within the season of life that I was. Because as much as I adore all the parties and gift exchanges, I know that's not what it's really about. For me, it's about the birth of our Savior, back in the meridian of time. And the magic of that was as present with me in my scrubs and clogs, in the four white walls of a hospital, as it is now in my cozy home with carols blasting.

**My connection to Christmas.**

My Christmas wish for you is the same whether you are having an ipod-shuffle-in-your-ear kind of Christmas or a month of Christmas Immersion: That at least some corner of it be Merry and Bright.

Merry Christmas.

Top 5 Friday

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 02:05:00 +0000

I'm not calling this Top 5 Friday because I intend to make this a recurring thing (though you never know!), but I do just so happen to have five things to share with you before the weekend. Hopefully when things slow down after Christmas, I'll have more time to actually sit and write. In the meantime:

1)This is a little video I put together that will help you see how much my little man lives up to his nickname. His nickname was serendipitous. Cause how could I have known a year ago just how much of his Dad's percussion gene he had inherited?

2)Green Shake Recipe.

We've become enamored of green shakes lately. They taste so delicious and it's ~~one of~~ the only way to get Tiny to eat lettuce of any sort. My fabulous sister gave me her recipe to try, and it's a hit with all members of the househould. I attribute this in large part to the fact that it tastes like a pina colada. Type 'green shake' into pinterest, and you'll get lots of ideas, but here's what we've been drinking:
2-3 handfuls of spinach
Some water or OJ as a liquid base
Frozen mango and pineapple
1 tsp Vanilla
1 T Coconut Oil

Blend and enjoy! I don't have a fancy blender, and it still blends the spinach completely. I think I'm partly drawn to green shakes this time of year because I'm looking for anything with immune boosting effects. Oh, cold and flu season!

3)My new favorite Christmas Album. I just discovered this today. Design Mom mentioned it and I went and checked it out. I listened once and SOLD! I knew Rockstar would love it as soon as I heard the pianist has been compared to Vince Gauraldi. The featured vocalist, Acacia, has a fantastic jazz voice.

My other new favorite Christmas Album. Rockstar bought this for me last week, and it's been in near constant rotation. When I first heard Zooey Deschanel's voice in 'Elf', I remember thinking, "Why isn't this girl making music?? I'd so buy her album." I googled it, and found out that at the time, she was popular on the Hollywood party circiut as a singer. I'm glad that she's made albums now that we can all enjoy.

4)This article is worth a read. A good friend and I were talking this morning about what parents can do to help kids grown into more respectful teenagers. She pointed me towards this article, and I thought it made so much sense. I really believe that the kind of love, generosity and respect we model in our marriage will be pivotal in our children's behavior. Just last week we had a family night lesson about being nice when other kids aren't(geared toward the preschool set). Afterwards, Tiny was playing with her toys while I recounted a story from the day to Rockstar, including a semi-sarcastic thing someone had said. Tiny pipes up, "Mommy! You can't talk to Daddy like that! We just had a lesson being nice, and you need to be nice!" We were cracking up as I explained that I was just relaying a story, but holy little pitchers! These little ones don't miss a trick. It was a good reminder to make a more concerted effort in the generosity department.

5)DIY Chandelier

I don't really consider myself a DIY'er, but I was helping out with the Halloween party for our church this year. The main planner came up to me while we were setting up and said, 'Hey, do you think you could build a chandelier in the middle of the ceiling with all these paper lanterns?' And because that is just precisely the kind of nebulous challenge that I love (the kind where I don't really know what I'm doing out the outset), I said yes. An hour and a half and a lot of fishing wire/masking tape/twinkle lights later, my friend Jen and I felt pretty pleased with our efforts. I'd give you a step by step on how we did that, but I'm not really sure!

Happy Weekend!

Memory Keeper

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 02:55:00 +0000

**Oh, I loved Thanksgiving. What's not to love about low-key day with parades, treats, family and gratitude? I'm stuffed with the goodness of it all.**

As the year winds down, I start to feel nesting instincts. I spent last week organizing random corners of my house and purging our piles of paper and to-do lists. I know this is off season, but I can’t fight the urge to have all of our i’s dotted and t’s crossed so we can start the new year fresh and organized. I like to know that all of the memories from 2011 are taken care of, so I have nothing hanging over my head as we move forward. Sometimes it feels like an overwhelming job to figure out the best way to organize, store and keep track of all the photos, papers and memories we constantly create as a family. And undoubtedly I don’t do the best job in the world. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with all the cute home videos I’ve shot of the kids on my iphone (ideas anyone…do you just burn them to a disc?). But there are a few things that I’ve figured out that help me feel like I’m storing our memories without overwhelming myself. Here are the ways I approach memory-keeping.

1)What/When/Where Binder:

My mom gets credit for this simple and effective idea, and boy do I think It’s genius. The gist of it is this: Each year gets its own three-ring binder. You print out a sheet that says, “What/When/Where _________ Family 2011” or what have you for the front cover. You can make it fancy if you’re so inclined, but I am not. Then you visit a website like printfree.com and you print a monthly calendar for each month. Put those in the binder with a few clear plastic holder sheets in between, and then you're ready to go. As the year goes on, jot down a one-liner on the calendar when something notable happens or when you do something as a family. I always note vacations, movies, dinners out, birthday parties, etc.,

What do I do when I get a mothers day card or thank you note that is particularly meaningful, and I want to keep? Three hole punch it and stick it in the binder.

A program for a recital? Same thing. Ticket stubs? Tape it to the back of the calendar. Random printed photos? A cute kid drawing? You get the idea. I absolutely love this. It allows me to keep a few sentimental things, but do so in a chronological way that makes more sense than just sticking it in a pile or a box. Plus, I love how flipping me through the calendars gives me a general sense for the year; what we did and who we hung out with. So easy, so useful.

2)Photo Books—

**My birthday was last month, and boy did this man spoil me rotten. For an entire week, the surprises kept coming (good surprises are my love language). He's a gift--the best one of all, for sure.**

I think most of us are probably doing something like this. I don’t do fancy digital scrapbooking, mainly because I have so many photos, I feel like they’d be 1000 pages long if I made room for anything decorative. I just can’t rest knowing that all my digital photos are languishing on my harddrive, but I don’t have time for complicated. I use simple layouts, a few captions, and lots and lots of pictures. I’ve let go of perfect. Each kid gets their own digital baby book for their first year of life, otherwise, there’s just a family book for each year. The first time I did one, I used Blurb. I was impressed with the pricing and the ability to print the picture directly onto the cover. Plus, I could use as many pages as I wanted to and the final product was nice. The one thing I HATED was the software. Everytime I dragged a picture into the book, the program had to ‘think’ for a million years. That first book took an eternity to make. Blurb has probably fixed this by now, but in the meantime, I tried My Publisher. My Publisher’s program is a dream to use. I drop a photo on the page, and BAM! No thinking. My second book took a fraction of the time that the first one did. Plus, they also now offer the photo printed right onto the book cover and unlimited pages. I think this is a great way to keep memories for busy mom’s who aren’t into scrapbooking. I can complete one in a day if I have several hours to focus.

3)Child Diaries:

**I'll save this picture for Drummer's future fiancee. In our house we have a saying: Real Men Wear Aprons.**

This is also something I adapted from my mom. She had books for each of us that she would write cute sayings in and record recent happenings. My book is pretty sparse because she didn’t think of this until I was in HS, but my little brother’s books are hilarious. I bought one of these nice notebooks from container store for each of the kids. When Tiny was a baby, I’d record all of her milestones and cute baby happenings. I write letters to her in that book, jot down some of her dramatics, etc., I could handle this even as a busy resident because it was just a quick note whenever I thought of it. Now I have one for Drummer as well. I keep them in my nightstand and try to update them on a regular basis. But I don’t let myself feel guilty about it when I slack for awhile, because I love even the few pages I have from my mom. I figure my kids will appreciate what I manage to get down, and won’t know what else they’re missing!

**Maybe I should note in her book how she was super excited about ordering this parfait until she realized they were using plain, sour yogurt to keep it french.**

A friend of mine also directed me to these calendars from Hallmark while I was pregnant with Drummer. It's a similar idea as the what/when/where calendars, but just for that baby's first year. I used one during Drummer's first year, and it worked out wonderfully. Quick, easy, not overwhelming. We're sensing a theme, no?

Those are the main three ways I keep track of our personal family history (aside from personal journal keeping, which I am TERRIBLE at). The minor ways?
*Blog books: I am in the process of printing my old blog via blog2print. I know a lot of you do blog books, but they always seemed to take me forever to re-format in Blurb, etc., Blog2print just does everything for you, and I think that’s hard to put a price on. My blog has never primarily been about keeping my family’s history, but I still like having a printed copy.
*Photo Calendars:I also do yearly photo calendars as Christmas gifts, and those are also sort of a fun visual record of the passage of time.

**Another visual reminder of the passage of time--drummer's first locks hitting the ground. You know where Tiny's first curls are? In my what/when/where binder!**

**So now I’m curious to hear from you. How do you keep track of your family’s memories?**

Happy Weekend! Our Holiday Schedule starts off with a bang tomorrow, and I just have this to say:

Bring it, Holidays. I'm so ready to make this month sparkle.

Curtains Down, Curtains Up

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 04:50:00 +0000

You know, when it first starts to get dark at 5:00 in the evening, I get a touch of anticipatory anxiety. Winter must be almost here! With Thanksgiving a mere week away, it's hard to ignore that fall will soon be a memory.

And after months of indulging my wanderlust, I sometimes worry that winter will make me feel boxed in. But then I think about the yin to my wanderlust yang, which is coziness. And winter? Winter is the season for coziness. A curtain goes down on the routines of warmer weather, and with that it's curtains up on popcorn popping, hot chocolate stirring, and general homey togetherness.

There are a lot of pleasures to anticipate in the coming months.

**But while the seasons are in transition, I'll savor the lovely days that still come our way. When we stumble upon 65 degree weather, we race off to the zoo for one more chance to admire lions and tigers and flamingoes. Oh my!

**Tiny was entranced.**

**Don't worry, little man, these days will come again. And in the meantime, don't count out trips to the zoo with snow on the ground. It wouldn't be the first time.**

Though our routines change in the winter, we make room for new ones.
Less zoo, more indoor playroom. Fewer outdoor concerts, more movie nights in. Less ice cream (!!!), more baked apples.

And the search for new routines unearths some pleasant surprises. My urge to get out of dodge (read: the kitchen) on Friday evenings is seasonless. So since we can't have outside BBQ's anymore? Well, we decided to head on over to a diner where the lights are always on.

**Chocolate Milkshake Joy.**

**Multiply said joy when it's a shared chocolate shake.**

**We got the windowseat, which was great for our very social Drummer.**

**He waved at nearly ever passerby, and was rewarded with lots of return waves and giggling smiles.**

And it was awesome.

Cold weather? Flu season? Dark evenings? I'm ready for you. Because your fabulous counterpoints include so many of my favorites: Chrismas carols, snowflakes and twinkle lights. And Diner frequenting. :)

Plus, change is always on its way. The winter solstice hits before Christmas, and the idea always surprises me that the light has begun its slow march towards luminous evenings again, when it seems like it just did the opposite.

I guess that's just the way of things.

****************************************************************
To close, I'll leave you with a few links. I work with the youth group at church right now, specifically the girls, and so I think a lot about how to empower them. In honor of them, here are some of my favorite girl power links:

*I'm trying to figure how how to incorporate one of these into Tiny's room.

*I read this article about standards nights months ago when it first made the rounds, but it's still the best article I've read on the topic. I want so much for these girls to understand how powerful they are, and to understand where that power comes from.

*Another article that made the rounds a few months ago, but that I still contemplate as the mom of a young girl.

**Keep on Rockin', my friends.**

Happy Friday. Warm, cold or in between--let's make it good.

Connections

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 03:25:00 +0000

**Seeing the two of them up at a door together? Now that's a moment.**

One of our recent family walks (we do a lot of those), Rockstar suggested that we try out a local BBQ shop near our house that we'd never tried. It's a family owned business, and he loves to support those. We stopped in, and ordered hot dogs for the kids and beef brisket for Rockstar(luckily there is also salmon on the menu for the pesca-vegetarians among us). While waiting, the engaging shop owner chatted us up about HS football and other local happenings. A few other people stopped in for food who clearly knew her and got equally friendly treatment.

As we walked home, I smiled to myself as Rockstar talked about the pleasure of finding little businesses like that.

**Then there is the pleasure of seeing Tiny dressed up as Rosetta. In case you are out of the loop, she's one of Tink's friends.**

A week later, we were driving past the BBQ shop again and Rockstar said out of the blue, "Wanna stop there for lunch?" Now, I'm always ready to dine out, but the husband usually takes a little more convincing. So if it's his idea? Yes, sir.

**Drummer's idea was usually to walk inside the house when the door opened. I had Tiny run interference.**

We walked in and the owner recognized us immediately. We ordered our food and again chatted while we waited. I realized that she had an Irish accent that I'd missed the first time.

**The wings missed the memo about staying upright. I assured Tiny that their flying capabilities would not be diminished by hanging upside down.**

She offered Drummer an irish rubgy ball to play with and told me not to worry if he ran circles around the store.

She laughed as Tiny danced on her stool.

**Dancing off on a sugar high!**

We talked about naming our children and the differences between Irish and American names.

Then we ate our food and left. "Good to see you again!" She called.

Rockstar and I looked at each other as we walked out, feeling full in more than one way. I knew we'd be back soon.

**I get the same feeling after a night of smiling at our neighbor's children and their adorable get-ups.**

It's true that in the influx of technology, something of community has been lost. Of course there are new online communities that have popped up to replace them, but as I left that shop, I knew there was nothing that could ever replace that face to face connection.

Nothing can replace the fact that it feels good to have a local shop-owner know your kids names. To stop and talk to your neighbor on your way in from work, and help them shovel their walk in the winter. To chat with fellow moms at the playground.

Having those connections makes the world feel a little safer and a little happier.

**Apparently, candy does that for Drummer. Look at that expression! He deserved it since he said, 'thank oo', to everyone who gave him candy--unprompted!!**

That doesn't always come naturally to me. In a doctor setting, I've learned to be pretty extroverted. But on the playground and in restaurants? My shy side comes out and I'd probably keep to myself if it weren't for an outgoing husband and run-ins with equally friendly strangers.

**Tiny elected to keep her candy to herself and Drummer was none too pleased.**

But our few trips to the BBQ shop have reminded me how satisfying it is to push outside of that initial barrier and build communities. Because now that I've been in a few times? I feel like I could walk in and feel totally comfortable asking the owner about the season closer for our football team, and I'm glad for that.

I'm realizing more and more how that's something worth cultivating. That there's a benefit in turning more strangers into acquaintances. How a smile and a short conversation can brighten a day. How knowing that I'm connected to the people around me, makes my own house feel more like home.

Saying No

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 03:28:00 +0000

**Face painting, round 1000? Seriously, nothing puts a smile on her face faster. Oh, and the bow situation? Her doing.**

After heading home from a morning of patient care and picking up Tiny from preschool, I sat down on the couch while the kids were napping. I sighed a tired sigh, because this is one of the busiest weeks on record for us, and did what I usually do when I'm tired or frustrated: I called my sister.

We were talking about the goings on of the past few days when I noticed my cell phone ringing. It was my office number.

"Hey hang on a second, someone from work is calling me."

**One thing that does not make me tired or frustrated is a good fall festival. We headed to yet another one this past weekend. Can't. Get. Enough.**

I picked up the phone and heard the voice of one of our third year residents. A few days ago he'd asked me if I could by any chance help with out for a Q&A meeting they were having for the residents tonight. I'd told him that with committments on pretty much every other night, it wasn't a great week. Plus, I wasn't working the afternoon shift, so it would mean fighting rush hour traffic to get back. Still, I told him to call me if he got in a bind.

And he was calling me. Great.

A heavy dose of guilt is a just part of my personality, and so once I've been asked to do something, even if I have a good reason for saying no, it still makes me feel bad. My sister is always telling me to let go of the guilt and 'just say no' when I need to.

**The kids never say no to bounce house fun. In fact, they said 'yes' about three dozen times.**

The resident said, "Hey, I know it's a crazy week for you, but is there anyway you could help us out with the Q&A?"

I asked how many people they had coming, and felt confident they had enough help to pull it off without me.

Then I thought about how my Dad had always put family ahead of his church and work responsibilities. I thought about how when he chose our back to school nights over meetings he was supposed to conduct, he probably felt a little guilty. But he chose us anyway.

**Drummer chose the corn box over pretty much every other activity. Do you know how much less messy this is than sand? Why is this not a thing??**

I thought about how choosing space for our family is generally not the path of least resistance.

I thought about how with my plate so full this week, my family just needed a quiet night together.

I thought about my sister on the line and what I knew she was rooting for me to say.

"I'm sorry, don't hate me, but I just don't think it's going to work."

**This painted pumpkin works beautifully on our front porch.**

"No problem, I understand" he said. And we hung up.

I picked the house phone back up, where my sister had been listening to my side of the conversation. "I'm proud of you," she said. Just as I'd known she would. Then we jumped back into our previous conversation.

It was a good night, albeit a little crazy with two toddlers who had slight cases of the grumpity grumps. Whenb Tiny asked 'if I was going anywhere tonight?' I smiled as I answered: 'Nope, I'll be here all night.'

I put them in bed, knowing I was exactly where I should be.

And now I'm heading to bed myself, grateful for the people who help me make the right decisions as I go, and for more reminders that little choices add up to big ones.

That saying no to one thing is usually saying yes to something else. And when we repeatedly say yes to the right things or people at the right times (which is not so simple to sort out!), we're laying the foundation for great things and great relationships.

That I believe. I really do.

Making It Count

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 14:39:00 +0000

**Pony on up, friends, and let the festivities begin.**

On the morning before Tiny's birthday, I laid down next to her in bed. "Today's the last day you're going to be 3," I said, "so let's make it a good day. Let's make it count."

She smiled at me like she understood what I was getting at. She got up and ran downstairs, while I lay there, my breath caught in my throat. 'This is the last day she's going to be 3,' I thought.

**Wanted: The Power to Freeze Time.**

But it wasn't just the nostalgia over the fact that the toddler I so adore is always, always, always evolving into a little girl I love just as much. It was more a remembrance of the concept that 'you won't pass this way again.' That everyday is unique and then it's gone, and I hope I'm appreciating that today is the only day that will ever be just.like.this. Of course there are do-overs and second chances and I've always loved the Anne of Green Gables Quote "tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it."

But I also want to retain a little bit of awe as I think to myself in the mornings, "Make it good, self. You won't pass this way again."

**Which is why Rockstar and I dressed up as well.**

********************************************************

Speaking of not passing this way again, it occurred to me while planning Tiny's birthday that this was probably the LAST time we'd ever do a cowgirl party. And a cowgirl party and a pony ride just go together perfectly, right? When I get a bee in my bonnet, well....I just have to follow through. So, while my husband rolled his eyes at my enthusiasm for the idea, I researched and finally found a pony rental from a local farm.

What can I say. Lots of times, I'm saying, "Keep it simple, people!" And then sometimes I'm unexpectedly acting on, 'Go big or go home!' impulses.

There's this part of me that always wished I could be an event planner. So I looked at that part of myself and said, "You're hired. Go crazy." And she had a blast. More importantly, so did those cute little cowgirls and cowboys.

**Our guests let themselves into the ranch.**

**We outfitted the girls with badges and hats upon arrival, then had them color their own Wanted posters (mwahahaha).**

**The birthday girl with her new Jessie Doll.**

**Dollar store cowboy hats have a myriad of uses.**

**The Party Favors. When the cowboot cookies I'd ordered didn't materialize, I made little sherriff star cookies. Thank you ready made dough!**

**Pink Lemonade for the weary riders who needed to wet their whistle.**

**Need a place to spend those tickets? Step on up!**

**Girlfriend took full of advantage of the times the store wasn't manned by this guy...**

**...or this guy.**

**He rocked his 'stache all party long.**

**The locals got a little nervous when the Sheriff came riding into town.**

**But the birthday girl told them there was nothing to fear.

**My MIL manned the Cowgirl Salon, aka face painting central.**

**Even tiny got hired for a brief stint at the salon.**

**Our cowgirls were experts at finding the gold among the rubble. More tickets earned!**

**The Sheriff was less adept at finding gold, and more adept at splashing water.**

**And also skilled at cattle rustling.**

**Good times were had by all. And a little nostalgia as I felt a pang for a life with horses (we had them growing up).**

**A sigh of relief from two happy parents: no one got sick and it didn't rain.**

There's this one cowboy phrase that goes something like this: "Don't stop kickin' until the clock stops tickin'." Whether in celebrating milestones, or in just appreciating each simple day, I reckon that's just what we'll do.

Rodeo

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 03:50:00 +0000

I've been silent on here the last week because of this:

That would be the entrance to Tiny's birthday party, which we had last weekend. It consumed ~~most~~ all of my spare time last week, and I'm still recovering. Kidding! It was a blast, but this week's just its own brand of busy. The party was a rollicking good time, and I promise to be back in the next day or two with a full report.

So, y'all come back real soon.

Intentional

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 03:18:00 +0000

In the heat of summer after my sophomore year in college, my family trekked eastward to Boston for my dad’s college reunion. Since the parents had a lot of obligations that kids wouldn’t be interested in, there was also a group of Harvard college kids who would take the various age groups around to different activities. I thought it was pretty fun to hang out with co-eds from a different university, and enjoyed our trips to the beach, to Salem, etc.,

Except on Saturday morning, I was really stumped about what to do. Because the co-eds were leading a group on a riverboat tour, but my parents had lined up an equally interesting city tour that I could come on. Everytime I’d decide to go with one option, the other option would suddenly look just as—if not more—appealing. Flip. Flop. Flip. Flop. It was not the first time I had struggled with indecision in my life.

**Are you sure about that, Mom?**

The hour of decision grew near, and my dad offered to walk me down to the pick up spot for the riverboat tour while I made up my mind. We got there and I was still unsure. All the kids got on the bus, and I was still unsure. They made a ‘last call’ announcement, and I was still unsure.

“Sweetie,” said my Dad, “You need to make a decision. Don’t let the bus leaving make your decision for you. Decide what you want instead of letting circumstance decide.”

**I generally miss the bus when it comes to getting my camera while the photo-op is still intact.**

He was right. With the opportunity to get on the bus still there (barely), I said, “I want to go on the city tour with you guys.”

“Okay, then.” We turned around and walked back to meet up with my mom and brothers.

I’ve thought a lot about this advice since then, because I think it’s some of the best advice I’ve ever been given.

Lately I’ve been contemplating the idea of being intentional in the way I live my life. Of making decisions when I have the ability to instead of passively waiting for life to make them for me. Of being mindful of the bigger picture as I make smaller decisions. Of acting instead of being acted upon.

**This weekend I decided to spend the afternoon putting candy on this spooky house. If you know me, you know this is only one of three gingerbread extravaganzas's that I'm a part of yearly.**

It can be easy to wait for the bus to pull away because then the responsibility for the decision is gone. But to make that decision when the opportunity is there feels like an important part of developing the ability to forge your own path. To forge the right path even when it’s hard.

So lately, I’m trying to be more active in making the decisions that are mine to make.

**Tiny's all about making decisions that aren't hers to make. Like body art when mom's not looking. Actually, I was kind of impressed with her efforts.**

For example: Tiny was at a morning camp recently, and after I put Drummer down for a nap, I surveyed my options for the next two hours. I didn’t want to just sit down and start sorting through mail, news headlines, interesting articles, etc., and realize many minutes later that my window of time had all but disappeared. So I made a list of the five good things I could do with that time. And when I surveyed the options, ‘sleep’ won out as the one that seemed the most beneficial at that time. So I layed down to take a nap, knowing I’d sleep even better because I’d decided to sleep before the bus pulled out of the station.

**Though I was tempted by a good book on my nightstand.**

Being intentional doesn’t mean that you’ll always choose to check something off the to-do list instead of having fun. Rather, it means paying attention to the precious gift of time that passes everyday. I want to see that gift and mold it, instead of letting it slip through my fingers.

**And sometimes I might be surprised by the choices I make.**

Happy Wednesday—make the decision to do something fun. ☺

Love Letter to the Past

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 01:52:00 +0000

Wanna take a walk down memory lane?

I saw this video on design mom today where the producers asked people their favorite memories.

It got me thinking about how I'd answer that question.

I don't know how I'd ever choose one favorite memory, thanks to my previously mentioned case of nostalgia. For today, I decided to reach back to memories in the 'land before children'. Here are a few that surfaced as I started turning over old memories in my mind:

*Sitting next to my dad before bed while he played the piano and I'd sing. I'd always ask him for just a few more, and he'd almost always oblige. I used to wish it never had to end.

*Pulling into the shore of Mykonos with Rockstar, and realizing that there was a real place that matched exactly the magical image of a Greek Island that I held in my imagination.

*Walking across the stage to receive my medical diploma. (not a single good picture of this).

*Bachelor marathons at Kath's house with my girls during med school.

**A moveable feast of friendship.**

*Sleeping in the same bedroom as my siblings on Christmas Eve.

*Checking out scads of Nancy Drew books with Marce as kids, then reading them all day long, side by side.

*Taking an adventurous journey by myself out to Jane Austen's house while studying abroad in England. The way it felt to walk, lost, in the countryside, so far removed from anything familiar, and yet so close to myself.

**And the fact that I get to take my adventures now with such a rockstar.**

*Trips to Williamsburg with Nance in pursuit of coziness.

**kindred spirits from day one**

*Saturday morning Donuts with Poppa.

**And ski trips with Grammy.**

*Taking 'the long way' to the creamery while on a pure chocolate diet with Lisey (don't ask).

**I'm richly blessed on the cousin front.**

*The feeling of being on stage during a play/musical, and having the audience clapping.

And the best part? Knowing that those just begin to scratch the surface of the wonderful memories I have of people, places and moments. It's been so fun to sift through old pictures and wander through old chapters of my life to answer this question. Maybe we all should deliberately do that once in a while--wrap ourselves up in a warm blanket of remembrance made up of all the good things from our past.

Instead of coming up with more memories all afternoon (I could!), I'll pose the question to you? What's your favorite memory?

***A few of you asked why Drummer is off Dairy right now. He's had digestive issues since March. Taking him off dairy helped initially, though the symptoms came back. We've kept him off while experimenting with other things. Initial tests run by his doctor were fine. Now he mainly drinks almond milk, and he seems to be doing pretty well. I'll probably re-introduce dairy at some point to see how he does.**

This and That

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 02:59:00 +0000

**He may be off dairy, but cones are fair game!**

*When I'm tired, I put off blogging. I love to write and organize my thoughts around a particular topic, but it takes energy. And I've been staying up too late to have enough energy for that this last week. I should probably go re-read my post about going to bed early. In the meantime, here are a few scattershot thoughts/links I wanted to share:

*Only watch these hair videos if you are prepared for your world to be rocked. Seriously, the trick in the first video has revolutionized my hair routine. I'm a night-showerer (this started back when I was rising pre-dawn for hospital rounds and couldn't tolerate getting out of bed one milisecond before I had to.) So now I just let it air dry most of the way in the evening, then take 4 minutes to flip it around a headband before bed. I sleep on it and wake up to curls that really stay all day. Fabulous.

I also figured out after seeing a picture of a hairstyle like this:

that I could just use a similar technique to rock a renaissance look during the day. It's crazy simple, but looks kind of fancy. I love it.

*I've been on a crusade against diet soda for years. Maybe crusade is too strong a word. Let's say I always caution my patients against it. This article just adds fuel to my fire. I've always believed that we wren't really tricking the body with such a super-sweet stimulus--of course it spikes the blood sugar!

*I decided to do some mild color-blocking for work today. I paired my large pink rose earrings with a bold red sweater. I thought, "Some people are going to think this looks stylish, and the rest are going to think I got ready in the dark." But that's half the fun, right? :)

*Much is made of women being mean to each other. I was just reading a few articles about how women can be so cruel to each other. But you know what? Women also get each other's backs. While Tiny was in preschool last week, I stopped by Nordstrom Rack with Drummer. I tried on a few items, then raced to the register before Drummer could start protesting. I was standing in line when I heard a woman whisper behind me, "Um, m'am? Your sweater is on inside out." She was so quiet at first, that I almost didn't hear. I turned around. She leaned in and said it again in a whisper. I appreciated her attempts at discretion.

I thanked her and switched my cardigan back around. The two women in front of me in line smiled. One of them said, "Honey, don't be embarrassed! That stuff happens to me all the time, but no one ever takes the time to tell me!" We all laughed about it and I left the store happy for the moment of solidarity I'd experienced in an unlikely place.

*Have you listened to Patty Griffin? Her voice cuts straight to the heart of the matter. I love it.

Hope you all had a lovely Monday!

Playing to Our Strengths

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 01:23:00 +0000

**She was way more ready for this day than I was.**

I'm sitting at my computer and it's very quiet. I took Tiny to preschool for the very.first.time today (sniffle) and Drummer is taking his morning nap. Weird.

So while I listen to the steady drip, drip, drip outside, I'm letting the swirl of thoughts I've had this week settle.

Today I'm thinking about how easy it is to feel inadequate as a parent when I look outside of my family. For example, I was reading this article by a mom yesterday who was giving a list of several (admittedly great) tips for raising kids and activities to do with them. She seemed so on top of her game.

**Tiny claims she's helping Drummer stay on top of his climbing game, but she somehow just ends up on top of him.**

When I read the article, I thought, "Gosh, she's such a good mom! Full of lists and plans and energy to execute it all.' And there was this instant where I panicked--where I thought of all the ways I must be falling short because I wasn't mothering like she was.

**I often worry he'll fall short when he scales our play structure.**

As I continued down this path of thinking, I suddenly pulled myself up short. I have faith in myself as a mother, imperfect as I am, and it didn't feel healthy to berate myself for not being 'enough' when compared to somebody else. Just because I recognize and can learn from what she does well, doesn't mean I have to mother like she does to be a success.

**Pretty much always a success.**

I decided this: I'm only ever going to succeed at--or be happy being--the kind of mom that's authentic for me. Which means I have to let go of trying to be one of the other kinds of amazing moms I see on blogs and in magazines. I'm not saying that I'll never borrow some of their ideas, but I need not worry about comparing my sum total experience to theirs. There are lots of ways to raise healthy, happy children.

**"Why would you ever doubt?"**

I'm never going to be the mom with the quilted family mission statement, elaborate job charts, amazing craft afternoons, alphabetized summer activity days or gourmet meals on the table.

And that's okay. People do what they enjoy and what works for their families. My friends who do more of those things do it because it satisfies them and helps them reach their goals. It's who they are.

My mom wasn't a super-PTA kind of mom. Her strengths weren't in a lot of the domestic parts of mothering, though she valiantly did what needed to be done. She was really good at being present, at teaching and talking to us, and helping us to think. I have such lovely memories of that: of sitting down after school, eating a run-of-the-mill snack, and just talking to her about all kinds of interesting things. Or of her staying up late with me while I was working on a school project, reviewing the events of the day. It always felt like enough because I was with her and it was the fruits of who she was. And mostly, it was enough because I knew I was loved.

**Drummer's feeling pretty loved right about now.**

But what a gift! Through being true to herself, she gave her kids many wonderful things:a desire to learn, a love of communication, the urge to gather information and think critically about things, the seeds of faith.

I'm glad she didn't spend her energy trying to be somebody else.

She knew her strengths were in her mind--her teaching ability, the way she thirsted for knowledge--and she used those to shape our family life. That is not to say she never pushed herself in pursuit of meeting our needs, though, and I have a hand sewn Scarlett O'hara costume to prove it!

When she first had kids she says she ran around trying to figure out how to quilt and can fruit because she thought that's what made a good mother. Then she realized she just needed to amplify her own God-given talents in behalf of her children, and trust that we'd get our fill of other motherly skills like quilting or baking from other moms (thanks Teresa and Karen!).

Me? I have a good bit of my mother in me. There's also a lot of inherited characteristics from my dad in there, and things that are just my own.

**I see a lot of those parts of myself in this little gal.**

And I think as I focus on amplifying those things in a positive way, and as I keep in mind my overarching goals for our family, things will fall into place.

I love to read and write. To talk. I have strong faith in God. I love the arts and travel. I like music and dancing. Spontaneity and adventure. A little baking and some simple crafts. Being silly. For things to feel relaxed and flexible. That whole doctor thing. :)

And as the home maker around these parts, these are the influences that will shape our day to day. These are my strengths and my interests. This is the context wherein I'll find the best mom for my family.

**My love for these little people gives shape and color to our day to day.**

And the things I don't do? Well, I'll be grateful that I'm surrounded by women who fill in the gaps.

So next time I read about a mom who excels in ways that I don't, I'm just going to be glad that she's out there, and hope that my kids will benefit from someone like her. I'll learn what I can from her example, and still feel secure in the fact that I'm successfully rocking this motherhood thing in my very own way.

Motivating Patient Quote of the Week

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 15:27:00 +0000

**She loves it when we let her have her own jam session on daddy's drum set.**

I met a 77 year old woman this week who looked in very good health. She told me, however, that she'd always intended to die when she was 76. In her charming southern accent, she said:

"I always told my kids, when I turn 76, I'm out of here. My husband died at 76. My momma died at age 76. I don't like pain and suffering. I wanted to get out of here before I got too old and sick."

Clearly, she had surpassed her own dead(ha!)line, and I mentioned that she didn't seem too upset about it.

**We're all allowed to change the beat of our own drum.**

"I started eating right and exercising some," she explained with a smile. "And then I just felt so damn good, I decided to aim for 90."

Well, shoot, that sounds like pretty good sense to me.

Here's to eating right and exercising.

Here's to feeling d*mn good.

Happy Weekend!

**Our Street Sweeper is always up for a little exercise.**

Unusual Occurrences

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 16:13:00 +0000

**How 'bout that quake??**

So, there was this earthquake on the east coast this week. What, you didn't hear?

Growing up in the Golden State, I experienced my fair share of earthquakes. I attended the make up World Series Game after The 1989 Quake, watched our piano nearly topple over from what looked like a giant worm rolling through our floor, and worried about the next 'big one'.

So when the earth started shaking while the kids and I were in the parking lot outside Trader Joe's this week, it's not like I didn't know what was happening.

And I didn't panic--it was pretty clear from where I was standing that it wasn't doing major damage in our vicinity and that we were away from falling objects.

But it was still eerie in a way that this popular picture doesn't convey:

It left us feeling vulnerable.

**And a little out of sorts.**

We all quantify what risks are likely to strike a certain area, and prepare accordingly. California reinforces all of its foundations. We don't. Of course nothing is certain, but I think it helps us feel safer when we compartmentalize risks like natural disasters.

So even though there was no great damage from the earthquake, it brought up the possibility that we may need to be prepared for risks unforeseen.

**Having kids opens up new vistas of vulnerability, you know?**

That coupled with a crazy hurricane watch, and the mood back here is downright strange.

Hopefully our neighborhood's main issues will be power outages, but I still worry about the areas likely to get hit harder. Places that are close to my heart. I'm watching the storm approach Hatteras Island, and hoping and praying that those beaches I adore will weather the storm okay.

**Oh, I love those beaches.**

But you know what? All the weirdness in the air, notwithstanding, I'm not dwelling on it.

I'm secure in the fact that we've done the best we can: we're stocked up on water, non-perishable food, and batteries/flashlights. We've trimmed the obviously dangerous branches from our trees. We've tried to protect areas of possible flooding.

**If the power goes out, we might be playing a lot of tic-tac-toe. You'll notice that Tiny always wins. She says I'm only allowed to play outside squares, and I can't block her. Interesting.**

And today? Well the sun is shining and the temperature is lovely.

We can't control a darn thing about what the storm decides to do this weekend, so instead we'll focus on what we can control: enjoying this beautiful day.

Have a safe and dry weekend!

**Having a hand to hold makes anything better.**

The Second Time Around

noreply@blogger.com (OnCallMom) — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 02:35:00 +0000

Tonight I walked in the door from work, and Drummer's grin was the first thing that greeted me.

"Hi mama!" he exclaimed. I picked him up. "Out!" he cried, pointing at the door I'd just come through. He's always trying to make a jailbreak.

I looked at my son and thought: are we here already? Where he can express to me basic requests and wants?

With Tiny, I spent time reviewing lists of milestones, and anticipating them. Each one was met with delighted joy and wonder.

**Didn't I tell you? Tiny's driving.**

With Drummer, there is just as much joy. But there is surprised wonder instead of just wonder. "Huh? You're crawling/walking/kicking a ball/talking/playing hide and seek?" With each milestone, there will be this moment where I think he must be wonderboy. Until I remember that, no, it's totally age appropriate, and I've just been snuck up on by the march of time again.

**"What? What'd I do?"**

Does this get worse with child 3 or 4? I can only imagine.

I think I'll go get some rest, for fear that I'll wake up and discover that he's been submitting college applications behind my back. Gnite all.

**This one's starting preschool soon, and I'm much too sentimental about it.**