Just Audrey

My Thoughts on Anne of Green Gables

2012-01-22T12:54:00.000-05:00

I just finished Anne of Green Gables (as part of the L.M. Montgomery Reading Challenge going on this month) and I loved it!

It was fun to get a better insight into the characters and to soak up all the things that the movie omitted or changed. I greatly enjoy L.M. Montgomery's writing here--the touches of humor (some parts were VERY funny!), descriptions of nature, and her ability to understand and express the facets of people and emotions. She just captures it all beautifully. There are so many little insights that really resonated with me.

I also found the book Anne to be different than the movie one. In fact, I find her more likeable in the original source than on screen. I really do love the movie, but sometimes in that she comes off more haughty. In the book she seemed more earnest and endearing.

I also feel like the book lays a better foundation for understanding Marilla's personality. Mainly this is because we are privy to her thoughts here in a way that the movie couldn't convey. (I also thought it was interesting how several of Anne’s “mistakes” are actually Marilla’s—the raspberry cordial and liniment episodes were both just Anne following Marilla’s directions!)

I'm not extremely fond of the Gilbert of the movie, but I LOVE him as portrayed in the books. I am looking forward to reading the next book!

This book is really quite timeless. (Well, despite a few passing maybe-racist remarks. Apparently the residents of Avonlea did not think well of foreigners. I also didn't like the part about that gruesome haunted wood. But over all, there was very little I didn't like.) The story still feels very fresh, even though it was written over a hundred years ago. I'm so glad that I finally read this and discovered that Anne and I are perhaps more "kindred spirits" than I previously thought.

I am looking forward to re-watching the movie now and comparing it to the book!

I'm so glad this challenge motivated me to finally read this! Thanks, Carrie, for hosting it.

P.S. This review was also posted on Goodreads, although I changed a few things.

L.M. Montgomery Reading Challenge 2012

2012-01-06T16:05:00.002-05:00

For the month of January I will be participating in the reading challenge hosted by Carrie of Reading to Know. This challenge focuses on the work of author Lucy Maud Montgomery, who wrote the Anne of Green Gables series, The Story Girl, and many other well-loved books. When I was younger I read her Emily series and all of the Anne books except the first two. Having watched the two movies starring Megan Follows countless times, I thought that reading Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea would just be boring and repetitive. It wasn't until last year that I actually realized how different the movies (especially the second one) are from the book. Plus, the books are classics, and it was really quite silly of me to skip over them.

So, all that to say that this month I plan on reading Anne of Green Gables for the first time! I originally thought that I would not participate because of the inopportune timing with all of the other books I have lined up to read first. But then I remembered that I could listen to it on audio book. So we'll see how that goes!

I also plan on watching some of the TV series Road to Avonlea. I've seen a few of these episodes before, but I have never started at the beginning of the show, which is what I plan on doing this month.

If you would like to participate in this reading challenge, head over to Carrie's blog to find out more.

More Reviews: Farmhouse Culture Kraut, Pure Bars, and Beanfields Chips

2011-12-01T16:28:00.010-05:00

I'm back again with some more reviews!

Pure Bars - These are one of my very favorite brands of energy bars (in fact, they might be #1). The ingredients are wholesome, the nutrition is great, the flavors are delicious, and the packaging is cute (because that matters, right?). My favorite flavor is the Orange-Cranberry. This tastes just like a cranberry-orange muffin in bar form. It is delicious! I also really like the Apple Cinnamon; it's sweet and chewy with the perfect amount of cinnamon. I would never turn down the other flavors, but these two are my top picks. If you are a fan of Pure Bar, be sure to check out their Twitter, Facebook, and newsletter. They often do giveaways on the first two, and the newsletter is a great source of information for all kinds of things relating to natural living. During the holiday season they also have a special fundraiser going on for the Lunchbox Fund. For every Facebook "like" or Twitter follow (see links above) that the Pure Bar gets, they will donate a lunch to a child in need. So head on over to their pages!

Farmhouse Culture Kraut - If the only kind of sauerkraut you've ever had is the soggy kind that comes out of a can, you are in for a treat. This stuff is crunchy, tangy, and delicious! Since this kraut is raw (and it's also organic!), it contains the beneficial natural probiotics that the pasteurized varieties lack. Farmhouse Culture has created an array of innovative flavors, but the three I got to sample were the Classic Caraway (perfect for vegan reubens!), Horseradish Leek, and Smoked Jalapeño. All of them were delicious! I was originally afraid that the jalapeño would be too spicy (I like a little heat, but not a lot), but it was perfect. I also have to mention the great packaging: they come in glass jars with a screw-on lid, and the label is biodegradable. I enjoyed this kraut on sandwiches, salads, in wraps, and by the forkful. The kraut will keep for several months in the refrigerator--great to know if you plan on stocking up.

Beanfields Chips - I really like these! They are made from beans and rice (complete protein!) and have a delightful crunch to them. I think they are good on their own, but they would also complement a variety of dips or spreads (hummus, guacamole, salsa, cashew cheese…the options are endless). I sampled four different flavors: Naturally Unsalted, Sea Salt, Pico De Gallo, and Sea Salt & Pepper. The Pico De Gallo and Sea Salt were my favorites. The Sea Salt variety might benefit from a little more salt, in my opinion, but they are still really good (and my favorite flavor for multi-purpose use). The Pico De Gallo has a strong cumin/taco-y flavor profile and this makes them delicious to snack on alone or with Mexican food. The Sea Salt & Pepper was my least favorite--they were just a bit too peppery and salty. But if you love other brands of salt and pepper chips, you will probably enjoy these. The Naturally Unsalted would be great for dipping, or any use when you don't want saltiness to overwhelm the other flavors. I actually don't mind eating them on their own, though, as they still have a good deal of flavor. It's also worth mentioning what the representative I emailed said about their chips, when I double-checked to be sure they were vegan: "All our products are all Vegan, by design, not by coincidence!" They are also corn free, gluten free...and delicious! I further contacted them about a question I had regarding the "yeast extract" ingredient in the Pico De Gallo chips (none of the other flavors have this). They were very prompt and nice about answering my query, which I really appreciate. I won't bore you with the details of our exchange, but it is always nice to know that there are companies that care about quality ingredients and satisfying their customers. I think all three companies that I highlighted today do that, and I am delighted that I was able to share these products with you all!

Disclaimer: All products mentioned in this post were sent to me free of charge for the purpose of reviewing on this blog. I received no monetary compensation.

Zevia Giveaway! This Contest Has Now Ended

2011-11-27T12:23:00.004-05:00

The people at Zevia have offered to do a giveaway for one reader to get a coupon for a free 6-pack of soda! While I am not much of a fan of the Mountain Zevia, I do like many of their other flavors. The Dr. Zevia and Ginger Root Beer are my favorites of the ones that I have tried.

This giveaway is open to residents of the United States only and will run until Saturday, December 10, 2011. I will then come back and update this post with the winner. I will also privately contact the winner, so please make sure your comment includes some way to contact you (preferably through email).

Here are a few facts that Zevia passed along to me:

Our website is located at www.zevia.com

Our Facebook page is located at http://www.facebook.com/ZEVIA, and you can follow us on Twitter @Zevia. We are very active with our social media, always doing contests, giveaways, and just chatting with our fans!

When sampling Zevia keep it cold! We always say cool is not cold enough! We recommend that you drink it out of the can. It gets warm and flat in a cup!

~~There are three ways you can enter this contest. Please leave a separate comment for each entry.~~

~~Comment on this post with your favorite Zevia flavor, or the one you would most like to try.~~
~~Post about this giveway on Twitter (remember to leave a comment saying you did so!)~~
~~Post about this giveaway on Facebook (remember to leave a comment saying you did so!)~~

~~You can enter in any or all ways listed above.~~

Keep in mind that I cannot enter you in this giveaway unless you include a way to contact you in your comment. Twitter, email or blog is fine...just make sure that there is a way you will be able to find out if you win!

***This Contest Has Now Ended***

The winner is "Dee Dee Jones" Please email me at justaudrey [at] live [dot] com to claim your prize. Thank you everyone for entering!

Food Reviews!

2011-11-27T11:59:00.002-05:00

Vegenaise - I got some coupons from Follow Your Heart, one for vegenaise and one for their vegan cheese. The vegenaise was definitely my favorite product of the two. I've tried at least one other vegan mayo and I was not a fan. I never was huge on mayonnaise in general (even when I was an omnivore, something about it just grossed me out), but this stuff doesn't bother me as much. I'm still not about to go slathering it on bread or eating it plain, but I find that it complements a variety of recipes. So far with the jar I got I have made a chocolate mayonnaise cake, blueberry cobbler, Chesapeake tempeh cakes, waldorf salad (from Peas and Thank You), tempeh salad, and tzatziki sauce (from Peas and Thank You). While I preferred some of these recipes over others (and I did alter some of them a bit), I think the blueberry cobbler wins the award for most creative use of vegan mayo. I've also seen a recipe for cinnamon buns using vegenaise; I might have to try that next. I know it sounds gross, but if you think of using it in place of Earth Balance or sour cream it takes on new possibilities.

Sjaak's Candy Bars - Sjaak's sent me a sampler back of their Eli's Earth Organic (and vegan!) Candy Bars. I really wanted to like these, but they just weren't my favorite. The bars were really hard, all except the one that had a lot of peanut butter in it (I don't remember which one it was) and that one almost had TOO much peanut butter. The chocolate didn't have a great flavor and was a bit waxy. I found the bars very sweet without a lot of authentic flavor (and the peanuts tasted stale). I hate knocking a product like this--maybe I just got a bad batch?--because I really wanted to like them. But I do try to give my honest opinion. These weren't awful, though, and I didn't have to suffer to much to eat them! : ) I just couldn't help thinking that they could be so much better. But maybe they just didn't appeal to me.

Mountain Zevia - Zevia (naturally sweetened soda) recently sent me a pack of Mountain Zevia to review. This is not a flavor I would've chosen, as I never liked regular Mountain Dew. Consequently, I wasn't too crazy about this. The color (like Mountain Dew) just unnerves me and I found it had a weird aftertaste. Plus, it's way too sweet for my taste--almost syrupy. I will drink it, but it's definitely not my favorite. That said, if you like Mountain Dew, you might like this.

Navitas Natural - Navitas send me some of their new Organic Raw Power Snacks, in Cacao Goji and Citrus Chia. I think I like the cacao flavor a little better than the citrus. Both are quite good, though. They are pretty filling and not too sweet. I found they made for a good snack. The flavor isn't amazing at first, but there is something subtly delicious about them that kept me coming back for more. They also sent me a Cacao Lip Balm. Unfortunately, this has beeswax in it! I will probably use it up because it would be wasteful to throw out, but it's definitely not something I would buy or support. On another note, Navitas wins my admiration for their attractive marketing and packaging. (For some reason I always notice stuff like that!)

I hope you enjoyed these reviews!

Disclaimer: All products mentioned in this post were sent to me free of charge for the purpose of reviewing on this blog. I received no monetary compensation for these reviews.

Links and Ideas for a Vegan Thanksgiving

2011-11-17T13:40:00.000-05:00

Thankful for vegans {Source}

Why not make this Thanksgiving turkey-free? It sure would give the turkey something to be thankful for! Here are some great ideas to plan a vegan feast:

And here is some food for thought:

Excerpts about Thanksgiving from Eating Animals (which I reviewed here)
The truth about Thanksgiving turkeys
Nutritionist Ginny Messina's article about kindness and Thanksgiving

A New Site for Betsy-Tacy Fans!

2011-11-01T11:36:00.003-04:00

You may remember that earlier this month I hinted at a project that I was hoping to complete and unveil soon. Well, now that the Maud Hart Lovelace Reading Challenge is drawing to a close, I think it's the perfect time to share this news with you--just in case you haven't quite gotten enough of the world of Deep Valley.

I've been mulling this idea over in my brain for awhile but I put it off because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to stick with it/I wouldn't be any good at researching, etc. But I finally just plunged in and did it!

So, without further ado, here is the link for The Betsy Tacy Encyclopedia.

I can't promise that I will keep up posting forever, or even that my posts will all be great, but I do hope it will be a fun site for Betsy-Tacy fans. The site is still very new, so please excuse any kinks (and let me know if you have any ideas of how to improve the site). If/when I get more followers, I would love to make it more interactive with guest posts, questions, quizzes, and polls. Please let me know if you have any ideas or would like to guest post something. I would love to hear any and all suggestions!

Three Reviews with One Thing in Common (Chocolate!)

2011-10-28T20:24:00.001-04:00

Hi! I'm just stopping by to share a few products that I have recently sampled.

First up, Artisana nut butters. I'd heard a lot from the blog world about their coconut butter and Cacao Bliss, and this stuff did not disappoint!

Both products were a lot grittier in texture than I thought they would be, and it was kind of annoying how hard they got, but the taste was terrific! My favorite, by far, was the Cacao Bliss. This stuff is good enough to eat by the spoonful. I also like the coconut butter, but I think I would like to try some recipes with it, as I'm not really sure how to use it plain.

I also received some samples of several of their other nut butters, which are also good. The Cacao Bliss was the clear winner for me, though.

I also had a chance to try some of the Zing bars. Three of their flavors are vegan: Chocolate Coconut, Cashew Cranberry Orange, and Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip. (The other flavors are not vegan, so make sure you read the ingredients!) All of the Zing bars are wheat, gluten and soy free. They are also high in protein and naturally sweetened. I really like having these as an option for when I want a bar with more staying power. I imagine they would be great for traveling or hiking--any time one needs a convenient source of energy. I hope that they open up even more vegan options in the future. Zing was kind enough to offer readers of this blog an online discount code for 15% off! This coupon starts on Oct. 28 and goes until Nov. 30. Here is the code: audreyzing

And last, I had the chance to sample some delicious Salazon chocolate bars. This company specializes in making dark chocolate with sea salt. It's a great combination, and I think my family really enjoyed sampling with me. :) Their chocolates are organic and rain forest certified (I am a little confused as to why they aren't fair trade. The response to that question here just confused me. In any case, it seems that they at least attempt to make measures to ensure fair working conditions. Which is more than most chocolate and coffee brands can say.) They sent me four bars--all organic:

original dark chocolate with sea salt
dark chocolate with sea salt and turbinado cane sugar
dark chocolate with sea salt and cracked black pepper
dark chocolate with sea salt and crushed coffee

Their chocolate is 54% dark and to me, this was really the perfect combination of richness without bitterness. My favorite flavor was probably the original, but I loved them all. The only one that seemed a bit odd to me was the one with cracked black pepper. It's not something I think of as going with chocolate. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't my favorite. The other three flavors were absolutely delicious, though.

Disclaimer: All products mentioned in this post were sent to me free of charge for the purpose of reviewing on this blog. I received no monetary compensation for these reviews.

MHL Reading Challenge: Reviews of the First Four Books

2011-10-21T21:28:00.001-04:00

As promised, here are my reviews of the first four books in the Betsy-Tacy series. I pretty much just copied and pasted the very same review I posted on Goodreads, though I did add some quotes and pictures.

BETSY-TACY

A delightful book that celebrates the innocence and imagination of childhood. This book is written for a very young audience and makes a perfect read-aloud. When I was little, all I wanted was a friend like Tacy. :) I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: growing up is okay, but nothing compares to the magic of childhood—when simple things can become most adventurous and exciting. This book is the first in a series of ten books about Betsy (plus two books about other characters in which she is mentioned). The reading level and plots DO increase as the books progress and the characters mature. So don’t give up on the series if you are an older reader and find this one boring. (Though I still think it is charming!) This is a series that no childhood should be without.

"We'll have lots of fun," said Betsy. "You and me and Tacy. Lots of things will happen." And so they did.

BETSY-TACY AND TIB

** spoiler alert ** I think I like this one even more than Betsy-Tacy. Maud's descriptions are balm to my soul. For example:

It was June, and the world smelled of roses. The sunshine was like powdered gold over the grassy hillside. (p. 4)

Such a beautiful turn of phrase. I also really love all of her descriptions of wildflowers and sunsets. :)

For some of the things they did, like the flying (Chapter 2 and 3), I thought that it seemed a bit odd that eight-year-olds wouldn’t know that you can’t fly. But perhaps they were just really innocent and had not ever been told otherwise. Maybe kids today are a bit more cynical because of the media and so many other outside influences? I don’t know.

Poor Tib! I kind of dislike that her dad says she can’t be an architect. There’s nothing at all wrong with being a housewife, but I just feel sorry for her that that option was imposed on her at the exclusion of any other career ambitions (p. 49).

The "Everything Pudding" story (Chapter 5) is fun but am I the only one who cringes at the waste of food? (p. 64) Haha, I'm such a miser. I still love the story, though. I feel kind of the same way about the haircutting thing. I can relate to their mothers’ reactions on that one! They all have such beautiful hair. But…I actually did something very similar when I was little (cut off half my hair—just one braid), but for decidedly different reasons. My plan was more premeditated and not at all sentimental; I just really wanted a haircut!

I thought it was interesting that the girls liked to talk about God. It did bother me a little that their view of faith was so, well, depressing. There is truth in what Betsy and Tacy say (that we are “born bad" (p. 100), etc.) but they don't mention the hope in Jesus’ redemption! Christianity is not a dour religion. I wish the girls understood that more. They seem very receptive to things of a spiritual nature, and I think that is true of a lot of children. I just wish that instead of deploring their bad actions, they had tried to do GOOD things and reward those. But, I suppose the whole story about the stones (Chapter 8) wouldn’t be quite as entertaining that way. :) I understand that, but I also think that kids have a great potential—an underestimated one—to really do good and be holy. I think the sentence at the end of Chapter 8 really expresses this:

In silence the three of them looked at the sunset and thought about God.

I find that really beautiful and sweet. :)

It's interesting to first read these as a kid and then come back many years later and read them when I am older. And guess what? I still love them! (Though I may be over-thinking some things here a little.) Children's books or not, this is one of the most delightful series you could ever hope to read.

BETSY AND TACY GO OVER THE BIG HILL

** spoiler alert ** My enjoyment in rereading this series is increasing exponentially as I continue. I really think the books just get better and better. :)

Poor Tib gets left out in this title, though she is still very much part of the story. The information at the back of the book says that Maud's original idea for a title was "Betsy-Tacy and Tib are Ten", but her publisher disagreed.

I love how Tacy and then Tib move in to defend Naifi when all the boys are so cruelly teasing her (Chapter 5), and Mrs. Muller's response to the incident (p. 75). I wonder what ever happened to Naifi? I don't recall her being mentioned in subsequent books.

The friction of Julia and Katie versus Betsy, Tacy, and Tib is a big part of this book. I feel like Maud portrays the younger sister/older sister relationship very realistically. Even though the story is told from the younger girls' perspective, we can see Katie and Julia's side, too:

Julia and Katie were good big sisters, as big sisters go, and Betsy and Tacy were no more exasperating than other little sisters. (p. 78)

I also find the part when they all finally make up to be really sweet.

Another favorite incident is when the girls are collecting votes for who will be queen. It is interesting to peek into the homes of so many Deep Valley residents. I had forgotten about "the deaf and dumb family" (p. 93) and I thought the mention of them, and that they taught Betsy, Tacy, and Tib sign language, was really neat. I would've loved to learn more about them. Oh, and it's fun how at the end of that chapter I felt perfectly furious at Katie and Julia sitting there eating their cake and ice cream after getting all those votes at the Ice Cream Social. :)

I also wondered: did the King of Spain write to them in real life? It seems a little improbable, but I suppose it could happen.

Those are just a few of my favorite parts of this book, though I thoroughly enjoyed the entire story.

They soon stopped being ten years old. But whatever age they were seemed to be exactly the right age for having fun.

BETSY AND TACY GO DOWNTOWN

** spoiler alert ** Another perfectly delightful volume in the Betsy-Tacy series. This book might be my favorite of the first four, though I really don't know how I could ever choose.

I have SO many favorite scenes in this book: Betsy writing in the maple tree, when Betsy gets her desk, Betsy going to the library, window shopping, bobsledding, "Flossie's Accident" (at first I thought it was weird but now I find it hilarious), Mrs. Poppy's party, Christmas morning, the reunion with Uncle Keith...etc. there is basically not a part of the book that I don't love. The wintery parts in this story are especially cozy. :)

This book serves as a perfectly toned bridge in the series. Betsy, Tacy, and Tib are starting to grow up: Betsy can go downtown on her own, Tib gets an important role in a play, and even shy Tacy admits that she finds Herbert Humphrey cute. While Betsy has always wanted to be a writer, in this book she first starts to take steps to make that goal happen. Despite the fact that the girls are now twelve, they are not too old to annoy Julia and her beau, invent elaborate stories, or try to hypnotize the impish Winona.

I get such a kick out of Betsy. She's flawed but wonderful. I love how she is such "a talker."

Betsy liked to talk. Her father always said she got it from her mother, and her mother always said she got it from her father. But whomever she got it from she was certainly a talker. (p. 112)

I have a great fondness for most of the main characters in these books, though--right down to Miss Sparrow! Maud has such a matter-of-fact, yet tender, insight into human nature, and I always feel refreshed after spending time with the town and people she wrote about.

With the recently re-reprinted Betsy-Tacy Treasury, all four of these books are available in one volume. (Just so you know, I'm not paid or rewarded in anyway for mentioning that.)

This post is part of the Maud Hart Lovelace Reading Challenge.

Maud Hart Lovelace Reading Challenge: One of My Favorite Scenes

2011-10-20T21:44:00.004-04:00

The MHL Reading Challenge continues! This week's prompt for the giveaway was to write about a favorite scene or character from one of Maud's books. Since I have about 40 favorite scenes (per book, that is) I am going to pick a scene from one of the books that I recently re-read, Betsy and Tacy Go Downtown. This scene takes place in Chapter 6. What I love about it is how encouraging Betsy's family is of her writing. I also always enjoy the interactions between Mr. and Mrs. Ray. (Mr. Ray, in particular, is a favorite of mine. :))

"Betsy's mother was a great believer in people having private places."

This particular moment takes place one evening after supper. That afternoon, Mrs. Ray had helped Betsy find a writing corner:

"Your father and I are very proud of your writing. We want you to keep at it. You ought to have a desk but we can't afford one yet. I'll find a place for your things, though."

Mrs. Ray loved to fix things up around her house. And when she got started, Mr. Ray often said, she didn't let any grass grow under her feet.

I wonder if part of the reason that Betsy's parents are so supportive of their children's ambitions is because they saw how Uncle Keith (Mrs. Ray's brother) was not encouraged in pursuing his talents? [If you haven't read this book, you will learn more about this in the story.]

"Well, Betsy," he [Mr. Ray] said, "your mother tells me that you are going to use Uncle Keith's trunk for a desk. That's fine. You need a desk. I've often noticed how much you like to write. The way you eat up those advertising tablets from the store! I never saw anything like it. I can't understand it though. I never write anything but checks myself. "

    "Bob!" said Mrs. Ray. "You wrote the most wonderful letters to me before we were married. I still have them, a big bundle of them. Every time I clean house I read them over and cry."
    "Cry, eh?" said Mr. Ray, grinning. "In spite of what your mother says, Betsy, if you have any talent for writing, it comes from family. Her brother Keith was mighty talented, and maybe you are too. Maybe you're going to be a writer."
    Betsy was silent, agreeably abashed.
   "But if you're going to be a writer," he went on, "you've got to read. Good books. Great books. The classics." (pp. 89-91)

Mr. Ray then proceeds to tell Betsy a plan he and Mrs. Ray have devised to allow Betsy to go downtown twice a month to check out some books from the library (and get her lunch in town, too). Betsy is elated at this exciting news and Julia shares her joy.

Julia was as happy as Betsy was, almost. One nice thing about Julia was that she rejoiced in other people's luck.

I noticed that in this book Julia and Betsy start to get along a lot better, though their interests are not very similar at this point.

I also love how Betsy reacts to this news--even talkative Betsy needs to be alone sometimes! [And if you want to know what the mention of "Rena's novels" is about, you'll have to read the book!]

Betsy was so full of joy that she had to be alone. She went upstairs to her bedroom and sat down on Uncle Keith's trunk. Behind Tacy's house the sun had set. A wind had sprung up and the trees, their color dimmed, moved under a brooding sky. All the stories she had told Tacy and Tib seemed to be dancing in those trees, along with all the stories she planned to write some day and all the stories she would read at the library. Good stories. Great stories. The classics. Not Rena's novels.

I meant to just quickly mention this scene, and now I am starting to analyze the book! I am thinking about posting my reviews that I put up on Goodreads for these four books, though I will probably flesh them out with some photos and quotes. So stay tuned for those! I just wanted to make sure to get my post up for this week as soon as possible so I don't forget to enter the giveaway. Again, if you do join the challenge, please mention that I referred you, if you'd like, as this will earn me an extra entry in the giveaway! Thank you again.

Maud Hart Lovelace Reading Challenge: How the Betsy-Tacy Books Influenced My Childhood

2011-10-09T23:05:00.007-04:00

"From this lofty retreat Betsy had a splendid view"

It's difficult to think of a time when I was not acquainted with Betsy-Tacy. (See what I did there.* :)) As I mentioned in my last post, these books were very much a part of my childhood. It's only in looking back that I see just how much they influenced me.

I am not as outgoing as Betsy is (in that respect I'm much more of a Tacy or an Emily), but I think if I belonged to a Crowd like she did, I very well could be. I have a lot of similarities to her in other ways, though: I've won essay contests and had my poetry published (that sounds a lot more impressive than it really was, I assure you!). Through my childhood I also imitated a lot of the scenes from the books:

For a time, I tried using a trunk for a writing desk. I never liked it much, though, because I found it uncomfortable to write at an angle and not be able to get my legs under it. (Chapter 6, Betsy and Tacy Go Downtown)

I climbed up in a tree to write (sans cigar box), and--at least once--I got stuck up there, because I was too afraid of heights to jump down! (Chapter 1, Betsy and Tacy Go Downtown)

I tried dyeing sand with the leftover Easter egg dyes, but I think the sand I had was too dark and the dyes too wet. It ended up rather muddy looking. (Chapter 9, Betsy-Tacy)

As I re-read the first four books this month I am sure I will find even more things that I did and have forgotten about.

I love the Betsy books because they celebrate the wonders of childhood and accurately portray the uncertainties of growing up. I love Maud's appreciation for family, simply every day joys, friendship, faith, nature, values, and a good adventure--even if it takes place in one's backyard.

I found kindred spirits and dear friends in Betsy and crew. In fact, I think a great deal of my childhood aspiration of becoming a writer came from Betsy…and Anne, and Jo. But most of all, from Betsy, as those were the books I was acquainted with first. Most of this desire probably stemmed from the thrill of creating, the imagined joy of seeing my name in print, and the deep connection I felt to the literary characters of my youth. I've always been captivated by the idea that I could string together words to create characters and worlds as vivid as the ones that I would escape to in my imagination. I don't think I ever really had any great or original ideas, but I felt things deeply, and I loved to act out my stories--with my dolls, my brothers, or just by myself.

I'm not a writer--yet--and I honestly don't know if I will ever be, but I still consider Betsy, Tacy, and Tib to be my dear friends.

*Footnote for the uninitiated: "It was difficult, later, to think of a time when Betsy and Tacy had not been friends." is the opening sentence of Betsy-Tacy, the first book in the series.

It's not too late to sign up for the Maud Hart Lovelace Reading Challenge! Head over today and enter to win the Betsy-Tacy Treasury. If you do join the challenge, please mention me as referring you (if you choose) as this will earn me an extra entry in the giveaway! Thanks. :)

The 2011 Maud Hart Lovelace Reading Challenge!

2011-10-04T13:24:00.002-04:00

It's time! This year's Maud Hart Lovelace Reading Challenge is finally here. This is my first year participating, though I have been a lifelong fan of Lovelace's work. Some of my earliest memories are of my mom reading aloud to me from Betsy-Tacy on long summer afternoons. So needless to say, I'm very excited about this!

In honor of the upcoming reprinting of The Betsy-Tacy Treasury, which includes the first four books of the series, I will be rereading all of these early books. I just reread the volumes in the later half of the series this spring, so I thought getting reacquainted with younger Betsy, Tacy, and Tib would be a perfect way for me to participate!

I also have a related project that I've been working on. If I get enough time to work on it, I will unveil it this month. It's nothing huge, but I think it will be fun. : )

If you would like to participate in this challenge, which will go throughout the month of October, head over to A Library is a Hospital for the Mind to sign up! If you've never heard of this series, Sarah also has a lot of past posts that will help clue you in on all things Maud Hart Lovelace. Which reminds me: a special thanks to Sarah for hosting this and for all the work she puts into it. : )

7 Quick Takes Friday – 9/23/11

2011-09-23T16:15:00.000-04:00

It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? It’s good to be back! Here are this week’s ‘Quick Takes’. I was supposed to post this two weeks ago but I was unable to due to Internet problems. :( So here it is now.I have been making this smoothie a lot lately. I make it just as the recipe states except I don’t have guar gum so I leave that out. I also like to really be able to taste the peanut flavor so I sometimes throw in an extra tablespoon of peanut flour. Speaking of peanut flour, it’s such a great ingredient! It gives this smoothie such a nice nutty taste and added protein and fiber. (I purchased mine from iHerb, though I’m sure you can get it from other online retailers as well.) I also like to add some protein powder to this (1-2 tablespoons). Mine is sweetened so it eliminates the need for extra stevia (though I’ve made it with no protein, just stevia and it is still good). I’ve tried this smoothie with a mix of different berries: strawberries + blueberries, strawberries + tart cherries, and just strawberries. I think I like the plain strawberry one best but feel free to experiment. The name might sound gross but it is really delicious. Give it a try!I recently had the chance to review the Enjoy Life Semi-Sweet Chocolate Mega Chunks and they are good! I tried them out in some baking and they have a wonderful rich flavor (semi-sweet chocolate is my favorite!). I also loved the bigger size—a sophisticated change from boring chips. Plus, they are vegan, nut free, kosher, gluten free, and soy free! If they weren’t so pricey I would probably buy these often. [Full disclosure: this product was sent to me free of charge for my honest review.] I love the idea of using computer passwords to foster gratitude! The article also has some other helpful tips on being more thankful. I have a bit of a fascination with the past and this article, about what the experts of 1900 predicted the world would be like in the next century, really intrigued me. Some observations proved to be quite true (e.g., seedless melons, television), others might have been a bit too optimistic (e.g., free college education, that we would all be very fit), and some were rather odd (e.g., food delivered in “pneumatic tubes” [whatever those are]). In any case, it’s a fun read.
I love this idea of making a Dream Jar. Someday I need to do this. I’m honestly kind of scared to make one know because I feel so uncertain that I will ever be able to do anything…but someday. :)

There was an interesting article in The New York Times about the influence Kate Middleton is having on runway fashions this fall. Such refreshing news for those of us tired of sloppy styles! Here are some quotes from the piece:

Kate’s advent is timely nonetheless. Her unflagging graciousness, guileless manner and nonthreatening good looks are viewed by admirers as a tonic, the sparkling antidote to excess. “There’s nothing trashy or vulgar about her,” said Anna Wintour, the editor of Vogue, which has featured the duchess several times. “She dresses her age and never looks out of place.”

Catherine is, in Mr. Burstell’s term, “the anti-Kardashian,” a bracing antithesis to the strident style and manner of many Hollywood celebrities, who “look so phony by comparison,” he said, “with their paid endorsements and brand-ambassador deals.” Diane Von Furstenberg, whose dresses the duchess has worn, said that she represents a craving for a proper alternative to the “housewives,” a reference to the popular television reality series.

I really dislike using plastic water bottles and was considering purchasing one of these. Since I try to be as frugal as possible though, I decided to put an empty kombucha bottle to use for the same purpose at a fraction of the cost. Just carefully peel off the label, wash well and fill! It would be great to keep a few of these in the fridge for when you are running out the door in a hurry. They are breakable but so far I have managed to keep mine in one piece. I’m thinking of sewing a little jersey knit case for it to make it easier to carry. In the photo there is fresh mint (from our garden!) that I sometimes add for its refreshing flavor. The downside is that I’m afraid I’m going to chip my teeth on it!

**As always, 7 Quick Takes Friday is hosted by Jennifer at Conversion Diary**

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“Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life; rather look to them with full hope as they arise. God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms …”
– St. Frances de Sales

Review of Eating Animals

2011-08-07T16:45:00.000-04:00

I’ve never been an animal person. As a child, I was afraid of even cats and dogs (and to a certain extent, I still am). I grew up on a farm, and to me, this meant that animals were smelly and dirty creatures that stared at me out of blank-eyes and behaved in an aggressive and unpredictable manner. I didn’t hate animals, but I was scared of them.

It may be surprising to some then to hear that I am a vegan. Even if I don’t have any desire to cuddle a kitten (*shudder*), or have a dog sleep at the foot of my bed, I do feel that animals are important and worthy of our protection. As stewards of the earth, it is our job to care for all of God’s creatures. I do believe that humans are superior to animals, but I think this gives us an even greater responsibility to care for them—the vulnerable. I believe in treating animals as animals. Not as humans. Not as clothes. Not as food. As animals—worthy of our respect and protection.

I picked up this book because I wanted to better understand the reality of animals and factory farming today. But after reading it, I also appreciate and understand—and yes, maybe even love—animals a little more. I’m still scared of them. I still find them dirty and unpredictable. But I do believe, now more than ever, that they are deserving of a life and death free of suffering and abuse.

Before I begin sharing my thoughts on the book and some quotes, I want to make it clear that I don’t dislike anyone for not being a vegetarian. It wouldn’t make much sense to be compassionate to animals and mean to humans! :)

I greatly appreciated that this book is entirely fact based. The author actually hired professional fact-checkers to go over the book before it was published.

The one aspect of the book that I disliked was some rather coarse language (particularly the prevalence of a four letter word for excrement). I realize that not everyone is as sensitive to language as I am, but I would’ve appreciated a bit more delicacy in the matter. It’s one of the few things that would keep me from recommending this book to friends and family, as I know for some it would be an automatic turn-off.

It was extremely interesting to learn how intelligent some animals (that I had previously thought of as 'stupid’) really are. For example, did you know that fish have “significant long-term memories, are skilled in passing knowledge to one another through social networks, and can also pass on information generationally” (p. 65)? Likewise, chickens “‘have cognitive capacities equivalent to those of mammals, even primates” and “they also deceive one another and can delay satisfaction for larger rewards” (p. 66).

I do like the way the book is presented. It is not yelling and preaching. Although there are some points made that the author obviously feels strongly about, the tone as a whole is one of exploration and education, not indoctrination. Interspersed with the facts and figures are stories about his family and musings on food in general. Though they do help to humanize the story and make the author relatable, sometimes the order and placement of these anecdotes confused me. As a whole, though, I liked this personal aspect. (Though I’m still wondering why his female dog is named George!)

I could quote just about every page. There is so much information in this book. Things that will have you thinking “why didn’t I know this?”, “why does this continue?”, and “why don’t more people care about this?” It is so clear and it makes so much makes sense, yet most of us have just never given thought to it before.

Here are some quotes from the book. I know this seems like a lot, but there is just so much worth noting! I broke the excerpts down by subject with titles so it would be easier to follow or to glance through.

FACTORY FARMING

“More than a set of practices, factory farming is a mind-set: reduce production coasts to the absolute minimum and systematically ignore or ‘externalize’ such costs as environmental degradation human disease, and animal suffering. For thousands of years, farmers took their cues from natural processes. Factory farming considers nature an obstacle to be overcome.” p. 34

“In the world of factory farming, expectations are turned upside down. Veterinarians don’t work toward optimal health, but optimal profitability. Drugs are not for curing diseases, but substitutes for destroyed immune systems. Farmers do no aim to produce healthy animals.” p. 188

FISH

“For every ten tuna, sharks, and other large predatory fish that were in our oceans fifty to a hundred years ago, only one is left. Many scientists predict the total collapse of all fished species in less than fifty years—and intense efforts are underway to catch, kill, and eat even more sea animals. Our situation is so extreme that research scientists at the Fisheries Centre of the University of British Columbia argue that ‘our interactions with fisheries resources [also knows as fish] have come to resemble … wars of extermination.” p. 33

“…bycatch refers to sea creatures caught by accident—except not really ‘by accident,’ since bycatch has been consciously built into contemporary fishing methods. Modern fishing tends to involve much technology and fewer fishers. This combination leads to massive catches with massive amounts of bycatch. Take shrimp, for example. The average shrimp trawling operation throws 80 to 90 percent of the sea animals it captures overboard, dead or dying, as bycatch. (Endangered species amount to much of this bycatch.)” p. 49

“Trawling, almost always for shrimp, is the marine equivalent of clear-cutting rain forest.” p.191

POULTRY

“Most male chicks are destroyed by being sucked through a series of pipes onto an electrified plate. Other later chicks are destroyed in other ways, and it’s impossible to call these animals more or less fortunate. Some are tossed into large plastic containers. The weak are trampled to the bottom, where they suffocate slowly. The strong slowly suffocate slowly at the top. Others are sent fully conscious through macerators (picture a wood chopper filled with chicks). Cruel? Depends on your definition of cruelty.” pp. 48-49

“Pathogen-infested, feces-splattered chicken can technically be fresh, cage-free, and free-range, and sold in the supermarket legally.” p. 61

“According to a study published in Consumer Reports, 83 percent of all chicken meat (including organic and antibiotic-free brands) is infected with either campylobacter or salmonella at the time of purchase.” p. 139

“ ‘Every week…millions of chickens leaking yellow pus, stained by green feces, contaminated by harmful bacteria, or marred by lung and heart infections, cancerous tumors, or skin conditions are shipped for sale to consumers.’” p.134

“…chicken factory farms—well run or poorly run, ‘cage-free’ or not—are basically the same: all birds come from similar Frankenstein-like genetic stock; all are confined; none enjoy the breeze or the warmth of sunlight; none are able to fulfill all (or usually any) or their species-specific behaviors like nesting, perching, exploring their environment, and forming stable social units; illness is always rampant; suffering is always the rule; the animals are always only a unit, a weight; death is invariable cruel.” p. 136

PIGS

“Today’s factory farm pig breeds, by contrast, have been so genetically altered that more often than not they must be raised in climate-controlled buildings, cut off from sun and seasons. We are breeding creatures incapable of surviving in any place other than the most artificial of settings. We have focused the awesome power of modern genetic knowledge to bring into being animals that suffer more.” p.159

“Piglets that don’t grow fast enough—the runts—are a drain on resources and so have no place on the farm. Picked up by their hind legs, they are swung and then bashed headfirst onto the concrete floor. This common practice is called ‘thumping.’ ‘We’ve thumped as many as 120 in one day,’ said a worker from a Missouri farm.” p. 187

CATTLE

Often, cattle go through the process of slaughtering while improperly stunned, and quite alive. This is just inconceivable that so many animals have their flesh literally ripped off of them and their bodies dismembered while still conscious!

“It isn’t hard to figure out why the beef industry won’t let even an enthusiastic carnivore near its slaughter facilities. Even in abattoirs where most cattle die quickly, it’s hard to imagine that any day passes in which several animals (tens, hundreds?) don’t meet an end of the most horrifying kind.” p. 229

HEALTH

"…excess animal protein intake is linked with osteoporosis, kidney disease, calcium stones in the urinary tract, and some cancers. Despite some persistent confusion, it is clear that vegetarians and vegans tend to have more optimal protein consumption than omnivores." p. 140

“The highest rates of osteoporosis are seen in countries where people consume the most dairy foods.” p. 147

“Scientists at Columbia and Princeton Universities have actually been able to trace six of the genetic segments of the (currently) most feared virus in the world directly to US factory farms.” pp. 142-43

CHANGE

“We care most about what’s close to us, and have a remarkably easy time forgetting everything else. We also have a strong impulse to do what others around us are doing, especially when it comes to food. Food ethics are so complex because food is bound to both taste buds and to taste, to individual biographies and social histories.” pp. 31-32

I found the parts about how food as part of our cultural heritage, and about rewriting that heritage, to be really well done. It’s an aspect of veganism/vegetarianism that is not always considered.

“Of course, something having been done just about everywhere just about always is no kind of justification for doing it now.” p. 26

“How much do I value creating a socially comfortable situation, and how much do I value acting socially responsible?” p. 55

Think one vegan or vegetarian can’t make a difference? …

“On average, Americans eat the equivalent of 21,000 entire animals in their lifetime” (p. 121).

“We know, at least, that this decision will help prevent deforestation, curb global warming, reduce pollution, save oil reserves, lessen the burden on rural America, decrease human rights abuses, improve public health, and help eliminate the most systematic animal abuse in world history.” p. 257

SUFFERING

“Whether we’re talking about fish species, pigs, or some other eaten animal, is such suffering the most important thing in the world? Obviously not. But that’s not the question. Is it more important than sushi, bacon, or chicken nuggets? That’s the question.” p. 193

REACT

“However we obfuscate or ignore it, we know that the factory farm is inhumane in the deepest sense of the word. And we know that there is something that matters in a deep way about the lives we create for the living beings most within our power. Our response to the factory farm is ultimately a test of how we respond to the powerless, to the most distant, to the voiceless—it is a test of how we act when no one is forcing us to act one way or another.” p. 267

“I’ve restricted myself mostly to discussing how our food choices affect the ecology of our planet and the lives of its animals, but I could have just as easily made the entire book about public health, workers’ rights, decaying rural communities, or global poverty—all of which are profoundly affected by factory farming. Factory farming, of course, does not cause all the world’s problems, but it is remarkable just how many of them intersect there.” p. 260

“Whether we change our lives or do nothing, we have responded. To do nothing is to do something.” p. 38

7 Quick Takes Friday – 7/29/11

2011-07-29T10:09:00.006-04:00

I’m not a fan of Taylor Swift, but I love this retro-inspired photo shoot she did for TeenVogue.I absolutely loved this article from The Modern Mrs. Darcy about what Eleanor Roosevelt can teach us about blogging. It includes so many points that I need to be reminded of frequently!Speaking of blogging, I’ve been thinking (more) about the direction my blog has been going. I know in the past I’ve sometimes let it be a space for my rants and an outlet for my frustrations. Well, I believe in keeping it real, but I also want this to be a upbeat and positive space with content that I can be proud of. I can’t always change my situation, but I can change my attitude! I have gone back and deleted a lot of my old posts, and will probably do more in the future. It’s not that I think journaling like this is bad—sometimes it really does help to get those frustrations out—but publishing it is a different matter. I think writing depressing things only drags others down, and that’s the last thing I want to do. Like I said, I won’t put on a false-front or be something I’m not. I’ll still talk about things that are hard, but I don’t want to do it in such a downbeat way. It’s taken me awhile to see this, but I am really excited about this new direction I’m taking! I want to bring goodness, beauty, and truth to the world. I don’t want this to be a quagmire of negativity or mediocrity.

I’ll be honest, I am having a hard time right now even as I write. But I’m not entirely sure how to share these things without sounding downbeat.

I also think that the things I blog about are still evolving. For awhile I kind of floundered around somewhere between a food blog and a personal blog. Oftentimes, I would just post for the sake of posting, and the content really wasn’t that great (those are the posts I’ve been deleting). Even if my posts are fewer in between, I want to post because I genuinely have something to say (or share, as the case may be).

I recently had the chance to sample some Raw Crunch Bars [full disclosure: they were sent to me free of charge for my honest review], and I really enjoyed them! As the name would imply, they are very crunchy—but not in a hard or break-your-tooth way. The flavor is pleasantly nutty from the variety of seeds, and they are fairly low in sugar. Be aware that these do contain honey. This was an interesting take on what it’s like to be both a faithful Catholic and a homosexual. What an inspiring witness, and a great reminder to pray for each other as we all deal with our own particular crosses.

Have you heard that Banana Republic is launching a line of clothing inspired by the television show Mad Men? I don’t watch the show, but I am a lover of vintage and retro-inspired fashion! I like what I’ve seen so far, though I admit to hoping that it would be a little less contemporary, and a more vintage looking. I guess ‘inspired by’ is the key phrase. The men’s wear looks more authentic than the women’s. Like the shoes, for example, don’t seem to be a genuine ‘60s silhouette. What do you think? I definitely love the idea, and some pieces are really great. This was a helpful article from Faith & Family about managing stress. I especially liked the “Picture it” and “Read and write” ideas.

**7 Quick Takes Friday is hosted by Conversion Diary**

Have a great weekend!

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"Perhaps to be able to learn things quickly isn't everything. To be kind is worth a great deal to other people...Lots of clever people have done harm and have been wicked." — Frances Hodgson Burnett (A Little Princess)

I am Grateful

2011-07-20T12:02:00.001-04:00

After yesterday’s pessimistic post I feel the need to balance things out by being more cheerful.

So, here are some things that I’m thankful for…

my mom killing spiders for me at 11:30 p.m. last night [If I ever live alone I will definitely need to hire a live-in exterminator!]
also, my mom collecting my laundry…and washing it…and emptying my wastebaskets…and doing the dishes…and never complaining during any of it, despite the heat. My mom is pretty amazing.
a basement to stay cool in
electric fans (what did people do without them in the olden days?)
the fact that it gets cool[er] at night
the beautiful zinnia that my sister planted and picked (pictured below)
libraries
movies
my computer
my family
clean sheets
ice cold water
being able to read and write
blogs
my faith
veggies and fruits that keep us healthy
podcasts
when things work out
moonlight
running water
clean air, shelter, and enough to eat
hair-ties to pull my hair out of my face
health
books to read
getting up earlier
being able to fall asleep
God still loving me, despite all my flaws and imperfections.

I am grateful.

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“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” – G.K. Chesterton

Hot and Tired

2011-07-19T21:40:00.001-04:00

It’s hot as Hades here and there’s no sign of it letting up. Tomorrow is supposed to have a high of 93. That might not sound bad to some of you, but I’m a Northern girl, used to long snowy winters. To put it lightly, I do not do well in the heat. I think they need to have a medical term for ‘suicidally hot’, because that’s basically how I’ve felt over the past few days. We don’t have air conditioning, and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Tomorrow I’m hoping to escape for awhile to the library where it is COOL. But…I don’t drive so that means finding someone to take me. I think my mom might. My will to live is pretty much zapped at this point. I’m trying to take refuge in our basement—and that does help a little—but I still feel pretty down (um, no pun intended?).

Most of all I feel tired. I just can’t deal with anything. Every little hardship or inconvenience just makes me want to cry. Life is so hard, and I KNOW—my rational brain knows—that as far as hardships go I have it pretty easy. I have it very good, in fact. So why does it have to feel so darn hard? It just makes me feel guiltier for feeling this way and that makes me feel worse.

I’m tired of writing depressing posts like this. I don’t like reading this type of thing myself, so I’m not sure why I write them. I guess I have to get it out somehow—when it gets to the point that I feel like the pressure inside of me is just going to burst; when every noise and aggravation feels like it’s pounding on my head, scrambling up my nerves. Right now my brothers are, for some reason, pounding their feet on the hall above me. It’s grating on what little sanity I have left, and I can no longer contain the sobs welling up inside of me.

I’m tired of not being the person I want to be. This isn’t me. The real me is very different, or so I would believe. I feel like any potential I have (or once had) is stifled. I don’t know where it went, but it feels very gone.

I’m tired of not being witty, or smart, or pretty, or good at anything. Some things I used to be, but I’m not anymore: I used to be happy. I used to feel like my life had direction. I used to have a lot of hope and anticipation for the future. I used to be a good student. I used to be thin. I’m not really sure what I am anymore. Even if I want to do something, sometimes the thought or effort of it makes me body ache and my head feel like it’s going to explode. Really. For example, I want to read great books, or even not great books…just books that are a little heavier in subject matter. So I pick a topic I’m interested in—there are so many things I wish I knew more about—but I can’t seem to understand anything. The words just swim before me on the page. This is why I came home from college. It makes studying rather impossible.

I’m tired of feeling like this blog is not good enough. I didn’t like the layout, so I changed it. But there are so many things I don’t know how to do that even after spending many frustrating hours on it, it’s still not perfect. I wish I knew more about this kind of thing. I just flounder, really. Plus, I took a peak at my archives today and they seem to be formatted weird now because of the new design. I also am embarrassed and annoyed at some of my own posts. It’s hard to describe just what I dislike, but I feel so very critical.

I’m tired of going to doctors that aren’t able to help me. I’m tired of just going in and being handed a new prescription (I’m soon to start my seventh medication—if I counted right; I’m actually starting to lose track). Why can’t anyone help me? Four (or is it five?) years seems like a long time to figure this out. And I’m not getting any younger. Isn’t this supposed to be the prime of my life and all that?

There are a lot more things I’m tired of—our slow Internet, worrying about everything, living on a farm, how dirty everything seems (I actually think I’m getting progressively more OCD as the years go on. But that’s another topic for another day)—but I had better stop here.

If anyone even reads this, I’m really sorry that it’s not happy and cheerful. I’m sorry for sounding like this. I want to be better and I hope someday soon I can feel that way. I hope I can look back on posts like this and say “wow, I felt that bad?”. I’m just really frustrated right now.

Praying for a cool spell,

P.S. I just checked the weather (for like the sixth time today) it looks like it may cool down a bit next week. Praise God!
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“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.” –Victor Frankl

7 Quick Takes Friday — 7/8/11

2011-07-08T12:48:00.000-04:00

You may have noticed the new blog design (I wish I would’ve thought to do before and after screencaps!). I thought it was time for a change but since I am basically the least tech-savvy person ever, it still has a lot of kinks to work out. (Though some of those I might just have to live with because I’m not sure how to fix them! Well, knowing me I’ll keep trying to make them perfect…and probably just get really frustrated! Ergh. I wish I had more expertise in this area!)

I also feel like the tone and content of the blog has shifted a little. No, I still don’t really have a well-defined tone and subject matter for this space, but I definitely know that my writing style has changed a bit in the past two years. Looking back on some of the things I’ve written honestly makes me cringe! I’m not sure if this is just a own-worst-critic thing, but I want to hide my head in shame and embarrassment after reading my old ‘about’ page, for example. It just sounds really corny and tacky to me. :P I also don’t really like the title of the blog. “Just Audrey” sounds either narcissistic or exclusive, I think. But I haven’t been able to think of a better name (any ideas). So, until I do, it remains.

But enough griping over first world problems! I can across this on Tumblr a while ago and found it to be a powerful and humbling reality check:

This article about G.K. Chesterton and his wife, Frances, appealed to the romantic in me. :) Imagine receiving poetry like that!

I have really been enjoying following the Duke and Duchess’ recent tour of Canada. In particular, I’ve loved seeing what Kate wore. Here are some of my favorite looks of hers from the trip so far…

It was also fun to read about how she visited Anne of Green Gables. PEI is definitely on my bucket list of places I’d like to visit!

I celebrated my (20th […scary!]) birthday a few weeks ago and made a lemon layer cake with fresh berries and fluffy lemon frosting. It was SO good! My family really liked it too, and there were no complaints about it being vegan. (They could’ve just been being nice for my birthday, though…?). I absolutely love the fresh, summery combination of lemon and seasonal berries! I used this recipe for the cake but it was a tad dense. I had better luck with this one (just make the cake part. I also added 1 teaspoon pure lemon extract because I like a lot of lemon flavor). The frosting was this recipe (it makes a lot!). I also put a fresh raspberry filling between the layers, but you could just use the frosting (or lemon curd…or a strawberry filling. I think I might do one of those next time). I topped the whole thing off with fresh blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries—plus a final sprinkle of lemon zest and a sprig of mint for garnish. Delicious!

Sorry about the low-quality photos. Also, don’t spread on the frosting until cake is totally cooled. I made that mistake and, as you can see, the frosting got a little runny. It still tasted great, though. :)

I really want to learn more about photography. It’s something I enjoy and have been wanting to explore further for a few years now. I just love finding the beauty in the simplest and most everyday things. As you can see by the above photos, I need some work. But even if my skill and equipment isn’t that great, I do think (if I may say so) that I have ‘the eye’ for it. I just need to learn some technique. I’m thinking about pursuing some classes, but I’m kind of scared.

I’ve been working my way through the Beany Malone series (as you might see in my Goodreads sidebar widget). Written in the 1940s-1960s, these books are very light but nonetheless entertaining reading. Even if some of the characters are a bit one-dimensional and the plots sometimes predictable, they are a lot of fun. It’s nice to be able to escape to that simpler world. I’m not at a point where I want to read a lot of heavy or dramatically depressing books, so these are perfect!

Have you read any good books lately?

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“In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.”

— Edith Wharton, A Backward Glance

Raising the Bar

2011-06-25T18:12:00.017-04:00

Happy Saturday! I hope that the weather is as nice where you live as it has been here today. :)

Over the past few months, several companies have sent me some of their particular bars to try. I thought it would be fun to do a round-up of the ones I have sampled and share my thoughts on them.

– Raw Revolution –

Description: “Organic Live Food Bar” | Gluten Free • Vegan • Wheat, Corn, Soy, Trans-fat, Cholesterol and Refined Sugar Free

Pro: Some of the bars have green powder for extra nutrition; they are made mostly of nuts and dried fruits—though some have agave or other ingredients in them.

Con: Some bars are very calorically/fat dense. Not bad, just something to be aware of.

My favorite flavor: Of the ones I tried, I liked the Lemon Dew. Some of the chocolate flavors are also really tasty.

– Cavewoman Bars –

Description: “Let Mama Nature gather you a snack” | Vegan, Soy-Free, Gluten-Free and Refined Sugar-Free.

Pro: They are made only of dried fruit, nuts, and spices. These are moderately low in fat for a nut-based bar (consequently, they contain a bit more sugar from the dried fruit).

Con: They are quite expensive—about $3+ per 2 oz. bar.

My favorite flavor: Easily the Pineapple Upside-Down Cake! This was incredibly delicious.

– ProBars –

(I sampled bars from the “Sweet & Savory” and “Art’s Original Collection” lines.)

Pro: These have a nice amount of protein, a good source of Omega 3s, and some flavors are really delicious. I gave most of them to my brothers for snacks at school. These would definitely come in handy if you were very active (like my brothers) and trying to get a calorie boost that is still made from wholesome ingredients.

Con: These are marketed as meal replacement bars, meaning that they have quite a few calories, fat grams, and proteins. They are good-sized, though, and quite filling. (But I don’t think I would ever actually replace a meal with one.] I wasn’t crazy about all the flavors, but my family really enjoyed them. These are also a bit more expensive (but they are bigger and heartier, too).

My favorite flavor: My hands-down favorite was the Cran-Lemon Twister. This bar was REALLY good. I also liked the Whole Berry Blast and Superfood Slam. Oh, and my chocoholic 8-year-old sister raved about the Koka Moka. ;)

– Larabars –

Description: “Simple. Pure. Delightful.” | Gluten Free, Vegan, Kosher, some bars are Raw.

Pro: They are easy to find and come in a lot of flavors (I haven’t even tried all them!) The chocolate they use is Fair Trade Certified.

Con: Again, some bars are very nutrient/calorie dense. Though they are mostly made of whole fruit and nuts, occasionally an ingredient like “blueberry juice concentrate” sneaks in. This company was bought out a while ago by General Mills. I don’t boycott Larabar because of this, but it is kind of sad that all small companies seem to inevitably get gobbled up by corporate conglomerates. But that’s another topic for another day. :) The flip side of it, of course, is that perhaps General Mills is seeking to provide healthier options…um, right?

My favorite flavor: Of the ones I tried, my favorites were the Cherry Pie and Lemon Bar flavors. (By now you have probably figured out that I like lemon flavored stuff!)

That’s it! Have you tried any of these bars? What did you think? Or, do you plan on trying any of these?

7 Quick Takes Friday — 6/24/11

2011-06-24T21:52:00.003-04:00

Hello! As promised, here are this week's quick takes…

— 1 —

I saw this post at The Happiness Project, and one part in particular caught my interest:

I started asking my friends, “Do you have an area of weird, crazy knowledge? Where you know far more than most people, without making a special effort to study? A limitless curiosity about a particular subject?” A surprising number of people answer “Yes.” How about you? Do you have an area where you have an intense desire to learn? And that subject could be anything -- baseball statistics, song lyrics, anything.

Yes, I definitely have one. I certainly don’t know as much as some people, but I think I know more than the average person about old Hollywood movies, actors, and actresses. It’s a topic that fascinates me to an extent so I naturally just found myself soaking up stuff about it. I’m not sure if this is the best use of my brain capacity, but oh well. I’m just grateful for the Internet; my family has no idea how to relate to my fandoms. Haha. I actually have a blog and a Tumblr about classic film. So, what’s one topic you know more about than the average person?

— 2 —

Despite the fact that I don’t know how to sew, rarely wear dresses, and have a size that keeps changing, I’ve been thinking lately how much fun it would be to make some retro-inspired dresses. I really love the style from the 50s and 60s, and I wish people still dressed like that. I might have to do a separate post on this… In the meantime, here are some things that are inspiring me. The trick, I think, is to take the best from that era and use fabric and cuts that still look contemporary enough to wear today.

— 3 —

I received an email this week from an author seeking to promote his new Catholic fiction book. I’m not sure that this is a book that I personally would be interested in, but I said I would mention it on my blog for those interested in this genre. I haven’t read the book, obviously, but I admire the author’s initiative. Here is a brief synopsis of the story: “Guided by a mysterious old friend, forlorn Catholic professor Fred Sankt unlocks the hidden truths of the past two thousand years, and struggles to achieve a heavenly reprieve from the deep and dark troubles that mercilessly haunt him.” You can learn more by visiting the author’s site, GoodReads, Amazon, or CatholicFiction.net. From these sources I gauged that it is faithful to Catholic teaching (I wouldn’t support it otherwise), though I admit that the premise does sound a little strange to me. If you’ve read it, let me know what you think!

— 4 —

I thought this was a really great article at The Modern Mrs. Darcy about “How to Graciously Accept a Compliment”. This is not something I am very good at but the post gives some very practical tips for responses.

— 5 —

I have heard some debate about whether soy is healthy or not. This article (found via Mama Pea) does a great job at putting things in perspective and providing the research to back it up. I generally still try to eat soy in moderation, though, and avoid soy isolates when I can.

— 6 —

I’ve had this Cuisinart ice cream maker for about a year and have only used it twice (oops!). The thing is, I can’t really get it to work! Both times I have used it nothing has happened. The mixture is still just as liquid-y when it comes out as it is when it goes in. I think the base is not freezing completely or something. Does anyone have one of these and can offer some tips? I think it’s a fairly common model (I did some research before I got this one). It does annoy me that it doesn’t work but I can’t complain too much considering it was free (I got it through a CSN stores blogger promotion). :)

— 7 — Yesterday was my feastday—that of St. Etheldreda (aka, St. Audrey). I was actually named after my great aunt but I guess St. Etheldreda is my patron (one of them; I suppose my confirmation saint is also my patron. I’m not sure how that all works). I never really connected much to Etheldreda’s story (it’s kind of an odd one) but I’m sure she was a very holy woman. And…I have no idea why I’m writing this. I guess just for those of you who always wondered if there was a St. Audrey. {P.S. Congratulations if this paragraph made any sense!}

***“7 Quick Takes Friday” is hosted by Conversion Diary***

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“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” ~ Sophia Loren

Impatiently Waiting

2011-06-23T18:20:00.001-04:00

Hi! I hope everyone is having a very lovely summer. We have had really nice weather for the most part this month and I am loving it—June is one of my favorite months! :)

I can’t believe I am going to be turning 20 soon. Totally not ready. After my 16 birthday or so I started feeling not ready to move on to the next year…basically because I did not accomplish anything tangible in the previous 365 days. If I was in college, had a job, doing sane-normal-20-year-old things I think I would be okay with getting older. But as is, I’m not moving forward (it seems). Only the clock is. And it’s a horrible feeling to feel like I’m wasting my life.

Waiting is so hard. Waiting to feel better, waiting to be better. Waiting. I am not patient.

^Linda Darnell^. I really love screencaps. Expect to see more of them.

I’m really, really, really, REALLY (etc.) tired of having this…this ‘thing’. I am SO ready to move on. This past month was actually a lot better. It was a good month were I was really doing a lot of stuff to try to get myself feeling better. I was exercising, going to sleep at a more normal time, eating super healthy, etc. And I was feeling better. In fact, I was actually thinking about writing a blog post on what I was doing that was helping me and how much more confident/in control I felt…yaddy-yadda-ya. But after about 30 days of avid self-improvement, something cracked and I found myself reverting to a lot of my old destructive and frustrating behaviors.

Despite all my attempts to get back up and keep going, I don’t seem to be able to. I’m back to groveling and surviving rather than improving. And there are few things worse than knowing what one should do but not being able to do it. I can deal with failure, discouragement, and set-backs as long as I plan how to get back up and keep going. But when that motivation evaporates, when I am unable to apply myself…I don’t know what to do. It came so totally out-of-the-blue. Do I only have so much willpower? Did I just use my quota up for awhile? Why does my body work against me this way? To not be able to change is really hard. It feels like there is no hope. But I guess I should not be relying on myself so much for hope. I should just trust in God. But meanwhile, time is ticking.

Story of my life, Alice.

Okay, well, I hope this post wasn’t too depressing. I don’t like writing a lot of depressing posts, and I don’t think that they are much fun to read either. It’s not like I want everyone feeling sorry for me, but it’s just nice to sort things out sometimes, you know? I really hope that someday I can just write a lot of happy, bubbly, joyous posts. But, hey, at least I haven’t been really, really down lately.

I should be back tomorrow for 7 Friday Quick Takes.

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“When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will.” – Pollyanna (1960)

7 Quick Takes Friday – 4/29/11

2011-04-29T23:58:00.008-04:00

I’ve been seeing “7 Quick Takes Friday” around certain sites. It seems the idea originated from Conversion Diary. Here are my rather spur-of-the-moment ‘takes’…

1. Betsy-Tacy: I recently reread all of the young adult books in the Betsy-Tacy series (Heaven to Betsy through Betsy’s Wedding) and I think I loved them even more than I did when I first read them almost a decade ago. Harper Collins republished this half of the series a few years ago, and while I love that they did so, I do wish they had published each book separately instead of doubling them up. I also could’ve done without the awful foreword by Anna Quindlen in some of the books. But, on the positive side, I love the covers and the fact that they included the extra info + photos at the end. Honestly, my love for this series knows no bounds. It’s just wonderful to escape into the small town world of Betsy, her family, and the Crowd. If you are a fan of the Little House books, the Anne of Green Gables books, the All of a Kind Family books or other series in that vein, I know you would love these.

2. The Royal Wedding. I didn’t actually watch it but I’ve seen pictures. It looked lovely and I hope that the couple is very happy together. Didn’t Kate look beautiful? As many have pointed out, her dress was very similar to one worn by Princess Grace Kelly at her wedding.
[Image from here]

I would’ve done the bodice differently on Kate’s dress, but I love its classic simplicity. I hope that she brings sleeves on wedding dresses back into style. Most importantly, though, may the Duke and Duchess enjoy a long and happy marriage in service to God and their country. :)

3. Wisdom Teeth: In much less exciting news, on Tuesday I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. I’m still recovering and trying to eat lots of smoothies and other soft things! Hopefully I will be feeling better and back on track soon. I’m just relieved it’s OVER. Ever since the surgery I’ve been having horrible headaches, though. I don’t mean to gripe but I do hope I feel better soon. I don’t know how much longer I can take the pain…and not being able to sleep and have relief from it just makes it worse.

4. John Paul II’s Beatification: It’s hard to believe that his beatification is this Sunday! I greatly admire the late Holy Father, and am proud to have been part of the JPII generation. His example of faith, kindness, and courage continues to inspire me.

5. Article about saints: I sometimes have a hard time relating to some of the saints. Let’s face it, some of them just seem really strange! I always felt like I must be missing something, so it was nice to read Simcha Fisher’s post on how not all saints appeal to us, and that’s okay. (Not sure if I described that well—just read the article). :)

6. ProBar is hosting a promo for readers of this blog that gives 40% off your first order. Visit www.theprobar.com/shop and enter code BLOGGER at checkout. I’ve not tried their products, but they sound fun. If all goes well, I hope to do a review of some of them soon. It looks like they offer a line each of whole food bars, superfood bars, and ‘treat’ bars. You find out more here.

7. Easter lilies: my mom bought one a week or so ago and it smells intoxicatingly wonderful. That is all. ;)

Okay, I feel like those were basically just my awkward ramblings, but it was fun to do. I hope that this becomes a regular feature on here. I’ll keep my eyes open this week for things that catch my interest.

Have a great weekend!

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"To live without faith, without a patrimony to defend, without a steady struggle for truth, that is not living, but existing."
–Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati

“Smile, though your heart is aching”

2011-04-18T02:00:00.001-04:00

I absolutely love the song “Smile” sung by Nat King Cole (who has one of the most wonderful voices ever, by the way). The lyrics to the song are inspired and Cole has the most perfect way of giving extra meaning to them. This song is also extra special because it was written by none other than the multi-talented Charlie Chaplin, whose birthday was just a few days ago.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

[instrumental interlude]

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

*Cue crying*

Another day

2011-04-17T01:29:00.000-04:00

Thank you for all of the very kind comments you left in my last post. I really can’t say enough how much they meant to me…and how much they helped. ;’)

Some day I hope I can get on here and write “wow, I feel SO much better. My life is really great right now. I never knew that I could be this happy!” I recently read a blog where the author said something about how happy she was right now. That was such a nice reminder—happiness does exist, and I’m really glad that people do feel that way. Hopefully, someday I can feel that happiness, too. I’m not saying I have to be laughing and swinging from the chandeliers all the time. I guess I just mean ‘content’. Yes, content. That warm, quiet peace inside. That no matter how much the surface gets ruffled, there is still that imperturbable core of serenity. That’s what I want.

Photo; quote (please forgive my rather crumby compilation of the two…)

Today—praise God—was much better. (Though my eyes are still a little red from all the crying I did yesterday. But I’m just glad I am able to cry—it’s such a good release. I have had times where it’s been almost frustrating because I felt so sad inside but all I could do was sit there, with no way to let that emotion out. So tears can be good, in a way.)

It’s difficult with this type of thing to sort out what is my fault and what may be biological or biochemical. I don’t want to be the kind of person who is always blaming everyone but me. But I also don’t want to be too hard on myself. :) Yesterday, I think I might have come off as a little mean to my parents, counselor, and psychiatrist. Really, they are all very caring people. I think perhaps, like me, they just don’t know how to deal with this. I understand that it must be frustrating for them, too.

I’m very grateful to have parents that care about me, even if they don’t always understand. I guess no one can really ever fully understand, but I also think it would be nice to develop a support group outside of my family that I could reach out to when I am feeling low. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to me and reassure me that I am going to be okay and that am still a valuable person, even if I am feeling very bad at the moment. As corny as it sounds, just knowing someone cares—really cares—and wants to help can make all the difference. I am not the kind of person that likes to be let alone when I am feeling bad. I don’t mean that in the ‘misery loves company’ way. I just usually really want someone to talk to, to express my emotions to, to comfort me. I hope this is normal? I guess I’m not very good on the whole stiff-upper-lip thing. :/

Well, thank you again for your kind comments. Here’s to a great tomorrow!

Update: I am having a problem with the commenting system and the comments from the past couple months are not showing up. So if you commented recently that’s why it isn’t showing up. I’ve contacted Disqus about it and hopefully it will be fixed. You can leave any comments you want now, though, and they will show up fine. It’s just the old ones that are the problem. Thanks!

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"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where Can I Turn?

2011-04-16T16:29:00.001-04:00

I have no one in the world to turn to. No one understands my pain. I have nothing to do, no way in which to make the time pass. I can’t sleep at night. I usually stay up all night. And there is no reprieve, nothing I enjoy doing. No escape. Last night, staring at the dark ceiling--it was about 4 in the morning--I felt all the pain and aloneness build up. My only thought was “how can I get through my life”. That’s all I want is to be able to make the time pass as quickly and painlessly as possible. As it is, the hurt just mounts with each moment. I can’t take it any more.

I try to talk to my mom. Usually I can rely on her, but she has been very tired lately. My dad said she is on the verge of a breakdown and she needs to rest so I can’t talk to her. I feel like my dad makes me see the worst in myself. Never do I feel comfortable or accepted with him. I know that he tries but all he ever succeeds in making me feel is rejected, selfish, and a burden. I AM selfish, and that’s why it hurts so much. It’s true. It’s my fault. I am probably projecting my feeling on him. But I cannot deal with my own selfishness and self-absorption. I don’t know how to change and to focus on others. I try to help out at home but it’s never enough. I feel guilty if I don’t and I know whatever I do is not enough. I am still expected to do more, as if in some magical way that will make my parents love me more. Because all they’ve been talking about lately is how I need to help out, to help others. I who can barely get myself out of the bed in the morning. Don’t they know that I am doing all I possibly can to just stay alive?

Everyone has always said that joy and happiness comes from serving others. I used to do that, not much, but some. And it never made me feel any happier. And what about when one physically, mentally cannot? What then? I’m just left feeling guilty and so awful—like scum. Because it seems self-worth only comes from doing, doing…DOING. There is not goodness in trying to get through the day. Deep down I know what they are saying is true, but I honestly feel spread so thin as it is. And like I said, each thing I do just makes me feel worse. Because it makes me realize that no matter how much I do, I will never earn their favor.

So I can’t talk to my mom. Dad said to leave her alone. And I certainly cannot talk to my dad. He usually makes me feel worse. He has that very “fix-it, just DO it. Get BETTER!” attitude. It doesn’t even help to talk to my mom if I could because she just says things like “maybe you could go and visit the kids that haven’t been coming to church and teach them about God.” Or,“happiness comes from helping others. Why don’t you fold some clothes and try to help out more about home.” Would if I could…even when every moment it haunts me knowing I SHOULD. I just want my life to end. I wish I had never been born. She doesn’t get it. Or maybe she gets it better than I do and I just can’t do it. In any case, the fault is certainly with me. With my weaknesses and limitations. I feel helpless to change any of those things. If I had cancer or some physical illness, maybe they would understand. But I think they just think I’m lazy (which I am), but there is also something quite invisible holding me back. Depression is silent and so confusing.

I don’t know how to deal with this despair, this aloneness. I have turned to everyone I know—my parents, my siblings, God, my counselor, my psychiatrist. I already told you what my parents say, but it’s rather laughable how the counselor and psychiatrist respond.

My counselor usually has either one of two responses. If I go in on a very low and depressed day (like today), she responds something like this:

Me: “I have nothing to do. Nothing to live for. I just feel so alone. I wish I had never been born.”

Counselor: “Do you ever think of harming yourself?”

Me: “Yes. I think about it a lot. But I am too scared to do anything.”

Counselor: “What do you think will help you get better, Audrey?”

Me: “I honestly don’t know (to myself: if I knew I wouldn’t be here!)”

Counselor: “That’s a good answer. [pause] You know, I really think you will get better. You have so much going for you.”

Me: “But how? When? What do I need to do?!? It seems like I’ve been feeling this way forever.”

Counselor: “I’m sure it does feel that way. What time do you want to meet next week? I’ll be out of town for a while so it will have to be later in the week…”

Or on a better week…

Me: “I still feel awful but I just try to stuff those thoughts down. Honestly, I just feel kind of numb to everything. I don’t feel really, really low…just kind of blah.”

Counselor: “Well, I think you’re going to be just fine. Everybody has problem around your age. I really think you are mature… (she then goes into a five minute speech about how much I’ve grown up since when she previously worked with me a few years ago. She has repeated this speech about 23 times and I am running out of demure and modest responses.) …so how about we just meet every two weeks now instead of every week—but I’ll be gone to Florida for a while so we might have to make it a little longer. Okay, time’s up. I’ll see you in a few weeks then.”

And then the psychiatrist…

Psychiatrist: “Have you noticed any improvements with this medicine?”

Me: “No, it’s hard to tell but I think I’m about the same. I just feel really down and have a hard time doing anything.”

Psychiatrist (in a soft, slightly robotic voice): “Yeeeah.”

Me: “I have no motivation and just have a hard time getting through the day.”

Psychiatrist: “Yeeeah.”

Me: “I just feel really low and am frustrated that nothing seems to be working.”

Psychiatrist: “Yeeeah. [pause] Do you ever think of harming yourself?”

Me: “Yes, sometimes.”

Psychiatrist: “Have you thought of signing up for some classes at the college?”

Me: “I wish I could, but I just can’t concentrate.”

Psychiatrist: “…because that would be good to get out a little.”

Me: “I tried that but I had to quit because they were too hard.”

Psychiatrist: “…and it would be good to meet some people. Yeeeah. Well let’s try this new medicine/increase this dose…. [explains how the medicine works and how it is really a great formula that I should really see some symptomatic relief from, etc.]”

Me: “Well, okay, but it gets frustrating to keep trying all these medicines and have none of them work. This is the sixth one I’ve taken.”

Psychiatrist: “Yeeeah. This one is really great, though [repeats previous speech about said medicine.]

It’s hard to feel like I’m not connecting with ANYONE. And to have no one to turn to. Well, I have to go to Mass now. The readings this week are soooo long because of Palm Sunday. It’s pretty much the whole Passion narrative. I feel bad saying this, but Mass is one of the hardest things for me. I just cannot concentrate and sit still. Today will be even worse. I have to go, though, so I better get ready. I do love God, it’s just so hard.

“My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why so far from my call for help, from my cries of anguish?
My God, I call by day, but you do not answer;
by night, but I have no relief.”
–Psalm 22:2-3

(This was part of the readings at church today. It relates very much to how I am feeling.)